#hear my heart cracking because we all know secret affairs can be angsty

[hellreads]

hi this random af and idk if u ever read this fic before but i just recently read a jk fic from mintseesaw and it’s titled ‘aurora.’ kajdnaknzx it’s just pure excellence and if u havent read it please do!! btw i love your blog hehe 💕

hello my darling, thank you, i love you, I haven’t read this fic but seeing “historical au, joseon dynasty au, established relationship au, secret love affair au” + “general jungkook”  is enough to make me want to read this right away, thank you for your recommendation, you have amazing taste in fics! | 🍒

❥ Aurora by @mintseesaw ➴ Historical/Secret Affair!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series ➴ A story which centers on a forbidden love in the midst of centuries-long battle of power and greed.

[bnha-sins]

Not sure if you're still accepting requests, but could you possibly write some angst with a happy ending with Shoto? I want my heart to feel something, but not completely break lol.

You’re actually the first person who’s requested something so I’m definitely still accepting them! I just haven’t checked because it’s been so long and no one has asked for anything! (Characters are 18+ and pro-heros already, he’ll also be saying some really OOC things but there’s a reason, don’t worry!) So I don’t know if it’s like, super angsty in my opinion,. But I still hope you enjoy! :) 

*****Shoto x Reader (Slight angst)

Jealousy is a dangerous emotion. It’s not something that a lot of people know how to get over easily, especially when it comes to people that they aren’t allowed to have. Many women in Shoto’s agency appreciated his looks, that was obvious enough. One woman in particular you noticed was taking too much of a liking to your husband. Glares would be sent your way when you stood next to him, ate lunch with him, or even smiled at him.

But you’d get back at her by giving him a soft kiss on the cheek and being the reason his ears turned a light shade of pink, or scratching your face with your left hand so that she would be able to see the ring on your finger. It’s not like you had to ‘get back’ at her, but you could tell she didn’t like you simply for the reason that you were married to the man she had been eying.

It wasn’t like you didn’t trust Shoto around her either. He really didn’t give her the time of day unless he had to speak to her about hero business. Even then it was short.

You sat in your office and finished up some paperwork from earlier in the day. A sigh escaped your lips as you leaned back in your chair and stretched. Your shoulders cracked and you let out a sigh of relief as the tension was released.

All of a sudden Shoto burst through your door. You jumped in your seat and put your hand over your chest. “Jeez Sho, you scared the crap out of me!” His mouth was pressed into a straight line and it wasn’t like him to look this angry, especially with you and especially when you didn’t know what was going on. “Is everything alright?” you asked with a raise of your brow.

“You didn’t think I’d find out, did you?” he gritted his teeth, trying not to yell.

“Find out about what?” you answer with genuine curiosity. There was nothing that came to your mind about what he could have found out about you. There were no secrets between you two and you racked your brain about what in the world he could have been talking about.

“Don’t act stupid, Y/N.”

You shake your head and put down your pen. “There’s nothing that I can think of that I’m keeping from you. Not even a surprise party.” you chuckled softly but his next words made it drop.

“You and Izuku. You really thought that you could keep your little affair a secret from me? With my best friend of all people. I can’t believe you would do this to me after everything we’ve gone though and everything I’ve done for you. I thought I could trust you. It’s disgusting-you disgust me. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”

Your eyes widen at the accusation. “Affair? Why are you saying all of these things? Where did they come from?”

“I don’t understand why you don’t just come clean! Stop acting like you don’t know what I'm talking about!”

“Except I don’t! I have no idea where these accusations are coming from!” you yelled back at him.

“You’re always so touchy with him and you’re the one who’s always inviting him over for dinner at our house! It just makes me wonder if he’s been there when I’m not home.” Shoto begins to walk over to you and you notice that he’s taking off his ring. “I’m done.”

But the slip up was when you noticed he said that you were always the one to be inviting him over for dinner when you knew for a fact that wasn’t the case. “Woah woah woah!” you stood up from your chair and grabbed his hand. “What are you doing?” you asked him with a shaky voice. “Sho. Who did you hear this from?”

“Why does it matter who I heard it from when there’s proof, pictures of you and him together!” he shouted and took his hand back from your grasp.

You knew that none of this was true but you couldn’t help but tear up at the fact that he believed it. “Show them to me.”

He got out his phone and went into his gallery. “There.” you looked down at the photo that was just a black screen.

“There’s nothing there. It’s black.” you glance back up at him. “So who did you hear this from again?”

“Riza, why do you care so much who told me?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m gonna need you to wait here for me.” You walk out of your office and shut the door before he can say anything, making your way over to the front desk where the woman is sitting. “Riza?” you smile at her, but it’s not friendly.

Her quirk wasn’t really something that could be used in combat and she wasn’t the strongest so she chose to work as a receptionist at the hero agency. She was able to manipulate people’s memories and personality and make them think they saw something they didn’t, or make them forget something that had happened. “Yes...?” she glanced up at you to see the look on your face.

“You made a little bit of a mistake with your memory altering. I’m never the one to ask Deku to dinner, it’s always Shoto. So release it. Now.”

She was quiet for a moment before it seemed like she gained a little courage to talk back to you. “Why should I? He doesn’t even deserve someone like you.”

“Oh and so he deserves someone that tries to manipulate his marriage? Riza, release it before I make you. You’re a receptionist not a hero and there’s a reason for that.” She said nothing and looked away from you but you reached over the counter and took her face in your hand, forcing her to look you in the eyes. “I’m not asking again.”

There was a snap of her fingers and not even five seconds later, you heard your office door hit the wall as Shoto threw it open. “Y/N?” You let go of her and turned around to see Shoto’s face. He looked like he felt so guilty for his actions which you both knew now weren’t his. “I’m so sorry...” he spoke quietly. “I’m so sorry...” he repeated.

His gaze went from you, to Riza who has just gotten caught red handed. “I’ll...I think I’ll take my leave now...”

“Don’t bother coming back. You’re fired.” Shoto stood next to you as he watched her hang her head and gather her things before taking her things.

“Riza? Jealousy doesn’t look good on you. I suggest you don’t wear it again. Actually...Nothing does.” you give her a grin before she huffs and leaves through the front door, throwing it open in a fit.

You husband looks back down at you and his eyes are filled with regret for the things he said to you. “Come on.” you put your hand on his back and usher him to your office. He sits down and puts his face in his hands.

“I didn’t mean a word I said, you know that, right?”

Walking over to him you take his hands away from his face and cradle his cheeks in your palms. “Of course I do. I knew something was up as soon as soon as you accused me of cheating-and when you said I disgust you. You don’t talk to me like that, even when we argue.” you kissed his forehead and turned around to grab his ring that was lying on your desk. You smile gently at him. “Why don’t we put this back on?”

[brooklyn-times]

Five Stages

PAIRING: BUCKY BARNES X READER

SUMMARY: The five different stages of their relationship.

WARNING: soft bucky, mention of sex (no graphic description though), angsty, and I don’t know, is Bucky Barnes a warning?

word count: 2721

A/N: Happy reading. My first ever fanfic. A one-shot, BUT STILL. I hope you enjoy it!!

i.

“I don’t trust you.”

You look up from the tab in your hand which was currently showing a map and two dots on it.

You both are on the Quinjet along with Nat on a mission to track down a self-proclaimed, psychotic super-villain who believes that he is following God’s wishes by getting rid of pesty humans.

His words, not yours.

“Cool. Pass me the water bottle, will you?”

He frowns at you, pursing his lips. Predictably he leaves your room without saying anything more. And without giving your bottle.

Grumpy asshole.

You had arrived at the compound almost three months back with nothing more than a backpack filled with a pair of clothes and fifty dollars, surprising everybody when you single-handedly caused a citywide blackout. Tony Stark, bless his soul, had taken you into the group, training you and helping you to discover the full potential of your powers.

But Bucky had never truly accepted you. He had never said anything outright to your face before today, but he had always maintained a certain amount of distance from you, wary eyes following you around like a hawk trying to catch it’s prey’s weakness.

You had ignored him the entire time.

You have enough to deal with as it was without a hundred-years-old grumpy super-soldier.

Running from the warehouse, right into the heart of the forest, you feel the sudden force of the blast behind you. Thrown right into a huge tree, you feel your breath leave right out your lungs. Groaning, you try to sit up, wincing when your back hurt like a bloody bit-

“Get up, get up, get up. The fire is going to spread.” You look at Bucky with blurry eyes. He is, as usual, frowning.

Groaning, you try to get up. You really do. But then you fall right back on your butt.

Pretty clearly annoyed, Bucky turns to look at the burning forest which is exactly a hundred feet from you both.

Cursing, Bucky picks you up and runs towards the Quinjet.

Grumpy or not, you think, you begrudgingly had to admit that you owed him your life from that day on.

You didn’t like it one bit.

——————————————————–

ii.

“You are somewhat tolerable, I suppose.”

“Gasp! Really?” You say, equal parts deadpan, sarcasm and amusement.

He rolls his eyes and looks at Nat who was grinning wide at the cake in front of her.

When asked about her birthday, she had never revealed it. You had no idea whether it was because she didn’t know or because she didn’t want you all to know.

But for whatever the reason, you had made up your to celebrate her birthday.

Everybody should celebrate their birthday. It’s the golden rule of life.

So you threw one all on your own on Winter Solstice, keeping it a secret from every Avenger knowing that their tongues were looser than the screws in their brain.

And from the happiness radiating out of everybody, you were kinda glad.

“Again, how did it go from ‘I don’t trust you’ to this in two months? Not that I’m complaining,” you quickly say, looking at him from your periphery. His eyes are still on the others, a lightness in them as he watches everybody laugh.

“I know that you are the one who did this.” Your eyes widen just a little at that. You didn’t think anybody noticed that.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say, gulping slightly. You didn’t understand why Bucky knowing you were responsible for this party was mildly alarming.

“Please,” he snorts and turns to look at you. You do the same. You now have a full view of those jaws you always admired from a distance. “Disappearing for hours at off times, lying about where you have been, forgetting the sweet shop card on the table. Do you want any further evidence?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Why would you think that I was lying about where I was going?”

“Doll, your heart goes all haywire and your heartbeat just doubles all the way up when you bluff. I can hear it from ten feet across the room.”

Flushed, you grip the edge of the counter you are leaning against. You refuse to give up.

“What if I lied because I was involved in some illicit, forbidden affair with some criminal whom I found absolutely enticing?”

The smirk spreading across his face was so shocking that you almost lose your balance. He leans forward until your breaths are almost mingling. His dark hair which had escaped from the small bun at the base of his neck frames his face almost beautifully, his enchanting blue eyes holding your gaze.

For the first time, you let yourself wholeheartedly acknowledge that he is indeed a beautiful man.

“Did you lie because you were involved in some illicit, forbidden affair with some criminal whom you found absolutely enticing?”

You cannot lie to him. Not now.

You gulp.

“No.”

His smirk turns into a wide grin and he backs away, leaving you shaky all over.

“Thought so. Now come on, we have a party to enjoy.”

You stare at his retreating back and curse him for making you feel this way.

Asshole.

It is from that day forward that conversations begin to occur between the two of you.

It starts off with simple things like greeting, then asking for small things across the counter, then you are discussing the latest releases and before you know it, you find yourself next to Bucky, lying on your back, staring at the night sky, tracing constellations.

“You know, you are basically looking at the future when you look at the skies?” you say. This moment, the very second, is beautiful and the most peaceful you have ever felt in your life.

“Yeah?” His hoarse voice is a melody in your ears, him next to you, a sight to behold.

“Uh huh. The light takes millions of years to reach from the stars. So essentially, you are looking at the way the star looked all those years ago. You don’t know it’s present or it’s future.”

You don’t feel silly for rambling. Bucky is one of the only people who doesn’t make you feel silly when you rant.

“Why do you know all that?”

“I wanted to be an astrophysicist,” You admit sheepishly. You don’t look at him when you say this.

It’s quiet for a few minutes. You don’t mind this kind of silence.

“You’d have made a great astrophysicist.”

Sometimes those words are all it takes.

You squeeze his metal hand and let your hand longer in his, fingers entwined.

He doesn’t let go either.

“Sometimes I feel that way too. Like I don’t know my present or my future.”

It’s your turn now.

“We’ll figure it out together.”

In the end, that’s all Bucky wants. You next to him, forever in the present and forever in the future.

——————————————————--

iii.

“Go on a date with me.”

Bucky Barnes doesn’t ask, he demands.

Your eyes widen and you turn from the comfortable spot you have occupied on the couch. The entire home theatre is dark except for the glow from the TV which makes all the hard angles on Bucky’s face appear almost sinful.

You are oh so ready to sin.

But his words catch you off-guard.

“What?” You sputter.

He shrugs and refuses to look at you. But the clench in his jaws and the slight bobbing of his Adam’s Apple gives away that maybe, maybe, he is nervous too.

“You heard me,” he rasps out.

“Buck, people usually ask others on a date, not demand,” you manage to say without your voice cracking although, deep down, your heart flutters uncontrollably and your gut is absolutely clenching.

It’s been six months since Nat’s birthday party and you can honestly say your relationship with him has improved a whole lot if both of you watching Mission Impossible together was any testament to it. The popcorn tub shared between you two and the bowl of M&Ms almost makes it feel like it is two people on a date.

“I thought this itself was a date,” you continue softly when he says nothing.

“With a bunch of baboons right outside the door?” Buck snorts. “Doll, you have such terrible standards for a date.”

You feel a bit bold. “I thought the person mattered. Not where.”

The movie long forgotten buzzes behind like a faint background. It’s just the two of you at the moment. Nobody else.

Something shifts in Bucky’s entire demeanor and suddenly you’re scared that you have overstepped.

But the next thing you know, you feel a pair of velvet lips right against yours, stealing your breath away. You gasp loudly letting Bucky slip his tongue in.

Then it’s just heaven.

Moaning, you grip his arms and scoot over to straddle him, giving both of you more access. His flesh palm cups your face oh so tenderly while the metal one rests at the small of your back. Your own hands move from his arms to tangle in his soft hair. On instinct, you tug it hard.

The groan you receive is what sin sounds like.

Breaking away you gasp and rest your forehead against his, breathing heavily.

“Ask nicely and I might just say yes,” you say, trailing your finger down the hard lines of his face.

The smile he gives you is the sweetest.

The kiss he gives you is sweeter than the sweetest.

Every day for the next week, there is a small letter with a single lily waiting right outside your room. Each day is a different, lamest possible puns.

By the end of the week, all the letters have a special section in your memory box and each lily is added to your vase.

You have never felt as lovely.

Quite obviously, Bucky Barnes managed to score a date.

 ——————————————————

iv.

“Goodness, I love you.”

Bucky grins after saying so, playing with your hair, twisting and twirling them.

The words catch you off guard. What’s more surprising is the way he tells it. Almost like it’s just a fact. A simple statement. A universal truth.

Like he doesn’t know what those words do to you.

You’re almost afraid that it isn’t true. So you just lean up from your pillow- his thighs- and kiss him, the wind blowing around you, carrying the fresh fragrance of flowers scattered across the garden.

You love it and you hate it.

The next time he says it is a few days later, moments after he comes inside you.

Both of you are gasping for breath, moaning and sticky with sweet and other bodily fluids. His mouth leaves kisses after kisses all over your neck, turning you absolutely crazy with need.

This time, you are scared that it’s just in the heat of the moment, the post-coital hormonal bliss drawing words from him he doesn’t mean.

You are terrified of such a thing happening.

So you just kiss the scars on his shoulder and shed few tears against his neck. He doesn’t react much to it other than tightening his grip around you. Crying sometimes after a particularly intimate love-making is normal for you since sometimes your heart cannot just handle the amount of love it holds for this man.

After initial times of panicking, he has gotten used to it and just comforts with sweet, sweet words.

You never want to let go.

“You’re never gonna feel that way?”

Another month and after another mind-blowing sex, both of you are lying side-by-side. Bucky is tracing his finger lightly down your bare back making you shiver.

“What?” you mumble, turning to look at him.

He tries to appear nonchalant, but you are now a master at reading him. Too much blinking means lying, clenching of jaw is fear and nervousness, playing with hair is anxiety, tugging on them is frustration, and your favorite, glaring at you when you tease him mercilessly, acting oh so coy.

Those days turn into some of the best nights.

“Love. Do you love me?”

His eyes now hold a bit of the vulnerability you sometimes ache to see. Not because you want him to suffer, but because sometimes you wish to know whether he trusts you and loves you as much as you do.

“Of course I love you, Buck,” You say, mind-clearing immediately, your hand immediately reaching out to him. You grab the metal one for a squeeze. You are terrified of admitting it, but the hopeful and vulnerable look on his face shatters everything within you.

He squeezes back.

“You never said it back.” It’s not an accusation, merely a statement. An observation.

It breaks your heart further.

So you admit.

“I was afraid you didn’t mean it,” you say in a quiet voice. “That you weren’t sure, or you would regret or take it back later.”

In one fluid motion, he is right on top of you, his arms on either side of your face, serene blue eyes looking at you, and only you, like they had finally found that lost treasure they had been searching for forever.

“My life until you had been filled with lies and uncertainty. There were just dark days and now and future dark days. If there has ever been anything that I’m sure of with my every being, It’s you.” He gives you a small peck. “You are my everything. My love, my sun, my moon, my stars, my everything. There’s nothing before or after you. Absolutely nothing.”

You stare at him with watery eyes and let out a strangled sob and clutch him tightly, bringing all the two-hundred-something -pounds of body right on top of you. But you don’t mind the weight. It feels like an anchor rather, stopping your mind from drifting away to far places of despair and never returning.

“I love you, Buck. So much that I never know how to say them.”

His smile against your neck is an answer enough.

——————————————————

v.

“I trust you with my everything.”

It’s a particularly bad nightmare, startling him awake, scratching his throat and murderous eyes looking unfocused.

You come in rushing from your room next door at the sound of shouts which are filled with despair. When Bucky sleeps next to you, which happens for most days, he never has a nightmare. But today was your first day of the monthly cycle and you never are really comfortable sleeping next to anybody during this time.

Damn the days.

“Bucky, buck, please. Look at me. Please,” you cry out as you leap on to the bed, desperate to end this suffering for him. If there is anything that will just transfer all his pain to you, you will do so happily knowing that he’ll never suffer again.

For a startling second, the same murderous pair of blue eyes fall on you before softening and then immediately turning into that of horror.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he sobs, looking at you with fear. Not because of you, but for you. From himself.

“Buck, shhh. It’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.” You slowly approach him, your palms gently lifted towards his face. Immediately, he leans forward closing his eyes, rubbing his face against your palm. Wet tears hit your skin and you can feel your heart tear apart at that.

You move in closer, and massage his head, trying to calm him down as much as possible. He lets out soft sighs and groans which encourages you to continue, your fingers increasing the pressure where required.

“Go to sleep Bucky, I’ll be right here,” you urge softly.

“I can’t,” he shakes his head, beautiful eyes holding pain beyond comprehension. “Those nightmares will ruin me.”

“Not with me here. I’ll stay right next to you. Do you trust me to do that?”

“I trust you with my everything,” he quietly replies. It warms your heart and you hug him tight.

“I’ll always be next to you. Always.”

It’s a promise and Bucky recognizes that. He hugs you back and rests his forehead against your shoulder, breathing becoming normal and slowly and wonderfully, he falls asleep. Just like that.

AND THAT’S A WRAP OKAY THANK YOU.

[zigtheeortega]

day 24: loss | liam x mc (au)

title: disruption

pairing: liam x mc

@choicesfebruarychallenge | @bi-cookie ; @cxld-play

warnings: angst, smut, n*sfw, (18+)

word count: 5,764

song inspiration: if i ever feel better - phoenix

author’s note: first off, i’m not good at naming characters like at all, so elliott is just a placeholder bc i knew mc would look weird. second, i haven’t written an au choices fic yet, so i’m a lil nervous to post this! I’ve also never written liam before, much less smut for him, so i’m also nervous bc of that! this will probably be my only trr fic bc there are sooo many trr fics out there. lmao anyways, hope you enjoy this angsty smutty sad fic !

“We’re almost there, Elliott,” Bastien called to the backseat, startling her out of her sleep.

She rubbed her eyes and stretched, slipping her coat she’d been using as a blanket over her shoulders, zipping it up to her chin.

Lythikos had an intense frigidity to it, one that Elliott couldn’t forget. She only visited monthly for short periods of time, but the stinging sensation of the snow on her bare face never left her memory.

She checked her phone, her heart fluttering at the pseudonym that appeared on her phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey. I’m finishing up my last obligation, but I shouldn’t be longer than an hour.” His voice warmed her heart. It was the first time in weeks she’d heard it over the phone, not on television in a rehearsed speech. 

“Okay. I brought some of my work with me if that’s alright with you. I’d love your feedback,” Elliott smiled to herself, treasuring her lover’s genuine interest in her new profession.

“Of course,” she could hear him beam through the phone. “I love you.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

He hung up, and she sighed. Sneaking around was getting so tiresome, but she’d do anything and everything for Liam.

After Elliott and her friends couldn’t locate Tariq, the wedding went on as scheduled. It took her months of hiding out in Cordonia with her best friends to get herself together. Hana stayed by her side consistently, consoling her until she figured out a game plan.

She thought she’d be able to find a solution and live out her fairytale, but she was too late. She’d never be able to fully have Liam like she wanted, but Madeleine offered her a compromise to keep everyone happy.

She’d brought it up to Elliott before everything went to shit, and Elliott rejected it. She saw being a ‘mistress’ as an insult, because she knew she could find a way out of the mess she was in.

Months later, Madeleine, Liam, and Elliott ran a tight ship with friends to keep the affair under wraps.

Elliott could only meet with Liam once a month, under the guise that he had important monthly meetings to attend at Olivia’s home. They could only meet for a weekend at best, and a few hours at worst.

They rarely contacted each other between their meetings. It was depressing, but necessary to keep them a secret. Liam had a burner phone, and Elliott had to save his number under an undetectable moniker. When they spoke, it was short and sweet, and they couldn’t use each other’s real names.

She flew to Cordonia monthly, usually having to go to great lengths to disguise herself from the paparazzi.

It was emotionally draining and everything leading up to the rendezvous was stressful and tense, but all worth it when she saw Liam’s face light up when he first saw her.

Bastien pulled into the driveway behind the castle, easing up next to a side entrance that Elliott was all too familiar with – she knew Olivia would be waiting behind the large door.

She fixed her wig, pulling her beanie over the top of it, and hid her purple-rimmed eyes behind huge square sunglasses.

“Olivia informed me that you can go to the door. I’ll bring your bags in later. There aren’t any paparazzi in sight, so you’ll be safe,” he smiled at her through the rearview mirror, a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“Thank you so much, Bastien. I could never repay you for what you’re doing for Liam and I,” she replied gratefully, apology laced through the tone in her voice.

“Anything you need, I’m here. Don’t feel guilty. The only time he’s happy is when he sees you, and I’d never get in the way of that.”

Her heart swelled at the thought. She waved to him, stepping out into the blizzard.

The door cracked open, and Elliott spotted the fiery hair before her expression.

“Come in, come in,” Olivia frowned at her messy disguise. “That wig’s a mess, Elliott. If you’re gonna opt for a cheap, frizzy wig, at least hide a pocket knife in it.”

Elliott shrugged, grinning at Olivia’s annoyance. “Why should I do that when I have my best friend here to protect me?”

Olivia scowled, a hint of a smile on her lips. “You’re lucky I’m your ally.” She turned on her heel and stalked down the hallway, leaving Elliott scurrying to catch up.

Elliott had gotten pretty familiar with the underground tunnels of Lythikos over the past year. Olivia secretly renovated an unused area to make an apartment-like cluster of rooms, so that Elliott could stay safely in the tunnels with everything she needed, and she wouldn’t be bothered by anyone.

It was an ingenious idea, and Elliott had no idea how to pay her back for her generosity. Honestly, Olivia probably did it to avoid controversy, like most every noble was doing. Elliott wasn’t sure if Olivia was doing it for the sake of Cordonia’s image or the sake of her friends’ sanity.

Olivia pulled out a skeleton key and unlocked the door, turning on the lights. “I added a more comfortable bed, some more decorations, and got Bastien to fully stock the fridge, so you can cook pretty much anything you want.”

She walked over to the living room area and pointed at the T.V. “I didn’t have to get a 60 inch flatscreen for you, but I know how much you love binging horror movies that I had to help scare you somehow.” She smirked, and pulled out a few drawers from the T.V. stand. “I ordered a hundred or so movies in case you get bored. I have no idea how long you’re gonna be here.”

Elliott shifted her weight, sighing. It was too painful to stay longer than a couple of days. “I was gonna leave on Sunday like I usually do –”

“How asinine. You’re taking a 9 hour flight on a Thursday night to get here by morning, and you take another 9 hour flight back on Sunday morning? You’re wearing yourself thin for no reason, Elliott,” she shook her head at Elliott, confusion lining her expression.

“Liam usually can’t spend more than 2 days at a time with me.”

“You have other friends in Cordonia, you know that right?” She narrowed her eyes at her, crossing her arms.

“After all that happened, I can’t show my face here. My reputation is tarnished, and even being seen here is a scandal waiting to happen. It gets riskier and riskier every time. I can’t risk any of my friend’s well-being for the sake of my secret relationship,” Elliott plopped onto the couch, defeated.

Remorse flashed through Olivia’s eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “None of this is your fault, Elliott. We know the truth.”

Elliott shook her head, a lump forming at the back of her throat. It didn’t matter that Justin and Adelaide were ousted as terrorists, and that Elliott’s friends were able to stop them from assassinating Liam and Madeleine. 

Tariq was never found, and King Constantine was killed before he could clear her name. No one would believe Bastien, and Penelope was too afraid to publicly admit her wrongdoing, so Elliott didn’t have enough evidence to be exonerated.

“Sometimes… I wish everything were different. Maybe if we’d split up and searched on our own… or if I tried a little harder…” She struggled, her throat burning, a sign of tears to come. She didn’t want to talk about this situation any more than she had to, which was every time she visited.

Her new life was pretty much an escape from the events of the past year, but she was forced to face her past trauma head on every time she stepped foot on Cordonian soil.

“Elliott…” Olivia trailed off, and reached towards her, but dropped her hand. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I guess I’m still seething over the whole ordeal. I’m pretty defensive since I know we’re right but no one else knows that.” She sat down, leaning back onto the couch, crossing her legs. “You shouldn’t feel like you’re risking our social standing or anything. All of us know exactly what we’re risking to help you and Liam, and we’re okay with it. You’re our…” She whispered the last word and Elliott couldn’t quite hear her.

“I’m your what?”

“...friend.” 

Elliott threw her arms around Olivia, relishing in the rare vulnerable moment. Olivia seldom showed her true feelings, but when she did, it was like watching a shooting star. It was beautiful, fleeting – a great memory nonetheless.

“Get off of me, you sap,” Olivia patted Elliott’s back with the tip of her fingers.

“Thank you for everything you’re doing. I seriously can’t thank you enough. If there’s ever anything I can do to repay you all, please tell me. I owe you a lifetime of favors.”

“Well, first, you can actually spend time with Hana, Drake, and Maxwell. They won’t shut up about you.” Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Deal. I never got to see Cordonia on my own time, so maybe you could give me a proper tour of Lythikos next time I’m here. You know, when I’m not banished to the cellar.” Elliott grinned.

Olivia laughed once, a delightful noise. “Sure, but you’ll need better snow gear. And take a self-defense class or two before you do so.”

Elliott quirked a brow at her friend, then shook her head. “I won’t even pretend to know what you have planned for me.”

Olivia stood up, and headed for the door. “You have no idea.” She opened it, and before leaving, she said, “Liam should be here soon. Let me know when he’s in the room so Bastien and I can keep watch.”

“Be careful, Liv.”

“Don’t call me that,” Olivia smirked, and closed the door.

----

Elliott spent the next hour working in her notebook, editing and rewriting paragraph after paragraph. An animated movie she’d seen a million times played in the background, prompting Elliott to hum along to her favorite song.

After another hour, she started to worry. She aimlessly flipped through the collection of DVD’s, not really paying attention to the titles.

Where’s Liam? She thought, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

After hour three, she read a little from a book she’d brought until her eyes started getting heavy.

She awoke to a sequence of 5 sharp raps on the door, followed by a pause, then 3 more.

Our secret knock, She thought. She shot up from the couch and ran to the door, happy tears already welling up on her bottom lids.

She fumbled with the lock, anticipation causing her to shakily rip open the door.

And there Liam stood, holding a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of champagne, and a neatly wrapped present. His perfectly tailored suit laid perfectly on his arms and torso, his muscles just barely concealed. He beamed, his eyes glistening as his eyes grazed over her face.

She grabbed him by the lapels, pulling him inside hastily. “Whoa,” he said, nearly losing balance.

Elliott blushed, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing his face close to hers. She pressed her lips softly on his, a picture perfect moment she snapshotted and tucked away in her favorite memories.

All of the anxiety she felt traveling in disguise melted away the moment she touched Liam.

“I missed you,” he murmured against her lips.

“I missed you more,” she breathed, snuggling into his neck.

After a sweet moment, she pulled back, and snatched the champagne from his hands. “What’re we celebrating, love?”

He grinned, and locked the door behind him. “It’s a momentous day, Elliott. It’s been a year to the day since we first met.”

Elliott looked at him lovingly, hugging the bottle to her chest. “A whole year?”

He nodded, setting the flowers and present on the table, and gathered Elliott in his arms, hugging her to his chest tightly. “A whole year. I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, Elliott.”

He used a finger to tilt her chin to him, and he pressed a soft kiss on her bottom lip. “You’re everything to me.”

“I love you so much, Liam.” She giggled, shaking her head. “From waitress to mistress. Same suffix, different job title.”

His smile wavered, and he exhaled a long breath, obviously uncomfortable with the joke she’d told. “I wish you’d stop putting yourself down like that. Marriage is just a title. Madeleine and I are just business partners. You’re my soulmate, Elliott.”

She pulled back, fiddling with the top of the champagne. “I know. I just wish we didn’t have to be so secretive.”

He gently took the bottle from my hands and popped it open. “I’ve still got local historians and lawyers on my payroll, and they’ve been extensively researching Cordonian laws. I don’t know if they’ll find anything, but I’m determined to keep looking. I don’t want to lose hope.”

Elliott pressed her mouth into a line, then quirked it to the side, processing everything he’d said. “I want to be hopeful that we’ll get out of this eventually, but I’d rather just enjoy the time I have with you, baby. Stress free.”

He poured them two glasses of champagne, and handed one to her. “Of course. My apologies.”

They sat at the kitchen table, and Elliott picked up the flowers, taking a deep whiff of the bouquet. “You really outdid yourself this time, Liam.” 

The cluster of sunflowers, lavender, and white roses contrasted beautifully, and smelled even better. “They reminded me of you, so I had to pick them up.”

“Along with a gift?” She lifted a brow, challenging him.

He sipped his champagne, trying to hide a smile. “I think you’ll like it. Open it.”

She ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a plain white box. She lifted the top off, revealing an assortment of toys on top of a lacy lingerie piece. Her cheeks heated, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I love it,” Elliott said, nibbling at the skin on her lip.

Liam eyed her lips, a playful look in his eye. “I thought we could try something new this weekend.”

The blush on her cheeks stayed, despite her eagerness to get in bed. “I like the sound of that.”

She gulped down the rest of her champagne and snatched the lacy piece, running to the bedroom.

“Hey!” Liam called, about to stand from the table.

“I’m trying on the lingerie! Stay where you are! It’s a surprise!” She yelled through the closed door.

Elliott emerged after a few minutes, peeking her head out of the door. “You ready?”

“Beyond ready, my love.”

She stepped out, and Liam’s breath hitched in his throat. She could plainly see him shift his legs, desperately trying to conceal his bulge.

“You look… stunning. Absolutely gorgeous, Elliott,” he said, his mouth agape, eyes hungrily roaming across her body.

The strappy lace piece fit like a bikini. The bottom was closer to a g-string than a thong, and the crotch was cut out, making it for easier access. The lace was sheer, barely covering her nipples and folds. She should’ve felt sexy, but was more out of place than anything.

“This is so corny, Liam. You bought me something that you’re just going to strip off of me, and I look absolutely ridiculous in it,” She said, crossing her legs to cover the lack of cloth around her opening.

He stood from his chair and crossed the room to touch her. He laced his fingers through her hair and draped his other hand across the small of her back. He tilted her head back, kissing her neck and nipping gently at her exposed skin.

“You’re right. I want to rip this off of you, but I can’t even begin to describe to you how arousing this outfit is. You never have to wear something that you’re not comfortable in, but I assure you it’s a pleasurable experience on my end,” he breathed into her ear, tightening his grip around her waist.

“Oh fuck,” She whispered, his bulge rubbing against her, causing her to gasp in repsonse. “Please, let’s talk later, and fuck now. I need you now, Liam.”

“Say no more, beautiful.” He swept her up and brought her to the bedroom, slamming the door behind them with his foot.

He dropped her onto the bed, and shimmied off his coat jacket, hanging it on the back of the wall.

“You’re so adorable, Liam. In the midst of a heated moment, you still have the mind to hang your coat up carefully so that it doesn’t crease before fucking my brains out,” she giggled.

Liam scrunched his nose up in confusion. “I can be reckless.” He threw his coat on the ground, but after a few seconds of eye contact with Elliott, where she could tell how absolutely tormented he was, he snatched it by the lapels.

Elliott howled with laughter as Liam hung it up carefully, brushing off the dirt.

“You always manage to be right, Elliott,” he softly smiled, unbuttoning his top buttons slowly. “But I don’t mind.” His arms flexed as he rolled his sleeves up. “As long as you don’t mind that I’m a little reckless in private, that’s all that matters.”

Her heart raced as he left the room and returned with the box of toys. Although she’d committed Liam’s body and their sexual encounters to memory, she still found herself enthralled with him like it was the first time they met.

He sat on the bed next to Elliott’s lace-clad body, and tucked a hair behind her ear. “Are you okay with me trying some of the toys out on you? I want to make sure you’re completely comfortable with it before trying anything.”

She smiled, nodding. “Yes.”

He pulled a small handheld vibrator out of the box, just small enough to fit on a finger. “First things first, I want to taste you.”

Her lower stomach clenched and ached as he grabbed her thighs and pulled her to the edge of the bed, parting her legs. Before she could throw out a sexy quip, he had taken advantage of the crotchless design by plunging his tongue into her folds, stroking relentlessly.

She moaned and dug her hands into his hair, tugging at his dark strands. He in turn rumbled against her clit, sending shockwaves through her body.

“Liam, please,” she breathed, feeling his hand on her stomach, holding her bucking hips in place.

He knew exactly what she wanted; he always read her cues perfectly. He slid a finger into her, curling it the way Elliott loved. He moved his hand and tongue in unison, the similar paces bringing her close to the edge.

Just as she was about to release, he pulled away, slipping the vibrator on his fingers. “Is it alright if I try this out on you now?”

She nodded, her body eager for his touch. He massaged her clit slowly with his fingers, keeping in time with the laggard pace of his other fingers pumping in and out of her.

The strong vibration mixed with the pressure of his fingers sent Elliot into another world. Her eyes rolled back, and she focused on the image of Liam’s naked physique, his head between her legs… 

Before she knew it, her legs were shaking. Liam kissed her softly, and reached into the box again, but she placed a hand on his wrist lightly. “We have all weekend to play with them. I need you in me now.”

His pupils dilated even further, and he nodded, standing up to slip off his clothes. Although she’d seen him bare numerous times, it never failed to amaze her that the man whose heart belonged to her was so breathtaking. His body looked as it was crafted by the gods themselves, chiseled to perfection, undoubtedly due to his strict fitness and diet regimen.

He grabbed a condom from the box of toys, but before he could tear it open, she stopped him. “Could we… go without one this time? I’m on birth control.”

She wanted so desperately to tell him the whole truth, but she decided she’d wait until the time was right. It would sound like an irrational decision to him, but she had thought it out nearly every day since she left Cordonia for the first time.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but… I’ll pull out. Just in case.” He looked unsure, but lowered himself onto the bed next to her anyways.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just thought,” she shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“No, please continue. Don’t ever feel like you can’t be honest with me, Elliott.” He touched her cheek softly.

“The only time we had sex without protection was our first time in the garden, remember?” She smiled softly, reminiscing.

“Of course I remember, my love. It’s one of my favorite times that we’ve been together.”

“Oh, so you’re ranking them now?” She smirked.

“Definitely not. Every time is special, but that one was even more special to me.”

“I was thinking we could kind of recreate the night.”

His eyes twinkled, full of love for the woman he could never fully give himself to. It was depressing, but Elliott pushed those thoughts behind her horniness and flipped on top of him.

“I love when you take charge, El,” he said, his voice verging on a growl.

“You’ve never used that nickname. What gives?” She tried joking, but his bare shaft pressed between her legs was distracting to say the least.

“I don’t know, I thought it was cute,” he shrugged. “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

“No, I love it,” she breathed, and began grinding her hips against his. His grip on her hips tightened, and she leaned forward, kissing him deeply.

He grabbed his dick and rubbed his tip against her opening, teasing her. “You’re a tease.”

He pressed his hips upwards, entering her. Her body shuddered with pleasure as her walls adjusted to his size.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groaned, as her hips moved lazily against his.

“It’s so weird hearing you curse, King Liam,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his neck.

His fingers dug into the flesh of her hips. “I’ve never been aroused by a title before, but I have to say that ‘King Liam’ sounds delectable coming from your lips.”

He moved his hands to grip underneath her ass, lifting and lowering her the length of his shaft. She mewled in response, her legs tightening their grip around his middle. “I’ll call you whatever you want as long as you speed it up,” she purred.

He picked up the pace, deepening his thrusts. All of her worries of the future were a fading blip, her sole focus on pleasuring and being pleasured by Liam.

Before she knew it, he’d flipped her, raised her hips, and pounded into her from behind. “Oh,” she cried, her guttural moan muffled by the thick down pillow.

He sped up, his skin smacking against hers relentlessly, the sounds of ecstasy filling the room. She turned back to gaze at him through half lidded eyes, and was met with Liam’s sultry concentrating face. She’d seen it many times before, when discussing security issues with Bastien, but never in this context. 

She felt herself getting wetter and wetter at the sight of him getting off inside of her. She was the one pleasuring him behind the scenes. She was the one exploring parts of him the public would never see, much less Madeleine. She got to see a side of Liam that not a single soul would ever experience. It gave Elliott a new sense of security, despite the harrowing situation they were in.

He reached into the box again and grabbed a handheld vibrator she hadn’t seen before. “I���m close, my love, and I want to make sure you’re there with me,” he panted, before switching it on.

He tried handing it to her, but instead, she guided his hand between her legs. “Oh fuck, El,” he cursed, sweat trickling down his clean shaven chest.

He leaned over her, keeping his fast pace, and placed the quivering toy between her folds. She arched her back in response, pushing herself further into the pillow.

The sensation of the vibrator mixed with getting fucked brought her to the edge quickly, and she released, her body convulsing beneath Liam’s. She shrieked his name, clutching the sheets. “Oh, Liam, fuck.”

He quickly followed her, his pace becoming more jerky as he came with her. “Fuck, I love you, Elliott,” he shouted. The deep commanding bass of his voice reverberated off the stone walls.

When they could finally move, Liam plopped next to her, spooning her while peppering soft kisses across her neck and shoulders.

She couldn’t have imagined herself anywhere else in that moment but Liam’s arms.

----

After they cleaned up, Elliott threw on a robe and flopped onto the couch, turning on the TV to browse through channels.

He sat next to her shortly after, clad with sweats and a plain t-shirt. “This might be a terrible time, but we need to discuss something rather difficult.”

“That phrasing definitely scares me, but go ahead,” she joked, turning the TV off.

“We’re being pressured to pursue producing an heir,” Liam shook his head, pain and regret dripping off of his every syllable.

“Wh… What?” She forced out. Her knees wobbled, the air knocked out of her lungs. She knew it was coming, but not this soon after the wedding.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his hands balled into fists at his side.

“Why? You just got married! I thought we’d have a couple years at least!” she said, her voice hiking up an octave.

“With Constantine passing away and the terrorist attacks, there’s still some uneasiness within the people and nobles. They’re not sure that we’re still stable as a country. It’s more for the benefit of our image than anything. Trust me, I’ve held off as long as I could.” He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Are you going to have to fuck her?” Elliott’s voice quivered, her breath unsteady. She didn’t know if she was ready for the answer.

His eyes widened. “No, Elliott, I would never. We don’t have feelings for each other like that. The public doesn’t need to know that we’re not having intercourse.”

Elliott’s chest loosened a bit, but she was still cautious as she waited for him to continue. “We’re either opting for adoption, or artificial insemination. There’s not a fertility issue with either of us, but we’re both not capable of sex with each other. It just can’t happen.” He held her gaze, pleading with her to understand.

“I–I can’t continue this if you’re going to have a child with her, Liam. I’d be a homewrecker. I can’t let you be that kind of dad to your kid,” Elliott shook her head, tears freely falling.

His jaw dropped, and he staggered back. “Elliott, my love, I–”

“I know you love me, and I know that I love you. I know that life is going to be so fucking hard without each other, but I can’t do this to your future kid,” she sobbed, sinking into the couch. “You and Madeleine may have consented to our relationship, but your child didn’t sign up for this. Imagine if they found out about us? He’d think so little of you. I can’t have that.”

Her shoulders shook, her breath heaving in and out of her lungs shakily. She was experiencing a loss like she’d never felt before. She could stay with the love of her life in order to satiate her desire to be with him, but at the expense of horrendous guilt, knowing she could possibly break a family up and warp Liam’s future child’s perception of him.

If they stayed together, and the public found out about them, he’d be painted as the bad guy, even though Madeleine encouraged the affair. She’d throw him to the wolves, and he’d be absolutely obliterated by the press.

There wasn’t a winning solution to this problem. They were going to have to do what was best for everyone else, instead of what they truly wanted.

“I’m so sorry, Liam, but I can’t do this. I love you, but I can’t do this anymore,” she repeated and the excruciating pain in her chest continued.

“Elliott, we can figure it out, I know we can–”

“We can’t, Liam! This is it! This is the last time you’re going to see me!” She shouted, her voice trembling and unstable.

“We can still be friends,” he said softly, kneeling next to her trembling form on the couch. “I still want you in my life no matter what, Elliott.”

Anger flashed through her disjointed train of thought. Before she could gather them together, she unleashed her momentary rage on him.

“You’re really that selfish, Liam? You’re that fucking selfish that you could want to maintain the picture perfect life and get everything you could ever want, while keeping me on a short leash? To be there for you emotionally, physically, sexually, but I get nothing in return?” She stood up, pushing an accusatory finger into his exposed chest.

“I have to work under a pen name because of everything that happened. You can’t even Google my government name without reading about how much of a whore I am. I risked my whole life and career to be with you, and you didn’t have the decency to publicly defend me. You just sided with everyone else except for the woman you supposedly ‘love’,” Elliott continued, pushing a tormented Liam closer and closer to the door.

“I have to fly back home when you’re done with me and leave all of my closest friends. This is my real home. I have people who love me and care for me here. I fell in love with Cordonia, its people, and you. But I’m pretty much a prisoner in a dungeon every time I come over,” she rolled her eyes, refusing to shut her mouth and let Liam speak. “All for sex. All for a quick fuck and less than 48 hours of your time before I’m shuttled off back to the cold, heartless city of New York.”

Liam opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Elliott suddenly cackled, cutting off any attempt of him speaking.

“I forgot to tell you that I landed a book deal with a huge publishing company in the city. They want a few novels out of me. They loved my first rough draft of my book so much that they offered me a multi-book deal,” she smiled, shaking her head.

“That’s incredible, baby–”

“I was excited to tell you and instead all I can think about is how by the time I get my first book printed and released, you’ll have a kid. A family,” Elliott walked away from Liam, and sat at the kitchen table, taking a long swig from the champagne bottle.

After a long moment of silence between them, Liam finally spoke. “I know it seems like the universe is fighting us tooth and nail. I know that this situation is the worst we could be in. But Elliott,” he sat down across from her and lifted her chin up with his finger, “You’re the only woman I’ll ever love, and I won’t give up on this unless you tell me to leave you alone.”

“You know I don’t want to tell you to leave me alone. That’s the last fucking thing I want to do, but that’s how it has to be. You’re being selfish right now, Liam. You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes. This whole situation was selfish, but I guess it was okay since Madeleine okay-ed it,” she took another deep drink from the bottle. “But your child is completely innocent. They don’t deserve to be caught up in your selfish decisions.”

He flinched, and his form deflated. “I think… you might be right, El.” He leaned back in his chair, his eyes glistening. “I guess it was absurd to think this affair would last forever.”

She smiled sadly. “It was fun while it lasted.”

“I’ll always love you, El. I’ve always been truthful about that. You’re the only woman I’ll ever love.”

She leaned forward to cup his face in her palm. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, Liam.” She took another gulp of the alcohol. “I guess now that you’re confessing, I’ll have to confess, too.”

His brows furrowed as he waited for her to continue.

“I have an appointment with my OBGYN next week. I’ve always wanted one, but I’ve been seriously contemplating a hysterectomy for months now. Since you married Madeleine, really.”

“What? Why?” His eyes widened in surprise.

“I can’t see myself with children, but I can with you. You’re the only man I could ever picture having children with,” her eyes filled with tears. “It’s not a punishment to myself. I just know in my heart I’ll never want children again.”

His eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill. “I’m so sorry, Elliott.”

Her chin wobbled as the truth of the situation finally set in. She was no longer his, and he was no longer hers. The crown disrupted the fate of the lovers, and there was no amendment.

----

[omg-imagine]

⊱ Delicate ⊰

Prompt: “Do you even know what you've done to me?”

Fandom: Star Trek (AOS)

Pairing: Jim Kirk x Reader

Words: 2,319

Warnings: Language, mentions of sex

A/N: It’s an angsty one because I love drama. Sorry for any typos, it’s almost midnight while I’m rereading this and probably missed a few errors. Also, I will have a fluffy Jim Kirk story (bc I’m still not over him) up by next friday if I’m able to finish editing this weekend. For the meantime, enjoy!!

“You alright there, kid?” McCoy asked, tearing you away from the thoughts inside your head and bringing you back to reality. “What’s troubling you?”

Shrugging a shoulder, you picked up your PADD and resumed the work you were doing on there. This wasn’t the first time your boss had caught you staring off into the distance and you definitely knew this wasn’t going to be the last.

“It’s nothing,” you said, the lie easily rolling off your tongue. “You put me through back-to-back shifts and it’s wearing me out.”

“You sure? I mean, you’re the one who requested for longer hours but if it’s too much–”

You shook your head and gave him a tight-lipped smile. Ever since you joined the Enterprise, you found yourself being close to Leonard. He was good friend to you and you enjoyed working with the doctor when he’s not being his cantankerous self.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll get use to it,” you simply replied as your attention falls back to your device in hand.

“You’re not picking up more hours because you’re trying to avoid someone on the ship are you?”

You shot your eyes toward Leonard and chuckled nervously. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

Shifting uncomfortably in your seat, you were ready to bolt out of the office at any given moment. You had a feeling this conversation was going to happen sooner than later. Leonard McCoy was not clueless and you would be foolish to think so.

“Jim’s been asking about you.”

The sound of his name brought a sudden dryness to your throat. You haven’t seen the man since you walked out of his quarters in the middle of the night a few weeks ago. “Oh, what about?”

“You know he’s worried about you,” Leonard revealed and you couldn’t bring yourself to believe that statement. “What ever feelings you have for him, he needs to know.”

“I-I don’t understand,” you stammered out. “What feelings? Jim and I are just friends.”

Leonard pursed his lips. “Look, I know about what’s going on between the two of you. Jim might seem fine in the hallways but in actuality, he’s a mess. You have to talk to him.”

“There’s nothing going on between us,” you tried to convince him but it was a lost cause.

“Not anymore as far as I know. (Y/N), please know that I care about you and as much as I hate to admit, I care about Jim too. You two have been off lately and from what I’ve observed, it's affecting the way you work.”

“What do you mean? I've been doing great here. I’m looking after patients left and right, and despite how busy I am, I was able to finish up last week’s paper works early.”

You heard him sigh deeply through his nose. “That's not the point I wanted to make. All I am saying is that you and Jim need to talk this one out. I'm not taking anyone's side but I would very much like my two friends to make up and stop avoiding each other.”

You were speechless, the tears prickling your eyes as you thought of the next words to say.

“I-I have to go. I’ll see tomorrow,” you managed to say before quickly exiting Leonard’s office and walking out of the Medbay.

Your heart pounded hard against your chest and you willed yourself not to cry. All you wanted in the beginning was no-strings-attached sex and it was working out well with Jim. That was until you started developing feelings for the Captain and it seemed to be just one sided.

No one was supposed to know about the relationship. It had been a well-kept secret for nearly six months but it was slowly eating you up. Your feelings went beyond what you had originally anticipated when you began staying the night at Jim’s. You admired his strength and how passionate he was at his job. Despite his flaws, Jim was a good man. He’s smart, funny, sweet, handsome, understanding, charismatic– the list of words to describe him would be endless but to sum it all up, you were in love with him.

And then Jim died. You had never felt so empty when his body was brought into the Medbay and you had never felt so broken during the two long, agonizing weeks after McCoy injected him with Khan’s blood. No one knew for sure if he would wake up and each passing day tore you apart.

Losing him, even for the short time that felt like an eternity, made you realize how strong your feelings were and it scared you. You had never been in love like this before and the fact that Jim sacrificed himself without a second thought made you believe that something like that could happen again.

So you did the best thing you were good at, you ran away.

You ran away from the fact that you had fallen in love with Jim. You ran away from your chance to tell him the truth. You ran away to avoid facing your fears and you didn’t want to stop running. It was all too much for you.

You wanted to forget about him. You wanted to convince yourself that those kisses behind closed doors meant nothing and it was all an illusion. It was a secret affair that you two had and it ran its course. You didn’t really love him and you were just lonely.

What you felt for him was lust. Just pure, all-consuming lust and nothing more.

You repeated those words in your head when you stepped out of the turbolift and they kept replaying on your way back to your cabin. You could hear them clearly as you shut your eyes in bed and they even followed you into your dreams. Those words brought you a restless night because deep down, you knew that they weren’t true.

The Medbay was slow today. You were albeit glad that Leonard hasn’t cornered you into the exam room you were practically hiding in yet so that you two can continue the conversation you stormed out of.

As you sterilized that last of the hypodermic needles, you hear the sound of someone entering the room and then locking the door behind them. “Len, I swear to god if you bring it up one more time–”

You froze when your eyes met the unmistakable blue ones of James Kirk. Suddenly, the air had become thick as Jim slowly approached you with hands behind his back and a slight frown on his face.

“You’ve made yourself hard to find throughout the day, (Y/N),” he began once he got to you.

“I’ve been busy,” you said with such a small voice that you weren’t sure if he had heard you or not. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you.”

You glanced down to the floor, avoiding Jim’s strong gaze. “I think I made it clear that night that things were done.”

“No, you didn’t,” he responded sternly and it threw you off. “We slept together that night and by morning, you were gone. I deserve a bit of an explanation there because I thought everything was going well between us. Did I do something wrong?”

You held back a response. None of this was his fault. It was merely your actions and your feelings that fucked up the relationship you had with Jim and you were almost sure that things would never be the same.

“It just didn't work out, Jim. I can't do the sleeping around anymore,” you answered as you fumbled with the edge of your blue uniform. “Besides, we are both busy now and it's best if we focus on our jobs.”

Before you could dash out of the room, Jim reached forward and grasped your hand into his. The touch alone was enough to make you stop in the middle of your tracks and tilt your head up to meet Jim in the eye. “I don't believe that's the entire reason why.”

“Jim–” you tried pulling yourself away from him but to no avail. He wasn't letting you off that easy. “Please, I don't want to talk about this right now.”

“Do you even know what you've done to me?” He questioned you and the slight crack in his voice brought tears to your eyes. “The past year has been hell for me with Khan and almost losing everyone on this ship. You're the only one who kept me going and all of a sudden, you just ran away.”

“Don't,” you whispered as Jim inched closer to you. He let go of your hands to hold you by the sides of your face, making it impossible to leave his unwavering stare.

“Whatever it is, I want to fix it. I don’t know exactly how you feel about me, but I’m comfortable enough to say that I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now and I want to have something more than just fooling around.”

He wiped the stray tear that escaped as you spoke. “Jim, I lost you. You were gone and it tore me apart. I love you too, but I can't go through all of that again. I know you would give your life to protect the crew but I don't want to lose you that way.”

“I know and I’m sorry. But you were on the ship and we were going to crash– I had to save you. I had to make sure you were going to make it out alive,” he admitted, and you saw nothing but all honesty in his eyes. “Please, let’s give this a try. We’ll take it as slow as you want. I just want to be able to hold you again.”

It was difficult for you to find your voice as Jim slowly leaned in. You fought the strong urge to close what little distance was left between the two of you. Breathing in his intoxicating scent, you could feel him holding you steady by your waist, the silence in the room becoming too deafening.

“Please,” he repeated, his lips brushing softly against yours and you gently pushed him away.

Jim stumbled as you backed away from him, your chest heaving as your tears blurred your vision. You were crying in front of him and in that moment, all you wanted to do was disappear.

“I’m scared, Jim,” you spluttered through your sobs. “I’ve never felt this way before and I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” he assured you as he neared you once again. “This is all new to me, too. We can figure this out.”

“What if we can’t? What if something bad happens again?”

“Then we fight through it together.”

Jim silently pleaded and you had to make a decision. You knew that in relationships, you had to take risks and there were certainly a lot more risks to take because of your job in Starfleet. However, you wanted to be brave– you wanted to be brave for Jim. You’ve spent so much of your life running away from your problems that you’ve never had the chance to stand up and fight for what you believed in.

And what you believed in right now was you and Jim.

“Let’s not focus on the ‘what ifs.’ Let’s not think about the bad stuff that may or may not happen and only look forward to the good. We can’t live our lives worrying about things all the time.”

Jim’s hand lifted your chin up, his gaze locked onto you as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I love you, (Y/N). I know that this started off as a way to blow off some steam but trust me when I say that this has become so much more. I want to hold your hand out in the hallways. I want to be able to walk into the Medbay and see how your day is going. I want to kiss you without having the fear of someone catching us. I don’t want this to be a secret anymore. ”

“I want that, too.” you said truthfully. “I want it more than anything.”

Jim’s lips were dangerously close to yours and you let them be. “Good, because I need this.”

He pressed his lips against yours and you almost immediately kissed him back. Cradling your face with his hands, you wound your arms around his neck as he held you close. He nipped on your bottom lip while you ran the palm of your hand up and down his chest.

Before things got heated, a knock on the door sounded and the two of you pulled away flushed and panting. Once you straightened out your uniforms that were loosen up by wandering hands, you called out for whoever it was to come in.

“Bones,” Jim greeted as the CMO entered the exam room. “How are ya, buddy?”

“I’m just dandy,” Leonard replied. “You two made up?”

You looked over to Jim who simply smiled at you. “Yeah, we’re good now.”

“Great,” your boss said in relief. “I’m happy for you both but I would suggest doing whatever it was you were trying to do some place else. This is my Medbay and I do not condone this type of inappropriate behavior over here.”

“No worries, Bones. We’ll get out of your hair,” Jim chuckled, grasping your hand into his before leading you out of the room.

“Wait, my shift is not over yet,” you pointed out and Jim halted in his walking. “Len’s gonna chew me out if I leave now.”

“So, you would rather spend time with Bones than me?”

Playfully rolling your eyes, you take his hand and pulled him towards the turbolift. “You win this time, Kirk.”