#he's an awkward yan but damn if he wouldn't be effective

[agent-cupcake]

Dimitri x Reader - Fire Emblem Three Houses

Nobody asked, but here’s another short in my little yan!Dimitri series I decided to polish up while I had some extra time today. It references THIS

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“I’m certain at least one of these books will contain a battle strategy usable by the fewest units possible, but I can’t seem to remember which,” Dimitri said, his back to you as he skimmed the spines of the dozens of books shelved in the Knights Hall.

You hummed in vague agreement, having hardly heard his words. Your mind was miles away, a handful of days ahead and dozing with far off thoughts of proper footwork and music, of everyone together under the warm chandelier lights, dressed up and dancing and momentarily careless. From the informal perch you’d taken on the edge of the table, your legs swung back and forth to a waltz rhythm, a sort of mock practice of your fantasy.

“At the very least, I recognize the name the Professor referenced. A famous strategist from Brigid…” Dimitri trailed off, and although his back to you, you could sense his frown. He was being a good student and looking up the military strategy you were meant to study for class, and had even been kind enough to offer his help. The problem was that you had far more pressing matters to keep your mind occupied, so you hummed again in assent, his words falling on deaf ears.

It wasn’t just you, either. Ever since the White Heron Ball had been announced, Garreg Mach had been thick with an air of excitement. Everyone was abuzz with enthusiasm about the event, even those who claimed disinterest in such things. Perhaps it was the change of pace to something positive that captured everyone’s attention so thoroughly, the ball being a happy distraction from the woes that had befallen the academy recently, but you couldn’t say you minded. It was the opposite, actually.

If only you could get a certain someone to join in. Not only was the ball coming up, but Dimitri’s birthday was approaching as well. He seemed stiffly stoic in his dismissal of both, spending half his time utterly distracted by school or training and the other half stewing in angry thoughts about the injustice of what had happened at Remire village and the foes who had escaped.

Of course, attempting to draw him into the festivities wasn’t entire selfless. You had your own thoughts you’d rather not dwell on. Remire inevitably brought to mind that dark evening you and Dimitri had spent together in that void of suspended time. Those quietly intimate hours had gone unacknowledged on his end, but you couldn’t so easily forget about it. Still, even if you had the confidence to bring it up, you knew better than to remind him of that day in any capacity. It was better to leave things as they were, better to try and forget the warmth you had felt when your hands overlapped. Better to pretend nothing had changed.

In that, the two of you were the same. You distracted yourself with occasionally forced positivity, and he by throwing himself fully into the project at hand, by feigning an air of normalcy to deal with the mundane task of school work.  

But understanding didn’t amount to your approval of his methods. Dedue noted that Dimitri wasn’t sleeping, that his headaches were getting worse. Although you didn’t have the entire story, you knew it had something to do with the Tragedy of Duscur. The horrors of Dimitri’s past and the loss of his family and everyone he cared about clung to him like a bitter shadow, and Remire had dredged all of that up. Yes, you understood as best you could, but it just wasn’t healthy. Everyone needed some levity, some distraction. This month was supposed to be better, but you could see the darkness that followed Dimitri, feel it thick in the air even when he was distracted. You badly wanted to raise Dimitri’s mood, to pull him into the light with everyone else.

As if to reflect that, your idle fantasy fed you the new idea of Dimitri dancing with you rather than some faceless suitor. Despite his status and the aspects of propriety it dictated, you found it difficult to imagine the prince dancing, or perhaps it was imagining him having the desire to dance that eluded you, especially with his recent behavior. Still, the idea of his hand on your waist and the other clasped in yours as you twirled around the ballroom wasn’t unappealing. On the contrary, you found yourself more entranced with that thought than you should have been, enough to make your face warm as you wondered what it would feel like to have his calloused hand engulfing yours entirely.

“Dimitri?” you asked, shaking away the threads of that particular fantasy before it devolved into anything dangerous.

“Yes?” he responded, glancing at you over his shoulder.

“Can you dance?”

Dimitri half turned towards you with a surprised expression, obviously caught off guard by the sudden question. You smiled innocently in case he was frustrated about your lack of interest in the assignment, but that didn’t seem to be the case. It actually seemed as if you’d unintentionally said something wrong.

“I know how to, yes,” he responded stiffly, turning away from you to shelf a book. “It’s been a long time, however. I imagine my skills are quite rusty.”

There was something more to that answer, obviously, but you weren’t sure if you were meant to ask. Silence dragged a bit as you considered what to say in response, caught between confused curiosity about the stilted awkwardness he spoke with and voicing an apology for having brought it up at all.

Before you did either, a familiar voice cut through the awkward quiet, surprising you enough to nearly knock you off your seat. Well, table.  “Oh come on, Your Highness, there’s no way you’ll get out of at least one dance. It is tradition, after all.” Sylvain, having appeared from what seemed like thin air, sidled up to Dimitri, leaning in conspiratorially and lowering his voice. “Besides, girls love a guy who can sweep them off their feet. There has to be someone who’s caught your eye…” He paused, looking over at you for a brief second. Perhaps in reaction to your surprise, his smile became even more devious and voice even softer. “I bet I can guess who it is, too.”

Dimitri’s awkwardness evolved into fairly obvious embarrassment at Sylvain’s words, and you could feel yourself catching the emotion. A girl who had caught Dimitri’s eye. Somehow, that thought made your stomach twist uncomfortably, unhappily.

“Sylvain…” Dimitri said, discomfort straining his voice and adding an edge of a warning to the name. He shot a quick glance your way, as if to sheepishly check your reaction, before narrowing his eyes at the unapologetic redhead.

“I was kidding, try to lighten up a little, Your Highness,” Sylvain responded, backtracking beneath Dimitri’s glare. “And what about you?” Sylvain continued, turning away from Dimitri to face you, his smile back in place. “You know how to dance, don’t you? I hope you’ll save one for me. I wouldn’t want to boast too much, but I promise that I’ll be the best partner you’ll ever have.” He winked, smiling at your uncertainly awkward reaction.

“Sylvain,” Dimitri repeated. The harshness of his tone surprised you. It seemed to take Sylvain aback as well. Dimitri visibly forced himself to relax, to loosen up and lighten his voice. “Was there something you needed?”

“Yeah, there is,” Sylvain said, the playful demeanor slipping and his hands rising to show his innocence. “I wanted to ask if you found the material the professor wanted us to look at for the test, but then I heard you talking about dancing and, well…” His smile resurfaced. “Anyway, I was thinking we could all study together.” Sylvain tilted his head to look directly at you, his smile becoming lopsided in a look that was most definitely charming. “Or maybe you’d be interested in some one-on-one studying. Believe it or not, I’m pretty good at this sort of thing. You and I could grab some tea together… Or we could head to my room for a little bit of privacy-”

He cut himself off before continuing with that thought, looking back at Dimitri. What he saw made the smile fall, and you didn’t blame him. Dimitri’s intimidating glare had returned, an unnerving expression on his face as he stared Sylvain down. Unnatural was the word Felix had used about Dimitri’s behavior. Unnatural certainly described that look. Sylvain, as casual as he tried to play it off, looked genuinely uncomfortable. He laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

“Calm down, Your Highness. It was just a joke, it wasn’t like I was being serious or anything.” He paused, sighing when the mood didn’t lighten up any. “Guess I’ll try my luck at the library.”

“If you are able to conduct yourself in a polite and respectful manner, I’d be more than happy to help you with finding the material the Professor assigned us to read,” Dimitri said. The dark expression was gone, his tone forced into a normal, if stiltedly awkward, cadence. 

“Thanks, but I’ll pass,” Sylvain responded, an easy veneer of breeziness brushed over his words and the tension therein. “There’s a really cute girl who works in the library. She'll definitely help me out if I ask the right way.” He looked at you, his lips quirking again. “Don’t forget about that dance, okay? I’ll be counting on at least one.” With a final wink, Sylvain turned and left the Knight’s Hall. Your feet weren’t swinging anymore as you watched him go.

Mostly you just felt conflicted and confused, as if you’d missed out on half the conversation. Not to mention his implication that Dimitri was interested in someone. For a split second, the Professor came to mind; the beautiful, talented, and mysterious professor, and the amount of time she and Dimitri spent together; but you tried to dismiss the thought. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t your business, either.

“I feel as if I should apologize for Sylvain’s behavior,” Dimitri said, calling your attention back to him shaking his head, placing his fingers against the bridge of his nose. His shoulders were more relaxed, at least. “I’m sure you’re accustomed to it by now, but I hope you don’t take his words too seriously. Sylvain means no harm, but his judgement can be somewhat... Problematic when it comes to women.” Dimitri’s eyes opened, his hand dropping from his face. “I’d like to say I trust him not to do anything that would hurt you, but… Perhaps it’d be better if you didn’t get too close to him.”  

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” you said slowly. “I think he really was just joking.” For reasons you didn’t dare to consider right then, you hoped very much that Sylvain had been just joking.

“He has a tendency to leave a trail of broken hearts in his wake. I’d hate to see you become one of many,” Dimitri told you. His blue gaze wasn’t stern or unnerving, but entirely uncompromising against yours as he spoke. The somewhat cruel assessment of his friend was given in a completely matter-of-fact tone. “I won’t insist, of course, but I advise you to keep a distance. Not that I think you’re incapable of holding your own, nor do I believe Sylvain to be a bad person, but...”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you replied, managing to put on a reassuring smile. Perhaps you could see where he was coming from, Ingrid had certainly warned you away from Sylvain often enough to make you hesitant. Not that you believed the man could do anything to effectively woo you. Dimitri, at the very least, looked relieved by your words.

“That’s all I could ask.”

He turned back to the bookcase, staring down the dozens of spines and titles embossed upon them, shining with the dancing firelight. He began to pick through them once more, no further acknowledgement given to what had just transpired. The temptation to ask if they had been in a fight or something left you as well, chased away by your unwillingness to recall that dark expression onto Dimitri’s face and the seeds of unhappiness Sylvain had planted in your mind.

Those things were best dismissed, it was better if you could lighten things up. Be positive. You could be positive, ignore your discomfort. Dimitri had been teetering on the precarious precipice of rationality for awhile now, and it was up to his friends to ensure he didn’t fall into the darkness. Not again, at least.

“So...” you began in a light tone, more out of a need to fill the silence than with any clear goal of subject. As soon as you’d gotten that word out, however, the rest of them composed themselves in your mind. A question.

“Yes?” Like before, Dimitri looked over his shoulder at you, a lock of blond hair falling across his face before he brushed it away absently. Somehow, the sight stunned you. The warm depth the dancing hearth fire added to his flaxen hair, the way it affected the blue of his eyes and blushed the porcelain white of his skin. It wasn’t as if it was a secret that he was attractive, but that realization struck you anew with that casual look.

The question lingered on your tongue, begging to be spoken as you met that soft blue gaze. It was a simple question, one that Sylvain had just asked you without any of the stuttering butterflies you felt in your stomach. But this was different. Incredibly different. Asking him for a dance should have been simple, but it certainly wasn’t. Not with him, not with the pounding, racing of your heart when he looked at you right then. Too long passed with an odd doubt gnawing away at your gut, and bravery failed you completely. You couldn’t be so bold, not with the looming idea Sylvain had given you of him favoring another girl. You wouldn’t insert yourself into that with your treacherous intentions, wouldn’t risk this friendship, wouldn’t risk Dimitri while he needed a friend.

“Thank you for helping me with this, I’d never know where to begin if I had to do it alone,” you said, forcing a tight smile and avoiding his eyes by picking up one of the books sitting beside you on the table.

“Of course,” Dimitri responded. He obviously knew you’d meant to say something else, leaving a current of tension between you and a stiff posture to his back, but he didn’t comment on it. “I’m always happy to help.”