#he said hello random strangers i am going to Torment You

[electric-plants]

anyway just so you all know while my genshin account’s pulls were absolutely Going Through It™️ with nilou’s banner i’ve had a beautiful guaranteed locked and loaded for jiaoqiu for the entirety of this banner and i am very excited that it’s almost TIME—

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated

Chapter 1

When Jiang Cheng opens the window in the morning, crisp, cold air hits his face. The leaves on the tree in the courtyard of the apartment complex are turning colours.

When did that happen? When did summer end?

It’s a new semester, a new season, and Wei Wuxian still hasn’t returned. Hasn’t called, hasn’t messaged. Jiang Cheng had thought… had hoped…

He should’ve known better.

The wind picks up and raises goosebumps on his skin. A leaf, dark red, is torn from a branch and flutters through the air.

He used to like autumn.

Jiang Yanli was spring, Wei Wuxian was summer, Jiang Cheng was autumn. Winter was them together, because it was cold and they had to stick close.

Jiang Cheng scoffs and closes the window. There’s no use in remembering or hoping. He has work to do anyway.

He makes himself an unsatisfying breakfast that consists of instant coffee and - oh, there isn’t really anything else. Of course the fridge is fucking empty.

He goes jogging, but he’s hungry and it’s cold and he hates jogging.

He takes a shower, but the water is either too hot or too cold.

When he sits down at his desk and opens his writing program, it doesn’t fucking work. Because of course not.

Error #234871FUCKYOUJIANGCHENG

“I don’t even know what that means, I’m not a fucking COMPUTER SCIENTIST!”

Like some people. Some people, who betrayed and abandoned him and moved in with some random-ass people to look after a random-ass child for no good reason and left him all alone. Now he has no one to share his meals with, so there’s no point in making sure his fridge is full, and no one who also hates jogging, so they can suffer together, and no one to fucking help him with fucking computer issues and this is all fucking bullshit.

Jiang Cheng slams his laptop shut.

Fuck you, Wei Wuxian. This is all your fault.

Another headache creeps up his temples. He’s already completely done with this day. At 9:37 AM. Fuck. He has a fucking essay to write about some bullshit topic he doesn’t care about, but how is he supposed to do that when his laptop hates him as much as everyone else does and his head feels as though it’s splitting apart?

His phone rings, and the sound feels like someone is applying a power drill to his brain. And of course it’s not on his desk but far away on the counter. Because nothing in his life can ever be easy or convenient, oh no. He stretches his arm and then his whole upper body to try to grab it from the counter without having to get up from his desk and then there’s a TWINGE and oh no, that’s not good. His shoulder feels as though it’s on fire and… yep, he can’t fucking move his head.

FUCK. FUCKING FUCK SHIT BALLS CRAP FUCK SHIT. FUUUUUUUUCK.

And his phone keeps ringing.

Everyone ignores him for DAYS but NOW when he’s literally DYING and can’t reach his phone, they want to talk to him.

He gets up, ignores the pain shooting down his right arm, carefully shuffles towards the counter, and answers the phone with his left hand.

“WHAT?”

“A-Cheng?”

It’s his sister. Jiang Cheng’s stress levels automatically lower by about 13% as soon as he hears her voice.

“Jiejie, hey. Sorry, I just…” He switches his phone to the other hand and then gets a painful reminder that this side is fucked. “Fuck, ow.”

“A-Cheng? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing! I just... pulled a muscle or something.” He sits down again and bites his lip to suppress a wail of agony. “Why did you call, Jiejie?”

He can basically hear Jiang Yanli’s gentle, slightly concerned, smile through the phone. “Ah, then I’m calling just at the right time. You’ve been struggling with tension for a while now and as you know, your birthday is coming up and -”

“Don’t remind me. That’s still over a month away. And I’m not struggling!”

“- and I have the perfect gift for you. You don’t have to wait until November to do it either. And I think it would be so good for you, A-Cheng, especially now with your pulled muscle.”

“And what exactly is ‘it’?”

“Do you remember Lan Xichen? He’s a friend of Nie Mingjue, and his uncle is Lan Qiren. I think we met him a few times during one of those large business-people dinners we used to get invited to, when father…”

Was still alive.

“I don’t remember anyone I met there, because I was bored out of my mind.” Because Wei Wuxian wasn’t invited to those. And because they were fucking boring. “What does this have to do with my mysterious birthday present anyway?”

“Ah, well, it turns out he works as a physical therapist and I guess you could call him a sort of life coach. Massages, yoga, meditation, physical therapy. He has his own little studio in his apartment, so it’s very private and intimate, and he spends a lot of time with every client, it’s not just a twenty minute massage and then you’re done.”

His sister speaks with rare urgency and Jiang Cheng feels a little bewildered by having this just thrown at him. “So, you want me to-”

“I met him recently, such a lovely man, and asked him whether he had time to take on another client, and he does! So I booked you ten sessions and the first one is Thursday, 5 p.m. We were going to meet that afternoon, so I know you have time, and we can just reschedule our meeting!”

“Jiejie! Ten sessions… I don’t… I’m not a massage person! I don’t want some stranger touching me!” This is all really very sudden, so of course his first instinct is to say no.

His sister, of course, is used to that, and expected it. So she laughs softly and continues convincing him. “Ah, but he’s not a stranger, he’s Nie Mingjue’s best friend and as I said, I met him recently - he’s very kind and sweet and he doesn’t just do massages. I’m sure he’ll be willing to listen to what you’re comfortable with and figure out what’s best for you. A-Cheng, why don’t you just go to the first meeting and see what happens, hm? It’s my present for you.”

As if he could ever actually say no to his sister. Nobody can.

“Alright, alright. But if it’s not my thing, you’ll use the rest of the sessions, okay? I could watch A-Ling while you go get pampered a little.” His sister deserves this much more than he does anyway. Not that she would agree with that.

“Just go and meet with Lan Xichen first, before deciding that it’s not for you.” She’s using her stern voice, oh no.

“I will! I’m just saying!”

“Alright. Let me know how it goes then.”

“I will.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

“Good. Remember to drink tea or water, too, not just coffee.”

“Yes, Jiejie.”

“And-”

“I’ll call you after I’ve met with Lan Xichen,” Jiang Cheng interrupts, before she can shower him with even more care. “And thank you. I… could probably use some… relaxation.”

“Great! I’ll text you the address in a bit.”

They chat a bit more about A-Ling and what shenanigans he gets up to now that he can walk, and when Jiang Cheng ends the call a while later, his mood has significantly improved.

His phone makes a noise again. He looks at the screen, expecting a text from his sister with Lan Xichen’s address, but... Fuck. He unlocks the screen and stares at his daily Wei Wuxian selfie. Today he’s wearing a bathrobe so fluffy, it seems to swallow him, and he’s making… duck lips. Jiang Cheng’s mood plummets to the ground.

Why can’t he delete this stupid alarm or app or whatever his brother has infested his phone with? Why doesn’t he just change his fucking number, get a new phone? Why does Wei Wuxian keep up this nonsense, even though he’s obviously not interested in being in contact with Jiang Cheng anymore? Why torment him with these little glimpses into a life that he lives without his brother? The selfies don’t arrive at a set time every day and it’s a new one every time, so it’s pretty safe to say, Wei Wuxian takes them and sends them himself every day. They used to arrive between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m., but recently he sometimes gets them as early as 9 a.m. On one shocking occasion it was 6:45 a.m., though Wei Wuxian did look very sleepy. Since when does Wei Wuxian get up that early?

He also seems to be spending a lot of time at a place that is not the flat he moved into with the Wens. Not that Jiang Cheng spends a lot of time analyzing the background of the pictures. Because he does not care what Wei Wuxian gets up to. Wei Wuxian does not care about him anymore either, beyond annoying him like this.

Jiang Cheng shakes his head to make his brain stop thinking about useless things. Immediately, pain shoots down his arm, burns in his neck.

Fuck.

Maybe he should just go back to bed. Clearly getting up was a mistake.

Thursday

Lan Xichen lives on the outskirts of the city. Not quite the suburbs, but in one of those areas where rich people enjoy having a garden, or at least a balcony, and less busy streets, while the city centre is still only a few subway stops away. The kind of area where his own family once lived.

Jiang Cheng checks the house number again and rushes towards the building, wrapping his jacket closer around him. It is colder now, he’s known this and yet didn’t take that into account when getting dressed.

He enters the building, takes the elevator to the 2nd floor, finds the right door and rings the doorbell.

He doesn’t have to wait long until Lan Xichen opens him.

Oh.

“A-Sang… who… who is that next to your brother?”

“Huh? Aaah, that’s Lan Xichen. Da-ge’s best friend. Why do you ask?”

“No reason!”

“Oooooh, I see.”

“Shut up!”

“Well, now I finally know your type, Cheng-Cheng. You’re into impossibly beautiful people who you’re too scared to talk to.”

“I said shut up! I just asked who it was!”

“First Wen Qing, now Xichen-ge… But don’t worry, he’s super nice. Now, his brother on the other hand… So hot, but-“

“I’m leaving!”

Fuck.

“Hello! You must be Jiang Wanyin.”

Lan Xichen smiles at him and yep, yep, Huaisang was right, impossibly beautiful. Fuck.

Oh shit, he still hasn’t said anything.

“Ah yes, that’s me. Hello. Nice to meet you.” Jiang Cheng couldn’t be more awkward if he tried. Except he can, because then he bows, way too low.

Lan Xichen seems to be too polite to laugh at him, but his eyes sparkle as though he wants to, while he invites Jiang Cheng inside.

The apartment is large and bright and… full of plants. Lan Xichen leads him into the living room, where a pot of tea and two mugs are waiting for them on the coffee table. Jiang Cheng sits down on a very comfortable chair, next to a large houseplant with beautiful green and red leaves. All in all, the surroundings help him feel way more relaxed than what would be appropriate for the situation. The situation being: Sitting across from the man Jiang Cheng has seen maybe three times, back when he was 17, from afar, and whom he used to spend quite some time thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. More than three times. The same man who is supposed to give him a massage.

“Is tea alright? Would you prefer something else?”

“Tea is lovely, thank you.” Jiang Cheng hurries to take a sip and hopefully smiles instead of grimacing.

Lan Xichen picks up a notebook and a pen, rests it on his legs, then takes a deep breath. Despite his gentle smile, and the soothing smell of jasmine tea, and the literal urban jungle he’s sitting in, Jiang Cheng thinks he can pick up a hint of nervousness from Lan Xichen. But no, he must be imagining it.

Lan Xichen opens his notebook and looks at Jiang Cheng. “So, your sister already told me that you’ve been dealing with a little tension and stress. If you’re comfortable with it, I would like to ask you a few questions and make myself an overview of where you hold your tension and how it affects you, so we can think about how to best help you.”

Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods.

“This is only a preliminary meeting, so I already know how to best proceed, once we start our sessions.”

Lan Xichen asks him a few questions about his daily schedule (repetitive), whether he does any exercise (yes, well, sort of, sometimes), is he sleeping well (eeh), does he often have headaches (yes), and so on. Jiang Cheng answers as best as he can, and even though Lan Xichen shows no judgment at all, it is mortifying for him. His life is a mess and clearly he’s responsible for all of it. Why doesn’t he do more exercise? If he has headaches all the time, he should be doing something about that!

“Mhm, have you ever tried Yoga before?”

“No.”

“Can you touch your toes?”

“I don’t know? Why would I need to touch my toes?!” Jiang Cheng regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth but Lan Xichen only looks amused.

“Excellent question.” Lan Xichen puts the notepad he’s been using back down on the table and stands up. “Would it be okay if I touch your neck and shoulders to have a closer look at your tension?”

“Yes, yes. That’s alright. Sure.” Jiang Cheng puts down the mug and rests his hands on his knees, trying to project that he’s totally casual and relaxed and that he never spent even a minute wondering how those hands might feel on his skin. Why do these things happen to him? Why can’t he even nurse a schoolboy crush for a few months and then forget about it without suffering consequences???

Lan Xichen’s hands are warm, but not too warm. Perfect temperature for being touched, really. His fingers are long and smooth and it feels really good, the way they’re digging into his muscles and-

“Fuck!”

“Sorry. Looks like I found a sore spot.” Lan Xichen strokes his fingers in a soothing apology over the spot and that’s almost worse, because it feels really good.

“I, uhm, apologise for the… rude language.”

“Oh, haha, I’ve heard worse from clients. No need to hold back, I’m of the opinion that it can be beneficial to find release.”

“Right.” This is like one of Jiang Cheng’s dreams that starts out beautiful and turns into a horrible nightmare halfway through. Will he make it through this without horribly embarrassing himself even further and/or offending Lan Xichen in the process?

“You’re really... “ Lan Xichen runs his hands up Jiang Cheng’s neck and slightly presses his thumbs into a spot between his ear and his jaw. Jiang Cheng groans. “You’re very tense. In a lot of places. Do you grind your teeth at night? Or clench them?”

“Maybe?”

Lan Xichen rests his hands on Jiang Cheng’s shoulders for a second, then sits down opposite of him again. Jiang Cheng immediately misses the warmth of his hands, which is ridiculous and he needs to get a grip.

“Alright, well, I think for the beginning we will be focusing on relaxing and loosening your muscles. So, massage, thermotherapy, some gentle stretches. I’ll also help you find things you can do at home to destress and relieve tension. Does that sound good?”

“Uhm, yes. It does.” Jiang Cheng kind of tuned out after Lan Xichen said ‘massage’, because… He has this dreadful feeling his schoolboy crush never went away and instead just laid dormant until right now. Which is so fucking inconvenient, of course it’s happening to Jiang Cheng. “Thank you, Lan-ge… uhm… Lan Xichen.”

How should he address him? Apparently, he’s sort of a family friend (Where and why did Jiejie even meet him? Why didn’t he ask?) but now he’s also taking care of Jiang Cheng in a professional, sort of medical sense...

Lan Xichen is, of course, not oblivious to his discomfort, but smiles and pours him some more tea. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. Laoshi is fine, too.”

Lan Xichen then goes through a few formalities with him. He informs him he’s being paid per session, not by the hour, so they’ll never have to hurry. They exchange phone numbers, in case someone needs to reschedule or Lan Xichen wants to send him some exercises or something. Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods and agrees. When Lan Xichen proposes they have the first session tomorrow afternoon, Jiang Cheng smiles and nods, too.

After, Lan Xichen escorts him to the door, wishes him a lovely evening, says he’s looking forward to their sessions and Jiang Cheng should remember to wear something comfortable. When he smiles again, Jiang Cheng almost walks into the door.

As soon as Jiang Cheng arrives home, he calls his sister.

“A-Cheng! How was it?”

“Uhm, fine, but that’s not why-”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“I… what? Why… why would you bring that up?” Jiang Cheng gives his phone a side-eye, even though his sister can’t see it.

“Well, it’s impossible to not notice. And he has such a lovely personality, too.” Jiang Yanli says this as casually as though she’s talking about the weather.

“Yes… I guess.” While both of those things are true, it’s unlike his sister to bring it up. Or at least, to bring it up so quickly and directly. “Jiejie, how do you know Lan Xichen again? Where did you meet?”

“Oh… he came over for tea recently.”

“And why did he do that?”

“Because I invited him.”

Well, his sister clearly is keeping something from him, something connected to his old-new crush and physical therapist and Jiang Cheng hates not being in the know when other people are clearly keeping secrets from him.

“How did you meet him? Why did you invite him? Why do you not want to tell me?”

“A-Cheng…”

Oh, of course. “Wei Wuxian.”

Jiang Yanli sighs audibly, probably frowning in the way she always does when they skirt around the topic of him and Wei Wuxian not talking. “Yes. Lan Xichen is-”

“I don’t want to know!” Of course this has something to do with Wei Wuxian. Because he can’t have anything in his life without Wei Wuxian. Are they… they’re not dating or anything, right? That would just be… actually that would be fucking typical.

“Jiang Cheng!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Is his sister… getting cross with him???

“I just… he misses you.”

“Yeah? I don’t see any evidence of that!” His headache is back with a vengeance.

“Because you’re not looking. Because you’ve convinced yourself he doesn’t!” It’s rare for Jiang Yanli to raise her voice, and compared to Jiang Cheng, she still sounds gentle. But he can hear her frustration, hear how tiring this is for her, and… He sometimes forgets he and Wei Wuxian aren’t the only people who are involved in this. Who suffer.

“Then why doesn’t he call me? He obviously still has my number!”

“Why don’t you call him?”

Because he doesn’t want to call someone who doesn’t want him. Because he doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to come back because he feels pity or obligation. Because he’s scared Wei Wuxian would still not come back.

“He’s the one who left.”

“It’s been over a year. Can’t you… I’m so tired of holding louder than normal conversations with my husband in the kitchen while one of you is in the living room, so you know the other is okay without actually asking for it.”

“A-jie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I… It’s just… “ Great, now Jiang Cheng feels mad at Wei Wuxian, guilty for upsetting his sister, who should never be upset, and sad… because he misses his stupid brother, doesn’t he.

“I can’t force either of you to make the first step, but… you’re both suffering. A-Cheng, I just want you both to be happy.” Now she just sounds resigned. Fuck.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll think about it. I promise.” If only because his sister deserves better than this - being stuck in the middle between them.

“Thank you. I love you, A-Cheng.”

“… Love you, too.”

“Now, tell me about your meeting today. Did you already get a massage?”

Right. Lan Xichen. “Jiejie… is Wei Wuxian dating Lan Xichen?”

Jiang Yanli laughs. “No. No, no. He’s dating his brother. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying! Just… wanted to know how you met.”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“Stop asking that! That’s not why I… you know what, I have to go. I have… university… stuff. Talk to you later!”

“Bye!”

He can hear his sister still laughing when he ends the call. Mortifying. Why did he have to ask?

Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother… That’s… Why is the world so fucking tiny? He couldn’t have picked anyone else?

Not that it matters. It’s not like Jiang Cheng was ever gonna do anything about… Lan Xichen is attractive and nice and lovely, which is simply a fact. Like his sister said, it’s impossible to not notice. Doesn’t have to mean anything. Jiang Cheng will only concentrate on… being less tense and maybe having fewer headaches.

And maybe… thinking… about… contacting Wei Wuxian…

“He misses you.”

Jiang Cheng is not convinced.

But…

[sebbybooks]

Our Vintage Summers(PT3)

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

"All I need is to remember

how it was to feel alive."

-Aurora

My eyelids were heavy as I tried to flutter them open. Slowly my vision came back to me as the blurbs of light and shapes began to take on real form. I had to steady my breath careful not to let my nerves takeover because it took me a while to adjust to my surroundings to figure out where I was and how I ended up back in this old bedroom of mine. I stared mindlessly up at the ceiling watching the cracks that formed around the dandelion shaped crystal chandelier that once radiated the most calming ambient light. As I stare at it now I see that it is nothing more than a hideous piece of architecture from my hellish childhood. Memories began to accompany the pain then right on time images of Sebastian fading into nothing flashed through my brain.

I jolted myself forward when realization finally kicked in but my attempt to get of out bed was short lived. I was met with a stabbing pain that shot through my head at full force that made me wince. I squeezed my eyes shut feeling like at any minute I was going to be sick. You would think I took a nasty beating to the skull from how badly it hurt.

I couldn't move the lower half of my body if I wanted to. I was tightly tucked underneath the duvet that I was burning up under. I laid there immobile and in misery. I couldn't call out for anyone all of my energy felt depleted and I was starting to feel dizzy on top of it. The thoughts in my head wouldn't slow down as they danced around taunting me. The only face I wasn't able to escape belonged to the one person that made me feel like I was going completely insane. Hell, maybe I was going a little mad. There was no way what I saw was real. How could I explain seeing a person vanish before my very eyes? The short answer was I couldn't.

Suddenly the door to the bedroom shot opened I was able to lift my head to look to see who had entered. Quickly coming over to the bed I saw out of the corner of my eye it was my sister Anya. The look of concern she wore on her face quickly diminished when she looked down and saw that I was conscious.

"You're awake!" She whispered. Anya's pinched expression was replaced with a toothy smile. "You had us worried sick Sia. Justin just found you face down on the kitchen floor." I could hardly find it in me to speak so I just let out a exasperated sigh in response. She brushed through my hair gently with her hand careful not to press down on my head too hard, brushing my hair away from my face. I was grateful for that because my hair was starting to cling to my skin. It felt like I was getting hotter and hotter by the second I needed a fan or a window to be let open. I feared I might be at risk of passing out again.

"Jesus Sia you are burning up." Anya said finally stating the obvious as she flipped her hand back and forth over my forehead. I used all the energy I had to raise my hand to motion that I needed air. "Let me go get you an ice pack and turn the AC up." She said as she started to turn around to leave.

"Anya." My voice came out like a croak.

"Yeah sis?"

I had to move my tongue around in my mouth a few times to get a bit of moisture flowing. My throat was so incredible hoarse I could hardly understand my own voice. Plus it pained me to even move my jaw in the slightest. I needed to know so I used all that I had to say his name. "Sebastian?"

Her brows furrowed in confusion as she looked back at me like I had a horn coming from the center of my forehead. Thinking she didn't hear me I attempted to utter his name again. This time she reacted as if I was the one confused. "Sia you hit your head pretty hard now you're just saying random names. Maybe Remi was right and we need to call an ambulance."

I began to pull myself up, but again quickly regretted it. "Anya where. . . where did he go?"

Standing in the middle of the doorway. "Where did who go?" I could hear the genuine frustration laced in her tone.

"Sebastian?" I spoke his name like I was unsure of who I was referring to myself.

Defeated she stared back at me with pity and worry in her eyes. "We met a lot of people at grandma's funeral, but we don't know anyone by that name. The only people here with us is Justin, Remi, and Gavin remember? I'm going to give Dr. Thomas a call after all to see if he will come out and look at you just to be sure that you're ok." She huffed out as she pulled her cellphone from her back pocket.

I don't know why but my eyes began to cloud over with tears. "He showed up to the house tonight right as the storm rolled in." Listening to the sound of my own voice it sounded like I had an ugly cold. I could tell she was trying to ignore me. Despite how badly it hurt to talk I kept going. "We met him earlier on the beach Anya, mom introduced him to us. Sebastian told us that he knew our grandmother why aren't you listening to me?" As delusional and pathetic I must've sounded to top it all off I started to sob uncontrollably. It hurt to even puff out a breath of air. Wet hot tears rolled down my face. I was losing it.

"Hello Dr.Thomas this is Anya Foxwood, Nora and Keith's daughter. I am terribly sorry to be disturbing you this late I wouldn't have called if I didn't think it was an emergency." I began to block the sound of my sister as I reclined my tired body back onto the bed.

The rain that continued to pour down from the sky loudly started to pick up and beat against the windowsill. The drumming sound of thunder accompanied it in the background to add to the mix of noises. Teardrops pooled from the corners of my eyes. I was engulfed in an uncomfortable wave of sadness that I myself couldn't even explain. I didn't want to admit it but I swear it felt like my heart was crying out for him. Which was the strangest sensation I didn't even know him! I started to even second guess if he was real. An that all of this was just apart of a cursed day that refused to end.

I sank my body down further into the bed trying to hold on to the last details of Sebastian and I's conversation. I had this gut feeling about him that I had trouble deciphering if was good or bad. Yet, my wild emotions that jumped out in his presence urged me to quell any doubts that I had. Which was an unsafe mindset I found myself trapped in. He was on the verge of telling me something that he so desperately wanted me to know. Then shit went supernatural.

The room fell silent I didn't even notice when Anya stepped away. She closed the door closing off what little air I did receive. It felt like a sauna in here. I could barely catch my breath. I assumed the pain in my head was worsening because it started to feel like I was spinning, despite the fact I was laying completely still. In all honesty at the risk of sounding dramatic I was convinced in this moment I was dying. I've never had a migraine make me feel like my brain was hemorrhaging painfully slow. I wanted to scream out in agony but my throat felt restricted unable to call out for help. I barely could move a muscle and that was the scariest part of it all. I waited for it to get worse so it would finally be over. I had no choice but to accept whatever was to come freeing me from this torment.

Gasping for air at this point I closed my eyes thinking it would help bring me an inkling of comfort to ease my suffering. Almost on an instant my limbs began to feel more relaxed and a sense calmness washed through my body. I could feel rays of sunlight grazing every inch of my skin. Through my closed eyelids the lights grew brighter like I was laying under direct sunlight of some sorts. When I tried turning on my side I felt tiny grains of sand underneath me and that's when my eyelids shot open. Clearly I died or was dreaming. Somehow I ended up back on the beach

As I raised myself from the sand I looked around in confusion as I watched the strangers around me partake in the elements around them. Couples were strolling alongside the water, children were playing in the sand, families were huddled together smiling and laughing. I scanned the area around me all appeared normal, except something was definitely off.

Pushing myself up I had to quickly access my attire it felt like I was nearly naked. I was dressed in a blush pink high waisted polka dot bikini with a swim top that left none to the imagination. It didn't take long for me to pick up on the attention I was attracting. Mothers with their children stared back at me with disdain while their husbands were doing a poor job hiding the fact that they were skeevy. While it was apparent I stuck out like a sore thumb I noticed something about everyone's choice of modest swimwear and style. They all looked like they stepped out of a scene from a Fitzgerald novel.

A loud nervous laugh escaped from me and I quickly clamped my hand across my mouth. I could sense myself starting to panic, clearly I was experiencing a very realistic dream. I felt every sensation like it was happening in real time. Squinting my eyes from the bright sunlight I was slightly terrified to move and explore my new location. What startled me the most was the fact that I recognized exactly where I was. Spinning around on my bare feet in the hot sand the only thing that was familiar to me was seeing that my grandmother's house was still sitting on the sand dune up ahead.

"How in the hell?" I said aloud, my voice trailing off as I tried to screw my head on straight. The Victorian styled beach house was nearly unrecognizable. Its previous cold and uninviting essence on the outside was replaced with a great deal of decadency and warmth. There were no longer old vines that clung to every crevice on the house. Lively blue and violet hydrangeas adorned it instead as they climbed up the structure of the house. The dead shrubbery was replaced with vibrant yellow forsythia plants that lined against the house. On the front lawn children joyfully chased after a rabbit while men and women whose faces I didn't know were scattered across the front of the house engaged in a party. From the looks of it they were having a good time. All the years I've seen that house it never looked more alive.

"HEY LADY WATCH OUT!!" Before I could move fast enough to see who was shouting to get my attention I was taken out by a flying blue frisbee. Thankfully it missed my face but the thick plastic disc went straight to my neck knocking the wind out of me. Doubling over in pain I crouched down trying to stop my uncontrollable coughing attack. I gasped for air right as I noticed two sets of feet quickly pick up that weapon and take off running in a fit of laughter.

"Those little shits are you alright Miss?" By now surely I could recognize that voice which made my heart flip in my chest. I looked up as I brought my hand to massage the area of impact on my neck. "Sia?" Sebastian said my name carefully upon recognition.

I couldn't blink. If I did I was one hundred percent certain he would waste away again. He didn't look like he did when I last saw him in my grandmother's kitchen. Eyeing him I noticed that he was an exact replica of the man I saw in the photo I found. There was a sun kissed tan to him, his hair was shorter and tindruls of curls fell on his forehead. He was even dressed in the same opened buttoned white linen shirt and blue and white swim shorts. The more I noticed that the similarities were exactly the same my knees started to tremble and I was close to falling onto my ass until Sebastian reached out and grabbed me. Slightly tilted off balance he kept his arms arms secured around my waist so that I wouldn't fall down. I gave into my weight trusting that he would hold me steady. I no longer cared to try to rationalize what on earth was happening. I tipped my head back up at him still in utter disbelief , "You remember who I am?"

He looked down at me and I'm sure we mirrored the same shocked expression. "Of course I remember." Sebastian's chest was rising and falling at a fast speed. The grip he had on my frail frame tightened but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. He was holding onto me almost as if he was afraid to let go.

His focus never drifted away from my face which caused me to feel bashful underneath his affectionate gaze. For a minute I was concerned that he had gone mute, sensing what I was thinking he positioned me back on my feet backing away to put distance between us. Sebastian looked like he was fighting with himself to come near me again. My hands twitched just to touch any part of him. I was tired of fighting what I couldn't understand.Hiding my disappointment I looked away just long enough to catch my breath stealing a glance of the house once again. "I have been telling myself not to freak out, but I'm starting to fail miserably."

"None of this is going right." His shoulders were tense like he was unable to relax any muscle. It was visible that whatever was bothering him was making him upset. "I'm still trying to make sense myself, but for right now I need you to trust me so we can get you somewhere where she won't be able to find you like this."

.....

(A/N* Hi beautiful creatures! I know it's taken me a while to update this fic, for a minute I was unsure if I wanted to continue writing it. I promise not to take forever to upload the next part! Just an fyi If you had ever asked me to tag you the reason I didn't was only due to the fact it has been such a long time. Therefore I had it in the back of my mind you simply forgot about it (which is fine!). If you want to know when I post the next part just let me know and I'll happily do so! I hope you guys are having a wonderful day or night! If not I promise it'll get better😘)

[steviemae]

babysitter // sp - pt.12

babysitter masterlist.

“Actually can you take me to the Sheriff’s station? I need to talk to Minetta about something.” She gave you a hesitant nod before driving off.

You got out of the car quickly when Toni pulled into the parking lot of the station. When you walked inside you went straight for Sheriff Minetta’s office.

“I need to see the files of the night Johnathan Taylor died.” you said sitting down in front of his desk.

“I’m afraid i can’t do that. Those files are confidential information. I can’t just hand them to some random kid.”

“I beg to differ. He’s my father. He’s been dead for 12 years. The case is either solved or cold. They don’t have any new information that wasn’t released on the news at the time it happened. So where are the files?” You weren’t taking no for an answer and you weren’t leaving here empty handed. Sheriff Minetta stared at you for a second before getting up and walking to the front desk lady, “While you’re at it, i need anything you have on my mother as well. Her name was Jane, though i’m not sure what her last name is.”

“y/n, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Toni hissed sitting down next to you.

“I’m getting the answers to the questions i’ve been asking for the past week. Johnathan won’t tell me anything so i dug around myself and found out more than i expected. There’s still some gaps but i’m working to fill them. Hence the reason why we’re here now. Don’t you dare talk me out of this, Topaz. i don’t want to hear it.” You were harsh and rude and Toni didn’t dare argue knowing it would get nowhere.

Sheriff Minetta came back moments later with a thick folder in his hand, “i can’t release the originals but here are copies of everything we had on your father, Johnathan Daniel Taylor and your mother, Jane Bernice Summers.” The folder fell onto the desk in front of you with a loud slap. You were shocked when he said your mother's name.

“Thank you.” you said snatching the folder off the desk.

--

At your house, you and Toni saw an envelope sitting on your welcome mat. “You know, i’m getting really sick of finding these damn folders everywhere.” you grabbed it and walked into your house going straight to your room. You and Toni spread out everything you had on your parent’s across your bedroom floor. You sat across from each other, Toni waiting for you to open the envelope you just found. Pulling everything you, you found more pictures, this time missing the word scratched across them, a flash drive, and a note.

The pictures were of your father’s lifeless body laying in a pool of his own blood in what looks to be an alley. “Look in those police files on my dad. Where were these photos taken?” you asked handing them to Toni as she flipped through the file Minetta gave you moments ago.

“It was in the alley by the Wyrm next to that convenient store. It says that your brother found him and called the police but your dad was dead before the ambulance got there.” She informed with pity in her eyes, “what does the note say?” She asked nodding to the folded paper sitting in your lap. You unfolded it and read the words scrawled on the page, ‘you’re next, baby.’ you hastily pulled out your phone, dialing Johnny’s number. Toni looking at you in pure shock.

“Have you been fucking with me this entire time, Johnathan?” you demanded the second he answered. You didn’t even allow him to get out a hello.

“What are you talking about now, Baby?”

“Don’t call me that. What game are you playing? Are you the one that’s been leaving these pictures for me?” Your voice was strong and demanding. Your anger was getting the best of you but you refused to stop until you got the answers you wanted.  

“Why the hell would i do that to my own sister, y/n. God, do you even listen to yourself when you talk?” He sneered into the phone.

“Why do i have a letter in my hand that clearly says ‘you’re next, baby’ you and Tessa are the only ones who know that nickname. Everyone else is dead. So tell me the truth, Johnathan, are you doing this?” you ordered.

“No, i’m not doing this. Where are you? We should talk.” His anger subsided realizing he did indeed need to tell you the truth. He was now worried that, wherever you are, you are in danger and he couldn’t let that happen.

“You had your chance to talk to me when i asked you multiple times to tell me what the hell you were hiding. I don’t want to talk anymore, Johnathan. I’m slowly finding out the truth myself.” you hung the phone up and grabbed your laptop, plugging the flash drive in that was left for you in the envelope.

“y/n, wait. Whatever is on this flash drive, i’m here for you okay. You know that right?” Toni said scooting to sit next to you, grabbing your hand to comfort you when whatever is on the flashdrive is revealed. You squeezed her hand before opening the flashdrive and pressing play on the video that popped up.

The video was filmed in someone’s point of view. No faces of anyone but your father was shown. Only hearing voices. It showed your father arguing with someone, “Son, please. You can do better than this. Your mother wouldn’t have wanted you to become this. You can come home. Baby misses you.” You father pleaded, you looked over at Toni, “Is he talking to Johnathan?” You were confused and Toni shook her head not knowing the answer herself.

“I’m not coming back, old man. This is my life now. Sorry to disappoint you, Pop’s but i wasn’t meant to be a Serpent.” The younger man snarled back at your father. The argument escalated which lead to a physical altercation that showed your father being brutally beaten by this group and left for dead in the alley.

“I thought Johnny found him like that. Not killed him.” you were crying and Toni was also shedding her own tear at the horror you two just watched.

“That didn’t sound like Johnny, y/n.”

“Who else could it have been. I only have one brother, Toni.” you exclaimed. You reached over and grabbed the police files Minetta gave you and started looking through your mother’s.

“What does your mom’s say?” She said sitting your dad’s file down on the desk.

“She was found dead during a police raid at a drug house. She OD’d on 4 different drugs, one of them being Jingle Jangle.” You said.

“y/n, this isn’t any old drug house.” Toni said looking at the pictures.

“What do you mean?” you asked her looking more closely.

“That’s Ghoulie territory. Your mom OD’d in the Ghoulie Jangle house.” You grabbed the pictures you and Betty found at the morgue of the letter carved in your dad’s arm and showed them to Toni, “this isn’t a Q is it, Toni.” She shook her head looking at you as you put the pieces together.

“So my mother was a drug addict that ran with the Ghoulies who eventually ended up killing my father who tried to get my brother, who i didn’t know about, to come back and stop running with the Ghoulies. Do you know what this means, Toni?”

“It means that it’s been the Ghoulies this whole time. The black hood never wanted you.” She stated. You nodded, “We have to get to the Wyrm. Johnathan has some explaining to do.” You packed everything on the floor up and put it in your bag and back out to Toni’s truck.

--

As Toni drove her truck in the direction of the Wyrm, the two of you sat in comfortable silence. You had a million thoughts running through your head trying to remember this brother your father said you missed so much in the video. As you were about to cross the bridge into the southside, you heard tires screech and Toni’s truck was ran off the road. Both of you groaned in pain as your heads hit the window and the seatbelt strained against your chest and neck.

“What the hell!” Toni exclaimed grabbing her head.

“You okay?” You asked through gritted teeth. Before she could answer, both of your doors flew opened and bags covered your heads. You both yelled in protest trying to fight off the strangers who ran you off the road but failed. Both of you being hit over the head and knocked out.

--

You woke up groaning due to the blistering headache you had. You were laying across a couch, Toni sitting beside you looking at you scared as can be.

“What the hell happened?” you groaned. She didn’t reply but instead looked in front of the two of you. You followed her gaze and saw a blonde women and a man with curly black hair dressed like an old school pimp with his fur jacket and no shirt underneath.

“Sleep well, Baby?” The voice you remember from the video said tauntingly.

“Don’t call me that. Who are you?” You demanded trying to sit up as best as you could with your hands tied together.

“Yeah, i’m not too surprised you don’t know who i am. Brother dearest liked to keep you in the dark and you were too young to remember. Let me introduce myself,” He said walking over to crouch down in front of you, “I’m Malachai. You’re other older brother. Leader of the Ghoulies.” he gave you a creepy smile, “Your own personal nightmare.”

“What do you want from me?” You muttered.

“I want nothing from you. I need to get back at Johnny-boy. He’s caused me and my guys a lot of trouble. All of those Serpents have.” He looked over at Toni giving her a look of disgust.

“Jones is on his way to play hero. You want to keep her and have some fun tormenting those snakes, i suggest you hide her.” a blonde woman said to Malachai.

“Let’s go little sis.” He yanked your arm up and dragged you into the building, Toni yelled in protest before blondie slapped her to shut her up. You tried to get away, but seeing as Malachai was bigger and stronger than you, and you were weak from the accident, it was no use. He threw you into a tiny room, your body collapsing onto the floor.

“Hope you’re not scared of the dark.” he mocked shutting the door behind him.

You were left in that room for what felt like hours. Alone and cold in the tiny dark room. Yelling didn’t get you anywhere, you were sure no one could hear you. And if they could, they didn’t care. You had a lot of time to think about everything. How your father hid that you had another brother who ran with the rival gang and how Johnny and Tessa continued to keep the story of their deaths up. No fire ever happened. Why was it so necessary to hide all of this from you? Surely, had you had a relationship with Malachai, he wouldn’t dare bring harm to you. Right? You just hoped Toni was okay and that she got away to let Sweet Pea and Johnny know where you were so they could come save you.

You heard footsteps walking up to the door and you sat up straighter. The person opened the door to reveal Malachai again, “Time to play.” He said menacingly. He grabbed you and pulled you back outside throwing you on the ground in front of the couch you were laying on when you woke up. You looked up and saw Jughead standing alone staring at you, “Jughead, what are you doing here?”

“I came to end the Serpent/Ghoulie war and to save you. Everyone’s ripping the town apart looking for you. Northside and Southside alike.” He turned to speak to blondie again, “I’ll remind you of the deal that i made with your boss, Hiram Lodge. I hand myself over to you tonight and there’s no bloodshed tomorrow.”

“Apparently, getting you out of the picture is more important to him than all-out Serpent annihilation.” Jughead hit Malachai in the face starting chaos. He didn’t stand a chance against every Ghoulie in sight. Not alone anyway. You were helpless watching, sitting on the cold ground tied up not being able to do anything but cry.

“Let your dying thought be that your sacrifice was for nothing. And that come morning, Riverdale as you know it will cease to exist. When we get done with princess over here, the Serpents won’t rest until there’s a war.” She gave you a taunting smirk before looking back at the group jumping Jughead, “Don’t finish him off yet, guys. I want my pound of flesh first.” Minutes later, everyone stopped. Jughead was laying bloodied up and not moving. The tear not stopping as they flowed down your cheeks. After looking proudly on at what they did to Jughead they all turned to you, giving you menacing looks as they walked closer to you. You tried your best to scurry away, not getting very far. Malachai grabbed your leg and pulled you to him, dragging you across the ground. He crouched behind you, grabbing your face with one of his hands and harshly moving your head up so that your face showed clearly in the video one of the Ghoulies were taking on your phone, “Smile for the camera, Baby.” He took a switchblade out of his pocket, sliding the blade out and teasingly tracing it across your cheek. Not hard enough to cut you but for show. He twirled a piece of your hair around the blade while speaking,

“You reptiles took everything from us. It’s time we start taking things from you. Starting with your Snake Prince. But this one. Oh, this one is personal. Say hi to Johnny-boy, y/n.” He grabbed your hands that were tied together and made you wave slightly at the camera. He shoved you to the ground before standing back up and walking closer to the camera, “Life in Riverdale as you know it, is over. We run shit now.” The guy holding your phone stopped recording, “Send that to every person in her contacts. I want that video viral.”

“What do we do with her now, boss?” Someone from the crowd asked.

“Give her the warm welcome we gave Jones over there. But keep her alive and conscious. I have something special planned for her.” Malachai gave you that same menacing smile that seemed to always be plastered on his face. The rest of the Ghoulies wasted no time beating you almost lifeless. Fists hitting every inch of your body, feet colliding with your head and stomach. Knives slicing your arm and even impaling your ribs.The plumbing felt like hours before you heard Malachai yell for them to stop.

“Now for the fun part.” you looked up and saw him walking towards you with a long metal stick, the end glowing from the fire he just stuck it in. “Grab her arm and hold it still.” He commanded. Two men grabbed your arm, pulling your sleeve back revealing the skin on your forearm, “Scream as loud as you want, Baby. No one’s going to hear you.” With that, he placed the scorching hot end of the metal stick onto your arm. You realized what he was doing; branding you like livestock. You screamed louder than you thought was possible. This pain unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Your body couldn’t take anymore. The feeling of your skin being ripped off layer by layer was the last thing you felt before darkness took over and you lay limp the men’s arms.

tag list: @dontaskshhhhh​ @riverdale-enthusiastt-backup​ @reggiefogarty​ @constantly-sleepy​ @wolfpackcreative​ @britty443​ @live-love-bailar​ @princessleah129​ @southsidehufflepuff​ @cuddlememerrick​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @hoeforshows​ @dolansbeanies​ @tinybeta​ @orangepegacorn-blog​ @misskarynie​ @leeleegrace​ ​ @vececev​ @aframeofbones​ @truepyromaniac​ @alysweets​ @kassidykline13​ @demigodofthesun​ @emobabygirlsworld​ @everheart12​ @the-greatt-perhaps​ @prettymuchboodup @fandomtrash713 @chaarrlieeeeee @alexparrsih @rissamonique97 @asstrobby @poolpartyingwithjaws @irreplaceable-spacexual @nepriaa @steph-fowlie @southsidejournal @eminem-owns-my-asshole @hesitvte @xdsockmonkey @warsintothestars @likelystupid @kay-jordan @hereforthismoment @obsessivebisexuallover @hereforthismoment @destialpal @forever-the-broken @blueeyedbesson  @parker-co16 @i-lost-my-shoe555 @genius2050 @soff-ie

[iheartseo]

ghosting out || luke hemmings

requested: no

word count: 3.4k+

synopsis: too young & too dumb to know things like love, but when you get into an ‘we almost dated’ relationship, you can’t help but learn a few things about the other person. all of the little things that luke just hopes the next guy will love and cherish like how he should’ve.

a/n: this is my first piece of writing after not being active for like over a year! so i am so sorry if things are a little bit rusty and i am so sorry if i took way too long to get into the angsty bit. this was inspired by ‘ghost of you’, this poem? text post? and this movie scene.

credits to the photo owner. i just cropped it down.

masterlist // writing prompt list

Music was playing to fill in all of the little empty gaps of silence in between all of the chatter that was happening around the room. People crowded almost every single inch of space yet there was still enough room to move about freely. Laughter and smiles were on majority of people’s faces whilst drinks ranging from a champagne flute to a light cocktail in their hands. It was a weird ‘listening’/album release party for the new 5 Seconds of Summer album considering no one was listening to the album itself, more like mingling, though that didn’t mean no one was paying attention. 

As the boys were walking around, saying hi to potential business partners and future songwriters for even the next album, it couldn’t help but be weirdly overwhelming for one of the boys. Luke finished off one of his drinks that was designed and inspired specifically by the album; the Valentine cocktail. He respectfully nodded his head as he finished off one conversation with a stranger that he feels like he should remember their name, but by the end of the night, he wasn’t even going to bother. 

 The blonde man walked over to one of the couches provided by the venue, running his fingers through his hair and rubbing his face to try and keep himself awake. He groaned softly, wanting nothing more than to just go home and sleep as evident from his tired eyes. 

 “You alright?” 

 Luke turned his head and found Ashton sitting on the arm of the couch, patting his shoulder as a sign of comfort but also slight worry. Luke gave the drummer a small smile, nodding his head and waving him off. “Yeah yeah, don’t worry. I’m fine. I’m just a little tired that’s all.” 

Ashton nodded his head as well before gently squeezing the guitarist’s shoulder. “Well don’t worry, the party is going to end soon. Let me know if you need anything okay?” The younger one smiled once more as he nodded his head again. “Yeah don’t worry, Ash. I will.” 

With the drummer walking off, Luke let out another sigh and just decided to lean back in his spot and scroll through his phone to pass the time. As he quickly liked random photos that were appearing on his instagram feed, he hears his name being called. He looked up and his eyes widen at the sight of her standing just a few feet away from him. 

She somehow managed to look the same and yet even more amazing from when they last saw each other. A wide smile appeared on his face as he quickly got up and walked over to her, embracing her in his arms. “Holy shit, hey.” He greeted, chuckling softly. 

The girl wrapped her arms back around him and giggled softly, happy to see the man after a period of not seeing his face. She pulled away from their embrace, smiling up at him. “It’s so good seeing you again! Congrats on the album, I listened to it earlier and it sounded absolutely amazing.” 

Luke couldn’t help but blush at her compliments. He could never really take compliments well, especially when they came from her. It might just be his own humble nature or just him not always 100% believing in his own creative abilities, but it was nice to hear his work being appreciated and actually valued.

“Thanks (Y/N). I honestly didn’t even know that you were coming.” 

“Oh, Michael invited me.” 

“… Did he now?” 

Luke looked up from her and conveniently saw Michael not to far away from him, but too far to actually have a conversation with him. Michael looked up and saw Luke and (Y/N) standing together to which he proceeded to give the taller blonde a sympathetic smile. Luke pulled a face of annoyance and mouthed ‘why?!’ towards the other, only to be replied with Michael shrugging his shoulders and signalling that Luke shouldn’t be focusing on (Y/N) and not on him. 

Luke clenching his fists before quickly looking back down at the woman in front of him and gave her an awkward laugh, before she noticed anything. “It’s great to see you again. It’s been a while.” He said with a small genuine smile. ‘I am going to kill, Michael after this.’ He thought to himself.

“Yeah, it has been a while. Like a year or two?” 

“Wow, how time flies.” 

“It sure does.”

It was weird having small talk with her when before, they would use to have conversations that would span over countless hours and covering almost countless topics that either held meaning or were just pure conversation fillers that lead to funny moments and sayings. To be standing in front of her and having a normal conversation with her was incredibly cathartic; emotional, overwhelming and yet so comforting at the same time. In a strange way, Luke missed that about her, or at least just even being around her. 

“You still writing?” he asked with curiosity. “Actually, I am. Kind of interning for a music label and like working out my own song writing style.” Luke’s smile grew bigger, feeling somewhat proud of her for taking the chance to further pursue her dream. “Hey that’s amazing, congratulations.” 

Just before (Y/N) could say anything, Luke’s smile flatten as a random guy appeared by (Y/N)’s side and kissed the temple of her head, just how he use to back in the days. She turned her head and smiled at the guy, giving him a quick peck ‘hello’. 

“Oh, Luke. This is Jason, a guy that I am seeing. Jase, this is Luke.” 

“Oh... Hey man.” He leaned over and respectfully shook the other male’s hand, though he couldn’t help but feel a little bit upset at the fact that she moved on. 

“Oh, Luke! Hey! I heard so much about you! (Y/N) is so lucky to have such a good friend like you in her life.” Luke bit his lower lip, hearing that term ‘friend’ as a term to describe (Y/N) and Luke’s relationship. Though Jason wasn’t completely wrong, he wasn’t completely right too. They were friends… are friends, but they did have a moment where they weren’t completely just friends.

He remembered almost every second of their time together as they both danced around the line that spilt between friendship and relationship and to say that they were together would be false, though saying that there was nothing there at all would also be false. That weird position of ‘we almost dated’ was complicated and left both of them, or at least Luke, so many questions that were left unanswered and so many ‘what if’ scenarios that will forever torment him till the day he dies. 

“Yeah well, I am the lucky one to even have her in my life.” Now it was (Y/N)’s time to blush, especially with Luke’s eyes looking at her with such intensity that only she knew the underlying meaning to his words. Clearing her throat awkwardly, she turned her head and looked at the man that was standing by his side.

“Hey I’m gonna go to the bathroom for a little bit, you two boys chat.” 

Both of the men watched her make her way to the ladies bathroom until they were both left alone. Both letting out an awkward laugh, Luke showed Jason to the couches where both of them could sit and ‘chat’, as she had previously put it. 

“So… how did you meet (Y/N)?” Luke asked, slightly dreading the details of their new blossoming relationship. 

After a while, (Y/N) appeared out of the loo and started to look for both Luke and Jason, hoping that she could continue catching up with the blonde rockstar. Returning to the spot that she left them both at, she was disappointed to only find Jason sitting down at the couches. Furrowing her eyebrows, she sat down next to Jason. 

“Hey where did Luke go?” 

“Oh, he decided to go home. Said something about being really tired and all. But we did talk about you though.” 

A look of confusion fell upon her face, hearing about their boy’s topic of conversation. 

“Me? What did you guys say? Good things I hope?” 

“Of course, love. Only ever good things about you.” Jason chuckled, placing his hand on her thigh as a sign of endearment. “Though I can tell that Luke really does care about you. Weirdly enough, I guess he is a little bit protective of you, cause he kinda gave me a list of rules to follow if I were to stay with you and wanted to get serious with you.” 

(Y/N) jerked her head back in surprise as her confusion continued to grow. “Rules? What rules? I’m a person not a toy.” She said, getting defensive over why Luke would say such a thing, especially to a guy that she was currently seeing and interested in. To a certain degree, she was offended. Was Luke holding a grudge against her? Was he trying to ruin her future happiness?

“Babe, I know you’re not. I don’t know why he told me. I guess, maybe to help me not screw up as much?” She let out a sigh, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. “Okay fine, what did he say about me?” 

“Well, Rule 1) Don’t ask her to be feminine. She will defy almost every single stereotype that you grew up with and learnt about women and if you try and get to fulfil it, it’s not going to be pretty. …” 

Luke’s POV 

“Rule 2) Don’t let her drink over three glasses of anything. (Y/N) is honestly the biggest lightweight I have ever met, and as small as she is, she will get aggressive and possibly beat someone when drunk.” Luke advised, chuckling softly at the memories back when Luke and her would go out partying and the amount of times Luke had to carry an intoxicated (Y/N) over his shoulder or give her a piggyback ride back to his apartment. 

“Rule 3) When you go to any café, don’t order a coke or any juices. Drink coffee instead. She has this weird thing where the only thing you should drink at a café is coffee, and if you wanted to drink a coke, you should’ve gone to McDonalds.” Luke remembered one of the first few times that Luke and her had gone out together and even though Luke wasn’t much of a coffee drinker, (Y/N) forced him to be a coffee drinker. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why he has gotten to dependant on the caffeine, because of her influence. 

“Rule 4) If she hits you, act like it hurts and when it does actually hurt, act like it doesn’t.” The amount of times (Y/N) has hit Luke’s chest or pushed him away in any sort of fight whether it was playful, sober or intoxicated, she always managed to find a way to hit him. At first, he found it incredibly annoying that she always had to hit him, especially since in his eyes, it made her seem like a child throwing a tantrum, but he just learnt that (Y/N) wasn’t that vocal about her feelings. “She’s weird in the sense that, she doesn’t know how to voice her emotions, that’s why she will hit you. But don’t be offended by it. It’s just her.” Luke added, giving Jason a weak smile. 

“Yeah, I kinda noticed that. (Y/N) doesn’t really like to talk, does she?” “No, trust me, she does. She will talk your ear off; you just have to be patient with her. “ Luke sighed, looking down at his hands as he continued. 

“Rule 5) Her favourite song is Robot by The Sam Willows, which by the way, listen to The Sam Willows. They are her favourite band and even if you don’t like them, if you don’t try, you’re done for. When she is having a break down, hold her in your arms, kiss her forehead and tell her to breathe whilst you hum Robot under your breath. Show her that you are there, no matter what.” 

“Rule 6) Make sure you learn fencing and squash, especially squash. I have no idea who plays that game other than middle aged men, but don’t be fooled. (Y/N) will seriously kick your ass at it and it won’t be fun.” Luke said, letting out an airy laugh as he shook his head. “My god, dude, the amount of times I got my ass handed to me by her whenever we played.” He chuckled, looking at Jason. 

“Okay this might be weird but don’t be alarmed but, Rule 7) be prepared to go to jail sometimes. She will put you through so many journeys and adventures that somehow; you will be the one who ends up in a holding cell and not her.” Luke saw the horrified look on Jason’s face, making Luke chuckle again. 

“Hey, man, don’t worry. She will bail you out, no matter what. I think she gets a weird kick out of. Letting you out, though that does come with a warning that she is not afraid to let you sleep in a holding cell for a night or two.” Instantly, Luke remembered when somehow on a night out when he was trying to look after (Y/N) at a nearby motel, Luke got arrested because other visitors grew suspicious of a ‘too sober’ man making a sudden booking with a passed out girl on his shoulder. After spending a night in a jail cell, Luke remembered from that moment on to book a hotel room before hand, just in case. 

“Rule 8) If she says she’ll kill you, don’t take it lightly. (Y/N) is the strongest and most stubborn person I have ever met. She is definitely a character who can certainly hold her own. Don’t try and assert your dominance over her because trust me, it will be the worst decision of your life. And besides, it will make you feel better.” 

“Rule 9) If her feet hurt, exchange shoes with her. It does not matter if she is wearing heels or flats, change shoes with her, even if that means you will have to go bare foot.” Luke remembered the countless nights out where if (Y/N) wasn’t drunk and passed out that she would complain so much about how her feet would hurt in her heels but she would refuse to walk barefoot around town as she didn’t want to see tragic, so the next best thing would be for Luke to go barefoot whilst she wore his shoes. The first few times, Luke felt completely embarrassed, but as time went on, he grew to learn that he would do anything for her, even walk in heels for her. 

“And finally, you should already know this but she is a writer. Not because she is good at it, but I mean, she is, but she doesn’t think she is. (Y/N) only really writes cause she thinks it’s just a time filling hobby. Encourage her to write, whether it will be a random song, a random story paragraph or a poem. No matter what, always encourage her to write. Even though she doesn’t know how to vocalise her feelings, she definitely knows how to put her feelings from pen to paper. She will draw you into her world or art and poetry and immortalise you among the stars that she creates in her own mind. You will never die, which also means that if you can’t ever figure her out, read her writing. She’s good. Really fucken good.” 

Luke gulped, swallowing down the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat after talking and mentally reminiscing so much about (Y/N) in his brain. He looked at Jason who seemed to be taking Luke’s advice genuinely all in. “You seem like a really nice guy, Jason. Treat (Y/N) well because she deserves the universe.” 

Feeling himself get emotionally drained, Luke cleared his throat and gave Jason a small smile. “It’s getting late and I should probably go. Tell (Y/N) that it was nice seeing her again. I’ll see you around.” 

The blonde singer got up from his spot and immediately b-lined it to the exit, avoiding his band members in his path. It’s been a while since Luke has felt this emotional, especially over (Y/N) and it was suddenly overwhelming him. Now he definitely wanted to go home and sleep. 

Quickly calling an Uber back to his place, Luke sighed, sitting in the back seat as he just watched all of the neon lights of Hollywood fly by. Giving his Uber drive a quick smile and a nod thank you, Luke got out of the car and quickly made his way inside his home. The faster he could just get out of his party clothes, have a nice shower, the faster that he could go to bed and sleep the night away and also sleep away even running into (Y/N) and her new boyfriend. Luke made a mental note to kill Michael in the morning. 

The blonde turned on his shower, feeling that he deserved a nice hot shower to wash away the awkwardness and the tension that seemed to grow inside of him after tonight’s events. As the water cascaded over his hair and his body, Luke didn’t realise how much (Y/N) still had effected him even after a year or two of not seeing each other. It was like her ghost was still there following him, but he grew so immune to it that he didn’t realise that she would still be there with him until she actually was standing right there in front of him. 

When they were ‘together’ Luke wasn’t that much younger than her and yet after being with her and going through all of the twist and turns of a ‘maybe’ relationship, it somehow hurt him the most whilst teaching him the most. He somehow managed to know every aspect about her, every little detail and yet he could never crack the one where she would let him actually be with her, or maybe that was Luke’s own fault, believing that being at the height of his career, he shouldn’t be in anything serious. Or maybe they were both just too dumb to realise that letting each other go would be one of the hardest things either one of them would have to go through. 

As Luke relaxed during his hot shower, he could hear someone constantly ringing his doorbell and knocking on his front door. The more the knocks echoed, the more Luke thought that whoever was behind that door was ready to kick it down. Furrowing his eyebrows, he quickly got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, annoyed that someone was acting as if it was an emergency to see him at this hour. 

Luke opened the door, ready to yell at his night visitor before he realised that it was (Y/N) standing on the other side. 

“(Y/N)… ummm… what are you doing here?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. Did you really tell Jason all of that about me?” 

“… yes.” 

“Why?” 

“… because he deserves to know what kind of girl he is up against. A person who is so smart and so wonderful that whoever meets you will never be the same because you’re not like the rest. Because, he is a nice guy who shouldn’t feel the pain of losing you like I did.” 

Tears slowly filled her eyes as she looked at the man standing in front of her. As if it was a natural reflex, she hit his chest, shaking her head. “You’re so annoying when you read me like that.” 

Flinching slightly at the hit, Luke chuckled softly, looking at her, feeling awfully nostalgic at that little hit from her. “It’s cause you let me read you. You let me in.” 

 She let out a shaky breath, shaking her head once more. (Y/N) quickly stepped forward and held Luke’s face in her hands as she brought him down to kiss her in the middle of his doorway. The kiss was short but sweet and everything amazing in between. It was the spark that lit up Luke’s stomach feeling something as soft as her lips against his. 

“My god, you’re annoying.” 

“I know…” 

“Don’t you ghost out on me ever again.” 

“Okay.”

tag list: @lukesuwu @ashtonsunshine @5sos3stan @babylon-cal @thiccassluke @lukes-sunglasses @valentine-luke @dankpunks @tothemoonmikey @ghostoflu @calumincolor @cashtontrash

[kidolate]

Perfect Perfidy Pt. 6

-umm quick warning bc there might be a slight triggering moment-

PART 1  PART 2  PART 3  PART4  PART 5

A few weeks had passed and in that time you had logged back into the messenger, Jumin had sent all of your belongings to your new address - which was Zen’s apartment and had decided to become a foley artist for Zens agency. Your career choice was random, however, it was fun and came with no regrets.

“Zennnn” you whined “stop stealing my hair ties! Get your own!”

Zen laughed as he took out his hair tie and walked behind you, his hands beginning to gather your hair into a ponytail. You watched in the mirror with your face graced with a small smile, Zen was always gentle with you, whether it be in bed, tying your hair, feeding you, walking with you, driving in the car with you and talking to you. His thoughtfulness never ceased to take you by surprise, he had memorised your usual restaurant order, your coffee preference and even your menstrual cycle - but that was a given since it was Zen after all, and his stamina was above average as well as something else...

Zen leant down and smelt your hair before slowly moving down to your neck, you moved to the side and closed your eyes in bliss. His soft lips lingering over your sensitive neck felt surreal and erupted tingles throughout your body.

“Zen, we can’t miss our dinner booking”

“I already cancelled”

Despite the vibrations of his voice and the heat of his breath on your neck, your eyes flew open and you turned around.

“But Zennyyy, what are we meant to do on date night?”

Your pout made him laugh, which then made you frown

“MC,  I hope we can reschedule for next week but I had wanted to spend the night with you is that ok?”

He walked forward and circled his arms around your waist with his head resting on your chin. The smell of Zens chest was what you associated with home now and you’d never been happier.

“I guess that's ok, what are we gonna do though? Did you have anything special in mind?”

Zens hand had slipped from your waist to your lower back while his other hand circled around your neck with his thumb pushing your chin upwards. As you met his eye his gaze was focused and hard on you, as if analysing every little thing on your face. His lips came crashing down on your own and he backed you against the sink, he had wasted no time in letting his tongue roam around in your mouth, clashing with your teeth and tongue. It was hard to keep up with his sharp movements but he didn't seem to notice your struggle and kept on going until he moved down to your neck.

“Z-Zen, no marks on the neck I-I have work”

Zen looked up at you and smirked.

“Should we take this to the bed then MC?”

-----

The next morning Zen had said something about needing to shoot a scene with the sunrise so he had already left with a kiss on your cheek and a squeeze to your hip. Your phone pinged and you flung your arm over to the bedside table and grabbed your phone.

Seven had sent you a link.

You opened the link and you froze, it was you against the sink with the most sinful expression as Zens face was nuzzled into your neck. You knew you shouldn’t have but you scrolled to the bottom of the article and read the comments, they weren't nice. There were comments from men who thought it would be okay to say how ‘good’ you looked and what they would do to you and some other girls had just downright insulted you, calling you a slut. WIth blurry eyes, you went back to the messenger and read the message from seven

‘MC, how are you doing? Please don’t feel bad for this, it wasn’t your fault’

‘Jumin said he would ask the publishers to take it down and ask the other big agencies to withdraw from spreading the gossip’

You sighed in relief and typed back.

‘Hey Seven, I’m fine although I am wondering how they managed to get to the bathroom window. Tell Jumin I said thank you and thank you for telling me about it’

Seven soon replied ‘It’s no worries MC, but you should probably call Jumin and thank him yourself, he’s losing his mind because he hasn’t seen or heard from you in nearly a month’

You frowned, he was the one who was never online. Your train of thought was interrupted when your phone vibrated in your hands and Zens face appeared on your screen, you answered the phone with a cautious ‘hello’.

“MC, MC, are you alright? Seven sent me an article, did he send it to you too??”

“Zen, I’m fine and yes he did, I'm a little shocked but otherwise I’m fine. Are you alright? It sounds quite noisy over there, and you’re panting”

“I'm just...hiding from paparazzi...is all...and trying to get home to you as quick as possible” he said in between large breaths.

“Zen, I’m fine please take your time, I don’t want you to get hurt or in any trouble while this is happening”

“Okay MC, stay put I’m coming soon” He hung up the phone after.

Not longer than 5 minutes and there was a knock on the door, Zen must’ve really been rushing you thought as you slipped on a silk pyjama dress and walked to the front door, however you weren’t expecting a stranger to pounce on you.

Almost immediately a blindfold was wrapped around your eyes while you were winded and disoriented after you fell hard onto the floor. The man’s body lay atop yours and you felt his hand fondling you through your dress.

“You must be such a good girl, look at what you’re wearing” his hand slipped up your dress “Not even any underwear, good God Zen is a lucky man”

You cursed in your mind for not taking any precautions, your blindfold had become wet with tears and you began to grow tired of trying to get him off of you. His cold fingers were nearing closer to your core and you would’ve screamed if it wasn’t for his hand on your mouth, you would’ve scratched his eyeballs out if it weren’t for his knees painfully resting on your wrists. You were helpless.

You cringed and clenched your teeth hard when his finger entered you dry, this couldn’t be happening, there was always meant to be a hero to come at the right moment, this could not be happening to you. Where was Zen? Were you still even in the house? You weren’t sure anymore. He painfully added another finger and you began to squirm again before you felt him being ripped off of you. You quickly got up and ripped your blindfold off and backed away into the corner of the living room, slow sobs making its way through your throat.

There was Jumin beating the other guy to a pulp, you realised you had to stop him otherwise there would be a high chance he might actually die.

“Jumin! Jumin stop! That's enough he might die!” you yanked his body back and held him there as he took his time to calm down. Once he was calm he turned around and looked over your body, checking to see if you were hurt.

“MC are you alright? I’m so sorry this happened to you”

Your heart beat slowed and your knees felt weak, everything had taken a turn for the worst and Zen wasn’t here. You didn’t trust yourself to be with Jumin, you knew Zen wouldn’t like this. Sob after sob and tear after tear soon came and left without hesitance, you couldn’t stop it. Jumin had embraced you while you cried but did nothing more other than saying “I'll always have a shoulder for you MC”.

A while after your crying had reduced to hiccups and you sat at the kitchen table silently with Jumin observing Zen had burst through the door, almost hitting the unconscious man who still lay on the floor.

Zen, completely ignoring Jumin, ran to you in an instant.

“MC, I’m so sorry, I promised to be here but the crowd got so bad I had to take refuge”

“You’re lucky I was here, some random man was here and decided he could have his way with her” Jumin said from afar.

What looked like Zen finally taking notice of Jumin on the couch and the man on the floor, he flew into panic mode.

“Oh, fuck MC are you ok? What am I saying, of course you’re not! Wait, he violated you?! What the fuck, I’m going to kill him”

“Zen stop, no, it's over, there's nothing you can do now”

Zen visibly calmed down and looked at you before asking

“How far did he go?”

You looked down at your hands in your lap, tearing up again

“J-just his fingers, his f-fingers”

Zen ran a hand through his hair, turned around and left the house, the loss of contact causing you to close into yourself, you felt dirty, you were exactly what the accusations said, a slut.

“You’re not a slut MC”

Your head snapped up to look at Jumin, he was still able to read you like a picture book.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“I know what you’re thinking, you really think after all those years together I would forget who you are and how you act?”

You said nothing so he continued.

“I did what you told me, I went and saw a therapist. I still thought of you every single day and I still do, your face is what I see when I close my eyes at night”

“Jumin I - you -”

He cut you off and continued as he walked forward.

“I don’t like seeing Zen touching what used to be mine, I still consider you to be mine but I know I’m not yours anymore. Each time I come home, I imagine your laughs, your light footsteps” he neared your seat and leaned towards your ear “I still remember you moaning my name, screaming for me”

You leant back in shock

“Jumin you still cheated, you still hit me, you even tried to physically keep me with you. I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist but you need to move on, stop tormenting me like this. Is this what you plan to do every time you see me? Just stop!”

You got up from the bar stool and walked off until he grabbed your wrist, preventing you from walking away.

“I’m sorry, I do still love you dearly. Elizabeth the 3rd misses you, I miss you”

You were about to yank your hand away until he started speaking again

“I’ve come to terms with our relationship and I just wanted to tell you that I respect you, if being friends is what makes you happy then I’ll gladly do so, if me disappearing off the face of the earth will make you happy then i’ll gladly do so, but if you choose to be friends then please come visit, I really do believe Elizabeth misses you”

You smiled and he let go of your hand.

“I’m fine with being friends Jumin and I really think you should go home now”

He had nodded and left the house with a small smile on his face and a man over his shoulder, deciding what to do with him when he wakes up. You, on the other hand, walked into the bedroom and cried. Zen had most likely left you because you were tainted, there was nothing you could do about, there was nothing he could do about it so he probably decided to just leave. You had fallen asleep after an extremely hot shower with an extreme amount of soap and harsh scrubbing with your mind plagued with similar dreams and thoughts.

A light shake on your shoulder roused you from your sleep and you looked up to see Zen hovering over you. You instantly got up and threw your arms around his neck.

“I thought you had left me Zen, don't ever do that again” you managed to say through muffled cries.

“I’m sorry MC, I most definitely wasn’t angry at you. I was angry at myself for not being there in time to save you, I’m so sorry for putting you through a situation like that” Zen was crying with you now too “I’ll never ever leave MC, no matter what happens. I love you”

“I love you too Zen, I’m sorry for letting someone else touch me like that. I love only you please remember that”

“MC you shouldn’t be saying sorry, it wasn’t your fault. It was mine”

You pulled away and looked into his tear filled eyes

“Zen. Listen to me. It was not your fault. I love you. Don’t blame yourself”

He nodded and the two of you embraced each other again, leaning against each other. You had never felt more happy, more content and more purposeful. The two of you were going to work through this situation together after the sweet moment had passed, your relationship with Jumin was going to be stable now that it was labelled as a friendship. It felt perfect as the two of you lay in each other's arms. It felt as if nothing bad ever happened. It felt as if you’ve known him your whole life. It felt perfectly normal to be in his arms after everything that’s happened.

It was the perfect perfidy that got you here after all.

----------------------------------

Okay but I literally have an exam tomorrow and I haven’t found the time to write for this but hey I couldnt focus on studying so I just gave up and decided to write. on a side note ya gurl hit 100 followers and I have also finished my very first fan fiction....yay :D...time to actually go study now hahahah *silently cries*

[omeglerpsokyeah-blog]

Destiel #32

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like destiel. You: [College AU. Cas and Dean broke up a couple weeks ago.] (3:53 am) I know you’re angry and told me to never speak to you again, but the nightmares are back and you’re the only one who can calm me down. CN Stranger: [delayed] Are you okay? - DW You: No. My hands won't stop shaking. CN Stranger: Do you need me to call you? - DW You: Please. CN Stranger: Okay, you call me. Can you do that? - DW You: Yeah, yeah. I'll do it now. CN Stranger: Okay. - DW You: Cas searched for Dean's number, pressing the phone to his ear once he had found it. The nightmares had been getting bad again since the two of them had broken up, but only tonight had it come back in full swing, as bad as it had been before him and Dean got together. The phone rang twice before Dean answered. "Hello." He whispered, voice thick. Stranger: Dean stared at his phone as it began to ring, knowing what he needed to do, but not knowing if he could. He answered faster than he thought he could, slowly bringing to phone to his ear. "Hey, Cas," he breathed out, eyes closing. It hurt, a lot, but it also filled him with happiness, just knowing that he was talking to Cas. His Cas. You: As soon as Dean spoke, Cas' heart rate began to slow slightly. He didn't understand. He didn't get why Dean had such an affect on him, why he could so easily banish the dreams that had tormented Cas since he was a child. "Hi. Hi. Oh, my God. Your voice," He was speaking too fast, his eyes squeezed shut. Stranger: Dean felt a pain in his chest when Cas spoke, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew that this was helping Cas, which was the only thing getting him through this. It was almost too much to handle. "Yeah, it's me," he said, voice soft. A small, humorless laugh left him, filling the silence. "Your voice, too... You sound shaky." You: Cas pushed himself up onto his elbow, resting back against the headboard of his bed. He took a deep breath, though it caught in his throat as he did so. "Nightmares." He said, simply. Although the nightmares had been returning for a good week now, Cas had been mindful not to bother Dean with them. They weren't together, and Dean was angry at him. But tonight had been too much. Stranger: Dean could hear the shakiness in Cas' voice, knowing exactly what his face would look like right now. All he wanted to do was wrap Cas up in his arms, pull him close and rock him back to sleep. No. He couldn't have that. He shook away the thought, sitting up fully in bed, picking at his blanket. "Yeah, I thought so. How bad was it?" he asked, his voice gentle. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine Cas sitting next to him, telling him about the nightmare in the comfort of his arms. You: "Bad. I've had them all week, but they've been pretty mild up until now." Cas lifted himself up fully, tucking his knees up to his chest, trying to make himself as small as possible. It was a habit he had picked up from years of trying to disappear in a house of violence and uncontrollable anger. "But tonight was," Cas steadied his breathing, pushing away any flashes of the dreams that threatened to reappear. "Dean." He whispered, an unknown element to his voice. He didn't even know himself what it was. Longing? Pleading? Stranger: Dean nodded, running a hand through his hair. What Cas was saying was getting to him, knowing it wasn't his fault for the nightmares, but also knowing that he should be there to talk Cas down, to bring him back. He didn't want to push Cas to talk about it, so he waited for him, until he heard Cas say his name like that. He just had to do that to him. "Cas..." he whispered back, the pain clear in his voice. He kept a hand in his hair, telling himself he shouldn't, he can't... "Do you need me?" You: "Yeah." He breathed, almost instantly. Just the thought of Dean being there made the shaking in his hands subside slightly. There had been times that Castiel had been absolutely catatonic, crazy. Unable to distinguish between his dreams and the reality that he was living in. And all Dean did was wrap his arms round him, and brought him back. Made him see. "Please. If it's not too much." Stranger: Dean shook his head the second that Cas answered him, knowing that that was going to be the answer. He stood up out of bed immediately, pulling on sweatpants with one hand, grabbing a shirt afterward. "Okay, Cas, I'm coming," he said, voice soft. Just the idea of seeing Cas made his chest ache, but he wasn't sure if it was out of longing or dread. "Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?" You: Cas suddenly got the urge to cry. He wasn't sure if it was because he was seeing Dean, or because of the anxiety from his nightmares returning, or both. Either way, he swallowed against the lump in his throat and took a deep breath. "No. You have to drive. It's not safe for you to stay on the phone with me." Always so concerned about him. Dean didn't have many people. Just Cas and Sam. It was his job to be concerned. "I'll just see you when you get here." Stranger: Dean could hear Cas' breath hitch again, knowing that he was feeling the same things as himself. He sighed at what Cas said, nodding his head even though he couldn't see him. "Okay, I'll be there in just a few minutes, okay? Will you be okay? Just... do something to keep yourself busy until I get there," the worry was clear in Dean's voice, knowing that Cas could do stupid things if his nightmares drove him to that point, "I... I'll see you soon, okay?" You: "I won't hurt myself." Cas whispered, knowing that that was what Dean was trying to imply. That had only happened once, whilst Dean was away on a trip for his college course and Cas wasn't used to being alone. It had been too much, and without the offered safety of Dean's presence, the nightmares managed to sneak back in. "I'll be okay. I'll see you soon." He bit his bottom lip to stop himself from saying I love you. Stranger: Dean nodded his head at what Cas said, knowing that he was thinking about the same instance that he was. He didn't even want to think about that, though, the mere thought of it making him want to be sick. The unspoken words were clear, the ones that they always said to each other, every time that they were together. "Okay.. see you soon," he said, before he hung up, pulling on his shirt and starting out. He practically ran to his car, and sped there, not wanting to leave Cas for longer than he needed to. He arrived at Cas' dorm soon, knocking on the door rapidly as he waited. You: Even after everything, Dean was ready to drop whatever he was doing at four in the morning and race over here, just to make sure that Cas was okay. He didn't know what to do with this information. To know that he was still as important to Dean as he had been a month ago. That the reckless words and screamed insults hadn't damaged that in anyway. Cas shakily pulled the blanket back, moving through his living room of the dorm to the front door. He was thinner than he had been before, and more pale, but healthy enough. He opened the door slowly, body still shaking under the over-sized jumper. Dean's. Stranger: Dean stood in front of Cas' door shaking, terrified of seeing Cas, of how he was going to react. Of how Cas was going to look... He said this wasn't the first nightmare Cas had had since he was gone, and he wondered if that had taken a toll on him. His eyes lifted when the door opened, staring at him with wide eyes. "Hey," he whispered, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. He didn't know where to look, not wanting to settle on the man in front of him. The man he loved... "Can I come in?" he asked, finally looking and meeting Cas' eyes. You: "Yeah. Yeah." Cas stepped out of the way, waiting until Dean had came in and then closing the door behind him. Silence filled the room quickly, neither of them wanting to make the first move, not wanting to say something that would bring up old feelings, of neither love nor hate. "Shall we go to bed? It's late." He said carefully, clasping his hands together in front of him. He wasn't sure how comfortable Dean would be with that, but they had shared a bed for almost two years, so he hoped it wasn't crossing any lines. Stranger: Dean moved into the room slowly, not looking around at it, but simply staring at the ground instead. It was awkward, and full of tension, something that had never existed between them before. It hurt. Dean flinched slightly when Cas spoke, looking up at him before nodding his head. "Yeah, you really should get some sleep," he said, words soft. Normally, Dean would sleep in just boxers, but he made no move to undress, simply climbing into his side of the bed and waiting. "You stole my sweater," he observed, only just now noticing it. You: They had become so different now. It had been the same way in the couple of months leading up to the break up. First, a lot of shouting and arguments. That lasted a /long/ time, until they both became so full of hatred for the other that they stopped trying. Cas was too exhausted to argue, so it was a lot of awkward silences and careful conversations, neither wanting to set the other off. That was worse. Cas noticed how Dean automatically went to his side of the bed, fitting back into the old habits. He jumped slightly when Dean spoke, panic setting into his stomach. "I can give it back." He mumbled quickly, already tugging on the sleeve. Stranger: Dean was glad that they weren't fighting, that it was only awkwardness, even though he was almost too tired for even this. But this.. wasn't them. It was people he didn't know. It was people who were lost without each other, and are just trying to figure out their way. He noticed the way that Cas jumped, making him sit up and shake his head. "No, no. Keep it," he said, his tone soothing. For a moment, they sat there, not saying anything, before Dean couldn't take it any longer. "Come here," he said, his arms open, "just come... come sleep. We can handle this." You: The silence was suffocating. It gave Cas time to think about how they had been before, when silence wasn't an option. They were always talking, usually about things that didn't matter, but still talking. They didn't need to care about the topic, because they cared about each other. "Thank god." Cas whispered, shuffling over to Dean's side of the bed and letting himself be held. The walls were still there, put back up by the months that they forgot how in love they were. But this was still Dean. "We always do." He mumbled. Stranger: Dean was relieved when Cas crawled into his arms, gently wrapping around him. He took a second to relax, taking a deep breath to keep himself from doing something stupid. Once he relaxed, though.. he felt like he was home. The smell of Cas wrapped around him, lulled him so much that he nearly fell asleep right then. "Yeah... we did.." he whispered, burying his nose in Cas' hair gently, giving up on trying not to. You: Cas was practically in Dean's lap, his hands clinging to his shirt, only growing tighter as he fell asleep. Although he knew this was only a one-night thing, he just couldn't stand the thought of it being over. He didn't want Dean to slip away in the night and have to spend all of tomorrow contemplating whether this was just a dream or it actually happened. Sometimes Cas felt like he was going crazy. After a few minutes, Cas felt asleep, the arms around him a protection from whatever tried to poison his dreams. Stranger: Dean wasn't surprised at how fast that Cas fell asleep, knowing that he must be exhausted, considering how he used to be before they were together. It took a long time for Dean to help piece Cas back together again, and now.. he was broken. It only took them breaking up to reduce Cas to nothing again, to make him relive all of those old memories. "Night, Cas," he whispered, placing a soft kiss to Cas' forehead before he made himself comfortable, letting himself fall to sleep, pretending that they were still happily together. You: It was well into the following afternoon when Cas started to come around. Last night had been the first night in a while that he had slept. At least properly. Let himself fall asleep without waking up every half hour or so to check he was still okay. Alone, but okay. Dean was still asleep, his lips parted and his head resting back against the headboard. Cas watched him for a long time, before running his hand up to rest on the other's neck. "Dean," He whispered. "Dean. It's the afternoon." Stranger: Dean slept soundly with Cas in his arms, feeling like he was where he was needed, where he was wanted. It had been so long since he had just felt wanted. When he felt a hand come up to his neck, he leaned into it, his eyes still closed. He hummed at Cas, though he wasn't completely sure where he was, or what was going on. He just brought a hand up to rest on the one on him, tracing over those fingers. You: There's always a period of time between waking up and actually waking up, where the consequences of yesterday or whatever lies in the tomorrow doesn't matter. You don't remember. You just remember what you want to. After Dean left, that was a crushing feeling. Waking up and for a split second thinking everything is the same, just to have the truth wash over you like waves, smashing you into the side of the shore. But now, for Dean, it is a good feeling. Because for now, they're okay. "Wake up." Cas breathed, not able to, though not really trying to, stop himself from leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Dean's lips, just on the corner. Stranger: ((that was so deep and pretty omg)) You: ((thank you omg)) Stranger: Dean was in that place right then. He wasn't sleeping, so everything that he was feeling could mean what he wanted to. What the hand on his neck meant was that he was still with Cas, that he was waking up with him like he did every day for over a year. That hand meant that he was home, that nothing really mattered because he was happy, and so was Cas. They weren't fighting anymore. They were happy, and together. Cas wanted him. The small kiss that was placed to the corner of his lips made a small smile form, made him follow it so that he could place a real one to Cas' lips. Until reality hit, and he realized what was happening. "Oh," he mumbled, pulling back and running his hands over his face. You: Cas watched as the realisation set in, as the walls that Cas had worked tirelessly to break down came up again for Dean. He schooled the features that he had so openly portrayed just minutes ago, his mouth set in a straight line and his eyes focused anywhere but on Cas. The awkwardness set in again. The sudden change was such a blow, causing Cas to stumble off of Dean's lap and right over to his side of the bed. "Yeah," he said. "Thank you, by the way. For coming over last night. I really appreciated it." Back to the pleasantries, that none of them cared for, but it was the right thing to do. Stranger: Dean kept his eyes down on his lap while they sat there in silence, wishing that he could just say something, stop being such a coward. He jumped slightly when Cas practically flew out of bed, his eyes locking with blue ones. "Hey.. yeah.. no problem," Dean said, trying to be nonchalant, but failing miserably. He sat there for another moment longer, sitting up fully in bed, but not getting out. "I could go," he said quietly, his hands twisting together nervously, trying to build up the courage to say what he actually wanted to, "or we could talk." You: "Talk." Cas said quietly, not moving his gaze from where the two had met. He hadn't even figured out how to function properly after Dean leaving the first now, so he had no idea how in the hell he would cope with watching Dean leave again. Get up and just walk out, as if they hadn't just spent the last night wrapped in each other. "Please. Talk." Stranger: Dean found it hard to keep Cas' gaze, but he also didn't want to move it away, loving the way that they were just looking at each other. It missed it. "Okay, do you want to sit down?" he asked, though he didn't really care. He was just making an excuse to not get down to what they really needed to talk about. "Do you have any food? Have you been eating? You look.. skinny," he sighed as he said it, already knowing the answer. You: Cas moved back onto the bed, but kept his distance. His folded arms and the space between them acted as a wall. He knew all the chit-chat and light comments were to avoid getting into the real conversation, because the questions were going to be hard for Dean to ask, and even harder for Cas to answer. He didn't want to address what a mess he had become. He had had an okay time just ignoring it. "Um," Cas moved a hand to his hair, squinting his eyes. "No. I've just been pretty exhausted. You know, the dreams, and, uh, I've had papers due in so I've not, uh," Cas wet his lips with his tongue. "Had time." Stranger: Dean watched as Cas carefully moved back onto the bed, taking note of the space that was between them. It felt like miles, especially now that they spent the last night so close, tangled in each other like it was what they were living for. "Cas," he sighed, shaking his head, though he was expecting it, "I.. you need to take care of yourself, okay? I have to be able to trust that you're okay." His voice was irritated, but obviously caring, knowing that the words he was speaking were coming from a place of love. "How are your classes going? You didn't let.. this.. distract you, right?" You: Cas could hear the hint of irritation in Dean's voice, coming through much clearer than anything else. This was why Cas had been so reluctant to bother Dean about his dreams. He didn't want to annoy him, for starters. And he didn't want to give the impression that he was incapable of caring for himself. He wasn't. He was okay. He could do it. "Um." The whole conversation was just a bunch of hesitated pauses and fillers, trying to stall the inevitable. "I'm.. still in class." He said carefully. Stranger: Dean knew he shouldn't be asking these questions. He already knew the answers, already knew how terribly Cas was getting along without him. "Cas.." he sighed, running a hand over his face. He let his head fall back, eyes staring up at the ceiling. "I guess I can look at that in a good way," he sighed, shaking his head, "I... I need you to try, please. Not that you're not trying, but I don't want you throwing everything away just because I'm an idiot." You: "I am trying." Cas' voice raised just the smallest amount, becoming defensive. Who was Dean to say that he wasn't trying? He hadn't been there for the past month, hadn't been there for a long time before that, not really. He was there, but he wasn't. "I /try/ not to have nightmares. But that means staying up, which means I'm tired, which means I can't do my papers as well as I could before." Cas speaks with his hands, pointing out the different steps with his fingers. "I am trying." It was worrying how quickly they could fall back into this. The arguing and the defensive nature. Stranger: Dean sighed at the tone of Cas' voice, knowing that he had already fucked up again. Of course. He couldn't even have a simple conversation with Cas without saying something that offended him. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he sighed, really meaning the words, though it may not seem like it. He let his head fall back to it's normal position, looking at Cas with a sad look in his eye. "I know you're trying. I didn't mean that, I think I meant.. I don't know. Anything I say is going to come out wrong, I don't know why I bother." You: "There's nothing you can say." He said, but it wasn't angry. Wasn't anything really. It was just empty, acknowledging facts. There was no way they could build a relationship from the scraps they had left behind. There wasn't enough. It would just continue to crumble and continue to hurt them. But Cas didn't know any other way. He didn't know how to do things without Dean, how to do /anything/. Everything, all his life, had been altered to incorporate Dean into it and now there was just a gap. Stranger: Dean nearly let out a sob at what Cas said, his eyes falling down to his lap, then closing. He wanted to block all of this out, to go back to when they were just laying in bed together, wrapped around each other, completely happy and light. None of this was weighing them down then. His hands itched to reach out to Cas, to pull him close, but he knew better. Cas didn't want him. He made that clear. "Then I guess I was stupid thinking that you wanted to talk," he said, a soft sigh escaping, "I can't.. do anything to make this better. I don't know why I have to ruin every good thing in my life." You: Cas had spent the majority of his childhood trying not to cry, because that just made his father angrier. So he'd look up at the ceiling and blink hard and tell himself that crying made him weak. That /he/ had to be good because that was all he had. Himself. So, by now, it should be easy, but already his cheeks were damp with tears. "I'm sorry." He breathed. "I can't.. It's too much. I can't." His breathing was speeding up again, his heart rate increasing. "Fuck." He dropped his head to his hands. Stranger: Dean watched as Cas tried to make himself not cry, knowing that look the second that he saw it. Without hesitation, Dean moved forward, gently coercing Cas into his arms, not caring if he didn't want it, if he didn't want him. He could help, and he wouldn't sit by and just let it happen. "Cas, I know, I know... I can go, if it's too hard," he whispered, voice cracking slightly. It was too much, it hurt too badly, but in a twisted way, Cas made it better. Being here with him made it all worth it. You: "Just," Cas kept his face in his hands, not wanting to look up, to see the concern on Dean's face. He didn't deserve that. He was a mess and, more than likely, that was the reason that their relationship had become one too. "We're too broken. There's nothing /there/, you know? Nothing to build on, nothing to make better. There's nothing." His voice was muffled, and thick with tears. "There's always nothing." Stranger: Dean felt his heart break when Cas spoke to him, shaking his head. "Fuck, Cas. You're wrong. You're so wrong," he sighed, pulling back slightly, pulling Cas' face up. He hated seeing him so hopeless, so lost. "We have what we are. We.. love each other," he forced out, his heart aching, "I know we're broken, but you love me.. or you did, I don't even know anymore. All I wanted, at the end, was to feel wanted. And when you said that stuff to me I just.. I lost it. I couldn't keep it together anymore." You: Cas had given up on his attempt to not cry. He had learnt now that crying didn't result in the same punishment as a child. He didn't get hit or shouted at for crying. Dean would never hurt him, not intentionally. That had been another wall that had been broken down. And now Cas was an open book, crying and breathing and just. "You left me." He breathed, every emotion that he had been harbouring just spilling out in those three words. Stranger: Dean was glad that Cas was letting it out, knowing how hard it was for him to let his emotions show, especially considering they weren't even together anymore. The words that Cas spoke felt like he got punched in the gut, a slight sob escaping him. "I didn't.. Cas, I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stay with you after that. I didn't want to keep getting hurt, and I didn't want to keep hurting you. I thought it was the right thing to do, but I was so fucking wrong. I was so wrong," he said, words rushing out, trying to make things better. You: Cas moved forward, his hand tightening around Dean's neck and their lips coming together in one swooping motion. He didn't want to talk about this anymore. It hurt too much, reliving some of the worst days of his life. It was like having a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from, and he wanted it to stop. His eyes fell closed, the corners stinging from constant wiping of the tears. Stranger: Dean was surprised when Cas leaned forward to kiss him, thinking that that was the last thing Cas wanted to do. He immediately fell into it though, arms wrapping around his waist and holding him close, their bodies pressed together. He kissed Cas desperately, like he was starving for it. In reality, he probably was. He nearly lived off of Cas' touch, off of his affection and his love. He ached for it every day that they were apart. Kissing him felt like breathing again. You: ((i'm really sorry but i have to go. it's like 1am here. thanks so much for being such a great partner, this was beautiful!!)) You have disconnected.