#he's still helping out around the shack while everyone gets used to soos in charge dont worry about it!!!!

[nenoname]

made a rough edit of the mystery shack family with their post series (but pre stan o war 2) looks!!!

[orangeoctopi7]

A Time for Every Purpose

: Part 1 : Part 2 :

Mabel stormed up the stairs, tears streaming down her face. It seemed like every time she tried to take her mind off her troubles, every time she tried to cheer up, something came along and made things more complicated. Had it really only been two days ago that she’d been excited about turning 13 and planning their birthday party? Now she had much bigger concerns, like Bill threatening her family, and Ford extending the apprenticeship offer to Dipper and her.

What with the tears in her eyes and the thoughts swirling around in her head, Mabel didn’t see her brother coming, and collided with him as she scurried up the stairs.

“Oh, Mabel, have you seen Great Uncle Ford this morning? I need to ask him…” Dipper trailed off when he realized his sister was trying to hold back tears. “What’s wrong? Did Bill come back? Is someone hurt!?”

Mabel shook her head, wiping her face on the sleeve of her pajama shirt she still hadn’t changed out of.

“I did see Grunkle Ford this morning. He told me I could stay in Gravity Falls too, if I wanted.”

Dipper’s face lit up. Sure, he’d have to completely redo his pros and cons list now, but this took care of the biggest negative on it! “That’s great!” But then he remembered she’d come up here in tears. “...isn’t it?”

“No!” Mabel cried, trying not to break down again. “Now I have to choose between staying here with you in Gravity Falls or going home to mom and dad!”

“Well, now you know how I feel.” Dipper pointed out. “Isn’t this what you wanted, though? This way you don’t have to leave Gravity Falls behind. You get more time with your friends, a little more summer.”

“Maybe. I dunno.” Mabel sighed and sat down on the steps, very close to pulling herself back into sweater town. “That was mostly just wistful thinking because I was afraid that everything was gonna change. I didn’t think it would actually become reality!”

“Hey, I get it. This is a really big, scary decision.” Dipper sat down beside her. “But you don’t have to make it alone. I can help you make a Pros and Cons list if you want.”

Mabel turned to look at her brother. “Dipper, I know last night you said we had to talk about this when we were calm and not super emotional, but I don’t know if I’m ever gonna not be super emotional about this whole mess!”

“Well, maybe making a list will help.”

The colorful girl scrunched up her face. List making was more her brother’s thing, but maybe it would help for her to get on his level for a bit.

“Ok. As long as I get to use glitter gel pens to write it.”

* * *

Stanford stood in the empty kitchen, the phone in his hand blaring a dull dial tone now that Debbs had hung up. It slipped out of his hand and bounced against the counter door on its curly cord. The old inventor was reeling. What had just happened? True, he probably should have anticipated at least a little apprehension from the kids’ mother, but surely, after explaining the advantages and benefits of his apprenticeship, any parent would have been happy to give their children the opportunity to learn at the feet of an accomplished scientist? And not just any scientist, but a family member who loved and cared dearly for those kids! Instead, she’d acted like he was threatening to kidnap them!

Oh you fool, you’ve done it again. The negative part of Ford’s brain chided him.

The old researcher pushed the thought to the back of his mind, instead trying to justify his own reasoning. It was a pattern he’d seen again and again throughout his life. People left. It always happened sooner or later. Sometimes because they found someone or something more important. Sometimes because they realized the relationship was bad for them. Whatever the case, the outcome was always the same. Deborah was simply trying to delay the inevitable. 

“Sooner or later”, yes, and you’re asking the children to leave too soon. That’s what Stanley was trying to tell you, but of course you didn’t listen. 

“No. No, I’m not the one being unreasonable here…” He muttered to himself.

Wasn’t he? Stan, Mabel, Debbs, they’d all acted as though Ford’s desire to keep the children here was wrong. Even Dipper had been unsure about it. 

But you wouldn’t listen to any of them. You’ve only ever hear what you want to hear. Just like with Fiddleford, just like with Bill!

Perhaps the pattern of people leaving didn’t apply to everyone. Only to him.

“What is wrong with me?” He groaned as he slid down to sit on the floor.

What’s wrong with you? You’re disgusting! Of course no one wants you! The freakish hands are only the tip of the iceberg. You push away anyone with the misfortune to actually get close enough to care about you, but not without doing some serious damage first. Because you don’t understand people and their emotions and relationships. You don’t even understand your own species.

Ford dug his fingers into his hair and closed his eyes tight, trying to steady his breathing. It was true! That was why he’d felt so at home in Gravity Falls, studying supernatural beings. That was how he’d survived thirty years in the multiverse, hopping from one alien society to the next. 

The only ones who’ve ever really wanted you just wanted to use you. Bill, the Dean at Backupsmore, your father… Stan…

Stan… Ford wasn’t sure if he believed that anymore. Surely his brother wouldn’t have spent thirty years trying to fix the portal just to use Ford.

No, he was just fine using your identity to make a cozy little life for himself in Gravity Falls while you were gone.

That just raised further questions, though. Stan had a stable life here. He had to have known Ford’s return would mean giving up the identity he’d been living under for thirty years. Even if Stan hadn’t expected his brother to insist he shut his phony business down, he at least had to have known his livelihood would be endangered. Wouldn’t it have been easier not to risk it all and just leave Ford to his fate? The only possible explanation was that Stan cared enough, or at least felt guilty enough, to motivate him to continue trying for thirty years.

Still, as noble as Stan’s intentions may have been, he still put the whole world, no, the whole universe, in danger by reactivating the portal. How could he have ever expected Ford to be ok with that?

A small part of Ford couldn’t help but wonder if he would have done the same, had their roles been reversed. 

Then of course, there was Stan’s horrible timing. Ford had been this close to destroying Bill, to finally fixing his mistakes, when he was whisked back to Gravity Falls. It seemed like every time Ford got close to making a decisive strike against Bill, something went wrong. He only had himself to blame for the glue situation, but if Stan hadn’t...

It wasn’t like he had known.

He still shouldn’t have done it. It was far too dangerous.

If Stan hadn’t brought him back, he never would have met Dipper and Mabel.

Stan had put the children in danger on top of everything else.

If it hadn’t happened when it did, Ford would have died trying to take Bill down with him.

Ford had known the risks and had been prepared to make whatever sacrifice was necessary to bring Bill down. Stan had ruined his chance… hadn’t he?

You heard what Bill said. He hates you. Why can’t you just hate him back?

Bill always lies. 

There was an abundance of evidence that Stan didn’t hate him. That he actually cared quite a lot.

Ford curled in on himself, the warring thoughts swirling in his head blocking out the rest of the world around him. He didn’t hear his brother coming until the old conman appeared in the doorway, eyes blazing with fury.

“Ford!” Stan shouted, his voice charged with anger.

He hates you.

Ford’s fight or flight instincts took over, and this time they favored flight. He had to get out of there. He darted out of the room as fast as he could.

* * *

Dipper was glad that Mabel had accepted his help to put together her own Pros and Cons list. Not only was it helping him redo his list, she also came up with several negative points he hadn’t considered, like the fact that he’d be leaving behind his friends back at Piedmont Junior High. While Mabel definitely had more friends at school, there were still a couple of classmates that Dipper would consider his friends, although he wasn’t nearly as close with them as he had become with Soos and Wendy. 

Besides, he did kinda feel like he’d been neglecting Mabel over the past couple of days. He was just trying to figure all of this out, the rift, Ford’s apprenticeship, and Bill. Trying to comfort Mabel on top of all that just seemed like too much. Once he had the time to sit down and organize his thoughts, to really think things out, it became much less overwhelming. He trusted his Great Uncle to deal with the rift and Bill for now, and he was figuring out the apprenticeship thing.

It was interesting to see Mabel’s thought process as she put together her own list. She liked Dipper’s point value system, but they both scored the same things very differently. She thought getting to explore the caves behind the falls was only worth three points, tops, and she classified continuing to work at the Mystery Shack as a pro, not a con. 

Dipper decided not to share his doubts on whether Ford would allow Stan to continue running the Shack out of his home. Mabel already had enough on her mind.

"So, once you finish your list, you add up the points on both sides and whichever has the most points wins." Dipper explained.

"How do you know when it's finished?"

Dipper shrugged. “Just… whenever you can’t think of any more pros or cons, I guess.”

“But what if I forget something important?”

“Well, I mean, it can’t be that important if you forgot it.” 

Mabel sighed and started adding up her totals. Dipper did the same. Pros won out on both lists, although Mabel’s was by a slimmer margin. The boy laughed excitedly and beamed at his sister. She gulped. Despite what the numbers said, this still didn’t sit right with her.

“So we’ll both stay in Gravity Falls, together!” Dipper exclaimed. “I can’t believe it, this is like a dream come true!”

Mabel gasped. “Wait, that’s it!”

“What?”

“I think I finally figured out why I feel so wrong about this apprenticeship thing!” Mabel grabbed her brother by the shoulders. “You said you can’t believe it! Why?”

Dipper’s smile faltered. “Mabel, it’s just a figure of speech…”

“Yeah, but you used it now for a reason. Why?”

“Because…” Dipper stopped and thought about it for a moment. “Because if you’d told me two months ago that I was going to stay in Gravity Falls and work with the Author of the Journals, and that he was a long-lost relative, I’d think you were crazy.”

“Exactly. And I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Gravity Falls. I wanted more time with my friends.” Mabel agreed. “You said it yourself. Taking Grunkle Ford’s offer is a dream come true. Because staying in Gravity Falls is like living in a dream, or a fairy tale!”

“...What are you getting at here?” Dipper asked apprehensively.

“If we stay here, that’s not preparing us for the real world! We need to grow up in the real world first!”

“Are you implying that Gravity Falls isn’t real? That we’ve just dreamed up this whole summer?” Dipper asked incredulously. 

“No, of course not!” Mabel scoffed. “Sorry, maybe I’m not explaining this very well. Obviously, Gravity Falls is real. We’ve got real family and real friends here. And we’ve both grown up a lot over this past summer here. But would we keep on growing if we just stayed here all the time? Would we learn the things we need to grow up if we stay in a place where most of the grown-ups still act like kids? This is the kind of place where a nine-year-old can claim to be a child psychic and everyone believes him. This is the kind of place where the local kooky hobo is a genius inventor who builds death robots. This is the kind of place where a long-lost Grunkle can come out of a mysterious portal. This is the kind of place where a sad journalist like Toby Determined can have his own newspaper. Does that sound like the real world to you?”

Dipper grimaced. “Yeah, I guess I see your point. But… I thought you didn’t want to grow up?”

Mabel frowned and rubbed her arm sheepishly. “You’re right, I don’t want to…” She then looked up with renewed determination in her eyes. “But I know that I need to.”

The boy gave his sister a proud smile “You’re a lot more mature than most people give you credit for.”

“Thanks, Dip.”

“But…” His face fell. “I do feel like there’s so much more to learn about Gravity Falls… and I don’t want to disappoint Great Uncle Ford. I know he’d really love us to stay. I get the feeling he’s really lonely. The apprenticeship is everything I’ve wanted all summer… how can I just walk away from it?”

Mabel patted her brother on the shoulder. “Well, even if it’s not the right time to stay in Gravity Falls now, maybe someday when we are a little more grown up, we could move out here all year. So don’t think of it as walking away. Just think of it as saying ‘Not now’. And don’t worry about Grunkle Ford. He’s our family and he loves us! I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Dipper sighed and nodded. “I hope you’re right. Ever since Ford offered me the apprenticeship, I haven’t felt ready. He said I shouldn’t worry, because I’ve already accomplished so much, but I guess it’s not really about doubting my own abilities. It’s just not the right time in my life.”

“Guess we should go tell him, then, huh?”

“Oh yeah!” Dipper smacked his head. “I was heading downstairs to ask him to help Wendy with Bill-proofing her house. Maybe we can talk to him about it after that?”

Mabel nodded. “Yeah, making sure Wendy and her family are safe is more important. And it’s like Grunkle Ford keeps saying, we’ve got all week!”

* * *

After leaving Soos to look after the giftshop, Stan made a beeline for the kitchen where he knew his brother had been using the phone just moments ago. That nerd was about to get the talking-to of his life!

“Ford!” Stan called as he stormed down the hall. No response. 

He pushed the door open brusquely. The kitchen appeared empty, and the phone was hanging off its hook.

“Ford?” He called again. Suddenly, a figure shot out from behind the table. Stan barely had time to register that it was his brother before Ford dashed out of the room. What the heck had he been doing hiding practically under the table?

“Oh no, you’re not gettin’ off that easy!” Stan grumbled under his breath as he followed his brother. Sure, he wasn’t as fast as Ford, but the nerd had scrambled away so frantically that it wasn’t hard to follow his trail.

Unsurprisingly, the string of jostled furniture and scuffed floors led straight to Ford’s room. Also unsurprisingly, the door was locked. Stan rolled his eyes and slid a bobby pin out of his sleeve. What was even the point of locking a door that was so easy to pick?

Stan’s frustration with his brother evaporated as soon as he opened the door and got a good look. Ford was sitting in the corner of the sectional couch, curled up on himself. It wasn’t too far off from Mabel’s “Sweater Town”. The old researcher’s breaths came in short, shallow gasps, and he was eyeing his brother with the sort of caution a normal person would give an angry moose.

Was Ford… having a panic attack?

“Hey…” Stan said softly, approaching his brother with caution. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Ford took a deep breath, and Stan could practically see his brother bottling up his emotions as the old nerd’s face became blank.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong.” Ford said stoicly.

“Sure. And you bolted out of the kitchen just now because you saw a spider.”

Ford's blank expression flickered for a moment as annoyance crept in. "You startled me."

"Obviously." Stan rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I called Debbs back after she hung up on you."

"You were eavesdropping on me?" Ford accused coldly.

"Yeah, and it's a good thing too! I managed to smooth things over with her so the kids can still come back here next year, and you're still allowed to spend time with them!"

Ford didn't reply. He just kept staring straight ahead, stoney-faced.

"She just wanted me to have a talk with you. About you and the kids."

“She doesn’t have to worry. I doubt either of the children will want to spend time with me once they hear about this.”

Stan scoffed. “This isn’t gonna make the kids wanna stop spendin’ time with you, not by a long shot.”

“Perhaps not.” Ford agreed. “They’re still children, quick to forgive and forget. I’ll have to separate myself from them for their own good.”

“Wait, what?”

“Your original assessment was correct. I need to stay away from the kids. If not to protect them from the physical danger that comes with my line of work, then to protect them from the emotional danger of growing attached to a damaged man who doesn’t understand the simplest of human interactions.” He explained in a detached tone. 

"Ohno you don't!" Stan retorted. "I didn't just stick my neck out for you, just so you could push the kids away! Those kids love your guts, and it'd hurt 'em a lot more if you just suddenly cut them off!"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about." Ford said clinically, as though he was explaining the problem with one of his experiments and not his own insecurities. "I have no understanding of the thoughts and feelings of others. The fact that you had to talk their mother into allowing me to continue spending time with the children confirms it.”

Stan heaved a sigh. "You still don't really understand why Debbs said no, do you?"

"I understand perfectly."

"I don't think you do." The old conman shook his head. "It's like I keep telling you, they're just kids. They still need their mom, and she still needs them."

"Yes, you were right and I didn't listen to you. Just one of many signs that I'm unable to properly interact with other human beings."

"I'm not finished! The thing you're not getting is just because you can't wedge your way into their parents' place, doesn't mean you can't be in the kids' lives at all! You're still a part of this family."

"And yet Deborah took my offer as a threat."

"Debbs doesn't know you from Adam, Ford! Of course she freaked out! I couldn’t explain the whole situation to her, but I did tell her those kids are the best thing that’s happened to you in 30 years.”

Ford couldn’t deny Stan’s statement. “I can’t do it again!” His prior panic finally burst out of its bottles. “I can’t stand to hurt another person I care about because I don’t even realize what I’m doing wrong until it’s too late! And I don’t even listen when someone tries to explain it to me!��� His flare of anger died down, and he curled back in on himself again. “What is wrong with me?” He moaned.

Stan cautiously took a seat on the other end of the couch. “Nothin’s wrong with you.”

The old researcher scoffed. “A lifetime of my experience says otherwise.”

“Look, just because you’re not good with people doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. Not everyone’s a people person.”

“This goes far beyond not being a people person. I’ve hurt everyone I’ve ever come into contact with.”

“Wow, exaggeration much?”

“How can you joke about this when you’re one of the people I’ve hurt the most!?”

The two brothers froze as Ford’s words hung in the air. Stan was at a loss. Since when did Ford feel like he hurt Stan instead of the other way around?

“See, you can’t even deny it.” Ford continued when Stan didn’t have a response. “It’s just eas-- It’s just safer if I just stay out of everyone’s lives.”

“You can’t just cut yourself off from the world, genius.” The old conman finally found his words again. “You’re the one who was sayin’ you don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

“...I don’t want anyone else to get hurt either.”

Stan paused as he tried to think of how to handle this. “We still gotta stop Bill, right? That’s not something you can do alone.”

“I’ve been doing it alone for thirty years.”

“Yeah, and that’s worked real well, hasn’t it?”

“I was about to end him!” Ford shouted. “I was seconds away from taking the shot, when you opened the portal again and whisked me away!”

“...Oh.” Stan squeaked. He didn’t know how else to respond to that. So he just moved on with the conversation. “Listen, even you’ve gotta admit, you’ve had more success with those kids' help. Dipper helped you get that alien stuff you needed. Mabel pointed out the glue problem you never even realized. If we’re gonna take down this Bill guy, your best bet is to work with us, whether you like it or not. And yeah, maybe it’s risky, but isn’t it riskier to just sit around waitin’ for Bill to make his move?”

Ford just stared coldly back at his brother. “You’re not going to apologize?”

Stan rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna apologize for saving your life, no.”

The old researcher frowned and furrowed his brow, but he didn’t seem surprised by Stan’s response. He sat there thinking for a few moments before finally speaking again.

“I can see the logic in needing to work together to stop Bill. The children have proven to be incredibly resourceful in that department. And in less than a week, they’ll be returning to California. I suppose it won’t matter after that.”

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. “For cryin’ out loud, they’re just one state over, not on a different planet. All those arguments you were makin’ about the kids still bein’ able to stay in touch over the computer? That applies to you too, genius. You can even drive down and visit if you want.”

“It’s not about what I want. It’s about what’s best for Dipper and Mabel.”

“Heh, well, good to see we’re finally on the same page there at least. But I’m tellin’ ya, being their mad-scientist uncle is what’s best for them. And what’s best for you too.”

Ford was torn. He wanted to believe Stan’s words, but it was hard to ignore that negative part of his brain, telling him that Stan was a liar, and digging up all the times he had hurt people before. He pushed it to the back of his head for now. Better to focus on stopping Bill and protecting the rift. Speaking of which….

“If we’re both here, who’s guarding the lab entrance!?” 

“Relax, I left Soos to keep an eye on things.”

Stan’s reassurance was immediately undermined by the sound of a fight breaking out in the giftshop.

* * *

“Hey Soos, you seen Stan anywhere?” Wendy asked as she reentered the gift shop. 

Soos was clearing out the old inventory. After Mr. Pines’ Mystery Science Brother came in and asked Wendy questions about her dream, it had been a quiet day at the Mystery Shack. 

“He was here a minute ago, but he said he had to have another talk with his brother.”

Wendy rolled her eyes. “Of course. Well, I’m just gonna take off then. I gotta take care of some stuff. Let him know I decided to take the day off after all if you see him.”

“You got it, dude.” He assured her as she left.

Soos had been wanting a word with his boss himself, but whenever the handyman was about to ask Mr. Pines a question, Mr. Mystery was suddenly busy, giving a tour for just two people, yelling at his brother, or listening in on an important phone call.

It was clear that Mr. Pines was hiding something, and not the usual somethings Mr. Pines would hide, like incriminating evidence or suggestion cards. No, Soos got the impression that Mr. Pines was hiding something specifically from him. It wasn’t all that strange for Stan to avoid talking about anything that even remotely resembled feelings. But it was strange for Stan to avoid talking about what they were going to do for the off season. And even stranger for him to refuse free labor. True, there was a bunch of major drama going down in the Pines family right now, but it wasn’t like Mr. Pines to let it affect how he ran his business.

“The Mystery Shack has needed to be rebuilt like four times in the last two months. Maybe Stan’s just worried because all this reconstruction is costing too much money.” Soos reasoned to himself as he worked alone in the giftshop. But he didn’t quite believe himself.

The bell over the giftshop door jingled, distracting Soos from his thoughts. He quickly ran to the cash register, ready to serve another customer. “Welcome to the Mystery Shack dude!”

“Hello.” A short man with a grotesque face and a tiny 1930’s style reporter’s hat replied.

“Oh, hey Toby! I see you got away from that griffin!”

“I was indigestible!” Toby Determined said as if he was proudly proclaiming he got a new haircut.

“That’s cool. What brings you here?”

“I’m here to interview you, actually!” the reporter explained. “Rumor has it that Mr. Mystery has a long lost twin, and you’re the man with the inside scoop!”

“I mean, it’s kinda supposed to be a secret.” Soos hesitated. “I’ve only told Wendy, and my abuelita, and the mailman, and everyone who was at Greasy's Diner during the lunch rush last Saturday…”

“You’d get to be on the front page of the Gravity Falls Gossiper!” Toby enticed in a sing-song voice, holding up today’s issue for good measure.

“I’ll do it!” Soos declared.

“Perfect! Now, to start off, I’ll need to take your photo!”

“Oh hey, when’d you get a real camera?” Soos asked as Toby pulled out a large camera with an even larger flashbulb.

“Oh, uh, just recently.” Toby chuckled nervously. “Now, you stand right over there, next to that display of bright, shiny, reflective crystals. And I’ll stand right here, next to this clearly out of order vending machine.”

Soos struck a pose where Toby had told him to stand. “Oh, dude, wait--” He remembered he was supposed to be guarding the vending machine just as the reporter snapped the photo. The camera’s flash reflected and refracted through the crystals, blinding the handyman.

“Ah! My eyes!”

“Ah! Also my eyes!”

Unfortunately for Toby, he hadn’t stopped to think that maybe he should protect himself from the flash.

“Uh, dude, could you do me a favor and not touch that vending machine until my eyes adjust back to normal?”

“Never!” The determined reporter declared. “The man in the color-changing clothes and funny goggles told me I could be with Shandra Jimenez forever if I brought him the magic sticky ball hidden in the secret basement!” 

Toby felt around blindly for the machine’s key-pad and started pressing buttons randomly. Soos followed the beeping sound and tackled the little man to the ground. 

“Not cool, dude! You are officially banned from our FCLORP team!” 

“No!” Toby whined. “You guys are the only people who tolerate me!”

“Well, you should’ve thought of that before you tried to break into Dr. Pines’ secret lab, dude! Which, uh, which he totally doesn’t have. That… that’s not a real thing.”

Toby obviously didn’t believe him, as he continued to struggle against Soos for access to the vending machine. Soos easily stopped him by just sitting on top of him.

“Y’know.” the handyman mused as his eyes began to adjust back to normal. “Dipper and Mabel put up a much harder fight than you. I’m just sayin’ you might wanna start doin’ more exercise and stuff. I know a place at the mall that teaches karate! I’ve been goin’ there since I was ten.”

“Let me go!” Toby demanded as he flailed his arms and legs uselessly.

“No can do, dawg. I promised Mr. Pines I’d hold down the fort while he’s busy taking care of family junk.”

Soos didn’t have to keep Toby at bay for much longer. For the second time that day, Dr. Pines burst out of the Employees Only door. He had his blaster drawn, and Stan wasn’t far behind him.

“What happened!?” Ford barked, aiming his blaster down at Toby’s wriggling form. “What is that thing?”

“Uh, I think Bill got to Toby.” Soos explained.

The old researcher grimaced. “Bill must have used some sort of magical artefact to mutate him!”

“What? No, he’s always been like that.” Stan corrected him. “What’d the triangle promise you, Toby?”

“Triangle?” The reporter asked in confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“He said a dude in color-changing clothes and funny goggles told him he could be with Shandra Jimenez forever if he got the magic sticky ball in the secret basement.” Soos recounted.

“And nothing about that seemed suspicious to you?” Stan asked.

“Well, not particularly…”

“Why am I not surprised.” The old conman rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Somebody’s pullin’ a prank on you, Toby. The Mystery Shack doesn’t have a basement.”

“Oh, but he was so convincing!” Toby whined.

“He is very convincing.” Ford said gravely. “Where were you when he found you? Do you know where he is now?”

“He just came into the printing room while I was finishing off this morning’s publication. He told me to bring the ball to the dump.”

Ford scratched his chin thoughtfully, considering all the information before him. “It’s probably a trap. I doubt Bill expected this attempt to work.”

“Really, what gave you that idea?” Stan asked sarcastically. “Hey Toby, if you leave now and promise not to come back, I won’t press charges.”

“Hooray!”

“Oh, and gimme a call if you see that, uh, prankster again.”

The reporter agreed and left. Ford immediately began pacing.

“This was almost a disaster! If Bill had sent a competent pawn instead of this distraction, the rift would be broken by now!” He rounded on Stan “Why did you leave the secret entrance unguarded!?”

“I didn’t leave it unguarded, I left Soos.” Stan defended. “And yeah, he’s a goofus, but he got the job done, so I don’t see what you’re complaining about.”

“Aw, thanks Mr. Pines.”

“Don’t get mushy on me, kid.”

“Everything turned out alright this time, yes.” Ford admitted. “But what if Bill sends someone or something more dangerous than a tiny goblin man?”

“I can totally handle it, dude.” Soos assured him. “I’ve fought puhterodactyls, haunted animatronics, and ate my way out of a creepy monster made of candy.”

“Really?” Ford looked at the handyman like he was just seeing Soos properly for the first time.

The conversation paused when Dipper and Mabel entered the room.

“Here’s everybody. Hey Great Uncle Ford, can I ask you a favor for Wendy?” Dipper asked. He then took in Ford’s frantic pacing and Soos’s rumpled clothes. “What’s going on?”

“Toby Determined just tried to break into the lab.” Stan replied nonchalantly, like he was commenting on finding gnomes in the trash again.

“What?” The young twins cried in unison.

“Was it Bill?” Mabel asked in concern.

“It couldn’t have been, the barrier spell is still up.” Dipper reasoned. “Right?”

“The barrier is still intact, yes.” Ford assured them. “It appears Bill convinced Toby to find the rift while possessing the same time travel agent as before.”

“Poor Blendin.” Mabel worried.

“I can’t believe Bill actually tried to use Toby.” Dipper said incredulously. “I mean, he can’t have gotten very far.”

“He didn’t.” Stan said simply.

“I sat on him.” Soos added.

“It seems like Bill is trying to set some sort of trap.” Ford explained. “Bill told Toby to bring the rift to the dump. I suspect he shared that information knowing that Toby would get caught, and that we would interrogate him.”

“That’s weird. Why would Bill want us to go to the dump?” Dipper wondered. “Unless…” the boy’s eyes widened and as he glanced at his sister, he knew the same awful realization was dawning on her. Neither of them had heard from McGucket since the party at Northwest Manor, the day before the portal reopened. 

“Unless what?” Ford asked eagerly.

“Uhhh…” the young twins hemmed. They’d purposely forgotten to tell Ford about what happened to his old friend. How do you tell someone their best friend had driven himself insane and was now a homeless coot living in the dump? Although, considering Ford read Dipper’s entries in the Journal, the old researcher probably at least had an idea of how far McGucket had fallen.

“You remember your old research buddy, right?” Mabel asked awkwardly.

“...What does Fiddleford have to do with this situation?”

“He… kinda lives in the dump now.” Dipper’s reply pitched up at the end, almost like it was a question.

Ford stared at them agape for a moment. “I’d gathered that his mental state had deteriorated since I left, but… from what Dipper had written, it seemed like he was still working in robotics. How--why is he living in the dump!?”

“I think he’s just really bad with money.” Mabel shrugged. “He won a sweepstakes earlier this summer and he’s already spent it all on junky cars from Gleeful’s Auto Sales.”

“Yeah, I think he just used them for parts to build the Gideon-bot.” Dipper added.

“And you both believe he’s still at the dump?” Ford asked, distraught.

“Well, that’s where he’s lived all summer.” Dipper said slowly. “But… neither of us have seen him since the night before you got here.”

The old researcher finally stopped pacing and sat down heavily in the chair behind the cash register, running his fingers anxiously through his hair.

“Even if it is most likely a trap, that’s bait I can’t ignore…”

“We have to go find him and make sure he’s ok!” Mabel insisted.

“Yeah, but we can’t just walk right into an obvious trap!” Dipper exclaimed. 

“So just sneak in.” Stan suggested. “It’s the dump, not the State Penitentiary.” 

Ford shook his head. “Bill can’t be snuck up on, he has eyes everywhere. Our best hope is to take a direct approach and be prepared for anything.”

Stan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course you would wanna go in guns ablazing.”

“Says the man who thinks every problem can be solved by punching it!”

“Ok, ok.” Dipper held up his hands, hoping his Grunkles would be able to stop fighting long enough to come up with a plan. “But launching a full-scale rescue mission is probably exactly what Bill wants. We can’t leave the Shack and the Rift unguarded.”

“Eh, Soos can probably watch it again.” Stan said.

“Sure thing, Mr. Pines.”

“Actually, I think Soos’s abilities might be better suited for our rescue mission.” Ford suggested. “We’ll need an unpredictable element. Someone who Bill is likely to underestimate. I think you’d be better to stay and guard the lab, Stanley.”

“Fine by me.” Stan shrugged. “I honestly couldn’t care less what happens to Old Man McGucket.”

Ford scowled at his brother, but held his tongue for now.

“I think we’ll need more than just Stan to watch the Shack.” Dipper reasoned. 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid.” Stan said sarcastically.

“It’s not like I doubt your skills, I’ve seen you punch dinosaurs and fight zombies, but Bill is really dangerous, and we can’t afford to take any risks.” The boy looked around the giftshop. “Where’s Wendy?”

“Oh yeah, she took the rest of the day off.” Soos remembered. “She said she had to take care of some stuff.”

“Aw man.” Dipper groaned. The lumberjack’s daughter would have been the perfect person to help Stan guard the Shack. She was cunning and resourceful and could bury a hatchet’s blade three inches into a tree from ten feet away.

Mabel tugged on her brother’s vest. “Dipper, you should stay here with Stan.”

“What? But I wanna go with Great Uncle Ford! And, uh, I was the last one who saw McGucket at the party!” The boy protested, trying to throw some weak logic behind his desire.

“I know, but… but…” The girl threw her arms around her brother as she failed to keep her voice from trembling. “I’m so scared that Bill is gonna hurt you again! Please, can’t you just stay here where you’re safe from him?”

Dipper returned her hug. “I don’t want him to hurt you either. Maybe both of us should stay?”

Mabel shook her head. “No, somone’s gotta go make sure McGucket’s alright, and if it is a trap, Grunkle Ford’s gonna need all the help he can get.”

“Just promise you’ll be careful.”

“Don’t worry, brobro, I’ve always got my secret weapon!” Mabel assured him, pulling out her grappling hook.

“I’ll make sure she’s safe.” Ford promised, making pointed eye contact first with Dipper, then with Stan.

“Yeah, you better. Otherwise it’s your funeral when her mom finds out.” Stan grunted.

“Does everyone have what you need to defend yourselves?” Ford asked. Mabel held up her grappling hook, and Soos grabbed a shovel out of the Shack’s utility closet. “Then let’s go! We’ll discuss a plan on the way there.”

[detectivejigsawpines]

Relatively Relativity-part 3 (If you give a grunkle Mabel Juice)

Whoa...that was a crazy weird dream…where am I?

Soos slowly opened his eyes-and screamed again when he saw an unfamiliar, wrinkly old man staring down at him anxiously.

“Aaaaah!  Who are you?!  What do you want?!  Where’s Mr. Pines?!”

The old man sighed, and leaned his chin on his hand.  “This is gonna be a recurring thing, isn’t it?”

Something about that voice...plus the thick lumberjack hat perched on his head that looked a lot like the one Wendy used to wear…

“Wait a sec.”  Soos sat up, realizing that he was on the sofa in his break room (even if he was technically in charge now, he still used it as such).  He narrowed his eyes at the old man.  “...Dipper?”

Dipper smiled at him-and even though he was all gray and wrinkled now, Soos could see his buddy peeking out through his face.  “Yeah, Soos.  It’s me.  There was...a bit of an incident on our hike.”

Before Soos could ask for more details, the door burst open again, and the same kid who’d scared him earlier came tramping in, followed by an old woman in a purple sweater who had to be a newly-old Mabel.

“Is he awake yet?”

“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper scolded, whirling around to glare at him, “I told you to wait until I called you!”

“Yeah, yeah.”  He brushed his curls out of his face, and grinned at Soos shamelessly, showing that he had a tooth missing.  “How d’ya like the new look?”

Soos’s mouth opened and shut a couple of times as he looked over the little guy standing in front of him.  Finally he asked, voice quivering a little, “...Mr. Pines?”

“Uh-huh.  New and improved!”  He put his hands on his hips and puffed out his skinny chest as far as it would go.

The smile was wiped off his face when Soos finally registered the truth that he’d been resisting, but could not be ignored: “You’re adorable now, Mr. Pines!!!!”

Immediately his still-pretty-bushy eyebrows drew together in a scowl.  “Say that again and you’re fired!”

Soos shrank away at once.  Anything but that!

“He’s the boss of the Mystery Shack now, you can’t fire him!” old-Mabel protested.

“I’m the one who gave him the job, so I can so!”

“But you shouldn’t!  Not for this!”

Stan folded his arms and turned away, grumbling.

“Wait a minute.  If you guys have switched ages, does that mean that Other Mr. Pines is ad-” he saw the warning glare in Stan’s eye, and quickly changed words- “a kid now too?”

“Yeah; he’s down in the basement analyzing the thing that made us like this.”  Mabel sat down on the other end of the sofa.  “We were hiking, and saw this really cool flower…”

********

Ford realized fairly quickly some more of the deficiencies of his new body.  For one thing, when he got to the basement he started to put on his lab coat-only to remember after doing so that his arms and legs were both a lot smaller, so very quickly he was swamped in seemingly an avalanche of white.  He tried rolling up the sleeves, and then pinning them up with safety pins, until at last he gave up in frustration and just hung it back on the rack (causing him further annoyance, because while he wasn’t that short, he still had to stand on tiptoe to get it on the right hook).

At least he was still capable of wearing safety goggles, he thought ruefully as he climbed up onto one of his chairs and pulled on a pair of now-absolutely-huge latex gloves.

Then he forgot about his predicament for a while, as he examined the flower.

********

“...so until we figure out what the flower did to us, looks like we’re kinda stuck like this,” Dipper concluded.

Soos nodded thoughtfully.  “Dude.  This is intense.”  Then his eyes widened.  “Wait, if you guys got stuck like this, would that mean that you little dudes-” he glanced at Dipper and Mabel, and then corrected himself- “little old-old but used to be little-dudes would die sooner, cuz you’re like super old now?”

“Hey!” Stan protested.  “We’re not that old!”

“You said you were pushing seventy!” Mabel squeaked, eyes going wide with panic.

Dipper already looked like he was about to start hyperventilating again.

“...I was lying!  I faked it on my driver’s license so I could get lots of senior citizen discounts and stuff!  We’re only, like, fifty-seven!  Almost fifty-eight!”  Stan quickly scurried around until he was between his elderly niblings, and put his arms as far around them as he could reach.  “And either way, there’s no way we’re gonna let you guys get stuck like this, okay?  We’re gonna figure this out, and get you back to normal, and you won’t haveta be stuck in gross old bodies for a long, looong time.”

“Hey!”  Dipper swatted the back of his head; Stan grinned at him shamelessly.

“I’m just tellin’ it like it is, gramps.”

“Being turned into a kid again is making you even more of a twerp than usual,” Dipper scolded, though while wearing a smile as he gave him a playful jab in the ribs, and Mabel dove in from his other side to vigorously noogie him.

********

It was another hour before Ford emerged into the light.  His eyebrows were pinched together, and he was chewing his lip as he stepped into the kitchen-none of those was a good sign.

“What’s the word, Sixer?” Stan asked; he was standing on a chair and making Stancakes, under the belief that having breakfast for lunch would, if nothing else, make everyone feel just a little bit better.

Ford grimaced.  “Well, the good news is that my analysis indicates the pollen is not toxic, and doesn’t seem to be inherently harmful.  The bad news is, I’m having trouble figuring out what they’re made of or what kind of magic is in them that caused us to turn into...this.”  He gestured between the four of them.  “It would be much easier if we could collect a live specimen of the plant-we’ll have to go back to the forest and see if we can find one.”

“Good idea!” Mabel chirped, pulling a pitcher of sparkling pink liquid out of the fridge.

Stan brought the skillet over to the table, and gave his brother an encouraging look.  “C’mon, Sixer!  You’ll think better when you get somethin’ in your gut!”

Ford sighed, and sat down at the table with far less resistance than he usually would have.  “What’s on the menu?”

“Stancakes-”

“And Mabel Juice!”

“Pass on the Mabel Juice,” Dipper muttered, filling his cup with water from the sink.

Mabel scoffed at him.  “Come on, Dipper, you’ve never even tried it!”  She filled her own cup with a generous amount.

“I don’t need to try it to know that it would probably send me into premature cardiac arrest.  Especially now that I’m old.”

Mabel stuck out her tongue at him, and then lifted it to her lips and began gulping it down.

And a few seconds later she spat it out, gagging.

“Ugh!  What’s wrong with this stuff?!”  She grabbed up the pitcher and stared at it, making the plastic dinosaurs turn and spin around in their liquid prison.

Dipper went to her side in concern.  “Are you okay?!”

“Yeah, I just-I don’t understand!  I just made this stuff this morning, it should be fine!  But it tastes all wrong, almost like it’s-”  Mabel froze, and her eyes went wide with the sort of horror that only comes from the realization of impending doom.  “...Too sweet.”

Stan snorted after a second.  “Now ya know how I feel about that stuff.”

Mabel shook her head a tiny bit.  “No, I-I love Mabel Juice!  I can’t not like it anymore, just cuz I’m old!”

Ford leaned over and patted her hand.  “It’s a very normal thing for tastes to change as you age.”

Mabel’s eyes had become very big and shiny, and her lip trembled; Ford realized that maybe the wasn’t the best train of thought to go down.  “...Don’t worry, we’ll figure out how to change you back so you can drink all the Mabel Juice you want.”

She managed a tiny smile.

“Wait a second…”

Stan abruptly grabbed the pitcher, and poured some of the juice into his erstwhile coffee mug.  “If it’s too sweet for you now that you’re old, maybe I can actually like this stuff now!”  He looked at Ford with wiggling eyebrows.  “You wanna try some?”

Ford grimaced.  “No thank you.”

Stan shrugged.  “Eh, just as well.  You probably couldn’t handle it.”

Ford’s eyes narrowed, and he shoved his cup over towards Stan.  “Fill it up, Stanley.”

He knew, and he knew that Stan knew, that he’d walked right into that one, but he didn’t flinch away as it was filled almost to the brim.

“Um, guys?” Dipper said, for the second time that day.  “Maybe this is a bad idea-”

They each took a drink.

********

Five minutes later

“I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO HANDLE THIS MUCH SUGAR SINCE I WAS IN MY TWENTIES!!!!” Stan hollered, tearing across the back yard so fast he was almost a blur.

“THIS STUFF WOULD’VE BEEN GREAT FOR HELPING ME GET THROUGH COLLEGE!  I COULD’VE STAYED UP AND STUDIED EXTRA HARD FOR ALLLLL MY EXAMS!” Ford yelled back, just before trying and failing to turn a cartwheel.  He landed clumsily on his rear, and the two boys nearly fell over laughing at each other.

“I feel like I could run a mile!  Or climb a mountain!  Or run up a mountain!  Has the world always been this colorful?  Am I talking too loud?”

“I don’t know!  I’m really not the best person to ask right now, because I’m under the influence just as much as you are!”

“Not so under it you can’t remember all your nerd vocab, though!”  Stan cackled, and then tilted his head thoughtfully.  “Huh...I shoulda said nerd words, so it’d rhyme.  Okay, do over!  You can still remember all your nerd words!”

From the porch, Dipper shook his head in mute horror.  Mabel, at least, had recovered from her despondency over her new aversion to Mabel Juice enough to record a video of her hyperactive mini-grunkles-who, it appeared, were now wrestling each other in the grass, laughing wildly.

“...We should really focus on going back to the trail and trying to find that flower,” Dipper pointed out.

“Yeah, well, tell that to them.”  Mabel pointed to the boys.  Neither of them seemed to be in any condition to focus on something important like finding an enchanted flower.

Dipper’s shoulders sagged.  “We’re not gonna get this fixed today.”

“That’s not the worst thing in the world, though, is it?”  Mabel smiled.  “It’s been years since they’ve been able to have this much fun together; we should give them a chance to enjoy it.”

“But what if there’s some kind of dangerous side-effects to our being stuck in these bodies for so long?  I don’t wanna be stuck like this all summer!”

“Grunkle Ford said he didn’t think the pollen stuff was dangerous!  Just relax, bro-bro!”  Mabel slung her arm around his shoulders and squeezed.  “They deserve a chance to be kids again, just for a little while!”

Dipper still had misgivings...but he had to admit that seeing Stan and Ford chasing each other around and throwing grass at each other was pretty cute to watch.

Even so, he hoped things could go back to normal (or what passed as normal for the Pines family) soon.

********

I’m in my late twenties, and I don’t think I could handle Mabel Juice.  As much as I like sugary food, there’s a history of diabetes in my family, and that stuff sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

[fereality-indy]

The Kids Are All Right Ch3 Revelations

“Ok, so you’re saying this show is a sequel to one from when your parents were kids that may or may not be an alternate reality.” Melody asked after she brought some drinks and chips into the Shack’s TV room hoping to help calm down Debbie.

 “Yeah, Mrs. Ramirez. Mewni was apparently one of the dimensions that Great Grunkle Ford passed through while he was gone. And Mom and Dad know stuff about this show that some of the most obsessive fans don’t even know about.” Debbie said as she her friends watched Nova and Connor at their respective houses, both fretting over a school dance. Connor was being told by Jack that He should just ask Nova to go and Nova was being teased by her brother Sol that she should ask Connor to go before Missy does. “There’s even a Jason and Linda Conifer that shows up once in awhile. Though they only have one child, a boy named Tyrone. And he looks nothing like Ran.”

Mentioning the son of a possible alternate version of her parents reminded Debbie that her parents were out looking for her brother. They’ve been gone now for, she looked at her phone, ok only fifteen minutes but it felt like forever. They’ll call if they find him right.

 “Of course they will honey,” Melody said as she saw that Debbie didn’t realize she had said that last one out loud. Too much like her father there.

 Outside

 “What do you mean sir?” Meaghan asked from Antonio’s arms as she saw Ran’s mother tighten her grip on the weapon she had readied.

 Ran jumped in between his parents and Meaghan. "Whoa, Mom. Dad. Calm down, what’s going on with you two?”

 “She may be dangerous Ran, come to us.” Wendy said motioning her son to come to her side.

 “Sorry mom, but she needs help and I promised to help her. I told her we would help her.” Ran said staying put.

 “Step away Ran, she’s not what she seems.” Dipper said as he tried to aim his taser for a better shot at the girl.

 “Not gonna happen, dad.” Ran said as he kept himself between the taser and Meaghan. “She needs help and I promised her that I would do just that. So what if she is different, so’s Harry and MB. But that doesn’t matter. She trusts me to help her, so now I need you two to trust me.”

 At the mention of trust, Dipper flashed back to his own childhood and how he learned despite initially being told to ‘trust no one’ that he had to trust family and friends. He tried to instill that in his own kids and he would be a hypocrite if he didn’t trust in his son now.

 He lowered his taser and motioned for Wendy to stand down. “Alright Ran, we’ll trust your judgement for now.”

 “Thank you dad, you won’t regret it.” Ran said as he ran over and hugged his dad after he had put away the taser.

 “Well I still have a question about that whole marriage deal,” Wendy added as she joined in on the hug.

 “Oh, it is simple. Where I come from there are many stories of our people being tricked into marriages by your kind.” Meaghan replied from where Antonio was still holding her.

 "Dood, that’s messed up. Forced marriages are illegal.” Antonio said as he started heading towards the Shack now that things had de-escalated. “Where exactly do you come from that you are hearing this type of information?”

 “That’s barbaric.” Wendy agreed as the rest of the group joined up with them.

 “Well I personally haven’t heard of any stories happening in my lifetime, but there are many legends of it happening in the past.” Meaghan answered in a way. “But as I said, Ran would hear nothing of it.”

 “Of course he wouldn’t, the lil Dood is a great guy. And besides that, he’s too young to get married anyways.” Antonio said as they finally cleared the woods and made it to the grass pasture. “If you want I can let you down to walk or I can still carry you up to the Shack, it’s up to you. It sucks that whoever stole your clothes took your shoes also.”

 “Well I have no problems walking barefoot in grass,” Said to the gentle giant who was carrying her.

 As soon as he let her down Ran was at her side. “I’m pretty sure Uncle Soos has some sandals or something in the Shack that you can have. I’ll pay for them if need be.”    

 “When has my dad ever charged you guys for anything.” Antonio said with a playful slug to Ran’s shoulder.  

 “I know, but I didn’t want to assume anything.” Ran replied as he rubbed his shoulder, not noticing the look of concern from Meaghan. But it wasn’t missed by his mother.

 “Yeah, cause when you assume something, you make an…” Antonio replied before Wendy stopped him.

 “Stop right there. It’s bad enough that Stan taught you kids that, you don’t need to repeat it. No matter how good of advice it is.” She said shaking her head as they made it to the  grounds just outside the Shack.

 Dipper had been quiet and observing things during the entire walk back to the Shack. And now the test to see if his son was right to trust the ‘girl’, the barrier around the Shack will prove if she has any harmful intentions. As they passed through the perimeter of the barrier, he released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. The ‘girl’ seems to be fine for now.

Meanwhile Across Town

 “Thanks for watching our little Genie for us, Stacey.” Pacifica Northwest-Pines said as her daughter ran up and hugged her.

 “Oh, it was no problem, Mrs. NP.  She was an angel as always.” Stacey said as she made it to the mother and daughter.

 “That sounds like my girl,” Mabel Northwest-Pines said as she came out of the kitchen with a bag of popcorn.

 Leaving Pacifica’s embrace, Genie made a bee line for her other mother. Mabel held out her arms only for Genie to snag the bag of popcorn instead.

 “Yep, that’s my baby girl.” Mabel said as Genie popped some popcorn in her mouth before finally hugging for her.

 “So Stacey, do you have any plans for the evening?” Pacifica asked as she joined her family. She then leaned over and gave her wife a kiss.

 “Well mom and I are supposed to be having dinner with the other half of the Pines family, you know their bi-weekly get together, where me and the kids watch a movie while they go ‘play cards’ afterwards.” Stacey replied with air quotes, a habit she had picked up from her ‘Uncle Soos’.

 “What’s with the air quotes?” Mabel asked genuinely perplexed.

 Stacey gave a questioning look towards Genie before a nod from Pacifica got her to answer, “Well every one has heard the rumors. How when they’re out together the three of them are inseparable. I mean, I get asked how my Dad is and they’re not talking about the one I’m named after.”

“Well he and Wen-Wen did practically help raise you.” Mabel said with a smile, remembering the first time she saw Dipper holding baby Stacey.

 “I know. And I’m not saying I would be against it, if it is true.” Stacey said as she began to pick at a piece of lint she seemed to suddenly find interesting. “I guess I just wish they wouldn’t try to hide it.“

 “Well you guys are already family either way. I mean, you’re there for all the big holidays and the family vacations.” Mabel added as she knelt down and hugged her daughter, stealing her bag of popcorn back in the process. Then she continued as she looked between Stacey and her wife, “Besides, if there was something going on there Dip would tell me about it. Wouldn’t he?”

 Pacifica shrugged as she thought about all that had been said here.

 Back At The Mystery Shack

 Ran was coming down from his dad’s work room in the attic. The whole family keeps a couple of spare outfits in the rooms closet and after assuring his sister that he was alright and apologizing for the fairy mouse incident he had went up to grab a new Hawaiian shirt. As he reached the bottom of the stairs Aunt Melody and his mom were coming out of the break room wit the newly dressed Meaghan. Uncle Soos and Aunt Melody had insisted that she could grab whatever clothes she wanted, she had on one of the question mark shirts, a pair of shorts that Uncle Soos on hand for one of the displays, and a pair of sandals. She was carrying his folded up shirt close to her chest.

 “Sorry we didn’t have any thing else for you to wear dearie.” Melody said as they were coming closer to Ran. She seems to have slipped into a protective momma bear mode as she added, “To think that someone would steal your cloths like that. Is there anything else we could do for you? Call your parents maybe? Are they staying at motel?”

 “Oh, no. My parents are at home. And there’s no need to bother them.” Meaghan said with a start as she shook her head. She quickly broke away from the older ladies and made a beeline for Ran.

 Holding out his shirt she said, “Thank you again for helping me.”

 “Oh it was no problem.” Ran said as he rubbed the back of his neck. Looking at the proffered shirt he added, “Why don’t you keep it for now.”

 “You mean it?”, Meaghan replied as her face brightened and she hugged the shirt tight to her chest.

 “Yeah, can’t have you judging Gravity Falls based only on someone stealing your clothes.” He replied with a smile. He then began to blush as he realized everyone was watching the two of them.  

 “Oh, there’s no worry about that. I already know there are good people here.” Meaghan said as she started putting Ran’s old shirt back on with a smile. Once she had it on she took one of his hands as she added, “I’m actually in town to find two of them, maybe you can help me.”

 Ran was about to respond when Debbie appeared at his side as if by magic. With her hands on her hips she looked at Meaghan and asked,  “So you met my little brother while out in the woods while completely naked, what are you some kind of nymph or maybe a rusalka?“

 “Debbie!” Melody called

 "Sis!” Ran said as he elbowed his rude sister.

 “Well she may need to work on her delivery, but I have to admit I’ve been wondering the same thing.” Dipper said as he entered the room. After ha look from his wife he added, “But we can worry about that later, you said something about my son helping you to find a couple of people in town, Why don’t you give us the names and we can all help you?”

 Meaghan looked around at the people gathered in the room. She really didn’t like so many people knowing what she is doing, but if Ran and his family trusted them. With a sigh she started, “Well I have been sent to speak to Lady Gwendolyn and S...”

 “Stoneworker!?” all four Pines kids called out at once.

 “Well no.” Meaghan continued with a shake of her head, “Not Stoneworker. I’m looking for Lady Gwendolyn and Sir Mason of Gravity Falls.”

 “Isn’t that you two doods?” Soos asked while looking at a slightly shocked Wendy and Dipper.

 “Well yeah, it’s been a few years since we used those titles.” Wendy said as she finished processing that her son’s new friend was looking for her and her husband to begin with.

 “Oh My Gosh, a mason is another term for a stoneworker. How did I not see this before now. Our parents are Lady Gwendolyn and the Stoneworker.” Debbie said as she seemed to completely forget about her worries from just moments ago.

 “Told you they were in love.” Ed said to his brother with a playful shove.

 “And I never really denied it.” Ricky replied as he grabbed Ed in a headlock.

 Meaghan walked up to Wendy and Dipper then dropped down onto one knee. “As an emissary of King Mermando, I offer my life up in service. Please accept me as a squire.”

[hntrgurl13]

Writing Promts: Adeline's birthday surprize

“Grunkle Stan? How many candles should we put on the cake?” Mabel was leaning above a large birthday cake that she and her great uncle had spent the entire morning baking. She had an armful of candles waiting to be placed. 

“Twenty- um… No wait…. Fifty- uh… Geez, I’m not sure. Put however many you want to, sweetie.” Stan and Soos were putting up decorations around the yard. Streamers and balloons hung all around the place. Unfortunately, they were all Halloween themed since that’s all the store had to offer. 

“Good thing Addi’s favorite color’s orange, huh, Mr. Pines?” Soos was putting up a giant banner saying “Happy ??th Birthday, Addi!”. 

Didn’t really help that with the time travel and everything that there was no way to thoroughly determine how old Adeline Marks actually was. She’d physically still be in her 20′s but year wise, she’d be in her 50′s. This was her first birthday since showing up in 2012, so the subject had never really been brought up.

“I suppose it’s a bit of a conundrum on it’s own” Stanford had said. “If we looked at it at certain perscpectives, it can go either way. Of course, we don’t know every single rule when it comes to time travel. For all we know, Addi could remain her current age forever. Or even age rapidly at any given moment in order to “catch up” to the current time. Or she could age faster internally but continually age normally externally. There are all kinds of possibilities and outcomes. We just have to wait and see what happens.” 

That hadn’t been very encouraging to Adeline herself, who’d insisted on not making a big deal out of her birthday. Addi hadn’t been looking forward to this day. It was just a reminder of what had happened to her all those years ago. And just how uncertain her future was going to be. She had even visited an old friend of hers that was phsycic, the real kind and not a cheap parlor trick, and even SHE was unable to tell Addi how or when her life would cut to an end. 

So instead of keeping Addi around the house to be cooped up or watch the others decorate, Stanford had taken Addi to go visit Fiddleford and Tate along with some of the anomalies they had known since she first arrived at Gravity Falls. A trip down memory lane to try and make her feel better about everything.  Ford had insisted that it just be him and Adeline even though Dipper wanted to come as well. 

“I know you want to help, Dipper, but I think it’d just be better if it were just people from back in the day. Consider it a reunion. You wouldn’t want to go to your parent’s high school reunion, would you?” 

Dipper sighed. “No. Probably not…” He slouched a bit as Ford ruffled the thirteen year old’s hair. 

“We’ll bring you along for the next one, alright?” 

“Okay. Thanks, Great Uncle Ford.” Dipper looked over at Addi who looked completely depressed. This was also the first birthday she’d have here without Shifty, her adoptive son, around. Dipper gave a concerned frown. “You sure she’ll be okay?”

“Positive.  She just needs some time away with friends. Just stay here and make sure everyone else doesn’t go too overboard with the decorations.” 

Addi must have overheard them and joined the conversation. 

“I’ll be fine. I promise. Just the “getting older blues”. Nothing to worry about. But thanks for being concerned, Dipper. I appreciate it.” She gave Dipper a quick heartfelt hug and soon they were out the door.

That was a few hours ago. They’d be coming back home anytime now. 

“Hurry up, Mabel! They’ll be back soon and this has to be perfect!” Dipper already had the rest of the food for the party layed out and organized. 

“Keep your pants on! I’m trying to get all these candles lit!” 

Mabel was meticulously lighting each candle on the cake. This wouldn’t have been a problem normally. But in this case, Mabel couldn’t decide on how many candles to put on the cake… so she put ALL of them on.

“MABEL! How many candles did you put on there?!” Dipper’s voice cracked as he panicked.

“Hey, Grunkle Stan said I could put on as many as I want. So I did! Addi missed 30 years of birthdays! We gotta make this one special! 

“By putting a layer of candles on top of the cake?! It’s going to take forever to light these!” 

A grin grew on Stan’s face. 

“Hold on, I’ve got this covered.” He went into the house without another word.

Dipper groaned and pulled out a to do list.

“Okay so we have food, refreshments, decorations, and the cake… What about presents?”

“Don’t worry about it, bro bro.” Mabel pulled out a blue scrapbook she had been working on for the last couple of days. She opened it up to reveal a ton of Polaroid pictures, some starting from 1977 to that very day. 

“Where did you get all these pictures?”

“Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Ford and a bunch of other people around town gave me all kinds of pictures. I thought it’d be nice if Addi had an album of all the stuff from back then and see everything she missed. Everyone even signed it at the end! Well, except you, of course.” Mabel handed Dipper a marker and directed him to the very last page where there had yet to be a picture. He smiled and signed.

“This is a grea idea, Mabel!”

“What can I say? I AM, after all, an arts and crafts genius.” Mabel ran her hand through her hair much like their friend Pacifica used to. 

Dipper rolled his eyes and jumped as Stan emerged from the Mystery Shack sporting a flame thrower.

“Time to light some candles!” Stan got a michievous smile on his face and started up the flame thrower.

“GRUNKLE STAN, DON’T!!!” The twins yelled in unison before flames shot out towards the cake and the entire party.

Ford and Addi were walking back up to the house with smiles on their faces. Having that visit with everyone had been a good idea. 

“Thanks for taking me out to visit everyone, Stanford. I really needed it.” She smiled at her friend.

“You’re welcome. See, I told you that that’d cheer you up.”

Addi laughed. 

“Yeah, it’s nice to see that not everything’s changed. Fiddleford is still the southern kook we know and love. And I’m glad to see how everyone else has been. We’ve all been pretty busy. What with you and Stan planning your big sailing trip and me trying to figure out what I’m going to do.”

“Well you’re already going to be the representative for the anamolies when it comes to Gravity Falls stuff. It’s good that you’re going to be working with both normal citizen’s and… well… not so normal.”

“Yeah. But I still want to do more research, especially while you’re gone. Maybe I can still be your research assistant from here. Like if you need someone to read up on some things or do stuff on the “internet”. I still want to help you out when I can.”

Ford smiled gently.

“I’d like that. And we can talk with that two way portal mirror we found back in ‘79! It’d have a better signal than any phone I’d have.”

“Yeah! This can actually work out!”

“Yeah- OH MY GOSH!”

They finally arrived at the house to see everything either up in flames or covered in extinguisher fluid. Stan was using the fire extinguisher on what looked like a flame thrower while the kids and Soos poured water on the much smaller flames. 

“What the heck happened here?!” Ford seemed both confused and furious. They’d only been gone for a few hours and the outside of his house was up in flames. 

“Sorry, it’s all my fault. I had the bright idea of lighting candles with a flame thrower…” Stan put out the remainder of the fire from the device.

“You WHAT?!”

“No no no! Don’t get mad at him, Grunkle Ford! He was trying to help me! I put too many candles on the cake and it was taking too long to light!” Mabel got in between the two men with a worried look on her face. Until Dipper stepped in.

“Don’t be mad at anyone, Great Uncle Ford. It’s… It’s my fault… You put me in charge and I couldn’t handle it… I let things get out of control… And because I couldn’t do my job, Addi’s party got ruined…” He looked down at his shoes and braced for a lecture from the angry looking man in front of him.

Ford’s eyebrows furrowed as the frown on his face grew.

“… Well I can’t say I’m not disappointed in any of you… Each of you had a hand in this…”

Soos raised his hand. “Did I, Dr. Pines?”.

“No, Soos.”

Soos let out a sigh of relief.

“What the heck were you all thinking? First everything that’s already happened to Addi and when we finally have a chance to make to situation a little better, you all pull this stunt? I’m not mad but we’ll be lucky if Addi doesn’t break down into tears at this poi- huh?”

Ford was interrupted by the sound of laughter. He turned to see Addi wiping a tear from her eye with a smile on her face. He gave his assistant a confused look as she stepped into the confrontation.

“I love it! This is honestly exactly what I needed for today!” She snorted a bit as she continued laughing.

“Oh no! Addi’s so distraught with grief that she’s going nutso bonkers! Someone get a straight jacket!” Soos declared as he pointed at the woman.

“N-No! I’m really happy!” She smiled and calmed herself finally. “You guys went through all this trouble just to make sure I had a good birthday? That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” She pulled Dipper and Mabel into a hug. “Thank you so much.”

“But… We ruined it. Everything’s destroyed.” Dipper’s confusion was obvious in his voice.

“So? Ever hear the phrase “It’s the thought that counts”? You guys brought out a FLAME THROWER just to make sure all the candles were lit on time before we came back! Who else would do that just to make someone happy?” Adeline was smiling from ear to ear. She then turned to Ford.

“And YOU were going to yell at them for it?”

Ford rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. “I-I honestly wasn’t expecting this reaction from you. You’ve just been so down about your birthday… We all wanted to make it a good one.”

“It IS a good one. The best I’ve had in a while. I got to see my old friends, I’m getting to spend time with my new ones who put together an amazing party for me, and we’re all together to enjoy it. Why wouldn’t it be a good one?”

Stan tossed the now empty fire extinguisher away. 

“See? I told you she’d like anything you threw at her.”

“Stanley!” Ford still had an angry look at his brother until Addi pulled them both into a hug.

“Thanks guys. This is DEFINITELY a birthday I’m never going to forget.”

“OH!” Mabel pulled out the scrapbook from it’s hiding place, undamaged by the previous excitement. “Happy Birthday, Addi! We might not know how old you are, but you’re timeless to all of us!”

Addi gave a surprised look before thumbing through the pages, smiling and tearing up as she looked through all the pictures. “This… This is perfect… Thank you everyone…” 

The Pines family gathered around her for a group hug as Mabel gave Waddles the signal to snap the camera resting on a tripod in front of him. 

A picture of Addi and her friends smiling happily now placed in that final photo slot in the album.

[andrewmoocow]

Fooly Falls chapter 5: Don’t Lose Your Way (originally posted on August 21, 2017)

“Ah, another fine day in this dirty riff-raff town.” Preston Northwest said to himself as he overlooked Gravity Falls from his office window. “Perhaps I should've started out somewhere nice like Colorado.” he added before he heard the door open. “Mr. Northwest, sir!” an employee exclaimed as he rushed in.

“We seem to have obtained security footage from our Medical Mechanica factory last night!” he explained, which caught Preston's eye. He turned around in his chair to face his employee, only to find himself spinning in it. “Oh not again, can someone stop this chair?” the billionaire groaned before his butler grabbed hold of the back. “Thank you Phineas.” he thanked getting up.

“Alright Lawrence, show me the footage.” Lawrence turned on a screen to show footage of a group of individuals standing atop the factory. “Last night, two children accompanied by a pair of senior citizens, a Medical Machine and a girl with a Vespa bike have trespassed on factory grounds during the D.I.I's Satellite Geo-Saki's collision course with this town. Much later on, the footage started giving out as three more people appeared before it cut to static.”

“Wait a minute, rewind and zoom in on the one with the guitar.” Preston ordered as Lawrence did just that, focusing on a boy that was all too familiar to the philanthropist. “Oh goody,” he grimaced. “you.”

Dipper, Mabel and Ford were sitting down in the living room watching an episode of Ducktective. “I don't get it, what's the appeal of this series?” Ford wondered as the show's title character and his partner the constable solved another case. “The creator was inspired by his childhood where he and his pet duck would solve mysteries together.” Mabel replied. “Yeah, and he also made this with the whole family in mind.” Dipper added. “Silly jokes & fun adventure for the kids and some witty humor for the parents.”

Just then, they heard Haruko yowling as Stan came crashing down from the ceiling. “Hey, what's going on here?!” Dipper shouted to Haruko before turning to his grunkle, who was wearing a red jacket for some reason. “Aw come on babe, play nice now.” Stan muttered woozily, still reeling from the fall.

“NOT IN A HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS WILL EVER GET ANYTHING FROM ME EXCEPT TONS OF BULLETS TO THE FACE YOU OLD COOT!” Haruko screamed as she fired at Stan with a rifle. “Hey, calm down there!” he exclaimed in reply.

“What's with the red jacket Grunkle Stan?” Dipper wondered. “Oh, I got it from another one of Soos' anime. I think it's called The Wolf, about a cool thief with a love for the ladies.” Stan explained as we then cut to Canti washing dishes. “This was the jacket he started out with and a favorite of the original author Simian Slam. What, do you prefer the green one from Palace of Shamballa?”

“Okay, I'm going up there to give her what's what.” Dipper sternly proclaimed before marching up the stairs and opening the door to their attic room only to lay his eyes upon Haruko wearing nothing but a pink bath towel and shaking Gompers the goat in her arms.

“What, are you saying I have personal feelings for that kid?” she asked the goat, who bleated in reply. “I don't think so! The reason this mission has been delayed because the channel to N.O isn't open!” As she continued speaking to Gompers, Dipper watched in shock as she waved her butt in his face. “It's not about liking or disliking! Damn, the connection's dead.”

When she tossed Gompers to the ground, she turned towards Dipper smiling. “Oh my, were you listening?” she asked him. “Can you please put on some clothes? Puberty is pretty crazy you know.” the boy replied shielding his eyes.

“How's this?!” the Vespa woman exclaimed now dressed like Elvis Presley, complete with large pompadour while a chalkboard appeared behind her. “I meant normal clothes. And where did you get that board?” he said. “HARUKO'S MASTER THE GUITAR IN ONE MILLISECOND CLASS, YEAH! SIGN UP NOW!” she hollered.

“I think this is the part where I lose my mind.” Dipper said turning to the readers before he got fired at by Haruko with her rifle. “Grab a guitar and you can be a pop idol!” Haruko shouted some more. “Chicks dig it dude, pyon!”

“Pyon?” her younger friend questioned. “Like Filter, or Slash!” she continued on as her pompadour and her head got bigger. “Like Red Hot Chilli Peppers or Rage against the Machine or Richard Gene!” she screamed as her head became as big as the attic could take it. “Wait a minute, Richard Gene isn't a-” Dipper began before getting shot at again.

“You have to learn to say it like a cool rock dude pyon! Guys like Jimi Hendrix all started out like this!” she explained loudly before spinning her bass like a helicopter blade and hovering in the air. “Haruko wait! What's going on?!” Dipper exclaimed before getting shoved into his bed with Haruko on top of him, now back in her bath towel.

“You know it's dangerous to wave that thing around like that.” he stated blushing. “Use your guitar again Takkun, just one more time.” she purred. “Speaking of which, that was fantastic last night.”

“Not interested right now, now can let me go already?” Dipper responded. “I should teach you how to be a man Takkun.” Haruko giggled. “Yeah, like you know how!” he snapped back before he was shoved into her face by his horn until they locked lips, and conveniently enough Mabel & Stan walked in on them.

“Aha, I knew it all along!” Mabel cheered as she started taking pictures. “Wendy owes me big time!” The old trickster on the other hand was completely stunned as his face went red, then blue and every other color of the rainbow.

“Oh Takkun, that's more like it!” Haruko said. “No, this isn't what it looks like! It was my horn!” Dipper tried to make something up. “First kiss, good one!” she replied. “Liar, our first “kiss” was technically the first time we met when you gave me CPR!” he snapped back before Stan let out a mighty roar. “I can't believe it Takkun, you've been havin' sexy times with a hot chick and didn't bother to tell me!” he exclaimed. “And what's worse, that's my partner you were smooching!”

“Like I said, it was my horn!” Dipper tried to defend himself before getting shot at by his great uncle. “That's it kid, you're grounded.” Stan finally said whipping out a pistol. “And by grounded, I mean I'm putting you six feet under! We shall have a duel to the finish, winner gets Haruko's love and a box of Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks.” he announced.

“I'm for it!” Haruko interjected raising her hand. “You know what, forget the duel! My weapon's yours Haruko!” he exclaimed leaping out of his clothes before getting slammed into the wall by a boxing glove that came out of nowhere.

Later that day outside the Mystery Shack, the duel between great-nephew and great-uncle was about to begin. On one side were the twins & Haruko while the other side was Stan, Canti and Soos. “What's the matter kid, too chicken as usual?” Stan, dressed as some sort of heavy weapons guy, boldly proclaimed. “C'mon, show yourself and fight me like a true man!”

As Dipper was hiding in the tall grass, Haruko snuck up on him and tangled around him like a snake much to his displeasure. “What are you doing Haruko!” he exclaimed. “Aw come on bro-bro, Team HaruDip has to get along so that we can win.” Mabel said. “I even made team sweaters for everyone!”

She was currently wearing a yellow sweater with the P symbol from Haruko's Vespa and a blue pine tree on it. “This is no time for sweaters Mabel, one of us might be killed by our own uncle out here!” he replied.

“Are you sure about this Mr. Pines?” Soos stuttered as he tugged on the dogtags and red T-shirt he was now wearing. “I mean, it's perfectly normal for a little boy to have the hots for an older girl. Like when Dipper had that crush on Wendy.” he explained. “Not right now Soos, it's the principle of the thing!” his boss replied. “Oh Takkun, save me!” Haruko moaned from afar as she continued smothering Dipper. “Now's your chance Soos, fire!”

“I'm so sorry dudes!” Soos winced before he fired at the opposing team. “You better not be eating those fishsticks Ford, they're for the winner!” Stan called to his brother sitting on the porch, who already ate one. “Uh, they're all here Stanley!” Ford replied trying to hide the fishstick he ate before taking notice of a small car near the shack which a woman rose out of. “Can I help you miss?”

“Target sighted commander! It's blue, I repeat blue!” she spoke into a cellphone as she picked up an anti-tank rifle and aimed it at Canti. “Are you sure it isn't red Kitsurubami?” a voice on the other end asked, which happened to be Commander Amarao at a hair salon.  “So the blue is confirmed then? I already have the unofficial consent of both Medical Mechanica and this town's resident billionaire Preston Northwest so we'll take care of it here so they can't interfere.”

As he put down the phone, everything turned into something out of an adult cartoon from 1997. “I have work to do so let's make it quick!” he said. “Okay, but I wanted to look cool, you know what I mean, in a manly charming grown-up kind of way!” He picked up the phone again to contact Kitsurubami. “If we screw up here, Medical Mechanica will be all over us! Just forget Raharu, she'll just complicate everything! Just take care of yourself til I get there.”

“You know, more mature-looking, something a woman that I haven't seen in a long time would think 'This guy really is a hero but also nurturing and supportive', something like that. That's what I'm looking for.” he turned back to his hairdresser before taking notice of a boy in a chair next to him receiving some candy. “Oh, don't I get one of those candies? I prefer the super sweet ones, the sweetest ones if you know what I mean.”

Dipper was charging into battle with his twin pistols before firing at and pouncing on what seemed to be his grunkle before he learned it was one of many traps set by him. “Y'know for a smart kid, you're easy to fool!” Stan boasted from afar as the boy continued falling into his traps.

“They seem to be playing some kind of game. Looks really stupid, I'm sure I can handle this myself. ” Amarao's right-hand woman continued analyzing the scene as she peered through the scope of her firearm. “Hm, who's the girl he hasn't seen in so long?”

“What are you two doing just laying around, you should be helping me!” Dipper complained as he landed back into Mabel and Haruko's hiding spot. “My guitar isn't plugged in.” Haruko replied pulling out her Rickenbacker. “Don't ask bro-bro, even I don't know why she brought it along.” Mabel added.

“Are you crazy, this is a game of life and death!” he snapped back at the girls. “And squeegee, and bungee, and grungy! Oh, we're in trouble kid.” Haruko said. “Well, can you at least give me some backup Mabel?” Dipper asked his sister. “Anything for you Dipps!” Mabel cheerfully answered. “Good kid, now go out there and prove that you love me!” Haruko exclaimed kicking the twins out.

When they got up, Dipper charged at Canti with a bloodthirsty look on his face while Mabel jumped in the air with her bazooka. “Check it out Dipper, I can rocket jump!” she exclaimed before crashing down into the ground. “Oh no, Mabel down! Mabel down!” But her brother didn't seem to notice as he and the Medical Machine went all out against each other before Canti started getting fired at itself from an unknown assailant, which was Kitsurubami.

“Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, cobalt blue!” she exclaimed with each shot from her anti-tank rifle. “It's seven of nine, he's a sign!” When she got his head in her sights, she fired again. “CYBORG!!!” she screamed taking one last shot. “Cyborg my butt!” Haruko shouted back batting the bullet away from her as Dipper continued fighting Canti.

“Actually, confusing cyborgs with robots is a common misconception.” Ford stated. “But there are a few cyborgs who are mostly machine, like this policewoman I've met who's only organic part was her brain and strangely looked a bit like Scarlet Johansson-” He was interrupted when the bullet flung back at Kitsurubami's car, blowing it up and tossing her into the fray.

“Take this squirt!” Stan cried charging towards his great-nephew before being knocked over by the government agent and sent tumbling around. “Soos, Canti, you're on your own for now!” Dipper however saw this as an opportunity to land the killing blow. “Alright, one more shot and I win!” he proclaimed as he prepared to pounce on the machine before being interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Hi Dipper!” It was Pacifica, who had come by for some reason. “Oh no Paz, get out of here!” Dipper exclaimed jumping in front of her as Canti fired one last bullet at his torso, knocking him out. “Oh no dude, you alright?” Soos cried rushing to the boy's side. “I'm fine Soos, I just don't know how I could survive that.”

“And by the way Canti, I get three time-outs!” he turned to Canti, who blankly stared at him in reply. “Don't give me that look!” Dipper exclaimed much to the heiress's confusion. “Are you okay there Dipper?” she asked. “Oh, it's just that my great uncle wants to kill me because he thought I got 'busy' with his new friend.” he answered. “So what are you doing here anyway?” he wondered.

“Oh yeah, my dad sent me out here to tell you that he's kinda ticked off about you trespassing on his Medical Mechanica factory.” Pacifica said. “Speaking of which, is this Medical Machine like, your servant or something?” she asked. “Yeah pretty much. Hey Canti, can you go to the grocery store?” The machine did as it was told as it soared off into the sky. “And remember to get the candy Mabel likes!” Dipper called.

“So what was that about your father?” he asked turning to Pacifica. “Like I said, he got pretty mad about you and your family stepping on his territory when that big satellite nearly killed us all last night.” she stated. “And I saved us!” Dipper responded fiercely.

“Wait, you did what?” his rich blonde friend stuttered. “Yeah he did, he was all bang-slam-kerpow!” Mabel exclaimed getting back up with only a few scrapes on her. “With a Gibson?!” Pacifica continued, still utterly stunned. “It's true!” Haruko replied dancing into view and glomping Dipper, while Mabel chanted “Smooch, smooch, smooch!” several times.

“And I thought that lumberjack ghost was freaky.” Pacifica said to herself before discovering Ford sitting on the porch. “Hey, is that supposed to be your great uncle? He looks so different from when I last saw him.” she wondered. “Oh yeah, that is out great uncle, but he's not really Stan.” Dipper replied. “Yeah, Grunkle Stan had this weird portal behind the vending machine in the gift shop that he used to bring his brother back from some parallel universe or something crazy like that.” Mabel added.

“He-hey Sixer!” Haruko called to the polydactyl professor while pulling at Dipper's face before he started to feel faint.

“So this Haruko woman just decided to stay at your place after nearly killing Dipper?” Pacifica asked Mabel as they walked through the woods. “Pretty much, fate is crazy that way.” the sweater girl replied. “Plus ever since then, all kinds of crazy robots started popping out of this weird horn on his forehead like Canti for example. Plus Haruko really hit it off with Stan, even coming with him on a revenge trip.”

“And Dipper was stuck into some weird shootout after your great-uncle caught him making out with that Haruko?” the blonde added blushing. “Why would you ask that?” Mabel wondered for a bit before going silent and putting a coy expression on her face. “You like Dipper, don't you P?” she said. “What, no I don't!” Pacifica claimed blushing harder. “I just think he's a nice guy, okay?”

“So that was Preston's girl, huh?” Ford wondered with his mouth full of fishsticks. “Yeah, it turns out she doesn't have the best parents and she saved my life during Northwest Fest. How she's doing now I don't want to know.” Dipper replied.

“And are you sure you have a crush on her?” the old-aged genius added, much to his younger counterpart's embarrassment. “Okay maybe I kind of do, but I'm afraid to confess my feelings to her because I'm terrible with girls.” he admitted. “I can definitely relate Dipper. One time when I was your age, I held hands with a girl who suddenly freaked out and ran away because of my six fingers.”

“And then there's Haruko.” Dipper continued. “She was initially a complete annoyance to me but as time went on, I'm starting to like her more. Maybe it's because of all the crazy adventures we went on because of her.” Ford then came to a conclusion. “Maybe it's because she has connections to Canti.” he said. “Maybe it seems that this town's weirdness has brought her here and all the robots with her. “

“Y'know speaking of weirdness, where did Grunkle Stan go anyway?” the boy wondered before his other great uncle pulled a pistol on him. “Whoa whoa whoa, I thought you were better than this!” Dipper exclaimed. “Don't fret kid, Stan left behind one of his ten guns and I want to see how durable your head is with that horn.”

Meanwhile somewhere near the Shack in the forest, a battle-damaged Kitsurubami was retching up dirt and grime from her tussle with Stan as she contacted her superior. “I'm on the ground. The attack was a failure, some old man got me distracted and I lost the target.” she spoke into the phone as Stan got up and walked away. “

That little tumble was fun and all babe, but I gotta go find Haruko.” the con-artist said. “It's a horrific entity that flies around like it hasn't heard of gravity.” Unbeknownst to her, Canti happened to float near her until she turned around and screamed.

Meanwhile back at the salon, Amarao was still on the phone as Kitsurubami started making random noises. “Kitsurubami, Kitsurubami! Are you alright?” he exclaimed into the phone before he got hit with a splash of water. “Now hold still sir, we're gonna do the hair color next.” his dyer stated as she started rubbing his red hair. “Now who do you want it, auburn, chestnust or maybe even, fooly cooly color?”

“Fooly.......cooly........” It took Amarao a while to realize it, but he recognized that voice from anywhere and the two pulled weapons on one another, with the woman revealing herself to be Haruko.

“What's with the eyebrows loverboy? An attempt at bushy masculine charm?!” she exclaimed pointing a razor at his neck. “Chicks dig the clean-cut look, that what you were thinking?!” Amarao wasn't having it as he pointed a handgun at her forehead. “Raharu!” he growled preparing to pull the trigger. “Deciding to send your little commando on a mission!” And that's when they went all out against each other with tons of firepower.

“Ow, are you done yet Ford?” Dipper exclaimed as Ford fired a few bullets at the boy's head. “Guess I am, that noggin of yours is really sturdy.” Ford replied as he tossed away the gun. “Your horn's acting up again, could it be that fooly cooly Stan keeps rambling about?” he asked noticing his great-nephew's horn as it started to wiggle.

“Hey guys, whatcha talkin' about?” Mabel wondered as she returned to them and sat down on the couch. “We were just discussing how much Haruko has changed us and Ford shooting me to see how tough my head was.” Dipper replied before taking his sister's head. “C'mon, let's go find Grunkle Stan.” Meanwhile, Kitsurubami had enough and started emptying lead on Canti. “NOOOO! STAY AWAY!” she exclaimed.

In town, Stan was charging through the streets looking for Haruko until he ran into a overweight man wearing a shirt that had a pizza on it. “Hey big guy, you seen a young lady about yay high, has pink hair and pretty much mentally unstable?” he asked panting before the pizza guy pointed at the hair salon. “Cool, thanks!”

Back onto Haruko and Amarao's firefight, the two continued giving each other all they got before standing off. “I'm not a child anymore, I'm an adult!” Amarao proclaimed putting on a pair of sunglasses. “I can buy my own insurance and everything!” Just then, dozens of other agents assembled behind him carrying guns like him.

“That robot is too dangerous. If we don't take it out, Medical Mechanica will make its move.” he explained. “You understand what they're planning and how it would affect the planet. And that thing, when it turns red, it's Atomsk.”

That last sentence alone made Haruko really angry as she opened fire on pretty much everyone in the building, shooting agents that busted in left and right until the front door was opened by Stan.

“Haruko, I've been wondering where you were!” he cried before turning his attention to Amarao. “Hello there eyebrows.” he grimaced at the head of the D.I.I. “Stan Pines, I knew you would show up here.” Amarao replied pointing his gun at the old trickster. “I'm surprised you didn't recognize me at first last night.” the great-uncle replied pulling out a gun of his own. “Was it the fake mustache?”

“You didn't have a fake mustache you idiot!” Amarao roared before turning to his men. “Pines isn't important right now, just stop Raharu!” At his command, they all dogpiled and pointed their guns at Haruko before she blasted them off her and pointed her Rickenbacker at Amarao. “You've got to be kidding me.” he groaned surrounded by the unconcious bodies of his fellow agents.

“Two against one, sounds like pretty good odds.” Stan added brandishing some brass knuckles.

Meanwhile, the Pines twins were running into town searching for their uncle. “You know bro, you've been acting pretty different lately, a bit less awkward and more awesome.” Mabel said. “Maybe Ford was right, maybe Haruko did have a part in the grand scheme of this.” Dipper boldly deducted. “Seriously Dipper, you've become so much different ever since she came here. She taught me to be braver in the face of life-threatening situations.”

Meanwhile, Stan and Haruko continued duking it out with Amarao while nearby townsfolk ran for cover, with the two tricksters getting the upper hand.

“You already are pretty brave. By the way, what's with that weird thing on the back of your head?” Mabel responded staring at the gun that appeared on her brother's head without his knowledge. “Be honest, you like her!”

Dipper stopped right there on the sidewalk as he was taken aback by his sister's words, given that he wasn't very good with romance and that Mabel's personal goal this summer was to meet a cute boy that would date her. Suddenly, he felt something click in his head as his horn burst out and planted itself in the ground before pushing him skyward as Mabel grabbed onto it.

The siren from Medical Mechanica sounded as the boy's horn grew larger, large enough to be noticed by Kitsurubami & Canti, Pacifica and all the people of Gravity Falls. Amarao, now on the ground after losing his battle with the man of mystery and his pink-haired partner and losing his large eyebrows, got up to notice what happened.

“Oh no, where are my eyebrows?!” he screamed before turning his head to the giant horn in the middle of town. “Medical Mechanica is using these machines to destroy this town and the rest of the planet, we are so screwed!” he continued on, much to Stan and Haruko's annoyance. “Yeesh, for such a calculating government agent, he sure is a wimp.” Stan mocked him. “Your friend is the one who caused all this Pines, and now we're all screwed because of her!”

“I don't care you idiot, got it memorized?” Haruko added scowling at Amarao. “Your guitar's not up to it, that's it!” he replied. “You're a million years under-evolved, you primitive monkey!” she screamed. “Whoa, take it easy babe!” Stan exclaimed trying to calm her down. “That's discriminatory language against underdeveloped planets!” Amarao shouted back before he was hit in the head with Haruko's bass before she waved it around while chanting.

“You can't do that here! Where are my eyebrows, my eyebrows!” Suddenly, a small thing appeared on the redhaired agent's forehead. “A little small as usual, but it'll do.” Haruko said plucking it off before revving up her instrument and taking off. “You handle him yourself Stan!”

“Stanley!” a voice called from a nearby alleyway. Stan walked into it to find his brother hiding. “Thank goodness you're still alive! Listen, we need to save Dipper & Mabel and the town!” Ford exclaimed. “Yep, that's the biggest one this story might put out.” Stan replied turning back to the giant robot.

“I have a feeling Diamond Brandy might show up, so I've decided to bring this along.” Reaching into a duffel bag, the genius pulled out a stone mask with a red gem on it.

“Oh mama, that looks like mob-boss quality!” the con-artist exclaimed reaching for him before his hand was slapped aside. “This is the Eyes of Heaven mask, an ancient artifact that I've recovered many years ago from temple ruins. If Diamond Brandy dare touches it, it could bring about the end of days!”

“Seriously, what does that chick see in those kids, especially the one with the hat?!” Amarao whined still looking up to the sky. “I don't know, maybe it's because he sort of has a pair.” Stan replied with a laugh.

Meanwhile high up in the sky, Dipper and Mabel were clinging on for dear life on top of the new robot's hat as it started moving towards Medical Mechanica. “If this is our last moment together Takkun, then I want to say it's been an honor being your sister!” Mabel exclaimed hugging her brother.

“I love you too Mabel, now hold on!” Dipper replied as he tried to find a way to safely return to the ground until a red light appeared zooming across the sky. It was Haruko, surfing on her guitar and wearing a Playboy bunny outfit for some reason. “Hey, it's Haruko!” the shooting star exclaimed. “Wait, why is she dressed like that?”

“DAICON FIVE!!!” Haruko cried as she fired a small guitar like a slingshot at the robot, knocking it back a bit. “Stop it Haruko!” Dipper shouted clinging on for dear life. “Please Takkun, summon Canti so that you can save us!” his sister cried ducking for cover. “Wait, are you serious right now?” the younger by five minutes boy exclaimed. “Of course I'm going to save us! CANTI!”

The Medical Machine sprung into the air and landed by his side. “And by the way, you've always known me as Dipper, not Takkun! You better remember that!” he shouted before getting eaten by Canti's torso jaws and making it turn red. As the robot pulled out a gun and started firing at the Vespa Woman, she gracefully dodged all its attack before being knocked down to the ground by one. Suddenly, Canti soared down and picked her up, seating her on its back.

Haruko prepared to attack with the slingshot again, but it proved ineffective against the mechanical monstrosity. “Ugh, useless!” she groaned throwing the slingshot away before slamming Canti's head, turning it into a cannon which fired at the gun-toting machine. It landed quite a hit, knocking it over while Mabel nearly fell off before Canti swooped in and saved her.

“It's falling!” Grenda exclaimed as she and Candy held each other close. “If this is the end of the line, then it's been fun being your friend!” the Asian girl replied before they noticed Mabel landing right in front of them. “Well, it's official. I have a fear of giant robots with cowboy hats and guns!” she exclaimed dusting herself.

“FINAL ROUND?!” Haruko exclaimed as the robot toppled over. Canti launched one final attack, which proved nothing when the robot repelled it by firing back and sending it careening into a nearby billboard. “I'm all out of ammo!” she complained before leaping into the air with her Rickenbacker in hand, but the robot aimed and fired all its weapons at her as it formed into a hand-like shape.

“Commander!” Kitsurubami cried as she and Amarao drove into the action. “I told you this was impossible!” her superior replied in panic before they were hit by a stray bullet. The bass-playing bunny continued falling as the robot got back up on its feet before she fell into Canti's arms when his screen started glowing.

“This is bad, it's heading towards the factory, it's gonna activate it!” Amarao screamed in terror before he spotted a beam of light spilling out of the Medical Machine's head. It grabbed the light and pulled it out, forming a guitar-shaped object. “It's....” Amarao said. “It's Atomsk's....” Haruko shouted in surprise.

“GIBSON EB-0 1961 MODEL!” they shouted in unison. Dropping Haruko, Canti launched itself at the robot, smacking it with the bass and finally making it fall over. It tumbled a bit before bouncing atop Medical Mechanica and turning into a giant hand. “I can't believe it, that must be the one!” Amarao exclaimed as it continued falling. “It's the real Pirate King!”

Canti struck one final blow, creating a large hole in the palm and causing a piece of machinery to burst out. Suddenly, steam erupted from the factory covering all of Gravity Falls with it. Meanwhile, Stan, Ford, Soos and Wendy were on a Mystery Shack golf cart searching for the kids. “See them dudes?” Soos asked. “No way Soos.” Wendy replied. “But we do see some kinda meteorite headed right for us.” Stan added. “Wait a minute, that isn't a meteor-RUN!” Ford exclaimed as they all ran far away from the golf cart as it met its untimely end in the hands of the clump of technology.

The red ammo fell from the billboard as the girls all watched, later joined by the Stans and the Shack employees. The golf cart crashed into a nearby fire hydrant spraying water on the glowing bullet before it turned back into their friend Dipper, followed by Haruko landing right next to him as she gazed into Atomsk's screen. “Atomsk!” she moaned.

“Dipper, you're alright!” Mabel exclaimed as she hugged her brother. “I was worried for you too.” he replied hugging her as well, before they patted each other on the back. “It's nice that both of you have their heads still attached which means your parents won't try to kill me, but now let's head back home.” Stan said picking them up by the arms. “I think you might need some rest.”

As they all happily walked back to the Shack, everything became frozen as a portal opened before them, which out climbed none other than Diamond Brandy. “Oh, did I miss the party?” he wondered as he raised a bubble around him and the Pines family. “Well, at least I get a few goodies.”

“Someone help us!” Mabel shouted pounding on the shield. “Soos, Wendy, Haruko, anyone!” Dipper added also pounding. “That shield won't work children. Outside things are going normally but here, I get to slaughter you and nobody will notice.” Diamond replied. “Now Six Fingers, I sense you have the item that I've been looking for.” he said turning to Ford. “I said it once and I'll say it again, I will never hand you the Eyes!” Ford declared. “Well then, if I can't take the mask, then I'll take your family's lives instead.” When he finished that sentence, the rest of the family became buried neck-down in the street, struggling to escape.

“Now what will it be Stanford, your loved ones or my key to ultimate power?” Brandy offered as he summoned a sword caked in blood in his hand. “You should know this sword is painted with the blood of my enemies.” Ford quivered as his brother and great-nephew & niece begged for mercy as he lowered the sword at their heads. “I think I'll start with.....” he pointed it at Stan. “YOU!!!”

“WAIT!” Ford interrupted his brother's execution by pulling out the mask. “I'll give you the mask, just leave my family and this planet alone!” The ruby gem resting atop its forehead glimmered in the light. “Very good choice.” the demon thanked him before pulling the three up like vegetables. “Now hand it over.”

“Hey wait, before you go off and destroy the galaxy, why don't you tell us your backstory? You just can't be evil because why not.” Mabel asked. “Fine Shooting Star, allow me to let you relive my past.” His fingertips glowed before he touched the Pines' foreheads, sending them all the way back to a Mayan-looking village. “Welcome to the story of how I became the monster you see today.”

“Before now, I was just another weakling that was picked on by my kinfolk.” he narrated as a young boy that looked like Diamond was picked on by other children. “Stay back, I have awesome powers that would make you wet your trousers!” the boy that would become Diamond Brandy exclaimed before throwing his hands out, expecting to release an awesome attack but nothing happen.

“Face it Deh'Go, you're not gonna go far.” one of the kids stated as they all walked away. “If you want your own powers, then why don't you just walk into a mud pit, I'm pretty sure you'd get earth powers.”

“Good Lord, and I thought Crampelter was bad.” Stan said as they all watched the younger Brandy weep in sorrow. “I just want to hug that nice and chubby baby so hard!” Mabel exclaimed as she tried to run up to the child, but failed.

“Sorry girl, we're spirits now. Meaning we can't interact with others while in this state.” Brandy explained. “My life was pretty terrible, but then everything changed when Atomsk attacked.”

He fast-forwarded time to a point where he was standing in the flaming ruins of his village. ”I wanted to help ward him off, but I failed and our home was reduced to rubble.” A short man with a bushy beard and white robes marched up to Brandy, looking very angry. “Do you realize what you have done Bu'Ran'Doy, now we have to rebuild!” the man barked as many other equally upset villagers gathered behind him. “But Atomsk is gone, that's good right?” the taller man sheepishly replied before his fellow Pole People started throwing rocks at him. “I was exiled from my home that day, but then I found help.”

Fast forwarding a little bit more, an image of Brandy drawing a circle in the dirt surrounded by a set of eight makeshift candles. “Hey, this is just like when Gideon summoned....oh no.” Dipper realized. “Indeed Pine Tree, it was at this spot where I first met a being you might know as Bill Cipher.” the demon explained as they all watched him summon the three-sided terror.

“Egassem sdrawkcab. egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!” the younger Diamond Brandy chanted with his eyes glowing blue as a familiar shape began to form, manically laughing along the way until Bill Cipher appeared before him.

“Hey there pal, name's Bill! And I suppose you summoned me for your own goals?” the dream demon greeted Brandy. “Indeed I have oh Great Triangle God of Weirdness,” Brandy replied kneeling before him. “I seek revenge on my people for shunning me all my life for my lack of special powers.”

“You mean those Pole People? Yeah, I think I can help you with that.” Bill replied as he began scrolling through different types of magic. “Which one would you like? I got water, earth, fire, air, metal, blood, etc!” All of those sounded interesting to the young Pole Person, but one had caught his eye. “I would like fire please.” he answered. “Firestarter? That's pretty hard to master.” the triangular terror said as he turned back to Deh'Go with his hand covered in blue fire. “Now do we have a deal?”

“It's a deal.” the future destroyer replied as he shook the demon's hand. “Alright, Firestarter's all yours pal!” Bill exclaimed as he started to disappear. “And remember, THE MEANING OF LIFE IS A JOKE, I WILL RETURN HERE ONE DAY, HERE'S JOHNNY BYYYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!!” Cipher had disappeared, leaving Buh'Ran'Doy with this paper rune as he cackled evilly. “Look out Cylindoria, I will return!”

“What I didn't realize was that a lone villager was spying on me and Bill.” And he was right, a villager with a prominent bald spot watched as Brandy laughed, fearing the worst for his people. “When he returned to the city of Cylindoria, he explained what he had saw to the high council and they decided to create a mask that would end my reign of terror. And the rest was history.”

With that, he fast-forwarded through the rest of his story, from the creation of the mask, him mastering his powers, the destruction of Cylindoria and being sealed by the last Pole Person, who turned out to be that same villager. “Now that we got my backstory out of the way, the mask please.” Brandy ordered, in which Ford complied handing it over. “Yes, ultimate power is mine!” He put it on and everything was silent. Then, beams of light burst out of his limbs as he felt his power growing.

Then everything went silent again as the mask crumbled into pieces and falling onto the pavement. “Thank you for your time mortal, I promise your planet will be left unharmed.” Diamond Brandy thanked Ford before summoning his sword and soaring into the sky while the shield disappeared.

“Hey dudes, we were wondering what happened to you.” Soos said with a concerned look on his face. “Yeah, while you were gone Haruko ran off with Canti because of some weird Pirate King stuff that isn't related to that pirate show Soos watches.” Wendy added. “We actually weren't gone, we were held captive by this crazy guy who wanted to kill us unless Ford handed over this mask he wanted!” Mabel exclaimed while Dipper gazed into the sky, wondering where Haruko had gone.

“Aw chin up kid, Haruko may be gone probably for good and the whole universe is in danger, but at least we got Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks!” Stan reassured his great-nephew which Ford blush. “Well that's a pretty funny story. I uh, ate them all.” he nervously confessed showing the empty box to his brother. “They tasted so good when they're raw!” Stan replied by punching him in the face.

Hello everyone, Ford here. Well this is it, the final chapter is almost here. I just want to say it's been a fun ride with you all and I really had a fun time, even if I nearly doomed us all. Join us next time for Fooly Falls chapter 6! Now go beyond, PLUS ULTRA!

[enigmatist17]

Long Time (Pines Family)

I had a good starting idea, but then it just kinda...I dunno, I hate it but I worked on this for a bit so here ya go I guess.

“GRUNKLE FORD! GRUNKLE STAN!” Mabel’s scream echoed throughout the courtyard of her school, everyone turning to watch the pink blur race over to two ratty-looking old men who caught her with grins so big they could be seen by everyone. The excited 13-year old was chattering a mile a minute as one of the men kneeled down to her height, a grin on his face as he responded to her numerous questions without skipping a beat. The other man watched in amusement, perking up when he heard some sounds nearby that sounded slightly off, Stan and Mabel not realizing he was wandering off. “Not gonna fight back anymore Dipstick?” A taunting voice sneered, Ford poking his head around a corner to see four boys surrounding a person on their hands and knees. His blood ran cold when he recognized the familiar brown hair, Dipper slowly looking up with blood running from his nose and busted lip. He grunted moments later when one kid kicked his side, recoiling from that direction in a feeble attempt to avoid a second hit, only it never came. Slowly looking up Dipper’s eyes went wide when he saw his grunkle Ford was holding one of the boys hand, his expression dark as he looked at the preteens who looked nervous at this very tall man in front of them. “Is there a problem here children?” His tone was cold as ice, the boys hurriedly shaking their heads as he advanced a step closer. “Then I would suggest you leave. Now.” No further prompt was needed as the group ran as fast as they could, Dipper slowly sitting up as Ford knelt by his side with a look of concern. “Dipper, are you alright my boy? Is your nose broken?” Ford was alarmed by the blood dripping from his nephew’s nose, digging through his pockets to pull out a handkerchief that Dipper took gratefully. “Sorry about the blood Grunkle Ford, and no its not broken this time. I just bleed really easily.” He explained with a wince, watching as Ford collected his bookbag and the scattered notebooks all around the alley, the last book he picked up being the journal Ford had helped him make. “This time? How many times has this happened?!” Ford asked, his rage barely repressed as Dipper shrugged, wincing when his ankle moved at the motion. “A lot, ever since we started school I guess…” Dipper trailed off, Ford gently examining the swollen ankle before placing one arm under Dipper’s knees and the other behind his back, easily lifting Dipper up and close to his chest. Dipper instantly felt safe as his grunkle made his way back over to Stan and Mabel, Stan instantly looking angry as he took in his injured nephew as Mabel bit her lip sadly. “Who did this? I’ll kill ‘em.” Stan groused as Ford shook his head. “Let’s get him treated first, then threaten.” Dipper smiled faintly as Ford carried him home, Mabel riding on Stan’s shoulders as she gave a brief history about the bullies Dipper had been forced to deal with for years. Their parents weren’t home when they arrived, Mabel unlocking the door and quickly running in to get the first aid kit as Dipper was placed on the dining room table so ford could better examine his foot. “Out with it kid, I want those punks name.” Stan grumbled, heart aching as Dipper let out a strangled gasp when Ford tried his best to gently remove his shoe, the dark purple bruise greeting them only riling his anger further. “Grunkle Stan, it’s fine…” “No it ain’t.” Dipper flinched at the tone in his voice, Stan sighing as he took a seat and placed a hand on Dipper’s shoulder. “This is not okay…” “Do your teachers know who is doing this?” Ford questioned, looking affronted when Dipper nodded. “And yet no actions have been taken?” “Grunkle Ford, things are a bit different when it comes to things like this.” Mabel spoke up, Stan gently picking her up and placing her beside her brother. “They have to see it happen during school, or the teachers don’t do anything. Mom and dad tried to stop it, but they never believe us ‘cause they don’t like Dipper much…” “Why?” Ford gently tilted Dipper’s head up so he could make sure the bleeding had stopped from his nose, pleased to see it was merely bruised and not broken. “Cause Dipper is the smartest in that school…and we may or may not have kept pranking the principal for the last few years.” Dipper grinned as Stan chuckled, Ford standing to go and rummage around for an ice-pack for the young boy. “Unbelievable, and I thought the school system had been bad in our time.” Ford groused, not so easily swayed as he grabbed the only ice-pack he could see and wrapped it in a towel, handing it to Dipper once he had returned. “Look Ford, don’t even think about goin’ after those kids. Laws are a lot stricter when it comes to kids.” Stan warned, knowing that this was the last thing his twin wanted to hear as he grumbled something in an alien language rapidly. “Yet they allow children like Dipper to be harmed merely because they have no visible confirmation of being bullied to the point of his ankle being twisted and a close case of a broken nose?” Ford sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, once more speaking in an alien language that was most likely him cursing like a sailor. “I refuse to accept this.” “It’s okay grunkle Ford, we only have another year and a half, then in high school we probably won’t see them again…” Dipper tried to weakly reason, Mabel nodding as the older twin gave them a wane look. “I apologize, I just…I am very passionate about this subject.” Stan gave his brother an understanding look as the younger twins nodded. “But, you’re safe right now Mason, and that is all that matters.” “You told him?” Mabel grinned at her brother, Dipper shrugging with a slight blush creeping up his cheeks as Stan chuckled. “You’re such a nerd.” “Oh shut up!” Dipper blushed as the two began to bicker good-naturedly as the older twins merely chuckled and watched. It took a fair amount of convinced Ford that Dipper would be ok before he felt good enough to return on the voyage he and his brother had interrupted to see their favored family members, and even then Ford left Dipper with a wrist-watch that also doubled as an invisible shield. The parting at the docks was sad, but both parties felt giddy when they went their separate ways once more, phone calls and e-mails made daily. The kids weren’t allowed to return that summer, the entirety of Gravity Falls of course disappointed but they carried on the best they could for another year until one day a bus drove into the familiar stop that was rarely stopped at. “IT’S DIPPER AND MABEL!” Grenda’s cries echoed throughout the main street, citizens popping their heads out of various buildings to see the bus driver help the twins unpack the dozen suitcases they had. Cheers erupted as the townsfolk flooded around the two, smiles all around as greetings were had and the bus driver was helped by several people so he could get back on his way. “It’s so good to see you guys!” Wendy grinned as she and Dipper switched hats, the almost 15-year old grinning as he had grown almost to her height. “Same to you as well!” Dipper couldn’t help but grin in return, the two chatting until Mabel’s squeal rang out at the sight of an old car chugging towards the mass crowd. Stan barely got out of the car before he was almost bowled over by the energetic hug he received, Dipper hanging back until Ford motioned him over for a less-energetic but still hearty hug. “Kids, you got here early.” Stan commented as everyone dispersed a bit from the two shrugging teens. “Sorry, bus came way earlier than it was supposed to.” Mabel explained, bouncing back and forth on her feet. “Our phones also died so we couldn’t let you know.” Dipper nodded, leaning against the car with a sheepish smile. “Here I thought Stan was forgetful about charging his phone.” Ford teased as some people laughed, the conman rolling his eyes with a grin. “So why are you guys here with so much stuff?” Soos questioned, murmurs rippling throughout the crowd as the younger twins glanced at each other. “Well…mom and dad thought it would be a good idea if we went to school with less…problematic people.” Dipper worded carefully, not wanting to give away the fact that his parents had recently gotten a divorce and had sent them to Gravity Falls until things could be sorted out. “You’re gonna be here for high school?” Wendy asked curiously, the two nodding which sent some cheers throughout the teens hanging around. “This is gonna be great!” “It so is!” Mabel grinned, the town beginning to ask questions that she and Dipper were more than happy to answer. They had never looked happier as they were driven home by Stan, the two eagerly chatting around this and that until they saw the new additions to the Mystery Shack, awestruck as they hopped out of the car to get a better look. “We figured we needed some more space, it has been a while since the old girl had an update.” Stan explained, leaning against the driver side door as he watched them grin and comment on how it looked almost like the expansion had always been there. “We thought of giving the whole building a fresh look, but it just didn’t quite sit right.” Ford commented, already unpacking their things as the twins went over to help him. The rest of the day was spent unpacking the twins’ things and catching up on just about any topic they could think of, smiles never once falling from their faces. It was good to be home, where they were loved and safe.

[orangeoctopi7]

Every Little Past Frustration

: Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 4 :

Bill watched through the eyes of a hundred eye-bats as the truck carrying his quarry barreled down the wooded back roads of Gravity Falls. The flock was closing in, despite Sixer's erratic blaster fire and manic driving. Of course, just as soon as it looked like Bill’s victory was in the bag, the Mystery Shack came into view on the horizon through the trees. The demonic triangle growled with rage and willed the flock to fly faster. He was not letting his bargaining chip get away! 

The cloud of eye bats descended on the truck. Maybe Bill’s luck was changing. The idiots had just left Four-Eyes lying in the truck bed unprotected. Bill didn’t know much about humans and the protection laws they used to try and keep themselves alive a little longer, but he was pretty sure that was a stupid thing to do even if you didn’t have otherworldly forces chasing after you.

Unfortunately, the eye-bats weren’t strong enough to turn someone to stone yet. They still hadn’t absorbed enough of the Nightmare Realm’s power. But they did have this nifty tractor beam ability, which came in handy since they didn’t have any hands or claws to speak of. A few of the eye-bats got in close enough to start lifting the scruffy hillbilly out of the back of the truck. He started thrashing and yowling in panic. 

“I TOLD YOU, YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET WHAT I WANT!” Bill crowed triumphantly. True, since he was back in the Nightmare Realm instead of possessing that time traveling loser, the only one who could hear him was Four-Eyes, but it wasn’t any fun if Bill couldn’t brag to someone.

“!Votmzrig ivskrx oory! Taht rebmemer ot tnaw t’nod I! Niaga ti ees ot tnaw t’nod I! Gnimoc si mlaer eramthgin eht…” McGucket howled.

Of course, every time Bill spoke directly to Fiddleford’s mind, the nerd had to go and be a drama queen about it! It was honestly the main reason the demon had continued tormenting the guy over the years. It wasn’t like Bill got anything out of it, he couldn’t possess the old coot or coerce him into helping the rift along. It was just hilarious to see how he reacted. Some mortals and the Nightmare Realm just didn’t mix.

Four-Eyes’s clamoring got the attention of the rescue team sitting in the truck cab. Shooting Star fired her grappling hook out the back window and snagged onto the old inventor’s overalls. Meanwhile, Sixer leaned almost half-way out the driver’s side window, blasting down the eye-bats that had been carrying off his friend; Question Mark struggled to keep them on the road while the driver was otherwise occupied.

Bill roared with volcanic rage as the truck veered around the corner, into the long driveway leading up to the Mystery Shack. They were almost to the barrier! He was not going to lose this bargaining chip, not after everything else that had gone wrong over the past few days.

The remaining eye-bats clustered around the open windows, trying to squeeze inside and block the view of the road. The truck careened through a few advertising signs, but stayed on course for the Mystery Shack. Maybe, if he blocked their view long enough, he could make them crash into the wall of the Shack and break the line of unicorn hair, disabling the shield spell.

But luck was not with Bill this week. The breaks squealed, and the truck skidded to a stop just inches away from the gift shop entrance. Sixer threw his door open and laid down some blaster fire to cover Shooting Star and Question Mark as they carried Four-Eyes inside. They were within the barrier.

“GGGGRAAAAAH! COME ON!” Bill conjured a glass just to throw it at the wall in frustration. “WHAT IS WITH THIS TIMELINE!? DECADES OF PLANNING, AND IT’S JUST ALL THROWN OUT THE WINDOW BECAUSE WHAT? PINETREE AND SHOOTING STAR ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS!? EUGCH!” 

“DiD tHeY gEt AwAy, BoSs?” Hectorgon asked, noticing his boss’ temper tantrum.

“THE ONLY REASON THEY GOT AWAY IS BECAUSE I’M STUCK WORKING WITH SUB-PAR LACKEYS!!” Bill steamed. Hectorgon took the hint, scurrying away.

It really was a shame that good pawns were so hard to come by in Gravity Falls. Since the original plan of taking the rift from Shooting Star didn’t pan out, Bill had to start improvising. And hey, he was an ageless being of pure energy. He could do that. But the mortals available to him in Gravity Falls were just so lame!

Wendy, the Cool Girl, had seemed promising. She was smart and strong, and best of all, the Pines trusted her. Unfortunately she was a little too smart. Bill had known convincing her to smash the rift was a long shot, but she would have been a real asset, had things worked out. As it was, she was a nice distraction.

Toby Determined had definitely just been a distraction. The guy was about as competent as a leaky paper cup. But he’d actually gotten most of the Pines family out of the house, so that part of the plan, at least, had worked. They’d even left the Big Mackerel in charge of guarding the place! It seemed like the perfect opportunity to try out his new pawn, Preston Northwest. Bill had been sure Stan would take the bait, but no! Everyone in the Pines family had to do the opposite of what was expected this week. And Preston was such a priss, he’d rather just make vague threats and drive off than actually do what Bill asked him to and get his hands dirty! 

Unfortunately, possessing Preston wasn’t possible quite yet. The guy was too business savvy to make a deal on a handshake. It all had to be in writing with him.

The only other viable pawn in town was Lil’ Gideon, but he didn’t exactly have easy access to the Shack right now. Sure, Bill could break him out of prison, but it’d take a lot of effort, and it’d draw a lot of attention. Not just from the Pines, but from the Time Paradox Anomaly Avoidance Squad. There were a lot of perks to possessing a time traveler, but they came with the inconvenience of having to watch his step whenever he used them.

Bill sighed as he watched Sixer through one of his effigies still left in the Mystery Shack. Now there had been a good pawn! That rare balance of competence and gullibility, of intelligence and naivety, really did only come around once in a generation! So eager to please, so desperate to prove himself, so willing to just go along with things and not ask too many questions. Too bad Four-Eyes had to blunder his way into the portal on the test run. If Bill hadn’t had to tip his hand early, he might have brought the party to Earth thirty years ago. Ah well. Fighting Sixer all these years certainly kept him entertained.

For now, Bill was going to have to make due with his current pawns. Speaking of which, his latest puppet was trying to make a break for it. Bill popped out of the Nightmare Realm and into Blendin’s mindscape. The bumbling time traveler was about to pull out his time tape and jump into the future.

“AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?” 

“Y-y-you can’t do this to me!” Blendin stammered. “I-I’m a time officer! I h-have rights!”

“OH, SORRY, MY MISTAKE!” Bill said sarcastically. “WHY DON’T YOU HURRY BACK TO THOSE JERKS WHO CONSTANTLY MOCKED YOU FOR LOSING GLOBNAR TO TWO CHILDREN. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU’D BE EAGER TO ADD ‘GOT POSSESSED BY MY BOSS’S WORST ENEMY’ TO THE INSULT LIST. THAT IS, IF THEY DON’T LOCK YOU UP FOR AIDING IN THE END OF THE WORLD!”

“I-I’ve escaped the infinitentiary before!” the time traveler protested.

“YEAH, SURE, THEN IT’LL JUST BE LIFE ON THE RUN WHILE TIME-BABY PUTS OUT A DIMENSION-WIDE MANHUNT FOR YOU! FACE IT, BLENDO, YOUR BEST CHANCE OF SURVIVAL IS WITH ME!”

Blendin opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to come up with a good comeback, or rebuttal, or any reason to refuse Bill’s offer, but he apparently couldn’t think of one. Finally, he just hung his head in defeat and held out his hand. Bill smiled with his one eye and grabbed it, taking possession of the time traveler once again.

“THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! NOW, LET’S GO FIND A LADDER AND AN AK-47!”

* * *

The flock of eye-bats dispersed once Mabel and Soos got McGucket within the barrier. Ford breathed a sigh of relief. That had been too close. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if Bill had tried to bargain with Fiddleford’s life for the rift.

Thankfully, McGucket’s incoherent screams had stopped once he was safely inside. The old inventor looked exhausted, but relieved, like he’d just outrun a raging wild animal. Ford locked eyes with him, and for a moment, he could have sworn a hint of recognition flickered on Fiddleford’s face. But then, the fatigue caught up with his old friend, and he passed out in Soos’s arms. 

Dipper, who had been keeping watch from the window, rushed over to them. “Oh my gosh, are you guys ok?” He asked, taking in everyone’s battered appearance. 

“I think I might’ve cracked a rib.” Soos said nonchalantly, as though he was talking about a paper cut and not one of the most painful injuries he could still walk on. 

“Come bring Fiddleford into my room; I’ll examine you both.” Ford instructed.

Dipper followed them in as they laid Fiddleford on the couch. A quick glance over found no serious injuries that needed immediate attention, although the old inventor definitely looked like he needed a few good meals in him. Next, Ford had Soos pull his shirt off, so he could properly check his ribs.

“Luckily they’re not cracked, just badly bruised.” Ford assured the handyman after a few moments of careful prodding. He handed Soos a small packet of some medicinal cream. “This cellular-regeneration optimizing salv should allow you to heal within the hour. I assume you can apply it yourself.”

“You got it, dawg.” Soos took the packet with a salute and left for the bathroom.

“Er, alright…” Ford wasn’t quite sure what that response meant, but it sounded like an affirmative. 

“What happened?” Dipper asked once Ford finished his examinations and just sat down, watching his friend anxiously.

“Your sister was there for it all. You can ask her.” Ford replied simply. He was trying to let the boy down gently, but the kids really were better off without him.

“Oh, O-ok…” Dipper left reluctantly, casting a glance over his shoulder as he closed the door.

* * *

“And so we skidded into the parking lot next to the gift shop like something out of Nagoya Burnout!” Mabel concluded her dramatic retelling of their rescue mission.

“Aw man, I wish I was there!” Dipper complained. “Although, I did get to see Stan psych out Preston Northwest. That was pretty gratifying.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Mabel pulled out her cell phone. “Pacifica called me while we were at the dump, but it wasn’t a good time, so I hung up on her.”

“Huh. We got a call just before her dad showed up, but Grunkle Stan told me to just let it go to voicemail.”

Mabel checked her inbox to find several missed messages from Pacifica.

“Hey you asked if my parents were acting weird earlier?” The rich girl’s voice crackled from the voicemail. “Well, my dad just asked the chauffeur to take him to your shack. Last time he wouldn’t even ride there himself, he made ME go! ...Omg he’s packing a briefcase of money. I’m gonna have to call you back.”

The next message continued Pacifica’s panic, “When I asked him what he was doing he just said he was going to make a ‘business transaction’. Mabel seriously, call me back! I am freaking out!”

“I think he’s going to try and buy your house? Either that or maybe your uncle deals drugs? None of this makes sense to me. Just call me back already!”

“Mabel! Pick up! Why aren’t you answering!?”

“Uugh, fine! I’m calling your house!!”

“Oops.” Mabel grimaced. “I guess I should call her back.”

“Do you think her dad is actually working with Bill?” Dipper asked worriedly.

“I mean, I know he’s a shady rich guy and a bad parent, but he doesn’t seem like the kind of person to make a deal with a demon.” Mabel reasoned. “But maybe Bill came to him disguised as Blendin, like he did to Toby, and offered him technology from the future or something?”

“Maybe.” Dipper agreed. “I can’t think of any other reason the Northwests would try to buy out this place. I know Stan’s made enough to support himself and run the portal, but the Shack can’t be that successful compared to all the Northwest’s businesses. I’m just worried about Pacifica. Her parents are already the worst. If Bill is controlling them, who knows what they’d do to her?”

Mabel pulled up Pacifica’s contact and started calling. Her crazy rich rival picked up on the second ring. “Now you pick up!? What happened!? My dad said Stan pulled a gun on him!”

“Sorry!” Mabel apologized, “I was on a rescue mission, I had to be stealthy!”

“And Stan only pulled a gun on him after he made it clear calling the cops wasn’t an option!” Dipper defended.

“Why didn’t you just text me?” Mabel asked.

“And leave a written record that I was trying to warn you guys?” Pacifica scoffed. “You’ve got to be kidding!”

“...Your parents go through your texts?” Dipper asked warily.

“Yeah, don’t yours?” Pacifica asked, clearly not seeing anything wrong with the practice. 

“Nevermind all that!” Mabel interrupted, “We wanted to make sure you’re alright!”

"What? I'm fine. You two are the ones living with the guy who pulled a gun on my dad!"

"After he threatened us!" Dipper repeated.

“Not in any way that would hold up in court, I’m sure.” Pacifica said, and Dipper swore he could hear her rolling her eyes.

“Anyway, we called because we’re worried about you!” Mabel broke up the argument.

“Why would you be worried?” Pacifica asked. “Guys, I’m just grounded. It’s not like my parents have me locked up in a dungeon or something.”

“We have reason to believe your parents are fraternizing with a dream demon.” Dipper explained. “Or at least your dad is.”

“Um… you’re joking, right?” the rich girl huffed a weak laugh.

“Don’t freak her out, Dipper!” Mabel elbowed her brother.

“But it’s true!”

“Hey Pacifica, sorry, Dipper’s being crazy paranoid.” Mabel forced a laugh, “But seriously though, you should keep an eye on your dad. And like, if he gets yellow eyes or something, you should just leave.”

“What!? What the heck is going on, you two? Is this another ghost thing?”

“Well I mean, it does seem like Bill’s main way of getting things done in our world is possessing people, so that’s kind of like a ghost…” Dipper answered.

“Who the heck is Bill!?”

“He’s a dream demon who wants to end the world.” Dipper explained bluntly. “But he needs something in our house to do it.”

“Are-are you serious?” Pacifica asked incredulously. “You’d better be serious right now, because if you’re messing with me I’ll come over there and buy your uncle’s filthy tourist trap myself!”

“I’m dead serious.” Dipper assured her. “What do you know about that creepy tapestry in the alcove just to the left of the grand staircase in the main dining hall? The one with the triangle eye on it?”

“Ugh, that ugly thing?” Pacifica groaned. “Mom can’t talk dad into throwing it out because it’s a family heirloom or whatever. Once I inherit this mansion, it’s going in the trash where it belongs!”

“Haha, Bill belongs in the trash!” Mabel giggled.

“So what, is Bill the guy who made the tapestry or something?”

“He’s the one on the tapestry.” Dipper corrected. “He’s the triangle eye.”

“I told you, if you’re messing with me--”

“I’m not messing with you! I know it sounds crazy, but this is a matter of life and death!” Dipper said earnestly.

“Ok, ok!” Pacifica backed off, surprised by Dipper’s sincerity. “I honestly don’t know anything else about it, though. Just that apparently it was a gift to Nathaniel Northwest when he founded the town.”

“Which we all know he didn’t do.” Dipper reasoned. “So where did it actually come from?”

“How the heck should I know?” Pacifica retorted.

“Could you maybe ask your dad about it?” Mabel proposed.

“I guess. He might find it a little suspicious if I suddenly seem interested in it though.”

“Could you at least take a picture of it and text it to us?” Dipper asked. “I didn’t think to take a good look at it while I was there, and I only remember a few vague details.”

“Ugh, ok, but you’d better help me find a good way to explain why I sent it to you once my parents find out.”

* * *

Dinnertime rolled around, and Ford still hadn’t left his room since the rescue party returned earlier that afternoon. Dipper was beginning to worry. Despite his insistence that he could live off of his nutrition pills for another three years, Ford always made a point to join the family for dinner. Even though the old researcher wouldn't admit it, Dipper was pretty sure it was because he got lonely spending all his time in the basement. The fact that Ford was absent as they dug into a plate of Mac'n'Cheese left Dipper wondering if something was wrong.

"Hey, uh, Mabel? Did Great Uncle Ford seem upset when you guys found McGucket?"

"He did seem pretty sad, but I don't think he really had time to be upset. We were busy running from Bill."

"Of course he's upset. He's finally seen first-hand how his old college buddy has become the self-proclaimed local kook." Stan said without looking up from his dinner. "Just give him some space, kid, he'll be fine."

Dipper wasn't in the habit of listening to Stan, so as soon as he finished eating he dropped his plate in the sink and snuck down the hall to Ford's room. Thankfully, it wasn't locked.

Ford looked up at him with such a dead-eyed stare when he stepped in that the boy suddenly wished he had listened to Stan.

"H-hey… um… we, uh, missed you at dinner… heh…"

"I'm otherwise occupied." Ford said quietly, not looking the boy in the eye. "Don't worry about me, I still have plenty of nutrition pills."

"Oh, uh, yeah…." Dipper scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "... That's not what I'm really worried about though."

Ford tensed. "Has there been a new development with Bill?"

"Uh… I mean, Preston Northwest did come by here and try to buy the Shack, but Stan scared him off, for now…. Oh! And Wendy wanted to know if you would help put up a barrier around her family’s house if she got some more unicorn hair.”

The old researcher nodded. “It will take time. It would be safer for her to stay here until I’m able to assemble another barrier spell.” 

“Oh, ok, I’ll let her know.” Dipper shuffled his feet. “So, uh, how’s McGucket?”

“He needs rest.” Ford watched his friend’s sleeping form carefully, still refusing to meet Dipper’s gaze.

“Um, are you ok?”

“Don’t worry about me.” Ford reiterated shortly. “Shouldn’t you be getting back to your sister about now?”

“...Mabel told you we weren’t going to stay, didn’t she?” Dipper fretted. “...Are you mad at me?”

Ford finally turned to face him. “Of course not, my boy! If anything, you should be mad at me.”

“What, why?” Dipper asked in confusion.

“I came between you and your family. I got you involved in my problems. I put you in danger. I shouldn’t-- you shouldn’t-- you’d be safer if you kept your distance from me.”

“But you are my family!” Dipper insisted. “And I was involved with Bill before I even knew who you were!”

“Because you found my journal. I still started you on that path.”

“Well, technically, I guess.” Dipper admitted grudgingly. “But that wasn’t your fault!”

Ford scoffed and looked away again, obviously not convinced.

“If you and Mabel already came to your own decision to return home, then you must have realized on some level that I am a toxic influence. I don’t understand the thoughts and feelings of other people. I’ve hurt every person I’ve ever been close to.” The old researcher watched the slow rise and fall of Fiddleford’s far-too-thin chest. “You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me.”

Dipper was dumbstruck for a moment. He never would have guessed that his Great Uncle Ford, the Author of the Journals, would feel this way. And it felt so wrong, because this wasn’t the way he viewed his uncle at all. Didn’t he know he was Dipper’s hero? Deserve better? Ford being Dipper’s uncle, and actually liking him and spending time with him, was better than the boy had dared to hope for.

“That’s not why we decided to go home!” Dipper insisted. How had Mabel put it? She made it sound so simple. “It’s not like we don’t want to stay with you. Now just isn’t the right time.”

“Not now… and not ever.” Ford said glumly. “It’s… it’s for the best.”

“No it’s not!” the boy blurted. “I know a lot of the people you care about end up hurt, and I know you have a hard time understanding why other people do things sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you don’t understand other people’s thoughts and feelings at all! That doesn’t mean all you do is hurt other people! I know because you were the first person this summer who understood me! 

“I love Mabel, but we don’t see the world in the same way. That’s a good thing most of the time, but sometimes when I try to talk to her about the paranormal, she just dismisses it as me being paranoid, or ‘dumb nerd stuff’. And don’t even get me started on how hard it is to talk to Stan about that stuff. 

“When I found your Journal in the woods, it wasn’t just an exciting mystery that fell into my lap. It was like finding validation that all the weird things I saw actually mattered. I think that Journal helped me get out of trouble just as often as it got me into trouble. And as the summer went on and I read more and saw more, it was like I was getting to know you, even though I still didn't have any idea who you were. I knew I felt a connection with whoever wrote it, so I started trying to figure out who it was. 

“Yeah, I got in a little too deep and got in trouble at a few points, but that just made it all the more amazing when I finally found out that the Author was you, and you were my family, and I wasn’t just imagining that we had something in common! And somehow, impossibly, you’re even cooler than I ever imagined because you’re more than just paranormal mysteries and cryptograms that take me ages to decode! You like to play the same games I do, and you actually take my theories and stuff seriously instead of just laughing it off or telling me I’m paranoid! And… and…” Dipper slowly became painfully aware of how long he’d been talking without any response from Ford, who was still turned away from him. “And you’re really important to me, ok? I know we’ve known each other for less than a month, but I just can’t accept a future where we can’t hang out anymore, ok?”

Ford didn’t answer for a long time. He just stared down at McGucket’s sleeping form. But if Dipper watched closely, he could see his uncle just barely keeping his breathing under control.

“You’re a very intelligent boy, Dipper.” The old researcher finally croaked. “Why can’t you see the evidence lying right before you?”

Dipper looked down on McGucket's prone form, then to his uncle, who was just barely containing his grief.

“You may have hurt McGucket, but you can’t completely blame yourself for the state he’s in now. And you obviously still feel bad about what happened, and you’re doing everything you can to help now. If you ask me, that’s not toxic. 

“I know you’re scared of hurting the people you love again, but just cutting yourself off from everyone isn’t gonna help, even if it seems like the easiest option. I think you just need some people who love you back and are willing to help you learn to be better.”

Dipper decided to take a risk and stepped forward, tentatively hugging Ford around the waist. His uncle tensed for a second at the unexpected contact, but his rigidity crumbled after a moment. The old researcher dropped to his knees and hugged his nephew tightly. 

“Thank you, my boy. I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear that.”

[andrewmoocow]

Fooly Falls 2 Chapter 6: Ride on Shooting Star (originally posted on June 25, 2019)

AN: Parting is such a sweet sorrow as they always say. Welcome my friends to the final chapter of Fooly Falls 2: Ride on Shooting Star, where we'll have to say goodbye to Gwen, Tyrone, Arnold, Haruko, Jinyu, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Ford and all the others. It's certainly been a fun ride with laughs, tears and Rick & Morty references all around, but all good things must come to an end.

D JDODFWLF SKRHQLA WRZHUV DERYH

RQH JLUO ZDQWV WR VKRZ LW KHU ORYH

EXW LW ZLOO FRPH DW WKH FRVW RI VR PDQB OLYHV

DQG VKH'OO ILQDOOB NQRZ KRZ WR FUB

--

"What's going on?! What is this?" Gwen asked as Atomsk's crimson hue began to wash all over the Oregon town while she came face to face with Haruko, who was sadistically ecstatic to see him again. "It's here, it's here! IT'S FINALLY HERE!"

"So wait, is that the big bird Haruko is constantly on about?" Tyrone asked his great-grunkle Ford. "It must be. Who else could give off energy that insane?!" Stanford exclaimed shielding his eyes. "We have to split up everyone! Juan, Jorge, Wendy, you go find a way to stop this chaos! Ezra, get Pacifica, Soos, Melody & Abby to safety at the Mystery Shack! The rest of us will-"

Ford didn't have enough time to give further instructions before Haruko smacked her bass on the coaster tracks and making them contort into the shape of a birdcage that she stood proudly atop of.

"Hop on my chair everyone, we're going up!" Stan commanded. Tyrone, Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Kanda, Ian and Leia clung onto his flying wheelchair when Leia felt Ezra's hand touch her shoulder. "Something up Ez?" she asked Candy's son before he grabbed her hand. "If either of us don't make it out alive, I just want you to know," Ezra confessed. "that yes. I did indeed find you attractive in that bathing suit."

The two teens kissed each other on the lips while Ian and Tyrone watched proudly. "My man." the pair declared in unison. "One last kiss in the middle of the apocalypse before the heroine goes off to help save the world. That sounds like a good scene for a post-apocalyptic romance." Ian muttered to himself. "Kinda like that old zombie movie."

Meanwhile, Gwen clung onto the giant birdcage still angry at Haruko when her newfound mechanical half began reacting to Medical Mechanica. The factory and the theme park castle emitted red energy waves that vibrated all the way to the cage, causing Atomsk to appear and begin absorbing everything in its path.

"Are you satisfied now?" Gwen asked finally reaching Haruko. "All this! This is what you wanted, right? Your dream's being fulfilled, so just go back and leave us alone! And give Arnold back. Please."

"And if you don't wanna leave, I'll make you leave myself!" Stan snarled catching up to her great-great niece with the others clinging onto his futuristic wheelchair. "Ford, gimme the formula!" he ordered his brother. "But I haven't even finished mixing yet! It's still highly experimental so it could kill you!" Ford exclaimed stirring his superhuman formula in its beaker with a popsicle stick. "Or give you that bad stomachache I've talked about earlier. Who knows?"

"Oh Gwennie, didn't I teach you anything?" the Vespa Woman mockingly scolded the younger girl. "Give this back! Give that back! Oh give it back please, because it's all about what I want! I want everything to be mine! Give it to me! More! You're like a child throwing a tantrum. You think you can get things by asking, that if you're crying and stomping on the floor, people will simply give you what you want."

"Look who's talking rosado-scalped broad!" Stan jeered coming to Gwen's defense. "Say that again Fezhead." Raharu snarled back. "LOOK. WHO'S. TALK. ING." Stan repeated very slowly, putting extra emphasis on his wrinkled lips. "Instead of bitching and moaning until you get what you want, you instead commit full-blown genocide so that you can have a bird put his spirally dick into your honeypot."

"If I can't just ask, what should I do?!" Gwen cried pounding her fist on the ground. "Hand it over." Haruko suggested holding out her hand. "If you want something you don't have, then you must hand over whatever you do hand. That's called balance."

"You're making a deal?" Gwen wondered. "My dad has bad experiences with making deals." she added. "Don't worry squirt, just give your power to me and the status quo will be god again." Haruhara affirmed. "Is that your final answer?" Gwen continued, and Haruko just smirked. "You're responsible for your own responses."

"Despite what you think, we all learned something." Gwen declared standing up. "It's time to stop acting childish, open ourselves up to others, let old grudges go, build our own purposes in life, be more patient, love who we are and not let negativity catch up to us. And that's why, I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE IT!"

"YOU GET A GOLD STAR!" Haruko declared with a snap of her fingers when she was met with a punch to the face from Gwen while red energy burst from the younger girl's head. "That's it, give it to me!" Haruko exclaimed swiftly dodging all of Gwen's attacks. "More! More!"

"I think Gwennie might need our help. Ford, gimme the formula now!" Stan shouted to his brother. "Okay fine, but don't say I didn't warn you!" Ford resigned dropping the vial in the con-artist's hand. The old man just gazed at the beaker in his palm for a few precious seconds before smashing it in his grip and chugging down the fluid within. Stan felt something change within his elderly body, and he was loving it. "Time to swat some wasps, SUPER STAN STYLE!"

Bursting out of his wheelchair, Stan roared at the top of his lungs while his muscles bulked up, his pupils turned pure white, his whitening hair dying itself golden brown while growing down to his waist and his eyebrows becoming completely nonexistent. "Now, let's finish what I started last chapter!" he roared zooming towards the two fighting girls and punched his former friend in the face, sending her flying into the mountainside. "You wanna fight now?!"

"COME ON!" Haruko screamed charging at her ex-partner with her Mustang in hand and the pair clashed. "I ain't letting you take Atomsk away from me you old hag!" she shouted beaning Stan in his nose. "I don't want Atomsk, I just want you to leave my family alone!" Stan replied with a nasty piledriver into the streets. "At this rate, I might as well report you for full-blown pedophilia!"

"Whoa-ho, do NOT go there Fezhead!" the Vespa Woman exclaimed stabbing Stan in his pectoral-covered chest with the head of her guitar. "Ain't no government gonna hold me down, because chances are they'd be too stupid to actually keep me down!"

Atomsk's eyes gleamed and fired a large red beam from his beak at the brawling duo, briefly consuming them in crimson energy. When the blast subsided, the pair were motionless. Then, they roared ferociously and their battle began once again, the two of them wearing the Pirate King's chains to beat each other with. "THIS POWER, IT'S JUST WHAT...I'VE WANTED!" Haruko snarled overflowing with Atomsk's awesome power while clawing at Stan's face. "I NO LONGER NEED YOU OR YOUR FICKLE FAMILY! I'LL JUST LET THIS PLANET BECOME NOTHING BUT DUST WHILE ME AND MY HUBBY TRAVERSE THE STARS!"

"NO! WHEN I'M DONE KILLING YOU AND YOUR HUBBY TO DEATH, I CAN LIVE QUIETLY ONCE MORE!" Stan replied shrieking and grabbing Haruko by the neck. "ALL ABOARD THE EVISCERATION EXPRESS!" he boomed preparing to grind his enemy's face on the pavement. "NEXT STOP, PUNISHMENT PLAINS!"

"Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse, they got even worse than any worse!" Dipper panicked lighting up six cigarettes in his mouth. "We've been over this Dipper, you need to lighten up on the nicotine!" Ford exclaimed. "I know Ford, but after these six I am done." Dipper responded. "Besides, it's helping me think up a plan to save Stan & Raharu from Atomsk!" He lightly scratched his chin for a few moments in deep thought before an idea kicked down the door in his mind. "Wait, that's it! We need music! Gwen, go back home and fetch Mabel & I some guitars! It's the only way we can save the world!"

"O-okay dad." Gwen complied hugging her father with her single metallic hand before jumping off the factory and running back home. While running amongst the panicking townsfolk trying to flee from both the battle of the tricksters, the war on Medical Mechanica and Atomsk, the cyborg girl became cornered by several lanky black robots with what looked like television sets for heads that displayed one message: "LEAVE NO EVIDENCE."

"I've got your evidence right here!" Gwen shouted sending all the robots flying while spawning red energy waves that zipped their way to the birdcage, but more of them just kept coming. Gwen just rolled her eyes in exasperation before running off and paying them no mind. But she also unknowingly caused the energy she emitted to attract Medical Mechanica and create little turrets that launched giant balls of mochi raining from the sky.

--

Unlike the rest of the fleeing citizens, Aiko strolled down the street with a very full backpack ready to leave Gravity Falls before she turned around to see the mochi falling from above. Knowing what she has to do, Aiko went about-face and returned to her father.

"Hurry, we need to evacuate!" Masurao panicked packing up a large bag ready to leave town while Eyepatch practiced some punches. Suddenly a pumpkin bounced down the stairs in front of him before mochi destroyed their house.

As for Gwen, she finally returned home and searched high and low for any guitar-like instruments her father had kept hidden. However a large ball of mochi came whizzing downward to her house and when she heard the noise of it falling, she searched even faster. "Shit! SHIT SHIT SHIT, QUADRUPLE-DECKER SHIT!"

Fortunately, Gwen found Haruko's old Rickenbacker and the Mustang she gave Dipper & raced outside just as the mochi destroyed their house. "Quintuple shit." she groaned in defeat looking back at the destroyed cabin before turning her gaze back to the chaotic iron. "Hang on everyone, I'm coming!"

In the town square, Stan and Raharu held each other back by their fists and screamed so loud that their combined volume caused the street beneath them to crack apart with rubble gently floating in the air. Ian and Leia watched from afar with binoculars and popcorn on top of the birdcage. "So who do you think'll scream the loudest?" Ian asked his eldest younger sister. "I'm more concerned about the tiny rocks they're making fly off the ground." Leia responded. "We're gonna have to try that sometime."

"Maybe we could stick it in this new movie I'm pondering. I feel like I've found my calling in life and mostly resolved my character arc!" Ian exclaimed. "Wanna join me and become the next Wachowskis?" he offered his sister, who comedically burst into tears and gave her brother a slap on the back. "Of course I will! Thank you for helping me put an end to my arc!"

"We can discuss character development later you two, Gwen's back!" Tsukata announced calling attention to Gwen returning to her family and friends with the two guitars. "Oh thank you so much pumpkin!" Dipper cried snatching the Rickenbacker out of his daughter's hand while Mabel took the Mustang. "So why did you want these bro?" Mabel asked. "It's like on TV, music should definitely be the answer." her brother answered feeling sure of himself. "Now come on, or else we're all doomed!"

While tuning up their instruments, Stan's wheelchair began setting up a microphone and sound system that Dipper used to transmit his message to the battle between Stan & Haruko. "Testing one two three, found an elephant in my pajamas, Topeka Kansas." he began warming up before making a speech. "Uh, hello people of Gravity Falls. I know what you're all thinking, how can I be doing something like this when everyone we love is turning to delicious treats?" he asked the remains of the crowd not turned to mochi. "Well, I'm mostly doing this to help out two people who are currently fighting so that they can cooperate in helping us not die. And so, I dedicate this song to those people. I give you all, Ride on Shooting Star."

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Mabel screamed into the mic and opening with a guitar solo. "Sitting up on this orange slide, it reflects the sky. Kind of like sponging off some pride, being dangled high." Dipper began singing. "SPIDER! I'm trapped in this web, so apprehensive! But it's okay so I won't hide it. I just wanna dream, in color TV!"

"Oh yeah, yeah, yeah!" Mabel picked up for her brother. "Ride on shooting star! This voice that lives in my heart! Loud like the sound of a shotgun, I'll just keep singing on!"

Surprisingly enough, Dipper's plan worked and their song interrupted the fighting. "K-kids?" Stan snarled in wonder at his greatnephew and niece. "T-Takkun?" Haruko hissed in addition not even bothering to strike her opponent from behind.

"Think we should join them?" Ford asked the others during the ensuing second solo when his brother's wheelchair produced an entire array of musical instruments for them to play. "Is there anything that thing can't do?!" Tyrone shouted picking up a triangle. Gwen sat down with a pair of bongos. Leia picked up a tambourine that she shook in her hands. Ian sat himself down at the drumset and bravely grasped a pair of drumsticks in his hands. Kanda was handed an electric piano and finally, Ford was granted the Jazzmaster that once belonged to Jinyu. "This one'll be for you Jinyu."

"Oh you silly little hamster, it's time to grow up. And that vengeful, little lobster, go bring it along." Ford joined his relatives, turning the duet into a trio. "Sniper! I'll say it out loud, "So what can you see? Stuck in that world, locked up with no key." Just give me one touch, before I take aim!"

"Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! Ride on shooting star! I've searched everywhere for you!" the three Pines began harmonizing. "I'm in withdrawal, it's true! I just told you a lie!" As the song reached its climax, the Medical Machines took notice of the impromptu concert and rocketed towards the birdcage. "Ride on shooting star! This voice that lives in my heart! Loud like the sound of a shotgun, I'll just keep singing on! Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah!"

Something began to tingle within Haruhara and Stanley thanks to the song. As if they never transformed at all, the power of Atomsk began to fade away from within them, and they were left aghast in the forest. "What the hell kinda cliché did that!?" Haruko exclaimed staring at the iron. "Hey Haruko. Little help?" Stan asked now lying on the ground without his wheelchair anywhere nearby. "I know we had some serious differences throughout this tale to the point where we tried to kill each other a few minutes ago, but can you just give me a boost so that we can go back to the kids?"

"Hmmmmm." Haruko pondered. "Hehe, looks like there is some decency inside ya after a-" Stan chuckled in satisfaction when he noticed she had disappeared without warning.

"Oh goody." he groaned. "Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo." the great-great uncle began making noises. "Seriously, did people ask for this sequel? I mean, it was teased at the end of the original Fooly Falls when they were originally announced, but people have said they were kinda disappointing. Meanwhile, the only criticism that was given to this was one reader getting angry probably because their shipping wasn't confirmed. If only my mystical wheelchair would somehow pull something out of its butt to help me up."

And indeed, his wheelchair suddenly appeared without him even noticing. "Oh, well what do you know."

--

The red energy connecting Medical Mechanica to the birdcage suddenly ceased just as Haruko finally made her way back up top. "Come on, I'm right here!" the Vespa Woman cackled victoriously. Gwen tried to punch the older woman in the face, but Haruko quickly dodged. "Thank you once again Pines family!" Haruko thanked mockingly. "The time has finally come. Come to me Atomsk!"

Instead, the birdcage began to be slowly absorbed into the Pirate King's glowing plumage. "OH WHAT IS GOING ON NOW!?" Dipper screamed. "I can definitely agree! IT'S SO BIG!" Haruko shouted in reply as the birdcage rocketed upwards into Atomsk's body, along with the Medical Machines and Stan trying to return to the others on his wheelchair. "Hey guys, what did I mi-AAAAAAHHHH!"

The giant iron began spiraling out of control firing mochi everywhere that consumed the citizens. Juan and Jorge manned Jinyu's Bel-Air while driving like mad trying to escape. "Someone, help me!" Sammy Determined begged before he was petrified by the dangerous sweets. "This is not how I wanted to go out." Tarot Turner groaned in exasperation as he joined the other people in becoming one with the mochi.

"This is bad, we have to get out of here captain!" one of Tonkichi's subordinates suggested in a panic. "No, we can't!" Tonkichi shouted defiantly. "Gather round men, listen to me! You young'uns are the ones who will fuel space!" he exclaimed revealing that his eyes have begun to glow a bright yellow. "I am never going to give up on you-" Before the theme park owner could finish, he accidentally stepped on some mochi and was instantly petrified.

--

"Hey, are you okay?" Masurao asked Eyepatch while struggling to free himself from the remains of his house. "The champ's alright with the champ's destructive punch!" Eyepatch answered deliriously. "It's not a-" Before Masurao could finish, Aiko finally returned to him. "Aiko. You actually came back for me." he muttered with hope while the mochi slowly consumed him. "Unfortunately, it's a bit too late now. Medical Mechanica is somehow planning to capture that monster with his own mochi. But I don't think it's possible without the potted plant. Aiko, you were going to be our last hope. Who would've guessed that when it came time, I couldn't bring myself to use my own daughter?"

Reaching back, Masurao then pulled out the same jack-o-lantern his daughter had kept in the closet. "Just take this and get outta here!" he urged Aiko, who simply let out a sharp exhale. "I don't want it."

"Just take it young lady! I know why you were saving all this money, to buy your freedom!" the capped male panicked, while the mochi continued to rain down. "You may as well take it, consider it prize money." Eyepatch added with his face covered in mochi. "There's been a knockout and the 10 count has already begun!"

"Go Aiko, you're finally free!" Masurao stuttered one last time and as soon as Aiko took the pumpkin, her father and Eyepatch were finally turned to dango. "What should I do?" Aiko pondered despondently when her phone rang, displaying multiple missed calls from Juan. "The potted plant." she realized deciding to answer one of those calls. "The trigger."

--

In another dimension located inside Atomsk, Gwen's head burst out from beneath the rubble, followed by her family, friends and Haruko. "Is this Atomsk's insides?" Mabel asked gazing in awe at the destroyed city surrounding them. "Kind of expected them to be more gross."

"Where the hell did my bat go?" Haruko wondered looking around when she discovered Older Man McGucket chatting with a familiar television set on a table. "Wassa motto with you little guy?" the hillbilly asked. "You were all hale and hearty just moments ago."

"Fiddleford?!" Ford exclaimed at the sight of his old friend. "Canti!?" Haruko, Dipper and Mabel added in unison. "Oh great, he's here too? If the others were with us, it'd be one big family reunion!" Stan snarked.

"Maybe it was something ya ate little guy." Fiddleford guessed continuing to fiddle with Canti's head in an attempt to bring him back.

--

"Is this a real date?!" Juan squealed adorably while Aiko took the driver's seat of Jinyu's car. "If you shut up, it might!" When more mochi came flying down upon the group in the hotrod, Juan romantically took the wheel from his girlfriend with a goofy giggle. "So this must be that prostitute of a girlfriend of yours." Ezra stated adjusting his glasses making the younger boy go from lovestruck to angry at his brother. "HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU TELL YOU DICK?!"

"Just gonna be honest. All of them." Jorge replied lowering his sunglasses. "All of them!?" Juan garbled in shock. "So all we gotta do is find some plant? Okay, but where could we find it?" Wendy asked. "I got it! It's gotta be at Arnie's place!" Juan deduced. "Think he took it home after the whole Haruko voring Jinyu thing."

Upon swerving through the piles of mochi, they arrived at a small villa that Mabel, Pacifica and Arnold called home. "Here Planty the Potted Plant, come out wherever you are!" Soos called out for the plant. "Hey Wendy, I want you to be honest with me from one mother to another." Pacifica said to Wendy. "Do you really think I'm way too overprotective of Arnold?"

Wendy tried her hardest to not dance over the issue, but she finally decided to be honest. "Yeah, you pretty much are. Maybe that's why he's such a nervous wreck all the time." she answered sheepishly. "You gotta just, I dunno, let him be a kid for just a little while longer. Heck, mine are fighting for their lives up there and they're A-OK!"

"Found it." Aiko announced holding the rediscovered pot in her hands. "Well, that was scarily quick." Ezra commended.

"Come on now little guy, rise and shine!" McGucket exclaimed hitting Canti's head and making it fly to Gwen's feet. The head turned on and changed to green static, which coincided with Aiko's eyes changing to the same pattern. "Wow, what's going on?" Soos shouted in awe before the leaves on her head and become an antenna to transmit a signal from Gravity Falls all the way to inside Atomsk.

"Hey, what's up?" Wendy asked grabbing onto Aiko. "Are you okay there?!" Coincidentally, Canti's head began to display her on its screen catching Gwen and Tyrone's attention. "Mommy?" Gwen gasped. "Hi mom, we're inside a giant space bird!" Tyrone added cheerfully. "Is that you guys? Oh thank God you're okay!" Wendy exclaimed joyously. "Listen Gwen, I've been worried sick about you!"

"So now you decide to show some concern?" Gwen coldly interrupted her mother. "You literally decided that we should move to Portland for literally no reason. You're only thinking about yourself now."

"That's not true honey! All those parenting books by Dr. Lipschitz said that maybe it would be beneficial for one's child to find somewhere new to live or something like that." Wendy assured her daughter. "Though I'm pretty sure they're just as shitty as his name implies. I only want to do what's best for you and your brother, but you're both growing up. You'll find jobs, your own homes, a husband or wife."

"Wait, Portland? I think I was offscreen when Mom said that." Tyrone interjected. "Then we'll do what's best for all of us, Dad included." Gwen suggested. "Let's go on more adventures together, work at the Mystery Shack and just be a closer family. Is that okay?"

"I was stupid." Wendy answered. "I thought that as long I was at least near you guys, we would be together. But it seems that's not enough. Maybe it really is time I become a real mother to you." She brought Aiko in for a hug as if her own children were right in front of her. "I'll see you dudes soon." At the same time, Gwen & Tyrone hugged Canti's head and the message cut off. Back at the Pines-Northwest villa, everybody else surrounding Wendy & Aiko just burst into tears following the heartwarming apology. "Wait for us." the twins declared boldly.

--

"Sorry Pinkie Pie, but it's not here." McGucket gave Haruko the bad news over some tea and orange slices. Haruko dejectedly gulped one down her mouth before resting her head on the table. "Well that's a problem." she remarked. "Or maybe it won't." Fiddleford responded. "I think you might be onto something Fidds!" Ford agreed. "Perhaps he came back to take back something that belonged to him."

In the distance, Haruko's own Mustang floated in a bubble in the distance. "High-strung, but doesn't look the part." the woman stated. "If you're lookin' for yer bat, then it's right ovah there." McGucket pointed towards the Rickenbacker stuck in some rubble.

"Haruko, we need to talk." Gwen determinedly stated. "That's my girl!" Stanley cheered for his great-greatniece. "All this power I've gained, I'm going to use it for the good of myself and the people I love!"

"Good for you squirt. Who would've guessed a kid would be so brave and selfless?" Raharu commended the Pines sister. "We're all getting out of here, and taking Arnold with us too." Gwen declared. "Good for you too." Haruhara added nervously. "That said, not knowing what could come next is still what makes you a kid. If you take that off Gwennie, you won't be able to stay human. Guess you're all alone."

"You keep that snake's tongue away from her!" Tyrone exclaimed coming to his big sister's side as she tried to take off her beanie. "Do you still wanna do it, nya?"

When Gwen began to lose her grip on her hat, a giant colorful worm creature suddenly burrowed out of the bone white ground tossing its claws around. Haruko confidently called her old blue bass back to her side and came charging towards the worm ready for a fight. She continuously slammed the red head while the blue middle section turned its gaze to the Pines, using one of its claws to try and snatch Gwen away just as Canti, now with a full body, came in to save them.

"H-hey, aren't you?" Gwen stuttered. "Canti?!" Haruko shouted in addition at the sight of the Medical Machine now whole once more. Canti quickly tore the claw hand away and tossed it at the worm without any effort before returning to the Pines. The machine tried its best to speak to the group, but all that it could make was random garbled noises and hand signals.

"What's he trying to say?" Ian asked coming out of hiding along with Leia and Kanda. "Don't worry gang, I've learned how to speak robot from all the old sci-fi movies I watched!" Leia boldly declared beginning to attempt a conversation with Canti through random beeps and screeches. "Think he's asking us if we know the Muffin Man."

"The Muffin Man?!" Ford exclaimed getting invested in the exchange much to Canti's chagrin. "The Muffin Man." Leia answered. "Yes, I've met the Muffin Man once." Ford continued. "He lives on Drury Lane!"

"Of course. She's married to the Muffin Man." Leia continued her attempted translation. "The Muffin Man?!" Ford shouted getting even more into it. "The Muffin Man!" the teenage girl squealed. "She's married to the Muffin Man." the great-great uncle muttered in complete awe, but Canti just facepalmed at it. "Guys, that's not what he's saying. In fact, I'd recognize that panicky body language anywhere!" Dipper deduced. "That's gotta be Arnold!"

Canti gave its former Takkun a thumbs up in reply before it began to remove Gwen's beanie. Even with the robot's struggling and the rising tension, the hat simply broke to pieces as if it were made of a harder material and energy beams spewed from the girl's forehead.

Gwen smiled softly as the beams disintegrated what was left of the beanie and gathered the rubble around her, becoming a sleek white machine with a pink BC Rich Bich. Meanwhile, Haruko continued whaling on the worm with her Rickenbacker when Gwen appeared to utterly destroy it. "Heh, pretty awesome." Haruko scoffed proudly. "So, shall we find a way out of this place and this story?"

"I was just gonna say the same thing buckaroo." Fiddleford stated beginning to part ways with his old friends. "Lotta garbage found its way here, so y'all be careful." With that, McGucket closed a door to the exit that confused everyone. "So we could've gotten out anytime we wanted?" a wide-eyed Tsukata asked before all the robots they fought in the past appeared for one last show.

--

Back on Earth, Pacifica drove the Bel-Air to the Medical Mechanica plant while struggling to deal with the combined weight of everyone in the backseat. "This is it everyone, the climax!" she declared finally reaching the iron when the car finally broke down. "And this has got to be the place." Juan announced when Aiko turned back to her boyfriend with a smile before she made her way to the plant. "Talk about a weird little girl." Wendy commented, making Juan embarrassed. "I think she's unique!"

Aiko quietly dropped the plant to the ground and broke the pot containing it, making her eyes glow green as the petals on her head sprouted into a full weed that overtook the iron. As she became one with the bark that began covering the factory, Aiko put on one last cute smile, satisfied that she had done what she needed to do.

"That's what you call unique?!" Melody stuttered in shock. "You wanted to make out with a plant little dude." Soos added just as astonished. "But then again, still less weird then how I met your mother while a psycho dating sim character was on the loose."

Haruko and Canti began chasing Gwen through the wormhole with everyone else once again on Stan's wheelchair following them behind. "OUTTA MY WAY!" Haruko screamed shoving all the robots away, leaving Ian & Leia to finally put their respective fencing and kickboxing skills to good use on the machines. "How come we didn't use them beforehand?" Leia asked her older brother kicking the automaton from chapter 3 away. "I have no idea either." Ian replied jabbing the one from chapter 1 with a makeshift epee. "Hey, there's a portal!"

"There it is!" Haruko shouted gazing upon the portal that Ian had just pointed out. "I, CAN, MAKE IT!" she screamed trying to go past it first, but it unfortunately closed on the party. "I was supposed to make it, that's what happens in the movies!" Haruko whined when she found another one. "There's another one!" she gasped continuing her chase.

Canti tossed the space storage unit containing McGucket through the vortex and proceeded to hold it open for everyone to get through. "TV-bot, no!" Stan shouted as the Medical Machine seemingly sacrificed itself for the others.

At the light at the end of the tunnel, the storage unit began hovering above Gravity Falls with everyone standing on top of it; and inside it in Fiddleford's case, safe and sound. "Now where is it off to?" Stan asked when they all found a bright red star shining above them the town, generated by Canti overflowing with Atomsk's power.

"Jackpot." Haruko smirked before Atomsk's trademark symbol transformed into the Northwest symbol. "Arnold!" Gwen called out for her cousin. "I knew it!" Dipper added. The two girls tried beckoning for the robot to come to them, but it instead opened its arms for a hug. "I see, I gotta take it!" Haruko realized. "That's right." Gwen replied. "If you want it, then take it!"

The two guitarists began clashing their basses while Atomsk watched silently. "I'll take this!" Haruko hissed like a cat as the duel went on. When she knocked Gwen down with a kick to her robot form's screen and leaped towards Atomsk while puckering up, the other girl just flied alongside her. "Oh go away Gwennie, quit being a cockblocker!"

The only answer she got was a punch in the face and a lost tooth. She then retaliated by smashing Gwen's screen in with her Rickenbacker and continued making her way to Atomsk, but Gwen's human arm burst out and grabbed her ankle. She kicked Haruko in the face while racing for the Pirate King herself to try and win back her cousin, angering the Vespa Woman. "DAMMIT!"

At long last, the war was won with both Haruko and Gwen kissing Atomsk, who made a heartbeat sound before they fell to the ground. McGucket had some soft things prepared to help Gwen have a safe landing while Canti was returned to normal, and Haruhara finally obtained the Pirate King's awesome might for herself.

Haruko began laughing evilly as she began feeling one with the giant bird while everyone watched in horror, but she suddenly began rejecting it while Canti got up. The Vespa Woman tried desperately to keep the energy down, but she instead violently barfed it out along with the Medical Machine ejecting some black substance from its monitor. "Morning sickness, am I right?" Stan quipped while feeling something funny in his stomach. "Uh oh."

The black ooze suddenly reformed into Arnold as Haruko's space vomit began taking shape as a humanoid form for Atomsk. "Okay, you better not run away." Haruha glowered while her bracelet began tingling one last time. "You became mine. Didn't you Atomsk?!" She reached out to the Pirate King and chains emerged from her bracelet to try and capture him, but to no avail. "Why, why? WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU?!"

"It's like I keep telling you Haruko, you can't-" Dipper attempted to urge Haruko into giving up her journey, but he was quickly interrupted by Kanda grasping his shoulder and shaking his head.

"It's been so long. So long since I turned on Rick to be with you, and even longer since you destroyed my planet." Haruko panted running up to Atomsk and fruitlessly punching him. "I've chased you forever, so why do you constantly refuse to be mine?!" She began crying as her punches also began to cease. "You are mine I'm telling you! You're mine! You're mine! You are!"

At the last punch, the normally brazen and brash Vespa Woman fully burst into tears over Atomsk seemingly rejecting her again. "Why won't you just look at me?" she asked beneath her blubbering. "Can't you see my body is overflowing?" The Pirate King answered by simply giving her a hug as comfort and she hugged back, even kissing him. Wings began sprouting out of Atomsk's back and he began to fly away, leaving behind a alive and well Jinyu in his place.

"All beautiful things eventually fade away." Arnold remembered Jinyu's speech about fireworks while the three kids gazed upon Atomsk's departure. When Haruko opened her eyes, she stared at her lover flying away and then at her other half Jinyu, who gave her a warm comforting smile. "I thought this time just this once, I thought I was gonna get what I was fighting for." Haruha sniffed accepting a hug from Jinyu. "See Haruko. You can't-" Dipper began while patting her on the back. "Yeah yeah you baka. Can't force someone to love you."

--

The Medical Mechanica factory began to collapse once more, only this time there would be no rebuilding it. "So an all-out attack didn't work, huh?" Tonkichi mused having already ate his way out of his mochi-covered vulture costume. He pulled a switch on his controller that caused the castle to open up and allow Imelda to see the light again. "Okay lass, you can go home now!"

"What was the point of all this?!" Imelda shouted completely in the dark about what had happened. "No reason little one. That thing probably didn't come for any reason either." the theme park owner answered seeing the Pirate King off.

Juan mourned his girlfriend's sacrifice while his present relatives offered him some comfort in these trying times. However, Wendy made him spot a sprout growing out of where the factory once was, and Aiko bloomed from it with only the pumpkin covering her. Juan managed to catch her fall and she just laughed. "Oh my tummy!" Aiko giggled and Juan soon joined in on the laughter.

Suddenly, the Department of Interstellar Immigration's storage unit crashed onto the ground next to them and the other important to semi-important characters falling off of it. "Yes, we're all alive!" Mabel cheered while she and Arnold were reunited with Pacifica. "Mommy!" Tyrone exclaimed racing to his mother's arms.

Amidst all the happy families being reunited, Haruko, Jinyu, Stan and Ford just watched peacefully. "Guess all's well that ends well." Stan declared with serenity. "And we all learned something today too. Just gotta-AUGH! AUGH!

"Are you okay Mr. Pines? You were just going to give a cliché moral!" Jinyu asked Stan. "What did I tell you all, killer stomachache." Ford declared, angering his brother. "I'M DYING YOU IDIOT!"

"D-d-dying?!" Dipper panicked racing to his grunkle's side in his final moments. "Please don't die on us Stan! You still got a few years left!" he began crying, but Stan shushed him by rubbing his cheek. "Just cut it out Dipper. This was inevitable, but I didn't think I would go so soon." the dying con-artist declared. "Before I go, I just have some final words for everyone. Dipper, keep on following your head but don't forget to follow your heart."

He handed Dipper a small piece of paper before turning to a devastated Mabel. "Mabel pumpkin, don't ever stop smiling no matter what." Then he gazed at an already depressed Ford who turned away to hide his tears. "Ford, you were the best brother a knucklehead like me could ever have." Stan moved onto Soos and Wendy. "Soos, Wendy, thank you for sticking by me as my employees."

"Please, this can't be. I don't want you to go." Soos began bursting into tears for his dying father figure. "Gwen, Tyrone, I'm so happy to have seen you grow up so much." Stan told the twins. "Arnold, you don't have to be super macho to be cool. Just be you. Jinyu, thanks for being a stellar maid. Haruko, I'm sorry for taking our feud so far. And to everyone else, it was great having you in my life."

"Just rest Stan. Just rest." Dipper began crying while firmly grasping his grunkle's hand as it got colder.

"So...this is what it feels like." Those were the last words that came out of the mouth of Stanley Danley Pines, beloved great-uncle, brother, boss, great-great uncle, friend and town hero before he silently passed on surrounded by his loved ones.

--

"Extra extra, read all about it! Stan Pines dead, this time for real!" Sammy Determined announced tossing newspapers around documenting the con-artist's passing. "STANLEY PINES DEAD" the headlines announced. Only this time, instead of faking his death while going incognito as his brother, Stan was officially deceased.

"Today, we gather here to honor someone near and dear to the hearts of many, bound together by the sorrow of loss." Ford announced at his younger brother's funeral. The entire town had assembled to pay their respects, from his surviving family, his old enemies, various townsfolk free from the mochi, Senator Gideon & President Kitaki, Tarot Turner, the various mystical creatures of Gravity Falls to even Ezra's inexplicable raccoon companion Bawuu. A memorial to Stan was erected to honor him with a gold nameplate at the base. "He had touched all of us in his rather bizarre fashion, through his silver tongue, showmanship and inane parlor tricks. To many he was a cheapskate, but to some he was...I can't take it anymore!"

Ford's overwhelming sadness cut him off and he ran off crying. Everyone was so dejected that they didn't make any effort to get him back while Jinyu took Ford's place. "Although I haven't known Stanley long, I have learned through word of mouth that underneath his hardened greedy shell was a caring man who would do anything for the people he loved." she finished for the scientist. "Rest easy Mr. Pines. Every time a purchase is made from the Mystery Shack, it will be in your name."

A small orchestra began playing "We'll Meet Again" while Stan's casket was lowered into the ground underneath his statue. Dipper, Mabel, Haruko and Jinyu began searching for the grieving Ford around the Mystery Shack when they found him all alone at the remains of the portal to other worlds beneath the tourist trap.

"Uh, hey Sixer." Haruko greeted the scientist. "Go away Raharu." Stanford coldly rejected the biker. "Now don't go all being a dick just because you blame me for your brother being dead!" the Vespa Woman argued back. "I'm just as torn up about it as you are! We were partners in crime back in the day!"

"What she's trying to say Stanford, is that deep down she is sorry for your loss." Jinyu translated for her other half. "Would you like to see his grave one last time?"

"Fine. Pretty sure Gwen, Tyrone & Arnold are still there too." Ford accepted the offer and he returned outside with the other four to the place where Stan was buried, at the former site of Diamond Brandy's tomb where his own memorial now resides. "Hi kids. How are you doing?" Dipper asked his children and nephew while they gazed upon Stan's statue. "Is this what losing someone for real is like?" Gwen pondered. "Like, no chance of them coming back?"

Canti suddenly appeared alongside them to mourn Stan's demise and gave Ford a gentle pat on the back. "Thank you very much Canti." he thanked the Medical Machine. "But it seems like we'll eventually have to move on."

"Move on from what you guys?" a strangely familiar voice called out and its owner materialized before them, the ghost of the late Grunkle Stan. "Yeah, it's me! Kept you guessing I was gone for good, huh?"

"Stan!" Dipper, Mabel and Ford screamed in joy racing up to hug Stan, only to pass right through his current spectral form. "BAHAHAHA! Really gonna enjoy seeing that!" the deceased great-uncle cackled loudly. "So anyway, why y'all looking so down in the-oh. Did you at least make the plaque under my statue say what I wanted it to be?"

"Yes, yes I did." Dipper answered wiping a tear. "So this is what death is actually like, huh? Kind of expected more mahogany desks and maybe a good place to rest in peace in." Stan murmured musing over his current state. "But anyways, at least I can literally be with you guys in spirit."

"You'll never let your loved ones go Stan, kinda like how I'll never let Atomsk go." Haruko stated, much to everyone's chagrin. "You pretty much didn't listen to any of the morals, didn't you?" Gwen groaned in disgust. "I kid you guys, I kid!" the Vespa Woman cackled raucously. "As a matter of fact, I think I'm gonna take a little break from the big guy and stop Medical Mechanica across the galaxy," she announced gazing at Jinyu. "with my new partner in crime!"

"You mean me?" Jinyu asked pointing at herself. "Yeah, a certain someone keeps telling me that I can't force someone to love me. But maybe I should instead force someone I already love to do what I want." Haruko replied. "And no, I only sort of love you now. Still hate how much of a buzzkill you are."

"Hey look, some actual growth from you! Good job Haruko!" Dipper celebrated Haruko's development. "Yes yes, hooray for me." the guitarist responded taking a bow. "Well Fezhead, guess this is it." she began saying her farewell to Stan. "The fact that you can't catch it just makes you wanna catch him even more. I get it now. See ya 'round Pinky." her old friend grinned and once again faded away, satisfied that the two had made peace with each other at last.

The mood was suddenly disrupted when Dipper's phone rang with a call from Soos. "One sec please." he told the others turning to speak with his fat friend on the phone. "Hey Soos, anything the matter?"

"DUDES, HOSPITAL, MELODY GIVING BIRTH, NOW!" the former handyman shouted from the other end of the line. "Well, you still have one plotline left dangling to wrap up. Me, my new buddy and I are just gonna stop Double-M and then get back to Atomsk." Haruko proclaimed hopping in Jinyu's Bel-Air with her Vespa & Rickenbacker in the backseat. "Vespa Twins, out!"

"Vespa Twins. Nice ring to it." Ford mused watching the pair fly off into the sunset. "Well what're we waiting for? We got a birth to attend!"

As the Pines and Canti raced off to the hospital, Stan materialized ontop of his memorial to watch as Haruko & Jinyu flew away from Earth. "Ride on shooting star, keep planting those spiky seeds to the stars overhead."

--

Upon bursting into the waiting room, Dipper, Mabel, Ford, Canti and the kids found the Ramirez siblings, Wendy, Pacifica, Candy & Ezra and Aiko watching as Soos panicked with mountains of empty coffee cups piling up in the trash. "Everything good Soos?" Ford asked the gopher-like manchild. "I'm so sorry dudes, it's just that this is our seventh kid and we're done!" Soos hollered nervously. "We'll have one to love each day of the week, but I'm so nervous I can't stand to actually be there for the big moment!"

"Hey, you're that guy from Little Asia!" Dipper exclaimed to Masurao. "Wait, those eyebrows." He took off the other man's cap, revealing that his brows were so tiny they were almost nonexistent. "So who was lucky enough to be your mother?"

"Can you please take him to see his wife already? We're at an all-time low on coffee for panicking parents." the elderly receptionist grumbled. Canti simply nodded its head and put on some maid gear to carry everyone into the hospital room where Melody was giving birth to her seventh child, just as she finished making the baby pop out of her you-know-what.

"It's a boy." Jinyu announced dressed as a doctor while Haruko put on her old nurse outfit and the two presented the new baby to Soos. "Mazel tov." the pair congratulated. The current Mr. Mystery gently cradled his newborn son in his arms with a smile. "One day little dude, you're gonna take my place."

"HEY! That's what you said to me when I was born you fatass!" Ian screamed feeling jealous that the new baby had just taken his birthright. "And me!" Leia added just as furious. "No, he said that to me!" Juan & Jorge responded in unison before the four siblings duked it out. "Older siblings." Imelda snarked. "Best to watch out for them, uh...what name do you choose Daddy?"

"How about," Soos suggested putting his fez on his new son's head. "Stan Jr."

--

Thirteen years go by and the Pines & Ramirez children have now succeeded in following the paths they have chosen overtime.

Gwen became inspired by her experiences with Haruko and took up guitar lessons, eventually releasing her own one-woman indie album titled Wasp in the Pine Tree. However from time to time, she would rejoin her family in Gravity Falls to solve mysteries together like the old days.

Tyrone would grow up to become an abstract artist, putting his childish energy and optimism to good use by literally splattering paint everywhere just because he could. Much like his sister, Tyrone would rejoin his parents back home to have fun.

Arnold inherited his grandfather's company, and sought to right the wrongs of the Northwests before him. He would also inherit the journals written by Ford when he eventually passed on.

Ian & Leia became world-renowned film directors famous for their co-produced flick also inspired by their experiences with Haruko titled Phoenix and the Shooting Stars. Although it received poor returns at the box office because more people were interested in their childhoods being rehashed, it was a smash hit with critics and became a cult classic. Leia's new husband Ezra was a frequent collaborator, often providing additional SFX and writing ideas.

Juan & Jorge would create & star in the reality series Manly Eye for the Wimpy Guy, where they along with Juan's fiancee Aiko and a group of macho life coaches would help inspire better self-confidence in down on their luck men & reshape their lives.

Imelda continued living in Gravity Falls helping to run the Mystery Shack as usual while working a part-time job as a lifeguard, finally experiencing all the years she missed out on having fun.

--

"Goodbye mom, we'll see you in a bit!" a thirteen-year old boy with short brown hair called to his mother before leaving their tourist trap home with his seventeen-year old sister with longer brown hair wearing a white blouse, blue skirt and black boots. "C'mon, I wanna see him again!"

"Okay little guy, hold your horses." his older sister tried to calm him down. "You're awful excited to see a dead guy on your birthday." Every year on the boy's birthday of July 16th, the two of them would visit the grave of his namesake deep within the woods of Gravity Falls.

The two finally reached a memorial to Stanley Pines with a plaque saying "I'll definitely be missed, but your aim will get better." Nearby was a large tombstone dedicated to Stanford Pines that was only slightly smaller than the statue, and it read "Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you are not smart or brave or worthy enough."

"Happy birthday Stan Jr." Abby smiled giving her baby brother a hug. "Thanks Abby." Stan Jr. replied and the two gazed up at the sky, where a single red star shined above the remains of the Medical Mechanica factory.

--

AAAAND scene! After nearly half a year in the works, Fooly Falls 2 is done once and for all. Thanks to all my loyal readers for sticking by my side through thick & thin and special thanks to that one guy who left this story its only review so far. I sure hope we can ride on once more but until then, stay gold.

Bang.

[fereality-indy]

Welcome To The Gravity Falls Region: A Pokemon Falls AU

Pokemon Falls: Welcome To The Gravity Falls Region

by fereality

Chapter One

Narrator: As we begin this day we happen across a sign that reads 'Welcome to the Gravity Falls Region, Home Of Professor Pines!' or least it did before a pair of kids on the back of a Pokemon barreled through it.

“Hi everyone, my name is Dipper Pines and the girl behind me on this Gogoat is my sister Mabel Pines. You may be wondering why we're currently running away from an unimaginable horror, well let me tell you what happened.”

Flashback To Earlier In The Day

We now find ourselves looking upon the inside of what appears to be the lovechild of a Pokemart and a tourist shop, the Poke Shack. The heart and soul of the town of Swindale. Along one wall there were your normal escape ropes, potions, and various healing items. But spread throughout the rest of the shop there were T-shirts, snow globes, poke dolls, and other useless trinkets. A museum full of Pokemon fossils and other local oddities was ran by the owner Stan Pines. Now I know what you may be thinking, what is a world famous Pokemon professor running a tourist trap museum in a small town like Swindale? Well that's where you would be wrong, the museum isn't ran by the illustrious Professor, but by his silver tongued twin brother. But I digress, our story isn't about either of them, Nor is it about the portly handy man who comes once a week to give the Shack a once over. It's not even about the teenage red head currently sitting behind the counter reading a magazine article about the band 'Koffing and the Toxics' out of the Unova region. No our story is about the two tweens that are just walked in the front door. Though the were a boy and a girl is was easy to see they were twins.

“Alright Grunkle Stan, we've been here a week already. When is Grunkle Ford gonna let us get our Pokemon?”, The male twin asked jamming one hand into the pocket of his blue vest, while adjusting the brim of his hat with the other.

“What, you mean you guys weren't sent up to be free labor for the summer?”, Stan asked back with his own dry humor, “Dipper are you two trying to say something about the way I've been treating you? Like you said you've only been here a week and you're already to just leave a lonely old man.”

“Grunkle Stan, no. It's not like that,” The female twin said as she reached into her purple Morelull covered sweater and pulled out a sticker book. Pulling out one she slapped it on her great uncles tuxedo jacket, “It's just that we've already waited two extra years due us moving so much thanks to dad's job transferring him so much the last couple of years. We just want to finally go on our Pokemon adventure.”

Looking down at the sticker Stan saw that it was gray with a pick Pokemon in the center. And when you factor that in with the lettering on it, it read 'I'm Happiny to see you!'. That play on words caused to old curmudgeon to smirk.

“Alright tell you what, I need some signs hung up in the woods to advertise the Shack here. You never know when some suck, er some trainer might see the sign and decide to come visit our humble Shack. While that's being done I'll see if I can get Poindexter's nose out of his studies long enough that I can find out about your Pokemon,” Stan said as he slid a stack of arrow signs out from behind a shelf of hats., “Now who wants to go hang them up.”

“NOT IT!”, both twins yell simultaneously.

“Also not it,” the handyman called from outside of a window.

“No one asked you Soos,” Stan called towards the window.

“Touche,” Soos the handyman replied before he continued to walk on around the side of the Shack making sure nothing had come loose overnight.

“And no volunteering from you Wendy?”, Stan asked the teenage redhead.

While not even looking up from the paragraph describing how Roxie uses her Koffing as a fog machine during her shows Wendy barely reaches out blindly and says, “Oh no, they're too far away.”

“Alright smart alice,” Stan grumbled for a moment before he turned back to the twins and said, “Ok, then. Eneeny, meeny, minie, you!”

He was pointing directly at Dipper.

“But Grunkle Stan, I don't want to go out in the woods without a Pokemon. I'd be defenseless if I got attacked. And I always feel like they're watching me, waiting on me to step out there alone.”, Dipper tried pleading.

“None of the Pokemon around here will attack you if you don't have a Pokemon Dipper,” Stan replied before adding under his breath, “unless you provoke them.”

“What was that?”, Dipper asked, swearing to himself he heard Stan say something extra.

“I said you have nothing to worry about. Now go get those signs hung up,” Stan said as he shoved the signs into Dipper's hands and pushed him out of the door.

Out In The Woods Surrounding Swindale

Dipper had been out in the woods for nearly two hours and was finally down to his final sign to hang up. And surprisingly he had yet to encounter any Pokemon or other trainers but still it felt like he was being watched.

“Ugh, Grunkle Stan. Nobody ever believes anything I say,” Dipper said s he went to hammer in the nail to hang up the last sign. When the head of the hammer hit, he heard a hollow metallic sound from the tree. Feeling around the trunk of the tree he discovered it held a secret panel. Opening it he saw some old fashioned mechanical apparatus, he played with the buttons and levers. Behind him there appeared an opening in the ground. Walking over he peered in and saw an ancient Pokedex. Picking it up he saw that someone had written inside the cover that read 'Trust No One'. He then realized this version of the Pokedex had a small qwerty pad below the screen. It still had a charge, so he began to look through the listings. He saw several listings he recognized, but there were more that looked different than any he remembered reading in his studies. About half way through he saw the entries appeared to all revert to the descriptions he was used to seeing. He then saw there appeared to be other files in the Pokedex, including some type of log. Opening to a random page he read 'Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this Pokedex before they find it. Remember: They have their fingers in everything in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.

“Hi oh,” Mabel said as she appeared behind him.

“Ahh,” Dipper called out. He had been so engrossed in reading the entries that he hadn't heard her walk up.

“Whatcha got there?”, Mabel asked him looking over his shoulder at the Pokedex, “Some nerd gadget?'

“Let's get back to the Shack,” Dipper said looking around to see if there was anyone else watching the them, “Grunkle Stan may have reached Great Uncle Ford by now.”

Back At The Shack

“It's amazing! Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this Pokedex, the Gravity Falls region has this secret dark side.”, Dipper said bringing up one of the log entries and showing it to Mabel. It mentioned  

“Whoa! Shut up!”, Mabel said as pushes Dipper.

“And get this! After a certain point, the entries just.. stop, like the guy who was writing it... just mysteriously disappeared.”, Dipper continuedas he righted himself. As he was about to explain some more the doorbell rings, “Who in the world would use the doorbell here?”

“Well, time to spill the beans.”, Mabel said as she knocks over a can of beans that just happened to be sitting on the table, “Boop. Beans. This girl's got a date! Woot woot!”

As she finished talking she falls backward into the chair, giggling. Dipper just sat there for a moment staring at his sister.

“Let me get this straight: in the time I was gone, you already found a boyfriend?”, he finally said getting over the shock of what she said, “I though this summer was about our Pokemon adventure, not romance.”

“What can I say? I guess I'm just IRRESISTIBLLLLE! And who's to say I can't do both,” Mabel said as she looked at her brother with her cheerful grin. She was about to continue when the doorbell rang twice more. Getting up she called out, “Okay. Coming!”

As Dipper sat looking at the Pokedex when Stan walked into the room, “Whatcha looking at there sport?”

Grabbing the first thing he could reach Dipper opened up a magazine before looking at the cover, “Uhm, BlackGlasses for Old Men.”

“That's a good issue,” Stan said before taking a drink of his can of Pitt soda, “Talked to Ford's assistant earlier, he said he'll have him call as soon as he gets back from the field.”

Mabel walked back into the room standing next to some teen in a black hoodie, “Hey, family! Say hello to my new boyfriend!”

“Sup?”, the teen said with a slight nod to acknowledge the people in the room.

“Hey...”, Dipper replied.

“How's it hanging?”, Stan asked in a way of greeting.

“So, what's your name?”, Dipper asked looking the character who claims to be dating his sister over with a protective glare.

“Uh,” the teen started shiftily looking around, not expecting to be questioned, “it's Norman!”

Mabel feels his arm as she began to speak, “Oh. Little muscle there. That's...what a surprise...”

“Where did you two meet?”, Dipper asked as he continued his scrutiny of his sister's paramour du jour.  

“We met at the cemetery. He's really deep,” Mabel said looking up at Norman.

Dipper grabbed his sister and pulled her to the side. Once they were around the corner and far enough that he was certain the teen couldn't hear in a whisper Dipper asked, “What in the world were you doing at the cemetery?”

“I was scouting it as a place to possibly find some Pokemon, like a cute Litwick or Pumpkaboo.”, Mabel replied without missing a beat. She lended back and waved at Norman, “I was helping a Pansage that looked to have lost a fight when he introduced himself. He was so sweet, wanting to make sure there was nothing wrong with poor injured Pokemon.”

“Well I don't trust this guy,” Dipper said pulling out the Pokedex, “Remember what that log page said 'Trust No One'.”

“Well, what about trusting me, Dip Dop?”, Mabel asked as she booped him on the nose.

“I do trust you,” Dipper sighed, “it's him I don't trust.”

Mabel pushes him away as she backed into the living room. Before she makes it all the way in she said, “Dipper, listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date, and I'm gonna be ADORABLE, and he's gonna be DREAMY.”

“Bu-bu-but -,” Dipper stuttered.

Turning around once she was fully in the other room she added, “And I am not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy CONSPIRACIES!”

“Well their not crazy if their true,” Dipper softly called back to her as she walked over to Norman.

Mabel walked over to Norman and asked, “Well what are we gonna do?”

“You wanna go hold hands or... whatever?,” Norman said as he turned to head out of the living room.

“Oh, oh, my goodness.” Mabel giggled. Looking back towards Stan and Dipper she called out, “Don't wait up!”

Norman points at Stan and Dipper with gun fingers and runs into the wall as he turned back around on his way out.

Not wanting Grunkle Stan to find out about the Pokedex, Dipper headed up to the room he and his sister shared. As he sat on his bed he thought, 'There was something about Norman that wasn't right. I decided to consult the Pokedex's log.'

As he scanned through the entries he came across one talking about the group that the author was worried about. Skimming over the chapter he read the following, 'Though my investigations have not been able to produce a name, the group is known in certain circles for attempting to steal any Pokemon that could be considered oddities; like shiny Pokemon or even those with abnormal moves. If they were different, then this group wants them and they aren't afraid to use force (or other means) to get them. While I have not bee able to gather any concrete evidence of the groups existence, I have encountered those who have fallen victim to this groups crimes. I have noticed that the descriptions of the people thieves have them all dress in highly similar fashion whether they act in groups or are singular in their efforts. The outfit that has been described to me is a rather dark ensemble consisting of a hooded jacket, dark or black pants, and various adornments. I know this is a vague description, but I believe it is done this way due to their propensity to recruit from the areas youth.'

Going over what he had just read Dipper's mind came to one conclusion, Norman was a member of the group the author was worried about and he must have been sent to woo Mabel so that the group could gain access to what ever Pokemon his great uncle Ford was currently studying. He needed to go save her. He rushed down stairs and outside to find Stan leading a tour of the Shack's oddities.

“Stan! Stan!,” he called out from the back of the crowd. They were packed so close together he could barely see his Grunkle, let alone be heard by him.  

Out In The Woods

“Finally, we’re alone.”, Mabel said as she sat down on a log only partially facing Norman.

“Yes. Alone...” , Norman said as he reached towards the zipper on his hoodie.

Mystery Shack

“Stan! Stan!,” Dipper continues to call for his Grunkle, who was explaining how the rock he was showing off only looked like a Geodude and was not in fact an actual Geodue. He finally gives up as he sees Wendy pull up on a GoGoat and runs over to her saying, “Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! I need to borrow the GoGoat so I can save my sister from an evil Pokemon stealing organization!”

“Sure. Have fun,” Wendy said as she handed Dipper the reins to Gomper, the Shack's emergency transportation. (Stan was to cheap to get a golf cart, especially when he had a Skiddo that he was able to evolve into a GoGoat for transportation. As Dipper climbed on she added, “Don't go hitting any pedestrians now, ok.”

As Dipper was just about to head towards the direction he last saw Norman and his sister head, he was stopped by Soos. Soos held out a baseball bat as he said, “Heard you say you're after an evil organization, this may help.”

“Thanks,” Dipper said as he took the offered item.

“And this is incase you come across any buried treasure,” Soos added as he handed Dipper a shovel.

“Thanks again,” Dipper said before he headed out to the woods.

“Better safe than sorry!”, Soos calls towards him from where he left him

Cut Back To The Woods

“Uh, Mabel, now that we’ve gotten to know each other, there’s...”, Norman exhales, “...there’s something I should tell you.”

“Oh, Norman, you can tell me anything!”. Mabel said as she got up and turned to look at him, but deep inside she was thinking, 'Please be a vampire, please be a vampire!'

Taking a step back Norman started, “All right, just... just don’t freak out, okay? Just... just keep an open mind, be cool!”

He then unzips his coat and throws it off; underneath he's wearing a spandex biking outfit.

“Is this weird? Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?”, Norman said as he signaled towards an offshoot of the path they were on, “Guys come out here and help her.”

At that four other spandex wearing guys, two pushing tandem bikes, came out from the offshoot and joined him in attempting to help Mabel. She continued to stare at their outfits in shock. They all seemed to just be beginning to grow beards as there was scruff on all their chins but Norman.

“R-r-right, I’ll explain. So! We’re the Gnomes. We're a bicycle gang. First off. Get that one outta the way.”, Norman started explaining.

“Uh...”, was all Mabel could say at the moment.

“Well, first off my name's not Norman. I’m Geoff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason and...”, Norm, no Jeff, said as he was attempting to introducing his cohorts. Turning to the last one he said, “I’m sorry, I always forget your name.”

“Schmebulock,” the dark haired member of the Gnomes said, “but everybody calls me Lok.”

“Schmebulock! Right, sorry Lok.” Geoff said smacking himself in the forehead in the process. Turning back to Mabel he said, “Anyways, long story short, us nomes have been lookin' for a new queen! Right, guys?”

“Yeah, a queen.”, the other Gnomes agreed.  

“Heh. So what do you say?”, Geoff said as he taps Steve who pulls out a pink spandex shirt, “Do you want to join our little gan..., I mean group. Blah! Can’t talk today!”

Mabel pushed the proffered shirt away as she spoke, “Look... I'm sorry, guys. You're really sweet, but, I'm a girl, and you're a gang, and it's like, "what"? Yikes...”

“We understand. We'll never forget you, Mabel.” Geoff said as he and the rest of the Gnomes look sad.

Mabel smiles as it seems the things have ended on a good note for her at least.

Geoff the looked up with a gleam in his eye, “To tell you the truth we only wanted you to join so we'd have an in with that old fogey in the research lab. But since you turned us down we're gonna kidnap you.”

“Huh?”, Mabel responded as she processed what Geoff just told her. The next thing she knows the Gnomes have grabbed her and are proceeding to tie her up. At this point she begins screaming.

Cut To Dipper Riding Gompers Through The Woods

'Don't worry, Mabel! I'll save you from those thieves!', Dipper thought as he barreled down the path as fast as Gompers would take him. Suddenly he heard Mabel yelling out “Help!”

“Hold on, Mabel! I'm coming,” Dipper called as he steered Gompers towards the sound of her voice. In a matter of moments he comes to the clearing where he sees his sister being tied up by a group of spandex wearing teens. Hopping off Gompers he says, “This is not what I expected.”

Grabbing the bat and holding it horizontally in front of him he bum rushed the five Gnomes, catching them off guard, and once they had hit the ground he grabbed Mabel and rushed back to Gompers. Tossing her on he jumped into the saddle and sent Gompers heading back towards the Shack. It was only after they were moving that he took time to untie Mabel.

“I told you I didn't like him,” He said as he worked on one of the knots.

“Sorry, he just seemed so nice.”, Mabel said looking a little downhearted.

From behind them they hear Geoff calling out, “You think you can stop us, boy? You have no idea what we're capable of. The Gnomes are a powerful gang! Do not trifle with the those you can't handle.”

Looking back the twins see that Geoff was behind them on a mountain bike while the other four were on a pair of tandem bikes. As they got closer Dipper was suddenly attacked by a Patrat and a Rattata. First he grabbed the Patrat and hit the pummel of the saddle with it before throwing it off. Mabel then tried to grab the Rattata and ended up punching Dipper in the face as the Rattata let go, but it did succeed in grabbing Dipper's hat as it fell away from the rapidily moving Gompers. Schembulock and Jason stopped long enough to get their Pokemon back in their Pokeballs.

“Dipper watch out!”, Mabel called as she turned back towards the direction they were heading.

Dipper turned around just in time to see that Gompers was taking them straight through the 'Welcome to the Gravity Falls Region, Home Of Professor Pines!' sign that was on a cliff just outside of Swindale. As Gompers landed they took a hard roll but ended up just behind the PokeShack. Gompers was down and would not be able to help them anymore.

“Thank you Gompers,” Mabel said as she checked on the GoGoat, “I'm sorry you got hurt trying to help me.”

Gompers sort of nuzzled her hand and chewed on the sleeve of her sweater.

“This is the end of the line for you,” Geoff said pulling out a Pokeball.

“Stay back, man!” Dipper said swiping at the air with the bat to keep the bicyclists away.

Geoff released a Wooper before calling out, “Wooper water gun.”

The blast of water that flew out of the blue Pokemon knocked the bat out of Dipper's hands and away from the twins.

Dipper and Mabel grab each other and scream, “Aaahhh!”

Collecting himself Dipper looked around quickly, “Uh, where's Grunkle Stan?!”

In The Shack

While holding up a Toy Polywhirl with a string pull swirly pattern stomach Stan says to a group of tourists, “Behold! The world's most distracting object.”

As a group the tourists say, “Oooh...”

As his own eyes start to nearly glaze over Stan says, “Just try to look away, you can't! I can't even remember what I was talking about.”

Back Outside

Geoff and the Gnomes are looking threateningly at the twins with his hand on Wooper's head Geoff says, “It's the end of the line, kids! Come quietly before we do something crazy!”

Trying to protect Mabel, Dipper steps between her and the Gnomes. As he takes one good look over the group he whispers back, “There's gotta be a way out of this!”

As if Arceus had heard him a green blur flew in between the twins and the bicycle gang, knocking Dipper back to Mabel. As he got a better look he saw it was a Pansage. He also notice it had gauze wrapped around it's head and on it's left arm. Looking over at Mabel he saw that she seemed to recognize this Pokemon.

“You're the Pansage I helped earlier, aren't you?”, Mabel asked as she took in the sight of the twins protector.

“Sage,” the Pokemon called back over it's shoulder

“And you want to help us now?”, Mabel asked the Pokemon who she had found hurt earlier and who was now risking his own well being to try and help her and her brother.  

“Sage,” he said with a nod of his head.

“Thank you,” Mabel quietly replied.

“That's so touching,” Geoff called out, “Not. Wooper watergun.”  

The Pansage rolled to it's left and dodged the blast. With a call of 'Sage' four vines flew out from it's back and began striking the Whooper.

“Guys, give me some back up here.”, Geoff called to his gang.

As one the other four threw out Pokeballs. There was the Rattata and Patrat from earlier and joining them was a Sentret and a Lillipup.

“Yeah, whatcha gonna do now? It's five versus one,” Geoff started asking when suddenly the air was filled with seeds as the Pansage began using bulletseed.

“I, ow, don't, ow, know, ow, about you boss, ow, but we're running away, ow.”, Carson called out as he and Steve hopped on their bike, their Pokemon already back in their Pokeballs.

“Alright, ow, retreat, ow.”, Geoff called as he pulled his fainting Wooper back into his Pokeball, “We'll get you back for this!...”

As new barrage of seeds pelted him before he was even done speaking. He rushed to his bike at pedaled away as fast as he could.

As soon as he was away the twins rushed to the side of the Pansage.

“Thank you, than you.”, Mabel said as she hugged the Pansage.

“Mabel, we need to get him inside. He's still hurt,” Dipper said as he began to help bring the wounded Pansage into the family area of the Shack.

=======================

Well here we go, this is the start of my Pokemon AU for Gravity Falls. While I had fun starting this one and I will be writing more it is also the first that will be cut if things get to be too much. Next chapter the twins will be getting their starters and begin their journey.

Also remember to check out my other Gravity Falls works:

Gravity Heroes, A Superhero AU. A few months after the Mystery Twins head home from Gravity Falls Mabel gets a call from Soos telling her that Dipper was found turned to stone out in the woods. The problem is Dipper is standing right next to her. This leads them off to a new adventure.

Gravity Heroes: Sidetracks, a series on one shots & drabbels that are stories that are in the Gravity Heroes-verse but aren't necessarily required to read the main story-line. It's essentially my take on the classic Marvel Comics Presents.  

Gravity Falls Valor Force Rangers, In summer of 2016 an ancient force has arrived in Gravity Falls intent on finding weakened layers of reality that are prevalent in the area and exploiting them. Realizing fear is one of the ways to find the weak points, he and his evil henchman have begun corrupting both creatures and objects in order to terrorizing the populace. Taking a cue from a friend he met while stuck on the other side of the portal, Ford recruits five 'teens with attitudes' to combat this threat.

The Curse, thanks to a misunderstanding Wendy is targeted by a fairy curse. This is a short story following what happens afterwords.

I also would feel honored if any of my works inspire any art. If the do I would love to see them. Thanks again to all who have read this far. I have received art now from Deviou5, Siryleleen, & Polydactyly Zodiac. These will be posted soon in my Deviant Art account as fan art and credited to them. Thanks again you three. I'm happy to see different interpretations of the characters from the Gravity Heroes AU. Let me know by PM if you do and I'll send out a list of the full descriptions to you. The art is now up at fereality. deviantart. Com/ just remove the spaces. A new pic of Yami is now up.

Again I'd like to give a shout out to dusk4224, EZB, SuperGroverAway, ddp456, & A Pleasant Dream. It was their stories that made me want to get back into writing and to want to start with Gravity Falls. Please check out their stories if you haven't already.

Please review. I'm always open to constructive and helpful criticism, though if you're gonna troll please move on.