#healingnotredemption

[natureboy96]

I hope Tamlin will be able to forgive himself.

I know a large portion of the ACOTAR fandom won’t ever forgive him, and that’s their prerogative. I don’t know if Rhysand would forgive him either, but he’s honestly besides the point.

A lot of people relate to Feyre for her journey of finding her voice and her own strength, and I hope it was something good in their lives. For me, though, I spent a lot of time when I was younger punishing myself for mistakes I made. Some of them harmed others, some were more the actions of others I blamed myself for. Some were caused by my own mind; I didn’t know I had ADHD until I was an adult, and I took on a lot of self hatred because of my perceived faults, being lazy and unable to do something even though I knew others were counting on me.

I’ve also been proud, too proud to admit sometimes when I made a mistake. I lost a good friend because I was embarrassed and too proud to apologize for what I did, and I felt guilty for it for a long time.

It took me a long time to realize I needed to give myself some grace and forgiveness. I can’t change the mistakes I’ve made, but I can try and learn from them, grow into a better, more forgiving person, for my faults and others. To realize not everything is my own fault, even for my own actions. I made my own mistakes, especially when it came to meeting deadlines, and I accept them, along with the knowledge that my brain literally wasn’t doing me any favors either.

I don’t want Tamlin to ask for forgiveness from Feyre Rhys, at least not to start with. As someone who’s beaten themselves to tears over the mistakes I’ve made, I want Tamlin to be able to look at his own mistakes, understand why he made them (the circumstances and things he was dealing with that were out of his control), accept them and give himself some grace and forgiveness.

Any forgiveness that has to come from Rhys of Feyre wouldn’t be complete without it, and putting your own self worth/image in the hands of another person isn’t fair to yourself either. Perhaps those bridges are burned already. Tamlin’s already done a lot to make up for what he’s done, and it might never be enough. I want Tamlin to be able to live without their forgiveness and find meaning and joy on his own again. Everyone deserves the chance to find meaning in their lives, even people who have done terrible things. Sometimes making up for the wrongs you’ve done don’t involve others’ forgiveness.

(Had a bit of a bad night, some stuff brought up some stuff I’d accepted years ago. I reminded me though of why Tamlin is a character I do relate to; I’m not a centuries old fae dealing with trauma or ruling a land, but I still realized his story spoke to me on some level. Hopefully this wasn’t too rambling)

[natureboy96]

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A post shared by LilyTea 🌿 (@lilytea_art)

This was far too lovely a video to find on Instagram and Twitter not to share - though it is interesting to see the audience reaction from the two sites. You should check out Lilytea’s art and comics on Instagram though! Her short between Nesta and Cassian was adorable too :3