#he needed seven of them because the obsidian hotel had seven stars on the floor and yada yada yada

[crispy0nion]

also there was no reason for reginald to kill BOTH ben and jennifer like??? abigail said that when durango and marigold come into contact it triggers the cleanse and it can only be stopped if at least ONE of the recipients is killed. he could've killed jennifer and moved on with his life but for some reason he killed ben too thus 1. complicating the matter and 2. ruining the whole purpose of the umbrella academy

[lackadaisical-pottymouth]

A Rei and Eishi Thing

[Birdmen Radio AU]

Monetary bets remained off the table if they had the pleasant misfortune of playing with Rei. His poker face, a perpetual thing of calm bemusement, had invoked legends among the other radio hosts. It permeated tearoom whispers between breaks. Rumour had it he'd actually won the station in a high stakes mano-e-mano battle to bankruptcy. Others conspired that honeyed words had stolen the building from right under the previous owner’s nose.

Eishi, however, fancied himself somewhat immune to Rei’s charms. So when his boss came to him with heart and tickets in hand, his first response was, of course, a resounding no. 

“You need to leave!” plead Rei with a smile that made the moon green with envy. More a fan of gossamer clouds, Eishi resisted the urge to roll his eyes.  

Paper documents spread in a collage on his desk and atop of that mess sat a sheaf of brochures. Barely-disguised excitement left Rei fidgeting in the seat opposite his. Weighing worst case scenario’s and the ETA for the pizza delivery guy, Eishi swallowed down his better judgement. “Okay, I’ll bite.” he pronounced, leaning forward to grab at one of the rust-coloured sheets, “What do you mean?”

A petulant huff and Rei readjusted his pin-straight posture to a slightly more relaxed variation thereof with no apparent loss of energy. “Come with me. We’ll find music, see sights--have you ever seen the museums? They have the most amazing aviation collection--”

Temptation almost squeezed the yes from his throat. It was forced down as Eishi regarded his friend and the puppy-dog eyes he flashed.

“--And the food,” Rei continued, an unhindered locomotion of tantalizing descriptions that plucked mercilessly at his resolve, “My goodness. The festival’s all day on a Friday, but the scene Eishi, the scene. Musicians everywhere. It’s the chance of a lifetime!”

Rei-induced affirmation danced on the tip of his tongue. He almost accepted, almost. But a niggling suspicion ground it to a halt, refortified his walls. Eishi narrowed his eyes, “Is this supposed to be a ‘Sagisawa and Son’ thing?”

Rei’s smile stuttered.

Bingo.

“It could be a Rei and Eishi thing if you let it?” offered however-tall of curls just as the buzzer shrilled of an arrival. Rei sent him his biggest, most charming smile.

Eishi indulged in the long awaited eyeroll as he exited the room.

--

A month later, his day off began with an annoyance that prickled at the base of his neck. Eishi attempted to roll his shoulders around it, distracting himself by tearing through sheaf after sheaf of marking.

The mess from his desk had been transposed onto the station kitchen. Assigning ticks or circles to the papers was more or less grunt work he’d been co-opted to assist with last minute while his prof tackled more pressing projects from more advanced classes. He forced his mind to remain focused while his hands worked, pointedly ignoring the mahogany door that led to Rei’s office.

Away from him, the station continued to bustle. Robin waved at him as she entered for her shift, her smile small and polite. Later, Fiona beelined for the coffeemaker in the 10-odd minute transition period. She didn’t regard him as she entered (he supposed he was to Fiona as death was to Gertrude--present, but usually ignored), but there was a fresh cup of coffee in his fav --er-- preferred mug when she left. He’d return the favour with a thing of dark chocolate.

An hour into marking and his mind began to wander. To schoolwork, the impending end of term. To station work and the newest crop of writings (the month’s theme was Winter Wonderland).To certain knowitall bosses and that damned closed door.

What was really annoying about Rei was that he’d somehow known. He’d known. And Eishi knew this because following the initial proposal, while he thoroughly sussed the venue and festival for any nasties or hidden bits, Rei had all the answers down to the tickets. Rei indulged in telling him everything, from venues to rumoured appearances, to icky folklore of the place.

Stupidly, dumbly, profoundly interested, he’d listened.

“All we need now is to go!” Rei had laughed the night before while Eishi chopped onions and cabbages and somehow turned a salad into croquettes.

“Who the hell is ‘we’?” he’d snapped, slamming down with more force than necessary as if to compensate for the absence of the stuff in his own voice.   

Hell, even the hotel had been snagged in advance, a ridiculously fancy sort that probably rated in diamonds or obsidian rather than mere, plebeian, gold stars. The prickling feeling--annoyance, definitely annoyance-- spread to his throat and ears, arresting them in an itchy warmth. It was totally a Sagisawa and Son thing, he’d read the itinerary, knew it’d be a Sagisawa and Son and Weird Glasses Kid thing if he agreed to come.

(He could hear it now: This is my son, Rei. This is his third wheel.)

Ugh. The thought wrought horrors on his already flimsy resolve and his stomach stewed in eschew of the feeling. He pressed his palms to his eyes and relished the cold till white static stars filled his vision.

He could still leave, right? Go home, actually enjoy his day off?

Rei would clue in later that he’d -- almost! Almost had!-- a change of heart, probably. The over-kind tact that plagued him would stop him from saying anything till long after the trip. He could go and nothing would change except Rei.

Who--by the by--still hadn’t emerged from the mahogany doors and it was three-pee-ehm in the afternoon.

A quiet part of him registered that, Hey, bud, you could’ve sent a text, just as another regarded the garish ‘W’ on the countertop calendar, nearest Gertrude and the ugly, tawny, pot it stayed in.

Meeting day.

He mightn’t even be there.

Fatigue rested heavily on his temples.

Static splintered back to coloured specks and then again to a blurry variety of the white that foamed on the oak table. Tired fingers pressed the bridge of his nose as he began making estimates of how long it would take for him to pack up and be gone before--

“Eishi?”

He pinched his nose (nope, not a nightmare) and bit back a groan.

Slowly, too slowly, not slowly enough, Rei crossed the distance between the door and the table. Then came small talk as he peered over Eishi’s shoulder at the lab assignments he’d toiled over.

Words more or less drifted over his head as Rei recited routine topics. “Hi Eish’, it’s your day off, why are you here instead of getting some rest? Oh, is that marking? Damn, Dr. Saitou’s working you hard. Haha. Did you know I’m going on a trip? Of course you did, I asked you, I’m probably upset about that but I won’t say anything because I’m not an awful human being” --paraphrase courtesy of his mind.

At some point, he wasn’t quite sure when, he’d risen from the chair. Rei remained slightly crouched despite having ceased what he’d been saying. Worry quirked his eyebrows. A dry realisation noted that, for once, Eishi was the taller of the two. Eishi inhaled, once for luck and twice for oxygen, and then he was speaking.  

“Listen,” he commanded, taking just a little too much pride in the way Rei flinched, “If we’re thinking of making the best of this trip, then we’re leaving in the morning and getting there by afternoon.”

Saucers would’ve envied the size of Rei’s eyes, the subtle gape of his jaw. Breathing, once, twice, Eishi continued, “And understand that I’m not doing any father-son bonding whatever, because I’m not a son, in case you didn’t notice, and your family business is yours.”.

The table brushed his hip and papers, disturbed, fell. He felt his fingers cold against his arms and straightened his back, “Is that fair?” he asked, biting against an apology lurking in the back of his throat.

Rei nodded up at him, his mouth still slightly agape.

“That being said,” Eishi continued, satisfied, directing his gaze instead to the percolating coffee maker, “I look forward to going on this trip with you.”

From the corner of his eyes he could see Rei’s lips pressed together, the crack of a smile spreading at the edges.

--

They spent the night before leaving in Rei’s house. His bags were piled on the livingroom floor-turned-loading dock. Eishi settled back on a beanbag in the absence of Rei’s over-excited mountain of fluff he passed for a dog. Discarded take out boxes completed the look.

The day before Disaster, he’d call it. Maybe take and send a picture of it to Kamoda when the encyclopedia of things to be packed had been downsized. He recounted the items to himself,  

“Credit card, camera, gift cards, pepper spray--”

A confused call from one of the bedrooms. “Why would you need pepper spray?”

“--lock, key, the first aid kit, and a blanket and pillow.”

“I can’t find my shampoo.”(“Which one?”)”The peach one--it’s smaller? Came with a carry baggy even?”

“It’s at my place.” (“Really?”) “You left it there last time, never took it back.”

“That was a month ago!”

“And my hair thanks you muchly.”

Rei gasped, scandalized.

--

A gleeful tune tap-tapped on the rim of the steering wheel. “So,” Rei said, checking over his shoulder for traffic, “think we’ll get there in by dinnertime?”

Eishi pointedly-not-pointedly shot a glare at Rei, who had the audacity, the absolute nerve, to be awake and chatty at seven in the morning.

Wait, no.

They’d--no, not that, because it bloody well wasn’t true--Rei, had woken at around five and had proceeded to drag him out of bed. Because, and cursed be his past self from a month ago for doing this, they’d agreed to leave early and be on country roads before rush hour hit. Spring fever had possessed Rei to take the scenic route despite the world of green only barely peeking out from winter coats.

Scenes thus far included Rei’s apartment, the main road, Rei’s apartment (the sequel starring Rei’s prodigal suitcase), a drive through cafe (which, really, was a sight to behold), and now the backroads leading out to the wild blue (brown? vaguely yellow?) yonder.  

Eishi cradled his coffee while flipping absently through the radio channels on Rei’s fancy-ass rich people dash. Par for course, the car really was more tech than vehicle. One of the buttons might’ve turned it to a submarine if he pressed it in the right sequence.

Probably.

Eventually, Rei lapsed into appreciated stretches of silence as the car jittered along. Practicing partial caution--he half expected Rei’s gangly arms to strike at any moment, swatting him away from the console in tune with Gwen Stefani’s Hollaback Girl-- Eishi turned to a station more familiar.

They’d tuned in for storytime, apparently. Rei tilted his head toward him, eyebrow raised in an unspoken question. He responded with a shrug, a similarly unspoken answer, before opting to listen to Irene’s excited recount.

“--Was the MEANEST lookin’ fella I ever saw! Like, six-foot-ten, 375 pounds of pure spite-on-earth. And he looks at us with his eyes one kind and ‘es like ‘What’rey’doin’ere?’” His coworker’s voice dropped to a gruff mumble before continuing with the same laughing lilt, “So, Red n’ I grab the stuff and book it, because if Man Mountain doesn’t want us there, we’re not stayin’--ain’t it right, Red?”

The sound effect that played was unrecognizable, somewhere between a foghorn and a bagpipe. Eishi imagined the incline of Takayama’s eyebrows, the slightest ghost of a smile. He pictured Irene’s eyes flashing with mirth as she gesticulated, oversized headphones shifting with every movement.

Rei was laughing from the driver’s seat, his hand crooked about his mouth while the other kept firmly on the wheel. Little huffs of air punctuated the subtle shake of his shoulders as fair hair curtained his face.

Eishi looked away, pocketing a comment about distracted driving. He took a sip of his coffee, totally not hiding a grin of his own. The recount resumed,

“We get to the boat, havin’ just out run the Megalodon,” she said, and he could almost see her leaning back, as if tomb raiding were normal as the changing seasons, “We’re feeling pretty good about ourselves. Exhausted, hungry, damp, but pretty good. We get set to go, strappin’ everything in, callin’ Rene t’ say we’re getting back. But the radio’s busted and the engine keeps makin’ weird noises.”

And then she paused and Eishi’s coffee hitched in his throat.

“You ever get that feeling that something’s about to go wrong?”

He forced down the liquid. Rei tightened his grip on the wheel. Irene’s voice dropped low, conspiratory.

“Red gets the boat going, but he keeps lookin’ back at the island. I’m feelin’ the same sorta vibe, like somethin’s not quite right. We agree, collectively, to get the hell outta there before ol’ Meggie gets back on our tail.”

“For a minute there, it looked like we were in the clear.”

She was silent a full beat where the air seemed to still.

And then, all at once, her voice was loud with vibrant animation, a roar in contrast to the whisper that preceded it, “but ol’ Meggie ain’t goin’ down without a fight! Allasudden there’s this THUMP--”

Rei’s car careened to the side, trampling bump bump bump over loose gravel and stones before a screeching halt. Eishi ricocheted towards the upholstered door. His coffee burped scalding liquid onto his hands and trousers. He pressed the offended digits to his mouth, blowing softly against hisses of pain.

“What the hell, Rei?” Urgency outweighed the anxious knot in his throat. Rei was pressed against the grey seat, shoulders hunched with his hands knuckled white on the black steering wheel. His eyes were trained on the rearview mirror, to the dark asphalt expanse.

Eishi risked a glance of his own, fearing the worst. He deflated, slightly, from relief when he found naught but a plastic bag making lazy trails on the backroad. When he looked back Rei was rubbing tired circles into his eyelids. He bit out a sigh and Eishi felt the relief-anger-fear combo press down in favour of a slack worry.

Rei regarded him when his shoulders relaxed and his breathing became even. Not stilled, not yet, but the tremors had mostly subsided. His mouth was screwed into a thin line, a splotch of red on his cheeks, “Sorry,” he muttered, breaking eye contact to lean back, “‘thought I hit something.”

Eishi mirrored the action, staring up through the sunroof at the overcast sky.

The remaining feelings ebbed till only worry remained and the blinking noise of the hazard lights. Words raced through his head, to his tongue, but he remained frustratingly mute. Form was not given to his essays of thought. Eventually, after much too long of silence, Eishi settled on asking, “How much sleep did you get?”

The inadequacy of the words burned on the tip of his tongue, stayed that way till Rei sighed and said “None.”  

Oh.

Oh.

He clicked his tongue in time with the click of the opening door. Gravel crunched underfoot along with dirt until he came to the boot. Chill winds accompanied him as he dug for the black fleece blanket, as he dropped it unceremoniously into Rei’s lap.

“You’re sleeping,” Eishi stated, gesturing to the open back seat. He rolled his eyes and shivered against the cold as Rei stared at him in silent protest. “It's not charity, you ass,” he said tiredly, caffeine cravings renewing with irritating vigor, “you're driving when we come back.”

On a regular day, the dispute would stretch till Rei whittled him to maybe a half-way point. But the silence with which Rei exited was testament enough to his current status. Eishi slipped into the driver's seat but kept equally mum.

In place of protest Rei settled instead into the passenger seat. The blanket framed him at his shoulders, draped down to cover his hiked-up feet. There wasn’t challenge in his eyes as he stared, but Eishi clicked his tongue nonetheless.

Ass.

--

When he’d thoroughly rested (after he’d ceased fake sleeping and had lapsed into soft snores with the chair reclined as far back as comfortable), Rei instructed him towards a “hidden road” and a “big surprise”.

Eishi noted that the last people to have seen him alive were probably the waiters and waitresses at the restaurant they’d stopped at, and that his phone had a panic function if he didn’t check in every twenty-five minutes. The pepper spray was tucked deep in the pockets of his suitcase, but if the need arose, he said, he’d be able to get it in a minute.

Rei called his bluff and told him to take a left where the road didn’t seem to follow. Hesitantly, stupidly, curiously, he obliged.

A declaration from Karasuma Eishi is as followed:

He will not tell Sagisawa Rei (Bossman, Lil’ Rei Rei, Balderdash Extraordinaire) that the expanse of rippling blue took his breath away. He will not tell him that the smell of water prickled each of his senses till they were taut and alive. He will not tell him about the picture he’d kept in the loose board underneath his bed for most of his elementary school career.

For the good of the world, for the good of his eardrums and healthy constitution. And truly, for the good of his boss, whose heart would likely explode from glee, he would shoulder the burden by himself.

The scene still commanded his attention when Rei saddled next to him with a grin thoroughly self-satisfied. “Did you get the pictures you wanted?” he asked, though his eyes remained trained on the cyan sky and the blue-green water.

Rei hummed in place of an answer with an infectious glee radiating off him in sheets. Eishi sidestepped the onslaught and returned to the car. The picture was static in his mind. The trees, the water, the gossamer clouds, and the asshole grinning like a Cheshire cat.

.