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minastras · 2 years ago

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tell me, do you feel the love? // soobin

It’s been six months since you were cheated on and, much to your chagrin, romance seems to be everywhere. Thankfully, your best friend Choi Soobin has seen you through everything without complaining once. Maybe love isn’t dead after all.

at a glance: gender neutral reader, best friends to lovers, university au, fluff, some angst, inspired by the song double take by dhruv!

words: 4.7k

warnings: swearing, discussions of cheating, mentions of a panic attack

——————————

You owed Choi Soobin your life.

That might’ve been a slight exaggeration, but it really did feel like it sometimes.

He was there for you the day you found out your then-boyfriend was cheating on you for almost the entirety of your year-long relationship. You wanted to do nothing but mope and/or shoot things, and he indulged you.

“I’m sorry,” he said in lieu of a greeting when you opened the door, a bag of your favourite snacks in his hands. He had rushed over immediately after you texted him the news. “I can’t believe Hyeontak would do that to you.”

“Don’t be sorry. Thanks for coming, Soup.”

You couldn’t remember when you’d started calling your best friend Soup. At first you shortened his name to Soobi, and then to Soobs, and somewhere along the line it became Soup. He laughed his ass off the first time he heard it, even though it wasn’t that funny.

The last thing you wanted right now was pity. You’d just returned from Hyeontak’s apartment where you’d caught him red handed (or red dicked, as it were). All you’d done since was text Soobin ‘hyeon cheated !’ and flopped onto the sofa, not even having the energy to cry.

“Let’s play Overwatch,” you suggested, beginning to set up your TV.

He stood in your doorway, confused. “You don’t want to talk about it?” he asked, probably preparing himself during the walk over to your place for you to eat and cry and rant until you were blue in the face. You were so… subdued.

“Not particularly. I want to shoot things,” you replied with a shrug, looking away. Your refusal to make eye contact with him was out of character, but you were trying to play it off. You were fine. “Can I get you something to drink?”

——————————

He was there for you a week later when you fought a printer. Well, it probably had more to do with it being Valentine’s Day than the printer itself. You were in the student room trying to print something for a project you were working on together that was due that weekend.

“Look, even the fucking printers have paper heart stickers on them,” you complained, rolling your eyes at the tacky decor covering every surface imaginable. There was red glitter on your hands. “And yet they still don’t work.”

Soobin looked up from the paper tray he’d been trying to fix for at least four minutes. “It is a little excessive,” he conceded, taking pity on you.

You removed the toner cartridge and put it back in, like that was going to do anything. “This is where all our student fees go. Fucking paper hearts.”

He laughed, taking the opportunity while you were distracted with the printer to stare at you. He could look at you as fondly and as often as he wanted, because in the three years of knowing him, you’d never once noticed how purely and utterly smitten he was with you.

“Maybe we should try the printer in the library again,” he suggested. This was the third printer you’d tried. You had spent the entire day hopping around your university to find one that worked — soaking in the sights of the happy, lovey-dovey couples all over campus — like you were on some kind of twisted, sadistic, printer pilgrimage. It made you sick.

“No! I’m going to make this one work, or so help me God.” You thumped the top of the printer. Percussive troubleshooting, you called it. Thankfully, the student room was empty apart from the two of you. Nothing happened. You hit it again, harder this time.

He suggested, “We could email the professor and ask her if she can print it for us.”

“I can do it,” you insisted. You hit the printer a third time. It restarted. Calming yourself down, you took a deep breath and lowered your voice, as if speaking too loudly would scare the printer into further non-compliance.

“As Sun Tzu once said: face and know thine enemy. The HP DeskJet 2722e All-in-One Printer,” you said stubbornly, chant-like, your tone artificially even.

He laughed again. “I don’t think The Art of War applies to printers.”

“Metal box bastard,” you cursed, not really listening to him, hitting the printer between each word as its empty print queue and paper heart accessories taunted you. “I wish I could be a useless piece of shit and still have people love me.”

“Are you jealous of a printer?” he asked, perplexed.

You ignored him and continued clicking around your laptop screen’s error messages in frustration. Standing behind you now, Soobin grabbed your hands to force you to stop, pulling you away from the printer.

“Hey, I love you, but you’re being insane. I’ll email the Prof, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

——————————

He was there two months later, when you were invited to a party your ex would be attending. Soobin offered to go with you without you even having to ask.

“You really don’t have to come. I know you hate parties,” you told him, sitting on his bed while you waited for him to choose a jacket.

In all honesty you didn’t want to go either, but it was your friend Hayeon’s birthday and you had to be there. Besides, you liked Hayeon. But she was also friends with Hyeontak even though she knew he was a cheater, which made you like her slightly less. Whatever. It wasn’t about you.

“It’s okay,” Soobin said, neither confirming nor denying. He couldn’t lie to you, anyway. You knew him too well. “Which one do you prefer?” he asked, holding up two nearly identical denim jackets.

You suppressed a laugh. “The black one. It looks good on you,” you said, and you swore you caught a faint blush on his cheeks before he turned around to put the dark blue denim jacket back in his wardrobe.

At the party, you struggled to get Hayeon’s attention for even a second. She was too popular for her own good. But you managed to bend her ear just long enough to wish her a happy birthday before she was whisked away by someone else.

You and Soobin retreated to a quieter part of the living room as soon as you could, exchanging wordless glances. It was painfully obvious to you that he wanted to go home. You checked the time and held up three fingers and a fist: thirty more minutes. That was probably the earliest you could leave without being rude.

“Y/N! Fancy seeing you here.”

You grimaced at the familiarity of that voice but turned around anyway. Soobin watched on carefully.

“Hey, Hyeontak. It’s been a while,” you greeted, keeping your voice as light as you could. He had his arm wrapped around the waist of a girl you didn’t know, not that it mattered. The smug smirk on his face was a much bigger target of your anger.

“It really has. I heard you were pretty upset by, you know, everything,” Hyeontak said, smirking.

You raised an eyebrow and glanced at the girl. She seemed oblivious, and you weren’t going to say anything to her here in front of everyone. That would only humiliate her. Did you have a moral obligation to tell her in private?

“I understand, though. It’s hard to get over me,” he continued with a carefree laugh when you didn’t respond to his provocation. Without realising it, you kept looking over at Soobin for reassurance.

“You always did have an ego large enough for its own zip code, Hyeon,” you said jokingly, hoping the girl would think you were just friends trading friendly insults. You grinned with supreme malice and even threw in a giggle for good measure.

“Still hilarious as always, Y/N,” Hyeontak said, but you could tell he was on edge now and looking for a way out. “Anyway, it was nice catching up with you! I’ll see you around.”

He made a swift exit, dragging the girl he hadn’t bothered to introduce away in his wake. You looked at Soobin, amused. He rolled his eyes and you laughed as you watched Hyeontak leave.

Turning back to Soobin now, you asked, “Do you want to go somewhere quieter?”

The back patio of Hayeon’s house was empty, overlooking a small yard. Soobin took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh night air.

“Thanks,” he said. You could always tell when he was feeling overwhelmed. It was far too loud, hot, and crowded inside, but the cool breeze was helping him to calm down. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” you replied, and for the first time in months you were starting to feel like maybe that wasn’t a lie. You hadn’t felt jealous at all earlier, you’d stood up for yourself, and now you were alone with your favourite person in the world. Just being around Soobin made you feel at ease.

“I’m not even mad at Hyeontak anymore,” you said honestly. “I’m just upset at myself for trusting him.”

Soobin crossed his arms and sat down on the edge of the patio, patting the spot beside him. “Well, I’ll be mad at him for you. Fuck that guy,” he deadpanned.

You let out a surprised laugh at his profanity — he didn’t curse often — as you sat down with him. “Why, thank you, Soup.”

“I hope he didn’t destroy your trust forever,” Soobin continued, sounding dead-serious despite your joking mood.

You turned to him, propping your head up on one hand. “What do you mean?”

“I like that you trust people so much. You have such an open heart,” he said, his tone muted as he looked at you. “It’s one of the best things about you.”

There was something different in his gaze tonight, although you didn't couldn’t tell what. Or perhaps it was the same as it always was, but you were just now seeing it fully for the first time. You shook your head and broke eye contact. There were too many things in your head.

It was a perfect late spring night, with clear skies and a crisp breeze that prevented you from feeling too warm. You sat in silence for a good while, with the atmospheric party noises in the background seeming to fade further and further away the longer you were alone with him.

Somehow, every party you went to together ended this way: with the two of you hiding out in a quiet part of the house by yourselves, away from the crowds and chaos. It was nice.

“Do you really mean that?” you asked after a long pause. You had never really thought of yourself as a particularly trusting person. “What you said about me having an open heart.”

He was serious again when he nodded. “I do.”

You returned his gaze. You could always tell if he was lying, and this time, he wasn’t. His eyes, soft and brown and kind, were genuine. He smiled.

“Let’s go,” you suggested, even though it hadn’t been thirty minutes. Something about his smile made you want to get out of there and go somewhere else. “I just need to say bye to Hayeon before we leave.”

He stood up to follow you into the house.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, Soup. I’ll be fine,” you told him. He beamed, grateful and relieved, and waited for you outside.

When you returned, he gave you his black denim jacket to wear on the walk home.

——————————

He was there for you when a classmate of yours asked you out and you had a panic attack trying to reply to their text.

“I can’t do it.” You threw your phone across the room, your hands shaking.

“You like them, right? And they seem to really like you back,” Soobin assured, always the steady, patient one.

“They’re lying to me. They don’t actually like me, I’m not good enough for them,” you sobbed, frantic, your words tripping over one another to get out.

As much as you were over your ex, you couldn’t shake his betrayal. Maybe you did deserve to be cheated on. How could you ever believe anyone else when they said they liked you, if the man who’d told you that for a year had never meant it?

Soobin hugged you, one arm around your shoulders and the other on the back of your head. You were hyperventilating, crying not from hurt but from the embarrassment that, god, you couldn’t even text someone back. What was wrong with you?

“If you’re not ready, just tell them no,” he said, low and deliberate. “If they’re worth your time, they’ll understand.”

As he held you against his chest with your ear pressed to the soft fabric of his sweater, you could feel the vibrations of his voice and hear the slowness of his heartbeat, and you started to calm down almost instantly. His ability to pull you out of your spirals was unmatched, and it had always been.

“I’m never going to be normal again,” you sighed, now sounding resigned and exhausted instead of panicked. “I like them, and I can’t even- why can’t I just-”

“Be patient with yourself. You were with Hyeontak for a whole year.” Soobin slowly let you go, studying your expression, his eyes asking if you were fine without him having to say a thing.

“I’m good. Thanks, Soup,” you whispered, nodding as if to convince yourself. If anyone could make you believe that it was him, and the more you stared into his eyes the more sure of your words you became.

He smiled and rubbed your shoulder, his hand large and heavy and his touch firm and grounding. “You’ll be okay when you’re okay. You don’t have to rush.”

——————————

And he was here for you now, at yet another party, and you were starting to think that you would much rather be alone with him than in a house filled with people neither of you recognised.

Why were you here again?

Oh, right. Because Soobin’s roommate Yeonjun wanted him to get laid. Maybe this time you were here for him instead of the other way around. For once.

Yeonjun had thrown a massive party (in his and Soobin’s apartment, no less) to try and get Soobin ‘out of his shell’. Nevermind the fact that Soobin didn’t want to get out of his shell and was perfectly fine where he was.

“Hey,” Soobin waved you over the second you entered his apartment, visibly relieved at the sight of you. He was wearing that black denim jacket of his that you liked, which he wore nearly every day after you’d said it looked good on him.

“Hi. I can’t even recognise this place,” you said, looking around his packed apartment.

“Yeah, Yeonjun knows too many people,” he laughed, but you could tell he was nervous.

“Soobin!” Yeonjun called, stopping in his tracks when he saw you, the excitement in his face dissipating. “Oh. You’re here.”

Soobin punched him in the arm and scowled. “Don’t be rude.”

“You never talk to anyone else when they’re around,” Yeonjun whisper-shouted to him, like you weren’t standing right there.

“Don’t worry,” you said while holding up your hands, a disclaimer. “I won’t monopolise his time. Go have fun, Soup.”

Yeonjun grinned and gave you a hi-five. “Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! You get it.” He patted Soobin hard on the back and nudged him over to a group of girls by the window.

“Wait!” Soobin exclaimed, jerking at the sudden motion. He immediately clammed up and dug his heels into the floor, resisting, but Yeonjun didn’t relent.

“The girl there in the leather skirt? She thinks you’re cute. Go talk to her,” he pushed, laughing. “Bye! Have fun!”

Soobin was propelled into the crowd against his will, turning back at you with pleading eyes, but it was too late. Yeonjun already had his arm around your shoulder, stopping you from rescuing him.

You found another group of people to talk to so you weren’t alone, although throughout the entire night your attention drifted sporadically back to Soobin. You kept glancing over at the window, sneaking glimpses of him and the girl in the leather skirt, not sure when exactly you’d started feeling jealous. He was laughing with her, and she was touching his arm.

Someone tapped your shoulder. It was Yeonjun. You excused yourself from the group you were talking to.

“Hey, sorry about earlier,” he said, much calmer than before. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“No offence taken,” you assured him, which was true. If it had been anyone else you probably would’ve been annoyed, but you knew Yeonjun meant well.

“That’s a relief,” he smiled, fixing his hair and clapping his hands together. “Soobin is- he’s holding out for someone and he can’t move on. I just want him to- uh-”

“Get laid?” you finished helpfully, echoing the text exchange Soobin had screenshotted and sent to you. You weren’t used to seeing Yeonjun stumbling over his words; he was always so assured and confident. And he wasn’t drunk yet either. You flagged it in your mind as something to come back to when you had the time.

Yeonjun laughed loudly. “Oh, he told you about that?”

Someone somewhere in the crowd was calling his name now. While you laughed along, you were still thinking about Soobin and who he was holding out for. And why your heart had dropped when you heard that.

“Look, I gotta go. Sorry again,” Yeonjun said, patting your shoulder. “Soobin really wanted you to be here, so thanks for coming.”

He disappeared into the crowd, leaving you by yourself to watch Soobin. The girl whispered something into his ear, and he laughed.

At that very moment, a slow song came on. Who would play a slow song now? Yeonjun. Right.

Soobin looked up at the abrupt music change and his eyes instantly locked on yours from across the room. You smiled, tight and close-lipped, as the girl took him by the arm and pulled him to dance with her.

You slipped through the crowd and down the corridor to Soobin’s closed bedroom. He wouldn’t mind if you hid and waited out the party in there by yourself.

His room was small and neat and nicely-decorated, just large enough for a wardrobe, desk, and queen single bed (you knew that because you had bought him his bedsheets). When you came over you usually sat on his bed, while he took his desk.

There were traces of his personality everywhere, which you loved. A stack of books on his bedside table, a stuffed rabbit toy that you won for him from an arcade last year on his desk, and his precious hedgehog’s cage.

His window was cracked open, so you looked outside. He had a nice view of the nearby park. Resting your arms on the windowsill, made of metal and cool against your skin, you closed your eyes. You saw Soobin when you did, smiling at the girl in the leather skirt, with his eyes crinkled perfectly and his cheeks raised.

He was holding out for someone. Why did that make you feel disappointed?

Your phone buzzed. It was Yeonjun warning you Hyeontak was here, and that he would try to kick him out. Three months ago that would have bothered you, but you felt nothing now. You sent him back a quick thank you.

“Were you thinking about me?”

You spun around at the sudden voice to see Soobin standing in the entrance of his room, one shoulder leaning against the doorframe, thumbs hooked on the belt loops of his jeans. For the first time in your life, the sight of him made you nervous instead of calming you down.

“Huh-”

“Just now, when they played that song,” he continued, walking towards you. “Were you thinking about me? Because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

All you could do was stare at him with your eyes wide in shock, desperately trying to read his face, his tone, his body language. You were normally good at that, so good it was unsettling to other people, but now you couldn’t at all.

He had his hands in his pockets while he looked at you, waiting for an answer that you were struggling to produce. It felt like your mind was whirring at ninety miles an hour, and yet your head was empty. You’d been with him in his room countless times, but you’d never felt like this before.

His eyes were both serious and anticipatory, like he was about to burst with emotion. Usually he was the first to fold during long pauses in conversations, but now he was uncharacteristically sure-footed in his silence. He wasn’t going to keep talking to fill it; he wanted you to speak.

When you finally did, all you could come up with was, “Why aren’t you out there with-”

“I’d rather be here with you,” he said, more decisive than you’d ever heard him, the sentiment so urgent he couldn’t even wait for you to finish your question. It was unlike him. You didn’t- couldn’t respond. “Can I show you something?”

You nodded dumbly and he took your hand to lead you to his bedside table. He opened the front cover of the book on top of his stack and pulled out a red paper heart.

“Do you remember this?” he asked, handing it to you.

“Of course.”

On Valentine’s Day, student union volunteers had been stationed around campus handing out paper hearts to ‘spread cheer’. Fresh off of a break-up at the time, you had scoffed at the idea. But when one of the volunteers offered a heart to you and Soobin, mistaking you two for a couple, you took it anyway and gave it to him.

And he’d kept it. You turned it over in your hand, tracing its scalloped edges and feeling the grit of the sparkly red paper. It had not a single crease, fold, or tear on it, even after months.

“That day we spent trekking all over the city looking for a working printer was the best Valentine’s Day of my life,” Soobin told you, soft and sentimental. “Because I was with you.”

Your gaze shifted from the paper heart to his face. In that moment, you realised why he was the only person who could calm you down when you panicked, why he was the only person you ever wanted to be around, why you always found yourself turning to him for reassurance. Because when he looked at you, you felt seen.

“Really? Even though I had a breakdown and started quoting Sun Tzu at the HP DeskJet- whatever?” you asked. You still remembered that, because he had found it so funny. You tended to keep track of those things so you could make him laugh again.

“That was a bonus,” he said, taking the paper heart back from you for safekeeping. His fingers brushed yours, and you felt a jolt of electricity that had never been there before.

“Yeonjun told me you’re ‘holding out for someone’,” you said, unsure, glancing over his shoulder at the party still raging outside. He smiled at your slowness, giggling as you (finally) put the pieces together. “And- I’m now realising he was talking about me.”

“I knew you’d get there eventually,” he teased, raising one hand to your chin. You leaned into his touch instinctively, and he brought his lips to yours. They were soft and warm and tasted like mint lip balm. He had bought that lip balm from a 7-Eleven when you were out one night and his lips were cracked and bleeding, along with a Kit-Kat for you.

He put his other hand on the small of your back to draw you nearer to him, and you grabbed the front of his jacket. Everywhere he touched you, you came alive.

“Listen, I’m processing a lot all at once,” you mumbled in the kiss, defending yourself, holding onto his collar. He smiled against your mouth. The worn denim of his jacket folded and crumpled under your grip, soft in a way it wasn’t when it was new, a testament to just how often he wore it after Hayeon’s party a few months ago.

You were breathless by the time you separated, although he was not. He leaned his forehead lightly against yours, beaming. His smile made you dizzy.

“Can I ask you something?” you murmured. Your lips were swollen, as were his. “When did you start liking me?”

“Chuseok two years ago, when everyone else was going home to visit their families and I had to stay on campus,” he answered, completely void of hesitation. “You invited me over for dinner and we cooked together even though we barely talked back then.”

Three years ago, at the start of university, you and Soobin were part of a loosely-tied social circle. You were acquaintances at best at the time. But that Chuseok, you reached out to him on a whim knowing both of you would be alone for the festivities otherwise. He came over to your apartment (your roommates had all gone home) and you had a two-person feast.

It was originally meant to be a casual hangout held solely so neither of you would have to spend Chuseok by yourselves. All you knew about him then was that he was tall, cute, and relatively quiet.

But you and him had so much fun cooking together that you stayed up all night talking. A large part of that conversation was spent lamenting about how you hadn’t become friends sooner, even though you’d known each other for a year.

A larger part was about your families, your worries, and your greatest fears, because for whatever reason you felt compelled to tell each other everything. He had crashed on your living room floor that night, and you somehow manhandled him (height and all) into your bed while you took the sofa for yourself.

From that day on, you became closer and closer. As you moved through university, you started to drift away from the superficial friendships formed out of necessity in your first year. But he stuck around, and became your sole close friend.

“I woke up in your bed and saw you sleeping in the living room using my coat as a blanket, and that’s when I knew,” he told you, cupping your face in his hands, his voice soft and low.

His gaze and touch were warm as always, but unlike before when the warmth came from his hands, this time it started in your heart and spread outwards. You knew exactly which coat he was talking about, a long black puffer he’d been obsessed with in your second year. He still had it, you were pretty sure.

“Two years?” you breathed, looking up at him wide-eyed through your lashes. Yeonjun’s impatience was starting to make sense to you now. “Why did you wait so long?”

“I wasn’t waiting. If I never got the chance to tell you, I’d be okay with that too,” Soobin said, sweeping his thumb lightly over your cheek. “I had to be sure you felt the same. I couldn’t risk ruining our friendship otherwise.”

You shook your head, smiling, unable to comprehend how you got so lucky. “I don’t deserve you,” you told him.

In response, he pulled you back towards him and kissed you harder, more desperately, with a fervour so antithetical to his usual calm disposition that you melted in his arms right then and there. You could feel his want, his longing, his sincerity, and you wondered how you could have been so blind as to not see it earlier.

“Don’t say that,” he pleaded.

You wondered how you didn’t see your own. He was your answer to everything, and had been for so long. You couldn’t find the appropriate words to reassure him that, yes, you weren’t going to leave him — some feelings were too big, too wide, too much, to be expressed verbally — so you just kissed him again. And again. And again. You’d missed out on two whole years, after all.

——————————

thanks for reading <3

-minastras

#tomorrow x together #txt x reader #txt #choi soobin #soobin x reader #soobin fluff #soobin au #soobin imagine #soobin scenarios #txt soft hours #soobin soft hours

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dangerkittenclaws · 10 months ago

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Hi! If you are taking requests could I request a sleep token Vessel X reader where he comforts reader after a nightmare?

The amount of excitement I got when I saw this ask- AH!!! Hands down, nightmare comfort fics are my weakness by far, always have been. So thank you!! I hope you enjoy! This is STRONGLY inspired by my own nightmares and their aftermaths, so a tad self indulgent too. 😝��

vessel x f!reader

warnings: nightmares obv, a lot of comfort from the cute lean bean of a man

It’s happening again.

It’s the one where you feel your body vibrating. Your mind is aware but your body is still asleep. You’re unable to move, frozen to your bed and unable to open your eyes. Not that you’d really want to see what was going on.

You feel as though you’re being watched from all sides. The only sound you hear is your own blood rushing through your veins and your lungs are moving oxygen so fast that you feel as though there's not enough. Panic sets in to your bones now.

You know it’s happening and you’re not able to stop it. Try as you might to tell yourself that it will be over soon, the terror that's being inflicted on you by whatever force above you is overwhelming.

You try to call out to Vessel, exerting all of your energy it seems, to get your voice to work, for air to move through your larynx.

The sound of your blood gets to be too loud and your entire being feels like it’s being shaken by this force that comes to haunt you too often.

Soon, you think through your panic. Soon you’ll pass out and it’ll be over. Soon is finally here.

Blackness envelops you, for how long, you’re unsure.

You wake up in near hysterics next. This time you’re able to move with your own will. Your legs come up to your chest as you sit upright.

Your breathing once again is too fast as you clutch the sides of your neck. You try to look around you to get your bearings.

Vessel moves to sit up next to you, “‘re okay, love. I’m right here.”

Tears fill your eyes and quickly overflow. You feel a hand rubbing up and down your spine, trying to get your lungs to cooperate. Your breath catches over and over again as you sob. The fear running through you is tangible.

Vessel realizes you’re past the point he usually can catch you to calm down. He gets up to be in front of you, moving the comforters to take your forearms in each of his hands.

“Hey, hey, focus on me,” he says seriously. You blink rapidly and look up to him. You try not to think about being frozen as you were, helpless and vulnerable.

“That's it. Focus on my voice sweetheart.” He puts your palms to his bare chest. This always helps you to focus.

“Breathe, baby. Slow. In and out. Do it with me. In and out.” You try to follow as best as you can through the tears streaming down your face. You feel his voice rumble through your hands as he speaks and his ribcage moving as he exaggerates his deep breaths.

He shushes you for a few moments. As childish as it may seem, it’s your favorite thing to hear.

You look into his eyes, trying to show him just how terrified you were a moment ago. You squeeze shut your eyes for a moment, more tears flow and you breathe out heavily.

“There you go. Just like that.” One of his hands leaves your own to caress your face. You lean into him. His thumb brushes underneath your eye, the skin there tender with hot tears.

You let your lungs fill with oxygen and breathe out again. It’s coming easier now, but your diaphragm still spasms occasionally.

“You’re okay now, pretty girl. It’s over.” He reassures you. He knows that this dream is recurring and petrifies you.

You breathe out before swallowing to speak, “I’m sorry. It.. it always feels so real.”

You always feel a bit stupid afterwards. It’s not like a zombie came back to life and ripped your leg off. Something normal be scared about. It’s just that an unknown force seems to make you unable to move on your own accord and to feel your body practically vibrating invokes such a fear into you that it leaves you unable to sleep for days afterwards. There’s never a zombie, as much as you wish for one instead.

“I know it does.” He reaches for your water cup on the nightstand and puts the straw to your lips. You suck down nearly half of it before exhaling again. “I’ll always be here, okay?” You nod at him as you take back your arms from him.

You get up to use the bathroom and gather your thoughts. By the time you get back to bed, Vessel is there, opening the covers to you.

“Come on, sleep time.” You slide in next to him, feet cold from the bathroom tile. You rub them together before finding his legs to warm them up. He laughs quietly, “Why do your feet always find me when they’re cold?”

“Because you’re always warm!” you whisper-yell.

He laughs again before sliding an arm around you.

“You know I’ll always be here for you, right? After every nightmare, after every dream.” He tightens his arm for a moment and leans down to kiss the top of your head.

“Mhmm,” You snuggle in closer to him, if that’s possible. “Thank you,” you whisper back before pressing your lips to his ribs.

You hear him shushing you again, knowing it's your weakness and your eyes close.

Vessel stays awake for a bit longer just to make sure your little breaths are even against his skin.

#dangerkittenclaws #sleep token #sleep token fanfiction #eepy tokey #vessel x reader #vessel sleep token #sleep token fanfic

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jeannereames · 1 year ago

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Your top 5 Alexander the Great moments?

Top Five Alexander Moments

One issue with answering this is to figure out what events actually happened, especially when it comes to anecdotes! Here are four I find either significant to understanding his charisma and/or which explain how he functioned and why he was successful, plus one I like just because I’m a horse girl.

1) To my mind, the event that best illustrates why his men followed him to the edge of their known world occurred in the Gedrosian Desert. While I’m a bit dubious that this trek was as bad as it’s made out to be (reasons exist for exaggerating), it was still baaaad. One story relates that some of his men found some brackish water in a sad little excuse for a spring, gathered it in a helm, and brought it to him. Given his poor physical condition after the Malian siege wound, he no doubt needed it badly. He thanked them (most sincerely), then carried it out where all (or at least a lot) of his men could see, raised it overhead, and announced that until all of them could drink, he wouldn’t. Then he poured it onto the rocky ground.

That gesture exemplified his charisma. And it absolutely is not something the likes of a Donald tRump could even imagine doing—nor most dictators, tbh. They’d be blaming everybody else and calling for heads while drinking Diet Coke, not suffering alongside their people.

This wasn’t an isolated event of that type. While he almost certainly didn’t have time to engage along with his soldiers in every project, we’re told he would drop in from time-to-time, to inspire them and to offer a little friendly competition.

He also dressed like his men for everyday activities, especially early in the campaign. As time went on, some sources say he inserted more distance—probably necessary as his duties exploded—but he still seems to have found time to “just hang out” with his Macedonians on occasion. The claims that he was too high and mighty to do so appears to have been exaggeration (as such accusations often are) in order to forward a narrative that he was “going Asian.” Troop resentment over court changes was very genuine—I don’t want to underplay it (especially as I’ve written about it in a few chapters in this), but it tended to boil up during certain periods/events, then die back again. Alexander was trying to walk a very fine line of incorporating the conquered while not ticking off his own people.

2) Reportedly, he once threw a man out of line because he hadn’t bothered to secure the chin strap on his helm. I pick this one because it tells me a whole lot about how he saw himself as a commander, and what he expected of his men (and why he tended to consistently win).

On the surface, his reaction seems almost petty. It’s precisely the sort of mistake students whine about when professors ding them for it. It’s just a chin strap! I’d have tightened it before I went into battle! (It’s just a few typos; you knew what I meant! Or, Why does everything in the bibliography have to be exactly matching in style? Who cares? What a stupid thing to obsess about!) These objections are all of a piece. First, they’re lazy, and second, they indicate a disconcern with details. In battle, such disconcern can get a person killed. And on a larger scale, for a general, such disconcern loses battles.

One of the striking aspects of Alexander’s military operations was just how well his logistics worked. Consistently. We hear little about them precisely because they rarely fail. Food and water was there when they needed it, as were arrow replacements, wood to repair the spears, wool and leather for clothes and shoes, canvas for tents, etc., etc. All those little niggling (boring) details. If these are missing, soldiers become upset (and don’t fight well). Starting with Philip, the Macedonian military was a well-oiled machine. That’s WHY Gedrosia was such a shock: the logistics collapsed. Contra some historians, he did not do it to “punish” his men, nor to best Cyrus.* He had a sound reason—to scout a trade route.

Alexander understood that details matter. It starts with a loose chinstrap. (Or an unplanned-for storm and rebellion in his rear.) Everything else can unravel from that.

3) Alexander sends Hephaistion a little dish of small fish (probably smelts). He also helps an officer secure the lady of his dreams. And writes another on assignment (away from the army) that a mutual friend is recovering from an illness. While technically three “moments,” these are all of a piece. Alexander knows his men, and is concerned not only for their physical well-being, but also their mental state: that they’re happy. Granted, these are all elite officers, but it suggests he’s paying attention to people. I’ve always assumed he sent Hephaistion the fish because they were his friend’s favorite, and/or they were a special treat and he wanted to share. That he didn’t punish an officer for going AWOL to chase the mistress he wanted but offered advice, and even assistance, on how to court and secure her suggests the same care.

I don’t want to take away from what appears to be his serious anger management problems(!), but little details like those above strike me as the likeable side of Alexander—why his men were so devoted to him.

4) Then we have the encounter with Timokleia after the siege of Thebes. While probably a bit too precious to have occurred exactly as related, I think it may still hold a kernel of truth.

Alexander had a reputation of chivalry towards his (highborn) female captives. If some of that was likely either propaganda from his own time or philhellenic whitewashing later by Second Sophistic authors such as Plutarch (and Arrian), poor treatment of women is not something we hear attributed to him.

Ergo, while the meeting was probably doctored for a moral tail, he may well have freed Timokleia as an act of clemency to put a better face on a shocking destruction he knew wouldn’t sit well with the rest of Greece—who he both wanted to cow yet earn support from. (A difficult balancing act.) Also, if Timokleia hadn’t been high-born, she’d probably have been hauled off to one of the prisoner cages with little fanfare.

Nonetheless, I find his actions surprising given the casual misogyny of his era. If we can take the bare bones of the story as true, and it’s not all invented, Timokleia was raped as a matter of course during the sacking of Thebes, then managed to trick her rapist and kill him by pushing him down a well and dropping rocks on him. I assume this happened when his men weren’t there, but they found out soon enough and hauled her in front of Alexander to be punished for killing an officer. To the surprise of all, Alexander decided the man had earned it and freed Timokleia. One might be inclined to call this overly sentimental, but….

There’s a similar story that occurred much later in the Levant, when two of Parmenion’s men seduced/(raped?) the mistresses/wives of some mercenaries. Alexander instructed Parmenion to kill the Macedonians if they were found to be guilty.

In both cases, we have an affront against (respectable) women. In the latter case, Alexander was (no doubt) working to avoid conflict between hired soldiers and his own men, who—in typical Greek fashion—would have looked down on mercenaries as a matter of course. Some sort of conflict between Macedonians and Greek mercenaries up in Thrace had almost got Alexander’s father killed. Alexander saved him. No doubt that was on Alexander’s mind here.

Yet what both events illuminate is a willingness on Alexander’s part to punish his own men for affronts to honor/timē that involved women. Yes, this is clearly about discipline. But it also shows an unusual sensitivity to sex crimes in warfare: actions that would normally fall under the excuse of “boys will be boys” (especially when their blood is up).

I doubt he’d have felt the same about slaves or prostitutes; he was still a product of his time. Yet without overlooking his violence—sometimes extreme (the genocide of the Branchidai, for instance)—I find his reaction in these cases to be evidence of an atypical sympathy for women that I’d like to think isn’t wholly an invention of later Roman authors. And just might show the influence of his mother and sisters.

5) Last… the Boukephalas story…because who doesn’t love a good “a boy and his horse” tale? Obviously the Plutarchian version is tweaked to reflect that author’s later concern to contrast the Macedonian “barbarian” Philip with the properly Hellenized Alexander. Ignore the editorializing remarks, especially the “find a kingdom big enough for you” nonsense.

But the bare bones of the story seem likely: unmanageable horse, cocky kid, bet with dad, gotcha moment. You can imagine this was an anecdote Alexander retold a time or three, or twenty.

——

* His attempts to copy Cyrus may be imposition by later writers. In his own day, he may have cared more about the first Darius, for reasons Jenn Finn is going to explain in a forthcoming, very good article on the burning of Thebes and Persepolis.

#asks #Top Five Alexander the Great moments #Alexander the Great #Hephaistion #Hephaestion #Timoclea #Timoklea #Boukephalas #Bucephalas #Gedrosian Desert #ancient military logistics #Macedonian army #Alexander's logistics #Classics #ancient history #campaigns of Alexander the Great #tagamemnon

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xxxsharpcheddar · 1 year ago

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Pt. 2: first flight

BHM/FFA fiction. I like a slow burn, in case you couldn’t tell.

Leslie

“Oh fuck,” he muttered.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t believe I forgot again. I need a seatbelt extender.” He noticed after I’d fastened mine.

“I got it,” I unbuckled the latch and stood before he could protest.

“Excuse me,” I shuffled past the middle aged woman and asked a flight attendant for one. She looked confused and I explained it was for my friend. I noticed her start to follow me so I mentioned “oh, he knows how to attach it. You don’t have to show us.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s our policy. I have to make sure it’s secure.”

I tense up knowing that he’ll likely be embarrassed, but at least I’m here this time.

His eyes darted from me to the flight attendant and I squeezed myself close to him, handing him the extender.

The flight attendant plastered on a smile while explaining how to attach it. Before she finished her sentence, Ian already had it attached.

“Ma’am? Ma’am! Before you go,” the older woman caught her. “Is it safe to fly with…passengers this overweight?” My blood began to boil and I put my hand on Ian’s leg.

The attendant smiled. “He’s perfectly fine, thanks for your concern.” At least she was good about it. “Well, can you move my seat to an available one?” The haggard woman tried shooting him a dirty look and I willed my eyes to burn a hole into her skull.

“You’re not even next to him,” I spewed. Ian’s face was pale and he didn’t say a word. I placed my hand in his and he squeezed as if to say he was okay.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but our flight is entirely booked. Have a nice flight.”

There we sat, hand in hand, his heart probably racing from embarrassment, and mine from rage. But neither one of us let go. My hands were clammy from my heart rate skyrocketing but I didn’t want to let go.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Do things like that happen a lot?”

“More often than I’d like. This is my first time flying in two years,” he confessed.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It is what it is.” He replied matter of factly.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m used to it.” He noticed my exasperation and he tried to cheer me up, but that last sentence wasn’t very reassuring.

“I always thought the movies exaggerated that sort of thing. Like, people can’t be that rude, can they?”

“You’d be surprised.” He scoffed.

We continued getting to know each other. He has two dogs, Macy and Dill (named after the pickle), works in software, and has an older brother and younger sister. He’s been bigger his whole life but recently “let it get out of control,” in his words.

“Will you take me to one?” I asked after he’d explained he had season tickets for hockey.

“Take you to a game?”

“Yeah! I want to see you again.” Even I surprised myself with my boldness.

“You do?” He tried making eye contact but I looked down to play with the strings on his hoodie.

“Yeah, I mean…I don’t know? Do you?”

“Of…of course.” I breathed a sigh of relief and looked up to see him smiling. I wrapped my arm around his middle, feeling his belly gently shake and sway with the turbulence. It was pure ecstasy.

“I want to see you before my trip ends.”

“I can make that happen. Where are you staying?”

“With my friend. If I tell her about you she’ll think I’m crazy,” I laughed to myself.

“I know. I can’t believe this is actually happening.” He sounded giddy which made me smile.

“We have to see each other again.” He stated.

“Yes. Let’s plan it! Right now.”

“Okay,” he let out a chuckle at my excitement.

There he was, sitting at the bar with what I guessed to be an old fashioned in hand. He was impossible to miss. Biggest in the room by far. He looked around for me and back at his phone.

“Hey big guy,” I tried to maintain my composure but my heart threatened to beat out of my chest. He swung around so fast.

“Hey!” He stood up to hug me properly. I’m pretty sure I saw stars.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” He yelled over the live music and I nodded eagerly.

“Me either!”

“Here,” he offered me his seat and called the bartender over. “Put it on my tab.” I smiled up at him, still in disbelief he was right here. I placed my hand on his side and he smiled.

“Oh my god, I missed you.” His words were like velvet.

“I missed you too,” I breathed. It was just as amazing as seeing him for the first time. He was just so big. He took up so much space, and damn if he didn’t look good tonight. Navy blue button down with the sleeves rolled up, khakis, and matching blue vans. His hair was slicked back but pieces fell in front of his face. He belonged on a cover of a big and tall magazine…are those a thing?

“You look amazing,” his breath was hot on my neck, leaning close to make sure he was heard over the music.

“Thank you. I was just thinking the same about you.” The lights were dim over the bar but I bet he blushed.

He placed his hand over the small of my back. “Wanna go outside? It’s a little quieter.

“Sure,” I nodded in agreement.

We found benches which were perfect.

“Cheers,” I initiated and we clinked glasses. “I’m still so nervous,” I confessed.

“You?! No, no, no.” He shook his head. “The gorgeous and fit one doesn’t get to be nervous,” he joked and it was my turn to blush. He put his arm around the back of my side of the bench and I used it as an excuse to scoot closer to him, our thighs barely touching.

“God, I feel like I look even bigger next to you.”

I marveled at it. He was massive. He took up so much real estate on the bench. Four people fit on the one across from us, but there was just enough room for the both of us on our side. It was a dizzyingly hot realization. His thigh was bigger than both of mine put together, and his belly hung low enough to force his legs apart. He leaned back and his belly splayed out in front of him, spilling over the waistband of his pants and sat prominently in his lap. From the front, there was no telling whether he had a belt on or not, but from the side, you could see a small sliver of brown which matched his brown leather watch on his thick wrist. His fat love handles squished out above his belt and went around his back. I’d wished he’d worn a lighter color so I could see and appreciate the curves, rolls, and slopes of his fat more.

“What?” He asked as my eyes lingered on his body for too long.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

I leaned in to whisper “you look so good.” He scoffed. “You mean fat?” I felt my face flush immediately and he let out a true laugh.

“Really? That’s all it takes?”

I felt shy now and didn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay. I looked it up.” He what?

“You what?”

“Oh, I um, since you said you like bigger guys…I - I looked it up.” He started, waiting for some type of response. I nodded, silently urging him to continue.

“Well, I looked it up and-“ he hesitated. “Well, there’s a lot of stuff out there.” I nodded again, encouraging him. “There’s a Wikipedia page on fat fetishism. Is that, that’s a thing. Is it one of your…things?” Again, I nodded furtively. “You get off on fat guys?” He whispered. I almost laughed at how he worded it, but it was true.

“More or less, yes.” He paused to consider.

“Do you have a limit?”

“No, not really. As long as you’re mobile and active enough.”

“Am I…your type?”

“Are you kidding?! To a TEE!” He smiled broadly, cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

“Do you want to know how much I weigh?” I nodded, words escaping me.

“Too bad,” he deadpanned and I swatted his arm.

“That was mean, you tease!”

“I’m kidding!” He put his hands up defensively. “Last time I checked…” he glanced around to make sure no one was within earshot. “Four hundred fifteen.” I gulped. Fuck. Something about not knowing the exact number makes it even hotter. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.” He said almost to himself.

I discreetly grabbed his side where his fat rolls over his waistband “oh my god,” was all I could muster.

“And I checked a while ago. I’m probably bigger now.” He said it so nonchalantly I genuinely don’t think he was trying to turn me on. He’s so preciously naïve and new to this.

“Oh my god. That’s so hot.”

“I can’t believe you think so.”

We were definitely a sight. My petite, athletic frame next to his obese body. I loved it. We sat in comfortable silence for a moment.

“Baby…” he whispered and I felt a wave of emotion wash over me.

“Baby” I leaned into him and we just sat there together. It felt right. His arm around me, my small frame settling into him. It felt like the thing I’d been missing had clicked into place. We held each other like this for a little while. His whiskey soaked breath soaking into my hair as I leaned against him. His large, pudgy fingers drawing figure eights on my arm. I draped my arm over his middle, still shocked at the size. My friend texted me:

I snuck in to snoop and make sure u were ok. You both look so happy. Text me when ur done. ily.

I smiled and showed Ian. “That’s a good friend. And I’m glad she thinks we look cute.”

“She said happy.” I teased.

“Same thing.”

“So I was thinking…” he started, ready to gauge my expression.

“Hmm?”

He shifted in his seat. “Quite frankly, I’m not ready for tonight to end. Maybe we get a hotel?”

I glanced up to make sure he wasn’t kidding, but his tone was serious. Butterflies started swarming my stomach.

“Really?”

“Only if you’re comfortable with it.” I pondered it. I could share my location with my friend and I wouldn’t be at his house; I’d be somewhere more public. “You don’t have to answer right now,” he assured.

We continued talking and laughing, and as it got later, the more I dreaded leaving. We looked up available hotels and I called my friend to let her know.

“Is this really happening?” I ask. I feel like I’m still dreaming as we close out our tab.

“I can’t believe it either.” The bar is busier the later it gets and I’m standing in front of him, his belly slightly pressing into my back. It feels heavenly. I turn to face him while we wait for the check and he steps back slightly. I must’ve frowned because he asked what was wrong.

“Come here.” I reached for him and he chuckled, stepping forward just enough so his belly barely touched me.

“Sorry, I’m still not used to that.”

I felt like the only two people in that bar, despite conversations tumbling around us and bar orders being barked. I put my hands gently on his sides and he drew me into his arms.

“Hey” he whispered.

“Hey,” I looked up, mesmerized. A few seconds (that felt much, much longer) later, he tilted my chin up and his thumb caressed my cheek. I leaned into it like a dog being scratched and placed my hand over his.

“You’re so beautiful.” Now bashful, I looked away. When I looked up, he held my gaze.

Two people left and offered us their seats, which Ian was happy to take to get off his feet. I placed my hand on his thigh and he stopped bouncing it.

“Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry.” He smiled.

The stools were so close to each other considering two average sized people were previously on them. His huge leg touched mine and I leaned in slightly closer. He moved so he was facing me and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. This is it, I willed it to be. The next moment, his hand gingerly crept up the back of my neck and cradling my head, he drew me to his lips. Our lips found each other’s and I saw stars. It was a soft, furtive, meaningful kiss. Alcohol lingered on our breath as we stopped, foreheads pressed together, hearts racing. Tender, yet electrifying. It was a kiss that shut the world off as if we were the only two in the room.

We both sat there smiling like two kids sharing a first kiss.

He thanked the bartender and left a considerable tip, and with that, we left hand in hand. He opened the car door for me like a perfect gentleman and heavily plopped himself into the drivers seat, his belly just grazing the wheel. Once we’re buckled in he leans over to kiss my cheek.

“God, I’m so happy,” he sighs. My mouth immediately curls into a smile in return.

“Me too.” I still can’t believe this is real.

He puts directions in for the hotel and pauses.

“Should we - should we stop at McDonald’s first or something? I don’t really know how this works.”

“How what works?”

“Oh, um,” he licked his lips, struggling to elaborate. “You know, since you like…do you like…?” And it clicked. He was doing this for me.

“Oh, oh! Um, well I’ve never actually been with a bigger guy before.”

“You what?” He asked incredulously.

“Yeah, well, it’s hard finding guys who are my type.” And he laughed.

“Wait really? This is your first time ever?” He emphasized “ever,” clearly still having a hard time believing me.

“I mean, with a big guy, yeah.”

“Are - are you sure…do you think you’ll like it?”

“Of course!” I practically yelled. “But I don’t know what I’m doing, either.” I confessed and we both couldn’t help but laugh.

“I want to make your fantasies come true.” He looked at me seriously. I didn’t know what to say. He was serious; I could tell.

“What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?” I could feel my face flush. He was willing to try, despite not sharing this kink. I took a second to gather my composure. My gaze found his belly.

“Can I…?” I watched him for a reaction as I slowly reached over, placing my hand on his belly. He didn’t respond so I kept going. I gently tugged at the fabric of his shirt to expose his belly, but it was stuck under his overhang. He helped pull it so his pale belly was slightly exposed.

“This?” I nodded, my hand rewarded with soft flesh.

“Wow,” I murmured to myself. He looked around to make sure no one was leaving the bar as his belly was on full display now. I gently began pressing my fingers into the soft adipose, still gauging his reaction. He still gripped the sides of his shirt in hand in case he quickly needed to cover back up.

“This is so hot.” He stifled a laugh.

“I’m glad you think so.”

“McDonald’s?” I asked, and he smirked.

Ian

I sped out of the parking lot, Leslie’s hand grabbing a handful of my stomach, or belly, as she affectionally calls it. I pull up to the McDonalds window and ask Leslie what I should get.

“Oh, I get to choose?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Just a moment,” he relays through the speaker.

Leslie scans the menu meticulously and whispers “do you like nuggets or burgers?”

“Both.” She smiled coyly at my response.

“Okay…Big Mac meal. A quarter pounder. Hmm. Nuggets.”

“How many?” I cut her off.

“Twenty? Is that a lot?” I smiled. She had no idea how much I could eat.

“Sure.”

“An extra order of fries. Large. Oh, and a milkshake or something…large.”

“Is that all, baby?” I watched her cheeks turn a light shade of crimson.

“I can eat more,” I pressed. She nodded, unable to speak.

“Uh, do you like chicken?” I nodded.

“A McChicken and another cheeseburger. Double cheeseburger. Double cheeseburger meal.”

I obliged and ordered everything she’d asked me to. I was nervous but excited to see her reaction. They handed me two bags filled to the brim and handed me two large cokes and a large chocolate shake. I just about drove away when they handed me another bag just for the fries.

“Jesus,” I mumbled under my breath.

“I hope you’re hungry,” Leslie purred.

“Oh, I bet you do,” I retorted.

On our way to the hotel, Leslie pulled out the bag with the fries. “You don’t want them to get cold,” she held a few towards my mouth and I opened willingly.

“Oh God, that’s good.” I didn’t mean to turn her on, but she looked at me almost as hungrily as I looked at the fries. She continued feeding me until we parked at the hotel.

My heart started banging in my chest, realizing this was actually about to happen. We didn’t have any bags besides the McDonalds ones. Were we just supposed to bring them in?

“Um, I guess I’ll check in if you want to wait in the car and we’ll bring the food in after?” I tried devising a plan, and she nodded in agreement.

“Cool. Be right back.”

Nervously, I fumbled for my ID and credit card and handed it to the front desk clerk. He handed me the cards and I met Leslie at the car which smelled of greasy fast food.

“Hey.”

“You ready?” I opened the car door for her and she handed me the bags stained with grease marks.

“Ready.” My free hand held hers and my other arm bear hugged the food. We ushered past the front desk and the energy was electric. Once inside the elevator, Leslie pressed her arm around my middle and I kissed the top of her head. I almost dropped the keycard in my excitement trying to open the door. Leslie flicked on the lights with her free hand and I let go of her other hand to set the food down on the desk.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” I returned, heart racing. I gently grabbed her waist and she tried wrapping her arms around me, getting nowhere close.

“Your food’s going to get cold.”

“Right.” I sat down at the desk chair, the metal creaking under my weight.

“So, how do we do this?” I asked innocently.

“I don’t know,” Leslie admitted, chuckling.

“Come here,” I outstretched my arms for her to sit on my lap. There was hardly any room with my belly overflowing onto my lap, but she sat daintily to the side on one of my thighs and placed her hand on my belly.

“Do you want to…feed me?” I asked timidly. She nodded, reaching for a bag. Unsure, she unwrapped the double cheeseburger and held it to my lips. Our eyes carefully watched each others’ reactions.

“Oh, that’s so good,” my words muffled by the mouthful. I opened my mouth after I’d finished the first bite and she delicately brought the burger back to my lips. Methodically, I chewed and swallowed, still trying to gauge her reaction. She gently placed her free hand on the side of my belly and I placed my hand on top of hers, letting her know it was okay.

“Would you be more comfortable on the couch?” She suggested.

“Sure,” I heaved myself out of the chair and followed her lead. The couch was much more comfortable, and she straddled me this time.

“Oh, hey.”

“Hi,” she barely squeaked, burger in hand. I opened my mouth again and took a bigger bite.

“Is this okay for you?” She asked. I nodded, mouth too full to speak.

She began rubbing my belly, then gently squeezing my love handle which spilled over my waistband. I’d never been touched like this before. My body sought after, craved, a sensual morsel ready to be devoured.

“Can you…unbutton your shirt?”

“Oh” I was caught off guard. “Sure.” She put the burger down and moved to the chair across from me, eagerly watching. I started at the top, pudgy fingers struggling to unbutton it.

“Dammit,” I muttered under my breath. I looked up and she was still intently watching.

First one, then the second, finally the third. My eyes carefully watching hers, glued to each button. My chest was out on full display and my heart rate quickened with each button I undid, hoping this is was what she had hoped for. I finally reached the last button and my belly pooled into my lap, well over my waistband.

“So, yeah…” I didn’t know what to say. Her eyes scoured over me, taking in everything. Suddenly, my face went hot and I felt self conscious. My body had never been scrutinized like this before.

“Oh my god,” she said to herself. “You’re perfect.” I’m sure my heart skipped a beat in that moment. She stood up and knelt on the floor between my legs, softly scratching my belly with her nails. I was frozen. Normally I’d try to suck in or pull my shirt together, but I was stunned. Her nails traversed over my body and she opened my shirt a little wider. I sat up off of the back of the couch so she could more easily manipulate the fabric.

“Is this okay?” I felt nauseous for a second.

“You’re fucking perfect.” She pried her eyes off of my body to look me in the eye. “This is amazing,” she sounded awestruck and I couldn’t move, could barely breathe. “Your body is perfect.” Her nails dug into my fat sides and I winced.

“Sorry,” she pulled her hands away and I put them back.

“It’s okay.”

Leslie

I felt like I was going to pass out. How long was I holding my breath for? Oh my god. This can’t be happening. This isn’t real. I don’t want to wake up. But he’s here, in front of me, shirt wide open, flabby belly on display. Utter perfection. Evidently my brain had stopped working, but my hands hadn’t. The sensation of his fat under my my hands was enough to push me over the fucking edge. No amount of daydreaming could have prepared me for the sensation of soft fat squished between my fingers.

“Are you okay?” He looked flushed.

“Yes,” he managed.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“I - I want you to touch me.”

I obliged, happily. It was slow, intense, uncertain, and briefly nerve-racking. Each of us trying desperately to read the other.

“What are you thinking?” I ask.

“That I can’t believe this is happening,” he replied. Yeah, me either.

A smile crept onto my lips and I maintained eye contact as my lips descended to his belly. Pure ecstasy. My lips were met with the softest, doughiest, most sinfully pleasant feeling. I pressed in hard, kissing his belly with fervor. His breath hitched and I shot up.

“Is that okay? I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize,” he sounded like he just caught his breath. “I like it.” He guided my lips back to his belly. I couldn’t stop adorning it with kisses, pressing my lips into the fattest parts, feeling his fat bounce back. My hands instinctively found his love handles and squeezed, willing his body closer to my lips. I wanted all of him. He pressed my face in further, soft moans escaping now and then, making me even more ravenous for him.

“Take off your shirt.” I commanded when I came up for air. Without hesitation, he shrugged it off and grabbed me, pulling me on top of him, hesitation out the window. He kissed me hard and we were both breathless, moaning quietly into each other’s mouths. His hands crept up and unhooked my bra as my hands lifted his overhang and squeezed mercilessly.

“God, you’re so fucking fat.”

“You fucking love it.” I moaned in response. In my stupor, I started grinding onto his belly and he pulled me in as if trying to get me closer. He picked me up and threw me onto the bed with ease. I scooted up to give him ample room and reached for him, his belly hanging over me. The bed creaked and groaned in protest of his weight which only turned me on more. “God, yes,” I was a breathless mess. He struggled to hold his own weight up over me and he began sweating, his breathing almost a wheeze. I doubt he’s exerted himself like this in a long time.

“I can’t…hold myself up like this…for long,” he struggled.

“Crush me.”

“What?” He paused.

“Crush me. I want to feel your weight on me.”

“Baby…that, that might hurt.”

“Please,” I arched my back, trying to force my body into his more and clawed into his back. He scoffed.

“You’re not that strong, baby.” He teased. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please, I’m begging you.” He got up from all fours and sat up, looming over me. His pants were still on and stretched dangerously in this position.

“Okay…but tap me or something if it’s too much.” I nodded, silently promising.

He slowly eased himself on top of me and I saw stars from a combination of his weight and from being so hopelessly turned on. He quickly came back up.

“Was that okay?” I gasped, filling my lungs with the air he’d squeezed out.

“Amazing,” I was surprised I could even speak, my hands again reaching for his fat back, squeezing his fat love handles and attempting to push him on top of me again. He rolled onto his side, more like collapsed, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead.

“Sorry,” he breathed. “I’m so out of shape.” Again, I was voracious for him. I practically lunged for his fat. Laying on his side, his belly spilled out onto the mattress and covered my leg.

“That’s so hot,” I bit my lip, unable to contain myself. I grabbed his fat roll just below his moobs and squeezed it, his eyes searching mine to make sure it was still okay. I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. Every inch of fat begged to be touched, prodded, squeezed, appreciated, reveled…and there were so many inches. I squished my slim body against his as we laid facing each other, the sensation of his soft, warm fat against my toned body driving me absolutely insane. We were feral. When he’d finally have enough strengths to buck his hips, his fat belly rippled and jiggled into me. He tried desperately to hump me but his giant belly was in the way. He kept trying and it added to my desperation for him. Lying on my side, I cupped his belly and forced it onto my clit. We were both so ravenous we hadn’t even finished taking off our clothes. I sat up and quickly tore off my jeans and shirt. He, on the other hand, took a bit longer. Sitting up, his belly covered his pants and he lifted his belly with one hand, searching blindly for his belt with the other. Immediately, I came to the rescue. He lifted his belly while I yanked his belt and finally managed to undo it.

“Fuck, come on,” he was getting impatient, but I was relishing in it.

“So fat you can’t even take off your pants without help.” His brows furrowed with concentration as he felt for the button. His pants must’ve been tight because once the button was undone, the zipper instantly unzipped.

He spat on his finger and instinctively pulled my thong to the side.

“I just want your body,” I moved his hand away and he nodded.

“You’re that obsessed with my body, huh?” He teased. “Gonna cum from my fat?” I nodded madly. “Do it, then,” he challenged, lying down on the bed. I climbed on top and straddled him, shocked at how far my legs had to spread to allow for his massive body to fit in between.

“So fucking fat,” I moaned, gripping his fat moobs as I bucked my hips on his belly overflowing with fat. Somehow he was still sweating despite me being on top. His hands gripped my hips and pushed me further into his belly, urging me to cum.

“That’s…right…baby,” he was utterly breathless, fat swaying and jiggling mercilessly as I rocked my hips on him. “Use my fat body to make yourself cum.” It came out almost as if it was one word, too much exertion being used up for more important things, like shaking his fat body.

I bit down on his fat roll to silence my orgasm, squeezing his fat love handles mercilessly.

“Oh my GOD.” We were both panting and my legs shook as I rolled off and beside him. “Such a good fatty,” I breathed into the mattress.

“Oh my god,” his chest rose and fell dramatically and he rolled over onto his side, fat belly pooling over me. I couldn’t help but laugh. Holy shit. That just happened.

He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

“I can’t believe you just came on my belly.”

My cheeks reddened. “Me either.”

He held me for a moment and I whispered “your turn,” to which he propped himself up.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, but you have to finish eating.”

He looked at me deviously and placed my hand over his belly. “Only if you feed it to me.”

#ffa #female fat admirer #fat admirer #female feeder #feedist #weight gain encourager #intentional weight gain #fat love #weight gain story #feedist fiction #feedist confessions

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flowerandblood · 2 years ago

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My Best Friend (20)

[modern! club owner • Aemond x fem!reader]

[warnings: smut, sex content, kissing, fluff, swearing, mention of rape]

[description: Aemond has his own club and often does business at the home of one of his business associates. There he often meets his younger sister, with whom he develops a deeper relationship through shared secrets. This is slow burn love story.]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

"We're leaving." He said, rising from his chair, tossing the bill onto the counter. Y/N opened her mouth, surprised and terrified at the same time, but he looked at her with a look that brooked no objection. "Immediately."

She just nodded, not daring to speak. She turned back to the woman. Only now did she notice that she was staring at them with a terrified expression. She must have recognized Aemond and remembered her impact with the floor. Y/N wanted to turn around and just beat her up, but Aemond led her out of the premises, holding her tightly by the arm.

"It hurts." She said softly once they were outside. Aemond looked at her in surprise, his face pale, his hands shaking. He released her suddenly, as if he had no control over what was happening to his body.

"I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to." He said softly.

They stood in silence for a moment. Y/N suspected that Aemond was trying not to show his terror and trembling, but she could see that very bad things were going on in his mind. She wondered how she would feel if she met her would-be rapist. She thought about Albert and how she felt when he wouldn't let her go. All she wanted then was for Aemond to take her from there to safety, to comfort her and calm her down. She wondered how she could do that for him. She saw that there was a small liquor store across the street.

"Give me minute." She said and ran across the street, Aemond only opening his mouth in surprise at her sudden movement. He sighed as he followed her. He turned around nervously, afraid that this woman would follow them out of this place. He felt his heart pounding like crazy.

He took a cigarette out of his jacket and lit it, trying to calm himself down. He took a drag and exhaled the smoke through his nose. No matter how hard he tried to put it out of his mind, he kept seeing this woman, naked, standing in his bedroom telling him what a handsome boy he was. He wanted to throw up.

It made him uneasy to think that he was clearly not the only young guy she had a soft spot for. He wondered if he should call the police, but even if he did, what would he say? That she was touching an 18-year-old's shoulder? That eight years ago, when she was drunk, she started undressing in his room and touching him? Even if he did, he thought his father and brother wouldn't corroborate his testimony because they simply didn't believe him. They would say his words are a bit of an exaggeration. He mentally chuckled at the thought.

He saw in his mind's eye the boy who had been standing with her at the bar, and he shuddered. Aemond began to question himself how he had been able to sleep with women who reminded him of her for so long. He realized that he was aroused by choking them during sex, because he imagined that he was strangling her.

He considered going back inside and warning him, but saw, after a while, that the boy had left the bar alone, clearly ashamed and embarrassed. Aemond sighed inwardly, relieved that he had escaped her clutches. He was ashamed that he had just run away and hadn't been able to confront her, tell her everything he thought about her. However, he surprised himself by telling Y/N that she had tried to rape him. He'd never called it that before, not wanting to be a victim in any way.

But in his eyes, Y/N was Albert's victim, and if so, he was her victim 8 years ago. Admitting it to himself gave him a sense of relief. He thought she had fucked up his life and he had no obligation to moralize her, talk to her, or even look at her. That he wanted to spend the evening with his girlfriend, to complain to her, to let her comfort him, to get drunk with her and go to bed with her. He exhaled the smoke through his nose, closing his eye, feeling that he was finally calming down.

After a while, Y/N came out of the store, holding a large bottle of wine in her hand.

"They didn't have anything bigger. But it should be enough." She said, feeling that this was just what he needed. "Let's go to the park and get drunk like real bums."

***

Aemond and Y/N were sitting on a park bench under one of the trees, it was completely dark around them. They found a place where practically no one went. The only source of light was the moon and stars, the sky was clear that day. Glows of city light from buildings spread out all around. The park was located in the place where the old cemetery used to be. Aemond uncorked the bottle with the special toolbox he always carried with him and handed it to her for her first sip.

"For our elegant evening." He said with irony, tired and resigned. Y/N laughed, appreciating that he still had the strength for dark humor in all of this. She took a big gulp and swallowed hard. It was a wine from the "medium but drinkable" class. She handed him the bottle and he took several long gulps from it. She thought he really wanted to get drunk.

They sat there in silence for a while, taking turns. Y/N pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged because it was more comfortable that way. Aemond stretched out his legs. They were both tired of recent events, but their mutual presence, even without words, comforted them. At least they could be tired together. Y/N played with her fingers, wondering if she could ask a question she'd been thinking about for a long time. She glanced at him.

“How did your parents react when you told them about this woman? Did you tell them at all?" She asked and fell silent, pressing her lips together.

Aemond didn't answer for a moment, then laughed suddenly, taking a long gulp from the bottle. He took a deep breath, glancing at her, disapproval in his gaze.

“My mother heard me scream and ran into the bedroom after I had thrown her off me. But you suspect what it looked like. My mother believed me. Or maybe she just didn't want to believe I was the same as Aegon." He added after a moment, taking another sip and handing her the bottle. Y/N took it from him, taking a sip, not daring to say anything. She felt that what he was saying now was very important and showed how much he trusted her.

"And then, my brother and father. Hmm.” He grunted, closing his eye, leaning back comfortably against the backrest and tilting his head back. "I don't know which one was better. Aegon thought I was just pretending so it wouldn't be known that I was fucking a woman 20 years older than me. My father took me to the garden after dinner. He stopped next to me, looked at me and said: Don't be afraid, you don't have to lie to me. You are a man and everyone has their own needs. But I want you to tell me the truth. I told him that what he had heard earlier was true. He then looked at me with a look I will never forget. With pity. He said: A man should be able to admit his mistakes and weaknesses.”

There was complete silence. In the background there was only a gust of wind and the sound of grasshoppers hiding in the grass. Y/N now understood why he didn't like talking about himself. Why he hated bringing up his private affairs. If no one ever believed him, what was the point of showing himself? She handed him the bottle wordlessly, and he took another long gulp from it. Both of them were already starting to hum slowly in their heads. Aemond spoke after a moment.

"But you believed me. When I told you about it at the club." He said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. He was looking at her with a look that held something she couldn't name. "You believed me right away. Why?"

Y/N blinked, surprised by the question. She thought back to that moment, trying to remember how she felt when he told her about it.

"Well, when you told me about that, I was shocked. I pictured you as an 18-year-old then, with that woman. It didn't occur to me that you could make that up. Why would you do that? You didn't need or want my compassion.” She said with a shrug. Aemond chuckled to himself as he took another long gulp from the bottle.

"You've put more effort into understanding me and respecting my will in the last few months than my family has in my entire life." He said, glancing at her. "Maybe that's why I couldn't refuse you. I couldn’t stop myself." He spoke softly, his hand moving slowly to her thigh and starting to massage it. Y/N went through a pleasant shiver. They were both already drunk.

"Sometimes I imagine that our first time was also my first time." He said and was silent for a moment. “That it was with you that I experienced physical intimacy for the first time, and not with a prostitute at the age of 15 that my brother dragged me to. I replace that memory with that morning with you, and then I think for a moment that maybe there's another path for me."

Y/N stared at him with pursed lips, tears welling up in her eyes. What he said pierced her heart. Only now did she realize how much his life had broken him. How many layers of wall and bricks he had to build around himself to give himself any sense of security and stability. How many bad habits he fell into, unable to cope with suffering that no one had ever talked to him about. She placed her hand on his.

"Your path is already under your feet." She said softly, squeezing his fingers. She leaned towards him, pressing her nose to his cheek. They both sighed at the gesture, feeling that it was something of their own, tender, their expression of mutual love. “Let me be your lighted candle in a dark room. Let me comfort you."

Aemond stared at her for a moment, his lips slightly parted. He found her lips with his and pressed against them, cupping her face with his hand. He pulled her onto his lap so that she sat astride him. Involuntarily, he began to rub against her, kissing her greedily and she moaned softly, looking around uncertainly. No one was there, but someone could pass by at any moment.

She moaned as she felt him kiss her breast through her shirt, let out a sound of pleasure when he discovered there was no bra underneath. They were both breathing heavily, kissing passionately, the alcohol making their movements even more thirsty and intense.

"Comfort me." He whispered into her mouth and she moaned softly. She felt his manhood press against her from below. He squeezed her buttocks in his hands.

"Let's go to your apartment, it's not far." She said softly, stroking his hair and face tenderly, feeling that she was all wet between her thighs, that the thought that someone might see them terrified her and turned her on at the same time.

"I can't. I have to feel you." He panted as he undid the button on her pants and unzipped her fly. Y/N was breathing heavily, fighting with herself. She was afraid that the police would run into them and get them a mandate, but on the other hand she herself felt that she was on the edge. "I'll cover you with my jacket. Please." He whispered, squeezing her buttocks and kissing her breasts through her shirt.

She sensed that he was drunk and desperate, that his confessions and the way he had opened up made him feel vulnerable. He wanted comfort, reassurance that he was safe, that she still loved and wanted him. She swallowed and took off her sneakers with a quick movement, and he, seeing that they would really do it, quickly took off his jacket.

"Come here." He spoke as if he hadn't had water in weeks, and she was the first drink he'd seen in so long. He slid off her pants and panties, covering her buttocks from the back, and tightly sealed her thighs with his jacket, so that no one could see even a piece of her body that now belonged to him.

They were both breathing heavily as he unzipped his fly and pulled down his boxers just enough to expose his cock. They both moaned loudly, clinging to each other, aroused and excited, kissing passionately, touching their tongues together, penetrating each other's throats.

There was no need for any other tenderness, their conversation and circumstances had excited them enough. Aemond placed the tip of his cock against her entrance, and she lowered herself against him in one confident motion. They both let out low moans of pleasure.

"God, yes..." He panted as she slowly started ride him. She did it wonderfully unhurriedly, her embarrassment and fear of the whole situation gone. She thought she doesn’t care anymore. His hands gripped her buttocks tightly, not rushing her. He threw his head back and stared at her lustfully, his mouth slightly parted. She thought she wanted to give him everything he wanted today. That for once she can, at least partially, dominate.

"You caught my attention from the first day you showed up at our house." She whispered softly, painfully slowly massaging him with her up and down motions. Pleasant warmth was spreading in her lower belly, it was wonderful, she massaged herself with him in the point that gave her the greatest pleasure.

She saw his pupil dilate in shock, his breath caught in his throat at her words. He moaned low, and she smiled at the thought of what she was doing to him. “After hearing you talk to Klaus, I thought I'd like to be friends with you. There was something about you that drew me like a magnet.” She whispered, resting her forehead against his.

He breathed unevenly, listening to her intently, his hips subconsciously responding more and more to her movements. They were both panting, imposing an increasingly faster rhythm, she thrust herself into him more and more, looking for her own fulfillment and pleasure. "But I didn't think we'd become that much friends." She grunted, pressing her tongue into his mouth.

He moaned loudly into her throat, his fingers squeezing painfully tight around her ass, and began to thrust inside her with all his strenght. Neither of them cared anymore that someone might hear or see them, even if someone was walking nearby, they wouldn't notice them, too busy with themselves. They just fucked each other, there was a desperation in their movements to finally come and find relief.

"You like it, don't you? You like that strangers can see me fucking you, getting inside you." He said low and dark, gripping her jaw tightly, fucking her brutally, not even letting her breathe, she moaned loudly. “What would Klaus say if he saw me fucking his sweet little sister on a park bench? Hm?” He asked, slapping her butt with all his might.

"God, Aemond, don't stop." She moaned loudly, feeling her excitement reach its climax, that all the words that made her cheeks burn with shame would make her come at the same time.

"How could I stop fucking that tight, wet cunt?" He grunted, his eye all dark, he was already on the edge himself, he was fucking her so hard he couldn't breathe. "You want me to come inside you, don't you? You want me to cum inside my good girl."

"Yes, Aemond, please, come inside me" She sobbed loudly and both of them threw their heads back hard with a moan as their orgasm hit them. Y/N rose and fell against him, feeling his warmth spreading through her insides, hearing him softly say her name, moaning and panting. She clung to him, both breathing heavily and shivering, not believing what they had just done.

Even Aemond, for all his experience, had never had sex with a woman in public. He looked around and was relieved to see that no one was standing or looking at them around them, so there was a chance that maybe no one had seen them, at least not up close.

Y/N was breathing heavily against him, red with embarrassment. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and met his amused and admiring gaze. He was smiling.

"It was my first time with a woman on a park bench, my love." He said with a lascivious smile, and she only blushed more, burying her face in his neck. "Now, let's get you dressed. I don't want you to catch a cold."

___

This is the last chapter posted before Easter. The rest will be posted after a long weekend. ~

If you want to be tagged, just leave a comment. ~

@chainsawsangel @yentroucnagol @cardi-bre91 @melsunshine @bellaisasleep @candypurplebutterfly @malfoytargaryen @serrhaewin @svtansdaddyx @iiamthehybrid @beiigegalx @sarahkimtae @fangirlninja67 @namoreno @thetrueblackheart

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b3achysurfur · 1 year ago

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ok so I don’t believe Aiden is dead. there’s a lot of reasoning behind why I think this, but it’s very vauge because all my theories lead down two separate paths.

SBG CHAPTER 60 SPOILERS AHEAD

idk if y’all noticed the computer like affect around this scene but it only happens three times. All of which are in Ashlyn’s perspective of the incident.

in the second photo, the computer like fliter only appears on ashylns face, the view of Aiden is mostly clear.

I have a lot of questions, and I haven’t picked a theory/explaintion for sure yet, but one of my ideas are that it’s Ashlyn’s fear completely taking over here. We already knew from the beginning of sbg that ashyln often doubts what she sees, as if she doesn’t trust her eyes to tell the truth. we’ve seen her make up excuses and fake scenarios to cope with her reality and things she’s doesn’t understand. This is not her fault though, as we’ve seen it links back to her childhood.

She can often times be pessimistic about situations, always readying for the worst situation to happen as if it’s the only way things could go down. This also relates to her childhood.

Given these two facts, as well as the disorienting fliter over Aiden’s body and her facial expressions, i think it’s safe to assume that Aiden’s injuries are not as life threatening as they appear to be. Yes, I know a ceiling fell on him, I’m not saying he’s not badly injuried. But I don’t think it will provoke a reaction in his real-world body as it did for Tyler, or at least not one as serious.

this side of his face is almost completely fine, minus a few bruises (given some are from the car crash). although, since it’s a head injury, it only takes one side of his head to be damaged for it to be life threatening. But the biggest impact is to his jaw/cheek, not necessarily his skull.

also, the computer-like fliter goes away as soon as another person is thrown into the equation. The streaks return to their normal color of white, and the werid glitch affect on them disappear.

see how the streaks start glitching as soon as ashlyn notices Aiden’s in deathly trouble? Almost as if it’s not real/something is off. We’ve never seen these glitches before (trust me I pay attention to these things).

anyways back to the image before this where Taylor grabs Aiden. The fliter is gone, and ashlyn snaps back into reality with the help of Taylor and her instructions. Taylor’s reaction is to immediately get Aiden under something safe. This part gets a little messy since we don’t have any scenes after this to show which explaintion makes more sense but wtv. Either Taylor is full of adrenaline and is in full protection mode, which is why she doesn’t hesitate to drag Aiden to safety, or she’s aware that his injuries aren’t as bad as Tyler’s / they’re not life threatening. A blow to the face will 9/10 knock you unconscious, regardless of how powerful the hit was. Taylor may have assumed that’s what had happened to Aiden, and she didn’t have time to second guess herself. She is done letting things harm her brother and friends. Anyways, her stepping into action grounds ashlyn and pulls her back to reality.

Also, this scene looks familiar doesn’t it? In the second image, the group was unable to control their emotions and were acting on pure adrenaline and feeling. Ashlyn is obviously experiencing a strong mix of fear, stress, and past trauma. If these two images are comparable, ashlyn mentally assuming/seeing the worst of the situation is not unusual.

Basically, I feel this event is exaggerated because ashyln is trying to cope with the situation. Understand that she is blaming herself for everything right now. Tyler flew out of the car just yesterday. She found him on tree just a few hours ago. She was the one who sedated him. She pulled him off the tree. She saw everything first hand, she felt the most guilty/responsible. Ashlyn has always been the one emphasizing how dangerous their situation is, but to finally see it happen right before your eyes is traumatic.

Aiden has been her main source of comfort since day 1, ashlyn has a soft spot for Aiden. He is her rock of support. So, after seeing Tyler’s ‘death’ and the affect it had on him irl, it’s not crazy to believe she is exaggerating watching Aiden ‘die’. It also makes sense because she’s watching it happen right before her eyes, while she only saw the aftermath of Tyler’s ‘death’. Ashlyn convinced herself Aiden died because she’s not in the right headspace / not mature enough to process it properly. None of them are.

I know a lot of people are speculating that the glitching effect + fliter is them shifting back into their reality since ashlyn said they only had 3 mins left, but I disagree. Lmk if that explaintion would intrest you lot.

again this is all just speculation that is quite underdeveloped. I just wanted to share it before I lost my train of thought. thank u for reading 😋

#as always feel free to ask me questions/add onto this #also exaggerating isn’t the right word but idk what else to put #sbg #school bus graveyard webtoon #school bus graveyard #schoolbus graveyard #sbg (webtoon)#sbg theories #schoolbus graveyard aiden #sbg aiden #phantom world sbg #sbg ashlyn #ashlyn banner #aiden clark #theories

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helixobesity · 1 year ago

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🌀 Dear Diary: Feedism Story🌀

Contains: Feedee/Feeder, dumbification, pig/piggy name calling, burping

First time trying something in this style so enjoy!!

🌀💿🌀💿🌀💿🌀💿🌀

Dear diary

My partner got me this diary as a birthday gift! So I’ll probably try and log something whenever something interesting happens!

November 10th:

Today something… certainly interesting happened.

I was at home on my off day, when my partner came home in an absolute panic. They… didn’t really say what was going on, but they were freaked out. They unplugged the tv, and said not to talk to anyone else. Not like that’s hard considering we’re pretty deep in the woods. I guess I’ll try and talk to them again tomorrow?

November 11th:

Well they weren’t exactly descriptive again. They said they’ll go out alone for quick runs for food and other supplies, but they really emphasized they don’t want me going out anywhere for my “safety”. At least they’re here to keep me calm.

November 18th:

It’s been a week since my partner told me to stay inside. They still only go out sparingly, but I gotta say. They’re really spoiling me with food. I guess it’s nice? I might be able to do without so many fattening snacks around but without anything else to really do around the house I’m starting to run out of options…

November 28th

Another 10 days have gone by and still no straight answers from my partner. They keep leaving to get food in the middle of the night which has been strange, and despite my protest to know what’s going on with the rest of the world they don’t tell me anything. Also… all this junk food has started to take a toll on my waist line. I mean, I’ve put on nearly 20 pounds. I nearly popped the button on my jeans this morning!! I told my partner and he thought I was exaggerating. Then again, the scale is also gone from our bathroom now. Something is seriously up and I don’t really know what to do. Then again this milkshake my partner started making has been calming my nerves more often. It’s pink and it almost, like, sparkles? Whatever it is, it is good.

December 10th:

OMG Honestly, I was kinda against this whole staycation, I-I mean, whatever is going on outside but it has been quite nice. My partner has been giving me sooo much more food recently and I’ve been pretty ravenous. My uh… my big belly… has been bumping into everything recently. I guess I’m, like, not used to it? Oh, my partner told me it’s been a month since I started staying here! Idk how much longer I’ll need to stay but I’m sure they’ll tell me when things are safe :) I’ll just keep having these milkshakes, also I’m hungry again.

Decmber 20rd:

OoooIm such a clutz!! My feeder told me to right in my diary again! I totally, like, forgot about this! Ummm, oh yeah! None of my clothes fit! My feeder says I’m better without them! I fel sooooo big and soft, and they keep grabbing my big and calling me such a good “bimbo”? I think that’s the word? It’s cute ;) ugh I wish I didn’t have to get up all the time, why can’t I stay in bed an eatssss

Gasp feeder is calling me again! Ttyl

March 10th:

Hey hey! My feeder told me I used to, like, use this more times? I’m using a fun thingy where it’s typing what I say! I don’t know how to use write all those weird uh, things. God I’m starving. My feeder keeps me satisfied yeah, but, like, I need more! Why don’t they get that! At least bed is nice and cozy, and I looooove my fat. My arms feel so heavy, and my feeder always grabs my new chins when he talks to me and kiss me! I feel, like, I shouldn’t be as okay with everything that happened to me over the past couple months but. I’m more than okay with this!

June 22nd:

*buurrrp*

Did it start recording? It did? Thank youuu! Hehe that was my feeder helping me set this up again! Couldn’t get the stupid thing to work this time, it’s been a while! Idk how to do, like, many things. My feeder tells me to eat and drink my milkshakes so that’s what I do! And they call me a good piggy! And that’s like, what I am! A big bimbo piggy! Oh, right, feeder told me to say, they said it’s finally okay to go back outside again! And like, talk to people, but why should I wanna? I wanna eat, eat eat eat eat *burrrp* oopsie sorry, force of habit when I get all worked up! Ooo wait, did you bring more snacks? Yay! Turn this off and feed me already!

November 10th:

Hi, my piggy wanted to check back with their diary again, but for starters, they couldn’t read their old entries other than a few choice words here and there. Not like they can put down food for more than a few minutes to actually make an entry anyway. They wanted to note that they’re “really, really happy now” and they’re “no stress in head thingy”. It’s cute when they try and sound smart. Not to mention how… absolutely massive they are now. Honestly, they overtook their bed back in August and I had to get a new one. I never would have expected them to grow this much but, I want to make they so much fatter still…

Hey as long as they’re happy! Also, I don’t even think they realize today was the 1 year anniversary since it happened. Maybe that’s for the best? Regardless, I’m sure they’ll want to make another entry eventually. But if someone else finds this before they can, just know I’ll take good care of them!

🌀💿🌀💿🌀💿🌀💿🌀

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glade-constellation · 1 year ago

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It might also have something to do with old Moon. Old Moon was Lunar’s first real brother, the first sibling who didn’t hit him, etc. He was with Lunar for Lunar’s whole life.

And New Moon just met Lunar. He isn’t the person who gave Lunar his first real taste of family. He isn’t the person Lunar shared a body with for months. He isn’t the person who took the time to remember exactly what level of Kingdom Hearts he was on before October. That person is dead.

And, more importantly, new Moon actively hates that person, and even exaggerates old Moon’s bad traits by going so far as to say he wouldn’t have cared about seeing Lunar die. Lunar has plenty of reason to hate new Moon.

These are all really good points. I especially like the last one, as it also rubbed me the wrong way when Moon said the old him wouldn’t have cared. Old Moon may have been a bad brother at times, but he didn’t hate his family. It’s shown many times over that he just wanted his family safe, no matter the cost. Old Moon would have been just as devastated of Lunar’s death as the New Moon would have been, had he known Lunar when it happened. He simply would have acted on that grief in a different way.

One thing I’ve learned from watching this show is that everyone is an unreliable narrator. Everyone has their own version of how the narrative goes, and they often don’t align with everyone else’s narrative. Hearing the story from word of mouth alone would never give you the full or correct story. You’re probably going to get a different story from each person, even if just slightly different.

If someone had never met Moon before his amnesia, but heard about him from Moon now, they would think he was a terrible person. We know that’s not entirely true because we’ve watched the show, we’ve seen how Moon was like, but just imagine someone’s first introduction to Old Moon being “he wouldn’t care if his brother died a horrific death by his abuser”. You would think he was a bad person, because that is a terrible thing to not care about.

If this truly is the reason why Lunar said he hates Moon, Lunar is in the same place a lot of the viewers are in right now. I recently saw a TikTok of someone complaining, saying the show was telling us stuff about the characters that was inaccurate. It’s not that these characters are trying to be inconsistent, it’s just that they all have different viewpoints as explained above.

Lunar is currently going through a lot right now. He was retraumatized, gained new traumas, died horrifically, and then learned he lost his brother during the months it took to return. It doesn’t matter Moon is still technically there, that wasn’t who Lunar met. He may not realize it, but he’s probably grieving. It’s totally valid in this situation. Sun grieved, is most likely still grieving, but we all know Sun pushes away any negative emotion he has. (I also feel Moon isn’t really allowing anyone to grieve, but that’s for later.) Lunar doesn’t. Even if he can’t currently feel or understand the emotions he’s feeling, he tends to feel his emotions wholeheartedly. That grief could definitely turn into anger at Moon for hating someone they called a brother. Especially because, as we all know, Moon hasn’t actually changed all that much. He’s definitely better in certain ways, but he’s not a complete new person. Lunar trying to grieve while being reminded of the person they’re grieving about could just make the situation worse.

The biggest thing I’m concerned of is that Lunar is going to turn all of his negative emotion on Moon. As someone who personally deals with emotional dissociation I can kind of understand why Lunar is acting the way he is. Not being able to really feel your own emotions will make you do crazy shit just to feel something. If they are able to feel that anger, even if they doesn’t realize they’re feeling it, they will latch onto it and keep doing things that make them angry just to feel something. That potentially means tensions between Lunar and Moon are about to get real bad.

Going to the comment I made earlier, I don’t feel Moon is allowing for anyone to grieve for his old self. Any time he’s brought up, Moon follows it up with a negative comment and turns the conversation. I get it. I really do. I understand why Moon is so upset in this situation. Everyone looks at you and sees something you personally hate and it just fuels the hatred. But Moon needs to step back and let the grief happen. If he starts pushing Lunar to try and see his old self as negative while Lunar is already so emotionally unstable, there will be push back. And it won’t be pretty if Lunar is still as emotionally attached to Old Moon as we think he is.

If Lunar’s comment about hating Moon is as serious as the fandom seems to think, we might have some pretty big family drama around the corner.

#Glade Gossip #tsams spoilers #tsams #sams #the sun and moon show #sun and moon show #tsams lunar #tsams moon #sorry if this was a long post or went on a tangent #I have a lot of feeling on this situation if it is as bad as it appears

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baekgutingz · 1 year ago

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Warmth in the Cold Ice — #SUNSUN

TAGS: fluff, sfw, stablished relationship, sunoo and sunghoon as boyfriends.

It’s cold.

But the coldness never bothered Sunghoon when it should because he’s only wearing a black shirt with a super thin fabric; while his boyfriend tries to stand up in the middle of the ice skating rink they’re in.

“Hey, stop staring at me and help me get up,” Sunoo said with a pout, sulking as his boyfriend Sunghoon laughed at him when he fell ass flat at the rink for god knows how many times now.

A warm smile escaped from Sunghoon’s lips while he approached the younger. Sunoo’s slightly kicking his feet, murmuring words the older cannot quite hear. And when Sunghoon reached the younger’s moping small figure in the middle of the place, the slight smile on his lips grew bigger, and he felt the warmth inside his chest spread like wildfire, making his heartache, but it aches; in a good way.

“I told you to be patient. You need to be patient, love.” the older uttered as he cupped the younger’s cheeks and placed a feather-like kiss on his nose.

“All I have to do was to fucking balance, Hoon. I’m so stupid. Why do you make it seem so easy to skate."

“You’re exaggerating, Love,” Sunghoon said, then put a peck on the younger’s lips, making Sunoo frown.

the younger said, rolling his eyes in annoyance, making the taller laugh.

“Hey, I’m not. How often did I tell you that skating is hard?” Sunoo slowly got up as Sunghoon helped him. The taller snakes his arms on the younger’s slender waist and acts as his boyfriend’s support, preventing him from falling.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you. You make it look like it’s easy as walking. You twirled 30 times in front of me and went to hug me. Acting as if nothing happened while you giggly hugged me.” Sunghoon’s laughter boomed inside the place because of what his boyfriend had said, emphasizing the last sentence.

“You’re exaggerating, Love,” Sunghoon said, then put a peck on the younger’s lips, making Sunoo frown.

“No, I am not,” Sunghoon released his grip on the young man's waist. He let go of him and ensured Sunoo stood properly and well-balanced before walking in front of his boyfriend with a sweet smile.

“Alright, I’ll teach you again how to balance, baby,” Sunghoon uttered and caressed the younger’s crown, putting the fringe of the smaller’s hair behind his ears.

Sunghoon gave his boyfriend one last peck on the lips and started demonstrating what stance Sunoo should take and what the younger should do to maintain his balance and skate properly.

As Sunoo slowly copies how Sunghoon moves, he also lets go of his boyfriend’s hand that is guiding him and preventing him from falling.

“Babe, you can let go of my hand now,” Sunoo whispers almost inaudibly. The latter hums in response and lets go of Sunoo’s hand.

It felt cold— letting go of his boyfriend’s warm hand made Sunghoon feel the cold air the place was giving, but the smile started to draw on his boyfriend’s face when Sunoo took his first stride on the rink without falling made Sunghoon’s inside warm— making it feel like he’s basking in the sun's heat in the morning.

The first few skate of Sunoo’s feet at the rink, he was wary. He was scared even though he knew that he was only copying what Sunghoon had shown him. Sunoo was scared because he wanted to make his boyfriend proud by letting him see that he was learning what his lover’s second most loved (of course, he’s the first Sunghoon loves) thing to do in this world. But the moment he felt that he was slowly but surely gliding his feet on the ice without falling, a warm feeling enveloped his chest as he searched for the brown orbs that had been staring at him adoringly.

Sunghoon smiled widely at the younger, took his phone out of his pocket, and opened its camera. He started recording Sunoo’s every skate towards him with that beautiful smile etched on his boyfriend’s face.

The younger’s eyes form into crescent because of his joy. His cheeks are puffy and red as he skates toward his lover— that’s happily recording him, waiting at the other side of the rink.

When Sunoo reached where his boyfriend was waiting, the lad greeted him with a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead.

“Lovey, I made it.” the younger stated happily. He kissed Sunghoon’s cheeks, buried his face in his boyfriend’s chest, and hugged the older tightly.

Sunghoon chuckles and states, “More than great, my pretty ice fairy. I’m so proud of you.”

A smile broke out on the younger’s face as he kissed the lad again. But this time, it wasn’t a peck. It was a long passionate kiss, not giving a damn about what other people might think. Sunghoon slowly smiles in between the kiss.

He pulled the smaller one closer to him and deepened their kiss, and as they pulled away from each other, the warmth inside Sunghoon’s chest stayed.

It’s cold.

But even though it’s cold, it doesn’t bother Sunghoon. It doesn’t bother him because Sunoo’s there to keep him warm— that warmth from loving the younger was enough to keep him warm.

#sunsun au #sunsun #kungyaz #enhypen fic #drabble #alternate universe

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thewitchoftherock · 6 months ago

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Before I worked in retail at a lovely beauty shop, I worked at a call center.

Tech Support. For Comcast. It’s as bad as you think it was. Lemmie tell ya a story.

The year was 2011. I’m at the call centre, working away, doing my best and getting chewed out because I often helped people beyond what was required (driver issues and shit, instead of just following our LOQ. If you have someone who refuses to leave their script, they probably got written up for doing so just FYI. )

Anyway,

Buddy calls in, and right off the bat he comes in swinging. Rawr rawr rawr, my internet isn’t working, fix this now, you guys suck. like, dude, I don’t disagree with you, but I have literally no control over the company I’m a fuckin’ cog. Whatever. I go into his account to check his system/devices/account, and I see the modem is fully offline. That’s actually good, because it means it’ll be super easy to fix: either the damn thing is busted (needs a tech) or it’s out of power. So, I ask buddy to unplug the device from the outlet, wait a second, and plug it back in again. I didn’t ask this because I thought resetting it would fix it, I asked him to do this because peeps get pissy if you ask them if their stuff is plugged in.

Foreshadowing.

Anyway, he grumbles and complains, and does the thing. Nothing. OK. There’s one more thing I can check. I ask him if the modem is plugged into the wall, or a power bar.

“It’s plugged into a power bar.”

“Ah.” I say, “Ok. Can I get you to plug it directly into the wall?”

“Why the Fuck do I have to do that?”

Now, the answer we give is “well, that’s because sometimes the modem and the power bar don’t work well together, and it’s just easier to check it if it’s plugged into the wall.”

This is bullshit. The truth is that we don’t know where you got this power bar. We don’t know how old it is. We don’t know if you got this shit rigged up like the dad in “A Christmas Story” with three dozen things plugged into a set power bars all plugged in and twisted like some chthonic electro beast. I mean, sure, that SOUNDS hot, but it’s not useful when trying to do troubleshooting and figure out if your power bar sucks and is broken.

This guy *loses his shit* at me. Rawr rawr rawr, every time I call you got me running around doing all this shit, blah blah blah, No, I can’t unplug it, there’s no other outlets in the room.

Now I pause, the gears in my brain quickly clicking together. “There’s… no outlets in that room?”

“No, there’s not! Not any!”

Ok, well, ASIDE from that being absolutely not to electrical codes for modern houses, it also raises a new question.

“Sir… what’s your powerbar plugged into?”

“It’s plugged into a powerbar!”

“…. The same powerbar?”

There’s a moment of stunned silence, followed by a *Click*. I pause my line for a minute so I don’t get any more incoming calls while I take my notes, but really I’m watching this account. I refresh a few times, and after a minute or so, the modem is MAGICALLY ONLINE

This dude. This chaotic dumbass had his modem plugged into a powerbar, which was plugged into ITSELF. Like, I know there’s that meme flying around that shows that, and it’s supposed to be a joke on how stupid people can be, an exaggeration of sorts… But I swear, this is NOT an exaggeration. This shit actually happened.

So, the moral of the story: If you’re on the line with Tech Support, and they ask you to just “Check the wires” or “Make sure the device is plugged in firmly.” Just do the thing. We’ve dealt with a lot of dumbasses in our time.

Before it’s asked: No, this was not an elder gentleman. It was a Prime-Of-His-Life dude.

#work stories #call center #tech support #Comcast #comcrap #people are stupid

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chainofclovers · 2 years ago

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Ted Lasso 3x8 Thoughts

I’ve written all of these after seeing the episode only one time but I think this one might benefit from a rewatch more than anything else. Even if, unfortunately, this was absolutely my least favorite episode of this stupid wonderful show. (Or was it? What will a rewatch reveal to me?)

I have tried very hard not to have a lot of fun-time-ruining expectations about this Media Experience that has bewitched me since January fucking 2021. But I’ll admit that I had some serious expectations about the writing of this episode. Keeley Hazell and Dylan Marron! I was so excited to see what the ultimate Keeley Jones expert, the Keeley inspiration, the namesake herself, would have to say about this character. And actually, I thought Juno Temple got some really incredible material to work with, and I think she acted the living fuck out of this episode. I came away with a deeper understanding of Keeley’s character. A sense of who she is when she wakes up in bed next to someone who delights her. A sense of how it feels when someone she loves deeply disappoints and hurts her, and how it feels when someone she could have loved chooses a status over a human, and how it feels when someone she used to love holds himself accountable to her.

There was so much about this episode that felt incredibly natural:

everything about Juno’s performance

the ways Jack is charming and tantalizing and expansive and the ways she’s small and cowardly and disappointing were perfect…wlw rep doesn’t happen in a vacuum of purity, this is wlw rep but this is also billionaire asshole rep this is venture capitalism rep this is richer-than-Rebecca-Welton rep this is manipulator rep

the perfect moment when Jade tells Nate to celebrate his victories after a lifetime of hearing his father shame him for taking pride in his successes

the anti-chemistry chemistry of Ted and Michelle and their long history

absolutely everything about Rebecca as lifeline and sense-talker for Ted (and soulmate…I’m so tired, but it just remains true that they’re fucking soulmates, and I hope they find out and I’m still pretty sure they will)

Beard in an apron making pancakes for his boys

Rebecca holding Keeley and telling her a possibly slightly exaggerated story about her introduction to masturbation to cheer up her beloved bestie

the utter pain of Roy being once again a very good person who has fucked up badly in a parking lot (this time with consequences)

Ted’s sweet little voices as he reads to Henry (and the WTF moment he has about himself after Henry has fallen asleep)

Last night my wife and I went out for a beer and broke down a bunch of these moments and how good they actually were, and how strange it was to have, honestly, a wealth of beautifully written and acted moments in an episode that really didn’t work for us. Because those highs made the lows seem so much lower.

The locker room scene…I’ve watched anti-harassment and standards-of-business videos for my corporate job that are better than whatever that was. I understand what they were trying to do. And I understand that this is a story that has so much real-life crossover and is so incredibly important to get right and was probably so complicated and often painful to write that I feel very empathetic about the ways that all that pressure might have conspired to make this episode worse instead of better. I have no interest in judging those conditions, nor do I think it’s some big hilarious gotcha that this writer (well, writers) wrote about this topic. But I do have to judge the final product, which reads like a group of people taking turns saying things like “This is a bad thing in our society” and “Is it so bad?” and “Yes, fellow man, it really is that bad” and “But wait, why should I have any responsibility for this bad thing in our society?” and “Well, here is why you actually do have some responsibility for this bad thing in our society.”

Even the Keeley-Rebecca scene wavers in and out, whereas normally a scene with those two is rock solid. They spend a lot of time explaining the societal conditions to each other instead of relying on the shorthand that two best friends would use to communicate. I mean, thank God Rebecca was totally with Keeley on this one—if she hadn’t been, that would’ve warranted something on the spectrum of lecture—but because she was, their exchange of lines about sexualization just had me feeling like I am watching a TV show about a very special issue, I am watching a TV show about a very special issue.

Just as I’m not looking to Jack Danvers to convince a homophobe why bi people are cool (she could be the coolest most respectful gal in the world and she’s not gonna convince a bigot that queer people actually are great!), I desperately wish they’d taken a less heavy hand with this stuff. Keeley’s pain—her vehement lack of embarrassment, her disappointment—says it all.

And I am so sorry to say that I feel like Brendan Hunt, who always, always knows when to dial it down and when to dial it up, when to bury and when to emote, dialed it way too far up when talking to Henry while Ted’s on the phone with Rebecca. I am a huge defender of how this show uses musical scenes; bring on the cheese, bring on the champagne bottle microphones, bring on the sing-alongs and heightened emotions and funeral rick rolls. Every other time a character has sung on this show, it’s been natural in the awkwardness and the slightly-outsized emotions and the inherent goofiness of it all. This time, they just could not create the right emotional conditions to earn this moment. I’m not going to give a detailed critique of a child's performance on a public website, but unfortunately I think this is a moment when the writers actually underwrote what Henry needed to say, because I’m mystified as to how he’s actually feeling and doing. Understanding those things is essential to understanding where this story is going, so I’m really upset that a huge chunk of information is missing now.

And that leads me to the incredibly unsettling ending. I had to be talked down off a ledge. I’m now pretty sure the ambiguities of how Ted and Michelle are around each other are about recognizing the ways they used to work, their common reference points, their knowledge of each other, while simultaneously experiencing yet another goodbye, yet another turning point in this (realistic, tbh) endless cycle of navigating the split. But I’m really struggling to understand Ted’s headspace in the final couple minutes of the show, whereas usually I feel like I’m practically living inside his brain as I watch.

I’ve loved s3 so far. I always knew it would be as distinct a thing of its own just as much as s1 and s2 were distinct from each other. As much as I’d be enjoying a return to the specific magic of s1, it would be impossible and wrong and even irresponsible of them to try to recreate it, and I think it would fall flat, and so I’m glad I knew that would never be my experience with this season of TV. And yet it’s a little unnerving, even as this person who’s tried to keep my high expectations open-ended, to feel so bummed about 3x8. The conversation over that beer about all the really good stuff did make me feel better, because it reminded me that the really badly done parts of this episode were less about story than about the circumstances of the storytelling. To me, those circumstances make the clunkers more forgivable instead of less. But it was still disappointing.

Probably every Ted Lasso fan feels this way on some level, but I am having such a singular experience. I am a fifteen-year-old girl again, holed up in my room because “no one understands………why I feel the way I feel about Ted Lasso.” The membrane between my takes and my empathetic yet judgmental reactions to other people’s takes is permeable and problematic. It’s shameful, but I want everyone to love it because I love it and I want everyone to calm down because I’m calm and I want everyone to be at the edge of their seat and not at all calm because I’m at the edge of my seat and not at all calm and I want everyone to love Ted/Rebecca even if they never kiss because I love Ted/Rebecca (even if they never kiss) and I want everyone to have hated this episode because I hated it and I want everyone to give it time and space to breathe because I’m trying to do that and I want everyone to wait and see what fucking happens because I’ve got some kind of freak patience when it comes to this fucking experience. I want to be my best self and I am not my best self. I’m insane about this show, and I’m not working on the issue. Eek.

#ted lasso #ted lasso meta #meta by me #ted lasso s3 spoilers #ted lasso 3x8 #hot dork club #ted x rebecca #nate x jade #keeley x jack

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