#he saw how upset and broken bad was without dapper

[dreamingabouttaron]

The Assistant Part 22

You spent the next day going around Taron’s flat clearing out bits and bobs that reminded him of Emily. It wasn’t a process you wanted to be apart of but Taron had insisted that he needed your support. You felt like you couldn’t refuse. He needed you. You were in this together now.

When the clock struck five, you insisted that you wanted to go back to check on your flat. You just wanted to be in your own space, where you knew where everything was. You were just collecting your belongings when Taron appeared in front of you with his coat and shoes on and an overnight bag in hand. You looked at him with surprise written all over your face.

“Where are you going?” You questioned him as you put your phone charger in your handbag.

“I’m coming with you.” He replied energetically.

“Oh are you now?” You frowned whilst you looked at him. Of course you didn’t mind him coming, you were just thrown by the fact he assumed he would be invited.

He nodded and opened the front door for you before turning back to pick up your suitcase for you. “That’s if you don’t mind. I don’t think I can stay here on my own yet.”

You smiled weakly at him, “Of course, you’re welcome to join me. My place isn’t as flashy as this though.” You closed the front door behind you and allowed Taron to lock it before you followed him down the road to his parked car.

You climbed into the passenger side as Taron placed your case into the back of the car. You looked down and noticed hairbands and hair clips that sat in the cup holders below. You looked back at Taron who was closing the boot of the car. You knew they were Emily’s and you knew it would upset him if he saw them. Yes they had broken up months ago; but it was still fresh and you knew it was tough being back and seeing everything that reminded him of her. You sighed to yourself and quickly swooped them up and placed them in your pocket just as Taron climbed into the drivers side of the car. You smiled at him as if nothing had just happened. He didn’t seem to take much notice anyway. You gave him your post code and off you went.

When you arrived outside your place you felt a sense of relief wash over you. You were so happy to be home. You had waited for this moment for weeks. You quickly climbed out the car and walked up the steps to your front door. You rummaged around in your bag, pulled out your key, and finally unlocked the door. You turned around to see Taron a few steps behind you with your suitcase.

“Home sweet home.” You said as you entered the building. The place smelt a little stale but as a whole it felt wonderful being back. You felt the familiar homely energy warm you. Taron placed your bag down in the hallway and followed you into the open plan living area.

“Look at this! ‘Not as flashy as mine’, you said. I think this is perfect.” Taron said as you wrapped his arms around you from behind. “How about you unpack and I order us some food and then we can snuggle and watch a film before bed?”

You moaned in delight, “That sounds perfect.” Taron released you from his hold and tapped you on the bum encouraging you to go. You gave him a jokey look of warning and then took your case upstairs to sort out.

The rest of the evening was relaxed. Taron ordered you Chinese food which you sat and ate whilst you watched a film. It was nice being in a homey environment with Taron. It had a different feel to it. It felt more serious than when you were crammed up in a hotel room. You could see yourself getting used to sharing your space with another person. You loved your own space but with Taron it was different. It just felt so comfortable. So normal. After you ate you took Taron upstairs to your room. You spent the night kissing and cuddling before you drifted off to peaceful sleep.

The next day you both woke up early. It was the first day of press for Taron. He had 2 whole days jam packed with interviews before the London premiere the next evening. You were nervous but excited. This was once again, a new adventure for you. You didn’t know what to expect. You got yourself dressed in a simple black top which tucked neatly into a pair of dark green plisse culotte trousers. Smart but casual. You grabbed a pair of black heeled boots out of the cupboard and slipped them on. You had curled your hair and applied a layer of make up.

Taron walked into your bedroom and checked you out. He was wearing a long sleeved dark blue top that hugged his perfect shape and a pair of skinny black jeans. Your eyes couldn’t get enough of him. When he approached you, he gave you a loving kiss. You felt your soul warm at his touch. This man really did things to you which you couldn’t explain.

“You look incredible.” He whispered against your lips.

“Thank you. You’re looking pretty dapper yourself.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you causing you laugh. “We should probably get going. We have a long day ahead of us.”

Taron pulled away and picked up his phone which he slipped into his back pocket before walking over to put his shoes on. You picked up your lipstick and relined your lips before picking out a coat and sliding it on. You reach down to the overnight bag which you’d packed and placed it over your shoulder. Taron had been given a room overnight in the hotel he was doing press in and he had asked you to join him for the night. An offer you couldn’t refuse.

“Ready?” He asks and you nod your head. You both walked downstairs ready to leave when you receive a text from Lindy stating that she had sent a car to Taron’s house to pick him up.

“Shit..” you said under your breath.

“What?” Taron questioned. You showed him the text with an exasperated look on your face. He could see you were starting to panic. It hadn’t even crossed your mind that Taron was going to be picked up for his day of interviews. “It’s all good. I’ve got my car, we can drive back to mine.” He said and picked up his car keys.

“It’s going to take us ages to drive back to yours. This is going to delay everything…” Taron placed a kiss on your lips to silence you. “Shh… Lets go.” You rolled your eyes at him but you knew he was right. You followed him outside and into his car. Thankfully traffic wasn’t that bad and you made it back to his just as the driver was arriving to pick Taron up.

You both quickly got out the car and apologised to the driver. You both slide into the back of the car and take a deep breath. You knew this was a bad start to the long day ahead.

And the day for you was long and tedious. You spend the whole day supervising the interviews. You couldn’t understand how Taron could stay so chirpy, each interview was the same. Always the same questions and always the same responses. You knew it was part of the job but you sure did feel proud of Taron.

You were incredibly grateful when the day was over. You and Taron both quickly retired up to his room. The room was a large but standard hotel room. It slightly felt like ‘home’ to you both. You had gotten increasingly used to being in one which meant it now just felt normal. You immediately sat on the bed and pulled your boots off. Taron threw himself onto the bed and let out a large groan. You laughed at him and leant back onto the bed next to him.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Taron propped himself up to look at you. “You are?” He received a nod in response.

“I am.” Your fingertips removed a hair was that out of place against his forehead. “I love you.”

His face lit up at the words, ‘I love you too.” He pushed you back down onto the bed and climbed on top of you. He started to kiss your neck causing you to squeal as you tried to resist him. Deep down you knew it wasn’t going to work. You spent the evening wrapped in each others arms showering each other with love and affection. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other.

***

The next morning you were rudely woken up by a loud knocking at the door. You woke startled. You sat up on the bed and pulled the sheets up over your naked body. You turned to Taron who was still fast asleep. The knocking continued. You didn’t know what time it was but you could see it was light outside. You looked at your phone, it was 7:45am. Who could it be at this time? You didn’t want to get up and answer it, especially not naked. Especially when it wasn’t your room.

You gently shook Taron attempting to wake him. “Taron. There’s someone at the door.”

“Can’t you get it?” He asked half asleep, hugging the bed sheets closely.

You sighed, “T, this isn’t my room. It’s yours, I shouldn’t even be here.”

He grumbled moodily at you as he swung his legs out of bed. He picked up a pair of boxers that had been disregarded the previous evening and trudged over to the door. You sat in silence and held your breath as you listened to Taron answer the door.

“Good morning Taron.” You heard. Your eyes widened and you looked down at your naked body in bed.

“Ah, Lindy. What are you doing here?” You could hear the panic in Taron’s voice.

“I had some things I wanted to go through with you before you started your interviews today. Can I come in?”

“I, uh… Lindy… How about I get dressed and I meet you downstairs?” You heard Taron stutter.

“Oh nonsense. I can wait.” You heard her footsteps getting closer and closer into the room. You pulled the covers tightly around your body and felt your body tense as you listened. Your eyes scanned the room for your clothes, it was too late. You couldn’t miraculously get dressed now, not without her seeing.

You held your breath as you waited for her to turn the corner. You watched as she took a few steps into the room to find you naked in bed. Taron appearing a few steps behind her. He looked just as stressed and anxious as you felt. You all froze for a moment in silence, taking in the situation.

“Good morning Megan.” Lindy sounded formal and stern.

“Good morning Lindy.” You whispered shakily. This was it, you knew you had blown your chances. You were going to be fired.

“Perhaps I will meet you downstairs.” Lindy said as she turned her attention back to Taron. “Both of you.” She turned on her heels and left the room. You and Taron were left looking at each other as you heard the door shut behind her.

“I’m so sorry. She just pushed her way inside. Megan, I tried to stop her.” He said rushing over to you apologetically.

You shook your head, “It’s not your fault. It’s okay. I guess we don’t have to hide this from her anymore.” You tried to think of the positives. “Right, let’s get ready and face the brunt of this downstairs.” You pulled the covers back and picked up your clothes from the floor and then pulled out some fresh clothes to wear that day.

Within twenty minutes, you and Taron were ready and on your way down to meet Lindy. You felt nervous. Anxious. You didn’t know what she was going to say. Was she going to be mad at you?

You walked into the hotels breakfast restaurant and sourly walked over to Lindy where she was waiting with coffees for you both. You carefully approached her, Taron giving you a supportive squeeze of your hand before you sat down in front of her. You felt like naughty school children being caught doing something you shouldn’t. Which was only half true.

“So,” She announced when you sat. “Are you going to tell me what that was all about?” She raised her eyebrow at you both.

You looked at Taron who smiled at you before he turned to Lindy. “Megan and I have been seeing each other for a while. We’ve kept it really private. Nobody knows.” He takes your hand under the table. “I really like her and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I know United have boundaries about personal and professional lives but Megan has been incredibly professional and I couldn’t have got through the last month or so without her. She’s been my rock. If I’m really honest, I should be the one to blame for all of this, Megan wanted to keep things strictly professional and I just couldn’t do it. So if you have anyone to blame it’s me not her.”

You felt yourself blush at his words. You couldn’t believe he was going to take the brunt of this. It was a joined responsibility. Lindy looked at you with narrow eyes. You waited for her to respond. Tension building as you waited.

“I can’t stop you from doing this but I need you to remember that there is a very fine line between being professional and not. I can’t have that being scrutinised. United has a reputation that I would quite like to keep. As long as that doesn’t get dragged into this then I have no right to comment on your personal lives.” You felt yourself release your shoulders which were holding all your tension.

“Thank you.” That was all you were able to say. You were relieved you weren’t being fired.

“Don’t screw this up.” She said directly.

You spent the rest of breakfast listening into Taron and Lindy’s arrangements for the next stage of the press tour. You would be going to Korea and then to America with Taron. You had never been to Korea before, you were looking forward to experiencing their culture. Once breakfast was over, you and Taron went straight into a long day of interviews. Everything was more or less the same as it had been the day before. Same questions. Same answers. Same long hours of listening in.

You were silently relieved when you brought the last interviewer into the room. You were ready to retreat back to the room. Another 15 minutes and you would be able too. You took your seat in the corner once more and patiently waited for the interview to start. You had half zoned out until you heard the interviewer ask Taron a specific question that made your ears prick up.

“So Eggsy has the Princess, do you have a special someone in your life at the moment?”

You shot a look over to Taron who also looked back at you. You didn’t know what he was going to say. It made your heart beat quickly in your chest.

“I do.” He replied, “There is someone in my life at the moment that holds a very special place in my heart.”

You blushed and looked down as you heard his response. You felt his eyes burning into you which caused you to look up with flushed cheeks.

Once the interview were over. You all retreated back to Taron’s room. Sitting in the oversized armchair your legs curled underneath you, you watch Taron. He was standing in the doorway of their room, his back to you, casually leaning on the doorframe. He was dressed in slim black jeans and a light blue shirt, open at the collar and the sleeves rolled up his forearms. Though Taron still looks as fresh as he did when he stepped out of his morning shower, it is getting late and you knows that he is tired. He had just finished a gruelling day of press but you still had to get yourself dressed and ready for the premiere that evening.

You watched on as he chuckles softly while speaking to Lindy and his publicist. Standing, you stretch your muscles which were a bit stiff. You softly walked barefoot over to where he was standing. Slipping up behind him you pressed your chest into his back and wrap your arms around his waist.

”Hello, darling", he murmurs slipping his hands in to cup your. “Lindy, thank you for everything. As always, you've gone above and beyond. I'll see you tonight.”

“See you in a bit Lindy.” You says peeking out from behind Taron. He closed the door and you pulled yourself away from him.

“Are you ready for the craziness of tonight?” He questioned as he unzipped the bag his suit was hanging up in.

You sure hoped you were ready.

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[breakingsomething]

reunion

summary: marvin is back from anti, and he and jackie have a lot to say to each other.

if you’re confused i’ll link two other fics i wrote that kinda explain what’s happening: X X

trigger warnings: mentions of past suicide attempts, implied self harm

physically, marvin recovered quickly.

despite how bad he’d looked when they’d found him at anti’s house, he wasn’t that badly injured. his neck was bruised, his nose had been broken and he had several shallow cuts on his legs, but apart from that he seemed completely fine. henrik told all this to jackie while he lay in bed in the darkness, facing away from henrik, and he wondered why exactly anti hadn’t hurt marvin worse. he wanted to ask henrik more questions. he couldn't bring himself to speak. “he refused to take off his shirt,” henrik had murmured softly. “i assume he’s been hurt on his arms or chest as well, but i’ll have to wait until he sleeps again to get a look. i don’t know why he won’t show me, but i have to know he’s ok.”

and hearing those soft spoken words from his younger brother, who he knew greatly disliked marvin and had never spoken to him nicely before, almost broke jackie’s heart again.

“thanks.” he said quietly. he didn’t turn to face henrik.

a beat of silence. “do you need anything?” his brother asked.

jackie almost laughed. “‘m fine, hen. just need a bit of time to sort out some… some feelings.” he yawned exaggeratedly. “k? i’ll be alright.”

henrik took that as his cue to leave, closing the door gently behind him. 

marvin was a mess. “he wants to see you,” chase told him worriedly, wringing his hat in his hands and tapping his feet rapidly. 

jackie was sat on the stair above him, resting his head against the wall. he stared through the window at the bottom of the staircase, watching the neighbour’s christmas lights flash outside. he didn’t respond.

he heard chase breathe in loudly and blow out all the air out of his cheeks. jackie tried not to blink in case the tears welling up in his eyes slipped out.

chase saw. “bro. you’re gonna have to talk to him eventually.” when jackie continued to stay silent, chase moved up to next to jackie and placed a gentle hand on his knee. he flinched, and chase pulled away. they were silent.

jackie hugged himself, rubbing his arms for comfort. he felt ashamed of the tears now rolling down his cheeks, and pressed the side of his face into the wall.

after a moment chase left him alone on the staircase.

he knew chase was right. he couldn’t avoid this forever. just a week ago jackie would have sold his soul just to see marvin again, but now he had the chance to, why wasn’t he? he wished he knew. everything in his mind felt so confusing. jackie wished he could find the strength to form the right words.

i’m sorry. i’m sorry i wasn’t there for you. i’m sorry i wasn’t good enough. i’m sorry i didn’t listen, i’m sorry you felt you could only find solace in anti of all people, i’m sorry i was such an asshole, i’m sorry…

it was four days before he got up the courage to talk to him.

marvin was no longer confined to his bed, but mostly stayed in his room, not getting up even to get food or water. chase brought things to him while he slept- henrik had done it once, and marvin had screamed at him to leave him alone. “he caught me trying to get a look at his arms and got very upset.” henrik had admitted to jackie. now only chase went to see him. it stayed like that until one night, when jackie was getting up to go to the bathroom, and he noticed marvin’s bedroom door wide open. he wasn’t inside. instantly, jackie was on high alert; had marvin left, gone back to anti again, or worse? he rushed downstairs as quietly as he could, careful not to wake anyone, and peeked into the kitchen in case marvin had gotten up for a glass of water. only chase was there, asleep on the table with his phone in hand. the front door was slightly open.

marvin was sat on the front steps, his hair in a lazy ponytail, a blanket wrapped round his shoulders. he was staring blankly across the street, his eyes fixed on nothing, and jackie could have just turned back and marvin wouldn’t have noticed.  but suddenly, seeing his once vibrant, larger than life brother so small and broken looking stabbed jackie in the chest. how could this have happened to him? without thinking, jackie took a deep breath. “hey.”

marvin whipped round, and the look of fear on his face dissolved into shock, then sadness. he replied in a voice cracked with disuse, “hey.”

jackie nodded. he plopped down next to marvin, too afraid to look closely at him in case he started crying again. the only sounds were the wind whipping through the trees in front of their flat and a few cars rolling by, rumbling through the slush on the road.

“i’ve been thinking about what i’d say to you if i saw you again for the full year you were gone,” jackie finally spoke. he didn’t take his eyes off the blinking multicoloured lights across the street. “but now that we’re here, i don’t know what to say.”

marvin sniffed. jackie looked down; he hadn’t put on shoes, and his socked feet were cold. he let out a trembling sigh.

“it was difficult without you here,” he said softly. “every day was like- i’d wake up and be forced to remember you were gone, and it felt like… like ice in my bones. cold and heavy. and i… i missed you.” he threw back his head and blinked rapidly.

“jackie.” and fuck, if hearing him say his name didn’t cause the tears to spill over, warm against his cold cheeks. “i have… no right to have missed you. but i did, i did, i knew i had made a mistake. i wish i could say sorry, and...”

a sudden wave of fury washed over jackie. “you wish you could say sorry? really?” out the corner of his eye, he sees marvin jump at his sudden anger, which only fueled his emotions. he dug his fingers into his legs, shaking.

“a fucking year, marvin. a goddamn- a fucking year you were gone and we assumed the worst. we mourned you, do you understand that? we were even- we were gonna stop searching after christmas. we were gonna accept you were dead and move on. do you know how much that fucking hurt, marvin? do you know-” a sharp intake of breath, salt on his lips. “do you know what you did to us?”

“i know, i never meant-”

“you don’t know!” jackie finally faced marvin, who was clinging to his blanket with white hands. “you could never fucking understand how badly that- how that fucked with my mind!” he could barely see for the tears and rage clouding his vision. “i thought it was my fault, i still fucking do, because what else was i supposed to think? every fucking day i cried over you, i stared at the wall for hours just thinking about what possible horrors anti could be putting you through, i laid in bed for- for days, marvin, i couldn’t get up because every area of the house had a memory of you attached to it, you were fucking everywhere, my head was like, i felt like, i wasn’t even-” jackie couldn’t breathe, he gasped for air and sobbed loudly, feeling lightheaded. “i’m sorry i was never good enough!”

with that, he completely broke. he couldn't stop the sobs wracking his chest, loud gasps ripping from his throat, trying to breathe, inhaling shakily only to remember why he was crying and almost screaming from the pain in his mind. he was hyperventilating, his whole body trembling, and he wrapped his arms around himself as tightly as he could. he was painfully aware of marvin beside him, watching him collapse into himself.

then he felt a hand on his shoulder. and fuck, after so long of not letting anyone touch him, it was pure bliss. he melted into marvin’s touch, and his brother took that as an invitation to throw his arms around him, shaking, tears soaking jackie’s hoodie. they stayed like that, holding each other for the first time in a year, the warmth of each other shielding them from the winter cold.

“i’m sorry,” came marvin’s small voice from where his face was buried in jackie’s chest. “i knew i would hurt you but i didn’t think- i didn’t think. i didn’t- i thought it was for the best.” he let out a small gasp and shudders, his fingers digging into jackie’s back. “i thought i was doing the right thing, i didn’t know, by the time i realised…”

“shh, shh,” jackie comforted. “it’s ok, i know, it’s ok.”

all the anger had completely left him. he was left with just the grief, the emptiness, the sense of loss. he rubbed marvin’s back, his fingers tracing gentle circles around his shoulderblades.

“i tried to end it,” marvin whispered, and it takes a moment for a jolt of realisation to shoot through jackie as he realised what he meant. “anti gave me a knife, a pocket knife, for a- a job, and he forgot to take it back afterwards, and besides, i’m sure he didn’t think i’d- dapper was asleep, he couldn’t stop me, anti got so angry at him for not stopping me…” he dissolved into silent tears again, and jackie glanced at the glowing lights in the windows of happy families, normal families, families that weren’t plagued by grief and monsters. his salty tears burned the wound on his lip from rescuing marvin several days prior. he held marvin tight.

“is that why you wouldn’t let henrik see your arms?” he asked quietly, the way marvin tenseed at the name not escaping his notice.

“yeah,” he sniffled. “i’m sorry, i’m pathetic, this is my own fault and i shouldn’t be crying-”

“shush now, don’t say that,” jackie consoled, and his heart ached at his brother’s pain, pain he could have prevented, pain he shouldn’t have had to go through.  “you’re allowed to cry. you made a mistake, that’s all, that’s all, it’s ok.”

neither of them knew how long they stayed huddled together on the steps, but it was long enough for them to fall asleep, jackie slumped against the doorway, marvin laying on his chest.

jackie woke to chase shaking him. 

“you dumbasses, did you two really sleep out here?” chase hissed, trying to gently nudge marvin into consciousness. “i wanted you two to get along again, but not like- marvin, hey, hey, bro, you gotta get up. you also left the door open last night,” he said, directing the last part at jackie. “practically an invitation to any bastard that wanted to steal our shit. let the cold in, too.”

“like we couldn’t take a burglar,” jackie murmured blearily, only half awake. the wind ruffled his hair, and he shivered. if he and marvin got sick, henrik would absolutely kill him. oh, well. “have you forgotten who i am? i’m fucking…” he yawned, the tears from last night catching up with him and making his head pound. “i’m jackieboy man, bitch.”

“are you?” said chase, raising an eyebrow.  jackie looked down at marvin, who was just starting to stir, soft whimpers escaping his lips, his face creased with anxiety even in his sleep. and fuck, jackie couldn’t believe he considered leaving him just because he was petty and angry, he couldn’t believe that there was an alternate timeline somewhere in which this moment didn’t happen. he was suddenly filled with warmth that in this universe, at least, he made what he knows was the right desicion.

“i am now.”