#he's like the whitest boy in the game.........

[hematomes]

ok chat what do we think about the sparkle racism controversy

[coquettetoji]

{💌} ARMIN ARLERT MOODBOARD

★ general armin hcs ★

— sweetest soul who is 100% down to earth, will scold you for not recycling your fork into the correct trash can and will pick up plastic / any trash on the ground

— nerdy golden retriever boy, and is the biggest people pleaser

— played hockey growing up and in college, he’s a right winger

— reads a shit ton of books, will press pretty and colorful flowers he finds outside into the book spine to save it

— is academically and naturally smart, gpa is a strong 4.2, majors in business, economics, or biology, some smart shit like that ( will grow up to be that hot rich dad every single mom wants )

— SLEEPER BUILD 🗣️🗣️AND A V LINE🗣️🗣️

— hands are big but they’re like bony and soft, he also plays piano so he’s good with his hands *moan*

— his most used app is spotify, google classroom, and messages

— lana del rey coded. i will argue with anyone who thinks otherwise.

— listens to cigarettes after sex, clairo, and this one random 63 hour playlist called ‘band cafe soft jazz music’

— speaking of cigarettes, armin also smokes cigarettes (ik i’m sorry) but this guy is a student athlete, ofc he’s gonna have to de-stress somehow

— drives the newest model of a white range rover with beige interior

— 6’1 teddy bear with attachment issues

— speaks french fluently

— so so so soft spoken like you will never see him yelling at another person, even when he’s frustrated

— also doesn’t like cursing, will give someone a quick glance if they cuss but won’t mind it

— has a gold chain around his neck, yes the slutty kind

— came from old money 🤭🤑, he dresses like it too i’m talking quarter zips, sweaters, khakis, and neutral colors, wears his gold thin wire framed glasses occasionally

— knows all girl shit bc of his little sister (who he adores) he learned how to take care of her so he’s really reliable when it comes to treating girls right

— his phone case is the apple silicone one that’s cream color, keeps one of his credit cards in the case behind his phone

— phone screen is him and his puppy ( spot the difference game for everyone 👍 )

— every woman he knows or did a favor for all say “his mother raised him right”

— the most organized person ever, his whole pantry would labeled and organized like khloe kardashian’s

— eren and armin are 100% that black cat golden retriever duo, take a wild guess on who is which lol

— 2 deep dimples on his cheeks that pop out when he smiles, also has light freckles dusted on his nose n around it, has the straightest whitest teeth + an adorable smile **he’s so grateful for braces existing

— overall the most genuine human out there, no detection of fuck boy here 😁😁😁

{💌} new message from mica

armin is actually my baby i love him so much i need me a soft spoken tall nerdy blonde white boy in my life now

[rubylovessharks]

will they be good parents and will they even be parents hcs :D twst cast this is all a future thing not during their school years also no ortho :3

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts

I feel like he'd be a good dad

maybe he kiiind of takes after his mother but not to the extreme like she was

something more of a super responsible parent, making sure his child studies well, doesn't eat unhealthy too much

but the difference between him and his mom is that he's giving his kids freedom.

they wanna go out and play with their friends? sure but make sure they study for their next test.

they wanna eat this cake? sure but make sure you don't eat too much.

I also think he'd want to spend time with his future kids, helping them study, maybe play a game with them

Riddle seems like a parent who'd have two children, maaaybe three. I feel like he always wanted siblings so therefore he'd have more then one child. but not too many- he won't keep track on them :(

Trey Clover

defiantly a good dad. 100%

he literally has siblings that he takes care of, so it seems right that he'd want at least one child

I don't think he'd like more then one kid but maaaybe he'd be fine with a few more.

he teaches them how to bake :)

like by the time they are four years old they already know a few good recipes, not that they can do that themselves- baby steps

those kids are gonna have the whitest teeth ever with a dad like Trey- he will not leave them alone without a proper mouth care.

I think Trey's like the average, normal, everyday dad.

Cater Diamond

mmm..I don't think he'd be that much into kids

or at least for a veeery long time until it hits him like "O.M.G kids are just soooooo cute~! we gotta have one babe!"

and poof you have a child-

now he's more of a fun yet not too responsible typa parent.

why do I think that? well he just seems more chill so it'll be hard for him to say no to his kid.

he seems like he'd be a great dad to talk to if you're his kid, he'll know how to calm his child when he/she is upset and stuff

will kinda spoil his children like they saw something and asked for it? bought. there's a new dish served in a certain restaurant down the street? they go there and eat.

that specifically happens when something looks like he can get more likes on magigram.

I also believe that his kids will also take a bunch of pictures and post them online, they'll actually take a lot after Cater

Ace Trappola

nope. sorry but this guy doesn't look like the type who'd have kids.

I also believe he'd be an irresponsible parent..

not to the point of child neglect- but more in the sense that he'd be kind of selfish with a bunch of things, like money and all.

and I know I know you probably think that I think that cuz of how acts rn which is the everyday typical teenager boy, but not really. like sure the way he acts does affect my way of thinking but I also know that teens grow out of it at a certain age.

so this has nothing to do with him being a teen.

Deuce Spade

now this guy will want kids

not soon, not at all- but he will want kids.

I think that even know if you were to ask Deuce if he'll ever want kids he'll say yes but not too soon.

he'll be a great dad, I think he'll want to hang out a lot with his kids cuz he has an absent father.

I don't think he'll have too much time though- he does say he wants to become an officer or something to do with the police(?) and that takes away a lot of time from people :( but Deuce will buy his kids a ton of stuff if they ever need something!

he really hopes they won't have the same phase he had many years ago so he'll try his best to educate them.

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar

sorry guys but he canonically dislikes children :(

and he'll probably be a bad dad-

like he won't even try to hide the fact that he won't like his children

he will literally act as if they don't exist.

and probably in where he lives the men are the ones who stay at home and are practically malewives and all so I believe he won't have any more energy for ANOTHER thing in the house.

but if you reaaaaaaaaaaally want a kid maybe he will oblige. BUT ONLY ONE. and he will not take too much care of it.

Ruggie Bucchi

kids!? in THIS ECONAMY!?

are you nuts!?

he seems like he woukd want kids but will probs not bring any until he's as rich as the richest person in twisted wonderland

he won't want his kids to suffer like he did in his youth :(

will raise them for pure success. he'll make sure they will be super rich and won't have any money problems EVER.

genuinely a good father

he'll either grow up to not have a ton of money so he'll be working all day, or he'll grow up to somehow be rich-

so he either never gets to hang out with his future children, or he will spend a lot of time with them.

Jack howl

good dad. great dad even! probs one of the best dads!!!!

this guy will want kids and he'll do a great job at taking care of them!

will probably want a few kids, it's a wolf thing

hanging out with his kids will be his first priority, well that and hanging out with his lover.

he hasn't hang out enough hours with them? welp he can't make it to work today, he has kids to hang out with :)

will defiantly teach them how to be healthy

eat right, work out well, good sleep schedule, stuff like that

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto

he doesn't strike me as a guy who'd have kids-

but he does sound like he'd be a good uncle.(am i the only one who thinks he looks like a gay uncle in that once card-)

there is a chance that he'd have a kid at some point in his life, but I feel like he puts priority on work

but if he did have a kid he'd spoil them. but in the same time he'd be an absent dad- like he won't really hang out with them, put a ton of expectations on the kid/s yada yada yada...

not like he hates the kid- he just wants them to live with good money.

if Azul's s/o can't take care of the kid for a few good hours he'd send them to his mom

she'd be sooo sweet to the kid! I bet the kid would love her!!

he will not tolerate his kid being bullied. those bullies will be slapped into their next life(there are may ways of doing that, Azul can use all of them)

Jade Leech

he'd love to have kids :)

he'd share so much of his hobbies with them!

he'd take them on hikes even when they are little babies <3

and he'd probably start with them a terrarium :3

but he'll also teach them some.....interesting things...crime

but I also think that he doesn't have a lot of time, so guess what he does

he will take his kids with him whenever he needs to work and you can't stay to take of them, or when he hasn't hang out with them in a while.

another way of teaching them how to do illegal things....

it doesn't matter if Jade's s/o is the greatest cook out there, the kids will love their dad's cooking a lot more.

and he does teach them some interesting cooking recipes.....

I feel like his kids will either love mushrooms just cuz they grew up on it, or they will be sick of them just cuz they grew up on them.

Floyd Leech

not the best of fathers...

I also dunno if he'd want a kid or not- cuz if I'm correct in cannon he finds kids weird???? and idk if it's in a good or bad way-

but he still won't be a good dad. maybe like Azul, a fun uncle. but a father? 0-0

if Floyd will have a kid he won't be much help, sorry :(

why do I think that? well with his mental problems it won't turn out the best....

if you'd need help changing dippers it'll depend on his mood, like all the time with Floyd, and that's the hard part.

it's like this with almost ALL the things

but do you know what redeems it? Floyd's good with quality time.

while it is true that Floyd isn't as clingy as his twin he still likes hanging out, doing things, and talking to his loved ones.

he even says so cannonicly. I believe that the first few years when his kid's a minor and can't be free to go places on their own he'll go out with them

I just see his kid doing math homework after school and Floyd just walks into their room and says "yo kiddo! wanna go out to this one park in (random yet far away place) with me?"

(maybe ill write a fic....)

Scarabia

Kalim Al-Asim

not the most responsible parent out there..

but in what he lacks responsibility he sure makes up for it in properly educating his kids in the kind department

he's a total sweetheart! he'll teach his kids kindness :3

but if it doesn't work he'll be sad...he will cry to you that "his kids don't love him!" and such

I unfortunately see Kalim being very busy (gee i wonder why :/ ) so whenever he'll have time for his kids he'll spend it on teaching them life lessons

also just saying he'd want a BIG family!

Jamil Viper

i don't wanna get all angsty but i kinda have to for a moment-

Jamil won't want to have kids (we all know why) but he'll have to (we all know why) and if he has a medical problem then he'll probably have to adopt..

not saying that he won't love the kid, but he'll probably feel awful knowing they'll have to go through what he has to.

sure the kid might actually grow up to like hang out(and practically take care of a person their same age-) but it's still slavery...

but do you know what I think? Kalim will probs set Jamil and his family free from the generational slavery thing so maaaybe that won't happen? (idk sounds like a Kalim thing to do...)

anywaysss no matter the situation Jamil will be a very responsible dad

maybe a bit too responsible...

so you all know that Kalim doesn't really know how to do a lot of things cuz Jamil practically does everything for him....

so that might somehow stick to Jamil later on in life and if they don't live in slavery anymore that miiiight happen to his kid as well....

if Kalim doesn't let go of Jamil then he'll teach his kid to do everything and anything-

Pomfefiore

Vil schoenheit

great dad, maybe a wee bit controlling (not too much, he just wants his kid to be healthy) he will be very strict.

will want children, but in the far future.

he'll teach them lots of things! he knows a lot after all :)

if the kid won't want to be an actor and all Vil will be fine with it(for yall peeps who dont understand his char at all) Vil never even tries to push it down their throat in the first place!

and if they do Vil will help them out :)

either way Vil will teach his child how to take of oneself properly, how to dress nicely and all of that stuff

he'll love it if his kid was interested in the same hobby of his!

he'll unfortunately will be one of those parents who expect a lot from their kid- but it's only because he wants them to have a good, healthy and successful life!

Rook Hunt

he will want children.

not just one child, children

and i mean many.

he'll actually be a great dad! he falls into all the spots, even if it's just a little bit from each one!

and you're probably asking, "Ruby what spots?"

the 'will he be a "spend time with kids and hang out" kinda dad', and the 'will he be the typa dad to "hang out with his kids responsibly"'

he'll teach them lots of things, how to survive in the wild, what to do in different dangerous or not situations, all the types of different beauties in this world, and so on.

i just see Vil calling Rook telling him he needs him to come over for some reason and Rook just takes all his kids with him over to Vil's just to show them that "this(aka vil) is true beauty! except your mom(hell love his wife/husband more than anything in the world)"

ofc that applies to Negie as well. but ya know he doesn't really know him personally(negie) so he'll probs never call him over for a hang out-

now something i just know Rook will teach them is....stalkery....

as I said he'll teach them everything, it includes this as well.

Epel Felmier

he will also want kids

it'll take him a while to actually be ready to be a father but he'll get over that fear quickly

not the most responsible of fathers...he's mischievous and all so maybe him and his future kids will be mischievous together. gl

he wants to be that cool dad you know? to be the inspiration for coolness to his kids!

like whenever they'll need help with something that has to do with strength he'll ant them to come to him first and foremost!

stuff like that.

will teach them everything he knows about apples, he's culture, tradition you know he's very proud of his home town!

also that's probs be where you'll live just saying

Ignihyde

(or ya know just idia-)

Idia Shroud

no.

is what he would say but he kinda has to get an heir...

sure he's the oldest technically Ortho could take over but what happens after? i don't think Idia will want to leave Ortho all alone and Ortho is the defense system or something- so someone who's flesh and blood will have to take over

kinda similar to Jamil, he feels as if he'll be forcing his future child into a life of suffering...

he'll probs try to keep it to the far future. he isn't ready yet!

he'll probably never be ready-

he'll probably be a neglectful father-

-not for too long if his kid likes the same stuff he does!

they'll geek together for hours

but that's the most family time they'll get

unless Idia's partner will try their best to close the gap in the family relationship

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia

i like to think he'll only have one kid

perfect for an heir to the throne in the future

he will be overprotective of the child

he'll make sure the child gets friends, learns combat, you get the gist

ofc all the mains in Diasomnia are like a big family so ofc Silver and Sebek will protect the child, ofc Lilia will give Mal tips on how to parent (well all that except food recipes-)

and Malleus did get a bit of experience while helping Lilia with Silver when he was just a baby, sure there's a difference between a fae and a human but i'm sure there are things in common!

he'll be a very good father, but maybe a bit too clingy? you all know those parents who want to hang with their kid all the time?

yeah Malleus is that....

but it'll be fiiiine i'm sure of it!

Lilia Vanrouge

he already is a father-

considering his age he might not be capable of having another....

sure he could adopt (again-)

but I'm not sure it'll work out considering he's a grandpa

I also don't think he'll want another just for this reason

Silver(i really wanna write "vanrouge" here should i?)

he won't mind

I think he'll want one in the far future but not at the moment

yet another who'll ask for advice from Lilia

I'm sure Malleus will already have a child by then so Silver might ask him for advice as well.

a great father, sure he's a sleepy one but he also fall into all the spots!

he'll have good quality time with his kid, teach them combat and all

will probs impress the child with his way with animals

I think the kid's in good hands with this guy :)

Sebek Zigvolt

ah yes the guy I have almost zero knowledge about except that he's loud, kinda racist, but is not that bad.

I'm sure he'll want kids in the future, I believe he'll scream about "continuing he's family's legacy" or something. sounds about right

will be a veeeery strict parent

he wants his child to turn out to be the best at tons of stuff

what stuff? I'm not sure, probably combat and survival stuff idk

yes he will get advice on how to raise a kid from Lilia.

I kinda believe that if he were to get a partner he'd be the first one in this dorm (except lilia) to have kids

it just sounds right idk

i really dk what else to write here :(

[brucebocchi]

Persona characters as NBA fans

my reasoning for each decision beneath the cut

Celtics/Akechi: Driven by an inhuman amount of spite and need to prove themselves when talent alone is more than enough to do the job. Just an insane amount of homophobic slurs

Nets/Labrys: She has a Brooklyn accent. Don’t overthink it.

Knicks/Ryoji: Say the name of the team out loud. You get it.

76ers/Maruki: “The Process” really was just mass brainwashing if you think about it

Raptors/Kamoshida: No hate to the Raptors organization but they really need to eat crow for letting Drake hitch his wagon to the franchise

Hawks/Ruferu: I don’t know shit about P5X but look at the birdy! Trae Young is also small and annoying,

Hornets/Eikichi: I thought the colors matched. I have never played a Persona game.

Magic/Elizabeth: She thinks the team name is literal. Are you going to tell her otherwise?

Heat/Akihiko: You just know he would be really fucking annoying about “Heat Culture”

Wizards/Yusuke: The hat has cherry blossoms on it and that was enough to shape his rooting interests. I’m enjoying giving him hilariously inept franchises.

Bulls/Erina: Nostalgia is all we have left.

Cavaliers/Haru: Haru is extremely rich and speaks exclusively in Comic Sans, just like Dan Gilbert

Pistons/Junpei: Found out about the “Bad Boy” days and was hooked, only to find out he was born a couple years after that era ended.

Pacers/Ken: Young and surprisingly potent on offense, just needs a few years to toughen up a bit

Bucks/Ohya: beer

Mavericks/Izanami: An unfairly powerful being, capable of manipulating the truth, who must be defeated swiftly. But enough about Miriam Adelson

Rockets/Lisa: She’s an enormous Sinophile so you know damn well she latched onto Yao Ming and never let go

Grizzlies/Kanji: “Uh, hell yeah! Grit n’ grind! Whoop that trick! Be a man!” (actually he just really wants to feel Grizz’s fur)

Pelicans/Chie: You cannot convince me that Chie Satonaka is not a pelican herself.

Spurs/Takemi: A color scheme favorable to goths, a history of solid fundamentals, and a total freak on the up-and-up. Victor Wembanyama is over two feet taller than her.

Nuggets/Yukiko: She just keeps picking the good ones man idk what to tell you

Timberwolves/Koromaru: dogy :) 

Thunder/Nanako: Youngest team in the NBA gets everyone’s favorite baby sister

Trail Blazers/Adachi: I like making him suffer with these

Jazz/Teddie: You’d think it’s because he’s the whitest boy imaginable but he read the “Personal Life” section of Karl Malone’s Wikipedia page and was inspired

Warriors/Sophia: If Silicon Valley gets its way, every Warriors fan will be replaced by an AI by 2035

Clippers/Metis: Perpetual younger sibling syndrome. May not actually exist

Lakers/Shido: He’s been courtside at every home game since 1985. You never noticed?

Suns/Konoe: Eternally at the mercy of the whims of an arrogant tech bro when an AI would probably do a better job

Kings/Yosuke: I like giving him moribund franchises but he’s actually picking up some W’s lately. Good for him!

[linnorabeifong]

An Ask Game - I guess

Tagged by @l2bbocsstuff thank you so much very sweet of you to think of me.

QUESTIONS FOR PALS!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: No and I wish they would’ve gone the traditional route and named me after someone. I have the world’s whitest most basic name 😂 so I get to be _______ Last Initial in my classes because there’s always girl with the same name as me. It’s a very stereotypical name too.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: This morning, thanks mom. Also last Wednesday in front of a hundred people while on stage. I’m really fun like that. Imagine with my hair in a traditional Mexican style and wearing a huge yellow dress covered in ribbons and lace trim. ( I was wearing the regional dress of Jalisco ) . My face absolutely caked in makeup, wearing perfume. Equal parts Mexican doll and Easter egg. Sobbing. Full on. Makeup ruined. Tear streaks. In my defense my feet and my entire body were in pain, I was sleep deprived and I’d been running around dancing , doing costume and hair changes all night. So I think I earned a good cry.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: I’m eighteen, way too young for those.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/ HAVE YOU PLAYED?: I ran track, did socccer, gymanastics , and cheer. I’m a dancer ( yes dance is a sport) . It’s my third year as a Ballet Folklórico dancer.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?: No 🤍

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: Hair

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?: brown

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS: Happy endings real life is scary enough.

ANY TALENTS?: Ummm… I’m good at cooking and baking. Like I mentioned earlier I dance.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: 🎶 I was born in the USA 🇺🇸 🎵

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: Hard to keep up with any lately. I write. Dance. Read. Play video games. Swim. Again bake.

Am I wife material ? 👀

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: A dog ? He’s actually my sister’s and he is a bad boy. He unzips bags unlocks baby gates eats anything and everything. This morning it was an entire bag of chocolate so 🪦 him I guess. Here lies asshole. He’s cute and snuggly though. I spoil him.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 5”4’ short 😔

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: Biology the dissections are fun.

DREAM JOB?: dermatologist because they make bank.

tagging: my beloved @wilcze-kudly,

@orangepanic @nyamadermont @wishingforatypewriter @ozais-lobotomist @appalesbian@dont-blame-it-on-the-kids @slowdissolve @chiefbeifongcanrailme @messymosaic @yellowsalt3 @oldandirrelevant @risingsoleil

[queen-scribbles]

#YEEEESSSSSSS WHAT AN AMAZING GIFT 🥰💖🥰💖🥰💖#god I don't even know where to start it's all so good#tragen and marii understanding each other so well they can communicate without words or using the force YES#marii having a voice-kink and competence-kink and struggling to keep her mind out of the gutter while tragen gently threatens people YES YE#when brin actually thought he'd trapped them! 😂 alexa play 'now you fucked up' from whitest kids you know#the action! the fighting and the chase sequence! their banter! 😘🥰 YES YES YES YES#the contrast of tragen being so calm and in control as he casually wins 4v1 fights and sprints down hallways without even getting winded#vs aramarii 'force-assisted recklessness' wrinn ripping out wires and stabbing consoles and barreling around corners#him preferring to travel in her ship because his is too gloomy and scares people 😭 darling boy you would've made such a good jedi#(give her a hydrospanner and a week and she can fix it up. she's already planning a shopping trip to bed bantha and beyond with vette)#does he KNOW how sexy his voice is? that he could melt her into a puddle reading space-ikea instruction manuals?#or is he genuinely unaware of the power he wields? thank the stars he's not the type to use it for evil#okay I better stop before I write an entire tag novel 💖💖💖 I'm gonna go eat some cake and read this like. 30 more times

@haledamage I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT. :D I did some poking around in Marii's tag for details and personality stuff but didn't have time to read everything, so I'm happy to have done her justice. 💖 (cut for length)

I love couples who know each other so well it's like they read minds or share thoughts, it's so good. They would clean up at one of those game shows where you have to writ down your partner's answer to a bunch of questions. xD I cannot blame Marii for any of those kinks bc they're all very fair ones to have wrt Tragen. Competence is extremely sexy. 😂 (I might have a bit of a Thing for the M!Warrior's voice. Just a little one. That may have bled through. I mentioned it was self-indulgent, right?)

And I've long headcanoned for Tragen's own universe--and now this one apparently-- that they don't make it common knowledge he has less of a Force connection than your average Jedi/Sith. Might be perceived as weakness yada yada. And people he fights are too busy trying to survive to notice he's like 95% martial skill/5% Force use. This is just one more benefit; someone like Brin goes "How do you catch a Sith? Get him away from his lightsaber and cut the Force and he's nothing" aaaannnnnnddd they're Very Very Wrong. >:3 I love the contrast between Tragen and Marii's personalities, and their complementary roles in escaping(I had to throw in combat. It's my Brand now) were so fun to work out. The thing about Tragen's ship is another long standing headcanon, and Vette will be thrilled to help Marii redecorate. She's already complained about it being gloomy multiple times before the end of the class story. xD (Now I want to write Marii "kidnapping" Vette for a girls' day which just means giving the Celestial Dawn a makeover and Vette's practically dancing with excitement the whole way through Bed Bantha and Beyond(I'm laughing at that again jsyk) bc she's wanted to do this for a DECADE, why didn't you start dating him sooner?!?!? shush with your logic about Emperor's Wrath and Jedi Battlemaster etc

Tragen is... aware some people(Marii included) find his voice attractive. He is NOT aware of just HOW Attractive. We are very lucky he's at least partially ignorant and not the type to use it for evil even if he fully understood bc holy HELL could he conquer galaxies. That voice? His charisma and diplomatic skills? the Arms? YEAH.

[faradaykay]

apricot peach spice amber tiger.

HIHI THANK YOU FOR THE ASK :)))))) (ignore how i'm hours late and it's 5:42 am on a wednesday now i'm normal) anyways for anyone who didn't see this is for an oc ask game about my silly guy nobah!!!!

APRICOT - Who are they to you, the creator? Are they your child, your beloved, your experiment, etc?

so the thing is noah was actually created specifically for the purpose of being shipped with yusuke so he was kinda a plot device/experiment in that way, a sort of vessel for yusuke's character development. however comma i got extremely attached to him just as an individual somewhere along the way and now he's my little guy of all time

PEACH - Which traits are they most attracted to? Are they physical traits?

well first of all he's super into tall beautiful goth girls LOL kidding kidding. i mean i'm not but that's not why he likes yusuke deep down. i think yusuke's most attractive characteristic to him is being a super gentle and patient kind of guy. noah is someone with a lot of trauma and sometimes his mental illness manifests in a way that isn't necessarily palatable to others, but yusuke is so caring to him through it all and never treats it like it's a burden, and it's that fact that made him fall in love so fast

SPICE - Can they handle spice?

noah cannot handle spice he's the whitest white boy on earth and is also a picky eater. he will keel over and die if you give him takis

AMBER - If they didn't have their name, what would be your second choice?

OOOOOOOO this is an inchresting question... i was also considering him as a leon but i settled on noah pretty quickly. something about it just suits him. but if i had to change it leon would probs be my second choice

TIGER - What do they fear?

noah is actually a Severe Anxiety Disorder kind of guy so he fears a lot of stuff. one of his biggest triggers/fears is being alone in crowded public spaces or public transportation, so it's one of his safeguards to always have someone with him when he goes places. he is also a very soft-spoken guy who's afraid of people being angry with him or disliking him, and he's terrified of confrontation, so he really tends to shy away from it

[adultswim2021]

Fat Guy Stuck in Internet #9: “Boogie Baby, Boogie!” | August 11, 2008 - 12:15AM | S01E09

I actually freakishly remembered that one of my friends (also a reader of this blog) liked this episode and thought it was significantly better than the rest. I remember this because he said it featured the “Whitest Kids I’Like”. Very funny joke, makes me smile, and I am beautiful when I smile. 

Speaking of big smiles, this one has a special guest star who is basically the human embodiment of a scowl, Matt Besser. Matt Besser is the reason I don’t believe in god, because what kind of god would count Matt Besser among his glorious creatures. Mean teasing aside, he’s fairly fun in this, and gives as much of his "all" as he ought to on this show. He plays a David Bowie/Goblin King type guy.

Oh yeah, this is a Labyrinth episode. Gemberling and Chains encounter a Labyrinth and have to go through it. If they don’t make it through, Matt Besser is going to turn them into one of his “dancing sweety boys” (good). Gemberling is annoyed and impatient, and doesn’t want to hear the songs. Chains is thoroughly entertained and is stoked to be doing maze games. 

This is honestly a very fun episode. It doesn’t sustain it’s excellence for the entire episode, but it has enough bright spots that I think I have to agree that this one is “the good one”. I literally laughed a few times at this. The scene with the racist Dumb crows actually got me good, but it’s one of those very simple jokes that will probably not translate. I will tell it anyway: Chains stumbles on the crows (the maze is full of muppet-style guys), and he laughs and says they’re great. Gemberling chides him for enjoying what is clearly a mean-spirited racial stereotype. Chains, disappointed, scolds the crows: “you guys tricked me!” and then walks away, pouting. I think it might’ve been that I was expecting something clumsier, and more 2008, but that is solid.

I also liked the lying door/truth door scene. One of them is Timmy Williams and the other is Sam Brown, the aforementioned Whitest Kids my friend KON liked (I don’t know why I was being coy earlier about who it was). It doesn’t end terribly strong, and the music isn’t actually that good in it, but it’s good enough for this show. But this one made me laugh two-and-a-half times, and that’s actually pretty good for almost any 11-minute Adult Swim show. This was almost Assy McGee good!

[paigerisawesome]

Legend of the Lost Spatula review

(Spoilers)

For a while now, I have wanted to review all of the SpongeBob games. Why? I don’t know, I thought it’d be fun. The first SpongeBob SquarePants game was Legend of the Lost Spatula, released for the Game Boy Color in 2001. SpongeBob did appear in Nicktoons Racing, which released a year before (2000) but that was a crossover game.

I’m not even sure if SpongeBob is the focal point of this image, imagine being hit by a car with CatDog driving.

Anyway, Legend of the Lost Spatula. The game is a 2D platformer and was developed by Vicarious Visions (who later went on to develop Skylanders: Swap Force and some Call of Duty games) and published by THQ. That’s all I could find about the development of this game and I took that info from a Wikipedia page.

The game opens with a “cutscene” of course it’s the Game Boy Color so these cutscenes are just nice pictures of SpongeBob characters captioned with text.

SpongeBob is unicycling around Jellyfish Fields when he stumbles upon a statue of a sponge with a golden spatula on top of a grill. He immediately assumes that Mr. Krabs will know about this, he speaks to Mr. Krabs and sure enough he knows everything about the statue. The statue marks the entrance to the Dutchman’s underworld. “A long time ago, in the city of Palm Bay, there was the master fry cook who ruled with the golden spatula. But Mt. Kabloovious buried Palm Bay starting the grease fires that ended the grease civilization. As legend has it, the Flying Dutchman took over the cities and ruins and his first mate buried the key to the city somewhere in the Goo Lagoon.” What?

There’s also some side quests. Patrick loses his shorts at the carnival, Sandy loses her hat at the desert, somehow? And you have to deliver a Krusty Krab Pizza to somebody in the middle of a jungle being attacked by loads of creatures… If you’re ordering a pizza in the middle of the jungle, you must have a phone with you. Why didn’t he call for help?

Good heavens.

I actually really like how the game’s cutscenes look. In the game itself, yeah the characters don’t look as good. Mermaid Man is one of the whitest people I have ever seen.

If you stay still for a bit, SpongeBob starts dancing.

The gameplay is what you’d expect from a basic 2D platformer, there’s not a lot to say. SpongeBob’s health is measured by his pants. By default he starts off in his square pants. If he’s hit by an enemy once, he’ll lose his square pants and go down to his white undies. If he’s hit again, he’ll lose his underwear as well and be completely naked. This sends you back to either the start of the stage or some random, unmarked, checkpoint. There were several instances where after I lost all my lives I was sent to a checkpoint where there was an enemy right next to me. The enemy would move before I could and I would immediately lose a life.

The levels can be pretty long at times and some can be weirdly difficult. I had to use a walkthrough video for a lot of the game because I didn’t really know where I was supposed to go. A lot of segments looked the same to me and I got lost very easily. In fact one stage had two segments at the start that were the exact same, I have no idea what the point of that was.

There were also at least two levels where I had to jump from one spot to some moving bubble…. thingy on the other side of the stage and almost all of it happened off-screen so I had no idea if I was going to land properly. It took me forever before I eventually did this part of the stage and I still don’t know how I did it.

Another annoying aspect this game has is the items system. At the start of the game the only item you have is a bubble wand. You blow bubbles at enemies, it temporarily stuns them (even the characters with some of the toughest looking sprites in the game for some reason) and then the enemy runs off in the opposite direction. At least that’s what’s supposed to happen in theory, there were multiple instances of the enemy running directly into me after this had happened, which really defeats the point. But anyway, the other items in the game can be found in treasure chests that you find as you make your way through the level. These other items include: SpongeBob’s jellyfishing net Ol' Reliable, the net launcher from “Sandy’s Rocket”, spring shoes which makes SpongeBob jump higher and is required for some of the more difficult points in the game, and a spatula which launches a limited amount of Krabby Patties at enemies to stun them (it can only hold up to 30 patties and you find those patties through treasure chests as well).

A lot of the time you have to switch between these items. For example you might have to use the spring boots to jump up to a platform but when you’re on that platform you might be faced with an enemy and have to use one of your weapons to defeat it. You’d assume that the developers, knowing this would happen, would find an easy way to switch between items. Instead, the item selection screen is hidden away in one of the two pause menus in the game (both available under start and select). Pressing select leads you into a menu and the item selection is the last option in the list for some reason. Once you’ve chosen the item you need, you can then unpause. I’m assuming this is the only way they could do it because doing this repeatedly felt really unnatural to me.

The start menu, however, is where you learn the game uses passwords. Pretty much every time you move slightly the password changes so you’d assume when you reset the game and input the password you’ll be back at the location you were at before. I used two of these passwords and both sent me to a random spot back at the start of the game.

Some levels end with a boss fight and I found some of the boss fights easier than the levels themselves. Except for this weird one where I was fighting some fish who looked like they were from an old western film except their gun was comically replaced with an…

I don’t know.

The idea was you use the spatula to shoot Krabby Patties at them. I had no idea what I was doing for the majority of the fight and accidentally ran out of ammo. I had to start the level from the beginning again.

All of that just to find Sandy’s hat.

Near the end of the game, SpongeBob finds all the “knobs” for an oven. It opens, SpongeBob falls down it somehow and you end up at the final stage of the game. Once you finish the stage you meet the final boss, the Flying Dutchman, who introduces himself by making an… Odd comment.

The boss fight isn’t that difficult if you know what you’re doing, it’s pretty much the same format as the western fish I mentioned earlier, you’re basically just feeding the Flying Dutchman. It ends pretty quickly, with him just… disappearing. You collect the golden spatula and the game just ends abruptly with a few cutscenes explaining what happened. SpongeBob is now the greatest fry cook and Mr. Krabs is making a lot of money.

Legend of the Lost Spatula is… OK? There’s not a lot of content in the game, you can beat it in less than an hour and the world record is 10 minutes and 57 seconds. In fact if it wasn’t for the constant switching between menus, you could probably beat it in even less time. That was the main problem I had with the game. The best part of the game? I guess the weird still images the game uses as cutscenes?

There is no reason to play Legend of the Lost Spatula now, but, in the rare case you want to learn more about the game from someone who has never watched an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, I highly recommend this GameSpot article. In it the author constantly refers to the game as just “SpongeBob SquarePants”, like it’s going to be the only SpongeBob game to ever release, and gets basic details about the characters wrong (including appearing to refer to Mr. Krabs as the “mayor of Bikini Bottom” and refusing to refer to Sandy by name for some reason).

[astralartefact]

Placeholder Name for Atarase's Media Diary

Extra Entry 00b - KamiErabi S1&2 <<content warning: pet death, child murder, abortion>>

Synopsis

Will the blandest anime main character you'll ever meet prove to you that what the world really needs right now is a white boy? also apparently this is a death game (allegedly)

(this post is really stupid, yes, even more so than usual. read it for a long time, not a fun time)

How much did I know before watching?

Let's be real I only watched this because of Yoko Taro.

Okay, I only watched S1 because of Yoko Taro. I watched S2 because I needed to know what they where thinking

Did I like it more than I expected?

At this point I don't even know what I expected going into it, but what I didn't expect was that they bring abortion into this for absolutely no good reason while the story is about how children's entire lives are at the whim of their parents and how children can't do anything against that.

Because I know, you're already thinking: "But isn't the reason kind of right there, isn't that kind of the ultimate 'whim' though, the biggest decision a parent can have on the life of a child and there is literally nothing a child can do about it because it doesn't even exist yet?" - and to that I say: That's exactly the problem, because now you've already thought more about abortion than KamiErabi ever has.

In short: This shit sucked ass.

Since I hated it, here's what I liked about it nah this time i'm just ranting about this

Let's be clear, you can tell Yoko Taro worked on this. There are pieces in here that are clear parallels to stuff he already talked about at length - which weirdly enough means despite it being kind of dog shit it still pairs really well with his other contemporary work because he's clearly been thinking a lot about this topic (the agency of children in the face of their parents) and those thoughts have clearly influenced KamiErabi.

The problem is that KamiErabi posits a lot of those intelligent thoughts about the place of children in a society that mainly sees them as property both in its characters and the story setup - but not only does it not follow up on any of that, it either forgets or actively ignores it as if that stuff never happened to instead tell us a story about how Ono Goro, the whitest boy a Japanese child can possibly be - aside from the fact his single mom hates him, something we're by the way never really given a reason for aside from "mom kinda evil" - is in fact causality's greatest gift to humanity. The thing KamiErabi is most about is that out of our entire cast this one guy is special - he's the only one that deserves to become god. Why is he so special? Well, according to the text he is the only one who "listens to other people's wishes", that's the phrasing Lall uses at the end of S1.

The problem is that whoever is to blame for this certainly intended for that phrase to be understood very literally because if we were to only take it as "they didn't just wish something for themselves" then we quickly find that actually literally everyone else is also doing that. Almost none of these characters are straightforwardly wishing for themselves; most of them do it for reasons that mainly involve others and specifically not themselves.

Sawa wants to resurrect her brother and kill her parents for starving him to death

Akitsu wants to know the future to protect his friends

Tetsuya/the Little Angel wants to end bullying even though he isn't really all that bullied anymore

Koki wants true equality even though he's one of the few people on earth that wouldn't directly benefit from that (because he's rich)

Iyo's fan exchanges his life to keep Iyo's dream alive when she's murdered for idol culture reasons

They forgot to tell us Chika's wish but what we do know is that she wished something for Ryo

Ryo wants to resurrect her brother who died because of her

Every single child that wished for something wished something for somebody else. Even the one guy that brainwashed his whole school wished that to get rid of all bullying - but I guess the text is trying to tell us that we can confidently ignore that guy's reasons for doing so because the way he did it was kind of fucked up.

No, Ono Goro is different from all of them. We're told Ono Goro is "truly selfless".

That particular difference is actually most notable through Sawa: Her only functional difference to Goro - and there's really only one, a fact someone behind the scenes clearly hasn't noticed - is that Sawa is a determined girl instead of being a complacent boy. They both wished to give life to their "not alive" sibling, they both have parents they hold responsible for said sibling being "not alive" - the only real difference is that Sawa actually grasps the opportunity she's given acts "selfish" to achieve that wish and since that's the only thing that's really different about the two of them it highlights that this specific thing is what makes her worse than our main character. Her own selfish actions are why she doesn't deserve to become god.

And I will point out that holding her accountable for that character trait kind of defeats the point when half of the story is trying to be about how children don't have agency about what their parents teach them and how that is a problem that causes parents to ruin their children's life. I guess we're having Lall berate her and everyone else at the end of S1 to make a very necessary distinction about that when it comes to whatever the "aptitude to become god" is supposed to stand for, because it's really necessary to point out that the "sanctity of Sawa's soul" or whatever is fucked and it's her fault.

No, if Sawa really wanted to matter to this world in a karmic way she should have just decided to be born to parents that, if they already had to neglect her, at least didn't also instill her with an "If I want something I have to do it myself"-attitude all while neglecting their other child to death - really, she should have seen that one coming, she should have done whatever Ono Goro did.

Thankfully whoever is responsible for it might have noticed that what they presented to us might have been a little bit under baked, so in S2 they felt the need to expand on Sawa's selfishness - and hey maybe that will help us understand why all of this is actually her fault after all! (it will not)

You see, not only is the selfishness that may or may not have been born of her parent's neglect already weighing enough as it is - even if she decided to try not to be this selfish, to actually grasp agency and do something about her situation that isn't just taking from others, to accept her brother's death the best she can and help others out of situations that she wasn't helped out of - Well, actually, that would be even worse, because that means now she isn't just selfish, now she's lying to herself about it.

Actually, Honoka Sawa, you're just lying to yourself trying to help others, you only do that to feel better about yourself. You will never not be selfish and any attempt to outrun your true nature is not only futile, it is also dishonest and disrespectful to everyone you ever shown your true colors to and I truly hope you'll be able to live with how unworthy you are behaving in the light of your dead brother. Your brother isn't helped by making the world a better place for others like him, your brother would have been helped if you had managed to resurrect him. But you gave up, you were fine with whatever you think you're achieving now instead of chasing a far-off dream that would actually help your brother and only your brother. Who cares about these other kids, from our one single interaction we've had during a particularly stressful time in your life I know perfectly well that you don't care about them, you selfish prick! Shame on you for giving up on such an achievable goal as Resurrection - but good luck with your non-profit! Hope it feels nice, but remember! Giving up like you did was a privilege your brother couldn't afford :)))

Keep in mind that she's lectured about her poor life decisions by S2's mouthpiece Lall, a child that wasn't even born (ever) and therefore has not lived to make a single life decision (ever).

(btw sry my conscience tells me to do this but there is actually some core "sure i guess" in this episode. sometimes these sorts of charity causes are just a way for people to run away from facing what has happened and/or even actively harmful to the cause because now particularly fervent people are working for a change for hell or high water bc they think it will help their own emotional well-being while ultimately not actually understanding what's the core issue, obstructing real progress in the process - but this is clearly not one of those situations. in-universe sawa is doing the best she can to create a semi-comfortable place for children like her brother in a society that at this point actively hates her. she has no family left, she has no real support network because nobody cares about her, she is hated by everyone for something she had no hand in and not even her government protects her from it because her particular kind of discrimination is legal - and even still her activism isn't about her or about getting revenge; it's trying to fix the problems that killed her brother even just a little bit bc that's what she considers worthwhile to do.

but your problem isn't even really that she isn't focusing on her own well-being, even if you maybe try to pretend that, it's that she isn't doing enough. the problem is that she should have still tried to win the god app game to save him and didn't. her not going after something that asinine, something that she already failed and had no reason to believe that she would suddenly win this time is criticized as a moral failing on her part because she didn't even try.

i'm sorry but what the fuck are you talking about. what else do you want someone like sawa to do about her brother having died. she is already doing more than anyone should ever expect her to and if she's not 'doing it wrong' - after all the problem in the episode seems to be that she's protesting at all - it's probably one of the healthiest things she could possibly do about her problems if it's already a fact that she's not looking after herself. even if she realizes months or years later that none of what she did 'fixes her' and that she lost touch with herself a little bit - i would assume she wouldn't regret spending a couple months petitioning for the better protection of children from abusive parents. and i really beg you to reconsider that her only way of overcoming this issue is to resurrect her brother bc if you haven't noticed, resurrection isn't real but situations like sawa's certainly are. please, tell me what you think people in real life that lost their entire family to abuse should do about it.

how dare you tell this girl that she should have tried harder about something that should have, at no point, ever been her responsibility. her parents killed her brother and there's absolutely nothing she could have done about that and you're here telling her that she mourns the wrong way, that she copes the wrong way, that she doesn't do enough, that she suddenly should be selfish because "that's who she is" even if that's literally the only thing that you ever show us to make her an 'unworthy' person unlike goro, and that she's pathetic and stupid for not figuring all of that out by herself. her "giving up" on something so far out of reach at that point - even if it was rationally achievable - is a perfectly understandable compromise for someone in her position, she's not settling for less while stepping on her brother's grave, she's trying to survive a world that actively took everything from her. HER PARENTS FUCKING KILLED HER BROTHER. there is nothing left for her to care for and yet she still tried.

whoever is to blame for this episode, go fuck yourself. whatever moral judgment you believe will take place at the end of your life - it will not show kindness for this.)

Really, she did it all wrong - and it's so easy, too! She should have just been born selfless like Ono Goro who, gifted in his wimpyness, waits for his wish to come be granted on its own - something he mainly just does because he needs several episodes to realize that his shrugging agreement to take part in a death game for his wish to come true might actually have had resulted in him taking part in a death game for his wish to come true. He's probably really glad that his parents' neglect hasn't made him selfish - Instead this guy's most pronounced character trait is the presence of mind of someone that mindlessly clicks on every single blinking pop-up he sees on a tabloid news website, especially if it offers him something that sounds 100% too good to be true. Not that he expects it to be real - he's smart enough to know it probably isn't - but he does click on every single one regardless because hey, it might be!

Outside of that all that's left that makes him remarkably special is his outstandingly unique performance in selfless empathy (i would argue that thanks to his mom's treatment he really only cares so little about himself that he doesn't value his own happiness and therefore can sell it off with his powers to help others without hesitation - but that's certainly not how the show sees it. what he's doing is good! the best even!) - the pinnacle of which is symbolically represented by him being the only one to care, to "look up from his phone" so to speak, when a cat is hit by a truck right on the crosswalk in front of him - something that's later implied(?) to be a weird dream metaphor for his mom having had an abortion (of the child that would have turned out to be Lall).

And I'll say, in a certain way that metaphor does actually track, I guess, because it might feel like a car crash to him, you know, when something unpredictably impactful happens in your private life that you cannot ignore, something that shakes you to your core and yet nobody else's life budges the tiniest bit, they don't even know what fucked up thing just happened right in front of you. I guess I can see that feeling being put like this.

But that isn't really what they did with it. As I said, this metaphor is also presented as the pinnacle of his outstandingly unique performance in selfless empathy. Lall says out loud that him "listening to her wish" is why he's better than everyone else and why he deserves to become god and this was the main on-screen symbolism that he's special and not like others - and since the show never proves Lall wrong in any way, even subtextually, we kind of have to assume her argument is true. (granted, it never talks about any of this ever again)

Might I add, it's a phrase directly commending Goro's empathy for Lall - but because it isn't elaborated on, it also implies that Honoka Sawa's fundamental problem was that when she wished for her sibling to be resurrected, she didn't ask him if he wanted to be resurrected and therefore she didn't actually care about his wishes at all - or at least not as much as Ono Goro, the consent-considerate winner of this semantic argument.

But for whatever reason the show takes this cat metaphor weirdly non-literally (which isn't bad, it's just really confusing if you do it wrong, especially when it kinda makes sense literally). In-universe, he wasn't the only one to see the car crash that symbolized the abortion because he was the only one who knew about it (and then, independently, he also cared about it when he saw it) - He saw the car crash symbolizing the abortion because he is the only one who would care about it. Like, that should be two different things, right, there should be people who could see the truck/the abortion but still don't care and people that would care about the abortion but didn't see the truck - but here it isn't.

Instead this implies that regardless of if he was the only one to see this imaginary car crash - everyone else wouldn't have cared about it either way, because if they did, they would have seen it and if they would have seen it, they would have been as special as Ono Goro and therefore would have deserved to become god. And that might seem like a leap in logic, but we know he is in fact the only person who could care about it if he saw it, because that's why he's special. Him considering the wants of who he wishes for is stated to be supremely selfless - and it's only supremely selfless and/or special if he considers the wishes of others unlike everyone else. And not just "unlike everyone else in this group" - the end of S2 makes very sure to tell us that in this case it's "unlike every single other human being."

So with all of these semantic logistics out of the way: Even in the best interpretation I can come up with, using abortion as the plot thematic for why Ono Goro is so much more special than everyone else feels exasperatingly tone-deaf especially in the climax of S1's finale in what amounts to a gotcha reveal for Ono Goro's wish and for who Lall is.

As I've already mentioned, KamiErabi is - like all of Yoko Taro's other recent works - talking a lot about how the actions and decisions and even just arbitrary inheritances of adults have deep-seated, inevitable and yet semi-foreseeable consequences on their children/the next generation and that, clearly, adults as a whole do not think enough about that. That is a thought I agree with.

But according to this truck metaphor Ono Goro is the singular person on earth to care about this unborn fetus and what that possible child might would have wanted... and not to be (not) christian about it, but isn't there someone you forgot to ask about this? Does the Mom aborting her child not count when that's literally an instance of her thinking about what that child might want, because even if she does it for completely selfish reasons she still saves that child from a future where she's completely hated by her mother? You know, the mother that already outwardly hates her other child.

Like, even if she literally thought "Goddamn it, I really don't want another child only for the singular reason that then I don't have enough time for tax evasion, which we all agree is really evil for the purpose of this argument, but as a one-dimensional character I just love doing it" - I have a hard time believing that even to her there isn't also some fragment of the foundational implication that "A mother who would rather do tax evasion right now is a bad mother for this child", however small that fragment might be in the mother's mind. To me that is an instance of an adult considering the future of a child, who then decides she shouldn't have that child (at least while she would rather do tax evasion). She does the thing that from her estimation causes that child less harm even if that decision comes from a completely selfish place - a selfishness that, pointing at my girl Sawa here, you later say you can't run from anyways.

So what was she supposed to do? She can't change who she is and yet there's a ready option available for child harm-reduction purposes.

But this is the point where I'm sad to inform you that someone in this writing team likely considers Abortion mostly to completely unethical, because otherwise the logistics don't really make sense. The fundamental implication here is that if the mother can do it, Birth is always better than no Birth at all - which isn't necessarily "Abortion is murder" but it is "You shouldn't do an abortion if you can help it" ...which often enough stems from "because Abortion is murder."

The possibility that a woman has an abortion "for" the child doesn't really exist here as long as she could "comfortably" have it, does it. Any consideration that she might have though of that child in her decision is null and void because it's "selfish" behavior. If that mom doesn't want a child solely for the purposes of scheduling her tax evasion, "maybe it's better for the child not to live with a parent like that" is just simply not an option, that's just an excuse. The conclusion is already "Too bad, you're pregnant, be a loving mom to the child you will get soon or else you might as well rot in hell you [insert your favorite gendered insult here]."

And again, this is about another hypothetical mom I made up. All of this isn't taking into account that this child/Lall would be born as the result of an affair into a negligent family with a dad that barely shows up and that already mistreats the one child they have. Ono Mom has a very good reason to go "I shouldn't have another child for the child's sake." The text is just pretending that "she wouldn't think that" because she's evil, I guess. Don't you see? The decision to not have a child clearly serves her, that means she's selfish!

Abortion is just simply beyond the line where we have any empathy for Ono Goro's mom. Her doing that is textually considered as not considering the unborn child - or else Ono Goro wouldn't have been the only one "listening to Lall's wish". If she cared about the child at all she would have had it. Her own needs and wants are worthless the second she has unprotected sex with a man. (actually i think she says her getting pregnant was an "accident" so assuming she knows how contraception works this. is. getting... worse) She just shouldn't have had sex with a man to begin with if she didn't want to live with the consequences - and I guess living with an abortion is not enough of a consequence. A man has never once cared about an abortion after all, so how could that impact a woman?? "Women that sleep around" just simply don't care about something like that so that's not a consequence - and we can't have them go around having Abortions all day! Somebody please think of the children that might have wanted to be born, we'll ask them before we ask the mother what to do with her own body.

there was supposed to be a quick aside here about abortions being legal in japan until 22 weeks under "certain circumstances" but looking that up ono mom's specific circumstances actually seem to open a whole new avenue of "why did you bring any of this up" since i guess the abortion must have also been illegal on the mom's part bc the pregnancy came from an affair(!) and in japan she needs the consent of her husband(!) to have a legal abortion - which of course means that even without an affair in the picture he can just say no (!!!) --- but yeah, the issue they bring all of this up for is that women shouldn't have abortions for moral reasons towards the unborn child, not that men can just legally(!) tell their wives they can't get an abortion, even if they otherwise could get one legally

I'm not trying to defend Goro's Mom from being a bad mom - well, I will defend her for it because she's clearly written exemplary one-sided for a reason (yes, it's the legendary straw (wo)man in person) - but her getting an abortion is also treated very differently than Sawa's parents literally killing a non-hypothetical child by neglect - and debatably worse because one of the two is the S1 climax "fucked up back-story" reveal after all. Like, there is a noticable difference between "What Ono's Mom did was so evil and uncompassionate, look how good he is for caring!" and it's an abortion, meanwhile it's "Sure, What Sawa's parents did was bad, but... idk, if she was a better person she could have handled it better" and her parents literally locked her brother into the room next to hers until he starved to death.

No, Sawa is a selfish normie for using the wrong words to wish for her brother to live again (despite her factoring in that now she could support him without her parents unlike back in the day; she had planned this wish through before making it) and later when all hope is lost for her to win that wish she's even worse for reasonably "giving up hope" and trying to move past his death when she instead tries doing something about a society that lets stuff like this happen. Meanwhile Ono Goro is a saint uniquely worthy of becoming god for his singular deed of asking if his unborn sibling might have wanted to be born into his shitty family situation where his cheating mother already despises him just for existing - and then he does nothing to achieve that aside from gradually making his life worse and worse for arbitrary reasons while waiting for his wish to happen to fall into his lap on its own. Which it does. Good for him.

But no. In S2 we even learn he's "a being god couldn't create" - an unthinking, minorly empathetic child that assumes his experience is the experience of everyone else around him. He is fine with this shit life, why wouldn't anyone else be, if he wants to live clearly that child also would have wanted to live. And he didn't just assume like everyone else, he asked questions everyone else but him already had reasonable answers to - and look! This one child wanted to live so clearly that means all children would have wanted to live. All those people must feel really foolish for just assuming what that child would have wanted! That doesn't count as listening. Really, Ono Mom, why didn't you listen to your unborn child's wishes?

Essentially it seems to me like someone in the writing team thinks God couldn't create a white boy who just found out about racism.

And he doesn't even do anything. Everything in this show just happens at him. Even his karmic sacrifices feel passive. Even his wish didn't do anything by his decree, it was to "hear (and grant?) the unborn child's wish." Even with the one thing he did, the one thing they tell us he was so special for, he still was passive, he still let someone else do something (maybe). All he's doing is considering and "considering" is specifically not doing something (yet) - and yet he's still constantly praised for everything he "does."

I knew since the only S1 episode he wasn't in how much of a problem he is, but writing about it now it's once again hitting me just how much of a problem Ono Goro and Ono Goro alone is to KamiErabi. The show's unbridled faith in their white guy protagonist despite him doing nothing to inspire it is the fundamental problem of KamiErabi - and honestly it would be game changing if the show even just noticed that.

Like, this story is about a guy's self-sacrifical nature inspiring empathy in others, but the guy they do it with, the guy they say is so self-sacrificial, is somehow the only character in the entire main cast (!!!) with which it doesn't work in the slightest. It's crazy how you could make "Isn't it kind of sad all of these children don't wish for themselves" work with literally any other character but not him. None of them, not a single one, has a "fun" wish. They all sacrificed their one and only chance to wish for literally anything at all to change something society - and therefore the previous generations - fucked for somebody they loved. yes even iyo's body double, idol culture is still a culture created by a society.

Ono Goro does wish to "rectify a wrong" for somebody else - but certainly not in the same way Sawa wants to save her brother to make up for what her parents did to him or that the Little Angel was bullied before, knows what it's like and therefore wants to end bullying for everyone else or that Iyo's fan wants to keep Iyo's dream alive after another fan forced her to stop what she wants to do. Those are all people that watched someone succumb to the way their society and their culture works and now they grasp at straws to do something about it. All these people have a very good, non-selfish reason to make their wish for somebody else.

Meanwhile Ono Goro just doesn't want to feel bad about his unborn sibling. He wants to hear what she would have thought about it to soothe something inside of him that thinks this abortion was wrong - even if it's just a curiosity about whether she thinks the same. That is a selfish wish if I've ever heard one. That's the logic of someone who needs to apologize to someone they harmed - not to "make things right", but so the other person can finally forgive them so they don't have to feel bad about it anymore.

And at the beginning of S2 Lall even points out that her mom suddenly treating her nice isn't how that would have happened, that Ono Goro's wish fulfillment idea is some degree of out of line and "selfish" by forcing his mom to act against her character. It highlights to me even more that S1 ended on the perfect note to tell him "Hey, Ono Goro, actually..." about all of this. That he doesn't know anything better, that he isn't special at all just because the one person who had the most to gain from his wish praised him for his selflessness over it. It's also the main reason I didn't fully give up on this stupid series after S1 - because hey, maybe they're doing the thing where they turn around and let Lall learn that she was wrong by explaining in overwhelming detail just how much Ono Goro is actually not all that great of a guy.

Because Ryo literally tells him that her wish isn't his to grant at the end of S1 as if to tell us that he isn't a good person just for using his position to grant other people's wishes. That this is about more, that maybe fulfilling these wishes is at the very least also a way for him to feel better about his shit place in society in the way that they critizied the Little Angel for granting wishes earlier on. But him granting this wish means nothing to Ryo - he doesn't even know her. Him granting her wish cannot possibly be about her aside from some form of generalized pity.

Maybe all of this could work if S2 was about how Ono Goro is actually not just a white boy but a white savior whose dispassion for himself and his place in the world actually makes him a bad person to be the one granting wishes - because clearly he has his own idea of what granting a wish looks like since he rewrites his and Lall's mom to be nice. Honestly, even just the implication that his wish was really just to hear the unborn child's wish and Lall was just a manifestation of what he thinks that child would tell him and wasn't actually that child would turn this anime 180 degree into high art.

But instead S2 was just outright boring. Not only

is its narrative barely based on what was established in S1 (at least not context-wise and i sincerely don't care enough anymore to examine if this author shit lines up subtextually)

is everyone's character premise suddenly fully inconsequential to anything at all

the time skip fully wasted aside from some subtext points that aren't even used (like, "they can't grow up after their wish was granted" was clearly supposed to go somewhere in reference to the whole adults vs. children thing but they barely used it for anything at all except sudden societal xenophobia and not having to do new 3d models)

is Lall an absolutely insufferable protagonist

it also had the Sawa episode I already talked about (this was legitimately the most appalling episode of television i have seen in a while. if you ever do watch this show out of morbid curiosity stop with s1. i beg you with my life to not watch s2. like, it's not even the fun kind of bad, in the few minutes it's not really boring it's "only" wildly out of line trying to lecture you about something that i trust you to 100% know better than them)

the fact that every single character, even the weird evil guy from s1, ends up totally nice doesn't help any case they're making. you can't really have a "chosen one" narrative that's also "everyone has the power to be the chosen one"

well actually this show kind of has the blueprint of something that could make that work - they just certainly didn't do it

something about phone's bad - but also not? they can't make up their minds about whether they are bad or not and never make any conclusive statement about anything

i really don't care enough to think about what the god.app death game and its back story is supposed to be about (it's part of the phone good question mark thing; phone bad bc we don't think about whats inside this thing we take everywhere - but also we as humans have the power to make a thing that made god mad so actually it's good in a "isn't humanity cool" sort of way)

also why was this a death game at all you're years late to the trend and squid game was already years late to the trend but they at least do it for anti-capitalist reasons; here you're not even really doing anything with it

like both of the mainly credited writers were old enough to see all those death game animes 10 years ago, i know bc i remember them

also also why does the politician guy look like grown up Goro?? Are you trying to tell me Atsushi Ohkubo of all people could not come up with another hair- & image color combination??? was he supposed to be goro's absent dad?

but it also, somehow, ends on the lamest pseudo-wholesome ending ever, it made me feel so little I somehow lost the need to complain about the entire show. That need eventually came back but only because I forced myself to chronicle its atrocities even just a little bit.

Like, this could have turned out fine. Make the politician guy from S2 Ono Goro who "grew up" from granting these wishes only to not have understood anything from his experience at all, place him in the literal shoes of one of the grown adults who doesn't consider the future of the generations after him and now all the people that were once, somehow, inspired by him (even though none of them actually were, they say they were but all of them already fought for and sacrificed things for what they believed in before they ever met ono goro) have to fight against him to enact what they learned from him. (you know, like i will have to do if yoko taro somehow ended up an anti-abortionist)

But it wasn't. It was not fine. I'm defending the one dimensional evil mom character for being allowed to have an abortion and how that doesn't make her son all that special for caring. and you know that's a bad thing, because the one dimensional evil mom is one of the 3 main reasons for why I hate ff16's writing with a passion.

But hey, at least they evoked thought, I guess.

Also I will be the one person to defend Atsushi Ohkubo's character designs - not the ones we got in 3D but the somewhat techwear-y ones in the concept art. Sadly the dots and lines necessary for it to look good got lost because the animators couldn't be asked to create even one singular texture for their animation budget of 5 [shrugs in currency].

Specific Impressions that will stick with me

The episode in S1 in which Ono Goro is comatose, easily the best one of the whole series simply because Ono Goro's devoid of content mouth words aren't wasting screen time. Like. I can't stress how much screen time S1 wastes on him saying things, but nothing of value. The Iyo Episode wastes so much time that could be spent on good Idol Bullshit on him saying nothing. He truly is the most bland protagonist of all time.

Ryo Sematei stopping Ono Goro from granting her wish.

I like the idea of Eko/the Author in theory, but very much not in execution. Like, Eko showing up and talking to them as the author/god made me feel something for a second for some reason. Just for a second though, it quickly became really lame.

Outstanding Audio

I mean, it's Monaca on the budget of a favor. They didn't make a lot of songs for the BGM but the ones they made are good enough - by which I mean that I remember the magic scene music.

Favorite Character

I could easily make the case for most of the S1 main cast except for Ono Goro and Lall (and I even kind of liked her until the last S1 episodes). Sadly this story is about them.

Also, special mention for Futana Iyo's/Futana Iyo's body double's character premise. I am beyond mad that that never got investigated in any singular way, that's such a fire premise for an idol character with regards to parasocial relationships - and it was immediately dropped during the episode it was established in. also i still feel really smart for having known what her name references without looking it up

Favorite Arc/Story Line

The thing about KamiErabi is that if you read the setup of it all and imagine what might happen you would probably think of a better story, so I guess the introduction of each character and nothing more than that.

That being said, S1 is much better than S2, mainly for the fact that aside from the characters - well, honestly even with them - S2 feels fully unrelated to S1 and S1 at least felt like someone had a concept of where this is going. S2 didn't even feel internally consistent on its own, even the Eko/Author reveal felt unearned. (for at least a third of S2 i thought Eko was Sawa's brother and the god was just Ono Goro who Eko met when he granted Sawa's wish, I was so confused bc that would have made so much more sense than what they went for and they didn't really directly reference Eko's gender until later)

Favorite Set Piece

The final episodes of S1, I guess? The Drakengardian Blob that made blood rain at least made me feel something, even if Yoko Taro should probably work on making his unrelated works a little more visually distinct why does this always happen

Favorite Scene

Once again Ryo Sematei stopping Ono Goro from granting her wish. I had so high hopes for S2 off of this single scene alone.

--- ENTERING THE PRETENTIOUS SECTION OF THIS ENTRY ---

What about this series gives me Hope for the future?

I guess even if Yoko Taro writes bad stuff, at least it's interesting. Like, this guy just gets into my brain in a very specific way and he didn't even write half of this. Even if he somehow gets himself cancelled (honestly, i'm sure it will happen one of these days) I will be the one to take the aesthetic hit and still play his work. (well unless he does something really fucked up but i cant really imagine that; he's the kind of guy that stays at 'says something really weird that could be a misunderstanding and never elaborates' territory. we will never know if he's actually being evil under that mask...)

I think the only way he could make me not check out his stuff is to do a literal NieR Automata 2 with 9S and even then I would check it out because clearly he won't "just" do a NieR Automata 2, especially if it's called that or like a visual novel with only Natsuki Hanae's voice. I just don't like him. It's just... something about him.

also can I complain about the Automata Anime Ending down here, I still hate they had to show them being put together at the end, god forbid we even have the tiniest bit of implication. I guess we needed to spell it out because see the Anime is distinct!!! A-1 cares about the source material so much they wanted to see their happy ending play out uwu! Isn't that wholesome fun??? All to make 2B's last scene her acting 9S's pure and demure waifu blergh urgh ew ew ew

also i love her, she's beautiful, but the anime doesn't deserve accord, she should have been in reinkane q_q

What about this series makes me scared for the future?

See guys?? I'm not a safe space bubble blowing snowflake mindlessly consuming slop, I'm clearly a stable aesthete of distinguished taste with a box-cutter to match and I can change my mind on someone as quickly as a weather vane - and you're on thin ice, silly little mask man!!! this is how we want our media criticism, right???

btw please don't associate these posts with the word "criticism". these are, at best, me putting my personal aesthetic judgments to paper. if you read all this i tricked you, this is supposed to be worthless for anyone but me.

People are always so weird about "criticisms of their faves." I'm sure I complained about it before, but every time a fandom discovers their favorite series did something verifiably "wrong", everyone suddenly talks as if they're at a wine-tasting because clearly they know what they're talking about, they enjoyed the particular particularities of this narrative at some point, but now they were disappointed with the incomprehensible and frankly unacceptable development decisions that were made! - It's so weird, but it really happens every time.

This is not that though, at least I hope so. I think I always talk like this. I'm just german and school managed to teach me to overwork my sentences.

No, but as a "Yoko Taro guy" I just really wanted to write this so at least someone didn't let this thing slip by just because it's kind of ugly, even if I'm still kind of glad nobody watched KamiErabi. Really, it being ugly is probably a blessing in disguise for everyone involved because could you imagine the discourse? If I've learned anything the past years it's that a righteous shit storm always grows the most unbearable. More storm always means more shit and if you're reading this you are in range.

But I mean, the options we have here are a) one or more of the writers doesn't consider abortion in any way ethical (at least if it isn't an emergency) or b) someone really did not think about abortion while invoking it for a gotcha reveal - and i'll say even if it is a)? If this is their manifesto, it's a really bad manifesto. Like, who are they going to convince that maybe we should slut-shame women "that deserve it" more with this. The people that already kind of want to do that aren't watching this - too few waifus, too little tits and it's also really ugly - and anyone that thinks about it even a little bit more holistically will probably run into the fact that the rest of your story kind of argues against doing that.

And as bad as that Sawa episode is in the moment, what is that whole thing even supposed to tell us. "If you have bad parents you just already lost and you have to accept that, but as long as you try you can still achieve everything you want to achieve." Great, I guess. Like. Okay? Huh? World's weirdest spiritually loaded pep talk telling you if you're born evil, that just means now you might as well just be evil.

As it is I just think it's a badly written show that - for reasons deliberate or not - happens to really slut-shame a woman out of her agency in the name of children, even though I personally think that women shouldn't need the consent of their partner for an abortion, even if they had an affair.

Like yeah, someone should say something about this work for accountability's sake - and I did, am I not proud of doing my part - but... if nobody ever talks about KamiErabi ever again that's probably for the best. Let's just keep this one in our journal and then we'll bring it up when it's worth bringing up, how about that! Let's just hope, we'll never need it again... not just because hopefully these people aren't evil but also... (mostly) because I really don't want to think about KamiErabi ever again.

Also, there's no way around it, the school uniforms we got just do look exactly as cursed as everyone says they do. I legitimately don't get why nobody involved got the animators to do even just one single texture for the school uniform dots even if it means everyone shares the same ones. I can't see that taking more than 5 [shrugs in currency] amounts of effort and it probably would have helped at least a little bit.

[unnocturnal]

Stupid Sebastian HCs

because i like it when my meow meows are pathetic <3

Absolutely no upper arm strength. Will struggle to move his coffee table and asks his parents (chefs kiss BUFF ROBIN) for help

WASIAN 100000% n has rlly rusty cantonese

I know he said that the cut from the crab in the mines was cool and he was fine but do u rlly think he would let his cool mysterious facade drop in front of the farmer so early like that 🤨 i think not. cried like a bitch when maru was patching him up

just a little bit of an adrenaline junkie. just a little. an itty bitty teensy weensie bit.

No abs. or ass. sorry. when does this basement nerd work out 🤨 absolutely does not have a thiccy. shit stamina. cute lil squishy tummy

perpetually tired eyes. probably could be have the best day of his life and it looks like he just heard that he works 6 morning shifts in a row at mcd

teeth?? hc??? idk. a little crooked n has lil fangs. not the whitest because Depression and Genetics but cute but hes still insecure ab them 😔 so he smiles w his lips not his teeth

BLUSHES EASILY its why he makes an effort to be like. cool n collected. cuz getting red faced is the worst possible thing to him

a bit of an impulse buyer. probably sees some dice he wanted is on sale and is like YOINK even tho he has at least 10 diff dice sets already

the type of person that gets so analytical about every video game hes ever played

he tips well on his Solarian Chronicles character commissions :-)

mmmm a light weight bcs i said so

chronic coffee drinker. acts like coffee is fucking water. knows how to make all sorts of different coffee drinks from scuffed recipies he came up with himself. his comfort drink is a white chocolate mocha with peppermint and whipped cream

sleeps like a corpse

TRIES SO HARD to be cool and mysterious but he’s an airhead. absolute dumb dumb energy. big cute nerd.

idk like 5’8”?

horrible grammar/spelling when texting and uses emojis so much

cold call him and he WILL kill u

took care of his class’s pet frog!!!

dont ask him about his hours in dark souls. steam level 22

speedruns in his free time sometimes

OH VOICE HC i think his voice is like. on the higher end. still masculine but in the “clearly a pretty boy” voice if u get what i mean

OH his laugh is so cute. probably snorts so much and is out of breath in 0.2 seconds

ABSOLUTELY has days where the farmer comes in at 9am and he hasn’t slept yet. is nocturnal most of summer tbh.

gets cold so so so SO EASILY but this mans still like (elsa voice) the cold doesnt bother me anyway like SHUT UP AND TAKE MY WINTER JACKET

also if dared to do something he’d probably do it. just for fun. for kicks.

[stormkobra-5]

Batons and Unicorns: The Whitest, Brightest Wedding of All

Pairing: Moon Boys x Reader

Fic Type: Drabble (Part of the Batons and Unicorns universe. You can find the rest of the stories here on my Moon Boys masterlist.)

Summary: After three years of being together-- and even having a daughter-- you’re finally marrying the man-- men-- you love.

Involving Steven, Marc, and Jake x reader, adorable Amonet, and one very proud grandpa skeleton-bird.

A/N: I know that the gif isn’t from Moon Knight but tell me this isn’t the perfect gif am I right?! Am I right?! Look at his sparkly eyes! Anyway, coming back to this series is makin’ me feel pretty nostalgic. Oh, the days when I was still wary of writing smut and getting the hang of posting on Tumblr… Yes I made Frenchie as if he’s played by Pedro Pascal I know you all love it–

Disclaimer: I don’t know anything about weddings, period. Have never been to one that I can remember tbh.

Warnings: Fluff. Lots of fluff. This story is rated 14+ for strong language and some mildly suggestive themes.

Ok.

You just need to take a second.

And calm the fuck down.

This happens all the time, right? Every day, even? Surely it can’t be that nerve-racking, I mean especially when you’ve been with somebody for so long, right? Right?

Surely fucking not.

You stand before the floor-length mirror on a pedestal as the finishing touches are being added to your dress by your bridesmaids (Wanda, Shuri, and Natasha). You feel like a Barbie doll. Not in the bad way-- you’re pretty fucking pretty, in fact, you’re sure you’ve never been prettier. You’ve never spent so long at a spa, either. You’re pretty sure you’ve been transformed into a whole other person from before. That scene in Hunger Games where Katniss is given a makeover supreme? She has no fucking idea what you just went through yesterday. You still feel tingly.

Your hair is perfect. Your skin is perfect. Your face is perfect. Your dress is perfect. You’re absolutely perfect right now. Everything, spot on, A+ for presentation, the boys will be tripping over themselves, you're so gorgeous. But your emotions?

Girl they are crazy.

What if you mess up your vows? What if you say something stupid? Oh god, what if you don’t say anything at all? Will you even be able to use ASL with the bouquet in your hands??? Your heart is pounding in your throat and your breathing is rapid. On one side of the room, your mother and your Maid of Honor, Pepper, sit side-by-side with tears in their eyes and prideful smiles on their faces.

“You don’t have to be so nervous,” Natasha squeezed your hand for emphasis, chuckling as you glanced at her so that she could see the whites of your eyes. “You look stunning.”

Wanda meets your eyes with something like sympathy in hers. “Is it because everyone’s here?”

Oh geez, you sign, thanks for that reminder, Wanda.

Yes.

Everyone.

Apparently this was a first. Two superheroes, getting married. It apparently warranted every single Avenger to be present, to assist, and hell, even Fury was here. All superhero eyes would be on you and your husbands. It was the teeniest bit terrifying.

A timid knock at the door made everyone turn around, just as Khonshu entered-- dressed in a crisp white suit, one you swear he stole from Steven-- bending over to lead little tiny Amonet into the room. Apparently this occasion warranted even the presence of visible Khonshu.

"Mommy!" She cried, toddling forward on her tiny legs. She wore the most adorable little dress, frilly and purplish-blue. In her little hands she carries a bouquet of tiny flowers, and you immediately kneel to hug her as best as you can without ruining either of your looks.

“Hi, sweeti– oof–” She whacked you in the face with her bouquet, but thankfully, your makeup survived the accident unscathed. Khonshu chuckled, a deep echo that still, nobody was used to yet. It seemed to reverberate through the air itself.

“Easy, little one,” Khonshu rumbled, chuckling deep in his chest. As Amonet toddled over to your mother, Khonshu addressed you with something like pride in his voice. “You look stunning, Y/N.”

To hear that from a literal god was a good thing, you hoped.

Thanks, Big Bird, you signed, and now since Amonet watched Sesame Street literally every morning, he now understood that reference. If bird skulls could frown, he’d most definitely be frowning.

“Hmf. I would appreciate it if you would not call me that…” Khonshu patted Amonet’s head. “Remain here, child. I must see to your father.”

“Wait!” Amonet slid off your mother’s lap to take Khonshu’s hand. “I wanna come, Grandpa Shu-Shu.”

You couldn’t help but snicker to yourself as Khonshu pretended to be disgruntled. With a nod to you that you returned, Khonshu left your little bridal chamber to find Marc, Steven, and Jake.

~*~*~*~

“Bullocks.” Steven grumbled to himself as he tried to readjust the tie with shaking hands, only succeeding in choking himself.

“Easy, amigo,” Jake tried to calm him, but the cabbie’s voice cracked a bit. Steven knew that he was just as– if not more– nervous.

He wasn’t sure exactly why he was so nervous. You’ve been together for three years, and for two of them, you’ve had a little girl together. You’ve seen each other at your very best and your very worst and you’ve stuck together; he remembers the day he met you. The day he moved into Avengers Tower and the sweet mute young woman that helped him unpack, who researched DID and made friends– later, became lovers with– Marc and Jake. He recalled how many hours he spent learning ASL just to communicate with you.

The moment he– and maybe, all of them– fell in love with you was after he’d seen your powers for the first time was vivid in their mind. After he’d called you “birdie” and the two of you had paraded around the complex as Mr. Knight and a unicorn. You’d been mute for so long, but you trusted him to speak to. You spoke to him– to them. To your daughter. No one else.

He smiled softly to himself when he thought about the day you told him you were pregnant, after Harrow’s men had captured you; he still worried about that, especially with Amonet around, now.

“That’s it, buddy. Just stay calm.” Marc’s voice snapped Steven out of his thoughts; thinking of you and his little girl had calmed him down a bit, but Marc had stopped him from launching into a worried mess about potential threats.

A knock at the door nearly made him panic, especially when it opened immediately after.

Steven’s breath left him with sheer relief when he seen that it was only Khonshu– well, Khonshu, and one of the two things he loved most in the world.

“Daddy!” Amonet let go of Khonshu’s hand and raced for him; Steven knelt down to pull her into his arms.

“Hello, little scarab,” He gave her a kiss on the cheek as he stood. “You look so pretty, love! Just like a princess!” She babbled a bit, showing off the poor flowers she’d fisted and thrusting a rose dangerously close to his eye. “Oh, thank you, darling. I’ll put that right in here, yeah?” He carefully adjusted the rose in his breast pocket, before plucking a daisy from her hand and tucking it behind her ear. “Now you have one too, love.” A beaming grin broke across his face when she giggled.

“You dress up nice, worm,” Khonshu chuckled; Steven frowned at the nickname, glancing down at his sharp white suit.

“Thanks, I guess.”

The god scoffed. “Are Marc and Jake nervous, too, or is that just you?”

“W-what?”

Khonshu put a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Do you really think it has escaped me how anxious you are, Steven Grant?”

“I-It’s just–”

“Just what? You’ve loved her for so long, and she has loved you in return, and so strongly, at that. Do you truly think you have anything to worry about?”

Steven thought about that for a minute.

“I hate to admit it, buddy, but; the old bird’s right.” He felt Marc take a metaphorical deep breath, trying to remain steady and level-headed throughout all of this.

“Don’t admit that,” Jake scoffed, offended. “Viejo pájaro zombi estúpido– we were already thinking that!”

“Thanks,” Steven breathed anyway, although Khonshu didn’t exactly make any of them feel better, but…

Both perked up at the sound of a knock. “Come in,” Steven called, and the door opened just enough for Sam to poke his head in with a beaming smile.

“It’s time.”

“Oh, bollocks,” Steven shuddered with anticipation, which Amonet most definitely felt. She wrapped her tiny arms around his neck in a hug, which Steven eagerly returned. “Oh bloody…”

“You can do it, Daddy,” Amonet said softly, and the boys melted.

Steven had never heard Jake squeal.

“¡Awww, mi dulce pequeña mariposa, tratando de darnos confianza! ¡¡¡Esa es mi niña, esa es mi niña mariposa!!!”

“Aw, thank you love,” He kissed her cheek again before passing her off to Khonshu and smoothing his suit, taking a deep breath. “How do we look?”

“Like an idiot,” Khonshu scoffed, then added, a bit good-heartedly, perhaps, “But a well-dressed one.”

Steven’s blood rushed in his ears as he made his way out of the room, following Sam with Khonshu and Amonet closely behind.

~*~*~*~

Steven stood nervously at the altar, scanning over the faces of the gathered assembly. Every single Avenger– even the Guardians of the Galaxy, the sorcerers, the Asgardians, hell, even some mutants– had all come to witness Moon Knight and Skinchanger marry.

Beside him, he had Frenchie as his best man– a man he admittedly hardly knew, but Marc knew plenty about the “baby-chicken-faced” Chilean-American. In one of the front pews sat Khonshu, legs crossed, next to your mother.

He took a deep breath, trying to keep calm.

“We can do this,” Marc said, more to himself, “We’ve got this, it’s fine–”

“‘We can do this’?” Jake echoed in disbelief, adding, “Estoy teniendo un puto ataque al corazón, chicos. When she comes in the room in her wedding dress… Solo estoy... solo voy a colapsar aquí mismo, no van a saber nada de mí por un tiempo, ninguno de ustedes podrá despertarme, DIOS HACE CALOR AQUÍ PARA ALGUNO DE USTEDES–”

“Jake, buddy,” Marc tried, and he felt him trying to calm Jake, who, if he was hearing correctly, was trying not to hyperventilate. Steven jumped as the music kicked in. Oh gods. It’s happening. Right now, it’s happening… “Breathe, man. Breathe.”

“¿CÓMO DEMONIOS ESPERAS QUE RESPIRE? ACTUALMENTE FÍSICAMENTE NO PUEDO RESPIRAR, MALDITA–”

The doors opened. In came little Amonet, throwing flowers, and Jake shut up immediately. Steven felt not only his own pride at seeing his daughter, but Marc’s, and of course Jake’s, quite nearly overwhelming him. It took everything he had not to rush down between the pews and scoop her up in his arms.

Amonet tried to run for Steven when she saw him, dropping the flower basket. Khonshu snatched her up and planted her on his lap, making her giggle, and the boys’ hearts swelled with love.

And then, in came the most beautiful woman to ever exist.

You.

Their sun. Their stars. Their air. Their life. The only thing any of them had cared about in a very long time, you suddenly popped into their lives and gave them something to love wholeheartedly. And then, you did it a second time, when you gave them Amonet.

You were absolutely beautiful in your dress, radiant and glowing like a goddess come to life. The boys couldn’t take their eyes off you as you were walked up the aisle, and they felt a sense of great honor and pride when you were given away. To them. Out of anyone in the whole world, when you could have had anyone, you’d chosen them.

They couldn’t believe it.

You were a star fallen from heaven as you made your way forward, dress trailing behind you like silken snow, crystalline and incandescent.

“Dios mio,” Jake whispered in adoration.

“She’s beautiful,” Marc seconded, but Steven was lost for words.

You were so gorgeous you stole his breath away, just like the day he’d first seen you. Just like the day when the mute young woman offered to help him unpack.

“I love you,” He breathed, and he thought you said it too.

You both repeated it for your I do’s, your vows, the exchanging of the rings— that all-important kiss— and then again during the first dance, twice more throughout the after-party, and you must have said it a thousand times during the course of your wedding night. Your first night as husband and wife.

You were now, officially, Y/N Grant-Lockley-Spector.

And you loved your husbands with all of your heart.

————————————————————————

Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @dameronsknight @sylkisdagger @atzlena @gucciboots @pastel-0-princess @poeticsorcery @rosaren2498 @love-on-the-murder-scene @wintergirlsoilder2 @blackcat-midnight-thatsme @multifandomsw @bookloverfilmoholic @khaotic-kris @hb8301 @soggumm @simonsbluee @adamcarlsenslvr @bluestuesday @magnet-girl @rosellacwrites @dweeb-central @ilymorepls @drwhofangirl1963 @loonymagizoologist @auszimbo @tealrivers @laters-gators12 @izbelross @xcatnapsx @child-of-the-moon-gods @djarinsgirl27 @sokoviansorceress @eerievixen @cold-buffet-ham @upbeat-cascade @stark-kirk-rogers-grant-blog @candydancey @rqmanoff @jakelcckley @sharin4readers @lovely-cryptid @marc-spectorr @rmoonstoner @oscarisaacsspit @moonknightyws @hopefulfangirl24

[mingishoe]

Wings | C.S + J.WY

Summary: You happen to be the only person who can make your way through both Heaven and Hell. They were two very different places that had two very different people. The boy with the pitch black wings and the boy with the whitest wings you’ve ever seen. It’s all fun and games until you start to notice the boy with the white wings slowly turning darker every time you see him.

Pairing: San X Fem!Reader X Wooyoung

Genre: Smut and fluff

Word count: 20k??? Maybe???? (Currently 1.9k) (this is only a 1.1k selection)

Smut Warning: Dom!San, Switch!Reader, Sub!Wooyoung Corruption kink, lots of dirty talk and teasing, and more I haven’t thought of

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

The concept of heaven and hell was a lot more complex than anyone can really comprehend.

Heaven was filled with beautiful angels with even prettier white wings. Hell was filled with what you would call demons with the largest pitch black wings you’ll ever see.

The contrast was night and day. Completely different. So how did you end up with gray wings? Well… Your mother and father had been complete opposites. Your father was one of the best guardian angels there were and your mother was the slyest demon in hell. Somehow they ended up together and boom, here you are.

Your wings are completely different from pretty much anybody’s in both places which made you a walking target, but you did have access to either place which was very… interesting to say the least.

Yeah you had friends in both places but like you would assume, the angels are a lot more cautious when being around you. Let’s just say, they don’t really trust you. Which is totally fair because you are in fact a demon in heaven.

There was a particular boy who always caught your attention. His name is Wooyoung. His wings are probably the whitest in all of heaven, he has a blinding smile that even makes you feel warm on the inside, and his hair is a bright silver that contrasts among the other angels who had dark hair.

You could say that you had a slight crush on him without ever speaking to him even once. Even though you’re a demon you still have feelings contrary to everyone’s beliefs.

You got the feeling that if you were to speak to him, he would immediately run in the opposite direction.

To Wooyoung he thought you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, angel or demon he didn’t care. Yeah, you scare the absolute shit out of him but he is highly attracted to you.

Wooyoung loves your wings. He loves how they’re different from everyones. He’s heard the story of your parents and he commends your father on the courage he must’ve had to speak to your mother much less do things that are completely dirty and impure.

Wooyoung loves your soft features that completely contrasts your demeanor. Your eyes are soft and inviting, your soft button nose looks totally boopable, your slightly chubby cheeks that makes him want to squeeze them, and your pretty pink lips that look really soft.

Wooyoung knows that associating himself with you could completely ruin his reputation and career and that is the only thing ringing through his mind as you walk up to him.

“Hello, angel.” Your voice is dripping with honey, so gentle and sweet. Wooyoung only smiles softly as he avoids eye contact with you.

“What’s your name, pretty boy?” Of course you know his name, you just didn’t wanna scare him off completely.

Wooyoung opens and closes his mouth like a fish making you cock an eyebrow up at him, “Do I make you nervous angel?”

“Wooyoung…” You smirk at the angel and put your hand out, “Wooyoung… cute. Y/n.”

Wooyoung cautiously takes your hand in his and shakes it. The two of you make eye contact and he quickly away with a gasp as if you shocked him.

You look at Wooyoung with a surprised face, “What?” Wooyoung shakes his head and looks away with red cheeks.

You knew what happened and you knew what he saw. When you touch someone’s hands you have the ability to see their dirtiest thoughts and fantasies, all you have to do is make eye contact with them to actually see it.

The vision flashed through both of your eyes pulling two completely different reactions. Wooyoung got flustered and embarrassed while you tried your best to pretend nothing happened. You just try to save Wooyoung from the embarrassment because honestly, even you are a little bit surprised.

“I-I should get back to work…” You nod and hop onto the counter Wooyoung was standing at. Your eyes flash sparkles of red while you eye Wooyoung, “Mind if I watch?”

Wooyoung looks at you with an unsure expression “I dunno if that’s a good idea…” you smile softly at Wooyoung making his cheeks flush pink, “Just- Just don’t break anything.”

Wooyoung feels your heavy gaze as you watch him work. He is beyond nervous. It was like you were hunting your prey and the prey was him.

Your mind keeps going back to what you saw earlier. You’ve never seen an angel so pure with a thought just the opposite. You close your eyes for a split second and you see the image again.

Wooyoung’s back was arched underneath you as you touched him. Your hand was pumping his pretty cock while your other hand was lightly playing with his nipples.

When you open your eyes Wooyoung is standing next to you. You bite your lip as you run a delicate finger over the edge of his pretty wings, “Tell me angel… how do you look so pure and innocent? And your wings, so pretty… so white.”

Wooyoung knew what you were doing but that didn’t stop his cheeks from turning even darker. He honestly would’ve thought you were a succubus if he didn’t already know who you were.

“I-I don’t… Yours still have white. You’re still an angel…” Wooyoung’s eyes are glued to the floor as he doesn’t allow himself to make eye contact.

You cock your head to the side, “Don’t kid yourself, angel. We both know I’m not a pure innocent angel… but neither are you. Am I right?”

Wooyoung shook his head, “Y-Yes I am… Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

You run a finger across Wooyoung’s jaw, “You’re right angel, but they can’t see what I can see.” You knew he knew what you were talking about. As you ran your hand down Wooyoung’s arm you felt goosebumps being left in its path.

Wooyoung’s eyes shut as you thread your fingers with his, “Open your eyes angel… Show me what you want.”

Wooyoung immediately obeys. It was like you’re controlling Wooyoung but he would be a fool to say you weren’t right. With your free hand, you grip onto Wooyoung’s chin before your eyes meet his.

[demonic-silver-and-gold]

pls i need to know something, how would the brothers (minus lucy and belphie) react to finding out that delinquent MC sleeps in an unicorn onesie?

Oh I’m so loving this idea, I’m messing around with formats so I hope this is good, thanks for the request!

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

The Onesie Incident (Delinquent MC - Mammon, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Satan, Beelzebub)

It’s late morning in the House of Lamentation, and most everyone is up already. The brothers are eating breakfast, Lucifer having left early on a trip with Lord Diavolo and Belphie taking the whole day to sleep (as per usual).

MC opened their eyes, still tired from everything they did the night before. It’s not fun running away from the police and getting lost, having to run around the Devildom to lose them and find the house, sneak in without alerting anyone, and having to hide the backpack full of stuff they got. There weren’t even many things!

They got up, glad that they had half a mind to not change clothes to their pajamas so that they seemed more put together the next day even if their everything gave them away. They shuffled on their boots, finally standing up from the bed. Their vision was still blurry, and surprisingly they didn’t fall down the stairs in their sleep filled haze. Following the sound of the brothers arguing talking amongst themselves, they stepped into the dining room.

“Morning, demons.” They yawned, rubbing the last of their sleep out of their eyes, blinking a few times afterward, seeing the surprise written on their faces. “What are you staring at?”

They glanced down, eyes widening and internally cursing themself as they realized what they were wearing. Their softest, whitest, most colorful unicorn onesie that they had somehow decided to change into the night before.

“I can explain.”

The room exploded into chaos, Mammon and Levi yelling and talking over each other as the rest of the brothers started asking questions (for the most part).

=================================

Mammon

-Yes, he did take several pictures of MC in that unicorn onesie and yes he did try to sell them to his brothers no he doesn’t regret it

-After that yawn and attempt at becoming more awake, he turned cherry red (how the heck is MC so freaking adorable they’re a CRIMINAL-)

-They might be bffs but boy don’t they just make his heart race in the weirdest situations

-So of course he’s gonna take any attention off of him and shift it to MC and how soft they look

-Teases them occasionally about the onesie, always leads to vandalism of his stuff ;-;

=================================

Leviathan

-You know those heart emoji covered pictures that you send to friends when they send something adorable and wholesome? Yeah he’s the embodiment of that

-I bet you could even see his eyes sparkling at the realization that he knows a bada** who has a soft side just like in that one manga where-

-Another blushy boy that covers it by talking about how this happened in one of his series/games/manga

-Can’t look at them the same way again, the mental image that he now has of MC is that yawn in that outfit

=================================

Satan

-So. You know how his animal is the unicorn, right? (I had to look it up because I thought it was and uh, now I gotta include this)

-Will very much tease them throughout the day, relishing in the fact that it’s a onesie with his animal on it

-The teasing eventually turns into banter and oops they’re now friends :D

-This whole situation basically got MC some extra Good Human points in everyone’s book just due to how intriguing it was to see them in a different light

=================================

Asmodeus

-Loves onesies, has definitely thought about getting matching ones with MC, but just can’t take how adorable they are!!!!

-He begins asking where they got it and compliments it endlessly

-He knows what it’s like having different dress styles and isn’t that fazed (he still takes pictures though)

=================================

Beelzebub

-Legitimately stops eating for a hot minute

-What do you mean that vandalist smoker thief is wearing something so innocent like a unicorn onesie?!

-Tries not to bring too much attention to it, seeing as his brothers are doing that enough and MC looks like they’re regretting everything at that moment

-Overall pretty chill with the sudden change

=================================

I hope you liked this as much as I enjoyed picturing it! Thanks again for the request — requests are open — and I hope you have a nice day!

[quietlyimplode]

hiii u write really well. could I maybe get a clintasha w + ! ✔ from the symbol prompts list? thank youuuuu

Hey Anon! Thanks so much. It seems these ones are pretty popular!! (To the last Anon from Spain - do you have any ship you’d like me to do? I assume Clint/Nat but let me know if you have different ideas)

.. just so you know, this is completely out of my head and onto paper so apologies in advance for the inevitable mistakes! (Warnings for referenced child abuse beyond the cut)

...

+ : being led back to bed with patient whispers

! : that classic collapse into someone’s waiting arms

✓: waking up either adorably confused or painfully scared

Three times Clint woke up confused and the one time he didn’t.

1/

He’s in a hospital in the outskirts of London, broken arm and some kind of infection that’d wrecked havoc with his innards, making him see stars. Someone had found him collapsed in the shopping centre when he’d convinced himself he was fine and food shopping was a good idea.

They'd called the ambulance and now he was here, half out of it but feeing the needle in his hand. They’d decided to just put him on a drip, cast his arm properly and keep him for observation overnight. It was not what he wanted.

Having completed the kill mission, he was a wanted man. Clint knew he couldn’t stay here but it was warm and he was actually feeling better.

Sighing. He stands on shaky legs.

The drip.. The drip, he thinks. Does he pull it out or make it come with him. Taking a deep breath in, he inches the needle out, holding his hand and blood comes with it. Shit. There’s alarms going, an incessant beeping.

Ok so he’s started it now; may as well follow through with his escape plan.

To the bathroom.

Get changed.

Get out.

Back to the safe house. He tells himself.

Repeats it so it sinks in.

To the bathroom.

He takes a single step, and then another and makes it the short distance to the bathroom.

Resting on the toilet seat, he tries to focus on getting changed. If he was better at his job he wouldn’t be in this mess, he chastises himself. Natasha wouldn’t have eaten the mystery pub food, as he did the night before. Wouldn’t have got into an unnecessary bar fight.

It’s just, they were harassing the wait staff, and he couldn’t let them do it. And now, he knows, and his biggest regret is that he’s going to have to do all the paperwork and write out why he’s sustained a broken wrist.

I’m fine. He tells himself standing. His stomach gurgling loudly. Maybe he should have stayed in his hotel room, wallowed there instead of gone searching for food.

“Keep saying that and maybe you will be,” comes a familiar voice.

He looks up.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He replies, “you should be in Sweden, romancing.. Someone?”

She smiles.

“Come on,” Natasha squats next to him, kisses his cheek. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

Clint pulls back. “We gotta leave, we gotta go,” he eyes the door, expecting trouble to find him.

“Hey,” Natasha pushes his head back to look at hers, helping him to stand, “you think I haven’t cleared it and made it safe?” She leads him gently back to the single bed with the whitest sheets known to mankind.

“Safe?” He clarifies.

“As houses.” She replies, “we’ll go tomorrow.”

.

2/

The shouts are louder now. The whole house echos and Barney tries to keep the game going, tries to drown out the sound of a slap with the movement of chess pieces on the board.

“Your turn Clint.” He says. Clint can’t focus on the chess board, the pieces moving as he looks down from above. Chess pieces. He can do this.

The door bangs open, and both boys stand. Instinctively Barney is in front of Clint’s small frame, and the shouting gets louder. Clint scrambles backwards as Barney backs up. When they hit the wall they don’t have anywhere to go, the chess pieces go flying.

It’s ok, he wants to tell Barney, I have it memorised, we can keep playing. But the thought is quickly forgotten. His name is called. He thinks it’s his mum.

It’s repeated over and over.

He feels her hand on his shoulder

But that’s not right.

It’s not his mum.

It’s more desperate now.

“Clint.” He hears.

He’s scared. He wants it to be his mum. But.

She’s dead. If he opens his eyes and it’s not her…

“Clint.”

He takes the plunge, pulls back a sob when he realises it’s Natasha. Red hair, not brown, surrounds her face and he can’t help but be disappointed.

“I’m awake.” He mumbles.

Natasha pulls back, taking him in.

“You ok?” She asks.

Clint grunts non-commitally and rolls over, unable to stop his heart beating painfully in his chest. Grief bubbling.

Natasha doesn’t know what to do. Clint always knows what to do when waking her up from nightmares.

“I’m sorry ,” she whispers. And rubs his back, in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.

.

3/

Fury ok’d the exchange. Clint for a faceless Hydra agent. Perhaps he’s high up but Natasha doesn’t know or care. She would pull apart the world for him, so it was likely the better of the two options.

The exchange happens on a bridge, three on each side. Natasha stands tall, waiting to see him as the car pulls up, Fury is one side of her, Maria on the other. If they were to blow up this bridge, they would have a huge advantage over Shield but it goes to show how much they want Clint back. How important he is, to her. To them.

They watch as Hydra pushes Clint towards them. They do the same to the blindfolded man. Tell him to walk straight.

Clint makes it a falter in his last step, as Natasha catches him as he falls.

“I’ve got you.” She whispers in his ear. “I’ve got you.” Maria helps her get him into the car, Fury covering both their backs and they drive away. Rescue complete.

Natasha watches Clint like a hawk, waking him, soothing him, giving him all the antibiotics at their allocated time. His nightmares aren’t as volatile as hers but still require the same reassurance and comfort. He wakes up frequently, confusion covering his face, she tells his where he is and what’s happening. She’s happy to do it, relief at his safety and having him home.

He’s more with it the next day, eating peanut butter on toast and complaining about Hydras lack of hospitality.

“Thanks.” He says ruefully. Natasha smiles at him.

“You’d do the same for me.”

Clint laughs, “damn straight.”

.

+1

Clint is used to waking up in weird situations but none is so weird as Natasha laying on his chest, breathing softly, in a deep sleep.

He huffs a smile and kisses the crown of her head.

.

From this list (feel free to send one in) or tag me any other prompt lists that look fun!

[transsexualhamlet]

norman hcs no one asked for

hi im here to bully the whitest white boy to ever autism

-yes he is aromantic. yes he is gay. no i will not elaborate

-one time grace field tried to put on a play and norman was the worst actor literally anyone has ever seen, while ray was practically hamlet

-as a fellow left handed bitch i can attest to the fact that norman’s handwriting is Incorrectly Built he writes his letters upside down but they look indistinguishable from fucking arial font

-he acts like his william minerva cloak is just there for like disguise reasons but in reality he will pose in front of the mirror with it on every day and think about how cool he looks in it

-ray started a rumor that norman simply was not a real person when he was like eight and half the orphanage believed him and norman like didn’t even notice it happened until emma told him

-norman is scared of dogs :) he sees a great dane and screeches he thinks it will kill him or maybe touch him or lick him this is the same thing actually

-as an official autism this man needs so much structure in his life it’s insane. what lambda really didn’t understand is that to mess him up all you’d need to do is make him do the test ten minutes later than usual he’d fucking fail  

-when he was at grace field he always secretly wished he would get taller but then lambda happened and he’s like yeah but not like this

-the thing is even when he got taller and Larger that did NOT mean he got stronger in any way. In most ways, he’s even weaker, given he thinks not sleeping or eating or taking his meds is a power move.

-I think norman can play the piano just my personal opinion he’s like way too good at it bc isabella gave him lessons and he worked hard on it because it earned him PointsTM but drops it completely as soon as he’s allowed to

-he hyperfixated on fucking calculus when he was nine and it was hilarious bc he would just spout unsolicited math every time you said anything to him and everyone would be like oh my god norman literally no one cares

-his main special interests are languages and codes, which helped him out a lot with like, learning demonese or whatever, by the time he’s Minerva he knows about seven human languages and two demon variants and has gotten increasingly cryptic in minerva communications and everyone is extremely frustrated with it because no one is going to be able to decode that, norman, please do not make it in french as well

-the lambda kids are getting tired of his scholarly bullshit (except for vincent lmao) and have taken to speaking in pig latin at him every time he writes messages in actual latin. norman hates this with a burning passion

-no one in the orphanage knows their actual ethnicity but norman has decided completely of his own accord to self id as fucking british and will 100 percent mention it to anyone

-Norman brushes his hair. Which is hilarious seeing as there’s about two centimeters of it, like four when he’s older. No one knows why he just Has To or he will feel Unprepared

-he’s the kind of guy who you think is going to go to ravenclaw like his color palate is even set up for it and then boom. slytherin

-Ray constantly attempts to put Flavor on norman’s food because he knows norman will have a heart attack if his white bread is too spicy. However he has never once succeeded at tricking norman into putting something Rigged into his mouth and it’s like kind of an inside joke/game at this point he’ll be like “ah thank you so much for this lovely biscuit ray but oops it appears I have dropped it into the well :)”

-no one is quite sure how he ever wins tag but the real answer is that he hides in the same spot every time and no one’s ever figured out where it is because when they give up he emerges from the complete other side of the forest like hello besties :) 

-Emma forgets how Frail norman is a lot of he time and he now gets a favor every time emma tackles him from behind and nearly murders him. norman just saves these up like he’s going to use them to go to college and she’s getting concerned about what he’s planning to do with all of them. he simply never uses them

i have many more but like norman my beloved (derogatory)