#he’s forcing himself into these roles he doesn’t fit into/doesn’t like/chafes against bc he thinks that’s what he SHOULD want
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i’ve been writing so much bucktommy recently and every time i see gifs of eddie i’m just like
#finally had a breakthrough in my qpr buddie/bucktommy fic#the problem is that buck and tommy’s psychology is so much closer to my own than eddie’s is#(especially tommy’s bc he’s such a comparatively blank slate in the show rn that i can project directly onto him easily)#working out my thoughts about the emotional core here feel free to ignore me#but I think I know where I’m going with this now#bc okay yes eddie is repressed. that’s easy. but I don’t think he’s actively pushing down his desires so much as he doesn’t allow himself#the space to feel them in the first place#he’s forcing himself into these roles he doesn’t fit into/doesn’t like/chafes against bc he thinks that’s what he SHOULD want#and the easiest way to do that isn’t to ignore your own desires but to not have them in the first place#it’s easier to slot something into a blank space than it is to push something else out of the way first#so before he can stop denying himself he needs to figure out WHAT he’s denying himself#and he needs to learn the difference between what he wants and what he thinks he should want#documenting the process
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