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im-not-samantha-im-samanta · 11 months ago

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Request by: @jellibean2018

Hello, Jelli! About two months ago you sent in a request, however my tumbl did me dirty, and I ended up with your ask, and the entire fic deleted! (Though, much to my relief, I found screenshots of the fic in a chat with my friend who was reviewing it. Thank god).

So, I have to tag you, and remind you what you wanted.

From what I remember, you wanted a fic with a female sinner Reader who was once a victim of Alastor's, and the two ending up meeting again in hell. You also wanted an unsettling vibe with Alastor reveling in the memory of killing Reader.

I also want to add that I apologize for how long you had to wait for this fic to be done. I haven't been doing well with fics lately, so this was a struggle. And my mental health started going shit too which is why I stopped posting for so long...

Anyways, I really started to struggle with writing fics, so I ended up experimenting with this one - it's kind of written with huge metaphor kind of style? Hope that's okay with you...

Anyways, hope you'll enjoy reading this at least a little, and I once again apologize.

🎙️// The sweet history we share... //🎙️

{Alastor x female!Reader}

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Type: Fanfic

Settings: Not specified

Genre: Unsettling? Can't tell if it actually gives that vibe though,

!TRIGGER WARNING!: Mentions of cannibalism, murder, violence, blood, saliva, dead bodies, Alastor revels in the memory of killing Reader, possible yandere vibes? Alastor sees Reader as nothing but a meal, but he puts her on a pedestal - that's probably some kind of fucked up attachment that surely has a name? I'd say the vibe is quite unsettling, but I can't say that for sure, Angel indirectly suggests the use of drugs and hints at sex related activities (but it's just a single line), and that's probably all?

Sidenote: Reader is written as a female just as requested,

Sidenote: I have no idea if I wrote Alastor well... but it feels like I really made him ooc as fuck and ruined the whole request,

Sidenote: Rereading this I think everyone is ooc as fuck even if they have minimum dialogue,

That should be all,

Hope you'll enjoy,

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Ah, nostalgia. Ah that sweet nostalgia. And that embrace of her.

She comes in unannounced, an unexpected guest. But oh is she welcome.

And oh so welcome are those treats she brings to the table.

She easily settles in, making herself at home. And into a cup, a bunch of memories she pours.

And that demon, the radio demon as he's called - he drinks from that cup greedily.

And like a man dying of thirst, he can't help but ask for another cup to be poured.

His senses feel high, his body tingling. A feeling of addiction is what fills him.

And he can't get enough of those sweet memories, so, he downs one cup after the other.

But with each greedy little sip, the thirst only grows and grows - he's not had his fill still.

So, the demon goes on and on, tasting one memory after the other.

And his mouth waters a big deal the more he can taste, and he savours each and every one.

Ah, and he can't tell which one of the sips of memories he enjoys the most, which one is the most saliva inducing one.

Is it maybe the giddy old memory of how he followed you through the town?

With you completely unaware? Naively trusting those poorly enlightened streets?

Trusting that a bit of weak light will keep you safe?

Or perhaps it could be the sweet memory of the thrilling chase through the forest?

That one forest where thousands of dead bodies laid buried deep in the ground?

Those dead bodies in whose footsteps you followed suit?

Oh! And what about that memory of how you so desperately tried to navigate around and hide, escape his clutches?

Even if he could hear your sharp breaths as clear as the day?

Oh! Or maybe his favourite one could be the moment of when he tackled you down?

Pinning your body under his, finally cutting the chase so the real fun can begin?

And that beautiful moment of how you hopelessly dug your nails into his skin til blood trailed down his arms?

That one beautiful moment engraved into his head of how you desperately clawed at those lanky hands of his?

His hands that trailed, squeezed and pinched at your body, feeling you up like a winning prize, like a fine piece of venison?

Ah, it was so hard to pick which one was the most treasured one!

Hell, it could even be the simple memory of the melodious sounds of your cries.

That melodious, angelic sound of your pleading, whimpering, sobbing and screaming.

Especially those sounds you made when he bit down onto your flesh.

Oh, and that taste that hit his taste buds back then...

He still remembers it like it was yesterday.

And his tongue still tingles, and saliva still floods his mouth every time he thinks of just how tasty you were back then.

And now his mouth waters as he silently wonders... would you still have such taste even now?

Or did becoming a demon change the sweet, addictive flavour of your fragile flesh and thick blood?

Oh, how his senses urge him - beg him - to just grab you and take at least one single little bite...

I'd be really easy too, now that you're a part of the hotel staff.

Silly little you, you didn't flee when you were faced with the fact that he - the one who took your life - also works for the hell's princess now.

You didn't take the more than gracious chance to turn on your trail, run and never return while you still could.

No, you are too stubborn, and you insist on staying, even despite how frightening seeing him on the daily is for you.

Silly little you! Don't you realize how easily he could snatch you away and repeat history?

All it would take is a single moment of when you're alone and-

Ah, but he can't do that - at least not yet...

Where would be the fun in that?

It sure would be a shame to end your lovely reunion this fast and early on, no?

Not to mention the odd, messed up attachment the deer demon feels towards you...

Now, not to be mistaken! What he feels isn't the usual attachment one would think of!

It definitely isn't the good or healthy kind either...

So, we shall not be mistaken, let's not get our hopes up and think he cares - for he doesn't.

You mean nothing to him - at least as far as it comes to you as a person.

Your value could be most likely compared to something of a sentimental value, a plaything at best if you will.

Still, no matter what you are to him - you are by far his most favourite one at that.

That's what can be said for a fact.

And for reasons beyond us and even Alastor, those memories he shares with you are put on a pedestal - put way above the rest.

There were so many faces that twisted in fear, so many names he kept tabs on, so many tastes he's tried, and so many lives he's taken.

But very vast portion of them is long forgotten, not really standing out all that much.

Nor holding any real value. Barely any of them mattered...

But you, on the other hand - oh, he could never forget about that one lovely night you shared...

And even when more victims - more faces, more names, more tastes - came, they couldn't compare.

No, they never could.

Those memories of you and your taste were always stuck in the back of the radio demon's head no matter what new person was on the menu - what new dish was on his plate...

So, one can only imagine just what he feels now that you're back within his grasp.

Oh, not even his wildest fantasies could've come up with or prepare him for such sweet moment!

This was like a gift from the Devil himself!

Yes, a gift - one that Alastor would make sure to cherish greatly...

Ah yes, he would cherish you so.

He'd take his time unwrapping you like the perfect little gift that you are - he would savour you.

And only when he'd get tired of messing with you, only then he'd get to the real deal.

Oh, and when he'll finally do, it'll be like a starving man plunging onto bread crumbs!

It'll be such a beautiful, satisfactorily moment - Alastor can almost feel himself drooling at the mere thought of the moment.

Oh, how he just can't wait for the very moment!

The moment is so close, and yet so far - and every little glance your way is like a test.

A test of how long he can resist the temptation.

Every little move you make, every little noise that leaves you, every little expression your face twists into.

Oh, he can barely hold himself back!

His body feels so restless, and his thoughts are all over the place.

And no matter how much he reminds himself to be patient, to not cut straight to the chase just yet.

He still can barely keep himself in check.

His thoughts are going to dangerous places, and your familiar, sweet scent teases his nose.

Oh, and you're so within reach too!

It'd really just take a single little moment and-

"Geez, that perv's still at it?".

Oh, that's right.

He's almost forgotten about those curious eyes watching him from afar.

Watching, and trying to see inside his head...

But judging by the response Vaggie's hateful comment receives, it seems she's the only one to see right through him.

The only one to see the real danger behind that wide smile he always wears...

"Ya-uh! His eyes have not left her ever since she's joined the hotel staff!".

Ah, Charlie. Dear, sweet Charlie - now she's something else.

She's completely different from her girlfriend - she's quite naively trusting and optimistic.

Fully believing that there's a piece of good in everyone.

And hence not being concerned for your safety when the deer demon started to show an interest in you.

Ah, that sweet, silly little thing.

Caught up in trying to see only the best in people and their intentions...

It's amusing - and truly adorable.

And oh, does it play into Alastor's favour oh so well...

"Okay, that's like so sick and totally-".

Oh, Vaggie - she tries, she really tried to warn the others.

Make them see Alastor for what he truly is.

But aside from Husk, nobody really listens to Vaggie's concerns.

No, she's not all that listened to when she voices her opinions on the deer demon.

Not even when she expresses her concerns for how the latter constantly follows your every single step no matter the time of the day, no matter where you go...

And to think she has quite enough of a say in things as the hotel's manager, as well as the princess' girlfriend!

Oh, that poor little thing - it must be such an awful feeling.

How humorous!

And oh, how unfortunate...

"Ah! Do you think he's-?".

Niffty is completely on board with Charlie.

Similarly to the princess - she too doesn't see the real harm in Alastor's advances towards you.

Seeing his behaviour as nothing other than subtle romantic gestures.

The little demoness' version of romance sure is rather twisted...

And yet, it's still quite surprising Niffty doesn't see the harm in things.

After all, she herself knows Alastor just as well as Husk does...

"Yeah! Strawberry pimp totally got the hots for that one!".

Angel was caught up in the spiderweb of romanticizing the same thing as well.

Just like Charlie and Niffty, he couldn't see the truth...

"What? No! Are you all crazy?! That's not the case at all! How can you all not see that?!".

Oh, Vaggie - again and again, she really tries and tries.

But the result is always the same - nobody pays her warnings or concerns any thought.

And yet she still keeps on going.

What a miserable little thing she is.

"Oh my- I have like the best idea!".

Not even Charlie notices how Vaggie nearly begs for them all to see things from her point of view.

None of them can see things for what they really are.

Alastor's got them all right where he wants them.

Without even having to try much...

"We should totally get the two to have some alone time!".

Charlie is quick to naively play into the radio demon's games.

Without even knowing she's doing that.

She can't see this all is exactly what the deer demon wants...

And neither can Angel or Niffty.

Aw, those naive little fools...

"Yes! We should- like- create some really romantic atmosphere and leave them to it!".

Niffty follows through in Charlie's steps.

She too plays right into what Alastor wants.

Though whether or not she's aware of it is up for a debate...

"We should lock 'em up in a closet together or somethin', or even give them a little... somethin'... to just... ya know, set just the right mood in.".

And angel is quick to fall for Alastor's games too...

Ah, those silly fools...

Unaware they're making all this much easier than it should've been.

They're sealing your doom - the inevitable end you're ought to meet at his clutches.

They're making this all too easy...

They're shoving the little mouse right into the lion's den.

What unfortunate silly fools.

And what an unfortunate little you.

Your friends are serving you to him on a silver platter.

All of them - or nearly all of them - thinking they're doing you a favour.

Thinking they're simply helping a mere fool in love gain the heart of his love interest.

When in reality, they're actually helping a starving predator get closer to his chosen prey...

It was rather humorous - a good source of entertainment for sure.

So, Alastor would humour the group.

He'd indulge in their schemes of trying to set you up with him.

He'd gladly play along and lead them to think he's interested in you.

Well, interested in you they way they think he is, not the way he actually is...

No, they can't know what he actually wants from you.

They won't know.

He'll make sure of it.

They won't know until the very last moment, until the deed's already done.

Or, he'll lead them to think your disappearance has nothing to do with him.

After all, the sudden disappearance of a poor little sinner like you would be nothing new in hell.

You'd just be added to the endlessly growing numbers of hell inhabitants going missing.

Your disappearance would be just a part of the mere statistics.

Well, he'll see.

All depends on which option would prove to bring more benefit.

As well as which one would prove to be more entertaining.

That's what, to the deer demon, matters the most at the end of the day.

For now, he'll just go with the flow and let the situation progress by itself.

With the occasional shove to the right direction, of course.

But it doesn't seem like he needs to wait for that long for everything to be set in motion...

"Hey, Al, you got a minute?".

Yeah, he really doesn't need to wait for that long...

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absurdthirst · 2 years ago

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Meet Me At Bill's Town {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 14.5k

Warnings: Post apocalyptic life, mentions of cancer, mentions of dying, open relationships, sex toys, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, unspoken feelings, death, suicide, loss, grief, oral sex (male receiving), shower sex. No physical description of reader but there is a hair washing scene.

Includes Spoilers for Episode 1x03

Comments: When Bill & Frank take you in to help care for Frank in his declining health, you meet Joel. Making you wish you had what the two men have together with him.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Shit!” You’re in a fucking pit. Panic wells up in your throat as you pause to do a mental check on your body. Nothing seems broken, although your wrist is sprained from falling. Why the fuck would FEDRA dig a goddamn pit? And wasn’t the QZ farther into Boston? You could swear that’s what you had heard. Yet you had seen barbed wire fencing and obvious traps for the infected and hurried towards salvation. Now, now you think you’re fucked. Climbing gingerly to your feet, you stare up at the top of the hole warily. “He-hello?” You don’t yell, you don’t know who you might encounter but you don’t want them immediately shooting thinking you’re one of them. “Is anyone up there?”

Bill tentatively approaches the pit, rifle aimed and ready, and he asks who the fuck you are. “I’m just looking for the Boston QZ.” You hold your hands up towards him.

He narrows his eyes, “you’re a long ways from there. It’s miles away. At least a day of walking. You FEDRA?” He narrows his eyes at your badge.

“No. No. I’m a nurse.” You announce, “I was told they needed nurses at the Boston QZ. I- I just wanted a new start.”

Hearing that you’re a nurse has Bill grabbing the ladder. “One move and you’re dead.” He warns, watching you walk up a few steps and he presses the tester he has on his belt against your neck. You barely flinch, used to the device and Bill is relieved when he sees its green. “What’s your name?” He asks and you tell him. “You hungry?” He asks and you snort, “fucking starving.” Bill nods, “good. Frank is just making lunch.” He helps you out and your eyes widen as you make your way through the gates into a town.

“Holy shit.” You whisper. “It’s a fucking town.” You frown when you don’t see others walking around, but you just assume they are inside the other buildings. “I- What’s your name?” You ask, making him swing around towards you suspiciously but you just hold up your hands. This man is obviously someone who doesn’t trust easily and you understand it given the circumstances. Another couple of steps go by before he finally speaks.

“Bill.” He tells you, turning back around as he leads you towards one of the larger, more stately homes in the blocked off zone. It’s gorgeous, something you would have dreamed of buying before the world went to hell.

“Wow.” You murmur, wondering if he had lived here before or just taken over. “You have a beautiful home.”

“Thanks.” Bill replies, a little awkward as he guides you into his home.

“Bill?” Frank calls out from the kitchen.

“We got a guest.” Bill shouts back. “Drop your stuff there.” Bill orders, pointing to the hallway and you drop your pack and follow him into the kitchen, his rifle still in his hand. The food smells delicious and Frank smiles at you when you walk in.

“You got a live one?” Frank teases and you are instantly at ease with his friendly smile.

“She’s a nurse.” Bill says, offering Frank a pointed look.

You frown, noticing the slightly gaunt look in Frank, the tremble in his hand. “He’s sick.” You declare and Bill nods, making Frank sigh.

“Yeah. I’m - It’s getting worse.” He confesses and you nod, “cancer?” You guess and you hear Bill swallow harshly, a distant look in his eyes.

“There’s no cure but I’m happy to be here.” Frank says, still moving around and able to live a relatively good life with the pain pills they get in.

“Right.” You nod, knowing that he’s trying to keep his head high for Bill, there’s clearly something between them.

“Lunch is ready. Go wash up. Bill, show her the downstairs bathroom.” Frank orders, wanting to change the subject and you let Bill guide you down the hall, his rifle lowered but still in his hand.

“You have running water?” You ask in awe and Bill nods, “hot too.” You practically choke on your surprise.

“Fuck, a hot shower.” You practically moan it and look back towards Bill searchingly. “I- I can be done in five minutes?” You offer, knowing that you won’t have clean clothes to put on, but you would love the opportunity to get clean for the first time in forever.

Bill sighs but nods. “Yeah.” He agrees, rolling his eyes because he knows Frank will chastise him if he isn’t a ‘gracious host’. As if you were here for a scheduled visit. “I can find you some clothes to wear.” The bedroom is now Bill and Franks, since it’s easier to get him into bed here rather than carrying him up the stairs on his bad days. “I’ll put them on the bed.” Once he’s said that, he’s turning and fleeing down the hall to talk to Frank, leaving you in the room to strip down and get in the shower.

“Hey sweetheart.” Frank greets Bill when he comes into the kitchen, that damn rifle still in hand.

“She’s a nurse, Frank. She can help you.” Bill says to Frank, “unless she’s lying but you could have a chance.”

Frank sighs, turning towards Bill to place his hands on his chest. “I’m dying, Bill. We gotta accept that. There was no cure for this shit before and now…I can’t even get an MRI. She can help monitor me but what else can she do? I- I like her. Might be nice to have a woman around the house, someone else to talk to. I love you but it’s been twenty years…we have run out of topics.” Frank teases Bill who rolls his eyes.

You try to keep to your word. Moaning under the hot spray of the water, you close your eyes while dirt and filth swirls down the drain. Wondering how the hell they got so lucky, how they’ve kept this place safe. You scrub every inch of your skin and even your hair, though it will be a mess to dry. Being clean is more important right now. When you come out, there are clean clothes on the bed, folded neatly. An oversized pair of sweats and a t-shirt, obviously men’s but they are clean and you quickly dress before wrapping your head in the towel and opening the door to find them.

Frank has the best china on the table and Bill is rolling his eyes as he waits for you to appear. When you do, looking a bit cleaner, he keeps his gun in hand as he gestures for you to sit down. “You did this with Joel and look how that turned out. Put the gun away.” Frank rolls his eyes as he brings in the lunch.

Your eyes widen when you see chicken. You don’t remember the last time you had chicken. “What the hell is this place?” You ask, eyes wide and it’s like heaven.

“Our home.” Bill grumbles, watching you as you bite your lip and barely resist the urge to tear into the plate the moment it’s set in front of you. “I could have served it.” He huffs to Frank but the other man just turns and tuts at him.

“I am still doing things as I am able.” He tells his partner before he smiles at you. “I’m afraid we don’t have any chardonnay but I do have a good Pinot Noir that will be delicious with it.” He turns to Bill. “Go get the bottle of Pinot.” He orders, making Bill sigh and pick up his gun to bring with him into the kitchen to get the bottle of wine.

“I can’t believe you have wine at all.” You murmur in amazement.

Frank smiles at you, remembering the first time he came here and Bill served him rabbit and Beaujolais. Man has always known how to serve wine. “We have been extremely lucky. Bill was a prepper and knew what to do when shit hit the fan. He took me in twenty years ago and I’ve been here ever since.” You sense there’s a relationship there but you don’t know to what extent.

“That’s amazing.” You say with sincerity. Frank was lucky to have found Bill and you know it’s going to be hard to leave here about a glass of wine. Bill comes back in with the bottle, eyes still wary of you and he expertly pours you a glass.

“To new friends.” Frank toasts when you all have a glass. Bill meets you gaze as you hold your glass up towards him and take a sip.

“So Frank,” you turn to the obviously younger man and smile softly. “When did you feel the change in your appetite or your health?” You want to give him as much care as you possibly can since they have let you clean up and are feeding you such a wonderful meal.

“It was about a year ago.” Frank admits, glancing over at where Bill squirms in his seat. “He doesn’t like to talk about it, but I have days where it’s hard to stand, to walk. But today is a good day.”

Bill sighs, “we talked. We, uh, we want you to stay here. I need help with Frank, I need your knowledge to help care for him.” Bill says and you can tell that it’s hard for him to admit. Frank shakes his head, reaching for Bill’s hand.

“You want me to stay…” You process the incredible news until your cynicism catches up. “What else do you want? You want me to fuck you both?” You have had plenty of offers to be taken care of in exchange for your body. You haven’t allowed anyone to take advantage of you like that and you’ll be damned if you let them just because they live in a Mecca.

“Oh honey, no. We only fuck each other.” Frank smirks and Bill blushes, ducking his head and you chuckle.

“Okay. Well, I want to stay. I do. I want to help you.” You tell them, knowing that you’d be a fool to leave this place.

****

Staying with Bill and Frankie was how you met them. Joel and Tess. They were a unit, maybe a couple. You couldn’t tell. Coming at arranged times to meet and trade goods, pass information. They had been shocked to see you there, but you had understood. It was unusual to see someone else with the couple, but your job of helping to take care of Frank was important. They had brought you some medications that you wanted to help ease his pain, offer some relief and hopefully extend his quality of life for a few years.

You can’t deny the attraction to Joel, even though you know it wouldn’t happen. He’s hot though and it’s been a long time since you’ve seen a man who isn’t in a long term relationship with the only other man around. Their commitment to each other was sweet and complete. It didn’t help that you often found Joel staring at you while they were here, trying to figure out where you fit.

One day, Joel arrives alone, and you immediately ask where Tess is. "She had shit to deal with." He declares without further explanation. You know Joel isn't one for lengthy conversations. He is a man of few words but those words are concrete. He is similar to Bill, focused on surviving and he will kill anyone who dares to take what belongs to him. You help Frank prepare the lunch, his hands shaking a little more nowadays, and Bill shows Joel the new stuff he managed to find. Joel has more pain pills and information to exchange.

"Joel came alone." Frank says softly and you focus on peeling the potato.

"And?" You retort, making Frank snort.

"We both know how you feel about him." You sigh, setting the peeler down, "and we both know he doesn't feel the same way." Frank doesn't respond to that, deciding to offer a hum as a reply that has your heart sinking. Joel is with Tess, he loves Tess. He lives in the QZ with Tess. It would never happen, no matter how many times you imagine it late at night. "Lunch is ready!" You call out eventually, the salad is washed and plated up along with the dressing you made with the oil Bill pressed a few months ago.

Joel shakes his head when he sits down at the table. “You constantly surprise me.” He tells Frank and sends you a small smirk. “You too.” He adds before nodding at Bill.

The two men understood one another but the lightness of the relationship came from Tess and Frank. You were a new addition and interesting to him. Tess’s words echo in his head. ‘I don’t care if you fuck her, Joel. Do what you want. Just don’t get her pregnant. That’s the last thing we need.’ He picks up his fork and spears a potato. “What do you guys need?” He asks, looking around the table. There are always things that he can get in the QZ for you or he would scout it out if he had to, it was worth the items that he could get from Bill or just the fact that he has a person he could count on if shit hit the fan again.

"Well, she needs a sex toy so see if you can find a dildo or vibrator around the QZ. Still in packaging, of course." Frank says and you choke on the Chardonnay.

"Jesus, Frank. Gonna kill the poor girl." Bill shakes his head and Frank shrugs, "what? She hasn't been laid since before she got here. It's been months for her and she ain't gonna get it from us." Frank argues with Bill and your jaw drops, unable to even look at Joel.

“Oh my God.” Your cheeks feel like the surface of the sun but you hear a raspy, rough chuckle. Unable to even see if it was Joel, although you think it was. “I’m fine.” You insist but Frank tuts.

“By hand is never fun.” He insists, well aware that he is poking you, and Joel, if he would admit it. You need to get laid and he feels like Joel would fuck you right.

Joel smirks at your mortified expression and how you refuse to look at him. “I’ll see what I can find. Any preference?” He asks, cock twitching in his jeans. “Size, hole?”

Frank decides to push it even further, looking at Joel while you stare at the table cloth. "Whatever you think is closest to yours."

You want the earth to open up and swallow your whole. "I, uh, I forgot the, um, salt and pepper." You lie and sprint into the kitchen to get away from the men around the table.

"Jesus Christ, Frank." Bill shakes his head at his partner, unable to believe he had come out and said that.

“What? I’m sure he’s got a nice sized dick. Tess seems impressed.” Joel’s brows are up and he is watching the doorway that you disappeared through. It’s obvious Frank knows something that he doesn’t, but it’s easy enough to guess. He grunts and looks back down at his own plate.

“Sure thing.” He answers, before he takes another bite of his food. He won’t seek you out now, knowing you will be too embarrassed to talk to him. He’ll wait until later and then have the conversation that is apparently due.

You finally gather the nerve to head back into the dining room. “It, uh, salt and pepper was already on the table.” You mumble, unable to meet Joel’s eyes as the three men watch you sit down. Your cheeks burn still and your stomach twists, hating how your crush has been revealed like that. Still, Frank was just trying to help you out in his own way.

“I was thinking we could try some watercolors later.” Frank says, taking pity on you.

“Oh, uh, yeah. We can do that. Sick of the oils?” You tease, knowing you’ve nearly run out but you have been painting with Frank in the afternoons to help his tremors.

“Absolutely.” Frank playfully rolls his eyes and Joel frowns, confused until Bill explains.

“Frank wanted to learn how to paint and this one here used to be an artist while juggling nursing school so she knows her shit. I get the supplies and we are nearly out of oils.” Bill explains to Joel who is nearly finished with his food.

“Nice.” Joel makes note of that, thinking he can see about finding some more oil paints when he is scavenging. It’s not like art supplies are an in demand item. He finishes up his food and wipes his mouth, leaning back. “Frank, Bill, it was delicious like always.” He compliments, wondering if you will ever look at him again as you stare down at your plate.

“Thank you, Joel.” Frankie smiles and tilts his head at him. “Why couldn’t Tess come?” He asks, sure that she would come this time again. “You never said what she was busy with.”

Joel shrugs, “she met some guy who came from the Baltimore QZ. Been traveling for years to find somewhere and she, uh, hit it off with him. Decided to stay behind and I didn’t wanna third wheel.” He admits, looking at you but you avoid his gaze. Tess was with another man? That makes you frown but you don’t say anything, wondering how Joel feels about that.

Thankfully, Frank never beats around the bush. “And he’s her friend? Or is it…?” He trails off, wanting Joel to explain.

“As in, I wasn’t going to watch them fuck, or get into bed with them.” Joel shrugs and reaches for his wine glass. “We don’t own each other.” He takes a sip and sets the glass down. “We’re together when we are, we do what we want when we aren’t.” It wouldn’t make sense in the pre-Outbreak world, but that time no longer exists and it doesn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t going to stop Tess from grasping what little happiness she could because Joel couldn’t fully commit. Not completely. Both of them knew it and she understood better than anyone else. His eyes meet yours briefly before he looks back at Frank. “Any other questions?”

Frank shakes his head, smirking at the directness of Joel, so similar to Bill. Gruff and deadly but the right person could mellow them. “No. That’s all.” Frank replies demurely and you try to not act like your ears pricked up. Tess and Joel were lovers but not committed. Pre-Outbreak you would’ve avoided getting in the middle of that like the plague, but a fucking plague has happened and Joel is your only current option to feel something other than your own touch.

“I’ll clean up the dishes.” You offer, standing up to grab your plate, taking Bill and Frank’s and Joel hands his to you, fingers brushing yours and you hate how good it felt, just that simple touch.

“You should help, Joel.” Frank hums, making Bill sigh softly at his lover’s meddling. “Bill.” Frank hisses and nods towards the door.

“What- oh, uh, yeah.” Bill chimes in reluctantly. “You ate a free meal. Clean up, you mooch.” He grumbles at Joel, socially awkward as usual but it’s enough to make Joel smirk and shake his head.

“Alright.” He huffs, getting to his feet and grabbing the wine glasses to bring into the kitchen.

You turn to see Joel carrying the wine glasses into the kitchen and you focus on washing off the plates. “I, uh, I’m sorry about Frank. He worries about me. Thinks I need someone like Bill to look after me but I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself. Survived before I arrived here.” You justify yourself and Joel leans over you to place the wine glass in the sink. His body nearly pressed against you but you can feel the heat of his form, his breath ghosting along your neck as he exhales.

“So you don’t want me to find you a toy that’s the size of my dick?” He asks, amused and completely aware that you’ve frozen with a plate in your hand. “Or that I shouldn’t think about making you scream loud enough to annoy Bill and make Frank clap when I come downstairs tomorrow?” He was spending the night, taking his time to go back to the QZ so that he didn’t travel at night. “Because that would be….disappointing.”

You inhale sharply, his words making your cunt clench and your entire body nearly vibrates with the need for him to follow through on his words. He’s made his desires clear, now it’s time for you to do the same. You spin around, pressing yourself against him and he instinctively pushes you back against the sink. “What if I want both? The toy for when you’re not here and tonight so I can remember how you felt inside me while I screamed your name?” You challenge him with your head tilted towards his, daring him to do what you’ve dreamed of for so damn long.

Joel smirks, his hands finding your waist as he leans in. Pressing his lips to yours in a rough combination of need and frustration boiling over. He’s wanted you, of fucking course he has. He’s just never acted on it since Tess was with him and even if it was okay, he hadn’t felt right about it. Guilty. Right now he’s not thinking about feeling guilty or Tess as his tongue slides into your mouth as soon as you open up for him with a small moan. Tasting the chicken along with the spices it had been cooked in and the wine it was served with from your tongue. Hands squeezing your hips before he slides them around to cup your ass and pull you against him and his hardening cock.

You gasp into his mouth, reaching up to tangle your fingers in his hair like you’ve imagined so many times. You tug on the salt and pepper locks and he groans into your mouth, tongue exploring while his fingers knead your ass. “Upstairs.” You manage to mumble into his mouth, not wanting Bill and Frank to walk in on you fucking Joel in the kitchen. You’re on the precipice of it and if you don’t move now, you’ll let him have you anywhere he wants.

“I need-” He breaks off to kiss you again. “Fuck, I need to clean up.” He’s grimy, sweaty. The shower he had been planning on lingering in is a necessity but he will run through it as fast as possible. Pulling away, he pants slightly. “I’m gonna get in the shower.” He tells you roughly, eyes dark. “I want you naked when I get out.”

You nod, knowing he will want to clean up and you wouldn’t mind a moment to prepare yourself either. “Go shower. I’ll be waiting on my bed for you.” You kiss his jaw, dishes abandoned as you spin out of his arms, offering him a wink before you sprint upstairs to get ready for him. You’ve waited months for this. You strip down and clean up in your bathroom, grabbing the bottle of perfume Frank had gifted you for your birthday and you spritz it on, checking your hair and grabbing some lip balm Bill had made from the beeswax for you. You exhale shakily once you’re ready, struggling to find the right position to lay on the bed while you wait for Joel to shower.

In the shower, Joel exhales slowly. The thing with Tess is comfortable, easy, because she knows the darkest parts of him, she’s participated in some of them. There’s no need to talk about it, about the past. You’re different. You still have a sense of hope that hasn’t been beaten down. He focuses on washing himself, his cock hardening as he wraps his soapy fist around it and makes sure that he's clean. Wanting to make sure you don’t regret this.

When the door to your room opens, you inhale shakily, crossing your ankles as you lean back against your pillows, naked and wet with anticipation waiting for Joel. He walks in, hair wet and slicked back, and a towel wrapped around his waist, tented with his arousal and you swear you’ve died and gone to heaven then and there. Scars are scattered on his skin from near misses, the one on his hand hidden as he clenches his fist when his dark eyes settle on you after he shuts the door behind him.

His eyes drink in the sight of your naked body and he exhales roughly. “Bill and Frank don’t have any condoms, do they?” Joel jokes, knowing that they don’t but it’s going to be hard to keep from busting too soon once he slides inside you.

“I don’t think so.” You frown slightly and he nod..

“Spread your legs.” He orders. “I want to see you cunt.”

You obey, unable to deny this man anything he wants. Your heart pounds in your chest and you grip the sheets beneath you as you spread your legs to display your already wet cunt to his dark gaze. The towel is barely hanging around his waist when his cock hardens even more and you desperately want to rip it off of him.

“Shit.” He hisses, shaking his head as he steps closer. “Fucking pretty cunt.” His fingers reach out to stroke your ankle. “When was the last time you were fucked?” He wants to know so he doesn’t hurt you if it’s been awhile. He’s rough but he wants to make it good for you. “Really fucked and not just your fingers buried in your pretty cunt?”

“About six months before I arrived here. I- I had a friend I was traveling with and we would - it had benefits but he got infected. I had to kill him.” You explain, lost in the memory for a moment but you know Joel understands. “It’s been a long time.” You confess breathily, enjoying his fingers caressing your calf and back down to your ankle.

Joel hums, nodding his understanding and he moves to kneel on the bed. His towel opens, breaking the tuck at the waist and falls off of him. Leaving his body exposed and his cock bobs as he climbs on the bed with you. “Then I need to make sure you cum on my fingers first.” He decides, sliding his hand higher and squeezing your thigh. “You want that? My fingers curled up in your cunt while I suck on your tits?”

You nod, a little speechless from how fucking big his cock is. He’s long and you know enough that it’s going to punch you in the guts with each thrust. You whimper when his fingers explore higher, “please Joel. I need you. Anyway you want. I’m yours.” You promise him, knowing that might scare him away but you hope he understands that you mean in body, not necessarily heart and soul.

It’s been a long time since he’s touched someone who wasn’t Tess. Thought about it, but never actually pulled the trigger. Too used to the familiarity he supposes. But right now, he wants to touch you. Groaning quietly as he slides his hand between your thighs and flips his wrist around, coming to hover over you and kisses your lips while he pushes one, then two fingers inside your cunt.

His fingers are already better than yours, thicker and stretching you out, he curls them within a couple of pumps and you moan into his mouth when his thumb presses against your clit. “Fuck baby. That - keep doing that.” You sigh, closing your eyes and you reach up to caress his shoulders, strong and wide from carrying the world on them. You want him to relax, caressing his upper arms and kissing his jaw while he works his fingers inside of you.

It’s probably the laziest he’s been in bed for a long time. Or at least, the most sober. He groans, ducking his head down and wrapping his lips around one of your nipples to bite down on the tip before sucking on it. He loves you moans, your whimpers and the little gasp you gave when he bit you, making him do it again.

He’s everywhere and nowhere, it’s enough and yet you want more. His fingers scissor inside of you whine he bites on your nipple and you are whining his name, loud enough that Bill and Frank would hear if they were directly downstairs. “Fuck Joel.” You want to touch him so you slide your hands down his chest, wrapping your fingers around his cock.

Joel hisses against your tit, hips rocking forward at the sensation of your hand around him. “Fuck.” His fingers curl up, pumping into your cunt harder. Determined to open you up so he can fuck you and he needs to be inside you now. “Oh fuck, baby, you want my cock inside you, don’t you?” He groans when he feels your walls fluttering around his fingers like you are going to cum. “Want me to fuck you?”

You whine, words escaping you for a moment until they come back and you are squeezing his cock in your grip. “Yes. Yes. Wanted it for so long. Imagined it so many times. Please Joel. Fuck me. I- oh shit. Shit.” You choke on your own breath as you cum, clamping down around his fingers and you soak his digits with the first orgasm you’ve had by someone else in forever.

He groans as he works you through it, cock throbbing and leaking against your thigh as he pumps fingers in and out of you furiously. Pulling off your breast to crush his lips to yours when you cry out his name one last time before you slump back to the bed, panting. “Good girl.” He moans, pulling his fingers out and shuffling to his knees so he can wrap his hand around his cock and smear your cum on it. “Are you ready?”

“I’ve been ready since the moment I met you.” You confess, looking up at him in awe and your heart pounds in your chest while you admire his face. “Fuck me, Joel.” You demand.

That is all he needs to hear. Edging closer, Joel takes a second to swipe the head of his cock through your folds and nudges it with your clit. Smirking when you while and roll your hips down. “Gotta wait.” He teases, sliding down to your entrance and positioning himself before he rocks forward and pushes inside just a bare inch. Enough that the head slides inside you before he is covering your body with his and rolling his hips to slowly fill you.

“Oh God.” You pant, head tilted back into the pillow as his cock pushes deep and stretches you out. “Oh God. Joel. Fuck.” You pant, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer, your tits pressed against his chest and you kiss his neck and jaw.

Joel moans out your name, closing his eyes at the hot, tight glove of your cunt around him. “Shit, just - just give me a second.” He pants out, dropping down to his elbow and clenching his fist as he tries to keep from wrecking you right now. You need a second and if he moves too quickly, it’s going to be over.

“Take your time.” You hum, enjoying how he feels inside of you and you stroke his back, feeling how tense he is while he allows you time to adjust to his cock. “You feel so damn good.” You sigh, the sting of the stretch subsiding.

Joel groans, unable to keep still any longer. “Hold onto me.” He grunts out, pulling his hips back as he watches you, smirking slightly before he slams back into your tight cunt to start a breathtaking pace.

“Oh fuck!” You yelp, unable to believe how fucking deep he hits when his hips slam against your ass after you wrap your legs around his hips. “Oh my God.” You choke when he begins to fuck you, hard and fast, stealing your breath away with every punch into your guts.

“Fuck.” He hisses, the muscles in his arms straining and bulging as he holds himself up so that he can fuck you. Immediately the bed starts hitting the wall at the same pace that his hips drive down, filling you up. “Fuck- fuck, you- you’re so t-tight.” He groans, loving how you’re taking him and clawing at his back for more.

The headboard is hitting the wall and you would be mortified to know that Frank is waggling his eyebrows at Bill while Bill shakes his head, but you feel too good to care. Joel keeps the pace steady and you gasp in response every time he pushes deep. “So- so good. You’re so big. Feels like - fuck- like you’re in my goddamn stomach.” You pant, struggling to keep your eyes open so you can see the way his jaw clenches and his muscles tense and flex under the strain.

Joel growls, ramping up his pace to fuck you even faster. The praise just makes him want to go harder. Especially because every time he punches deep your nails bite into his shoulder and he likes the pain. This pain is acceptable, he loves it. Joel leans down and bites your bottom lip sharply before he slides his tongue into your mouth, grunting into you with every thrust.

You cling to him, rocking your hips up to meet his thrusts and when he grabs your leg and pushes it back into your stomach, you’re sent over the edge. “Oh fuck. Oh fuckkkkk.” You squeal, clamping down on his cock and you soak him with your cum while your fingers dig into his shoulders, your head pressing back into the pillow as he pushes you into the best orgasm you’ve had in years.

Joel slows his pace down, rocking his hips slowly as he works you through it, amazed how you just soaked him. “Shit.” He pulls out of you and grabs your hips to flip you over onto your stomach. “Gonna fuck you even harder now.” He promises, pushing back inside you again with a groan. “Fuck you’re so fucking wet right now.”

“Oh fuck, Joel. Baby. Oh my fucking God.” You rock back onto his cock, head dropping between your shoulders as he continues the same pace. His cock pushes even deeper in this position and his hips slam against your ass. Pushing you up the bed, you have to reach out and wrap your fingers around the slates in the headboard to steady yourself.

“That’s it.” Joel hisses, gritting his teeth and digging his fingers into your hips to hold onto you as tight as he can as he drives into you again and again. “Fuck, want- rub- rub your-” He cuts himself off with a groan, wanting you to cum again before he does. “Fuuuuuuuck.”

You follow his orders, letting go of the headboard to push your hand under you, the angle is awkward but you manage to rub your clit. "Shit. Keep going. Right there. Right there!" You shriek when Joel hits the right spot inside of you. Your hand aches a little but you push yourself over the edge, clamping down on his cock for the second time.

“Shit.” Joel barely rocks into you once more before he’s losing control. Pulling his hips back and ripping free of your spasming cunt. Barely wrapping his hand around his cock before he’s cumming. Shooting ropes of cum onto your ass and up your back as he groans out your name, pouring himself out in shuddering spasms of pleasure.

You pant, trying to catch your breath, and you rest your head on the pillow beneath you. “That was - that was better than I imagined it and I have imagined it a lot.” You admit breathlessly, smiling into the sheets as Joel’s cum starts to cool on your skin.

Joel grunts, barely able to catch his breath as he shuffles off the bed to grab his towel to wipe up his cum off your back. “Glad that I didn’t disappoint.” He chuckles as he cleans off your skin and rolls up the towel to throw it on the floor. His shit needed to get washed and he would throw it in there with it. He comes back over and nudges you over to get into the bed beside you.

You shift, letting him lay down on the bed beside you and you shift to snuggle into his side. You feel him tense so you kiss his chest and move slowly to get away from him but he wraps his arm around you and pulls you into his side. “I’d kill for a smoke right now.” You confess and he chuckles, “can get you some.” You shake your head at the offer, “cancer sticks. Not worth it when I’ve made it this far in this shitty existence. Thank God I found Bill and Frank. Mind you, I was heading to the Boston QZ. Reckon we would’ve met if I had gotten there?”

“Probably not.” Joel answers honestly. “You would be…put in a different zone.” His fingers start to trail up and down your arm and he frowns up at the ceiling. “You’re pretty, gorgeous. You wouldn’t be put to work in the broken down sections of the city. You would be up in the better kept areas. One of the leaders ‘nurses’ or some shit.” He scoffs. “You’d only treat their stuffy noses and hangovers.”

“Maybe I would’ve treated you after you came back hurt. You never know. They might’ve assigned me to a different zone.” You trace one of the scars on his chest. “Mind you…you’ve had Tess to nurse you back to health.” You murmur, remembering the woman he shares the majority of his life with. You can’t be jealous, you can’t compete with her so you don’t try to. You know what this is between you and Joel.

“Tess nurses herself.” Joel snorts. “Poorly.” He finds a scar on the back of your shoulder blade and he traces it lightly with a finger. “I’m the one patching shit up, so it would be nice to be nursed for once.” He smirks and looks down at you with a raised brow. “You kiss boo boos to make them feel better too?”

"Only when my patient is sexy." You retort with your own smirk and his chuckle makes your stomach twist.

"Sexy." Joel scoffs, "I'm old now." He shakes his head, not knowing when that happened.

He sighs and you frown, sitting up slightly so you can look at him, "don't be ridiculous. You're sexy now." You can't believe he doesn't think he's hot.

He rolls his eyes at you, pulling you close. “And your eyesight is going.” He huffs, unable to resist kissing you one more time.

“You are.” You insist.

“Okay, okay, I’m old sexy, how about that?” He jokes, enjoying the way you sputter at him. It is lighthearted and he likes that.

You hum in contentment, "I'll take it." He chuckles and you kiss his chest, "you want something to drink? Bill has a bottle of Jack he hides that he doesn't think I know about. I'll go get it." You peck him lips and shift to get out of bed.

"Stay here. Tell me where it is and I'll get it." He insists and you nod, telling him where the bottle is hidden. He grabs the robe off of the back of your door and you giggle when it hits him on the upper thigh. He grumps at you, shaking his head, and you smirk, watching him sneak out of your room. He makes his way downstairs, cautious of Bill and Frank hanging around, and he opens the linen closet to find the bottle when he hears a throat clear.

He turns to see Frank standing there, a cheeky grin on his face, "you fuck her good?"

Joel straightens up, knowing he looks ridiculous in the robe with nothing else underneath. “What do you think?” He asks. “You heard it.”

Frankie hums, nodding at that obvious statement. “Sure did. Lot of “oh fucks” scattered through the banging of the headboard.” His grin drops for a moment and he levels a serious look at Joel. “Don’t hurt her, she’s a good girl.” He warns Joel and nods towards the closet. “It’s in the shoebox on the right.” He tells him before he turns around to slowly walk away and leaves Joel to stare after him for a moment, pondering his words.

When Joel returns with the whiskey, you are still naked and looking out of the window to the greenhouse you've been working on with Bill to grow some oranges. Boston isn't known for its hot weather during the winter months so you've been nurturing them. "Oh good, you found it." You smile, walking over to him and you take the bottle from his hand, taking a swig. "It's the good stuff." You tell him, handing it back to him.

“The good stuff huh?” Joel shakes his head and takes a swig of the liquor. “It seems like that’s all Bill and Frank have.” It’s always amazed him that the two men’s lives had improved through all of this in a major way. Finding love; real, deep love. He could see it in the way they treated each other. “They are lucky.”

"They are. They found something that seems to be destroyed in this new world: love. It's beautiful to watch, even if Bill is a miserable bastard, he shows Frank his love in so many ways." You sigh, sitting down on the bed, "it's why I'm here. Bill kept me here to look after Frank, otherwise he probably would've killed me."

“He would kill me too.” Joel huffs. “Although the first time we came here, I thought he was going to kill Frank.” He jokes. “He invited us without telling Bill until it was too late.”

"Shit. Frank was testing the limits there." You giggle, shifting to lay down against the pillows. "You've exhausted me, Miller. Come take a nap. Bill said about cooking rabbit tonight so he will help with dinner." You sigh, shifting to grab the blanket from the foot of the bed.

Joel sets down the bottle after taking another swing of it, knowing that he should put his clothes back on, but he can’t resist the lure of laying next to you for a bit. Climbing into bed with you and pulling you into his arms, Joel closes his eyes and tries not to react when you snuggle against him again. He’s not good at this.

****

Joel leaves the next morning after spending the night in your bed. Another round of sex and an awkward dinner where Bill refused to meet anyone’s eyes and Frank couldn’t stop smirking and waggling his eyebrows. Joel just winked at you and carried on eating the rabbit. After dinner, he fucked you again and left you passed out in your bed this morning. When you wake up, you expect him to be there but the spot he fell asleep in is empty and so is the feeling in your stomach. He didn’t even say goodbye. You can’t be mad, you’re lucky you got to have him for a day, but you want more. Now you’ve experienced him, you want more of him and you know that’s not fair to ask. With a sigh, you shift out of bed and get ready for the day, the ache between your legs the only reminder of Joel Miller.

“Why the fuck are you doing this, Miller?” Joel gripes to himself, eyes swiveling around as he cautiously approaches the building. He had thought about this place when Frank’s request had been mentioned and figured he could scope it out before he went back to the QZ. “A fucking toy.” He slowly approaches the building and opens the shattered glass door, listening for anything moving inside. The neon lights of the adult store are long since dead and the dusty racks aren’t pillaged, his theory of no one needing a fucking dildo at the end of the world was accurate. Although he could probably sell them in the QZ. The light from his bag shines on the displays and he shakes his head, grunting to himself as he looks at shape and size with a more critical eye than he looks at his own dick. Finally finding one that would meet the criteria and pulling it off the hanging rack and shoving it in his bag. You better appreciate this, even though Joel’s cock twitches at the idea of using it on you himself.

****

When Joel arrives back at Bill and Frank’s you’re surprised. Hearing the gate open and close, you hear Bill call out that Joel is back and you try to control yourself, inhaling deeply. Frank, who just happens to be beside you, chuckles and lowers his paint brush. “Go say hello.” He orders and you nod, knowing you have paint on your jeans but you don’t care as you open the front door to see Joel standing there.

“Back so soon?” You greet him with a teasing smile.

Joel snorts and tilts his head. “Bill didn’t tell you I would be back?” He asks, not surprised that the old bastard didn’t. He swings his back around and taps the zipper. “I’ve got something here that you - well Frank - wanted.” He chuckles, smirking at you. “I think it’s the size of my dick, but I’ll let you be the judge.”

Your eyes widen, “you got it?” You don’t know why you doubted him, he can source nearly everything, but you didn’t think sex toys would be a common commodity. You glance behind you, “Bill and Frank are both busy. Come upstairs. I wanna see it and compare.” You reach for his hand to practically drag him into the house and up the stairs to your bedroom.

Joel chuckles and follows you. “Packaging is dirty, and I’d clean it first, but yeah.” He hears Bill and Frank murmuring downstairs but ignores it to follow you into your room. “Strip down.” He tells you. “I’ll go wash it.” His cock is already hardening in his jeans and he wants to see how you look with your cunt lips stretched around it, carrying that image with him when he goes back to Boston.

You moan softly to yourself as he walks into the bathroom, “scissors are in the drawer.” You tell him and you eagerly strip off, paint stained jeans pushed into the corner, and you lay down on the bed just like you did the first time he touched you. When he comes back into the room, the toy in hand, you shift onto your knees. “Strip down. I wanna compare.” You tease, reaching for the buttons on his shirt while he holds the toy.

Joel snorts but he does as you ask. Setting the toy down and quickly shedding his clothes. He’s not fully hard so he spits in his hand and stands in front of you, pumping himself until he is straining, aching with need as he stares at you. “Compare, sweetheart.” He smirks at you and his cock twitches when he lets go of it, bobbing heavily in the air.

You grab the dildo, holding it beside his cock and you hum, admiring the closeness in girth and length. He had done a good job. “Hmmm, you have more veins and ridges but it’s close enough to keep me satisfied while I remember how good your cock felt inside of me.” You decide, leaning in to wrap your lips around the head of his cock, wanting to hear him moan your name.

Joel groans, fingers grabbing the back of your head and your name comes out in a breathless pant. Blow jobs are not expected or received very often and the feel of your mouth has him making a low sound in the depths of his chest as he tries to keep from rocking his hips. “Fuck, you- it’s so- fuck.” He pants, closing his eyes as your tongue swipes over the head. “Oh fuck. You- the toy.” He grunts out. “Want it inside you while you- fuck, put it in.”

You were wet as soon as you saw Joel standing on the porch. He has this ability to get you going with a look in his eye and you moan around his cock. Blindly reaching for the toy, you position it between your legs and push it in, eyes closing in bliss at the way it stretches you. “Fuck baby.” You pant, the head of his cock brushing your lips.

There’s something filthy about the way that he has his cock in your mouth while you are working a toy into your cunt. Making him groan as he watches it push deeper. “Fuck, you’re gonna use it everyday, aren’t you?” He grunts. “Remembering how I fucked you? Wishing I was fucking you again?”

You pull off of his cock for a second, pumping him and using your other hand to push the toy inside of you fully, stretched out and loving how deep it is inside of you. “Every day.” You promise, “gonna use it every day and think of you inside of me.” You take him back into your mouth, sliding your hand down to roll his balls in your fingers.

Joel chokes out your name, his hips rucking forward hard enough to make you gag but you don’t pull off of him. Making him groan again as he starts to fuck your throat, watching as you bounce on the dildo where it is pressed up inside you on the bed. “Fuck- fuck, gonna think about this.” He admits breathlessly. “Gonna jerk off thinking about you fucking yourself with it.”

The thought of him using this to get off has you moaning his name, muffled around his cock as you let him fuck your throat. You rock your hips as much as you can to try and make yourself cum on the toy. Every moan that escapes Joel’s lips sends you closer to your orgasm.

Groaning, he loves the way your moans vibrate up his shaft. Making him shudder slightly and rock his hips a little faster. “So good.” He pants, watching you take his cock down your throat, “so fucking good. Want you to think about this too.”

You hum in agreement around his cock, knowing you will think about this. How he tastes, how he smells, how he feels. It’s almost overwhelming. Especially when he pushes deeper down your throat and you breathe harshly through your nose. You want Joel to leave here satisfied, you want him to want to come back to you.

It only takes another minute with your talented mouth around him. Gripping the back of your head, Joel moans your name, cock spurting down your throat as he cums. Cursing as he rides out his high and watches you swallow his cum, drops of it escaping down the sides of your mouth when you can’t take it all.

You try to swallow as much as you can, loving the feel of his cock in your throat when it’s been so long since you’ve had this kind of intimacy. You work him through it, pulling off of him to lick the head, cleaning him up, and you lick your lips to gather up the drops that escaped, your cunt clenching around the toy inside of you and you need to cum. “Fuck.” You whine, shifting to lay on your back, grabbing the toy to push it back inside of you.

Joel pushes you back into the bed, making you lay down and he’s stretching out beside. Pulling your leg up on his hip before he bats your hand away. Taking the toy himself as he starts to work it in and out of your cunt. “Grab your tits, baby.” He grunts. “Want to see you cum.”

“Oh shit.” You whine when he pushes the toy deep inside of you. You follow his order, cupping your tits, and you cry out when he twists it. “I’m gonna - Joel. Fuck. Gonna make me - oh fuck. Oh fuck. Yes. Yes. Yesssss.” You hiss, pinching your nipples as you fall apart on the toy, soaking it and clamping down around the silicone.

Joel watches you, loving the gasps and sobs of pleasure as you work through your orgasm. Slowly pump the toy into your soaked cunt until you are relaxing against the bed and moaning softly. “Good girl.” He hums, smirking down at your blissed out face before he leans down to kiss you softly. “Now you can have a toy to keep you satisfied.” He tells you playfully.

You giggle, nodding and caressing his chest. “Thank you. For everything.” You murmur, leaning in to kiss along his neck. “When are you heading back to the QZ?” You ask, caressing his chest as you curl around him after he pulls the toy out of you and tosses it onto your nightstand.

“I have to leave in the next hour or so.” Joel admits, sighing slightly as he lays with you. It’s a long hike and he needs to get back. Even delaying the return to get your toy was something out of character for him. “But I’ll be back as soon as I can. There’s enough medicine for Frank to last for months.” He squeezes you close to him again. “Maybe I’ll find another toy before I come back.” He jokes.

You smirk, “I wouldn’t complain about that. Although I’d rather have you than any toy.” You confess and you sigh, kissing his jaw before you sit up. “We should clean up and get you something to eat before you get going. You’ll need to have your strength.” You know he’s going back to Tess and you try to not think about that as you clean yourself up.

You feel him shift in beside you to clean up and you meet his dark gaze in the mirror. So much is left unsaid. In true Joel style, he grunts and shifts into your bedroom to get redressed. You wash the toy, hiding it in your drawer, and redress before heading downstairs to get him some food.

“He get you a good one?” Frank asks and you fluster, liking the way Joel chuckles behind you, his hands on your hips.

“Of course. She ain’t gonna miss me with that around.”

Frank clicks his tongue, “I beg to differ there, Joel.” You offer the older man a warning look and he smirks, hobbling into the living room to continue with his reading.

Joel eats quickly, efficiently and when he’s done he moves over to the sink to clean the dishes. “I’ll get them.” You insist, making him sigh and turn to pull you close to him.

“Send a message if you need something.” He orders gruffly, reaching up and holding your chin in his hand, thumb rubbing over your cheek. “Or if - if things get bad with Frank.” He hasn’t missed the way the older man is moving, obviously in more pain than before. “I think I can get some morphine, real morphine, not that fake shit.” He tells you. “Make it easy for him.”

You nod, turning your head to kiss his thumb. “That would be good. He’s getting worse. Bill won’t accept it but he is.” You sigh and step away from Joel, knowing that he’s leaving, you try to create a bit of distance. “Hopefully I won’t be sending any 80s to you. Even if it is my favorite era of music.” You smile and wink at him, “you best be off. Take some fruit with you. We picked apples the other day.” You walk over to the bowl to grab the apples and you put them in a sack, “plus I made you a sandwich for the road.” You walk over to the fridge to take out the box of sandwiches to give to him.

Joel takes the sandwiches and stares at you for a moment, wanting to say something but not knowing what. In the end, he nods at you and turns to walk to the front of the house, to bid Frank and Bill a goodbye before he treks back to Boston, wondering when he will see you again.

You watch him go and sigh, sitting down at the kitchen table and you aren’t sure how long you sit there until Frank walks in, eyebrows raised. “Don’t say a word.” You warn him, looking out the window to see that night has fallen.

“I didn’t say a thing.” He shakes his head, a wry smile on his face.

****

Joel doesn’t return for a few months. Frank gets worse, no longer able to walk so you use the wheelchair Bill had found in the back of one of the stores within the compound. You try to medicate him as much as possible but his tremors create a lot of obstacles for him. “I’m getting worse.” Frank says one day while Bill waters the flowers around the house.

“You are.” You tell Frank, knowing he won’t want you to beat around the bush.

Frank sighs, glancing at the open door, “he’s not gonna take the news well.”

You reach for Frank’s hand, squeezing it, “we will tell him together. I am here for you both. You’ve been so kind to me. I am forever in your debt. I’ll be here until the end.” You vow and Frank hums, his plan forming in his mind. Neither you nor Bill will like it but it’s necessary. He won’t be a burden on you and Bill in this new world. He’s had a good life.

Joel thinks about you randomly during the days. While he’s helping burn bodies or shovel shit, he’s wondering what you are doing. Wondering how Frank is doing. There hasn’t been a message but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t worried. When he gets the fucking battery, he’s going to check on them, on you, before he goes to find Tommy. Tess has already made noises about asking you to go and he thinks that she wants to stay behind.

When Frank and Bill tell you Frank’s plan, you cry. You have loved them like uncles and you know that Frank wants to go before he gets too bad. No amount of morphine or drugs will save him from his fate. Frank declares that him and Bill are getting married and you go with them to the boutique. Picking out a pretty dress, you change and help Bill dress Frank in the suit. The way they look at each other has tears forming in your eyes. When they exchange rings and vows, you take a Polaroid photo, wanting to remember their wedding day, and you help Bill cook Frank’s final meal.

“I want to go too.” Bill declares softly and your eyes widen, “what?” Bill sighs, “I want to go with him. I don’t want to live without him. I know…I know it’s selfish and I know we will be leaving you but I’ve already set the radio to 80s, Joel will be here soon. Maybe he can move here and help you, keep the house going. Maybe Tess will come here too. I want…I want to go. It’s time. We are both old and he…he was my purpose. I’ve dug our grave to save you the time. Please make sure we are holding hands.” Bill requests and you nod, pulling him into your arms as you choke on a sob. “No tears. Let’s make this last dinner our best one yet.” Bill says, kissing your cheek and he walks off to find the bottle of Beaujolais.

You wipe your eyes and carry the wine into the dining room, beautifully put together for their last dinner. You let them take their time, in no rush to finish this meal and when Bill nods, you stand up and grab the bottle of wine he’s had airing in the kitchen. Tears fall down your cheeks as you put the pills into the bottle and carry it in, waiting for Bill to tell Frank his plan, which he doesn’t, until after he’s already drunk down the glass.

You cry, sniffing to stop your sobs, and Frank reaches for your hand. “I’ve had a good life. I want to go out my way, you’ve been a Godsend. Caring for me, you’re like…you’re like the daughter I never had and I want you to know that I love you. Thank you for everything.” Frank says and you sob, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“When you arrived, I wanted to kill you.” Bill says frankly and you offer him a watery chuckle, “oh I know.” Bill continues, “but I didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t. You brought life back to this house and I hope you continue to do so. With Joel.” Bill adds, “you both deserve a happy ending. Together.” Bill knows how Joel feels about you and you him, he hopes Joel comes when he hears the radio.

“Thank you both…for everything. I love you so much.” You stand up and kiss Bill’s cheek and then Frank’s again, silently saying goodbye.

“Take me to bed, Bill.” Frank orders and you stand to help. When you get Frank situated in the bed, Bill shifts to lay beside him, pulling him into his arms. The window is open and you lean against the doorframe, tearing streaming down your cheeks as you watch them embrace.

“Goodnight.” You murmur, knowing this is the last time you’ll see them alive.

“Goodnight. Don’t make too much noise when you go upstairs.” Bill says like he always does, making you smile.

“I won’t.” You promise and shift to shut the door behind you, biting your lip to stop your sobs. You focus on cleaning up the dinner, putting the dishes away just as Bill always liked them. They’re gone by the time you go to bed, sobbing into your pillow that you could be all alone unless Joel arrives soon. You pray he does.

****

Joel clenches his jaw as he soaks his hand in the cold water. It feels good, relieving the pressure of the fractured bones. Staring into the water as he picks out a large, flat rock. Tess always liked the water, claiming that it was soothing. It seems fitting to build her a small memorial by the river. He piles the rocks up, every one symbolizing their relationship over the years. It had transitioned and her words haunt him slightly. He had known that he loved her, of course he loved her. He had spent years with her, but it had never been that all consuming love. Grief had kept him from getting too close, or opening himself up all the way, then it had shifted when he had met you. She had seen it.

He sighs as he stands, starts making his way back to the trees where Ellie is waiting, they had stopped for the night after putting ten miles between them and Boston and there was still plenty of traveling to go until they get to Bill and Frank….and you.

“Look, I’ve been thinking about-“ Ellie starts, the last two attempts to make conversation failing.

Joel lurches to his feet as he starts to sling his pack onto his back. “I don’t want your sorries.” He spits out, still raw from the loss of the woman he had been with in one way or another for years.

“I wasn’t gonna say I’m sorry.” Ellie shoots back, leaning forward and looking at him. “I was gonna say that I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made you or Tess take me. Nobody made you go along with this plan.” Joel stares at the girl, aware of that fact. “You needed a truck battery or whatever, and you made a choice. So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.”

Joel wants to tell her that he doesn’t blame her, he wouldn’t blame a child for this shit. Instead he just nods, making her relax and gather her things. She brings his jacket back over to him and asks, “how much longer?”

Joel thinks about you. “Five hour hike.” Five hours to get to you. Five hours before he can wrap his arms around you and forget everything for a few hours.

Ellie contemplates it for a moment. “We can manage that.” Joel doesn’t answer, just turns around and starts on the path that will take him to you.

You are hanging up your laundry when you hear the gate beep. You grab the rifle you’ve kept close, aiming it as you sneak through the backyard to the hide out spot that allows you to look through the front of the house. You inhale sharply when you see Joel, followed by a teenage girl. You want to sob, relieved to see him, and you set the rifle down, rushing through the house and flinging the door open to rush into Joel’s arms.

The moment he sees you rushing out the door, he knows. Closing his eyes for a second to let another wave of grief wash over him before you are there. Throwing yourself into his arms while he catches you and pulls you close.

“What the fuck is going on?” Ellie mutters, bewildered by the appearance of another woman who obviously cares for this asshole. Joel ignores her, hugging you tight and listening to you sob into his chest.

“When?” He whispers, aware that he’s been away from his radio but he hopes you’ve not been alone with Bill for too long.

“A few days ago.” You choke, breathing him in. He smells like sweat and dirt but it’s all Joel and you are in his arms again. “Both of them.” You reveal, pulling back to cup his cheeks, frowning when you see the grief in his eyes and you look at the teenager and then back at him. “Where’s Tess?” You ask, wondering if he left her with that new man you heard about last time he was here.

“Yesterday.” Joel exhales roughly, his heart aching for you, having to go through losing both of them at the same time. “Got bit.” He closes his eyes again and shakes off the emotions, tamping them down right now before he turns to Ellie. “This is Ellie.” He introduces you. “Tess- we were - she’s immune.” He tells you, knowing you will understand what he means. “I need to get her to my brother and the Fireflies.”

“Immune?” Your eyes widen and Ellie awkwardly waves at you, “yeah. Been bit twice. Haven’t turned into a monster yet.” You can’t believe what you’re hearing, knowing this girl could be the key to something.

“Come in. Bill left you a note. I’m sure you’re starving. Let me make you something to eat.” You say, taking Joel’s hand to guide him inside. You’re still processing, knowing Joel must be grieving Tess as much as you are grieving Bill and Frank.

Joel doesn’t want to read the note, knowing that the man never particularly cared for him but he owes it to the old bastard. “Shit, you live here?” Ellie asks, walking in and immediately starting to poke around.

“Don’t go gettin’ in trouble, Ellie.” Joel calls out as the girl disappears down the hall. He sighs when she just waves one arm over her head. “Fuckin’ teenagers.” He huffs, rolling his eyes before he looks at you. “How are you doing?” He asks softly, frowning because you were all alone here.

You shrug, “I’m fine. I- I miss them so much.” You choke and he pulls you back into his arms, “I didn’t know if you were going to come. Bill changed the radio before he - they went together. Took a shit ton of painkillers. I helped. They - Frank wanted to go and then Bill wanted to go with him. I’m here alone…well, until now.” You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “I was worried you would never come.”

“You should have known I would come.” Joel chides you gently, wrapping his arms around you. “I told you I would be back but I’m sorry it wasn’t soon enough.” He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against yours.

“HOLY SHIT!” He jumps when he hears Ellie screech but he knows she’s safe. “They have hot water! I’m definitely taking a shower!”

He huffs and rolls his eyes before he looks at you again. “She’s a little excitable.”

You smile, knowing she probably hasn’t seen most of the things in this house preserved from a time long before she was born. “You need to take a shower too.” You wrinkle your nose jokingly, pulling back to look at him.

Joel frowns, pouting at you slightly because you are saying that he stinks. “Fine.” He huffs, not upset with you. He knows he stinks. He hadn’t exactly had time to stop and clean up. “Do you- uh…” He shuffles slightly and rubs the back of his neck, looking towards where Ellie had disappeared to. “Do you want to shower with me?”

You nod, knowing you both need this time to reassure each other that you are safe and alive. “Come on.” You take his hand, guiding him to your bedroom and adjoining bathroom. You work on unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off of his shoulders, after you turn on the water to let it heat up.

Joel sighs, closing his eyes and letting the weight of the world roll off his shoulders. You are alone now. He can’t leave you here and yet he doesn’t know if you would want to go with him. It’s going to be a rough journey. “I- I have to take the girl west.” He tells you quietly. “I- if you want to stay here, I get it. It’s safe. It’s comfortable.”

You caress his chest after you let his dirty shirt fall to the floor, “you could stay? It’s safe here. We have enough supplies to last a lifetime. Fresh food. Animals. It’s a good life. Bill made sure it would outlast time. Stay here. You and the girl.” You offer, reaching down to unbuckle his belt.

“I can’t.” Joel shakes his head, remembering Tess’s last words. ‘Save who you can save. Set it right.’ “What if- what if the girl could end all this?” He asks quietly, “she’s immune. Maybe, maybe there’s a fucking antibiotic they could create from her blood.” He looks up at you, begging you to tell him that it was possible. “Maybe people don’t have to keep dyin’.”

You know he’s done a lot of bad shit, killed, stolen, but you know he’s done it to survive. Maybe him and Tess enjoyed some of it, you wouldn’t be surprised, but you know, deep down, he has hope. “Then we will get her where she needs to go. I survived out there before, I can do it again. If…if you want me to come along.” You add, knowing he might not necessarily want you to come along, he could leave you here alone. You imagine you’d go mad like Bill nearly did. He’d told you the stories of his life before Frank came along, how lonely he was.

“I don’t want to leave you here alone.” Joel murmurs quietly, admitting what he might not have said before losing so many so quickly. “It’s gonna be rough, dangerous.” He reminds you. “But I’d rather you be with me than wonderin’ what’s happenin’ here and worryin’ about you.”

You smile, “you’re a big softy inside. Just like Bill. You two were more alike than either of you would ever admit.” You stop undressing him and look into his eyes, “I’ll come with you. I know it’s dangerous but I’d rather die fighting beside you than be safe and alone in this house.” You cup his cheeks, wanting to know how to feel, “I’ll stand by you every day until the day I die.”

Joel wants to roll his eyes, to expel the heaviness of the situation but it would make a mockery of it. He nods and reaches up to cover your hands with his. “I’ll keep you safe.” He vows, aware that he’s let so many people down, but he can’t let you down. “I- I want you to know that I thought of you. While I was gone.”

Your heart flutters at his confession, “I thought of you too. Toy got a lot of use thinking about you, Miller.” You tease, kneeling down to take his boots off and pull his pants off of him. Once he’s naked, you work on your own clothes, eager to be naked and in the shower with him. You kick your clothes aside and walk into the bathroom, knowing he will follow you, and you check the water in hot. “Come on baby. Let’s clean up.” You say and pull him in behind you.

Joel groans at the hot water, closing his eyes like he always does. He needs to clean up, check on Ellie and start packing up the truck but for right now, he just needs this shower. “Fuck.” He murmurs softly, leaning against the wall and reaching for you. “I- they are all gone.” He sighs heavily.

“They’re all gone…but we aren’t.” You remind him, letting him pull you into his arms. The water hits just right to flow over you both and you kiss along his neck, absorbing the fact that he’s here and he’s alive, you’re alive. “I love you.” You whisper against his skin, knowing he’s heard it. He could reject you. Push you away, at least you would have gotten this off of your chest.

Joel sighs heavily, closing his eyes. He hadn’t been able to say anything to Tess in those final moments, even though he had cared for her greatly. Loved her in his own way. It’s something he regrets now. “I- care about you.” He murmurs softly. “I think about you, worry about you.” He swallows, thinking about Bill and how alike they were. “I love you.” He whispers.

You barely hear it but you do, knowing how hard it is for him to admit. You tilt your head up to press your lips against his. Emotions are a weakness in this world but you can’t stop yourself from loving him, even if you tried. You don’t say anything else, just tilt your head so you can press your lips to his, wanting to feel connected to him. Once you leave this house, every day is a blessing and who knows when you’ll have the chance to be connected like this. You want to savor this time.

He lets you draw him into the kiss, slowly deepening it as you pull him closer. Letting him forget everything but the way you taste and your warmth against him. You’re alive, he’s alive. You have each other. Joel groans and spins you around, pressing you up against the cool shower tiles and starts to ravage your mouth.

You moan, clinging to him as he pushes you against the wall, and he steals your breath from you, sliding his tongue into your mouth and his hands grab your thigh, lifting it up onto the edge of the bathtub. His cock hardens against your stomach and you reach between you to wrap your finger around him, slowly pumping him and loving the way he hardens in your hand.

He shouldn’t be doing this right now. There’s so many reasons why, but he needs to. Needs to feel you. Moaning into your mouth, his hand slides to your cunt, rubbing your clit and sighing in relief when he feels the wetness already gathering. “Let me fuck you.” Joel begs, kissing down your jaw. It’s selfish, but he needs the comfort you can give him. The thought of nothing but the pleasure between you.

"Do it. I need you Joel, fuck me." You beg, rocking your cunt down into his hand and whining when he withdraws his fingers. He bats your hand away from his cock and shifts closer to position the head at your entrance. You moan softly when he slowly splits you open, a little rough since you aren't soaking wet to take his length, but you don't care. You just want to feel connected to him.

“Shiiiiiiit.” Joel hisses, rolling his hips up and his hands flatten against the wall. The heat, the pulsing heat of your cunt tells him that you are still here. Letting him feel it. Turning his head, his lips press against yours for a long moment before he ever starts moving.

His tongue slides into your mouth and you finally feel safe. Since Bill and Frank died, you’ve been on edge, unable to sleep properly, but now he’s here, you know you’re in good hands. He’s capable, secure. You tilt your head back against the tile, letting the water run between you as he pushes into you, setting a slow but deep pace that has your cunt getting wetter and wetter around him.

It’s not as harsh as the first time, this is deeper. A reassurance that both of you need and he could never ask for. Making him feel every flutter of your cunt, heat every gasp. Rocking into your like it’s the last thing he will do. It might be, who knows what could happen? Life wasn’t guaranteed, like he’s been shown so brutally over the last few days.

Your hands are everywhere, caressing him, running through his now damp hair, down his chest, loving the steady thump of his heart under your palm. “I love you. I love you.” You whisper, trying to tilt your hips until he hits the right angle that has you moaning his name. You know he’s not an emotional man. He’s not verbally or physically affectionate but no one is in this new world. You’ll take what he gives you, eagerly and readily. You wrap your arms around his neck, keeping yourself upright while he fucks into you.

His lips trail along your skin, desperate for the tenderness that you show him. It’s greedy, but he’s never claimed to not be a greedy man. His hands grip your hips tightly, as if he’s afraid you would get away from him. “Fuck.” He moans out your name. “So good, I would stay here with you. Right here. Never leave.” He groans quietly.

You wish that was possible but you know he has to find Tommy, get the girl to where she needs to go. You don’t reply, just lean in to press your lips to his. His cock is pushing deep inside of you, your cunt dripping wet now, and you know you’re going to ache when he’s done.

Joel knows he’s not going to last for long, letting one bruising hand go from your hip to slide between you. Turning his wrist so he can rub your clit. It might be a long time before he gets a chance to fuck you and he wants to make it good for you. You whine into his mouth and he groans, flicking his tongue against yours as his fingers work your little bundle of nerves.

When his calloused digits rub your clit, you whine into his mouth, so close to cumming. “Fuck. Oh fuck baby. I’m - Joel.” You pant, tilting your head back as he hits just right inside of you and you are pushed over the edge. You bite down on his neck, smothering your cry as you cum, clamping down on his cock as the water continues running over his back.

Joel grunts, pushing into you harder and faster. The slap of his hips echoing the bathroom. Growling as he gets closer with every unhinged thrust. Pumping his cock into you a half dozen more times before he is pulling out, not even needing to stroke himself as he spurts against the shower wall.

You pant, watching him as he closes his eyes, trying to process how he feels and you give him several moments until you’re reaching for the shampoo. “Come here.” You murmur, pulling him back towards you. You reach up to lather up his hair, washing it and massaging his scalp.

Joel closes his eyes and sighs softly. “That feels good.” He murmurs, enjoying the feeling of your nails on his scalp. Cumming and getting clean are doing wonders right now, letting the tension fade as the water swirls down the drain.

You work your fingers through his salt and pepper locks, until he is practically slumped against you and you wash the shampoo out of his hair. Grabbing the body wash, you lather up his chest and shoulders, turning him around so you can lather up his back and massage his shoulders. No words are spoken as you take care of him. You want to take care of him.

You don’t stop touching him until the water runs clean. Completed scrubbed from head to toe and Joel feels like he could cry. Unable to remember the last time someone cared for him like that. He turns to you, taking the sponge from your hand. Wanting to do the same for you, since this might be the last shower for a while. “We need to pack supplies.” He tells you, kneeling down at your feet. “You any good with a gun?”

“Bill made sure I could hit a target from across the fence. Wanted backup in case things went to shit. Before I arrived here, I learned how to use one. Needed it to survive.” You sigh when his hands scrub your skin, tender and opposite of Joel’s gruff nature. “I’m good with a knife too. Can take out infected.” You confess, knowing you might need a little practice on that one since Bill’s traps always worked so well with the infected. “I left the radio off. Just in case and maybe we can come back here one day.”

Joel nods but he doesn’t want to tell you that it probably won’t happen. “Pack what you need.” He tells you. “We’re gonna be cramped in that piece of shit truck of his.” Joel had ragged on Bill for the little S-10, but damned if he still didn’t have a running car.

You know it’s a pipe dream but it will keep you going through the dark times. You finish washing up, stepping out of the shower after turning off the water. “I’ll go get enough food for us. Non perishable and - and Bill has ammo in the basement. More weapons.” You tell Joel, leaning in to kiss him softly, “I’ll go get you some more clothes.” You wrap the towel around you and Joel grabs onto your waist, pulling you back towards him, pressing his lips to yours. His hands cup your cheeks and you smile against his lips. “Clothes.” You remind him, pulling away so you can dress.

Joel dries off, aware that he will face some shit from the kid, but he doesn’t care. He isn’t going to just pretend like you don’t matter to him. Opening the medicine cabinet, he pulls out the deodorant and swipes some under his arms before he picks up your comb and slicks his hair back. Humming to himself at the tired image in the mirror. You seem to like him, so that was favorable, but he sighs, looking down at his hand where the scabbed skin is starting to heal. Soon you will have to leave this little heaven and there’s going to be a lot of trouble ahead. But he won’t leave you behind again. He’s taking you with him.

You come back with a set of clothes - Frank’s old clothes - and you get dressed while he goes downstairs. “Don’t you look pretty?” Ellie teases Joel who stares at her, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, and he tosses the deodorant stick towards her.

You come downstairs after packing your bag and you see Ellie holding a box of tampons. “Do you know how to use those?” You know, she likely doesn’t but you want to help her if she needs it.

“Nosebleeds?” Ellie asks sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “I’ve had a period since I was ten.” She informs you, making Joel wince since that’s information he does not need to know.

“Hey, be nice, she’s a nurse.” He informs Ellie meaningfully. He knows you are just trying to open a line of communication with the girl.

You sigh, sending that she’s going to be your typical teenager. “Well, if you want any advice on that, I’m here for you.” You tell her, making your way into the kitchen to find your emergency first aid kid. You shove that into your backpack and grab the spare to start getting the tinned and dry food. You put the bottle of whiskey in there and decide to take the last bottle of Beaujolais, knowing that Bill would want you to enjoy it.

“You ready?” You ask Joel when he comes back in.

He nods, “battery is charged. You ready?” He asks you, knowing this is a huge step.

You nod, “yes, I’m ready.” You are ready to leave, you’ll follow Joel to the end of the world if you have to. He playfully smacks your ass when you walk into the garage and when you’re in the car, you sit in the backseat since Ellie has never been in a car before.

“It’s like a spaceship.” She says in awe and you giggle at the amused look on Joel’s face.

“Seatbelt.” He tells you, his eyes meeting yours in the rear view mirror and you follow his order. Ellie has to be helped and finally, Joel starts the car to drive away from the house. You turn to look at your home, silently saying goodbye to Bill and Frank, when Ellie grabs the tape and Joel puts it in.

The sweet voice of Linda Ronstadt fills your ears and Ellie wants to change it but Joel stops her. He knows the song but he doesn’t know what it meant to Bill and Frank…you do. You wipe your eyes, mourning your good friends and the life they provided you as you follow the man you love on his mission to find his brother and deliver Ellie to the fireflies. Let’s just hope she is the key to the end of this nightmare. Looking back at the house one last time, you wonder if you’ll ever make it back here. Maybe one day, you’ll be living here with Joel…enjoying your happily ever after.

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webblogers1 · 2 years ago

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annaelizabethhenry1 · 29 days ago

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Echoes from the Past - Chapter 2

Summary: River visits his grandfather post season 4 at the care home. The visits conjure memories of River’s childhood and teen years as he grapples with his grandfather’s declining mental health and how once he’s gone he’ll have no one left. Warning – spoilers for all four seasons.

A big thank you to my coven and our endless discussions about this fic and scenarios for Little River and the tough discussions around dementia. Writing may seem like a solitary endeavor, but its always a group effort - hugs and kisses to Alex @cillmequick and Dot @coffeeflavored <3

CHAPTER ONE

Chapter Two

As it was a long bank holiday weekend, River decided he’d stay at his grandfather’s house to make visiting him daily for the next few days simpler. The light was going down rapidly along the garden’s treeline and River hurried inside, clutching his bag of curry take-away. He flipped on the lights in the study and the kitchen. He also switched on the heating as it was freezing in the house. He missed the days when he would visit and the house was lit, warm with the fireplace crackling. Now the house was just an empty shell of its former self. It sat cold and dark, no life stirring from within it.

As the radiators banged and hissed to life, River took out the curry, pulled a fork from a drawer and was about to sit down at the empty kitchen table and sighed. “God, how pathetic,” he muttered. Was this going to be his existence going forward, sad take away meals alone in a drafty house? He never realized how much he enjoyed his grandfather’s company until it had been taken from him. He took for granted the camaraderie they shared over the years.

River walked back to the study with his curry and sat down in his usual chair as he couldn’t bring himself to sit in grandad’s as it would always be his even after he was gone. Mind you the chair River sat in used to belong to his Nan, but after she passed grandad told him it was his spot from now on which made it different.

It was so quiet in the country compared to his noisy flat in London where there were always sirens, cars rushing by and people shouting. Just like when he first arrived here when he was almost seven, the silence made him feel lonely and isolated, like you’d survived some dystopian horror and only you were left. The silence hadn’t scared him for ages, but now it suddenly did because before even with the silence there was the chatter of his grandfather to fill the void and that was now missing.

River thought back to one of his first nights in the house. When everything seemed new and rather frightening. He’d never lived outside of London before nor had he ever stayed somewhere so fancy. It reminded him of how people on the telly lived.

On the third night with his grandparents, River lay awake in his bed in what his grandparents called the guest room, but there was talk of making it more comfortable for him. He wondered if that meant it would his room. He’d never had his own room before – usually he slept on a pull-out sofa or in a sleeping bag. He couldn’t fathom having a whole room that was just for him. Grabbing his bunny, he shuffled from under the cosy comforter and went to the window to look out.

River could not understand his grandparents yet. He always made a point to figure out how his mum’s latest boyfriend worked. What would upset them, what would make them happy or at least indifferent to him. With Nan especially, nothing seemed to trouble her.

River whispered to Mr. Hoppinheimer, “I don’t get how they haven’t yelled at me yet. It’s been three whole days…I thought for sure when I spilled the milk today Nan would yell, but she didn’t.”

His grandparents were obviously older, but did this mean they yelled less or was it something else? An owl hooted in the tree near his window and River jumped. “What was that? A monster?”

The wind tossed the branches outside and one was close enough to scrap the house, scaring River further. He clutched his bunny while another sound echoed in the night sky and River shuddered as tears ran down his cheek.

River’s door creaked opened and light from the hallway poured in as his grandfather appeared, smiling. River quickly wiped the tears away, his mum hated it when he cried.

“River are you all right, lad?”

He shook his head no because he was scared and confused. River worried what his grandfather would do next. Best case he’d ignore him, worst he’d yell.

“Well we can’t have that,” David said coming into the room and turning a little lamp on that cast a soft glow about the room.

His grandfather sat down at the edge of the bed closest to River, “Come sit next to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

River looked at this grandfather who smiled and patted the spot next to him. River hesitated, but went over and sat down. Grandad wrapped an arm around him, “Are you scared?”

“Yes, but I promised mum I wouldn’t be any trouble…”

“Oh, River my boy being scared isn’t causing trouble. You don’t have to worry anymore because I’m here to protect you, so is your Nan. We want you to be happy and we can’t do that if you don’t tell us how you feel, all right?”

Grandad pulled River closer and kissed the top of his head.

River didn’t know what to do. He felt so different. Like for the first time someone didn’t mind him being there. It was almost like they were happy he was here with them, especially his Nan.

“It’s so quiet here…but when I hear things…they scare me,” As if on cue the owl hooted. “Like that!” River snuggled into his grandfather’s sweater hoping he wouldn’t mind.

“Oh, that’s an owl. Tomorrow we’ll go out and investigate the garden and I’ll show you where the owls live and maybe if we’re lucky enough we’ll see an owl in the daylight as they usually hunt at night.”

“What’s investigate mean?”

“Explore. There’s so much to see around here. I can take you down the road to where the neighbours keep their horses. You’d like to see that, right?”

River brightened up. Someone wanted to do something especially for him. He didn’t understand it but he was glad his mum left him here. Mind you, he didn’t trust it yet, but this felt so different than what he was used to.

“I like it here even if it’s scary at night.”

“It won’t be scary for long. You’ll get used to the different sounds. But you can always come to us if you’re scared. You don’t have to stay here afraid.”

“Won’t you be cross if I wake you?” River asked afraid he pushed too far.

“Cross? No, never.”

Grandad soothed River, tucked him back in, bunny and all and shut the light, but left the door open so he wouldn’t feel alone.

River thought wistfully on that moment, it was the first time he felt truly safe and loved. He knew recapturing that now was impossible given his grandfather’s condition. It also made him wonder if his grandfather was afraid when he was lucid, that he knew he was slipping away and couldn’t do anything about it. What could River do to soothe him? He had to find a way to comfort him after everything he had done for him. River knew his grandfather was flawed – more than ever now after finding out who his father was and what lay behind it. But still he owed him and deep down he knew his grandad had done his best for River all those years ago.

River started as his mobile rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Catherine’s name appearing on the screen. He thought it odd she’d call this late. He hoped everything was all right. “Hi Catherine. Is everything okay?”

“Oh, hi River, yes. Just wanted to check in with you. I knew you said you were visiting David this weekend. I wondered if you had gone down.”

“Yeah, I did. He wasn’t so good today…he wanted to go home and then later he didn’t know who I was…”

“Oh, River…I’m so sorry. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Why don’t you try bringing some photos over with you? Remember the article I sent you mentioned that often helps them as their minds often live in the past, so seeing photos of you when you’re younger might bring him around,” Catherine urged from the other end of the line.

“Right. I forgot about that. I’ll go find some when I finish my curry.”

“Take away again, honestly,” Catherine huffed.

River chuckled. “It’s not like I’m in the mood to cook.”

“My offer still stands.”

“I know. I’ll see how tomorrow goes,” River said.

Catherine Standish had offered to come by for the day and visit David as he was familiar with her from their “adventure” together after River left David with her when they perused by both the Park and an assassin.

After River finished his curry and tidied the kitchen, he went upstairs to his grandparents’ room. The door creaked as it opened, turning the light on the room came to life. He looked around, everything was tidy. The bed made, the curtains closed, the furniture recently polished. He wished he could take credit for it, but right after he left his grandfather at the care home, Catherine came by to help organize things with River, which included a weekend of tidying-up the house as it was long overdue for some sprucing up.

River opened the closet door, staring at the sparse contents as half of it was in the care home with his grandfather and the other space belonged to his Nan who’s clothes had been donated long ago. A box caught his eye on an upper shelf. It looked like a hat box that would’ve belong to his grandmother. Reaching up he removed it and was surprised by its weight. Placing it down on the bed, River opened the lid, “Oh, wow…” It contained cards, drawings and other ephemera River had made growing up. He had no idea his grandparents had saved these. They were bundled neatly unlike his own memory box.

As he shifted the piles and removed them to the bed, he saw the weathered rocks he decorated for the garden when he seven or eight. Then there was the ‘Best Grandad’ pin River bought for him one Father’s Day. He held it for a moment remembering trying to pin it on his grandad’s sweater with his little fingers and being pricked by it. River smiled. Digging further he found a child sized watch with the face scratched.

“He kept this?” River muttered feeling his face flush as he looked up at the ceiling blinking back tears. The battered watch held a special memory for River, it was the catalyst in his bonding early on with his grandad.

River had been with his grandparents almost a month when they presented him with a very cool digital watch that had a special little button that made it light up in the dark. He’d only taken it off to have baths since he received it, but one Sunday evening he realized it was missing from his wrist. He was seized by panic - his grandparents would be so disappointed in him if he already lost the watch.

While he was still trying to understand his grandparents, River knew this was definitely the type of thing that would lead to yelling – it had to. He lost far less precious things when he was with his mum and she got so cross, calling him careless. It was no wonder that she left him here. Now where would he go if his grandparents got tired of him losing things or being clumsy? But with no father, who would take him in next? River remembered watching Oliver on the telly a while ago and thought how horrible it would be to live on the streets being a thief. Would Fagan be nice to him? River doubted it as no one seemed to like him. He’d not be able to keep Mr. Hoppinheimer or his new bear Benjamin who had a very smart bowtie.

“Wait! Maybe it’s in the bathroom!” River darted across the hallway into the loo.

River looked on the floor, under the rugs, by the sink, and under the towels that were neatly stacked. It wasn’t anywhere. He was so crestfallen and slumped to sit on the cold, tile floor, scared to tell them he lost the watch. Near tears, River tried to take a breath, but could feel his chest tighten as he was near hyperventilating. He breathed in and out harder. He had to think, where had he gone today? The kitchen, dining room and study – oh the garden!

Earlier before dinner he and his grandad went into the garden to check on the pots to see if anything sprouted up yet. Grandad even gave him gloves to put on that were too big for him. Maybe the watch fell off then.

Darting back across the hallway, River went into his room to put his shoes on and then realized how would he get out of the house without explaining to his grandparents why he was going outside? The house was very creaky, but he already knew which steps made the most noise as he liked playing a game where he avoided them hopping around.

Tip-toeing in the hall and down the stairs avoiding the creaky spots, River edged around the wall and poked his head into the study and spied his grandparents involved in their books while the fire crackled. Seeing they were occupied, he made a dash to the kitchen. River peered out the kitchen door noticing the light was fading fast. He went into what his Nan called the jumble drawer where random things like screwdrivers, tape measures and a small torch were kept. He slid it from the drawer noiselessly as possible. The doorhandle was an odd lever River hadn’t completely remembered how to use and it squeaked a little when he turned it the wrong way. His heart pounded as he froze. All he heard was ticking from the clock in the entry hall and a tiny throat clearing from his grandad. River sighed. He pulled the door open just enough for him to get out. He immediately dove out of sigh against the chilly stone wall.

“Whew, okay that was close,” River mumbled as he turned the torch on and began his search around the clay pots.

Just as he looked between the last batch of flower pots with the torch he heard the kitchen door squeak shut. “NO!” River whispered turning quickly and arcing the torch beam into one of the windows. He hastily turned it off less to draw attention to the garden. River went on his hands and knees in the damp grass to hide when he noticed his missing watch in a tuft of high grass around one of the larger planters.

River wrapped the watch around his wrist and proceeded to crawl back to the house to stay out of sight till he reached the back door. Slowly, he got up and peered through the metal and glass panes. The kitchen was dark, so no one was there. River turned the lever but met resistance. “It’s locked,” River whispered in a panic. Now what? He pushed on the door to see if it was stuck, but it didn’t budge. “Wait…the key under the yellow pot.” Nan told him about it in case he ever got locked out in the garden. He retrieved the key and ever so slowly turned it, hearing the click he breathed a sigh of relief and quickly returned the key under the pot and slinked back into the dark kitchen.

Just as he was about to make a dash to the stairs light flooded the room as his grandfather appeared from the pantry area, “River whatever have you been doing out in the garden in the dark?”

Grandad walked towards him and took the torch from a stunned River’s hand. “Well?”

This was it, he was done for, off to an orphanage for him or worse. “I…I…umm…”

“David is everything all right, who are you talking to?” Nan shouted from the study.

“River, he came down for a glass of water,” Grandad coolly replied.

River was surprised his grandfather lied given he caught him sneaking around.

“River love, do you want a snack?”

“No, Nan, I’m not hungry, thanks!” River shouted back.

“So, what were you up to?”

River felt like he could trust being honest since his grandad just lied for him. “I lost my watch, Grandad. I went into the garden thinking it was there and it was,” River held up his wrist.

“Why didn’t you just ask? We would’ve looked with you, River.”

“Mum always said I was careless and I didn’t want you to be cross,” River said looking up at his grandad with those sad blue eyes.

“My boy, we all lose stuff, wait till you’re my age, I misplace things all the time!”

Impulsively, River hugged his grandad around the waist, tight, which took David by surprise and he wrapped his arms around his grandson. “I have to say I’m impressed as I didn’t realize you left the house. I came to put my mug in the sink and noticed the door was open a little and closed it. Only when I saw the light did I realize you were outside. Always remember if you hear noise when sneaking about with a torch to turn it off immediately and then hide.”

River pulled away and looked up curiously at his grandfather, “What? You didn’t mind I did that then?”

“Well, best not tell your grandmother, she wouldn’t approve, but I see you’ve got potential,” he replied with a warm smile.

“What’s potential?”

“Ah, in this case it means,” Grandad leaned in and whispered, “I think you could be a good spy one day.”

“Wow,” River managed.

“That’s between us, remember,” his grandad winked.

River tried to wink back but only achieved an awkward form a blinking which made his grandad chuckle.

The memory in retrospect was even more bittersweet than River liked to admit. The irony of him ending up in Slough House, being the biggest disappointment anyone could ever be to a grandfather who had been first desk. Maybe it was a good thing Grandad couldn’t remember things anymore, it saved him the embarrassment.

**************************

David Cartwright shambled through the hallway that led back to his room. All the chatter from the dining room became too much for him. He was used to his home and the quiet, not constant yammering. Turning the knob to his room he heard his name called and twisted to find the small lady who always seemed happy coming at him.

“Did you not want to play bingo?”

“Bingo’s for old people,” he responded turning back to his room and pushing the door open.

Orla chuckled. “Yes, of course and you’re clearly too young for that kind of thing. Would you like to play chess or checkers with me?”

David plunked down in the leather chair. “I hate all the noise, so no thank you.”

A lightbulb went off, he hated the dining room and rec room because it was too much for him. “We could play in here where it’s quiet. And maybe you’d like cup of tea, too?”

“Maybe…I used to play with River. I taught him to play chess. He never got very good at it, always was an impulsive player. Where is my boy?”

“He was here earlier at lunch, Mr. Cartwright.”

“I don’t remember. He hates me anyway. He only comes because of Rose.”

Orla was beginning to see the picture more clearly now. Not only was it just the dementia at play, but a family rift or misunderstanding. There wasn’t much time to repair this either given how quickly the dementia seemed to be progressing. “No, I spoke to him earlier, we had tea and cake together. He cares about you very much, I can tell. I think it’s hard for him to deal with his feelings. Let me get that chess set and come back, okay?”

“Yes, whatever,” David mumbled.

Orla returned a short while later with a boxed chess set and Sylvie bearing a small tea tray. The two women set everything up near where David sat.

Finally sitting down across from David, Orla began to put the chess pieces on the board. “I’ve had a long day, it’s nice to sit down quietly here to be honest, I can see why you wanted to as well.” She knew that many dementia and Alzheimer’s patients became frazzled from too much stimulation depending on what stage their condition was in, but she did wonder about David as he seemed so sharp sometimes. She’d have to chat with River further about his thoughts as he was the best judge.

“Yes, well I’d rather be in my own quiet home.”

“Where would you be right now if you were home?”

“My study with my books and some whiskey.”

“Avid reader?”

“Yes.”

“I love Dickens. My favourite is the Pickwick Papers.”

“That’s a terrible choice. Why not Bleak House or at least David Copperfield?

Orla smiled and continued to place the chess pieces down. “I like to be different. It’s his only truly humorous work and I do so love to laugh.”

David cracked a shadow of a smile. “I see you know how to set the board up. Let’s see how well you play.”

“I’ wager you’ll route me in no time,” Orla said with a cheeky wink.

Orla knew she was far from a chess champion, but David Cartwright despite his age and mental health was still quite the chess player as within the hour she had been corned into checkmate.

“Checkmate!” David said triumphantly.

“Ooo! Damn!” Orla said. “Sorry…”

“No, you’re within your right to swear. You weren’t paying attention to your bishop earlier hence you’re in this mess now. I always told River not underestimate the power of your bishops. Not that he ever listened either.”

“You love River very much, don’t you?”

“Of course, he’s my boy.”

Orla sat quiet for moment. She wanted to say that his grandson was his son in every way that truly mattered and I’m sure River felt he same way. She decided to push a little. “Yes, I can tell. You’re very proud of him I’m sure. Though I do wonder why you think he doesn’t care for you.”

David’s face changed, Orla saw it immediately. She lost him. Damn!

“Yes, well he left me here to die,” David said gruffly, pushing the little card table with the chess set towards Orla.

“He did that to keep you safe. I know it’s not easy to admit, but sometimes we need help.”

“Help? This is what you call this hotel hospital environment? We’ve all been left here to die because someone who loved us just can’t be bothered.” He crossed his arms and turned his face away.

Orla did hate to admit that she had seen many people left at care homes who had no visitors and it always broke her heart. But this wasn’t the case for David Cartwright. His grandson cared a great deal. “May I call you David?” he shrugged in response. “David, your grandson is a busy man with a career and no doubt a personal life and he just can’t quit his job and stay with you as you do really need constant support to ensure you don’t get hurt.”

“I’d rather die than be here.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Maybe when River comes by tomorrow it’ll make you feel better about all of this. I’ll get Sylvie to help you to bed if you’re ready. Maybe you can watch some telly or I can get you a book from the library.”

“Just leave me alone!” He said much louder than he intended.

“Okay, have a goodnight and I’ll see you tomorrow,” Orla said with a sad smile and tiny wave.

Two steps forward and one step back she thought. Tomorrow was indeed another day and she’d make the most of it.

#jack lowden #river cartwright #slow horses #river cartwright x oc #slow horses fanfiction #david cartwright #slow horses season 4 #anna elizabeth writes

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aloneinthehellfire · 10 months ago

Text

Chapter One: A New Friend, A New Enemy

The Pariahs That Saved The World (Masterlist)

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: mentions of death, canon descriptions (vecna's curse)

[A/N: Thank you to everyone who seems really excited about this! I am going to try and post for this one weekly, just so I have enough time between uni and work to write new chapters :) This one is a little long, but I needed to set up Reader's character a little more so enjoy!]

The Introduction <-

A New Friend, A New Enemy

“Y/n!”

You slip off your headphones and greet your grandmother with a smile, laughing when she squeezed you tight. It had been almost 8 months since you watched her wave her hand of farewell in the rear view mirror. You had missed her the most, you think. Her warm hugs, her calming perfume, the way she cared for you.

“Come on, I’ve made us some lunch.” She hurries you inside and you laugh again.

“I need to grab the rest of my things, first.” You shake your head in amusement, escaping her clutches and darting back to the taxi, thanking the man for pulling out your luggage.

Just as you hitch your duffel bag over your shoulder, your eyes catch something familiar a few houses down. A worn out and beaten Chevrolet sat abandoned outside of its former resident’s house, a white piece of paper resembling a ticket you had seen when the mechanics would return your property if not claimed. You could just make out the ‘for sale’ sign driven into the mud, your heart wrenching. You had hoped your return would be free from unwanted memories. That obviously didn’t exist in Hawkins.

“So, tell me everything. How’s Stanford?” Gran rushes through with excitement just as your feet are barely inside the door. “Oh, we are so proud of you, honey. Our little star, a Stanford journalist!”

“Gran, you know it’s only my first year, I haven’t even managed to write anything let alone publish it.” You say, following her with your bags. She was leading you up to the guest room. Well, technically, it was your room. You had never really accepted that.

“Oh, did you notice the Hargroves house is for sale?” She whispers out like an unspeakable secret, and you dump your bags on the floor.

“Yeah, I saw.” You try to remain emotionless, rolling your shoulder until the usual ache faded. You were used to it now, the muscles flaring up every now and then.

“Apparently- now, you didn’t hear it from me…” She starts to lean in and you suppress a smile. Your grandmother, the gossiper. “Apparently, the husband just took off.”

“What?” You suddenly gain interest, frowning.

“Oh, yeah. The end of last summer.” She nods knowingly. “Must have been hard for them after their son died. It was a tragedy. And that poor girl… Andrea down the road told me she and the mother were forced to move into the trailer park down by Kerley. Not fit for a child, if you ask me.”

“They obviously couldn’t afford anywhere else.” You say, mostly to yourself, and Gran simply hums in agreement.

“Oh, which reminds me, Melanie, the one with the bird nest hair, she…”

She begins rambling once again about the neighbourhood, obviously pleased to have her granddaughter back so she can share the gossip. You listened intently, nodding when you needed to, offering your own remarks when prompted. You loved your Gran. The thought of her being alone in this house affected you more than you realise.

The real reason you were back wasn’t because you had missed Hawkins. In fact, you were set on your Spring Break exploring Stanford and all it had to offer. But about two months ago, your grandad was omitted to the hospital and a week later, he was no longer with you. Your Gran had shared how his health had been deteriorating for a while now, that they had expected it sooner or later. So, in the end, it wasn’t a surprise. It didn’t make it any less sad.

“Should I be expecting guests for dinner?” She asks and you blink, frowning.

“Guests?”

“Your friends.” She reiterates, already busying her hands by pulling out your already folded clothes from your suitcase and refolding them how she liked it. “I assume everyone will be anxious to see you. It’s been eight months, hasn’t it?”

“Uh…” You purse your lips, shrugging. “I don’t know, I thought it could just be the two of us tonight.”

Gran gently places down a sweater and eyes you suspiciously. “So, you’ll be seeing them tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” You give off the first vague answer in your head, fiddling with the sleeves of your jacket and sitting down on the plush bedding behind you.

“Hm.” She sounds, sliding shut the first drawer before she silently walks around the bed and sits beside you. “You won’t be seeing them, will you?”

It wasn’t a question. You lift your eyes to meet hers and sigh.

“We aren’t as close as we were before, Gran. It’s… complicated.” You decide and she takes your hand in hers.

“You’ve known them since you were just a little sprout.” She ruffles your hair and you cringe, laughing and batting her hand away. “I’m sure whatever happened can’t be so complicated that you can’t… I don’t know, catch up over coffee? Or whatever you kids are doing these days.”

“I wish it was like that.” You say, and you meant it. After a moment, she seems to understand that you didn’t want to continue this particular conversation and she stands, brushing her outfit back into simple perfection.

“Well, sandwiches, anyone?” She offers and you grin, nodding.

The day before you left for Stanford, you were contemplating whether or not it was the right choice. Gran was right, you have known them since you were a kid. But last summer changed all of that. You weren’t sure you could see their faces ever again.

So, rather than try and find them, you decided to spend the next day unpacking. You’d be here for a month so it made sense to have everything neat and tidy. It was just until the funeral, and then you’d be back at college and studying away any memory of Hawkins being your home. Because it wasn’t. Not anymore.

You can hear the distant ring of the phone echoing up the stairs, continuing to pull out your books. You might as well be caught up with your classes if you were going to spend all your time inside.

“Y/n!” Gran calls up and you push away from the desk to lean over the banister.

“Yeah?” You ask as she stares up at you, the phone in her left hand while the right covered the receiver.

“It’s your friend.” She says with a small smile and your face drops into a frown. “She says it’s urgent.”

“Uh…” You shake your head. Who would be calling you? “Yeah, I’ll be down in a sec.”

Gran nods and relays the information, setting the phone on the side table and disappearing back into the kitchen.

Your footsteps were wary as you descend the staircase, eyes set on the white object beside one of your grandmother’s vases. There was a hauntingly familiar rush of adrenaline coursing through your body, one you hadn’t felt in a long time. Once you reach the table, you shift your focus to the photo frame. It was small, a collected memory from a few years ago now. You were stood there smiling, the camera capturing you in pleasant surprise when a brunette girl behind you had jumped onto your back. It made your eyes sting, and you knew you had to make the decision to answer the call.

Hesitantly picking up the phone, you hold it to your ear and close your eyes.

“Hello?”

“Y/n?” Nancy’s voice blares through and your eyes snap back open.

Barrels of apologies and excuses spewed from her lips and you stand in silent shock, clutching the receiver a little too tight. She could only be calling for one reason. You had known it before you had even answered the phone.

Something was happening in Hawkins. Again. And if Nancy was calling for help, then she truly needed it.

And you’d never let her down.

“Have we met before?” You ask, studying the girl stood next to you.

The walls of the archive were surprisingly bright, shining an iridescent hue on her dark blonde locks. Her blue eyes were blinking back at you, pink lips stuck in a soft pucker of indecision. She was pretty. Really pretty. And at the same time she looked effortlessly cool, a jacket you wished you own. Something about her felt familiar to you, drawing you in.

Then a pang of guilt hits you and you force your concentration on waiting for her answer.

Robin felt weak. Who were you? It was taking everything in her to open her mouth and speak which, as literally everyone knew, was incredibly unlike her.

“I don’t think so.” Robin finally breathes out. There was softness in the way you spoke to her too, calming her nerves. Those strange waves of anxiety were being taken with the tide like you were her lighthouse in the stormy sea of her mind.

“Oh.” You scrunch your face with a smile. “Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

She was surprised to see you put out your hand but she willingly shakes it anyway, smiling back.

When you pull away, Robin seems a little more comfortable, coming closer to peer down at your old project folder, reading along with Nancy. You tried not to stare, busying your eyes with your own work in Nancy’s hands.

“Anything… juicy over there?” Robin asks Nancy and the girl throws her a tight lipped smile.

“Nothing new yet.” She responds and you notice the strain in her voice. She adopted it any time she was struggling to enjoy somebody’s presence.

“Victor seemed like a normal guy. Dead family, missing eyes, took a plea deal, sent to Pennhurst. Blah, blah, blah, blah.” Robin utters as she skims over the page below, slowly raising her head to look at Nancy. “What are we looking for exactly?”

Nancy doesn’t respond and continues flicking through the pages, making Robin’s eyes widen.

“Nance?” She tries again and you frown.

“She’s focused.” You offer, smiling. “She zones in so much that she zones out sometimes.”

“Right.” She nods slowly, still staring at her. “Um, so are we, uh… looking for any mentions of dark wizards or alternate dimensions? Things in that vein?”

You remember something and open your mouth to speak before Nancy interrupts with a huff.

“I don’t know, okay?” She sighs loudly, leaning against the desk and meeting Robin’s eyes. “It’s starting to seem like this was just a big waste of time. And you’re obviously bored so why don’t you just call Steve? I’m sure he’ll come pick you up. And I mean, I’m not really in danger here, so…”

With that, she walks away from the table and grabs another folder you had brought, furiously flipping through as she travels down a different staircase to the filing room. Your eyebrows raise.

“Woah.” You simply say, noticing Robin’s frown. “She’s, uh… hell, I don’t even know. Nance gets ultra focused when she thinks she has a lead on something and, well… she doesn’t like to get it wrong. Which is understandable.”

“So, she acts like this with other people?” She asks and you tighten your lips.

“Um…”

“Okay, that’s a no.” Robin groans, dragging her hands down her face. “I’m trying, I really am, I just struggle with whatever the hell bonding is meant to be, I mean me and Steve literally only bonded because we were both getting tortured and thought we would die. Which, no, not an ideal way to start a friendship but you know what, it’s better than whatever the hell this is.”

“You were at Starcourt?” You frown and she looks back at you, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up-”

“No, no, it’s okay.” She waves her hands, “I, um… no one really mentions it anymore. Unless it’s the news and they’re pretending like it was a-”

“Fire, yeah. I heard.” You say, staring at the stairs Nancy descended. “How did all of this start?”

“Excuse me?” She blinks and you turn your attention back to her.

“This… Vecna, was it? How did it start?” You repeat, shaking your head. “Nancy could only tell me so much over the phone so I’m a little behind.”

“A girl was found dead in the trailer park.” Robin relays, gulping. “Chrissy Cunningham? She’s a cheerleader. Was. They found her with all her bones snapped and her eyes were… gone. They think Eddie Munson did it-”

“Eddie?” You gasp, and Robin looks surprised. “No, Eddie wouldn’t do that-”

“We know. Trust me.” She says hurriedly, “He told us everything that happened. Apparently she was floating in the air and her bones were snapping- it’s a really gruesome story but the same thing, like, just happened to Fred and we need to figure out who this Vecna is before someone else gets hurt.��

“Okay.” You breathe and she raises her brow.

“Okay? I just unloaded a dump of hell onto you, and it’s okay?” She sounded intrigued and you shrug.

“The last few years have been… weird. To the point where weird sounds normal now.” You say, a soft frown on your features.

Robin wasn’t entirely sure where you fit into all of this. Sure, you had information they needed, you’ve been a part of their group for some time, you made sense. What she was struggling to understand is why you were here now. And why you weren’t here before.

“How’d you meet everyone?” You ask before she can. Any thought she had of questioning your arrival was cleverly misplaced. For the moment.

“I worked with Steve at Scoops Ahoy last year.” Robin nods and you frown.

“But I never…” You start before your eyes widen, mouth curling into a smile. “Oh my god, yes! I do remember you!”

“You do?” Robin tries to comb back through her memories.

“Yeah, Max dragged me there maybe… a week after it opened? She was telling me about Steve’s little sailor outfit and of course, I didn’t believe her, so she had to show me proof.” You giggle to yourself, meeting her eyes. “I remember you were taking a break outside, Max introduced us. Well, kind of. She never got to my name before Steve arrived with that stupid frown on his face.”

“I don’t remember that.” She frowns and you bite your lip, shoving your hands into your jacket pockets. “Sorry, I don’t mean that in like, a mean girl way. I mean, my memory is apparently broken because I’m very sure I would have remembered you. Not in a weird way, either, like- I just think you make an impression on people- a good one. Not a bad one.”

“It’s okay.” You laugh and she shakes her head enough to make her bangs sway in her embarrassment. “I looked a lot different then. And I was, like, super shy. I was probably hiding my face or something.”

“Hold on.” She blinks with a smirk. “You’re the girl? Like, the girl?”

“Am I meant to know what that means?” You squint your eyes.

Robin simply laughs to herself until she clocks your confusion. “No, I… Max did bring someone in for, like, one of our first ever shifts together. I remember because when they left, Steve looked like some kicked puppy and I couldn’t work with him and that stupid frown so I made him tell me what was bothering him. Apparently, the girl that left was the girl he couldn’t get in high school and it ‘haunts’ him. It’s so stupid.”

You go quiet and her eyes widen.

“Oh god.” She covers her mouth. “Did I talk too much again? God, I’m sorry- I literally can’t control my mouth.”

“No, you’re right.” You say, shaking your head. “Steve… he and I don’t really get along. Opposite ends of the high school popularity pool until I won this debate contest and suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but suddenly I was on Steve’s radar and, well, you know the rest.”

“You can do better.” She simply nods and you raise your eyebrow at her remark. “What? Oh, he’s amazing now. Like, a genuine gentleman kind of guy, but King Steve? Whew, that boy needed a leash or something.”

“You guys are pretty close, huh?” You ask and she smiles.

“Yeah, he’s my best…” She begins before her face drops. Oh.

“What?” You ask when she starts walking away.

“I know why!” She exclaims before turning her heel and marching down those steps to Nancy, finding her sorting through the filing cabinet.

If Nancy heard her, she didn’t acknowledge it. Robin felt so stupid. It had been a while since she’d been a part of ‘girl world’ or, more specifically, ‘girl-code world’. The thought of there being any tension hadn’t even crossed her mind before.

“You do know that Steve and I are, like, totally not a thing, right?” Robin asks breathlessly, leaning against the wooden banister.

“What?” Nancy frowns, shaking her head and turning to look over her shoulder.

“So I figure that you and Jonathan are still going strong ‘cause you guys are going to college together, and you’re like one of those unstoppable power couples, but I… I just… I wanted to make sure that you knew that Steve and I are just friends. Like, platonic with a capital P.”

Nancy’s response in underwhelming at best, a tight lipped smile and Robin almost groans in frustration. She can hear your sneakers steadily descend the stairs and she turns back.

“Just in case that’s adding any tension between us.” She expresses to Nancy and you frown at the interaction.

“It wasn’t.” Nancy replies and Robin sighs.

“Uh…” You start to say, both pairs of eyes immediately looking at you. “Sorry to, um, interrupt. I have stuff I need to do…”

“Right.” Nancy blinks apologetically, looking back at the folder in her hands. “I’m so sorry, I really thought I was going to find something. I… I didn’t want to drag you into this, really, it’s just-”

“Hawkins.” You finish her sentence, stepping off the final stair and leaning against the banister. “Yeah, I know.”

“Holy shit.” Robin gasps, suddenly grabbing the folder out of Nancy’s hands despite her silent protest. “Is that from The Weekly Watcher?”

She points to a specific part of one of the tabs and you move to peer over her shoulder, nodding.

“Don’t they write about, like, Bigfoot and UFOs?” Nancy scoffs, already dismissing the idea.

“First of all, UFOs are absolutely real. Bigfoot I’m still on the fence about.” She comments and you hum agreement. “But may I remind you we are looking for information on dark wizards? If someone’s gonna write about that, it’s gonna be these weirdos.”

“She’s not wrong.” You add and Nancy’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Yeah, there’s a whole article about Victor Creel. He claimed that a vengeful demon killed his family. Obviously I only added a reference for context, I never actually believed it. You know, before…”

You vaguely gesture the space around you and Robin flips the page over.

“According to several insiders, Victor believed his house was haunted by an ancient demon.” Robin read aloud, and you could feel the goosebumps prickle along your skin. “Victor allegedly hired a priest to exorcise the demon from his home- pretty novel for the 50s, Exorcistwasn’t even out yet.”

“Keep- keep going.” Nancy insisted and Robin frowns.

“That’s all that’s here.” She says and Nancy looks at you.

“He claimed that the exorcism failed.” You recall, staring at the cut out photo of the Creel Family. “He said it angered the demon. It murdered his family, removing their eyes.”

“Did it say why he wasn’t killed?” Robin questions.

“Victor believed he was spared as a punishment.” You say with a twist in your stomach. His whole family died. He was all alone.

“Yeah, that’s pretty convenient for Victor.” Nancy mumbles and Robin frowns.

“Yeah, or super inconvenient.” She challenges, her eyes looking at yours for support. You simply nod, feeling sick. “Victor was declared legally insane by the court, right? Well, what if this is why? I mean, it sounds pretty insane, it just didn’t go public because-”

“The plea bargain.” Nancy jumps in, and you can see her trying to slot all the pieces together, “The records were sealed.”

“What if a demon did invade Victor’s home.” Robin glances between you both. “It’s just, this demon wasn’t any old demon.”

“It was Vecna.” Nancy finishes, and you immediately start shaking your head.

“Okay, you guys got everything you need?” You quickly rush out, sorting the folder around so it would shut. “Actually, you know what, you guys can just keep that, I need to-”

“You’re leaving?” Nancy frowns, following you as you jog back up the stairs and to where you had dumped your bag before. Robin hurriedly grabbed your folder and followed suit.

“Yeah, I told you, I have stuff to do.” You mutter an excuse, slipping your bag over your shoulder.

“But what about-”

“No, Nance.” You suddenly say, much stricter than you intended it to be. You pause your steps, taking a deep breath to look her in the eye. “I hate that there’s something new terrorising Hawkins. And I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I am. But that’s your choice. I can’t do this again.”

Robin stood there, clutching your folder to her chest. Nancy was struggling with her words, and you didn’t look like you were going to stick around long enough to hear them.

“We need you.” Robin blurts and you look at her, frowning. “I’m sorry, but we do. You know more about this case than any of us, you dedicated, what, a whole month? Maybe more? To learn about the Creel House, about the murders. You have information we can’t possible find because Hawkins doesn’t like to keep around its records of murder, and- and Nancy said you were great at this detective stuff which basically means you know what we need to do next.”

Rather than respond, you start weighing your options. The best decision you ever made was leaving all of this behind. Stanford had everything you wanted; hope. Anytime you decided to help them, it was always your life you were risking. That they were risking. Why would this time be any different?

“I really hope you win this.” You finally say, offering half a smile before you push through those doors and don’t look back, disappearing into the darkening shadows outside.

“Damn it.” Nancy curses, resting a hand on her hip and the other on a table.

“What happened between you guys?” Robin asks into the silence and Nancy looks up.

“What do you-”

“I don’t want a vague answer.” She says, still clutching onto the folder pressed against her chest. “She looked terrified. Which, yeah, it makes a lot of sense under normal circumstances. But this was more like PTSD kind of terrified. What the hell happened last year that no one’s telling me?”

The silence left Robin in the dark, Nancy’s features pouring over in restrained emotion.

By the time you had dug out your keys with trembling hands, you could feel the prickling of tears threaten to spill at any moment. They had no right to ask that of you. Especially not Nancy. She was there last year, she knows why you left. And yet again, none of them were listening to you.

You sat in your grandad’s old armchair for about an hour, a book resting on your lap but it remained untouched. It would just be another distraction, another reason to pretend like nothing was wrong. To stop yourself from remembering, feeling.

It’s why you went to Stanford, really. You didn’t care about journalism like you used to. But the work load was almost unbearable, which meant that every waking moment would need to be dedicated to studying. If you didn’t occupy your mind, you’d have to relive last year.

“Hi, sweetie.” Gran says as she enters the room, a shopping bag in one hand. You hadn’t even heard her key in the door. “Did you see your friends?”

“Yeah.” You clear your throat, setting aside the book and leaning forward.

“What did you kids get up to?” She asks before quickly disappearing into the kitchen to set down her groceries. When she returns, you have your head in your hands.

You can feel her fingers gently pry away your hands as she takes the chair opposite you, smiling like she already knew what was going through your head. Looking at her, the way her eyes were glazing over, you felt so selfish. You had left to escape everything that happened last year, and you had left her for months to deal with it all alone. Here you were, wallowing in self pity because your friends hadn’t been there for you when you needed them, and it turns out you’re doing the exact same thing to her.

“I’m so sorry.” You say, wiping away the tear that trickles down your cheek. “I should have stayed with you and Grandad.”

“What?” She frowns lightly, shaking her head. “Darling, no. All we ever wanted for you was to get out into the world, find something that made you happy.”

“But I’m not happy.” You express, catching a sob that threatened to escape. “I just wanted to get away, get out of Hawkins. I wasn’t even thinking about it, I- I just couldn’t…”

Her hand suddenly finds your own, squeezing it tight.

“It’s okay.” She says and you lift your head up. She continued smiling, but it was much sadder now. “No one can expect you to move on from what happened last year as quick as that.”

“And what if I never move on?”

“It’s not about moving on.” She smiles. “It’s about acceptance. It’s about holding onto the memory because you cherish it, not because you are haunted by it.”

The clock in the distance could be heard counting the seconds as you sit there in silence. She was right, as per usual. You weren’t letting yourself feel. You should be embracing the fact that you still had her. Even with all Hawkins has been through, you still had her.

Your heart pangs with panic. She was still here.

“I should be getting to bed-”

“Come with me.” You offer suddenly and she raises her eyebrows.

“To Stanford?” She says as if it were absurd.

“I’m serious. Let’s move away, start fresh. We’ll find somewhere new, Gran. Please.” You beg and she offers a smile, capturing your hand by placing another on top.

“Hawkins is my home. It always has been. I was born here, I met the love of my life here. I watched my little one grow up and, when he had little ones of their own, I watched them grow up too. This is where my family is. I… I can’t leave.”

“No, don’t worry, I’ll get it.” You say, smiling. “You should get some rest.”

Your heart wrenches. If only she knew what you did. About what really happens in Hawkins, what lurks there in the dark. She can’t stay here, not when you know it isn’t safe. Not when she’s all you have left.

Three knocks echo out from the front door, and Gran shifts in her seat, quickly glancing at the clock. Who would be here at this hour?

“Thank you.” She stands with you, squeezing your hand as she dropped it. “Try and get some rest.”

You wait until she’s heading up the stairs and out of earshot before you rush to the door, gently brushing aside the small curtain and frowning at the silhouette. It wasn’t who you had expected.

The door is open barely four inches before she starts talking at you, ring-donned hands clasped together.

“Look, I know we’ve literally just met. And I probably- no, I definitely don’t have the right to ask you to stay with us, but we’re basically alone right now. Half of us are in California, we don’t have any connections in the sheriff’s department anymore. Everyone who would know what to do is gone, and you’re kinda the only person left who can help us. I get so much happened to you last year and I- I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but if there’s even a tiny part of you that wants to do this, then please listen to it. Please.”

Robin didn’t know what she was expecting when she left the school. Her feet had taken her further than her mind was planning, but she knew she had to find you. Max was in trouble, and they were all way in over their heads to not have help. Nancy refused to bother you any further, and she understood, she really did, but this wasn’t a normal circumstance. This was bigger than all of them, bigger than everyone.

“Robin?” You say, brows scrunched together in surprise. She thins her lips.

“Sorry to just blurt that all out, but I didn’t know if you were just gonna slam the door on me- or maybe I’d forget what I wanted to say.” She explained, feeling the embarrassment creeping up her cheeks. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing to you. “Max is in trouble.”

“What?” You sobered at the thought, leaning closer to her. Then, in a moment of split decision, you glance back up the stairs before stepping outside and closing the door behind you. “What happened?”

“We found a connection between all the victims.” Robin tries to explain, and you noticed how expressive she was with her hands. “Basically, Max has the same symptoms as the rest of them, and she’s, like, 100% sure she’s next of Vecna’s kill list.”

“Is she okay?” You ask, and Robin can see the desperation behind your eyes.

“Yeah. Shaken up, but she’s fine. For now.” She clears her throat, a pleading look as she stares at you. “We need to find Vecna as fast as we possibly can before he can get to her. I… I know about what happened last year. About your dad.”

You seem taken aback by her knowledge, eyes darting down to your shoes.

“I don’t blame you for wanting to leave all of this behind.” She sympathises, and she let herself be much calmer than she felt. “But I’m asking you if you’ll help us.”

Your heart was aching as you wipe your sweaty palms against your jeans, barely even feeling the cold rush of wind hitting your bare arms. You had meant what you said earlier; you couldn’t do this again. It took everything in you to move out of Hawkins, go to college and live a life the person you loved the most couldn’t do anymore.

But you were currently stood in front of a door. And behind that door, was the last person you had left, and she wasn’t planning on leaving her home any time soon. As it turned out, fleeing wasn’t an option for everyone else.

“I’ll do it.”

Robin blinks, studying you for any ounce of uncertainty. You looked deadly serious.

Maybe, just maybe, with you by their side, they were taking down Vecna after all.

taglist: @kryztalglear @officerrrfriendly @a-simpfortessa-lesbriean @spacedoutdaydreamer @em16cor @endurexxsurvive

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#stranger things x reader #stranger things #fanfic #nancy wheeler #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley x reader #robin x reader #robin buckley #sapphic #sapphic fic #st4 fanfic #st4

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