#he wasnt supposed to be but!! i love lion dogs so its good

[kits-ships]

💕 seraphina!!!

SERAPHINA MY BELOVED....... her lore is ever-changing and confuses me but its ok bc they are so pretty <3

warning: im free-balling everything here. g/ood o/mens lore and the biblical canon are simply suggestions to me. also bonus asmodeus (oc) lore.

tws for abuse, self hatred, and slight eye horror

angel!seraphina:

as an angel, their first job was to design animals to put on earth! she wasn't the only one with that job, of course, but she had the most fun with it! she's responsible for most of the mammalian carnivores that lived around the garden, such as cheetahs, leopards, lions, jackals, hyenas, and wild dogs. because of her enthusiasm, their next assignment was to watch over the aforementioned animals and to make sure that nature was in balance. she was named the angel of the southern savanna at this time :) sera loved her job so much that she may have ignored god's orders to leave the earth during the expulsion of lucifer + his cohorts. unfortunately for sera, a banishing of this size sent waves of horrific energy cascading over the earth and it scrambled their mind. they were essentially hit by the residual energy(?) that makes demons into demons and it put her into a constant state of pain. it also led her to extreme internal conflicts, as the demonic energy was a bit fucky on their angelic body. because she had disobeyed god's orders and wound up hurt, they essentially became a seraphim-turned errand boy. she was not permitted to visit earth, other angels would get mad that she couldn't properly preen herself, and she felt like she was constantly letting others down. in a split-decision, she sneaks off to earth to visit her animals :) and gets kidnapped by the demon, asmodeus.

asmodeus:

asmodeus personifies lust. he always gets what he wants, and he wanted sera (maybe a reference to the book of tobit?). he took them as his supposed 'bride' and kept her around like a glorified doll that he would bite, claw, and toy at all he wanted. imagine like. a dog and its favorite chew toy. asmodeus kept sera for seven hundred years(?) before getting bored of them. she had no fight left in her and it wasnt fun anymore smh

fallen!sera:

heaven was pissed. seraphina hadn't listened to them AGAIN and now she's like, a half-chewed pen cap. whats up with that? was she working with asmodeus? why'd he call them his bride? she isn't trustworthy anymore. the fall changed them and we cant keep her here anymore. bye girl. after this, depending on how im feeling, she either wakes up in a field alone- surrounded by embers from her fall- or cro/wley/azir/aphale find her. she's initially totally blind (it appears to be traumatic glaucoma), theyre covered in blood(??), and is all dirty. plus, her wings are grey now?? seraphina is, understandably, very confused. how could she be bleeding? why arent her wounds healing? and why didnt they sink into hell once she'd fallen?? turns out, hell did NOT want her. she was still too sweet and icky. i like to think jobs family or someones family end up caring for her. whether they just found her or cro/wley + azir/aphale were like "wow u did so good for god. here's an angel pls watch it for us' and sera essentially becomes an heirloom. she's like jemimah's personal barbie doll. sera will eventually get up and leave to figure stuff out, but theyre mostly a hermit until the 1800s.because human life is scary and feeling like a mortal is weird!!! what is she supposed to do?? luckily, having an angel and a demon around is nice. she finds them and gets in on their shenanigans here and there until the azir/aphales magic show. at that point shes like "woa. these guys are silly ;)" and returns to land they'd bought in mayfair a lil bit ago. sera also eventually opens a plant nursery beneath her house, but no one knows how it stays open since her chronic pain makes her hours super erratic

demon!sera

i don't know how demon!sera becomes a thing. maybe they just fall straight to hell like they were supposed to. as a demon, sera either changes their name to abaddon or baphomet. abaddon because theyre said to be tied to destruction and chaos, which would result from sera's anger towards everything, and baphomet because i think theyre cool :) baphomet also represents social order, which id say is fitting for someone who, in an au, is stuck between heaven and hell. they also kept nature in balance on the savanna, so demon!sera, like their newly, fallen-angel self, is mostly blind. they see light and darkness and very blurry shapes. as abaddon, their irises are split and look like splotches, and, as baphomet, they have horizontal slit irises like a goat's. maybe horns, too. they are also much angrier and prone to outbursts when compared to their angel self and is disgusted by themselves. they hate being a demon and they hate everyone who has. abaddon would use this rage to mostly create natural disasters, and baphomet would use it to insist on forcing things into balance- even when it would cause lots of people pain. i dont know if that makes sense they are also represented by the komodo dragon :) and they tear asmodeus to shreds. demon!sera may also be venomous.

[rosaline-strangler]

ATTICUS is a being that lives in a forest that is perpetually autumn. No one really knows what his deal is; he never leaves the forest, and everyone has different stories about him. Some say that those who get lost in the forest never come out, and he punishes those that step foot in his home. Others say he gives you a cup of tea, and is kind and benevolent before guiding you out of the forest.

But one thing’s for sure; he’s definitely not mortal.

[cheskalagran]

BYE 2018

This year has got to be the year jampacked with EVERYTHING. I might have the same motivation to write now but i gotta try for my future self. (bcos yaknow everything that I dont write eventually gets forgotten and i have no way of remembering, it just turns into a blank patch in my mind lyk 2017 lol) whatever happend to 2017??? i was scrolling through this blog and i didnt find any 2017 posts lol what??? was i in a trans or??? idk i have no memory of new year 2017. well i dont want that to happen to 2018 because theres just so much that happened so here it goes.

JANUARY- I started the year in qc.

Jan 2- I saw Mamsh for the first time in uptc. We bought my very first film roll. n Agfa Vista 200 in Satchmi.

Jan 7- i put my first film roll in. took a few shots. oh and im back in marinduque

Jan14 to the end of the month- im just in duque doing normal stuff i guess idk. More MSC days. I was really stressed about being irreg. lol

FEBRUARY-

feb 2 i went to Manila for the opening of Arts Month. IT WAS SO GREAT I NEVER FELT SO ALIVE IT WAS WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED, to live each waking day to be exposed to art. agh fun tyms. i spent 5 days in Bayview and everyday i went to luneta park for workshops and other shennanigans. While this was all happening i was also shooting for our Trends and Network (?) (subject) video. Reg was my partner in this video we were supposed to put a vissual on a poem our prof gave us.

feb 3

first time to eat yellow watermelon.

went to a baybayin writing workshop and learned how to write baybayin yay

saw autotelic, better days, sud and ben and ben that night

FEB 4- still there

feb 5- attended poetry night and saw mike coroza. saw mamsh again today and we went to national museum. It was the last day of arts month.

feb 6- i went home to duque

Feb 7- i edited my footage

~idk what date but hahaha the video i edited got 75 loooool but our prof gave us another chance to edit the shit.

feb 14- mundo- iv of spades was released. idk how this is relevant to me lol but yeah it was released on this day.

feb 17- UP fair that i wasnt able to go to. Finals week is near im so stressedt

feb 20- im editing the video again. we made a storyline instead of just putting vissuals on the poem.

feb 21- the stress was getting to me. i havent been sleeping bcos of finals and editing so i cut my hair short. the shortest it has been, they said i looked like hannah baker

~idk what date but i finally passed the video and we got 85 thank god for that curve lol~

feb 24- Im back in Manila. first time to ever play with the orchestra in a place which is not marinduque. Played in Makati along with Sta Isabel peeps.

feb 26-

Went to bgc--- to the overrated Venice grand canal place to be exact.

Saw Alex Aiono live.

Bought a new Murakami book (Wind Up Bird Chronicle) that i havent still finished until now

feb 27 to march- marinduque ++ more MSC things

March 29

practiced a viola piece for auditions sa ust but hey its 2019 and i didnt end up auditioning

Moriones festival (holy week)

Watched Baconaua a film by Joseph Laban shot in Mdq. the plot was also mdq related!!! and also socially relevant at present. its kinda about drugs--- well it is about drugs.

april 7- went to ust for enrolment

apr 8- went home na ata i dont even know

apr 13 ICON MANILA DAY1

went to manila for yfc’s 25th anniv!!!!! AAAA ICON 2018~ FULL BLAST

bRO THE THEME WAS MUSICALS AND THEY PERFORMED DISNEY AND THE GREATEST SHOWMAN THEMED THINGS HUHU MY HART IS HAPI

yfc reunion yey

APR 14 DAY 2 - FIREWORKSSS AND TALKS

APR 15- DAY 3

LAST DAY

GOT AN ICON DAVAO SHIRT

NASA ICON RECAP VIDEO AKO

APR 16 ARRIVED IN MDQ FOR FINALS

APR 19- SURVIVED FIRST DEFENSE

APR 23- FINAL DEFENSE

APR 26- SHELLY’S DEBUT

APR 30- FOUND OUT I DIDNT PASS THE UPCAT YO

MAY 3-

GRAD PHOTOSHOOT

SAGALA

MAY 8- 18TH

MAY 10- SURPRISE BDAY CELEB BY THE BEACH T^T gots a new laptop yey. got another murakami book from fiel. got a cool shirt from dem. got my fav necklace (which means so much to me since it has so much connection to who i am--- its a Sta. Claire/ St. Francis pendant from Rome.) Lola passed down a family heirloom to me--- her watch. <3

MAY 11- woke up after last night’s celeb for Graduatioooon.

May 11 to 19- stayed at home and watched movies and shi

May 20-

watched Musika sa Isla’s concert. first time that i sat out since i was so busy huhu.

Went out with Reg and went kayaking

May 21 and onwards more of doing nothing and watching movies and shii

May 29- went out with sum frends i havent seen for so loooong: isa, franz, angge, ira

Jun 2- went out with the fam and tita pina to the beaaachhh

Jun 15- My first provincial Shout!!! YBB LAGUNA!!!

Jun 18- went to shannon falls!!!! hiked and swam with the fam ++ dream favor fam

Jun 19- end of Prov Shout huhu went to amoingon with the YBB laguna team. swam some more in the beach.cried A LOT. said goodbye to fwends huhu

Jun 20- left duque for good

Jun 22- went to ust to settle thingz, dorm hopping

Jun 23- went to ust again

Jun -Jul scrabble, movies, wine, milktea, mc do and a couple of city thingz. Prepared for YCOM acad. long distance organizing with yasu huhu.

Jul 25- went home to duque for YCOM Acad!!! My first and last event as a the provincial YCOM head. cant believe we actually got to put this together huhu sml

Jul 26-28- finally had face to face organizing with the pcg. practiced songs and hosting.

Jul 29- YCOM ACAD NAAA. a lot of hard work paid off in this event. a lot if crying again. said goodbye to friends again.

Jul 30- left for Manila first thing in the morning

Aug 1- First day dorm life

Aug 2- Start of freshmen week. Freshmen pol sci orientation

Aug 3- ROARientation

Aug 4- got very drunk with batch mates uuuhhh which was wrong cos its just the first day and i probably made out with someone???uhhh

Aug 6- Tomasino na ako event. Saw Ben and ben and fourplay mnl

Aug 10-

went to cinemalaya with reg,kly and paul. was supposed to watch liway but ended up watching school service. bumabagyo rn hahahaha.

first time to ride the lrt loool

Aug 11-13- spent 3 days alone in qc aHAHAHA they were in cebu

~Lol kinda  dated a blockmate or whateva at this time uuhh~

Aug 17- parents visited manila, we went to intramuros

Aug 20- kuyas bday

Aug 21-saw reg and we watched another cinemalaya entry: Madilim Ang Gabi. sobrang slow paceeeedddd but ya it was about ejk. #SupportLocal

Aug 22 and onwards- A LOT OF READINGS

Aug 28- bar hopping with 7wonders

MORE STUDYING

Sep 5- saw Sud again in ust. org week ata??

MORE STUDYING

~kinda stopped dating that blockmate na~ ahahah

MORE STUDYING

Sep 21- saw shelly, aira, and fiel at Happy T. met someone but never talked again after that nyt. slept at fiel’s

MORE STUDYING

Sep 28- YFC GA

Sep 29- WENT TO SHE’S ONLY SIXTEEN’S 10TH ANNIVERSARY WITH MAMSH BROOOOOOO (XX: XX Makati)

ang bandang shirley

lions and acrobats

mellow fellow

rusty machine

oh flamingo

sandwich???

i forgot the others huhu

IT WAS WILD I LOVE SENA

OCT 4-5- PRELIMS ((no sleeping starts))

Oct 10-pre lims. got rly unexpected close friendships. slept at dean’s.

Oct 20- Island with shelly, ira, dean and sum binilde friends. met sum ppl. slept at mark’s

MORE STUDYING! ! !

~kinda started talking to someone i actually like~

OCT 29- FINALLY WENT BACK HOME TO DUQUE HUHU

OCT 29- went to the beach with reg trisha cavite peeps and kuya francis. saw kent kuya jm and jayson at kuya karl’s

OCT 31- inuman with friends i havent seen for so loooooong, drew, ira, pam, josh, angge

UNDAS- made my term paper about islam huhuhuhuhuhu d y i n g

NOV 3- went to the beach with yfc people huhuhu yasu mat ninyah and others. quest ang gracenote were there at villa aplaya also ahahaha

NOV 4- haaayyy left duque again :<

MORE TERM PAPER MAKING

NOV 14- first meeting of that ~someone~ im talking to. went to rou bourbon. agh i actually like this guy can u believe it

NOV 16- saw ~that guy~ again. went over to his place and met his dog

MORE STUDYING

Nov 23- saw ~ that guy~ again// study date

MORE STUDYIN BCOS FINALS IS NEAR IM DED

Nov 29- adventures with dean and mia at 3am. smoked a lot this month brOo i was ded more studying

Dec 2- mom visited me huhu lord tnx

Dec 3- Agape

Dec 8 onwards- FINALS WEEK a lot of smoking//very very very ded at this point

Dec 13- SURVIVED FINALS AND WENT OUT WITH 1POL3

Dec 15- i was high with kuya and claud

Dec 17- drank with kuya and claud

Dec 19- i was high

Dec 20- mom and micha and pau arrived

Dec 21- PASKUHAN with micha <3 ~the guy~ i was talking to ditched me lol. the dating thing was “paused” looooooool things started going downhill again but paskuhan was so fun!!!!! huhhuhuh definitely made me feel things. saaw ransom collective and spongecola <3 mia and chad r now together. micha slept in my dorm

Dec 23 and 24 and 25- christmas shenanigans in ateneo.

Dec 24- cinco ako sa nstp. i died seeing this

Dec 28- BANDERSNATCH!!!!!!!

Dec 29- went to bulacan for Kuya Oyo’s wedding cute couple

Dec 30-31- STAYCATION with the fam

DEC 31- went home and welcomed the new year. smy prof hasnt still replied for the cinco he gave me.

yaaaaalllllll 2018 was rough. a lot has happend. and im difinitely not the same person anymore. whats worse is that im kinda disappointed of what i turned out to be. :/ things are just sad. i havent been able to pick myself up until now. idk if im just in the right place or in the right time or with the right people but all u i know is that things could be in a much better place. i just hope that 2019 would put things in a better place. i cried a ton shit of tears this year. cut a few scars.left a lot of people. so much new things. it was my wildest year so far. Living independently alone, surviving college and the city life--- it was very different from what Im used to. but hey i survived and im proud of myself for that.2018 u were painful---so painful.  U made me try so hard and fail so hard at every aspect. I tried to maintain ties with friends even though it wasnt rly my thing. It was so hard for me to maintain connection agh but at least i still tried. Acads wise, I tried so hard to study for that one major prelim exam and i failed--- for the very first time, i failed a major exam. I tried to love--- yup--- thats totally not me--- i tried to date people. but lol things rly just dont work out sometimes. it be lyk that sometimes. ako pa yung dinitch HAHAHAHAH lol

the first half of the year was so fulfilling a lot of fun times. Never have i ever felt lyk i knew myself so much. everything i did was everything i wanted to do. For the first time i felt lyk i was turning out to be who i wanted to be but surprise everything turned around at the second half of the year.

it  made me feel lost it made me feel alone. its 2019 and that feeling hasnt changed. still a ton shit of anxiety. god Every holiday season i try my best to get in the holiday spirit but hah this year no matter how hard i try i wasnt just feeling it.  everything feels so static i dont wanna be like this anymore. The second half of 2018 made me feel like im the wrong place am i in the wrong place i dont know.

[tia-osumah-blog]

no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get for not keeping them in their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar way in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or those old hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar of course hes right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might as well be in bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something better to say for himself an old Lion would O well I suppose its because they were so plump and tempting in my short petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well for men all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so round and white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try with that thing they have swelling up on you so hard and at the same time so soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those cornerboys saying passing the comer of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt make me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his thing long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what they please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their different tastes like those houses round behind Irish street no but were to be always chained up theyre not going to be chaining me up no damn fear once I start I tell you for their stupid husbands jealousy why cant we all remain friends over it instead of quarrelling her husband found it out what they did together well naturally and if he did can he undo it hes coronado anyway whatever he does and then he going to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either its the woman he wants and he gets her what else were we given all those desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young still can I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of me not knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my hat at him after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent I atom of any kind of expression in us all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss the feet of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he did what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young no matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the fellow you want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark evening where nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and not care a pin whose I was only do it off up in a gate somewhere or one of those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near the Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if they could I only sent mine there a few times for the name model laundry sending me back over and over some old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and ride me up against the wall without a word or a murderer anybody what they do themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out of Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters and the walk and when I turned round a minute after just to see there was a woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he goes home to his wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors are rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for the love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he knew how he came out on the cards this morning hed have something to sigh for a dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for Lord knows what he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around down in the kitchen to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a mummy will I indeed did you ever see me running Id just like to see myself at it show them attention and they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody says itd be much better for the world to be governed by the women in it you wouldnt see women going and killing one another and slaughtering when do you ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny they have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop sure they wouldnt be in the world at all only for us they dont know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where would they all of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what I never had thats why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away from his books and studies and not living at home on account of the usual rowy house I suppose well its a poor case that those that have a fine son like that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one it wasnt my fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up in her behind in the middle of the naked street that disheartened me altogether I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I knitted crying as I was but give it to some poor child but I knew well Id never have another our 1st death too it was we were never the same since O Im not going to think myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldnt stay the night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to love coming home after dances the air of the night they have friends they can talk to weve none either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to stick her knife in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way they do we are a dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes us so snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in the other room I suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria that gave me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a name Id go and drown myself in the first river if I had a name like her O my and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and Rodgers ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small blame to me if I am a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I dont feel a day older than then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent forgotten it all I thought I had only for the grammar a noun is the name of any person place or thing pity I never tried to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me by Valera with the questions in it all upside down the two ways I always knew wed go away in the end I can tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian then hell see Im not so ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor fellow was dead tired and wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his breakfast in bed with a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on the knife for bad luck or if the woman was going her rounds with the watercress and something nice and tasty there are a few olives in the kitchen he might like I never could bear the look of them in Abrines I could do the criada the room looks all right since I changed it the other way you see something was telling me all the time Id have to introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his wife or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods notion where he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back room he could do his writing and studies at the table in there for all the scribbling he does at it and if he wants to read in bed in the morning like me as hes making the breakfast for I he can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going to take in lodgers off the street for him if he takes a gesabo of a house like this Id love to have a long talk with an intelligent welleducated person Id have to get a nice pair of red slippers like those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a nice semitransparent morning gown that I badly want or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the one long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 111 just give him one more chance 111 get up early in the morning Im sick of Cohens old bed in any case I might go over to the markets to see all the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in lovely and fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet theyre out looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used to say they are and the night too that was her massgoing Id love a big juicy pear now to melt in your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then 111 throw him up his eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his mouth bigger I suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what 111 do 111 go about rather gay not too much singing a bit now and then mi fa pieta Masetto then 111 start dressing myself to go out presto non son piu forte 111 put on my best shift and drawers let him have a good eyeful out of that to make his micky stand for him 111 let him know if thats what he wanted that his wife is I s 1 o fucked yes and damn well fucked too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times handrunning theres the mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to even iron it out that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe me feel my belly unless I made him stand there and put him into me Ive a mind to tell him every scrap and make him do it out in front of me serve him right its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in the gallery said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in this vale of tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it I suppose thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or He wouldnt have made us the way He did so attractive to men then if he wants to kiss my bottom 111 drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his face as large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes there my brown part then 111 tell him I want LI or perhaps 30/ — 111 tell him I want to buy underclothes then if he gives me that well he wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all out of him like other women do I could often have written out a fine cheque for myself and write his name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he forgot to lock it up besides he wont spend it 111 let him do it off on me behind provided he doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant be helped 111 do the indifferent 1 or 2 questions 111 know by the answers when hes like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him 111 tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or the first mad thing comes into my head then 111 suggest about yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming 111 be quite gay and friendly over it O but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing pfooh you wouldnt know which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of plum and apple no 111 have to wear the old things so much the better itll be more pointed hell never know whether he did it or not there thats good enough for you any old thing at all then 111 wipe him off me just like a business his omission then 111 go out 111 have him eying up at the ceiling where is she gone now make him want me thats the only way a quarter after what an unearthly hour I suppose theyre just getting up in China now combing out their pigtails for the day well soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in to spoil their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office or the alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of itself let me see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those they invented like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was much nicer the apron he gave me was like that something only I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and try again so as I can get up early 111 go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he brings him home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I want to do the place up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then we can have music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the keys of the piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white rose or those fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at 7 l/2d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar 1 Id a couple of lbs of those a nice plant for the middle of the table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I saw them not long ago I love flowers Id love to have the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no God I wouldnt give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why dont they go and create something I often asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why why because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there was anybody that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so there you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him to propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking of so many things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and old captain Groves and the sailors playing all birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on the pier and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls laughing in their shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in the morning the Greeks and the jews and the Arabs and the devil knows who else from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market all clucking outside Larby Sharons and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the big wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old yes and those handsome Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you to sit down in their little bit of a shop and Ronda with the old windows of the posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice hid for her lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops half open at night and the castanets and the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about serene with his lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little streets and the pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

[adambstingus]

My Friends And I Found A Mysterious Hole On My Property And We Decided To Explore Its Depths

I need to have my story heard. I need to write this down. If I don’t, then I fear I’ll end up as mad as everyone thinks I already am. I’ve spent the past 11 months trying to find meaning and answers at the bottom of a bottle, but it never helps. Every night I wake in a cold sweat, shaking uncontrollably and gasping for air in the wake of the memory of the things I saw. Even now, I cannot venture past my door after dusk for fear of what lies beyond. Every bark from my dogs is a warning; every flicker of the floodlights that surround my house has me running for the generators. I have no idea what future awaits me past this moment, but I know I can’t stand the thought of another day where my experiences are not recorded in some way.

I farm a sizable piece of land, some several thousand acres in size. What I farm isn’t important, just the location. Upon my land occurs a unique land formation a type of rock that bears in a pattern unique to this area. In all the world, there is always something similar, but never quite exactly the same. Imagine a type of rock used by the early peoples to make paints that they would apply to their faces colors of orange, tan, red, white, and blue and embedded within these rocks are numerous geodes. It was always my plan that, should I fall upon financial hardship, I would sell these geodes at local stores or flea markets to the more “spiritual” people that frequented the larger towns near my home. Now however, that is no longer an option.

Until last year, I would allow hunters onto my land each winter to hunt deer and elk, occasionally joining them, as one elk could feed me for the better part of a year. They were my friends men I had hunted with for years and whom I had come to depend upon. I can still remember crawling through the brush of my property some year ago, only to came face to face with a mountain lion that appeared just as stunned as I at the encounter. I scarcely remember un-holstering my sidearm, a Beretta that had been gifted to me some years ago, and unloading half a clip into its still startled face as the panicked hands of my hunting buddies tore apart catclaw and mesquite branches alike to reach me before the second gunshot had rung out.

I still hold fond memories of how we laughed at the encounter that evening as they applied hydrogen peroxide to their bloodied hands in-between sips of beer. None of us went back for that mountain lion carcass. I think we honestly believed it wouldn’t be there if we looked, as if it had shrugged off several 9mm rounds fired point blank and was laughing off the encounter with its own buddies in much the same way we were. Sometimes I can still think back on that evening and smile at the image of all of us, wearing our beanies and fatigues, rifles slung over our backs…. The only two things that saved me in the end were my sidearm and the men at my back.

It was supposed to be a good year for hunting, the weather had been kind to us over the months and the uncharacteristic amount of rain for the area meant there was more grass to graze. Already I’d begun seeing elk lying dead on the side of the road. Unfortunate for the driver, but hopefully a sign of greater numbers that season. It was a more humid year than we were used to and it seemed like the winter would be harsh, but for us, it only meant buying more firewood. I’d been keeping the corn feeders stocked throughout the year and keeping a mental checklist of every deer and elk I saw. Even the javelina were starting to become a nuisance, although a decent source of meat provided you got a clean shot before they could musk.

I knew every inch of my property like the back of my hand, or at least I thought I did. It wasnt until two weeks into the season that we encountered . We were on a night hunt, trekking through a part of the property I’d taken to calling “Paint Rock Canyon,” due to the abundance of the unique rock formations in that area. It had needed no descent, just a brief 45 minute drive to the area situated between two mountains that sat almost directly in the middle of the property. We were all outfitted with LED headlamps and Maglites and most of us had outfitted our rifles with night-vision scopes, save for Anthony.

Anthony was not a large man, but he did seem to carry luck on his side. His medium length hair was usually tied back into a small ponytail and he had an almost ill-informed love of his neatly trimmed mutton chop sideburns and mustache that had earned him the nickname “Lemmy.” He couldn’t be considered lanky, nor could he be called overweight. On the whole, Anthony was quite normal, which many mistook for “average” brown hair, brown eyes, and a tanned complexion shared by the rest of us (the result of a life lived working outdoors). He had brought his AR-15, something he won in a local rodeo raffle, equipped with a thermal scope. While the others had found the rifle enviable, I was less impressed. Admittedly, I was disappointed that I didn’t win the second prize, which was a lever-action rifle with a custom saddle holster, provided by my favourite, local saddlery. I’m ashamed to admit it in retrospect, but I took a small comfort in the fact that Anthony was limited to featureless black-and-white as opposed to the rest of us.

Apart from Anthony, the hunting party consisted of Markus, Forrester, and myself. Markus was a heavy set Hispanic man who I turned to whenever I needed help with any of my vehicles, which was typically one per month. Auto repair was his family’s business and hed taken over the shop from his father after his passing. Forrester on the other hand was a pious man, a devout Baptist, and the only one among us who could honestly say hed never known the taste of liquor in his life. While the rest of us would set up the satellite to watch the game and drink to the point where we felt 10 years younger, Forrester could always be found over a smoker or grill that hed welded together himself, a root beer in one hand and a cooking utensil in the other. He was the shortest of all of us, but the only other farmer apart from myself, and my main source of hay when it came to animal feed.

That’s how I will always remember them before we found that damn hole under the light of the full moon. It was impossibly large and dug into the base of one of the mountains where the Paint Rock began. The hole was larger than any one of us and seemed like it was freshly dug. It certainly hadnt been there when wed last passed through the canyon scarcely two days prior. We stood in front of it in confusion for several minutes, questioning what could have caused such a thing when an elk came sprinting out, startling us all. Anthony was the quickest on the draw, bringing his rifle up and letting off several quick bursts as the gigantic animal bound towards us. The rest of us dove for cover, all but Anthony who, with his unbelievable luck, pierced the animal’s heart, bringing it crashing to the ground as he finally dove away from the falling body of an animal that weighed enough to total any vehicle unfortunate enough to collide with its form.

After calling to ensure that everyone was unhurt, we quickly turned our lights on the elks corpse, which turned out to be a cow rather than a bull as wed all assumed. Bullet wounds marked its body and I could have sworn the wounds on its back looked far too large to be caused by the 5.56 rounds fired from Anthonys rifle, yet I dismissed them as exit wounds despite being able to vividly recall no upward angle to his shots.

We were all thoroughly shaken by the experience and yet, for some unknowable reason, our curiosity was piqued. I recalled no one else on my land and doubted border-jumpers could have made something large enough to conceal an elk in less than two days. For reasons I will never fully know, none of us contested the idea when Markus suggested venturing inside the tunnel. We readied our night-scopes and light sources, pocketed some extra ammunition and abandoned what little light was offered by the night sky and made our way into the darkness.

The first thing we noticed as we entered the tunnel was its slope, which I think we all expected, except instead of sloping down into the earth the hole slanted upwards, ascending into the mountain. Out flashlights and headlamps illuminated the earthen walls yet saw no immediate end to the tunnel, which seemed to extend almost impossibly far.

Markus led the way, followed by Anthony, Forrester, and myself. I looked in awe at the almost circular hole that could almost comfortably fit a tractor within, provided you never intended to turn around. It was maybe a hundred yards into the tunnels depths that we first noticed a change and felt hesitant to continue. The air felt cool…yet . It was uncharacteristically more humid than any of us were used to. At first, we dismissed it as a result of being underground until we also began to realise we also felt lighter. Not only that, but the air somehow seemed thinner, like we were suddenly much higher in altitude, even though no mountain on my property was more than a few hundred feet tall. As our nerves began to take hold, Markus noticed what seemed to be an opening ahead, possibly into some sort of cavern. With none of us wanting to be the first to suggest turning back, we all agreed to at least see where the tunnel led before heading back.

After another 50 or so yards, Markus came upon the opening and froze. When asked what it was, it seemed all he could do to manage a wordless stutter, apparently rooted in place by whatever it was that he was witnessing until Anthony made his way beside him to shine his own light into the opening. I caught a brief glimpse of green on the ground before Anthony turned his head back and slowly, disbelievingly called Forrester and myself forward.

Exiting the tunnel, we stepped into…I still dont know how to describe it, a Jules Verne novel? The center of the earth? All that I know is that I now think of it as hell. What looked like greenish-black moss and algae covered the ground around us and giant, impossible plants grew amongst the moss. Various black-leaved ferns grew several yards, like those you would see in pictures of tropical climates, some growing upwards and branchless, maybe 10 feet tall with leaves like black pine needles reaching for the sky. And there was a sky. As impossible as it sounds, the four of us stood in silence, in a tunnel dug into a mountain at our backs, staring into a night sky. At first, my mind didnt want to believe it reeled at the idea. I first rationalised that they were some sort of glowing insects on the cavern roof, that there was no way they could be stars, but it wasnt long until I realised that the size and shape was wrong, even for stars. Together we stared into a night sky dotted not by distant suns, but by distant galaxies.

All around us, under an alien night sky, life grew up from the ground. The trunk of some massive tree reached towards the night sky just to the right of us, nearly a 100 feet high and four feet across, yet instead of branches, it looked more like an asparagus stalk, sprouting tightly packed, pale looking pods that resembled mushroom caps. Another tree looked not dissimilar to a spanish dagger cactus, yet with the same black leaves as the alien fern and almost three times larger than it should be with bark that resembled alligator skin, dotted with large white flower towards its apex. Around us countless alien plants grew, too many to recall had I even noticed them, because that was the moment grabbed Anthony.

Our first warning was a rapidly approaching series of clicks, but apart from that, the thing was impossibly quiet, swooping down from above with blinding speed and snatching Anthony up, carrying him screaming into the darkness as the rest of us were knocked to the ground by a gust of wind. By the time we were up and calling for Anthony, he was gone and Markus was running after off into that alien landscape, screaming his Anthonys name as Forrester and I gave chase.

Our chase was hampered by how light our bodies felt, every step propelled us farther than we were used to, which made it difficult to balance ourselves at any speed. Regardless, Markus had enough of a head start that by the time we caught up to him, hed already started firing. He was aimed into the branches of some alien tree above him, firing shot after shot until something fell at his feet. Following his gaze, it was too dark to see high enough into the tree, but bringing the scope of my .308 to my eyes, I saw the creature. Through the green colouring of my night scope, I couldnt make out the color of its feathers, but the creature was huge. It was large enough to steal a small horse into the sky. The creature was armed with talons the length of my arm, which were wrapped around a branch, a long, needle-like beak protruding from the centre of a flat, only vaguely bird-like face. The creature seemed like some unholy union between an owl and some reptilian creature. Its face was almost entirely free of feathers and covered in a scaly skin with a pair of forward-facing eyes so large that they seemed to take up more than half of its head. It sat on the branch, letting loose a series of bizarre clicks until one of Markus bullets struck its abdomen and it took off, flying away into the night.

We looked to Markus and saw him crouched down over Anthonys crumpled form he had fallen from the branches when Markus had started firing. Even before making my way to him, I knew he was dead. The fall was too high, his body looked too twisted. When the light from my flashlight illuminated his body, I immediately wished it hadnt. The creature’s talons tore his chest, stomach, and legs open. From the state of his innards as they lay splayed around him it was apparent that the creature had begun to feed before Markus started firing upon it. As we stood in stunned silence around Anthonys corpse, Markus began to moan, a low, woeful sound, as if his body and mind couldnt reconcile whether to be violently ill or if he should cry out in anguish. Forrester and I stood silently, neither of us certain of what to do. We were unable to process that our friend was dead until it slowly dawned on us that none of us knew where we were. In our haste to save Anthony, we had left behind our only means of returning home.

It was at that moment I truly began to feel what others describe as despair, a feeling of such hopelessness fueled by the loss of one of my dearest friends and the crashing realization that we were alone, trapped in a place that had likely never before been seen by human eyes. I felt what seemed like tears of panic and sorrow begin to form. My breathing quickened as panic threatened to consume me. My heart hammered away I know not whether from fear of from adrenaline, yet through some means I will never fully know, I was able to keep my composure, possibly because I still refused to believe that any of what was happening was real.

When we tried to tell Markus of our situation, a fury seemed to take over, adamantly refusing to leave Anthonys body where it was while we tried to explain to him through panicked whispers that it was too dangerous to try to carry him with us, especially if other creatures like the one that had carried him away were lured by the smell of blood. Markus ignored our reasoning, instead muttering with only passing moments of coherence as he calmly attempted to reinsert Anthonys innards back into the torso. Markus mumbled that it would be okay, that things were lighter here, that he would take Anthony home and patch him up, that hed be okay as long as he got him back out into Paint Rock Canyon, because where they were was so impossible that it would be impossible for him die there too. His ravings became louder and louder as Forrester and I frantically tried to calm his growing madness.

From where the next creature came from, I still do not know, but like everything else on this world, it was monstrous and impossibly large. It made no noise when it grabbed Forrester between its massive pincers and Forresters attempts to scream were cut off by a gurgling wheeze when he was torn in half, as if all the air and blood were trying to escape from his lungs at once. In the dim torchlight, the creature seemed jet black, as wide as a feral pig, yet its serpentine body trailed more than 15 feet behind it. Its head seemed to be little more two giant eyes that had formed into one, yet was like that of an ant while the rest of its body was like that of a centipede, covered in a insectile, chitinous exoskeleton that seemed almost reddish-brown in color.

Blood and viscera spilled onto the alien soil as Forresters legs fell away from him, the same wheezing, gurgling sounds escaped from his lips for what seemed like minutes. I am ashamed to admit it, but at that moment, panic and fear took their hold on me and I found myself stumbling back, toppling over Anthonys crumpled body. I crawled backwards in an attempt to escape the nightmare that was illuminated before me. My last memory was the sounds of Markus chastising me followed by several rounds of gunfire and a sharp pain as something struck the side of my head, followed by the darkness of unconsciousness.

When I awoke, I found myself alone. As images and memories of what had happened returned to me, I sat up in a panic. I was back within the tunnel, presumably carried there by Markus, but the bodies of Anthony and Forrester were nowhere to be seen. In the distance, I heard no gunfire, no screams, no clicks from some monstrous raptor soaring through alien skies, scanning the land for prey. Out of fear, I refused to call Markus name, instead I fled down the slope of the tunnel, and refused to look back. Not even when I exited the tunnel back onto familiar earthen soil and ran to the waiting vehicle did I dare look at that tunnel, terrified that I might see that gargantuan insect-like creature pursuing me.

Everything following that was a series of calls, first on short-wave radio and then to the sheriff on my landline once I found myself back home. Search parties were mobilized, questions were asked, I was treated for shock, underwent numerous evaluations, was asked whether it could have been a mountain lion whether my mind had created the scenario to deal with the trauma. They found the tunnel, but it led nowhere. No alien world lay beyond. It simply ended with an earthen wall some 10 feet in. Officially, it was dismissed an abandoned illegal camp being used as a mountain lion den, but there were rumors that there was no sign it had been used by either. People began to talk, to say I had snapped and killed my friends. But I know what happened, what continues to happen.

Whenever I find the corpse of a deer or an elk, I know it was some hellish, clicking, avian creature that slaughtered it, flying forth from whatever doorway is contained within that canyon. I know I cant ever sell this place, for I am the only one who knows the signs to look for, for the tunnels to cave in. I havent found any more since that night, but I know theyre out there, leading to the bodies of my friends whove been left to rot in some unknowable hell, under the sky of a world between galaxies in the darkest region of existence.

And yet I can never truly call it hell, because if it was, then why did the tunnel ascend?

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/my-friends-and-i-found-a-mysterious-hole-on-my-property-and-we-decided-to-explore-its-depths/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/177328889447