#he's my emotional support coworker :'((((((( he's the one who showed me the ropes the first couple days

[robinsnest2111]

just remembered, had a nightmare last night about one of my coworkers quitting out of the blue. I was so distraught it woke me up several hours before my alarm

(putting my brain in a chokehold) ARE YOU GETTING TOO ATTACHED TO RANDOM PEOPLE WHO GIVE YOU THE TINIEST AMOUNT OF POSITIVE ATTENTION AGAIN? STOP THAT!!!

[frostfires-blog]

My Top 6 Favourite Shōjo & Josei Anime Series Released in 2023

It's fair to argue that we're in a shojo renaissance given the recent victories for the shoujosei community. To commemorate this I wanted to make a post highlighting my favourite shojosei series from this year's line-up—in the hopes of persuading others to watch them and cast their votes for them in the upcoming anime awards.

Keep in mind that some entries will date as far back as October 2022 because they officially qualify alongside this year's anime as a part of the roster for next year's anime awards.

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Honourable Mentions:

-> Koori Zokusei Danshi to Cool na Douryou Joshi

English Title: The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague

Genres: Comedy, Fantasy, Romance, Workplace, Mythology

This anime follows Himuro, who involuntarily produces snow and ice phenomena—due to being a descendant of a Yuki-onna— when overwhelmed by his emotions, at his new office job. On his first day, he is saved from being late due to his affliction by the cool-headed Fuyutsuki—who turns out to be his new coworker. As they continue to work closely together, Fuyutsuki continues to provide pragmatic solutions to Himuro’s myriad of wintry quandaries—causing him to constantly want to repay her kindness. As Himuro’s feelings for her continue to grow, so does the frequency of his snowstorms—making them nearly impossible to hide. The fun, relaxing atmosphere of this anime gives a wholesome and homely feel—making it worth the watch if you don’t mind the somewhat slow, romantic development.

-> Romantic Killer

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Supernatural, Parody, Reverse Harem

This series is about Anzu Hoshino, a high school girl with no interest in romance and lives solely for video games, chocolates, and her cat. Anzu’s daily life is turned upside down when a wizard forcibly turns her life into a harem, dating game in order to force her to find love. Out of anger and sheer stubbornness, she vows to resist no matter what. While this is technically a shōnen anime, not a shōjo or josei—I wanted to include it anyway since it has a shōjo vibe to it especially because of the lack of fan service and unrealistic beauty standards. It has a similar vibe to other shoujo series like Watashi ga Motete Dousunda (Kiss Him Not Me) and Kaichou wa Maid-sama! While the storyline is seemingly basic, the show’s refreshing take on classic character archetypes and relatable humour make it worth a watch.

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Top 6:

6) Yamada-kun to Lv999 no Koi wo Suru

English Title: My Love Story with Yamada-kun at Lv999

Genres: Romance, Comedy

Despite being dumped by her boyfriend, college student Akane Kinoshita continues to play the MMO they once played together and attends an offline game event in hopes of winning him back. There she meets Akito Yamada, an emotionless yet handsome high schooler, who belongs to the same guild as her. After running into her ex—who is accompanied by his new girlfriend—Akane is desperate for support causing her to rope Yamada into helping her and lending her a shoulder to cry on. As they spend more and more time together their feelings for one another continue to grow despite their innumerable differences. This anime gives off a similar atmosphere to Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashi (Wotakoi: Love Is Hard for Otaku) with its humour, casual slice-of-life atmosphere, common themes, and equally catchy opening theme song. The character dynamics, voice acting, and music make this show worth the watch.

5) Sugar Apple Fairy Tale

Genres: Fantasy, Drama, Adventure, Romance

Despite living in a kingdom where fairies are enslaved by humans, through the possession of one of their wings, Anne Halford longs to see the day when humans and fairies are treated equally. Despite this, she is forced to purchase a warrior fairy to protect her on the perilous journey to the Royal Candy Fair in order to follow in her mother’s footsteps and become a Silver Sugar Master. Anne hires the sharp-tongued obsidian fairy, Challe Fen Challe for this job. Despite Anne promising to return his wing after the journey, Challe remains distrustful and wants nothing to do with humans. However, as the pair travel together, they learn more about each other as well as more about the different dynamics between fairies and humans across the kingdom. While seemingly a typical fantasy-romance shōjo, this anime deals with some heavy themes such as sexism, misogyny, slavery, and historical politics. While these themes could certainly be interpreted as problematic, they aren’t just swept under the rug and are commented on but certainly could’ve been more developed upon. The show ultimately balances its light-hearted, slice-of-life scenes and heart-warming relationship-building moments well with its more dramatic subplots. The art and animation are beautifully done when compared to other releases in the genre, especially its use of colours, lighting, and fluidity. The female lead’s dedication to her craft as a silver sugar artisan is commendable and somewhat reminiscent of Shirayuki’s passion for herbalism in Akagami no Shirayuki-hime (Snow White with the Red Hair). Another selling point of the show is the subtle tension and slowly fostered development between its two leads. Both characters have their own decently developed mentalities and motivations independent of each other which is always delightful to see given how rare it can be. Another selling point of this anime is that both season 1 and season 2 were released this year thus making the overall episode count 24 giving viewers ample time to grow attached to its lovable cast and charming atmosphere without feeling pressured for instant development.

4) Kanojo ga Koushaku-tei ni Itta Riyuu

English Title: Why Raeliana Ended up at the Duke's Mansion

Genres: Fantasy, Romance, Otome Isekai

After Rinko Hanasaki (originally Eunha Park in the original manhwa) is pushed off a building, she is reborn as Raeliana McMillan—the daughter of a nouveau-rich baron in a historical romance novel she once read who is fated to die tragically young. To prevent the fruition of this plotline Raeliana is determined to end her engagement with the man who orchestrated her untimely demise, Lord Francis Brooks. To do this, she is forced to use her knowledge of the plot to blackmail the novel’s male protagonist, Duke Noah Wynknight, into a contract engagement thus rendering her previous one null and void. Little does she know that she has captured Noah’s interest, in place of the female protagonist, with this move buying her a lot trouble than she originally bargained for… While only decently animated, the character dynamics, voice acting, pacing, and soundtrack make this anime stand out from other similar shows. The compelling chemistry between the two leads really elevates this anime from others with a similar premise. Overall while a decent adaptation from the manhwa, there is some room for improvement especially with the animation. Personally, I felt that this anime could’ve greatly benefitted from having 24 episodes (instead of the chosen 12 episodes) since parts covered by anime are mostly set up with the drama, action, and relationship development only taking place in later story arcs. Unfortunately, most of what makes this series praise-worthy and sets it apart from others with a similar premise wasn’t covered yet in the anime. Although reading the source material in advance had given me relatively high expectations that weren't quite met, I would like to clarify that I thoroughly enjoyed this anime.

3) Sasaki to Miyano Movie: Sotsugyou-hen

English title: Sasaki and Miyano Movie: Graduation Arc

Genres: Shounen Ai, BL, Slice of life, High School

Continuing from season 1, this film follows Shūmei Sasaki and Yoshikazu Miyano as they embark on the next important stage of their romantic relationship as it is tested by Sasaki’s impending graduation from high school. The movie is accompanied by an animated short featuring the side character Taiga Hirano and his growing relationship with his roommate Akira Kagiura. Despite being brief, the movie was filled with tons of important character-defining and relationship-building moments for both Miyano and Sasaki as well as their relationships with other characters and each other. The familiar soundtrack and art style were both nostalgic and comforting while the voice acting was top-notch, carefully conveying the immense depth of the characters’ multi-layered emotions throughout the various scenes. Throughout the movie, we saw just how much the main couple had grown since season 1… We see Sasaki becoming more confident in showing affection towards Miyano, as he holds himself back less and less. While Miyano became much more assured of himself and his feelings towards Sasaki. We see Sasaki’s backstory which provides much-needed context behind his insecurities in season 1. During this adaptation, fairly significant cuts were made from the original source material to accommodate the time constraints—which was naturally disappointing. The animated short that accompanied the movie was heart-warming and leaves watchers curious enough that there is room for a full adaptation of Hirano and Kagiura’s story…

2) Watashi no Shiawase na Kekkon

English Title: My Happy Marriage

Genres: Drama, Fantasy, Romance, Historical

My happy marriage is set in an alternative version of the Meiji Restoration era where spirits and supernatural magic exist but in regression. Our protagonist, Miyo Saimori is born giftless despite belonging to a supernaturally talented family because of this she suffers immense abuse and mistreatment at the hands of her stepmother and half-sister while her father gazes on with indifference. Her hopes of building a happy life for herself seem distant after she is ordered by her family to marry Kiyoka Kudo, a man who is rumoured to be so cold-hearted all his previous marriage candidates ran off. Upon arriving at the Kudo estate, Miyo fully resigns herself to either a life of mistreatment or abandonment but is pleasantly surprised when her husband-to-be is anything but the monster she expected. Both of them begin realizing that the other may be their greatest opportunity to find true happiness and love as they slowly begin to each other. open their hearts to each other. While many may write this anime off at face value thinking of it as just another Cinderella remake—they are sorely mistaken. While seemingly simple in its premise and title, the execution of the many technical elements and core themes that make this anime was nearly flawless. The beautifully detailed animation was a pleasant surprise. Historically speaking shōjo adaptations haven’t gotten the best budgets and heavily rely on having great storytelling and characterization to draw in its viewers. My Happy Marriage however not only has impeccably detailed character designs but also seamlessly fluid and well-paced animation sequences. Special attention was given to animating the opening and ending theme song sequences unlike with many other shows where the theme song animation is somewhat of an afterthought.  The soundtrack and voice acting are both exemplary and encapsulate the moods of each respective scene well. The side characters are all well-crafted to suit their roles in the story and aren’t at all redundant with no single archetype being overused. The two leading characters are well-developed and show slow consistent and most importantly realistic growth. The series delves into lasting trauma caused by abuse and the long journey to healing that trauma. Despite only being 12 episodes, the plot and character-building does not get lost amongst the world-building or fantastical elements. This anime delves into the intricacies of human emotions and relationships as well as the main couple’s personal struggles and motivations making us as the audience want to root for them. Ultimately all these elements blend seamlessly to produce a charming and heart-warming show capable of stirring up the emotions of its audience. 

1) Kōkyū no Karasu

English title: Raven of the Inner Palace

Genres: Fantasy, Mystery, Historical, Mythology, Supernatural

The Raven Consort, Ryuu Jusetsu (originally Liu Shouxue in the original source material) is both venerated and feared amongst those in the royal court. Despite being titled as a consort, she does not have any contact with the emperor, Ka Kōshun (originally Xia Gaojun), and lives isolated from everyone else. Her fabled mystical abilities make her the subject of many rumours as she is said to take on any request from recovering lost belongings to casting curses. One day her quiet solitude is disturbed when the newly crowned emperor barges into her palace with a request. Despite finding his subsequent frequent visits annoying, she cannot bring herself to turn him away. She soon finds herself forging several meaningful connections with others, despite the warnings of her predecessor, ultimately forcing her to confront a past that was best left concealed.  This show’s unique character designs and uncommon setting make it stand out visually despite its humble budget. While seemingly episode in nature, this show has an intricate overarching plot with fantastic character development. The show does a great job at depicting the main protagonist’s motivations, internal struggles, and development while still maintaining the mystery surrounding her—thus leaving plenty of room for further growth and development. Another thing I greatly appreciated in this anime was its subtly. Rather than just blatantly exposing complex motivations, moral stances, internal conflicts, and relationship dynamics of and between its characters through quotidian dialogue—the show instead chooses to shrewdly unveil this through the actions and expressions of its characters alongside the use of meaningful dialogue.  Despite not being presently romantically involved the budding relationship between its two leads is carefully developed and slowly built upon in such a way that doesn’t make the show feel like just another forced or contrived romance elevating the show beyond layperson’s expectations for shōjo and josei anime. Despite somewhat, complex historical injustices being brought up in the anime, it is more focused on its protagonist helping others find peace through self-forgiveness and remembrance than seeking retribution. This has led to criticisms that the pacing of the series is too slow and that the plot lacks satisfying action sequences. However, in my opinion, the show succeeds in its goal of telling tales about the complexity of human emotions and relationships that transcend life and death. Another aspect of this show that really stood out was the soundtrack, especially its ending theme song, which exhibits a uniquely haunting melancholic ambiance that makes me want to listen to it repeatedly. This series is undoubtedly deserving of the title of an underrated gem—given its unique artistic expression, intriguing emotional storytelling, and character development—and has an immense amount of the potential for a follow-up season.

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[P.S. I'm really going to miss watching My Happy Marriage and Sugar Apple Fairy Tale every week—but at least season 2 of the former has been confirmed😭]

[rukia-simp]

Rukia’s Feelings

Let's discuss feelings in Bleach because there's a lot of double standards here and it hurts me to watch people think they've "debunked" arguments but they only told a vague fairy tale. That's why I'm saying that Rukia had fallen in love earlier than you think. In fact I would even say that she fell in love before Orihime. Orihime may have had a crush on Ichigo first, but she never said “love” until the arrancar saga.

Rukia fell in love first. In fact there's textual evidence for this. We all know this iconic scene. Kubo was never into romantic tales, however he wouldn't pull this BS out of his ass for shits and giggles. He's not that kind of writer. Every scene has purpose! Stop the disrespect!

This scene isn't meant for fanservice. It's meant for setting up motive. Why does Rukia want to leave?

Before I answer that. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what literary analysis calls DRAMATIC IRONY. In which the audience knows something that characters might not know. For example like when we know Isshin is a Shinigami, but Ichigo doesn't know. We know Rukia's true feelings but Ichigo and other people don't because they obviously can't read her inner monologue. Ichigo can't read her motives until her tears tell him the truth. Now to answer the original question above. She left because she was afraid that if she stayed any longer in the living world, her already developing feelings would make it harder to leave later on. She needed to get out of Ichigo's proximity so that her attachment can't be used as leverage or puts him in danger. After all it was her emotional attachment to Kaien that allows her to identify every emotion that she's feeling at this moment in the story. She doesn't want to bring Ichigo the same demise as Kaien. It's because of her emotions that Kaien's death hit her so hard. Without emotions and that attachment to Kaien, it would have been just another death in the Soul Society. Why is this important? Because Rukia's trying to learn from her past. Ichigo's stubbornness messes up her plan, but it's also what ends up saving them in the long term. She runs away with the hope of forgetting all of her experiences with Ichigo. Ichigo did the same thing Kaien did with Rukia in the 13th division. Ichigo didn't make her feel alone or like an outcast. They both treated her the way she always hoped people would treat her. With respect, and as an equal. She never wanted to be put down nor be put on a pedestal because of her last name. Or because of her rank. But everyone did, even her future husband. The only two people who canonically didn’t was Ichigo and his cousin. Rukia just has a weak side for men like that. Rukia has a type unlike Orihime. We know why she loves Ichigo, but there's no clear reason as to why Orihime does. It's very broad, and not narrowed down to a specific reason. Which makes her crush easy to attack with no actual solid defense. I can tell you EXACTLY where Ichigo and Rukia's relationship changed from salty coworkers to immediately more than friends. I've reread Bleach multiple time, and have yet to see the exact moment where Ichigo and Orihime's feelings change. Most of it looks like it's offscreen.

Just so no one gets confused. I'm referring to this scene. This was where Ichigo and Rukia's relationship could never go back to being coworkers and friends.

Anyways, people like to argue that Orihime is the one that likes him so she is guaranteed that "happy" ending. I call BS because Nel and Riruka had just as much infatuation with our protagonist, but all I see is them getting the short end of the stick. Orihime IS NOT SPECIAL. But Rukia IS special. This woman "COINCIDENTALLY" has a paralleled past to our protagonist. She "COINCIDENTALLY" spent Ichigo's entire past arc as his only form of foundation and support. And she "COINCIDENTALLY" is the one to be asked about HER feelings because she's not as open about her emotions, since she's a SHINIGAMI. Shinigami have LITERALLY been taught to not be emotional. Duty before love. Rukia's characterization and occupation don’t allow her to confess straight up. Orihime has the privilege of no limitations. Rukia isn't as lucky! Why the hell would Kubo emphasize this so much for it be a fecking dead end?!

But that's why Rukia's confession is in the form of denial. Because in order to keep her IN CHARACTER, Kubo needs to write a confession that sounds like Rukia. He must emphasize how strong her feelings are. They are so strong that they overcome her usual stoicism, sternness.

Byakuya himself knew that Rukia only showed this much emotion towards Kaien. That's why he concluded that there's something special about Ichigo. He has identified the pattern.

All of this had purpose. I refuse to believe it was all for nothing. This scene was a confession, and just a sad reminder that unfortunately Ichigo and Rukia's ending was always on a tight rope. He put too much effort into their relationship. He put a freakish amount of effort into their relationship. And honestly this makes the story make more sense, in my opinion. Think about it like this. If Rukia was not in love in this scene then it wouldn’t be as memorable in the Ichiruki fandom. And Rukia would be a completely different character. By Rukia already having feelings they stimulate Ichigo into finding out his own feelings (which is in the Lost Agent Arc). And it makes sense because Rukia might fall easier, but she’s more passive when it comes to answering to her desires. Just look back at her past with Kaien, and her reaction towards his wife. She’s not the type to pursue feelings. But Ichigo is more aggressive than her. But he’s more dense as well. Ichigo is the type to initiate the relationship, but he has to be aware of it. How can you be aware of it if your dense? I mean the fact that Ichigo is dense about Orihime’s blatant feelings can’t be a coincidence. For me, it almost seems like Ichigo is dense, not because he’s not meant to see Orihime’s feelings, but because it makes it harder for him to identify his own feelings for a certain person (personally I thought and still think that it’s supposed to be Rukia). It delays endgames, and allows for more satisfying development. However, this could just be my optimism speaking, but I don't think Kubo is stupid. But that time frame for TYBW was ridiculous and I truly believe it was a factor in their final decisions. But I might be blinded by my optimism. Well anyway, this was another piece of analysis. Just want to call out some hypocrites. I'm right now putting on the table that Rukia arguably has just as much feelings for Ichigo. So the argument that Orihime is "obligated" to Ichigo's love is too vague. It's a horrible argument, but I'm always open to discussion. Respectfully of course. But then again this is social media so...

My next analysis is probably going to be on this gorgeous scene. I'm just going to explain its significance and what makes it an irrefutable Ichigo and Rukia moment. Please look forward to that! Thank you to everyone that read this far. Have a wonderful day!

Also no hate on Renji and Orihime. I know Renji thought he had good intentions, but if he's so special then he should have been able to fix it before 40 years of no interactions. And Orihime is a sweetie, but her unrealistic look on life is just too polar to my look on life. I'm a realist. I can't get behind that especially when she basically gets everything handed to her without much consequence. Reality would have hit normal women in the face if they were in Orihime's position. To me that's not a good message to teach to anyone.

Anyway thanks for reading! Love y’all!

[beanie-beebo-writes]

Call for Action

Series Summary: You finally get your dream job, but it comes with a cost.

Warnings: Description of panic attack

Masterlist

Chapter 1

Beep beep beep beep.

You groaned and threw your hand blindly over your alarm clock. If there was one sound you hated the most, it had to be that thing. You would throw it out the window if you could, only you would sleep through the most important day in your life so far: the jumpstart of your career.

At the thought, you dragged yourself upright and looked over at the time. You had been dreaming of this day since you were a little kid, there was no way in hell you would miss it. You still remembered how you and your dad used to play pretend practically every afternoon, just like all the other kids. But with you, everything had to be just right. The stuffed animals needed a place, the lines needed to be said, the scenery had to be just right. And even from those days, your father always told you how that attitude would blow someone away, how your name would be in lights. Today was that day.

You started your morning with a creamy coffee (something you told yourself you would never reduce yourself to) and a packed omelette. By waking up several minutes earlier you had some time to sit and reflect for the day, something you had always enjoyed every morning.

You were nervous as all hell, but as your dad kept telling you, you'd be okay. He was your main support in this whacked out experience called life, as your mother had estranged him way too long ago to remember. If there was an event for school or a big test coming up, he would always be rooting for you by your side. You couldn't think of a time where he ever wasn't there.

You had moved from your hometown up to Vancouver, hoping your head wouldn't misguided you up in the clouds. You hadn't felt this nervous since the interview, which you somehow landed. Your dad, as always, said it was due to your confidence and goal-setting values. You liked to think otherwise.

Your mental health made your life a living hell for as long as you could remember. You never had a terrible childhood, nothing to complain about. Yet your head decided to create problems of its own. Maybe it was your grade that never looked at you right, or the teacher who gave you one bad grade that one year. You never knew what it was.

Your stomach churned anxiously; you looked down at your half eaten omelette and decided to save it for lunch later. You finished what was left of your coffee and got yourself ready for the day ahead of you.

By the time you had finished up and driven to work, you noticed you had just enough time to get where you needed to be. You were only lucky you weren't needed earlier at a hair or makeup trailer as other coworkers would. The lot surprisingly wasn't as bustling with people as you first thought; only an occasional PA running across where they were needed.

You arrived at the main office, where you assumed you would collect today's schedule. You were greeted by a stocky man wearing a casual striped button down.

"Hello, you must be (Y/N). I'm Paul, I'm a receptionist here." He said.

"Hi Paul, nice to meet you." You said.

"I assume you didn't get the memo that our schedules are usually sent by email, but that's okay. We always have a physical copy available up front too, for PR." He continued.

"Oh, thank you! I'm glad you let me know, I rarely check my email these days anymore." You commented.

"It's no problem! Between you and me, I rarely do myself. So feel free to stop here every morning for a copy." He said with a wink.

You chuckled and gave him a genuine smile before leading yourself to sit in the waiting area. Looking over the schedule, you felt your stomach clench. You were no stranger to long shifts, but this was a long haul you weren't used to. You instantly felt flushed and knew you needed to find a bathroom, fast. 

"Excuse me Paul, but where is your nearest bathroom?" You asked.

"Down the hall to the right." He said from the front desk.

You quickly thanked him and sped walked to the bathroom. You locked the door and put a hand over your mouth to try and suppress the sob. As always, overthinking would leave you jobless. You never lasted long before going to the next job; just long enough to get unemployment. 

Suddenly, you felt warm and unable to breathe. You fanned yourself with a schedule before hearing a knock on the door. You looked over your face (which was red and blotchy), took a shuddering deep breath, and opened the door to see a very handsome young man. If you couldn't breathe before, you certainly wouldn't be able to now. His blond hair and green eyes practically sparkled in the fluorescent lighting.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know this bathroom was occupied." The man said.

You cleared your throat and struggled to speak.

"No um, that's- yeah. Do you need to use it?" You asked.

"If you still need it, I can find another bathroom. It's okay, really." The man said.

"No!" You caught yourself for being too loud. "I was just finishing up, you can use it." 

The man looked at you once more before entering the bathroom you just came out of. You felt yourself take a breath before breaking your eyesight away from the door. The panic attack you were just immersed in was completely gone, and you knew it wasn't just because of the gorgeous man that just happened to cross your path. Well, not entirely. He just made you feel calm inside despite all the butterflies bouncing around in your stomach.

Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad after all.

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"And.. scene!" You yelled out to the set.

The buzzers all rang and you went forward to one of the side actors for the scene.

"Pam, that was incredible. Thank you. You as well Celine." You said. "Everyone can take a lunch break and meet back in an hour."

The day had been going by relatively well, quelling any anxious thoughts that had come up earlier. The actors and actresses had no flubs in their acting, crew even worked together well to your surprise. Everyone seemed to be like a large family here, which was usually unheard of in the industry. It put you at ease knowing everyone could work together this well.

You headed over to the lunch tables with your half of an omelet from this morning, not expecting a full-out food service to be made available to you. You shrugged and decided to finish the omelette you made first before digging into what they had in store. Just as you began to eat, you noticed the attractive man from earlier was making his way towards your table. 

"Hey, I saw you earlier right?" He asked.

You nodded as you took a bite into your omelette.

"Is it okay if I sit here? I figured you could use some company."

You swallowed your food before speaking. "Yeah sure, that's fine."

There was a brief pause before you spoke again. 

"I don't believe I introduced myself to you. I'm (Y/N), one of the new directors." You said, reaching out a clean hand to shake.

"Hi (Y/N), Jensen. I'm an actor here." He said, shaking your hand.

"How long have you been working here?" You asked.

"Since day one; pretty well-seasoned." Jensen joked.

"I guess so. Hey, maybe you could show me the ropes later?" You asked.

He smiled, sending warmth throughout your body. "Sure, not a problem."

You both paused to continue eating for another moment. You couldn't help but steal a look at him before looking back at your food. He was so nice to look at. Even without makeup, you could bet he looked just as beautiful. It was the eyes that drew you in. But as you looked more, you noticed some other features. He had freckles lightly dusted across his nose, barely visible with the foundation he wore. His eyelashes were so long and full, as if he wore false ones. But you knew better, they were real. You also caught him doing the same thing as you moments later. Giving you a look over before returning back to his food, not wanting to be impolite. It was sweet, charming even.

"I wanted to ask, and it's okay if you don't want to answer, were you okay earlier?" Jensen asked, breaking you from your thoughts.

You hesitated briefly, wondering if you could trust him. You didn't see a reason not to, but you put up a wall, just to be safe. After all, a pretty face could mean trouble.

"That? Yeah was just overwhelmed with emotion was all. I got lucky to land a job like this." You said.

"Alright, just checking. If you ever need anyone though, just remember I'm always here, even though we just met." Jensen said. 

"Oh, thank you." You said, taken aback.

"You're welcome." He said. "And you're right, by the way." 

He paused to sip his drink.

"About what?" You asked.

"Being lucky to work here. Believe me, you'll love it here. We'll all make you feel at home in no time." Jensen said.

"I'm starting to see it already, I noticed the crew earlier." You said.

Just as you began wrapping up the conversation, another tall and handsome man stopped by the table with some lunch.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked Jensen.

"Just getting acquainted with one of our new directors. (Y/N), this is my best friend Jared. Jared, (Y/N)." Jensen said.

You both shook hands and said your hellos before Jared slid his butt next to Jensen.

"Is it alright if I sit here? Sorry, I should have asked first." Jared said.

"No, no it's fine. You're not bothering anyone." You said.

"Awesome!" Jared said. "So, are you a new new director, or just a new gig?"

"Actually, this is my first gig as a director." You said.

"No way, how cool!" Jared said.

"Yeah, it's actually always been a dream of mine." You admitted.

"Well, good for you. That's incredible!" Jensen said.

"What he said." Jared said. 

"Thanks." You said with a smile. "Just hope it works out well for me."

"I think you'll be just fine." Jared said. "Jensen told you about how we are around here?" 

"Yeah, like family?" You said.

"Exactly." Jared said.

A notification went off on Jared's phone and he laughed obnoxiously before typing quickly. Jensen peered over in curiosity

"Dude, look what Misha posted." Jared said.

Jensen looked at Jared's phone before joining in the laughter. Jared without warning turned the phone over towards you. You giggled to see a picture of a man of similar age putting lipstick on his left nipple with the caption: So 

@tumblr just officially banned “adult content” including something called, “female-presenting nipples.” I can only assume my nipples will now sadly be banned there. But hopefully @twitter and  @instagram will let them stand.

"Is he an actor too?" You asked.

"Yep, he won't be here for about another week though. Lucky bastard." Jared said.

"Looks like I'm in for a ride with you three, huh?" You asked.

Jared smirked mischievously. "Oh you have no idea." He said.

------------

Jared wasn't kidding when he said you were in for a ride with the three of them. Later on that day, you finally had the  chance to take him off his word. The schedule had them booked for the rest of the day alongside you. Which you didn't find odd finding out they were the main characters. Only you were figuring they booked more time on purpose for them than they needed, just so the schedule allowed. At first, you expected some slip ups and laughed it off with them. Then it seemed like you couldn't get them through the scene at all, which was beyond frustrating. 

Around the fifth take, you began to panic and excused yourself to the eating area for a quick break to regain your composure. To your luck, you were followed.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The voice startled you and you turned around, snots and all. Great, it was all over for you. You didn't answer, hoping Jensen would go away and leave you be until the next scene. But he wouldn't budge; he sat down next to you.

"Clearly not… What's bothering you?" He asked.

"Remember, you're the director. You need to tell him." You thought to yourself.

"It's you and Jared. I can't make it through these scenes without you two fucking around, and we need to get things moving. It's a bit much." You said aloud.

Jensen chuckled, confusing you. 

"That's what's getting at you? (Y/N), Jared and I do this stuff all the time. We only do it to lighten the mood or welcome someone into the family. If it bothers you, I'll tell him to stop." Jensen explained.

"Really, you'd do that? I'd appreciate it. It's my first day on the job and I'd hate to look incompetent." You said.

"Of course. And you don't look that way at all, these things just happen. I've been watching your work so far, and I think you're doing great." Jensen said.

You sniffled and wiped away your tears. "Thanks Jensen, seriously."

"You're welcome. Now what do you say we get back on the playing field there, champ?" Jensen said.

You chuckled and agreed. For the rest of the day, there were no more jokes when the cameras were rolling. It was kind of what you had expected for your first day. No one was cold to one another, just professional and friendly. 

Later on after some advice from another fellow director, you got in your car and drove home to your small apartment. You knew there were going to be some flubs and that it wouldn't be perfect, but you finally had your dream job with a once in a lifetime crew. You barely had gotten to know everyone, but you knew they would have your back if you needed it. And that's all that mattered.

When you went to bed that night, you sighed in relief. Who would have thought that a year ago you were at a dead-end job, dreaming of where you were right now. Your stomach clenched again at all of the anxieties everything would probably bring. You just hoped it would be all worth it in the end.

[sunshinejins]

if i was dying on my knees (you’d be the one to rescue me)

(title from brother by kodaline)

so, hi!  jatp has reignited my desire to write again and this time i think i might actually finish a whole fic.  so uh, here it is :) please let me know if you like it, I’ll hopefully update asap, but i’m in uni so asap may be in like two weeks.  unless people really like it.  then, probably sooner lmao.

pairing: julie molina x luke patterson

fandom: julie and the phantoms

warnings: death bc rose, and i swear once but other than that i think nothing else?

Julie didn’t want to be frustrated, she really didn’t.  In fact, she wanted to be sad, mourning, depressed, or literally anything other than slightly pissed off all the time.  It’s incredibly exhausting to be angry all the time, and she felt like being sad would at least give her blood a break from simmering.

But her mom died.  And apparently her body only knows how to process grief by developing a rather annoying tendency to be irritated constantly.

She tries to forget it though.  Instead of wallowing in the negative feelings that cloud her family in the months following Rose Molina’s death, she throws herself into distractions.  She gets a job at a coffee shop near the USC campus and puts almost all her effort into becoming a top employee.  Her grades don’t drop because thankfully her professors seemed to all inherently understand that she just couldn’t sing anymore.  Like at all.

The world kept spinning.  Julie could only hope to hold on.

That’s how she ended up, six months later, complaining over a milk frother about her very well-intentioned best friend to the only person she knew would listen.

“Flynn just doesn’t understand,” Julie moans, shutting off the machine and dumping the contents unceremoniously into a to-go cup.  Her coworker, Allison, raises an eyebrow and swipes a rag at the milk spill that pools under the cup.

“Did she try to get you to sing again?”

“Surprise karaoke night with her girlfriend and a couple kids from class.  Her intentions were pure though so I don’t even know why I’m upset.” Julie shoves a lid onto the cup and slides it across the counter to a pre-occupied businessman who doesn’t notice the extra milk soaked into the bottom.  Allison nods thoughtfully and starts dumping coffee beans into the espresso machine.  Julie watches her with slight awe.  Allison was one of those people that terrified Julie when she met her; everything about her felt polished and put together down to the blunt cut of her pale blonde hair and the curve of her smirk when she smiled.  Soon enough, Julie discovered that she was as warm as any of her other friends, but it had taken a lot of closing shifts and smoothie runs to come to that conclusion.

Allison sets down the bag of coffee beans and gives Julie one of her solemn looks; it’s the sort of look where Julie thinks Allison could probably read her mind if she tried hard enough.

“Maybe they’re going about it wrong.  You haven’t been around music properly in what?  A year?  What if you just need to sit and listen to music again to just get you used to the environment?” Julie thinks for a moment.  Allison raises a fair point, and it’s the complete opposite tactic that everyone else has been trying, which has been to shove music in front of her to sing and give her expectant and hopeful looks. It’s a trial run.  Something casual.

“Where would I go?” Allison smiles a bit and passes Julie a container of oat milk to put away.

“There’s a bar off Sunset that’s hosting an open mic tonight.  Very relaxed and casual vibes.  I could pick you up from your apartment and take you.  We haven’t hung out since that movie night a while ago.”  Julie hesitates.  It’s not that she’s opposed to spending a night with Allison, but a small part of her feels like she’s cheating on her current circle of emotional support humans by agreeing to go. Not that her dad or Carlos or Tia would mind, but Flynn would possibly take offence and that alone stalled Julie for longer than she realized. Allison clocks the look on her face and amends the statement.

“Flynn is obviously welcome too.”

A mind reader, Julie swears. 

“Hell yeah. Let’s do this.”

***

Julie’s feeling significantly less optimistic when Allison’s car has been driven away by the valet and herself, Flynn, and Allison are all standing in line outside the club. Julie can feel the bass of the songs playing more than she can hear them, but the proximity of music is enough to make her palms sweat. Other than the music the coffee shop plays and the strains of country she hears through Carlos’ wall, Julie hasn’t heard proper music since Tia Victoria sang “Amazing Grace” for her mother’s funeral. Flynn notices her nervous look. 

“Chill, Jules. It’s all very chill. We’re just gonna listen to a couple bands.” 

“Flynn’s right. And if at any point you want to bail, we can go get soft pretzels.” 

“But we should try and stay for the whole thing!”

“However, we’re also going to respect you if you can’t do that,” Allison punctuates this sentence with a meaningful eyebrow raise and Flynn nods vigorously. Julie swallows and tries to mimic the courage she had a few hours ago.  The bartender scrutinizes their IDs for a moment before allowing them to sweep into the bar and Julie’s jaw nearly drops at the volume of people contained inside.  Nearly every seat is filled, and the standing areas are packed with people all jamming to the band onstage that’s currently playing what Julie has to admit is a pretty kick ass cover of “Somebody Told Me” by The Killers.  

Allison somehow discovers a table near the edge of the bar, and disappears off to get them drinks.  Flynn’s rocking out already, and Julie feels a few of the nerves in her stomach even out as the realization that she doesn’t have to sing sinks into her bones.  Allison was right, unsurprisingly.  If she focuses hard enough, she can even push out the memories of coming to these sorts of open nights with her mom.  Flynn shoots her a large and grateful grin and Julie lets herself smile back.  She’s taking a step.  She’s doing it.

Allison returns as the band switches and a new band begins to play a hyped up cover of “Africa” by Toto.  The three girls lapse into quiet appreciation of the music, with Flynn singing along to every song played, Allison bobbing her head to herself and occasionally letting out a few notes in her vocal range, and Julie just quietly appreciating the fact that she doesn’t feel like throwing up.

It’s all very casual, just like her friends said.

Until it’s not.

As the third band of the night begins their last song, Julie retreats to find the bathroom.  It’s hidden nearly backstage, and she’s just about to make it to the door when she hears the panicked shouts of someone from near the curtain which separates the small backstage from the actual performing area.

“Dude, I cannot believe he bailed on us.”

“Are you really surprised?  Bobby was a piece of shit.”

“Hey, he didn’t use to be!”

“Calm down, Reg.  You know he’s been treating us like garbage ever since that record label thought he had a ‘marketable voice’ or whatever they said.”

“Guys he bailed on us, what are we supposed to do?”

Julie, despite all the “stranger danger” lessons running through her brain, backed up far enough to see into the backstage area.  Three guys stood there, two with a guitar and a bass each and one with drumsticks he was nervously twirling.  The one with the guitar had his face buried in his hands and kept swearing heavily under his breath.  The other two seemed frozen in their own panic as well.  Guitar Player removed his hands from his face and Julie caught a glimpse of worried hazel eyes and dark curls.  Bass Player opened his arms and Guitar Player tumbled into them for a hug while Drum Player rubbed his back.  The three guys looked absolutely wrecked.

Here’s the thing: Julie had an uncontrollable urge to help people.  It’s how she got roped into half of Flynn’s schemes, how she ended up teaching Carlos all of his second grade science curriculum herself, and how she somehow became the unofficial backbone of her family after her mom died.  Seeing three guys utterly wrecked because, presumably, their fourth bandmate had bailed on them?  It activated that uncontrollable urge deep in her stomach.

Here’s another thing: Julie hasn’t played music or sang in six months.  She’s had no desire to, and every time she’s tried, the distinct urge to throw up overtook her.  Tonight was supposed to be the baby step that showed her whether or not music was something she could seriously consider again; whether or not she could feel that itch to perform anymore.

“Hey, do you guys need a fourth?”

She felt the itch.  

The three guys looked up in varying levels of shock.  Drum Player recovered first, and stepped towards her hesitantly, wringing his pink hoodie as he did.

“Um, what?”

“It sounded like someone bailed on you.  I can play.  If you need it.”  Guitar Player recovers next and nearly bounds over to her in barely contained excitement.

“You can play rhythm guitar?”

“No,” the three boys deflate, “I can play piano though.”  Guitar Player tilts his head to the side as though playing a melody through in his head.  He turns back to the other two.

“Bright could fit piano.”

“We never wrote the music for a piano component,” Drum Player wrinkles his nose.

“I did,” Guitar Player admits.  The other two don’t look phased, though Bass Player does raise an eyebrow.  “I was bored!”

“Okay, but we don’t want to put you out,” Drum Player turns back to Julie and she swallows.  

“No, I offered.  Let me see the music.”

“Okay, but you have like ten minutes!” Bass Player finally chips in with a surprisingly cheerful tone.  Guitar Player hands Julie what looks like a piece of notebook paper and her eyes skim the words and notes.  It’s feasible for sure, but she can feel the nerves prickling at her stomach.  Guitar Player leans into her space and she clocks how ridiculously attractive he is up close.  He gives her a smile.

“We alternative verses like this, see?  And I don’t know your range, but we can figure that out on the go.”  Julie gives him a small smile.

“Somewhere between mezzo-soprano and soprano.”

“We can work with that.” Guitar Player seems to vibrate with energy.  “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

“No pressure,” Bass Player adds.

“Like seriously, none.  We can just go home and cry,” Drum Player says.  Julie isn’t sure.  She really isn’t.  In fact, she’s pretty sure she should just run away and hope she never sees these guys again.

“I’m sure.”

Well, that’s that.

Guitar Player sends her a smile that looks genuinely like someone has funnelled sunlight into his body and Julie feels the nerves lift for half a second.  Then, they’re called to the stage and all of a sudden she feels like she could puke all over again.  Guitar Player grabs her hand and squeezes it.

“You got this.”

Julie files out with the rest of the band and she’s extremely grateful her friends aren’t sitting in her direct line of sight.  The piano is definitely worn out from use, but her fingers settle naturally on the keys and Julie tries to focus on the budding itch to perform in her stomach rather than the urge to throw up.  She’s supposed to start this song.  This song that she became aware of ten minutes earlier.  She catches Guitar Player’s eye and he nods encouragingly.

She presses down on the keys and opens her mouth. 

Sometimes I think I'm falling down

I wanna cry, I'm calling out

For one more try to feel alive

And when I feel lost and alone

I know that I can make it home

Fight through the dark and find the spark

[andimackshitposts]

30 Days of Jyrus, Day 6

Title: Hard Hitting Journalistic Integrity 

Summary: Cyrus, a reporter for a celebrity news magazine and website, gets roped into interviewing pop sensation Jonah Beck. (This fic is epistolary, it’s all emails and email attachments). 

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Can you cover for me?

Hey Cyrus,

I know this is last minute, but I really need someone to cover my interview assignment next week. My parents are coming into town, and I really need to make time to see them, or I’ll never hear the end of it. Metcalf says I can take the week off if I find someone to cover my assignments.

It’ll be easy. You just meet the guy, talk with him for a bit, ask some questions that I’ve already put together from the research I’ve been doing, and then write it all up. I’ve heard that he’s really nice, as pop-stars go.

Thanks so much,

Andi

To: Andi Mack (amack@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Re: Can you cover for me?

I’ll do it, but you so owe me. You know I hate interviewing. 

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Re: Re: Can you cover me?

You’re the best!! I sent the questions to Mr. Beck’s manager, and he’s gonna send you back the ones he approves of. I promise I’ll make it up to you!

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Approved Interview Questions & Topics

Dear Mr. Goodman,

Attached are the approved questions for the interview with Mr. Beck. DO NOT, under any circumstances stray from these questions. Mr. Beck requested that I also give him your email so that he may reach out before the interview, so expect something from his soon.

Respectfully,

Marty Evans

APPROVED QUESTIONS

• Question One: How does it feel to sell out stadiums?  

• Question Two: Tell me about your new album. All follow questions should be about the music and the music only. He writes his own music, so focus on that.

• Question Three: How does your family inspire you? This is something he’s talked about before in interviews, it’s important to him.

• Question Four: How long have you been playing music?

• Question Five: Favorite album?

• Question Six: I hear you like to play Ultimate Frisbee, is that true?

APPROVED TOPICS

• Music

• Family

• His fans

• His upcoming tour

• His hobbies, cooking and frisbee

DO NOT MENTION

• Amber Diamond/The breakup

• Amber’s accusations

• Anything personal

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Hi!

Hi!

This is Jonah Beck. I wanted to touch base with you before the interview. I’m thrilled that you’re interviewing me, because I love to read your articles in Celebrity Life. It’s one of the reasons I agreed to this interview in the first place. Most websites and magazines are very invasive, but I always found Celebrity Life to be trustworthy. But you usually don’t do interviews. Are you a fan? ;)

Jonah  Beck

To: Jonah Beck (jbeck36@gmail.com)

Subject: Re: Hi!

Mr. Beck,

Thank you for reaching out. I assure you that I am only covering for a coworker. I do enjoy your music, but I would never intentionally seek out an interview. I’ll see you on Monday.

Cyrus Goodman

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: How was the interview?

Hey, Cyrus!

Thank you again for covering for me. How did it go? I hope it went well. I know you hate pop-stars, but he seems pretty down to earth and I know you listen to his music, so I was hoping that it wouldn’t be too much of a disaster.

Andi

To: Andi Mack (amack@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Re: How was the interview?  

It was good. I’ll send you the rough draft by tomorrow.

To: Buffy Driscoll (bdriscoll@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: I fucked up

I attached my rough draft of the Jonah Beck interview, please read it. You’ll see. It’s too personal. His publicist won’t like it. I’m so screwed. Help.

JONAH BECK INTERVIEW ROUGH DRAFT

It’s a crisp September morning when I walk into the Belvedere Hotel to meet Jonah Beck. He’s sitting on the bed of the hotel room, strumming his guitar. Jonah Beck is a handsome and charming young man, but his demeanor is not that of a confident pop-star, instead he quiet and polite, offering me a sparkling water from the mini-fridge. He himself has apparently decided on tea with honey and lemon, probably to preserve his voice for the night’s concert. “The truth is I hate sparkling water,” he says. “I’m just trying to pawn it off on you.”

CELEBRITY LIFE MAGAZINE: You’re playing a sold out stadium show tonight. That must be a crazy feeling.

JONAH BECK: It’s absolute insane. I’m so lucky to have this life. Music is so

important to me, and it’s a dream come true to be able share this important part of my life with so many people. And I really do have the best fans in the world.

CLM: Best fans in the world? Even the crazy fan-girls?

JB: [laughs] Even them. Everyone has to fan-girl over something.

CLM: What do you fan-girl over?

JB: Truthfully? Professional Ultimate Frisbee players. But please, don’t publish that.

CLM: Sorry, buddy. This is all on record.

JB: [laughs] There go all my fan-girls.

CLM: You mentioned that music is a big part of your life. How long have you been playing music?

JB: I started playing music when I was thirteen years old. I, uh, struggle with some anxiety and music was, is, very therapeutic for me. It helped me find a little more confidence in who I really am, as opposed to who the people around me wanted me to be.

CLM: People around you? Like your family?

JB: My family, and honestly everyone in my life. My parents divorced when I was fourteen, but it was a longtime coming. I was a profoundly unhappy teenager, but I hid it really well. Music was the one outlet I had for all my negative emotions. I’m not sure how it became a career, but here we are.

CLM: Here we are indeed. I’m sorry to learn about your parents’ divorce. How has coming from that kind of background influenced your music?

JB: I think a lot of my love songs are more bittersweet than you expect from pop-music. My family is a huge inspiration—I talk to my little sister at least once a week—and I try to go home to my dad’s house for a few holidays. Without their support I never would’ve made it this far.

CLM: It’s going to be a challenge for you to make it home while you’re on tour.

JB: Unfortunately, that’s true. But I’m extremely lucky to be kicking off a world tour in six months. I get about six weeks off before the tour, so I’ll be spending it all with my family.

CLM: Where are you most excited to go?

JB: Germany. I have some extended family there.

CLM: Are you excited to meet fans from all over the world?

JB: Absolutely. Like I said, best fans anyone could ask for.

CLM: What will you be listening to on the tour bus? Favorite album?

JB: To be perfectly honest? Arianna Grande. God is definitely a woman. [laughs]

CLM: Oh, isn’t Amber Diamond going on tour with Arianna Grande?

JB: Uh…Yeah….

CLM: Shit, sorry. I wasn’t supposed to talk about her.

JB: It’s okay. I don’t hold any resentment towards Amber. We weren’t right for each other, but I handled it poorly. I don’t blame her for lashing out in the press.

CLM: That’s very emotionally mature of you. I mean, she told the tabloids that you’re gay. Which is a fucked up thing to do. If you’re straight, it’s a lie that will follow you for the rest of your career. And if it’s true, she outed you to the whole world.  

JB: Yeah. It’s not true, for the record. I’m not gay. I’m bisexual.

CLM:: Wow, uh. Wow. I won’t print that if you don’t—

JB: Print it. I don’t care. I was never really hiding it. I don’t fall in love with someone because of their gender. I fall in love with someone because of the color of their eyes, the way they smile, how they talk to me. It doesn’t matter what gender someone is or how they present. What matters is who they are.

CLM: That’s beautiful.

JB: I do write my own lyrics, y’know.

CLM: From deep and poetic to totally sarcastic in five seconds flat. Impressive. That must be what the fan-girls like about you.

JB: I would hope they’d like my music.

CLM: That too.

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Re: I fucked up

Calm down, Cy. There’s a salvageable interview in here. You just need some editing. I’ve got this. But holy shit, he came out in this interview. That’s huge. He must’ve really liked you.

Buffy

PS: You owe me one.

To: Buffy Driscoll (bdriscoll@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Re: Re: I fucked up

What do you mean, “he must really like me”?

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Re: Re: Re: I fucked up

I mean, based on that transcript, you two were totally flirting. Tell me you got his number. You have to go out with him.

To: Buffy Driscoll (bdriscoll@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: I fucked up

HA. You are absolutely out of your mind. I’m not going to go on a date with Jonah Beck. 

To: Cyrus Goodman (cgoodman@celebritylifemag.com)

Subject: Interview follow-up.

Dear Cyrus,

I just read the article! It came out great. But I think we need to do an interview follow up as soon as possible. Maybe this Friday night over dinner? I can pick you up at 7.  How does that sound?

Jonah Beck

To: Jonah Beck (jbeck36@gmail.com)

Subject: Re: Interview follow-up

I’d love to.

[minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong]

Arranged Chapter Eight

Description: Y/N is a struggling student in Seoul: working multiple jobs, living in a broom closet apartment, and often sacrificing her dignity for the sake of her livelihood. What happens when a handsome stranger presents her with an offer she cannot refuse at the moment she needs it most?

Pairing: Min Yoongi x (f) Reader

Word Count: 6,661

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Chaebol!Au, Company!Au, Arranged Marriage!Au

Warnings: Coarse language, although not frequently.

A/N: Hi guys! I’m very excited to give you guys this chapter! I’m so grateful for all of you. The support of this story has been incredible. Truly, it’s more than I could have ever dreamed of. I’m honored and humbled that you guys enjoy the story and enjoy my writing. That said, here’s the next chapter! As always, my asks are open for anyone who wants to chat! (Especially if you want to chat about that selfie Yoongi uploaded on Twitter yesterday because I think he’s trying to fight me.) I’ll respond to every message I receive within the day! If you have any feedback, critique, questions, or anything please feel free to send me a message. I hope you guys like the update and please stay healthy and rest up! 

–Mercury

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen (END)

———————————————————————————————————

“Namjoon what…what the hell are you doing here?” I asked, shaking my head as my hand fell from Yoongi’s. 

Namjoon approached me, his grin never faltering, as he chuckled. “I just got a job here last week! Trust me, I’m as surprised as you are. I heard you got married?” he said, smiling.

I nodded. “Yeah. Uh…this is Yoongi. My…,” I paused as I took a moment to think about how to introduce him. Namjoon and Yoongi had met before, after all. “My husband.” My heart fluttered as I spoke the word.

Namjoon bowed politely, the papers he held close to his chest slipping slightly. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Min,” he said before the stack of papers on top, the one held together by a loose paperclip, slid from his grip entirely.

I gasped and fell to my knees, grabbing the stack before it hit the ground and fanned out everywhere. Namjoon’s eyes went wide at the sight of me on all fours on the hardwood floor. We met gazes and I took a moment to search his expression. Had he really forgotten the experience with Yoongi from a few weeks before? In his face I saw only concern and quickly righted myself, standing to my feet slowly and denying Yoongi’s hand as he offered it to me to steady me.

“Here you go, Namjoon,” I said. I handed him the stack of papers with a soft smile. 

He returned it. “Thank you,” he said. “Ah, I guess I’ll see you at lunch?” he said, raising his brows as his smile deepened, revealing his dimples.

I nodded. “Sure.”

Namjoon bowed to Yoongi once again before walking off down the hallway and into the office itself. I peered up at Yoongi and his expression, much like Namjoon’s, was unreadable. I pouted slightly as he refused to meet my eyes, all previous nervousness replaced now with confusion and frustration. 

“How can he be here?”

“He works here.”

“I got that,” I said with a sigh. “But…why?”

Yoongi peeked at me from above and shrugged before walking ahead into the office. “I hired him personally,” he said, his back growing distant as he disappeared into the sea of cubicles, searching for mine.

I had so many things to ask him, but settled for just following behind him with an angry sigh.

The supervisor appointed to me, Yoongi’s own assistant Jaehee, showed me the ropes and before long I was logging files into Excel sheets and reviewing reports from the different departments. I’d had very few expectations when I agreed to taking this job, but I certainly hadn’t expected for it to be so tedious, so dry. Was this the sort of thing Yoongi did all day? 

Occasionally, I took secret looks over the back of my chair towards where his office was situated, right at the corner of the floor, giving him the best view. Every time my eyes found the clouded glass that separated us, I felt a pang of frustration and…something else. He’d held my hand so tenderly before, with so much care and softness. I’d never been touched that way. 

But he’d also brushed me off when I’d asked about Namjoon. Once again, it seemed that he was making decisions and calling shots without my knowledge or consent. If Namjoon was qualified for the position here and he’d applied, then far be it from me to stand in the way. But if he’d been hired under insidious circumstances, possibly to protect my secret with Yoongi…

Then I didn’t want to stand for my friend being manipulated like a pawn in a chess match.

It was with this cocktail of emotions that I stood from my desk to grab a drink of water at the fountain, several of my new coworkers gathered there. Each of them bowed to me and I responded in turn, but we didn’t really speak. That seemed to be how the workday went: each of us performing our own individual tasks and mingling as little as possible.

“Miss Y/N,” said a voice I’d become far too familiar with from behind me.

I sighed as I turned to see Jaehee, the young short guy, who was standing stiffly beside me. “Hello,” I said to him.

He nodded. “Mr. Min would like to see you,” he said.

I raised my brows. “He would?”

“He wants a report on the analytics you’ve analyzed today,” he said.

“But I’ve hardly analyzed any. I’ve only been working for four hours.”

Jaehee nodded. “I understand, Miss, but he wants to see you.”

The coworkers on my other side chuckled together. “How scandalous to call his new wife to his office on her first day,” whispered one woman to another.

The second woman stared me up and down before setting her lips thin in an effort to conceal her laughter. “I’m sure he wants to do more than just see her,” she said.

I cleared my throat. Suddenly, an enclosed space with Yoongi sounded far superior to an open space with these women as they teased me. I turned on my heel and brushed past Jaehee with a soft smile his way. 

“Did you need something?” I asked as Yoongi’s white door clicked shut behind me.

He had removed his suit jacket and was sitting at his glass-topped desk now, fingers folded and eyes turned to the side to gaze out the window. He’d rolled the sleeves of his button-down up to his elbows. I could see the latticework of veins beneath the porcelain of his skin and had to force my eyes away. His dark eyes slid to the chair in front of his desk and I followed his silent cue, backing the chair slightly so I wouldn’t be too close. He looked at me slowly, almost lazily, and sighed as he took in my expression.

“You’re mad at me,” he said.

I nodded. “A little.”

“Why? Because I hired Namjoon?” he asked, his brows furrowed.

I shook my head. “Namjoon has an IQ of 148. He has experience working for a small business. He has incredible people skills and he’s a Yonsei graduate. He’s obviously an incredible candidate for a position here,” I said. “I want to know if there are any reasons besides his qualifications for his hiring.”

Yoongi sighed and his expression softened slightly. He stood to his feet and reached for something in one of his drawers. He rifled through it for a moment before coming around to the front of the desk and, to my great shock and chagrin, crouching down in front of my knees. I wondered what he was up to, what he might do, but his eyes lifted to meet mine and I felt some of my anger melt. I wanted to run my fingers through his well-styled hair, to touch his neck where the collar of his shirt met his skin. He seemed so soft below me, and it was difficult to restrain myself.

But before I could feel too embarrassed about my urges, his fingers were on my exposed knee, his eyes falling there too. I jerked away from him. “What are you doing?” I asked.

He chuckled softly, his fingers hooking around the back of my knee to pull me back towards him. Carefully, he pulled a bandaid from the item he’d produced from his drawer, an item I could now see was a first-aid kit. He peeled the tape off both sides and gently smoothed the adhesive down on the top of my knee. As I watched him, I became aware of a dull stinging there and was startled to see that I’d been bleeding slightly from a wound I must have acquired when I dove for Namjoon’s papers. 

I flushed as he continued to smooth the bandaid, giving the top of my knee a soft squeeze once he was done. He packed away his first aid kit and set it to the side on the floor, sitting up and leaning back against his desk so he could face me properly.

“I hired him before we got married,” he said.

I raised my eyebrows at him. “You…what?”

He nodded. “We got talking that day at the instrument store. Turns out he’s a business major. He wants to climb the corporate ladder and open his own business someday, like his dad did,” said Yoongi softly, slowly. His voice was low and deep as his eyes focused somewhere behind me.

“So you…,” I edged, trying to get him to reveal more.

He smiled gently. “I asked him about you and he spoke very fondly. He said you’re smart, but a little impulsive. Strong, but stubborn. He mentioned that you were a kind person,” he said.

“He’s too generous,” I said with burning cheeks.

Yoongi shook his head. “No, I think he’s right,” he said. “Anyway, I gave him my business card and said if he was ever looking for a job he could come to me.”

“So it was…innocent?”

He shook his head. “Not entirely. I offered him the position because he seemed like a smart kid. But when you agreed to the marriage, I became a little nervous. I thought he might become trouble, since he was there the day we met, one of the only people who saw us. So I offered him a job on site when he came in for an interview a week or so after you called,” said Yoongi. “I didn’t want loose ends.”

“Loose ends…,” I said. What a way to talk about a human being…

“But I wouldn’t have hired him if he hadn’t spoken so highly of you. By then, I knew you were the person I wanted to partner with. I’m a good judge of character, and I knew you were a good person. So if he could see that in you, then he must be a good judge of character too. That’s what I thought.”

I blushed. “Now you’re being too generous.”

“I still disagree,” he said with a smile my way. “Anyway, mostly I figured that if you were to work for me you might want to have a familiar face around. This workplace can be a little…,” he started, then chuckled and shook his head. 

I nodded. “I know what you mean,” I said as I recalled those women at the water fountain. I wrapped my arms around my torso with a sigh. 

“You don’t look pleased.”

I shook my head and chuckled to myself. “No, it’s not that. I’m…I’m glad you hired him. You’re right about him. He’s smart and he could do a lot of good for your company,” I said. “But hiring him so that I could have a friend…isn’t that too kind?”

He smirked. “I’m a very kind man, Y/N,” he said, touching my calf with the tip of his polished shoe, almost like he was teasing.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” I said, gazing up at him as the city glittered in the afternoon sun behind him. “Sometimes I think you’re the most compassionate person I’ve ever met, and other times I think you’re just…pragmatic.”

“Can’t a person be both?”

I blushed as I pondered this. “I…suppose.”

He smiled and pushed off the desk, coming to stand before me. Softly, as if I may break at his touch, he pushed an unruly hair from my face, guiding it to the side of my cheek. My skin burned and my heart raced as I saw the softness in his chocolate eyes, trained on my face. His lips were still parted in a lopsided grin, and it was all I could do to sit still as he backed away. 

“We’re friends,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “I take care of my friends.”

Friends…

“Hey, Y/N,” said Namjoon as I entered the break room in a daze. I was still thinking about Yoongi, about his hands on my skin, about his eyes looking at me with all that softness…

About what it meant to be his friend.

I shook my head and smiled at Namjoon. “Hey. How come you didn’t tell me you were working here?” I asked.

He smirked and took a bite of his sandwich. “How come you didn’t invite me to the wedding?” he asked, raising a brow.

I blushed and shook my head. I sat in the chair across from him. The break room was nearly empty, leaving the two of us to sit comfortably. “I wasn’t really…in charge of the guest list.”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to explain. I’m assuming your relationship is…nonconventional.”

“That would be one way to put it.”

He offered me the other half of his sandwich, a triangle of white bread and also a triangular white flag. I accepted it graciously and began to nibble at it. “You like him at least?” asked Namjoon.

It was clear the two of us were in an understanding of sorts, but neither of us were putting it to words. Neither of us could. “Yes,” I said with a sigh.

He grinned and patted my arm, his dimples sinking into his cheeks. “Hey! You guys were holding hands this morning. Don’t look so sad.”

“I don’t know what any of it means.”

He pondered this for a moment. “Have you tried talking to Hana about it?” he asked.

I smiled. “The way you said her name just now…,” I said, raising my brows.

He rolled his eyes and glanced away with a smile. “Leave me alone. I have just as much of a right to have a crush as you do.”

“At least I’m married to mine.”

He scowled at me. “But honestly. I feel like she’d know how to help.”

I shook my head. “I feel…distant with her. Every day there are more things I can’t tell her about. I don’t know how to face her.”

“How about facing her honestly?”

“I don’t know if I can…,” I said. “I don’t know where I’d begin explaining things to her. And I don’t know how much I can explain. I’m in a…weird circumstance.”

He nodded. “Well, all I know is she was mopey at the store when she found out you were engaged. I think you’d be kind to at least spend some time with her. Just her.”

I sighed and set the sandwich down again. I didn’t have much of an appetite when I thought about Hana. “What if I wanna be selfish? What if I don’t want to drag her all the way into this? What if...what if I’m scared?”

He thought for a moment before smiling at me gently. “Then you have to be okay with the consequences.”

The rest of the day passed pensively as now and again my fingers would brush the top of that bandaid or my eyes would linger on the clouded glass of Yoongi’s office. I was focused, of course. I wasn’t the kind of person whose work performance was so easily shaken. But I was preoccupied, dazed, and thinking too much for my own good.

Every time Namjoon passed by he offered me a smile and while on one hand I found it extremely comforting, on the other I felt heavy under the weight of his eyes. He was right. Hana deserved to be treated with at least my respect — respect enough to talk to her and tell her how I was feeling. Tell her what my life looked like now that it was completely different.

I had to be okay with the consequences, huh?

“Are you ready to go home?” asked Yoongi from over my shoulder, causing me to jump and turn towards him. 

I rubbed my dry eyes and gazed out the windows onto the dusk outside. Had the day already passed? “Uh…yeah. I’m ready.”

He smiled just barely and nodded, his jacket hanging over his forearm. “Want to grab something for dinner before we go home? To celebrate your first day?”

I pondered this. “No drinking?” I asked.

He laughed and nodded. “Not if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t.”

He offered me his hand to help me from my seat and held onto it for a fraction longer than a friend would. He released my fingers and nodded towards the elevator. I glanced around the office. It seemed Namjoon had already left. Most everyone had already left, actually. We walked out to the street and without stopping Yoongi continued to the left of the building, following the well-lit sidewalk down into the heart of Gangnam. He seemed to know his way and, veiled in the anonymity of the city lights with the daylight’s final display of colors playing out behind his head, he seemed in his element. Natural even. I couldn’t stop looking at him.

But I had to.

Friends don’t gaze longingly at friends.

“Where are we going?”

He peeked at me out the corner of his eye and smiled. “We’re getting pork belly.”

I raised my brows. “You like stuff like that?”

He laughed and nodded. “Don’t sound so surprised. Just because I was born with a silver spoon doesn’t mean I don’t like delicious food.”

“Delicious and…cheap.”

He nodded and a smile danced on his lips, lights danced in his eyes, my heart danced in my chest. He ran his hands through his hair and it softened at his touch, falling gently into half-held waves. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, lazily, before he reached his fingers out toward mine, wiggling them.

“What?” I asked.

“Give me your hand,” he said.

I blushed. “My…my hand? Why?”

“Why else? I want to hold it,” he said. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like it was natural.

He continued to wiggle his fingers, the gesture far too cute for someone as serious as him, and raised his brows. “O-Okay,” I managed to say before lacing my fingers with his.

He sighed and nodded with a chuckle. “You did really well today,” he said.

I shook my head. “I’m just following directions.”

“I looked at you a few times today. When I had to get coffee or use the bathroom,” he said, nodding with a slight pout. “You looked focused. Jaehee praised you.”

I rolled my eyes. “With the way you talk about Jaehee that’s hardly a compliment,” I said.

He nudged me with his elbow. “I’m trying to be nice to you,” he said.

“Why though? You don’t need to.”

He thought for a moment, his hand warm against mine, and shrugged. “I guess I’m thinking about what you said. A few things you’ve said.”

“Which things?”

“You said you couldn’t tell if I was kind or not,” he said slowly. “For some reason…I guess I want to prove to you that I am.”

I chuckled. “It was never a question of kindness. I know you’re kind.”

“You said you didn’t think I was a bad person…I don’t know if I agree, but I want to try, you know? To be a person that journalists write good things about,” he said then laughed. “If nothing else, then just for your sake. It’s not good being associated with me, is it?”

I shrugged. “It’s not bad,” I said. “And I don’t really care about any of that. People can say whatever they want, but it doesn’t change your character.”

“Do you think you know my character pretty well?” he asked.

I pursed my lips as I thought. “No,” I said, and I thought I saw his expression fall only slightly. His grip on my fingers loosened by a fraction, but it was too precious a moment to let go of so I held tighter and gave him a smile. “But I’d like to.”

He turned to me, surprised, and a smile spread across his face very slowly. “Then you’re one of the few,” he said with a chuckle, leading the way inside a smoky restaurant.

“No! No, God. I’ve never,” said Yoongi through laughter.

I joined him. “What-why? I’ve heard skinny dipping is really fun!” I exclaimed, pointing to him with my chopstick as he cooked our second round of meat. 

He rolled his eyes, still laughing, and shook his head. “You say that like you know what it’s like…,” he teased with a smirk.

I gaped. “No! I haven’t!”

He continued laughing for a long moment and I joined him. We’d been playing some sort of lazy 20 Questions game for half an hour, laughing and eating. Something about sharing a meal at a tiny table, watching our food cook, sitting in the hazy restaurant where conversation was so loud we both needed to shout to be heard…something about it had made us loosen up. Like we could afford to have a little fun. God knows we needed it.

“Okay, okay. I have a question,” he said, placing a piece of lettuce to his lips before shoving a slice of pork into his mouth, lettuce and all. It was his strange way of eating meat wraps. I’d tried doing it during our first round only to puncture a hole into the lettuce and earn the incessant teasing of Yoongi. “If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with all your free time?” 

I chuckled and wrapped my food like a normal person, giving him a pointed look as I did. “What if I like sleeping?”

He smirked. “So if given more free time, you’d still sleep?”

I shrugged. “Probably.”

He laughed loudly and nodded. “When you say it so seriously like that…I kind of agree.”

“Mm,” I murmured as I chewed. “I’ve got one.”

“Fire away.”

“I saw this on a website once when I had to research ice-breaker questions for a work dinner once,” I said with a laugh. “It’s a good one.”

“I’m ready,” he said, bracing himself against the small round table and setting his chopsticks down to offer me his undivided attention. 

“If you had a clock that would countdown to any one event in your life, like an event that hasn’t happened yet, what event would you want it to countdown to?” I asked with a smug smile. This had always been my favorite question.

He chuckled before he became overcome with thought and his expression changed from playful to stoic. He sighed and pouted his lips, furrowed his brow, set his jaw. He was serious again. “I would want…I’d want it to countdown to the moment when I’m truly content.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Content?”

He nodded. “When I feel like I’m not sprinting anymore. When I can finally rest.”

I peeked at him nervously. He was looking at the meat as it sizzled on the grill between us. “Do you always feel that way? Like you’re sprinting?”

He nodded again. “Ever since I was a kid, there was a lot that was expected of me,” he said, then looked at me with frantic eyes and waved his hands. “Not that I’m complaining! I’m very fortunate.”

I shook my head. “But that doesn’t mean you’re immune to bad things. You can still go through hard times like the rest of us.”

“Yeah,” he said, swirling his beer. “I grew up hearing that I’d be CEO someday, that I’d have to take over. I heard that if I ever slipped up, if I ever showed a face that wasn’t poised and perfect and professional, that I’d risk ruining it all.”

“That’s a huge amount of pressure,” I said.

He chuckled. “I know,” he sighed. “It put a lot of strain on possible friendships. I can count on one hand the amount of people I have in my life who genuinely care for me,” he said. I remembered what Jungkook said. That people seemed to stick around because they had to, not because they wanted to. I felt an odd cocktail of pity and outrage for Yoongi. “I felt like…I don’t know, like I didn’t have any right to drag other people into the stress of my life. Like they didn’t deserve it.”

“So…you isolated yourself?” I asked.

He nodded. “I did. I do,” he said. “There was…there was one girl when I was twenty. In college. She didn’t care about my background. She didn’t mind that I had these…circumstances, these expectations. She was wonderful,” he said with a smile so fond it made my whole body ache. “But she wasn’t from a great family. In the end I pushed her away…because I felt I would be doing her an injustice by bringing her close to me if she’d never be able to stay.”

I blushed. I’d never heard this story before, never even considered it. It hadn’t occurred to me that Yoongi may have been in love before, may have given his heart away before, may have wanted someone like I wanted him before. My heart clenched a little at the way his eyes went distant, like he could see her if he focused hard enough on the crack in the wooden table. Maybe he could…

“That’s no way to live,” I said, then blushed and shook my head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say something like that. It slipped out.”

He smiled, almost sadly, and shook his head. “Don’t worry. I won’t fire you.”

“Isn’t it…aren’t you ever lonely?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I suppose,” he said, then chuckled and turned a few pieces of meat over with his tongs. “Not as much lately.”

My heart raced. Was that possibly because of me?

No. I had to stop thinking things that made me hopeful.

“Hm,” I said, mostly to fill the dead air between us.

Yoongi peeked at me from across the table and raised his eyebrows. “I figured you might understand. You have things you can’t tell people. About us, about…this,” he said with a nod. “It can be lonely holding onto so many secrets.”

Hana.

I cleared my throat and nodded. “What choice do I have?”

He took another bite of meat and chewed on it. He also chewed on my words. After a moment he sighed and gave me a smile. Another one that seemed a little sad. “All I know is that I wouldn’t wish it on someone. Least of all you.” He returned his attention to the meat as it sizzled between us, leaving me to sit in a smothering mixture of indecision and melancholy.

I awoke the next day smelling of smoke. It was in my hair, in my shirt, in my skin. And as I exited my bedroom and found Yoongi sipping his coffee with a bowl of fruit before him, I could vaguely smell it on him too past the sharp pine of his cologne. 

He glanced at me over his glasses and smiled. “Ready for work?”

“I don’t know if ‘ready’ is the word I’d choose,” I said with a laugh.

He smiled and patted the chair beside him. “You can have my grapes. I noticed you eat them in the middle of the night.”

I blushed as I sat down. “You…you saw?”

His smile turned to a playful smirk and he shrugged. “It’s my apartment. I see everything.”

I swallowed hard and stared at him with wide eyes. “E-everything?”

For a moment he stared at me, smirking, before his facade broke and he was in stitches, laughing at me with his eyes pleasantly scrunched up. He leaned back in his chair and offered me a comforting nudge on the calf with his slippered foot. “I’m teasing. I sometimes get up at night to drink some juice or milk and I notice the bag is open and your light is on. I just figured you liked them.”

I popped one in my mouth slowly and nodded. “I do,” I said.

He smiled. “Good. Because I’m not a fan. Eat them for me, okay?”

I nodded and grabbed for another. “If you say so, Boss.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “I’m packing a lunch today. Do you want me to pack you one too?” he asked.

Lunch.

Who would I eat lunch with today? I couldn’t bear the thought of Namjoon lecturing me about Hana again, since his voice was starting to sound eerily similar to the voice of reason. And I couldn’t very well hop into Yoongi’s office uninvited and eat there…

I remembered for only the briefest moment the expression on Yoongi’s face as he told me the story of that girl, a memory I regarded with a pang of sadness in my stomach for a number of reasons. He’d pushed her away because he was scared. He mentioned before that he pushed most people away. He didn’t feel like he had the right to collect kind people in his life, like he would be dragging them down by associating with them. And, as much as that guilt of his made me upset on his behalf, I could understand it.

But his eyes had seemed so somber, so sad.

And he’d said he didn’t wish that on me…

“No,” I said, my voice starting me with its clarity. “I’m, uh…I’m gonna catch up with Hana at the instrument store. Catch up.”

He glanced at me and I was sure he understood what I meant. It was one of those rare moments when I felt more similar than different to Yoongi. He nodded his head with a gentle smile. “I think that’s an excellent idea. Do you know what you’ll say to her?”

“Well…she already knows this is…arranged,” I said.

He nodded. “I figured. She was there that day too, right?”

“Yes. But there are things that I…haven’t told her,” I said, twiddling my thumbs. Like my feelings for Yoongi, or the fact that his father knew too. Like Jungkook. Things that might possibly complicate things for her in the future. “I don’t know…how to proceed. You know the saying, ‘The less I know the better’?” 

He ate around his grapes, letting me pick at them, and speared a strawberry with his fork. “Mhm.”

“Isn’t that appropriate here?”

He shrugged. “Do what you think is best. I trust your judgement.”

“I don’t want her to be used as a pawn someday,” I said, my brows etching into a furrow.

Yoongi smiled. “I’ll protect whoever is close to you, Y/N. I give you my word.”

But could he protect someone from his own father?

I sat on the table in the instrument store, Hana sitting beside me as we closed the shop down for lunchtime. It had been a few days since we’d seen each other, and a few more since we’d really talked, and a few more since things had felt normal between us. She peered at me from beside the cash register, her eyes warm and soft as they scanned my features.

I turned to look at her and gave her a smile. “I’m sorry.”

She raised her brows. “What? What for?”

“For being so distant. For avoiding you.”

She shook her head. “You’ve been busy.”

“I’ve been scared.”

Hana’s soft features went sharp with confusion. “Scared of what? What’s so scary that you can’t even tell me?” she asked.

“I love Yoongi,” I said. “And I don’t know what to do about it.” The truth came tumbling out before I could stop it.

She stared at me with wide eyes. “And how does he feel?”

I hesitated before responding. If someone ever found out about my feelings, about their lack of reciprocation, it might come back to Hana. He might come back to Hana. “I don’t know.”

She laughed and rubbed my back. “Well, that’s nothing to be scared about! So what if you love your husband?”

“And his father…he knows. About everything. I really don’t know how…maybe he ran a background check on me or something. Who knows,” I said with a humorless laugh. “I don’t know what he might do if he finds out you know too. If it gets out it…it would devastate the company. I think he might do anything to keep that information under wraps.”

Suddenly, realization came over her features and she nodded. “That’s why.”

“That’s why.”

“You were trying to protect me?” she asked. “Well, let him try to scare me. What can he take away from me?”

I laughed and wiped beneath my eyes. “Everybody has something to lose. Trust me on that.”

She sighed and nodded. “Jeez. I never thought being the wife of a millionaire would be so complicated,” she said with a laugh, digging her elbow into my side.

I turned to her, her beaming, happy face. I only ever wanted her to wear that expression, that carefree, joyful one. I wanted her to live a life as beautiful as she was. 

But what if the only way for her to have that life was if I wasn’t in it…?

“The store looks nice,” I said, glancing around the dimly lit floor. “Mr. Kim rearranged the brass.”

She sighed. “Hey, I…I never really apologized. For what happened.”

“Why would you need to apologize for that?” I asked with a smile. I took her hand in mine, like Yoongi had done to me, and began rubbing circles. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And I made my choice.”

She shook her head and sighed, pushing her dark hair behind her ears with a shrug. “I still feel like…if I’d just taken the blame like I should have you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

I pondered this. “You say that like I’m not happy.”

“Well…you’re not, are you?” 

I chuckled as I recalled all of the memories I’d already accumulated in my new life: writing thank you notes with Yoongi, dancing to Kendrick Lamar at my wedding, sitting on the swings with Jungkook as he revealed something he otherwise never would have. Even though things were confusing and difficult, I wasn’t unhappy. I was sure, at least, of that much.

“I am, actually,” I said with a laugh and a nod of my head. I squeezed Hana’s small hand. “Happy, I mean. I’m actually…kinda happy.”

She scoffed. “And all it took was marrying a stranger.”

“I guess so.”

“God, well tell me all about it! Tell me about him! What’s he like at home? What’s the apartment like? Have you guys…done anything?” she asked, sitting criss-cross on the counter to face me with a grin.

I laughed and shook my head. “No! Nothing like that has happened and, the way things are going, nothing will,” I joked with a sigh. “And he’s…kinda soft.”

“Min Yoongi. Soft,” she repeated with a smirk.

I nodded. “Believe it or not! He’s actually pretty sweet if I’m being totally honest,” I said, then pouted. “But he teases me. And he’s really straightforward. Normally that’s a good thing, right? But like…he scares me with how honest he is sometimes.”

She laughed. “Tell me more.”

“And sometimes he can be kind of cold. Like a corporate heir, you know? And I have to think to myself, ‘Shit, we are in different leagues’. But then the next minute he’s stuffing lettuce wraps in his mouth and his glasses are sliding down his nose and it’s like…ugh, it’s like he’s cute, you know?” I had begun to speak with my hands, waving them around as I thought of more and more things to say. I could have filled a book with my thoughts on Yoongi.

But before I could write even another page, the bell above the door to the store tinkled and the both of us turned towards the noise to see what had caused it. Standing in the doorway, shutting the glass door quietly behind him, was a man maybe in his fifties, wearing a well-tailored vest and slacks. On his right arm I recognized a watch similar to one Yoongi owned. Something and Mercier was the name, if I remembered correctly.

He turned to us with a smile and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Hello. I’m sorry to intrude,” he said. His voice was low, but lilting. Almost like music.

Hana hopped off the counter and I joined her. She offered him a warm smile. “I’m so sorry, sir, but we’re actually closed for lunch right now.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Oh? I’m so sorry. I must have missed the sign,” he said, laughing. How had he missed it when it was printed boldly right on the door he’d just walked through?

Something about the man put me off and put me on edge. I watched him carefully as he and Hana exchanged more words. Everything about him from his salt-and-pepper hair to the strong set of his jaw seemed sharp, and his eyes flashed around the room in a way that felt calculated. Hana was a pleasant as ever, and yet this man seemed only to be meeting her in politeness, not sincerity. He seemed to be taking in the store, looking for something that I couldn’t know.

“Ah, well, excuse me. I’m so sorry to have been a bother. I’ll come back during work hours,” he said, bowing his head to Hana.

She returned it and smiled up at him. “You can stay if you’d like! If there’s something in particular you’re looking for, then you can try it out while we continue our lunch.”

The man’s eyes went wide and he nodded. “Would that really be okay?”

“Of course. We don’t turn away business here,” she said with a laugh. He returned it, but his eyes never narrowed. He made me so inexplicably uneasy…

“Well, I am looking for something, if you’d care to help,” he said, finally slinking his gaze over to me. We locked eyes and I felt my whole body freeze. 

“Sure. What can I help you find?”

“It’s not really a what, but more of a who I’m afraid,” he said, smiling her way again. 

Hana cocked her head to the side and nodded. “Um…I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’ll give it my best shot,” she said, grinning.

The man nodded. “Well, I’m looking for a young woman who used to work here. She recently got married and the articles said she is a former employee,” he said.

I stiffened and took a small step back. Hana and I exchanged a charged look as her eyebrows knit. She and I were surely thinking the same thing. There was no way he was referring to-

“Her name is Y/N,” he said.

The overwhelming urge to run overcame me. I had to tell my body to remain still in order not to sprint out that front door. Who was this man? And why was he looking for me? I took a moment to settle my nerves and think. If I ran, then I seemed guilty. What if he knew about the arrangement? What if he was trying to exploit me for money — money that wasn’t mine to give? If I ran, he may get more ammunition on me, more proof to use against me.

But if I stayed…

If I stayed I might be able to convince him otherwise. I might be able to understand his motives and ask him what he wanted with me. I might be proven wrong about his intentions.

Or I could be proven right. 

And if I was proven right, then I would be in deep, deep trouble.

I remembered what Yoongi said before I left the house. He said he trusted my judgement. I sincerely hoped I could trust it too…

I stepped forward, a large enough step to see the man up close, and cleared my throat. “That’s me, Sir.”

He met my eyes nodded. “I know,” he said. For the first time since he’d come into the store, he smiled and it looked real. But as he did, I realized that I recognized that smile.

It was mine.