#he's great at parties can't you tell (massive sarcasm)

[jerzwriter]

Bringing you some more headcanons! Honestly these are so fun! Kudos to whoever came up with this game!

I'd like to think Ethan would be a helicopter parent; but not in this overly bossy way, rather like super duper overprotective to the point where Kaycee would have to yank Emma away from him when they send her off to college.

Kaycee played some sport (?) in school, idk she gives me soccer girl vibes or maybe the FC does? Idk lmfao.

Tobias would've taken up odd jobs in high school and college. Like the oddest of jobs. I'd like to think he might have had a short-lived career as a magician, although that might be too crackheady.

Casey is a massive coffee mug collector.

Tobias is the "Don't tell Mom, but I've got a huge tub of icecream" parent towards his kids.

Ethan in Emma's parent-teacher conference would be at least, a little intimidating. I feel like he's the type of parent to get super defensive over his kid and would question why certain things are the way they are.

I might actually go to jail for this but.. mayybe Casey might've had a little crush on Jackie/Aurora? It is probably a one-time thing but has she ever had one?

Ethan collects different blends of coffee as a hobby and has a huge stack of it in his shelf and nearly scares Kaycee to the Moon when she sees like, fifty boxes of varying flavours just stacked up against and Ethan's like "Oh that's my coffee cabinet" and Kaycee s like "Your coffee WHAT?!"

OMG Mads these are amazing! Let's look at them:

Helicopter parent Ethan. OMFG YES! This fic (Candyland) is one of my faves - because it's a contrast of E/K and T/C parenting styles. As you can see, Ethan thinks his little girl is perfect, and when she's less than, Kaycee has to talk him off the ledge because he's convinced this means she's destined for a life of crime. 😂😂😂 I believe Kaycee could have been a helicopter parent, but when she saw how Ethan was, she was like, "Nah. Emma needs one sane parent." You hit the nail on the head with this one.

Kaycee & Sports: Kaycee enjoys sports, but she was more of a spectator. However, she was an excellent figure skater. She was scouted to go pro, but it was a far too expensive undertaking for her parents to commit to.

Tobias's Odd Jobs: If my Tobias wasn't a trust-fund baby, I could see this. But my Tobias was a trust-fund baby, so I don't see him working at all in high school and not much in college. In college, it would probably be jobs/internships related to his career only. (But if not, yep. I see it. Like a clown at kid parties lmao)

Casey Mug Collector: I can see this... in general, she doesn't like a lot of clutter, but I can see this. It probably drives Tobias a little nuts, because he doesn't like clutter either. Of course, he ends up buying her most of them, so he can't complain. lol

Tobias "Don't tell Mom": LMAO OMG I see it. Now, on major issues, they agreed to always, always present a united front, and they do. But on things like this, 100%. Casey: "Honey, I'm working late tonight. Can you handle dinner?" T: "Of course, baby." C: "And don't let our little demons convince you to order pizza!" Hours later T: "Come on, we have to get the pizza boxes out of here or your mom will kick my ass." (PS Sammy outs him the second Casey walks in the door. lol) I love this!

Ethan's Parent-Child Conference: YES! YES! A thousand times, YES!

Casey's Crushes: I can totally see this (you have a get-out-of-jail-free card lmao), but this is how I'd see it. Casey and Jackie hit it off really well when they meet, and Jackie has that spunky/sarcasm Casey loves. She has a crush on her, and she is considering telling her (a little leery because they're roommates/friends and doesn't want it to be awkward), but then Jackie goes into that brief asshole stage in Book 1, and that puts the whole crush on ice for Casey. As far as Aurora, I can see Kaycee being the one with the crush on Aurora. Kaycee and Aurora would actually be a great match. So I can see Kaycee nursing a little crush, but not one she'd act on, as she's already with Ethan in my HC.

Ethan's Coffee Collection: FOR SURE! And I think he has a Scotch collection too! lol

These were great! Thanks, Mads!

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 2

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello's masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite , who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310 , @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria . Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 2075

Additional note: In Norway, you are of age at 18.

Enjoy 🙂

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"... don't start eating until your brother joins us."

As he pushes himself down the large hallway leading to the kitchen, Ivar can hear Lagertha's assertive voice. He knows exactly who she's talking to and his suspicions are confirmed as soon as he enters the room, as a very displeased and apparently famished Hvitserk looks at him with irritation before letting out a muffled, "it's 'bout time."

"Sorry, I must have dozed off." Shrugging, Ivar wheels up to the kitchen table, the smell of pizza tickling his nostrils. He must be hungrier than he thought.

"You look like Hel." Sigurd sneers in greeting.

Ivar, without bothering to look up, just tilts his head and hisses through clenched teeth, "coming from you, dear brother, I take that as a compliment."

He can feel Lagertha's gaze upon him and when he turns his head toward her, she is staring at him, the worry obvious in her eyes.

"I wouldn’t have put it exactly like that but Sigurd isn't wrong." She crosses the room and leans over, her brow furrowed. "You look exhausted, sweetie, what's going on?"

Ivar almost wants to laugh. He looks exhausted? No kidding? Yeah, guess what? That's what two sleepless nights in a row usually do to you. At least that's what they did to him. What you did to him, haunting his nights and even haunting his dreams, waking him up with a start, his heart pounding in his chest, the few times he managed to fall asleep. At least, he'd made up his mind early this morning. Hopefully, now that the decision has been made, he'll sleep better. Saturday night, he'll see you again. His heart is racing at the thought and he inhales deeply, trying to calm down.

Unsurprisingly persistent, Lagertha asks again as she places her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly, "Ivar, are you all right?"

He wishes he could just ignore his stepmom but knows she won't let it rest. Unwilling to admit that he owes his restless nights to a girl - to you - he decides to keep his answer vague. "So-so," he mumbles, slightly rocking his right hand.

"You're in pain? Do you need more meds? I could run to the drugstore really quick."

For once, he doesn't resent Ubbe for his well-meant yet patronizing kindness, nor for the pitying look he gives him. Actually, he silently thanks him for the good diversion. As long as his brothers and Lagertha believe that it's his legs that bother him, keeping him awake, his secret - you - will be safe.

Faking a small, sheepish smile, Ivar shakes his head. "Thanks bro, but that's okay, I have everything I need. Guess I should just double-up the tramadol tonight." He winces for good measure, knowing fully well he won't even need a single dose. The pain in his legs today is barely at four, nothing he can't handle.

Once the meal is almost over – which in plain English means that everyone but Hvitserk has finished eating, but thanks to Lagertha principle 'no one leaves the table until everyone has finished, boys', they're all stuck here – Ivar decides it's time to break the news.

"I'm gonna go to the party."

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, the kitchen falls quiet. Even Hvitserk stops chewing, putting his last slice of pizza back on his plate.

Not knowing what to do with the silence, and feeling a little awkward, Ivar explains further, a hand on his neck, "the midsummer party, I mean. Harald's party."

"We heard you just fine, sweetie." Lagertha is the first to pull herself together, even though the disbelief is clear in her voice. As Ivar looks up, his brothers are staring at him, slack-jawed, bewildered, probably wondering what's got into their baby brother.

"Let me get this straight." With widened eyes, Ubbe starts running both hands through his hair, "you are considering attending Harald's party, right? That's... That's what you said?"

"Yep." Ivar shrugs as if it was no big deal. Who is he kidding? Of course, it is! Attending the party is a fucking huge deal for him. There's no way in Hel he'll admit it, though. Not in front of his brothers. No fucking way!

"I'm not sure I understand..." Ubbe sounds cautious and it infuriates Ivar to no end.

"What part of 'I'm gonna go to the party' don't you get, brother? Huh? Too many big words for you?" He wants to keep going but when Lagertha clears her throat and gives him a stern look, he faintly raises an apologetic hand while muttering under his breath, "okay, okay, I'll stop."

Heaving a sigh, he shrugs once more. "Seriously, you don't all have to look so surprised. I just want to go to Harald's party. It's really not that big of a deal."

"But you never wanted to, sweetie. Why now?" Lagertha's eyes are wide open and there's a frown on her forehead as she crosses her arms.

"Why not?" Ivar can't help but raise his voice. "I'm sixteen, Lagertha! Thought I was entitled to a change of heart. Was I wrong?" Pointing a finger successively at each of his brothers, his free hand grabs his push rim, his knuckles white. "The three of you attend every year, why shouldn't I?" Looking directly at Lagetha once again, he asks in a clipped voice, "You're not going to tell me I can't go, are you?"

"Of course not, sweet–" She begins but Ubbe cuts her off.

"Listen Ivar, no one is saying you shouldn't go, not yet at least. As a matter of fact, no one would be more pleased than I if you were willing to go out more. Playing pool, going to the movies, or just having drinks, you know you're always welcome to come along with us. But..." Ubbe groans, rubbing his hands over his face and Ivar stiffens, grinding his teeth, "Harald's party, really? It's not going to work. You know it takes place on the beach, it's not exactly wheelchair-friendly."

Reluctantly taking his eyes off his slice of pizza, Hvitserk jumps in. "Ivar is our brother, if he wants to go, we find a way. That's it - I'll carry him."

Positively surprised, a small smile playing on his lips, Ivar thanks his brother with a nod, glad – and relieved too, because two are always better than one, right? – that Hvitserk, as so often, backs him up. Of all his brothers, he's the only one who sees him first as a sixteen-year-old and not as a cripple.

Ubbe is having none of it though. "Hvitserk, just stay out of this, okay?" He's practically shouting, chin up and chest out. "You don't have a say! I'm the oldest, not you! I don't think it's a good idea for Ivar to attend Harald's party, period."

Hvitserk furrows his brow and for a short moment, Ivar thinks his brother is going to fight back but eventually he lowers his gaze, defeated, before shoving the whole slice of pizza into his mouth. Ivar knows all too well that his brother, who's not the most tenacious of them, hates confrontation, especially with Ubbe.

Unlike him, Ivar is always ready to pick up a fight, even when it's not worth it, even when he is wrong. Today, though, it's definitely worth it.

His nostrils flaring, he smashes his fist down on the table, his face crumpled with anger. "Who do you think you are, Ubbe? You may be the oldest, but you're not my father, okay? So please, just do me a favor, brother, and read my lips." His voice dripping with sarcasm, his bottom lips quivering, Ivar is absolutely livid, "You. Don't. Have. A. Say. Period."

Ubbe is about to retort, his hands clenched into fists but Lagertha raises a hand, shutting him up. "Boys, boys, boys!" Glancing at Ubbe and then at Ivar, she shakes her head, not exactly thrilled with their outburst. "Now, calm down, both of you. Ubbe, Ivar is right. You may be his big brother, you may be an adult, but you're not his father. I know you mean well but as Ivar's guardian, I have the final say." Turning her head toward Ivar, she cracks him a reassuring smile. "We'll talk about this later, okay? Just the two of us."

***

Slamming the door shut, Ivar wheels up right next to his bed and, angling his chair just right, transfers over onto his bed before punching the wall, a roar escaping his lips. Big tears of frustration and anger run down his cheeks as Sigurd's words linger in his mind.

He had been surprised when his less-favorite brother had stayed out of the conversation.

He should have known better.

No sooner had Lagertha, Ubbe and Hvitserk left – she to make a phone call, they to join Margrethe – leaving them to tidy up the kitchen, than Sigurd had lashed out at him with harsh words and eyes full of spite.

"You messed up in the head, huh? It's a fucking beach, Ivar, you do realize your front wheels will get stuck in sand, right? Now tell me, little brother, do you really think we are going to carry your crippled ass around all night? Let me tell you, it's not going to happen! There will be so many better ways for us to spend the night. Girls, you know? Lots of them. Am I going to let you embarrass me and ruin my night? No! Not in a million years. And anyway, why do you even want to go? Get real, Ivar, you don't belong there, you just don't. You're a fucking cripple, a freak, an abnormality. No one wants you there. No one wants to see you. The sooner you accept it the better."

He knows Sigurd was intentionally trying to hurt him. And fuck, he did succeed. Ivar had felt so humiliated that it had brought bile to his throat.

At some point, while Sigurd was spitting his venom, Ivar had grabbed the large knife lying on the table and it took all his self-control not to stab his brother. No doubt his shrink would be proud of him.

Now though in his room, and even if he is boiling with anger, the nagging thought that Sigurd had a point, that he wasn't completely wrong, doesn't leave him. And he can see now that, in his own weird way, Ubbe was trying to protect him. By preventing him from going, his big brother wanted to spare him humiliation, pity, and mockery. Hvitserk, of course, had been willing to help, but let's face it, Sigurd once again was right. Piggy-back riding is not really an option anymore, he is too heavy. Plus, if he's being honest, even if it were still possible, it's the last thing he'd want. The mere thought of you seeing him on Ubbe's or Hvitserk's back makes him nauseous. Which puts him back to square one.

The beach is a problem and a huge one. Wheeling in sand is a no-go. It's just fucking impossible. If he doesn't come up with an idea soon, he's not going to be physically able to attend the party. And that's something he doesn't want to consider.

"I need a fucking genius idea!" He speaks out loud, cracking his knuckles, his eyes squeezed shut.

Fuck.

He just wants to see you. Y/N... Just you. And he won't be able to.

Fuck. Fucking sand! Fucking beach! Fucking legs! Fuck– Stop.

Wait.

What... What did he say?

He needs an idea... A genius idea. Genius. That's it.

A slow smile spreads across his face.

Good thing he knows an authentic genius, right?

Grabbing his phone, he frantically slides his pointer finger on the screen, sighing with relief as he finds the contact he is looking for.

"Hello, Ivar," the man answers after two rings, and his voice brings an even bigger smile to Ivar's lips, "it's very sweet of you to call me."

"Hello to you too, you spindly legged, knock-kneed old fool. There might be something that you can do for me. I want to attend Harald's party. It'll take place on the beach. My brothers won't carry me and I can't really crawl about, can I? I wonder if you could help me, Floki?"

Ivar's godfather lets out a high-pitched chuckle before answering, "I'll figure something out, dear Ivar, I'll figure something out."

🛡⚔️🛡

Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings @heavenly1927

[standardstate-blog]

Still can't believe what I witnessed, but it was real.

It's been a couple of weeks now and I still can't wrap my head around what I witnessed. I went to interview for a system architect job at a place closer to home, much closer. I don't know for the rest of you, but in the Montreal area, tech jobs are almost 95% on the island but pretty much all the people working those jobs live outside the island, north or south. This is my case. I have to commute anywhere between 2 to 3 hours 5 times a week. When I say an opening about 5 kilometres from my home (about 3 miles I guess) I went nuts and submitted my application right away.  A couple of days go by and then I receive a phone call from that very place saying they want to schedule a 2 hour interview at the end of the following day. I said yes.

Obviously I discussed the whole matter with my wife beforehand, she's the one in charge of social engineering in our household! It would make a lot of sense for me to work much closer to home, for reasons that, if you have kids, I don't even need to explain. She also did some digging on her end to see what I would potentially be stepping into not 24 hours later. What she found was simply staggering. That place had accumulated award after award for being the best employer and the best place to work at for the last decade or so. They also had a 4 year (yes, you read that right, YEARS) run with 0% turnover. No resignations, only retirements. I had never heard of this place before, what the hell ? Everywhere someone was talking about that place, it was only praises and compliments.

I was thrilled to make their acquaintance and couldn't wait to the next day.

So the day after came and sure enough I got to their place of business, not a stone's throw from my house. I step in and get greeted by the nicest lady ever. She brought me water and made conversation while I waited for the director of operations to come and meet me. A tall guy in his early fifties I guess greets me with a big smile and tells me we'll start with a tour of the premises. Begins the jaw dropping experience.

So on the basement level, they have a gymnasium, like an actual gymnasium where you can play basketball, volleyball and badminton. Like we had in high school. He informs me that the employees have access to all the installations 24/7 for themselves and their families, including the other ones we have yet to visit. We continue on to what they refer to as the "bistro" and it's exactly that, a bistro with a bar, a giant screen for watching sports (they organise watch parties for the Super Bowl and World Cup), a pool table and a babyfoot table. There are lots of tables and chairs and a special poker table where they have tournaments every other Thursday. Right next to the pinball machines is an actual kitchen, with a stove and all that you would have at home like a big fridge, cupboards, cutlery, flatware, etc ...

Next, to the other level, skipping the main floor (where I presume most of the dev takes place) to the second floor. There is a complete, and I do mean complete gym, with weights, machines, stationary bikes, treadmills and a golf swing analyser station thing ( I don't know golf but with a couple of computers and cameras, that thing looked hi tech enough).  There is a physical trainer onsite during business hours. That person is an employee and her job is to encourage not only using the gym but also provides dieting advice and creates training plans. All included for all employees. On Fridays, there is a physiotherapist and a massage therapist, you know, to start the weekend on the right foot .. (sarcasm here ..). Again, all provided free of charge to all employees.

Alright, now that we left the second floor, back to the main floor, where the actual dev work gets done. We are in the second cafeteria with a magnificent view of the woods in the back. Apparently they spot deer and foxes every now and then. I then learn that they have season tickets for the Montreal Canadiens, the Alouettes (canadian football) and the Impact of the MLS. They give those away to the staff for every game with some kind of lottery. The objective here is that most who want to can to see a hockey game at least once per season. They had their old seats from the Forum on display close to the main entrance.

The bonus system was, for lack of a better word, completely nuts. Pretty much anything that is positive ends up being accounted for in the bonuses. You buy an electric car, bonus ! You get back to the gym after a couple of weeks of not going, bonus ! You have an idea for the social club, bonus ! And if that's not nutty enough, the amount that is put in the bonus pot so to speak gets distributed among all the personnel, no individual bonuses to keep every body motivated. I can hear you : "But Fred, can it get any more insane than that ? ". You bet your balls to a barn dance it can ! Check this out, they issue bonuses 4 times a year !! I haven't seen the colour of a bonus in the last decade, nor have 90% of my colleagues and friends.

But, where is the catch ? There is always a catch.

Damn right there is a catch, a massive one. And at the worst place possible, their tech.

To say their tech was medieval would be insulting to medieval tech. Good lord, they were at least 10 or even 15 years behind on some parts of their system. When they started talking about their applications and architecture, I heard expressions I haven't heard in years and years. Stuff like 'generated pages’, ‘content tables’ and ‘the server produces the html pages’. Nostalgic yet ? Their mobile application wasn’t epic either but they seemed to be on the right track because they were well aware it wasn’t. It looked like the apps on a 10 year old Blackberry Curve.

Long story short, it wasn’t looking very good for a guy that lives in 2019 and owns a colour television ...

The question that needs to be answered is this one : "How can a software company survive and make money using stuff that is about 20 years old ??". Simple : HR software. And I guess that is a good thing. Usually, the big place that require such complex, and critical software isn't interested in having to manage it so much. As long as it gets the job done and the HR people are happy with it, everything is fine. And that makes total sense. Once you have a stable version of all the calculations for the income tax in conjunction with the vacations, benefits, bonuses and 10 000 other things that need to be taken into consideration, you're not touching that code again unless you absolutely have to. I hadn't realized before speaking to those people how incredibly complicated and vast the whole HR software sphere actually is. There are so much conditions, exceptions, laws, territories and the list goes on. Plus the HR software is not something you change overnight like an email client or a browser. It is very much integrated with other systems and services and can't simply pulled out without a heavy price being paid. So if it's ugly, so be it. At least it works and does not make mistakes on employee statements. Reliability is key here.

They were talking about evolution and updating the stack, but it was more like terraforming over many years instead of a couple of months or maybe two years. And I get that, staff must be trained plus the decisions that would be taken now still need to make sense 20 years or so from now. Not a trivial task in any sense.

That all makes sense and good for them honestly. I am not coding on that, ever. So I am thankful some people want to take on that challenge. Just goes to show that coders, like any other type of person, are all different in many ways. And it's good to show the other 99.5% of places that you can actually get a lot done if you put your staff at the center of all you do. It's not a waste of time or money, on the contrary. You get so much back on your investment, it's insane! These people are more dedicated than pretty much anybody I came across between there and my home. Granted in this example, not my kind of place. But that does not invalidate the incredible things that get accomplished here from a human standpoint. A great example to follow, especially in software.