#he sees the immovable truth of why him and hawk are bound to fail.

[arbor-tristis]

About the Great Betrayal of 1957......and why it was so impactful (besides the obvious) and the final nail in the coffin of their relationship......it isn't because Hawk caused a significant practical harm to Tim or lost him a job but because in that moment Tim realised that it didn't matter. Up until then, Tim must have thought on some level that their relationship was affected by Tim's principles. His inability to make peace with Hawks marriage. His unwillingness to constantly lie and put up a facade. Wanting a deeper connection than just sex. All of these things were boundaries he was constantly pushing for and what in his view, on some level made him lose in the end. He could have chosen to stay even after Hawk told him he was going to marry Lucy, but it was a deal-breaker for *him*.

So when he comes back in 1957 he aims to be chill, basically. He "has no expectations". He says "it's fine, I'll compromise on ALL these things that are super important to me. If it means Hawk will truly accept me." And it seems like for a while, it works. Hawk even indulges them a lot with attention and intimacy. He thinks he has figured out a way to make it work.

But that's the betrayal. Because Tim gave up everything. His faith. His principles. And it STILL didn't work. Because Hawk threw him out again. Cruelly and for no good reason. That was the betrayal. It wasn't about a job. Or government work. Hawk betrayed his *hope* that if he did exactly what Hawk wanted, if he simply compromises Hawk will hold up his end of the deal. But of course not.

Tim is never the same with Hawk after that. Why he calls it a "fantasy" because in 1957 hawk demonstrated that even in the best circumstances they could hope to have he would find a way to push him out. He understands, very clearly that Hawk is at his heart a self-saboteur and will get in his own way no matter how much he submits, how much he bends. He will not be chosen. And that is the ultimate tragedy.