#he went on Hims and asked if there's a reverse-viagra

[toxicanonymity]

As you kneel at the altar, the communion wafer shatters in his grip.

[letspartyrightnowplease]

Getting Old is Hard

ao3!

The little bottle of pills felt heavy in Phil’s hoodie pocket. He got rid of the bag back in the doctor’s office almost immediately, his face red all the while. For some reason, he’d never thought he’d have to do this, have to need this. He got into a car, gave his address, and they pulled out.

It wasn’t like it wasn’t common or something. Plenty of older guys have to go through it. Phil just didn’t want to be that “older guy” who couldn’t get it up anymore. He felt his face redden just thinking about it. He wished he wasn’t so embarrassed. It was more normal than not and it’s not like anyone but Dan knew, it just—it made him feel old. Older than he actually was. It made him feel a deep disgust with himself that he knew he definitely had to talk about with someone later, but for now he was just picking up the prescription, heading home to Dan, and maybe going in for a sad cuddle.

He’d been with Dan for almost twenty-five-years now, and sadly Phil now equates that to twenty years of good sex and then...what they do now. (He doesn’t really, it’s not that deep. Dan’s dramatics just rubbed off on him after a while.) Which he knows he shouldn’t, he knows that their life together has never been about sex, but Phil’s just insecure. Dan has no problem getting hard when the things they do get hot and heavy and yet Phil sometimes can’t get hard at all.

He remembers the look of pain on Dan’s face the very first time he just couldn’t get hard. He remembers watching that face shift to understanding almost immediately after and then pity and how much that had offended Phil. This has definitely caused a lot more friction in their lives the past couple of months than anything else. Maybe because sex somehow always was a sort of vital part to their relationship. They loved each other, and Phil found Dan endlessly sexy, so why couldn’t he just get hard for him? Phil had felt like his own body betrayed him.

But Dan never had. He took this with a grain of salt and talked to Phil. It was always so comforting remembering how far they’d come. Ten years ago, who knows if they’d have the balls to talk about this together. Ten years ago, it wasn’t a problem, Phil thought. And that brings him here. On his way home after picking up his prescription of viagra. Nearing 50.

He felt his age in his bones, could see it when he looked in the mirror, when he looked at Dan. It was good. He used to be afraid of growing old, but then he had someone to grow old with, and putting a perspective on things, this wasn’t so bad. It was embarrassing, but they’d had to go through the weird things of getting older before, they could do it again with this.

The driver pulled up and Phil paid before stepping out of the car. He walked up to the door and went inside, barks from their dog Thor surrounding him. Phil slowly bent down to pet him and when he got up Dan was leaning against the entrance to the kitchen.

“You good?” He asked softly, knowing how difficult this has been for him.

“Say goodbye to spontaneity.” Phil said back, only because maybe he’s still angry with himself.

“Is that what you think makes sex with me good?” Dan responded. Phil hated when he did this. He knew Phil didn’t think that. He knew and yet he countered Phil like this again and again. And Phil knew why. He’s been being a mess about this whole situation and Dan’s just bringing light to the absurdity of Phil’s feelings.

Phil looked at him. It’s crazy how much he looked like Dan. It was Dan, of course it was, but he’s older and wiser and Phil always knew he’d only become more beautiful with age. Phil wanted to cry as he looked at him. He’s way more emotional now than he ever was, and Phil’s been stressing over this for so long, and he’s tired. He’s done so much and he’s tired and he deserved to be wrapped up in those arms that are crossed and hugged by Dan no matter how bloody annoyed he may be at Phil.

“I���m sorry.” Phil said, his eyes watering. He reaches up and presses into them softly behind his glasses. He looked back at Dan and saw his confused face, arms uncrossed and body poised to come and comfort. “It’s fine. I know I’ve been really unfair lately. I’m just trying to work through this. But I know I’d be the same if the roles were reversed.” He took a deep breath and watched as Dan walked closer to him, taking his hand in his. They were much bonier than they used to be, aged with hard work on pianos and writing. He loved them dearly.

“This is just a fluke, Phil. It’s not something that’s going to destroy our lives. You are still enough for me, you understand that right? You have the drugs now, but it’s not like you’ve ever not been able to get me off. I just don’t understand why you’re taking this so hard.” He squeezed Phil’s hand in his and ducked his head so Phil would look at him.

“I don’t know either. I really don’t. Maybe there’s something more. I couldn’t tell you. I’m scared times running out? I’m scared you’ll see someone young, someone who can show you how you affect them instead of needing drugs to do it?” The longer he talked the more he was sounding crazy. He knew that, but even after all this time, maybe he’d always feel these insecurities.

“Phil, I swear to God, I love you so much. Okay?” He pulled both of Phil’s hands in his. Phil felt like a child being reprimanded by his mother and he wished he didn’t feel so awful for feeling like this. “Nothing changes. It doesn’t. I’m here. Until the end, that’s what I promised you.” He cupped the sides of Phil face and forced him to look at him. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Phil’s watery eyes stung a bit more. “I love you.” He leaned in and kissed Dan on his pretty lips. “I love you so much.” He felt the kiss deepen and he wrapped his arms around Dan.

“Everything’s alright, yeah? We’re fine.” Phil could see that his eyes were wet too.

“We’re a bit of a mess together, huh?” Phil laughed, burying his head in Dan’s shoulder.

“A bit.” He could hear the fondness in Dan’s voice.

“What do you say, should we test out the drugs?” Phil said, pulling back but not too far.

“If you think you can take it, old man.”

“Says you.”

“Oi!”

[missmeikakuna]

So, Apparently, I Find Fairies Hot Chapter 3

Rated: T

Fandom: Original Fiction

Relationship type: Male/Male

Description: You know those movies and TV shows in which an effeminate gay character has a crush on the popular jock? Strike that, reverse it.

Daniel is technically popular at school but fades into the crowd. After an injury at footy (Australian football) practice, he is forced to focus on improving his grades, starting with English. Luckily, the new kid in school knows a lot about Shakespeare and is willing to tutor him. Now if only this new guy wasn’t so attractive.

CONTENT WARNING: Homophobic slurs are used. Also, there are some sexual references but nothing too graphic.

Chapter 3: Is it gay to work out with other guys?

Daniel stood in front of the gym, looking at the time on his iPod. He coincidentally turned up the volume of the rap song at the very moment a rapper said, ‘No homo.’ He changed the song even though it was one of his favourites.

He grinned when he saw Eddie jog up to him in a black T-shirt with the word ‘Ghost’ on it and a pair of dark grey track pants. While jogging he was taking a CD out of his purple duffle bag.

He handed it to Daniel. It said ‘Rage Against the Machine’. 

Daniel nodded in understanding. ‘I didn’t know these guys did rap. I assumed they were a punk band or something like that.’

Eddie gasped in a loud voice and put a hand on his heart. ‘Assumed? How dare you!’

Daniel raised an eyebrow. ‘Was that sarcasm?’

Eddie chuckled. ‘Oh my god, you’re like a kid.’ Daniel frowned. ‘Oh, sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean to insult you or anything.’

Eddie gulped, his eyes blooming outwards like a pansy in the spring. Daniel was laughing. Holy hell he was laughing. His voice was as deep as one would expect from him but somehow it didn’t sound harsh or threatening. It was kind of quiet and melodic.

A smile leapt onto Eddie’s face. He watched Daniel laugh with the curiosity of a visitor looking at a zoo animal. Daniel eventually noticed this and felt his cheeks heat up.

He coughed. ‘Let’s go in. Have you been to a gym before?’ Eddie shook his head. He and Daniel walked inside and headed to the desk. Eddie turned his head and saw several rows of treadmills to his right. ‘Okay, so make sure to negotiate. Don’t just take the first offer. Young people can’t afford the full price. Oh, and you have to get them to give you one free session with a personal trainer. That way you can properly learn how to use the equipment. I can teach you a little, but there are some machines I don’t use.’

Eddie nodded, reigning in his temptation to point out how long Daniel just spoke for. At the desk, Daniel told the receptionist that he had invited a friend and therefore he was entitled to two weeks free for his membership plus a water bottle. He held his thumb up at Eddie, who was whisked away to a table in the corner of the gym.

When Eddie returned to the desk, Daniel asked him how it went. ‘14.95 per week plus one session with a personal trainer next week.’

Daniel grabbed his arms and pulled him closer as if he was about to give him a hug, but he stopped and stepped backwards. Eddie froze, surprised, before rolling his eyes.

It took Eddie five minutes of using the cross trainer before he was slumped over the damn thing, panting and whining. However, he kept going when he heard Daniel lightheartedly laugh at him. That damn melodic laugh played in his mind over and over again like a theme song in a sports montage.

Eventually, he was able to work on running on various equipment for half an hour. Whenever he felt like giving up again, he looked at Daniel next to him and watched him smile as he ran faster and faster. Something told him Daniel would quickly choose runner’s high over sex. The slight growth down below added to this hypothesis.

Little did he know that Daniel kept sneaking glimpses of Eddie’s slender arms and legs as he worked out.

After the thirty minutes were over, Daniel told Eddie, ‘I’ve got to go to the bathroom. I’ll meet you in the other weights room.’

Eddie smirked but said nothing, preferring to go the dignified route and chug the water from his bottle. 

In the toilet stall, Daniel held his head in his hands. 

What’s wrong with me? He’s a fucking fairy. What, do I find fairies hot now? I’m not even gay, and if I was, why the hell wouldn’t I be into manly dudes?

He lifted his head and saw an advertisement for Viagra posted on the stall’s door. He sighed, not sure whether to laugh or punch something. Then again, he found the image of older men trying to treat their erectile dysfunction quite useful for curing his current temporary ailment.

He rushed to the weights room, where he saw Eddie using the small hand weights. ‘Move over, strongest man in the world!’ Eddie declared with a grin. ‘I bet he can’t use two three-kilogram weights at once!’

‘Who’s the child now?’

‘Point taken. So, am I ready for those long weight thingamajiggies or am I just supposed to use the dumbbells?’

Daniel walked up to a machine and sat on it, grabbing the handles on each side and pushing them forward and back a few times. He jumped up and made the gesture an old-fashioned gentleman would use when welcoming a woman to his house.

Eddie tried to push the handles forward, grunting like an old man trying to get out of bed. Daniel chuckled and changed the settings to make the machine lighter. Eddie blushed.

After another half hour of using various weight machines, Eddie begged Daniel to stop, and Daniel finally granted him mercy. Daniel stood with his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, his eyes avoiding the droplets of sweat that fell down Eddie’s arms.

‘So, um, would you like to, maybe, I dunno, do some more studying at my place?’ he asked. ‘We’ve got that essay next week.’

Eddie grinned like someone who knew he would get that question. ‘I will on one condition. I get to use your shower.’ Daniel’s jaw crashed onto the floor. ‘Ew, not like that. I’ve got an outfit I just bought in this bag and I need to get the sweat off my body or else I’m gonna be super uncomfortable wearing it. Plus, I hate public showers.’ Daniel bit his lip. ‘Please? It’s my birthday next week.’

’You want to use my shower for your birthday?’

‘It can be part of the present. You can also, I dunno, get me a keychain or something.’ Eddie bared his teeth and batted his eyelashes, which were still long despite the lack of mascara. Daniel sighed and led him to the bus stop.

They sat down and waited in silence when other people sat near them. Eddie considered talking but saw that Daniel was looking down at his fists on his lap.

When they boarded the bus, Eddie couldn’t keep his mouth shut. ‘How did you make friends when you don’t even like talking near people? Hell, what made you able to talk to me in the first place?’

Those words gave Daniel’s heart an uppercut. ‘You seemed easier to talk to, and I was desperate to get better in English,’ he muttered. ‘That’s all.’

The ride was silent.

As they reached the stop near Daniel’s house, Eddie sighed. ‘Sorry for being so rude.’

‘Don’t worry about it. Oh, by the way, we have to sneak inside.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Mum doesn’t want me going to the gym until she’s sure my leg has healed. I think it’s fine, but she wants me to wait another week or so. Oh, and… sorry for not telling you last time, but it’d be best not to… act gay around this neighbourhood. Especially the family next door with the big fence. They’re cashed up bogans and they have a guard dog.’ Eddie opened his mouth. ‘And no ranting about what I just said. Just… stay safe, okay?’

Eddie groaned but nodded. They took a windy path to Daniel’s home. Each home got progressively larger, more modern and more expensive. As they passed the home next door, the low, thunderous bark of a dog made Eddie jump.

Daniel walked to the side of the house, reached behind the gate to open it and crept inside, Eddie following him from behind. Daniel slid the back door open and tiptoed into the house. He felt his heart stop then beat at the speed of an Olympic runner’s treadmill when he heard his mother’s voice. He and Eddie snuck to the staircase one slow footstep at a time.

They ran up the stairs, laughing. Daniel opened his drawer and pulled out a shirt. ‘Get changed in the bathroom,’ he said. ‘I’m gonna get changed in here. Knock on my door when you’re done.’

‘Wait, you’re not having a shower after doing all that exercise? Are you some kind of wild animal?’

‘I’ve got deodorant.’

‘Not good enough.’

‘Leave me alone, Mum.’

Eddie scowled at him but did as he was told.

Daniel waited ten minutes after changing into jeans and a plain T-shirt but didn’t hear a knock. He opened the door and knocked on the bathroom door.

’You still in there?’

‘Almost done! This eyeliner’s killing me.’

‘You’re putting makeup on? What’d I tell you about acting gay in this neighbourhood?’

‘Wearing makeup doesn’t make me gay!’

‘But you are gay!’

‘Correlation, not causation, sweetie!’

‘I just don’t want you to get hurt! And… don’t call me ‘sweetie’!’

Eddie released a miraculously high growl and opened the door. ‘I’m done. Happy now?’ Daniel gasped through his nose. Eddie was wearing a tight navy top that went off the shoulder and had a picture of Bela Lugosi as Dracula printed on it. His skinny jeans were black and ripped. Around his neck was a plain black choker that made his neck look more muscular than it actually was. His still-wet hair fell down his shoulders. His makeup was heavy, dominated by dark colours that made him look mature. Daniel gawked at him.

Eddie smirked. ‘Very happy, apparently.’

Daniel’s cheeks burned. ‘Shut up. I’m not like you.’

‘Sure, sure.’

The two sat down and studied. Eddie had to tap Daniel’s head over and over again to get him to concentrate.

‘My arms aren’t going to tell you the themes of A Midsummer Night’s Dream,’ he said, causing Daniel’s cheeks to get even redder.

[steveparker3210-blog]

Is it possible to give up sugar?

Many of us are addicted to sugar. Want to break the habit and get those no-good empty calories out of your life? This is how to conquer your cravings in 11 easy steps – even if you really, really fancy a Mars bar

1 Know thine enemy

It is droll to observe nutritional advice at the public health level; governments and their agencies always approach obesity as though it were a problem of information or – in the popular phrasing – "awareness". If people only knew how much sugar there was in a Twix, they would simply eat something else.

This knowledge deficit doesn't exist: you won't meet anybody on Earth more intricately apprised of calorie content than someone who is obese. The only people who genuinely don't know shit from sherbet are the authorities themselves, who make a mistake we can recognise from other spheres, viz, they conflate the problem behaviour – in this case, excess sugar – with the people they perceive as causing them a problem. People, for instance, who drink fizzy drinks (except prosecco). So they'll preach two behaviours that are near identical, nutritionally speaking, as the opposing pillars of good and evil. "Drink a fruit juice; do not drink a Lilt. Drink a smoothie; do not drink a McDonald's milkshake." Finally, some exasperated nutritionist will pop up and say, to be honest: "This is all sugar that doesn't fill you up and doesn't even slake your thirst particularly well." And everybody pounces on them and calls them a quack, even though they are right. Related Articles : https://www.sugarfreeblog.com

It is all sugar; it all does the same thing to your bloodstream, and it all begets an appetite for more of itself, as do fags and booze. Leaving aside the thumping idiocies of the Department of Health's Change4Life campaign, the only real fault line is: do you think of it as an addiction or not? If you merely think of it as a matter of self-control, something you like a bit too much and have to master, there is no more a need to excise it from your diet than there is to stop using Twitter just because it drains your time and means you'll never amount to anything. There is only one step necessary for you, the step of "less". If you do see it as an addiction, then cutting down won't be enough, and I refer you to steps two through 11.

2 Cold turkey

"But what if," I said to Frankie from Pure Package, a company that sends perfectly balanced meals, daily, to people with money, "you just really, really fancy a Mars bar?" I have been calling diet people (for work!) since Atkins was fashionable. There will be those among you who don't even remember the outbreak of war against wheat, who weren't even alive in a time before bread was the enemy. Think on that. Anyway, what always charms me is their presentation of preposterous alternatives. So you might say: "What I really love is a buttered crumpet," and they'll go: "That's easy! You can grind some cashew nuts into a sort of makeshift butter and spread it on some kale." That was my motivation in putting the Mars bar question to Frankie, but she wasn't biting. "The only way to stop sugar cravings is to treat it like an addiction and go cold turkey. There's nothing to soften that blow. If you really need to get sugar out of your life, you're going to have to go cold turkey."

3 Beware of fruit

Frankie again: "Fruit has been given a halo so we end up eating too much of it." In fact, there's nothing inherently great about fructose; I mean, you can get too far into these weeds and start sounding like a hippy. Sure, fructose is better than glucose because it comes accompanied by fibre and vitamins. But in and of itself, it is not better, and "should" (still Frankie), "be accompanied by seeds or nuts. The effect of that would be to slow down the insulin spike that the fruit brought to the bloodstream. Overall, it should be, not limited, but not seen as something you can eat all the time in any quantity." Generally, the higher the water content, the less the sugar hit, so oranges are better than bananas. Oranges are also better than mangoes. Oranges, it turns out, actually are the only fruit.

4 Also beware of (some) naturopaths

Some definitions: "dietitian" is the only term that is subject to professional requirements. Anyone can be a nutritionist. "Naturopath" is what nutritionists call themselves when they want to sound a bit more new-age than they already do. The middle term attracts the most scepticism, based on the presumption that just because your field isn't professionally accredited, you do not know anything and you can't process information. People make it about journalists quite a lot as well; this presumption is mistaken. That said, I interviewed lifestyle guru Carole Caplin once, and she asked me to do something the next day, and I said: "Unfortunately, tonight I'm going to get completely drunk, so I most probably won't want to do Pilates/circuit training/zumba tomorrow." She fixed me with a beady eye and said: "I try not to eat too much chocolate, but sometimes I go mad. The other day, I ate something like eight squares of Green & Black's. And afterwards I felt terrible, I had a headache, the shivers, I couldn't get out of bed. Whereas if I'd only had two squares, I'm sure my body would have coped with it." Here's the thing: I'm not convinced that really happened. I think she was using chocolate as a metaphor for booze, in an attempt to find some joint language that we would both understand.

5 Give up alcohol

Many drinkers think they don't have a sweet tooth; indeed, they are faintly derisive of people who do. In fact, they get all their sugar from alcohol and if they ever gave it a rest for even two days, they would realise they have an incredibly sweet tooth.

6 Gary Barlow

Gary Barlow. Photograph: David M Benett/WireImage You know that joke, "how do you know when someone has an iPad? Because they tell you"? This adapts very well to the Take That tax avoider. How do you know how Gary Barlow lost five stone? Because he tells you. In precis, he realised, after years of trial and error, "that he doesn't have the kind of body that allows him to eat whatever he likes" and thereafter, cut out sugar, alcohol, any solids at all after 2pm, and refined carbohydrates. I know! As if he couldn't get any more charismatic.

The point is that Barlow is now at the dead centre of the sugar-free, wheat-free eating crowd, and if you ever want to know how to make a cake out of hemp, Google "Gary Barlow" + "cake out of hemp".

7 Grain differentiation

Spelt, an ancient wheat. Photograph: Alamy The whole issue of carbohydrates and sugars has been maybe irredeemably muddied by people such as Sarah Ferguson eating spelt, and then going: "I went wheat-free and the weight fell off me," and everybody going: "Wow. That's some strange ju-jitsu, considering spelt is just a variety of wheat."

Almost all carbohydrate converts to glucose, except fibre; the less fibre there is, the more will be converted, until you get, like, a Greggs bap that's basically just a glucose tablet without the mysterious wet-dryness.

If you are unsure whether a carbohydrate is refined or unrefined, ask yourself – have I ever thought: "I could murder an X"? Sausage roll, yes. Pearl barley risotto, no. Buttered crumpet, yes. Kale spread with cashew butter, no. The intensity of your desire is an index of the glucose it will deliver. This means a) all refined carbohydrates should be treated as sugars, in your sugar detox, and b) to avoid sugars, you simply avoid all the things you really want.

8 A life without sugar

Coconut oil can be used in cakes. Photograph: Alamy What sugar brings is not, as you might think, sweetness, but texture. So if you have a cake that is wheat-free and sugar-free (there's no real point in being one without the other), it is possible to find alternatives, replacing the wheat with nuts and the sugar with fruit, coconut oil, agave, combinations thereof. The nuts bring clagginess and the fruit is too wet, so the result is soggy and mushy with a mouth-coating trace of clay, a sort of repulsive pabulum whose problem is not its flavour but its mouthfeel. It is better not to replicate your old life, in other words, but to find new hobbies, such as reading. Can Sugar Brain Damage Be Reversed https://www.sugarfreeblog.com/can-sugar-brain-damage-be-reversed

9 Paleo eating

Acceptable food in the Paleo diet. Photograph: Pal Hansen for the Guardian

The best catch-all diet to remove sugar without contravening the copyright of the Atkins diet, this involves eating like our ancestors – very little fruit, almost no grains, a lot of meat and a lot of exercise as you pound away at your treadmill, imagining yourself the predator of the steak you will later eat. Adherents point to the fact that our stone-age ancestors were much healthier than us, having no problems with obesity, cancer or any other diseases that beset our modern age. Pedants point out that the posthumous diagnosis of cancer was pretty patchy until the discovery of the disease in circa 1600BC (some time after the Paleolithic era); and, furthermore, that many ancestors were cut off in their prime by other factors (dinosaurs!), and it is impossible to tell how fat they would have become had they lived to our great age. I mistook this for Palio eating, and thought it meant eating like a jockey, which would be a mixture of chips, power bars and Viagra. 10 Sugar-free alternatives Sugar-free chewing gum. Photograph: Alamy Basically, the trajectory of a sugar alternative goes like this: is discovered; is lauded by all; becomes available in Holland & Barrett; there are suggestions that it is not as wonderful as it was cracked up to be; is abandoned in favour of something else, which has conveniently come along in the meantime. Take stevia – nutritionist Amanda Ashy-Boyd describes this once-wonder ingredient: "It's supposed to be a natural substitute for sugar, but it's not so natural in the sense that it probably goes through multiple chemical processes to be able to add it to the food."

11 Just stop eating it. What are you, a baby?

Or, more diplomatically put by Ashy-Boyd: "It's all about making sure you're eating a balanced diet, so you never get into a place where your blood sugar has dropped." This involves ceaseless snacking of foodstuff with a low glycaemic load, foods that are mainly hummus or things that remind you of hummus or things that are called "hummus" but aren't, in an attempt to appeal to people who only eat hummus (butterbean hummus. Seriously. How is that hummus?). You combine this with an oatcake, or something containing pumpernickel (note: not a German Christmas tree biscuit; these also contain sugar), and you ignore all the people who are looking at you and definitely thinking: "I wish she would just eat properly and not like some kind of idiot koala." "That's one way of protecting yourself," Ashy-Boyd continues. "The other thing is, if you are a big sugar eater, you have to be conscientious about it. Maybe allow yourself a couple of days to go without it. And then once it's out of your bloodstream, it's so much easier to combat that desire."

Cold turkey, see? It's all about the cold turkey.