#he sometimes get up and starts looking for titi and it tears my heart to shredssss.

[mosquitinho]

On October 9th, my cat Titi passed away. After responding well to treatment for 8 months, he had a very sudden worsening of his kidney disease 5 days prior to his death. He went away peacefully and quickly while he slept on his favorite mattress, and he made sure to say goodbye to everyone he loved before that.

In his 17 years of life, he killed countless geckos, stole a lot of forbidden foods, explored all of the forbidden places, ran all over many different houses, slept on many laps, and got all of the pets from human hands & licks from his kitty brother that he wanted plus some. He was a funny, playful, tiny, scrungly baby creature until the very end, and we're missing his presence each passing day.

All of the pictures above are from the last month we spent with him. I'm grateful he and his brother were able to move in with me and my girlfriend, which they've enjoyed a ton! It was his last big adventure. He was happy, active, and surprisingly healthy on his last month with us, so I really couldn't ask for a better end of life for him.

Rest in peace, my baby Titi. We love you and we know you love us very much. We'll never forget you, Tico Timbo 💕

[summerrrluvvv]

Chapter 1:

Music Featured in This Chapter: Sound Track Now Available On Spotify

Sweet Life by Frank Ocean

Bad by Wale

Neighbors Know My Name by Trey Songz

So Gone By Monica

Tye:

 “The best song wasn’t the single, but you weren’t either, living in Ladera Heights, black Beverly Hills” I sang along to “Sweet Life” by Frank Ocean as I was packing. In almost 48 hrs., I was going to Miami. Every Summer we take an annual Girls Trip that we take every year with all my girls but only this year it was just the four of us. “Knock, Knock” I got up and looked through my peephole and seen it was Samar. “What up homie?!” He said being playful. “Stop Samar I’m busy, I got to pack and shit” Samar was my best guy friend that I so happen to have feelings for, but I never told him. “Oh yeah Miami with the girls omg girls trip fun times were going to sip margaritas and party and fuck on the beach yeah Miami” Samar said imitating a female. I rolled my eyes. “You gone be down there too aren’t you for Lit and Wild Festival why you over here talking, probably got Hella hoes lined up” He pretended to pop his collar. “Well the ladies do look cool Samar” I pushed him out my way. “Nigga you aight” I lied. Samar was fine as hell he had fly ass swagger. “Nigga I’m the shit what about oh boy um what’s him Lipton Tea?” He asked. I rolled my eyes. “Quinton, Q for short dumb ass” I said sitting down folding my cute swim wear. “Where you going in that baby ass one piece?? You are doing only fans?” He asked me. I bust out laughing. “Samar shut the fuck up!” I said to him. “Nah for real that’s for Q dawg?” He asked. Quinton was my little fling over the semester he was sweet, but shit was not there for us. “Quinton and I are over, shit was getting out of hand” I told Him. “Good” He simply said. I looked at him. “Well yeah cause its gone be plenty of fish in the sea of Miami” I said doing a little dance. “Look at you just fast ass little girl” I laughed at Samar acting disgusted. “Well I’m going to let you finish packing Tye, Ms. Matthews if you nasty, see you in Miami fam, I’m going hit yo line” he told me before leaving. I smiled at the thought of Miami being my time to finally tell him how I felt.

 Zion: 

“Come on Z baby, why you got to play so hard man” Jacquez kept saying to me. He was a guy I was talking to that got caught up in his feelings. I told him what the fuck it was, now he wants to stalk me. “Jacquez move out the way I got to take my next guest” I said. I was a cashier at Gucci. “Z man you playing with a nigga emotions and that’s fucked up” He said. I sighed and palmed my face. “Jacquez don’t make me call security, this why we can’t be cool, I told you don’t get attached to me I not with none of that lovey dovey shit now please honey stop making a fool of yourself its so many hoes in this mall you can try stop pressing me” I told him. He sucked his teeth in. “Man fuck you, you ain’t nothing but a hoe anyways acting like you high and mighty bitch” He said and knocked my credit card pamphlets off the register. I looked at the customers and smiled. “Ok next guest” I said, cause fuck him. After work I headed home, I called Melody on my way. “Hey girl what’s up??” She said. “Tell me why that nigga Jacquez popped at my job this time girl like nigga the dates where nice I appreciate you going down on me all the time but time is up sir I’m bored next caller!” I said. Melody bust out laughing. “No, I feel you, I been out here trying to date and nah I am not feeling it” She said. “Don’t get me wrong Mel, I want the love and shit it’s just easy to stay protected than to be so open, fuck these niggas till I get a nigga that knock my socks off, like them bitches fly right off like swoop” I told her. We both started laughing. “Z get the fuck of my line with this shit girl I’m screaming, maybe you can get you a boo in Miami or something” Mel said. I scrunched my face up. “Nah it’s a girl’s trip, I’m going to be with my bitches getting litty in the Miami City, I just got my fashion nova swim suits in the mail today, we going to have fun” I tell her. “My swimsuits from Pretty Little Thing came in today too, plus I went shopping and got me some cute ass clothes at this little hood boutique” She said. We talked all the way till I got home. “Aight Mel, I got to go in the house, Ima see you at Tye’s on Friday”. “Aight girl bye” We hung up and I gathered my things to go into my house.

 Melody:

 “Let’s keep it soft and warm with the quiet storm on V103 yeah”. Trey Songs “Neighbors Know My Name” started playing as I drove on the highway home from Lenox Mall. As I was driving, I got a call from my sister Tamia. “Yes TiTi” I said annoyed. “Guess who followed me back on IG?” She asked. I shrugged. “I don’t know Ti, who?” I said. She sucked her teeth at me. “Girl Isaac, I was like boy bye what do you want?, he gone leave you cause he say you do too much and don’t love yourself saying don’t hit his line and shit but months later gone follow me and then gone say how is everybody, aka how is Melody I see she fine as hell now and I’m trying to slide through” My sister said. I slightly laughed. Isaac was my ex-boyfriend of 5yrs. He was the love of my life and I was crazy as hell over that nigga but he broke my heart and it took a little minute to heal and then I finally was able to let go, he been doing his T-shirt business and shitwe still follow each other. I just stay lowkey because I am waiting till Miami to post my post break up glow up pics. I lost weight, got me a bomb ass job, I am glowing, skin on fleek, booty popping like I am happy for the growth, and who I am becoming. “Ti, I don’t care about Isaac anymore, don’t mention him to me anymore it’s been 6months and I’m doing amazing he can kiss my ass” I said. “Well ok then, I’m just informing you, so you won’t be surprised that’s what big sisters do” She said. I rolled my eyes. “Tamia thank you for the update I’m good, I’m going to call you before I leave for Miami” I said. She sighed over the phone. “Okay bye rude ass little girl” She said. I palmed my face. “Tamia don’t start” I said. “Mmmhm” She hung up the phone. When I got to my apartment. My dog Yoda was waiting for me, she was a yorkie. “Hey baby” I said as I picked her up. I got undressed and unwind and sat on my couch scrolling through IG. I was curious to see Isaac page, as I scrolled and looked at his pics. He still looked good, it took me sometime to be able to look at him again without crying but now I can do it and not feel anyways. “Hey girl, you pack yet?” Tye texted me. “Not yet but Ima bout too” I replied. “We bout to be in Miami Bitch” Tye texted. All I could think about was the fine ass men in Miami, get me a little fling, hang with my girls and being free.

 Ariana:

 I got out my car and slammed the door. I was heated as fuck. My boyfriend had finessed me and took my virginity then broke up with me for some new bitch. I pulled up to his apartment ready to fight. I went to his door and banged on it like I was the motherfucking police. “Marlon open up this got damn door now!” I yelled. His neighbors peeped out they doors. “Hi the fuck”. I said looking at them. Some bitch swung open the door with Marlon behind her. “Bitch leave my man alone, he done with yo unexperienced ass” She said. I walked up on her. “Wrong bitch mam” I said. She smirked at me. “Do something” She said. I pushed her the fuck back to get to Marlon. “Aye chill Ariana damn” He said as I was hitting him. “Get off him” His little Chihuahua cried. I pushed her back until Marlon got the upper hand and pinned me to wall. “Calm yo ass down Ari, I told you what it was, I just wanted yo virginity that’s it, sorry I played you now get the fuck out” I pushed him back and slapped his bitch. “Fuck this shit!” I said mad as hell. I had tears in my eyes, but I didn’t drop them until I got in my car and drove home. Why did I let him do me like that? I want to kill him so bad. What the fuck! I thought to myself. I called Tye but she didn’t answer, I called Mel and she was busy too. So, I called Zion. “Hey Ari, you good?” She asked. I started crying. “No, fucking Marlon played the fuck out of me, he told the whole campus we fucked and then he dumps me for Chantelle Davis. The thot as bitch, get me out of Atlanta now!” I yelled. Z sighed. “What did you do Ari?”. “Uhm I kicked down his door and smacked his chick just to let him know Ariana isn’t having it” I said laughing through my tears. Zion laughed. “Of course, that’s classic Ari right there, but girl we bout to be lit so this shit don’t even matter” She said. I agreed Miami is so needed I needed a break. We got off the phone and I blasted So Gone by Monica till I reached my destination.

Supporting Characters:

Marlon Thomas: (Keith Powers)

[shikastemari]

— crybaby; shikatema. ࿐ྂ。

words | 1,546

rating | M cause well shikamaru’s mind is dirty

when it happens | right after the war

warning | language

a/n | this fic was based in trubwlsum’s drawing of temari hold baby mirai and some ideas of his about it. thank you for the insp, titi. also i was too lazy to revise it and to ask someone to beta it for me so ignore the bad grammar and stuff. 

masterlist in bio

Shikamaru didn’t want to say yes.

Not that he minded to look after Mirai, he never did. He never could imagine himself so attached to a child before. The Nara only truly understood what Asuma meant by kids being the King when one toothless smile was shot at his direction. Shikamaru was aware he would move a mountain if it meant to protect that tiny human being.

However, as he walked towards Kurenai’s house, he couldn’t stop but risk a glance at his company. She looked somehow collected. Her eyes glued to the street, her lips pressed into a thin line.

He was slightly worried about Temari. It was not like he didn’t trust her, but it never crossed his mind how that tough woman would act around a kid. When he told her about Kurenai’s request, the blond woman just shrugged and said she would tag along, not even giving him the chance to reply.

“So, wouldn’t you rather be doing anything else on a Friday night? Am I not the only friend you have in Konoha, right?” Shikamaru asked, his real concern being masked the by the fake one. They were one block from Kurenai’s apartment and he didn’t want to take her there if she was having any doubts about it.

“I am going with you, aren’t I?”

Shikamaru frowned. Not the answer he hoped for.

“You don’t need to do it.” He tried again.

This time, she turned her head to meet his gaze before turning back to the street again. “I know.”

They didn’t talk until they reached Kurenai’s place.

“Last chance to give up.” Shikamaru tried to get a reaction of her for the last time. Temari just knocked on the door.

Kurenai opened the door quickly, pressing her index finger against her lips to prevent them from speaking too loud. Her big smile was a greeting good enough for him, and it got even bigger when she realized Shikamaru had brought company.

A part of him was afraid Kurenai might not be a fan of someone else accompanying him at babysitting her daughter. He should’ve asked. He would’ve if he knew Temari would instantly agree to it.

Something sparkled in Kurenai’s eyes and Shikamaru couldn’t tell what it was.

She whispered some tips and instructions to the both of them, who only nodded in response. Shikamaru looked over Kurenai’s shoulder and he could see a red spot in a playpen in the middle of the living room.

Kurenai came back to take one good look at Mirai and he got uncomfortable when he noticed her eyes tearing up. Shikamaru didn’t blame her. Even though the Hokage only gave her missions which weren’t considered dangerous, a shinobi life was terribly unpredicted. He knew that too well.

As soon as they walked in, Shikamaru occupied the couch next to where the baby was sleeping and looked up to Kurenai, giving him what he hoped it was an assuring smile. He was really bad at those. Temari kept herself next to the door.

“She just slept, so, I think she might sleep for a few hours.” Kurenai whispered, her eyes moving from the brunette to the blond. “I don’t think I need to say to you, Shikamaru, but she has a light sleep.”

Again, the sparkle was back to her red eyes.

The words didn’t hit him until he saw how flustered Temari was. For someone known for his brain, Shikamaru definitely knew how to be slow to take a hint. He just frowned, hoping his cheeks weren’t as red as his partner.

With a sly grin on her face, she left both flushed in the living room.

Temari sat in the other couch, avoiding his gaze. With a pink hue still tinting her cheeks, she kept her eyes focused on her fingers twiddling and he couldn’t ignore how adorable she looked like that.

He was dying to kiss her.

The thought alone made his whole face burn. He couldn’t be thinking about something like that in that particular moment. They were babysitting! How Kurenai could make a comment like that one? Shikamaru wouldn’t start a make out session on his sensei wife’s couch. How dare she to think he would try anything as such pull her into his lap and erase the smug grin, which at this point, he knew it was already a part of her?

He didn’t want to kiss her, or touch her, or grab her hair, or…

Shikamaru gulped. He totally wanted that.

Looking away to take the sight factor, he tried to control himself. He sat next to a baby, damn it. He couldn’t have those kind of thoughts next to such innocent and pure creature.

Somehow, Shikamaru felt Asuma was there and his laugh at seeing his former pupil trying to hold himself together was almost audible.

He heard Temari getting up and moving to the kitchen’s direction, muttering something about water. He didn’t even try to explain her where the room was, as he stared her walking away. His gaze went from her legs to the couch.

He would never look at that couch the same way again.

Taking a deep breath, he cleared his throat, as an attempt to also clean the dirty thoughts in his mind. Sadly, the noise was louder than he expected, and too late, he realized his mistake.

Baby Mirai started crying.

It was amazing how fast a baby cry could push away the inappropriate thoughts in someone’s mind.

By the time Temari appeared at the door, the Nara had already caught the tiny baby in his arms. He walked around the room, slightly shaking the baby in his arms. Her crying filled the whole room.

“Do you want me to..” Temari extended her arms as an offer to grab the baby, which made Shikamaru instantly response to be a raised eyebrow.

“It’s okay.” His words almost couldn’t be hear over the crying noise.

He kept moving around, deciding to try changing Mirai’s position. With all care he could gather, he held her so she was lying in her stomach, hoping this would help her to go back to sleep.

Usually, sleep was never a problem for her. Mirai could sleep everywhere and anywhere. It was something Shikamaru liked to joke saying she got it from him, even though he was aware it wasn’t possible.

Sadly, this time, nothing seemed to work. Thinking it was probably hunger, Shikamaru mentally sighed as looked up from the baby to the couch Temari once were, just to find out she was nowhere to be found.

Frowning, the Nara thought about looking for her when Temari appeared on the door, holding what looks like a baby bottle in her hand, as almost reading his mind. She giggled at the scene in front of her and extend her arms to him. Shikamaru felt his heart racing when he placed the tiny crying baby in her arms.

“How many times have you done this?” She asked over the crying. “I’d think a crybaby would know how to help another.”

Shikamaru scratched the back of his neck, his gaze still following them as she walked directly to the couch, sitting there with little Mirai well placed in her arms. Temari slowly brought the bottle to Mirai’s mouth, the baby eagerly accepted it.

The whole room went quiet.

Temari raised her head, and the question was still there in her face. Her lips curved up in a amusement smile, when Shikamaru replied. “Not as much as you, apparently.”

“I’m the oldest of three.” She said as it was enough explanation, looking again at Mirai.

Shikamaru wanted to ask about it. He was curious to know about her life, her childhood. He wanted to know the things she had been through with Gaara and Kankuro. But as he stared at her, he didn’t open his mouth.

The look on her face was enough to make his breath uneven and he didn’t exactly know why.

It was interesting, to say the least. Shikamaru saw that woman in front of him devastate a whole forrest, witnessed her power up close during the Chunin Exams and destroyed hundreds of enemies in the war and yet, there she was, with the most tender look at her face, which actually just managed to make her even more beautiful.

He looked away when his heart started to pound a little faster than usual. The power she had over him was really a drag sometimes and he felt the need for a smoke.

“What?” She asked.

“What what?”

“What’s wrong?”

The bottle was already in half and Mirai’s little eyes were shut close peacefully.

“What makes you think something is wrong?”

Temari rolled her eyes, but the smile was still there. “I hate when you answer my questions with another question.”

“Do you really?”

If she wasn’t holding to that baby like her life depended on it, Shikamaru was sure she would slip him the finger. The thought just made him smile bigger. Just like that, he noticed the need of a cigarette was gone.

“I will put her on the crib.” Temari informed him, as she left the living room and as he watched her, he noticed he actually needed something.

It wasn’t smoking.

[authorivansanchez]

In Loving Memory of Johnny Torres 2/21/1969 – 3/27/2019

First and foremost, our family would like to thank everyone who has been supportive throughout this very difficult time in our lives, which in all honesty has caught us way off guard.

We want to thank everyone who came out to the hospital to wish Johnny a peaceful transition into his next journey. Everyone who called, wrote messages, donated money to his Go Fund Me. And to everyone who has shed tears over the last 5, 6, 7 days. But more so, everyone who has laughed over that same time period, at some silly memory of Johnny, which surely popped into your head, when you least expected it.

Let’s not forget who Johnny was, as we celebrate his life over the next few days. It’s completely understandable for all of us to mourn this tremendous loss, but please let’s not lose sight of who Johnny was at the core of his soul.

A man who would take the worst moments in life, and find some funny shit to say, to ensure that everyone’s pain was eased, if only just for a moment.  

I want to take a second to ask you all to have some patience with me, and to please send some positive vibes up here, so that I can get through this.

Though I’ve written several eulogies for my friends and family over the years. I’ve never had the courage or strength to read them out loud. 

However, for my brother Johnny, my lifelong protector, my mentor in many facets of life, and my heart. I must find the courage to honor him by standing in front of you all today and sharing a little bit about what Johnny meant to us all.

There’s a saying by Maya Angelou that states, “One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous or honest…”

For those of you who don’t know. I’ve drawn more courage from the Torres family, than I could ever explain. Through that courage, they’ve allowed me to flourish to my full potential. For that reason, I’ll do everything in my power to honor Johnny, and all of his loved ones, properly with my words.

To honor the love his mother Vilma, his father Herman Sr., his wife Mickey, his daughter Alyssa, his son Tristan, his granddaughters Gemma and Geanna, his brothers Herman Jr. and James, and his sisters, Valerie and Tabby, all hold very deeply in the depths of their souls and hearts.

Of course, we’re Puerto Rican, so while I’d love to mention everyone in the family by name, all Johnny’s nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, and the list goes on and on…

We would run out of time. Boricuas don’t die… We multiply. There are thousands of us... 

I did tell Mickey I needed 6 hours to speak about Johnny today, but she cut my time down to 4 hours, so let’s get into this celebration of Johnny’s life…

Johnny was born in the Manhattan, NY on Feb. 21st 1969, under the zodiac sign Pisces.

For those of you who follow the signs, “There is nothing weak about a Pisces. They have the heart of a soldier, and when it comes to family and friends, they would do anything…”

Let’s pause there for a moment…Because I want you all to process those words... 

And let me repeat that last sentence, “When it comes to family and friends, they would do anything…”

Sound like the Johnny we all know and love?

When you talk about Pisces being soldiers. Johnny was born into a world that was surrounded by drugs, poverty, despair, violence, extreme violence, with over 1,000 murders in NYC recorded in 1969.

The Vietnam War was still going on, the battle of Hamburger Hill happened in 1969. And let’s not forget the race riots breaking out Down South, but also in places like Chicago, and even right next door to NY, in places like York, PA, where an African American woman named Lillie Belle Allen was murdered by two white men, simply for the color of her skin.

Why should any of this matter to anyone in this room?

It matters because Johnny, our brother, our family member, our friend. Had no choice but to be a soldier being born into circumstances like these. Being born into a world in which the odds of survival were already stacked against him from the very moment of his birth. 

But do you know what Johnny had working in his favor?

He had a mother, like my Titi Vilma. And a father like my Uncle Herman, who were going to raise him to be a man of compassion, empathy, conviction, loyalty and honor.

Did Johnny have demons he had to battle throughout his 50 years here on this earth? Hell yes.

And who amongst us, sitting in this room today hasn’t battled demons, from the moment we realized this world, at times, can be a cruel and cold place, for reasons outside of our control? 

But today isn’t about that...

Today is about the fact that Johnny lived his life completely encompassed in love. Walking the earth with a heart so big, he sometimes didn’t know where to direct all his love, or even how to control it.

I can tell you in his early years, if you look at the pictures on the slide show, that he showered his family with unconditional love.

I can tell you that in so many of the pictures I’ve been looking at over the last few days, that his smile is infectious. It’s ever-present, it never leaves his face, even when we all know he had an underlying pain he was dealing with throughout life... 

It’s as if he believed his jokes, his smile, and his laughter, would erase any and all pain he had. While at the same time erasing the pain of anyone and everyone around him.

And guess what, that shit worked a lot. It worked more times than not. 

And that’s why I don’t want to cry all day today. I will cry, when the pain becomes too great. But I’ll also laugh and smile as Johnny would’ve wanted us all to do...

So, we’re talking about Johnny. And we’re talking about love…

So, who do we need to speak about next?

His partner of almost 33 years. Michelle... 

Johnny and Mickey met on August 1, 1986. She told me it’s hard to put into words why she fell so deeply in love with him.

But she recalls when she first saw him at a party, she was like, “Wow, he’s so fine…”

Mickey made it a point to say, “Fine,” was a 1986 term most of you young bucks might not remember. It means gorgeous, hot, cute, adorable... Basically Johnny was litty two titty... 

When Mick found out that a mutual friend, Myrna, knew Johnny, she asked her to introduce them…

They started talking, and one day Johnny walked her home...

And if any of you know what taking that long ass walk up suicide hill was like; you’d know immediately Johnny must’ve really thought Mickey was just as fine…

Cause all the guys in here who grew up in Kingsbridge, will attest to the fact, that we did not, I repeat we did not, walk girls up that damn hill unless they were worth it…

Anyway, during that first walk home, Mickey gets the courage to tell Johnny how “fine” he was.

She told him she was attracted to him and she wanted to see if this “thing” could go somewhere.

Mickey shared with me that when they got to the top of that God forsaken hill, Johnny gave her the most amazing, most beautiful spearmint flavored kiss she’d ever experienced.

And the story of Johnny & Michelle was born. She fell in love with him at that very moment. She never looked back. She never questioned her heart... For her it was unexplained, but it was just right... No words needed! 

For me personally, hearing a story like this, tells me, this was more than just love. It was more like, “I’ve known you in another lifetime kind of love.” It was more of a, “No matter how hard life may become along the way, I’m going to have your back, and I need you to have mine…”

It’s the love only soulmates share.

There’s a saying by Emery Allen, which reads, “I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we’re from the same star…”

In my heart, and the hearts of most in this room. We all know that Johnny and Mickey certainly came from the same star.

And I promise you Mickey, when it’s your turn to transition back to that star. Your soulmate Johnny will be right there waiting for you with open arms, with his warmth, his love, his familiarity and most importantly with his spearmint flavored kisses.

We all know there’s good and bad in every relationship, right?

But again, we’re here today to focus on the good.

And for Mickey, the good was Johnny’s heart, the fact that he could always make her laugh. The fact that he was thoughtful, nice, loving and that she could never get enough of him. Even after 32 plus years, she could simply never get enough of this big hearted man. A man we’re all sitting here honoring for that very same reason…  His heart.

Johnny taught me a lot in life. But he never taught me how to ensure a woman could never get enough of me. Shit, my last wife had gotten so much of me she stabbed me four times to get rid of me... So, I’m a little upset with you Cuz. You should’ve taught me how to keep em’ wanting me... Not wanting to get rid of my ass… Regardless, I forgive you for that one.  

Michelle, I don’t think anyone in this room can love or appreciate you more for loving Johnny as you did! We all thank you for loving him so unconditionally, so unapologetically, so wholly and so perfectly, like only his true soulmate could have.

I know from what you’ve written to me and our conversations that you feel robbed right now. That you feel cheated, out of the time you still feel owed, to have shared so many more memories on this earth with Johnny. And if anyone deserved that wish to be granted it would be you.

I wish I had answers for you on why God chose to take Johnny at this time. But remember, he’s a soldier. In life. And now he’s a soldier in the afterlife.

I have no doubts, as he makes this peaceful transition that he’ll be pushing every other angel out of the way to stand right behind God. In true Johnny fashion he’ll say, “God listen. I don’t have time to stand behind all these other soldiers and angels you have up here. I’m built for this. So, if you don’t mind, I’m just going to stand right here next to you and fight whatever evil we need to fight together…”

I’d like to repeat to you Mickey, that this is not the end. It’s the beginning of his transition back to that star.

That same star you both emerged from, as light and energy, before you ever met here on earth in the physical form. And I promise you that your soulmate Johnny, will be right there waiting for you, with open arms, with his warmth, his love, his familiarity and most importantly with his spearmint flavored kisses.

To the rest of my family here today. Please know the same is true for all of us. Johnny will be right there, with big golden wings on, which he may or may not have earned just yet. Waiting for all of us, when we’re called on to enter the next phase of our journey.

With all of that said, I’d like to share a few of my memories, that I have with Johnny. So that those who don’t know what he meant to me, can understand that our relationship was just as special as his relationship with everyone in this room.

He loved us all the same. Even when he might’ve been a little upset with us at times. His love still managed to shine through it all.

So, Johnny taught me how to drive stick shift in his RX7. I think I was about 16. After about a 30 minutes lesson in Hunts Point, he gave me the keys to go to Fordham Rd, with one of my little Kingsbridge girlfriends.

After spending like an hour on Fordham, I had to call him because I couldn’t figure out how to turn the car back on. Something about holding down the clutch, break, whatever, whatever, at the same time. Stick is still confusing to me. I didn’t get that gift from Herman or Johnny…

Next, he gave me the keys to his Cutlass. I think it was white, had a system and rims. And I took a ride with one of my first true loves (another Kingsbridge girl) up to Riverdale. I never told Johnny, I ended up driving his car down the wrong side of the street… I smoked a little too much weed that night. And yes, I inhaled. Thank God I didn’t crash his prized possession…Not sure he would’ve forgiven me.

Another thing I think everyone in here can attest to, besides Johnny having a heart of gold, was, DO NOT COMPLIMENT JOHNNY ON ANYTHING FOR ANY REASON…

Do you all know why?

It wasn’t that he didn’t like compliments. It was that if I complimented Johnny, on anything. anything, anything, anything, and I do mean anything he’d want you to have it…

If I said, “Yo Cuz, I love that sweater,” He’d take the shit off and give it to me.” “Yo Cuz, I love that Yankee fitted hat,” Same thing, he’d take it off and give it to me.

“Yo Cuz, the sound system in your car is ridiculous…” And what do you think he did?

Yep, he took my purple Jeep Wrangler, and came back a few hours later with it. He’d taken the entire system out of his own car and put it in my Jeep.

His response, “Yo Cuz, we can’t go to the PR parade with a Jeep and no system…”

Poor Mickey. She probably went to get in the car to drive to work that Monday morning, put a CD in, and ended up watching the CD drop into a hole into the dashboard…

I’m sorry Mick…

Johnny also taught me how to take a punch. Herman did, my brother Will did, Big Rich did, they all did… To this day, you can hit me with a baseball bat and I’ll just look at you like, “Was that supposed to hurt?”

So, we all worked down on 42 Broadway, printing stock exchange reports. Big Rich thought it would be funny to write in the girl’s bathroom, “For a good time call Johnny…” And Richie wrote Johnny’s real beeper number on the message…”

Later that morning, some girls from another office come into our work area and say, “Hey Johnny we’re gonna call you later Papi…”

And when he found out why they were saying that, he was not very happy… He didn’t think that shit was funny…

Since I was always the one running around writing graffiti on everything. Big Richie got me punched in the eye that day, real hard. But almost as soon as Johnny saw my eye grow to the size of a golf ball, he hugged me and told me he loved me. And I loved him too. So, it was what it was. I just walked around for a week telling people I got jumped… Followed up by, “But you should see the other guy…”  

We learned a valuable lesson that day. 1. You can’t fight at work, even if it’s with family. And 2. You can’t tell the boss, “Go fuck yourself, mind your business, this is family business…” Because that might get you fired.

I took the blame for a long time for Johnny losing that job. But I’m here to set the record straight, “Richie, that ones on you my brother…”

There as another time, I was on Creston Ave, and Johnny picks me up in the most beautiful, light blue, 4 door Toyota Camry, with rims and a system.

We drove back to the block and met up with a fleet of cars. Spent the night driving all around the city. Herman was in a Toyota 1.8, I think, blasting Keith Sweat. Me and Johnny were blasting Al B. Sure… These tough guys from C.Y.C (Crazy Young Criminals), blasting slow jams, and tearing up the highways of NY, with like 5 or 6 cars with the hazard lights on so we wouldn’t lose each other in the nighttime traffic.

I remember complimenting Johnny over and over about how proud I was of him for getting such a nice car.

I complimented him hard on that car. Hoping he’d give me the keys.

Long story short, at one point the cops were onto our fleet of cars, trying to find out what the hell we were doing in Manhattan, driving around like lunatics.

Johnny turns to me and says, “Yo Cuz, if they pull us over ruuuuuuuuuuun…”

“Run, for what,” I said, mad confused.

“Nigga you know this car ain’t mine…”

It still makes me laugh to this day. That I’d been complimenting him all night on a car he “borrowed…”

Cause everyone in here knows, we never really stole anything. We “borrowed,” a lot of shit. But we almost always gave it back when we were done with it. Or at least left it somewhere to be found.

I seriously thought a screw driver was a key to a car, until I was like 18 years old.

Again, we NEVER stole anything. We just borrowed things along the way…

I don’t want to mention any names of the guys involved in us “borrowing,” cars all over the Bronx. But you all know who you are. My brother Will, Frankie, Herman, Joey, Big Rich, and a bunch of the other guys from the neighborhood.

Kingsbridge was our playground. And we played a lot.

And Johnny, my sweet Cousin Johnny… Man, did he live his life his way.

There are 8 million stories in NYC. And Johnny lived through about 7,999,999 of em. So, I’m only going to share one more with you that happened outside of the City.

In order for you to all understand that Johnny did leave the block once or twice in his life.  

Johnny comes to visit me in Virginia Beach with Mickey. I get my boy Joe Q to take us out on his boat. Johnny wants to swim, and my boy tells him it’s not a good idea. There’s mad Jelly Fish in the water. What do you all think Johnny did?

Yep, he stripped down to his underwear, he dove off the back of the boat, and the second he hit the water, I heard him screaming for his life…

As many times as Herman and Johnny saved my life throughout the years. I wasn’t going in the water. So, I just rooted him on while laughing uncontrollably. “Johnny, swim for your life, swim faster, swim faster… Hurry up…”

By the time he got back on the boat, he had Jelly fish stings everywhere. We cracked a beer and laughed our asses off. On the drive back to the house, he said, “Yo Cuz, I love you, but I gotta get back to the block tonight…”

I was confused, hurt, angry… He was only in Virginia Beach for a few hours and he was leaving. He called Mickey and told her to be ready. Ran into the house, changed and hit the road, right back to the block. To his home. To his place of comfort.  

It seems like Johnny was always afraid he was going to miss something in the neighborhood. And we had to understand that about him, and we had to love that about him.

If there’s anything we all need to leave here with today. It’s this……… For all the demons he fought in this lifetime. Understand this man’s heart was straight gold.

Whether him and Big Smooth were behind PS122, buying out the entire ice cream truck, to give all the kids in the neighborhood a treat. Whether he was giving his last five bucks to a homeless person, or anyone in need. Whether he was taking the shirt off his back just because you made the mistake of saying you liked it.

Johnny’s heart was pure fucking gold… The purest of the pure… Puro!  

When he talked about Alyssa and Tristan his eyes lit up. When he spoke of his grand kids, his eyes lit up. When he spoke about Mickey, his eyes welled up with tears sometimes. Knowing he’d made mistakes, that he could never make up for. But his eyes equally lit up with love, knowing he’d found his one person in this lifetime, who he’d also met in his last lifetime, and who he will meet again in the next.

When he spoke about Mommy, Pops, Herman, Val and everyone else in his family. It was always love. Even when there were tough times, arguments, disagreements, fights. He was always going to lead us all right back to a place of love… Because that was his heart.

He did that today. For many of us. Led us right back here. To each other… To love!

Whether he was putting on a devil mask, to scare the shit out of Herman, and make him run from the showing screaming butt naked. Or putting some nasty shit in your sandwich when you weren’t looking, or doing anything silly to make his family and friends laugh… That was Johnny. That was Johnny. That was Johnny…

I was thinking about him the other night. And for some stranger reason this movie-like vision popped into my head. I could hear him arguing with whoever gives out wings to the angels when they first arrive in Heaven.

Johnny was literally arguing with the Angel. Telling him or her that he didn’t want the little baby wings, the wings all the newbies get. He didn’t even want the medium sized wings, which the angels who have put in work get. He wanted the big joints. He saw them. He saw that they were large, golden, powerful and beautiful. And he knew he deserved them, so he argued with the angel in charge, to at least let him try them on.

“Come on son, let me try em’ on… Just for fun…”  

But in true Johnny fashion, he wasn’t giving them shits back. He just walked away with the big boy wings and bounced back to the Astral Plane.

He did not steal them, my people… He just borrowed em’… And guess what, they belong to him… He earned em’ in life, and he’ll earn them as he moves on into the next phase of his spirits existence.

For those of you who have never heard of the Astral Plane, Google it. It’s basically, “The world of the celestial spheres, crossed by the soul in its astral body on the way to being born and after death. And is generally believed to be populated by angels, spirits or other immaterial beings…”

This isn’t to disrespect any religion here. But this is more about spirituality. The greatest minds to ever walk the earth, Steve Hawking’s, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Einstein, Tesla, they all believed in the Astral Plane. And that’s why I’ve studied it. And that’s why I believe in it…  

What it means is, our spirits use this place as a meeting space, before we’re given life, and after we’ve moved on in the physical form. It means, our journey never ends.

And for most of the people in this room. I think you can understand that Johnny has only moved on, in the physical form, but his spirit is everywhere. Everywhere that he needs to be right now. That’s where he is.  

He’s with his grand baby Geanna, talking to her at night, letting her know he’s OK. And trying his best to bring her comfort. He probably keeps asking for soda, that’s why she’s leaving some out for him at night.

He’s with Mommy when she needs him most. With Pops, with Mickey, Herman, Val, Tabby, Alyssa, Tristan and Gemma.

Please believe me when I tell you… He’s with us all…

He’s already sent messages. He’s already let us know he’s sorry. Sorry for what exactly, those who need to know, know. The rest of us can assume, perhaps he’s sorry we’re here in pain. Or sorry he didn’t go to the doctor a little sooner, or sorry that he’s not here in the physical, any longer, to help comfort us.

Regardless of what it is he’s sorry about, in true Johnny fashion. He wanted us all to know that he is sorry for some things. This will allow him to find his peace. The peace he needs to transition on, and play his new role, as an angel, to the best of his abilities…

When you feel alone, just speak to him. He hears you. He hears us all right now, in this very moment. He’s here with us. And he is finding peace in the fact that he brought us all back together… Because that’s who he was. And that’s who he is!

I want to thank my Uncle Herman and Titi Vilma, for raising him with that amazing heart. And for passing that heart on too many of us, even myself, in many aspects of my life.  

I tell people a story all the time. If Titi Vilma had 4 pork chops, and 12 guys from the neighborhood upstairs hungry, she’d cut those pork chops into 12 pieces, so that everyone could eat.

If we all needed a place to sleep, it was about grabbing a pillow, a sheet, a blanket, use your coat as a pillow, find a corner in her living room, or one of the bedrooms, and rest your weary head down…

No one was every excluded from being a part of the family. If you came with love and respect, you were treated with love and respect in their home. And many times, that became home to so many of us, throughout our journey in life.  

I’m sorry I haven’t said this enough, “But thank you for giving me the courage to live my life to its fullest potential…” Never scared that if I had to stick up for myself in corporate America, especially in the beginning of my career. That if I lost my job and ended up homeless, I could find that corner in your living room to rest my weary head.

Thank you, Big Rich, Herman, Johnny, my brother Will, and many of the guys from the old neighborhood, for allowing me to write 100 checks my ass couldn’t cash.

And by that, I mean, when 20 guys surrounded me, I’d just say C.Y.C. I’d say Herman and Johnny are my blood. I’d say wait until my cousins, and their crew get their hands on your mother fuckers… And they’d part like the red sea...

Forever my protectors. My brothers. My everything.

I just want to leave you guys with this…

Johnny was something to everyone. But to some… Johnny was everything. Everything to everyone… Especially in their time of need.  

Let’s wish him a peaceful transition. And let’s find peace in our hearts knowing we’ll all be back together again with Johnny, someday soon… When it’s our time.  

And in the next lifetime, in the next universe, on the next star. Let’s get it more right than wrong… Let’s share more love than pain. Let’s all follow Johnny up to the window and ask for the big wings… The big ass golden angel wings, which we all work daily to earn, when it’s our time to do God’s work.  

I love you all. I love you Johnny. Until we meet again Cuzo… I will walk in your shadow forever… We all will…

Sleep now Cuz… And be at Peace knowing how loved you are!

 -          Ivan Sanchez

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 139

Trey

CiCi comes up to me showing me some papers. I listen as she explains what they are. I nod suddenly remembering that I told her to get me a copy of them. I start to say something but Lane starts crying. He is standing away from me just crying. I look back at CiCi. He usually will stop crying on his own if there's nothing wrong. This time he starts crying louder.

"Lane, what's wrong?" I ask. He cries louder. "Come here."

"No." he snaps. "Me lone."

I look at him. I whisper to CiCi. "What did he say?"

"Leave him alone." she smiles.

"What you say about that last page?"

"That..."

Lane screams louder. I sigh. Okay. I have to stop completely now. He isn't going to stop screaming and acting like a fool. I walk over to him. He yells something and cry harder. This little guy is only 2. I forget about shit like that. He might be sleepy or hungry. Maybe I've ignored him too long.

"Lane?" I say kneeling down.

"I want Mommy." he cries.

I signal Buggiz. "Okay, go with Buggiz. He will take you to Mommy."

Lane looks at Buggiz then falls out. "I not go Mommy."

"Well then." I stand him up. "You hungry? I got chicken nuggets."

"No."

"He already ate those." Buggiz says. "He crying because of his tablet dying."

I look at Buggiz. "You couldn't tell me that a few minutes ago?"

Buggiz shrugs. "You didn't ask me."

"CiCi." I say taking Lane's tablet out his backpack.

"Here you go." she says handing me a battery pack.

"Everybody has the fucking solution." I say snatching it.

Lane watches me plug it up then put it back in his bag. He doesn't like the idea of it going back into the bag. He starts crying again. I hand it to him instead.

"Okay, now hush." I say standing up and going to CiCi. "Alright. The last page."

"He is unplugging it." CiCi says.

I glance at him. "Let him. That's just..."

"No!" Lane yells then starts crying.

"Bring it here." I say firmly.

He is being annoying. I take it from him and plug it back up. I don't give it back to him. That causes a problem as well. I look at CiCi.

"It is now your job to make sure this thing stays at least 50%. We not going through this everyday. I can't remember to charge my phone yet keep up with this."

"Okay." she nods.

I shake my head. "Don't I have a nanny in Europe?"

She nods. "Judi."

"Who is Judi?"

"Um... I don't know. You gave me her number as a nanny just in case you need her. Maybe you said something about Jamie Foxx."

I nod my head. "Okay. Lane!"

"Shut up."

"What?" I say looking at him. I snap my finger. "Get over here."

He gets teary eyed for the first time. He cries only after he starts walking over to me. All those other times those eyes were dry. Cute ass little kids. I wanted to slap the shit out of him for telling me to shut up. I just look at him. He seemed torn about it already.

"Don't you tell me to shut up."

"I sorry." he says hugging my leg then burying his head.

I look at CiCi. "The last page."

"You need to sign it." she says handing me a pen.

"Did you send that email about my budget for the summer?"

"Yes. Did you want me to call the nanny?"

I look at Lane. "I don't think we need to bother someone about charging a tablet."

She laughs. "I'll keep it charged. I never thought about checking it at night."

"Okay." I nod. "What do we have to do now?"

"Get to the arena." Buggiz says looking at his watch.

I grab Lane's hand. "You ready?"

"My phone." he whines.

"It's charging." I say picking him up. "Here play with CiCi's."

She reluctantly hands her phone over. Lane is disgusted by the phone. He stares at the back of it not taking it from her. She withdraws it from him.

"You don't want my phone, Lane?" she giggles.

"No."

She pokes him. "Why?"

"That girl phone." he says hitting at her. "No girl phone."

"Well fine, Lane." she smiles. "Want to come to me so your daddy can sign this?"

Lane hugs me. "No, TiTi."

"Okay."

"I can sign with one hand." I say gesturing to her.

"We need to get going." Buggiz says.

I sign the papers then follow Buggiz out of the door. I had another bodyguard but I'm not sure where he is. Lane buries his face into my neck as he always does when we walk outside. Sometimes there be a crowd and sometimes there isn't. He does it regardless. He doesn't like that they know his name. It confuses him to hear his name and not see a familiar face. Cammie is the reason for this. She said she never makes him speak and she tells him to ignore people who calls his name.

"Trey!" someone yells.

"My hat, Daddy." Lane whines.

Buggiz hands it to me as I walk toward him. The other bodyguard is standing by the car keeping the two screaming women away. Lane climbs happily into his carseat once e get into the car.

"My tab done?" he asks holding out his little hand.

"If that thing wasn't full of educational stuff I would be worried."

CiCi nods. "He was watching a video about elephants and their migration."

"At 2." I say giving him his tablet.

"Thank you." he says tucking it next to him in the seat. "Ice cream?"

"Yeah. Now it's time for ice cream."

He claps his hands together. "Berry berry."

"Strawberry?"

"Berry berry." he nods.

I call Cammie but get no answer. I miss her. I wish there were about 20 extra hours so I could fly home and see her for just a few minutes. Lane sings a unrecognizable song as we drive through the town. My phone rings a little while later. It's not Cammie so I don't answer it. I post the video on snapchat that I recorded earlier for her. I also send her a picture of Lane's new suit. We got them tailored yesterday and tried them on today. They have some more work to do on Lane's. He stayed still today but not yesterday.

   Cammie

"How was your morning?" I ask April.

"Good." she smiles. "You should have came with me."

I shake my head. "They are letting me hold the baby in a few minutes. Tomorrow I'm going to breastfeed."

She had a huge smile on her face. "God said today would being good news."

"Amen." I smile.

"Did you talk to Trey?"

I rub Caden's stomach. "Yes. A few times... Oh what do you think about Caden Elijah?"

"I could careless what you name my new baby."

"Well." I smile.

"Baby, want you go home tonight. I'll stay at ghe hospital if you like."

I roll my eyes. "No."

She rubs my back. "Okay, I got you some more clothes. I don't want you to stress yourself out being in this room this much."

"I understand Ma but I can't leave him."

"Okay." she says patting my back. "Is this chocolate?"

I smile. "Yes, Trey sent it this morning along with a cutout of him and Lane. They seem to be having fun with each other. I so badly want to hear that he is crying for me. Or that he is on his way back home. It just tears my heart apart with him being in Europe."

"Believe me I know."

"What did you buy me?"

She takes the bag out. "A few comfortable pair of pajamas pants and shirts. I figured you don't need much more. Do you want to have dinner with me? We can go downstairs."

I sigh. "We can go to a restaurant. That's fine. I'm wearing pajamas though."

"That's fine with me."

"Where's Rollie?"

"Went in through the other side."

The doctor comes into the room. "You ready? That's mighty stupid of me to ask."

"Yeah, it is." I laugh.

"Okay." he says just reaching in the bassinet. It seems like he took no caution at all. "Remember the IV is in his foot."

I wanted to say duh. I let the doctor put him in my arms. I cuddle him close to me. He opens his eyes looking at me for a really long time.

"Hey, Caden." I say touching his lips.

"It seems like he has been waiting to look at your face. He won't turn away." April says smiling. "Can I take a picture?"

I smile at him as he stares at me. "I don't even care right now."

"How about we see how he responds to your skin touching his lips?" Dr. Polk says.

"And if he responds the way we like?"

Dr. Polk makes a face. "I wanted to see how this new formula affects his feeding before we start that. The breastmilk may settle and we not know if the formula causes some complications."

I lift my shirt and hold him really close to my skin. He doesn't do anything but stare at me. I rub his cheek with my finger. He is so small and cute. I want to take him home right now. I kiss him. He turns his head towards my lips. I smile and kiss him again. He turns his head until it touches my skin.

"He may just be stubborn." Dr. Polk says.

"So what does that mean?" April asks.

"We will try to breastfeed in the morning. He looks as if he will suckle. If we can get him breadtfeeding and get him to stop losing weight then we won't need that trach."

April touches his hand. "He will. All he needs is his mama being close to him."

"I hope so." I smile.

"Don't handle him too long." Dr. Polk says walking out.

April follows him out of the door. "How is he looking as far as lung development?"

"He is improving but he is weak from the lose of weight." he says something else but i couldn't hear him.

"We gonna get out of this hospital aren't we? You are so cute."

I pick up my phone that is beeping. I missed Trey's call. I video him back. He answers slow.

"Why didn't you answer?" he asks upset.

"Look." I say showing him the baby in my arms.

He clears his throat. "Titties."

I laugh. "Tremaine."

"You need to learn how to hold a camera. All I saw was titties."

"Can you see him?"

He chuckles. "He is so tiny."

"Yeah. He is acting like he wants to breastfeed."

"Let me see."

He rubs his cheek. He opens his mouth turning his head towards my hand.

"Damn. That makes my night."

"It makes my life brighter. Tomorrow we will breastfeed. I feel good about this. I know in the next 3 days he will gain at least 1 pound."

"Your milk it high quality."

I chuckle and turn the phone so I can see him. "What are you doing?"

"Get ready to get on stage. Send me a picture of you and the baby."

"I'll tell Rollie to send it to Buggiz, okay. I don't need it on no blog."

He smiles really hard. "Damn, I love you. I miss you. Earlier I kept calling everybody Jay. Even if I didn't know there name."

"I love you too. What if we would have never gotten back together?"

"Jay, I became human when you came into my life. I can't say what if because I wouldn't be alive."

I roll my eyes. "Oh please."

He smiles. "There is no what if. I wouldn't have stopped until I got you in my life. I was desperate for a bit of living. I'm serious as I can be. It was your name that made me realize that I needed you. The thought of you. I could live without ever touching you."

"No you can't." I smile. "We didn't make this baby with our minds."

"We sure as hell didn't." he licks his lips. "Jay?"

I laugh. "My bad. Go back to telling me how much you need me in your life."

"No. I want to hear the thoughts in your head after looking at my son for a fucking year, yo. I look at him and think of you."

I chuckle. "It was hard not to hate you because he was so amazing. You know I wanted to hate you."

"But you didn't."

"Tremaine, you didn't think of me for a year." I snap.

He smirks. "I was waiting for you to come to me and tell me you wanted more from me. I have many ways of distracting myself from failed relationship problems."

"I deeply wanted you to come see your so so we could stare the experience of the little guy."

"You know a year ago Tyga told me that even though you there you still gonna miss shit. And look at this. I'm going to miss the first month of his life."

"We both are actually missing it. This not the same as having him home."

Trey kisses the phone. "It's the next best thing."

"I miss your stank butt." I smile.

"Shut up and show me the baby."

I turn the camera. "I need to lay him down. The doctor said not to hold him too much."

"Tomorrow you will have an excuse to hold him a lot."

"I'm excited."

"I know."

April comes over to me. "Let me lay him down."

I move the phone. "Sure go ahead."

"Oh." she says pausing. "Hello, Little son."

"No." Trey snaps. "Don't even try it April."

"Hush." she says gently laying him down. "I'm seconds away from tears."

I smile at her. "That was therapy."

"Yeah." Trey nods. "Let me go. I'll call you back."

"Okay, Maine. Love you."

"I love you more." He says kissing at the phone then hanging up.

"I'm so emotion." April says fanning herself. "I'll be next door."

I laugh. "Okay."