#he was never forced to truly reckon with his death like Edwin was perhaps until the show

[cyreneduvent]

“Well I’m not ready, am I? I don’t want to go somewhere else yet.”

heres the thing. i get where people are coming from when they say that charles would rather stay with edwin than go to heaven. and i do think theres a lot of merit in it. but thats not the only reason he doesnt want to go to heaven. especially in the very beginning, when they've just met. he likes edwin, he's clearly very attached already, but not the way he is later on down the road, not quite attached at the hip yet. not "go down to hell to get him back" loyal yet

charles doesnt want to go to heaven because it would involve admitting that he's died. that he's dead. he wants to stay here and pretend. pretend that he can feel it when he kisses a living girl. pretend that people can hear him when he's talking. pretend like he's going to grow up to be more than an angry young man. and he can't do any of that in heaven. he's running from death just as much as he's running towards edwin.