#he looks OUTRAGEOUSLY hot in all the set pictures and the trailer

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Since I've seen you post about Jang Hyuk several times,just wanna inform you that there's a new ongoing drama now starring Lee Joon,Kang Hanna,and him called Bloody Heart.He plays the villain there and from the looks of the first two episodes,the story will about him as much as it is about the two other protagonist so if you'd like you might wanna check that out🤗

I was aware of it, but thank you for thinking of me! :)

[larryssunflower]

The Non-Royal Romance, season two, part one

last part of season 1    teaser trailer   masterlist

(really bad) summary: TRR AU where MC (Alana Rhys) is the now queen of Cordonia, and Liam was part of the suitors in line to marry her. Drake Walker is Alana’s personal bodyguard, and as the season goes on, their feelings for each other only get stronger. After an assassination attempt during the coronation ball, Alana’s mother announces without her consent that she will marry Liam, to both Drake and Alana’s dismay. This season is dedicated to Alana’s and Liams engagement tour, and what will happen as it goes on

pairing: Drake Walker x MC x Liam (kinda)

tagging-  @ravenpuff02 @simplyaiden-blog @msjr0119 @butindeed @mfackenthal @axwalker @choices-lurker @american-duchess @drakelover78 @monosodiumglutamateme @crookedslimecreatorpasta @mrsdrakewalkerblog @traeumerinwitzhelden @gardeningourmet @speedyoperarascalparty @agent-zephyrkah @liam-rhys-x-mc-x-constantine @snyggflicka @texaskitten30 @annekebbphotography @irishwhiskys-blog @nomadics-stuff @catlady0911 @twinkle-320 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @drakewalker04 @bigmemesplz @jovialyouthmusic @sleepwalkingelite @pintobomb @moneyfordiamonds​ @mskaneko​ @lauzales​ @princessleac1​ @kingliam2019​ 

----

*six months after the coronation ball*

These past few months have been difficult, I’m not going to lie. I’ve spent the majority of my time living in the Beaumont manor, recovering my shoulder and having well deserved space from my mother. Luckily the interactions I have had with Liam have been brief, I can’t bring myself to act like I’m in love with him because he thinks I actually chose him and I don’t have the balls to tell him he wasn’t my choice. No one knows that it was my mother’s decision and I’m in love with my former bodyguard. The perfect Queen huh?

I haven’t seen Drake since the incident. It was so perfect for that short span of time where he loved me back and we were finally together. But that changed... thanks to my mother. My memory is still hazy due to the pain medication and all I remember is the incident on tv, falling asleep at one point with Drake by my side, and waking up and he was gone. My mom said he just up and left. 

I don’t blame him if I’m being honest. Who would want to be with this train wreck? I sigh, running my hands through my dirty hair. I know it’s pathetic, but I haven’t really been taking care of myself recently. I started getting night terrors, every time I’m in that ballroom, my friends and family being slaughtered around me, time and time again and I can’t do anything to help them. Maxwell always wakes me up with a hug, holding me as I sob in his arms.

We still haven’t found who orchestrated the assassination attempt. It’s not easy when your country is relatively peaceful with very few enemies.

I trace my fingers over my scar on my shoulder. My doctor said it could take up to a year to function normally again. Thank god it’s not fatal, but the psychological toll hasn’t been easy. I can’t help this horrible feeling of guilt every time I think about the ball. They were there to kill me, and harmed my friends to get there. Who knows what else they will do to get to me or my friends the second time?

I let out a breath shakily, looking out the window. Theres no point thinking like that. That’s all I have been doing, stressing over things I can’t control. 

All I know is that the engagement tour is starting tonight, and I have to speak to people again. I have to spend time with Liam, try to pretend to be in love, try to pretend that I’m not falling apart. I have to do this without Drake by my side. A horrible feeling pangs in my stomach anytime I think about him. I lost the one person I have ever felt this way about and maybe its a good thing. It wasn’t fair to him, our whole relationship- if you could call it that. 

I eventually drag myself into a well-needed shower, letting the hot water melt away the tension in my back. I don’t have a choice anymore, all I can do is try to do my best tonight. That’s all I can do.

—-

I wake up, and immediately look to my left. Drake isn’t there. I frown, sitting up in my uncomfortable hospital bed, ignoring the pain in my shoulder and looking around. “Drake?” I ask, hoping he’s just in the other room. The door opens and my mom walks in, looking somber. A wave of anger flows over my body as I remember what she did. “Where is he.” I demand, my chest tight. She looks at me for a moment, not saying anything. “Where. is. he.” I demand harshly, making her sigh as I stare at her, my heart pounding.

“I didn’t want to tell you this way, but he’s gone.” My mother says much too simply, her everlasting sense of disapproval emulating from her gaze. Tears spring to my eyes as I digest what she said. “G-Gone?” I ask, swallowing thickly. My mother nods, walking over and sitting delicately on my bed. “Once you had fallen asleep, He left the room. I tried to ask him where he was going but he just said ‘I can’t do it anymore’ and walked away without a second glance.” She explains, making my heart break. Tears pool and spill onto my cheeks. I look down at my blurry hands which have began shaking.

“I’m so sorry honey,” My mother says, trying to hold my hand. I yank it away from her, fuming. “Don’t touch me.” I grit through my teeth, my conflicting feelings of anger, abandonment, loss, and love waging a war inside of me. “I can’t believe you! how could you do this to my life? Leave! please,” I beg, my voice shaking embarrassingly. My mother closes her mouth, pressing her lips together. “So be it.” She says, monotone. She gets up, and walks out the door.

I fall back against my pillow, tears pouring out of my eyes.

He’s gone.

—-

I brush my now soft, clean hair, and watch as it falls gently on my shoulders. My baby pink dress is form fitting, the straps thick enough to hide the scar on my shoulder. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Not sure if that’s really true, because I haven’t seen Drake in six months but... he is not out of my mind. It hurts more knowing that he probably doesn’t even care about me, especially since he walked out when it got rough and has probably moved on when all i do is think about him.

I watch my door open in the reflection of my mirror, my mother walking in. “You clean up well hon,” My mother says, her hopeful smile on that face. She has been trying really hard to make it up to me. “Thanks,” I say quietly, looking down at my clasped hands, my heavy, expensive ring on my left hand. The ornate gold ring pairs with a large crystal clear diamond, surrounded by smaller diamonds in a teardrop shape. Its beautiful, but feels foreign. Liam brought it to me in the hospital a couple weeks after Drake left. My mother was watching carefully as I smiled and accepted the ring, giving Liam a kiss in thanks. The next day, a picture of me in my hospital bed and Liam presenting his ring to me was all over the gossip news and magazines. My mother pretended to be outraged but I knew she set it up. She’s a smart diplomat, I’ll give her that. She always knows what she’s doing.

“Tonight’s the big night! Your first event as Queen!” My mother says enthusiastically, and I nod absentmindedly, fiddling with the ring. I haven’t worn it since the day in the hospital, and it’s just been sitting on my bedside table, collecting dust and eating away at my stomach. My mother sighs. “Why can’t you be happy? Will you ever forgive me?” She asks, and I look up at her in the mirror, my expression unchanged. “I’ve told you many times how you could earn my forgiveness and respect back.” I say, referencing a past conversation we had, keeping my voice flat and even. My mother purses her lips. “Well then. I’ll see you tonight at the party. Stay presentable,” My mother orders, before swiftly turning away, stalking out the door. I scoff, shaking my head.

—-

(Drake’s p.o.v)

I clench my jaw, punching the bag in front of me repeatedly. All my anger, regret, and frustration pouring out as I beat the punching bag, making it shake violently back and forth, it’s chain groaning.

I eventually stop, breathing heavily. I sigh, wiping the sheen of sweat off my forehead. All I can think about is her. As pathetic as that is. “You okay man?” the gym manager, Greg, asks. I nod, without looking up. “Yeah thanks, I’m fine,” I breathe, sitting down on the bench behind me, looking down as I unwrap my knuckles.

For a brief moment I’m back in that room, watching as she treats my fresh wounds, the light from the windows softly framing her beautiful face, whiskey flowing through my veins because that was the only way I could attempt to calm my nerves, being so close to her. I sigh, trying to push her from my mind.

She doesn’t want you anymore. 

“Hey uh, someone’s here to see you,” Greg says, his tone shifted. I look up in confusion and see Alana’s mother standing behind him, clearly uncomfortable in the dingy gym. I stand up quickly, suddenly feeing self conscious about my sweaty gym clothes.

Greg senses the tension and tentatively walks away, giving us a strange look. I guess it’s not every day that one of his patrons is visited by the recently former Queen. I look back at Regina, anger building back up within me. “How can I help you, Your Majesty?” I ask turning my head to the side, my nose flaring angrily. She blinks. “I deserve that,” she admits, looking down at the dingy floor. “I came here with a proposition for you,” She says, looking back up at me, making me furrow my brow in confusion.

—-

(Alana’s p.o.v)

“You got this Al, I know you do.” Maxwell reassures me, his eyes kind. I smile, “Thanks Max,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I know you’ve had a tough couple months, but you may as well try to have a good time tonight,” Maxwell says, and I nod. We start to walk out of my room and down the hall, Maxwell’s arm slung around my shoulders. “We can get drunk just like old times,” Maxwell laughs in my ear, making me laugh. “Oh those were the days,” I sigh contently, my good friend making me smile.

We laugh as we make our way to the main entryway, separating as we walk down the stairs. I look up at the sound of the front doors opening and stop in my tracks. In walks in my mother and...Drake?

A wall of emotion hits me so hard, I feel as though I could fall over. The man I love, the man I swear to at night, the man who broke my heart, standing just a few feet away from me, in a frustratingly handsome navy suit, avoiding my eye contact.

“I got your bodyguard back, now, let’s leave before we are late to your engagement party,” My mother says, a satisfied smile on her face. I snap back to reality, nodding wordlessly. I walk down the stairs, not being able to look Drake in the eyes. As I pass him through the doorway, I feel his hand on my lower back, guiding me through. Chills spread over my arms and I keep walking, my face burning in embarrassment. I feel like a spoiled child whose parent forced some child to be my friend. I can’t believe she remembered.

Five months ago my mother asked how she could earn my forgiveness, and I simply said ‘bring him back’.

I step into the back of our black SUV, Maxwell following behind me. My mother gets into her own car with her bodyguard, and Drake sits up front with the driver. I can feel Max’s gaze on mine, but I don’t look at him, my stomach fluttering unpleasantly. I’m not eager to see the expression of my good friend’s face. I’m torn between being overjoyed that the man I love is so close to me again, and angry because that same man broke my heart six months ago. How can he just sit there, no emotion, after what he did? How much is my mother paying him? I cringe, looking out the window, waiting until we arrive.

—-

Our cars pull up onto the gravel drive, the Amaranth Manor glittering in the warm night. Home to one of the Cordonia most notable noble family, their daughter being Madeline. I only met on her on a couple of occasions- she’s... not my taste. 

The cars roll to a stop just in front of the large doors, my nerves fluttering. I haven’t been in public like this in so long. My car door opens, and for the fist time in six months, I make direct eye contact with Drake. Just like that, all my reservations and cautiousness is out the window, replaced with the familiar feeling of overwhelming love and longing for Drake. A feeling I’ve tried to ignore for these past months that I just can’t hold it back anymore.

I get lost in those warm, brown, beautiful eyes, butterflies erupting in my stomach. I force myself to look away, gulping nervously. I take a deep breath, take his hand, and step down off the SUV. The manor is lit up with warm lights, music playing loudly through the french doors which are open wide for the warm summer air. I look over and see two men waiting for me one of whom is Liam, the other, I don’t recognize. Liam grins, walking over and enveloping me in an embrace. I smile, hugging him back. He kisses my cheek as he pulls away, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight. “So nice to see you again babe,” He says, and I grin. “Yes it is,” I smile. Liam turns, gesturing for the other man to walk over.

“This is my brother, Leo. He’s joining us on our tour,” Liam explains. “Ah, so nice to meet you!” I exclaim, holding out my hand. Leo takes it, placing a kiss on my knuckles. “It’s my pleasure Your Majesty,” Leo says in a smooth voice. I smile politely, and we head over to the entrance. I glance over my shoulder, spotting Maxwell throwing his arm over Liam, talking pleasantly with his friend, and Drake, following behind.

We enter the main ballroom, where many of the suitors form last season are, now with women of nobility. I feel slightly intimidated as we walk in, and they go nearly quiet. We are announced and the voices start up again, louder this time. Liam and I start getting bombarded by nobles, ready to congratulate us on our engagement. We maneuver through the party, my jeweled hand resting on Liam’s arm, in clear view. Drake trails behind us, but I try not to think or look at him, not sure how I will react. I get many compliments on my ring from noble women, many of whom will be my bridesmaids, even though I barely know any of them.

Hours into the party and a couple noble women stand out, like the extremely nice woman Hana Lee, the bubbly Penelope Ebrim, the cultured french woman Kiara Theron, and of course, Madeline. “Step-Cousin! So nice to see you,” Madeline says in a hard-to-tell but definitely fake smile. “Lovely to see you as well! Thank you for hosting,” I smile back. She studies me for a moment, before turning to Liam. “Liam. It’s been a while, you look well,” Madeline says, a slight blush forming on her cheeks. “You too Madeline,” Liam grins. She looks at him for a moment, before turning to me.

“Looking forward to the wedding? I bet it will be just lovely,” Madeline says, an edge to her voice. What is her problem? “Yeah definitely! Um- would you two excuse me for a moment? I think I just need some fresh air,” I say, and they both nod. “Are you okay?” Liam asks quietly, his hand on my forearm. I nod with a smile, gently releasing myself from his grip. “Yes! I’ll be right back,” I say cheerfully, kissing his cheek quickly, before turning and making my way through the ballroom and out one of the open doors, into the secluded garden. I walk for a bit in the quiet, until I’m far enough to be out of sight from the party, and sit down on a stone bench outside. I sigh, a feeling of relief washing over me, happy to finally be alone again.

I honestly forgot the stress of being a noble - and now I’m Queen. god, what have I gotten myself into?

I suddenly hear a branch break, and whip my head to see Drake, standing just a bit away from me. I sigh. “Why did you follow me?” I ask, feeling an overwhelming sense of exhaustion from the situation. He sighs. “I’m just trying to do my job.” Drake says, shifting uncomfortably. I nod slightly, looking down.

After a moment, Drake talks again, “I don’t know why you wanted me back as your bodyguard, you seemed like you were done with us.” He says quietly. I scoff, standing up indignantly, facing him. “Excuse me? I was the one who was done? Last time I checked, you were the one who walked out,” I say angrily, glad I walked far enough from the crowded party to have privacy.

Drake looks at me, clear confusion in his face. “You didn’t want me with you. Your mother made me leave when- when it happened. After you fell asleep she told me that you were done with us, that you couldn’t take it anymore. You forced me out of your life, I didn’t walk out.” Drake explains, his annoyingly calm voice just making me more confused.

“But my mom told me...” I stop, my heart pounding. I look up at Drake, who is staring back at me, his eyes wide. It starts to click. Why did I just trust what my mom said after what she did? His Adam’s apple bobs up and back down. “You didn’t want me to leave did you?” He asks quietly. I shake my head. “You didn’t give up on me?” I ask, gulping. He nears me. “No. never. You have no idea how much I fought. I was at the hospital every day, trying to find a way to see you, to change your mind. Eventually they threatened me with arrest. The next day, you were moved to another hospital. I kept trying, I didn’t stop, as much as I probably should have. You have no idea how many stupid gossip magazines I bought just to get any information about you, to see if you were okay,” Drake says with a chuckle, making me snort at the picture of Drake buying gossip magazines, my stomach fluttering with happiness. He didn’t give up on us.

We look at each other for a moment, just staring. “I missed you,” I say softly, my voice cracking. Something breaks within Drake and he pulls me towards him, embracing me tightly. I sigh, melting into his familiar arms, clinging onto his shoulders. He buries his face into my neck, making me sigh with content. Something I haven’t felt for months. I curl my fingers in his hair, pulling gently. After a moment, he pulls away from the embrace, his eyes scanning my face.

In a second, our lips are connected. It’s hesitant at first, still unsure, our mutual feelings of hurt still lingering between us. I let out a small moan, the feeling of his lips on mine intoxicating after months of feeling nothing. I clearly did something right, because Drake groans, pulling me closer than imagined, his hands roaming up and down my sides. All these months of to re-living our kisses in the middle of the night could not have prepared me for how I feel in this moment. My heart soaring, my nerves on fire, wanting- no begging- for more contact. 

Once my lungs are burning for air, we break apart, breathing heavily. “God, I missed you too,” Drake says, his voice an octave lower than usual, making my heart swoop into my stomach. God, how does he have such an impact on me? Just his deep voice makes me want to jump his bones. I gulp, looking up at him. “What now?” I ask, and he looks down. “Honestly? I’m not sure,” He says quietly.

I bring my hand up, caressing his cheek, making him look up at me. He blinks, looking deeply into my eyes. “All I know is that I can’t lose you again. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with this engagement situation, but I will never give up on us.” I say with every fiber in my being, hoping he understands my sincerity. He nods, a strange look in his eyes. Before I can question him, my phone goes off. I look down to see a text from Liam, asking me where I am.

I sigh, a feeling of guilt creeping up on me. Just because I don’t want to be with Liam doesn’t mean I want to hurt him. “What is it?” Drake asks, and I sigh. “I have to get back in there, as much as I wish I could stay out here with you,” I say, longing to stay forever with Drake, never having to leave his side again. His face falls slightly, before he smiles. “Hey, at least we figured this out. It was hard thinking that you didn’t want me for six months,” Drake says, making me smile. “Yeah, I’m glad we figured this out,” I say, and He looks at me for a moment, before swooping in, giving me a sweet kiss. I happily kiss back, before we both pull away.

“Time to go back in I guess,” I say, and He nods. We walk through the garden, back into the crowded party, my stomach still fluttering with butterflies after that kiss. Drake stays a good distance behind me, which is probably smart because if I could, I would never stop trying to touch or kiss him, which would be a bit concerning for the nobles, as they are at the engagement party for me and a different man. Leo, Liam’s brother pulls me aside gently. “Oh hi Leo,” I say, and he looks at me for a moment. “Did you enjoy your breath of fresh air?” He asks, making my stomach drop. He didn’t see did he? “Yeah, sometimes parties like this are suffocating and I just need a break,” I say, keeping my voice level.

Leo studies me for a mother moment, a sly smirk creeping onto his face. “hmm, I like you,” He says in a thoughtful way as I smile back, my heart pounding. Did he see me and Drake? “Thank you, I’m glad my future brother in law approves,” I say with a slightly nervous chuckle. I can’t figure Leo out, is he threatening me?

 “Hey what’s up babe?” Liam asks, coming over to us, sliding a hand around my waist. I glance over to see Drake staring daggers at Liam’s hand. Funny how things never change. It makes me blush knowing Drake is protective over me. “Oh, nothing, just talking to your lovely brother,” I smile, clearly making Liam happy. “I’m glad! You two are very important to me,” He says, and we start a perfectly pleasant conversation.

The night moves on, we dance for a while, eat some appetizers, drink some champagne and before I know it, the party is over. I say goodbye to Liam, making my way to my assigned room away from him, which may have been orchestrated by my step-cousin, little does she know that’s my ideal scenario. Honestly she can try to steal Liam away, I’m not going to stop her.

Drake and I stop outside my door. “I guess I should try to get some sleep,” I say, and he nods. My tongue darts out to wet my lips nervously. “Do you want to come in?” I ask, my stomach bubbling with nerves. Drake looks down at me, a heat in his eyes. “I really shouldn’t Alana,” He says, and I nod. I bite my lip, thinking about how out-of-hand we could get. Probably not the best idea. “Okay then, goodnight,” I say, giving him a quick hug. He hugs back, kissing my cheek lightly, making my face heat up. He makes me feel like a schoolgirl, blushing over my crush kissing my cheek. So stupid. “Goodnight Your Highness,” he whispers, making me take in a sharp breath. He is really making this hard for me.

He releases me from the hug, leaning back, a satisfied grin on his face. I huff. “G-Goodnight,” I say, turning and going into my room, the stupid blush never leaving my face.

I change out of my dress and into pajamas and flop onto my bed, thinking about earlier. I‘m so frustrated that I actually believed my manipulative mother for so long. I feel like I betrayed him by believing her, but he believed her too I guess. I stare at the pale blue ceiling above me, thinking about the kiss. God, the way he pulled me closer. He has to know what he does to me. It’s honestly unfair at this point.

I naw at my bottom lip, butterflies fluttering inside me. I glance over to the door and see the edge of his shadow outside my door. My heart warms at the thought of being so close to him again. Before long, I drift off to sleep.

—-

I glance around, watching as everyone dances. The warm lights glow pleasantly, the music muffled, but nice. I smile as I see Max and Allie together, laughing. A feeling of warmth radiates through my body. I glance over and see Drake, smiling over at me. A strange feeling of familiarity falls over me slowly. Wait... This is the coronation ball, oh no.Suddenly, the warm lights go out. The ball is dark and suddenly a horrible cold feeling washes over me. I know what’s coming. No! I have to warn them! I try to scream, try to warn everyone to get down, but nothing will come out. I look down and see myself chained to a post, and feel the duck tape on my mouth.

The lights turn on again, and the assassins don’t hesitate opening fire on everyone. I scream as their bodies fall over, fighting with everything in me to be free, to help them. One near me turns, and aims and Drake. “No!” I try to say, nothing coming out. Drake just looks over at me in fear and then the assassin shoots him, making him collapse. I scream, thrashing against the binds, and suddenly, I’m in my room, and Drake is by my side, holding onto my shoulders, clearly concerned. I let out the largest sigh of relief, throwing my arms around him tightly. Tears fall out of my eyes and my shoulders shake as I sob in his arms. He holds me tightly, His body warmth calming me down. He just keeps whispering softly “it’s okay, you’ll be alright,” as I cry. 

As soon as I start to calm down, I let go of my death grip on him, leaning back. “Are you alright?” He asks, deeply concerned. I sigh, calming my nerves. “Y-yes, I am now. Sorry since the ball I’ve had these horrible dreams...” I trail off, stopping before I cry again. He reaches out, brushing my hair from my face. “It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize to me, I know nightmares better than anyone,” He says, and I nod, remembering that night when I found him in his bed, screaming in his sleep. “I had no idea you had them now,” He says sadly, looking into my eyes. “Yeah, um- if I’m being honest, I’ve been a hot mess since the ball and then my ‘surprise engagement’,” I say bitterly, fumbling with my hands in my lap. 

Drake rests his hand on mine, making me stop, looking up at him. “That makes two of us,” He says gently. My heart breaks thinking about Drake being just as heart-broken as me. “At least we’re in this together, right?” I say, and he nods, a small smile on his face. “Always.”

He stays by my side until I fall asleep.

--------------

-end-

I’m back! I know there’s a lot of crazy thing going on in the world right now which is horrible, but hopefully it will bring change with it! How did you guys like the first part? I love to hear your feedback ;) Thank you all for your support over the years now (crazy!) for this fic! It’s honesty hard for me to read earlier chapters, I feel like I’ve changed so much since the beginning haha. Anyway, I know this wasn’t the best part, but there are so many more exciting things I have planned! Again, thank you all for your support, if it wasn’t for all your kind words I would not have gotten so far! Love you all! 

-Ella xx

[wr1ter-reader-dreamer]

Better Than I Ever Could’ve Imagined (Pt. 3)

Werewolf!Shawn Mendes x Reader

Masterlist

Part 1  -  Part 2  -  Part 4  -  Part 5

Andrew called a security guard over who then let us through a break in the fence. Lila followed right behind Andrew, Dede and I trailing behind them, as he led us back behind the stage and through a series of tents and trailers. There were people everywhere backstage, hustling about trying to clear Shawn’s set and get ready for the next performer. We wound through the workers, nobody even batting an eye at the obvious fan bouncing through them, and made our way towards the edge of the park. As we got closer I noticed a trailer set up with a few lounge chairs and a couch in front of it. There were people occupying the seats, laughing loudly and obviously enjoying themselves as they drank and talked. We were walking straight to them.

My heart started to beat faster when Andrew motioned for us to wait at the edge of the group and stay quiet. Shawn was seated facing away from us, leaning forward and laughing at something his guitarist had said, and that’s when it hit me. I was really going to meet him and at his request. I was suddenly very glad I had decided to wear the bodysuit.

Lila was bouncing in place, barely holding in a squeal as Andrew approached Shawn, standing in front of him so he wouldn’t see us.

“Did you find her?” Shawn asked, immediately straightening in his seat when he noticed Andrew.

The manager shook his head, a small frown on his lips, “No man, she was already gone by the time I got there.”

Shawn’s entire body deflated, his shoulders slumping and a small “oh” slipping from his lips. I couldn’t help but smile as he didn’t even notice his band snickering around him. They weren’t doing a very good job at playing along.

“But I did find some other fans who I think you’d like to meet,” Andrew grinned, motioning for us to come forward.

“Ok, I guess I can meet some fans,” Shawn straightened his shoulders a little as he turned to face us.

Lila stepped forward first, drawing Shawn’s attention with her excited squeal, “Hi Shawn!”

He smiled slightly, unable to resist her excitement, “Hi. Would you like a picture?”

“Yes! Y/N will you take it?” she nodded, turning to hand me her phone so I could take the picture.

Shawn’s eyes flicked to me for the first time and he froze. Smiling shyly, I glanced up to meet his eyes, noticing that they flashed black again.

“Hi,” I breathed, my smile widening as he stepped towards me.

A slow grin broke out across his features, his brown eyes lighting up with joy before he turned to glare at Andrew, “You told me you didn’t find her!” We all laughed at the outrage in his voice, Andrew shrugging, “Sorry. It was just too easy to resist.”

Lila cleared her throat, drawing Shawn’s attention to her obvious annoyance that she hadn’t gotten her picture yet. I rolled my eyes at her childishness, slightly annoyed myself that she was being so demanding.

“Oh, sorry,” Shawn said, stepping towards her.

She held her phone out to me expectantly, which I took with another eye roll, before sidling up next to Shawn and wrapping an arm around him. I fought back the jealousy that rushed through me as he wrapped his arm around Lila, his hand settling on the bare skin of her waist left exposed by her crop top.

“Ready?” I asked, my voice harder than I would’ve liked as I prepared to take the picture.

They both nodded, Lila grinning at the camera and Shawn smiling softly. I quickly snapped the picture then held the phone out to Lila. She squealed, turning to quickly thank Shawn with a hug before grabbing her phone. I felt another wave of hot jealously flash through me at the contact, but quickly shook it off. It was ridiculous to be jealous of a silly hug, especially considering Shawn hadn’t taken his eyes off me since he realized I was here.

“Damn, don’t stare too hard,” Dede joked, speaking for the first time since we had come backstage.

Pink tinted my cheeks as I glanced away from Shawn and stuck my tongue out at her.

Shawn moved his attention to Dede, a smirk on his lips, “I can’t help it when there’s someone that gorgeous to look at.”

The pink in my cheeks darkened to a deep red and I hid my face in my hands, a small smile tugging my lips up. Dede and Shawn laughed, both apparently quite amused by my embarrassment.

“Do you want a picture too?” Shawn asked, looking briefly at Lila, who was too engrossed in her phone at this point to pay attention to us, before focusing back on Dede.

“Oh no, I’m just here for moral support,” my best friend shook her head, “She wouldn’t have come without me and I wasn’t gonna let her miss this since she has massive crush on you.”

Shawn smirked, addressing me directly for the first time, “You’re a big fan huh?”

I rolled my eyes at his cockiness, crossing my arms over my chest and shrugging, “I actually came because I hoped seeing you in person would make it go away.”

Dede and Andrew, who had been listening and watching us interact, laughed loudly. I smiled smugly at the fake-hurt expression on Shawn’s face.

“Baby that hurts,” he said, covering his heart with his hand.

“Sucks,” I said, shrugging again.

Shawn turned to Dede, “What about you? Do you think she should get over me?”

“I don’t think it matters now,” Dede rolled her eyes, “It only made it worse.”

I laughed at her obvious displeasure, knowing it was all for show. Dede had no problem with my crush on Shawn or me talking about him. She just pictured someone else’s face on his body when I did, because “his body is just fine, it’s his face that’s the problem” according to her.

“She sure seemed to be enjoying herself to me,” Shawn smirked, eyeing my body and making my stomach squirm.

Lila looked up from her phone suddenly and actually paid attention to her surroundings for the first time since she got her picture with Shawn.

“Can we go now? I want to see other bands,” she whined, causing me to frown and Dede to roll her eyes.

Dede noticed my obvious unwillingness to leave, and Shawn’s unwillingness to let me, and quickly stepped in, “I can go back to the festival with Lila, if you want to stay here Y/N.”

I smiled gratefully at my friend, looking at Shawn to make sure he was ok with this. He looked just as happy as I was, so I quickly took Dede up on her offer.

“That would be great,” I said, pulling her into a hug, “Just text me when ya’ll are about to leave so I can find you and ride back with you.”

“Oh, um, I can take you back home later,” Shawn quickly interrupted, stepping closer with a light pink tint on his cheeks.

I grinned, liking the sound of getting to stay with him longer. Dede nodded, waving goodbye before tugging Lila back the way we had come. Andrew followed behind them, saying that he would see them out, and then we were alone.

Smiling shyly, I glanced up at Shawn, really looking at him for the first time since we came backstage. He was still wearing his white button-up and back skinny jeans, sweat causing the cotton to stick to his skin and outline his muscles. My attention was drawn to his messy curls, also damp with sweat, as he ran a hand through them, biting his lip and looking at me longingly. The heat in his gaze caused my face to flush as I realized that we were alone.

“Hi,” Shawn said quietly, his demeanor quickly shifting from cocky confidence to shy as he stepped towards me, not stopping until we were only a few inches apart.

“Hi,” I repeated, tilting my head back so I could look up into his eyes.

The wind blew and a piece of my hair fell across my face. Shawn immediately reached up, tucking the strand behind my ear and resting his palm against my cheek. I leaned into his touch and my lips parted slightly as I savored his warmth.

“You’re beautiful,” he growled softly and I blushed.

“So are you,” I whispered, a shy smile on my face as I gazed up at him.

He grinned, letting his hand drop from my cheek onto my shoulder where he ran it down my arm and grasped my hand in his. I shivered as his touch glided down, loving the sparks it left in its wake. I was suddenly reminded of his sweaty state when he leaned his forehead against mine and his wet curls brushed against me.

Scrunching my nose up, I pushed him back lightly, “Ew, Shawn, you’re gross.”

“Mmm baby, say my name again,” he smirked, pulling me against his body and nuzzling his face in my neck.

“Shawn!” I laughed, pushing him away again so he didn’t get more sweat on me.

He laughed too, the sound warming my heart and making my smile grow even bigger, “Alright, alright. I’m going to take a shower and then we can go watch some of the other performers.”

I nodded eagerly, liking the idea of him getting clean then exploring with me.

“You can wait out here, I won’t be long,”

I nodded again and he smiled, touching my cheek before turning to go inside the trailer. With a grin on my face, I sat down on the couch in front of the trailer. I never would’ve guessed thy day would turn out like this, but I couldn’t deny just how happy I was that it did.

[bensboynton]

Good Enough b.h;Part 3

word count: 4.1k ish

warnings: fluffy, lots of grammar errors sorry, VERY TINY bit of angst

surprise! hope you enjoy this very fluffy chapter to make up for the last part. enjoy<3

also thank you so much for the support on this series. it’s my first one and means SO SO much to me. <3

figured i need to clear up that lucy IS in fact involved in the book(reader’s bestfriend), but she doesn’t play mary in borhap. 

ONE MORE THING there’s a flashback in this chapter and it’s in italics just to let y’all know. 

recap

Yet somehow, even after the most violent break up of your life, you had never felt so accepted and genuinely cared for in your entire life. Ben’s arm was now wrapped around your fatigued body, your head still on his shoulder, the TV in the dressing room was on, and you were surrounded by your new family. Strangely, you had never felt more wanted in all of your years of existence.

This feeling of comfort was just enough to lull you to sleep in the middle of the evening, sitting on an uncomfortable couch, slouched over and your neck already beginning to stiffen.

But somehow, through all of this, you managed to feel one overwhelming thing for the first time in your life; inner peace.

You really, really, hated being the damsel in distress.

It’s been your biggest pet peeve for as long as you could remember. Watching these big, multi-million dollar movies display a beautiful woman who was too weak-minded to save herself made you sick.

You’d always grimace in disgust at Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella because all of their problems suddenly were solved because some big strong man in shiny armor showed up.

Since then, you promised yourself you wouldn’t let that be you.

Granted, you knew you wouldn’t fall asleep for 100 years and be awoken by the kiss of an attractive prince, but you promised yourself you would never, EVER, become dependent on a man.

Not for money, happiness, sex, anything. You were going to be completely self-sufficient. This wasn’t to be mistaken for you swearing off men, because you loved men, but you needed to be sure that you could still be you even if you were involved in a relationship.

And that’s why Y/BF/N made you so fucking angry.

He made you break your promise to yourself. You swore that you wouldn’t let him complete you, that you wouldn’t need him.

But sitting here you started to realize just how much you yearned for him in your life.

You two had been distant the past few months, sure. But he was always there. Whether in person, over the phone, or his grip on your mentality. And now you were sitting here on this couch with your head on Ben’s shoulder pretending to be asleep when really, all you were doing was thinking with your eyes closed.

You suddenly didn’t have an all-seeing gaze resting over your shoulder every minute of the day. You didn’t have to deal with phone calls constantly asking where you were and who you were with.

But, the worst part is you felt empty and mindless. You didn’t know who you were. What did you wear when you didn’t have an omniscient gaze telling you ‘I think you should wear this dress.” What music did you like? You didn’t know after spending a lifetime turning on pop when you actually wanted to listen to rock, but you couldn’t because you knew he didn’t like it.

How did you like to do your makeup? What was your favorite color to wear? How did you like to do your hair when you didn’t think about having to please another human?

All very valid questions you had no fucking idea how to answer.

It’s exhausting not only worrying about being a functioning human, but also having to worry about the thoughts/feelings/emotional stability of another person you’re tied too in every way except physical.

This jumbled mess of thoughts was bumped from your head when you felt two very muscular and warm arms wrap around you to pick you up. You kept up your sleepy act, not paying much attention to the urgent whispering around you, presumably from Rami and Joe.

A large piece of fabric was thrown on top of you, and after a split-second peak, you could see it was Ben’s jacket. The brisk London air almost made you jump as it washed over your skin, and you felt goosebumps start to form on your arms.

Ben pulled you a little closer, whether it was for your own warmth or his, you didn’t know. After what felt like an eternity of walking in complete silence, he adjusted the way he was holding you so he could open what you assumed was your trailer door. He lightly closed the door with his foot, only to walk over and gently place you on your bed. He pulled the covers back and placed them over your still slightly shivering body, and turned to walk away.

You acted on impulse and grabbed his hand, his eyes whipping around in surprise.

“Stay.” you murmured, causing Ben’s arm to tense.

“Are you sure?” he spoke back, his voice barely audible. You glanced up at him with puffy, tired eyes.

“Don’t think it’s too good for me to be alone right now.” you croaked out, slightly louder. You could see his facial expression soften slightly.

“Alright. Let me go grab a pillow from my trailer and a blanket to set up on the floor-” he began, before you cut him off.

“Just lay with me. Please.”

You hated how whiny and desperate your voice sounded right now, but you needed someone to talk to and human contact more than anything in this world. And here was Ben, standing right in front of you in all his blonde haired, green-eyed glory, looking at you similar to the way he was a few weeks ago.

“Jesus Christ, if I had nuts they’d be frozen right now,” you murmured, running your hands up and down your arms.

“Y/N, come over here we want to get a few pictures with you!” Joe yelled at you from across the set. You put down your glass of hot cocoa and awkwardly jogged over to the tiny mattress the four of your cast mates were cuddling on, a fluffy red blanket covering them. The photographer was waiting expectantly to the side as you stared at the already full mattress.

Well… guess it’ll be warmer there then just standing off to the side with your hot chocolate.

“Mary needs to lay by Freddie, I’m presuming?” you giggled as you climbed over the mass of bodies. Freddie laughed and nodded in response. Or was it Rami? Sometimes you really couldn’t tell.

You clumsily clambered into the bed, in-between Rami and Joe as Gwilym mumbled something about only having one ass cheek on the mattress.

When you were finally situated, the photographer climbed on his step stool and started taking pictures of you all. Joe kept cracking jokes, causing all of you to laugh and simultaneously push Gwil off the bed. (He was beginning to get fed up with your bullshit)

Joe, Rami, and Gwil finally rolled off the mattress once the photographer was done, leaving you and Ben still under the covers. You spread out a bit, looking over at Ben.

“I think I might stay here. I’m freezing,” you said, pulling the fluffy blanket up to your chin as another wave of chills is sent down your spine.

“It is quite cold in here, innit?” Ben spoke soon after, mimicking you and pulling the comforter up further on his body. You chewed the bottom of your lip as you looked at Ben, realizing that you were still cold.

You could lay here, under this thin blanket and freeze, or make your way closer to the other human body who seems to be radiating warmth that’s within arm’s distance from you.

It wouldn’t be weird, would it? I mean, you and Ben were best friends, practically family. You didn’t want to overthink it. So, on impulse, you rolled over and found your body pushed flush up against Ben, causing him to flinch in surprise.

“Sorry. I’m just really, really, cold,” you said, curling up into Ben’s chest. You couldn’t see, but Ben’s face was as red as the blanket you two were laying under. He tried to compose himself, and slowly wrapped his arm around you and rubbed your exposed arms.

“Jesus, you are cold.” Ben laughed out, his voice soft and smooth like caramel. It sent shivers down your spine, but you couldn’t really differentiate where your shivers were coming from.

Ben was like a radiator, generating the heat you so desperately needed. And after finally warming up, you found yourself falling asleep in his arms on a mattress in the middle of a busy set.

And you didn’t know, but his heart was pounding so hard he could feel it all the way in the tips of his toes.

You looked up to meet the soft look of admiration and something else in his eyes, but he wiped the grin off his face quickly when he noticed you were looking. You put your head on Ben’s chest, and he comfortingly rubbed your back, humming along to some song you’d never heard before.

The combination of all this had lulled you to sleep without a second thought.

It felt like months ago when this happened, but it was only last week. You shuddered at how time was passing in a fucked up, slow but also vividly fast way on the set of this movie. It was hard to explain. And you were too tired to try to explain.

Looking up at Ben’s piercing green eyes soften as you pleaded with him to stay would’ve been enough to make your knees go weak if you were standing. Thank God you weren’t.

Ben still stood there, his heartbreaking as his mind grazed over the events of the past few hours. You had really been through it. And he definitely didn’t want to say no to you and make you more upset after breaking up with your boyfriend and all.

Not that he would’ve even considered saying no in the first place.

He never liked him. From the way you talked about him, to the damper he put on your mood when he called, Ben just hated him. And he didn’t have to see him to just know he was a piece of shit.

Like… come on. Ben thought you were one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen(but he hadn’t told you this, of course) and it outraged him that Y/BF/N had the nerve to treat you like you were disposable. Replaceable.

So, he knew he couldn’t leave. You were a fragile mess, mentally and physically. Both of you knew that the wrong tone of voice or too rough of touch would shatter you into a thousand tiny pieces for the second time today.

Ben walked around to the other side of the bed and slipped his shoes off, delicately placing them to the side as he slid under the sheets, furrowing his eyebrows at the sight of you trying to hold back tears again.

He moved up behind you, softly flipping you around to face him and he pulled you into his chest, allowing you to snuggle your face into his t-shirt. His long arms were wrapped around you, and the two of you couldn’t get closer than you were right at that moment.

You could smell the remnants of his last smoke break lingering on his shirt, and the smell of Ben that words couldn’t possibly describe, but it was just so authentically him. The tears that were leaking out of your eyes were making a wet spot, and if Ben couldn’t tell you were crying before, he could definitely tell now.

The two of you stayed like for a really long time. It was like you two needed each other in a really strange way. You were holding each other so desperately tight, trying to keep yourselves as close together as humanly possible. It was like you would be allergic to any space between you.

You’re not quite sure how long Ben had to sit there and watch you stir in agonizing pain, but it was for a long time. The sun had begun to send spots of light shooting across the dark sky, canceling out the bright white light of the moon.

It was laughable really, that you could compare yourself to the moon.

You had loved him a lot. So much so that you would extinguish yourself, water yourself down to allow him to shine. Just like the moon did every day for the sun at dawn. And you looked up at the bright white rock as she wistfully faded from existence and felt your consciousness start to fade as well.

The tears sliding down your cheeks littered with star-like freckles had ceased to exist, and Ben was lightly snoring above you, still holding you tight to stop you from breaking.

You lightly pulled your head back and admired the jawline of this blonde man laying in your bed, only memories of the galaxies in his eyes remaining in your head.

And you looked at him and wondered what would come of this. This. Whatever this was. Would he fade into the background of the other stars in the sky? Or perhaps become a new blinding sun?

You wanted nothing more than to run into his open arms and fall to pieces in his grasp but that would be going up against everything that you had promised yourself you wouldn’t do since you saw Cinderella for the first time.

You had already let one man uproot your entire existence, you didn’t want to make the same mistake again. (No matter how badly you wanted to)

You could only hope that tomorrow the dull ache in your chest would subside, and maybe you’d attempt to get everything that has to do with your life back on track. With one last look at the ball of light cuddling you to his chest, you let your heavy eyelids droop closed, pushing you into a deep, deep, sleep.

–

“Y/N? Love, wake up.”

You stirred gently, rubbing your eyes as you were slowly brought back to your senses. That had been one of the best but simultaneously worst sleeps you’ve ever had.

You finally opened your eyes enough to see Ben sitting cross-legged on the bad, eyes searching you with caution and worry, almost scared that you’ll break.

“Hi.” you croaked out, followed by a hoarse cough. You don’t think you’ve ever been this thirsty in your entire life.

“Here, drink some water it might help. You’re probably severely dehydrated.” Ben spoke. He sounded like an overbearing mom. But, you honestly didn’t mind it.

After downing the glass of water in silence, you finally looked up at Ben, and you could tell you looked like a mess. “Thank you for staying with me last night,” you felt your face flush red as you slowly remembered everything that took place, “I’m actually kind of embarrassed. I fell apart.” you uttered, your voice barely above a whisper. Ben’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Why would you be embarrassed? That assho-” Ben began, before pausing slightly, “that man waltzed in here and treated you like the scum on the bottom of his shoe. You had every right to react the way you did.” He took a deep breath, looking down at his hands in his lap.

The sun pouring through the gaps in the curtains behind him made him literally look like an angel- like seriously. You can’t make this shit up. The sun was creeping over his silhouette, leaving a gap of it’s light on the floor in the shape of his shadow.

“I just got out of a relationship not too long ago and I don’t think I’d still be breathing if it was half as violent as yours was,” he said breathily, picking at the pieces of lint on his sweatpants.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault. It was hers.”

You were skeptical about what happened, but also too scared to ask. If his breakup hurt half as bad as yours did, that was definitely a wound you didn’t want to open back up. But it seemed Ben could read your mind.

“She told me one day that she didn’t love me anymore. And spent a grand 15 minutes explaining why. Telling me everything I did wrong, what she didn’t like about me, what about me was an inconvenience to her,” he swallowed thickly, the silence in the room seeming to swallow the sound coming from his mouth whole, “and just like that, ten years of my life were down the drain.”

Ten years. Took you a second to regain your train of thought at that. Your longest relationship was 2 years and it just ended. You couldn’t imagine pouring everything you had into another person for ten years just for it to end. You physically grimaced at the thought.

“I’m really sorry you had to go through that,” you said, shattering the cloudy yet comfortable silence in the air yet again, “I can’t even imagine.”

“Yeah. Not the best experience of my life,” he sighed, and you could see the pain in the slight wrinkles on his forehead, “it’s what follows. The constant ‘what ifs’ and thinking about how inferior I am to everyone else, you know?”

You knew exactly what he meant. You nodded at his response quickly, cracking your neck as you tilted your head to the side. “It’s waking up every morning and wondering if you’re good enough.”

“Exactly.” he agreed, making a pointing gesture with his right hand, before continuing, “I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but I just wanted you to know I’ve been there. Not exactly- well- I mean- I haven’t been- you know-”

“Cheated on?” you finished sadly. He nodded slowly, studying your face.

“I just want you to know I’m here for you no matter what. I know we aren’t super close, but I have your back. You need me to go beat his ass? Give me a call. You need a shoulder to cry on? It must be your lucky day because I have two,” his speech made you giggle slightly, “I didn’t have anyone to help me deal with my breakup so if I could be any comfort, a confidant, whatever, I’d be glad to be there.”

You felt boiling hot tears well up in your eyes again, suddenly emotional at the idea that you weren’t as alone as you thought you were. You looked up to meet his eyes again and almost melted at the look on his face.

“Can I give you a hug?” you whimpered. A boyish grin slid its way onto his lips as he stood up, opening his arms. You practically threw yourself into his embrace, reveling in the way your face fit into his neck.

“Thank you for dropping everything for me. I know we aren’t extremely close either but… knowing I have someone is truly one of the most relieving feelings in the world.”

You could practically hear his smile.

Oddly, you took comfort in hearing the sad stories that Ben had previously kept hidden. After all, you were a writer, you took inspiration in people and stories and foundation’s of people and what made them tick.

You both sat there in completely comfortable silence, quietly enjoying just the company of another person who understands their pain, who knows what they’ve been through.

Ben momentarily glanced down at his phone, frowning as his eyes scanned a message on its fluorescent screen.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks as if we’re needed on set within the next ten minutes,” Ben spoke sheepishly.

You grimaced, the idea of human interaction and a long day of work was not the ideal choice for you right now. Nonetheless, Ben left and you were alone in your trailer once again.

Strangely, your heart was beginning to feel a little bit more whole than it did yesterday. Maybe a night of someone excluded from the situation was what you needed.

But looking in the mirror that day, you felt something in your stomach at the idea of going out to set and seeing Ben again.

You shook your head wildly as you brushed through your knotted hair. You couldn’t do this. To Ben, or yourself. This couldn’t be a rebound or whatever the hell it was called. Ben was too pretty, too sharply chiseled, too emotionally in tune. Too normal for you. He would never want to go after someone that traveled to hundreds of different countries and performed in skimpy costumes on stages in front of thousands of people. Would he?

As you locked your trailer door behind you that day, you slowly tried to push any and all emotions that were beginning to fester in the pits of your stomach far, far away. This was not the time, nor place for that.

Walking to set, you grabbed your phone out of your pocket to see 63 missed text messages from Lucy. Rami must’ve told her.

You quickly shot back a response, telling her to come down to set at 2, when you wrapped for the day, and you would meet for lunch and explain the whole thing. She agreed, and you felt your heart soar at the idea of spending the day with your best friend.

You stepped into the studio, already being swept into hair and makeup to start shooting again. You pushed everything that related to you inside, trying to step inside the brain of Mary again, just for a few hours.

Rami sat down beside you, grabbing your hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “How you feeling?” he muttered his words quietly, as not to draw attention.

“Good. I think. Good as I can be for the moment.”

“Guess that’ll have to do.” the man joked, eliciting a playful eye roll out of you, “but really, are you good today? I could talk to the director-”

“Rami,” you spoke sternly, locking eyes with him, “I’m okay. I promise.”

You were okay. And if you weren’t okay now, you would be. And that was all the affirmation you needed to hear.

–

“I swear to god. I’m gonna kill him. I’m going to show up at his house at 2 in the morning, and kill him!”

“Luc, I appreciate the enthusiasm, really I do,” you bit your bottom lip as you spoke, “but I can’t have my best friend going to jail. I need your support.”

Lucy threw her head back in laughter, dipping one of her chicken nuggets in the shared cup of ranch between you two.

“I know I keep saying it, but you deserve so much better than that piece of dog shit, Y/N,” Lucy spoke yet again, munching thoughtfully on her fried piece of chicken.

“I know I know…” you hesitated slightly, not sure if you should tell her the other thing, “Lucy, there’s something else.”

She cocked her left eyebrow as she shoved a few french fries in her mouth. “Go on, I’m listening.”

“So I fell asleep on Ben’s shoulder after the whole ordeal and he carried me to his trailer and…” you trailed off, studying Lucy’s facial expression. She gasped so loud the couple sitting to the right of you stared at her disapprovingly.

She coughed, slightly choking on a french fry.

“You slept with Ben?!” she exclaimed in a sharp whisper. Your jaw fell open as your eyes widened.

“What? No, oh my god no. I asked him to stay with me and we kind of… um… cuddled?”

“Shut up. SHUT UP!”

“SHHHHHHH,” you laughed at your best friend who was about to bounce off the walls with her excitement, “it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Oh yeah, you spending an entire night cuddling with the man you can’t stop talking about ‘isn’t a big deal.”

“It’s not! He was just making sure I was okay,” you weren’t sure who you were trying to convince more. Lucy, or yourself.

“Mhm. Yeah. Definitely what it sounds like.”

You rolled your eyes at her, chomping down on a crunchy piece of lettuce in the salad in front of you. “Listen Y/N, all I’m saying is that Ben is a good guy. I’ve known him for a long time, and if you’re gonna take a gamble on anyone, it should be him.”

“Lucy, I told you I’m not dating anyone for the forseeable future. I got enough pain from the breakup yesterday to last me a lifetime.”

You physically shivered at the thought of yesterday, quickly trying to shove it out of your mind.

“Well, whatever happens, I’m here for you either way. I’ve got your back baby.” Lucy said, reaching over and grabbing your hand. You smiled at her. How did you get lucky enough to have such an amazing best friend?

“I think tonight calls for a face mask while watching shitty movies and eating even shittier food,” Lucy said nonchalantly, taking a sip from the sickly sweet bubble tea on the table.

“I agree.”

“So it’s settled!” she spoke giddily, clapping her hands in excitement, “Girls night!”

You couldn’t help but feel the same giddiness. After all, it was practically radiating off of her. Tonight would be good! A nice, calm night in with your favorite girl in the world and nothing could mess that up.

Or so you thought.

taglist: @sweetheartben @benhardyseyes @ziggyspurplehaze @mrsmazzello

[curtolson]

Liberty University needs full leadership change, not just Jerry Falwell Jr.

About the author: Curt W. Olson is a 1991 graduate of Liberty University, with a degree in communications that launched me into journalism. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at LU and the friendships I developed there remain people with whom I have close contact. I do not live in Lynchburg, VA and have no “inside information.” As a journalist, I have been a reporter and served as Religion Editor, copy editor, Editorial Page Editor, and investigative reporter. I spent about 20 years in journalism. More recently, I have been teaching English at a Christian school in Upstate New York. I am married and have two children.

An Open Letter to the Liberty University family by Curt W. Olson of the LU Class of 1991,

Everyone in the Liberty University family should desire a humble leader in Jerry Falwell Jr. after a certain period of time for his “indefinite leave of absence” that was announced August 7. If he continues being the President and Chancellor, he needs our prayers and Galatians 6:1-5 provides the biblical footprint for restoring someone.

Why wasn't restoring Falwell Jr. identified in the news releases from LU? It’s a glaring omission. The AP reported needing “time with family,” not having someone who will work with him to restore him to being a humble leader and past the issues that  have surfaced over the past decade. The short statements from the Trustees on August 7 leave far more questions than answers and that is unfortunate. That’s a common chorus with this cast. A lack of clarity and transparency will do that.

It is a separate issue whether Jerry Falwell Jr. could emerge as a different leader and those on campus he has made enemies of would suddenly call him “a new man.” Has Falwell Jr. done way too much damage? This is the question that looms over LU as the new academic year begins. 

For many in the LU family, this question has already been asked and answered: There’s too much water that has gone under the proverbial bridge. After all, we now have signs of failure. David French reported in a column on Aug. 9 something is beginning to impact LU’s freshmen applications and transfer students. If you can’t see the obvious correlation, you don’t want to to see it.

Poor judgment

Two events occurred the past three months that created problems. In June, Falwell Jr. said he would wear a face mask only if it looked like the “blackface” that caused problems for Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam. Falwell Jr.’s  effort to mock the governor drove a couple football players to transfer from LU and got him in hot water with African-American LU alumni. What did Falwell Jr. think was going to happen? Then on August 3, an Instagram photo emerged, which was deleted, of Jerry Jr. pictured with a female who was not his wife and his pants were unzipped. The “costume party” was a parody of the Trailer Park Boys. Falwell Jr. explained the beverage in his hand was not alcohol. That did not help Falwell  when he was on a Lynchburg radio show later in the week explaining what happened and sounding as if he was drunk during the interview. This led to the “indefinite leave of absence.” The deleted Instagram photo and the “blackface” face mask displayed a shocking level of poor judgment for a man leading any Christian ministry, let alone the largest Christian university in the world.

Pleasant image

As an alum from the Class of 1991, I understand the emotions we have for our alma mater. “Liberty is training Young Champions for Christ” and “if it is Christian it should be better” are two of the common statements we heard from LU’s founder, Jerry Falwell.  We have this pleasant image of our time there, our friendships we developed, our spiritual growth, and we want a Christian college faithful to biblical teaching and a top-level NCAA sports program. The idea of controversy, chaos, confusion, and lack of certainty is not what we envision for LU.

Harsh reality

It is time, however, to face some harsh facts. Jerry Falwell Jr.’s current leadership is toxic,  with a culture of fear and intimidation that has been felt by multiple faculty members, staff, and students. That just begins the list of grievances that have arisen dating back to around 2012. Aside from the bad judgment from the June and August incidents, we also have the following issues that could serve as the catalyst for Jerry Falwell Jr.’s dismissal as President and Chancellor. 

They include:

Self-dealing on some real estate transactions;

Self-dealing on some of the construction projects to benefit friends;

Harming the reputation of Liberty University through real estate ventures and other incidents;

Displaying a lack of justice and mercy with many faculty and editors of The Liberty Champion; 

Having a faculty member who had a muddied position on homosexuality; and 

Neglecting his role in setting the spiritual direction of the campus. 

While these would be the key indictments to compel LU Trustees to terminate Falwell Jr., in addition to the outrageous poor judgment that harms the reputation of Liberty University, these may not be a complete list of the issues. These are the known issues through prominent reporting by various entities.

‘Fake news’

I want to address the reporting by POLITICO’s Brandon Ambrosino, Reuters, a column by Will Young in the Washington Post, and others because we live at a time of the common refrain of “fake news.” It puts folks in the position of screaming “fake news,” that while perhaps the information is true, people refuse to accept anything regarded as “bad” to their tribe. Every sentence of reporting by the sources above that resembles the truth opens up a series of brand new questions for Jerry Falwell Jr., and in some cases, the LU Board of Trustees. Perhaps both of those scenarios are long overdue, and the LU family should be demanding answers to those new questions.

Additionally, Ambrosino has admitted to being a homosexual and was one at LU. His sex life has no bearing on his ability to report truth. Anyone who uses that as an excuse to distrust the information he reports has a “see-no-evil, hear-no-evil, speak-no-evil” mindset when there’s a five-alarm fire unfolding at Liberty University. 

There are many good things happening at LU, but they are happening in spite of Jerry Jr., not because of him. 

Real estate deals 

Reuters reported in August 2019 on a real estate transaction with a gym owner in Lynchburg, VA

It reported: “In 2016, Falwell signed a real estate deal transferring the sports facility, complete with tennis courts and a fitness center owned by Liberty, to Crosswhite. Under the terms, Crosswhite wasn’t required to put any of his own money down toward the purchase price, a confidential sales contract obtained by Reuters shows.

“Liberty committed nearly $650,000 up front to lease back tennis courts from Crosswhite at the site for nine years. The school also offered Crosswhite financing, at a low 3% interest rate, to cover the rest of the $1.2 million transaction, the contract shows.” 

A real mess

Less than two weeks later, Ambrosino wrote a damaging piece in POLITICO that detailed the self-dealing, building contracts going to friends, his autocratic leadership of fear and intimidation, and activities that would only harm the reputation of LU. Those activities include:  Donald Trump attorney Michael Cohen dealing with racy personal photos, a Falwell appearance at a Miami nightclub, with photos he wanted to keep from becoming public, and the notorious Miami South Beach hostel with a seedy reputation that was owned by Trey Falwell, Jerry Jr.’s son. There are numerous things to be outraged by in Ambrosino’s lengthy report (the full article being the second comment in this FB post). When I read it for the first time a year ago some things surprised and shocked, and other things just confirmed things that I had been hearing. I know people--they will not be named--who work or had worked at LU in various capacities. They grew increasingly alarmed by Jerry Jr.’s autocratic leadership style, which I challenge anyone to make the case is condoned in Scripture. I had read Ambrosino’s previous report on the Miami area hostel, so nothing would shock me about things that Jerry Falwell Jr. did. As an alum, I was more hurt about what his actions were doing to the reputation of LU. Jerry settled a lawsuit in Miami related to that property.

The revelation that bothered me the most from Ambrosino’s September 2019 POLITICO report was the apparent lack of any, or at least sufficient, oversight of major construction on the campus. What follows is an excerpt of Ambtrosino’s reporting:

 “At the outset, some in Falwell’s inner circle were not so confident in the arrangement with (Robert) Moon. Before his CMA Inc. (Construction Management Associates Inc.) became Liberty’s go-to contractor, the school bid out its construction work through an office on campus. (‘Free enterprise tends to do pretty well,’ one high-ranking university official said.) The prospect of changing that—giving CMA control over campus construction and its associated costs—rankled some senior university officials.

“Early on in the CMA partnership, before CMA became the university’s single-largest contractor, Charles Spence, the school’s then-vice president of planning and construction, expressed unease about the high costs Moon was quoting for certain school projects. ‘Jerry I am very concerned about cost control on all the projects,’ he wrote to Falwell in a November 2014 email. ‘[Over the last couple of weeks we have had a lot of meetings and conversations on cost and cost overruns. We are just seeing the information begin to trickle in and there really don’t seem to be good answers just a response that the cost we are seeing are fair, and being handled appropriately.’ ‘I hope that I am over reacting,’ Spence continued, ‘but I assure you I am concerned.’

“ ‘I am fine with going back to bidding every project out if CMA can’t run with the big dogs!’ Falwell replied. ‘Let’s hold their feet to the fire!’

“In each of the two years that followed, Liberty paid CMA more than $62 million, part of at least $138 million in contracts from Liberty since the company was formed, according to publicly available tax documents.

“Senior Liberty officials might whisper about the propriety of these business deals, but they told me that Falwell’s decisions on campus are rarely ever challenged by the school’s board of trustees. ‘There’s no accountability,’ a former high-ranking university officer said. ‘Jerry’s got pretty free reign to wheel and deal professionally and personally. The board will approve an annual budget, but beyond that … he doesn’t go to the board to get approval. … It simply doesn’t happen.’ “

Trustees a problem too

You read that right. Jerry Falwell Jr. not only has a family friend as the assigned contractor of capital projects, but few, if any, of them have gone to the LU Board of Trustees for review. The Trustees pass an annual budget and that’s about it. These revelations open up a litany of questions for both Jerry Falwell Jr. and the Trustees on their financial stewardship of Liberty University. 

It also creates the issue of whether LU’s leadership needs wholesale change--at President/Chancellor and Board of Trustees. Consider the following for the Trustees: Isn’t it the responsibility of the Board of Trustees to make sure the President is doing the right thing for and by the university?  If Trustees were doing their job, this should never have come this far.  Since they have now done something, why did they do it now? Are they too embarrassed by repeated Falwell Jr. revelations? What took them so long to come to their collective senses?

In November 2019, Michael Poliakoff of the American Council of Trustees and Alumni chastised LU Trustees in Forbes.  He wrote the following: “And Liberty University has serious problems that could benefit from more board oversight. Although Liberty has increased its endowment exponentially under Falwell and has built a massive online degree program, this expansion has come at a cost: According to HowCollegesSpendMoney.com, Liberty spends 86 cents on administration for every dollar it spends on instruction, roughly three times as much as its self-selected peer institutions. Has the board demanded a thorough audit and review?”

Issues stemming from the Trustees are simply added to the overall picture of Liberty University’s leadership. If you can’t see that something’s amiss, you have to be blind.

‘Culture of fear’

Meanwhile in July 2019, former Liberty Champion editor Will Young wrote a lengthy column in the Washington Post titled, “Inside Liberty University’s ‘culture of fear.’ ” Young’s column outlined numerous stories that gained scrutiny upon Jerry Jr.’s endorsement of Donald Trump in 2016.  He explained multiple events over a couple of years where the editors were constantly second-guessed and looking over their shoulder of what would offend Falwell’s political sensitivities. After Champion coverage of the Red Letter Christians event in Lynchburg, the student-led, directed, and written newspaper since 1983 had two editors fired from their positions in a complete reorganization of The Liberty Champion. It was a shocking turn of events.

This has always been a tension with The Liberty Champion. In my three years writing or serving in an editorial capacity, two years as the News Editor in 1989-90 and 1990-91, invariably, the faculty adviser, and for us it was Ann Wharton, would use a teachable moment to talk about boundaries that can’t be crossed. But we never, ever had a pattern of being second guessed or looking over our shoulder that Young outlined in his column.

The culture of fear that has developed under Falwell Jr.’s leadership “is a thing” as kids like to say. At some point, folks must draw the conclusion where there’s smoke there’s fire. 

Spiritual issues

Lastly, we have a couple of spiritual issues. Karen Swallow Prior was a long-time English professor at Liberty University before recently joining Southeastern Baptist Seminary. I read an interview Prior had with Julie Roys. Prior talks about her affirmation of the biblical definition of marriage. However, she has had some connections with a couple of conferences, including Revoice, that could lead one to draw a different conclusion. The Revoice conference has advocated that same-sex attraction is alright as long as the folks involved remain celibate. All one can do is take Prior at her word, even though that leads to some muddy water. If LU allowed her to remain as a professor for numerous years, one can’t help but wonder how many other professors snuck in under poor vetting that do not hold biblical views on any number of issues. Folks would say the slippery slope argument is a logical fallacy. The slippery slopes in American culture we were told to not be concerned about, are now issues we are concerned about.

Then, one pairs that with Falwell Jr.’s own tweet where he underscored that his responsibility is not the spiritual direction of the campus. Yet, if one goes to the Leadership page at liberty.edu there are Doctrinal and Mission/Purpose statements that have clear spiritual focus, and a photo of Jerry Falwell Jr. is there with those tabbed links on the left side of the page. So which is it? Does he have any responsibility for spiritual direction of the university, or does he not have that responsibility?

Dr. John Maxwell has said, “Everything rises and falls on leadership.” With certain aspects of enrollment trending downward, it would appear that some parents are voting with their wallets. How much longer are Trustees willing to go with Falwell Jr.? There’s much at stake in the answer to that question. It’s a question that demands answers and full transparency with the entire Liberty University family.

The best-case scenario is Jerry Falwell Jr. resigns on his own and most, if not all, of the Trustees follow him. It would be the right thing to do. And for heaven’s sake, bring Mark DeMoss back.