#he wants me to pursue whatever career shows up first

[heyitstam]

dr. robert chase x reader - the chase itself (smut)

hi guys :D i know i haven't posted in a while, but i recently asked a VERY good friend of mine to cook me a fanfic of this very beautiful man, and HE DELIVERED. like all out jaws on the floor type delivered. i love this man fr, so i'm posting it here with his permission. it's his first fanfic ever, and in my humble professional opinion he overdelivered - so have fun reading this beautiful smut fic of reader and dr. chase <3

I. Humble Beginnings

Taking place in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, New Jersey, you are a fairly new nurse who pursued a medical career in quite a common way. The way being that it was more so your parents’ wish for you to go to medical school than your own, but you don’t necessarily hate that fact; at least it gave you a direction, so to speak.

It’s early in the morning, so there’s not a whole lot going on. You went around doing your usual checkups already and what not, therefore you decide to go on your well deserved coffee break. However, right as you are are on that, and you step out of the cubicle you are in, you glance over to an unfamiliar face through an operating room.

Some would call it love at first sight, but it really is more than that. It’s the kind of tingly sensation no one could forget. It’s almost shameful, but you can’t be bothered by that feeling right now. As if you physically couldn’t take your eyes off of them, you lose all sense of purpose, standing there, unable to think. Suddenly, someone bumps into you, which wakes you up from your total amusement. You feel the need to know more, so as you squint your eyes, you can read their name off of the shirt they are wearing.

“Dr. Robert Chase..?  I need to.. have a talk with him. I just need to.” – you think to yourself, ponderingly.

You go back to working with a saturated mind, unable to concentrate.

II. The Chase Itself

As days go by, you’re quite hesitant to reach out to him, but you seriously feel the need to. Why is that, really, you ask yourself. You ache to even have a talk with him at this point, but you long for more. Way more. You can’t think of anything else.

After contemplating for a good while, you decide to ask around to know what time he gets off from work, since you want to surprise him at the last minute. That’s the only way you see that you could have a one-on-one with him anytime soon.

With that out the way, you now know everything you needed to know. The only thing that divides you from your desire is to actually act up on it, so you gather all your courage. You look at the time, and you’re actually pretty shocked how caught up you were thinking about him. If you don’t hurry then you’re going to miss him that day entirely, so you start sprinting.

You notice him as he is turning around the corner, all dressed up, ready to leave, and you stumble right into him.

“I need to tell you something inside, it’s.. it’s important, alright. And it might just take a while” – you tell him, struggling with your words. “Great. I was just about to leave, you know. Whatever, show me, I don’t have much time for this. Is it really that important?” – he answers abruptly, being quite impatient.

You suddenly catch a rush of excitement. This is all that you were planning for the past few days or so, to get close to him, and it looks like you’re on track.

III. An Uneasy Start

Chase swings open the door of the office he’s just been in, ushering you in and closing the door behind him, since there’s quite the commotion even late into the night, it’s a hospital after all. It’s dark inside, the only light sources being a dim lamp he accidentally left on and the Moon seeping through the closed blinds faintly. The room has a surgical bed, a cabinet behind it with all kinds of training supplies, a desk with an office chair and a hanger stand. He puts his white coat on the stand, then undoes his tie, putting it into his pants pocket in a really apathetic way, with most of it hanging out.

Seemingly being quite contempt with the situation, he sits down onto the office chair, facing you, and he seriously doesn’t look like he wants to be there.

As a last effort at trying to ease up the situation, you grab the glass of water that is sitting on the desk and you splash it at him, in a playful way.  Not surprisingly, this backfires, since he doesn’t seem too happy about, not in the slightest. He stands up from his desk and goes on to wipe off his shirt to make it slightly less messy, all without even muttering a word. You do feel pretty stupid for that.

With another attempt at getting his attention, you arousingly start to cut the strings off of a few upper buttons on your blouse with a surgical knife, as he turns back to you, giving him a snarky look.

“Was that really necessary? What was so important about any of this? Can we get to the damn point?” – he asks you with a loss of temper. “I might have lied about that important thing.” – you answer him not so bravely.

He's visibly frustrated at you, and with a change of demeanor, he stands up and is now closing distance between you in a rush, as you are backing up. He halts as he catches up to you, towering over you.

With both hands on your shoulders, clenching them hard, he asks you, in an almost belittling tone: “Is this what you wanted? “ “I don’t know, is it?” – you answer him in a pretty similar way.

Like the kind of tease you tend to be, you start gliding around your fingertip on his chest, which he.. seems to enjoy, and lets you do for a short while, for then to push you to the nearest wall.

IV. Lust

Fueled by lust, you immediately grab his chin and assertively start kissing him, which absolutely catches him off-guard. In reaction to the advancement on him, he forces your body onto his as he caresses your back. After this goes on for a bit, he grabs you by the thighs, lifts you up and tosses you onto the surgical table.

With your arms behind you, you’re sitting halfway up as your legs are pulled up. You lock eyes while he is still holding you by your thighs. He leans over, drags you closer and is now standing between your legs.

You clumsily unbutton Robert’s shirt, one by one. In contrast, he carelessly tears off a few more of your buttons, making the blouse slide off your shoulders, which then falls onto your lap, flustering you in the process.

He then puts a hand on your lower abdomen, which feels surprisingly soft, even though his hands are quite firm. Most notably, it’s warm. So warm in fact, you feel like you could melt into him, and you are all about that feeling. Starting from your thighs, continuing to your hips, he brushes his both his hands across all the way up to your chest in a painstakingly soft and throughout way, but at the same it’s quite the calm moment.

An intrigued nervousness starts to pile in you as he suddenly starts to unbuckle his belt, which was undoubtedly the loudest noise in the room so far. In the meantime, like the obedient girl you feel like you are, with each rattle, you can't wait to obey. As if you were a household maid, you’re more than ready to satisfy the head of the house, as if he shook a bell around.

He tosses aside his pants and boxers and you feel like you can’t catch up with your heavy heartbeats as he rests his rigid cock on your stomach. It all just feels so sudden, and it’s starting to grow on you in a pleasurable way. He goes onto removing your bra, while you’re simultaneously stroking him slowly and briefly, before he goes down on you again.

You can feel it throb against you, and it’s just as, if not hotter than his hand is, which he has below your stomach again. He needily grinds against you over and over, lifting your skirt up with it every time, and rubbing against your inner thighs.

He doesn’t wait around before removing your panties, which are drenched by this point, and neither does he wait to penetrate you, as he is inside you now.

“Maybe I did need this.. “ - you hear him talk out loud quietly.

At once, as he is slowly, but forcefully thrusting into you, you see him pulling out the tie out his pocket, which he puts around your neck now, instead of his own.

It’s tightened real well, and he’s gripping it by the base, close to your neck. In the meantime he’s constantly pulling on it upwards, as it’s digging into the back of your neck, scraping your chin against it’s band, making your head tilt backwards considerably. With every moan you make, he tightens more on it, leaving your neck all bruised up. As he is fucking you, you’re nails deep in the sheets. You can’t help yourself but feel pleasured.

As he’s starting to get rougher on you, you begin to develop second thoughts and try to resist him, but as you’re doing that, he immediately tugs you closer, rendering your attempt futile. As you look at him, he seems to be way too into this, as his eyes lose all focus and glare, and you can only watch as his control over himself fades, railing you without a care in the world. This creates even more neediness in you, as you cross your legs behind his back, clinging onto him.

You can barely even keep your eyes on him, and you’re not even resisting his pull on your neck anymore, so you fully commit into tilting you head back in joy. All this sexual fulfillment demands you to do so, as you are slipping out of control more by the second. You feel like you could finish at any time, and as he’s also getting close, he’s painfully grazing your stiff walls more and more, with your moans sounding pitifully more helpless.

Ejaculating with a quiet grunt, he blasts the majority into you, leaving two strings across all the way up your body, all for you to feel ecstatic about. You really do feel like you owned up to it with your services, as if it was his way of rewarding you. Not to forget about you, he pushes you over the edge too, as you’re desperately gripping his shoulders. No matter you could barely take a break after your climax, he leans closer over your stimulation filled shivering body, and goes for a deep passionate kiss. Not even bothered by the fact you are still desperately panting and gasping for air along with him.

V. Not So Aftercare

After standing up from the bed, he comfortably hugs you by your hips, to which you endearingly put your hands onto his. After romantically rocking you slightly around with his hug, he leaves his hands off of you to start dressing up. It’s getting quite late.

As he is about to button back his shirt, he looks at you still standing there, still looking a bit shocked from everything that happened so far. Deciding to help out, he steps besides you, getting your bra back from your bed, and putting it on you. He’s slowly buckling the back together, and you are simply just unable to look him in the eyes, since you're becoming increasingly shy in a sudden way, blushing like you never have before.

"You.. didn't have to, you know.." - you tell him in a higher pitch voice.

You really enjoy his care, it does fill you with joy. Then you reach out for your panties, but as you are pulling them up, he slides his hands under yours, taking the lead again, which surprises you even more. You are so overwhelmed with emotions at this point, you shake right into his hand as he pulls it all the way up, giving you a slight friendly chuckle, and blowing you a kiss right above the lining of your briefs, gaining him an immediate gasp from you. You're truly mesmerized by him.

He continues dressing himself, and as you calm down, you rush into his arms, facing his chest. He caresses and pets your face and head with one arm, for him to go onto groping your ass, and going down to your thighs. His hand lifts your skirt away from time to time, letting colder air in. After he finishes clothing up, he swings you to his other side and pushes you right to the desk.

“I need more of you. I need to feel you in more ways.” – he tells you with a shaky voice.

You almost even stumble, and with an utterly scared look on your face, you glance at him. Without precaution, he pushes you down onto the floor. You look down onto your legs. Your knees are together and your feet are far apart, completely side-tracking you. You even put your hands on your knees in a cute way, but as you lift your head, his cock gets into view, poking through his pants fly, which takes you aback.

Your first and immediate reaction is to press your lips all around him, kissing and licking his shaft as it pumps against your mouth. After growing tired and wanting more, he puts his thumb in your mouth, and with a few fingers latching onto your chin, he pushes downwards on your jaw. With closed eyes, you stick out your tongue, waiting for him to enter. He lets go off of his fingers from your face, following up with exactly what you expected. It feels way bigger than what you anticipated, leaving your mouth sore in the first minute, already. He’s being frantic with you, mouth fucking you without relent. You’re huffing for air as you whimper, but you aren’t getting any. You start to sob as he goes deeper down your throat. As you move your tongue in a swing like motion, from side to side, you circle the bottom of his shaft as he shoves himself in an out. You soak his cock with your saliva, blending with his precum. No matter how much of it you gulp down, It’s flowing out your mouth.

Resting his elbows and head above you on the desk, he looks down at the top of your head, as you suck him off. From the table, as he rocks you around, all kinds of documents fly off. Not that he cares, really.

Without even telling, he comes into your mouth, throbbing against your lips. You stomach it all as you look up to him, initiating eye contact, and smiling. After spewing out his cock, you grab it by the base and gently rub it off with a napkin. He pulls his zipper up, and kneels down. He parts your hair slightly and greets your forehead with a last smooch.

Looking back at you for the final time, he waves at you, winks in a mocking, yet sweet way and leaves though the door. You can only wish to meet soon in a similar fashion.

VI. Reflection

You’re at a loss of thoughts. He’s been so careful, yet so careless with you at the same time, and that’s just messing with your brain right now, so you lean your head against the desk, you close your eyes and give into the bliss once again.

Even after he left, you’re sitting in the dark, in the same position he left you in, with his tie still around your neck. You feel embarrassed, but you can’t help yourself as you take in the scent of his tie, pleasuring yourself through your clothes, while thinking about him. He has a hold on you, and you know that well.

[artbyblastweave]

Thinkin’ about The Siberian

I was sitting on a draft that said something to the effect of “Worm AU where Manton pulls an NBC Hannibal and moonlights as The Siberian on top of being a globally respected parahuman studies researcher. Is this anything.”

Then I thought about this a little more and realized that this might not be far off from what actually happened. There’s a throughline in Manton’s interests, in his trajectory through life, where he’s trying to figure out what you can use powers to get away with doing to people- about identifying constraints and overcoming them. 

He’s the guy who somehow credibly catalogued, and got his name associated with, the fact that powers generally can’t be used to pop people like balloons, and he did so reasonably early in the timeline, in the nineties at the latest. That’s.... an interesting direction to take your research! When people are just coming to terms with the fact that parahumans are real he’s out there taking careful note of whether they can manifest their powers inside people to instantly kill them. How did he test that? What capes did he collaborate with to test that? What did those conversations look like? Did the IRB at a minimum issue any revise-and-resubmits?

And then, of course, he gets picked up by Cauldron (also known as the infinite untraceable victim depot) to work on improving the vials- gaining a sufficiently in-depth understanding of what they are, how they’re made, and what they can do to people that when Cauldron told Legend that Manton had gone rogue and was the one creating C53s, he found this plausible. You’ve got the guy who’d later become the backbone of the Slaughterhouse 9 basically systemically cataloging every conceivable way a power could violate someone’s physiology- first from without, and then, at Cauldron, from within.

Then, when he pulls the trigger and gives himself powers, the resultant ability is essentially a distilled refutation of the Manton Effect- a minion that can obliterate anything, eat anything, delete any material from existence, viscerally dismember people in a unity of conventional and esoteric, power-enabled violence. And he’s insulated from the consequences of his actions on two levels- in terms of Siberian’s invulnerability, but also in the discrepancy between his form and that of his minion. He mixed the vial that gave him that power himself.

Essentially- I don’t think Siberian is something that just happened after a psychological break following a messy divorce. I think Manton basically pre-committed to becoming something like The Siberian, spent most of his career working towards some form of transcendence through superpowers, and the messy divorce was downstream of the cracks starting to show as he got closer and closer to what he’d been chasing.

Now to segue into a complication that’s more directly supported in the text- it’s Worm, it’s always complicated- Master powers spring from loneliness. My theory is that while Manton wanted apotheosis, and while he’d probably been gearing up for a rampage for a while, he genuinely didn’t want to do it alone; he wanted a sidekick. Hence why he bothered pursuing a family in the first place, hence why he fed his daughter a vial, hence why his own projection ended up looking like his daughter after he accidently made her explode or whatever with the bad vial- a monkey’s paw restoration, giving him back a facsimile of the person he wanted to take along for the ride, and making his capacity for violence inseparable from her presence.

This is why he joined up with the Nine rather than remaining a solo act; it’s why he engages in a bad imitation of the Parent/Child relationship with Bonesaw; and it’s why he seeks out Bitch as a candidate. His interest in her candidacy parses to me as genuine- Even moreso than Bonesaw, even moreso than Jack, Bitch has arrived at a no-frills fuck-you-I-do-what-I-want outlook that’s very appealing to Manton. He wants to have a murderer-daughter relationship!

But Rachel got where she is the hard way, by having a life that sucked a lot, by getting near-constantly kicked around! She has a clear reason to be so angry! Even if all my postulations about Manton having a long game are complete bullshit, there are several stages at which Manton had to actively opt in to the same lifestyle and reputation that Bitch was forced to adopt as a basic survival tactic. He didn’t have to start eating people! He’s a tourist! His “freedom” is inseparable from his distance, his disguise. Rachel’s “freedom” is just the freedom of having nothing left to lose.

All of this to say- In an interlude in which Bitch has an extended internal monologue about how people with families have the opportunities to be assholes and monsters to a captive audience, it is absolutely not a coincidence that she’s scouted by a would-be parental figure who proceeds to be an asshole and a monster in front of a captive audience, before trying to buy her affection with a puppy. In rejecting Manton, Rachel dodged an esoterically-packaged but ultimately very familiar bullet.

[redstrawbluestraw]

since you drew the ladies mind sharing with us what their roles will be (without spoilers ofc :o)

Also any reason why fanny (litellary my wife, who looks suprisingly gentler than usually) and minnie are grayscale while ms chalice and sheba are colored? Is that just their pick of wear? a little nod to them being made before colored cartoons? Orrrrrr is there a world building reason for it -♡-?

AAAAAAA I'M SO HAPPY THIS IS MY FIRST INBOX MESSAGE!!!!! I LOVE YOUR HC'S AND CONTENT SM THIS GENUINELY MADE MY DAY THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU <33333333333333 As for the questions, strap on in this ones gonna be a long one!!

Here are the roles for each of the ladies! Please keep in mind that when I say "when joining the team", that involves the ladies staying at Mickey & Minnie's house, which is kinda like their "home base" I do favor Fanny a little more I fear, but that's neither here nor there. So if she has a lot of info that's why

Sheba: Sheba is Felix's lifelong best friend who tends to do a lot of traveling, hence why she's not consistently involved in Felix's life. But she always makes an effort to come back to him and catch up on each other's lives, regardless of where he may be! Prior to being part of the group, I like to think that her role consists of street performing, essentially an 'on the road' musician. She'll never stay in one place, and often collaborates with other performers to make music. When joining the team, her role either consists of helping Felix create his maps by offering her own insights on towns/cities he may have not visited, or assisting with Fanny. Speaking of which- Fanny Cottontail: Fanny is a former actress, most known for her femme fatale role in Oswald's earlier episodes. Ironically enough, her role in the show would be her first and final gig, as directors cut her from the show due to finding another "suitable" partner for Oswald (there's also other reasons why she can't get a role, but that'll be explored later in the comic). Due to a series of events that I can't elaborate on yet, Fanny goes on to then discover she actually has a passion for crafting. More specifically in creating weapons, primarily guns! Her role prior to the group was whatever anybody needed her to be- when joining the team, her role serves as the gunsmith of the group, eagerly teaching everybody gun handling, as well as how to defend themselves. (I drew her gentler bc I like to think she's so much happier once she's doing things for herself and surrounded by ppl who love her!!) Some members of the group assist with helping her make guns, such as Sheba, Minnie (from time to time), and Cuphead & Mugman. Minnie: Minnie is one of the few characters who remains consistent with her career. Prior to the group, she performed alongside with Mickey, where they soon fell in love off set. Unlike with Fanny, she remained as the love interest before taking a quick break from acting to pursue her other dream of teaching. From there she became a preschool teacher, with a passion and love for teaching her students. With the state of the ink illness in the city, however, Minnie's school in particular was one of the many that was left to close. Forcing her to either teach home to home, or stay alongside Mickey- ultimately choosing the latter out of fear of catching/spreading the illness. Once she joins the team, her role is that of the caretaker- this consists of making food for the other members, making sure each member has clean clothes, and overall cleaning. She convinces herself that she's happy with this new role, but later on we'll see that that's not the case. Chalice: Chalice has a bit of a shorter summary, as I'm still working out the smaller details for her, so bare with me! But for the most part I want to keep her very similar to the core characteristic that she's a wanderer as well, doing so prior to the group. I can't discuss much of her prior background because it ties more with the Cup brothers and the devil, but she's essentially looking for something (Somebody) very near and dear to her. It's her entire mission prior, but once joining the team I would say she's still remains as the "distraction"- she's a performer at heart, and can capture anybody's with just a wink of an eye. The team assigns Chalice to play the role of the manipulator, which she is more than happy to play! (Might actually update her bio in the future once I get more details settled in).

As for why Fanny and Minnie are grayscale, it is due to the fact that they're older toons! I'm not sure if I'm going to keep this in the final product of the comic tho, that piece was mostly just a wip, so I'm still deciding if there should be colored/gray toons, or just all color or all gray. I'm leaning more towards the comic being in grayscale entirely, since I feel like it fits better with the time period. I've also just been thinking about recoloring that wip of the ladies where they're all in grayscale, and another ver where they're all in color, since I was worried it might cause confusion! But for now no, there's no world building reason for it (I WISH THO WTF NOW I MIGHT REWRITE SOME STUFF ARRGGHH)

Anyways, thank you so much again for the ask, I hope this covered enough! Or if it didn't lmk, I would love to elaborate and discuss more! I'm so appreciative that anybody is even remotely interested in my au, so it truly does warm my heart :) <33

[percervall]

it all fades to nothing (when I look at him)

Pairing: Toto Wolff x fem!reader Words: 2787 Warnings: mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of emotional abuse, slut shaming, Google translated German A/N: @kostasstsimikass and I started talking about Toto being your +1 to a wedding, and it got a little out of hand

---

When the wedding invitation came in, your first instinct was to say no. There was no way you were about to subject yourself to a public humiliation willingly. However, the longer you thought about it, the more guilt churned in your stomach. It wasn’t just anyone- not some vague acquaintance or a cousin thrice removed. It was the person you had come to see as a brother. His parents, your aunt and uncle, had been there for you and had taken you into their home when it all had gone to hell. So, suffice to say you couldn’t not go, and a phone call with your cousin made it even more clear that both him and his bride-to-be wanted you there. 

Your boyfriend had smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist as he read the invitation over your shoulder. The man loved a wedding –loved any excuse to get dressed to the nines and, in turn, spoil you with a pretty new dress or a piece of jewellery. It’s up to you, liebling, he’d said, but I know you will never forgive yourself for not going. You hated how well he knew you. You hadn’t been together long in the grand scheme of things, although it felt like you had known him all your life.

“Does this mean I get to spoil you?” Toto asked after you had filled out the rsvp.

“Knowing who will probably be in attendance, I don’t know whether to give you full rein or tell you no,” you replied, doubt tightening itself into a knot that sat heavy in your stomach. 

“You know how little I care about their opinions when it comes to you, liebling. If anything, it makes me want to spoil you more.” 

You did know how little he thought of them, disgusted by the way they had treated you –they being your parents, who had practically thrown you out of their house when you switched mayors your first year in University and pursued a career in law rather than medicine like your father had wanted you to so you could eventually take over the family practice. And a small part of you, a petty part, wanted nothing more than to show up dripping in Toto’s adoration as you showed off your combined wealth. Yet the majority of you was too scared to be branded the common whore again, the way they had when you were in your teens. Rationally speaking you knew it shouldn’t matter what they thought of you, after all they had made it abundantly clear they did not love you, but even after all these years that inner child still craved their approval. 

“I’ll think about it,” you eventually agreed. 

After a long phone call with your aunt, and later with your grandmother, you met him halfway: you’d pay for the dress and shoes, but Toto could buy you whatever jewellery he wanted. The grin he had given you when you set the terms of the agreement was truly a tribute to his last name and made you a tiny bit nervous that he would buy you a necklace with 50 separate sapphires or something ostentatious like that. Then again, Toto had impeccable taste so why should you be worried? The only clue you gave him was a photo of the colour of your dress –a stunning burgundy that reminded you of the blood oranges you would eat every time the two of you were in Italy. On his part, Toto gave you no clues as to what he had bought you until it was the day of the wedding. Your cousin was getting married in Tuscany and had offered the both of you a room in the villa they had rented for the wedding party. You were about to get ready after having breakfast on the little balcony of your room when Toto stopped you.

“I have something for you, liebling,” he said, pulling you onto his lap as he produced two jewellery boxes. 

“Toto…” you said, not finishing your sentence. You felt him smile against your skin as he kissed your cheek. 

“Open it,” he murmured. Opening the largest box first, you gasped quietly when you saw the dainty gold chain with two baguette cut diamonds –one along the length of the chain and the other vertically in the centre. You had a feeling that the stones would sit on the two places along your clavicle Toto loved to shower you with kisses and love bites. His habit of marking you had almost gotten the both of you in trouble on numerous occasions before you went public with your relationship, and even after it was often met with the unmistakable giggle of Lewis and a knowing look from Valtteri.

They glittered beautifully in the sun as you let the chain run through your fingers, your head filled with memories of the two of you in various hotel beds across the world. You just knew it would compliment your dress beautifully. 

“You spoil me,” you muttered, running a finger along the length of the chain. 

“Mm, good,” Toto replied, sliding the second box in front of you. You threw him a glare that you only half meant, and opened the box. Inside was a gold ring with three diamonds in the same cut as the necklace. The stones were held in place by two gold bands, making it appear as if the stones were floating. It was undeniably stunning and the set had probably cost him a pretty penny. 

Toto took the ring out of the box and slid it onto the middle finger of your left hand –a secret fuck you to your parents.

“Eines Tages wird das ein Ehering sein, meine Liebe,” he murmured in your ear as you both admired the way the stones caught the mid-morning light. Although your German had vastly improved ever since joining the Mercedes’ legal team back in 2021, it wasn’t enough to fully understand the words that sat heavy in your heart; even if you didn’t understand him word for word, the sentiment wasn’t lost on you. It felt like a promise, almost an oath. A year ago it would have terrified you, sent you running for the hills, but right now it filled you with so much love that you thought you could burst. You studied his face while he sipped the last of his espresso, admiring the lines framing his eyes and smile, hair still messy from where you’d tugged on it last night when it hit you square in the chest: you’d give up everything if it meant having him forever. 

Untangling yourself from him and the emotions that formed a lump in your throat, you excused yourself to get ready. Toto kissed the top of your head when he passed behind you ten minutes later to get in the shower as you sat down at the vanity to do your makeup and style your hair, deciding it would be easier to pull it back in a low bun. You slipped on the dress, running your hands over the silk material as you admired the way it hugged your curves in the mirror. Toto stopped buttoning his shirt to admire you. He came to stand behind you, peppering kisses down your neck and shoulder.

“You look absolutely breathtaking, schatz,” he said, leaving a final kiss behind your ear. You felt your cheeks heat up at his praise as you turned to look at him.

“Help me with the necklace, please?” 

Toto happily obliged, his large hands deftly clasping the chain, kissing the top of your spine. The tiny gesture sent a shiver down you as his hands came to rest on your hips. You looked at him in your shared reflection in the mirror. 

“Toto..” you warned him, but your voice was devoid of any real threat. He smirked a wolfish grin that had become his trademark over the years, but moved away from you. The look he gave you as he finished getting ready left no room for misunderstandings: at the end of the evening you were his to do with as he pleased. 

+

The ceremony had been beautiful, the display of such unfiltered love and adoration between two people had left you feeling emotionally raw. There had been several moments throughout the years where you had felt unworthy of such love. It had taken you nearly a decade of therapy and experiencing unconditional love to realise your views on reality had been skewed because of the way your parents had treated you. Toto handing you a flute of champagne pulled you from your thoughts.

“Are you okay, schatzi?” he asked, his eyes glued to yours. He knew exactly what had happened with your parents. During those long nights dealing with the FIA back in 2021, you had spent a lot of time together going over what had happened in Bahrain and combing through the rule book. Toto was a great observer, and while at the time you detested it, he had figured you out in an instant. He had been the first man who allowed you to open up while being there every step of the way. It had been so hard to be vulnerable, the damage done throughout the years making it near impossible. 

“Yes. No. I will be,” you replied, pulling him down for a brief kiss, not trusting yourself to say the words bubbling up in your throat –that you couldn’t stop thinking about tying you to him for forever. This was not the place nor the time to do so, this was supposed to be a moment to celebrate your cousin and his wife. 

Toto smiled at you, eyes soft and full of his love for you, and kissed you back as he murmured an ich liebe dich against your lips. You couldn’t help but laugh as you watched him get pulled away by your cousins a moment later to discuss either a business opportunity of some sorts or golf, although that quickly faltered when your eyes met your mothers’. 

“Here we go,” you muttered, downing your champagne in the hopes it would provide the courage and patience you would need in order to deal with her and your father. 

“Mother,” you gave as a greeting when she approached you. Anxiety gripped your insides, but you steeled yourself, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing she still held a shred of power over you. 

“Well, if it isn’t the prodigal daughter,” she all but sneered. Her face was a tight mask of pleasantries but her voice betrayed her disgust.

“Oh no, see, that's where you’re mistaken. In order for me to be the prodigal daughter I would have had to come back home with my tail between my legs; show remorse for my transgressions. And if there’s anything I’m not, it’s remorseful for prioritising my own happiness over yours.” 

You could see your rebuttal took the wind out of her sails. She had anticipated you crumbling under her thinly veiled attack on your character, and had this encounter taken place three years ago or maybe even a year ago, you would have. 

“Your sharp tongue was always the thing that got you in trouble. No wonder you’re alone wearing cheap clothes and fake diamonds. There’s no man who would want a woman like you,” your father commented. It was a loaded comment, not only meant to degrade your intellect but also a way of framing you the way he had done when you were a teenager: a woman owning her sensuality and her sexuality could never be anything other than a slut in his eyes. 

There was no denying that his words hurt; he always knew just where to hit to knock you down. You could feel the anger simmering in your veins, trying your hardest to keep your cool and not give them the satisfaction of knowing they could still affect you. The scent of Toto’s cologne, the brush of cotton against your exposed back and the warmth of his hand on your hip as he came standing behind you was enough to ground you. Even if he was behind you, his presence felt like a shield against their vitriol. Of course his height helped in that sense; even in your heels, you just about reached his shoulder. 

“Everything alright, liebling?” Toto asked quietly, giving your hip a squeeze. You rested your hand on top of his, giving a squeeze in return as an answer and straightened up, rolling your shoulders back. You saw recognition flicker across their faces when it dawned on them who he was and what he was to you.

“My sharp tongue landed me my dream job as in-house counsel at Mercedes AMG Petronas F1, it got me a boyfriend who looks at me as if I am made to be worshipped. I don’t think he’d take kindly to the accusation that he buys me fake diamonds,” you said, your voice even and ice cold. It was the voice you usually reserved for dealing with stupid men in legal battles. Toto chuckled behind you, breaking the tension in your body. You were sure your parents were about to protest, make up excuses as to why you didn’t deserve any of the accolades behind your name, how dating a man twenty years your senior was more evidence for this. You didn’t want to hear it, no longer cared for what they thought of you. You had never been good enough for them, there was always something that displeased them; if it weren’t your grades, it was the way you dressed, how you flirted with a waiter, that you ate too much or too little. Something clicked inside your brain, a final piece of the puzzle that you had been looking for all those years: You were done trying to appease them, realising you never would get their approval –realising you didn’t want their approval, not anymore. The only person whose opinion mattered loved you unconditionally despite all your flaws and frayed edges, he could read you like an open book and knew just what you needed without you having to say the words out loud. 

“If you’ll excuse us,” you interrupted your father’s spluttering, turning around to face Toto who just smirked at you, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Both his hands rested on your lower back now as he leant down to kiss you. It was both so tender and so filthy and full of promise for later that it left you light-headed. 

“Wanna get out of here, schatzi?” he murmured. You nodded and let him lead you outside, leaving your parents seething behind you. 

Outside, you took deep, gulping breaths, tears burning behind closed eyes. They weren’t tears of sadness or grief, but you felt… Relief. Even though it hurt to have to hear those words, you were relieved you could finally stand up to them. You could feel the last rays of sunlight on your face as the sun slipped lower behind the rolling hills of the Tuscan landscape, painting the sky with hues of lavender and peachy pinks. It mirrored the way Toto’s words and actions warmed your soul.

“You did so good, am so proud of you my love,” Toto said softly, hugging your back to his front as he shielded you from prying eyes inside the ballroom. He kept whispering his praise and love for you, the words washing over you like a balm for your still healing heart. 

“I love you so much, liebling,” he said, brushing a finger against your cheek as you turned to look at him. His expression was so open, so full of adoration, it squeezed your heart seeing him this way and cemented the feeling that he was the one you wanted to spend forever with. 

“I know it’s unbecoming to discuss this at someone else’s wedding, and maybe this is all the emotions of today speaking,” you started after a moment of silence, “but I can’t imagine life without you. If-.. If you were to ask, I’d say yes,” you all but whispered. Toto didn’t reply to your admission, not with words at least. He tilted your face up, brushing his lips against yours as he whispered i love yous in between kisses. That was all the reassurance you needed that he felt the same way about you. A tiny voice in the back of your mind whispered that it probably wouldn’t be long before he’d give you a new piece of jewellery to symbolise just how much, to serve as a permanent reminder of his love for you, to make you his and him yours. 

This fic was meant to be a Toto supporting his girlfriend as she deals with her shitty parents, but it somehow ended up being strangely cathartic? (this is still a work of fiction, don't worry about me) It got a little out of hand and I am not entirely sure of the flow of this fic, but I also know I need to set it free because I could nitpick this thing apart for all of eternity. Please let me know what you think, your comments truly feed the fanfic goblins in my brain For anyone else who recognises themselves in this fic, I am sorry you had to deal with that, know that you are loved and worthy and good enough 😘

click here for more of my work

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

[nicolesainz]

Down Under Lover (DR3)

Daniel Ricciardo x f!reader

Author's note: The plot is focused on a dream I had, it may be very small but so was my dream so life is unfair. I haven't written about Danny in ages so I had to appreciate my aussie bf

Summary: When Daniel falls in love, shyness but also thrill runs into his veins. He is scared of admitting his feelings but will also try everything to be around her. Everyone is encouraging him to confess although for that to happen, he needs a bit of a booster.

Warnings: alcohol consumption, making out, slight swearing

The moment I enter the club, a wave of nervousness rushes over me as I see him present in the room, talking to his friends, laughing with a massive smile plastered on his face. I am so glad he decided to come to the party.

When I found out that my friend had invited both him and my ex, who happens to be a very close friend of his, I was startled. At first, I didn't want to go, given that if I was in the same room with the both of them, I would spend the entire night silent, fully drunk and worried about what my ex would say.

Luckily, it was his sister's birthday and he wasn't able to show up. Luck was again on my side that night given that once I saw him in the club, I let out a soft sigh of happiness.

"Happy birthday girl" I say to my friend, giving her a tight hug, handing her the presents as I am instantly surrounded by my best friends that were also invited.

"He's here, you better go and say hi, otherwise no alcohol for you." she threatens me in a joking manner. I lay my eyes on him once again and I catch him staring at me. I smile and go towards him.

"Hey you" Daniel greets me first with a small smile on his lips and I quickly soften around his presence.

"Hey, I am glad you decided to come. It was a good choice."

"You were right. Maybe tonight will be fun, who knows?"

Neither of us knew. Until we found out towards the end of the night.

The first few hours run smoothly. Dinner is served and all of us take turns to eat. I was debating on whether I wanted to eat or not, given that every time my ex was around, I would refuse to eat anything and instead drink whatever was available to me. Then of course I would end up with a massive hungover and a headache that felt as if someone was hammering me.

It was very unhealthy to not eat anything. It took me way too long to realise that I was only harming myself whilst he was having fun and completely ignoring me. I joined the circle of my friends and had a good laugh whilst Daniel was with his friends and his laugh was echoing through the entire room, sending a warm feeling to my heart.

Him being happy is also making me happy.

After dinner was over, he came over to my friend group and we were talking about all kinds of stuff. How life had been treating us, how busy we were with our jobs and especially Daniel, having to travel the world with Formula One. All the attention was on him, talking about his experiences the past season and how he was ready to fly back to England for the release of the new Alpha Tauri car but Red Bull's as well for 2024 and get ready for pre-testing season.

What he didn't know, was that out of everyone in the room, I was always keeping an eye on him. Whether that was through my ex or from Formula One. I was the most joyful person on earth when my boss told me that I was assigned to write an article about Daniel's return to F1 after the dispute with Mclaren and him having no seat for the first half of 2023.

I always thought my ex was going to become an F1 driver or pursue a career in motorsports, given he was and is a junkie about cars. Daniel had never crossed my mind. He seemed to know a few things about motorsports but not in the level of actually becoming a driver, a very successful one as well.

There was an unexpected interruption in the conversation with his phone buzzing loudly. The first thing that came to my mind is that Christian may had been calling him, or Max, maybe even Yuki or Lando.

Definitely not the person who was actually calling him.

"Wassup mate, you alright?" As his deep and scratching voice drifted inside my head, I instantly wanted to throw up. I hadn't talked with my ex for about 9 months now and I had truly found the peace I was looking for. Until now that it was erupted.

"Yeah, having fun with everyone and chilling. All the best to your sister by the way. I will bring her a gift next time." The cheerful Daniel wasn't as smiley as he was a few minutes ago.

“Say, is Y/n there with you? Assuming it’s Cath’s birthday, she’s definitely around.” My face instantly dropped and a disgusting feeling took over my stomach.

Why did he care if I was at the party? We haven’t talked for so long? Has he not gotten over me? When he so easily agreed in breaking up?

“Yeah, she’s here. Why?” Daniel’s voice quickly stiffened at his friend’s question, not really wanting to be truthful to him.

“Can I talk to her? She won’t pick up her fucking phone or reply to my texts. Acting like a toddler Jesus Christ.” My ex said followed by a laugh which made Daniel’s blood boil and a few tears shed down my cheeks.

I needed to clear my mind. I was too foolish to realize how much of a bad influence he was and how much he was harming me. I wasn’t in love with him after some time. I was just scared of him.

“Sorry mate not really.” The strong Australian accent with a hint of irony made me giggle through all the crying.

“Why? Already shoving her tongue down someone’s throat? Knew she secretly was a slut.” The moment the slur came out of his mouth, Daniel replied with the most jaw dropping thing a man could say to his best friend.

“At least I can make her cum and feel good. Cheers.” And he instantly hung up. My friends were shocked with his answer and turned to look at me who was full blown red, under the bright colorful lights of the club, eyeing Daniel very intensely.

“Ricciardo saved the day.” Cathrine, the birthday girl said, nudging me playfully, before Daniel grabbed my hand and led us a few meters away from the rest of the group.

Truth be told, I had never held his hand before, hence why I had so many butterflies in my stomach when I felt his touch. And we had been classmates for many years.

Daniel was mumbling his words, trying to find a way to form his sentences. The way he reacted to what my ex said was so questionable but at the same time, gave me hope that he may have slight feelings for me. Very slight.

"I am so sorry for what I said before. I don't know how that came up to be honest." He eventually said, scratching his neck awkwardly and toying with my fingers. Daniel was blushing so hard that he was transferring his nervousness at me as well.

"It's alright. I want to thank you for not handing me the phone. I was in no position to talk to him. Nor will I ever be again." I said shyly, with him probably knowing through his friend why we wouldn't be in contact any time soon.

"I am glad. I mean, not glad, like, uh, I am happy that you don't want to be with him again, wait, not, that sounded wrong. What I mean is.." I started giggling with him stumbling on his words, trying to express himself and clearly failing. I know Daniel has good intentions. He always did.

"I understand Danny, don't worry. You weren't really a fan of us since high school and it took me way too long to realise that you were always right about him."

It was true. Ever since I first got my heart broken by his friend back in high school, he was one of the few, maybe even the first boy, to tell me that I didn't deserve this and instead should avoid him at all cost, because falling in love more would harm me.

I had to date him to actually understand the harm he would do to me. I was always supporting him, knowing he would never hurt me, given the kind boy profile he always had at school. That was mostly why I fell for him. Because I knew he would appreciate my kindness.

And yet he did not.

"I only wanted to protect you. I know how much you loved him and I am sorry I wasn't there to stop him from doing you more bad than good. At least, are you happier now? Now that it's over?"

As if I didn't have enough reason to love Daniel, his protective side over his friends, made me fall in love for him even more. I guess that's what 'kindhearted' means. Not just being shy and not rude to ones feelings.

"Yeah, I very much am. And hope to be even more. Are you happy?"

"I hope I will be, Y/n. I truly hope."

I took him into a soft hug. Wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders, as I feel his firm hands against my waist. It was a great feeling seeing Daniel again. We got really close when during senior year and I am glad we kept in touch with each other.

Daniel's head was on the crook of my neck, his beard scratching my soft spot which made my entire body tingle. His touch was so pure and yet so electrifying.

"I love you Daniel. I hope you know that." I whispered in his ear without a doubt, tangling my fingers against his bubbly, curly hair, which caused him to sigh happily.

"I really wish you knew that I had been in love with you since day one. I wish you had been mine and not his. I wish I was the one who could've treated you like the way you deserve." My heart stopped beating at the sound of his words.

Loved me since day one?

His and not anyone else's?

I felt disgusted with myself for not having realised sooner. I was the first person he sat next to back in 10th grade. He was the first boy I confessed my feelings for my crush who was his best friend. He helped his best friend express himself at me so we could end up together. He was the first person to tell me that I deserved better in life than my ex, who was not worth of my love.

Daniel was truly worth of my love. All the years I have known him, I have never felt more comfortable around a guy and now that he had finally confessed his love, my heart pooled with admiration, love and desire for this man.

I wish I could have loved his sooner. I wish I was dating Daniel sooner. I wish it was Daniel instead of him. A thousand times more.

"You deserve the love of the world. And I would be more than happy to give it to you." Daniel softy kissed my lips as the words came out of his mouth, that was burning mine with so much passion.

Kissing Daniel took me back to senior year when I had developed a massive crush on him after I got heartbroken the first time. There were so many instances that I wanted to tell him how I felt and yet I chickened out every time. But now, it was the perfect time.

"Only if you let me love you unconditionally, Daniel. It goes both ways." His smile took over the anger that had taken over his headspace a few minutes ago.

[tea-mew96]

hi meow :^) can i geeeeet optimus priiimal

Why, yes you can!

Send me a character and I'll tell you my...

First impression

This guy seems neat. Not sure how I feel about this whole furry alt mode thing, but I'm curious to see what else this character has in store.

Impression now

My beloved ape dad, munky queen, and comfort character.

Get past the "lol munky" jokes and you will find what is IMO one of the best designed characters in Optimus Primal. His iterations do differ (mainly in terms of the sass level he possesses), but the one constant is that he is a perfect ambassador of his beast mode: gentle, caring, and protective of his team and friends-sometimes to a fault-yet powerful and not afraid to smack a bitch if need be. Favorite Transformers character of all time, if you don't like him we can't be friends /hj

Favorite moment

You could put all scenes of Primal in the Beast Wars episode "Gorilla Warfare" here, but I'm specifically gonna pick the scene where Primal is going on a rampage through the Darksyde. Berserk Primal always lives rent-free in my head.

Idea for a story

I've given quite a bit of thought to an origin story for Optimus Primal, specifically for the original show. Decades later and we've never gotten canon info about his life before Megatron stole the Golden Disk, which baffles me.

To keep the story short, I imagine Optimus Primal's origin story being complimentary but opposing of Megatron's. While Megatron took the name for himself out of a power-hungry ego to be better than the Megatron of legend, Optimus Primal received his name upon activation due to his similar appearance to his namesake. However, he has a rough upbringing due to the pressure to be "perfect" like his namesake, despite not wanting anything to do with being a political leader or spiritual successor to Optimus Prime (hence pursuing a career in space exploration instead once he was older).

Unpopular opinion

I personally like Optimus Primal in Beast Machines for the most part, primarily from a psychological perspective.

Yes, he is snappy to his team, he's not as cheery or light-hearted as he was, but that's entirely because of the extreme negative situation he's faced with.

I always remember what Primal said to his fellow Maximals in episode 3: "Megatron decimated this planet because of me, you think I can bear losing any of you?!"

I bring this up because this is what signaled to me that Primal is not mentally doing well. Primal is blaming himself for Megatron's escape and his subsequent unleashing of the virus, blaming himself for the millions of sparks and future of Cybertron now on the line due to Megatron's actions, blaming himself for putting his teammates right back at square one but now with limited resources and numbers. Primal is putting a lot of unhealthy pressure on himself and it shows.

I just think it sucks that a lot of people don't seem to talk about this when it comes to his characterization. Most of what I see usually starts and ends with how preachy he is when that's only scratching the surface of his character IMO.

Favorite relationship

I will always stand by Primal, DInobot, and Megatron polycule, though only in an AU/what if scenario.

If referring to canon material though, I like Primal and Dinobot's relationship because of how sweet their friendship ends up being. Primal believes in Dinobot more than Dinobot seems to believe in himself, and Primal still supports him even during his worst moments.

Meanwhile, I find Primal and Megatron's dynamic fascinating to study, primarily because of how strongly linked their fates are with one another. They don't get along at all, yet their opposing characterizations and mannerisms ironically compliment each other well.

Favorite headcanon

He doesn't get many chances to do so, but Primal is a talented singer that knows how to play the guitar and piano (or whatever the Cybertronian equivalent of those instruments are.) I like to believe he's sung lullabies to Cheetor when the young bot can't sleep. Yes, this headcanon is based off Garry Chalk.

[semisgroupie]

off my chest

gojo satoru x fem. reader

wc: 1.4k

warnings: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, lots of l bombs, unprotected sex, creampie, just loving soft sex, alcohol, so kinda slight dubcon since reader and satoru were drinking

synopsis: a typical Valentine’s Day tradition turns into a night you’ll never forget

a/n: this is for dom @yofumi for snow’s @suyacho server valentines gift exchange! happy valentine’s day dom, i hope you have a wonderful day and most of all, i hope you enjoy this

You and Satoru have known each other for years and throughout the years, you two have developed a little tradition.

That being, whenever it was Valentine’s Day, you two would just spend the night together eating whatever garbage you two could afford, normally pizza, and drinking whatever cheap booze you two could get your hands on. The tradition started when you both were college students, the combination of being very broke and very single on the day of love gave birth to the tradition you two have today.

Now, you two had more money since starting your careers but there wasn’t much luck in the love department for either of you. You didn’t really put yourself out there often because there was this invisible force that just held you back. You couldn’t put your finger on it at first but the more time you spent with Satoru, you slowly started understanding it. You buried your feelings for him in fear or ruining your friendship but they constantly threatened to breach the surface whenever you tried to open your heart to new possibilities. Your mind would scream at you to move on, find someone new to love but your heart kept the hope that one day you could find the courage to speak on your feelings.

You weren’t sure why Satoru hadn’t dated anyone since you two have known each other. You knew tons of people that have been interested in him and have wanted to pursue a relationship with him but he ended up turning them down for some unknown reason. Maybe he had a specific type that no one fit, maybe he didn’t want to be in a relationship, deep down you hoped that he was facing the same struggle you were but you wouldn’t linger on that hope for too long.

You two sat on the couch in his apartment, the pizza box sat on the coffee table with a few slices still inside, the wine and bottles of beer sat on the table long forgotten as you two watched the movie playing on the screen. Well, you were watching the movie and Satoru was watching you, his eyes tracing along your features as you focused on the screen.

After feeling his eyes on you, you turned to look over at him. “Everything alright, Satoru?” You leaned over to grab the remote and pause the movie so you could keep your full attention on him. He chuckled and nodded, not realizing how intense and how long he was staring at you. “Yeah, I know it’s probably the weirdest time to say this but I love you. I’ve always had the feeling, whenever I’m away from you I yearn to be with you, whenever I’m near you I feel all nervous. But I think now is when I can positively say it, I love you.”

Your eyes widened at his words and you were slightly taken aback. “What? You’re just saying that because of how much you drank.” It hurt you to even say that but that was the only explanation you could come up with. You wanted to believe him, you wanted to say it back but you didn’t want it to end up being one sided. “Actually, you drank more than I did but if you don’t believe me I can just show you.”

Before you could really process his words he moved closer to you, closing the distance until he was right next to you. He lifted his hands to cup your face and pulled you close, pressing his lips against yours in a soft kiss. Your heart pounded in your chest as you kissed him back, you couldn’t believe this was happening. Not once would you have thought tonight would end like this.

The kiss was slow at first, your lips molded against each others perfectly and every movement was experimental, not taking it too far just in case either one of you snapped to your senses. But that didn’t happen, it wasn’t going to happen, not tonight and not ever. Wanting each other for so long just turned into insatiable need and now that you two finally had each other, it was only time to act on all your emotions.

He moved his hands down from your face and gripped your waist to pull you onto his lap. You pulled back slightly to catch your breath and rested your hands on his shoulders. “I love you too, Satoru.” Your words came out between heavy breaths and a smile grew on his face. “I can’t describe how happy I am to hear that from you.” He pulled you back in for another kiss and his hands moved along your body. He wished he was able to grow more hands so he could feel all of you at once but he had to settle for what his two hands could hold onto.

His hands moved slightly underneath the shirt you were wearing to touch your bare skin while the kiss grew more heated. Instinctively you started grinding your hips against his, humping him as his tongue explored your mouth. As the kiss continued, clothes soon hit the floor until you were both completely naked.

Satoru’s eyes scanned your body while his hands moved up and down your sides. “You’re so beautiful, so perfect. Even better than my wildest dreams.” His hands grazed the undersides of your breasts before taking them into his hands, gently massaging them while your hand moved down to his cock, slowly stroking it. “Wanna feel you inside me Satoru, wanna ride you so badly.” Your tone was needier than you wanted it to be but you could care less.

“Then come on and ride me, I’m not stopping you.” He moved his hands back to your hips and guided you as you gripped his cock and slowly sank down. Your head rolled back as his cock invaded your gummy walls, stretching them to fit him inside you completely. A gasp left your lips as you sank your hips down completely. “Take your time baby, there’s no rush.” You rested your hands on his shoulders and pressed your forehead against his as you grinded down against him. “So big, you feel so big inside me, Toru.”

Your moans sounded like the perfect song to his ears, all the nights he fantasized about what you’d sound like couldn’t compare to the real thing. Nothing he imagined couldn’t compare to this moment now. You started bouncing and he squeezed your hips before wrapping his arms around you to keep you close to him. “‘M gonna take control here okay, baby? I need this and I know how bad you need this too. Gonna love you the way I should have been all this time.”

He kept a tight grip on you as he started thrusting up, starting off slow at first before picking up the pace. His heavy balls smacked against the curve of your ass each time his hips met yours and your back arched beautifully, pressing your chest to his and making your perky nipples rub against his chest to provide the perfect amount of added stimulation.

“Right there, keep going right there Toru.” He kept his hips angled so he could hit your sweet spot over and over. You both knew that neither of you wouldn’t last long, all the pent up lust and need had been brewing for far too long. He moved one of his hands from around you and snaked to your clit, rubbing the swollen bud quickly with each of his heavy thrusts.

Your moans of his name grew louder and your nails dug into his shoulders. “Cumming! I’m cumming!” He helped you ride out your orgasm as your body shook against his and after a few more thrusts his cock throbbed and soon filled you with his sticky seed. He slammed you down against his hips and held you there as his cock twitched and his balls clenched.

You dropped your head onto his shoulder as you both caught your breath. “I love you, Satoru.” You pressed an open mouthed kiss to his slightly sweaty skin and he turned his head to press a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you more, baby. Now, we have a long night and a lot of time to make up so catch your breath. I’m going to show my love to you all night and most likely all morning long.”

[dykephan]

please elaborate on the period of time when they didn’t leave their rooms and didn’t talk to each other 👀

okay okay let me be clear this is 100% speculation and i'm perfectly fine with being wrong or people disagreeing with me because i'm here for the sillies and i don't usually like to get into real "theories" but this takes up space in my brain for some reason. anyway that's my long disclaimer let's get into it :D

first we need a timeline for this to make sense. dan officially moved in with phil in manchester in august of 2011. this is when their public personas slowly started to become more polished and less personal. dan had just dropped out of law school, so youtube was his full time career now. they started diversifying their income with things like the super amazing project, their first merch line, and the fantastic foursome (which was created because they partnered with vyou, the livestream service). on christmas of 2011, they had their very first guest appearance on bbc radio 1.

all this is to say, things were moving FAST for them as they went into 2012. they were both trying to figure out how they wanted to be perceived online and, in particular, how they wanted to approach joint content. i will never know what was going on behind the scenes, but i think their personal relationship took a hit because they never had time to enjoy living together before it was tainted. moving in with your partner can already make or break you, but add hundreds of thousands of brand new eyes watching you during this transitional period, and there had to be some tension.

while they were pursuing all these new career options, they were also trying to secure a job with the bbc. they've said before that they moved to london on a whim, basically just to prove that they were serious about their career and would do whatever it takes to get there. that happened in june of 2012. in my opinion, THIS is the turning point. because now they really had to drive home the point that they were just friends who live together out of convenience. they even had separate bedrooms with unique but opposite themes!

dan started his "customer service" blog where he would go on long long rants about shipping and his sexuality. and then in late 2012, the v/day video dropped again. it had already been quietly floating around, but now there were SO many more people out there to see it. i'm sure i don't have to tell you how detrimental this was (especially the timing of it), so i won't dwell on it. but these are the real dark ages that come to mind immediately when you think of 2012. that christmas eve, they posted their last video for the super amazing project. the ending of this series stands out to me because it was almost the same formula as the 2018 hiatus -- they didn't officially close the door on it, they just let it fade away. on christmas, they had their second special on bbc radio 1. and in january of 2013, they finally started their own recurring show.

OKAY SO HERE'S MY THEORY, SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG LMAO

i think that sometime in late 2012, they separated/broke up/took a break, something like that. however, they had just moved to london (a huge risk) and were already planning on doing the radio show together. they knew neither of them could've gotten hired by themselves, because it was their dynamic & their collective fans that were so interesting to the bbc. their lives had already become so intertwined (hell, dan wouldn't have even started youtube if it weren't for phil convincing him to take the leap), and on top of that, i think they always cared about each other deeply and didn't want to give up. but i do think they needed space and time to cope with all these huge huge life events that were coming at them so quickly.

this is not even mentioning their mental health which i don't really want to get into, except that years later dan would talk about how his depression was completely untreated. and if there's anything we know about him, it's that he gets defensive and isolates himself in times of turmoil. (btw i'm not trying to pick on dan here, it's just that we know far less about phil's inner workings)

so in early 2013 when dan would say things like "i only talk to phil in videos/at work, we don't hang out otherwise", i think there's some kernel of truth in there. it didn't last long, but i do believe there was a time where they kept to themselves and gave each other room to breathe as much as they could while living together and working together 24/7. but once they found their footing with the radio show and youtube at the same time, the vibe between them steadily got better and better. they settled into their respective brands, which could be restricting at times, but at least it allowed them some separation between work and life. and by the time they wrapped up the radio show in early 2015, they knew where they wanted to go with their careers and they were solid enough in each other to accomplish that.

basically, i think the big difference between 2012 and 2018 are the private dynamic between dan and phil. things were rocky between them in 2012 and it showed. but in 2018 and onwards, things might have been rocky on the professional front, but it was clear that dan and phil as people were working things out together, quite literally building for the future ;-; they learned how to prioritize themselves after many years of not doing that

[pinchinschlimbah]

In defense of “The Chokes”

Throughout my fandom travels I’ve seen a pretty decent number of people saying that “Party” and “the Chokes” should be swapped for penultimate and final episodes, or that Chokes can/should be skipped entirely.

Now…is Party one of my favorite episodes? Yes. Is Chokes one of my least favorite episodes? Also yes. But I do also think Chokes serves an important purpose as the ending of series 3’s heavy focus on the meta narrative of Howard and Vince’s interpersonal relationship, and those two episodes are in fact in the correct order to satisfyingly tie up both series 3 and the show as a whole.

Think about how the Party episode ends- Howard and Vince have their big moment of declaring their love for each other and acknowledging that the show has been building up to this moment from the start…..only to both go nah never mind I don’t need you, and run off each chasing random girls who we’ve never seen before this episode. What a terrible series ending that would have been after the show has been so much about the two of them together! But when watched as intended as the penultimate episode, it sets up the themes of the final episode perfectly.

In Chokes, the girls from the previous episode are nowhere to be seen. It was never really about them. The episode is the most intense version we’ve gotten yet of a concept that’s been explored on the show before (Electro, Charlie) of what happens when Howard or Vince, or in this case both, decide that they’re going to drop the other one to go pursue their passion that they think the other one is holding them back from. And guess what? It sucks! It’s not fun to watch, it doesn’t work out well for either of them, because the main delight of the show is watching the two of them bounce off each other and this episode has them going in opposite directions for most of it. Even in the past when the two of them have split after a conflict, they almost immediately default back to trying to figure out how to find their way back to each other or rescue the other one, but that doesn’t happen here. It really makes you realize why the show is so good the rest of the time and how much that spark is missing in this one and I think that has its own merit even if the episode itself isn’t the most enjoyable to watch.

The real important part comes in at the end, where we see Vince and Howard both realizing the dream careers they thought they wanted weren’t all they dreamt them to be, and that they’re happier back home with their chosen family. With Vince returning to the shop first, we see that he’s even gotten a stand-in Howard doppelgänger to keep him company, but that guy is unceremoniously booted when the real Howard comes back. No substitution could truly replace what they had.

The final impact of this episode and the show as a whole is the understanding that Howard and Vince are in fact soulmates who want and need to be together in whatever form that may take, and are happier working in their little shop together or doing any other otherwise unremarkable thing together than they would have been as famous rockstar or actor without the other one in their life. To me it does feel like the correct place for the show to have ended, with the audience having the satisfaction of knowing that Vince and Howard (and the rest of the crew) are back where they should be and will continue to be, and that it doesn’t matter what else they’re doing as long as they’re with each other.

[cherphadetseuk]

Things I want to see in Only Friends but one episode is by far not enough for any of that.

SandRay: I want to see Ray in rehab, I want to see how he struggles, how he relapses because so far it all looks like he's just fine going and nothing bad will happen. I want Sand to be by his side through his struggles and I wanna SEE it. Not just hear it or get a time skip being like...oh yeah, Ray went through his rehab and now is living happily ever after with Sand in his mansion and they're flying around the globe to see all the musicians. Okay bye that's it for Only Friends. Thank you for sticking with us through 12 painful, short episodes. No. I wanna SEE all of that. There either has to be a Season 2 or a SandRay spin-off, I don't care. I want it. Give it to me. All their scenes give me life and I know I’m extremely biased towards them but I can’t help it. They’re just so cute and as a Sand stan I just want him to be happy and appreciated and if Ray is that person than I’m 100% here for it. Given Ray had many eye-openers as well he will be that person. They’re good for each other and I am happy if they get that happy ending.

Sand and his dad: I want Sand to talk to his dad because I am 100% pretty damn sure he had the intention to say something after they talked for that short time in that episode before Ray interrupted for that heartwrenching short scene of them hugging. I wanna see more of his dad in general because they've been building up to this because why talk so much about him and show several scenes of Sand being at that club to see him perform when nothing comes of it. I wanna know who his dad is, I wanna know why the parents aren't together anymore. I wanna know more background on all of Sand's upbringing. Which brings me to his mum...I just want more of her. Period. I love her. That scene with her and Ray was everything. She's such a stable figure in Sand's life, guiding him while he supports her and now she's even guiding Ray because she's a mum and she knows her son and she knows about them and knows they're good for each other. I like supportive parental figures.

BostonNick: Same as with SandRay I wanna see the developement of their relationship. Nick didn't actually say yes officially to Boston's proposal of them being boyfriends until he leaves for NY. Nick also giving Boston a reality check with what he said to Atom about “don’t get attached to assholes”. He was literally calling Boston out at the same time which given Boston’s reaction, he knew it as well. Boston had a lot of eye-opening moments in the past 2 episodes so I hope they can make it work somehow. Whether Nick says yes or no, we’ll see. However, if he does I want them to like get attached and I want to see them develop the relationship. I want Boston to go to NY and them missing each other and Nick to be thinking about following Boston. I know, cliché, but I could totally see that. But I don't want him to just drop everything and follow Boston blindly. I want them to communicate and for Nick to say that he will finish his internship or whatever he does, to think about himself as well, and then maybe follow Boston later to pursue a career in NY because he'd be doing well in the US with animation. New York, the city of unlimited opportunities, he could do it. But I want them to have that long distance relationship first, to struggle, to communicate, to make it natural and not just bam here we go, two years later, Nick and Boston are happy living in NY together in a fancy flat. Again, BostonNick spin-off or Season 2. Thank you very much. I realised that BostonNick and SandRay are literally the same. Nick and Sand both being pushed around and dropped and used and all that and Boston and Ray both realising at the same time what they have of their other, how there's literally only one person who cares about them and none of them are from the friends group but I'm not gonna go there because that friends group is non-existent in my eyes. Except of Nick and Sand there was no actual friendship going on there that was even remotely healthy or supportive. Which brings me to:

Nick & Sand: I wanted more of this friendship. I wanted to see more how they live together after everything that happened. Mental breakdowns from their boyfriends/FWB relationships, them hanging out, talking, supporting each other. I just wanted more of this because again, healthiest friendship. They are roommates after all but we never actually SEEN them living together except of that one scene where Sand apologised for giving that audio to Ray. That was the only roommate scene we got in all of this and I felt like they would have been good for bonding over mutual shite they went through. I just wanted more of this friendship. They have like the most limited scenes together for the fact that they are both main characters. If Nick was just a random roommate it would have been different but he wasn't just random. They were both outsiders having been brought in into this mess from the outside. TopMew: Now, this is my problem couple. I don't dislike them. I'm actually a Top lover. I have never disliked him. I disliked some of his actions obviously but I never hated him like 99% of the people did. However, I'm happy Top gets a second chance. Deserved or not that's to debate because some people don't think so others do (like me) but that aside, I actually liked Top calling out Mew for the behaviour. Mew seemed to be unforgiving, which he also mentioned, but he's here giving Top a second chance, saying he's still in love with him but his facial expressions don't show it the same while Top is there struggling with his emotions and crying over the mistakes he has made. I want to see them working through those issues. Again, I just wanna see the development after everything that has happened. How they maybe go back to the way they used to be or maybe not, who knows. But one episode is not enough for that. Also we get the preview for the finale episode with the fire. Which brings me to:

Top: I feel like out of all the characters we know the least about him. All the other main characters have their dreams and their past and their struggles and we actually get to see and hear it. We don't know Top's dreams for the future. Where he wants to be, what he wants to do. We barely touched on his trauma, his ptsd (I think that's what he has, I forgot). We know his trauma is fire. We had that one flashback, we had the break-up scene where Mew lights the drawing on fire (which bold move, given he knows Top has a trauma with fire) but Top's reaction, I was not sure if it's just the break-up or actual fear because he was very expressive in that scene. However, we never see Top struggle with his PTSD, which his sleep problems, we hear about things but we never really touch on it. I want more of his story, want to know more about his past, his struggles. We also don't hear anything about his drug usage and everything. We had the halloween party and we still don't really know what happened between him and that police officer and him using drugs in general. Other than he's Mew's on and off boyfriend, we have no insight and it's kinda sad because I like him and I wanna know how all this came to be to begin with. Boston: I already talked about him in relation to Nick but I also wanna know more about his past because given how he acts towards his hookups and the fact that Nick would be his first boyfriend, he seems like to either have commitment issues, family problems or anything that made him shy away from falling in love and commitment. The way he both reacted to Nick and Atom in regard of them telling him they love him is like a defence mechanism. I feel like he’s in a similar situation with Yo. I love Boston but he has been stirring up a lot of shit in the first few episodes but he never actually came clean and apologised. He apologised to Nick for being an idiot but he never apologised for the dumb shit he spread around, the fact that he toyed with Nick and his friends and how he realised how everything went to shit AFTER Nick walked away and his friends. He got a slap in the face to make him realise but he never apologised for any of it to anyone.

YoPlug: In all honesty, the healthiest relationship we’ve seen in all of this show but then they just gone and put in some drama here too. Glad they resolved it and gone back. I want more of them. They were very small and a side ship, I get it. There’s not enough time in 12 episodes to develop 500 different relationships but I want more. I wanna SEE more of them. I want to see Yo move in with him, I want at least ONE scene of them outside of Y.O.L.O. I love them. I wish they’d get a spin-off. I wanna know how they got together, I wanna know more about Yo and her issues with past relationships. I just want more of them. Please and thank you. The mum’s: More mum’s please and thank you. Mew’s mums, I wanna know their story, I wanna know what they went through as a same-sex couple in their generation in Thailand. I wanna know how they got to become Mew. I just want more. More of Mew’s mum, more of Sand’s mum. In all honestly I would even love to know more about Ray’s mum, even tho that would just be dramatic and sad. I feel like Ray’s dad needs more screentime. He tries. I can see that. I don’t think he doesn’t care about Ray. He obviously does given he asked Sand for help because he knew he fucked up his relationship with Ray and Ray would not listen to him so he went behind his back to bribe Sand with money. It’s not necessarily a healthy move to bribe people with money who he knows need money and probably have the big chance to say yes and give in. We know how easy Sand was with giving in with Ray as well. As a broke human being, I get it. 100%. However, that doesn’t mean Ray’s dad doesn’t care. As I remember, Ray’s mum probably did what she did because her husband had no time for that relationship either. He didn’t become a workaholic after her death but we have to know that it had an immense impact on him as well. Psychologically. But he knew Ray was going the same route and he didn’t want to make the same mistake again but because shit has already gone too far in their father/son relationship he had to go with a different approach and that was Sand. The ONLY person who actually showed interest and care in Ray and his dad saw that and took it as an opportunity. I can’t honestly blame him. I don’t know if his and Ray’s relationship can be fixed but I’d love to see it as well. But again, we have ONE more episode. None of what I wrote here will happen in that ONE episode. Who am I forgetting. Oh of course. The MAIN thing I wanna know more about.

Sand/Top/Boeing: We know since episode 1 that Top apparently has stolen Sand’s Ex. Enter Boeing. Who also came out of nowhere so those characters never have good intentions. However, I wanna know HOW this all came to be. I am not sure if Boeing truly feels bad about dropping Sand. If he truly still have some sort of feelings for him and feels bad for what he did. Like Top. However, I am also not sure if it’s all a game as well. I can’t read him. He seems fishy. I don’t know if his intentions with Sand are truthful or if he’s just here to mess around. Kinda like Boston 2.0 from the first few episodes stirring up drama in all the ships. I DO however wanna know about their past and how Sand got to be with Boeing and how Boeing cheated on him with Top. Is Top really the bad guy here or was Boeing doing something to make it seem like Top was the bad guy. Was it truthful or not. We know nothing. We know he existed as a no-name for all those episodes but then he suddenly appears and we don’t know his intentions. In all honestly, dude should just go be the flight attendant he wants to be (which I still find hilarious given his name). I mean, dude is objectively hot. I wouldn’t mind being on an 11 hour flight with Thai Airlines and having someone like him bringing me my food. He’s an ass but he’s still eye candy haha. Sand better set him straight. At first I was like, WTF is Ray doing inviting him home but I think I get it. Honestly tho, I would love to see an even ground between Sand and Top given they have the same “enemy”. Given that TopMew seem to work it out and SandRay are working it out and RayMew seem to gone back to regular friends, they will still see of the other in some way or another. Which, oh, there is also another unsolved issue. Not issue since they DID talk but we literally got nothing around it:

RayMew: So apparently that happened, apparently it ended. They talked. They’re friends. We know Mew got with Ray because of his revenge plot. That whole Halloween party happened but nothing that happened at this party has been resolved in any way. Mew started smoking, taking drugs. It happened in the same breath as it ended. Atom: I’m gonna be completely honest, that scene with him and his sister was the biggest WTF scene of all of this show. Like, I understand it’s her brother and family is different. However, if MY sister pulled this shit I would have slapped her. Not in a “I hate you I will never see you again” way but in a “what the fuck were you thinking!!” way and I would have yelled at her for saying such bad stuff about someone else when it was a complete lie. We know Boston has been playing around and all but that was a horrible assumption to make and it could have gone a lot worse than it did. I would have made him go and apologise to Boston. However, now that BostonNick have set him straight, I would like to see him go out in the world and find himself with his eyes open to his new-found sexuality and get a good guy for him. Nobody from the friends group, nobody we know. Just himself and someone else in a healthy way. I would like to say the same about Dan. I know he likes Nick and I would be lying if I didn’t say they would be cute. However, we know Nick has different priorities so I guess Dan is gonna take the short stick. However, I like him and I hope Nick still gets the chance to be working with him and not drop him because of personal issues. Nick deserves the opportunity but at the same time I understand how not easy it would be to work with someone you like but doesn’t like you back like that. Tho Nick did seem to have some sort of feelings towards him. Let Dan have a happy ending to, with anyone. I think that’s it. I don’t know. I probably forgot a lot of things. So long story short! We need a Season 2!!!

[hinadoria]

Title: the act of giving

Author: hinadoria / AO3: hinadoria

Rating: General

Summary: Cyno tries to come up with an adequate thank-you gift for Alhaitham, amidst both solicited and unsolicited opinions.

AO3: Link

On an otherwise uneventful morning, Cyno realized he had ushered in the high noon of his career; all thanks to Alhaitham. It was a startling realization, since the majority of Cyno's feelings regarding Alhaitham could not be placed quite so neatly in a box such as gratitude. Even though labels rarely served to contain the entirety of a concept. Dissatisfaction with this very idea was part of what drove Tighnari to pursue his chosen calling, or so he claimed.

Cyno was in a fugue the rest of the morning. He didn't let it show on his face, but the aim of his spear was ever so slightly off during his daily practice. Alarmed by this, he decided he needed to resolve these emotions quickly, before it made the difference between a successful and failed arrest. There weren't many he could call a friend. The fiasco of Lord Kusanali's kidnapping had netted him more friends than before, but habits were hard to break. His first instinct was still to bother Tighnari. He silently set off to do just that. With Alhaitham around as Acting Grand Sage, there was little he couldn't do during work hours. The implications of this fact were not something Cyno wished to explore in solitude, and so he quickened his pace.

Aaru Village was as cozy and attuned to nature as always. The leaves of the banyan tree casted a long-reaching shadow that hugged the dirt pathways. It provided a relaxing shade for any weary matra or sick patient that might travel by. Cyno was almost certainly the former. On his way exiting Sumeru City, he was accosted by not one, not two, but three of his well meaning friends eager to lend a hand to his plight. Cyno thought his face was quite the closed book. He was right, but his friends had noticed his odd state anyways when they found he wasn't carrying around his trusty TCG deck. Cyno had been so out of it that morning he completely forgot to bring it along. The first to ask about his woes was Nilou. 

"What would you do if you wanted to show someone your gratitude?" he asked her. Nilou smiled.

"I'd dance for them, of course!" Cyno didn't know what he was expecting. Nilou was a lovely young lady, but she had a surprisingly one-track mind. Cyno thanked her and left as if escaping. On the outskirts of the city he ran into Dehya, who was accompanying a cheerful Dunyarzad. The rich young lady had brightened up considerably since the recovery of her illness, and Cyno was glad to see it. 

"Yo! Where is the General scurrying off to now?" Dehya asked.

"Official business," Cyno muttered. Dehya's sharp laughter pierced his ears.

"Well now I know it's definitely not official business. 'Cause if it were, you would have just ignored me!" Cyno's ears burned with shame. Was he truly so easy to read? If the answer was something he wouldn't like, then he'd rather not know at all.

"I'm trying to show someone my gratitude," he said instead. "If it were you, what would you do?"

"Give them money," Dehya said almost instantly. Cyno didn't know why he would expect any other answer. Unfortunately for him, although their salaries were similar, Alhaitham's lack of a crippling TCG addiction meant that he was probably richer than Cyno. Therefore, any material possession he was in want of was either highly illegal or had already been purchased. 

Dunyarzad giggled at Cyno's hesitance. "I'm sure whoever it is will appreciate whatever it is you give them, as long as it comes from the heart," she added.

Cyno stared into space. A gift from his own heart to... Alhaitham? The mere thought sent blood rushing towards his cheeks. Ugh, he might as well stab himself with Alhaitham's sword. Surely that would delight the cold-hearted man more? Cyno didn't know how he bid farewell and arrived at Aaru Village. He just figured if he ran fast enough, he could outrun his own embarrassment. 

Beautiful and cozy Aaru Village, with few people in sight. The only sound came from the gentle rushing of water and the trilling song of the colorful birds perched atop Tighnari's clinic. The music was cut short by the piercing sound of Tighnari's yells. A flustered Collei came out.

"Another misbehaving patient?" Cyno asked. Collei sighed in exasperation. "I wish Master would get angry less often. It can't be good for his health." She looked him over. "Here to pay him a visit?" 

"Yeah, I need his advice for something." 

"You're always welcome... is what I'd like to say, but right now you should probably enter at your own risk." Tighnari's mood swings were of little concern to Cyno. As his best friend, he had long since become immune to his prickly words. 

With this confidence, he entered the clinic, and subsequently dodged a flying catheter. Cyno left the clinic.

He returned when Tighnari had visibly calmed down and the frazzled patient had been escorted out by Collei. 

“I need to show Alhaitham my gratitude,” Cyno said, cutting to the point.

Tighnari's ears, which had been drooping, perked up. “And what caused this decision?” Cyno avoided his gossipy gaze. 

“Just, you know… I owe him a lot by way of my career. Without his role in dethroning Azar, I probably would've been sacked. Now that he’s Acting Grand Sage, I barely even get questioned when I carry out my duties.”

“Fair. But if you wanted to thank him, a new book would suffice. Why did you come all the way here?” 

“I just thought… it wouldn't be enough.” It had been years since Cyno felt this much hesitation over any matter. Years since he was that scrawny young orphan from the desert, walking on eggshells in the hostile world of academia. Peace from distrust; from those gazes that followed him through the hallways was something he didn't expect to have in his whole lifetime. But it was something Alhaitham made reality. And Cyno couldn’t—didn’t know how—to repay a grace that meant so much to him.

Tignari sighed, “Alhaitham is a hard man to read. If it was something he truly desired, then he'd accomplish it with his own hands. You two are quite similar in that sense. Why don’t you talk to him about what you can do for him?”  

Cyno’s first instinct was to bristle. But if even Tighnari couldn’t come up with something else, then maybe it really was his best option to ask Alhaitham directly. He said as much to his friend who smirked and said, “I’m always right.” He earned himself a messed up hairstyle from Cyno for that comment.

By the time Cyno arrived back at Sumeru City, the sky was stained a striking shade of orange. Belatedly, he realized he had wasted the majority of his day on this endeavor. Yet he still wouldn’t be punished for it, if Alhaitham had any power over the matter. Which, much to Cyno’s chagrin, he did. Cyno hesitated for only the briefest of moments before knocking on the door.

“Come in,” Alhaitham’s voice sounded from within. It was laced with fatigue, and Cyno momentarily contemplated returning another time. Then Alhaitham said, “Cyno?” and his curiosity got the better of him.

“How did you know it was me?” Cyno barged in. 

“Few people walk so silently as the General Mahamatra,” replied Alhaitham. “The absence of sound before the knock all but gave you away.”

“Noted.” Silence fell over the pair. Alhaitham sighed softly.

"If you're looking to spar, General, I really don't have the time today."

"No, I, uh…" Cyno's eyes fell on the large stack of unfinished documents and empty ink bottles. A bolt of inspiration struck him. "I was wondering if I might treat you to a cup of freshly brewed coffee? I know a great place." Fuck. He should have stopped before the last sentence. Cyno only knew of the one, and any Akademiya student worth their salt had spent their student days haunting it. Alhaitham must have been aware of this as well, because he laughed.

The laugh was genuine, not the sarcastic kind either. How long had it been since Cyno heard that beautiful sound? Was it during the celebration party after their successful mission? But that had been ages ago. Cyno found himself smiling fondly as he reminisced. It dropped clear off his face when Alhaitham asked, "Does this mean you're asking me out on a date?"

Archons! Heat rose to his face and neck so quickly that Cyno didn't need a mirror to know he was a ghastly sight. "I was just trying to show you my gratitude!" This seemed to take Alhaitham aback. 

"By taking me on a date?" Cyno calmed down.

"Why? Are you disappointed?" Instead of the all-too-familiar snide remark he felt sure to receive and would thus steer the conversation away from dangerous waters, Alhaitham nodded.

"Yes, in fact. And here I'd thought you'd beaten me to the punch."

"What?!" Alhaitham stared directly into Cyno's eyes, and an emotion Cyno couldn’t describe welled up within his chest.

"Cyno. My dearest General Mahamatra. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me on a date? When I'm not swamped with all this paperwork, that is." 

Embarrassment shot through his veins, and Cyno felt the urge to run. "You don't have to be so formal about it. I prefer the version of you that's blunt to a fault, and has a hundred backup plans for every situation."

"I'll take that as a yes." Alhaitham handed him a thick binder. Cyno opened it to find a set of locations, detailed with descriptions and cross-references of his and Alhaitham's own opinions. "Please peruse that at your own convenience. Any of those would be ideal for a first date."

"You're insufferable. Can't believe you made a portfolio."

"Yes, well, I'm still the one you fell in love with, aren't I?"

Cyno choked, "Too soon!" He might as well have said nothing, however, because the persistent flush on his face left little to hide. 

In the end, Cyno never did give a satisfactory gift to show his gratitude. In a way, he had given himself to become Alhaitham's boyfriend. Yet as they walked down the street, hand-in-hand, neither of them complained.

[jaysgirlie]

TAKE THAT HOGWARTS SORTING

ok so here are my opinions, let me know what you think!

i asked chat gpt to write a little about each member to back up my decisions.

Jason

starting off with baby !!

“Jason Orange is likely to be a Ravenclaw. Ravenclaws value intelligence, knowledge, creativity, and originality, all of which are characteristics that can be associated with Jason. As a member of Take That, Orange's musical talent and innovative approach to songwriting demonstrate his love for intellect and creativity. Additionally, his thoughtful and introspective nature supports the idea that he would fit well into the Ravenclaw house, which praises individuality and intellectual curiosity.”

Mark

it was a toss up between gryffindor and hufflepuff for this cutie

“Mark Owen is likely Gryffindor. Gryffindor values bravery, daring, nerve, and chivalry, which are qualities that align with Mark’s public persona. As a successful musician who consistently performs in front of large audiences, he undoubtedly possesses the courage and boldness required to take risks and push boundaries onstage. Additionally, Owen has often demonstrated loyalty to his bandmates and his fans, showcasing a chivalrous side that further supports his potential placement in Gryffindor.”

Robbie

either slytherin or gryffindor… but i went with slytherin because when slytherins want something, they really go for it and will do whatever it takes. nobody talks about a slytherin’s bravery enough and they are judged often… rob is a sweetheart and yet some people only see the persona they are shown. also slytherin is my house so wahey !! 🥰

“Robbie Williams can indeed be placed in Slytherin. Slytherin values ambition, resourcefulness, shrewdness, and determination, all of which are traits that can be associated with Robbie. Known for his sharp wit and quick-thinking, Robbie has consistently pursued his goals and strived for success in his career. His ability to adapt to different situations and his resilience in overcoming challenges demonstrate the cunning and resourcefulness that are characteristic of Slytherin. Additionally, his ambition to constantly push boundaries and explore new creative avenues makes him a fitting member of the Slytherin house.”

Howard

ok so sue me but hufflepuff look how sweet he is

“Howard Donald is likely to be in Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff prioritizes fairness, justice, patience, and loyalty, all of which are qualities that resonate with Howard’s personality. As a member of Take That, he has shown great teamwork and loyalty towards his bandmates. Additionally, his humble and down-to-earth nature aligns with the values of the Hufflepuff house, which emphasizes hard work and fairness rather than seeking the spotlight.”

and… Gary!

i meannnn it was either hufflepuff or gryffindor imo!

“Gary Barlow is a perfect fit in Hufflepuff due to his hardworking and loyal nature. He dedicated his career to Take That and worked diligently to achieve success, which showed his commitment and perseverance. Additionally, Barlow's loyalty to his bandmates is notable; he has always prioritized their well-being and stood by them through tough times. His reliability and dedication, coupled with his humility and down-to-earth attitude, make him a strong candidate for the house of Hufflepuff at Hogwarts.”

this is my first time doing one of these and getting the text where I wanted was near impossible lol. i hope you enjoyed <3

[thesweetnessofspring]

So I was going to make this a Reddit post (since up until this week that was the only place to have any kind of real discussion online about Crazy Ex-Girlfriend), but I took too much time to think it over so now it has to go here. I can't hold it in anymore.

Nathaniel is a poorly conceived character and lacks a genuinely earned change of character as a result.

Warning: This is a long rant, hopefully with a point at the end. I just have so many complaints I hoped I pulled them together in a coherent way.

First, to be clear, Scott is amazing. No complaints on the acting.

But the character? For a show that took stereotypes and showed the human behind them in a a way that was grounded despite the ridiculous nature of the show, they just fell absolutely flat with Nathaniel's character.

Obviously Nathaniel is the "rich boy/antagonistic lover" romcom cliche. I think that is the first part which created a hurdle, because CXG is set in West Covina, not Scarsdale. The other characters are normal and relatable. I've seen Josh and Greg get more criticism for their characters than Nathaniel (which is honestly so ridiculous to me) and I think part of it is because we all know Joshes who haven't learned to grow up and be someone a partner could actually depend on. We all know Gregs who are bitter and make sarcastic comments and bring down the vibe in the room. So it's easier to hate them because they're grounded in our world. But it's rarer to know a Nathaniel, so the show builds his character based not how real rich people act, but perpetuates the idea that movies and TV shows have put in our head about rich people.

Why is Nathaniel a jerk? BECAUSE HIS DADDY DIDN'T LOVE HIM! WAAAAAA! HIS DADDY WAS SO MEAN TO HIM! POOR NATHANIEL IT'S NOT HIS FAULT YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR TRYING TO HAVE JOSH'S GRANDFATHER MURDERED!

I know that parent issues can come across cliche anyway, but really? The rich boy's daddy puts pressure on him and doesn't give him affection? THAT'S the best they could come up with? Some Logan Huntzburger knock-off?

I loved CXG from the beginning because of how real it feels despite its ridiculous tone. I remember watching the first episode and feeling so excited, because wow! West Covina was so much like the SoCal town I grew up in and the characters I could tell were already like people I actually knew! Nathaniel failed in this way.

I used to work on occasion with rich people as a legal assistant. I saw a few third-generation rich people that Nathaniel was supposed to be like. Do you know what kind of so-called "men" they were? They were all spoiled man-children whose daddies were bailing them out of their legal problems with money, lying, cheating, and committing perjury. They were able to use their family wealth to dick around, not do any real work, and yet keep living life high. Did they have good parents? Hell no! Did they have parents who pushed them to the point of perfection? Hell no! These spoiled rich babies always got whatever they wanted, no consequences. And that is what made their parents so bad.

For Nathaniel to be so rich he has his own private jet, and yet be pushed to work so hard is not the way it actually works with people that wealthy. Yes, for rich people who are still on the lower-end of "rich" their kids will have to go to a good school and pursue a career with money-making potential. But Nathaniel has little need to do any actual work.

If you want a more well-known comparison: Donald Trump is a third-generation rich person. After all that came out in the media, you can't tell me that Donald Trump was pushed to perfection by his daddy.

And then there are other things that bug me like, Nathaniel is a water polo player...but that isn't a rich person sport. Not in SoCal anyway. A kid from my high school actually went to Stanford to play on their water polo team (like Nathaniel) and I come from an area that is very middle class at best. West Covina should not have been the place he was first exposed to normal people! He even says that his water polo team were his brothers, who would have been made up of normal people because water polo is not a rich person's sport. Which makes me wonder why it wasn't until West Covina Nathaniel starts "becoming nice." You're telling me away from his dad, as an independent adult, spending HOURS with normal people including traveling for games and team bonding, and it takes a lady with big boobs and a quirky personality to make him "nice"??? I'm not quite as familiar with Stanford culture, but again, from the people I know who went there, it's not as much of a rich people haven as the east coast prestigious school (from my understanding). Then Nathaniel's parents house looks like it's straight-up from Gilmore Girls (again the Logan Huntzburger comparison) when rich people's houses in LA look nothing like that. Why in a show so based in California culture are they making him into an east-coast cliche? He's a mirror of Rebecca, sure, but then why make him from LA if they based his character off of east coast old money? California is new money! Even if the wealth is across generations, it is not at all like east coast old money at all!

So in terms of keeping the character based in actually seeing this type of person in real life? I'd give Nathaniel...2/10. Just because how cruel he is at the start is how real-life rich people act so he gets a point for that.

And another thing that annoys me about Nathaniel is how hard the writers went to try and make him sympathetic. Because if you have a character who is straight-up sexually harassing a female employee, cheating on his lovely girlfriend, verbally and mentally abusing his employees they have to make him even more uwu than the other romantic leads. So they always pull out things to try and make people say, "Awwww, but he likes the zoo! And monkeys! Look at him hugging that alligator all sad! And he reads Harry Potter?! He's just a lil nerd!!" (at the time people still liked Harry Potter) I just feel manipulated by these "isn't he so cute?!" additions to Nathaniel's character. I don't see them as a natural fleshing out of the character, I see them as the writers trying to wave me over to distract me from just how downright awful he is as a person. And that makes me resent him more. Like...ok, you go to the zoo Nathaniel...but you were still going to have an immigrant deported and ripped away from his family, you jerk.

Rebecca does messed up things, too. But the show gives her a diagnosis, she goes to therapy, they at least show her apologize to Josh about what she put him through, as well as the hormone-induced attempt to take a hit on Mona to Nathaniel, and own up to what she did to Paula. Nathaniel's response to trying to send a hitman to murder Josh's grandfather was "in my defense, I was promised sex." He never apologizes??? really apologizes??? to ANYONE??? He doesn't go to therapy or even get a life coach or...anything. I guess he does nice things for people (while reminding them HE'S NICE NOW and DEMANDING they get over the fact that he, again, TRIED TO HAVE THEIR GRANDFATHER MURDERED). I would argue that Nathaniel is way more messed up than Rebecca and doesn't do a fraction of the owning up to his past that she did, which imo is still lacking overall.

Like my dudes, Greg has his AA meetings, even Josh goes to therapy. But the objectively worst regular character on the show...doesn't. Huh.

And I think that's what drives me so bonkers about Nathaniel's character. Yes, Rebecca is this force that comes into West Covina and changes people's lives, but it makes sense for other people. She shows Heather unironic joy. She challenges Valencia's relationship with Josh, which pushes Valencia to grow. She gives life to Paula's dreams again. And I'd argue Greg is more changed by the result of their relationship (the DUI he got trying to drive to talk to her) more than Rebecca herself just being that amazing. But Nathaniel's character comes in hard and cruel. His actions and attitude are the kind that in real life, are above what I've seen ever actually change because it is so steeped in enormous privilege. Nathaniel would need to be drastically, drastically, and for a significant length of time humbled--not just pooping his pants in the office. And I'd say even that would likely be a stretch. The writers made him so unbearable to start that I can't believe even Rebecca could really help him change. Imo, they don't show it. They chalk it up to "he just wants to have sex with her really bad...and...uh...yeah his feelings are now just that strong for her. Mmmmhmmm, a woman really can change a man by his sheer desire for her!"

I just think they bit off more than they could chew with Nathaniel. I get they were going with another romcom cliche, but that cliche was too out there to start with and they jumped fully on board with it, not realizing that the strength of their characters are in how they reflect people we actually know. Nathaniel's character sticks out as not belonging or fitting in because he's simply a stock character they didn't add any real depth or nuance to or any earned change. His character being so privileged makes turning him into a good person all that more challenging.

And if I'm being honest? Since you've made it all the way down here...I do wonder what it would have been the response if Scott weren't so good-looking or white. Josh Chan, whose worst crime is a toss up between kissing Rebecca while with Valencia or leaving Rebecca at the altar without communicating with her at all about it, gets more derision from the fandom than Nathaniel, who again, would have orchestrated someone's murder without a second thought. I understand why Nathaniel is so popular, but it makes me worried that even a show as progressive as CXG with fans who have the same mindset still give such a quick pass to a handsome rich white boy.

[latenightcinephile]

Film #914: 'La La Land', dir. Damien Chazelle, 2016.

I really like old-school Hollywood musicals, and I've always been sad that it's a genre that has gotten harder and harder to find in modern Hollywood. Most of the genre has since been supplanted by Disney films and either low-budget works or jukebox musicals, produced because there is a ready audience for the songs. While there has been a shift towards film adaptations of Broadway hits in the last decade or so (Les Miserables (Tom Hooper, 2012), Into the Woods (Rob Marshall, 2014), Cats (Tom Hooper, 2019)), it's a poor sign of the genre's health that there are no longer any major actors renowned for their consistent career in musicals - no Astaires or Crosbys or Garlands. So imagine my glee on hearing that a new, original musical was being made! One that hearkened back to the Hollywood spectaculars of the 1940s and 1950s! La La Land! The promotional photos looked reminiscent of the soundstage musicals that I had fallen in love with! At long last, it was time!

So, I didn't watch it for seven years. I don't know exactly why I didn't - a combination of having a lot going on in my life that stopped me getting to theatres, and then an internal rebellion against the amount of praise the film was receiving. It certainly wasn't helped by the Oscars debacle - there's nothing that diminishes a film's prestige quite like conspicuously not winning the Best Picture award. Finally, this year, I sat down to watch it, hoping I would be wrong, and that the shine would still be there - that I would be transported.

La La Land is not bad. It's also not transcendental.

Mia Dolan (Emma Stone) and Seb Wilder (Ryan Gosling) have both moved to Los Angeles to pursue their dreams. Mia wants to be an actress, but has found work in a coffee shop on the Warner Brothers studio lot. Seb hopes to revitalise jazz music in Los Angeles by refurbishing a famed jazz club. Mia encounters Seb by chance, and loves his music, but their first few interactions are filled with hostility - road rage, a thwarted introduction at the moment Seb is fired (in a cameo by J. K. Simmons, who also starred in Chazelle's Whiplash in 2014), and a terrible Hollywood pool party. Finally warming to each other, the two begin dating and encouraging each other to pursue their dreams in whatever way possible - Mia by performing a one-woman show, and Seb joining a jazz-pop band fronted by Keith (John Legend). Just before Mia's show opens, Seb returns from touring, and the two argue bitterly over their future and how to reconcile their two careers, ending with Seb spitting vitriol about how Mia cannot stand his success. The two break up, and Mia returns to her childhood home.

Shortly after this, Seb receives a message for Mia, inviting her to a casting call. He goes to retrieve her, and her audition is a success. The two talk about how, while their lives are not compatible, they'll always love each other. Five years later, Mia is a successful actress and Seb has opened his club. They once again meet by chance and, after considering what their life together could have been, they each go their separate ways once more.

You might notice that, in this description, I haven't paid much attention to the songs or music in this musical. That's because, in all honesty, not very much of it was memorable to me. The opening number 'Another Day of Sun', and 'City of Stars', the song that gets used as a motif throughout, remain catchy, but they're the only tracks that left a mark. That's a real shame, because they're not really the turning points of the film. And while Gosling and Stone show that they're relatively accomplished as singers and dancers in this film, it's also clear that they're not accustomed to doing this kind of work regularly. 'A Lovely Night' is a prime example of this - it's a couple's dance number, and the choreography is not exactly simple, but Stone and Gosling look like they've learned the dance in isolation from each other. This is a number where the easy chemistry that the two of them have temporarily gets put on hold so that they can focus on the steps.

And I'm aware that this is an incredibly pedantic thing to gripe about. I don't mean to damn with faint praise - these actors are doing something difficult, and doing it well. What really gets me is that, when you're making a musical, you have all sorts of tricks to cover over these brief weaknesses, and La La Land often doesn't use them. The score feels oddly quiet, even in its more bombastic numbers. 'Another Day of Sun' starts things off, but the opening vocalist sings, rather than belting, and by making the score supposedly diegetic to start, there's not enough there to support her. I know I ended my last write-up by expressing gratitude that films were now available to watch outside the cinema, but this is an instance where I wish that I'd seen this years ago. I just couldn't turn my speakers up far enough to get lost in the spectacle.

Talking to people about this film, there seems to be an even split on this matter: either you can lose yourself in what's going on, or you can't, and if you're in the latter camp, the musical side of La La Land is too banal. It's colourful and pretty - filmed gorgeously by Linus Sandgren - but I'm reminded of the maxim of musicals, attributed to Rob Marshall: "When movement isn't enough, you dance, or when speaking isn't enough, you sing." A few people I've asked about the film raised similar ideas - that it feels like Chazelle is trying to force an exuberance from his audience when there's not enough genuine emotion to support it.

This is what makes the second half of the film better for me, and this is where I found myself able to embrace the film more. The latter half of Mia and Seb's relationship, once they've actually fallen in love properly, is powerfully-acted, and the reprise of 'City of Stars' is beautiful. The break-up scene is absolutely stellar, and either Gosling and Stone could justifiably call this one of the best scenes of their career. In a musical, though, this height of emotion would normally call for a song or a dance, and there isn't one here. The emotional height that does get a song is Mia's audition, where she sings 'The Fools Who Dream' in what appears to be a single take. This is an excellent performance, and it alone could have been responsible for Stone winning the Best Actress Oscar that year. Then, of course, once Mia and Seb have briefly reunited, they share a fantasy sequence that is filled with a longing that's deeply affecting.

The thing that upsets me most about the film is that once you've started dissecting it, you see how underwritten parts of it are. The opening leaves its characters adrift, trying to sell you on optimism and exuberance that don't have enough of a foundation - no matter how many BMX stunt riders and parkour experts 'Another Day of Sun' crams in, it feels thin - and even the break-up scene is mostly successful because Stone and Gosling have easy chemistry and the ability to sell you on ideas by injecting them with emotion. That doesn't prevent the central conflict from seeming like a contrivance.

Seb is, admittedly, insufferable at times (I'm not going to get into whether he's a white saviour of jazz, because plenty of people have made arguments on both sides of that topic and I could easily agree with either camp). I think his biggest flaw is that he's unable to articulate his motivations, which makes the conflict a bit of an idiot-ball plot. Faced with having to explain why he's 'sold out' by joining Keith's group rather than following his passion for pure jazz, he can't do it and immediately belittles Mia. It feels like it would be easy to explain that someone could find satisfaction in playing two different subgenres of jazz, and even playing them off each other to push the boundaries of music further. That feels like something Seb would genuinely believe in (and something that Chazelle, being a musician, would also be familiar with). It would also open up opportunities for more complicated conflicts - a jazz battle! A tortured artist number! - without affecting the overall plot. I just don't think the film has the expansiveness to tackle it.

Yeah, this sounds like I'm trying to assassinate the film. I liked it, honestly. I was still humming 'City of Stars' a week later, and it made me like Stone and Gosling more as actors, which I hardly thought possible. All the breathless excitement, though, about the film resurrecting a genre, and changing the course of film history... it was overblown, without a doubt. La La Land proved that these films could still be made, and very successfully. The fact that so many modern musicals are either adaptations of things proven to work, or jukebox musicals where the plot is largely incidental, shows that crafting a fully successful musical is not just about the songs but about the plot that links them. La La Land does it better than most, but it's not what I was craving it to be.

[ravenkings]

Jeff Thomas, a model and social media influencer who was recently in a long-term relationship with billionaire Peter Thiel, said he spent much of his time with the tech mogul working to persuade him away from his increasingly aggressive pursuit of a culture war — a war that Thomas warned was blowing back on their community.

“I don’t side with him on a lot of political things, but I understand him,” Thomas told me in an interview last November. “I’m trying to influence him in ways to show him my heart, and show him how it affects myself, certain individuals, himself.”

Thomas said that he felt like he had made strides with Thiel, though his effort was cut short earlier this month, on March 8, when he died tragically. His death is being investigated as a possible suicide, according to a Miami Police Department report and sources who have been contacted by the police for information. Miami police have been in contact with Thiel, and will interview him as part of the probe, two sources with knowledge of the investigation said.

Thiel did not respond to texts or phone calls requesting comment. Most of the people The Intercept spoke to during this reporting have requested anonymity, citing Thiel’s relentless and successful effort to obliterate Gawker in retribution for outing him in the 2000s.

Thomas had met Thiel back in 2015 or 2016 at Coachella, he told me, where Thiel threw one of his legendary parties. “I was wondering why he was being affiliated with someone like Trump, and investing in him, if he’s gay,” Thomas said. But his own father was a Republican, Thomas said, and he grew up in Texas, so felt that he knew how to reach people who thought differently.

In 2017, Thiel married investment banker Matt Danzeisen. Thomas and Thiel eventually struck up a relationship in the early stages of the pandemic. But it wasn’t a typical relationship. Thomas described himself as being in a “kept” situation that made him uncomfortable. “It was stressful, he wanted me to get the nicest car, the nicest house. He wanted to kind of show his power, to kind of show that he had me in his dollhouse,” he said. “It’s not like I was his boyfriend, really, I was just kind of his friend that was there for him when he needed, you know, whatever he needed.”

But Thomas justified it to himself as a fair trade. “If I’m gonna give up the relationships I have and give up my dreams right now, during Covid, or dating other guys or pursuing people, then I’m going to get a $300,000 car and I’m going to get a $13 million home [on Franklin Avenue in Hollywood Hills]. So those are the things that I see fit for me to give up my freedom,” he said.

I spoke with Thomas while doing reporting for a profile of Thiel, which is ongoing. (If you knew Thomas or have any other information to share, send me a message on Signal or WhatsApp at 202-368-0859, or by email to ryan.grim@theintercept.com.) Thomas also spoke with several Democratic and progressive activists who are working to expose what they see as Thiel’s hypocrisy. The activists provided recordings of interviews with Thomas to The Intercept. Some of the quotes in this story come from that audio.

Thomas figured that the relationship, and the house he was living in — a mansion at 8517 Franklin Avenue in Hollywood Hills listed at $13 million — could be a step toward a career in real estate. “It was something to do during the pandemic. I was kind of over my one bedroom apartment,” he said. “I did real estate in New York, and I was considering getting my license and doing investment — flipping homes and doing investment properties in LA and I figured that this could be maybe one of my first in my portfolio. … I knew I wasn’t going to be in it for the long run.”

Several of Thomas’s friends in Los Angeles said they often saw Thiel at Thomas’s home, and also saw Thomas at Thiel’s nearby home on Metz Place. (Unrelatedly, before Thomas moved in, the home was owned by leading figures in the bizarre NXIVM sex cult that was rolled up in 2021, according to property records.)

The parties Thiel and Thomas threw could get raucous, and Thiel himself would sometimes do the recruiting. Thiel, or someone using his Facebook account, reached out to one University of California, Los Angeles grad student, despite having no friends in common, and invited him to a party at Thiel’s house, describing the poolside scene. “Hot guys at a pool sounds like pretty idyllic gay activity to me,” the student responded, according to screenshots of the conversation obtained by The Intercept. They moved to a WhatsApp conversation using Thiel’s phone number.

“Well, it doesn’t stay idyllic too long,” Thiel’s account said, “but always lots of fun,” adding later, “Yeah, we know how to have some no holds barred gay fun.”

To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, there’s nothing wrong with no-holds-barred gay fun, and, indeed, the ability of consenting adults to engage in whatever private, victimless behavior they choose is one measure of a just society. It’s also what Thiel has been spending heavily to oppose.

Thiel, one of the biggest funders of Republican candidates in 2022, bankrolled a massive super PAC that backed Ohio Senate candidate and Thiel protégé J.D. Vance, called “Protect Ohio Values PAC.” He also put millions into Saving Arizona PAC, to support Blake Masters. Both candidates ran heavily on culture war issues, portraying themselves as fighting for an America with traditional conservative values against the libertine coastal elites.

“My, you know, former boss and mentor Peter Thiel is gay. I went to his wedding,” Masters said. “I wish him well. I don’t think the Supreme Court should have decided that case that way. … Marriage is between a man and a woman.”

Thiel’s account, meanwhile, told the UCLA student he had little regard for most swaths of America in a direct message: “Feel like the only places in US are LA and NYC and Miami … and maybe SD and DC and Chicago … but that’s really it.”

“I told him to stay out of politics,” Thomas said. “And he did, and so he didn’t support Trump in 2020. He stayed out of it. I was like, OK, great. So I did my part, I influenced him to stay out of it.”

Thiel backed Trump in 2020 but was conspicuously less supportive than in 2016, when he famously spoke at the Republican National Convention. “I felt like I did something. And then he started getting back into politics and supporting Trump again and all that other stuff. And I’m just like, well fuck, there’s only so much I can do and say to influence somebody.”

Toward the end of last year, Thomas was hyping himself up to make an exit. “I don’t think it’s very satisfying, to be honest, to be kept,” Thomas said in October. “I saw the spark in me fade away, and it was toxic, and it was unhealthy, and I’ve had multiple talks with myself this year, about getting out of it, and I’ve actually discussed to him about it, like, I can’t do this anymore. You know, my mental health is at risk.”

Thomas moved out of the Franklin Avenue house and to Miami, though he and Thiel stayed in touch. Thomas attended a New Year’s Eve party at Thiel’s Venetian Island compound on Biscayne Bay.

Thomas’s friends and family are sorting through the wreckage. “He didn’t talk much about Peter at all other than I knew he was living in a house owned by him,” said a longtime friend who knew him from Texas and also moved to Los Angeles. (Thiel does not own the property.) “I know that in November he had to leave that house, but he didn’t ever go into the details of his relationship with Peter.”

She had just texted with Thomas the Sunday before he died, she said, sharing the messages with The Intercept. He was excited about her upcoming baby shower. “I know what everyone who has experienced this says, but he did not seem like he was thinking about killing himself,” she said. “He RSVP’d to a baby shower in Dallas in May in LA and said how he was excited to be there.”

“The last time I talked to him in depth about his feelings was shortly after his birthday party in May,” she added. The party, according to an invitation, was at the Franklin Avenue home in Los Angeles. “We had talked about how he was having a hard time in a relationship. I’m not sure which relationship but he was having general anxiety about it.”

Thomas said the relationship with Thiel wore on him. “He knew I was a strong person, but there’s only so many times you can be strong and for how long, until, you know, you’re just not strong enough anymore,” he said. “I was honest with my family about the relationship. … I thought I was doing what I could to help secure my safety and be OK when it actually did the opposite of putting me into a position of something I couldn’t carry emotionally or physically or mentally.”

Matthew Thomas, Jeff’s stepfather who adopted and raised him, declined to be interviewed, saying, “I know the whole story, and I’ve talked to Peter a lot.”

The Daily Mail has published at least four articles on Thomas’s death, though has not mentioned his relationship with Thiel. In one article, the paper quotes his agent speculating he may have fallen to his death taking a selfie, though the agent was not present and there is no evidence to corroborate that. Thomas’s friends hope the Miami police investigate his death thoroughly.

Thomas’s brother, Skylar Ray Thomas, suggested the death was suicide in a Facebook post. “As you have followed through the years, Jeff traveled the world and lived life to the fullest,” his brother wrote. “What you may not know, is Jeff struggled with addiction and mental health challenges, which ultimately led to his tragic passing. While Jeff’s struggles were difficult, we want to remember him for the kind and caring person he was. He had a contagious sense of humor, a love for music, art and family, and a passion for helping others. He touched the lives of so many people, and his memory will live on in our hearts forever.”

Article published March 23, 2023