#he’s my type irl and i’m sick over him

[thugbiscuits]

i want him ☹️☹️☹️

[justastraymoa]

Unwilling Alpha

Chapter 12

Warnings ⚠️ swears, abo dynamics, mentions of slave trade, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, fear, manipulation.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl. Pics off pinterest.

~

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I couldn’t have been out longer than a few seconds because none of the Omegas were in the room, and the crash surely alerted them. The broken pieces of my fan poked into my back and sides but didn’t break skin. I was lucky. I’ll probably have some impressive bruises on my upper back and already have a decent goose egg on the back of my head, but no serious injuries. No bleeding or broken bones.

The Omegas never came to investigate. The crash must not have been loud enough to cause alarm. That’s good. They didn’t need to worry. And I am fine, just clumsy.

Better yet, the new markings for the curtain rod are even. Almost done hanging the curtains. Then I’ll clean up my broken fan and take a break before trying to find nice enough clothes to pack for the tour. And, before the headache I could feel forming gets too bad.

With a groan, I got back to work, flipping the chair around so I wouldn’t fall over the back again before climbing back on it. I’m not as confident as I was before. My legs were shaking slightly, and I had no confidence.

Still, once the curtains were up, I stood back to admire them proudly. They were simple, off-white, black out curtain with tassels along the bottom. And the curtain rod was straight. I did that. All me. I rock.

I made quick work of my poor broken fan before heading to the living room. I lay on the couch, putting my head on Bins warm lap. He was now typing away on his phone but paused to let me get comfortable.

“You all done with your room? Curtains up?” He asked quietly.

I hummed. “Yeah, they are up. Room is all done. Finally.”

“You okay?”

My head had gotten steadily more painful as I finished my room. “Got a headache is all.”

Bin hummed in sympathy and felt my forehead for fever.

“Get some rest, we can’t have you sick for tour.” Chan ordered from his spot nearby.

“Gee. Thanks for the sympathy.” I deadpanned rolling my eyes.

“He means well.” Bin assured.

I just closed my eyes to rest and hope my headache faded. The warmth of Bins lap and what was radiating off him was soothing. His scent calmed my mind and body of tension. There was a slight gust of air as Bin took a blanket off the back of the couch and covered me with it. The soft blanket made goosebumps rise on my skin, where it touched.

It wasn’t long before I was in that pleasant zone between awake and asleep, headache too bad to fall asleep. The sounds of life around me blended into the back of my mind. The steady thrumming of the bump on the back of my head like the ticking of a clock; annoying and consistent. Never faltering, never lessening. Just there, attempting to chop away at my calm.

Sometime later, I was roused slightly when Felix wedged himself between myself and the back of the couch. Nuzzling his face between my shoulder blades and flinging a leg over mine. I hummed and reached back to find his hand, pulling it over me to tuck it under my chin, our fingers tangled together.

“Feeling any better?” He asked, deep voice vibrating into my spine pleasantly.

“No.” I mumbled. If anything, the pounding has gotten worse. Now syncing with flashes of light behind my closed eyes.

My hair was gently smoothed back, and I opened my eyes. “Have you drunk water today?” Lee Know asked softly worry plain on his features.

“Yeah, I drank water. I hit my head earlier, though.”

“You did. Where?” Lee Knows gently long fingers probed my scalp until they found the bump, making me flinch and hiss in pain. “Sorry. Did you take medicine?”

“I was hoping it would go away on its own.”

“It’s a nasty bump. Do you need a doctor?” He really started fretting. “How’s your memory? Who’s the best K-pop group?”

“TXT” I answered immediately.

“She’s delusional. Get the car we need a hospital.” I.N declared. I snorted.

Catching Lee Knows fretting fingers I kissed them with a small smile. “I’m fine, kitty, the headache will fade.”

“At least take some medicine to help. No need to suffer for no reason.” He suggested.

“I brought some. Here, Lovie.” Chan said, passing two pills and a glass of water over. I propped myself up slightly to take the meds. Anything to stop the thumping.

As soon as I settled back down, Felix pulled me close and kissed my shoulder, humming.

“Let us know if you need anything. Or if your head gets worse.” Lee Know tucked the blanket more firmly around me. “We are all here for you.”

They were right about the medicine. It wasn’t long before they started to kick in. Head still hurting, but not nearly as much as before. It lessened enough that I was able to really doze off.

When I woke up, I still had a sizable bump and bruise, but my headache and the pounding were blissfully gone.

“Welcome back, sleeping beauty.” Chan greeted me when I sat up and yawned. Felix was no longer on the couch, and neither was Bin. I had been using Chan’s thigh to sleep on instead. How I didn’t wake up during any of that moving, I'll never know. The boys must have been very gentle and careful.

“So…we were talking while you slept.” Chan began again. His tone of voice was regretful, and it set me on edge. I was expecting bad news.

“What did I do? I’m sorry, I’m still learning.” I thought back. Was it one of my posts? I tried to be careful, but maybe I dropped the ball. I fucked up. It was only a matter of time. Or maybe it was STAY. Maybe they decided to have me take a more traditional Alpha role like STAY wanted. Keep me hidden and working at home. Oh. Oh god, I was about to lose all freedoms! They had all the power to force me to do whatever they wanted. I wouldn’t have a choice.

Sensing my rising anxiety, Han crawled into my lap and hid his face in my neck. “You’re scaring her.” He complained. I rubbed his back and tried to rein in my anxiety, shoving it away so I didn’t further upset my Omegas. Han, being so tiny right now, made me all melty.

“Its us that fucked up. We really let you down.” Chan clarified.

Confusion replaced my anxiety, making me feel a little off from the sudden emotional changes. Annoyance mixed in my chest. “How so?” They hadn’t done anything I could think of. The opposite, actually. They spent their downtime helping me with my room yesterday. It was me who was letting them down. I was struggling with this new life as idol adjacent, and it was bound to be affecting them, too. They constantly had to pick up the slack when I messed up.

“When did you hit your head?” He asked instead.

“When I hung my curtains.”

Chan sighed as did several others who were watching and listening. I.N even seemed to flinch slightly. “Y/n, you hung your curtains by yourself! You were supposed to wait for one of us to help!” Seungmin chastised.

I gestured wildly with one arm, still holding Han with the other. “You were busy enjoying your day off! I managed just fine on my own!”

“You fell!”

“I got a couple of bumps and bruises.”

“Luckily! What if you had gotten seriously hurt?”

“I didn’t!” We were shouting at each other now – my annoyance turning quickly to anger and defensiveness. My emotions felt like they were being overclocked.

Chans calm voice cut in through, making both Seungmin and I pause. “You didn’t even tell us you were hurt. We didn’t know until much later.”

“Hitting your head is dangerous. And if you had a concussion, we wouldn’t have known to help.” Hyun added.

I deflated. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to bother you on your day off. You have been working so hard! And I haven’t been helping at all.”

Chan reached over and ran his fingers through my hair before cupping my head gently. “We fucked up by brushing you aside when you asked for help. We have upended your life and dragged you along with us every day. And you are always helping us. Making sure we eat and have water. Soothing our Omega needs by reinforcing contact or praising us. We should have been there for you. But you shouldn’t have been so reckless either.”

“You do plenty for me. Always fixing my mistakes. I don’t feel neglected at all, I promise. But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I fell. I’m not used to being so cared for.” I explained truthfully. I felt horrible for worrying them so much. Yet another way I messed up.

Even with that settled, the Omegas all fussed over me the rest of the day. Lee Know kept bringing me food and drinks. Hyunjin doodled on my nails, fingers, and toes. Felix and Hannie both stuck to me like Velcro. Making sure I wasn’t cold. Wasn’t hot. Was comfortable enough. Bin kept showing me funny memes, eyes sparkling any time I laughed. Seungmin insisted I pick something to watch. Chan spent 45 minutes gently brushing my hair, careful of my bruises. I.N brought me my FoxI.Ny stuffie and kept randomly making excuses to touch me. Overall, I felt papered and loved.

My Omegas way of apologizing was much like everything else they did. They showed it through their actions as well as words. And they put everything into it.

This also served to remind me that while I was learning how to be their Alpha and be idol adjacent, they were learning how to be my Omegas. We were learning together. To do that properly, we needed to communicate – verbally or non-verbally.

“I still need help packing for the tour.” I said later in the afternoon.

“I’ve seen your wardrobe, and I have some bad news.” Hyun grimaced.

I gaped, offended. The little ball of annoyance and anger started irritating my chest immediately. “I have plenty of nice clothes, thank you very much!” I shoved at him, trying not to let my anger grow.

Hyune laughed. “Half your shirts are Stray Kids. Actually – your Stray Kids stuff was all packed away separately now that I think about it.” His brown scrunched as he thought about the carefully packed boxes full of Stray Kids merchandise.

The merchandise he promised not to tease me about anymore. Yet here he was. “I have plenty of other groups too. The Rose, Enhypen, TXT. I have other interests besides Stray Kids.” For some reason, I wanted this information to hurt him, the anger getting into my bloodstream and making me mean.

“You really know how to inflict pain! You are Engene, MOA, Black Rose, and STAY! Cheater!”

I rolled my eyes, annoyed by his joking manner, and shrugged, unable to deny it. “Sorry not sorry.”

“Anyways, your other clothes are too casual.” Hyune was still insistent on my clothes not being good enough.

“You mean they aren’t name brand – high end enough.” My biggest name brand item was a Victoria Secret bra and panty set that I am pretty sure Hyune didn’t know existed. The fact that I couldn’t wear my casual comfy clothes purely because they didn’t have luxury tags made me clench my fists. It was so stupid. I shouldn’t have to buy all new clothes just to satisfy some strange notion that you weren’t good enough unless you had luxury brand clothing!

“I didn’t say that!”

“You didn’t have to, Hyun! I can read between the lines!”

Hyun flung his hands out in frustration. “I was trying to be nice about it!” I vaguely realized we were steadily getting louder. My battle to not let my irrational anger get the best of me forgotten.

“I’m not like that, Hwang! I don’t wear high-end!”

“You don’t have a choice!” He burst.

The room became silent. That was it wasn’t it? I was fighting to keep being me. To stay who I was before bonding, but I couldn’t. I knew that. I always knew that I had to lose who I was. Let go of the girl hiding who she was. Who was comfortable and secure. That’s part of what I gave up – what I sacrificed – when I came back. I sacrificed me. All things that made me me. I don’t know why this kept shocking me. I kept denying it for some reason.

Suddenly, my throat tightened, and my eyes prickled. The anger strangled me. I stood abruptly and left the room, pulling away from the hands that tried to stop me and ignoring the calls of my name.

Slamming my bathroom door, I locked it and proceeded to play music as loud as I could. My sacrifices and losses kept hitting me. It’s like I was refusing to accept it. Like – no, not like. I believed I could retain my sense of self. Or at least part of it.

As I stood in the middle of my newly decorated bathroom, the burning rage boiled over inside me. I could hear a knock on the door, even over my music. Spinning, hot tears pouring down my cheeks, I hit the door. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” I screamed. Still filled with such rage and pain, I turned again, knocking everything off my counter with another scream.

I was sobbing now. Angry – enraged for my loss of self. Terrified by not knowing who I will be forced to become. Angry at myself for convincing myself over and over that I was okay. That everything was okay.

I knew now. Anger cleared my mind. I knew what this was. Why I was feeling so unstable. Why my emotions flip so quickly. I was in mourning. Going through the stages of grief for my old self. The life and person I was who was now slowly being erased – or not so slowly in some cases.

Before I could do anything else to trash the room or hurt myself like I really wanted to, arms locked around mine, keeping me from moving. I fought and thrashed against them. “Let me go! Let go!” I yelled between sobs, but the arms held firm, dragging me to the floor.

Chan shushed me gently. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here, y/n.” he held even as I slapped and hit him.

Running out of steam, I slumped in his arms and just sobbed as he pulled me to his chest.

He sat there with me on the floor as I cried. Sobbed for my loss. He held me close and comforted me as I got it all out. All the anger and pain I hid away. All the fear I denied.

“I’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry.” He whispered, choked up on his own emotions. Voice cracking. “I should have never let JYP go to your house. We should have left you alone.” He rocked me as my sobs quieted and turned to hiccups. As the tears dried and left stains on my cheeks

Knees entered my vision as Hyun kneeled in front of me, warm damp cloth in hand and tears of his own on his lashes. I kept still as he gently cleaned my face.

“I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” He breathed, voice thick.

Still raw with emotion and drained, I didn’t have any interest in soothing Hyuns guilt at the moment. “Let me go, Chan. I need my phone.” I sounded as empty as I felt.

Someone had turned off the music I had been playing earlier, leaving the room filled with only the breaths and sniffles of my Omegas. They were all in the room, instincts telling them to comfort me, but unable to hide their own emotions. Felix, Han, and I.N crying along with Hyun, Chan, and I.

Chan didn’t let me go, but my phone was handed to me by Seungmin. I immediately pulled up my message chain with J, knowing the entire room was reading over my shoulder.

His reply pulled a soft smile from me.

“We can help you find clothes.” Chan said nuzzling my shoulder.

“I know, but its best if I do it this way for now. While I learn who I am now.”

“You do not need to change.”

“Yes, I do. To survive, I need to adapt.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled. Shouldn’t have pushed. You are so good at all this. I forget you’re new. I forget how hard it is for you.” Hyunjin gripped my hand. “You make it look so easy.”

“I convinced myself it was easy.”

Seungmin busied himself by cleaning up the mess I made with my temper tantrum. He spent extra time making sure everything was set up just right and facing front. Fiddling and moving bottles and jars that were already perfectly placed.

I sighed and squeezed Hyuns hand in mind. “I am okay now. I’m sorry for my outburst. I’m not sure where that came from.”

“Don’t apologize. It's us who did this to you.” Chan argued. “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.

Turning back, I shook my head and kissed his jawline. “No, I chose to be here. And I don’t regret coming back. It was only a moment of weakness. I promise.” I assured them. And I wasn’t lying. Even though I was losing me, I had hope I would become someone better. And I gained 8 amazing Omegas who were going to take me to see the world. To experience things I never would have dreamed of before. I just had to mourn my old life and allow myself to move on.

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A/N: Not gunna lie it kinda hate this chapter. I feel like the breakdown y/n had was out of nowhere. There was not enough build-up, and I don't like the way the breakdown actually turned out in the end. Sorry 😞 I let everyone, including myself, down on this one. I will do better on future chapters, I promise!

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Unwilling Alpha Taglist: @xxeiraxx @hanniemylovelyquokka @breadedloafs @songleepark @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @hyunjinhoexxx @kayleefriedchicken @vietjeb @hityoulikebahng @juju-227592 @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @royal-shinigami @bangchansfavoritenoona @straykidslvr @bookswillfindyouaway @h0rnyp0t @Svmmerstime @jennibahng @kpopandmusicpassion @jasmin-loves-k-pop @cookey-lock @possum-playground @demigoddreamon-blog @rei-reia @dreamerwasfound @jasmin-loves-k-pop @ms-flowergirl @princess-sunshyn @technicallyimportantsweets @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @bluesoobinnie

General Taglist @stellasays45

[maximumkillshot]

I Won't Lose You- ICLY 7.5

Warnings: Cheater POV, a lot of not nice things are said. Definitely something to think about if you are sensitive to that type of subject matter, cursing, some air of grand diosity,

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Characters: Chris, Seungmin

A/N: So a lot of people have been wondering what Chan has been thinking... Welp... You get what you wish for... even though it ain't pretty.  I wanted to punch him writing it. This is after Chris gets banned from the hospital room. Since it is following him and not the reader, I decided to give it a different name, with the annotation being 7.5. Happy anger management people!

ALL THE SKZ IRL ARE CINNAMON ROLLS THIS IS A FICTION- IT'S FAKE.

I Can't Lose you Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. 

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

BEFORE:

Han looked up at Bin, trying to will himself not to cry. The both of you are so sweet, so kind. He could see the weight on Bin’s shoulders, crushing him. He could see it in his head, Bin keeping everything bad from crashing on top of you, his arms outstretched, using his whole body as a shield. Han knew that if it meant keeping you safe, Bin would carry the world. That’s what separated Bin from Chris. 

Both may be fond of you. Only one has ever put your safety over everything. Only one ever made you feel heard and seen. Only one ever made you laugh until you cried. Only one would take off work to take care of you when you’re sick. Only one made you understand that there is no priority above you. Only one would calm you with just a touch. Only one truly loves you with their heart and soul. That “only one” was in the bed with you right now. 

Han watched, eventually just letting the tears fall as Bin held you saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you, I’m sorry. I love you… I’m so sorry. Don’t leave me.”

That was the first time Changbin had ever let himself say it out loud, “I love you so much it hurts…I Can’t Lose You.”

NOW:

Chan’s POV:

I have never seen Y/N like that. A part of me wants to say that it was something that was a freak accident, that Soo and I were a freak accident. We weren’t. Y/N deserves to know that, to have it acknowledged. I want to scream that I regret it, that I want to take it all back, that I wanted to erase it all. That would be a lie.

You can’t regret something that you actually initiated. I don’t regret what I did. I wanted a release, I got a release. I wanted to feel exhilaration, I got it. What I am sorry for is getting caught. Of course I’d never say this out loud but, the truth is my marriage was a means to an end. She loves me, of course… and I love her… to an extent. I loved it when she would perk up when I came home, or be passed out on the couch, waiting for me to come home. In a lot of ways, Y/N is like a puppy. She would do all the tricks in the book to make me happy. If she was lucky, she’d get rewarded. 

 There is an even more fucked up part of me that is relieved that she knows. Sneaking around wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was making it look like I was with the boys when I wasn’t. Y/N is so close to the boys it was a pain in the ass, all it would’ve taken was one text and right there my cover would be blown. I know that I can come back from this, though. Soo never held a candle to my wife. I just told Soo whatever she wanted to hear. I made it worth it for her to do what she wanted… what we wanted, who am I kidding, I wanted it. 

Everything is still so raw, she’s not really going to leave. I know she told me when we started dating, but I know that I can prove myself to her. She is the type to really believe that everyone is good inherently. It was something that I used to every advantage, if I’m honest. I’m obviously better than Changbin. I make more, I am more level headed… obviously… I am willing to do whatever I need to make sure I get what I want. How could she want anyone else? That’s like trading in a top of the line Ferrari for a beat up 1999 Taurus. Plus, she always gives people second chances. This is all one giant hiccup.

While the rest of the boys and I filed into the elevator, I heard her voice. She was so scared, I couldn’t hear exactly what she was saying, it was so meek, fragile… weak. That’s really the only downside to her. She is weak. Her emotions get the better of her always. Given, what happened would make anyone go crazy, but at the end of the day, she can’t keep control over her emotions. She is the type of person to read a room and follow the tone of the room. She isn’t a trendsetter, a leader. The only reason why the boys are the way that they are is because she is hurt. Something about their “white knight” complexes. Honestly I could puke just thinking about it. While they were playing games, painting, or just practicing on vocal technique, I was ensuring their continued employment. That will never change about her though. She folds under pressure. Like a skeleton with no spine. Sometimes it was exhausting, others amusing; that’s the biggest tell as to her coming back. She has no spine without me. She needs me… just like everyone else. 

Knowing the woman Y/N is I knew that for her to be this way, she had to hurt so badly. It ripped my heart out, seeing her finding comfort in another person, almost as much as knowing that I was the one to do all of it to her. It made me look so bad, to everyone. Hearing Changbin call out to Han that she was slipping, I’ve never heard a voice like that before. I’ve never heard screams like hers. I should’ve never tested her, calling our child “it”. She has been trying so hard, comforting me non-stop, that it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen, that she’ll be on top of it. To let me know in the cutest way. Nothing’s more cute than finding out on your third anniversary that your family is going to get bigger. 

It hurt me saying that, calling them “it”, that was exactly why I knew it would get the job done. I needed to peel her away from Changbin without touching her, but it worked a little too well. Why was I punsihing her, punishing them? I think the answer to that is simple. I don’t want the attention on me. Which is counterintuitive, given my natural tendencies. Right now, in this moment, I don’t want to be acknowledged. The way that they see me right now threatens everything I worked for, and it looks like everyone chose their side to stand on. Me giving them more of a chance to hate me is only going to make my job down the road harder.

I think some of the boys could tell. I am royally pissed. I got caught, which for one is annoying, but for all of them to take her side? That was infuriating. I spent so long honing them, training them. I always protected them, supported them. It is infuriating to have people that you did everything for to just dismiss you. Why were’nt they comforting me? That child was mine too. Why am I not getting any condolences? Hell, when we had no money to eat, I wouldn’t eat just so the 8 could have something… anything. The days I went to bed starving, the nights I worked around the clock to give them the opportunities that they now take advantage of. 

This is how they repay me? Screaming at me left and right, Changbin threatening to kill me, even Felix turned his back. I just fucked a side piece… I mean I know what that caused is on me. That I was responsible for what happened to our child. If I could feel like I was attached I am sure I would’ve been a wreck. Something that was mine being taken away does that to a person like me. One thing is for sure, I truly never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to look bad, hurting her would do that, and so I made sure to tread lightly, my go to’s being, “I know Baby, I’m sorry,” and “What time is it? Shit Baby I’m so sorry.”

That didn’t stop me to wanting to have my own little thing. My own little secret. It was a different type of high that I didn’t know I craved… needed. It’s no doubt that Soo did feel better in bed. I could tell she knew what she was doing. Y/N had no experience before me and that did a wonder for my corruption kink, but after that… It was like pulling teeth. I had to teach her everything, so every time we we’d sleep together I had to act like I liked the fact that she’s so innocent. Which I do, but I also don’t want to have to have a health class every time I wanted to have sex. Soo wasn’t like that. She knew what she was doing. Hmmm… maybe I’ll clean up the house and finish what we started. 

In the elevator, no one wanted to say anything. I didn’t want to say anything either, I didn’t want to make anything worse than it is. It’s a unique empty feeling. Y/N would look at me like I hung the moon itself. The feelings that she gave me, I was seen, heard, and loved. Constantly reassured. I can’t live without that validation. The minute I walked out of the elevator I didn’t even look back, all I said was “Take care of her. Do what I didn’t, she needs you. Call me if you need anything.” That made me feel a little better, giving them an order, felt like the last say in a way. 

It was Seungmin’s voice that cut through, I heard him stop the elevator with is arm, “That was never a question, we’ve always taken care of her, don’t wait up. We all know you’re not used to being the one waiting for someone. Wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” My lip upticked at his comment. Mostly because I didn’t imagine Seungmin to have balls like that and another was that I didn’t have a rebuttal. I always have a rebuttal. He’s right though, I always kept her waiting, not the other way around. It always made me feel important, that she needed me to go to bed well, that she craved to feel me.Yet now I find myself willing to wait an eternity if it meant being able to hold her one more time, to have her cook for me, then to cuddle up and pass out together, all of that shit I see as a waste of time. To think I hate needing someone yet here I am, needing her. 

I kept walking after I heard the elevator close. By the time I made it to the car I was trying my hardest not to collapse. My wife was in that hospital, fighting for her life, after I caused her to miscarry, a baby we have been wanting since our first anniversary. I am enraged. I’ve never felt so out of control and it’s driving me crazy. I am always in control. That is the only way that I function. It is something that I pride myself on. Now everything is out of place everyone stepped out of line. All I have to do is get them back in their rightful place… Then we can move on. 

 I’ve never imagined anyone else as the mother of my children, she is giving enough to focus on them while I work on my career. It’s always been Y/N. That thought was the one that made me slam my door a little too hard. She’s going to come back, she’ll be back. She will have my child, we will be happy… When everyone is in their place. 

I tried to distract myself as I went home. It felt like an out of body experience, seeing myself in the rearview mirror, hating the person I saw, just for the sole fact of getting caught. It was such a rookie move. I should’ve known that there was something going on when everyone said they were out for the night. No matter how loud I made the radio, I heard noting but her screams. I wanted to blame someone, get the pain as far away from me as possible, trying to make me out to be the good one. I’m not. The only things I’m good at are music and acting. I could still see the little glances she’d give me, convincing herself that I am just busy. She is so trusting, it honestly baffles me. Just another sign that she’s weak.

I wanted to make it her fault. She shouldn’t be so naive. Seeing Soo disappearing at the same time I am? The way that I couldn’t really look her in the eye for most of last month? She should’ve told me sooner. Maybe if she did that our child would still be here. That’s not even including how I’ve had to keep Soo on a shorter leash than anyone, her face gives so much away. The first time she hung out with us I had to take her to another room and tell her to get it together because she almost started crying in front of Y/N. I know that people will say that’s not fair, What part about anything that I’ve done screamed ‘oh this is reasonable’? None. It’s been so long I’ve been doing this that I don’t even remember how all of this started. Ah I remember now.

I guess a year ago it started off with me venting to Soo. I didn’t know why we weren’t conceiving. We timed out the cycles, we did everything correctly, but still it wasn’t happening. If I told the boys I know I would look weaker for it and I didn’t want Y/N to be even more stressed about getting pregnant. Soo validated my feelings and told me that she was always there for me. That was the first mistake. I should’ve gone to Y/N. After a while it went from talking when I was aggravated to talking daily. 

I looked forward to those calls so badly. It felt like a little interaction that was all mine. Making her laugh made me feel like when I used to get Y/N to laugh. The butterflies came soon after that, seeing that I got a form of attention I didn’t realize I was missing. About two months ago she told me that she was seeing me as “not just my friends husband”. That made my heart leap in my chest. I should’ve avoided her like the plague after that, I should’ve gone to my wife, but not only would that make her mad, it’d also make sneaking around harder. I did something worse.

“Good to know it’s not one sided.” I felt the words drip out of my mouth, even recounting it makes me a little excited. I turn onto my street and I heard Soo’s voice in my head, “Chris...” I knew it was wrong, I fucking knew it was, “I know. I know it’s wrong.” Then hearing her say, “What if she finds out?” with a giggle. “We’ll be discreet.”

We met up that night. I wanted to scrub myself head to toe, till my skin bled, making sure her scent was gone completely. It was so thrilling, so different, and I hated that I liked it. I liked it so much I knew I had to do it again, and soon too. Every time I came home Y/N was either passed out on the couch or in our bed. Notes left on the counter full of how much she loves me. I still remember the first one from that same night, “I know how forgetful you get in the studio, made extra of your favorite, it’s in the fridge, missed you-XOXO Y/N/N.” I looked at her form on the couch, clearly trying to stay up to see me. I ran to the bathroom to vomit, it made me anxious. I knew that I was playing with a downgraded version of my wife. If anything went wrong, I’d be left with the dollar store version of Y/N. For some reason that anxiety turned to exhiliration. The longer it went on for, the more comfortable I got of having my cake and eating it too. 

She never did anything wrong. I asked for space, she gave me space. I asked for anything and she would do it in a heartbeat. She always wanted me happy and stress free. After a while I made it okay in my head by saying that she wants me to be happy and having both make me happy so it’s okay. I know better, I always knew better. 

 I always got up too early, that way I didn’t afford myself time to see the person that I love in one of my favorite ways to see her, happy and sleeping. The last few days I gave myself that. Feeling the guilt eat me alive, rightfully so. I felt guilty for putting all of this on the line, putting her on the line, not for her, but what losing her means to me. I’d practice my apology while she slept, “I’m so sorry, I love you.” 

If it wasn’t for the boys being there, I could’ve had a better handle on her. I could’ve reiterated that practiced apology over and over. I could’ve kept the control I spent years making, which is really the most fucked up thing about all of this. I was in training for almost 10 fucking years, I finally get the perfect group of people who followed perfectly without question. Then Changbin goes ahead and goes soft for Y/N. She’s gorgeous, I know, she’s funny, and kind, but she was also making Bin step out of line a bit. Every time she was around, he would try to take point, try to be the center of attention. At first I thought that it was Bin trying to be cute. When he asked me how he could ask her out a few months after this started, I felt my stomach drop. She threatened everything I worked for. So I spewed some bullshit to make him question himself a bit more while I figured out what to do. 

Some wouldn’t see this as a problem. I am not some. I only let my members have center because I permitted it. If I threw myself in the spotlight always, it would look off. So I made myself into the best, most supportive leader, the leader of the 4th generation, how can you get bigger than that? The perfect wife… Y/N. It was perfect, if I had her, not only would I have more control over Bin, but I’d also have the perfect little family one day. That was when I decided to ask her out after getting her separated enough from Bin. Which wasn’t too hard. There were some unseen snags but overall it was easy. Keeping her is going to be just as easy. When she’s healed. Then everyone will fall back in line.

I pull in to my driveway and go to the door. Once I opened up the door, Bins clothes covered in blood were there, taunting me. I walked further into the house, I looked on the mantle, the picture from our wedding hung there. I remember that day, that gorgeous day. I threw it away. That woman with the most infectious smiles, the woman who’d hold me so close during horror movies. I found myself grabbing that picture, I dragged my finger over her face. I heard her voice, “I love you”, and I collapsed on the floor, right next to the clothes, sobbing, clutching the photo. She was so perfect. 

I got so mad at that point. I shouldn’t be crying, SHE ISN’T LEAVING ME. I can fix her just like I fixed everything else around me. My perfect wife, My perfect group, MINE.  

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[maccreadysbaby]

Do you still do writing tips?? Cause I need tips on writing a child (12/13) who’s been trained to be living weapon their whole life??

OH MY GOD YES. I LOVE YOU.

this is a massive post I’m sorry

Writing a Child Who was Raised to be a Weapon

tw just for abuse, eating disorders, and the like mentioned below

NOW. This is one of my favorite archetypes used in modern media, if you couldn’t tell by my batfamily oc insert (little mister was-only-kept-alive-to-destroy-bruce-wayne. hi there, bentley, love you!)

While this is a very compelling and interesting type of character to create and flesh out, it’s easy to brush over some of the inner dialogue and thought patterns these children would have, because most people irl don’t have them. (Unless you were raised as a super assassin, in which case, please don’t kill me, and I love you)

The bottom line is, the characters entire personality and dynamic with other people relies on what background you give them. And that’s where I come in! Hi, I’m maccreadysbaby, and I’m going to propose some of the routes you can take in writing these cute little (deadly) guys!

COMMUNICATION ↴

none of these children are going to communicate normally, because they aren’t normal. they weren’t raised with a family, or good support system. they might:

be terrified of others. slow to trust. especially if you’re writing a child who was abused when they failed. for example, my oc, bentley, was horrified to be in proximity with any of bruce wayne’s family because he was afraid they would hurt him like his father did. he was afraid to cry in front of them, afraid to admit he was tired or sick or scared, afraid to ask for help, afraid to speak first, because it was all things he’d gotten punished for before. they might also have a terrible relationship with failure, because failure brings pain, and could potentially crumble if they fail or think they’re going to fail whatever they’re doing. (a mission, an assassination, or simple things like a school test or a task someone asked them to complete.) maybe they’re really good at holding it together and pretending they aren’t scared, but after all, they’re just kids. the cracks in their mask are gonna show one way or another.

shut people out. this could be from fear, or from being taught relationships are bad and makes them weak and vulnerable. they might not communicate because they don’t want to have another potential weak spot. they might keep their distance, stay quiet, not come out often. they might come across as cold and heartless, but it’s really them just trying to protect themselves, be it from pain, from the idea of eventual heartbreak, etc. but there is a problem with shutting people out, and it’s that they’re also shutting themselves in, like a prison. kids who choose to shut people out and bottle up everything they feel are slightly more prone to emotional outbursts and breakdowns. especially if they’re fairly young.

learn different ways to communicate, such as sign language, their actions, body language, etc. they won’t do it like everybody else and that’s okay! you can take so many liberties with this. maybe they make origami swans and leave them on the nightstands of people they decide they like. maybe they highlight lines in books and leave them places to tell someone how they feel. maybe they’re an absolute little jerkhole that’s mean to everyone because they weren’t taught how to do it any differently. maybe they’re insanely submissive people-pleasers that do everything asked of them because they were created to take orders. the possibilities are endless. go on an adventure!

be overly trusting. you typically see this in characters on the younger end of the spectrum, but you can drag it up into teenagers, too. a child that’s been abused or suppressed in any way, physically, emotionally, or mentally might decide they wholeheartedly trust the first person who is nice to them, who doesn’t cause them pain. there might even be a little bit of lag time between the meeting and the kindness and the trusting, but when it comes, it comes full force to the face. they’d trust these people to protect their lives and might even cling to them, or run to them as an escape from whoever raised them. (assuming they are afraid of the people who raised them.) they might even allow themselves to open up and become more than just a human weapon in the presence of these lucky folks.

believe that they’re superior to everyone else. obviously they are a higher class, a finer type of person. they can kill in seconds, they’re a master at martial arts, they can have an adult wrapped around their finger within the first minute of meeting them, they can make a person cave with a single sentence, they’re just better. better than all these civilians who let their emotions get in the way, who let other people walk all over them and boss them around. they’re too good for that. this is also a great one to add in some angst. arrogance and pride are often founded on the feelings of uselessness, worthlessness, or that they can’t (or don’t deserve to) be loved. it’s like a defense mechanism. no one likes me — obviously it’s because of my blindingly obvious superiority. they’re so much better that they don’t need love, kindness, care. (but yes, they actually do. they’ll probably break down crying or throw someone across the room the moment it’s given because it opens their eyes to the fact that they’re literally freaking starving for it like they haven’t eaten in their entire lives. my GOD give these kids a hug.)

FOOD ↴

i know this seems random, but it’s something you need to know about your character because it heavily impacts their mental state, mannerisms, energy, and health. chances are being raised as a weapon, they won’t have a stable relationship with food or eating. here are some examples of how you could make them!

refusing to eat. if your child character has had bad experiences in the past regarding food, such as someone using food to manipulate them (if you don’t do this you don’t get food.), torture them (purposefully feeding them something that makes them sick or have an allergic reaction, even poisoned food.), or if there are bad memories tied to eating (always getting fed before terrible missions, or before days locked somewhere, torture sessions, punishments, etc.) your child may not want to eat at all. after all, these are still just kids and they’re going to try and avoid everything that can trigger negative feelings, memories, or circumstances. if food is one of them, your other characters are probably going to have to help reassure them that they can eat and need to (if they’re in the presence of nice characters.) if you’re wanting to go a more severe route, you can even write them getting diagnosed with anorexia (an eating disorder that heavily involves not eating at all.) but of course, you don’t have to. (i didn’t.) just remember, they are growing kids and are going to be hungry whether they like it or not. but they will try to hide it if hunger has been used against them, which is a good point for hurt/comfort writing, since hunger can cause anything as small and embarrassing as their stomach growling loudly in front of everybody to severe stomach cramps (like your organs being tied in a terribly tight knot), vomiting, and fainting. all things considered, you can take a more severe route, or just write about them working with the help of friends to get up to a better food intake level and higher weight.

struggling to eat. if your child has not been fed properly for most or all of their lives, and then are put into a homelife where they have food at their disposal, they still might struggle with it. (for example, my character, bentley, was severely starved by his father for the first ten years of his life and when he gets put into a new home, he struggles to eat much at all and sometimes feels sick when he eats ‘too much’, even though he should be eating more in general.) of course, this comes with a host of complications and all the symptoms that come with malnutrition, not to mention that they won’t even be close to the size they’re supposed to be. (bentley was the size of a 6-7 year old at the ages of 9&10.) this is similar to the last bullet point in the sense that you can go the more serious anorexia route, or the kind people helping them stay on track route

over-eating. this one is more common for youngsters who didn’t have access to food most of their lives, but it wasn’t used against them or withheld from them by another person. (a good example would be a child trained in an area where people routinely don’t have access to food.) this is highly derived from food insecurity, where they think they have to eat everything they’re given because they don’t know when they’ll eat next. (this can also be used for characters in the bullet point above.) this also can cause health issues and routine sickness. (for example, my character, asten (11yrs), who lived in a poverty stricken part of his city and barely ate outside of school, routinely eats himself sick when he has access to food because he’s been starving without it.) this food insecurity can also lead to extreme emetophobia (fear of vomiting) because they don’t want to lose what they do have in them, which can pose a massive problem when this child is either so empty or so full that they need to throw up. so, if they’re put into a household where they have access to food, it might be a constant stream of stomach aches and nights spent in the bathroom while the person helps reassure them that they will always have food and they don’t have to eat it all now. (sorry this is gross but it needs to be said.)

here is a drabble that i wrote recently involving a malnourished child due to poverty, with his internal dialogue and thought processes, if that will help any of you.

ANXIETY / PTSD ↴

oh boy. these kids will have it, given how they’ve been raised. the question is in how they treat it and deal with it.

hiding it. maybe they were trained to see fear and anxiousness as weakness. the flinch when someone moves too fast, the tightness in their chest at a certain noise, the inability to breathe if they see someone’s face, they’re going to hide it because their fine and they’re tough. no one has to know that they have nightmares every night and cry when they’re alone. you can even extend this into anxiety/asthma/panic attacks that they keep hidden. (typically by leaving social settings when they feel it coming on.) no one has to know that they’re so weak. they might lash out in anger or irritation if they’re routinely asked if they’re okay because they need these people to back off before they fall apart in front of them. they might have little mannerisms that other people might notice for calming or showing anxiety, like biting their nails, bouncing their leg, pinching themselves, quietly doing breathing exercises, etc. PTSD will come more like nightmares and anxiety attacks and flashbacks, and they can’t always hide those no matter how much they want to. the severity of anxiety and PTSD depends on how graphic you make their backstory. (for example, my character, bentley, has nightmares of being abused, which he breaks down crying after. in his instances, he’s never alone. similarly, he once started crying when he saw christmas decorations similar to those his abuser used to have, and he has his first anxiety attack when he sees his abuser in public) you can keep the character secretive about it or let them have a big old breakdown in front of someone else, your choice.

not hiding it at all. if they’re with someone they trust, they might just let loose. (that’s what happened to bentley once he learned his new family didn’t care if he looked weak and wanted to help him) they might tell someone when they’re feeling scared or anxious or bad in any way. they might just cry right in front of them when they have to and have attacks with someone close and all the things because they’re not alone anymore and these people want to help. it might take a while for them to get to this point, and no one blames them. (for example, bentley was really anxious for school so he went to his new guardians room in the middle of the night) and remember, any steps these kiddos take closer to asking for help is HUGE! make sure your other characters encourage them and let them know they’re proud for reaching out :)

keep in mind that if they’ve never been talked to about it, they might have no freaking clue what’s going on if they have an attack of some sort, and will probably need someone to explain to them what’s going on and that they aren't going to die.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk! If you have more specific questions send them in anon!

[sugurusdiscordmoderator]

your writing is so goooood wahhh the nanami fic had me on my knees, could you write a pizza delivery boy gojo x reader? maybe he's always picking up reader's orders so he can see her or something hehe (can be fluff or smut) ❤

WOOOO ANOTHER GOJO FIC

another college AU - slightly inspired by a story that actually happened in my life (it was less romantic irl and more creepy lmao)

reader is 20ish gojo is 22ish

cw: masturbation, sex?

-

Your sophomore year of college you absolutely scored when you found your apartment. It was on one of the main streets of the city so you could walk anywhere you want to go, hosted parties, and just had fun! The first floor of your building was a pizza shop which you occasionally stopped in; the owner of the shop owned the whole building so he was also your landlord and was a sweet older Italian man.

There was a tall employee that always caught your eye, but he was always working in the back. Most of the time you were picking up pizza your landlords sweet daughter was working the register so you never talked to the white haired beautiful man. However it seems like l you had caught his eye too? No you were just being delusional, he wasn’t staring at you… but how could you be mistaken with those bright blue eyes that you seem to look away as soon as you make eye contact with?

It’s not that you’re shy. It’s just that this man is so attractive your cheeks immediately blush and you can’t even try to talk to him. (hey Siri queue Gorgeous by Taylor Swift)

That is until one day, when you texted your landlord and asked if the delivery guy or someone could bring your order upstairs because you were “sick” (you were just hungover but you looked the part of being sick so whatever). He responds with a no problem and about 15 minutes later you hear an imposing knock on your door, almost entirely too loud for your tiny apartment building. It makes your head pound and even though it’s 4 pm and your hangover is still lingering around.

You mosey on over to the door, sweatpants, Ugg slippers, an ex boyfriends hoodie you kept, with your hair in a braid that definitely needed washed. You open the door, squinting at the fluorescent overhead lights before realizing just who was at your door.

The white haired man with the beautiful cerulean eyes was looking down at his phone waiting for the door to be answered and when he looks up the two of you lock eyes. Suddenly you become aware of just how bad you look and your eyes grow wide at your downstairs crush at your door.

“Are you…y/n? The boss asked me to bring this up to you.” The mystery delivery man asks with a shy smirk and hands you to box.

“Oh thank you yes I’m y/n,” you say fumbling in your pocket for the $20 bill you put in there earlier. “Um here…keep the change,” you awkwardly stick your hand out with the money in it, realizing how hot the pizza box is in your other hand.

“What if I asked for your number as a tip instead?” He smugly asks, now leaning his lanky frame up against your door frame. You bring your eyes up to meet his, trying to find if he was joking by the features of his face. He stuffs the $20 in his pocket and pulls out his phone and wiggles it in his hand, as if to say ‘see?’. Your lips draw into a slight smile seeing his goofiness, “sure,” you giggle making his smile grow wider.

He hands you his phone for you to type your number and name in with your free hand, your other hand still holding up your pizza you’ve been looking forward to.

“Thank you m’lady,” he winks at you when you hand his phone back and pushes off your doorframe and walks away down the stairs. “Text ya later,” he yells up at you from the bottom and you just smile and close your apartments front door, leaning against it and smiling as you open up the box and take a bite.

-

You anxiously await a text from the pizza boy only after realizing you still don’t know his name or his number but he has both of those pieces of information about you. The half eaten pizza box lays on your coffee table while Netflix drones on with a reality tv show in the background. You scroll through Instagram liking everyone’s pictures from the previous night out and daytime party shenanigans. You’re drawn out of your trance like state when you feel your phone vibrate, a message from an unsaved number popping up.

‘hi pretty lady 😘 - your favorite pizza boy’

He still hasn’t given you his damn name so you can’t look him up anywhere. Suddenly all flirting skills have gone out the window and you have no idea how to text back.

‘You’re such a flirt, do you treat all your customers with such kindness?’ you ultimately respond with.

‘only if their name is y/n and they live in apartment 2b :)’ he responds too fast and you’re immediately apprehensive. Why is this beautiful man flirting with you so brazenly out of no where? This smells like a fuck boy situation, but hey, what’s wrong with a hook up or friend with benefits? Maybe it’s time to up the ante and play with some fire.

‘Funny, I haven’t even gotten your name yet and you’re already laying it on thick. Seems to me you’re quite the flirt.’

*one image attached*

‘Am I still a flirt if I made this while thinking about you?’

‘yes actually, more so than before.’

‘fine :( but i need someone to share this with?’

‘I’m literally still working on the pizza you brought up here earlier, take it to the other girls I’m sure you’re also flirting with rn’

‘ouch shots fired’

You stare at your phone screen smiling like a teenager, kind of wanting to get to know this guy a little better. You smirk to yourself before typing out:

‘fine. I don’t want more pizza but I do want to hang out.’

The pizza boys only response for now is ‘😱😱😱’ so you decide to get off the couch and shower for the evening. Washing your hair, shaving your legs and other areas, exfoliating, and making sure you smell extra nice. At least if you don’t see a guy tonight you can consider this self care? After a relaxing 15 minute shower you wrap your hair in one towel and your body in another. You head into your bedroom and proceed to brush out your hair and put on some sweatpants and a sports bra while you get ready. Sitting down at your vanity, you put on a light amount of makeup before blow drying your hair to look “natural” as if you didn’t just spend an hour getting ready.

You start to get dressed as well, taking off your sweats first, when you hear a knock at your front door. Confused, you walk over and look out your peep hole. Oh god, of course the beautiful white haired man knew how to get into your building and just showed up at your door. You crack the door just a bit to stick your head out, embarrassingly saying, “Hey I’m sorry can you give me two seconds I don’t have pants on.”

Without waiting for his answer you close the door again and run back into your bedroom and put on the sweatpants you just took off as well as a light weight tank top that was laying on the bed next to it.

‘Did he really just show up to my door unannounced?’ You think to yourself reaching for your phone. It turns out he did respond earlier while you were in the shower, you just hadn’t looked until you picked up your phone right this second.

‘sounds good, what do you want to do this fine evening?’

You stared at the text, mouth opened, slightly resembling a fish out of water. At least you had gotten your hair and makeup done but it took you an hour of not texting him back. Rushing back to your front door you reopen it to him leaning against the wall on his phone playing a game.

“I’m sorry,” you sigh, cheeks flushed, swinging the door open for him to come in before stopping him in the doorway, “You’re not like a serial killer right?”

He throws his head back with a boyish laugh, meanwhile you just want an honest answer, you didn’t think your question was all that funny.

“No, I’m not,” he finally answers after noticing the apprehension in your face.

When you move to let the stranger inside your apartment, you throw caution to the wind and think, ‘well if I am going to die, at least it’ll be by this beautiful stranger?’ (damn reader, I think you would have LOVED Ted Bundy back in his day)

The man stands looking around your joint living room kitchen area, one hand in his pocket, one hand lifting his round black sunglasses from the bridge of his nose to on top of his head, resting among the snowy tufts of hair. He must have just got off an afternoon shift, smelling of Italian food wearing old jeans, a tshirt and converse.

Given it’s about 6 o’clock at this point, the sun has begun to set, setting golden hour aflame through your west facing windows of your apartment. The white walls glow orangish-yellow with tiny refractions from your little plants and decorations lining the windowsill, creating rainbows in random areas across the room. Your tv still hums in the background with a garbage show, before this potential murderer finally speaks up, as if he’s fully comprehended and assessed the room.

“The names Gojo, Satoru Gojo.” He smiles, only needing to take one of his large strides before he’s in front of you ready to shake your hand.

“Thank you for finally telling me your name,” you smirk, having to nearly crane your neck to make eye contact with him.

He wiggles his eyebrows and licks his lips before asking, “so no pizza but you wanted to hang out. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I missed your text when I was in the shower so I haven’t put a lot of thought into it. We can go somewhere to grab a drink or do something or we can chill out here?” You try not to seem too bossy but not too submissive either, and by the looks of it Satoru is as confident as ever.

“Well the boss man gave me some free bottles of wine that I have in my car I can grab and we can watch some of whatever you have on, and maybe re-evaluate in a little if we want to do anything else?” He accentuates ‘anything’ with a wink and you swear your knees could give out.

“That sounds great.”

-

You make some popcorn and grab glasses of wine while Satoru goes to his car and grabs his duffle bag with wine and clean clothes and comes back inside.

“Sorry to ask, but can I take a quick shower? I kinda feel gross after an 8 hour shift.” A slight blush creeps across his cheeks while he pulls out four bottles of wine. He notices the shocked look on your face, “Oh sorry I didn’t know how much you drink so I just brought all 4 bottles he gave me, I figured we could have two each.”

“Two each?!” You laugh as he makes his way towards your bathroom. He smiles back at you before closing the door behind him. You stand up to head to the kitchen counter to uncork one of the wine bottles when you realize that the extra towels aren’t in your bathroom, they’re in the dryer right now! The last thing you need is a naked wet man in your apartment right? You grab and fold one of the towels quickly and hurry over the the bathroom door before knocking politely.

“Satoru?”, you question. “Sorry…I forgot to give you a towel earlier-”

You’re cut off by the door swinging open. The pale man’s almost completely naked save for his boxer briefs which he has no shame showing. You notice a scar across his chest, his perky man nipples, the defined pectoral and ab muscles atop his beautiful v-line, accentuated with a white happy trail running down the middle leading straight to… a bulge.

But like he wasn’t hard no, his soft penis must have been so large but even then he had a pretty big bulge. You wonder what it would look like when it’s -

“Well you answered the door with no pants earlier so I didn’t think it would be a problem here,” he cuts you off, smirking as he watches your embarrassed features. He totally just saw you checking him out, you feel no better than a man!! You hand him the towel before reaching over to close the bathroom door for him, walking wide eyed back over to the couch with a glass of white wine.

You can’t get the shape of his body out of your mind, god you can’t believe he was in there, using your shampoo and soaps and being naked while you’re right here on the couch, not able to witness it. You let the perverted thoughts take over your mind some, thinking about the way his pale skin would look covered in your nail scratches and bite marks. Or how about how perfect his cock must be? Everything else about him was absolutely gorgeous, so his cock has to be the perfect mixture of girth and length with a nice vein or two, and a cute pink tip leaking his precious pre cum right? You think back about his long deft fingers, and much better they’d feel inside you than your own. Being under the spell of your own horniness, you slip your left hand under the waist band of your sweat pants and lace panties thinking about this Satoru guy…slipping your tiny fingers around your swollen clit, giving it a pinch before sliding up and down your folds, collecting your wetness before slipping your middle finger in your tight hole. You close your eyes, slipping the throw blanket from the back of the couch over your lap as another layer of protection in case Satoru is quiet coming out of the bathroom, but he’s not a very quiet person so you’re not toooo concerned.

Although you’ve had intercourse fairly recently, you feel like you’re in the midst of a drought, a withdrawal from being touched. Your skin feels almost itchy, so aroused by this man even though today is the first time you’ve actually talked to him. You alternate playing with your folds and rubbing your clit thinking about how good he must look with the water running down his abs and through his glistening white hair. You think just maybe, you might have time to make yourself cum before he gets out of the shower. After all with how excited you are, it should just take a few minutes. You scurry from the couch to your bedroom gently shutting the door behind you, before throwing your pants off and reaching into your bedside drawer to grab your hot pink little vibrator to help hurry yourself along.

You think you can hear Satoru singing in the showering, making you sigh in relief a little knowing he still probably has another few minutes. Sticking your hand down your lace panties, you press up against your soaking hole area with your middle and ring fingers, while using your other hand to press the vibrator on and turning it up to the medium setting. You rock in and out of yourself at a steady rhythm, thinking about this man being on top of you. God, he just looks like one of those guys that is good at everything he does so you know he must be a great partner.

Letting go of yourself perhaps comes a bit too easy, laying your head back against your decorative pillows, letting out just a tiny whimper. Muffled whistling comes from the bathroom followed by what sounds like something squeaking. You think it’s the water shutting off, and proceed to panicking and switch the vibrator to high to finish while he’s drying off. You feel yourself getting close, reaching extra deep to find your own g-spot. Pushing against it your eyes immediately roll back and you feel yourself getting close to the edge. You do your best to bite down on your lip to keep noises from escaping, with both hands being other wise occupied.

Your thoughts return to the man in your bathroom, drying off, wondering if he’s gotten off to you in the shower right there, before getting a little sad because you wish he would let you take care of him! A particularly loud whimper escapes as your back arches off the bed, your legs threatening to shake violently.

“Y/n…?” Your bedroom door swings open, Satoru Gojo walking in right as you reach your peak. Your jaw drops half out of ecstasy and half embarrassment, closing your eyes and riding out the last few seconds of your orgasm. There’s no point trying to hide or make excuses, you got caught. Not only that, but Gojo’s jaw is also on the floor, the blood rushing to his lower region as he is still slightly moist from the shower but only wearing a new clean pair of boxer briefs.

“I’m - so - sorry -” you pant to him with your eyes still closed, slowly removing your fingers from inside you and turning the vibrating off.

“Fuckkkk, that was so hot!! ,” Satoru wines striding over to join you on your bed. He takes the fingers you were about to your juices off of and pops them in his mouth, staring you in the eyes as he swirls his tongue around your petite digits and groaning in pleasure. “I can’t believe you couldn’t wait for me! Naughty girl, I just - wow- you’re so wet??” Satoru stammers to you, leaning his large frame over your body, blush creeping across his cheeks, but you know your face is even more red.

You sit up and lean back from Gojo, “sorry that was an..accident. You weren’t supposed to see that uh, um, I have a medical condition!! And I have to - you see…,” your embarrassment just digging you deeper into a hole as you reach for your panties and sweatpants on the other side of the bed. It’s not that Satoru seems to mind though, he actually seems kind of impressed.

As you slip your panties on, he sits on the bed giving you space but wraps his arm around your waist, “Hey..y/n… you don’t have to make up a really shitty excuse or anything, I kinda thought it was hot. Like if you want to fuck me you could just say it?” He says almost cockily trying to lighten your mood.

“I’m sorry I just like it’s not lady like? And I didn’t even like go on a date with you or anything yet…not that we have to go on a date first! I just like met you today and I feel like really bad!” You ramble on, both of your heads leaning closer and closer as he strokes your hair to calm you down. He gently guides your head to rest on his shoulder, “don’t be embarrassed babe, it’s not like I haven’t heard you have sex before.”

Your head shoots up, a new wave of embarrassment coursing through you. “Huh - what do you mean?” You stutter out.

“You realize right under your cute little room is the office in the back of the restaurant…right? And the nights when I’m in charge after the old man goes home…let’s just say some of the men you’ve brought home don’t seem to have good rhythm.”

Your jaw drops at this revelation, immediately growing defensive. “And who’s to say your rhythm is better? Besides - I -”

You’re cut off by Satoru taking the lead, his finger up to your bottom lip as to get you to quit nervous mumbling. “Hush hunny, just let me prove it to you.” He gently pushes you back against your bed, his lips finding yours before you can protest. You give in to making out with his cute pink lips, he guides a hand to the back of your neck, taking power over the kiss. You nip at his bottom lip at which he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss further, pushing his tongue into your mouth. His other hand comes to grab at your chest through your sports bra as you grab the sides of his face with passion. He breaks the kiss just by an inch, enough to breathlessly ask, “you’re okay with this right?”

Satoru smirks, knowing he has you in the palm of his hand. Instead of answering, you kiss back, this time taking initiative to swirl your tongue with his. The heated make out section reaches a tipping point as Satoru leans more of his body weight against yours, now your pelvic regions touching. His harder member through his boxers rubbing against your soaked lace panties. The fabric on fabric contact in the sensitive region has you whimpering into his mouth.

“Oh sweetheart,” he says with fake sympathy, “I already have you whimpering and I’ve barely touched you.” You roll your eyes as he uses his long fingers to brush the hair away from your neck ghosting his lips leaving a fraction of a kiss from your jawline down to collarbone. His breathing against your skin makes goosebumps form, before licking a specific spot halfway down your neck, right next to your jugular. He sucks down, ripping another whimper from you, rolling your hips up to cause more friction against his erection.

He smirks against your skin, “I think I found your sensitive spot-” and you cut him off pushing him back up to attach his lips to your neck again. You moan a little more freely this time.

“Uhnnnn, Satoruuuu…please, I need more!”

You whine removing your hands from his hair and creeping down his muscular back, feeling every single defined muscle. You decide to have a little fun, scratching a little harder as you run your hands down before grabbing the waistband of his boxers. “Off,” you whisper and this time he moans, seeming just as affected by you as you are by him.

He sits up to take off his boxers and you take the opportunity to remove your panties again, and your bra this time. You swear Satoru’s pupils turn into hearts when he sees your chest.

“Oh my god I think I’m in love,” he whispers, before leaning in fast and attaching his mouth to the right nipple. He used a lot of tongue and a little teeth, making your buds feel so much better than you ever thought possible. As he switches to your other nipple your eyes roll back.

You reach down through your legs to start stroking Satoru’s hard member. Although you can’t see it with the way his body is situated you can tell it’s massive. Like barely can wrap your hand around it massive and when you go up and down there’s sooo much!

“Can I fuck you please?” Satoru looks up at you with lust filled eyes, a sheen covering his lips and your nipples. He looks like what you could only imagine as a milk drunk baby looking up at its mother.

“Please, Satoru, fuck me,” you respond, running your thumb over his tip and spreading the precum. He leans back to line himself up, and now you can see the full image. The muscular upper body, now littered with a few scratches from you. The snowy fully hair, his eyes blown out with lust looking like he could devour you whole. Plus that beautiful cock you got yourself off to not even 15 minutes prior. It’s just as amazing as the one you made up in your head thinking about him.

You bite your lip and smile as his tip touches your entrance, him squeezing your hip with one hand as the other grips his base. He pushes in slowly and gently, letting you adjust with gentle shallow thrusts until you’re able to manage. “Oh-ohhh my god,” his breathing hitches in his throat? “Oh my GOD you feel so fucking good!” He is acting like he has just won the lottery, taking his time with his thrusts.

You smile up at him as he holds your leg, calf up against your shoulder. He places a tiny kiss along your leg before grabbing your other leg and placing it on his his other shoulder.

“Baby, can I please show you my rhythm now?” Satoru practically begs.

“Mhmmm, please,” you moan, already feeling full to the brim with his cock but needing more pleasure. He excelerates slowly, snapping his hips with high intensity. You feel his skinny hip bones make contact with the back of your legs every time, along with the feeling of his heavy balls slapping against your lower region. You’re in love with his little babbles, you’ve never met a more vocal man in bed. Every few seconds he’s saying “fuck yeah baby,” or a grunt/moan, throwing his head back, or “shit y/n”

Your toes start to curl and he notices, along with the slight tremble growing in your legs.

“You close baby?” He stammers out lowering one hand to stroke your cheek lovingly.

“Yes -toru,” you stammer out, only able to get half of his name out with how out of breath and white hot you feel. His eyes roll back in pleasure at the nickname, moving the hand that was on your cheek down to your clit, rubbing tiny circles on the puffy mound to help bring you over the edge.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!” You half moan half chant, barely having possession over your own body at this point.

“C’mon, let go for me y/n, please pretty girl go on and cum,” the combination of Satoru’s words and how he says your name sends you over the edge, pulsing around him, eyes rolled back gripping white knuckled on the sheets.

Seeing how pretty you looked cumming on his cock, Satoru is so close to follow, not even caring that his cum his going inside you (I mean hey you didn’t tell him not to?) he grips your sides as he lets go, a grip that you know will leave 10 little perfect oval bruises tomorrow. All he manages is grunts that border whimpers “so so good, fuck,” he says out of breath, laying down comfortably with you with his cock still in side and giving you both a moment to process what just happened.

“You proved me wrong,” you whisper and he looks at you confused. “That was the best fucking sex I’ve ever had, I don’t fucking care about rhythm or any other man at this point,” you continue, covering your face with your hands and giggling.

He chuckles along with you, “I think that’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten, I maybe should get an award for ‘sex dick given to y/n’”

You giggle more, both of you in your post orgasm mood, just being silly and romantically pillow talking.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” satoru says after a few more minutes of banter, and before you and even go to sit up, he is too fast and picks you up bridal style to carry to the bathroom. He sits you on the toilet and lets you clean yourself as he gets a washcloth with cold water and washes his face, before washing off his now flaccid penis (which still looked good which is really fucking hard to do). Upon returning to your bedroom, putting on clothes again and regaining your composure, you watch Gojo going through your closet.

You tilt your head at him and he answers before you can say a word. “Listen I know this is like the opposite of gender norms but can I borrow a tshirt?” You giggle and show him where you keep them and let him pick.

You settle out in the living room with your glass of wine, bowl of popcorn, and a blanket, resuming your prior plans. He joins you a few seconds later, wearing an old tshirt from high school that has one of the United States presidents on it in a rocking chair that says “JFK ROCKS”

You bust out laughing, not only at that fact it was almost a little too short on him, but also you had no idea where that shirt was or how he found it. He laughs along with you, opening one of the other bottles of wine.

He sits on the other end of the couch so both of your legs are all tangled and cozy , covered by your blanket. “So,” he then takes a bite of popcorn, creating an awkward pause.

You decide to interject first, “I’m sorry that like you saw me getting myself off and that I had sex with you like right after meeting you… you probably think I’m a slut but I’d actually like to get to know you.” You blush and take a sip of wine as he looks like a crazy person, before repeating himself.

“So,” he starts, “what I was going to say is that we need to get some real food and stop at the store and get a plan b, then come back for round 2,” he sips his wine, “also you’re not a slut and even if you are I’m a slut so oh well,” another tiny sip of wine and popcorn, “so this is me doing things a little backwards. Would you be my date for this evening?”

“You’re asking me on a date?” You gawk at him on accident, just surprised with how this whole day turned out.

“Yes I am sweets, now go get a jacket.”

—

very sorry anon February was a rough month (and so is March) for me this has been in my drafts 4ever

[mimez-meme]

Uraraka headcanons‼️💖🪐 (togaocha and mini angst)

Toga was her awakening on who she was. (Bisexual) she was always in denial about it. She would say fruity stuff. Like always complimenting woman, saying she’d date Taylor swift if given the chance. (She’s a die hard Taylor swift fan) but she’s always like “but in a straight way!” Or “I’m straight!” but when she found toga her eyes was opened and she was like “holy shit.. I’m fucking gay!!” (Idk)

After togas death every blond person she came across reminded her of toga. It became a problem.

Sees present mic as a father figure. He calls her Kirby and she once gifted him a little Kirby figure and a handmade bracelet since she feels bad that hes always buying her stuff. Also her obsession for Kirby came from him since he started to call her Kirby.

Before meeting toga (again lmao 😭) she hated blood. You could say she kinda had a fear. She would feel sick at the sight. Which is ironic because she’s a hero so she always had to ignore it. But now.. she sees not afraid of blood. She sees it as almost a nice thing as you can do so much with blood such as save someone. She still hates it when she sees someone bleed but yk doesn’t most people? Also before toga she use to donate her blood but now she can’t bare the thought of sharing her(togas) blood. She can’t give toga away. Her blood isall she has left of toga.

As a kid, she still does now sometimes. Use to try and fly up to planes and wave hello to people on the plane, but she never did as her parents would stop her and because she didn’t have enough control over her power.

loves birds, kinda has a special interest in them. She finds every bird pretty and unique and if you were to say to her ‘what birds remind you of your classmates?’ She’ll be able to do that/answer in an instant. Her favourite one is a basic one but she loves robins.

She is SCARY. When on her period. Like no boy or girl dares to mess with her if they are aware that she is on her period, once punched Mineta because he was being annoying and she was on her period so she did NOT mess about.

Mina and uraraka always have midnight chats on Fridays or they watch a movie together. They talk about the most random shit ever, and the subject always changes fast between them.

LOVES toffee or chewy sweets she has an habit of biting her tongue so it helps her

Uses bakugo’s nicknames for people to piss him off

Was a Gacha kid and use to be one of those horse girlies (if yk yk) Use to go horse riding and she still loves horses and goes horse riding when she can.

Onesies Are like the only pj’s she has and there all silly weird/cute ones. She does have shorts and a tank top for when it’s hot

Her passcode to her phone use to be her birthday but after togas death she changed it to togas birthday

Has/use to 2 part time jobs to earn extra money, she gives the money to her parents unless she needs it. But she finds it hard to balance it all out with hero work ect so she can become stressed very quickly and overwhelmed, now only has 1 part time job and sometimes use to walk dogs with todoroki (if you saw my todoroki headcanons you’ll know)

Has an aesthetic phone layout (yk..)

Wants to have a pink lamborghini when older (she now has one after the timeskip)

ADORES Deers. Loves the bambi movie and whenever she sees a deer she feels like she has to name it

Loves to look at art online or irl. She loves art. She’s not amazing at it herself but that doesn’t stop her from loving art. She loves art that tell a story or have a meaning, she always finds them interesting and loves to guess the meaning before searching it up or anything, taking her to An art museum would be a good idea for a first date. (Or just any museum)

She likes hello kitty stuff even though she has never once watched the show

Type of mf to talk to animals or plushies

Listens to present mic radio show nearly every Friday. She falls asleep to it. (It’s literally 1am to 5am), sometimes she goes to sleep then wakes up at 1am to listen to it. Sometimes listens to it with jirou or izuku. Once called in.

coquette aesthetic/style

Always wanted/wants a little brother or sister but she knows it will be hard for her parents if so

Still has some of her childhood books, keeps them in her dorm and sometimes reads them before bed

Use to make her own perfume before present mic bought her perfume. She always smells good.

It matters to her if you say “I love you’ or “love you’ there’s a difference. May think you’re mad if you say “love you.”

Sometimes works out with kirishima , they both motivate eachother and they both surprisingly work well together

K-pop, indie fan, weirdly a country fan aswell

Has an allergy to bee stings, certain foods and has hay fever

Loves knitted stuff, knitted clothing, knitted pillows, anything knitted she can knit herself and makes her own little knitted stuff like she has mini knitted toys of each of her classmates that they give to them

Fear of the unknown, deep waters and spiders

Loves those stupid goofy mobile games

LOVESSSS bonfire night and fireworks, she finds them so pretty. Sometimes thinks about flying up and seeing them reallll close but she knows that’s dangerous and I’m not sure if she can even do that (I’m not 100% sure how her quirk works on herself)

Use to be a theatre kid and knew momo and iida through that since I headcanon that momo and iida were childhood friends and that momo also was a theatre kid so momo introduced uraraka to iida making them all childhood friends. Momos and iidas family would help uraraka’s family but they always felt bad about it so eventually they asked them to stop but they were very grateful and tried/tries to pay back their own way.

Adores spring

Has an habit of hugging her girl- friends from behind

After toga's death she kept having dreams about What life could of been like if she lived or what could of been like if they knew eachother sooner. One of the dreams were so realistic that she woke up crying.

[bittersweetimaginings]

Request for an Alex fic!

I've always wanted to see some heavy whump put on this character-

Maybe a sick fic?

Or just a senerio where he is hurt/exhausted/thirsty/hungry etc.

She/Her

Tired • Alex DeLarge

⚠️Content warning: Implied & mentions of t0xic relationship dynamics, ch3ating, Alex being an asshole (as always), mentions and mild descriptions of injuries, description of (consensual) s3x and cursing (yes, theres SMUT in this one). 

*These characters do not belong to me, all rights to their respective owners, this is just a piece of entertainment by and for fans. 

Summary: After one of his outings with his droogs, Alex finds himself being injured. As his long-time girlfriend you feel the urge to take care of him. 

Reader’s pronouns: She/Her 

Keys: Y/N = Your Name. Nadsat glossary. 

Author’s notes: If you want to send your own request, please check the Disclaimers & Rules post and the MASTERLIST post to see more content and which characters are available. 

This is somewhat of a continuation to this fic: “in the aftermath” or at least I wrote it with the same MC in mind! However, this time she is less submissive and has grown to be a bit more confrontational with Alex and his shit! But is not necessary to read the first one, this can be enjoyed as a standalone if you want! 

I'm not here to judge why you are consuming this type of content (I'm the one doing the writing after all) I know from personal experience that this type of content (as weird as it sounds to some of you) might be used as a coping mechanism to a similar situation some of us might've experience or are currently experiencing irl; but just in case, I want to encourage you to reach for help, so please, if you're going through a tough time or experiencing some kind of violence, here are some resources that I was able to find and might be of help, please stay safe everyone: 

List of countries and their helplines for d0m3stic abus3, s3xual as5ault and other resources. 

List of other resources for immediate help. 

List of countries and their respective helplines for su1cid3 prevention/crisis. 

Consider donating to my Ko-fi! 

"He's been in there all week! Barely eats, barely goes out...I might knock the door down and put an end to this worry!" 

You hear Alex's mom tone through the phone slowly rising making her concerns quite apparent. 

 “I don’t think that’s necessary, I’m sure he’s fine, Ms.-”  

“Y/N dear, wouldn’t it be possible for you to come by the house this mornin’?” 

A slight pause is settled as you ponder her request. Truth be told, you haven’t talked with Alex much as of lately, the reason being you two breaking up (again) over him continuously flirting with another woman (again) and since you were already used to such behavior it wasn’t really the flirting that set you off (having Alex as your boyfriend had made you grown desensitized to many things), it was more the time and place that angered you, and though you knew you’ll get back together eventually, you had grown quite comfortable as a single woman, it was like allowing yourself a breather and would like to stay that way at least for a little bit longer... 

“I don’t think-…" 

“Please, dear...I- I noticed you and Alex haven’t talked much but maybe is time to patch things up?” 

You fall silent. The lady on the other end of the line has always been kind and warm to you even when her kid really wasn’t. Though perceptive she’s unaware about the true nature of your relationship with her son, only knowing the brighter side of the whole ordeal, it’s natural that she asks for your help, believing you to be a positive influence in Alex’s chaotic life. 

“Y/N?” 

She asks; the undeniable worry dripping in her voice tugging at the heartstrings of your own weak and sensible heart, you comprehend her pain and to be quite honest...you had been worried too...after all it is hard to break old habits...  

“I’ll be there as soon as I’m finished with school” 

You announce with a heavy sigh, hoping you won’t regret it. 

“Thank you dear! I appreciate it!” 

[…] 

The door to Alex’s home is right in front of you, the apartment is unusually quiet even knowing that his parents are most likely at work at this hour; you open the door with the spare key Alex gave you long ago and enter, his room it’s right down the hall of the apartment and before you knock there’s a slight hesitation as you wonder if this is really the best choice...maybe you can still turn back. 

You measure your options and become unaware of the movement in the rotary combination lock and only come back to reality as the door suddenly springs open. 

You haven’t seen his blue eyes in a couple of weeks, maybe that’s why you freeze in place as his surprised gaze meets yours, his brows narrow in confusion but soon a smirk on his face appears. 

“Well, well! Hi, hi, hi there! ‘Been a long time, innit?” 

He seemingly mocks you and visibly sizes you up with his eyes as he leans his body in the doorframe; it takes you a couple of blinks to get out of your trance and when you do you can’t help but feel angered at his smug attitude; you didn’t expect an apology, it’s been a long time since those stopped coming for every time he cheated. In fact, you don’t know what you expected...but definitely something better than this, your brows furrow and take a quick glance at him only to notice the state he’s in: bruises, most of them in the left side of his body, part of his chest on that side even seems quite swollen and some small superficial cuts on his right cheek. 

“Something wrong?” he asks dryly  

“You look like trash” the words come out of your mouth, hoping to hurt him even if just a bit, but instead he scoffs while leaning this time in your direction, his gaze looking for yours as he closes the distance. 

“My, really?” his voice drops in to a suggestive but slightly threatening tone, mocking smile never leaving him. 

The closeness of it all making you realize the man in front of you has been half naked from the beginning if only for a pair of underwear to cover him. 

As you roll your eyes and aggressively walk into his room you hope your cheeks aren’t flushed in case, he decides to tease you any further. As you enter you notice the messy state of the room which strikes you as odd since you know Alex usually tries to very careful when it comes to it but you figured he might’ve just thrown a tantrum recently. Then you see Basil sitting calmly in his usual spot by the poster of a naked woman, you immediately approach it. 

“Oh, hi there!” your baby voice coming through as you pet the top of the snake’s head. 

You hear him walk and feel him right behind you, his chin eventually touches the top of your head, his arms wrap around your body just right below your breasts and although you’re still mad you don’t make any attempts to remove him. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of viddying* you here?” 

“Your mom called; said you wasn’t coming out of your room like some pathetic hermit. Figured it was serious if there was no record of you and the boys in the last few days”  

“Were you worried then?” 

“No” Yes, you were but won’t admit it so easily, he scoffs once more, he can see through you and as he holds you tighter, he bows his head just slightly to kiss your temple. 

“Then...why is that you’re here? More than welcomed to ignore her, are you not?” Whispers in your ear and you only try to calm the goosebumps by focusing your attention ever harder on the reptile in front of you. You hear him laugh lowly at your reaction. 

“My kisa*, you’re not being quite honest...” His declaration carries on with his mouth now traveling down your neck peppering small kisses. You hate how quick the urge of being all over him invades you, turning around quickly you reach to kiss him but as your hands rest on his chest for support he suddenly winces in pain and pushes you away. 

“bloddy cal*!” he mumbles as he tries to soothe his pain by covering the affected area with his hand, though startled by his sudden action you take the time to examine what exactly is wrong. Walking towards him you place your hand over the one he holds defensibly, subtly asking him to lower it to which he complies. 

Your hand explores the swollen side of his chest gently, it takes you a couple of minutes to realize the reason he is in pain:  

“Jesus, Alex your rib is fucking broken!” his brows furrow once more in an annoyed expression as he hears you exclaim. 

“Quite the sharp one are you, eh?” sarcasm present in his voice, maybe a bit bothered you didn’t notice it sooner. 

The thought of asking “what happened?” crosses your mind, but seeing the state the room is in, you pick up on the fact that it might be a sore topic for him and you don’t want him throwing another tantrum as he might injure himself further; instead, you scoff at him in a mildly angered expression. 

“Lay down, let’s treat it before it gets worse or Mr Deltoid finds out and questions you about it” you command and are satisfied with how quick he obeys at the mention of Mr Deltoid. 

[...] 

You surprise yourself with how many times you have helped Alex with his injuries it’s almost second nature to you at this point and though you pride yourself in your impeccable first-aid abilities you can’t help but see just how sad this really must be. 

Alex lays on his bed, eyes closed and wearing a pained expression that you know comes from the sensation of cold he feels through the bandages you had applied in his chest moments before; you hold a frozen bag of peas covered with a random woman’s blouse you found lying in his bedroom and take note it is not one that belongs to you and most certainly not his mother... 

“careful” he warns as he feels the pressure shifting; out of spite you disobey him and apply more pressure, making him wince once more. 

 “Ah! What you think you’re even doin’?!?!” in anger he almost sit up, but the pain knocks him back down. 

“Asshole” you declare throwing the clothing item in his face, setting the frozen bag aside, you sit by his side as you try to calm your own frustration. Alex gets strangely quiet but doesn’t move a muscle at your sudden vent and there’s a brief silence before it breaks. 

“You don’t need to take it so seriously” he says, seemingly in an attempt to comfort you without lying telling you that “it won’t happen again”  

“...” you look at him in frustration, he looks back at you and even through his expression is serious at the beginning, a smile grows on him as he notices your gaze, probably taking pleasure in your aching in some way. 

“C’mon, my pretty kisa, are you jealous?” he lightly tugs at the fabric of your dress as a way to secure your attention. 

“You don’t know what I’m feeling” you mutter. It’s true, you’re not jealous, just tired of the same shit, yet he’s so sure of his assumption he chuckles at your denial. Holding your elbow, he guides you to lay beside him, you don’t fight his action, deep down wanting the comfort he extends. 

“Now, now, my kisa, you can’t be jealous at some starry sooka who can’t even compare” 

You sigh, already overwhelmed by his sweet-talk, you just want him to shut up. 

“Don’t” he looks at you, one eyebrow raised in confusion as you interrupt him in the middle of his speech to kiss him lightly. 

“I don’t want to hear it” you whisper as your voice seems to falter slightly by the lump in your throat.  

He smiles his ever-dashing smile, those bright electrifying blue eyes staring at you with a hint of amusement, but this time you don’t really care about it. 

He stares at your lips, holds the back of your head tightly and finally kisses you roughly, it’s hard for you to keep up with him when you feel so close to crying; none the less you continue, allowing yourself the opportunity to block everything out; right now you don’t want to think how bad he really is for you. 

He caresses your leg, his hand lifting your dress allowing him easy access to your ass which he squeezes firmly enough to hurt you just slightly and as you react by throwing your head back to allowing yourself to moan, he quickly takes the space to kiss your neck this time even leaving a trail of bite marks on it and you make a mental note to find a way to cover those later. 

You can feel his hand trying to unfasten the top part of your dress and so you help him, allowing for your exposed breasts to be tasted by him, you moan even harder when you feel him suck especially harsh on one of your nipples. 

“Shit” you curse at him, this time you decide to get back at him by sliding your hand past his underwear and taking his cock in your hand making harsh up and down motions earning you a sudden grunt from him followed by a small laugh. 

“Quite the baddiwad* are you, my kisa, eh?” He manages to let out in between all the groaning 

Your only response comes in the form of a mocking smile, one similar to the many others he had given you 

“I can be even worse” you declare, in an act of petty revenge you press lightly at his injured spot, just enough for the pain to leave him lying on his back once more as you act quickly and climb right on top of him, you make eye contact with him and can tell that he is not only surprised but curious to see where this new found side of you might lead him. You lower yourself until your entrance falls just above his length and start grinding on it. You moan along with his grunts; you can feel him trying to hold himself back from cuming right then and there by gripping your ass and thighs with so much force you can tell he’s trying to anchor himself. 

You make a slight pause as you place your own underwear aside, leaving yourself partially exposed as your dress still hangs by your waist. You lower back onto him, this time allowing him to enter you; you watch as he looks at you with that beastly gaze of him, one full of determination and lust. Wasting no time, you begin riding him, but unlike many times before, this time you only care about your pleasure. 

You can’t tell how many times you danced up and down his cock, whatever the number might be you fasten your own pace when you feel so close and finally you reach it, your head and body naturally lean forward asking for a kiss as you moan a random curse you can’t even remember now. He complies kissing you and allowing yourself a few seconds to catch your breath, but only that...seconds, as he grabs your hips and tries to replicate your movements from moments before. 

But before he can do so, you act faster; pressing once more the sore spot on his chest he is thrown back in bed by the pain and you take the chance to come down from him, stand up, quickly fix your clothes and walk towards the door without allowing him any release. 

You hear him curse at you behind your back and maybe make an attempt to grab you but instead you get the pleasure of slamming the door right in his face. As you bolt through the hallway and out of flatblock 18A where your long-time boyfriend lives, you smile to yourself.  

It might be time for a change in your life... 

Consider donating to my Ko-fi! 

[lukkabloom]

Fun facts abt residents & castle trio according to Ikevamp Radio (ヴァンなま) Part 6

Episode 23: It's backkk!!

(I decided to put timestamps so ppl can watch/skip certain sections if they want to)

So apparently Morishi has officially taken over Makki’s role as MC as Makki is nowhere to be found haha.

Anyways we literally have 3 special guests in this video Horie Kazuma (Comte’s VA), Kamio Shinichiro (Faust’s VA), and Kijima Ryuichi (Charles’s VA) bc they’re celebrating Comte’s JP route release & the start of Act 2 of the game

Kijima & Morishi gives off the same vibes lol

Morishi introduces Faust’s character profile. The four start talking abt how if there was a person like Faust irl, they would not want to be friends w him even when he is good-looking

(38:00) There’s a new (?) segment called “Faust & Charles, What would you do?” where you (MC) are placed alone w Charles/Faust in a certain situation, and then the VAs will say the line out

The situation for Faust’s is… “you are falsely accused of stealing an art piece in a museum and are feeling down. Watching you, Faust says something to you. What does he say?” the options that the audience votes for are 1. “If you are feeling guilty for your crimes, I’ll listen to what you have to say… Haha, I’m kidding. If you continue to look so down, I’ll bully you even more” 2. “I know that you are innocent, but your struggling expression is  nice, too” 3. “It’s cheap! It’s cheap! The tuna’s cheap! Miss, if you have time to contemplate, go buy our tuna!” If the people can vote on the correct answer, the VA will say the line, but if they choose the wrong line, Horie will say the line instead (not as Comte but as a random dude)

(41:20) Option 2 was chosen, and it was not the correct, so Horie said funnily lol. Kamio says that the viewers are kinda dumb (baka)

(42:58) Morishi has Kamio say Faust’s line, so he says line 1 anyways

So apparently, there’s a second situation haha. Setting #2 is “It’s been around an hour deciding which glasses would fit you the most. You can’t decide which one would be the best. Faust says one thing while watching you struggle. What does he say?” 

The options are 1. “It's cheap! It’s cheap! The squid’s cheap! What about you use the squid-ring-fries as your glasses?” 2. “What about it? It’s one possibility to match glasses with me” 3. “How long are you going to ponder on for? Your face will not change, so just be who you naturally are” 

(45:34) The chosen line is… the third one!! Kamio says it yayy!!

(46:24) Onto Charles’s situation #1!! “An illness? It might be the flu… You’re not at your best and you zone out for a bit. Watching you, Charles tells you something. What does he say?” 1. “Are you okay? Here, come on my bed. Lay down, I’ll give you a hug… I’ll warm you up.” 2. “You’re sick? Then I’ll catch it for you. Get better soon” 3. “Why’re you catching a cold! If you have the time to catch a cold, you should finish making this sashimi!”

Horie will be reading the line if the audience chooses the incorrect one. (I feel like Kijima will be reading the legit one either way lol)

(48:30) The chosen one was… the first one!! Which was the correct one, therefore we get good voice lines :)) 

(49:13) Horie says the sashimi line haha

(49:45) Situation no 2 is “You’re eating out with Charles. You casually say ‘What really is love…?’ Replying, Charles says something. What does he say?” 1. “Hmm… I don’t really know, but is it love when I want to eat you? I don’t mind if you take a bite off of me.” 2. “What is love? Why don’t you try to find the answer… with my body.” (OMG I CANT THERES NO WAY I TYPED THAT lemme wash my hands and eyes) 3. “What is love? I don’t know. Go ask Nishino Kana or something! You wanna see me so much that you’re shaking? Then I’m shaking all year! I’m dying from the cold in the summer!” HAHAHA

(51:17) the correct answer was… answer 1!! Which was chosen as well

(51:57) Horie’s version AHHAHAHH he says line 3 he’s so funny

We get more lines from the two VAs since we got them correct (ignoring the mistake on Faust’s first one) (53:02) Faust says “Hmm? You have good instincts. I’m more curious about you. I’ll adore you like a guinea pig, so just roll around on my palm.” (53:57) Charles’s line “I had a feeling you were able to understand me. From now on, let’s spend a lot of time together. And then… you can love me even more”

(58:39) “I love yu” segment woooo. It’s a conversation between Faust and Charles, so no Sebas or Comte. (Wait they have baths at the castle?? Why am I surprised at this point)

Charles: “Doctor~ Would you like me to wash your back?” Faust: “I’ll be leaving” Charles: “Wait! Wait! Since we're together, let’s hang out.” Faust: “...How many times have you done that when I’ve been bathing? There are others who are willing to spend the night with you or hang out with.”

Charles: “Sigh, I had a feeling you were going to say that, so I’ve hidden the Doctor's clothes. If you leave the bath, you’ll be out naked” Faust: “Doing something without my permission… Well, the only people living here are men, so a single towel would do. I’ll be leaving.” 

Charles: “Wait! I got a message from Lord Vlad. He said ‘It’s the first time this castle’s bath-situation will be released. Be nice to the young ladies across the screen’” (So Vlad’s like Sebas that he can break the 4th wall… hmmmm) Faust: “‘the ladies across the screen?’ Oh, so that’s what that means. That old goat has finally gone senile, hasn’t he?” (the way Faust calls Vlad an old goat “じじい” is way ruder than I thought he says in Eng) Charles: “Kings are a bit different than us, so I don’t know what he’s saying either.”

Faust: “By the way, Charles, I smell a hint of blood on you. Did you attack someone today?” Charles: “I didn’t attack them! I just bit them and made them feel good.” Faust: “to feed off of them as an act of service…” Charles: “To me, that’s the same thing as an act of love. When do you feed off others, Doctor?” Faust: “When I feel like it, I’ll look for an opening and bite. That’s all. If they have interesting traits, then more the reason” (“interesting traits” may not be a good translation. Faust said 捕食対象 which is like traits of prey, kind of?? A bit difficult to translate)

Charles: “I’m curious what kind of person the Doctor's attracted to…”

Charles wants Faust to flirt w the audience or else he’ll sell Faust’s clothes out (Charles doesn’t know there’s an audience he just says ‘there’s someone out there that might be interested’) they say their lines (1:02:25) Faust & (1:02:57) Charles

Charles asks Faust if his glasses don’t cloud over the bath. Faust: “that’s a taboo question”

(1:09:20) Kamio: “Are you guys stupid??” LMAO when the audience doesn’t get the answer right

(1:22:44)”I love yu” segment w Comte & Sebas! The theme of today’s episode is “Teach me Comte! Secrets of an adult!”

Sebas: “Hmmm… I thought I heard a conversation from another bath that was not ours… Was that my imagination?” Comte: “You’re spacing out. Is something the matter, Sebas?” Sebas: “Right, I’m sharing a celebratory bath with Comte today, but to think I’ve been wondering about other people’s bathing situations…” 

Comte: “Celebratory? Is there something worth celebrating?” Sebas: “Of course there is! Congratulations on your route release, Comte.” *clap, clap*

Comte: “Route release? That’s an unusual word. What do you mean by that?” Sebas: “What are you joking about? You were happy when we were celebrating the other’s route release! Finally, the Comte’s secret is to be revealed, and I’m so dyungyun excited.” 

Comte: “Was there ever so much excitement concerning myself?” Sebas: “Yes, yes. Your past, for example.” Comte: “Born a noble, grown as a noble” Sebas: “Your relation with the pureblood, for example” Comte: “Oh, Vlad, right? He is an old acquaintance of mine.” Sebas: “Your previous relationships, for example” Comte: “Haha. Relationships, huh? A past lover once or twice. Something everyone is familiar with”

Sebas: “It’s as if you’re answering, but we’re not gaining any information, Comte. This just makes me more curious about your route”

Comte: “My past aside, I want to cherish the time that we spend in the mansion.” Sebas: “Of course. It’s not the mansion without you, Comte. Moments of kindness, moments of strictness, not forgetting the punishments on the residents when they’ve done something bad. What you would expect from the mansion’s papa.” Comte: “Haha. It’s not like I was planning to become a papa. The residents are filled with those who have strong characters.” Sebas: “They are unique, you can say. However, there are other moments where you show your ‘papa-ness’”

Comte: “Like when, for example?” Sebas: “According to my observations, when you send her a mountain of dresses and you’re caring for her, your ‘papa-ness’ is at its max” Comte: “I-is that so? I’m the one who brought her here to the 19th century. It bothers me sometimes. But being called a ‘papa’ gets me.”

(1:27:35) Sebas’s line (1:28:14) Comte’s line (i usually dont translate these lines cuz they’re so long sorry)

(1:29:10) Sebas calls Comte an “adult celebrity”

Another new segment called “Butler Skill: Improvement Lesson” where everyone will practice certain skills, which in this episode, is improving the skill of drawing. Morishi will draw Horie, Horie will draw Kijima, Kijima will draw Kamio, and Kamio will draw Morishi. They will try to draw each other as cute as possible. Presents each other’s drawings at (1:32:47) 

Good night voices start at (1:43:35) with Sebas, Comte, Faust, and Charles in this order

[glazedsnail]

Fanfic bells are ringing

The usual o>

Misery Loved Company

ShanexOCFarmer (♀️) 18+ / swear words/substance misuse/explicit/suicide ideation/mention of abuse/Blood/injury

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Lemme remind y'all this started as a fluff piece of a few paragraph. I have no self control.

I think this part's a tad long I didn't know where to cut it, and there's like 3 lines for Shane in all of it soooo... Anyway.

(Ya know it's funny cause I barely ever swear IRL and those two swears like sailors, I mean I know Fern does, but I'm pretty certain Shane's the type to swear All The Frigging Time)

That's my current (and only) farmer Poppy in bed with her husband and their cat Cauliflower. I've not played the game since I started writing this fic BECAUSE THE SAD CHICKEN MAN IS RULING MY LIFE.

But it's fine I'm an out of work drop out, I'm government property and I chose to write, so we're all good.

Anyway. Enjoy!

The sun stings me in the eye. I wake up on the dirty floor. It takes me a while to realise that the weight on my body is from my chickens, who clearly find my lifeless body comfortable to perch on. I shoo them off and try to sit up. My head is turning the chicken coop upside down, I feel I’m going to be sick. I’m freezing, and dirty. My whole body aches. Dry mud, dirt, hay, bird poop, all over my face. I wipe as much as I can with the water left from the trough. I wish I was in one of those stories where I’d wake up hungover and not remember anything. But I remember everything. Ugh. I stand up, Shane’s hoodie falls from my shoulders. I shudder, but pick it up nonetheless and head out. The sun is quite high and bright. I slept through all of my morning chores. The sheep are loudly braying for their breakfast. I should probably do that first. The ending summer wind sends chills on my bare shoulders. I have no other option but to wear his stupid Joja hoodie. I lazily and quite mechanically take care of my farm, as far as my strength lets me. All along my brain is simply preoccupied by what happened the day before. Simultaneously wanting to forget, and wanting to understand, confused and… oddly delighted by the eventful evening. Lying to myself wouldn’t help anything. I had a great evening. I said so many stupid things. It’s no wonder he took off after having…what he wanted? I have a hard time depicting Shane that way. But at the same time, the facts are what they are. I can’t say I blame him, he saw his opportunity and took it, given how freely I just handed it to him anyway. Cause I’m just a stupid, stupid, stupid whore!!

I take a deep breath. What was my therapist constantly saying? What would a healthy adult say in these times. A healthy adult would say that I’m a stupid whore. No point sugar coating it. Mh. The village suicidal whore. I’m upstaging Shane in so many ways. Another deep breath. Retrace my steps, our steps. I said “Hi, I’m Fern”, he said “I don’t know you, why are you talking to me”. From then I just stopped talking to him. Before I tried again, and I said “Rough day at the farm, wanna share a beer?” And he said “Fuck off.”. So far, perfectly healthy. Perfectly healthy. I didn’t want anything with him at the time, per se. Marnie did warn me he’d eventually warm up to me, I think. Even then, after that horrible brush off at the saloon I completely gave up. Who wouldn’t? Why would I put any kind of effort when I’d just move in, and others were much friendlier to me. It can’t just be that damages attract damages, this is ridiculous. We don’t have super sense alerting us of other people's misadventures. If we did, we’d be much nicer, I believe. What was so enticing back then. Why did a simple glimpse of his kindness make me lose all common sense and make me seek approval from someone like him? He did warm up to me, and I got to see his smile, sometimes I’d be the one making him smile. 

I loved making him smile. And laugh. What happened. What happened that all of a sudden he had to disappear like that. I’m not a fool, I know exactly what it is. He didn’t want any of that teenage lovey dovey thing we had going on before last night. Why would he, a grown ass man, want to wait more than one date to get to the goods. I’m a grown ass woman, I’ve seen them all. I still gave it to him on a silver platter. I wanted him though. I did. I do. And why would he want me anyway? 

I shrug. Can’t be that he’s just a man, that’d be too easy. I really fell for him, didn’t I? Like the big ass loser I am. Big breath. Talking about myself like that won’t help. What would a healthy adult say I don’t know Shannon I don’t know! If I knew I wouldn’t be in your office now would I! Ok, I’m attacking my therapist now. Everything’s fine. Take a deep breath. 

A long bleat reaches my ear. I jump.

One of my sheep is nibbling on my ear, trying to get my attention. My laps are dripping with milk. I’ve been trying to feed my lamb but I obviously let the lamb go. I didn’t even realise that damn lamb was gone. Deep in my thoughts, raging at myself and myself alone. I thought chores were supposed to keep the bad thoughts at bay.

I finally walk back to the house. The blanket and Shane’s backpack are not there anymore, and my basket has neatly been put away under the porch. I scoff. All I want is a shower and my bed. 

It seems someone’s been knocking at my door for the last ten minutes. While I applaud their insistence, my killing headache and EXHAUSTED soul just want to go on a rampage. They won’t leave. 

I get out of my warm, albeit lonely, bed and stagger towards the door, holding my head. I barely open the door than Marnie waltzes in.

‘Oh Fern, thank Yoba you’re there. I was almost going to call Clint to break the door down. We need to talk. Come on sit down I’m going to make us some tea. I’m relieved to find you there in one piece. Go on have a sit.’

She runs all over my kitchen, filling the kettle, placing it on the hob. She even grabs two mugs she throws on the table. I sneakily grab the one that is mine to put in front of me. They’re both mine, but this one in particular is mine. She dumps some of my loose leaf tea in a pot and drops boiling water on top of it. All I can think is how stupidly bitter this drink is going to be. She talks fast, moves fast. I can barely keep up, my head turns on itself trying to follow her movement around my kitchen. 

And she finally sits down. ‘I spoke with Shane’ She starts. Figures. ‘When you two started to get closer I was pretty excited.’ She strains the leaves above our mugs. I thank her and wrap my fingers around the warmth. She continues. 

‘I was hopeful you’d help him get straight.’ She takes a sip. ‘Oh this is ghastly. Do you have anything else?’ I painfully stand up, head pounding. I’m so tired. I look into the fridge and grab the bottle Emily gave me last night, for my date with Shane. I want to slap myself so badly.

I decide against it and bring the bottle along with two glasses.

‘Oh, strawberry juice! That’ll do. Thank you. Anyway. Shane’s been helping much more around the ranch, been around for Jas more too. And I think I’ve got you to thank.’

I shake my head and stop pouring the juice, furrowing my eyebrows. ‘Marnie no, you’ve got it all wrong.’

‘I know, I know. Nevertheless! Oh that’s good juice. Like I was saying, I wasn’t at all against the idea of you two. But, things have been raised and I don’t think it’s a good idea anymore.’

‘Pardon?’

‘You, and Shane.’

I want to correct her but she continues.

‘I know you’ve got a good heart, Fern. We all do. But he’s been working so hard on himself, what with the therapy and all. So, until you’re more stable’

‘Pardon?!’ I repeat.

‘Oh Fern please don’t take it too hard. I just want Shane to be able to reach his full potential, and he can’t do it with’

‘With what?’

‘People like you pulling him down.’

I’m not sure I heard her right. I’m going to be sick.

‘People like me?’

‘I do hope you’ll find the proper people to help you’

‘The proper people? To help me?!’ 

‘You know, with your’ she lowers her voice ‘ suicidal shenanigans.’

She could have been throwing her hands at my throat the result would have been the same. I feel like I can hardly breathe. White noise takes over my ears. I try to cover my face in my hand to recover from the blurriness but I meet a bump on my forehead. 

‘Who told you that?’ I stupidly ask, knowing fully well Shane’s the only one who’s been told. I feel sick. Was it the first thing he told his aunt after creeping back in the early morning? I feel incredibly stupid, used, again.

‘Fern, it does not matter. I know you care for him. But you’re an influence he can do without.’

I take her words without flinching. Or so I hope I looked that way.

‘Shane is a grown man, Marnie. I think he can make his own decisions.’

‘I know Fern but’

‘Besides, he already made his choice. So you can keep your knickers untwisted.’ 

She stands up, not having any of it.

‘Is that why you’re wearing his clothes?’

I look down. Damn. Credibility is gone. I slept with his hoodie back on like an idiotic enamoured teenager. I hate myself. I remove it and put it on the table, grabbing my full glass and Marnie’s empty one. ‘He’s expecting it back’ I say coldly ‘Just take it and go’

‘Fern, you have to understand.’ 

‘Just go, Marnie. Please.’

‘I know it hurts’

‘I said GO!’ I scream, smashing the glasses against the mug filled with still boiling water.

She doesn’t move. She’s seen them all. The mother hen. As she walks to the door she says in a soft motherly voice.

‘In the long run, you’ll see that it’s better. For both of you.’

She disappears behind the door. I’m about to collapse but I can only scream at the boiling water covering my hand and arm. I run to the sink and try to get the juice but it just keeps pouring. Each rub against my skin is excruciatingly painful. I realise it’s not juice.

‘Crap crap crap crap’ I lift my arm up, trying to stop the bleeding.

My tears blur the little vision I have left. I can’t find my first aid kit. No gauze, no disinfectant. What type of farm is this! I put blood everywhere trying to find help, my kitchen looks like a crime scene. I attempt the cold water again but in vain, the blood just keeps gushing out. I feel faint. I grab a kitchen towel and wrap it around the gashes on my arm and hand. I try to squeeze as much as I can, thinking I can use it as a tourniquet.

I am not a sensible, nor clever woman.

No, I need help. I need to go to the hospital. I manage to turn the door, spreading blood all over the knob. Carrying my injured arm I take a deep breath and head out. Fainting on the way would be so embarrassing. Please, I swear to Yoba, let me at least reach the clinic.

I stumble on a fence. Shit, no food, no sleep, and blood loss really take it out of you. I try with all my remaining strength not to collapse. I do not want to collapse. Do not want to be found. Do not want to be saved. Please, please, please.

‘Miss Fern!’

Fuck.

I turn around with a smile. Penny is walking with Vincent and Jas.

‘Fern, hello. I was showing them mom’s bus and…Oh dear Lord Fern are you ok? You’re pale as a ghost!’ 

‘Hi Penny, kids, hi. Penny, please take the kids away.’

‘What’s happening Miss Penny?’

‘Vincent quick go get some help.’

He doesn’t even wait for me to protest that he’s gone like a bullet. Penny attempts to carry me up from the fence. ‘I’m going to Harvey’s’ I manage to say through my teeth. Sweat is dripping on my forehead.

‘Miss Fern? Miss Penny?’

Jas is looking at us one after the other, her eyes slowly swelling up with tears. She’s panicking.

‘Jas, I’m fine, look at me. I’m fine, look.’ I smile, but she’s not believing me one bit. Penny’s helping me as much as her delicate frame can. I feel myself slowly slip. Jas is now properly crying.

‘I’m sorry’ I say, not particularly knowing why.

Why did I decide to survive all of a sudden.

Vincent comes back with the grocer and his wife. Penny hands me over to Pierre and turns her attention back to the kids. 

Once in front of the clinic, Caroline fiercely knocks on the door. I’m terrified that all the noise is going to make more villagers appear to watch the show. I don’t need this. Maru opens the door to the clinic and lets Pierre drag me to an empty bed.

‘Where’s Harvey?’ Asks Caroline.

‘He was just heading out, I think he’s at the supermarket.’

‘Are you kidding me?!’

‘Pierre! This is hardly the moment! I’ll go fetch him.’ 

‘What happened?’

Pierre redirects Maru to Penny who’s still trying to calm the kids.

‘We were walking back to town with Vincent and Jas and she was just…planted on a fence, holding her hand.’

I can feel Maru unwrapping my arm.

‘Oh my.’

‘Is Miss Fern going to be ok?’

‘Penny please get the kids out. It looks like she’s lost a lot of blood. Did you see her fall at all? There’s a consequent hematoma on her forehead.’

‘No, this is how we found her.’

‘Miss Penny’

‘The kids out, NOW. Fern, can you hear me?’

She blinds my face with her small light, trying to get a reaction out of me. I nod. Pierre is pushing the kids and Penny out of the room. Maru is hooking me up to a bunch of stuff and gently cleans my arm.

‘How did that happen?’

‘I broke a glass.’

‘Fern!’

Shit not his voice.

‘Shane you can’t be there!’

‘Sorry, he raced so fast in front of me I could barely keep up. Thank you Maru, I’ll take it from here.’

‘Fern, can you hear me?’

‘She’ll need stitches. I managed to stop the bleeding but I’m concerned about the hematoma on her forehead.’ 

‘The bleeding?’

‘Shane. Please!’ Harvey’s patience starts to wear thin.

I can barely make out Shane’s ridiculous Joja mart uniform. He tries to grab my arm.

‘Fern, what did you do?!’

‘You can come back when we’re done with her but now you’ve got to LEAVE!’

The doctor forcefully shows Shane the door. He resists but Harvey is having none of it.

I’m actually relieved that he’s gone.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Ohmygod I love matchups

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

Too sweet by Hozier ofc ofcm I looove Hozier and the way he sings about relationships 😭 Im like not fixated on a specific lyric, I'm fixated on the wedding bells in the background of the chorus

What is your Enneagram type?

Okay it has been a FUCKTON of time since I looked at that stuff but iirc it was 2? Me being an infp is literally the only thing I can consistently remember bc ADHD brain

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

YESS I listen to them whenever I'm playing Sims or working on something. Any of Jenny Nicholson or Li Speaks’ videos are common for that Nostalgic Essay Stuff. SPECIFICALLY Jenny Nicholson’s jeff the killer fanfiction book video because I OWNED THAT BOOK. I WROTE CREEPYPASTA FANFICTION AND I OWNED THAT BOOK

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I did not have one and I pretended to because everyone else did and I felt weird for not having one

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Imagining being loved and cared for 😭 or whumpy fanfiction scenarios no in-between. But they usually overlap

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I named myself after a character cause I relate ofc but I also named myself echo because it was another birth name in consideration for me and it feels like… whimsical

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

ITS STILL “FLIRTY VAMPIRE LOSES CONTROL” BECAUSE IM OBSESSED WITH SCENES WHERE THE HUMAN PARTNER OF A “MONSTER” CHARACTER IS DIRECTLY CONFRONTED WITH THEIR MONSTROUS TRAITS AND LOVES THEM ANYWAY.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Gavin </3 I am simply not a sexual person and it puts me off a bit lol

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

This spectacular show called dramaworld about a girl whos obsessed with kdramas and gets sucked into the world of them, but not in a “the events are real” way, in a “the entire world is a setup for the same characters to go through various plots, forgetting and falling in love over and over again” and it's hilarious and it's such a comfort show even though I can't watch it anywhere anymore I don't think. The main romance is top tier. It's so funny. And the stakes and plot twists are actually pretty good

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Probably Sam? I want him to be my dad. I have issues.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

Apparently when I'm half asleep I start talking about horses? But when I'm still conscious, I mostly talk about like. Vampires mostly.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

doritos dinamita and mountain dew yes I am basic

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

I don't have favorite playlists so much as I play 4-6 songs over and over on repeat until I'm sick of them. Currently, those songs are too sweet by Hozier, no more birthdays by sophie may, and Every Chappelle Roan Song.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

I love bad romance novels the more ridiculous and bad, the better. kresley cole's immortals after dark are fun to make fun of (no. Hate if you like them)

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

Uhhh my favorite form of interaction is parallel play. irl or digital, in a digital sense it means “we're liveblogging two separate things we're doing at the same time” lmao

- Asher-Echo/vampire-bite

Ooh, there’s a lot of good info to consider here. Initially, it was hard because I find Type Two’s easily compatible with most of the Redacted bois, but what said about “not being a sexual person” made it easy to choose Ollie for you.

Because he has never and will never get a BA, I love to headcanon Ollie as either asexual, low-libido, or both, so that’s one reason I think he’d be a good match for you. I also love that y’all would like so many of the same things like open-world games, bad/silly romance novels, and spending time with one another without the pressure to actively interact or engage with each other. (Also creepypastas. I love to headcanon Ollie as a horror, creepypasta fiend, given he grew up on the internet around when Jeff the Killer came to be.)

Every day with Ollie would be so comfortable and domestic, so sweet. Like, on a long weekend like this one if you’re American, I can see y’all spending it at home, a little staycation. He’d be in the other room or one end of the couch reading, and you’d be on the other reading one of your romance novels. Cattywumpus would be on your lap, because you’re his favorite. Your music is playing in the background, and you both stop what you’re doing to dance to “Hot to Go!”, because Ollie would totes love Chappell Roan.

Song:

Spillin' wine and homemade drinks/ We throw a cheers, the worries sink/ Damnit, it's so good to be alive/ We know that we don't got much/ But, then again, it's just enough/ To always find a way for a good time

Ollie strikes me as the type of guy who loves simple, feel-good, folk-esque music, someone being honest and emotional with a guitar. That’s one reason I like this song for y’all and can imagine it shuffled with yours as y’all hang out. The other is that this love song is sweet, catchy, simple just like Ollie~

Runner-ups:

Your love of the Sims and cheesy paranormal romance novels compels me to give you Elliott as a runner-up, because he could bring the things you read and create to life in your dreams, and that’d be so fun! In contrast, your Enneagram type and identifying yourself as nonsexual makes me want to pair you with Cam who gives me an asexual, easily affectionate vibe.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[saayatsumu]

sorry i’ve been gone this past month, i’ve had a lot of stress going on irl and i feel like i’ve barely even had time to breathe :’)

vent / rant / explanation / idfk under the cut-

for starters, my cat has been sick. she’s fourteen and i’ve had her since i was seven, so i have been really freaking out over my little baby :(

the vet told us she has a bladder stone, and that she’s also diabetic. we had to start checking her blood sugar daily and giving her insulin

except the insulin was a bad call because it literally bottomed her sugar out (if you know anything about blood sugar / diabetes, it got down to 43, which is dangerous enough for a human and Especially dangerous for pets) so we had to stop giving her it and just,, wait for it to get out of her system-

quick sidebar, she’s okay now ! it’s out of her system and her sugar is back to regular levels, not even overly-high, but we’re taking her to another vet today (i’m getting ready as i type this lmao) to double check things

and the bladder stone ! it’s not too much of a priority at the moment bc the x-ray showed that it’s pretty small and isn’t blocking anything or even really messing with her, so the diabetes has been like,, the Main focus

okay aside from that, my grandpa also had to go to the emergency room 😺

he’s back home now but like. they never figured out what was wrong with him ??? so he has to wait till he sees his regular doctor to find out what’s going on and if he should take any new medication ???

so. yeah. may am i right fellas.

bonus here’s a pic of my cat for anyone who made it this far

her name is sam

[birinboom]

so hoshina huh 👀 JDJDJDODJDK this sounds so threatening but i am actually dying to know more. what’s the dynamic like? what drew you to him to begin with? im a hungry little girl and im begging for crumbs

EDIT: I might end up changing some of the lore to make everything fit better

Sorry to keep you waiting for your meal! Aaahh I’m still so awkward about it, it took me forever to work up the courage to answer 🫣 You make selfshipping seem so easy, Kendy, I envy you!!

I guess I should give some backstory or some of my answers won’t make much sense…

So basically, I’m a scientist from Scandinavia, specializing in troll (kaiju) biology. I’m selected for a 6 month work exchange program with Izumo Tech, in particular with the science unit at the Tachikawa base. 

The general idea for the work exchange is that the biology of kaiju/troll/cryptid/monster/whatever local name they’re given varies vastly across the world and five the countries with the highest monster emergence decided to do a collaboration between their science divisions in the hopes of sharing knowledge and improving our defenses.

I’ll need one of the fighters from the 3rd Division to perform regular tests on to check their equipment in the hopes of improving it, and Hoshina is selected to assist me solely because he’s the best at English in the 3rd Division. He’s quite happy to be selected since it means he’ll be relieved of a few of his regular duties, and he offers to be the one to pick me up at the airport so we can begin our collaboration on a good note. 

He enjoys my company enough that he takes me sightseeing on his days off, and he quickly becomes my go-to person if I’m having any form of trouble - like the one time I got kicked off the base because I forgot my ID back at the lab and needed someone to vouch for me to get me back in. 

Our friendship soon morphs into more of a situationship, both of us constantly reminding ourselves that I’m only in Japan for 6 months, it CANNOT become anything more. Not that that stops either of us from falling in love.

In the end I end up getting a permanent job offer from Izumo Tech so I’m able to move to Japan and we start officially dating.

So… there you have it. Yeah. OKAY YOU HAD QUESTIONS!

What’s the dynamic like

I’ve been thinking about this one so hard cause I’m not sure what answer you’re looking for here… I guess introvert/extrovert fits since I’m shy and awkward until I feel comfortable and Hoshina is very much the opposite. He’s good at drawing me out of my shell. Though he does like when I’m shy and blushing, it triggers his cute aggression which makes him want to tease me, which in turn only makes me blush more. It’s a bit of a spiral that usually ends with him kissing me silly but I can’t help but love it 🤭

There’s generally a lot of laughter in our relationship. We take care of each other, whether he’s injured or I’m sick, and there’s a lot of mutual trust in that we always want what’s best for each other. Plus brat vs. brat tamer. Hi, I’m the brat 🙋‍♀️

What drew me to him to begin with - in universe

I’ve always been the type of person to latch onto anybody who’s remotely nice to me and Hoshina just happened to be first in that regard. He was a lot more forward in the beginning than I dared to be, to the point where it could get just a little overwhelming at times. Still, it was more attention than I had gotten in a long long while so I never even thought about turning him down. 

Plus his sword skills had me fangirling practically as soon as I found out about them. He enjoyed every minute of it.

Adding to that, we bonded a lot over our mutual love of reading and coffee, and some shared experiences like both of us having shitty families who didn’t support our dreams.

What drew me to him to begin with - IRL

I’ve always been fond of mentor characters, and I’ve recently begun liking characters who are a little bit of an asshole (I blame HSR’s Aventurine for this 😒) 

Hoshina fits very nicely into both categories, though the mentor-side isn’t shown in the anime yet.

I dunno, I love how he goes for a more understated role until his skills are needed and then he goes ALL out. I love how loyal he is to Mina. I love how he’s a little shit. That one scene where he’s on his knees cry-laughing and slapping the floor because Kafka couldn’t get his suit to work, it smacked me in the face and I went ‘oh it’s him. I want him.’ 

Plus his sword skills had me fangirling, that one’s true in every universe  ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

Thank you so so much for sending me this!!! 💖💖💖

[barzfrommarz]

Hey barz :] It’s late, and instead of working on the Pogtopia TNT duo comic I started tonight (because comics are lowkey so intimidating), I came to your blog to ask you some questions:

How often do you think about the fact that Revivebur has canonical PTSD related to swords? I think about it a normal about and it doesn’t add extra angst to anything I write, especially not a death scene or anything (some of the biggest lies ever told)

Does everyone it this fandom who likes c!Wilbur and was in a toxic relationship at one point also project that onto c!MAD duo, or is that just like a me thing? (This question is more of a joke, but still)

Any c!Wilbur headcanons that you wanna share?

Are you excited to hear about all the c!Wilbur angst in all my DSMP AU’s (it’s a LOT)

Anyways, have a good day/night, bye :D

tysm for the c!wilbur questions!

I think about c!wilburs ptsd a normal amount! I never particularly think about his trauma revolving swords tho. I think back to the moment in the finale stream where I think c!tommy pulls out a sword in anger (excuse me it’s been over a year since I watched the final stream) and I think about how that would’ve affected c!wilbur. I like to think his body tensed up and his eyes widened and he flinched back a little in that moment. Thinking it was happening again.

Maybe. I wouldn’t be suprised but I never rlly think abt c!mad duo a lot. I should more tho their dynamic has so much potential

-I like to think he’s the kinda guy to refuse to admit he’s disabled/Neurodivergent/Mentally ill. Nope i’m fine type beat. Powering thru the chronic pain and the autistic meltdowns and manic episodes like it’s nothing

-Tourette’s syndrome. I’ve never talked abt this headcanon before but I have tics irl and I feel like he would have them.

-He is a big fan of other forms of art. I think he would paint and write novels he will never show to anyone

-He lost all pain tolerance after revival.

-He has a speech impediment. He grew out of it but it never fully went away

-Pathetically anxious. No comment

-Shakes/trembles constantly. He’s just colder now

-He never knows when he is sick. He will often go weeks without realizing it and usually has to have someone tell him he’s sick (if it’s not bad enough)

-I think he would age regress to cope. In secret of course (c!quackity knows)

-speaking of c!quackity, c!wilbur never realized he was secretly crushing on him bc he never picked up on the social cues

YES I AM. I don’t read a lot of fanfiction anymore but I will still read c!wilbur angst any day

You too tysm for asking I love talking abt c!wilbur :)))))))

[gladiatorcunt]

https://www.tumblr.com/gladiatorcunt/764282120401240064/yall-which-one-of-my-favs-do-you-think-would?source=share

modern coryo... I cant explain it I just sense it

this is so sick and twisted because he’s the first one i thought of too. we’d match each other’s freaks too well, the world would explode. our dynamic would be very (in some ways) wimbledon (2004) bc they start fucking and her tennis career goes downhill but his gets better 💀

i do think that neither of us would be able to explain it either beyond there just being an automatic & deep connection. i’d keep him in the situationship limbo so long it’d beat him at his own game & we’d still fuck on the first actual date. so what did i even do that for 😭

he wants that (my) cookie so bad but i am trying to read/watch iwtv (i’m ranting to him because every moment is torture and he’s like ‘mhm mhm why is lestat playing on a cardboard piano, is he stupid?’) and play video games!!! he’d get jealous of my vibrating controller & fictional characters for sure (he has major beef with astarion)

frequent date spots are boba shops & museums, a weekend thing we do is going to a bookstore, a movie, and then the mall/a street with all the stores i’d want to go to on it bc it’s convenient. heavy consumerism relationship icl, i love media and beyond music and a certain type of films & books i don’t think coryo consumes much. definitely not a brainrot chronically online level, he has things to do lmao.

i think he really values an intelligent partner (at least a bit, to be real he just wouldn’t mesh with someone who’s not, and that doesn’t mean you have to be a genius). and while there would be an instant attraction because i’m so guarded and anxious that i have the aura of black cat on a cactus, my mind is what would make him fall love. in the negative (i can be manipulative in theory/sometimes accidentally in practise and i’m outwardly & irl too clinical/serious to cope) and positive ways (my brain is so big and sexy, i love math with letters and latin).

we’d also spend days in bed taking pictures on my laptop (he likes ones where his skinny body is noticeably being sat on by my fat ass) and literally just breathing in others faces because it’s rare the world is quiet for us, bc we r sick and i’m so!!!!!!!!!!! we’re also both in our own heads more than we verbally talk to other people so we become the best at silent communication over time

i yap about flower language to him literally every time he gives me one/a bouquet and he waits to move on with his day until i’m done, doesn’t acknowledge me with a hum or nod or anything but he doesn’t leave

him teaching me how to swim when we’re not even together oh……… he finds out about this blog before we’re even together and i think he doesn’t know……

immovable object vs unstoppable force

i also want to have kids real bad and it’s not even that he has a breeding kink or is trying to babytrap me (unless i ran away to cause problems on purpose bc i’m avoidant), it’s just the fact that school is so important to me and he knows i’d be too willing to let him get me pregnant during it. like i’d risk my future because i want more of he and i in the world so bad. he necessarily wouldn’t put on a big show with words of making sure you know he’d make all these sacrifices (he speaks vaguely and loves via actions) but he loves someone who does that for him.

but also i’d tell him i’m starving level poor and he’d leak pre in his pants :/, he’d spot the cinderella fantasies and start internally rubbing his hands together

[sister-lucifer]

crawlers personal diary entry 6

[There may be heavy and potentially triggering personal subjects below the cut. These entries are being posted in order to archive them in case something happens to me and they have to be deleted from my personal notes. If you know me IRL, I kindly ask that you skip over these.]

05/20/2023 

He is unhappy with me. Not angry, but dissatisfied. He talks all the time about how this life is inadequate, how he longs for more. at first i could say it wasn’t me, merely a generalization, but i realize now i am in fact included in this. he says he feels unloved and unwanted despite my desperate attempts to remind him that i care for him more than i do life itself, even today i made sure to tell him. that’s exactly what he wants, he says, for someone to love him more than life itself, but i guess i’m not doing it right. and he is blatantly telling me this without saying it to me. he doesn’t want to say it directly, but he knows i see it, so he must know that i am aware of how disappointed he is in me. i’m sorry . i must’ve hurt him, but i don’t know how. whatever i did, it seems he’s completely disappointed. i can feel it when he looks at me. what have i done to lose his love 

its almost funny how i do everything i can to keep my problems away from those i care for while he is so willing to just … tell everyone. tell me. and i can’t stop him because if i tell him i need a break from hearing him upset it will only make things worse. i feel terrible for thinking that.

he’s going away for a month soon on a long trip. i think it will be good for him to get away, out of the country. i’m excited for him, even. yet i fear that when he comes back he will realize that he felt so much better without me. or maybe he won’t want to come back at all. both of these are completely valid on his end, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt.

each day the shadows grow taller and i fear that whatever thing has been stalking me will have me in its grip soon. i need so badly to talk to someone, but i can’t bare the thought of making someone else carry my burdens. i keep cycling between knowing it’s not real deep down but still being afraid and being completely overwhelmed with fear of what it will do to me when i’m caught. i don’t want to go missing 

i crave to cut deep and find peace but i will not allow myself to become that person again

i feel so sick. my stomach hurts so bad i want to carve into myself and remove it completely. even as i type this i can fee l my hands going weak. i’m losing my motor functions

it’s late. maybe i’m just tired . i hope i can sleep 

[1d1195]

Omg Sam you’re so sweet😭 sorry to have worried you :( but still that’s so kind of you! If I had to take a VERY long break I would let you know in advance! BUT I KNOW I FEEL SO GLAD THIS QUATER IS OVER!!! Rip to seeing the hot TA though lol

YAY TO ONE MORE WEEK!! Hope it will go smoothly and you can start break on a good-ish note! And omg that sucks that got sick!! But at least it was because of you niece so it can be to bad especially if she’s so adorable! And Sam YOURE ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN IF ANYTHING LIVE THAT UP! I hope you feel better bestie and recover soon 💕

Oh I get totally being in love with fictional men lol girl do you even know how many times I’ve literally compared fictional to irl?! It’s crazy😭

I agree with it’s so gross being ill and hot!! I’m on your side for this temp war though lol

I bet your tree looks so cute!! I think I’ve mentioned before how I can see you be so good at decorating! But so real about the spending but like it’s the holidays lol do you have like a go to recipe when it comes to baking? What’s your fave to bake?

Oh Traditional Harry would so not care at all and it’s kinda hot lol and i obviously need HIMMM badly for reasons beyond his money lol

It’s really amazing though how much care you put into your students and I’m glad you all made it out of the trenches lol but seriously it’s most definitely means so much the kid that’s so sweet 😭

Not the Christmas lights😭 but omg I totally get you, and honestly that seems very healing! I think I’m okay like idk I’m just tired and perhaps I’m still ignoring stuff but I’ve been worse lol but I hope so too!

BESTIE I FORGOT TO MENTION THE MOON PART!! SHES SO ME BC SHES A MOON GIRL😭 I definitely do like this approach you’re taking with the flashbacks and all, it definitely gives perspective of how truly SLOW burn can be and sometimes this happens irl! Gonna be lame and mention how it reminded me of the lyrics from a song by Hayley Williams 😭 “Would I do it all again? Oh yeah in a second. Might taken 30 years. But I was always on my way to him”. Anyways lol it’s so cute that you have Christmas related part! Hope you can have time to write but please don’t stress bestie!-💜(this is gonna be a two parter agin😭)

Omg I dread the day that happens, but you never have to let me know! Things happen! OMG I lowkey FORGOT about hot TA. I imagine by now he wears his button down unbuttoned or was just half naked.

I have recovered mostly from my cold! I'm hanging onto some congestion and a dry throat but otherwise thriving. I'm fairly tired though and that's annoying. I know I've mentioned my brain functions best early in the morning so I like CANNOT write right now. I feel so bad because ALL I want to do is update The Lottery (but tbh it's kinda not hitting, I don't think I can write series; I don't think people want to commit to them) but I opened my doc just now and BLEH. Nothing. So I don't think it will get updated tomorrow (Thursday) :( but I will be able to update by Monday or die trying lol

I'm a chocolate chip cookie girl for sure (Massachusetts state cookie of course.) But I made brownies from scratch too. I just used a recipe I found online and I've done it before but I tested one of the brownies (and like seven scoops of the batter) and it tastes better this time around. I am also my family's apple pie baker. When we go apple picking I usually make like three or four pies for family/friends/coworkers. Then usually two for Thanksgiving and at least one for Xmas. I also make a few for my AP Stats/Calc students for Pi-Day in March lol. the recipe is from a cookbook my mom has had since the 70s/80s? Idk it might have been my grandma's lol it's old as hell and my sister nearly destroyed the book pressing her wedding flowers last year so I had to type it up finally to keep lol.

ANYWAY. Cookies are my favorite to bake from scratch. I've never tried cupcakes from scratch so maybe that'll be a project for myself. The series involving my Basketball bf, the following book was the one with the baseball guy/nanny that I had to wait to read so I could finish Honey, the main girl was a baker (and turned into the nanny). If I wasn't so smitten with my basketball bf I would accept him as my baseball bf but that seemed like too much. Gotta spread the wealth, ya know?

I too am a moon girl! I was staring at it all weekend since it was full! And Mars was right next to the moon this morning on my drive to work 😍 I love the sky 🥰

xoxo