#he outright does not care about multiple of the ones guinea pigs usually do

[sunb0ts]

today was good by the way!! hiya :)) Loser and I got to meet between their classes and I called Bren after + we got to talk before leaving our own classes today so I am having fun. also I was feeding Mikeko after I got home and he tried strawberries for the second time ever he's very happy. he popcorned after

[thatsnicebutimmarried]

When it’s been more than a decade (has it been fifteen years yet?) since Teen Titans ended and you’re still bitter about how Terra’s storyline was resolved because she was The Best and fandom still treats her like shit even though she was a confused, profoundly lonely fourteen year old girl with deep insecurities, fears, and vulnerabilities which were masterfully exploited by a psychopathic master manipulator and abuser who knew exactly what to say to convince her that he was her only hope for control of her powers, and also that no one else would ever see her as worth anything and that once her “friends” knew what she’d done they’d hate her, so obviously her only option was to stay with him like HELLO if Slade’s manipulation of Terra is not textbook abusive/controlling behavior then I don’t know what is. And yes she made bad choices and I’m not saying she is innocent but it can’t be ignored that she was pushed towards the edge. And while Beast Boy turning away from her in ‘Betrayal’ was totally justified from his perspective, it was also an event basically engineered by Slade, since he knew that if this one last person who Terra thought really genuinely cared for her turned on her, that Terra would lose all hope in being good and obediently return to his side and be his apprentice. He made her believe that he was the only one who actually cared and would take her in and all that textbook isolating victim stuff. And then he made sure it followed through. Beast Boy could have gotten her to turn away, so Slade had to make sure to break that connection. 

Terra had thought she was an unloveable monster for years, and Slade fed into that until Terra believed that was all she ever would or could be, so might as well lean into it. And it wasn’t until she was done and tried to leave that he took full control of her body, having already taken control of her mind. Like. Terra is arguably one of the most powerful Titans in the whole TT universe. And yet she has lived a life that has left her feeling powerless and like she can’t fight back. And so that moment when she finally fights back against Slade and throws off his control is so iconic and powerful because it’s probably the first time she has really believed in herself like that. And the resulting fight is no-holds-barred. It’s like in that moment Terra realizes that she has the power of the earth’s core at her fingertips and she’s been used and controlled by a non-super-powered middle-aged psychopath with a weird paternal complex and one eye. And she brings the fucking house down. The Titans have been trying to defeat Slade for two seasons at this point and he’s killed in a matter of minutes by a pissed off kid who’s 1000% done with being used. She’s so done that she melts the guy in lava. She stops a frickin volcano and is so sick of how her life has been controlled (first as a child, then by the scientists who gave her powers, then by Slade) that she’s just done and doesn’t care if she lives through it. She decides she’s gonna be good for once if it’s the last thing she does. Literally. It’s not a stretch to think Terra’s mental health has reached suicidal ideation before, but in that moment she doesn’t care if she lives or dies as long as it’s on her own terms. 

She tells Robin she’s not some “scared little girl waiting to be rescued”, and in a way she isn’t. She’s a profoundly broken kid who has always been the most powerful person in any room she walked into, but has never actually felt it until that moment when she decides she’s taking Slade’s bitchass down. 

I was mad about ‘Things Change’ in 2006 when I was 14 and I’m still mad about it at 27. Teen Titans Go! #51 tried to make it better, and it was nice to be given more of Terra’s backstory in that universe, as well as introducing Geo-Force, but the explanation given, and Terra’s “metamorphosis” still didn’t quite sit right with me. And then recently I fell down a youtube rabbit hole and started learning a ton about Dissociative Identity Disorder (the modern name of Multiple Personality Disorder; btw Split lied to you, “evil” alters are not a thing). And like. Terra has it. It fits. Emerging from stone with a new personality and no memories of her past life and her powers? A new alter born with the purpose of letting Terra have the simple, carefree life she always wanted who is amnesiac about Terra’s former life, who probably has false memories of her past, taking over as host while the true Terra retreats into the recesses of her own mind. It is not uncommon for those with DID for the “original” to retreat into the mind (often it seems to escape long-term abuse, but there can be many reasons), and another personality to take over as “host”, the personality who is in control the most and in charge of day-to-day living.  DID is caused by repeated severe trauma in childhood, prior to the ages of about 7-9, when the different parts of a child’s personality integrate into one personality in normal development. But repeated severe childhood trauma along with other factors like the inability to form attachment, can interrupt that personality integration, resulting in amnesiac walls, and the separate parts of personality staying seperate and growing into their own distinct personality states. (This is a super condensed reader’s digest version from someone who does not have DID and has just watched a ton of DID youtubers and done research, so this isn’t comprehensive, but do some research because this is a little-understood disorder and it is totally fascinating.) 

Repeated severe childhood trauma. Like when your father hands you and your brother over to a group of scientists to be experimented on in order to give you superpowers. And given that Markovia’s King definitely signed off on his young children (I mean in those memories Tara looks 6-7 at MOST. She’s still in the window for DID development for sure.) being experimented on by people that Geo-Force describes as being “like Slade”, I have to bet that Daddy Markov was never exactly the best father. Maybe he was never outright abusive, but I would bet he was neglectful, leaving his children to be raised by nannies, governesses, tutors, etc. Inability to form attachment? Check. Tara’s experience of abuse/neglect/trauma likely started even before her father handed her over to be a guinea pig. 

Her lack of control of her powers may even have been partially caused by DID. DID youtuber The Entropy System explained how ordinary language phrases like “I don’t feel like myself today”, or “It’s like I was a totally different person” (and others, like “being on autopilot”) make many DID sufferers think their symptoms and experiences are totally normal. They can go years with no idea that the experiences they associate with those phrases is completely different than what those phrases mean to people without DID. And Terra could also be writing off certain DID symptoms as being connected to her inability to control her powers. (Like, blacking out or losing time during the duration of an event where she loses control and causes an earthquake or something.) And if she is usually co-fronting or co-conscious with alters, then she would have a harder time realizing something is wrong. (Co-fronting: Like, two alters are in the driver’s seat at the same time. Co-conscious or co-con: One alter is in the driver’s seat, with another in the passenger seat but able to reach over and put a hand on the wheel.) And running around the world probably doesn’t give you much access to therapy even if you do suspect something is wrong. 

And now I have a story in my head of SchoolGirlNotTerra having her world shaken when Terra starts making her way back to the front. Because honestly, I feel like Terra just sort of becoming a different person isn’t as satisfying of a finish to her story as her finally coming to terms with all the parts of her. Reconciling her power and her goodness. Tara Markov is not beyond redemption, and pushing her out of the way and being like “she turned into someone who doesn’t remember because she doesn’t want to remember” just...kind of feels like cheating her out of her redemption. But who wants to read an emotional character-driven Teen Titans fanfic in 2019. Other than me, because Terra is still one of the most complex, interesting characters in animation, and I still feel like her character deserves better. 

Basically #justicefortaramarkov20always