#he rlly is too driven by how he feels

[hirudou]

i am really hoping this entire chapter will be a wake up call for mall/eus. obviously we have yet to see everything-- but his ob seems starkly different. like he is mostly himself, and very aware of what he's doing. he is lashing out, because for one of the first times ever, something is completely beyond his control. we know he threw massive tantrums as a child; he set things on fire, he froze stuff. this is just on a much larger scale-- because he's older, and stronger. and while he has tempered himself and his magic a lot, he's not perfect.

and it's funny too, because he's viewed as cold and unapproachable. but i really do feel like he is driven 100000% by his emotions. and while him joining nrc was a sweet idea offered by lilia-- he has always been a ticking time bomb. because instead of addressing his behavior, it's kind of just been put under a blanket.

[envy-of-the-apple]

Family Man Part 2

Yandere!Gojo Satoru x reader

Part One

Word Count: 8.9k

thx to a very lovely commissioner!!!

Synopsis : Two months after Satoshi’s death, you and your daughter struggle to move on. You’re so lucky that Gojo is there to pick up the pieces.

(Yandere, smut, oral sex both m/f receiving, lactation kink, implied depression, masochistic gojo, ooc gojo, never rlly fixed that, reader has dark skin, xenophobia(NOT by gojo))

Sometimes, you're in bed, and feel like he's right beside you. 

For a moment, the last two months disappear. You feel whole again. Sometimes, it’s enough to make you turn around, words on your tongue, already ready to smile and greet him with a kiss. 

He isn't there. Nothing's behind you. 

And you feel empty all over again. 

It's better somedays. The emptiness. It's like a looming visage of gloom. Farther away one day, in your bed the next. Lately, it's growing bigger and bigger. A dark cloud on your shoulder, resting heavier and heavier on your back. 

Grief. Mourning. Loss. 

When you open the door, the mailman smiles cheerily at you. 

"Morning!" He chirps. "Lovely weather we're having today."

You nod, silent as he begins to dig through his bag. He's younger than you, you note. By a decade, at the very least. Barely in his twenties. When you were his age, you were still back home, in the village. When you were his age, Japan was just a faraway country, hardly worth your notice. 

He hands you your dues. You take them with a respectful thank you. And then you wait for the inevitable. 

On cue, his smile fades. Something pitying fills his gaze. You force yourself to stare right back at him. Insecurity bites at you, and you know he's staring at your dull face. The circles underneath your eyes. 

In the background, Reina babbles. He's forced to take his eyes off of you momentarily. 

"I heard about your husband." He starts, still staring inside your home. Your hands tighten into fists. "I'm sorry for your loss." 

He bows. So do you. 

"Thank you." You tell him, rehearsed, just like you practiced millions and millions of times. "I...appreciate it." 

He smiles, as if he think he did something, made your life a little easier. You let him bathe in his graciousness, before you shut the door. Away from the sunlight, away from fabricated sympathies. You finally feel like you can breathe again. 

It's been like this ever since Satoshi died. 

Car wreck. Some drunk had driven too close to the curb. Satoshi had been walking home. He'd missed the bus, he does that often. It's a usual quirk of his, you'd often found it adorably clumsy. Being late was harmless. He wasn't supposed to die for it. It'd been an instant kill, for the both of them. No other witnesses. The scene was cleaned up by the time you got there. The officers kept you in dread for four hours. In that time, you could almost convince yourself that it wasn't him. The reason why he wasn't answering your calls was because his phone had died. He was lost on the other side of town. He was anywhere else, doing anything else. 

You were brought to identify the body. Your eyes couldn’t deny what you saw.

You think a part of yourself died with your husband, too. You drift through life like a ghost. Mindless, numb. Colors have all bled into grayish blues. You don’t really feel much of anything anymore.

Reina squeals. You blink back to reality.

She’d dropped her toy. You pick it up. It was a purple stuffed rabbit. Satoshi had gotten it for her the day she was born. She doesn’t even sleep without it.

These days, Reina is the only thing that makes you get up in the morning, even when you don’t want to. She’s the only thing you push yourself for.

You don’t know where you’d be without her.

She’s giggles when you hand it back. She doesn’t even know. How can you even begin to tell your infant that her father is no longer coming home? Someone so new at life should not experience death this soon. It’s a sin. Someone has cursed her. It’s the only explanation you could give.

You kiss her on the top of her head. Her baby hairs are still growing. They resemble yours. Every part of her was you. When you look at her, you don’t see Satoshi.

You used to tease him about it; now, you wish there was just a tiny bit of him on her face.

Or maybe it was a good thing? Did you even want to see the man you loved, mourned for, and hated to think about in your daughter’s eyes? Would it break you even further?

You don’t have to think about questions like those. You have more important things to worry about. When you rifle through the mail, your heart sinks.

Warnings, bills, everything that Satoshi used to handle. Even when your world stopped, the rest of the planet didn’t: ever turning, ever malevolent.

You place the bills down. Reina babbles something.

You bend down to pick her up, she screams in delight when you place her on your lap, peppering her face with kisses.

And maybe your world hadn’t stopped, not just yet.

“There are stains on your blouse.”

You glance down before shrugging.

“Reina dropped her food.” You shrug. “I didn’t have time to clean it up.”

Kiyo doesn’t look very happy about your excuse. She doesn’t say anything about it, preferring to glare at you in silent disapproval as she always does. Usually, you’d have Satoshi acting as a barrier between you and your mother-in-law. For obvious reasons, that wasn’t feasible at the moment.

Reina was being entertained by your father-in-law. Satoshi had inherited Isamu’s bald spot as well as his gentleness. Reina kicked her feet as Isamu muttered soft words, as though they were communicating, even though Reina hadn’t even said her first words yet.

Another milestone Satoshi would miss.

“We made adjustments to the will,” Kiyo announces. “Everything will be passed onto Reina when she comes of age.”

You nod, not very interested in politics and lands. Satoshi came from a traditional family. Japanese nobility, though he wasn’t fond of talking about his background. You were always fine with it. You never married him for the money, despite what your mother-in-law thinks.

On cue, Kiyo snaps her fingers. You blink in her direction.

She frowns, but you’ve never seen her smile in your presence.

“I would appreciate if you could pay attention when discussing my grandchild’s future.” She more or less hisses.

“I am,” you give. “Trust me, no one else is more invested in my daughter’s future than me.”

It makes her even more mad, but you’re too drained to play ‘submissive daughter-in-law’ with her. From the moment Satoshi introduced you as his fiance’, Kiyo had hated you. Nothing you did could make her like you. Not even when you learned the language perfectly, immersed yourself in Japanese culture.

She never said it out loud, but you knew what she thought of you. She wanted someone different for her son: someone with pale skin, straight hair, and Japanese heritage.

You wonder if she blames you for his death.

“You haven't gone to visit him,” She says, after she breaks her death stare, “you should.”

A part of you wants to say no, but you’re in her home, and you know she doesn’t take it lightly when guests (not family, you were not family) reject her. So you do as she suggested. You rise, glancing at Reina before ultimately stepping out of Satoshi’s childhood home.

He was just as you had left him. His gravestone stood tall and proud. Even next to all the other graves, his was the tallest. It must be Kiyo’s doing. No matter the gripes she had about you, her child would always reach for the skies.

His incense had to be switched. You did so, throwing out the burnt sticks and replacing them with new ones. You watched the smoke flicker away from his altar. A lone picture of him, a shy smile. It was from back when he was younger. His hair was still there. An office job hadn’t dulled his eyes.

You wanted to keep the ashes. Just a tiny piece of him, tucked by your own altar you had. Kiyo had refused, wanting the entire body to be cremated and kept in one piece. Too broken, you hadn’t pushed. Now, all you were left with his clothes and the fading scent on the pillows. You regret not fighting more that day.

You don’t cry. Not today. A part of you is proud. It feels like it’s much too early to feel so numb to this grave. It’s too early for this to feel normal.

You touch the cold stone. It’s smooth underneath your fingertips.

Your in-laws are right inside the house. You still feel lonely.

“You shouldn’t have left.” You told the tomb. “You shouldn’t have abandoned me like this.”

When you curse Satoshi’s grave, you could have sworn you felt a tiny tingle by your neck.

On Thursdays, you take Reina shopping.

She’s a hit with the local farmers market. The shopkeepers coo at her giggles and beautiful eyes as you haggle prices for vegetables and grains. It’s nice to get back on routine. Even with everything going on.

The bills were still on the counter when you left. More and more were coming in. You feel like you were being buried alive.

Reina kicks her feet. When you look at her, her chubby cheeks are stretched in the wide smile. You smile back, and then you pepper her face with kisses. These days, you’ve opted out of the bus, trying to save some money. It’ll just be until you find a job. Then, you can take as many Air-conditioned rides as you want.

There’s a honk. You ignore it. A car rolls to a stop beside the sidewalk. You take a peek, and then you stop and stare.

“Mr. Gojo?” You ask.

“Hey! Long time!” The man waves cheerily.

You give a timid smile, waving. Reina, your polar opposite, screams in delight. She frantically leans out of your arms as though she could get to Gojo by sheer will. You quickly rearrange your hands to balance her.

“What’re you doing out there?” He frowns. “Especially in this heat?”

“Ah.” Subconsciously, you wipe the sweat off your neck. “We were heading home from the market.”

He brightens. “Wanna hop in? It’s way too hot to walk that far.”

You smile, about to politely decline but then you remember infants shouldn’t be in this weather for too long.

Gojo’s car is luxurious, but the biggest relief is the cool air blowing over your heated skin. Reina is ecstatic to be next to Gojo. She babbles something, reaching out her tiny arms. Gojo takes her immediately.

“And how’s the prettiest girl in the world doing, today?” He grins, lifting her above his head. She coos.

You’re not really sure how Gojo walked into your life. You met him once before. That day when Satoshi had a mental breakdown and practically ran away from home. Gojo was so ansty back then, and it made sense why he and your husband got along so well.

He was the one who brought home Satoshi’s essentials from work—his computer, his notes—and then he started delivering Satoshi’s work mail. Then, sometimes, he’d stop by for lunch. And then he started bringing toys for Reina. Two months passed, and you know him now.

Not well. But you know Gojo enough to slip into the passenger seat, watching how he handles Reina.

“Okay, Car ride!” He tells her. She claps her hands as he gently hands her back to you.

“Thank you again, Mr. Gojo.” You tell him. “Really, this means a lot.”

He waves you off, starting the car. “Don’t worry about it, Seriously. Got nothin’ better to do anyway. Also, I told you already, call me Satoru.”

You smile, shifting away. You don’t know why Gojo is insistent on helping a widow. He was the friend of your late husband (though, strangely, Satoshi never spoke of the man before or after the quick introductions). Maybe it’s guilt. But unlike the rest of the people who knew, Gojo never once looked at you like that as though you were in pieces in front of him. It was nice, finally having someone like that. Someone who doesn’t see you as the widow of a dead man.

He was a nice young man. You shouldn’t be so quick to assume everyone has an underlying motive.

Maybe some people were just as they are. Nice.

“Grocery shopping?” He mentions to your bag. It creases under your grip.

You nod. “Dinner. You’re welcome to join, but I’m not making anything special.”

“I’d never pass up a meal from you, ma’am,” Gojo says, happily.

You like to keep to yourself, but he was driving you home. It was the least you could do to pay back his hospitality, as well as the other things he had done for you. Honestly, your bucket for Gojo’s hospitality wasn't yet empty.

When the car rolls to a stop, Gojo hops out, opening the door before you can touch it. You thank him, Reina huddled safely in your arms and fast asleep. Gojo grins, not before grabbing your groceries and leading the way.

Your house is sparser than it had been just months ago. Less decoration. Less silly memoirs. No pictures. You dumped them all, stored them in a tiny box before locking them all in the attic. You couldn’t bring yourself to throw it away.

Gojo waltzes into your home like he owns it. You don’t mind. He’s young, still in his twenties, at his prime. These days, you can feel things start to break down within you. Your shoulder hurts when you sleep on it the wrong way. You have to be more careful about picking up things from off the ground. You can’t tell whether this has to do with the remnants of pregnancy or your age, but you’re envious of Gojo’s youthful strength either way.

He places the bags on the counter. By then, Reina’s awake. She blearily blinks at you. You were hoping she’d stay asleep for a little while longer.

“I can watch her!” Gojo pipes up, extending his hands. Reina’s overjoyed to be handed over. It’s nice to have your hands full with something else other than baby

You listen to them giggle while you get started on dinner. It’s your usual dance. Potatoes. The sounds of boiling water. You want to make something simple, but Gojo is here, and you don’t want to disappoint your guest. By the time you’re back out, it’s nearly an hour, and the food has yet to be served.

They don’t seem to mind. Gojo had taken Reina onto the floor. You don’t complain. It’s where she usually played anyway. He was driving one of her wooden cars on the carpet, running it across the floor, as Reina clapped to her heart’s content. You could only watch, heart strangely numb.

He’s good with her.

Like Satoshi was.

You clear your throat. Gojo looks up.

“Food’s ready.” You tell him with a stiff smile. “Why don’t you wash up? I’ll take care of her.”

“Be good, okay?” He pats Reina’s head before standing up. You take her into your arms.

She’s tired from playing. Reina settles in the crib rather nicely. It’s relieving. When she’s asleep, you can’t bring yourself to leave. You watch her. Her chest rises and falls. She snores. It’s the most adoring noise you’ve ever heard.

When you head back to the kitchen, Gojo’s already back. He grins, clearly eager.

“You cooked a lot.” He comments when you two finally settle down. “Not that I’m complaining!”

“I hope it’s to your liking,” you say as always.

And it is. Gojo never hides from giving his compliments. He’s so genuine and sincere, and it makes you a bit bashful.

“Mrs. Sawai, this stuff right here is sometimes the highlight of my day,” he says. You shake your head.

“It’s true! You have talent. You should open up a restaurant or something! Wait no, don’t do that...you’d be booked for years, and I’ll never eat your cooking again.” That makes you laugh. He seems pleased for some reason.

“Thank you,” you say, “I appreciate that.”

“How was your week? Your students?” You prod.

“Good. They’re all good!” He chirps back. “I was out of town for the week, so returning to my precious students was the best.” He sighs. “Sometimes, I wish I could just pack them all in my suitcase and take ‘em with me. They’re the cutest things.”

He said he taught at a religious school, which you found strange because Gojo didn’t really strike you as religious. Nevertheless, he seemed very passionate about teaching. It was rather endearing.

Did Satoshi ever have that kind of passion for his job?

“Reina reminds me of them. The youth.” Gojo adds. “Endless potential. The kids are all like...seeds, right? They just need the proper care to bloom.”

“That’s a nice way of looking at things,” you say.

When dinner’s over, you gather the utensils and bowls. Gojo offers to help, but you don't bite, insisting that he rests. It gives you time to decompress. As much as you like Gojo, he’s a bit severe. You can’t be around him for too long, he’s too bright. His companionship is much like a furnace. Warm, but too much, and you burn.

When you return, you expect him to put his shoes back on, waiting by the door.

Instead, Gojo is perched on the counter—his hands card through your mail.

You stare. He doesn’t seem particularly surprised at being caught. He doesn’t startle; he barely spares you a glance, perusing over your bills like they were his. You know you should say something. Anger. It should bubble up instead of the shame. You open your mouth—

“How much?” He suddenly asks.

You fumble. “What?”

He waves the envelopes. “How much is it?”

You say nothing. He shrugs, as if that’s an answer itself.

Gojo reaches into his pocket and pulls out a checkbook. You move when he plucks a stray pen from the counter.

“What are you doing?” You ask, incredibly lost.

“I’m not real good with money.” He sheepishly admits before tearing off the slip and handing it to you. “But this should be enough, right?”

You stare at the amount. You’ve never held this much money before.

“I can’t accept this.” You instantly say. Instinct.

You go to hand this back. He puts a hand on his chin.

“Tell you what.” He tells you. “If I gotta take this back, I’m just gonna head to the bank, cash it in myself, and throw all the money into the river.” He grins at your horrified expression. “And it’ll all be in Yuan, so even if someone fishes it out, no one’s gonna be able to use it. One way or another, that money’s getting outta’ my bank.”

His voice softens, akin to butter. It melts into your ears.

“This isn’t out of obligation or anything. I’m giving this to you because I want to help my friend. That’s it.”

Gojo has never looked at you in pity, not like the others. He’s always looked at you like...well, you could never understand his expression. You stare at him. His sunglasses have tilted over, showcasing those gorgeous blue eyes.

Why? Why are you doing this? You want to ask him. It’s killing you inside. Is it pity for the wife of a dead friend? Why was he doing this to you?

You think of Reina. Happy giggling, Reina, with your eyes and your hair.

“It’s not like I don't have any to spare. I’m, like, loaded,” Gojo continues with his usual snark, and you think of the fancy black car parked in front of your tiny house. “And if that isn’t enough for you, just think of it as me paying you back after all those times I’ve eaten your food.”

You lower your gaze when you take the check.

“I’ll pay you back—”

“—I won’t accept it.” He grins, and you have to smile at his tenacity.

“Thank you. No, really.” You keep the check close to your chest. “Thank you, Mr.Gojo.”

He angles his sunglasses down. He looks expectant. Just this once.

“Thank you, Satoru.”

“No problem!” He pops his frames back into place.

You see him off. When he’s behind the wheel, he gives an excited wave. You shyly wave back.

And then you feel a touch right on your back. When you turn, there’s nothing but air.

Sometimes, you dream of home.

Your real home. The village is far, far away from Japan. Where you lived with your parents and siblings and aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. On sweltering summer nights, you and the other children would sleep on the terrace underneath the stars. There were dirt paths, and rolling hills but the sky was clear every night.

In the village, tradition was everything. You used to hate it. Every day was the same. An endless cycle. You used to dance back then, your family had pushed you into it. As a child, you thought it was stupid.

Maybe that’s what pulled you towards the city—bustling roads, people everywhere. Your college was a town in and of itself. You met so many new people every day.

Satoshi was one of them.

When you brought them to your family, everyone was in awe. He was a foreigner. He was well-off, too; he came from a traditional Japanese family.

It was your Nani who pulled you aside as your family gushed about him.

“Are you sure about this one?” She had asked.

You nodded. Back then, you were young and in love. He was everything you could have dreamed of. New, exciting.

She doesn’t smile.

“Be careful.”

You remembered her words, even after you ran off with Satoshi to Japan. You remembered her words even after Satoshi assured you he wanted you to stay home and he’d work. You remembered her words when Reina was born. You remembered her words when you and Satoshi’s lives were perfect and happy.

And then you woke up.

Your village was gone. Instead of waking up in a pile of your siblings, you were alone on a giant bed.

It’s dark in your home. Satoshi hated having the lights off.

You looked to the crib. Reina was still asleep. During nights like these, you often bring her to sleep with you. It still isn’t enough, sometimes.

You’re a terrible mother. Why isn’t your own daughter enough for you?

Careful not to wake her, you slip out of bed, walking into the closet. You reach up, feeling your way on one of the shelves.

The photo album is dusty. You cough a bit when you open the book.

There’s you. Younger, stupider, garbed in your traditional dance dress. You always found that outfit so itchy. The photo was taken right after you’d placed first in one of your last competitions. Even in the photo, you had this look of disdain, holding that trophy like it was nothing but a heavy burden.

You still have that trophy a decade later.

You flip another page. Your parents. Your cousins. Your Aunts and Uncles. You stare at the photo of you holding your baby cousin. He was the same age as Reina when that picture was taken. That was ten years ago.

You can’t remember the last time you saw your family. Reina hadn’t met her grandparents, her own cousins. You never got the chance to. Satoshi was always so anxious about leaving Japan.

They’ve seen her, through video calls and photos. But that’s different than touching her, bonding with her.

You stare at the photo of you posing with the rest of your siblings and cousins. Strangely, you feel like you robbed something from Reina.

You miss home.

You cry until the album shuts itself closed, and the sun starts peeking through the windows.

“You good?” Satoru suddenly asks.

You blink, eyelashes fluttering as you stare at him. He’s on the floor again, watching Reina as she clacks a few wooden blocks together. It isn’t quiet. The babbling, too. She’d already knocked over the tower Satoru had built. He didn’t seem too upset by her destruction.

“Oh,” you say, “yes. Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”

As discretely as you can, you rub at your eyes, hoping that would shoo the dark circles away. It doesn’t help.

“I...just haven’t been sleeping too well these days. That’s all.”

Reina says something, not too happy with the lack of attention. Satoru gives her another block. He’d given her a bunch of toys, this time. You weren’t sure where to even store half of them. If he kept this up, pretty soon Reina’s entire room will be filled with dolls mirrors, and blocks.

“What’s been going on?” He asks.

You’re not sure how to answer that. You aren’t sure what’s been going on yourself. All that you know is that it’s getting worse. You can’t sleep at night, most nights like there’s something pressing you down. Things are going missing. You feel like you’re being watched constantly over and over again.

It only goes away whenever Satoru’s around. Maybe that’s why you’re more tolerant of his space.

“It’s nothing,” you say, “I’ve just misplaced a few things. It’s been aggravating looking for them.”

“Hm.” He cocks his head, you can’t decipher his tone. “Really?”

“I’ll find them eventually.”

He’s silent for a few more moments and then—

“Maybe you’re haunted.”

You laugh. It’s mean and sardonic, but you haven’t laughed in a while, and you hide away when Satoru stares.

“A ghost?” You question. “Those don’t exist.”

In the village, superstition was everywhere. Guess that never changed, no matter what corner of the world you ran to.

“Not a ghost.” He corrects. “Maybe something else.”

You hum, unamused. Satoru turns to Reina with an all-too-wide smile on his face.

“It’ll be right behind you, and you won’t even know it.” He tells her. “Then, it’ll draw closer, and closer, and closer until....it gets ya—”

To further his point, his hands shoot out to lightly jostle her. Reina squeals, absolutely thrilled.

Then, Satoru turns to you.

“Or something like that.”

You aren’t impressed.

“Ghosts aren’t real.” You tell him.

“They certainly aren’t.” He agrees. “But other things are.”

Satoshi acted strangely two days before his death.

He was always anxious, but this was even worse than before. Constantly looking behind him, like they’d be something there. You know he wouldn’t sleep. He’d just lay there, shifting in panic.

You don’t prod until you find him in the bathroom in clear hysterics.

“I messed up,” he mumbles over and over again. “I messed up. I messed up.”

“Satoshi.” You beg, kneeling on the tile next to him. “What are you doing? What’s going on?”

“I messed up.” He tells you again. “I keep messing up.”

And then he sobs. He cries so loudly, you’re worried it might wake up Reina. You hug him. Hold him close to your chest, letting him cry himself out.

“I’m sorry.” He tells you. “I’m sorry. I love you. I love Reina. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” You ask.

He looks at you then.

“For cheating.”

You remember every detail. The crinkle in his eyes. The beginning stages of wrinkles in his face. A picture entirely stamped into your memory.

“I forgive you.” You immediately say. “I—I forgive you. We—we can work through this.”

“We can’t.” He shakes his head. “I’m so sorry. You deserve better. She deserves better, too. I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything when you prod. Who, how, when. Your husband cheated on you. You aren’t even allowed to grieve your dying marriage when you have to grieve your dead husband.

You meant what you said. You forgave him. You would have worked through it. Fixed it. Because your marriage with Satoshi was perfect.

Perfect.

Perfect.

It was a perfect marriage when he never stood up for you in front of his mother. It was a perfect marriage when all he did back from work was eat and sleep. It was a perfect marriage when he cheated on you.

Rose-tinted glasses. Maybe your relationship wasn’t the most perfect.

But it was fixable.

Reina’s crying in her crib. The thing on your chest is back.

You fumble through the dark, reaching for her. She’s crying even louder when you pick her up, even when you rock her in your arms.

“Please stop.” You beg. “Please stop crying.”

She doesn’t. The pressure gets bigger.

“Got any plans for the weekend?” Satoru’s asking when you’re finished putting away the groceries. He’d offered you a ride again. You wondered when you stopped being surprised at his frequent pop-ins.

“The same as always,” you respond.

You’re not used to the house being so quiet. Reina’s always doing something. For an infant, she’s rather loud.

But she isn’t here today. Kiyo wanted her Grandaughter for the night. You obliged, letting your Mother-in-law whisk Reina away. Was she even your mother-in-law anymore?

“So nothing?” Satoru prods, and you wonder why he’s so persistent on the answer. Maybe he wants to tease you.

The differences between you and him are staggering. He’s young, still in his twenties, he probably still goes out clubbing, drinking, whatever kids his age are into. You are...older, a mom, unsure if the tight skirts you wore 15 years ago would still fit you.

“If you don't got any plans, why don’t you hang out with me tonight?”

You stare at him.

“Don’t gimme that look. You act like I’m gonna rob you.” He complains. “Let yourself loose a bit. What do you even do for fun, these days?”

That stumped you. Apart from lounging around, sulking, job hunting, revolving around Reina, you haven’t done much. When’s the last time you talked to someone other than Satoru?

“There’s a bar that opened up. Not too far from here.” He muses. “Wanna go?”

You hesitate, “I—I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m not good at handling alcohol—”

“Same! Total lightweight.” He gushes. “It’ll still be fun, though! What do you say?”

Why, you want to ask. Why is he so insistent on spending time with you. Asking about you. About Reina. What does he want from your broken family? Your mind can’t piece together the images—connect the dots.

“Okay,” you say instead.

Three hours later, you’re dressed in the most flattering clothing in the back of your closet. Satoru looks pristine as always, and you wonder if there’s ever a chance he could look any less put together. Under the dim lights, he’s almost glowing. You can’t stare at him for too long.

The conversation is light, not too purposeful. You wander from one topic to the next. He talks about his co-workers. His school. You’ve always wondered about this teaching job. He seemed to never want to shut up about his students, but whenever you try to pry about the details, he starts to drift away. The most you’ve gotten from him was rambling about how it was a private religious school before he sprung into something else.

“Did you have any pets?” He asks, “Growing up, I mean.”

You shrug. “There were a lot of stray dogs, in my hometown. We would feed them, but no. No pets.”

“You?” You prod.

He takes a moment, genuinely thinking.

“My family had a dog, not too long after I was born. After that, nothing.” You were surprised, he answered. The alcohol must make his lips a little looser.

“I think having a dog would be nice,” you muse, mostly to yourself, “maybe an older one. Less energy.”

“What pet do you think I should have?” He asks.

You stare at him. He’s grinning.

“A rock,” you respond, and when he laughs, you laugh a bit, too.

“I like it when you smile like that,” he says when his voice recovers. “You get all blushy.”

You frown, discretely checking your face in the glass.

“I don’t blush.” You say. “My skin’s too dark.”

He tips his sunglasses down, staring at you with those pretty blue eyes. You shift away. His gaze doesn’t let you get far.

“Not really,” he murmurs, tilting his head. “It’s subtle, but it’s still there. It’s a nice color.”

He’s teasing you. You know that. Still, you look away. He laughs again. It sounds like twinkling bells.

“How’s everything holdin’ up with the house?” He asks when you’re nursing your 3rd drink. “I know you had a couple of issues earlier.”

You shrug, lips loose, feeling warm. “I don’t think I have to worry about it. Not anymore.”

“Hm? Why’s that?”

“I’m thinking of going back home.”

He stops messing with his drink. You don’t notice, thoughts hazy.

“Back...to your country?” Satoru asks carefully.

You nod absentmindedly. “I only came here because of Satoshi. Now that he’s...I think it’s best for Reina if we go back.”

You want her to live with her maternal culture. You want her to meet your side of the family finally. Maybe, when she’s older, you can put her in your old dance garments. She’ll probably hate it, much like you did. She’ll be good at it, much like you were.

He’s silent, swirling his glass.

“Really?”

“Yes.” You feel defensive, even when you shouldn’t be. His tone was cool. Yours wasn’t. “It—it’s her home. She should see it.”

“Wasn’t she born here?” Satoru questioned. “Wouldn’t Japan be her home, then?”

You deflate.

“You’re right.” You admit. “Japan is her home, but it isn’t mine.”

You miss home. You miss the village. You’d do anything to go back to the good old times. You’d do anything to be away from this pain.

Japan was empty. Your in-laws barely tolerate you. No friends. No job. The only good memories you had were buried in a tomb, and even those rotted away by lies and deceit.

“I think you should stay,” Satoru says, voice soft.

“Why?” You ask. “I have nothing here.”

“You could.”

You look up. In the dim lights of the bar, he’s breathtaking. Everything you weren’t.

And that everything closes the distance between you and him.

It’s soft. Barely a kiss. His lips are soft; you can smell his shampoo. It lasts for a moment before you’re breaking it. You shy away, staring at the floor beneath you. Your shoes. You can hear your heart. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Satoru follows your mouth. This time, it’s bolder. You can feel his warmth, pressed against your frigid soul. He’s melting you down to bone. There’s a hand on your back, keeping you in place. Fireworks spark at the touch.

It’s been so long since you’ve felt someone like this. Not since...

And then you remember who you’re with, what you’re doing. The ring sits heavy on your finger.

You push away. Satoru falters, and you use that opportunity to stumble to your feet.

“I’m sorry,” You say, “I—I’m—”

You don’t know what to say, so you say nothing. Instead, you turn and flee out the bar. Into the cold frigid night.

You’re drunk. You can feel it in your fingertips, the way your vision gets the slightest bit dizzy when you move too fast. You cling against a random lightpost, checking your phone.

Your place wasn’t that far away. You could walk, right? But it would be safer to call a cab. Better yet, call Kiyo. Call your neighbor. Call anyone?

Oh, you just remembered that you have no one here.

Satoru finds you when you’re already crying. You can feel him on your shoulder before he even says anything.

“Hey,” he says, reaching for you, “c’mon. Let’s get out of the street—”

“Why?” You whirl onto him, so fast that even he’s surprised. “Why are you doing any of this? Reina, me, why do you care so much?”

You’re still crying, but you can feel your tears slow down the tiniest bit. You weren’t breathing. You don’t think he was either.

Satoru opens his mouth. Closes. Opens again. His smile is gone. You can see the imprint of your lipstick on his perfect pout.

“I love you.”

It feels like he just slapped you. A knife in your belly, tearing you apart. Nausea builds in your throat, threatening to spill all over the road. You can’t look at him anymore, it hurts too much. Betrayal. You’re betraying your husband. Your dead cheater husband. 

“Stop.” You beg him anyway, “Don’t say that. Never say that, I can’t think–”

“—Then don’t think.” He insists, sweet, saturated. “Don’t think about any of this.”

He kisses you again, and your mind blanks. You let him this time, and you feel yourself break over it.

This time, Satoru’s the one who breaks it, resting his forehead on yours. You still must look confused. He laughs adoringly.

“C’mon this can’t be too out of left field, right?” He asked. “I mean, I made it pretty obvious.”

He had. You were too preoccupied in your own misery to notice. Offers to drive you to the grocery store. Volunteering to take care of another man’s baby. Satoru has always been direct.

You avoid his gaze, but there’s no where to go.

“Satoru,” you hesitate. “I—I don’t feel that way.”

“I know.” He concedes, trailing his lips down your cheek. You don’t stop him.

“But you need this.” He kisses your neck. “I know you do. You’re so stressed all the time, hm? You need me. Use me. However, you want to.”

Use him. You’ve always used him. What difference would this make?

You still had a chance to stop this. There were so many reasons to stop. You were a recent widow. A single mother. He was so much younger than you—

You kiss him again to stop thinking.

You don’t know what time you stumble through your door.

Satoru hasn’t stopped touching you in the cab, walking up to your patio. If you were sober, you might have been a bit more hysterical about it, now you just wanted him never to stop.

He’s pushing you against the door, slamming it shut with your body weight. You can barely get the words out past his plush lips.

“Bedroom.” You insist.

He pulls away with a laugh. “’course, Babe.”

You’re not sure how to feel about that petname, but you don’t get a moment to complain. He’s effortlessly picking you up, and you settle on the cool comforters moments later.

Your dress is halfway up your thighs. He spares no time, reaching for the back and finding the zipper. It falls apart in his fingers. He peels the fabric off of you with a delighted sigh.

“Fuck, look at you,” he’s saying to the newly uncovered skin. “so so pretty.”

Not used to the attention, you shy away. He doesn’t let you, taking you by the chin so he can kiss you again.

He’s so different now. You feel like you’re seeing a side of him you aren’t supposed to. Long white lashes, pretty blue eyes that are drenched in want and lust. His breathing was elevated. He was excited.

It scares you.

“I...I haven’t done this in a while.” You admit when you pull back. You give him a glance, before resigning yourself to pull away the rest of the dress and dropping it to the floor. “So...Please be nice?”

You sound like a child, unsure and nervous. You hate that you can’t keep the tremor out of your voice.

“Yes, yes.” He’s nodding, staring at you like a drooling dog. “I’ll be so so nice, baby. The nicest. Just lemme’ touch you. Please, please, pretty please?”

You give a tiny nod, and he’s pouncing on you.

He’s insatiable, you don’t think he’d ever get enough. He’s pawing at your bra before it comes off completely beneath his touch. Your panties are gone too, and then you’re entirely bare beneath him.

He doesn't forget about himself, neither do you. Between his ravenous kisses, you manage to take off his jacket. Satoru helps you with his shirt, pulling it off him, showing his toned abs and pale skin. Not a single mark or blemish. He’s absolute perfection.

He must notice your hesitant fingers at his shoulders because he stops sucking on your neck with a distinct pop, still playing with your tits, leaning over to whisper in your ear.

“Touch me,” he says, “I want you to touch me.”

You feel awkward pulling your fingers down to his chest, his stomach. His skin is soft, warm. Your hands are frigid. He shivers when you graze over his abs. His skin is so pale, almost translucent. If you were to pinch him, bite him, the color would show oh so nicely.

When you pull away, he whines, nearly falling over.

“Don’t fucking tease me like that.” The way he says it is so needy. You laugh, gaining the courage to play with his hair.

He gets the control back eventually, pushing you back down so he can devour you properly.

His face is between your legs before you can comprehend it. He’s spreading you open so he can see your pussy. You’re already creaming for him. Your pussy juice is spread across your lips, making your skin glisten and shine. It’d be embarrassing if he wasn’t worse, drooling like a fucking dog before his mouth meets your cunt in a frenzied kiss.

He gives this high-pitched moan that sends a thrill up your spine the more he makes out with your clit, licking and sucking.

“Oh.” You sink against the pillows. “Satoru—Satoru-!—”

“Fuck yes—” his voice is muffled but he doesn’t stop. “You taste so good, baby. like—like fuckin’ heaven—”

You almost double over when his teeth graze your clit. Your hand reaches out immediately to grab and his hair and pull.

It does nothing. He just whines, and when he digs deeper into your pussy, you realize he likes it when you hurt him.

You pull harder and his finger presses its way into your wet hole and just the right angle to make you see stars.

“Fuck baby, ‘can barely fit my fingers.” It would sound like a complaint if he didn’t sound so far gone already. “How are we gonna fit my cock into this pussy, hm?”

He talks too much. When you shove his face deeper into your folds, it seems to shut him up and he’s back to worshipping your dripping cunt.

He’s too good. It’s all so good. You’re squeezing his head between your thighs, sure you’re suffocating him but he doesn’t seem to care. The noise is downright scandalous but you’re too far gone to give a shit about that.

It felt so good to stop thinking.

“Close.” You gasp when you hit that plateau. “I’m close. I’m—”

“Gonna cum?” he asks from underneath you, and it only seems to spur him on. “Gonna cum for me, pretty girl. Cum baby. Just let go. I gotcha’ just please please please—”

It hits and you arch your back, letting your orgasm rush past your body. It fizzes up your spine, right to your tits before you sag back to Earth. Satoru is more that happy to work you through your high before your thighs fall apart against him and he’s detaching himself from your clit with one last part kiss.

Satoru kisses you, famished. You can barely kiss back, following his lips with your own. You can taste yourself on his tongue. It’s a tangy sweetness, warmed from his spit.

“Was I nice?” Satoru asks.

You nod. He smiles.

He pulls back, sitting on his knees. You watch as he fiddles with his boxers, before pulling out his pulsing cock.

It’s not all that thick, but it’s the length that makes you shift, just the tiniest bit. He’s on the larger end. His cock looks puffy and dripping in a way that almost looks painful. He pumps himself a few times, and then you’re reaching out.

Satoru stops, watching as you rise from your earlier position, hand on his cock. Your hand is so much smaller than his, you can barely wrap your fingers around his base. He shivers at the touch, and by the time you’re fisting his cock he faltars, head falling into the crook of your neck.

“Too much?” You ask when he gasps.

“No.” He shakes his head. “No no. Keep going. Please don’t stop.”

That same whine again. Helpless and needy. When you squeeze him, he jolts.

And then you stop. You’re sure he’s about to complain but then you’re lowering yourself, keeping your eyes on him, and you give his cock a tentative lick.

You hadn’t done this in a while, and you weren’t all that sure if you could swallow all of him, but you try your best. You swirl your tongue around his tip, watching as he twitches. His cock jumps in your mouth and you have to hold his base to keep him still for you. He’s so sensitive. Every touch you give him seems to just make him even needier.

He rocks his cock into your mouth. You let him, watching as he babbles on and on.

“So so fucking good, baby.” He’s moaning, head flung back, like it’d be too much to keep looking at you. “Right—right there. Fuck fuck fuck.”

He cums fast, and it’s sudden. He’s barely holding his breath before he’s shuddering and he’s filling your entire mouth. There’s so much of it, you can’t possibly swallow it all. You mouth off his cock with a pop, pumping him until he starts twitching out of overstimulation.

Satoru is panting, still basking in that afterglow as you kiss him. He doesn’t seem too embarrassed about how quick he lasted. Then again, you don’t think he has the brainpower to feel anything right now other than pure lust. Pussydrunk, your brain gives.

You reach up, wiping away the tears collected in the corner of his eyes. A part of you wants to leave it there. He looks good like this. Pretty as an angel.

And then you look down and you see his cock has not gone down at all.

“Oh,” you murmur, “I see you’re healthy.”

“Mmh,” he says back, not exactly words but you’re not looking for a conversation right now.

Your pussy is throbbing. She wants more attention. You’re settling back into your original position as you watch Satoru rifle through his forgotten pants. He pulls out a familiar wrapper. You have to roll your eyes at his preparedness.

“You’re a bit too ready for this.” You note.

“Can you blame me?” He honestly asks. “I’ve been waiting for this for months.”

The casual admission makes you glance away. He laughs at your sudden shyness and you have to wonder how you didn’t see him before.

“Ready, baby?” He asks. This feels familiar, somehow.

He gives his cock two cursory pumps, and then he’s pushing himself into you.

It’s so much all at once. As wet as you were, his cock bullies his way into you with a fierce stretch. It’s enough to make you squeeze your eyes shut. Grin and bear it.

“Shit, you’re so fucking tight.” He curses. “How the hell did you fit a baby through here?” You can’t bring yourself to respond to his usual snark, so you claw at his back, raking your nails through his skin. He hisses and the pain seems to distract him into temporarily shutting up.

By the time, he sits his dick in your pussy, you’re close to breaking. You were right, he was way too big. Bigger than the one person you’ve always been with, so you’re not sure if you have a good gauge on size. Still, your brain short-circuits, and your eyes roll to the back of your head. Mind-numb.

He’s impatient this time, not giving you a chance to adjust before he’s clumsily pulling back out only to ram himself back in. You lurch, grabbing his shoulders to stabilize yourself from his sudden pace.

“Satoru—!” You gasp. “It’s—!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He’s apologizing, but you’re not quite sure how much he actually means it. “I’ve—I’ve just waited so—ah—long and now you’re here and it’s so—”

If it’s even possible, he gets even faster, pushes his cock even deeper into your battered pussy. The squelching of your hole and his whines into your ear make it so much more erotic than it needs to be. You give into your desire, reaching over to sink your teeth into the soft flesh of his neck. The masochist in him purrs in delight.

You notice it first. That familiar soreness in your tits. When you glance down, your nipple is leaking that familiar milky fluid.

Satoru notices too. He stops, sinking his dick entirely into you. You’ve never felt fuller.

“Oh.” You feel heat creep up your neck. You hadn’t fed Reina today, this was bound to happen. “I—I’m sorry. I—I should’ve—”

You expect him to pull out of you awkwardly. Maybe even be disgusted.

Instead, he groans.

“I’m getting dessert now, too?”

“What?”

As your answer, he leans down and latches onto your tit.

He’s messy, smearing milk all over your skin and the other breast. After a while, he picks up his pace again, resuming his pussyfucking. You’re sure the angle must be painful, him bent over you like this, but he makes no complaint. And you could care less about his discomfort right about now.

He alternates between your breasts like he can’t decide which one tastes better. It shouldn’t feel this good, watching him suckle on your tits but you can feel yourself get even tighter. He can feel it, too.

Satoru’s rambling now. You can barely keep up with his incoherent mess.

“Fuck—fuck, you’re close, arentcha’?” he’s slurring his words, spitting them out one after another. “C’mon baby, you wanna cum? Cum, then? Milk my cock, pretty baby. Just like last time.” You should be paying more attention to his words. You don't.

Everything feels like deja vu. You should be paying attention to your own words too. You don’t.

“Mhn.” You moan. “Close. Sato, I’m close. Real real close—”

Your eyes widen. So does his.

You think you just ruined everything.

And then he starts jackhammering himself into you.

“Say it again.” He demands, driving his cock deep into your cunt.

You shake your head, despite your refusal you can’t help but— “Sato, oh God. Please Sato—Don’t—”

“Again, say it again.” His fingers descend to your clit, messily rubbing tiny circles. “Don’t stop saying my name until you’ve cum.”

You obey. Sato, Sato, Sato, Sa—and then you’re tipping over the edge. He fucks you through it, keeping you on that high until he’s shuddering too.

“Fuck baby, I missed you.” He’s whispering in your ear. “I missed you so much.”

You sigh when he kisses you, still coming down to Earth. The kiss his soft, just filled with want, instead of that carnal desire. He pulls away, and just when you’re debating to let him stay the night, he’s pulling out new rubber.

“Another one?” You ask, the dots not quite connecting yet.

“Oh, c’mon.” He grins down at you. “You didn’t think we’d go for just one round, did ya?”

You’re finally back in his arms.

Satoru dreamed of this day. He’s dreamt of this for months, ever since he had to leave you with that scumbag. Now that you’re sleeping peacefully in his arms again, everything is finally right in his world.

He shifts, wanting to bring you closer to his chest, but he winces. Fuck, you really did a number on him. He didn’t know you were into biting. And he can feel the pleasant sting of your nails on his back. He’d need to be careful with his RCT for a while. He wants these marks to last for as long as possible.

And when they fade, he’s sure he won’t have to convince you too much to make more for him.

“Give...them...back.”

Oh right. He’d almost forgotten about that other tiny problem he had.

He turns to the curse. “So, enjoy the show?”

Satoshi is unrecognizable. Malformed, demented. No more eyes, tall enough to reach the ceiling. To a being like Satoru, he was still nothing.

To a non-shaman and an infant, a grade 2 curse was quite the hassle. No wonder your so exhausted these days. Your husband was cursing you.

“Give them back.” The curse rasps. “Give them both back.”

Satoru’s silent, as if he’s really thinking about it.

“Nah, I’m good.” He grins. “This one’s mine now. And about Reina...what do you think suits me best: Dada or Daddy?”

The curse roars. It’s loud enough to shake the walls. Satoru tsks.

“Careful there. You might wake the missus.” He points out.

“Mine...” Satoshi insists. “They were....mine.”

“Were.” Satoru enunciates. “And now, they’re all mine! Sorry about the change in management. Don’t worry, though. I’ll take great care of both of ‘em.”

Always wanting to have the last word, Satoru reaches over and plucks your wedding ring off your limp finger.

“So, that’s where you got attached.” He muses at the metal. “Can’t believe you’re pathetic enough to curse your own wife. Is this 'cause you're still mad about the execution?" He asks, twirling the ring in his palm. "That happened months ago, man, get over it."

A snap of his fingers. Satoshi is gone. The room gets less stuffier. You relax in your sleep, and Satoru is caressing your arm, still studying the ring. It’s cheap. Plated gold with a less valuable metal as the base.

Pathetic. He tosses it carelessly.

A few months later, Satoru proposes with a proper engagement ring.

You say yes.

[girldriveroscar]

Am I the only one who thinks oscar would be such a tease sometimes? he would STRESS people out I feel like

GENUINELY BECAUSE. well for one the fact hes always talking out of the corner of his mouth, smirking and egging lando into worming around and arching his back and rubbing his thighs. like he Awfully embodies that nerdy sarcastic lab partner who turns you into a blubbering idiot bc hes always looking at u under his lashes asking yea? mhm? OH MY FIOOOOOOO yea.

and then on the flip side too? the fact hes such an attention whore and not on purpose grinds my fucking GEARS like we rlly need to bring back the fact hes a gym moaner TO THE POINT LANDOS IMMEDIATELY CALLING HIM OUT FOR IT. tht videos genuinely so insane bc lando is SO fast like this is something thats actually driven him up the wall and oscar is so bashful wanting to just brush by it. but like.

cmon… as a gym freak i Will pant extra loud if fine shyt is walking past like u dont just Do that blindly im SAWWR RYYYY…. its true.

and Now how do i make this about oscarmark… i shant i Shant…

[jinkoh]

 tell me what’s wrong, little bug

kevin x gn!reader

wc: 1.5k, tags: hurt/comfort, childhoodfriend/neighbor!AU, y/n is in their last year of school, mentions of a friendship break up & college struggles, older brother!Q

a/n: i wrote this at 2 am when i couldn't sleep so it's rlly just self-indulgent comfort tbh

masterlist

“I knew I’d find you here,” Kevin said as he sat next to you in the tall grass near the meadow where a bunch of cows were chewing on the lush green.

“You’re back,” you stated, and even though you wanted to be surprised and excited about his return after not seeing him since he’d briefly come back from college for your birthday months ago, you can’t seem to find the emotions within you. You were tired, your eyes still feeling puffy from crying and lack of sleep.

“Mhm,” he hummed, “Someone told me there’s a little bug at home in dire need of counseling.”

“My brother called you?” You scrunched up your face, too embarrassed by the fact that Changmin had tattled to him to realize that he’d come back, driven all those miles, just for you. 

Kevin lightly nudged your shoulder with his own. “He means well. You know he really loves you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And so do I,” he added with a little grin, and you knew he meant like your brother does, like a sibling. It’d always been like that, you’d never been anything but family to him. And yet it still managed to make your heart ache. But what was one more ache on top of everything already weighing you down?

“I know,” you said again, not meeting his gaze.

“So, tell me what’s wrong, little bug.”

You wanted to tell him, you really did. It had always come easier to talk to Kevin when something was bothering you. No matter how much you loved your brother and no matter how much you knew he cared, there was something about Kevin that made it feel less intimidating to open up.

But right now, it was still impossibly hard. Just the thought of trying to put it into words had your throat clogging up.

“Just…school,” you said as if that could summarize the way everything had been falling apart around you, your last year feeling more like a hellscape than the exciting time you’d always imagined. You’d known which college you wanted to go to since forever, your best friend and you making plans about it since middle school. Except she had suddenly changed her mind about going together, and while you understood that these things could happen you thought you at least deserved an explanation. But you never got one, not really. I can’t always be considerate to you, I need to think of myself too, she’d reasoned, and it’d felt like a punch in your face that she saw the situation that way, naturally assuming you would blame her when really all you wanted was to talk about it, to understand, to be part of the conversation. It hurt that she seemingly trusted you too little to be open with you. And you couldn’t even talk to anyone about it all because your friends were hers too and you didn’t think it was appropriate to pull anyone else into this mess. “Just school,” you repeated, “my grades have been dropping,” you added and you weren’t even lying.

Kevin hummed in understanding. “Are you worried about not getting into your first choice?”

You bit your lower lip so hard you thought you tasted iron. “I don’t even have a first choice anymore,” you pressed out. There were tears welling up in your eyes that you aggressively tried to blink away.

“Oh,” he said and you knew by the way he looked at you that to some extent things must have clicked. He'd known about your plans for the future after all so it wasn’t hard to connect the dots. “Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

You shook your head but then nodded before ultimately shrugging. “It’s just over, I guess,” you knew it sounded like you were talking about an ex rather than a friend, but the heartbreak felt the same either way, “It’s—I’ve tried to fix it over and over but I don’t think we can. I don’t think I can. But now that we’re not talking anymore I’m realizing how much of my life revolved around her. It’s—,” you paused, trying to find a fitting word, but when nothing better would come to mind, you settled for “weird." Your fingers fumbled with the grass next to your feet, "I haven’t had to be myself all by myself in a really long time. It was always—it was our dreams and plans and wishes. Maybe hers more than mine. But now it’s suddenly just me, and I don’t even know who I am outside of all of that. How am I supposed to choose a future like that?”

“You don't have to put yourself under so much pressure, y/n,” he said softly and somehow he made it sound like a good answer, “I know it's always framed like this giant decision that will determine your whole life, but it's not. Life is way more complicated than that. Which isn't to say you should just decide randomly, but you don't have to pressure yourself into finding the perfect choice either. You won’t know how it turns out until you're there anyway. So just go for a place with interesting courses or a pretty campus or good financial plans or," he playfully nudged you in the side, "you could also go some place where you already have an ally. My school is pretty good you know?"

“You probably just don’t have friends at college, so you want me around.” You rolled your eyes at him but you did feel a little better. 

“Rude? I so have friends,” he mocked offense, “but I do want you around. Would be great to not have to travel a zillion miles just to annoy you in person.”

“You do know that you were the one who left, right?”

“Fair enough.”

“Why did you go anyway? Why that far?”

He shrugged. “It wasn’t that deep. It just seemed like a good path for me. Good chance to leave my comfort zone too.”

“Hm.”

“Why? Did I manage to grab your interest? Are you considering it?”

"Don't get me wrong, I already had it on my radar beforehand," you justified yourself and when you saw his smug grin you quickly added, "because of the courses!"

“Sure, little bug. Or maybe you just really miss me.” 

"Shut up."

“Seriously though,” Kevin went back to a more serious tone, “no matter where you go, it will be fine. You’ll be fine. You don't have to have it all figured out just yet. And you’ll always have me to call when the going gets rough.”

“Thanks, Kev. Really, thank you.”

“Mmh-mmh, not for that,” he hummed, "and by the way, about the other thing you mentioned, I think I have a pretty good idea of who you are. So if you ever need a reminder I could easily make you a list."

"That'd be great, actually," you replied and it sounded less like a joke than you'd intended. Not that it really was one in the first place.

"Hmm, let's see" he hummed, "you're a little stubborn—" "Not true," you pouted and he just raised an eyebrow at you in place of a response. "You're also kind," he continued, "but maybe a bit of a people pleaser." 

"Aren’t you supposed to say nice things here?"

"Oh, I thought you wanted an honest list and not a nice one."

"Fine."

"You're also creative."

"Creative?"

"There’s some crayon drawings on my bedroom wallpaper to prove it,” he grinned and you couldn’t help but smile at the memory—not that you actually remembered drawing the flowers on his wall, you’d been 4 or 5. What you did remember though was the way he hadn’t gotten rid of them, even going so far as to put an empty picture frame around them at some point as if they were actual art and not some childish doodles.

"Fair enough," you chuckled.

"You're also funny. And very cute when you have leaves stuck in your hair," you felt his fingers move through your hair, carefully picking out something that got stuck in it. You wished he knew what that was doing to your heart. 

"And most of all you're a little bug of course." He dropped his hand to your shoulder once he was done, his thumb drawing gentle patterns. "You need to hear more?" 

"No," you shook your head, "it's fine."

"I could go on, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

“Do you feel a little better?”

“Yeah,” you leaned your head against his shoulder, “I do.”

 "That's good." You thought you felt him press a little peck to the crown of your hair before he rested his chin on your head, but maybe it was just your wishful thinking. "That's good," he whispered again.

masterlist ♡ pls consider reblogging/commenting if you enjoyed this ♡

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

Could you please tell us more about Leon and Carol's characterizations in the Light Novels that you know of? I'm super curious about their personalities since we don't get a ton to work off of in the Forgotten Land game itself! :)

OMG YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MY BELOVEDS!!!!! okay so the only one with those two in it ive read myself is the samurai novel ofc, and even then ive only read half of that one, but i do know what happens in the fl novels. tho i wont recount too much from that due to the said, i havent properly read them thing. slight spoilers for samurai novel btw so ill stick this ramble under a cut

disclaimer first of all that since the samurai novel is an au, their personalities could be a bit different from the fl novels (dedede and mk are Veryy different for example), but for the most part i think they act just about exactly how youd expect them to!

leon is exceptionally kind and cares a lot about the rest of the beast pack, to the point of being overprotective at times. when elfilin brings back kirby and bandee to their home saying theyre friends leon just gives them an intense look and acts cold to them, not seeming to trust them. when dedede comes over later and accuses elfilin of being a criminal he gets absolutely FURIOUS, but calms down and apologizes after seeing that hes scaring dedede a little by doing so. he acts how youd expect a leader to too, with an aura of dignity and firm but understanding communications with the rest of the pack, and hes able to put aside his own feelings on things for the greater good.

carol in comparison bounces off of him really well i feel. shes more headstrong and emotionally driven and will huff and puff a little over leon's decisions if she doesnt necessarily agree with them, though she relents to those decisions in the end once leon explains his reasoning. but if its not leon making those decisions she doesnt agree with, watch out. just like the game, she takes position of leader when leons not around and when dedede+meta told her she couldnt go off to forgo dreams to save him she got outright aggressive LOL. shes pretty sharp minded and usually the first to speak her mind. also she shittalked dedede i just wanted to bring that up. we love a mean girl

again im only halfway through, but the beast pack as a whole play a surprisingly big role in the samurai novel. i rlly look forward to seeing more of them >:]]]

[the-stove-is-divorced]

HEY SO GUESS WHAT I NOTICED LATELY AND KEPT THINKING ABOUT AND WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU

Mata and arajin both kinda achieved what they wanted to some part?

OK LEMME EXPLAIN : mata wanted to be stronger (why? To never be left behind again) and he did just that

Arajin wanted to be braver I think (why? To never leave behind a friend ever again)

And guess what

Come on guess it

THEY BOTH DID DO JUST THAT, BUT ONE FOCUSED MORE ON THE GOAL RATHER THAN THE WHY (Mata, with his delusional belief that getting stronger will solve everything) AND THE OTHER FOCUSED ON THE WHY MORE THAN THE GOAL (arajin, with him simply deciding that you can't leave behind a friend if you don't have any, he truly is the smartest idiot out there)

Mata is now much much stronger, maybe not the strongest but still, and arajin is much much more brave, maybe not the bravest but still much braver, especially when you see how they used to be and how they are rn

LIKE COME ON. COME ON. LIKE, ANOTHER LAYER TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND I KNOW IT'S A SIMPLE ONE TO NOTICE BUT I DIDN'T UNTIL TOO LATE AND GOD, THEY BOTH WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED TILL THE GOAL AND THE WHY BOTH GET ANSWERED, AND THAT WONT HAPPEN TILL BOTH DROP THEIR DELUSIONS AND WAIT IS THIS A LAYER OF NEVER FEELING LIKE YOU'VE DONE BEFORE IM SEEING??

(sorry for rambling, it just been circulating my mind for the past three days and my god I need that 2 hours analysis video asap)

OKAY! Finally had some time to give this my full attention, took me a minute. Hope the wait wasn’t too long. (Also trust I’ll get to your comment back but I try to reply to everything which means I need time to sit it down and Do That but I’ve been busy as shit UGHHH)

BUT RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE ADDED LAYERS OF THIS DYNAMIC IS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD. I’m so glad you mentioned this because I didn’t quite notice it as an added bit of their dynamic, but they both, as the should go, got a little bit of what they’ve wanted!!!! Which is really charming that they both kinda stay stubborn in their ways, regressing or simply doubling down respectively, and then actually both grow a little bit by the end! While obviously they should progress (or land somewhere other than where they’ve started until that’s another point/purpose), it’s just a charming detail they did get something, by actually dropping the delusion/confronting a bit of who they are and what things are actually like in reality.

They make me so ill, I think. I love my little bad coping mechanism mfs. They rlly thought if they just just dug their heels in, stubborn as shit, double down again and again, it’d just work out. Like no. Dumbass. I love them, though. They match each other’s narratively, but they haven’t caught got to the actual bestie / seeing each other completely yet. (SOBBING ABOUT IT ARAJIN LET DOWN UR MASK PLEASE—) (THERE IS MORE TO YOU I KNOW IT)

Also it will never not be funny to me Arajin rlly went giving “I’ve ever met this man before in my life”/“we’re not friends -_-” energy and Mata is just: “no we’re best friends :) best friends forever :) I’m simply ignoring what you said, you’re just a silly little jokester we’re the best friends in the entire planet trust me! We never stopped being friends! We’re super duper close! Fav guy in the whole world!!”

I love my pair of unreliable ass mfs, never trust them to take control of narration, you’re gonna be lied too.

Look at them. Unreliable ass mfs. I love them so much. They’re so precious to me. Unstoppable force vs unmovable object ass dynamic. Mutually not seeing each other ass dynamic. Denial buddies. Driven by fear ass mfs. “What if I just doubled down” like that’ll do anything. Idiots. I love them so much oh my god.

ALSO PLEASE SHARE RAMBLES AND IDEAS AND ALL THAT JAZZ! I love yapping about stuff like this! I’m just sluggish at replying back cause I’m gonna be busy as shit for a couple monthssssss.

[dedenneblogs]

rowan is. and interesting guy.

frankly, i never liked him. i TRIED to like him, but he always came off as just… meh. like just plain, even before he was bird psycho.

but gradually (and through a dangerous mixture of headcanon), i feel the same way i feel towards him as i did dusty.

they’re both, objectively, horrible people. but they have… reasons.

dusty isn’t rlly touched upon, but his behavior can definitely be attributed to his parents seeming to be very lenient with him. he seems to have the mentality that he’s untouchable for all of season 1, and yeah, still hate him, but it’s weirdly realistic, and so it’s pretty intriguing. a lot of people write him off as pure evil, and i’m not seeing he’s innocent, but again, there’s layers. like an onion (smelly layers).

rowan i feel was failed by the writing of this season in general. his backstory with amerie comes out of NOWHERE, but at the same time, when you look back, a lot of puzzle pieces connect, which makes you go “ahhhh” looking back. that’s definitely a drawback for his character, the lack of backstory and sense, and there’s already been a handful of arguments on how as a character who’s been traumatized to point of hallucination was handled pretty poorly.

my view on how it could expanded (through headcanon) is that it’s clear that rowan is driven by this desire to get revenge on amerie, but it’s clear he lacked planning due to him not seeming to go much further than just trying to get amerie to admit he’s the reason jett died, when in reality, it was no one’s fault. but it’s hard to really come to that conclusion, so amerie feels an obligation to be there for rowan out of pity and fear, trying to find salvation in someone who needs more than just company. he needs help, and rowan probably comes to realize this, but is too scared to push amerie or anyone away again.

this is. a lot of headcanon, but i’m trying my best to mound statues out of piles of shit over here

[sillywormz]

thinking about hollow today. I wonder if they were confused by kamen literally begging them to take him. I wonder if that species ever mind controlled something so big and complex. I wonder if they were impressed by the tools kamen used, or curious, or uncaring. also why did they hate technology so much?????? I just rewatched and they tore apart so much tech. my wild thought for that is hollow is like "I don't want my weird depressed pet to leave so I'm gonna destroy the ships" (and they broke levi bc levi reminded kamen of Fiona when they were singing and hollow was like ROBOT HURT MY PET'S FEELINGS). funnier idea is they're just like I HATE METAL AHHHHGHHHH stompstkmpstomp

ALL OF THIS IS SO REAL hollow is so mysterious there's still so much we don't know about them.........

PUTTING THIS BELOW THE CUT BC I WENT ON A HUGE RAMBLE LOL. hollow autism be upon ye

i do find it interesting how when kamen asked hollow to "take the pain away" (paraphrasing), they didn't rlly seem confused and knew what to do straight away. it could be bc the telepathic link between them and kamen was that strong, but also the fact that they jumped to "absorption" so fast and seem to have internal anatomy designed for it, makes me wonder if this is a common trajectory for their species? maybe even part of their reproductive cycle? like maybe their species go round absorbing the little green guys too idk. there are some interesting implications there

in regards to hollow mind controlling bigger and more complex animals, my personal theory is that hollow's species usually don't mind control larger animals because most of the large animals on vesta have developed a kind of "resistance" to their telepathy. i think there's something kind of parasitic about how their species behaves, and although they seem to have formed a mutualistic symbiosis with the little green tripod guys, there might be evolutionary reasons why other species wouldn't benefit from being controlled by them, leading to selection pressures making them evolve to be able to resist the mind control. hollow's species, or at least hollow itself, seem pretty opportunistic and intelligent, but we only ever rlly see them controlling the little green guys and kamen. this could be because 1) the little green guys benefit (getting to eat goop?) from the relationship so have co-evolved with the hollow's species instead of evolving defenses against them as other species may have and 2) because humans aren't native to vesta, they never had a chance to evolve "immunity" against the hollow's mind control

you mentioning hollow's feelings abt kamen's tool use etc brings up a general thing for me, which is the question of how intelligent hollow actually is. i like how the show leaves this very vague. you could read them as being anything from a simple animal to more intelligent than a human being is. one things for sure though, i think they definitely recognised kamen as a valuable asset and understood from early-on that he could provide for them more than any of the little green creatures could. it's interesting that hollow, a single individual, was the only one to show interest in kamen. perhaps they were driven to it out of desperation, after all, they seem to be low on the social hierarchy in their population and were probably going hungry before meeting him.

but i also think (and this ties into the destruction of technology thing) that hollow very much has an emotional/sentimental connection to kamen, which becomes stronger and more associated with aggression and possessiveness as the show progresses. like, i think a lot of their behaviour makes more sense when you view their actions as being fueled by emotions, as much as by logic or instinct. like yeah, kamen making a spear and killing stuff for them did help them to a degree, but at times he was a straight up liability to them, and their decision to absorb him has basically no clear benefit for hollow itself. i think they did that because they genuinely cared about him, and felt emotionally attached to him. perhaps out of pity, like how someone might nurse a mangy dog back to health? idk. there are some things it does that are clearly sentimentally/emotionally motivated imo, like how it lies down next to fiona's corpse in such a position so that kamen is next to her inside its belly. that very much read as a thoughtful, emotional action to me. it's probably unrealistic and self indulgent but i like the idea that hollow sees kamen as being like its little pet that it's taking care of lol

the tech destruction seemed like mostly a possessiveness thing to me. hollow seems actively antagonistic towards humans that aren't kamen, trying to kill them in pretty much every encounter that it has with them. my guess would be that both humans and technology made it feel concerned that kamen was going to be "taken away" from it, and that motivated the aggression. or, if this is part of their mating cycle, maybe hollow was in a certain part of it where their aggression levels were high? given that they kill/get kamen to kill a lot of other animals too, it seems like the bigger they get the more aggressive and violent they get in general. but i think you're right that it was probably related to them not wanting kamen to leave. and that their destruction of levi was probably because levi's voice was stirring up painful memories in kamen, and hollow interpreted that as levi being a source of pain for kamen, so destroyed them to try and eliminate that.

the theory that they just rlly hate tech/metal is also fun though. if you do headcanon them as being a relatively simple animal, maybe there's just something about metal for them that's like a red flag to a bull. it would be kinda hilarious if that was the case but i have my doubts lol

ANYWAYS SORRY THIS GOT SUPER LONG SO I'M CUTTING IT SHORT HERE i just love hollow so much good lird

[artdcnaldson]

had a thought….. was thinking….

senior year of high school with artrick…. ur best friends… you have this thing w patrick where you guys sneak out at night and sit in the grass somewhere or maybe at the beach or something. and just smoke and drink and have these deep convos. art gets rlly obsessed w studying the last year of high school so he doesn’t sneak out with you guys as often as he used to. so patrick feels like he can be vulnerable with you in a way he can’t with art. at least not all the time yk. (not bc he doesn’t want to or doesn��t feel close w him or whatever obvs but bc he feels like he has to put on this cool guy persona)….

but anyways…… need to sit out with patrick drinking some dumb vodka he stole… sharing a cig. listening to patrick talk about his childhood and his father and how he feels like a fuckup and how he’s always been in love with art… and u (he gets rlly drunk……….) . need to tell him about how you feel like ur gonna be alone forever and ur wasting ur youth and you won’t ever have ur first kiss etc (PROJECTING!!!!!!!). just. kinda angsty heart to hearts with best friend pat:(

i’m so sorry miss cat this was a novel as usual…….. i love u…….

-🩰

HIIIII ILY ILY ILY 🩷🩷🩷

But ohhh :((( him not remembering makes it even sadder bc you Know so much he’s hiding and what he’s feeling but you can’t let him know that you remember because he’d be mortified. You know so much about his dad and how successful and great his siblings are and Oh his little sister is a fucking prodigy at golf and wins all of her tournaments and is probably going to go pro. And his older brother ran for DA and got elected, just like dear old dad. Doesn’t matter how much Pat wins, he’s never going to be seen as serious enough, driven enough. There’s always so many ways for him to be better.

And he confesses that the only people that make him feel normal or decent are you and Art, and you’re both going to forget about him when he leaves but he’s scared if he doesn’t go pro he’ll lose his spark at college and have absolutely nothing left that’s special about him.

How are you supposed to look him in the eye the next day when he’s forgotten all of that? (If he even forgot. Wouldn’t put it past him to pretend he doesn’t remember so you don’t bug him about it too bad)

[iridescentscarecrow]

some more 166 thoughts but

csm 140 tbh rlly does set up the structure of sexual abuse & violence perpetrated by adults onto children, encoded into institution (the church) through Marriage — process central to this exploitation, later interestingly gendered in how eyepatch talks about his wife.

this is how part 2 starts off too; the schoolteacher being a child predator, his abuse of the prez colouring the justice devil's transformation. & this commentary aligns itself around the contours of misogyny with how asa is treated by barem.

!! her own repressal of self & the way she thinks of her own selfishness works within gendered expectations. this setup of relationship presented to us in c98 & 140 is q. interesting when you see both katana's misogyny & asa's status as (he says) "csm's woman" in the latest arcs.

what i really like about 140, though, is how it fleshes out denji's role as a survivor of makima's grooming, building off p1. his conversation with miri (his foil; victim & now agent [of the csm church]) hints at this issue he senses existing, but is unable to fully articulate. he recognises, to some extent, what's happening through his own experience & trauma. what's chilling is that the church has chainsaw man all over it.

how do you react when something horrible that's happened to you fashions itself in your image? exploits in your name?

bringing this back to how katana characterises the chainsaw man (the misogyny there), the direction towards a brothel (location of similar profit off sex & exploitation) does illustrate the fundamental tussle against structure that underlies denji's character.

the CSM is owned/employed by adults around him. katana's revenge driven conceptualisation of the CSM (built on traditional masculinity) is a microcosm for its use by the church; even its figure as a hypermasculine celebrity (commentary on the superhero genre which fjmt loves). this adds, IMO, a compelling dimension to denji's own conflict with his hypersexuality in c166.

at many levels, nayuta's loss was the product of the very structures built on his image, broadly aligning with heteropatriachy & simultaneously victimisation he recognises. and his self interrogation, self hatred, his inarticulateness �� first, grasping onto katana's suggestion, then searching for a way to describe this tussle — manifests in the dissonance that he feels wrt the people around him in this chapter.

it kind of hurts to read.

[joocomics]

hello dinna!

ill happily provide my reviews of your festive fics (5 pages of me screaming abt how good they are incoming). and aww you are so kind 🥺🥲 your compliments definitely make me wanna start a blog even more!

ohh desperate sex with joo is so real actually. dyanmics irrelevant, just two people driven by pleasure and desire trying to get off and feel good! i think he'd be really eager and messy too but it would just make the experience even hotter bc its a sign of how much he wants you...

aww gunil keeping track of things you want...sigh what a man <3. he would be rlly causal about it too I think, gets home from a work day like "I bought you this today baby" and then he's suprised when you wanna jump his bones for being so perfect

- 🧸

hello anonie!! <3 hope you’re having a good start of the new week!

you are the sweetest! any of your thoughts no matter how long or short, on the festive fics will make me beyond happy 🥹 i’m glad to see you excited about creating the blog and i hope it brings you lots of joy once it’s done and ready to use!

we are like this 🤝 those are my thoughts exactly! you’d still be able to feel he’s subtly domineering, but the longer you’re at it, the more it doesn’t really matter. you both just want to be as close as possible and reach that high. he’d be SO eager and so sloppy, constantly panting and gripping your skin roughly anywhere that he can get his hands on as they’re simultaneously maintaining your rocking back and forth as you ride him…

oh my goodness YES and that would be so cute 🥺 he’d be genuinely surprised, and when you start babbling about how he is the most perfect boyfriend in the world, he’d simply mumble “i know you really wanted it..” 😔

[tillman]

can i ask abt ur dragons? like their personalities and their background? 🐉

YESS YAAY ALWAYS.. theeeres . a lot . i have like 80 something dragons on the site and probably ~30/40 who have written out concrete shit about them/their role lollllll but errm. long post here r the important ones.

from the last post these r the 5 'gods' of the area. they arent actually gods, just extremely old and more intune with magic than the average bloke in the modern day. they dont actually get all along theyre just paired up in my head cus theyre oooold.

Aspenti (any pronouns) is An Informant. to what at this point i dont think she remembers but she takes the role veeery seriously and works as a sort of messenger for the other forces doing their shit in the wasteland they live in ^_^ he stays completely silent outside of his role tho... a kind of cherub-esque figure but if a cherub was a strange thing that was so full of the like. Concept Of The Sky sometimes it exploded in lightning.

Regina (she/her) is an archeologist who became kinda fixated on the castle in the wasteland. shes often mistaken for a statue guarding the way in and out of the area and doesnt mind that much. attention gets to her head. she loves telling stories to scare the kids into behaving and is like. Kind of Insane about the history of the realm but feels a sort of weird obligation to stay out of current hypothesizing about the history even tho shes lived through most of it cus it "spoils the fun for the rest of them."

Sulcatus (it/its) is the oldest thing around. its body is what became the castle everyone in the area lives in, before even the rot of the wastelands moved in it was there. its mostly only heard of through whispers of the court at this point. like Regina it has a fondness for spreading stories of the history it lived thru, but genuinely doesnt remember most of it out of not giving a shit, so it loves telling lies to anyone brave enough to actually approach it. its lazy, polarizing, and really just a trickster. its quite cute. it used to train fighters but stopped after its last trainee kinda died horribly from its command. its fine tho its trainee is fine and doing great.

Aeternitas (he/him) is combative and kind of wretched. like hes fine he doesnt actually enjoy fights for as Aggressive as he is and how Fighty he comes across hes a huge fan of just Staring and watching stuff happen, taking up the role of a guard dog with regina just to see people squirm. hes the embodiment of the rot of the wastelands in the area like sulcatus is the castle and regina is the history, but "embodiment" in the vague sort of, Hes around cus Its around, not that he made it. people Blame him for it though (or worship him depending on ur personal view on the idea of a living rot growing over the land) and he thinks thats hysterical.

Stagnum (any) is like. the least important frankly. shes the defacto Trickster Joker figure in the mythos, but like if your mythos was completely real and your gods tripped you in the hallways because tehy dont get attention otherwise. hes the herald of life and all things living in the area but if thats just cus she was the only figure left to deify or any real magic no one rlly knows. he just likes attention.

the 4 like maaain Modern figures in the lore ive been building r these guys tho. normal ass freaks.

Euclid (she/it) is the head of a local group of vagrants who were drawn to the castle by promise of a new home after being kicked out of their original homes fr Many reasons. theyve fully dedicated themselves to helping the rot of the waste spread to the point theyve let it take over themselves, cus it provides fr them so why dont they provide for it back! shes driven and a bit too dedicated to her cause getting a little merciless in her protection of those shes deemed as under her care . shes cool. she helps a lot with the local merchants and the political shenanigans in the castle.

Vlad (he/him) is a stressed freak given wayyy too much sway mostly because Many Many powerful people think hes charming. hes So Scared of literally everything going on but is somehow the head of the guard and The Person people go to for peacekeeping. Both the head of the forum of merchants and local Powers and the leader of the ruffians who claim original ownership of the castle and make its halls a nightmare to be in think he is Simply So Charming and their little Thing LMAO.

Neve (it/its) is the loser leader of the ruffians in the castle who is vaguely obsessed with vlad. once, maybe twice dead, its a cunning and terrible scholar who heads the ghosts in the halls. though at this point its been so many years its mind is kinda scattered and half there at times. its really not that bad tho it just likes Seeming that bad. its like if a zombie was cool.

Raphael (it/its) is the self proclaimed leader of the forum. the forum doesnt.. have a leader? but no one else cares enough to claim to be one so everyone lets it pretend it is. the forum is a group of 11 dragons who embody the elements and have been in the area as long as its existed. most just kinda chill out but some get Extremely involved. raph is one of latter ones and mostly acts as an annoyance. every other one of the heads in the forum has some sort of Thing they do, produce/provide/etc but raph really doesnt??? so it tries to take to leadership. but isnt very good at it . it at least acts as a sort of like. mascot? or like figurehead of the entire area so people are charmed by its ditzy outlook.

[ch3ri-ch3ri-lady]

one thing i’m super curious for in s2 of iwtv is how they’re going to handle the character of madeleine.

in the novel and 1994 movie, claudia forced louis to make madeleine to become her new adoptive mother-this was (along with other reasons) because in order to have any semblance of a life, claudia quite literally NEEDED an adult vampire. At age 5 (book) or 11 (movie), you literally can’t DO anything independently-rent an apartment, live on your own, travel on your own, etc. in a way, madeleine was almost more of claudia’s glorified servant/chauffeur, as she resented fulfilling the role of daughter and longed for adulthood/independence more than anything else. madeleine was a necessity.

madeleine’s personality was also perfect for claudia’s needs. she was a woman driven mad with grief and obsessed with children, she would mindlessly do anything for claudia in a heartbeat and the idea of spending an eternity with an immortal, never-ageing and never-dying daughter was a dream come true for her. of COURSE she’d become her vampire companion (*cough* servant). plus, the added factor that she was a dollmaker and could tailor any clothes/objects to claudia’s child size was definitely an added bonus (like in her miniature adult room, she could dress up in the clothes and pretend at the lifestyle she was always deprived of behind the safety of closed doors. she also really is lestat’s mini me lol and has his eye/appreciation for the finer things and materialism, as opposed to sweaters-eaten-by-moths dad louis)

however, amc claudia is 14, an astronomically different age independence wise compared to 5 or even 11. it’s established in s1 that with some clothes and makeup she can somewhat successfully pass as older, and she was able to live relatively functionally on her own during her era away from louis and lestat. unlike her book/movie counterpart, she doesn’t REQUIRE a physically adult presence in her life. instead we see there is a much greater emphasis on her love life (ex: charlie) and desire for emotional companionship. also, she COMPLETELY resents her status as a “daughter”, switching to referring to louis and lestat as her brothers because she wants to remove herself from that dynamic completely. narratively, it would make no sense for her to make a new parent after working so hard to get rid of that dynamic with her old ones. this is why i (and many other fans i’ve seen) wonder if madeleine is going to be aged down and become her girlfriend/lover in s2 instead.

i think this would also draw some more sweet sweet parallels between her and lestat. both lestat’s first fledgeling/relationship (nicki) and claudia’s (madeleine, and yes, ik louis is technically her maker but he rlly wanted nothing to do w/ her the whole time and the only reason claudia wasn’t her maker was because she was physically incapable of doing so) impulsively believed their mental issues and anguish would be resolved with vampirism when in actuality they only worsened it and made them “mad” (i.e. nicki’s eventual suicide and madeleine’s growing mental instability and just generally freakish behaviour. i feel like it’s not too far of a stretch to say that if she wasn’t killed it wouldn’t have taken long for her to crash and burn too). the lestat/nicki and claudia/madeleine comparisons would be sooo much stronger if madeleine was her lover as well (espc her first serious AND queer relationship, just like nickistat).

claudia and lestat are soo similar and i feel like this wasn’t explored enough in s1. i hope that as the unreliable narration or suspected memory tampering “unravels”, we see more of their dynamic. like, claudia was lestat’s BABY. deep down he was proud of how claudia killed him-because he admitted that if he was in her situation, she did everything the exact same way he would have. AAGH.

(on a side note, i wonder how they’d change up this metaphorical gf!madeleine’s backstory to accommodate the changes. she would still need to be off putting, deeply disturbed/internally tormented, and probably Not That Good Of A Person To Choose To Make Into A Vampire™, but her original backstory of “dead daughter who she creepily makes hundreds of doll replicas of to cope” would have to switch up (i’m maybe banking on something related to wwii, considering the setting of a just-liberated 1940s paris)

anyways lmk ur thoughts

[dramallamas]

The (unserious) notes of Beyond Evil, Episode 2!

Previous Episode || Next Episode

bro this body really dragged everyone out there. all our side characters are here.

"there's mud everywhere" my guy youre in a field what do you expect

"could it be a pervert obsessed with feet?" that doesnt narrow down the list that much in this day and age...

Lee Dongsik was sexy in his 20s 30s and 40s not every man can pull that off. Lee Dongsik the man you are

oh and he's here too (Juwon)

Dongsik is also a little shit and i love him for that.

“Do you like me that much?” Houston I’m deceased.

HE DIDNT SAY NO

Man we get flirting in Episode Two damn we get fed well as a community.

“Isnt she your sister, Lee Yuyeon?” LIARRRR

“The recording room isn’t your bedroom.” As in both of theirs? Because I have read the fics 👀

How warm is the recording room is my question. Because if its like my bedroom then shits freezing

I have said this once and will say it again lee Dongsik is a sexy mf

“I got lured?” Juwons face pls he is so confused.

THE SCORE AND SOUNDS GOD PROPS TO THE MUSIC PPL

Juwons disgust is so amusing.

Bro it must suck to be talked about when you are right here.

Part of me is curious as to how Dongsik went from Lee Dohyun Dongsik to Shin Hakyun Dongsik. Like we get hints in flashbacks but not much more.

We act like Juwon had this sudden shift in how he reacts to Dongsik after his Busan trip but it was there the whole time just a lot more subtle.

Juwon looking at dirt is me looking at Jinmuk. Fricken gross.

“Touch it (my phone) again and your fingers will…” shit man

Also unpopular opinion incoming: not the biggest fan of minjeong. Shes tragic and interesting enough but she is also the type of person I would avoid being friends with

We dont give Jeongje enough credit for him standing up to his mother passive aggressively.

THE FIRST RAIN SCENE ITS HERE

All good things happen in the rain in this show and I stand by that.

This one melts my heart (and Juwon’s too)

He just stares at Dongsik smiling… perhaps he cant be all that bad hey Juwon.

HAN KIHWAN GTF OUT OF HERE

Also juwon can I have that jumper pls? At least tell me where u got it (that blue one he wore with the stripes on his arm).

Juwon in casual clothing is smth we dont see enough of especially at the start of the show

Juwon proving he is just as insane as Dongsik in this scene but also just as driven about solving what really happened. Two sides of the same coin.

Also we do not give the camera ppl enough credit either the way they shoot the scenes is incredible and rlly captures both the character and their thoughts/feelings as well as their situation and vibes of the scene.

“I don’t like solving riddles” juwon aint that ur job…?

Tiny hc: jeongje learnt some english words and slips them into his conversations to add fuel to his lie of ‘studying in america’

“There isnt a single cop in the country wjk would prioritise such a case.” Jeongje says to Juwon, who is prioritising such a case.

Juwon nearly losing his cool is so interesting and important to me.

Juwon doesnt fuck with people telling him to stay quiet thats for sure.

Ok so Dongsiks mum sees Dongsiks dad frozen to death and calls him 동식(이?) 아버지 (Dongsiks dad). like imagine u mother calls ur dad "(your name)'s dad!" is this a thing in korea or a script choice?

Tfw you hear the tragic backstory of ur suspect/future bf

part of me thinks dongsiks limp/leg injury might be psychosomatic, at least a little bit.

jihwas contact name for dongsik being 똥식 is so funny. (동 is how its supposed to be 똥, pronounced only slightly differently means shit/poop)

Underrated friendship Jaeyi and Jihoon moment.

God I hate clubs sm (I have been and ended up stressed depressed and just on the verge of tears by the end of it and I was dead sober)

Dongsik is in protective dad mode and he stands for womens rights (and probably womens wrongs) and i love that.

I am aware that this episode 2 notes is mostly just me loving Dongsik.

Everyone beind done with minjeon is also me.

"Dongsik I wasnt cheating on you..." girl youre giving Juwon the wrong ideas. also dongsik would deserve better than you anyway

Juwon rn "this girl is insane... idk what i expected because this is manyang but she rlly is and I am not dealing with it"

Juwon not being a physical touch person and valuing personal space a lot and Dongsik being an exception is everything to me.

also underrated duo moment of Juwon and Jihoon

Honestly Juwon Jaeyi Jihoon friendship trio should be a thing in fics

Actually Dongsik isnt that much shorter than Juwon... huh...

The shot where they are both looking down... I should use that as my laptop wallpaper tbh

Minjeongs death sequence gives me the chills every time.

Them talking about the death body and Jinmuk being in the shade in the background with Jaeyi... means smth but im not smart enough yet.

Dongsiks case wall for Yuyeon in his basement genuinely makes me cry knowing the truth about it

'hey bitch 😏' is the energy we have rn

Bro cannot control his emotions well around Dongsik

“Let me give you a thorough tour of our jurisdiction” is Dongsik code for, ‘follow me I need to show you something’

I remember this scene being the netflix preview (the one where juwon states that he wants to move to manyang) for beyond evil and I remember thinking… what a shit scene to preview to convince ppl to watch the show. However… I think otherwise because…

“Just what about me interests you so much? I don’t think it’s that I’m a cop. Perhaps that I’m a suspect?”

“Let me ask you. Just what about me interests you so much? You obviously seem to be dying to know what I was up to at Foreign Affairs.”

THAT PART IS CONVINCING ASF HELLO

And then… pain.

Juwon hesitating and genuinely looking torn deciding what to do. Does he call it in or… what? Comfort Dongsik? Probably considered how he reacts upon hearing Dongsik start to cry before realising why. His entire face screams “I’m so sorry…”

And Dongsik oh my god. Even though we know he put them there I think this is the first time he properly grieved it, even if only a little.

He probably did it to bust the case back open again so he and the vicitims can get justice.

And fin. See you next ep!

[tmwcs]

hello!! ^^ a big fan of your work, and I just had a question!! so ik that heethan is all rlly rough and dominant and that reader actually lowkey digs that, but has there ever been a time where reader genuinely cant take the pain and if so how does heethan react to that? (assuming that eden doesn’t yknow just take over or smth) I was just rlly curious to know!! <33

Thank you!! ❤️ 🥰

Ooooh yes I was asked this a long time ago and I feel the answer still stands, because heethan….hes just…he just loves you entirely too much. lol. Like the other heeleads, hes so obsessed with you that seeing you happy, in pain, or angry, he enjoys seeing every bit of you, so long as he is the one responsible for those reactions. He’ll never truly hurt you, but he will enjoy giving you some pain in the manner of installing pleasure. The other stuff like locking you up, punishing you, or playing mind games that end up mentally hurting you are some things he doesn’t actually enjoy, he just does it because he’s a yandere…a very hard and dangerous one. And it progresses.

He loves seeing you happy more than anything else. That’s top tier for him. BUT….if he had a session where his aggression and dominance truly hurt you….lets say it even makes you bleed and you become scared shitless, I’m telling you right now that the man is going to make you take it. He’ll make you take alllllllll of it and he’s not going to stop even if you scream, beg, bleed, or cower in pain and fear. He’s a very sick and twisted menace of a man who was driven mad all because of your existence, and that’s on both sides. Hell start off finding you adorable and may even coo you with his voice and say comforting words as he’s brutally thrusting…but the more you whine and beg him to stop, you’ll bring out his other side…Ethan. And that’s where it gets very….very harsh noncon. It’s very abrasive and uncomfortable and if I were to go into detail yall might really actually hate him or be scared of him. We all know how Ethan is….

But after all is said and done, when you’re laying there in great pain and feeling so abused and tormented by his actions, the man will be so tender and compassionate, a total 180 from how he was just a moment ago, no matter if he’s Heeseung or Ethan. once hes got his fill and enjoyed you, he’ll be so gentle.

He’ll heal you and give you anything you ask for. That’s the kind of fucked up and tormenting part about him that causes you to be so confused and ignorant of his rough behavior and two toned personality traits. Because you’ll soon forget how bad it hurt when Heeseung’s laying beside you, spooning you from behind and petting your hair while he sweetly kisses your ear, telling you how much he loves you. Or when Ethan walks over to the bathroom and grabs a soft washcloth, warms it up under the water and gently wipes your body down from head to toe, kissing your fingers and your legs as he does so, and telling you how good you were.

So yeah…you’re not going to like it because he’ll hurt you but then will heal you. Lol. It pretty much goes for all heeleads, just each of them have their own way of going about it. Heethan loves pain and pleasure and when you’re in pressing pain in the throes of pleasure, that excites him.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hi ari!!!

'we can dip if you’re ready' is so good!!! i'm a little busy currently with work, so i read it quickly so far, but i'm planning on doing an in-depth read of it tomorrow!

and gosh, the angst... just...

my heart broke at the end...

because satoru was trying to just softly reject reader...

ahh...

i have to say, the dialogue is just so... natural? realistic? soft yet unbelievably sad because of the undercurrent of heartbreak running through it...

(wouldn't it be funny if reader ended up with suguru?? especially after the whole 'wolf' comment. then satoru and his sister would be like O.O damn... but it works!)

hi lovely little anon !!!!!!!!

I’M HUGGING YOUUUUUUU SO TIGHT 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 tysm for reading!!!! and for sending me this!!!!!! sorry abt the heartache though.. :’3 i feel like soft angst or bittersweet fluff are probably good words for this fic…. satoru is just trying his best not to lead you on, but he also doesn’t want to be too harsh abt it yk?? i really do think he handled it very maturely!!

AND . THE DIALOGUE . anon i would give you my heart and soul T_T i was happy with how it turned out but also rlly nervous that it wouldn’t feel natural!! so that’s so reassuring to hear….. writing dialogue for gojo is always sm fun.

but 👀👀👀👀 suguru huh……… i was kinda entertaining that idea too LMAO. i think gojo and riko would shut it down immediately but it’s fun to think abt…. i’m honestly not sure how suguru would handle this kind of scenario!! a part of me feels like he would be even more adamant on rejecting you… bc of his steady morals…. but then again. i also see suguru as being more emotionally driven/less logical than satoru, so maybe he’d go for it if you both loved each other? hmmm..

honestly though . i feel like if reader ended up with someone other than gojo…. it’d probably be riko 😭 i was kindaaaa trying to hint at that a bit but it’s more of a potential what-if scenario. i think it’d be a lot of fun to write two ”endings” for this fic… one where reader and satoru meet a decade after the first fic and finally hit it off, and one where reader accepts satoru’s rejection and falls for riko. it’s just a thought but!! i think it’d be rlly sweet :3