#he knows louis and the other boys because he did sound for 5SOS back in the day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

suchalonelysunflower · 4 years ago

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“Entangled” (c.h) (h.s)

Pairing: Calum Hood X Reader / Harry Styles X Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: You never wanted to be caught up in a love triangle, you never asked to be entangled in this situation. Now you have a choice to make. You know it has to be one of them at the end but, who would it be? And why is it so hard?

Warnings: Love Triangle! Pinning, unrequited love, language, angsty with a little fluff, mentions of alcohol and some grammatical error (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 7.2 k

Author’s Note: Requested by my darling @rime-warrior a few weeks ago, I decided to turn her wonderful promt into a series. This part serves as the intro of the series! It starts with the reader in the “present” (just go with it) and then it will follow their journey with the boys since 2014. Reblogs, comments and feedback are always welcome 💕 You can read my other works for Harry and 5SOS HERE. Hope you like it and happy reading 🦋✨

@rime-warrior : Hi! I’m back lol I loved the heather imagine and I was wondering if you could do a calum/reader/Harry imagine where they’re on tour and trying to get the readers attention by being goofballs

Part 1: The beginning.

Never in a million years did you think you would end up making a decision like this. Hell, never in a million years did you think you would be here in the first place! If somebody would’ve come to you a year ago to tell you that you would’ve been in one of the biggest reunion tours of one of the biggest boy bands that's ever existed and one of the greatest pop/alt bands of the new generation you’d call them crazy and probably pepper spray them as you run away. But here you are and, surprisingly, it’s the last place you want to be at.

You are currently sitting at the stairs outside the venue, it’s the last concert on the “Here We Go Again” One Direction/5 Seconds of Summer Reunion Tour. Tapping your feet relentlessly against the cold metal and regretting not bringing a jacket with you as you can hear the fans going crazy inside the stadium, and who could blame them? They waited so long to see their favorite people again, not only that but together! After almost six years apart. You would’ve been just like them if it weren’t for the stomach ache your nerves are giving to you at this exact moment.

You knew what you had to do. It was the right thing after all, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like crazy. Somehow you were going to lose someone tonight and you weren’t ready for that, you’ll never be ready for that.

How the hell did this all start in the first place? How did you become so entangled in this mess without realizing? And how would you get out of it?

So many thoughts are running through your head, yet none of them seem to stick around for more than ten seconds before rushing onto another. Head spinning at a thousand miles per hour as you clenched your fists at the side of your body, knuckles turning white as they grasped the cold and dirty metal of the staircase.

You could run… you were kinda fast and they are all inside so they wouldn’t be able to catch you. Maybe you could move to Peru, you always wanted to visit Machu Picchu and its alpacas, plus the ponchos look really good on you. The problem was that 1. You didn’t know Spanish. 2. You had exactly 9.57 dollars left on one of your pockets because you left your wallet inside and 3. You weren’t a coward.

Well, you were. That's why you let it come this far. But you were not going to do that anymore. You need to make a decision and it has to be tonight. But why was it so hard though?

***************************************************

A few years ago

“Y/N! C’mon!” You heard your best friend say “We are going to be late again!”

Lottie was impatiently pacing around the hotel room once again, she had her bags around her shoulders as she considered leaving you behind.

“You know I have to start early today! There’s gonna be four more people to style and I don’t want to do it all rushed.” She whined, sitting on one of the beds.

You came out of the bathroom soon after, cheeks a little bit flushed because it wasn’t like you to slow things down, especially when it came to work. But you wanted to look cute today, well, more cute than usual.

The tour was about to start and you were lucky enough that management let you come with Lottie to work on the stylish team with her. Her older brother, Louis, was a close friend of yours as well, so when he proposed the idea a few months back, you just couldn’t resist.

“Sorry, love” you replied sheepishly “I lost track of time”

Lottie lifted her gaze towards you and rolled her eyes playfully “Oh, shush. You and I both know that you are bluffing. I know exactly what you’re doing wearing that outfit and honestly? Can’t blame ya”

She was right, she’s always right when it comes to these kinds of stuff.

It’s not like you’ve never met the guys! I mean, you know Louis and Zyan because of Lottie, you’ve never seen the other members of the band in person, yet. But it’s not like you don’t know them either, they are everywhere! It was impossible to escape from the impact One Direction had. And now you were going to work with them as a stylist, it seemed like a dream.

Not only that, but you were also in charge of styling the opening number: An Australian band called 5 Seconds of Summer that Louis likes. You don’t know much about them other than this is the second time they’ll open for One Direction and they’ll be around for the European and American leg of the tour. You googled them to have a reference of what they’d look like so you’ll know how to work around them and, honestly, where do they get those guys? They don’t even look like eighteen year olds! And they are also talented and successful at such a young age? You promised yourself that you were going to listen to some of their songs, but still haven’t gotten around to do it just yet, but tonight will definitely change that.

You were nervous. You could feel your hands get clammy just thinking about the pressure that’s on you to make those guys look like absolute gods on stage (though that wouldn’t be a challenge, knowing the nine of them are incredibly handsome already) But that thought didn’t ease you a bit. You wanted to be good. No, scratch that. You know you are good. You want to impress them, hence the cool outfit.

“Think you know it all?” You said, already grabbing a pillow and throwing it to Lottie’s face.

“I know it all, darling” She laughed, throwing it back at you “Now, move your ass. We need to ge to the stadium as soon as possible”

You could hear the fans from a mile away before you walked through the backstage doors. The adrenaline was contagious, everyone was moving around like crazy but you could feel the excitement in the air. You already knew this was where you were meant to be, haven’t even started but you love it already. This was meant to be.

Lottie was walking fast, easily leaving you behind as you stared in awe at your surroundings, not paying any attention towards where you were going until you felt something hard crashing into you, making you lose your balance and you fell to the floor with a massive weight crushing your lungs.

All you could feel was the painful sting that shocked your body as your ass touched the ground with a big “thud” Luckily, the person that knocked you down was quick enough to put a hand behind your head so you don’t hit it too harshly as it came in contact with the cement floors. You tried to curse but the weight in your chest made it almost impossible to talk, making you only gasp in surprise.

The person lying on top of you groaned in discomfort, they must’ve hurt themselves too when you both hit the ground. “Are you okay?” The deep voice said, trying to hide the pain. You opened your eyes at the sound of his voice and were shocked to find two green orbs staring right back at you.

Harry’s face was too close to yours. Noses almost brushing as you took in all the details on his panicked expression. He was beautiful. Breathtaking in the metaphorically and literally since he was still on top of you, crushing your chest with his.

You tapped on his arm trying to push him off you. He seemed to get the hint as he quickly apologized and stood up, offering you his hand to help you do the same. You gladly took it as the air came rushing back to your lungs, a little whine escaping your throat as you felt how your muscles ached after the impact.

“Oh shit, are you hurt?” Harry asked, faced filled with worry as he looked at you up and down, trying to make sure there were no visible injuries.

“Not really, but-“ You said bringing a hand to your lower back and rubbing it gently, hissing when you felt a hint of pain when you touched a certain spot “Definitely gonna bruise in a few hours”

“I am very, very sorry. I didn’t mean to- Do you need ice? I can get you some ice if you-“

“I’m fine” You raised your palm to cut him off, smiling as you saw how worried he actually was “Really, I’m fine. It could’ve been worse if it wasn’t for your hand working as a cushion for my head” You giggled “Are you okay, though?”

Harry nodded, smiling as well “I truly am sorry, I was not paying attention to where I was going”

“Well, that makes two of us. But why were you running?”

“Oh, ’m running away from my bodyguard. You see, they really don’t like it when you do that and steal the keys to the van” He said with mischievous eyes, flashing a smile as he showed you the key dangling in his finger. Soon after, you heard someone yell ‘Harry Styles come back here!’ You couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the situation was. Harry stared at you for a little while, eyes gleaming at the sound of your giggles “Gotta go! Are you sure you’re okay…?”

“Y/N” You said, nodding your head.

“Y/N…” He repeated in a low voice, eyes scanning you once again as he backed away slowly “See yeh round, love” The last thing you saw was his flirty wink before he started running again.

You felt your cheeks get warmer but you were quick to hide it. This was your job, you need to be professional. Though, you gotta admit, having Harry Styles knocking you off your feet on your first day wasn’t bad at all. Really not bad at all.

“There you are!” You heard your best friend call from the other end of the hall “C´mon, we need to set everything up before they come here” Lottie came close to you, softly grabbing you by the hand and tugging it so you could follow her. She had an understanding smile on her face “Don´t worry, I was in the same position as you when I first visited the tour. It's amazing, isn't it?”

“Kinda intimidating, actually”

Lottie laughed and linked your arms together as you walked through the enormous hall downt to a small room.

You spent the next hour or so getting everything ready for when they come, laughing and joking around each other like you always do, making you almost forget that you were here to do a job and not just hang out. That's one of the many good things about the Tomlinsons, they make you feel so comfortable that you forget all your worries.

The playlist you chose was blasting on the small speaker you had brought to entertain yourselves while waiting for the boys. You were both laughing and jumping around with brushes in your hands, pretending they were microphones and you were having your own little concert with the Spice Girls. You were in the middle of your solo, already lost in the sound of Baby Spice´s voice when the door opened at the same time you were stretching your arm in an improvised dance move, accidentally hitting the person next to you with the heavy brush.

“Ouch!” The boy said as he quickly brought his hand to his nose, trying to make sure it wasn't bleeding.

You covered your mouth immediately and threw the brush into one of the cushions “Oh my- I´m so sorry. I'm so so so so sorry” You soon apologized and went over to him, trying to assess the damages and hoping you didn't break his nose “Are you okay? I really am sorry I didn´t-”

The boy opened his eyes, locking them with yours. You have never seen such an intense stare in your life, it was intriguing, magnetic. You could feel yourself blush, but you didn't know if it was because of the embarrassing situation or because you felt intimidated by those brown eyes.

“Uh.. Yeah” He said blinking when he realized he was staring at you for a little too long “I just wasn't expecting that” He chuckled to ease the tension. He had a beautiful smile, like the kind that's just so welcoming and warm, so you couldn't help but join in his laughter.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Lottie trying to hold herself together so she wouldn´t burst into fits of laughter at the scenario playing in front of her. You quickly cleared your throat and asked “Are you sure you are okay? Nothing's broken?”

“Nah, that's just his face” A voice with a thick accent said.

The boy rolled his eyes as you peeked over his shoulders. Leaning into the door frame were three other people, boys of apparently the same age, taller than life and equally amused by his hurt friend. You recognized them immediately (mostly thanks to the color haired boy) They were the opening act. They were 5 Seconds of Summer. And you just hit their bassist on the nose.

“Way to make an impression, Cal” Laughed the boy with the long curly hair. Ashton? or was that Luke?

Calum flipped them off as they made their way into the little room and you felt your cheeks get warmer again. The three of them went to say hi to Lottie, having already met her at the last tour, and started a whole new conversation with her.

“Uhmm, I can go get some ice. If you want?” You asked, feeling a little self conscious now that there were more people in the room.

Calum smiled.

“I´m good, but thanks sweetheart” He winked at you “I´m Calum, by the way” He extended his hand for you to shake.

“Y/N” You said with a smile.

“Beautiful” He said, barely even a whisper before his eyes met yours again and you swore your heart just skipped a beat right there and there.

“Hey, Calum!” Lottie greeted him with a hug “We are starting with you today, okay? Go grab a seat” Calum nodded and sat in front of one of the vanities. Lottie came closer to you and whispered “Talk about a meet cute” She teased.

You rolled your eyes and muttered a “Shut up” before you walked away and started to work with one of the other boys.

This was going to be an interesting first day.

For the next hour or so, you found yourself amazed at the fact of how much you had in common with the Aussie band. You bonded over music, fashion and you laughed at the same dumb jokes, and were genuelly surprised at how grounded they all were. They were just as excited as you for the tour, knowing what big of a chance it was and how lucky they were to be here, just like you. In a matter of minutes you were acting like old friends.

From time to time you would look at Calum over the mirror, only to find that he was already staring at you, flashing you a smile every time your eyes met. He wasn’t much of a chatter like his friends, but he still engaged in every conversation, especially if you were part of it.

When their time at “your office” as Lottie calls it, ended, he was the last one to go out. But before he stepped out the door, he gave one last look at you and said “You’ll be watching our set tonight, right?”

You smiled “Wouldn't miss it”

Calum's smile grew until it almost reached his ears, he muttered a last goodbye before closing the door.

“Well, someone has a crush” You turned around and saw Lottie wiggle her eyebrows in a suggestive way, pressing her lips into a teasing fine line. You just rolled your eyes.

“What are you talking about? He was just being friendly”

“Who was being friendly?” A familiar voice said.

You looked behind you and ran towards the slim figure that just opened the door, pulling him into a hug.

“Louis!” You squealed in excitement, circling your arms around his back as he held tighter to you.

Louis was the closest thing you had to an older brother. Growing up as Lottie’s best friend made you an unofficial member of their family and you loved them all as your own. He was always the life of the party, making jokes, teasing you and sometimes reprimanding you if you messed up. You couldn’t count how many times he took you both for a late night snack or let you hang out with him and his friends when you got bored. He also gave great advice, and you trusted him more than anything (besides Lottie, of course) The day that he went away to chase his dreams was one of the most bittersweet moments of your lives, for one part you were happy for him but you would miss him like crazy.

And now, almost five years later, here you were. The three of you, together again like old times but with a more busy schedule. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Y/N/N! It’s so good to see you, love”

“What? No hug for me?” Said Lottie sarcastically, cocking an eyebrow to his older brother.

“Only if you tell me who was being friendly with Y/N” He said as he let you go and her in for a tight bear hug.

“Who’s being friendly with who?” Someone called out from the door.

The three of you turned around to see Harry leaning onto the door. His brows frowned as his eyes scanned the room until they met yours. If he was surprised to see you there then he didn’t show it. After all, you didn’t get to tell him what you were doing here.

“H!” Lottie gasped in delight as she pushed her brother away and went to hug the curly haired man.

Harry hugged her with the same energy, holding her close and muttering a sweet ‘hello’, just like Louis did with you.

“Oi, mate! Have you met Y/N? The new stylist and best friend anyone could have?” Asked Louis as he put his arm around your shoulder, showing you off like a proud big brother.

Harry looked at you and smiled “Yeah, we ran into each other earlier” He shared a knowing smirk with you and you couldn't help but chuckle a little bit.

“Quite literally, I must say”

He was about to say something when the door opened again, you realized no one here bothered to knock first, apparently. Niall, Liam and Zayn entered the room, ready to get themselves ready before the show. Lottie introduced you to each one of them and immediately started working when she noticed how knotted Niall’s hair was.

The conversations started flowing with ease, all of them genuinely curious to get to know you, convinced that any friend of Louis was a friend of them. They were all very sweet and welcoming, and, just like with the members of 5SOS, you bonded rather quickly. All the nerves you once had easily faded away as you felt more comfortable in this space, more convinced than ever that this was where you were meant to be.

“Oi, what about those pretty eyes you saw earlier, Harold?” Liam’s voice filled the room “Seen them again?”

Harry instantly lifted his gaze to watch his friend through the mirror and shot him a deathly glare “Don't know wha you’re talkin ’bout” He stated.

You could’ve swore he looked your way, just for a moment his green eyes met yours through the mirror. It was quick, almost like a reflex. Maybe you were just imagining things.

“Ooh, does Harry have a crush?” Lottie teased while applying some oils to his curls. He just rolled his eyes “Wouldn’t be the first one to catch feelings in this room”

You snapped your head towards your friend, knowing and dreading what she was going to say next.

“Spill” Said Louis, living for the drama.

“Well…” She started, searching for your face in the mirror. But you quickly averted your eyes, suddenly finding Zayn’s hair very interesting “Let’s just say that one of your Australian mates already started making eyes at our Y/N”

The room filled with “oooohs” and “aaawwws” from all of the boys. All except Harry, who was just staring straight at his reflection with a rather serious look.

You laughed and shook your head “Honestly, Lottie. You are just imagining things”

Staring at the mirror one more time, your eyes quickly met Harry’s green orbs, already staring at you from his seat. You shot him a smile and he returned it as the topic of the conversation changed once again.

Time flew without any of you really noticing it. All the boys were done with their hair and make up, ready to move on to the wardrobe department. Lottie tagged along with Louis, wanting to say hi to a few friends she made last year. You wanted to go too, but a quick glance at your phone made you aware of the time and the promise you had made.

“Oh shoot” You breathed, quickly grabbing your phone from the vanity as you rushed through the door.

“What’s the hurry, love?” Asked Harry, amused at your behavior. You didn’t notice that he was the only person left in the room.

“The show’s about to start and I kinda promise someone that I wouldn’t miss it” You smiled “But, now that I think about it, I don’t even know how to get to the side of the stage!”

Harry got up from his chair, wiping his palms onto his black skinny jeans “I could take you there, but only if you promise to stay there for our set as well”

“What? Are you kidding?” You laughed “You really think I wasn’t planning on doing that already?”

His eyes gleamed with joy at your words and you swore you saw a glimpse of his pink tinted cheeks as he nudged his head and asked you to follow him.

You followed Harry though a complicated mess of halls filled with people running around, making sure that everything was already set to start. You had to admit, he really knew how to navigate, not only on stage but backstage as well, you would’ve gotten lost the moment you stepped outside the door if it weren’t for him.

Once you reached the side of the stage, making sure that you stayed way out of the fans point of view, Harry said he had to go back and change.

“‘S not Ashton, is it?” He asked, just before he turned to leave.

“What?”

“The boy who was a crush on you” He stated, eyes locked to the stage, almost like he was trying too hard not to meet yours “‘s not him, right? Cos I’ve seen him look at my sister and I don’t-“

“Nobody has a crush on me!” You laughed as you rolled your eyes, reminding yourself to kill your friend right after the show. “Lottie was just teasing. Besides, I’m here to work, not to look for a relationship”

Harry nodded, seemingly pleased with your answer, making his way back to the maze called ‘backstage’

You watched him walk away with a soft smile on your face. Harry was not like everyone in the media said he was, and you were glad. You didn’t need more drama in your life, no boyfriends nor toxic relationships. You could feel that this was going to be your safe space, and who knows? maybe when the tour finishes you’ll have a new friend to lean on.

The sound of a guitar riff caught you off guard, pulling your attention away from the black background and into the stage. You could hear the fans go absolutely bonkers as the four Australians came into view, smiling as they took their places on stage.

Sharing one understanding look among each other, Ashton banged his drumsticks together, setting the pace for their first song. The crowd goes wild as they recognize the melody immediately, singing and jumping along the words of a song about a girl friendzoning one of the guys.

They sounded incredible. It was hard to imagine that they were still teenagers like yourself, like most of the people in the crowd, actually. The way they moved on stage was erratic, always walking around and messing with each other as they sang and played their instruments like it was nothing. It was easy to tell that they’ve been friends for a long time now and they feel comfortable with each other, having the most fun up there, seizing every moment like it was their last,

You, on the other hand, found yourself enjoying their set a little too much. Since you’ve never gotten the chance to actually listen to most of their songs before tonight, you were quite surprised at how much fun and kinda edgy they were, making you want to dance and jump like the rest of the fans. So you did. You didn’t care about if people around you were watching, you just let yourself go to the rhythm and enjoyed your night. This was the beginning of your new life, what better way to celebrate it than letting all your worries go while your new favorite band played on stage, just mere meters in front of you.

You were so lost in your own little world, completely immersed in the music, that you didn’t notice the looks Calum gave to you while onstage. Everytime he had the chance, his head spinned towards you, watching with joy as you danced along to their songs. Once you caught his eyes staring at you, you smiled at him and stuck your tongue out, mocking him. He just laughed wholeheartedly, bringing one finger to the side of his nose, the same one you punched a few hours ago. You did the same without questioning it, turning that little gesture into your first inside joke.

The guys played a few more songs before their set ended. Calum came to you as soon as they finished their bows.

“Hey!” He said, still pumped with adrenaline.

He was sweaty, very sweaty. But his energy was contagious as he flashed one of his beautiful smiles to you, eyes shining from excitement.

“You came!”

“Told ya I was going to!” You exclaimed “You guys are amazing!”

“You really think so?” Calum looked like a boy on Christmas, genuinely happy that you like how they sound like “Or are you just being nice because you almost broke my nose?”

“Almost! That’s the key word there” You chuckled “But no, I’m being honest. You killed it tonight!”

Calum’s smile almost reached his eyes, making all of his little dimples pop out as he looked at you softly.

“Hey… Uhm.. I need to get back to our dressing room, Wanna come with me?” He asked, suddenly shy.

“Sure!” You said, making his eyes sparkle “Then we can come back and watch the others perform”

Calum furrowed his eyebrows “Oh, you’re staying for that?” He sounded a little bit disappointed.

“Well, yeah? How could I miss it” You chuckled, but stopped once you saw his expression change “Why? You’re not staying for the whole show?”

“Management doesn’t let us stay long after our set”

You muttered a surprised ‘oh’ That wasn’t fair at all! Why couldn’t they enjoy the show like the rest of you? Or even just stay backstage and do nothing but chill until the show was done? You could see Calum was disappointed in that fact too, it must be a bummer for them not to have the full experience.

“But..” He said smiling, bringing his eyes up to meet with yours again “There is an after party at the hotel later tonight, will I see you there as well?”

You nodded “Of course! I’ll be there”

“Yes! Can’t wait!” He jumped in excitement as he took a step forward and started walking towards the dressing rooms. Not before turning back around and saying “See ya there, Y/N” Putting his finger to the side of his nose and smiling when you did the same.

A few minutes later Lottie showed up beside you, knowing the concert was about to start.

“How did the guys do?” She asked.

“Oh, they were amazing! I don´t know why I´ve never heard of them until a few weeks ago!”

She hummed “Yes, they are pretty good. How was Calum?”

You looked at her confused. Was this going to become a thing now? Couldn't you just have a friend without getting involved in some relationship drama? It was frustrating and it will only end up making things awkward for everyone. It has happened before and you were not ready to experience that again.

She seemed to notice your discomfort and immediately changed the topic. Not wanting to upset you. Clearing her throat she said “Uhm.. the boys really like you”

You snapped your head towards her direction.

“They´ve talked about you a little bit, they all say you are really nice and all the yadah yadah I already know” She smiled “Harry was especially pleased with your work. He says could come and stay with me permanently on the team”

You blushed at his compliment, but before you could even say anything you were interrupted by his voice.

“Straight off the plane to a new hotel..”

The fans go wild. Quite feral, you might add. But you couldn't blame them, not even a little bit. The five boys walking down the runway was truly a sight to behold.

You felt the goosebumps run around your body as the energy grew into something quite impossible to understand. This was it. This was the feeling everyone's been talking about, and now it was your turn to experience it every night.

As the music flew through the stadium. All five of them took over the stage like it was their home, and in some way, it was. They practically grew up there, being in the spotlight since a very young age and stealing the hearts of millions around the world. They were as professionals as they were goofy, always finding an excuse to have fun and tease each other in the middle of the songs and with the public, creating an atmosphere of pure bliss wherever they went on that huge structure in the middle of the stadium.

With every song they sang, Lottie grabbed your arm and started dancing and jumping like it's the first time she heard their music and you did the same, getting completely lost in the feeling, so much so that you didn't even notice how much time had passed and just before you know it, the concert was getting to an end.

When the last song came through, the guys were scattered around the stage, running around as they took in everything they could from this experience. At some point, Harry stood right in front of you, just like Calum did a few hours ago, and while he sang his heart out, his eyes connected with yours. His green eyes sparkled like stars when he met your gaze, only for a second too long before he joined his brothers in the middle of the runway, ready to give one final bow and exit the stage where he came from.

“C´mon!” Said Lottie, pulling you out of your trance “They are going to shower and get ready for the after party. We should get going now, because I am not going to show up there with this outfit!”

You laughed at her and followed her to grab a cab, feeling more than excited for the afterparty.

You walked along the lobby, Lottie right by your side. Both of you clean, fresh and looking hot as hell as you made your way to the venue. To say you were nervous was an understatement, you were downright terrified. This was your first VIP party celebrating, not only your first day, but also the first day of one of the biggest tours of the year.

“Hey,” Lottie calmed you down, placing her little hand on your shoulder. “We did an amazing job today, sweetie. It’s time to celebrate”

You nodded and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, trying to calm the stomach ache that your nerves created and opening the door of the hotel club.

You immediately got caught up in the dark atmosphere, flashing colored lights flying around the room and reflecting themselves onto the mirrored dance floor. Out of the corner of your eyes you spotted a few people sitting on the bar stools, some were already on the dance floor and others were just sitting on dark booths pulled against the walls, chilling as they watched the party go by. You recognize some of them, but most of them were strangers, elite people that came to celebrate and wish another successful tour for the boys.

The pressure on your chest became tighter. You grabbed Lottie‘s hand and felt some kind of comfort when she squeezed it for a second, at least you weren’t alone.

“LOTTIE!” Someone called from one of the dark booths. You could recognize Zayn’s thick accent anywhere. With one reassuring look, Lottie pulled your hand and guided you through the sea of people flooding the room.

Once you reached the booth it was easier to identify its occupants. Zayn was sitting next to Louis who, at the same time, was beside Ashton and Luke. You all exchanged your hellos as you took a seat next to Lottie.

“What’d think of the show?” Asked Louis, taming a sip of his beer.

The group started rambling on and on about the different parts of the show, their favorite moments and about the craziest fans they managed to see. You spend quite a bit talking and laughing with the guys, slowly getting more comfortable being there. It’s not like you didn’t enjoy parties at all, on the contrary, you loved them. The problem was that this was new territory, pleasure mixing with your responsibilities and you didn’t want to fuck this up. The sheer thought of that possibility made you feel ill again and you wanted nothing more than to breathe a little air into your lungs before you passed out from overthinking too much.

Scanning the room you spotted a glass door that led to some sort of balcony, you cheered internally “I’ll be right back” You whispered to Lottie, who was having a nice chat with Luke about his bone structure. She looked at you, worried. You smiled at her “I’m just going to get some air, keep talking. I won’t take long”

You almost sprinted to the door, heart racing at the thought of a moment alone to gather yourself. Once the cool air of the night grazed your skin, you felt like you could finally breathe properly. You always felt more like yourself when nighttime arrived, it was complicated to explain but it seemed like the stars could understand you better than anyone. They were your comfort and your confidants, because no matter what, you knew they wouldn't ever leave you alone.

“‘S nice to know ‘m not the only one who needed a break” You heard a familiar voice say next to you.

Harry was standing next to railing, green eyes fixed on you as you took a step closer.

“You’re not having fun?” You asked, resting your elbows on the cold metal of the balcony.

“Parties are all the same after a while,” He said absentmindedly “‘m just really tired”

“Well, that’s understandable. After the night you had? If I were you I would be sleeping until I turned 40!”

Harry laughed and shook his head at your comment “How’s your bum?”

“My what now?”

“Your ass” He said pointing at your backside “From the fall?”

“Oh! It’s fine, just a little bruised up. Which is surprising since I expected a lot worse from being run over by a six foot man”

He smiled “‘m sorry, love. If it makes you feel better I got my ass handed to me by a six foot five man right after that”

“Yeah, that does make me feel better” You chuckled, looking at the sky again “Still can’t believe I’m here”

Harry came closer to you, his arm barely inches from yours. You didn’t notice as he studied your face carefully, almost like he was trying to remember every detail “‘s like a dream, isn’t it?”

“It truly is. I-“ You turned your face to him, only to find his way closer than you remember “Is everything alright, Harry?”

He hummed, distancing himself from you as he laid his back to the railing “Just thinking”

“About?”

“That I might actually enjoy the parties if you’re around”

You were about to return the compliment when you heard the glass door open with a ferocious amount of force.

“Y/N!” Lottie yelled from the insides of the party “Get your little perky arse in here! They’re playing our song!”

You knew better than to say no to that. So you laughed as you made your way back inside, but not before saying bye to Harry.

“I’ll come and find you soon” He said with a dashing smile.

“As long as you don’t throw me to the ground, then that’s okay”

You grabbed Lottie’s hand and she pulled you over to the dance floor, not wasting any time before she started moving along to the song blasting from the stereos, you joined her almost instantly.

At that moment, you didn’t care who saw. You were having the time of your life dancing with your best friend in a party celebrating your new life. Your new beginning. Yes, you were scared. But why be scared now? Why don’t just enjoy the moment? Life’s too short to be moping around hypotheticals. Right now, you wanted to dance.

And you did, for five more songs you let all your worries go down the drain. Tonight you were living the dream and you silently promised yourself to cherish every moment like it’s the last one, no time for worries nor fears. Just fun.

“Ugh! I need a wee!” Lottie called over the music.

“I’m gonna grab some water!” You said to her before each of you made your way to your own destinations.

Once you reached the bar, you tried and failed to get the bartender’s attention. Them being to worried about the other clients waiting for a line of shots at the other side of the bar.

Wanting to rest your feet for a while, you decided to sit up on one of the tall stools they had, trying to catch your breath after that intense dance workout you just had. Your eyes began to wander across the room again out of curiosity, you wanted to know what your friends were up to at the moment.

You quickly found Liam and Niall on the dance floor, trying to copy some choreography they probably saw online and failing miserably while doing so. Louis, Zayn and Ashton were still at the booth, they were laughing hard at something that Josh had said, making Louis spill his drink onto the table. You scanned the room a little bit more, pretending like you were in a game of ‘Where’s Waldo?’ Without looking for anyone in particular. That’s when your eyes met Calum’s.

He was sitting at the other end of the bar, eyes already fixed at you when you met them. When he noticed you were staring, he quickly shot you a smile and brought his finger to the side of his nose, remembering your secret greeting from earlier. You smiled back and did the same, beckoning him to come talk to you.

He was by your side in a second

“Hey you!” He said excitedly “Was wondering where you went”

“I was just dancing with Lottie a few minutes ago” You pointed out the dance floor.

“Oh I know, hard to keep the eyes from ya” He smiled “Looks like karaoke is not your only talent”

“Oh shut up!” You laughed as you playfully punched him in the arm “I could still break your nose, you know?”

“I’m completely aware, darling. Wouldn’t mind it if you did, though”

You rolled your eyes at him “Are you having fun?”

“I am now”

You laughed again and Calum swore he had never listened to such a beautiful sound before. His brown eyes met yours again, trying to communicate everything you needed to know with just one gaze, just one moment. He was never a man of many words, but he hoped that this would be enough.

“So..” You said, trying not to get lost in his stare but failing miserably as you felt how his dark eyes took you in “What’ve you been doing, if you weren’t having fun?”

Calum smiled and shook his head “Trying to get Michael and Luke out of trouble-“

“CALUM” A voice was heard from across the room, probably Luke’s

“Like I said…” He pointed behind you at the two young men on the dance floor next to Liam and Niall, trying to balance some beer bottles onto Niall’s quiff “Cal! Come here!”

Calum sighed “I better go see what they’re doing”

“Make sure they don’t hurt themselves, I certainly don’t want to deal with covering them with make up tomorrow if they end up cutting their faces off” You joked.

“I’ll take that into account” He chuckled “I’ll find you later, Y/N” Calum said, turning around to their friends.

After a while, you decided to go over the booth and hang out with Louis, not wanting to be alone on a stool bar any longer.

“I can see you’re having fun, aren’t ya, love?” He said, putting his arm around your shoulder in a brotherly kind of way.

“I am, in fact. Thank you for asking”

“Been a bit flirty from what I can see as well, haven’t ya?”

You looked at him. He had a smug smile on his face, one brow raising teasingly as he waited for your answer. What did he mean by that?

“Uhm.. what? I haven’t been flirting with anyone” You state, confused by his question.

“Yeah? Do they know that?” Louis said, pointing behind you.

You turned your head to where he was pointing and you could see Calum and Harry, both coming from different sides of the room each one with two drinks in their hands, approaching the booth. Both of their eyes were fixed on you as they walked closer and closer, until they stopped completely in front of you.

It seemed like only then did they acknowledge each other, as they comically turned their heads to their side, looked down at each other’s drinks and then lifted their gaze to meet again face to face, mirroring each other’s movements and expressions.

“Guess you got a handful there, love” Louis whispered in your ear.

Oh, boy.

Part 2

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its-bound-to-get-loud · 4 years ago

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Why I believe 5SOS didn’t work as a pop-punk band (+ my opinion on THAT Rolling Stone article)

This title of this post may be an unpopular opinion for a lot of you. But I don’t believe 5SOS worked as a pop-punk band. In this post I will explain exactly why. I hope that even if you don’t agree, you will at least understand my POV. This post is probably gonna have a lot of text. Not a lot of links, videos or pictures involved. I hope it will still be interesting for you. All of this is just my personal opinion, I have no way of proving that this is 100% true. It’s just a careful deduction of things I’ve seen and thought about over the last few months, mixed with some personal opinions. With this post I’m trying to tackle some topics that are being talked about often and showing them in a different light. I’ve put quite a lot of time into writing this, so I’m hoping you will appreciate it. Finally a huge, massive thank you to my friend R for proofreading this, it means a lot to me.

To start things off, I’ve had quite a lot of thoughts about this topic: I don’t think 5SOS truly worked as a pop-punk band. The image didn’t fit them and it wasn’t right for their era. It was a fun sound, I enjoy listening to it, they probably even enjoyed making it. Obviously fans enjoyed it as well. I fully believe that when they first started, pop-punk is what the guys wanted to sound like. It’s the music they listened to, those were the bands they looked up to. When they got signed they had not been a band for a super long time, they were young and barely had any experience in both life and music. I’m not someone with an extensive knowledge of pop-punk groups, but from what I know a lot of these bands were misfits, outcasts. People who didn’t feel like they had a place in society. In some cases from broken homes, with bad childhoods, etc. That’s who they were and it’s what their music was about.

I’d say 5SOS as whole do fit those characteristics. They were from a small town where music wasn’t really a career for most people. So they felt the need to get out of their town and pursue music. Michael dropped out of school for music, Ashton obviously had a very difficult home situation. Calum has mentioned that his family didn’t have a lot of money when he was younger. I’m not sure how the situation was for the others. But besides this, everyone but Ashton came from a stable home, Calum’s parents separated later on. So I can see why the guys related to these pop punk bands put out songs about this. Especially when you’re a teenager you often feel misunderstood by everyone else.

But when 5SOS started they looked more like a boyband than a pop punk band. Their earliest songs were mostly love songs. While the boys might have felt like being a pop punk band, and maybe even considered themselves to be one, I would say they were more of a pop/pop rock band.

In some cases a label can mold an artist or band into a certain image upon signing. But 5SOS had already gathered a following before they were even signed, so molding them into a rougher pop-punk image right upon signing would not have worked, it would not have been organic. They probably didn’t want to alienate the fans they already had, because they were valuable in getting the word out about 5SOS.

Their first manager, Adam Wilkinson, didn’t seem to think 5SOS would work as a pop-punk band as well. Just look at these quotes taken from That infamous 2015 Rolling Stone article (I will not link it, because I despise it, just google if you feel the need to read it).

“While they cannot cross into the realm of pop punk, they can stand on the sidelines and capture the end of that market.”

“They always wanted to be Blink 182 or Good Charlotte, but I’ll be the first to admit I thought that was shooting too far,” says Wilkinson. “We tried to make them a little more pop.”

That last quote is basically what happened. 5SOS ended up connected to One Direction, a huge pop act at the time. A connection that wasn’t as much of a “coincidence” as they wanted to make it look like. Louis was never the one to truly discover 5SOS, this was simply a smart PR decision to connect 5SOS to the 1D fanbase and grow their audience. I highly suggest reading this post that lays out exactly how 5SOS came to get signed and how their connection to 1D began. You will see that there is clear evidence that it didn’t happen like they wanted us to believe.

And let’s be real. Take a look at this early 5SOS picture. Does this look like the next Green Day or All Time Low? They all look like the boy next door, with maybe the exception of Michael. Basically they had the looks of a boyband, and while they never have been a traditional boyband (and certainly aren’t now), they certainly were marketed as one early on. This is a label that still sticks to them to this day.

I fully believe that their team (management/record label) tried to slowly evolve them into a more pop-punk image as they got bigger. They couldn’t ride the 1D train forever and had to stand on their own 2 feet. That’s where we arrive at the Sounds Good Feels Good era. This is a fascinating era for me, because there is a shift. Their looks start changing, suddenly they slowly become rockstars, piercings start happening. The boys are growing up. They are old enough to drink, girls are in the picture, etc. Musically it’s also clear that their sound is changing. The self-titled album is still fairly pop-rock, 1D but a little edgier perhaps. Sounds Good Feels Good is the more pop-punk album. But is it really? Because as most fans will know, the album knows 2 sounds. It has the clear pop-punk bops, such as Money or Safety Pin (to name a few), but there’s also some songs that already predict the sound for Youngblood such as, for example, Waste The Night and Vapor. It’s clear to me that while they probably still enjoyed their pop-punk sound the guys were growing up and were slowly discovering what music their sound as a band should be.

If we’re being honest for a moment. What songs from SGFG really feel the most personal? Sure, She’s Kinda Hot is a bop, but what about Vapor? Vapor is by far my favorite song on the album, it tells me a story, it makes me feel emotion. Now I’m very biased towards SKH, because (unpopular opinion) I don’t like the song much because of the lyrics. But that’s a different story (we may get to that someday). There is nothing wrong with a song that’s a bop, you need those. I could enjoy SKH if it wasn’t for the lyrics. But bops can have meaning too. SKH doesn’t in my opinion. Besides the fact that the guys were growing up and maturing their sound, the music scene just wasn’t very pop-punk or even rock based anymore. It wasn’t a sound that was popular anymore.

I took a look at the billboard charts and pulled some statistics. Friday October 23 was the release date for SGFG. The Top 3 Billboard hot 100 songs that week were

The Weeknd – The Hills

Drake – Hotline Bling

Justin Bieber – What Do You Mean?

The songs/artists closest to 5SOS in sound in the WHOLE Billboard Hot 100 that week were One Direction – Drag Me Down, Fall Out Boy – Uma Thurman and Twenty One Pilots – Stressed Out. That’s 3 songs in a list of 100 songs and you can debate how close the sound of those actually was to the sound of 5SOS at the time.

Taking a look at the Billboard 200 Year-End chart, the #1 is Taylor Swift – 1989. SGFG ended up at #136 (keep in mind that the album was released in October, so close to the end of the year). 5SOS self-titled ended up at #73. The LIVESOS album ranked #176. There’s a few other records that can be considered rock in the list, but barely any pop-punk in the whole chart. The only one to be considered for that title would be Fall Out Boy’s – American Beauty/American Psycho album, which was #15.

Pop-punk or rock in general, wasn’t a popular sound that topped the charts around the time 5SOS got started as a mainstream act. Number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 the week 5SOS released their first ep (Unplugged) was Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. The real mainstream success of pop-punk was mostly in the late 90’s running all the way through the early 2000’s. This is why I wonder why the label tried to make them into a pop-punk band in the first place. My best guess is that their team relied on the fans to push the success of the band forward after they came off of 1D’s Where We Are tour. They might have tried to create an edgier version of 1D with similar success. Where you create a fan base that is big enough to support the band without the need of casual listeners or fans from different demographics (male, female, old, young, etc.).

I think they relied too much on 1D fans to gravitate towards 5SOS as well, which may have been a mistake. Not all 1D fans actually liked 5SOS, some even actively stayed away from them the more they were pushed under their noses. When I entered the 1D fandom in 2014 most things I saw about 5SOS were negative. 1D fans considered them problematic and didn’t like them. This is partially why I steered away from 5SOS at the time. Besides that, I had enough going on with 1D to keep me occupied. Of course 5SOS’s fan base still grew quite a bit from the 1D exposure, but they never got to the same heights as 1D did. In several interviews the guys have said that they were being called “the biggest band that nobody has ever heard of”.

On a more personal note. As a recent fan, the whole pop-punk image never felt very genuine to me. Which might be because I came into the fandom backwards, starting with CALM and going back to their older material after that (side note: I did listen to the Youngblood album once or twice before). Don’t get me wrong, I love SGFG, I play it regularly. Money is a banger, Hey Everybody!, a bop, Permanent Vacation, love it! But as a fan I like to identify with songs and recognize that the artist is telling something that is personal to them. I don’t get that feeling from some of these songs.

An example of a song that is emotional, yet (mostly) not personal to the band is Broken Home. It’s a beautiful song, but I generally skip it. 1, because it’s a very sad song and it’s not always something I’m in the mood for. 2, because it’s not a song I relate to on a personal level. And most importantly 3, I don’t see the song relating to 5SOS as people, other than maybe Ashton. An interesting quote about the song, made by their producer John Feldman, is on the genius page for this song.

“Other than Ashton, the three guys have parents who are still together. Ashton has never met his father. Ashton really connected into the theme. “We’re saying something with this song, it’s going to connect with the audience, at least 50% of our audience comes from broken homes. We’re actually taking a stand.” The other guys are loyal and family-driven and sweet, so they were like, “What are our parents going to think about us singing about a broken home when we don’t come from broken homes? How authentic is it?” It was a two-month debate.”

So the guys themselves were already questioning the authenticity of the topic when they were recording it. Ashton connected to the theme of the song, but the others didn’t. It wasn’t something they had experienced. It doesn’t say why the song made it on the album anyway. As stated in the quote, a lot fans can relate to it. I’m sure many fans found comfort in the song, which is a nice thing. The song doesn’t make you relate to the band though. If any of them had written this song from a personal experience it would have connected a lot differently. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that the song is not personal, it just doesn’t feel very genuine when you know the artist has no relation to the story they are telling.

Moving on to the 2015 Rolling Stone article I have mentioned before. This seems to cause some division among fans. Was it all true or was it made up? My opinion is that it’s a mixture of truth and BS. But a whole lot of it feels taken out context or exaggerated. I have been a fan since March, so I wasn’t around at the time this came out. But since becoming a fan I have watched tons of interviews and clips and have extensively discussed this band with my friend, so I’d like to say I have done my homework and have a good picture of this band. On top of that I’d like to think being a 1D fan sharpened my critical thinking skills and might have helped me see through certain bullshit. I don’t claim to be the person with all the answers, but maybe my thoughts make sense to some people. There might be some context that I’m missing or facts that I haven’t come across, if you feel like there’s a piece of information I’m missing, feel free to let me know.

The way the article starts, it reads like fanfiction. Literally. The extensive description of the surroundings, the time of day, everything. The first time I read it, it made me cringe so hard I had trouble getting through the whole thing. First things first. This interview takes place the day after the AMA’s. Who the fuck scheduled this? Either someone should have prevented them from getting drunk and partying, or they should have scheduled this on another day when these guys were in a better state of mind. That is, assuming things went the way they went as described in the article. Which is something I highly doubt.

The only direct source saying that this article is not genuine is this tweet from Luke. Besides that I have only read secondhand that the band and people surrounding them have spoken up about the inaccuracy of the article.

Some people believe 5SOS could have sued Rolling Stone for slander if this article was really as false as they claim. Now I’m no lawyer, but this is not how things work in the entertainment industry. An article like this has been agreed upon before. The interviewer didn’t just decide to drop by one day. During celebrity interviews there’s always someone from their management or PR team around to make sure they don’t say any stupid shit. Celebrities are a brand, they have an image to protect, albums to sell. If they say things that make them look bad it can cause damage to their good name. Record companies have invested money in artists and they want to see a profit in return. They don’t want to risk losing money, that’s why celebrities have PR teams. RS may have had a reputation for being a very honorable publication, but these days that’s not the case. They are not that far removed from cheap gossip rags such as the Sun or The Daily Mail nowadays. They still get read by a lot of people, which puts them in a position of power. Often when an interview takes place there are certain topics that have been agreed upon before, there are also topics that can be blacklisted if the artist or their team doesn’t want them talked about. For example relationships or family matters. These will also be agreed upon beforehand.

Here is a story about a former journalist for the British tabloid The Daily Star, who has admitted to making up stories and explains how they get away with it.

For arguments sake, let’s say the guys slipped up and showed their “true colors”. With a big publication like this it’s common that their team would have to approve the article before it comes out. If there’s anything in there that was not agreed upon that they don’t like, the article can be edited.

This leaves us a few possibilities.

The article is completely true and their team is shit at their job. They failed to prevent the boys from slipping up about stuff they shouldn’t and did nothing to stop Rolling Stone from publishing.

The article is true and their team just allowed the article to be published for whatever reason.

The article isn’t true, but their team let it happen anyway, possibly because they wanted to move the band away from their boyband image into a more punk-rock image that went with their sound.

My vote goes out to the last one. I think their team wanted to make the boys look more edgy/punk-rock and get rid of their boyband image and this is how they tried to do it. I think parts of the article may be true, but a lot of it is greatly exaggerated and in some cases made up. If my theory is true, it also means 5SOS or their team had no reason to sue Rolling Stone if they wanted to. Because it would mean you have a major publication on your bad side, which means no more future promotional opportunities for the band and/or the label. While Rolling Stone may be trash, it’s a publication that a lot of people read. Therefore it’s a very important connection that you don’t want on your bad side.

If you still think they could have sued Rolling Stone then take a look at some examples from 1D. 1D has been targeted by the British tabloid The Sun for YEARS. They wrote the most awful shit, a lot of it not true. Yet they still had exclusive scoops whenever something important happened. Exclusive meaning, these topics were given to them exclusively for publishing. It was proven that their PR manager is friends with the journalist from The Sun responsible for most of the stuff written. 1D never sued The Sun for those articles, because they most likely were agreed upon by their team beforehand. 1D has never tried suing the Sun over anything, despite what they wrote. This was not 1 article, these were many articles. Especially towards the end of 1D, when it was clear their label was losing 1D, there was a smear campaign in the media to discredit 1D and its members. There was a chance some members were going to sign with a competing label, and that’s something their label didn’t like. Here is a good collection of headlines from that smear campaign. Nobody ever got sued over these articles.

Do you still think 5SOS could have just stood up and sued Rolling Stone? The entertainment business is full of politics. If you don’t play the game you’re out. Also, question yourself. Why does Luke still say the article was twisted and inaccurate 4,5 years later? He has owned up and apologized for past mistakes, yet he keeps insisting the article didn’t tell the truth. He even goes to say that the article “broke and hurt him”. If you believe Luke is still covering his ass for what he said in that article, that essentially would he mean he is emotionally manipulating people by saying the article hurt him. Is that the person you think Luke is?

1 more thing I want to point out. Yes, I am aware of the fact that Calum has a large version of the magazine cover hanging around in his house. I can’t say exactly why. This is my best guess. That cover was still a big thing in their career, despite the article, it is still a Rolling Stone cover. That’s a milestone that not every artist gets to do in their career. Just because he has the cover hanging around doesn’t mean he enjoyed the article that came with it.

This whole post has gotten super long, it may not be the easiest thing to get through. So thank you if you made it till the end. As stated before, this whole thing is mostly just my opinion. But the parts about how PR teams work are a fact. I do not work in the music or entertainment industry, I’m not a lawyer, so I may have gotten some things wrong. If I did, please let me know and I will try to fix it. Feedback is always appreciated.

#5 Seconds Of Summer #Ashton Irwin #Calum Hood #Luke Hemmings #Michael Clifford #5SOS #musical direction #pop-punk #Sounds Good Feels Good #Rolling Stone #original

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talkfastcal · 4 years ago

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you can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to 🎵🎶

rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

Thank you for tagging me! @i-like-5sos

1. Long Way Home - 5SOS: Oh! I haven’t heard this song in awhile. This is one of my favorites from self titled (although I will always prefer the acoustic version) I still remember when they changed the lyrics to “white snake on the radio” during my ROWYSO show. My favorite lyric is “so we’re taking the long way home cause I don’t wanna be wasting my time alone”

2. Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga: I remember the first time I heard this being 11 years old and shocked LMAO if I’m being real honest I love the beat (AND THE BASS) of this song. ALSO the chorus “I WONT CRY FOR YOU” is so GOOD

3. Not Warriors - Waterparks: y’all are in for a TREAT THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE WATERPARKS SONGS. I cannot just listen to this song just once. It’s always at least 3 times and it’s ALWAYS blasting (and yes I did replay it 3 times and blast it through my headphones while typing this) When the beat drops and “THERES NOTHING IN MY SYSTEM SO IM FEELING WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU” so POWERFUL!!!! My favorite lyric is “but hey for what it’s worth I think you saved my life”

4. Best Song Ever - One Direction: I still refuse to believe this song is about sex LMAO this is such a fun song to dance to though I love it. My favorite part is Niall’s solo “I said can I take you home with me, she said never in your wildest dreams”

5. Strong - One Direction: OH! FUCK! MY FAVORITE ONE DIRECTION SONG DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH THE CHORUS “IM SORRY IF I SAY I NEED YOU” I CANT I CANT. If you have not heard them acapella sing this do me a favor and go listen ITS SO GOOD ALSO! Zayn’s high note. My favorite lyric is ofc Louis’ solo “think of how much love that’s been wasted people always trying to escape it move on to stop their heart breaking but there’s nothing I’m running from, you make me strong”

6. Kids In The Dark - All Time Low: YES I LOVE THIS SONG I LOVE THIS ALBUM I LOVE THE MEANING OF THE SONG I’m not joking when I say that I found this song and this band during the hardest time in my life and this song just really hit me hard. My favorite lyric is “beautiful scars on critical veins” AND the firework pop towards the end!!!!

7. Olivia - One Direction: I will admit this song has grown on me big time post hiatus (also the fact that now I’m not hiding my sexuality from myself I can freely listen to this song without feeling ashamed) I! Love! This! Song! It’s such a cute love song!! My favorite lyric is “the summertime butterflies all belong to your creation”

8. I Love You 5 - Never Shout Never: another band I was obsessed with back in 2015 I haven’t listened to this song in awhile!! I remember loving this song though and using it everywhere. I also like in the beginning he says “I love you one a two a three shoobe-doo I love you four that’s more than I can afford”

9. Only Angel - Harry Styles: idk not much to say about this Harry song it’s not in my top 5 but it’s a good song! I like listening to it but it’s just not my favorite. My favorite lyric is “open up your eyes shut your mouth and see that I’m still the only one who’s been in love with me”

10. Viva La Vida - Coldplay: no one: - me: AHHHHHHHHH literally this song will never be the same ever since 1d performed it on xfactor. Idk what to say about this song other than the fact that I like it??? I also like 1D’s cover of it??? Yea cool. My favorite lyric is “Never an honest word but that was when I ruled the world”

11. Glitter & Crimson - All Time Low: this song has definitely grown on me since the release of wake up sunshine. ALSO THE BRIDGE! My favorite lyric is “lets start lets start a riot hard to sit still when your head’s on fire”

12. (Love Will) Turn Back The Hands Of Time - Grease 2: don’t clown me y’all but this movie and soundtrack are a guilty pleasure. I love the original grease BUT grease 2!! It’s such a stupid movie but the soundtrack is fantastic. Anyways this song is another guilty pleasure LMAO I love the whole song so I’m not picking a “favorite lyric”

13. Savior - Rise Against: OH!!!! OH!!! THIS SONG RIGHT HERE!!!! fun fact: the first time I actually heard this song was when I watched a video of someone on YouTube burning her littlest pet shops because a trade went wrong and she got scammed so she took her anger out on that. I literally forgot about this song until one day I heard it in my junior year literature class and had major deja vu. Okay anyways I love this song LMAO my favorite part is the chorus “that’s when she said I don’t hate you boy I just want to save you while there’s still something left to save. That’s when I told her I love you girl but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have WOAH OH OH WOAH OH OHHH”

14. National Anthem - DE’WAYNE: okay THIS SONG it’s so good and it describes what it’s like growing up in America as a POC. I don’t wanna say too much about it since I’m not a POC so I know I will never fully understand the song because of my privilege but I appreciate the fuck out of this. I love the entire song I don’t have a favorite lyric

15. Your Love - Nicki Minaj: I miss this Nicki Minaj. UM not much to say about this song either??? It’s a good song and I like it?! My favorite part is the chorus OH and the outro I love it

16. Just Dance - Lady Gaga: another pop classic from my childhood alright I MEAN ITS JUST DANCE?! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS SONG??? ALSO THIS LADY GAGA?! Don’t get me wrong I love the lady Gaga we have now BUT THIS ONE WILL ALWAYS BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY CHILDHOOD AND PRETEEN YEARS. I remember feeling like a badass singing this song when I was 10 years old LMAO I don’t have a favorite lyric I love the whole thing it’s a bop

17. Dear Patience - Niall Horan: Oh!! One of my favorites from Heartbreak Weather. His voice in this song is just so beautiful ugh yes. I absolutely love the chorus of this. My favorite lyric is “feels like you don’t even know me just me and the stars can get lonely”

18. San Francisco - 5sos: OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG ITS IN MY TOP 3 FROM SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD. I hardly see anyone appreciate this song so I’m here to tell y’all: ITS A GOOD SONG?!?! have y’all listened to the live version AS WELL!!!! masterpiece. This song makes me happy especially the guitar at the beginning. My favorite lyric is “reminds me of when we were free I swear that it’s still haunting me” BUT! I do love that pre-chorus

19. They All Float - Waterparks: NICE a song from their first EP okay but I love this song it’s much heavier compared to what they sing now and that’s what I like about it. My favorite part is THE BRIDGE!!! “this is the part where you cut your losses this is the part where you get a job this is the part where you settle for less just like you never wanted to”

20. We made it finally Adrenaline - Simple Creatures: OH MY GOD THIS SONG LISTEN this is the first song I listened to from this band (which btw if y’all didn’t know is made up of Alex Gaskarth from ATL and Mark Hoppus from Blink-182) I mean while it’s more pop (which is what their intention is) ITS STILL A GOOD BAND!!! ESPECIALLY THIS SONG!! ITS SO GOOD DAMN I love the music video omfg. I’m just a sucker for dance choreography since I grew up surrounded by dance (I did competitive dance for a couple of years and my sister was a competitive dancer until she graduated) okay enough about me this song is so damn good I can’t stop saying that alright! My favorite lyric “I think we’re failin to connect you don’t what you do to me do to me do to me” and I LOVE THE CHORUS

This was fun!!! And it took me forever LMAO I’m not tagging 10 people but I’ll tag some

@louhazzabeingloudandloud @28-oops-hi @devilatmydoor @glitter-cal and anyone else who wants to do this!! 💜

#tag games #mutuals 💜#long post

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music-my-angel · 6 years ago

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Mad driving

Prompt - Can you do one please of Luke getting in a bad car crash after an argument with the other guys and 1d helping him get back in his feet please? B’day Aug. 1st

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It’s against the law to drink and drive but if you ask the 5sos boys, the driving when you’re angry should also be against the law. When you’re angry, you can’t think straight and it certainly isn’t a good time to get behind the wheels. But they could do little as they watched an angry and hurt Luke storm out of the house. After all, it was their fault that Luke was angry. They were the cause of him storming out and directly or indirectly, they were the cause of him getting hurt.

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It had all started with Luke getting in an argument early on with Michael. They had been recording in the studio when Michael and Luke started fighting over a solo part of their new song. Both wanted to try that part but Michael had gotten quite competitive. In order to bag that part, he proceeded to insult Luke.

“Your vocals aren’t even that good for this part, dude” Michael had snapped.

Luke had ignored the way his self-confidence took a blow as he watched his bandmates not even care to speak up for him or to take his side. They seemed to not care.

------

It didn’t stop there though. Days later, Calum and Luke got in a fight. And that’s when the other boys took sides. But not for Luke.

“Shut up Luke. You can’t say mean things like that which you actually don’t mean” Ashton shouted.

“I mean it. Calum’s just being stupid. I wrote part of this song, I should get to sing this part at least. Michael stole my other song” Luke yelled, losing control over his anger.

“What do you mean by I stole your song?” Michael shoved Luke, “What do you think we don’t do anything in this band? You’re the only who writes things?”

“I didn’t mean it this way” Luke tried to explain but they weren’t going to listen to him.

“You make it sound like we can’t do anything without you. We’re not dependent on you, Luke” Calum said.

“We’d be better off without you in fact” Ashton sighed.

Luke’s gasp went unheard as the boy stormed out, angrily wiping at his face. If they didn’t need him, then he also didn’t need them.

------

Luke had grabbed his car keys and drove off in an absolute anger. He had no idea where he was going but he kept on increasing the speed and driving on. He could hardly see past his tears and the voices of the boys echoing in his head didn’t make it any better. He missed a turn and ended up having to deviate from the route very sharply to avoid crashing into the oncoming car. But that didn’t stop him from crashing into a tree.

The last thing Luke heard was a familiar voice calling out his name and the sound of sirens not far from him, before he passed out.

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The One Direction boys had been driving back home when they saw Luke’s car. The speed at which Luke was driving surprised them but the even bigger shock came when they saw Luke crash in a tree. They had rushed by the boy’s side, even called for an ambulance and accompanied the boy to the hospital.

While Luke had been rushed to emergency, the One Direction boys called the 5sos boys. But when they reached, it wasn’t just worry showing on but guilt also.

While Niall and Harry sat with Calum, Liam and Zayn shared a look with each other before nudging Louis to ask Ashton about what the heck was even going on!

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“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have fought with him.” Calum sniffled.

“It’s not just your fault, Cal. We all are to be blamed” Ashton sighed.

“If only we hadn’t been so mean to him…” Michael trailed off.

“Mean? How? What’s going on guys?” Louis asked.

Michael took a deep breath as he explained the past events.

“I can’t believe this” Liam sighed.

“How could you guys?” Niall accused them.

The doctor walked to them with an assessment of Luke’s condition and despite being concerned for Luke, the 5sos boys decided to stay outside as the One Direction boys went to see Luke.

------

Luke had sustained quite a few injuries. He had a fractured leg, a sprained wrist and few cracked ribs but the doctor assured the boys that he would make a full recovery. Still under the effects of drugs, Luke hadn’t been able to stay awake for much, so the One Direction boys stayed by his side while the 5sos boys stayed outside the whole while.

When Luke woke up, he had been extremely grateful to the One Direction boys. He had wanted to ask about his own bandmates but was feeling quite reluctant to do so.

“Do they know? They didn’t come…?” Luke asked, in a small voice.

The 5sos boys couldn’t stay out any longer.

------

They had been feeling too guilty to face Luke but when they heard Luke asking for them with a voice full of hesitation, they couldn’t stop themselves from seeing the boy.

“Lukey… We were right outside” Michael said.

“Why didn’t you guys come in?” Luke asked.

“Because we did this to you. We are the reason you got hurt” Calum said, on verge of tears himself.

“You didn’t… I was too mad and drove blindly” Luke explained.

“We’re so sorry Luke. We didn’t mean to say such hurtful things to you. 5sos is nothing without you buddy. We’re so sorry that you got hurt because of us” Ashton apologized.

Luke simply nodded, not ready to forgive the boys yet, and not ready to forget what happened yet.

------

When Luke got discharged, the One Direction boys took him with them. Luke stayed at their place as he started his road to recovery. The 5sos boys visited him every day but they also gave him all the time for him to make the decision whether he wanted to return back to them or not. It took some time but one fine morning, he was back home. The 5sos boys promised to never hurt his feelings and to never let such a situation arise again. Luke, on the other hand, was sure he wasn’t going to grab the steering wheels any time soon and especially not when he was mad. But he had a doubt that the boys would even let him, considering he not only had the 5sos boys but also the One Direction boys watching his back.

------

A/N

Hope you all like it.

#5sos #one direction #mixed oneshot #luke centric #ashton #michael #calum #liam #louis #zayn #niall #harry

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unkindnessofone · 7 years ago

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5SOS. Running

Must read One Nest beforehand for this to make sense. Please enjoy. Sending it out to the darling @hemmo1996-5sosvevo. Thanks for the love!

Masterlist Here

To say the morning had gone well would be a flat out lie. It was close to 8:30 in the morning and Cagney felt like garbage that had been left out in the rain overnight. She had no idea how Luke functioned hungover or fucked up because her bones ached as she held March to her chest, feeding him, with only three hours of sleep running her body. Cagney was starting to feel like she did need the help of a nanny part time. Once full, March detached himself from his mum out of habit and she bounced him against her bare chest to burp him. Miles was on the ground, sitting up and watching his toddler sister with fascination, trying to touch her arm with both hands as she played with her stuffed mermaid doll on her lap. “Where’s daddy?” Penelope whined again, this time not bothering to look away from her toy to ask her mum. “He had to work early.” Cagney stuck to her life from the morning when Penny asked after coming downstairs due to screaming twin babies. Truthfully, Cagney didn’t know where her husband was. He had fled the night before after comforting one of the crying babies and she had no idea what was going to happen now. She worried he was somewhere on the other side of California, messed up in his sports car. Maybe, he was giving her a taste of her own medicine and fucking some beautiful actress broken. Cagney’s brain was spinning. She put March down with his other two siblings and wrestled her sports bra over her head and then the large 5SOS t shirt she had slept in over top.

“Alright, let’s get you some breakfast.” Cagney sighed as she earned her daughter’s attention. She carefully picked Miles up as March was crawling away at light speed as soon as the door of his nursery opened. As the small band of Hemmings were making their short journey to the kitchen, the sound of the front door opening caught both females attention. Luke was on the other side, his tired body still wearing what he had stalked out of the house in the night before. He looked beyond Cagney once his feet were inside and the front door was shut. “Daddy!” Penelope was running to him at light speed, her morning hunger forgotten for a moment. She ran into his legs and hugged them, his head dropping to give her all of his attention. He could feel Cagney looking to him, waiting for acknowledgment, but he had no intention of giving her any mind. He was still hurt by her actions, the way she seeked affection in someone else, and his disappointment had manifested itself into thick sludge-like anger. With three little ones around, he couldn’t react and that kept them both safe from his emotions for now. “Hey Pen…” Gently, he breathed back as his hands both pat her behind the shoulders. “Do you want to go to the studio with me today?" "Yes!” Thrilled, Penny threw her head up from his knees and showed off her beaming smile to him. For a second, it made Luke feel a touch better. He pat her back again and wiggled free since her hands had let go of the little grip they had on him. “Alright, I got to go get dressed first.” He informed her, stepping past to get a move on. Luke wasn’t interested in being in the house that hadn’t felt like a home for a while any longer than he needed to be. “You do too.” He mentioned to his daughter while scooping March off the ground and greeting his warm nose with a kiss. “I’m just about to make her breakfast.” Cagney told Luke sheepishly, her voice shy like the first time they met outside of her work. Luke glanced her over for a second from her bed head to dark circles to bare feet, certain they both looked just as shitty as the other, and then spoke again to Penelope who had made her way over to his leg again. “How does McDonalds breakfast soon?” It was a treat that Luke didn’t think she had had before. He knew she had happily picked on Chicken McNuggets once when Cagney was pregnant with the boys and was craving a Big Mac. “Yeah!” Penelope nodded with speed, not sure what she was so excited about. Luke kissed March again and put him back down in order to go get dressed, corralling Penny along with him. Luke helped himself to a quick face wash in the bathroom en suite to his bedroom with Cagney. He used a shot of her dry shampoo and then hit his neck with a mist of Dylan Blue by Versace. It was better than the scent of insomnia, rum, dry rage, and an entire carton of cigarettes. He brushed his teeth, put on deodorant and came out naked to see Penny had dressed herself and was waiting with her mermaid doll on her parents bed. “I’m almost ready, Penny Lou.” He winked at her and peeled a red hair elastic off his right wrist and gave it to her to put her hair up the way she liked it. He had been the habit of wearing one on his arm everywhere he went since Penelope became old enough to have an opinion about her hair and her preference was to have it up and out of her face. As Penelope was mirroring motions she always felt her mom do in order to tie up a ponytail behind her, Luke went to the walk in closet to dress himself. He settled on worn out jeans that were ripped at both knees and a blue V neck to still had the tag on. He took a light black bomber jacket just in case wind picked up and then took an extra minute to pack a few changes of clothes into a small Louis Vuitton carry on. It was Cagney’s bag, but he wasn’t bothered. Once packed, he called for Penelope’s attention as he waited by his open room door. She slid off the bed at the sound of him calling her name and ran over with her stuffed doll being held by her sea foam green hair, Penny’s ponytail bouncing behind her. He noticed that it wasn’t that messy and she was improving on her ability to do it by herself. She had on her stretchy blue legging shorts and a little cream colored t shirt with a watercolor rainbow in one corner. It had been gifted to her by Simone who took it upon herself to always keep all the kids closets full of cute pieces from international markets or designer duds. “Let’s get a sweater just in case.” He mumbled to his oldest and followed her to her bedroom. On her inside door knob, her grey zip up was hanging so Like hooked it through the handles of his carry on. He also took a second to go through her top drawer to take a swimsuit and a pair of clean underwear. “Want to bring a couple other toys?” It wasn’t as if the studio was the most child friendly place. Penny nodded and found her very small holographic seashell backpack. First, she shoved her doll inside, then took her thick box of crayons off the floor and a Bubbles Guppies activity book from her small book shelf by her closet. Luke looked around her room for one more thing, but figured she could watch a movie on someone’s iPad or laptop at the studio if need be. Heading downstairs, he watched Penelope as she carefully held onto the rail and took the steps as fast as she could with her backpack clunking against her. She went right to the front entrance door mat and sat on her butt, reaching for her discarded slip on shoes to pull them onto her feet. Luke was one step away from being on the main floor when Cagney came around and stood right in front of him, she had Miles in her arms while March was content in the play pen with a toy tambourine. “We need to talk.” Her voice was begging even if she was trying to be quiet in order to not let Penelope know that there was friction in her family. Luke just stared over Cagney’s blond frizzy hair and shrugged. He was being childish and he knew it, but he hadn’t filtered enough of his pure anger yet to behave in any better way. He focused his stare on Penelope’s pony tail, glaring at it like it owed him a blood debt. “You just stormed out last night,” Cagney almost hissed, moving a little to the left to line her face up with Luke’s. She wanted his attention. She wanted him to acknowledge she existed. “Don’t you think we should talk?” Things were more chaotic and challenging than they had ever been before the couple and Cagney was dying to move out of the disaster she had caused. It took two, of course, but she been the one to light fire to their world. “My mom is flying in to watch the kids,” Admitting that earned Luke’s attention. His blue eyes widened over her and screamed silently how disturbed they were. He did not like his in laws. “I called her last night and I think it would be good. We could go somewhere alone to talk.” Luke fought his tongue behind his tightly shut lips. He didn’t want to talk to her or be alone with her right now, but he knew that would not be helpful to say. “You invited your mother?” Christie Bloom knew the fastest way under Luke’s skin and she loved to remind him of that. “Well, she insist-” “Wow, Cagney, what are you going to do next? Make out with a Power Ranger in our pantry?” He had drunkeningly gone through Dacre Montgomery’s IMDB page last night once he was in a hotel room. He tortured himself with the Australian actors perfect abs and swore at different images he could find of the guy. Cagney showed off her disappointment in Luke’s comment, shoulders falling as he avoided eye contact with her again. She couldn’t say another word, Penny was standing at the door behind her and calling for Luke. He squinted at the baby boy against Cagney’s hip and checked whether it was Miles and not March before giving him a kiss on his chubby cheek. “I’m coming, Pen.” He moved right past Cagney as if she was just home decor and pushed open the house door, letting him and his littlest lady out, and then shut it loudly as if to let everyone know he was gone.

Cagney swallowed hard as she stood still, looking at the spot her husband had vacated, but focusing on nothing in particular. It took March’s screams from the other room to capture her attention and bring her back to reality. Luke might not have been happy her mom was coming into town, but she was looking forward to it.

——————

Playing it safe, Luke ordered Penelope a small stack of hot cakes and an apple juice from the drive thru. He was starving after a night of binge drinking by himself so he ordered a large black coffee and a big breakfast with a blueberry muffin on the side. Even if he didn’t devour it all, someone else would finish it up. He had the music on, but only turned it up to encourage Penelope who was clumsily singing along to Roxanne since the throwback station was still playing it. She had heard it enough times and the words were relatively easy for her to remember and say. By the second verse, Luke sang along with her - forgetting about his exhaustion and frustration with his own life. Once in the studio doors, later than he was supposed to be, he meant to set Penelope up on one of the back couches with her bag, but she ran straight for Ashton and hugged him while he lifted her onto his lap. “Aren’t you a pleasant surprise?” Ashton hugged her tightly in return, hamming up a groan as if he was squeezing her as hard as he could. “I have my shell!” She told him with an explosion of excitement through her ears. Her small hand reached behind her and smacked her backpack. Ashton was particularly fond of Penny’s little backpack and she knew that. “Is it full of pearls?” He engaged her imagination, but Luke interrupted before she could answer with more than a nod. “Penny, I got your pancakes.” He had opened up the yellow container on a spare couch cushion and was cutting them into bites she could handle with the dull plastic cutlery. Penelope didn’t waste any time wiggling off of Ashton’s lap and heading over to her Dad. She took off her bag and left it on the floor before going herself onto the couch to eat her breakfast. She was very hungry after all. Luke unfolded a napkin and stuffed it into the collar of her shirt. “Can you hang out here while I get some work done?” He asked her, but she was already rushing her first forkful of syrupy pancake into her mouth. Luke took her focus on eating as a ‘yes’ and kissed her forehead. It was nice to have her there even if he was busy. He took the rest of his take out bag and joined the producer by the desk, leaning in to find out what he missed. Michael was already in the sound booth and it looked like they were waiting on Calum and the producer’s assistant. Just as he expected he might, he set up the Bubble Guppies show on his phone and plugged in ear buds so Penelope could watch with her doll on the couch. Her activity book and crayons had held her interest for a grand total of fifteen minutes. Once she was occupied, Luke went back to trying to enforce his opinion on vocals. Ashton took himself out of the argument and joined the dirty blondie on the couch. When she offered him an ear bud, he leaned in and let her pop it in so they could watch the same episode together. The little mer-geniuses kind of freaked him out, but it was better than watching Michael and Luke frustrate one another from separate rooms. Luke was in need of a break by the time Penny was growing squirmy. She had watched two whole episodes and scribbled three different pictures in her book while lying on her tummy. She had been at the studio for two hours. Luke plunked her down on his lap and let his arm around her be comforting while he continued to work. When they hit hour three, he decided it was time to break for lunch. Instead of ordering in an obscene amount of food, he took Penny and Michael with him to Lemonade for a light salad lunch. The change of scenery was all Penny needed. “Are you staying at the hotel again?” Michael asked after washing his bite down with a sip of unsweetened iced tea. He and Grace went back and forth between renting houses and staying at the Chateau Marmont when they were in LA. It all came down to whatever mood his wife was in. “Yeah.” Luke nodded through his own gulp of water. “I think Pen and I are having a sleep over.” He hadn’t run it by Cagney, but he also didn’t intend to. It didn’t strike Mike as odd when Luke showed up at the hotel at two in the morning, drunk and lusting for another round. Everyone knew Cagney didn’t like the kids being around rowdiness especially when delivered by Luke. What raised Michael’s brows was that sober and conscious, Luke was choosing to stay at the hotel. “Oh? Well, Emme will be thrilled.” He leaned in and made one of his funnier faces at Penelope. She didn’t notice too much, just munching on edamame beans and looking at all the other people eating on the patio. “Everything okay?” He brought his focus back to Luke, trying to act like his question was very normal. “Yeah.” Luke lied with a single word and a cheerful shrug of his right shoulder. “Just want a little one on one time.” He was embarrassed that his wife had made out with someone else. It reflected on him poorly. Luke was ashamed of the current state of his marriage and himself. He had absolutely no desire to express to anyone how messed up everything was. He planned to lie, lie, lie. Michael didn’t buy it for a second, but he also knew better than to push and pry especially with Luke. Instead, Michael pulled Penny’s attention away from staring off at strangers as Like took out his phone to text friends. Luke called it quits at the studio after two more hours post lunch. Since Calum had finally arrived in town, struggling to leave his baby and girlfriend at home these days, they had a lot of bass work to complete and as much as Luke wanted to have a say in everything, he knew that it wasn’t necessary for him to be there for direction. He packed up Penelope’s little backpack and tossed it over his shoulder effortlessly, scooping his napping daughter up and holding her against the other shoulder to carry her to the car. Penelope woke up almost as soon as he started driving, the radio low but still enough to capture her attention. “Home now?” She checked through a yawn that was no bigger than she was. Penny moved to the side of her car seat, looking for a glimpse of her dad, but only ever catching pieces of his hair or his hands on the steering wheel. “Do you want to go swimming with Emmy?” Luke asked back at her, checking to see her expression through the mirror, instead of telling her they weren’t going home today. “Yes, please!” She wanted to see her best friend so badly that she showed off her manners. “Daddy, this is the best day ever.” She informed him happily while poking at the window and trying to find blue cars on the road. “Good.” Luke nodded back at her. It made him feel like less a failure to her that he was making her happy and filling a bad day with joy. Once at a red light, Luke reached back and felt her reach forward to try and hold his hand. He squeezed her fingers with his and laughed with amusement when she tried to squeeze his in return. The feelings they had for one another were mutual. The pool was mostly empty when Luke arrived with his two tiny bathing beauties. Penelope with her string bean body under an ombre blue one piece and Emmeline in a chic crisscross one piece, red with black sketched flowers all over it. Michael’s daughter had refused to come downstairs without glitter in her hair and a plastic pair of giant sunglasses on. He set them both at a lounge chair, telling them every fifteen seconds to wait before going in the water. Luke felt beyond grateful when Grace arrived at the pool with Iden holding her hand and waddling slow. No one could control a group of rambunctious kids like Grace Clifford could. She was Emmeline’s human leash, always keeping her in line and from running around wildly. Grace rolled her eyes right back at the suntanners who didn’t mask their disappointment that their were children in the pool area and helped Luke slather their antsy girls up with sunscreen. She made sure to remind Emmeline twice that she had to listen to Luke, stay in the shallow end, and behave. It was most surprising to Luke than anyone else, but splashing around with Penelope and Emmeline transported him out of his heavy state of frustration and into actual happiness. He was grinning with each corner of his mouth meeting an ear as he tossed the girls into the water, their arms linking around his neck and trying to pull him in. He remembered Ashton once describing his kids laughter as his favorite song and Luke, at the time, thought it was just the drummer being purposefully deep, but now he agreed. Hearing Penny giggle as she pretended to be a 'sparkly mermaid’ with Emmeline acted like medication to his hard heart. Grace called for a Chateau Marmont staff member to bring out a tray of raw vegetables and hummus dip for the kids to pick at. Forcing their pruning toes to take a break from kicking at Luke when they dog paddled around. Emme and Penny took to their own lounge chair with their snacks, leaving Luke and Grace nearby with Iden. Luke was on his phone, downloading samples that were being sent to him of what was happening in the studio. Still, he could feel Grace’s eyes on him like burning coals. Her stare left a mark. “What are you hiding from, Lucas?” She let go of Iden’s stomach as he was wrestling with her. He wanted to go see his sister. Her smile tightened as Luke slid his blue eyes from his screen and looked at her with an unamused smirk. “Sleeping here drunk last night, leaving the studio today, coming here for a midday swim with Penny…” “You’re describing a pretty good time, Grace Adna.” If she was going to call him Lucas, he would use her middle name that he knew she loathed. For a second, he had made her quiet, but only a second. Grace fixed her hair behind her ears, showing off her new Tiffany’s studs that had been an impulse buy after a small argument with Michael last week, and prepared herself for what to say next. “I’m describing someone who isn’t masking their marital woes very well.” She came back and met his frosty gaze with a raised brow that almost hissed ’checkmate’. “I’m married to Michael, you think I wouldn’t recognize a man frustrated with his wife.” To her, all sad men did the same dance. She had learned the choreography long before she took up with the love her life, a man she drove insane in a variety of ways. “What’s going on? Besides having three small children and no sleep…”

Luke wrestled with himself. He didn’t want to answer as he was too proud to let anyone know that his marriage was currently frayed and delicate, perhaps inching towards a undignified destiny. On the other hand, Luke knew Grace could see through him. He also knew she could keep a secret and she was someone who wasn’t foreign to a rough patch. She and Michael wore scars of their relationship like badges of honor. They never hid when things were difficult. Even when it was ugly, they were always honest. It often made him uncomfortable, but Luke had to admit it was sort of beautiful in it’s own way.

“She thinks….” He knew some of this was his fault. She felt distant from him because they had no time together with three small children and the time they could have together, even just an hour in bed watching TV, he spent getting wasted. Still, that wasn’t why Luke was avoiding his California house. “I guess I am…” Did he have a drug problem? No. Did he like to party? Yes. Was he feeling overwhelmed with new twins and a new album in the works? Absolutely. Luke was having a hard time navigating himself through the mess of his sleepy and pissed off mind at the moment. Sighing again, he glanced behind himself to check on Penelope. She was eating carrots without hummus, patting Iden’s hair, and talking about nothing at all in gibberish with Emme. She was happy and she had no idea how broken her Dad felt. “Cagney made out with some other guy.” He felt like a child saying it, but it hurt. She might as well have slept with Dacre. It stung all the same knowing someone else’s tongue was in her mouth, his mouth. Dacre’s hands had surely grabbed and explored the body that Luke had spent so long getting to know and learning with. The body that housed his three children, the body that he was in love with, the body that made up his wife. “I’m just fucking pissed. She told me last night.” He groaned out and leaned forward near Grace. His hands held his face before running through his greasy hair that was in desperate need of a wash that didn’t include chlorine. It was curlier now to since leaving the pool. He pushed his elbows into his knees that were poking out from under his navy swim trunks and grunted.

Grace moved from her lounge chair onto his and ran her own hand through his locks, comforting him like he was a brother of some sorts. She kissed the top of his head and then pulled him into her chest with her fingers picking at his hair with care.

“You know when Michael hurts me, I blast 'Go Your Own Way’ by Fleetwood Mac and scream in the closet. Do you think that would help?” Grace smiled to herself as she heard and felt Luke chuckle against the thin jersey material of her top. “It works!” She laughed back.

“I’m just fucking livid with her.” Finally, he admitted. Luke leaned onto his back and laid his head flat on Grace’s lap, using her face as a shield from the blistering sunshine that was beating down on them. “I’ve done fucked up shit and I know I drive her crazy with going out, partying, and drinking and whatever, but I would never do that. I would never fucking - “ Mindlessly, he began to play with his thick gold wedding band, sliding it up to his second knuckle and then pushing it back down. “I wouldn’t. You know that.” It wasn’t as if Luke hadn’t had ten thousand different opportunities to screw around on his wife either. He just always turned them down or walked away.

“You’re good people.” Grace agreed, her fingers playing with his locks in an effort to soothe his aching soul platonically. Sure, she had seen all four members of the band be idiot rock stars, but as they had all grown up together, Grace knew for certain that Luke meant well at his core. His conscience was kind. She knew she was a good judge of character too. “You don’t deserve to be betrayed like that.” Licking her lips, she promised him. Grace never said things she never meant. Honestly, she was surprised. She couldn’t believe that Cagney had it in her. She never would have pegged it to be her as the one to step out of the relationship. “Can I ask who it was? Not that it matters.” It could have been Luke’s clone from a different dimension, it still wouldn’t be okay. “Was it that actor guy? The one with the name I can’t pronounce?”

“You knew they were hanging out?” He raised off her lap quickly and searched Grace’s perpetually made up face for an answer.

“So did you.” She gave him a look just as crazy as the one he was shooting directly at her. “How could you have missed it? He was always around.”

“I thought it was harmless when she went to lunch with him.”

“I would cut Michael’s testicles off with dull shears if he took our kids to lunch with him and another woman.” Grace realized afterwards that she wasn’t helping, but the truth had a way of just slipping out of her. “His ex girlfriend sent us a baby booties when Emmeline was born and I sent her back the lyrics to that Big Sean song, 'IDFWU’, in gold cursive. I also donated the booties because I’m not a total monster.” She smiled, feeling better once Luke laughed and rolled his eyes at her. “Anyway, you didn’t know they were hanging out?”

“I didn’t know she was taking the kids everywhere with him or, like, going out a bunch. I knew they were friends.” Luke hadn’t given it enough thought. He felt foolish for the trust he practiced. Whenever he found himself feeling suspicious, he reminded himself that Cagney hadn’t jumped down his throat for being photographed with different women, mingling with actresses at industry parties, or even being upset when he made out with two beautiful models in a recent music video. He couldn’t be mad at her for making friends that were male. He didn’t want to be that guy. Now that Grace mentioned it, he didn’t like that she was bringing him around their family, his three kids. “I’m a fucking moron.”

“So, you’re just going to hide out here with Penny?”

“For now.” Luke sighed and shook his hair around his head before wiping at his tired face. “I have no desire to go home. I don’t want to look at her. I’m angry.”

“You need to cool off, for sure.” Grace agreed. “You got to take care of you. I think that means having martinis with me while the kids play.” She laughed, laying a hand on his knee and waiting for him to smile. “And if you need me to watch the kids sometimes or whatever, holler.”

“Thanks.” He gave her half a smile that was all sincere. “Don’t tell Mike or anybody about this, okay? I don’t want people to know.”

“You know I’m a vault.” She rolled her eyes and turned around to look at her kids completely, not surprised, but not happy to see that Emmeline was encouraging her little brother to put his hands in the hummus dish. “Whatever you decide, you got me on your side.” She rose to her feet and headed to fetch her mischievous children. “I know a great divorce lawyer, gang member, couples counselor, whatever you need.” She winked and took a towel from her daughter’s lap to wipe off Iden’s hands, right away scolding them both. They didn’t care. They were laughing right at her.

“Daddy?” Surprising Luke as he had just laid down on the lounge chair, hands folded behind his head and eyes shut. His feet were dangling off the edge as he was too tall and right by them was Penelope, hair still wet in her ponytail and shivering in her bathing suit since her towel was somewhere on the cement ground. “Are we going home soon?” Usually in California, she spent all her time with her mom and only saw her dad for meals or in between his schedule, sometimes he was gone for long stretches of time.

“No. I think we’re going to have a PJ party, you and me.” He smiled at her, but it faded as soon as he saw her look solemnly down at her bare feet, the sparkly polish that her mom had painted on it a few days before chipping at the edge. Luke sat up and leaned closer, waiting for Penny to stop pouting at the ground and look at him again. “You don’t want to do that?”

“I miss mummy.” She was little. It was to be expected.

“Yeah.” Luke could only deflate in response, reaching forward and waiting for her to put her petite hand in his. He squeezed it right away, but this time, Penny didn’t squeeze back. “I thought after you have a bath, we could play a game or play with Emme and Iden, and then we could watch a movie and eat dinner in bed, but if you want to go Penelope, I can take you home.” He wasn’t ready to go home himself and he certainly didn’t like the idea of spending another night away from his kids, alone and drunk in a hotel room, but he couldn’t keep Penny with him forever. Even though fractured at the moment, they were a family.

It took Penelope a long pause to figure out how to respond. She was an honest child and Luke felt proud of that. She didn’t just do things because other people wanted to, but she was still sweet most of the time.

“We can have a PJ party.” Nodding, she agreed and squeezed his hand back. “That could be fun. Can I play in Emme’s room too?” The two giggly girls never seemed to grow tired of one another. They had been thick as thieves since Penelope could keep up with Emmeline on her own two feet.

“Of course.” If the girls wanted to play, that meant Luke could keep venting to Grace and have one of her famously strong gin martinis.

— — — — — —- — — —

Michael was back from the studio. He had made a promise to Grace in couple’s counselling that when they were in the same city, he would have dinner with his family unless otherwise discussed or they had a date. She was always satisfied as long as he had more meals with them than without. His return signalled the end of Penelope and Emmeline’s impromptu play date. Emmeline didn’t seem to mind though because it meant spaghetti and meatballs for her and her father’s doting until bed time.

Luke bathed Penelope, rinsing the shampoo from her blond locks, and making a soap mohawk on top of her head. They talked about the twins, mermaids, and what they wanted for dinner. Privately, Luke was just relieved that his daughter didn’t interrogate him with questions about Cagney or anything. Perhaps, she didn’t realize that anything was wrong. She wasn’t as intuitive as Grace was yet.

For pyjamas, he dressed Penny in the blue v neck he had been wearing all day and set her up in bed with a memory game he had borrowed from Emmeline. He was pretty impressed with how much better she was getting at the very simple child’s game. Luke supposed the fact that it was Little Mermaid theme helped hold Penelope’s interest. She adored Ariel and thought Sebastian was funnier than her Dad and Uncle Mike. Once two rounds were finished, dinner was at the door. Steak, potatoes, and broccoli for Luke while Penelope only wanted grilled cheese. Luke insisted she have a fruit cup with it and she didn’t object, picking at the pieces of pineapple first. His whiskey glass was empty from the first round of Memory, so Luke took the opportunity to mix himself another jack and coke before crawling in bed to watch the opening credits of Lilo & Stitch. As of the last month, she had come to love it so Luke had it downloaded on his laptop and easy to take with him and hook into any television anywhere.

Full and sleepy from a day she considered to be 'the best’, Penelope fell asleep with the crust of her second half of sandwich in her hand. She was tucked under her Dad’s arm with her head rolling off his chest and onto his stomach. Luke adored her under the blue light. Since she was out like the hotel room lights, Luke was letting the film finish while he messed around on his phone, texting friends and going through notes from the studio. He didn’t want to move yet and possibly wake up Penny. He knew eventually he would want another drink or to shower the stench of his pain out of his hair, but for now, he was comfortable just laying in bed with his little lady.

He was comfortable until Cagney called, of course. He declined it instantly just as he had two other times during dinner. It wasn’t until she texted him that he felt inclined to dial her back. Her message made a pretty good point:

’You have had Penny all day. You have told me nothing. Call me. She is my daughter too.’

He couldn’t believe they were at this point. Cagney was the kind of girl that everyone described as 'wholesome’, 'loyal’, and 'saccharine’. After a string of opportunist girlfriends and entitled nobodies, Luke welcomed her innocent kindness. She just wanted him to relax and get some rest. He had never had that in a partner before. He always just tried to meet her level of decency somehow, make her proud to be his like he was proud to be hers. Now he was avoiding her like the kid with a cough in the waiting room and she was sending him missed off, bordering threatening texts. They weren’t the people they vowed to be to one another.

His thumb hovered over her name in red to signal that her last call was missed and eventually caved in. Luke cautiously moved off the bed and watched as Penny slid onto a pillow and stayed asleep. He poured a glass of just whiskey and carried it outside onto the balcony so he could talk to her freely. The howling of a party on a balcony a few floors beneath him sang into the wind, but Luke ignored it, took a gulp of his drink, and called his wife.

“Hi…” Tough, but frightened, Cagney answered. Luke wasn’t able to say a word even though he knew he should. It was strange, but even saying 'hello’ to her felt dishonest right now. “Is Penny good? Where are you guys?”

“She’s fine.” He decided not to be offended that she asked him about Penelope’s well-being. He was her father. What did Cagney think was happening? “We’re just staying somewhere else tonight. I’ll drop her off after breakfast tomorrow.” He had to go to the studio anyway as he had ducked out early today.

“Why don’t you guys come home? The twins are sleeping, my mom is here if they wake up…”

“She’s sleeping. I don’t want to wake her.” Luke grumbled, trying to keep his voice from emoting at all. It wasn’t easy for someone who wore his feelings on his sleeve and wrote hundreds upon hundreds of songs about them. “Plus, your mom being there is the least enticing.” Luke couldn’t help himself that time. He had to make a jab about Cagney’s parents. He didn’t even feel bad because he knew they would do the same and that his mother-in-law had probably said countless unflattering things about him since her flight landed.

Through the phone, Cagney’s eye roll accompanied by annoyed sigh through her nostrils could be heard, but Luke ignored them as he leaned over the ledge and kept nursing his drink while looking out at the busy Los Angeles traffic. Up high, he was safe from the construction zone that was the kingdom he had carelessly looked after.

“When are we going to talk, Luke? I think it’s important we do. I know I messed up, but - “

“You didn’t, like, add too much salt to something, Keg.” He growled, somehow keeping himself from completely ripping into her. “You didn’t mess up.” They had a toddler and baby twins. Luke knew what a mess up was thoroughly. This was a cultivated decision.

“I have felt so alone, that’s why -"

Luke had no interest in letting her explain herself, "I am alone! I’ve been on the other side of the world for weeks at a time, all the possibility of fucking someone else right in my face. You know I could walk into any room and find someone to fuck any day of the week,” It was a cocky truth to boast, but Luke figures right now it was warranted. “But I don’t. Never.” It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it before. The idea was surely entertaining when he lonely or starved for affection. “Because I think it would be so fucked up to do something I explicitly promised not to do to you!” He almost roared, knocking his drink down on the mini table behind him, it’s splash dripping down his phone free hand. When Luke let himself think about the situation clearly, he wasn’t sure if the reception was drawn from the indiscretion of making out with Dacre. It was beyond that. It was the make believe relationship she was indulging in with him. It was how she seeked comfort in him. Luke hadn’t yet resolved with himself the anger that came from realizing he may never know the extent of their friendship. How much flirting did they do? Did they hold hands? Did she share her thoughts and hopes with him? Did he text her at all hours and tell her she was beautiful? The emotional infidelity scarred Luke more than the physical affair did. Cagney was crying on the line. He could hear her gasps for air as she sniffled. Luke realized then that frustration had brought reads to his own eyes, but he sniffled once against his bare arm and then tried to be silent. “How do I fix this, Luke?” Her voice was desperate and they both mutually loathed the sound. For Cagney, it was pathetic and she was ashamed of herself. For Luke, it was an out of tune reminder that she had badly hurt him. “Tell me what to do. I want to fix us.” Luke’s sticky fingers played with his hair, fidgeting to keep them busy, as he turned around mindlessly. He pressed his back into the railing, right where the elastic waist of his underwear was exposed. Through the curtains of his hotel room window, Penny was sleeping. Her body took up so little of the king sized bed while she was practically devoured whole in his tee. She had no idea her foundation had deep cracks running through it, cracks caused by careless steps from her parents hooves. Luke felt ashamed himself suddenly and took a loud breath in, feeling it at the bottom of his stomach. “I’ll drop Penelope off tomorrow around 9.” With a blank tone, he told Cagney while looking at the hair that needed trimming on his toes. “Luke, that’s not an answer. Are we going to be okay?" "That’s the only answer I have for you right now.” His throat tightened as he hung up, cutting her next words out. He didn’t know what she could do to help him forgive her, he had no idea if they would be okay, he was lost at the moment. Luke stayed on the balcony for a few more minutes, staring at the traffic but looking at nothing. His mind was everywhere and blank at the same time. He forgot all about his drink and left it on the table, deciding to go inside and adjust Penelope in the bed so her head was resting better on the pillow that had been his backrest before. Luke stared at his daughter in the dark while sitting on the edge of the bed and let the feelings of failure rush through his bloodstream, taking hold of his body. He was about to kiss her head, but he felt like he might start sobbing, so he went into the shower and let himself fall weak in there. Warm water washing over him, trying to clean him off all his bad decisions and pain. He sat on his knees on the floor of the shower, wishing he had a drink and wishing he could sleep the world away. For the first night that week, Luke went to bed consciously. He didn’t pass out, he wasn’t beyond speaking. He purposefully dried himself off after the shower, pulled his boxer briefs back on, and crawled into bed. Despite its large size, Penelope had rolled right into the middle and splayed her limbs out to optimize as much space as her body could. Luke formed a large S around her and fell asleep with the scent of her skin under his nose.

* * * * * ** *

Standing between his knees, pulling u comfortable faces, Penelope finished her breakfast toast and strawberry jam while her Dad brushed the tangles out of her hair sitting on the messy bed. “We’re home today?” The hotel felt like a tropical vacation to the little girl. “I’m dropping you off and then I’m going to work.” He explained while working on one particularly stern knot at the end of her long hair. “I wish you were home.” She whined, unknowingly punching him with guilt. “We can have a lunch or beach date soon.” Luke had yet to sort out how he was going to go about seeing his brood. He didn’t know if Penelope would figure out that he wasn’t home much anymore or if she would be used to his occasional absences from his job. He still didn’t know when he would be ready to sit down and talk to his wife. Luke was still just upset. His offer of a private hang out was enough for Penelope. She backed up against him as he stopped pulling on her hair with his brush and gave all her attention to the sticky jam on her fingers. He hid his eyes behind sunglasses and drove his girl home with one of his favorite Live Metallica albums playing. Penelope didn’t seem to mind the noise. She was counting palm trees up to ten and then starting again while holding her mermaid doll under one armpit. Luke didn’t even turn off his car when he pulled up in front of the house. He let it run and hustled to unstrap Penelope from her car seat. After sliding the straps of her backpack over her shoulders, he gave her a gentle tap on the back to insinuate it was time to go, walking behind her to the door. They weren’t even at the cement steps by the time Cagney snuck out the door. Penelope picked up her pace and ran for her mum, hugging her at the hips as soon as they met. “I missed you.” Hugging the little girl back, Cagney cooed. “I missed you too.” Penny mumbled into her mother’s legs, bare due to small jean shorts. She chose a tight pair in hopes to look attractive to her husband. “Wanna go say hi to grandma?” Cagney asked once Penny had let go of her. “Grandma’s here!” The little girl bounced, both women not noticing Luke’s eye roll. “See you later, Pen.” Grabbing his daughter’s attention again, Luke nodded at her. She took the steps carefully and ran to hug him again. She squeezed him with all her strength once he bent down at the waist to hug and kiss her back. “Be good, okay?” He prompted her, taking her eager nod as a promise before she took off into the house. It was just him and Cagney, forcing a wedge in his throat. Luke backed up a couple steps and tried to fight the burn in his stomach. “Do you want to come in?” Suspecting he didn’t, Cagney tried anyway. “No.” Especially not if his mother in law was still there. “I have Saturday to myself until the evening, I’ll take the boys out.” He told her. “What’s in the evening?” She may have hurt him, but it was still natural for her to ask about his schedule. It had been the one her life ran on for so long. She could see how badly she wounded him. He was carrying himself low around her, head down and hiding his face as if to not let her see the pain she covered it in. Cagney felt weak at the knees. She was the bad guy. This tension was on her. “Just a thing. Nothing.” Luke lied. He didn’t want to tell her. She would hate that he was going out and he also didn’t want her to show up. Right now, Luke craved space. For a moment, he glanced at her with half a wave tossed out of courtesy in her direction. “Wait, Luke!” She pushed herself off the door, but he didn’t turn around to see her. Luke simply slowed down his steps. “When are you coming home?" Once he stopped, Luke inhaled and thought about it before turning to her with a blank expression and shoulder shrug as an offer. "When I can be around you.” She complained about being alone, but Luke had no desire to stand by her side now. Leaving her with glossy eyes, Luke shrugged again and left. He turned up the volume of his music to the highest decimal and drove as fast as he could to the studio. He had some things that were screaming in the cage of his body to get out. If there was a cure for his current rage, he knew he would only find it in the studio.

#luke hemmings au #5sos au

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