#he's the worst & driest texter /

[i-cant-sing]

You know it’s kinda a good thing Baldwin and Salauddin didn’t live in the modern day with Tim traveler reader. cause can you imagine those two with cell phones?

Baldwin would be non stop texting. Every minute with new things to say to her. And it’s never paragraphs. No he’s texting single sentences at her.

Salauddin would be the worst to text. Like reader texts him a long paragraph about her feelings and he just comes back with “k.” And if she sends him pictures or anything he takes half the day to respond and even then it’s a dry one word answer.

ACCURATE😭😭😭😭

Cause imagine being in class or at work and your phone's just buzzing nonstop with Baldwin's texts, and you'd think it's because he has an emergency or in danger or something, but it's just him messaging you that he saw two pigeons today and they were cannodling and it reminded him of you, but then he got too jealous of the birds so he threw bread at them to scare them away. And there's a picture of him with the birds cuddling with the the text "aww! Miss u babe!🩷🩷" And then its followed by a video of him throwing bread canon balls at them with him laughing manically in the background and he texts "hurry up and get home before I destroy more animal couples🥰"

And then there's Salauddin and he's the driest texter ever. My brother could not for the life of him, keep the convo going and you could just be telling him the JUICIEST GOSSIP and he'd respond "Ok." And you would think that he just doesn't care about you enough to read your messages but in reality, you could actually quiz him and he'd tell you every detail to the T! He reads into your body language, the way you text, your tone, he studies you obsessively which is why he doesn't need to respond the way normal people do, lest you try to read between the lines and decide you don't like him. He just doesn't wanna give himself away. It's not that he's not good with words, in fact, he's an excellent poet! Salauddin would write the most loving poems for his beloved, but that's something he's saving for a special occasion, like... a wedding anniversary.

I also think that with phones and the technology, Baldwin for sure would keep tabs on you at all times! He's good at hacking, excellent at cyber security and breaching it. Besides, it's just sooo easy to get into your accounts, be just needs to make sure no creep is taking advantage of you.

As for Salauddin, while yes, he could have someone hack into your phone, he prefers to keep you safe by actually having professional bodyguards/assassins that are excellent at hiding in the shadows and being invisible to keep you safe from all the creeps when he's not around to punch them. Even when he takes you out on dates, that fancy restaurant is actually a safehouse of sorts. All the other customers there are hired professionals and their main job is to detect anyone who could target you or him. He has snipers on nearby buildings, ready to take care of anyone who tries to enter the closed off street to the restaurant with suspicious intent.

[captainuranium543]

How I think various fairy tail characters would text - part 1

Lucy

- She never had anyone to text growing up (sorry) so when she first starts she treats it like writing letters

Dear natsu dragneel,

"😂"

Sincerely, Lucy heartfilia.

- she uses lots of emojis

- 😂☺️✨⭐❤️😍🤭🤗<-her favorites

- she gets the hang of it pretty quick but still uses perfect grammar regardless of situation which can throw people off sometimes

Levy: "good morning"

Lucy: "Good morning Levy."

Levy: "are you upset?"

Lucy "No."

Natsu

- he doesn't text much but when he does he puts everything in one massive paragraph with no punctuation at all and filled with typos so it's nearly impossible to read

- He also likes emojis but uses random ones that have nothing to do with anything most of the time because he just thinks they look cool

-"good morning!👹🔥💥🐱����🐉🐉🐉"

- basically what I'm saying here is this guy is impossible to talk to

- also it's even worse because he downloaded a bunch of the worst most unreadable fonts because for some ungodly reason he thinks they're easier to read then 12px arial black

Erza

- Driest of the dry texters, half the time will just reply with one word answers.

- When she does give longer texts they are filled with spelling mistakes, but not typos from writing too fast, oh no.

- she just genuinely can't spell and thinks autocorrect would be a sign of weakness.

- she fucking loves emojis, she uses them very literally

- "bad news guys makarov died💀😭"

- she treats them like tone indicators and genuinely thinks they are so helpful since irl nobody can ever read her tone but it backfires sometimes and looks threatening as fuck

"natsu I'm going to kill you😀😀😀"<- smile meant to indicate joking tone

Gray

- bro hates emojis, cant give a reason why he just doesn't like them

- only ever uses emotocons and only the most boring lame ones

- types normally, like incredibly normally, no emojis or insane spelling errors, barely any typos at all actually, it's creepy

- he's also the only one that can semi interpret what everyone else is saying

- references memes a lot

- he's low-key chronically online

[wander-lustrous]

nordics as bfs.

denmark // mathias køhler.

- He seems outgoing and confident in himself, even a bit airheaded, but the front crumbles a bit with his partner. His partner knows it all—his insecurities about being a leader, his worry about his brothers growing apart, etc. They’re the only person to see him at his worst.

- He’s quite good at reading social situations, so if you’re more introverted or shy (cough like Lukas cough), he’s good at navigating that. Or at least playing stupid enough to ease you out of your shell.

- He would definitely get one of those custom made bootleg T-shirts of you—featuring both some of your most fire selfies and other just plain unflattering cropped photos of you. And he’d wear that shirt unironically all the time.💀

- He does not use punctuation when texting. Or grammar. It’s even worse when he switches to drunkenly texting you in Danish. Or sending voice memos where your already very tenuous grasp on his language is tested when he’s slurring every vowel.

- He’s fairly serious as a partner. He doesn’t settle down easily but when he does, he’s in it for the long haul.

- He’s actually kind of anti-traditional romance. Part of him thinks it’s all unnecessary, really. He greets you with fist bumps and a quick one-arm hug instead of kisses. He’s not big on PDA. He doesn’t think Valentine’s Day should be such a big deal. In his view, you’re his best friend and the person who he’s given his heart to, and he should be reminding you of that every day, not just on silly, frivolous holidays.

norway // lukas bondevik.

- Once he gets comfortable with you, he is so snarky. He’s witty but in the driest way. He likes to show his affection for you through light bullying teasing.

- He is definitely someone who wants his own space. He values independence in a relationship. That being said, if he has to choose between being coddled or doing the coddling… he’d choose the latter. He doesn’t like being treated as if he’s incapable of making his own meals, or washing his own clothes.

- Don’t speak to him in the mornings until he’s had his morning coffee. Don’t even try. The most convo you’ll get out of uncaffeinated him is a few grunts, one-word answers, and dead stares.

- He’s kind of… not the best at conflict resolution. Like truly awful at it. If he thinks he’s not in the wrong, even if you’re still upset about it, he’ll carry on like nothing happened. You’ll be seething in your room and he texts you something utterly normal like, “I’m at the store. Are we out of butter?” and you’re like “??? Hello?? I’m still pissed with you.” It’s his way of trying to break the ice.

- As a texter, he’s pretty dry. He tends to use perfect grammar and punctuation. He’s not a fan of emojis until he notices you using one or two often, and then he’s using them to tease you by inserting them in the most random contexts. He will though text you things sometimes like “This reminded me of you. 🔥” And it’s a picture of an actual troll. 💀💀

- He flirts through book discussions, heated glances that cool before you can take notice, stray physical brushes that seem accidental. When he likes someone, he wants to pick apart their brain, know what makes them tick. He finds passion very attractive, and likes to find ways to rile you up.

sweden // berwald oxenstierna.

- The silent but strong type. He doesn’t mind if you’re chattier—he hopes you are, honestly. He gets nervous thinking about having to carry the convo. He also worries that you’ll find him boring once you realize how quiet he is.

- He remembers everything about you. If you offhandedly mention wanting a certain item, it’s there at your next birthday/holiday. You have to be careful what you mention around him. Somehow you’ll end up with three desks from IKEA, all perfectly assembled, already in your apartment, and ready to be used.

- He does give nice bear hugs. Dad hugs, even. Berwald is secretly touch-starved, so when you initiate a hug, he sets his mind on not letting go first. Which means that sometimes your hugs are awkwardly long, and you’ll have to learn to tell him when you want him to let go. He enjoys it though—he enjoys every minute he gets to spend with you.

- He has you as his screensaver on his phone. That way, whenever some asks, he can offhandedly mention that you’re his wife/husband, and leave them dumbstruck as he heads to the store to buy your favorite pastries.

- He is literally the best person to go camping with. He’s capable and strong. He sets up the tents without being told to, he sets up the fire to cook you dinner, and lets you huddle against him for warmth, his big arm holding you to him as you’re lulled to sleep. You just know this man would fight a bear for you. 🫶🏽

- He has this awful habit of not placing much importance on labels and what’s considered an appropriate label. When he first meets your family/friends, he introduces himself as your husband, and that leads to a flurry of questions and slack jaws. You’ll have to hurriedly explain that (1) no, you’re not married to someone you’ve only been dating for a week and (2) he doesn’t mean it like that!! Berwald in his defense will just shrug and say “Why does it matter if I’m going to marry you some day anyways?” This man wouldn’t know casual if it hit him over the head.

finland // tino väinämöinen.

- You know he gets messy af when he’s drunk. It’s kind of cute, really. He says and does things he’d otherwise be too embarrassed to. Like introducing you to every person at the bar with a loud, “This is the loooove of my life!”

- He’s used to being the mother hen of his group, so when he’s alone with you, he likes to whine and be taken cared of for once. Of course, he feels bad for complaining because he tries his best to stay positive, but you reassure them that it’s okay to be frustrated or upset sometimes, and it’s not good to bottle it in!

- He loves simple domesticity. Cooking together, wearing ugly sweaters together, raising plants together, smearing whipped cream on each other’s noses and giggling about it. Put this man in a Hallmark movie already.

- He gets a bit self-conscious at times about his body. You think it’s perfect for hugs and for cuddling.

- After a fight, Tino thinks it’s wise to hit the sauna. There’s something very open and vulnerable about sitting bare before each other in an enclosed, humid space. Sweating out the tensions from the day before, the heat relaxing your muscles. He finds it very cathartic, and you take a liking to it too.

- This man loves gossip. Tino is a fairly sociable person, and gets along with almost everyone, but he can’t help but perk an ear up when he hears you complaining about someone at work. He keeps up with all your work drama and asks about certain key figures in your stories so that when he inevitably gets dragged to one of your work events, he can smile and pretend he doesn’t know a thing about their lives (even though he knows all the juicy details).

- He definitely keeps a scrapbook of the two of you. He decides to compile one once he knows the relationship is fairly serious, maybe 6 months in. He likes to update it during any milestone or anniversary, and especially likes looking back on it for fond memories. He definitely keeps a few cute candids of you that you have no idea exist.

iceland // emil steilsson.

- He vague posts about you on his private stories or blog, if he has one. A song he listened to with you, a flower he saw that you thought was pretty, a rock that you picked up during your last hangout, etc. He struggles to make the first move, so he hopes you’ll take the hint (the hint is not at all obvious so of course you don’t!) It's even more impossible when he realizes he never added you to his close friends list, or you're not even following his blog.

- His palms get sweaty easily so he gets nervous about hand-holding. What if you find him gross? What if his hand gets so sweaty that your hand slips right through his grip? How embarrassing would that be?! He overthinks things.

- He’s in his head a lot and tends to snap if people prod too much, so he appreciates your gentle coaxing into his mind. You don’t pressure him to open up, and he’s grateful for that. It makes him more likely to trust you with his private feelings.

- The king of not responding to your texts with actual words but instead by sending memes. He can’t help that every funny meme he sees he wants to share with you. He will usually do his best to contribute to the convo after he’s sent you three memes in a row, but that usually ends up being a one-word “lol” or “damn.” He’s so Gen-Z coded.

- You know those ugly sweaters he likes wearing? He knits them himself. Once you start dating, he knits you a sweater and gifts it to you for a holiday. You have no idea it’s handmade until you stop by his place and see all the yarn and needles scattered across his table. Very cute.

- He likes to pretend to be asleep to see what you’ll do. Especially when the two of you wake up in the mornings. Part of him just wants to savor in the lazy morning kisses you pepper across his face. Part of him also just thinks if he lets on he’s awake, he’ll be stuttering and blushing at how cute you are and fretting over the attention. He thinks it’s much easier to enjoy these sappier moments with you when his eyes are closed and when you don’t have to worry about making him nervous.

[bbagelbitch]

Assorted Nekoma headcanons: (just for funzies)

(they've been sitting in my archives for YEARS)

First years:

Lev actually managed to get a girlfriend at one point about halfway through first year, she asked him out because she thought he was cute, broke up with him a week and a half later after realizing he’s a dumbass and a bit of a weirdo

Shibuyama is one of those people who you’d think he’s just listening to Taylor swift or something but he unplugs his earbuds and its like- little darkie or some screamo heavy metal LMAO

Shibuyama has a helicopter mom which feeds his anxiety to the point that he carries pepper spray with him sometimes

Tamahiko has a pet tarantula

Inuoka is the kind of person who’d wear shorts when its snowing out

Inuoka and lev will both unironically do Fortnite dances during practice

Shibayama totally has a bunch of allergies and is a picky eater

Inuoka and lev are basically just human garbage disposals (will eat ANYTHING)

Lev can’t swim

Biblically accurate lev Haiba (gets the worlds WORST sunburns every time he goes outside)

Lev has low blood pressure and will randomly faint when standing up too fast (Kenma has the same problem but refuses to admit it)

Inuoka is one of those people who types in all caps the majority of the time. Every literature and language teacher he’s ever had has told him off for using way too many exclamation points. (He can’t help it he’s just a happy little dude)

Lev texts constant updates about what he’s doing t the team group chat to the point where he’s been kicked off of it more times than he can count. (Usually for talking about taking a shit) (see Charles Boyle from B-99 for reference)

Second years:

Fukunaga and Kenma rarely have actual text conversations but they’re constantly sending memes back and forth to each other

Tora actually has fairly curly hair and it was a borderline afro when he was in elementary school (he’s part latino in my mind argue with the wall)

Kenma listens to almost exclusively video game soundtracks (skyward sword is his favourite)

Tora totally listens to girypop rap (he is 100% a Flo milli Stan sorry)

Tora has asked kai for advice on how to talk to girls SEVERAL times and the information that you should just talk to them like they’re normal people blows his mind every time (how does kai do it? Is he a witch? A demon?

Fukunaga owns at least 3 cats and they all have weird names (inspired by my friend who’s cat’s name is Fax Machine)

Kenma is the world’s driest texter (canon actually)

Also fukunaga uses :3 constantly

Fukunaga and kenma constantly bully Tora about his obsession with looksmaxing and say shit like “he can’t talk he’s too busy mewing” LMFAO (you either drip or you drown taketora)

Tora knows how to braid hair cause he’d help akane with her hair when they were younger

All of the second years used to bite people when they were kids

Third years:

The third years have done group costumes for halloween since their first year

Kai is basically the team’s dedicated tutor (Kuroo is too snarky and yaku is too impatient)

Kuroo listens to western (English) music cause he thinks it makes him seem cool and he developed a superiority complex about it. “Oh you haven’t heard of Radiohead?”

Also kuroo and yaks have pretty similar music taste (a lot of modern rock) but the key difference is Kuroo likes arctic monkeys and yaku likes the strokes (they argue about which band is better constantly (yaku is right, its the strokes))(cause they always have to be arguing about something smh)

Kai also totally has a longtime girlfriend in high school bro is possibly the only person on the team who’s done ANYTHING with a girl (probably one of the only people on the whole damn SHOW)

Kai defo knows martial arts I would not want to face him in a fight

Kuroo still uses emoticons instead of emojis :3 ;D and whenever he does, yaku makes fun of him and tells him to “get with the times”

Yaku 100% repeats what Kuroo says in a mocking tone whenever the opportunity arises

Kai is the type of person to say “personality” when asked if he prefers tits or ass

Miscellaneous:

Nekoma is the most neurodivergent team in the whole show bruh like come on 

(autistic: Lev, Kenma, fukunaga.)(kenma totally also has ARFID)

(ADHD: Inuoka, Yamamoto, (both textbook cases of ADHD in guys) Kuroo, fukunaga) (Fukunaga my AuDHD king)

(OCD: Tamahiko, shibuyama (I just get vibes ok leave me alone) 

(Yaku isn’t neurodivergent he just has anger issues lmao) 

Kai is the only sane one on the entire team

Kuroo is also 100% one of those kids who got diagnosed with adhd really young so he appears mostly normal thanks to being medicated from the age of like- 6

Every single person on the team is oblivious as to when someone is flirting with them (kai is the exception)(girls pull out the wow your hands are so big and you’re so tall all the time and NOBODY reads into it)

Kai exclusively smells like a mix of vanilla and sandalwood and on the other side of that spectrum, Yamamoto reeks of axe body spray and b.o. No matter how many times Kenma tells him that axe actually drives girls away, Tora never listens.

Akane becomes manager of the boys volleyball team once she reaches high school (the first years will be third years by then)

The team all protective as HELL over akane (canon tbh)

[yuzuwakano]

im almost done with the kurona x kiyora one im currently working on (though it wont be out til valentines day) but i wanted a headstart on what i should work on next cause im indecisive hahah here are the blurbs for them ->

niko x rin

I (m15) have a crush on a boy in my class (m16) but i get too nervous to talk to him in person and hes probably the driest texter i've ever seen, how do i get to know him?

kiyora x rin

Kiyora Jins kink is karma and thankfully for Rin it seems karma has finally set her sights on their teams top player.

OR... Isagi Yoichi has the worst week of his life while Itoshi Rin has the best.

[steeltempered]

>  i saw my reflection in the window and thought there was someone outside and screamed

/ to midnight from meredy !

🗡 @sensoriella

Meredy

[ 7:14 PM ]: I dunno what to tell you other than don’t feel too embarrassed, and... Should I be concerned that you didn’t recognize your own face? What was it, did you have a face-mask on?

[ 7:15 PM ]: Happens a lot around here, though. For some reason, I thought that the stories about the campus were exaggerated.

[ 7:17 PM ]: It’s weird, I’ve seen ghosts all my life. These ones still get to me sometimes. Thought I was mostly indifferent to them.

[mrskurono]

desperate needy akutagawa clinging to his s/o immediately when they come home after a long time being away, immediately on them when they open the door to the apartment and drowning them in kisses and whimpering because he NEEDS them. his s/o likes to tease him and let him humiliate himself a little (who wouldnt want to see him all worked up and begging) and lets him get off by grinding on their thigh and letting out little moans and cries until he cums all over and makes a mess of himself :(

depending on how hes feeling afterwards his s/o will either shower him in kisses and cuddles in the bath or they’ll fuck him so hard he cries and sees stars <3 such a good boy

a/n: we all need a lil Akutagawa that's desperate for attention ♡ tags: fem!Reader, mentions of: sexting, dry humping, tearful!Akutagawa ♡ and vaginal sex, mommy kink

Business should never take you out of the city. That is if Akutagawa had it exactly the way he wants it. But that's not how life works.

You're away and he's the driest texter on earth. It isn't until you get him worked up does something come of it. And that something is the worst excuse of a nude you've ever seen. But it's ok bc seconds after getting a picture of his bulge in his slacks. Akutagawa's name always lights up on your phone. Desperate to hear you, he can't even let you respond before needing to hear mommy.

Business trips that take you out of the city mean your poor baby is sniffling on the other end, quiet as you tell him how to play with himself. How to palm himself through his pants. Jerk himself off and those desperate whimpers on the other end. Coming through breathless moans as Akutagawa sobs that this just isn't the same.

You're through the doorway in no time and all of Akutagawa is on you. Pawing for your attention. Red in the cheeks, worked up and such a pissy baby. But he's missed you so much that he can't muster being a brat when mommy feels so good.

So good that it's without a doubt he'll end up cumming in his pants. Poor thing. Hugging mommy from behind while you unpack and he can't keep his bulge away from rubbing against your. Just quietly humming to yourself as you put your things away and Akutagawa is behind you moaning and whimpering. He's a mutt but he's your mutt. And you can't leave him dirty like this.

Leading to the post business trip bath you both share every time you leave town. He's a little fifthly and needs help cleaning all that cum off him. Always leading to you cockwarming your poor thing in the hot bath water. Bc letting Akutagawa stuff his cock in you after all this time is the only way you'll get this man to sit in a bath with you ♡

[vrvzi]

★ PROFILES O2 : jake and friends !

JAKEYBOY ( jake sim ) first year at belift university, it boy tbh, perfect grades and good at sports. y/n’s ex boyfriend :/is the worst at keeping secrets, he’s a bad liar so you immediately know when he’s not being honest. layla’s dad :D

LHEESEUNG ( lee heeseung ) second year at belift university, almost completely failed his first year so now he’s working his ass off to redeem himself. used to be #besties with ryujin, would gossip about girls tgt :( he never pays for his own lunch

JONGSEONGIE ( park jongseong ) first year at belift university, pretty much a rich frat boy. the driest texter ever i think, has his moments though so it’s okay. fashion icon of the school, ppl genuinely ask him for fashion advice

ICEPRINCEHOONIE ( park sunghoon ) first year at belift university, a part-time professional figure skater <3 is always busy at practice so he never gets to join in on group hangouts with the other boys :( it’s very rare he gets to chill out #justiceforhoon <//3

DDEONU_ ( kim sunoo ) first year at belift university, mint choco defender and/or its number one fan. a massive fan of gossip, if something goes down he’ll probably know about it within in an hour or so. teases his friends endlessly but it’s all out of love

JUNG1IE ( yang jungwon ) high school senior at hybe high, the perfect student !! exceptional grades and an extreme steak of straight a’s. good friends with wonyoung, though they do hate each other sometimes. normally keeps to himself and stays out of drama

6FEETALL ( nishimura riki ) high school junior at hybe high, one of the most popular kids there LMAO everyone knows who he is. wreaks havoc within this friend group, i’m telling you - they constantly need to keep him in check. he’s six feet tall !! :D

PREVIOUS ; NAVIGATION ; NEXT

female reader + jake sim !

featuring : enhypen members, aespa’s ningning, itzy’s ryujin, ive’s wonyoung

your breakup with jake sim prior to the end of your senior year in high school was mutual — the deleting of each other’s numbers, the loss of contact, everything. you both knew you wouldn’t do good as friends, and with the transition into university being near, things were — luckily — going smoothly, just as you’d both hoped. but when you run into him on campus after so many months of not talking to each other, will things stay the same?

— vrvzi, all rights reserved, do not translate / copy.

TAGLIST (OPEN)

@enhacolor @d1orjay @bakkumi @milkdoie @msxflower @angelcritterz @babygay-stay @woniecore @renjunvrse @yeonfarie @moonchildaera [ @peppermintjake @cloudyjaeyun ]