#he just said my name once a few years ago 😭 and it made me all giddy inside

[mymelodyisme]

Did I tell y’all it turns out my best friend and I both have a little crush on the same guy

[captainamericasshieldandhelmet]

Kaleidoscope | Spencer Agnew x Reader

Summary: You and Spencer dated for a few years in college, however, to live out your dream you move from LA to New York. You end up breaking up with him and are heartbroken. Fast forward to a few years later, you start working for Smosh and reunite with him again. Will you guys reconnect an old love?

A/n: Hi this is one of my first fanfics that I’ve written! There’s been a Spencer drought in fanfics on here so I decided to hop on and see if I can write something. It’s my first time writing for him so please let me know how I did and if you would like more! (If anyone even reads this 😭😭)

—————————————————————————————————————————

8 Years prior

“Spencer I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” Your voice was heard through the phone. You heard Spencer sigh. “What?” You felt tears coming down your face, not that Spencer could see.

You took a deep breath, “it’s just so hard-.” You stopped yourself trying to hold back a sob. “We barely have time to talk, we’re both so busy a-and it’s just been getting too much between us and work.” You stuttered out.

You could hear Spencer crying on the other line. “So we’re just done?” He asked, his voice full of anger.

A sigh left your lips not knowing what to do. “Spencer we’re in different states all the way across the country from one another. We don’t have time for each other anymore. I thought that this would work but-.” You stopped yourself, not knowing what else to say.

Spencer let out a shaky breath as he spoke up. “Fine if you don’t want to try anymore and give up on three years of us, then do it.”

You started to let out your cries as you tried speaking. “No Spencer it’s not that! I love you so much I-.” And then the line went dead.

All you heard was a beep, knowing that he had hung up the phone. You tried calling him back, the call going straight to voicemail. You tried a few times until a text popped up. “We’re done.” Was all the message that Spencer had sent. You finally let yourself break, the tears falling freely. You guys were done and nothing could change that, you had just hoped that you made the right decision.

Present time

You heard your name being called and stood up to grab your coffee order. You bid them a thank you as you walked to the office. Today was your first day working for Smosh and you couldn’t have been more excited. About a month ago you had auditioned for them seeing that they had an opening. You thought it’d be perfect since you were moving back to LA and you had been a Smosh fan for a few years. Hearing back from them saying they thought you would fit in felt like a dream. You had applied to be both cast and crew, being able to edit some videos and be apart of the videos as well. Walking up to the office you took a deep breath and headed inside, ready for your first day.

Once you stepped inside, you headed to the office to start with introductions first. Reaching the office you ran into Selina who couldn’t be more excited to show you around.

“Hey y/n! So glad to see you again.” She said. “We’re going to start with introductions first just to get things situated and then we’ll show you where you’ll be working at.” You smiled at her joyfulness, “Sounds great, I can’t wait to meet everyone!” You said.

After meeting with Ian and Anthony of course, Selina took you to meet the rest of the cast and crew. Since they were about to start filming for a TNTL, she thought it’d be a great idea to be able to introduce you to more people. As you both stepped in you noticed how bright the set was, you could feel the excitement bubbling in you on being able to work here.

Selina grabbed everyone’s attention to let you have your introduction. From watching Smosh before, you had known who most of the cast were. You saw Courtney, Shayne, Angela, Amanda, Tommy, Chanse, and Arasha. You gave everyone a huge smile while introducing yourself. “It’s so nice to meet everyone! I’m y/n and I’ll be in a few videos with you guys as well as being able to edit them.”

Everyone had smiled at you and properly introduced themselves to you as well. Arasha was finishing her introduction when you heard the door open. “There he is! He’s barely becoming a cast member just like you too.” You heard Shayne say. As you went to turn around to introduce yourself, you heard Shayne say his name. “Y/n this is Spencer, Spencer this is y/n!” At that moment you were fully turned around to him.

You saw him, he looked the same from the last time you had seen him, only with a little more of a stubble now and older. You could see all the years you’ve been apart show in his face. You couldn’t remember in the moment just how long it had been, you just stood in shock as your eyes met Spencer’s.

Spencer looked down at you, shock in his face along with guilt and anger. “Y/n?” Was all he could say.

———————————————————————————

A/n: I hope this turned out good! Let me know if y’all would want me to continue this. :)) Also I’m naming this kaleidoscope after Chappell Roan’s song “kaleidoscope.” I don’t know if that makes sense…

[c0wb0ylikem3]

Our Song

•summary: in which mercedes drivers y/n l/n and lewis hamilton are to compete in another youtube challenge

•authors note: this is an old draft!! Not proofread 😭

•pairings: (y/n x lewis hamilton!platonic)

Compared to other Formula One teams Mercedes were not know for there social media presence, unlike other teams such as Ferrari with their infamous C2 videos and McLaren with there two drivers constantly uploading a new video every week. However when Y/n L/n replaced Valteri Bottas seat in the latest season the fans demanded more content with the girl and her teammate, Lewis Hamilton.

The rain fell as Y/n made her way to the Mercedes media building. She was told to be there fifteen minutes ago however she got caught up by fans who seem to find her anywhere. Entering the building she quickly said hello to the front desk as she dashed to the room she was needed in.

“Glad you could join us L/n” Lewis spoke and she sent a glare towards the seven time world champion. She was drenched, had no time to stop for her daily coffee and now she was supposed to film a video. “It’s not my fault I actually care for my fans”

He gave a look of shock and rolled his eyes at the girls attitude which currently was resembling one of a teenage girl. “Clearly someone didn’t drink there coffee this morning” she sighed taking off her jacket so it could dry off.

“Okay I’m going to explain what we are doing today, as you know during the beginning of the year we asked you two to create a shared playlist for Race Weekends. We are going to be testing you both seeing who put what song in the playlist” The media director explained pointing to the white desk with two buzzers.

Y/n and Lewis took a seat on opposite sides settling in as they set up to record. “Recording in 3…2…1” the director gave a thumbs up signaling Lewis to start the intro.

“Hello and welcome back to another Mercedes showdown off the track” Lewis spoke looking towards you “Currently I’m in the lead because I won the last two challenges while Y/n has only won once” Y/n playfully rolled her eyes “that’s because you cheated at just dance!”

Lewis retaliated “ How does someone cheat in just dance?! We are not getting into this again.” Y/n laughed continuing the bit “So today we are trying to guess who put what song in our 2023 playlist our lovely Mercedes admin will shuffle the playlist and we will have to hit the buzzer and say who put the song in the playlist”

Round 1

The Mercedes admin grabbed her phone and shuffled the playlist the first song began to play, Y/n heard the first few notes the song seemed familiar but she wasn’t sure. Lewis on the other hand knew what song it was “Too Comfortable Future? It has to be one of my songs look her face”

Y/n hung her head low already off to a bad start, although this isn’t a race she can’t help but be competitive towards any competition. “I don’t listen to future like that” Y/n commented before moving onto the next round

Round 2

The next song began to play and she knew it in a heartbeat. Hitting the buzzer Y/n beat Lewis by milliseconds.

“You know a lot of girls be Thinking my songs are about them but, This is not to get confused This one is for you” she sang along to the popular song

Lewis laughed at the girls actions “Best I Ever Had by Drake” Y/n said as she finished her solo “Obviously I love this song but Lewis put this one on the playlist”

The admin double checked before rewarding Y/n the points and she cheered. “Now we are even Hamilton”

He rolled his eyes “For now”

Round 3

Another familiar song began to play, this was definitely one you put in the playlist. Unfortunately Lewis beat you to it like you had in the previous round.

“It’s a Bad Bunny Song i just don’t know what song” he explained covering is face in frustration trying to think of the song’s name “Is it Tití Me Preguntó?”

Luck was now on the girls side as she laughed “Can I answer!” Y/n asked enthusiastically as the Admin nodded ‘yes’

“Me Porto Bonito and it was one of my songs” She smiled victoriously gaining another point.

Lewis sighed shaking his head “That was my other answer I should’ve went with my gut”

Y/n held Lewis’ hand sympathetically “it’s okay not everyone can be good as me” He pushed her hands back returning his attention the admin to begin the next round.

Round 4

The girl was completely lost when she heard the song play . She was not really into EDM music and that was her first thought when she heard this song it had to be Lewis’ song.

Lewis however looked just as lost until it hit him.

Y/n saw his eyes light up as he hit the buzzer “this is one of my songs right? ‘On My Knees’ I forgot who sings it”

“He shouldn’t get the point then!” Y/n exclaimed but she lost the fight nonetheless

Lewis smirked “we are even now!”

Round 5

“YOU BELONG WITH ME” Y/n screamed the song wasn’t even five seconds in as she hit the buzzer causing her teammate to jump in fear at the girls actions

Lewis looked at her in shock and disbelief, he knew she was a fan of the famous singer but not to that extent.

“I think she really likes that song” the admin laughed

Her teammate continued to laugh at the girls actions as she sung along to the song “remind me never to play Taylor Swift around you”

Round 6

“Right now we have the very enthusiastic Y/n in the lead, However this last round is winner takes it all” the admin explained

Both Mercedes drivers had there hands on the buzzer ready to answer

The introduction of the song already gave it away but the two drivers answered at the same time

“DNA Kendrick Lamar” they shouted

Not knowing who should get the chance to answer which driver put the song in the playlist so they could secure ten points the admin told them to play a game of rock, paper , scissors.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors shoot”

Lewis put our Scissors while Y/n put out Paper.

The girl let out a cry as Lewis answered “It was me right?” He smiled ready to win the game

“Unfortunately you’re wrong with means Y/n won the challenge!”

The girl who was once sitting in sadness stood up in cheers “FINALLY!” She cheered as Lewis was left in disbelief

“That was rigged” Lewis said

“Oh now it’s rigged just take the L” Y/n shot back

The drivers had calmed down before filming the outro “If you enjoyed this video leave and like and comment and make sure you follow so you can check out other videos of me destroying Lewis Hamilton” waving goodbye in waves of laughter the so called “short video” took atleast two hours.

Grabbing her phone Y/n looked up at Lewis as he was met with an equally frightened face, “Did you get a call from Toto too” Lewis asked

Y/n nodded “He’s gonna kill us”

[drewharrisonwriter]

Donor Part 3

Part 1 | Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Pairings: Bestie Henry Cavill x OFC

A/N, Warnings: 18+, this is part 3 of Donor. English is not my first language. Smut finally ensues! BAHAHAHA THIS IS IT FRENNIES. But please do forgive me if it's not as spicy, this is my first time writing smut in years. It's somehow still a slowburn LMAO Further warnings include: Henry and his breeding kink, first time doing it together (lol), talks of pregnancy and sticky icky future talk.

Special thanks to @summersong69 for all of your help in improving EVERTYHING and @winter2112rose for sharing your suggestions. YOU ARE AMAZING! Thank you for beta-reading this chapter and improving my shaky and unrealistic plot points and smut scene. You guys are heaven-sent! 😭💕

And to everyone who read, liked, commented, and reblogged THANK YOU! SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!!! I stopped writing for years and I just began writing again a few months ago for fun, I never expected people to actually read and like this lol It was just really to express my sheer deluluness 🤣🤣🤣

I’m AO3, too as MoonDjarin ^_^

Henry’s face shifted. His lips in a tight line. 

“Hank?” You asked, after a long stretch of silence. “You alright?” 

“Yes, I just wanted to ask.” He replied. 

Before you know it, he was pulling into your driveway. He was still unusually silent. 

“Do you want to come in for a coffee?” You offered and he nodded.

“Yes, of course.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes this time. 

—-

However many drinks you had downed at Charlie’s party, it seems that the hazy effects of alcohol that had clouded your head an hour ago have mostly worn off now that you're back home, preparing coffee for both you and Henry.

Placing a mug of coffee on the kitchen island where Henry perched on a bar stool, you briefly turned away to fetch some ice for your own drink. In that moment, he called your name, causing you to pivot back to face him.

"Are you seeing anyone?" he inquired, his hand absentmindedly rubbing the back of his neck, his gaze avoiding direct eye contact. His question prompted laughter from you, and you shook your head in response.

"No, not at all," you replied, a playful chuckle accompanying your words.

Acknowledging your answer with a nod, Henry took a sip from his mug. 

"Why did you ask? Are you trying to set me up with someone?" Your playful eyebrow wiggle only elicited a smirk from him, his attention still inexplicably fixed on a coaster before him, and you suddenly wonder what's so interesting about it. 

“No, I’m just… I’m wondering because you said you don’t want me to be the f–to donate anymore.” 

Oh. 

Oh.

“Well, I’ve thought about it.” you began, your form casually leaning against the kitchen island. “Since you started dating again, it made me realize that I’ve been too selfish by forcing you to donate last time and even offering for you to co-parent. That doesn’t seem fair to you or your future partner either.” 

He knew you would say something like that, and that’s what he was afraid of–you pushing him away once again. Henry, of course, deeply understands your sentiment but it pains him to know that you’re moving forward with this without him. Funny, he thought to himself, he didn’t even want to do it in the first place. You had to beg him and now, it looks like the tables are about to turn. 

You smiled warmly at him, your gaze tender as you placed your hand on top of his.

"You know what this means, right?" he asked, his smile infectious.

"What?"

"Sperm Bank Tinder." Laughter bubbled between you, the shared joke lightening the atmosphere.

"Yes, I suppose that's in my near future again," you chuckled, accompanied by a playful grimace and you groaned at the thought of going through donor profiles again.

"But you," you shifted, standing tall as you moved to take a seat beside him on a bar stool, playfully poking a finger against his chest, "You deserve a family."

His response was immediate – enveloping your finger with his hand, he pressed it over his chest where you could feel the steady rhythm of his heart beneath your touch.

"A wife, a marriage, someone to come home to…" Your voice softened, a wistful smile playing on your lips  as you briefly averted your eyes from his intense gaze. You were acutely aware of his yearning for a simple, fulfilling life.

Henry was always open about his dream of retiring in his 40s, of settling down and having a couple of children. The more the better, he used to say. Despite the glitz and glamor of the life he has made for himself over the past two decades, he wanted nothing more than to be a simple and loving family man. 

He just wasn’t a hundred percent honest with you on some other aspects of that dream. 

Finally you meet his blue eyes and notice that they’re glimmering, 

You continued, “Not just a sperm donor for your best friend to father a child you don’t get to hold as often as you want because she’s a selfish, neurotic bitch who thought having a baby with her best friend is the most brilliant and fool-proof idea ever.” 

A soft chuckle left Henry but he pressed his lips tightly, closing his eyes, and tried to even his breathing as a tear rolled down his cheek and he trembled, allowing more tears to fall. 

There was a long silence.

The hundreds of conversations Henry had with you in his head over the years all came flooding in; each scenario unfolding like scenes from a vintage film, casting a dizzying spell that left him feeling weightless, his pulse still racing despite his best efforts to compose himself.

It’s now or never. He tells himself, he has to tell you now. 

“I want all that.” he confessed, and you nodded in understanding, knowing so well that he deserves to have that life, a life that, really deep down, you wish he could spend with you. But you also know so well that diving into a relationship as deep as that with him would always have the possibility of eventually ending.

That terrifies you. 

Which made the thought of solo parenting sound really good to you in the first place and the main reason that you’re always giving Henry an out. Of all the things and people you could bear to lose in your life, the possibility of one of those being Henry is something that you deeply fear. 

You and Henry have loved each other in many ways over the years, but you know he won’t love you as more than his best friend, as more than an honorary family member. You even convinced yourself that it would be wrong and settled on being content that all you ever will be are lifelong friends. Who, at one point, have thought of co-parenting a child that will be loved and cherished no less, regardless of the unconventional methods and relationships they will be blooming from. 

You could be happy with that. 

Henry rises from his seat, his gaze fixated on you, his hand still cradling yours against his chest. His lips part, words poised on the edge of his tongue, yet they retreat as if searching for the right way to escape, and you can see his gears turning. 

He took a deep breath, and finally admitted what he wanted to tell you for years: “I want to do all of that with you… if you would let me.” 

Suddenly, you feel your fears growing stronger. You thought they’d ebb away once you heard him finally say that, but somehow it only made the ugly, gnawing fear stronger.

“Hank…”

“No, darling. Listen to me, please.” he implored, a wistful smile tugging at the corners of his lips, though beneath it lay a current of nervous anticipation. “Because it’s going to kill me if I don’t say it out loud now…” His chuckle held a touch of vulnerability, a mask slipping to reveal the raw edges of his emotions.

You swallowed hard, your throat suddenly dry. 

This was the moment you had always been wary of having with Henry, the juncture where your deep-rooted fears collided with your undeniable affection for him. You could feel your heart racing, its rhythm matching the chaotic thoughts in your head.

You looked up at him, your heart pounding in your chest. His blue eyes bore into yours, filled with a mixture of hope and vulnerability that you hadn't seen before. You could sense the weight of his words even before he spoke them.

"I've loved you for years, Y/N," he confessed, his voice trembling ever so slightly. 

"Not just as a friend, but as something more. And–Christ! I-I've been a coward, too afraid to risk our friendship, too afraid of what it might do to us."

Your breath caught in your throat, and you felt a rush of emotions swirling within you. The truth hung in the air between you, and you realized that the fear you'd been grappling with was mirrored in his eyes. 

"I've watched you go through relationships, seen you deeply in love with other people, and it's always torn me apart," he confessed, his fingers entwined with yours, his touch growing firmer, as if seeking solace in your connection. "I've wrestled with my own heart, tried to act normal, thought of finding my own path to happiness that isn’t with you…to be content with being your friend…” he exhaled deeply.

“I’ve even convinced myself that I’m okay with just being your turkey baster baby’s donor.” he managed to interject with a playful glint. A chuckle rippled between you, but then his expression shifted, his tone turning earnest once more. “But I always keep on wanting more and more. It's become unbearable, darling. And the truth is…” 

Tears welled up in your eyes, your emotions threatening to overflow. You never imagined that he felt this way, that your connection ran so deep for him too.

"Hank, I..." you started, but he gently pulled your hand closer to his chest.

"Let me finish, please," he whispered, a trace of a smile tugging at his lips again, but his voice quivered. "I want to be that person you come home to. I want to build a life together, not just as someone who could help you out with having a child in the most ridiculous way,” He chuckled once more, and you joined in, appreciating his effort to instill a bit of levity into the conversation.

“I don’t just want to be old Uncle Hank.” He continued. “I want you, darling…I want the children you want. I want to wake up beside you every morning and hold you every night…"

“Even if it means that you and Kal will have to live with me and my cats?” You teased, a playful glint in your eyes, and you both shared a genuine laughter.

“Even if we have to live with you and your cats.” He reassured you. 

His words hung in the air, a fragile bridge between what was and what could be. You gazed into his eyes, feeling the depth of his emotions washing over you.

"But I understand if you don't feel the same way," he added, his voice softer now, tinged with a hint of resignation. "I…I know that this might change everything, and I don't want to lose you, but I also want you to know..."

As he spoke, you felt the weight of your own fears, the echoes of his confession resonating within you. The prospect of losing him was a terrifying thought, but so was the idea of risking your friendship for something more.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady the whirlwind of emotions inside you. 

"Hank, you've been my rock, my confidant, and my closest friend for so long," you began, your voice trembling like his had been. "And the idea of us being together... it's something I've thought about too, something I've wanted deep down for a really long time. But I've also been so afraid, afraid of what it could mean for us… What if things didn't work out?"

He nodded with his eyes closed, trying to will his tears back. 

You looked down at your intertwined hands, your mind racing with conflicting emotions. The fear of losing him battled with the desire for something more, something that had always lingered beneath the surface of your friendship.

"You mean so much to me, Hank. And I can't imagine my life without you." He nodded in understanding, his thumb caressing the back of your hand as he listened intently.

"Of all the risks and challenges we could take in this life, don’t you think this is worth a shot?" He asked. "Darling, please… let’s try.” he continued, his voice soft but filled with conviction.

A small smile tugged at your lips as you let that thought sit some more in your head. 

"Alright..." You whispered. 

"What?"

"Alright, maybe we can try." 

For a moment, the room was filled with a shared understanding, a mutual acknowledgment of the risks and rewards that lay ahead. The unspoken promise hung in the air – that you were willing to take this leap of faith together.

Henry leaned in, his lips brushing against your forehead in a tender, lingering kiss. It was a promise, a concession to the emotions that had been simmering between you for years. 

As he pulled back, his gaze met yours, and you could see the genuine affection in his eyes.

"No matter where this leads us, I want you in my life, Y/N."

You nodded, your heart swelling with a mixture of emotions – hope, fear, and an overwhelming sense of connection. 

You wrapped your hands around his neck, standing up from the stool where you were sitting, nuzzling your nose on his jaw and planting a soft kiss on the side of his mouth. It might have been the alcohol making your decisions for you, or perhaps it was the tension that had been building between you two for more than a decade. But at that moment, none of it mattered. 

Henry's breath caught as your lips brushed against his skin. The sensation sent a shiver down his spine, igniting a warmth that spread through his chest and down between his legs. He hesitated for a moment, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, before he lifted his hand to gently cup your cheek.

His touch was tender, almost tentative, as if he was afraid that this fragile moment could shatter if he wasn't careful. Your eyes locked onto his, "I've waited so long for this," he whispered, his voice husky.

“Shut up, we’ve kissed before.” You whispered back with a smile, remembering that you shared a few on-screen kisses in your music videos in the past. 

“Not like this…” He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a feather-light caress. The kiss was sweet and tentative, as if he was testing the waters before fully diving in.Very different from the ones you’ve previously shared, where he was more confident in the rehearsed way your lips crashed. 

You found yourself responding instinctively, your hand sliding up his chest and curling around his neck. The kiss deepened, becoming more intense as the pent-up emotions began to flow between you.

The kitchen around you seemed to fade away as you lost yourself in the sensation of his lips moving against yours, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you closer. It was a mix of familiarity and newness, as if you were discovering a whole new side of your best friend of nearly 20 years.

Finally breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath ragged. "If you tell me to stop, I’ll stop now," he breathed, his eyes locked onto yours.

"Don’t stop. Take what you want," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. Henry’s breath hitched and he bit his lip, preventing a smile from fully showing, his dimples so deep; he looked up with his eyes closed tight and exclaimed, “Thank fuck!” 

You giggled a bit and found an opportunity to plant small kisses on his throat and he groaned. The intensity of the moment was overwhelming, and you both knew where this was going and you allowed yourselves to succumb to it. 

Henry wasted no time in yanking the zipper off your dress from the back, slipping it off your shoulders, revealing your laced covered tits heaving heavily. He groaned at the sight of you, his grip on your waist tightened as you snapped off the lace bra from the front, fully exposing your top half to him.

He wasted no time and instantly latched onto one breast. You bite your lower lip to keep a moan from coming out, a hand steadying yourself onto his bicep and the other running through the hair at the back of his head.

He kissed his way back up, nipping lightly at your jaw and moving behind your ear which sent you moaning for more. He pulled away slowly and led you to the bedroom down the hall and gently pushed you down on the bed, settling your head on the pillows while he quickly unbuttoned his dress shirt and you shimmied yourself out of your dress and your underwear on the bed.

“Darling wait,” Henry said before he could pull his trousers down.

“What?” 

“I, uh… I didn’t bring a condom,” he admitted, his expression serious, brows furrowed, his thoughts lost in the heat of the moment.

“For fuck’s sakes, Hank.” you burst into laughter. Drawing him close, you planted a gentle kiss on his lips, your voice tender. “After the turkey baster situation, I think we’re way past worrying about not using a condom."

He joined in your laughter, eyes squeezed shut, his teeth catching his lower lip in amusement. 

“Right…” he smiled, a blush bloomed from his neck that went up and spread across his cheeks. He went on to fully remove his trousers and joined you in bed. 

“I’m clean, if that’s what you’re worried ab—“

“Oh I know… no, that’s not what—I’m clean too.” He confirmed and you nodded in reply.

His body pressed gently against yours, the thin barrier of his boxers the only separation. He leaned back down murmured against your jaw, his voice close, "Are you truly ready to start trying?" 

Meeting his gaze as you pulled back slightly, you responded, "If you are..."

“I am,” He whispered in between kisses. “Nothing I want more, darling. No matter how many times more, no matter how many children you want…” You whimpered at his statement and you saw a shift in his eyes, something darker.

The sensation of his kisses was intoxicating, prompting your legs to part instinctively as you slid his boxers down with a gentle urgency. He reached back down between you, teasingly tracing your now drenched seam. A primal groan escaped his lips, a raw expression of the arousal that surged between you.

"God," he rasped, his voice laced with need, his eyes darkened with desire. His fingers trailed down your inner thigh, grazing your slick folds, before he pulled them back, coated with your arousal. "All for me, darling?" Your heart raced as you bit your lower lip, nodding in fervent agreement.

He leaned back, his gaze searing into yours before he began to pump his thick length a few times. He then notched the blunt tip to your now soaking entrance, his eyes locked onto yours, seeking permission in the intensity of the moment. He had you pinned beneath him, knees pressed to your chest.

He eased into you slowly, taking his time, groaning deeply at the sensation. You lifted your hips slightly, your breath catching once you felt him inside you. The stretch of him filling you was just what you needed.

“Fuck, darling… so tight.” 

You moaned as he slowly inched in, your eyes rolling back in pleasure at the stretch. You were aware that he's big, you just never anticipated it was this much, nor did you think you would ever have to worry about it until now. 

Once he was buried to the hilt you knew you’d never been penetrated so deeply, his cock reaching an undiscovered place in you. He gave you a moment to get used to his size and the position he had you in. 

You arched your back and moaned loudly, no longer holding back as he bottomed out and began moving in and out of you in long, slow, delicious strokes.

You tilted your head back in response to his motions, a soft gasp escaping your lips as you basked in the feel of him. The brush of his lips against your throat was followed by a restrained groan of pleasure that echoed in the air.

"I've wanted you this entire fucking time," he breathed, his voice laced with a mixture of tenderness and desire, as he hovered over you, his lips tracing a path across your face. 

“Wanted to give you a baby…make you mine. Let the entire world know about it…” 

“I want to have your baby, Hank. Fuck a baby into me…” The weight of your words sent Henry growling and spiraling into a different realm. His grip on you intensified, he adjusted his angle. 

He looked you in the eyes and asked “Is it okay if I pick up the pace, darling?” You nodded in reply and he began jackhammering into you, eliciting a slight yelp in surprise as he hit a spot in you over and over again that made your toes curl and the coil in your lower abdomen intensify drawing you closer and closer to your orgasm with each thrust. 

“Fuck, Hank! I–I’m so close…” You whimpered, walls clamping on his thick cock as you near your release. 

“I know, darling…I got you, I got you…” He cooed. 

The sloppy sounds of him taking you belonged in a pornographic film. Years of built up tension between the two of you and the events of the evening finally came to a head when he fucked you into the mattress and all you could do was reach up and grab his neck as he utterly destroyed you for any other guy and your bed began to bang against the wall loudly. 

Both of you had dissolved into garbled praising of one another, drunk off the intensity of your coupling. You were cock drunk; there was no other way to explain it. The only thing that registered in your brain was the point at when your two bodies collided. 

"Fuck, darling... I don't know if I can last much longer." His brow furrowed and his body tense above you told you he was close. 

One of his hands reached down between you to begin rubbing your clit enthusiastically while his other gripped a fist full of your hair. 

You tipped your head back, sinking more into the pillow, exposing your neck to his hungry mouth. He didn’t hesitate to bite down on your neck as his hips thrusted up into you.

You came–hard, eyes tightly closed and lips parted in a small o; cumming and clenching around him while he continued working you through your climax; groaning at the feeling of you practically milking him. 

“Cum for me, Hank. Give me a baby...” you whimpered, your body curling in on itself as he continued thrusting into you. 

“Shit,” Henry groaned before you felt him release into you; a string of curses and praises sputtered as he did. 

Henry pressed his forehead against yours as you both caught your breath. He stayed inside you for a few more minutes, the two of you just basking in the intimacy. 

A soft smile curved his lips, "I love you," he whispered.

Part 1 | Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

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[lukehughes43]

dial drunk

trevor zegras x reader based and inspired by the song "dial drunk" by noah kahan.

warnings: drinking, angst, lots of angst, swearing, a few mentions of sex word count: 17,332 i'm sorry😭

“hey y/n/n, it’s uh, it’s trevor.” 

his words were slurred together into one big drunken mess which trevor always turned into when he was home in bedford at the same time as you. despite everything telling you to delete the message right then and there, you kept listening, feeling as if there was something you needed to hear from his drunken ramblings.

“fuck i don’t even know why i’m calling you,” his laugh had a melancholy feeling to it, “i just remembered i promised to forget you, doya remember that, y/n/n?” 

of course, you remembered. you were the one who made him promise to forget all about you after your less-than-clean break-up nearly three years ago now. thinking that it would be best for both of you and selfishly more so better for yourself. 

“but i broke that promise, just like i broke so many other promises, right y/n/n?” there was a painful silence as it seemed as if he was waiting for you to answer him. only it was a voicemail, and you were never going to answer him. “wrong.” it was a hissed out slur. one that caused your heart that was finally taped together to slowly unravel. “i never broke any promises to you, y/n, well except this one.” 

trevor let out a sigh, “i uh, i’m only making this fucking call because i have to tell you something. because i called you two nights ago. you hung up on me. you didn’t call me back.” he was hiccuping between words, whether it was because he was drunk or on the verge of having a breakdown was unclear to you. “i don’t like it, that they called you. that even after all this time i’m still so fucking in love with you i gave them your name y/n. your name. in a city full of my family and friends, but i said your name.” that’s when the tears fell. 

for both of you.

you listened to him fall apart from the safety of your childhood bedroom that still had pictures of trevor and you lingering around it. hands tugging at the loose thread of your duvet as his sobs rang throughout your ears like your dial tone did when he tried calling you last night - surprised that he managed to hear your honey-sweet voice on your voicemail outgoing. 

“i just wanted you to know that - that i don’t like that i gave them your name as my emergency phone call as they threw me in the cop car.” there was a long sigh before a forced laugh fell from his lips, “and one more thing, the cops? yeah, all of them thought you were wrong for hanging up on me.”

there was another beat of silence and you knew it was because he was contemplating what to say next. if he even wanted to say something, or just hang up on you, your voicemail, like you had him two nights ago when he was hurt and needed you. 

he let out another shaky breath before he contiuned speaking, sending you into a crippling mess. “i dial your number drunk, y/n. honestly, at this point i’ll probably die a drunk, but that doesn’t change the fact that i would still die for you.”

and just like that, the message was over. trevor’s normally smooth voice was gone, the only thing to be heard was the sound of the rain falling against the glass of your window and your heart shattering in the pit of your stomach once more. 

----

being back in bedford was normally exactly what trevor needed to rest from the demanding schedule of the nhl. normally being the keyword in that sentence. bedford had lost its calming effect on trevor the moment you had broken up almost three years ago. now he only had a sense of calm in his hometown when you were stuck away in boston because of school. what happened when you were in bedford at the same time? trevor turned into a drunken mess, days blurring together and not in a good way, praying that the alcohol would help suppress his feelings if he were to run into you. hoping that it would help him forget you like he had promised that night you stood across from each other in the cold new york air. 

only it never did, despite how hard he tried. 

meaning the time trevor spent in bedford grew shorter and shorter each time he came to visit his family. reaching the point where he spent the entire summer split between the hughes lake house, and jack and quinn’s shared home in michigan last year just to get away from the pain you still caused him. 

pain caused based on the fact you refused to love him anymore, and he still wasn’t sure why. 

trevor and you had been together for four years before you decided to break up with him before he left for world juniors in the winter of 2020 (in which he went on to win mvp and a gold medal). you were crazy about each other and had been since you first met. your relationship had made it through two different long-distance periods, was going to make it through a third before you ended it, and everyone was convinced you were going to get married. that’s why you ending it blindsided him as much as did. sent him into such a spiral that he had no choice but to take out his emotions during the world juniors tournament and walk away the highest-scoring american since jeremy roenick. 

after winning gold and heading back to san diego he was fine. at least that’s what he told everyone - including himself. in reality, he was drowning every night in his tears and not drinking alcohol, yet. the drinking started that summer. 

he was out to eat with his family on the main stretch of roads that ran right through bedford. his world stopped as he watched you walk across the street, laughing along to something your best friend gracie had said. the wind was taken right from his chest as his green eyes stared at you, willing you to look over at him, to see him, to will him back to breathing. only you didn’t even turn your head in his direction, instead ducking inside the little coffee shop and sitting at a table full of friends he recognized from your grad party. 

that was the first time he had seen you since you broke his heart into a million different pieces, and it was the first time he felt the need to drink himself to sleep while in the same city as you. each time he’d seen you since then had gotten more complex and harder for him. causing him to keep reaching for whatever bottle he could get his hands on once he was safe from the curse of you. 

leading up all to this moment in time. june seventh, two thousand and twenty-three. 

his hand was shaking as he reached for his phone, throat dry despite the empty corona bottle that rested in the cup holder of his plastic chair. your contact was taunting him, your e/c eyes staring back at him from the picture he had never changed. your entire contact in his iphone remained as it did three years ago, “y/n/n<3” right in the middle of the screen, and the picture of you hoisted up on his back at the draft staring back at him right above it. 

there wasn’t a chance for him to even think about what he was doing, not that he could because he was far from sober after all, the dial tone was filling his ears. as trevor sat and waited for you to pick up the phone it felt as if the entire world was on the verge of falling apart around him. he thought it was about to end completely when the dial tone finally came to an end, only instead a recording of your voice filled his ears:

“hey, it’s y/n! sorry i missed your call, i’ll call you back as soon as i can. until then, smile at a stranger and make their day. bye!” 

the twenty-two-year-old had to choke back a sob at the sound of your voice for the second time in three years. he’d never made it this far before, to your voicemail, normally he hung up after the second ring of the dial tone. that was until two nights ago when he called you from the police station after the ride in the back of the cop car. now he was struggling with what he wanted to say to you in the first place, the drunk thoughts overpowering his sober thoughts that he was originally called to try and say. 

“hey y/n/n, it’s uh, it’s trevor,” he began. silently praying the slur in his words wasn’t as noticeable through the phone as if you were going to be sitting here next to him. “fuck, i don’t even know why i’m calling you.” a heartbreaking laugh fell passed his lips, hand running through his rain-soaked hair. “i just remembered i promised to forget you, doya remember that, y/n/n?” 

while he thought he could get away with slurring in his opening sentence he knew you’d hear the slurring of his words in that line, practically able to smell the alcohol through the phone that he reeked. light beer and fresh rainwater were the new scents trevor zegras was sporting, his favorite when he was stuck in his thoughts about you. thoughts like why you even asked him to promise you something like that, how was he supposed to forget you? he’d been in love with you for four years before you broke things off, you can’t just force yourself out of love. 

shaking his head he pulled himself out of his drunken thoughts to get back to the task at hand, “but i broke that promise, just like i broke so many other promises, right y/n/n?” licking his lips trevor stayed silent, wanting for a response. for your voice to cut through the patter of raindrops on the hardwood beneath his bare feet. wait for you to exclaim ‘you never broke your promise, trevor john’ only there was no answer. there would never be an answer so he hissed out, “wrong. i never broke any promises to you, y/n, well expect this one.” sighing he fell back into his chair, reaching down into the cooler next to his chair, and pulled out another beer. “i uh, i’m only making this fucking call because i have to tell you something.” he popped the cap of the corona off before speaking again. “because i called you, two nights ago.” drink. “you hung up on me.” drink. “you didn’t call me back.” drink. “i don’t like it, that they called you. that even after all this time i’m still so fucking in love with you i gave them your name, y/n. your name. in a city full of my family and friends, but i said your name.” tears began to carve a path down his tanned cheeks, mixing with the rain drops as they both fell in a perfect rhythm together. 

his sobs subsided just enough to get out the right of his message. “i just wanted you to know that - that i don’t like that i gave them your name as my emergency phone call as they threw me in the cop car.” a mix between a deep sigh and a laugh-filled the dark backyard before he left his final blow: “and one more thing, the cops? yeah, all of them thought you were wrong for hanging up on me.” 

trevor fought with himself, trying to decide if he was worth telling you. worth allowing himself to turn into the charming young man you once knew, and for a split second, what remained of his former self had shown through and he let out the confession he was terrified to hear, and more terrified of what you would do once you’d listen to his voicemail. if you even did listen to his voicemail. 

“i dial your number drunk, y/n.” tears fell down his cheeks as he allowed the self pity to wash over him. as he finally accepted the fact he was the villain in what was a once a famed love story. “honestly, at this point i’ll probably die a drunk, but that doesn’t change the fact that i would still die for you.” 

he hit the red circle so quickly that he almost cut off his final word, but he didn’t care. because now he was stuck thinking about how his downward spiral caused by you breaking up with him three years ago had hit its rock bottom two nights ago. all because he started throwing drunk punches to defend the honor of somebody he didn’t even know anymore. 

----

june fifth, two thousand and twenty-three. while to many others it was just a normal monday night at the start of summer, to you and trevor, june fifth was the biggest turning point in your no longer-existent relationship - yet neither of you knew it. 

while you were in your room getting ready for a date - only the second one you’d gone on since breaking up with trevor - your former lover was busy writing down a list of food needed from the grocery store. as you finished applying your lipstick (trevor’s favorite shade on you no less) he was across town throwing reusable bags into the back of his bronco. 

there were butterflies in your stomach as you walked downstairs to sit and wait in your living room. since trevor, this was the first time you had genuinely felt nervous over a guy. granted it was only the second date you had gone on in close to three years you still had hooked up with a couple at parties but none of them made you feel anything and left you thinking about trevor as you waited to make your escape once they’d fallen asleep. 

trevor on the other hand couldn’t keep a girl even if he wanted to. how could he when every girl he spent time with he compared directly to you - the love of his life? occasionally he’d find himself stumbling around a random girl from the bar’s apartment, but it never lasted. no matter how good the sex was, or wasn’t, he was never completely satisfied. his mind stuck thousands of miles away with you. 

your date, charlie, was over ten minutes late the next time you glanced at your phone and the butterflies in your stomach had slowly started to die. sighing you slouched back against your coach while trying to ignore the watchful eyes of your parents. both who were still pro-trevor, and made it known to you how much damage you had caused the ‘sweet boy’ whenever they had a chance. not that you could blame them though, you knew how much you hurt him. you just knew staying with him would hurt you even worse.

the star ducks player was right on schedule as he began his trek across bedford to the grocery store. waving as he drove past charlie henderson, an old friend from elementary school, having no idea that he was on his way to pick you up for a date. the blond waved back almost instantly, smiling two times as wide for two different reasons. the first being he was on his way to your house and not trevor, something he would have never dreamed of in a million years. the second was because it was trevor fucking zegras waving at him, and to be honest, he was surprised trevor even remembered he existed. 

by the time charlie pulled into your half-circle driveway, he was a total of twenty minutes late. not to mention that when he arrived he didn’t run up to the door and eagerly knock with a bright smile on his face. instead, he chose a more twenty-first-century approach with a ‘here’ text message on snapchat. what remained of the butterflies you once had in your stomach had officially died with that. sighing you pushed yourself off the couch and walked towards the entryway, “um charlie’s here so i’m gonna go. i’ll see you guys tomorrow?” 

a disappointed look painted your mother’s face, while your father began to shake his head. muttering something into your mother’s ear so you didn’t overhear him. however, as you walked out the door you did hear the comment your mother threw out, “trevor never showed up late. he always came to the door.” her words were sharp and cut deep into your heart. suddenly something that seemed to be going so well was going so terribly wrong. 

it was pure luck, rather an unfortunate circumstance, that as trevor was walking out of the grocery store as you and charlie were stuck at the red right in front of the store’s parking lot. even hundreds of yards away trevor could make out your h/c curled as your head rested against the window. in an instant, trevor’s semi-decent mood had shifted to one of pure heart-shattering agony. had he been thinking straight he would’ve remembered you only leaned your head against the car window when you wanted to go, only he was currently thinking of the closest bar as the ten minutes drive back home seemed too far of a wait for him. 

you saw him as soon as charlie rolled the car to a stop. he hadn’t seen you yet, head tucked down looking at the blacktop and his rainbow flip-flops. until by some stroke of luck, perhaps unfortunate circumstances, he looked up and saw you. his green eyes tripled in size as he stared at you and you knew it was because you were in the car with a guy who wasn’t him. your knees were already pointed towards the car door, only now they were touching the plastic interior. this had to have been a sign - seeing trevor. you wanted to curl up into yourself as you waited for what seemed like forever at this light. praying that trevor couldn’t see the way you were staring right back at him, longing to be stuck at this red light with him instead of charlie, yet you wouldn’t admit that to anybody but yourself. 

as the light turned green three things happened to three different people. 

trevor dropped his reusable bags full of groceries and ran to his car. desperate to drown his pain with the company of the strangers who filled his hometown.

y/n watched with a subtle pang in her chest, feeling as if she broke his heart all over again. tears pricked her waterline as she drove away from the scene with a man she no longer wanted to be with. 

and charlie continued to ramble aimlessly on about how he is the president of a frat at u-maine. completely obviously to the hurt, the two former lovers were going through. instead when he caught the sight of the bright yellowish-orange bronco he cut his ramblings off to say, “hey! i saw trevor on my way to pick you up. ya know, he even waved to me. i had no idea he still knew who i was. i mean he’s a bigshot nhl player now. probably pulling instagram models - girls that are way out of his league. then again he probably learned how to do that from you, right y/n/n?” 

a shaky breath left your mouth as you turned away from the window for the first time since you got in the car. “excuse me?” you huffed, arms crossing over your chest as your eyes narrowed at him. “are you implying trevor’s out of my league, charlie?” 

with a fight breaking out on a first date in the silver honda accord, an internal war was raging in the confines of the yellow bronco. with heaving breaths trevor began to pull at his hair. “she’s on a date. y/n’s on a date with charlie henderson? there’s- there’s.” his words were cut off as he began to slam his hands down against the steering wheel. trying to prevent the tears that were collecting on his lashes from falling. “fuck!” he screamed, voice rattling the glass of his windows as he did so. 

“what?! no! no-” sighing charlie shrugged his shoulders while barely glancing over at you. “i mean yeah, everyone thought so, y/n. it was only a matter of time until he broke up with you, so when news traveled back that you broke up with him. nobody believed it. i mean come on y/n/n, trevor was always going to end up in the nhl, and you’re what, going to be a kid’s doctor? yeah i dunno, like i said it was only a matter of time.” 

trevor clenched his fist before he reached forward with shaking hands to his steering wheel. starting the car and backing out as fast as he could. making sure he went in the complete opposite direction of the silver honda that you sat in, not able to bear it if he saw the two of you at the bar while he tried to drink his pain away. 

the tears fell faster than you could stop them as you stared over at him in awe. he had managed to hit every single one of your insecurities from dating trevor right on the head, and threw them back in your face like you were nothing. with trevor splitting time between the gulls in san diego and the ducks in anaheim a war had begun to grow between your head and your heart. thinking about how he could spend all of his free time with a new instagram model every night, but you knew he wouldn’t do that. not when the both of you had talked about marriage and starting a family for hours on end. only as time went on, and the bigger trevor started to get, you felt as if you were slowly falling into the shadows of his life. then there was the fact you felt as if your career wasn’t enough for him, or for your future. self-doubt was a powerful demon, working its magic to make you believe as soon as trevor was a full-time nhl player he would force you to abandon your studies for your future career and turn into a full-time nhl girlfriend who sat there and looked pretty. so by thanksgiving you had made up your mind to end things with the then nineteen-year-old. forcing yourself to slowly fall out of love with him. something you were still forcing yourself to do even after all this time. 

as soon as trevor pulled into the little dive bar a couple miles outside of town he was reaching for his phone. he scrolled through his messages for the one person who wouldn’t ask him any questions as to why he disappeared and never returned with the groceries. double clicking on the picture of his brother and him from a wrestling meet - three years ago in december - he typed out a frantic message before turning his phone off and walking into the bar:

something came up.  couldn’t get the groceries home. they’re laying in the middle of the parking lotor i’ll venmo you $200 and you can buy more

griffin zegras, while being the younger brother he loved just as hard as his older brother, and was even wiser than the eldest zegras sibling. so when he got the message from his older brother he knew right away that you came up. while he didn’t know what had exactly happened, he had a suspicion that it was something pretty drastic for trevor to drop the groceries in the middle of a parking lot and rush away to an undisclosed location. sighing he liked the message before walking towards the door, “come on av, we gotta go get the groceries.” 

an angered laugh fell past your lips as you glared over at the boy. “it was only a matter of time?” shaking your head you looked down at your phone to see that it had only taken fifteen minutes for the date to get completely blown to shit. “you know charles, i’m starting to remember why i never was interested in you during high school,” you started to explain, wiping the tears from your eyes. “because you’re a selfish asshole who gets off on the downfalls of other people, so i think it’s time you take me home.” 

“i need the strongest drink you have,” was the first thing out of trevor’s mouth as he threw himself down on the bar stool. the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head in an attempt to blend in with the crowd so nobody realized it was him ‘trevor zegras center for the anaheim ducks’ when all he wanted to be was ‘drunk guy at the bar number two.’ 

charlie stared over at you with a look of complete disbelief, nobody had ever called him out on his bullshit before tonight. why would they when he could just buy his friend's company with all the money his parents make? his shocked expression remained etched across his face as he pulled into a dunkin parking lot to turn around. even more shocked that he was following through with your wishes of going home when he had waited years for the opportunity to go out with you. yet here he was, giving in to you without any protest, because deep down he knew you were right. he just wasn’t willing to openly admit it. 

within the first five minutes of sitting at the bar counter, trevor had managed to completely down the moscow mule which was placed in front of him, as well as three shots of vodka. with his vision toeing the line of fuzzy and seeing straight he backed off the hard alcohol and ordered a bud light. with his buzz well in place, he knew he’d be okay to sip on a beer as you were a distant thought in his alcohol-clouded head. 

“oh hi honey, you’re back early.” the sound of your mother's voice was next to one of the last things you wanted to hear as you slowly shut the front door behind you. originally hoping that you could sneak back in without facing the questions as to why you were home. yet your parents' movie night completely ruined that plan. taking a deep breath you walked into the open space, and the scene of seeing your parents happily cuddled up together, how to lose a guy in 10 days on tv, caused you to turn into a sobbing mess. because all you could think of at that moment was how you wanted your future to look exactly like this with one certain person: trevor. 

charlie watched as you walked in your front door, and as soon as it was closed he was speeding out of the half-circle driveway towards his sanctuary: the bar. more specifically the bar that trevor was currently holed up in, but neither of them knew this. instead, both of them were both stuck in their thoughts on how to drink enough to get you off their minds. 

when you had left for your date with charlie, someone whom both of your parents didn’t think was right for you, they agreed to not say another word on the matter to you. meaning they weren’t going to bring up trevor unless you did. all they wanted was for you to be happy, and if this so-called charles henderson fellow, umaine frat president, could make you happy, then that was all they cared about. so they went along with their nightly plans of watching a rom-com, drinking a bottle of wine, and falling asleep on the couch just like they did in their first year of marriage. just as andie was about to ask ben for another diet coke at the knicks game, you opened the front door. reaching forward, your mother set down her wine glass and paused the movie before turning to look back at you, “oh hi honey, you’re back early.” your father squeezed her hand that he was holding as they both watched the tears begin to fall down your cheeks, simultaneously breaking their hearts. “sweetie what happened? you haven’t cried over a boy since tr-” immediately she caught herself by clearing her throat and restarted. “oh honey, come here.” 

time had seemingly stopped for trevor. was this his first beer or his third? he couldn’t remember anymore. while he had started as casually sipping, he soon began to finish them faster than intended as he realized he had nothing to keep him occupied other than the bottle in his hands. with his phone turned off and stashed away in his pocket, not wanting his family or the boys to have his location pinging at a bar, he was completely alone. normally when he did this at home he had the company of a friend over a facetime call. every night it bounced around from person to person. when he wanted someone to help him reflect on the past with you it was spencer, as he was the resident third wheel of your relationship, having grown across the state line separating new york and connecticut with you. on the nights he didn’t want to talk or think about you at all, like tonight, he would call jamie since he never had the chance to meet you. jamie also missed out on the man trevor was before the breakup. while he was still charming, he would change from charming to alarming in seconds, jamie always had to walk on thin glass. nights where he just wanted comfort it was griffin, as there was nothing better than brotherly love, and someone able to hold you while you fall apart. except for tonight, trevor had nobody. he was completely and utterly alone with nobody he knew: until the front door opened and in walked charlie henderson.

sniffling, you wiped away the tears that clung to your jawline before offering your parents a small smile, “can i crash date night after i change?” instantly your mother was nodding her head, your father smiling over at you softly. this gives you the chance to run up to your room and change into the only piece of clothing that could give you comfort when you heart this bad, trevor’s boston university hockey sweatshirt. the last team issued one he got before the covid pandemic shut down his college career and he signed with the ducks. when you wore the gray sweatshirt it felt like he was right there with you. holding you close and promising you everything was going to work out for the better. his scent had long faded, but the idea of it being his was what grounded you. so much so that you were reaching for your phone and his contact. 

trevor’s once relaxed body had now become rigid at the sound of charlie’s smooth voice. he was too afraid to dare to look over and risk seeing you hanging off his arm, so instead he ordered another beer and turned so his back was completely towards his former classmate. he hadn’t understood why you agreed to go out on a date with charlie henderson. in high school, he was nothing but sleazy. flaunting his parents' money around to gain the attention of girls, and the friendship of the boys in your grade. sure he was good-looking, but trevor was certain there wasn’t a single brain cell behind those dull, lifeless eyes. when he went away to avon trevor would hear all about the charlie stories through you. how you would roll your eyes every time he tried to make a move on you, always pointing out that you and trevor were still very much together. so it bewildered him that you were currently on a date with charlie ‘frat president’ henderson. then again, people change and maybe charlie had. trevor knew that he had changed for the worse, maybe charlie had changed for the better. and who was he to judge you for your choices? he didn’t even know you anymore. 

tears stung your eyes as you stared down at the contact that no longer had a name, but you would know the phone number despite the missing name, even if there was still a random selfie trevor had taken as the contact photo. why you had kept the photo but erased his name made no sense to you back then, and even less now, but that’s not what you were worried about. instead, you were worried about how your hands were shaking as your finger ghosted over the call button. your heart was beating so hard against your rib cage it was starting to hurt. you couldn’t call him, not after all this time. not after ripping his heart out and throwing it on the ground to stomp on it, all while you were still madly in love with him. you couldn’t. yet, you did. 

if trevor’s phone had been on he would’ve felt it buzz in his pocket. he would’ve set his bud light down and pulled out his phone instead. the four-year-old picture would’ve flashed across his screen, your name lighting it up at the top. tears would’ve formed in his eyes as he stared down at the eighteen-year-old versions of yourselves before swiping the answer call across his screen. he would feel charlie henderson’s eyes on him as he let out a breath with one thing leaving his lips, “y/n/n.” 

only trevor’s phone didn’t buzz, and your call would be missed as he took another sip of his beer. he was trying his hardest to tone out charlie’s voice which seemed to get louder and louder by the second as if he was trying to get under trevor’s skin. like he knew it was him sitting four stools down from him, and he knew just how to hit the twenty-two-year-old right where it hurt and choose to punch a man while he was down. he had started to bring up you. 

the moment charlie walked into the bar he had known it was trevor perched up at the counter. at first, he told himself if he was just going to leave it alone, pretend he didn’t see him like every other person in the bar, and go on with his night. drinking little fruity cocktails while he joked around with his friends to get his mind off you and the date that was a disaster. he was fine doing that until one of his dorky tag-a-long friends didn’t get the memo that they weren’t supposed to bring up the fact he wasn’t supposed to be here and said, “aren’t you supposed to be out with y/n l/n right now?” while he could’ve chosen the easy road of telling the truth, one that would shatter his ego and imagine amongst his friends, he began to see red and chose the complete opposite. he chose violence.

“hey, it’s z! sorry i can’t get to the phone right now, i’ll give ya a call when i can!” the voicemail recording caused the sinking feeling in your heart to grow even larger. sniffling you hit the big red end button as the woman's voice explained the steps of leaving a voicemail. you knew you shouldn’t have called, and that trevor not answering wasn’t a surprise to you. running a hand through your curls you slipped the phone into the pocket of his sweatshirt, pulled on a pair of shorts, and walked downstairs to meet your parents. “i’ll make more popcorn if you guys pour me a glass?” 

“yeah i was, but she was just so boring,” charlie drawled, trying to think of more lies he could say to cover for himself. “y/n l/n isn't interesting in the slightest. i really don’t get what people see in her.” as his friends kept laughing the smile on his face grew more and more. fuelling the fire that now burned inside of him. nobody called charles j. henderson out on his bullshit and got away with it. 

at first, trevor thought he was hallucinating hearing your name come out of charlie’s mouth. because there was no way charlie henderson called you, y/n m/n l/n, boring and uninteresting. so much to the point that he had to end the date twenty minutes after it started. “yeah, you don’t even understand. she was like, fake sobbing because i told her i couldn’t do it. like i’m sorry, i don’t want to spend my night with a girl who’s clearly a four.” finishing his drink he threw three twenty dollar bills down before turning in his seat to look down the bar at charlie. his blood was already boiling, yet he was still waiting for the prime opportunity to pounce on the scumbag. 

with a fresh bowl of popcorn resting on the coffee table, and three full glasses of wine surrounding it, you were finally ready to settle down on the couch with your parents to watch the movie. “we restarted it for you, honey. we know how much you like this movie,” your dad said while smiling over at you. taking note of the way you clung to the sweatshirt that was on your frame. he pressed play and you let out a blissful sigh, staring at the opening credits and thinking about how for the next hour and a half, you’d be starting at a young matthew mcconaughey who you thought looked uncannily like trevor in this movie. trying to completely forget about the fact he had sent you to voicemail. 

“i don’t think y/n’s a four,” one of charlie’s cronies replied sheepishly, pushing the salt around the rim of his margarita. “she’s like, one of the hottest girls i’ve ever seen! and i mean, she pulled trevor zegras.” charlie cringed at the thought of you and trevor happily together. all he wanted was a chance with you, and the one time he got that chance it was ruined by some stupid nhl player who didn’t even graduate college. meanwhile, he had graduated and on top of that, he did it while organizing frat party after frat party. what did trevor do? nothing! he left you up for grabs three different times because of hockey. in his opinion it was time you dumped him, even if he was out of your league, so you could settle down with somebody more like him. seeing how displeased charlie had grown with his comments in defense of you, matt the cronie, frowned before changing his tune about you. “yeah you’re right, char, she is a four. a total four! i mean, what did zegras even see in her, to begin with? probably only stuck with her because she was too ugly to cheat on him, and wouldn’t feel bad cheating on her when he left for hockey.” 

if the words charlie’s friends were spewing about you weren’t enough to get his blood boiling, then the way charlie’s lips curled up into an evil smile was. he rushed off of his stool and stomped his way over to the group, a scowl on his face as he watched all of them but charlie stare at him in awe. he was still a famous nhl player after all. “don’t you fucking idiots dare let y/n’s name leave your mouth again, or i swear to god i’ll kill you. all of you. she’s too pure-hearted and too good of a person for you to be dragging her name in the dirt. she’s the type of beautiful where you’re lucky to be in her presence. inside and out.” his nostrils flared as he heaved out every word laced with anger. “and you,” he seethed turning his full attention to charlie, “consider yourself fucking lucky someone as incredible as y/n agreed to go on a date with a self-absorbed egotistical asshole like yourself. you’re calling her uninteresting? the only thing you have to show for yourself is the fact you were a frat president at umaine, nobody gives a shit dude!” 

even with your attention on the movie you could feel the way your mother kept glancing over at you. you were an open book to her. you knew it was only a matter of time until she said you could talk to her, or asked about trevor’s sweatshirt. and as if almost on cue she leaned over to whisper into your ear. “do you want to talk about it, sweetie? it has to have been pretty bad if you’re wearing trevor’s sweatshirt. you only do that when you’re really upset.” shrugging your shoulders you reached forward and grabbed your glass of wine. praying that taking a sip would end her pestering. she ran a hand through your hair and pressed a kiss against your forehead, “whenever you’re ready, i’m ready.” only you didn’t think you’d be ready to talk about the events of this night for a long time. not until you at least figured it out for yourself, and you weren’t sure if you’d ever figure it out for yourself. 

the cronies were stifling back their laughter as they listened to trevor tear into their group's leader. only the laughter came to a halt as chalire jumped out of his barstool to stand chest to chest with the six-foot-even nhl forward. “think you’re a big man now that you’re in the nhl z?” charlie asked with a taunting tone, head tilted to the side as he just barely stared down at the hockey player. “well you’re not, dumbass. i mean look at you, you’re getting blackout drunk in a bar over your ex-girlfriend who broke up with you three years ago. you’re pathetic. just like y/n’s little dream of being a doctor.” matt and nate let out a chorus of ‘ooh’s’ like the group was still in high school, right away beginning to make small comments to each other. “maybe you guys did deserve each other, could’ve been pathetic together.” 

that’s when the first punch was thrown. 

“i tried calling him,” you whispered out only for your mother to hear. because you knew if your father heard it would be over. his hopes would get too high, and he would fly too close to the sun thinking he was about to get his best friend back. even your mother perked up hearing that you had called him. “but he didn’t answer,” you added, e/c eyes completely focused on the screen in front of you. “it’s probably for the best that he didn’t answer. i can’t blame him.” you were sniffling before burying your head in your mother’s chest. fighting back the tears as you snuggled closer to her. wondering why you had let your anxiety and the possibility of trevor and your relationship turning toxic steer you away from the only person you’d ever love.

your father listened from the other side of your mother, a frown overtaking his features while he sunk into the couch. he couldn’t help but feel as if all of this heartbreak had been his fault. he was the reason you and trevor had met in the first place. (the reason you had met spencer too but that’s beside the point right now). on the side of his day job as a pediatrician, he coached a local youth hockey team. while you played on the girl's team, your dad thought it would be best to avoid the whole politics of ‘parent coaches’ and stuck to the boys and that’s how he met trevor and spencer. you met at an outdoor jamboree at the ripe age of five, and since then you had been inseparable. it was only a matter of time until you and trevor ended up together, and nobody was happier about that than your father. trevor was the son he never knew he wanted. he just fit in with your family, with your lives. so when you came back inside that december night crying, saying you had broken up, poor d/n l/n felt like it was all his fault two of his favorite people in the world were crushed as badly and as deeply as they were. he still couldn’t forgive himself. 

trevor had swung at charlie first. his right fist splitting his lip in half. the blood coated his knuckles and the tiled floor. as he watched charlie stumble backward he turned his attention to matt first. “you know matt, i was going to spare you, but then you had to go and change your tune just for a couple of hundred bucks,” he slurred with a smirk on his face, “so i gotta do what i gotta do, i hope you can respect that man.” he didn’t give the boy chance to answer before he threw another heavy right hook. this time breaking the matt’s nose. the crunch of the cartilage breaking could be heard throughout the whole bar, and that’s what gained the attention of every bar-goer. trevor had sealed his fate as soon as the first punch was thrown.

the onlookers in the bar couldn’t believe what was happening in front of them. it wasn’t every day that a true bar fight broke out, and it certainly wasn’t every day that it was an nhl player took part in it. barry, the regular bartender, figured it would sort itself out. a couple of punches would be thrown and then the group would separate and there would be nothing to worry about. it would be a done deal. only that wasn’t what happened in this case. charlie henderson, after picking himself up off the counter, lunged forward and socked trevor right in the temple. laying it on thick enough to give the star player a black eye for a couple of days, maybe even a week. when trevor lunged forward and tackled the entitled prick to the grimy floor is when poor barry had to make the phone call to the police, seeing as matt and nate were doing absolutely nothing to help their friend, and trevor wasn’t stopping anytime soon. 

“sweetheart,” your mother cooed while running a hand up and down your back. “just give trevor a little time. you haven’t talked in nearly three years, he’s probably scared to hear from you considering the last time you saw each other…” as she trailed off you nodded along with what she was saying. she made a valid argument in trevor’s defense. if you were in his shoes, you wouldn’t answer you on the first phone call either. you asked him to completely forget you existed, so he had to have been fairly confused about why you were even trying to call him. you had never attempted to reach out to him before, but what he didn’t know is that you still kept tabs on him. asked spencer and your parents about him, sometimes even reaching out to jack if an opportunity presented itself to you. you still followed him on instagram to see what he was up to, but never liking any posts so he wouldn’t know. (he knew. he checked his following once a month to see if your name was still amongst the sea of random people he didn’t care about). you still cared about him and loved him, but he just didn’t know it, so you figured it was time to change that. if only he had answered the call. 

trevor’s knuckles burned with every punch he threw, pulling them as he knew he couldn’t beat this kid to a bloody pulp. although, if you looked at his split knuckles you would think that he had. the blood from charlie’s split lip and broken nose had coated his own on his cracked open knuckles. leaning over the man trevor tried to catch his breath before throwing one more threat his way. “don’t you ever fucking talk about y/n again. if i find out you did, i won’t be so gentle next time.” carefully he pulled himself off charlie before leaning back against a barstool, a bad decision on his part because the next thing he knew charlie was barking orders at matt and nate when he clearly should’ve sought medical attention for his broken nose.

within an instant the two cowards were pinning him down to the blood-filled floor as charlie leaned over with a nasty grin, blood dripping down to the tiles next to his dirty blond hair. 

“you’re going to wish you never threw that punch when i’m done with you, big z. cause you see, i have nothing to lose unlike you.” and with that charlie drilled him in the left side of his head, making sure that his black eye wasn’t going away for a long period of time. 

shrugging your shoulder’s you nodded, a defeated sigh leaving your lips. “yeah, i wouldn’t have answered me either,” you mumbled, curling yourself into the other end of the couch. beginning to nurse the glass of wine you were about to refill. eyes refocusing on the screen in front of you as ben and andie sat at a couple’s counselor. it was a cruel joke in your eyes now, that if you had thought of going to therapy by yourself or with trevor maybe none of this would’ve happened. maybe he’d be with you right now, cuddled up on the love seat throwing popcorn at each other while your parents looked on in awe of you. but you know what they say, dreams are for rookies. 

with each punch charlie landed on trevor’s face he felt his ego rise once more through his body. there was no doubt his left hook had broken trevor’s nose, blood having immediately started to gush from it. only that didn’t stop him. no, charlie was seeing red, while he may have been in the wrong he wasn’t going to let trevor off as easy he did him. no he wasn’t stopping until both eyes were black and blue, his nose was dislocated and resting against his left cheek, and his lips had cracks and split in them. he wanted trevor zegras to be unrecognizable when he was done with him, and he would’ve had his way if he hadn’t heard the sirens over the mood music in the bar. “oh fuck, that’s the cops!” charlie yelled, jumping off trevor. in the process, kneeing him right in the stomach. while it wasn’t intentional he couldn’t lie, he was happy it had happened. “nate, matt, we gotta get out of here. my dad still hasn’t paid my speeding tickets.” as they ran towards the front door it was pushed open by two middle-aged police officers. the ginger took in the scene in front of him, while the blond shook his head.

“nobody’s going anywhere. you’re all coming with us.” 

groaning out in agony trevor didn’t even try to pull himself off the floor. he was far too embarrassed by what had occurred to have the will to move. he was embarrassed about everything but defending your name. if you were still together and this had happened he knew you’d be giving him an ear full. telling him that your name isn’t as important as his reputation, and the status his name held. but ultimately you would cave, thanking him for defending you before the two of you fell asleep. now, he didn’t know what you would do when word got back to you. would you be mad at him? happy he stuck up for you? it would be a lie to say he didn’t care because he did. he had to know what you thought of the events that occurred. little did he know, but he would find out sooner rather than later what you thought of this little bar brawl.

“i’m going to grab the other bottle of red and make some nachos to go along with it. do either of my women need something while i’m up?” asked your father as he paused the movie, right as it was about to get good. classic dad move. your mother got up to accompany him, while you stayed rooted in your seat. finishing the glass in your hands. besides pausing movies at random times, your dad had always been a sweetheart. there was nothing more he wanted in life than to have a family, to have children. unfortunately for both your mother and father, you were the only child they were gifted with. it was a struggle to have you as your mother struggled with fertility issues, yet that didn’t damper either of their spirits, especially your fathers. during the day he thrived as a pediatrician that every parent wanted their child to go to. he had a gift when it came to children. and by night he was a resident youth hockey coach. but first and foremost he was a family man. there was nothing he wouldn’t do for either you or your mother. big or small, he was always the first person offering to help. he was the one who picked up your pieces after the breakup. he was your true confidant. he explained to you that at one point in their lives, your parents had broken up. your father was struggling to stay afloat in med school, and your mother was thriving at the bedford elementary school as a teacher. the distance, and the fact he felt he wasn’t enough for her, was enough for him to end their relationship. their break lasted almost a year until they reconnected in a hospital waiting room. it was because of your parents and your father practically doing the exact thing you did, that you even had the slightest hope you and trevor could rekindle your relationship. only, you were starting to realize, you should’ve called after year one, not year three.

“alright kid, time to get up,” the ginger officer drawled while leaning over to pick trevor up by his armpits. once he was up on his feet, the office turned trevor around and pressed him up against the bar counter, and pulled both of his hands behind his back. letting out a sigh trevor couldn’t help but shiver as the metal handcuffs were clasped around his wrists. he was soon pulled forward off the counter and was started towards the door, “you’re facing disorderly conduct. you have the right..” the officers' words trailed off in trevor’s head as he was brought back outside. the blond cop had charlie, matt, and nate huddled together on the hood of his car. he couldn’t quite make out what was being said, but it sounded as if charlie was trying to bribe the officer to not book them. the conversation was completely cut from trevor’s ear as his officer, officer collins, opened the back door, pushed his head down, and pushed him inside. as trevor stared up at him he could only think of one thing.

“wait!” he exclaimed as officer collins was about to shut the door, “my emergency phone call is y/n l/n.”

your mother came back into the room first giving you the perfect opportunity to ask. “mom, do you think there’s still a chance trevor and i end up together? i mean, like you and dad did?” she didn’t answer you, instead, she let out a sigh while leaning down and filling your glass of wine. you could tell that she was thinking of the right thing to say back to you, and that’s how you knew you most likely weren’t going to like the answer she had come up with. “you know mom, you actually don’t have to answer that. it’s silly of me to even think that we did have a chance to get back together. i blew it the moment i broke up with him in twenty-twenty.” while you were currently three glasses deep, starting your fourth, the buzz was beginning to hit you. since the breakup, red wine no longer made you horny as it once had while you were dating trevor, instead, it sent you in a downward spiral of your most inner ward thoughts. the downward spiral which was beginning to happen, yet you didn’t know how to make it stop before it got too bad. “i was so stupid to do that, break up with him. i thought we would end up in a toxic relationship. i thought we would end up hurting each other, so i chose to just hurt him instead. because while it hurt me to do, i got over it. i got over it faster than i should’ve, and every time i came home i wanted him again. i wanted us again, and this time i know i want him and only him forever.” taking a deep breath you looked up at your mother with tears forming in your eyes again, “so mom i do need to know, do you think there’s a chance me and trevor make it in the end?” 

officer collins shook his head while slamming the back door in trevor’s face. he stalled for a minute opening his notebook and grabbing his pen. quickly he scribbled down ‘y/n l/n’ before pocketing his notebook and pen and walking to the driver's door. he glanced in his side mirror to watch as officer shandy, the blond, shoved charlie henderson and the other two he didn’t know into the back of his car. he then switched his gaze to his rearview mirror to stare at trevor. he had his busted-up face pressed against his the glass window. he assumed that it was because the coolness of the glass felt good against his cut-up lips and bruised eyes. sighing he pulled his patrol car into gear and checked the mirror one more time before addressing trevor again. “don’t worry kid, we’ll get your face cleaned up then you can make your call.” 

“can i make the call first?” 

m/n l/n’s heart broke as she sat and listened to your ramblings. in a way she had felt guilty she was even hearing every word that you had begun to utter to her. of course she had thought about you and trevor getting back together multiple times. it was something she had thought of almost daily. but as time grew on she saw it becoming less and less likely of a happy outcome. she, of course, had known trevor would be more than willing to jump at an opportunity to get back together with you, it was you she was worried about. she figured as time grew on you would lose all your interest in the bedford native, so she was completely shocked to hear that you were still all in with trevor. “honey,” she sat back down next to you hands reaching forward and grabbing yours, “i think there’s a chance if you really want there to be.” she squeezed your hands before kissing the top of your head, “i wish i could discredit the words you had just said to me, but unfortunately i know that they hold nothing but the truth. but i do still believe that if you want to be with trevor then you'll find a way to end up with each other.”

“sure kid, you can make your call first if that’s what you really want.” officer collins answer had satisfied trevor to the point where he zoned out into his own little world for the remainder of the drive. by some stroke of fate, they were caught at the same red light charlie and you had been stuck at when trevor had seen you. he took it upon himself to look and see if someone had picked up his grocery bags, they had, griffin and ava having found them right away. his attention was then turned to the traffic lights that seemed to be speaking to him.

“will it be alright?” he asked, whether he spoke it out loud or if it was just in his head he got an answer regardless. as the light turned from red to green it spoke out with a defeated, “i don’t know.”

tears carved their way down your cheeks, leaving what you thought would be a permanent trail as you clung to the little bit of hope your mother’s words gave you. you cradled the wine glass close to your face, watching as your tears fell into the sea of red alcohol, trying to stop yourself from thinking about what your life would look like now if you had never broken up with trevor. thinking how you could be with him doing god knows what. maybe getting in a little trouble, maybe just spending the night in the back of his god-awfully colored bronco at the old lookout point. how he’d be busy cracking jokes, teasing you to no end, all while you playfully would shove his chest before grabbing his chain and pulling him in for another kiss. not stopping until your already swollen lips looked as if you were both stung by bees. instead, you were met with the cruel reality of not having a single clue where trevor was, or what he was doing. you were left alone with your thoughts about when things seemed as if they were never going to end and there was stuck with you: how did you ever think trevor zegras would turn out as a toxic person? 

if officer collins had been speaking to him, trevor wouldn’t have had a single clue as to what he was saying. the entire ride to the police station he was busy listening to the in-and-out crackling of the transmitter radio connected to the patrol car. he wasn’t listening to what the dispatcher was saying about situations that need police assistance, or even what the officers were saying in response to these calls. no, he was too busy listening to the static of the transmitter radio as it brought him some sort of weird comforting feeling in his drunken state. taking a deep breath to the beat of the static he sunk into the backseat, head still pressed against the glass staining it with blood and the lingering alcohol on his breath. the static helped lull him into a dreaming dazed state. one where he still had you. in his daydream, you were sitting on his lap as you and all of your friends were huddled around a fire at the hughes lake house. you had just spent the entire day wake surfing and tubing, and now you were sitting around the fire with newly sunkissed skin. the residue of s’more’s gracing the corners of both yours and trevor’s lips. you would be starting to fall asleep in his arms, lazily smiling and laughing at something cole had said before staring back up at trevor as his eyes would’ve already been on you. he was convinced that if you ever got back together his eyes would never leave you in fear of losing you again, so that’s how he pictured it. you falling asleep while staring up at him. surrounded by all of your friends, completely and utterly in love with each other. the sound of a page for officers interrupted the beauty of the transmitter radio static, as well as the daydream trevor, was lost in. groaning he smacked his head back against the headrest, starting the vicious self-loathing cycle he ended up when drunk - hating that he didn’t even know what he did wrong to have lost you. 

“how did i ever think trevor would end up as a toxic person?” 

before he knew it, officer collins was pulling open the back door again and greeted him with a tight-lipped smile. “alright kid let’s get this all over with.” sighing trevor barely nodded his head as collins pulled him out of the car, and slammed the door behind him once again. trevor kept his head down as he was led into the police station. praying that somehow, this would all work out where his name didn’t end up on page six of the local newspaper, and things wouldn’t reach the executive offices of the ducks. part of him knew it wouldn’t, not when charlie henderson couldn’t jeopardize himself or his last name either. yet as officer collins worked on taking his fingerprints he couldn’t help but begin to worry. about what you would think when you read about the charges in the local paper. what your parents would think, would they still like him? what his parents and family would say. he could already hear griffin’s voice saying ‘are you fucking stupid?’ but he was currently stuck on wondering what the ducks would say about all of this. what twitter would say, because sooner or later his entire life always ended up on twitter, it was always just a matter of time. somewhere in his train of thought, he was handed a plaque reading his name and the date for his mug shot, still clinging on to the piece of hope that all of this would get blown over as soon as charlie and his friends were brought in. he turned to the sides when told, hands tightly holding on to the black plastic in his hands. waiting patiently for his next instructions. until it happened, and he felt his heart race within the confines of his rib cage. 

“alright kid, you can go make your phone call now.” 

your mother seemed stunned at the question, you have completely caught her off guard once more. she remained silent as you tried to choke back the sobs that were about to resurface from earlier. remembering he hadn’t answered your phone call, wondering why you had felt like you weren’t enough for him, why you thought he would force you away from your dreams when he was the one who pushed you and supported you to try and accomplish them. (which you had since done. having graduated from boston college and were currently in the process of deciding which university to complete medical school at). you had helped save him countless of times before, no matter how drastic the measures you were there for him, and he was there for you. yet in your greatest time of need, when you needed him the most, you refused to open up enough to him to allow him to help combat your self-doubt and took the easy way out instead. “you lost your way for a little while, honey,” your mother finally spoke with ease to her words. trying her hardest to make you believe what she was saying. “you lost your way and lost sight of what was truly important to you other than your degree and med school, and that’s completely okay. you’re human - shit happens. you live and you learn. you lost sight of the person you loved because you were starting to lose yourself, but you’ve found your way back. it’ll all work itself out. eventually.” you threw yourself into your mother's arms, holding on to her for dear life. 

as your father walked back into the living room (trying his hardest to act as if he hadn't heard the entirety of your conversation) he couldn’t help but smile at the scene in front of him. happy you were finally allowing yourself to grieve with the loss of trevor and yours relationship, and that you were trusting your mother with this information. finally trusting in yourself to come to terms with the fact you needed and wanted trevor in your life because you loved him deeply. he kissed the top of both yours and your mother’s head before taking his rightful seat again. just in time for the sound of a phone ringing to interrupt the tender moment being shared. 

confused you pulled away from your mother's loving arms and fished your phone from the front pocket of your sweatshirt. confusion etched deeper in your face as the number popped up with a small caller id under it. licking your lips you looked at both of your parents as your heart started to race inside your chest, “it’s the police department.”

officer collins was nice enough to remove trevor’s handcuffs in order to make the call. so with shaky hands, trevor reached forward to the landline in a dimly light hallway. taking a deep breath in, he closed his eyes and punched in your phone number from memory. he could feel the tears prick at his waterline as he waited for you to pick up the phone. the dial tone rang loud in his ears until finally, it didn’t. and for the first time in three years, he heard the sound of your breathing. the silence was deafening as he waited for you to speak, desperate to hear your voice. then there it was: “hello?” 

after watching your parents shrug their shoulders you made the split decision to answer the call. you were met with the sound of breathing on the other line, mind racing as to who could possibly be calling you from the police station at this time of night. when the person on the other end of the line hadn’t spoken you took it upon yourself to. “hello?” you asked with uncertainty in your voice, and just by the sound of their sigh of relief you knew who it was instantly. “t-trevor?” it came out it in a choked back whisper, your mind not able to process the fact he was most likely in jail. “what, why are you calling me from the police station?” 

he could hear the panic in your voice through the phone, green eyes closing so he could picture what you looked like right now. the look of fear on your face from getting a call from an unknown number and it’s him. “uh, h-hi, y/n/n,” he slurred, tears slipping out of his closed eyes because he couldn’t believe it. you were on the phone with him. you were talking to him. this was real. 

this was real. for both of you. trevor was in the police station. he’d been arrested and he had chosen to call you. 

your heart dropped into your stomach as you felt anger rise through your body, yet you weren’t quite sure why. maybe it was because he had been arrested. maybe it was because the first time you’d heard from him in years was because he was calling you to come and bail him out. but at the same time, you tried to remain calm. preparing yourself for whatever it was that he was about to tell you. “so um, i’m sure you’re probably wondering what i’m doing calling you from the police station’s number.” he tried to force out a laugh, but next to nothing came out. and you could tell he was nervously waiting for your reaction.

“i mean it’s not every day you get a call from your ex-boyfriend.” your words had cut him deep. ‘ex-boyfriend’. he bit his lip in order to prevent a whimper from escaping his mouth at the dreaded word. “but then again, it isn’t every day you get a call from your ex-boyfriend who’s in jail, so yeah trev, i am wondering why you're calling me from the police station.” while your words had seemed bitter, your tone was nothing but soothing to him. he could tell you were currently trying to hold yourself together from the number of mixed emotions that had to have been coursing through your body. he also knew you meant no harm because you had called him ‘trev’. if you had called him anything other than that he knew you were over this. over him. over the phone call. over being his lifeline still after all this time. so with a small hopeful smile on his face, he started to make his case to you. 

squeezing your mother’s hand you braced for the explanation you were bound to hear. mind racing, and emotions swirling around like a tornado in your body. “i saw you,” he whispered, voice breaking as he spoke. you didn’t need to hear what he said next to know he saw you at the stoplight with charlie, moments before your desaster of a date ended. “at the lights with charlie fucking henderson of all people!” that caused your blood to begin boiling. while his opinion of charlie was accurate, it still irked you that he had to make it known he disapproved. you weren’t his anymore. you didn’t owe him any reasoning on why you went out with charlie. on why you were allowing yourself to settle for him when all you wanted was trevor, but you couldn’t tell him that. you couldn’t allow yourself to give him that satisfaction when he was rotting in a jail cell with the other drunks that had been brought in for the night. “and it just, it ruined me, y/n/n. it ruins me, destroies me, sending me into a crippling to depression to see you when i come home every summer. to see you happy, without me. to see that our relationship must have meant nothing for you to just let me go like that. without a fucking reason as to why!” you didn’t know how much more you could take of his drunken ramblings, because hearing the truth come from his lips was something you never wanted to hear. you knew you hurt him, ripped his heart out and stabbed him in the back, but you never wanted to hear him say that. to hear what it felt like for him to come home and see you. “because i still love you, y/n/n. i love you more than anything in this world. so much so that i got into a bar fight with charlie to defend you against everything him and his friends were saying about you. so much that i’m calling you from jail. i love you so much that i can’t be in bedford anymore, and if i am here i have to drink away any and all thoughts of you because i promised to forget you when you broke up with me.” 

trevor sat on the other end of the line, slumping against the white paint cracked walls. awaiting an answer from you after he had just poured his heart and soul out to you. he could hear his heartbeat ringing in his ears. felt the watchful eyes of officer collins, and now officer shandy, watching and listening to what could either break his heart all over again, or bring it back to life. 

“y/n?” he whispered out into your ear. “are you - are you still there?” the worry in his voice was evident, he thought he was about to lose you all over again, and you could feel yourself slipping away from him once more. closing your eyes you fought with the tears, your head, and your heart as you pulled the phone away from your ear. “i’m sorry, i know that it’s a lot to take in. and you didn’t ask for any of this. or want any part of me any-” his voice was cut off by the sound the sound the dial tone. your finger having pressed the red button to end his drunken pleas with you. every thought you had about wanting to with him still tonight fluttering out the window, because a villain isn’t supposed to show remorse to those they hurt, they just keep hurting them. 

the hockey player jumped up from his seated position as the dial tone filled his ears again. “no! no, no, no, no, no. y/n, baby please. please!” he all but screamed into the phone that no longer had a caller on it. officer collins and shandy both began moving closer to him, seeing this as a potential threat to himself. “fuck!” he all but raged as he slammed the black plastic back into its holder. then crumpling down into the floor. head between his knees as he sobbed to himself over losing you once again. 

“y/n, why did you hang up on him,” your mother exclaimed. shocked that you had done what you just had after pouring your heart and soul out to her about how you still loved the twenty-two-year-old, and wanted to be with him again. “what about what you told me tonight? he still loves you!” 

shaking your head you pushed yourself off the couch, reaching down for the new bottle of wine before making your way to the stairs. “and i love him,” you finally whispered out loud to both your parents. your e/c eyes stayed glued to the stairs as you tried to work yourself off the ledge you found your self towering on. “but i can’t love him when he’s like this, so i have to be the bad guy, because i can’t save him from himself this time.” you knew it was the truth, but still you couldn’t help but feel like you were lying to yourself. you were the one who caused this pain, this anguish for trevor, and it was only you who could save him from it. but you refused. so you walked up to your room, locking yourself in there with the full bottle of wine, taking a page out of trevor’s book and trying to drink any thought of him away.

officer collins crouched down in front of trevor and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “look kid, i’m really sorry she hung up on you,” he started to say with a sullen look on his face, “it wasn’t right of her to do that. not when you clearly still need her in your life, but unfortunately there’s nothing else we can do. we gotta put you in the holding cell until henderson finishes up, and then this will all go away. i promise. nobody will ever know.” 

trevor’s head shot up to look at the middle aged man leaning over him. his head shaking vigorously to disagree with what he was saying. in an instant he was resting on his knees, clutching his hands together as he stared up at him. “i beg you, sir, just let me call.” his voice was filled with a pleading note as he stared up at officer collins, praying he could get through to him. “i’ll give you my blood alcohol, i’ll rot with all the burnouts in the cell,” he began to list while tears clung to his eyelashes. “i’ll change my faith, and and i’ll praise the flag!” he exclaimed, “let’s wait, i swear she’ll call me back.” 

the oldest man in the hallway let out a sad sigh before glancing to his partner, then back down at trevor. “son, are you a danger to yourself?” he hated asking that question, but trevor was starting to scare him. he needed to know how concerned he should be regarding this situation. 

anger flashed through trevor’s green eyes after the question was asked, and as it hung in the silence of the hallway he pushed himself up off the floor. shrugging away officer collins hands he scoffed, “fuck that, sir, just let me call.” the pleading look on his face was slowly starting to slip away into something almost nobody could read. “i’ll give you my blood alcohol. i’ll rot with all the burnouts in the cell. change my faith, and i’ll kiss the badge. please, let’s wait. i swear she’ll call me back.” this time he reached out forward and grabbed officer collins hands, begging with everything he had left in him. trying his hardest to flash what he considered his puppy dog eyes, and appeal to this mans better nature.

officer shandy stepped in next, his hand reaching for trevor’s shoulders and bringing his attention fully to him. trevor’s green eyes bored into his blue ones, and he could feel himself begin to crack under the honest weight the officers held. his charming demeanor falling as the questions was asked:

“son, why do you do this to yourself?” 

it hung in the air as trevor’s shoulders sagged, showing that he was defeated. he was only twenty-two after all. twenty-two but still in love with a woman who didn’t want him anymore, and he just couldn’t let go of you. silently he thought to himself, about there possibly being another reason as to why he allowed this all to happen besides him still being in love with you. that maybe he feared something more than having lost you. “i’m not proud of all the punches that i’ve thrown,” trevor mumbled out into the silence, to be heard by the awaiting ears of the officers. “in the name of someone i no longer know.” a small smile cracked his face when he said that. thinking about you, what your voice sounded like, picturing that scared look on your face when you realized he was calling your from a police station. “for the shame of being young, drunk, and alone,” he finished while looking between the two. “but i would die for her, y/n, even if i don’t know her anymore.” 

the three remained quiet for an unknown amount of time. it had seemed fitting to just sit there in a silence while they all tried to understand the full events of the night. their peaceful silence was broken by the wooden double doors being pushed open to what looked like on of the newer officers. “officer shandy, officer collins, sir, mr henderson his here and has requested the dropping of charges against trevor zegras, and for this all to go away,” he explained before  slowly slipping back inside the lobby of the police station. trevor’s green eyes turned to stare at officer collins, waiting for some sort of directions. 

“i told you it would work itself out kid, maybe there’s some hope after all for you,” he reasoned while beginning to lead trevor back into the main area. instead of taking a seat at officer collins desk trevor was brought face to face with the chain linked fence of the holding cell, only there was nobody else in there and it would be just him tonight. “this is just until somebody has time to drop you off at home, we’ve gotta file out this paperwork before we can.” 

nodding his head trevor walked into the cell before slumping down against the bench. “i guess i shouldn’t have wasted my call on somebody who was just going to hang up on me, huh?” he tried to joke, only it didn’t help him like he thought it would. office collins gave him a tight lipped smile before turning on his heels and walking back to his desk. leaving trevor to slowly let his eyes close as he tried to block out everything regarding the events of tonight, hoping it would being him some sort of comfort if he did so. 

as the sun disappeared, and the moon slowly got higher in the sky griffin, as well as the entire zegras household, was beginning to wonder just what had happened to trevor. “has anybody seen trevor?” julie asked, there being just a touch of panic in her voice. “he never came home after getting the groceries.” both ava and griffin shrugged their shoulders not having a clue as to where their brother went, while gary looked up from his newspaper bewildered by his wifes previous statement. griffin caught ava’s gaze from above his phone as they shared a look of ‘oh maybe we should be good siblings and go look for him’ before either of them got out of their seats and one inched towards the front door, while the other towards the stairs. 

“hey mom, i’m gonna go to nico’s and catch up with him. don’t wait up,” griffin all but yelled before he slipped out of the house without waiting for a reply. once in the safety of his car he opened his phone to the messages with his little sister praying that she had somewhat figured out trevor’s location. 

god trevor’s actually sofucking stupid. he’s at the police station. good lucksoldier

groaning griffin threw his head back against the headrest, of course trevor was at the police station. it was only a matter of time until his drinking got him stuck in there. shooting ava a quick text he threw his phone down and sped out of their drive way towards the police station, only slightly worried about what trevor was waiting for him when he got there. 

there sound of a soft knock on your door startled you mid swig of wine, your body jolting forward enough to cause the red liquid to swirl around in the glass bottle. when the knock was heard again you set the bottle down and padded across the hardwood floor to your bedroom door. taking a deep breath you steadied yourself before reaching towards the silver handle, praying only slightly that when you opened the door it would be trevor standing there to greet you. to explain to you how all of this was just a misunderstanding, and it was all going to work out for the better. only when you pulled the door open you were met with your father’s sullen face, his hands clasped in front of him. “i know you’ve already talked enough about this issue tonight, sweetheart,” he started, his tone soft yet firm. “and there’s probably next to nothing left to say, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are the key to this solution, whether you like it or not, and i think it’s time you own up to it.” your eyes fell downcast as you took in his words, knowing that what he said held nothing but undeniable truth. shuffling you moved out of the doorway enough for your father to walk through before closing the door behind him. he led the way over to your bed, sitting himself on the edge, waiting for you to make the next move. 

taking a deep breath you sat down next to him, eyes glancing towards the bottle before you looked down at your hands. “if i’m the solution, where do i start?” 

it had seemed as if hours had passed by in the time trevor had closed his eyes until he heard yelling coming from every direction. only when he opened his eyes and found a clock he realized it had only been nearly twenty minutes. groaning he slammed his head back against the wall, green eyes glancing around the cell to see there was two new additions, nate and matt. trevor offered an awkward half wave to the two boys, which they both returned. “‘m sorry i beat you guys up,” he then apologized with sincerity in his voice. “y/n, she just, she means a lot to me. i still really love her, you know?” 

matt couldn’t believe what he had just heard from trevor zegras mouth: an apology. one that definitely wasn’t needed seeing as the three of them were purposefully trying to get a rise out of the poor guy. pushing him to see how far he would get before seeing red. glancing over towards nate, matt made the decision to speak next. “no apology needed man, i mean we said some fucked up shit,” he addmitted, finally starting to not fear having an opinion that was different from charlie’s. “none of which was true by the way. we all know y/n isn’t boring, or her dreams don’t suck. charlie’s just jealous that she’s actually going to do something with her life and he’s going to be living off his trustfund.” 

laughter erupted from the three men in the cell, all having agreed that charlie had no future. as the laughter began to die down nate sighed before being to speak next, “look man, we’re the ones who should be sorry. you knew your limit and when to stop, but we just helped hold you down as charlie tried to beat the shit out of you. we deserved everything we got tonight.” 

trevor just barely nodded his head to agree with them both, eyes once against scanning the police station trying to find charlie. his curiosity suddenly getting the better of him and wondering why he wasn’t currently in the cell with them. “so, where is charles?” he then asked, the question hanging in the air, pushing down against his chest. because depending on what was said his whole future could be at stake. sure officer collins and shandy said mr. henderson was going to drop the charges, but that didn’t mean charlie would still try something to throw trevor under the bus. he could feel his anxiety rise because of the stituation at hand once more, being to bite his nails while he waited for an answer. 

griffin took his time while driving to the police station. mostly because he was nervous to see his big brother behind bars, but partly because he wanted trevor to think nobody was coming to help him. of course griffin knew how self destructive trevor had gotten since your break up, the entire family did, but griffin was the only one who knew how bad it had gotten. he also knew you were still reeling in different feelings towards the nhl center, as he and ava were both still in contact with you. sure, he may have resented you a little bit for what you did up and out of the blue to trevor, but he also knew you must have had a reason to do so, so he didn’t judge. that much. that’s why he had tried countless times to break his brother’s harmful habits, knowing trevor had no chance to win you back if he kept falling down this path he was currently on. that’s why he took the twenty minute route to a destination that was only five minutes away, he wanted this time in that cell to mean something to trevor. he wanted him to reflect on himself, his actions, and how much he still truly loved you, because if he loved you the way he says he does, he’d stop the drinking with or without you. he just hadn’t come to that self discovery yet. 

your father reached over and grabbed your hands, “start by forgiving yourself, y/n.” his e/c eyes that matched your own bored into the side of your head, waiting for you to turn and meet his gaze. willing you to do so, even though it was in vain. your eyes remained rooted forward, staring at your now intertwined hands. “you’re guilt ridden, and your bones are heavy with the grief of the love you once had. forgive yourself for letting it go, as your mother said earlier, you’re only human. forgive yourself, then you can forgive trevor. then you can call him.” 

“charlie’s, uh, he’s in the process of having a screaming match with his father in the chief’s office,” matt explained with a crooked smile. “his dad is pissed he started something. again. but otherwise everything’s all good and has been taken care of. matt and i are just waiting for our rides home, what about you, z?” 

the question stuck with trevor, ‘what about you, z?’ well he didn’t know what about him. he wasted his phone call on you, you hung up on him, and now he was stuck in the cell until and officer could drive him home. god what a shit show that was going to be. shrugging his shoulders he tried to appear as if he was coming off as his normal easygoing self. “officer collins is going to drive me home, nobody answered when i called home.” 

sighing griffin killed the engine of his car and forced himself up and out of his car. he knew it was wrong to let his big brother sit and rot in there as long as he did, but it felt good doing it. he kept his eyes down while walking through the front door, making his way right to the front desk. leaning over it he waited for either an officer or receptionist to come and speak to him about what he was doing here. he waited a good five minutes, slowly taking in his surroundings and trying to locate his brother, but that was proved to be invain as he couldn’t the eldest zegras sibling anywhere. “hi honey, i hope you weren’t waiting too long,” a sweet older woman smiled while sitting back in her seat. “now, what can i do for you?” 

tears stung your eyes as you looked over at your father, “how is it possible to forgive myself when all i’ve been is a horrible person in the last three years?” 

“i’m here to pick up trevor zegras.” 

trevor’s head lulled backwards as he listened to both matt and nate talk back and forth about something he had lost interest in minutes ago. eyes closing as he tried to find some sort of peace, to try and calm his murky mind. he tried to not think of you and the events that got him to this point in his life, but he couldn’t help but focus on them. starting to feel ashamed of causing himself nothing but pain from drinking every time he came home to bedford. ashamed that he was alone. ashamed he had even the slightest hope you had still wanted him, but now he knew you surely wouldn’t want him after his drunken call tonight. he didn’t even want him right now. he let out a quiet groan to himself in order to not disturb nate and matt’s rambling discussion, wishing there was a way he could separate himself as a person. so he could be the person he was before your relationship again instead of the drunken shell of a man he used to be. and then, something happened that he hadn't expected. “mr. zegras, your ride is here.” his green eyes shot open, frantically looking around for a figure that somewhat resembles you, only he couldn’t see one. officer collins was staring back at him as the cell door opened for his release. “they’re waiting for you in the lobby where you can collect your personal belongings.” 

without another word trevor scrambled to his feet and padded slowly towards the open cell, glancing back to give the two other boys a half wave as a forced goodbye before walking out. silently he followed behind the officer who had shown him nothing but kindness, through the station, taking mental notes of every person he passed praying that he would be met with your face at some point. you had to be here. you had to have changed your mind and decided to come and pick him up, otherwise how was he getting released? biting his lip he began to fidget with his fingers as officer collins opened the door to the front lobby, and what he thought would be his breath of relief turned into his worst nightmare as he came face-to-face with his younger brother. “you’re not y/n,” he breathed, voice raked with nothing but sadness. “how did - griffin?” he then asked, completely bewildered by his younger brothers presence. he knew he should’ve been grateful. he no longer had to wait out an unnnecassary stay in the prison cell, but he couldn't help the way his heartached inside his chest while meeting his brothers stoic expression as tears began to slid down his sunskissed cheeks. “y/n, she didn’t come. i thought-” he cut himself off by clearing his throat and reaching up to wipe away the tears before they fell faster than he could stop. “nevermind, it - it doesn’t matter. let’s go home griff.” and just like that he tried his hardest to bottle up his emotions once again. mind racing to think of the next time he could get his hands on a case of beer. 

m/n l/n sat quietly outside of your closed bedroom door. ear pressed against the white wood as she silently cried to herself over the heartbreak and turmoil her only child was going through. the wooden door had muffled the sounds of your father’s quiet voice, but she could still hear the combination of guilt and melancholy that was spoken with every word as he tried to reassure you that you were worthy of self forgiveness. that you weren’t the horrible person you had thought you were. she also knew that while he words were directed at you, he was speaking to himself as well. because deep down she knew your father still held guilt for putting their relationship on pause, and thought because of his actions when he was your age, this was the world’s karma by creating a similar situation with his daughter. your mother could never truly understand the pain the both of you felt, which is why she sat outside your bedroom praying to herself that you would take your father’s advice to forgive yourself. praying that after all this time he would finally forgive himself. 

“y/n,” your dad whispered with a broken smile, “i’m going to be completley honest with you sweetheart. while i don’t believe you’ve been a horrible person these past three years, i can’t give you the answers that you’re looking for.” your bloodshot e/c eyes snapped over to him within seconds. he squeezed your hands lovingly before he pulled his e/c away from your own. “i still haven’t figured out how to forgive myself for leaving your mother all those years ago. i wish i could help you the way that you need me now, but i - i don’t have the answers. because i don’t think-” he let out a solemn sigh before looking back over at you with tears in his own eyes. “i don’t think we would’ve found our way back to each other if it weren’t for that night in the emergency room. every time i tried to work up the courage to call her, i panicked. i wouldn’t allow myself to stop dwelling on the pain that i had caused her for that year apart from each other. the exact same thing you’re doing by not allowing trevor back into your live - because you can’t stop thinking about the pain you caused him. but sweetheart,” he explained with wisdom only a father would have, “this chance you have to let him back into your life? it may not come again, so it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it before it’s too late. and you’ll know, deep down in that giant heart of yours, whether you love him enough to forgive yourself, or if you’re going to hold one mistake over your head for the rest of your life as it passes you by.” 

you forced a laugh as you stared over at him and processed his tough love words. “if i knew you weren’t right i would be so mad at you right now, dad,” you confessed as you dropped your head against his shoulder. his own finding it’s place on top of yours. there was a long beat of silence before you decided to speak again. “i’m happy you were in the er that night, dad. you and mom are my idolization of love, and i just, if it hadn’t worked out for the two of you i wouldn’t have anything to believe in.” 

this time a sad chuckle passed by his lips before he pressed a kiss against the top of your head, “kid, if it didn’t work out for your mom and me, my greatest blessing in life wouldn’t be sitting right here next to me.” 

the silence was louder than any music that girffin could’ve been chosen to play. trevor was turned to face away from his younger brother, head pressed against the glass window once again. his sliding down against it while he tried to hide his face. “so,” griffin finally worked the courage to speak, “do you want to tell me what happened that you ended up in prison and were expecting y/n to pick you up?” 

taking a breath trevor turned to face his fears which were currently in the form of explaining his downfalls to his younger brother. “it’s a long story, griff,” he whispered, reaching up to wipe away his tears once again. “one we don’t have the time for, and i’m not ready to relive.” 

scoffing griffin pulled the car over on the side of the road. “we have nothing but time, trevor!” he yelled, voice cracking as he did so. “now, i deserve an explanation as to why ava and i had to go and pick up the groceries from the middle of a parking lot. an explanation on why you ended up in prison! why you’re nose is broken, and your knuckles are beaten to shit. please, trevor, i’m your little brother, and i’m scared.” that’s when the tears started to fall down his own cheeks. “you’re scaring me. you’re scaring ava. mom, dad. so at the very least, i deserve an explanation. because three years ago you weren’t the only person who lost y/n. i lost her too. we all lost her. what we didn’t expect was losing you too.” 

the silence was so loud that both trevor and griffin heard the sound of trevor’s heart shattering into the pit of his stomach. 

“you’re right,” trevor cried while meeting his brother’s stare for the first time since getting in the car. “you guys lost y/n, just like i did, and you didn’t deserve to watch me fall apart as you have for the past three summers.” his mouth went dry as he thought of what he could possibly say next, and what his brother needed to hear in order to correct his mistakes. “but you have, and it isn’t fair. none of this is fair, because life - life like to fucking kick your ass. so i’ll tell you, but only you, griff. you can’t go running to tell ava, or mom, or dad. only you.” 

the younger brother nodded his head instantly, forcing himself to stop crying to be strong for his brother. “start wherever, i’m listening, trev.” 

taking a deep breath trevor steadied his nerves and started his story with the end. “i gave y/n’s name as my emergency call.” 

----

taking a deep breath you could feel as your world began to spiral out once again like it had two nights prior. since you’d hung up on trevor, you had listened to your father’s advice and taken the past two days to think about things once more. to see them in a different light despite how much your head told you it was wrong, in your heart you knew it was time. so after listening to his voicemail one more time, you had made up your mind. it was second nature as you started to dial his phone number, not wasting time to find his nameless contact. 

picking at your nails you waited anxiously as the dial tone played in your ears. 

it went through once.

then twice. 

finally, a third time before your call was connected.

and with a shaky breath, you breathed out his name for both you to hear.  “trevor?”

[wlntrsldler]

I know, this is gonna hurt our hearts.

But PLEASEEEEEE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

could you write something that includes

A scene of Y/n and Annabeth after Luke’s betrayal and Annie ask’s Y/n to change her Hair style since Luke isn’t there to do it.

Luke and Y/n were inlove and obviously Annabeth and Y/n are close but Annie made Y/n earn her love just like Thalia did with Annabeth 😭

i wish i hated you | luke castellan

i. hoping life brings you no new pain. i rearrange my memories. i try to rewrite our life.

when annabeth found you in the ares cabin, tears streaming down her face, she looked at you in a way that she hadn't in years. there was anger in her eyes, betrayal and hurt evident on her features. the last time she looked at you like this was when you returned from your quest from your father, nearing death.

you'd woken up with annabeth sitting on the corner of your bed, nearly dozing off as she sat up. luke had been released from the infirmary days prior and was immediately sent off to tend to his counselor duties, much to his dismay. he made annabeth promise him that she'd be by your side when he couldn't be. he didn't want you to wake up alone.

when she saw you groggily wake, she jolted from her seat, face morphing in concern then anger when you had the audacity to smile at her. she burst into tears, repeating the words, "i hate you!"

alarmed, you immediately wrapped your arms around the nine-year-old's body, trying to get her to calm down. she balled her hands into fists, trying not to hit you as you were healing from your wounds.

"annie, what's wrong?" you asked, confused at what could've made the girl so angry. "what's happening?"

"y-you promised!" she sobbed, clutching onto your blood-soaked shirt. "you promised me you'd be careful! you promised that nothing bad would happen to you. you promised."

two days ago, you were thrown around by a minotaur, breaking nearly every bone in your body and were coughing up blood, but somehow, hearing the brokenness in annabeth's voice hurt more than all of your injuries. you thought about the promise you and luke made to her before you went off on your quest; a promise that she would not lose another family-figure in her life, like she'd lost thalia, a promise that you'd return in a few days, triumphant and ready to teach her how to improve her aim in archery, a promise that you'd come back with stories from the city and your first real date with her brother outside of camp.

"they said you died," she cried, rubbing her eyes with her hands, "they said that your heart stopped working."

"annie, i'm okay," you tried to tell her, hoping that your words would bring her some sort of comfort. "see? i'm okay."

"but you weren't," annabeth replied. her big brown eyes looked up at you, bottom lip quivering. she was shaking. "l-luke hasn't slept in days."

your heart dropped at the mention of luke's name. he refused to let you go on the quest without him, even going so far as to bribe the person you chose to let him switch places with them. you refused at first, but quickly learned that your efforts were wasted. once luke castellan made his mind up about something, there was no room for argument.

that's how it was with you. the minute luke realized how he felt about you, there was no pulling back for him. he loved you, truly, deeply, completely. it was something that everyone at camp knew, annie especially. she'd seen the way her brother looked at you, how he cared for you. you were it for him.

so when you and luke returned to camp, unconscious, all annabeth could think about were her first days at camp half blood, watching her brother fight for his life while mourning the loss of thalia. it was a type of pain that was too much to carry for a seven-year-old, and it didn't get any easier two years later.

a year after your quest, when luke returned from his failed one, annabeth said the same words to him when he found her at breakfast. i hate you. but it was the furthest thing from what she actually meant. luke sulked on your bed for days, partly because the whispers and judgment from the campers was beginning to be too much for him, and partly because he felt like he was losing his family again.

now, as a twelve-year-old annabeth marched into the ares cabin, ignoring the complaints of your siblings, those words left her lips again.

"did you know?"

you sat up in your bed, confused, "know what?"

"about luke."

"what about luke?"

she furrowed her eyebrows, head tilting to analyze your face. you looked calm, worn out from the day's festivities, and ready for bed. you wore the bracelet that luke made you for your anniversary on your right wrist, where it permanently stayed on your body since you received it. annabeth bit her bottom lip, trying not to cry. she was exhausted.

"he did it," she whispered, knowing with just one look at you that you had no part in luke's plan. "he stole the bolt."

you froze for a second, then you let out a strained laugh, shaking your head, "good one, annie."

you fluffed your pillows behind you, trying to keep yourself busy because your thoughts were rushing at a million miles an hour. you began thinking of luke's distance, his coldness towards you, his secrets that you knew he kept. you tried to tell yourself it was just because he was tired of being at camp half blood, being 19 and shackled to this life, but you should've known it was more than that. you just didn't want to believe it.

"y/n," annabeth gulped, placing a hand on yours. you stopped your actions, looking at the broken girl in front of you. her tears left streaks down her face.

your eyes pooled with tears, engulfing her in a hug. she buried her head into the crook of your neck, letting go of her tough facade and sobbed into your arms. you wanted to do the same, but you couldn't. not right now. she needed you to be strong.

annabeth slept on your bed while you stayed up, unable to close your eyes to rest. you were afraid of the dreams you would have tonight. your dreams always starred luke castellan, whether they be replays of the memories the two of you made, jumping into the cold water of the lake to escape the summer heat, or training with each other but getting too distracted in the love of it all that your 5-minute breaks turned into hours of pointless conversations, pretending that the both of you lived a normal life.

you weren't ready to have those dreams tainted. not yet.

ii. our shadows dance in a parallel plane. just two different endings, you learn to repair and i learn to keep me in one place.

"annie, what's got you so worked up today?" you asked, nudging the girl. she'd been giving everyone attitude all day, including you, and you didn't know why.

"nothing," she replied, shaking her head. she piled her food on her tray and walked away from you.

you dropped the serving spoon and followed her, "annabeth chase."

annabeth flinched knowing that you only used her full name when she crossed a line. she sighed and turned around to face you. you placed your tray on the table, crossing your arms over your chest as you waited for her to explain.

"it's just--" she sighed, her voice suddenly quiet, "some girls were saying stuff about my hair and i know it's not looking its best right now so i've been really on edge about it."

"who was it?" your tone was cold and it made annabeth's eyes widen.

when annabeth first met you, she was guarded. she was mourning the loss of thalia and she was mad at luke for being so open with you so quickly, as if you could somehow take thalia's place. she pushed you away, partly because she was too scared to care for another person the way she did and lose them, lose you. she learned that in the life of a half-blood loss is normal. it's expected. but it didn't make it hurt any less.

you, more stubborn than anyone she'd ever met, kept trying to break into her world and it wasn't long before annabeth felt her resolve crumbling. how could she not when you cared for her more than she deserved with how she treated you? how could she not when you were the first person to bring a real smile to her brother's face? how could she not when she watched luke fall in love with you with every giggle, every stolen look, every squeeze on his hand?

and you loved annabeth like she was your own flesh and blood. you knew that she and luke were a package deal, a family, and you welcomed her with open arms. you grew protective of annabeth. you became the voice of reason in luke's head when he took his older brother duties too seriously, like the time she developed her first crush, or when she was named head counselor despite her young age. annabeth knew she could count on you.

"y/n, it's fine," she gulped, voice dripping with resignation, "it's not just that, i guess--uh, luke used to do my hair, remember? and since he's been gone, i haven't found anyone to do it for me."

"yeah, i remember," you muttered, looking down at your feet for a moment. you'd walked into the hermes cabin and found luke braiding annabeth's hair a few times. annabeth would be sitting crisis cross on luke's bed, talking his ear off as he nodded along from behind her, only half paying attention to what she was saying because he was too focused on getting the young girl's hair perfect.

you'd lean against the doorframe and admire them until they noticed your arrival. if you drowned out the bunks along the walls of the cabin and muffled the sounds of campers running around outside, they were the perfect picture of a brother and sister living a normal life, close as can be.

annabeth would be the first to notice you and she'd tilt her head up in greeting that had luke grumbling because "she needed to sit still," but then his eyes would follow annabeth's line of vision and a smile would appear on his face. you'd sneak a kiss to his lips that had the girl grimacing despite not seeing it happen, and you and luke would laugh, before you would take your place on the stool in front of annabeth. she'd have the conversation with you then and luke could focus on his task.

"do you..?" you trailed off, clearing your throat. "do you want me to try to do your hair?"

"would you?" she asked, hopeful. it was more than just her hair that she was asking about. those moments when luke and her would sit in the hermes cabin together were some of her favorite memories. she missed talking to him about anything and everything. mostly about his relationship with you. she'd give him ideas for dates, things that you'd like, and he'd enthusiastically thank her, even if he already had those things in mind.

annabeth just needed a sibling. she had plenty in the athena cabin, sure, but she wanted a sibling that wasn't obligated to call her a sister, but rather chose to because they wanted her. you'd never once made her feel unwanted.

"i can try," you said, sending her a shy smile. "i can't promise i'll be great at it, but we can go to the ares cabin after we eat?"

"that sounds good," annabeth replied. there was sorrow swimming in her eyes, a longing that you'd seen when you first met her at camp half blood. "thank you, y/n."

the hunch to her posture made your throat close up. it was a heavy burden for her to carry and if it was up to you, you'd shoulder it on your own to free her from it. "don't mention it, annie."

iii. no matter how guilty i still feel saying it, i wish i hated you.

"y/n?"

you rolled over in your bed, rubbing your tired eyes. in the moonlight, you saw annabeth's silhouette at the edge of your bed. she was wearing her pajamas and hoodie. the braids you did on her two weeks ago cascaded down her back.

you sat up in bed, "what's up, annie? it's late. you should be in your own cabin."

"i know, but i couldn't sleep," she rocked back and forth on her feet. you wondered if you ever looked this young. annabeth was always larger than life when she was with the other campers, a warrior, head counselor, the wisest daughter of athena, but there were moments like this one where it was evident that she was just a child. alone and terrified. "do you think we can take a walk?"

you were slipping your feet into your shoes before you could answer, you nodded and tiptoed out of the cabin, careful not to wake your siblings. you let annabeth lead the way as you softly shut the door to the cabin. there was a bite in the air, a soft breeze that swayed the leaves on the trees. you tugged on the sleeves of the sweater you always slept in, running your fingers over the loose threads from being worn out.

the sweater was luke's. he left it in his drawers when he left camp that night and nobody dared to touch the former counselor's things. his side of the hermes cabin stayed frozen in time; an unmade bed with wrinkles in his sheets, his left shoe poking out from underneath his bed frame, pictures of you and him messily taped to the walls.

"do you think he thinks about us? about camp?" she asked. her voice was so soft you almost didn't hear it. the hooting of the owls was louder than the voice of the girl beside you. "do you think he regrets what he did?"

your mouth felt dry. you blinked a few times, pulling down the sleeve of your sweater to touch the bracelet that you still couldn't bring yourself to get rid off. you licked your chapped lips, wincing at the pain from the cracks, "i-i don't know, annie. it's hard to say."

"well what does your heart tell you?" she tilted her head to look at you. "you know him better than anyone else. what do you think?"

"i like to think that he does," you settled for that. you didn't know if luke regretted his decision. you haven't seen him since that day, not since he placed a longing kiss to your lips, which felt like an omen now that you look back at it, before disappearing to talk to percy.

it was hard to think about what luke was feeling now, but you like to think that he did miss you, miss annabeth, even percy. you know you would if you were in his position. but maybe luke had changed. maybe he wasn't the person you'd grown to love anymore. the thought of it made you ill. would you recognize him if he appeared in front of you right now?

you always believed that in every life you'd know luke. the threads of your life, your being, your existence, would always cross somehow, some way. you believed that you'd recognize him by the sound of his steps, confident and strong, but gentle enough to not incite panic or danger. you'd recognize him by the sound of his breaths, even and calm, except when he would be near you, then it would falter for a second like you'd knocked the air out of his lungs. you'd recognize him by the smell of the air, easy and light, like how it felt to love him.

but you didn't know anymore.

"do you hate him?"

the foliage under your feet crunched under the weight of you as you trudged through the cabin grounds. the sounds of camp seemed to subside as if the whole world was waiting for your answer. your voice wavered when you finally found the courage to speak, "i wish i did."

there was an understanding that settled between you and annabeth as she followed your steps. the world resumed, as it always did. the two of you here in camp half blood and luke somewhere else out there in a place that neither of you could reach. she looked out into the mountains, "me too."

[forbebeandjam]

Heyyy!!! I love your works!!🌺

I was wondering if you could write a bully bada smut ?🎀

Fantasy | Bada Lee x Fem Reader | 21+

Summary: your bully makes you fantasize about things you shouldn’t.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: y’all this is a bully smut… please tell me you know what to expect 😭 still… Fingering, Spanking, etc. MDNI.

READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED

A/N: whoever requested this… sorry for taking so long bby😭 hope you like it!!

~♥︎~

Being the quiet kid in school had always been beneficial. Sitting in the back where no one could interrupt your learning was perfect for you.

The teachers wouldn't call on you, and the majority of your classmates didn't even know of your existence and only looked at you when the rankings came in and you ended up in first place.

"Well... where did she even come from?" they would say as they looked at you.

Your long hair fell over your face and your uniform was not flattering to your body but no one ever saw that, until one day when you entered your last year of high school.

Your parents had to move due to work and you ended up going to a prestigious school. Once again, you remained invisible to everyone.

However, that didn't last for long when your uniform changed. This uniform made your curly figure more prominent to students and to the perverted male teachers.

The boys started to talk about how many boys had fucked you for your hips to look like that. Many bet that they could get you into their bed easily.

The girls talked about how much of a slut you were because of the way you wore your uniform. You even tried to wear pants but the uniform was still accentuating your figure and there was nothing you could do about it.

You were always oblivious to class rankings so you only did what you were supposed to. When the boys tried to hit on you you always pushed them away.

That was until you fell for one of the boys in your class. You couldn't help it. He was the only one that made you feel like you existed without even knowing it.

You texted him every day, helped him study, hung out at his house, and even sat with him during lunch. Many girls started to hate on you even more when they knew you were always with him but you didn't care.

One day during a study session, you went to the bathroom of his house, and when you were walking past a room with loud music playing. The door was wide open and you saw the class president, Bada, making out with one of your classmates.

"You're so wet for me, Y/N,"

You stopped to look at the scene before you and felt something you'd never felt before. Why did she call your name? You didn't know but it made you bite your lip. 

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Bada said and you cleared your throat walking back to his room.

"Mark... Bada lives here?" You asked.

"Well, given the fact that she is my sister, yes," he said and you swallowed your spit in disbelief.

You started to love the way Mark treated you. He was kind and sweet but something about seeing Bada a few seconds ago made you feel all gushy and warm. You wanted more from her but you couldn't give that away.

"Um... I have to go home now. Can we study later?" You said as you packed your things.

"Sure. I'd give you a ride but my girlfriend is in Bada's room studying and I need to take her home as well," he said and you felt like an idiot falling for him.

Of course, he was too good to be single but you didn't know the girl in the next room was his girlfriend. The girl with Bada's hand up her skirt and her tongue down her throat.

"Oh! of course! I can just take the bus so I will head out now and I'll see you in school tomorrow," you said before walking out of the room and into the hall to Bada's room.

You stood in the door frame but the girl wasn't there anymore. Bada stood up and dragged you by the arm into the room and to her bathroom.

She slammed your body against the wall. You were scared. You had never been this close to Bada ever.

"I know you saw what happened and you know that's my brother's girlfriend so you will be quiet. Do you understand?" she said.

"Well, it didn't seem like you wanted to hide anything. Your door was wide open just like her legs," you said. You didn't know why. You had no clue what took over you to speak like that.

Bada hit the wall behind you making you flinch and squirm. A small smirk appeared on her lips.

"I was doing you a favor, babe. Like you didn't let Mark fuck you. Who knows what other filthy things you did in there?" your mouth widened.

"I did not! Mark is not like that!" you said.

"Aren't you the little slut everyone talks about in school? Tell me you didn't feel your pretty cunt dripping wet when you saw me fingering Hejin?" she said as she brought her head closer to yours until you could feel her breath on your lips.

You almost gave in but you decided to push her away.

"Fuck off!" you shouted and stormed out of the room. You took a minute to breathe and collect yourself. How did a stranger have this effect on you?

regardless, you pushed your thoughts away and went home.

-

The following day you went to school and everyone looked at you weirdly. You bit your lip and let your hair fall on your face again.

"What a slut. Sleeping with Mark was so low. He has a girlfriend," you heard someone say. Your eyes widened. This was definitely Bada's doing.

"Y/N, why would you sleep with my brother?" Bada said as she grabbed your face with great force making your eyes tear up.

"I didn't... Bada. You know I didn't," you said shaking your head... or at least trying.

"These are the consequences of snooping around, my little slut. Now get on your knees and beg," Bada whispered in your ear before pushing you down to the floor.

"It's what she deserves, huh?" you heard someone say.

"Bada, why are you doing this?" Mark spoke up and I felt my heart clench. I didn't want to hurt him but I had to speak up.

"It's because that stupid girlfriend of yours, Mark," you said. You felt a kick on your side and realized his girlfriend had hit and kicked you.

"What... what are you talking about?" Mark said.

"Tell him, you bitch. I'm on the floor but at least I wasn't the one begging for someone else to make me cum," she then slapped you across the face.

"Mark, don't listen to her. She's just jealous of me and you," the girl said as she held onto Mark's arm. He grabbed her and dragged her away from the scene leaving me on the floor.

Bada crouched down to your level and pulled your hair making your head tilt back.

"You better pray Mark doesn't find out or you will pay for it," she said before letting go of you and walking away.

-

So for the next few weeks, you were exhausted. Bada had been bullying you not only because of what happened with Mark but because you took her class rank.

Every day she would look for you just to give you a piece of her mind and destroy you with her words. Calling you things like "pathetic little girl" or "a stupid slut" and you got to the point where you'd just let her.

Why the hell you let her? you have no clue. It's almost as if you looked forward to being alone with her in the janitor's closet while she made you fall to your knees and humiliated you.

You always thought there was something wrong with you for wanting her after everything she did to you but when you looked into her eyes, all your thoughts disappeared.

The bell snapped you out of your thoughts and you placed your things into your bag and placed it over your shoulder. You were already anticipating Bada's hand on your shoulder as she pushed you down and made you beg for her to stop.

As you were about to walk out, you heard your teacher calling your name.

"Yes, Mr. Jones?" you asked as you walked back into the class.

"I noticed you are not far away from a higher grade in my class. How about we discuss how to bring your grade up?" he said as she started to close the door and walk to his desk.

He called you over to his desk and you walked toward him. You felt a strange aura but still decided to see what he wanted.

"Come closer. It's alright," He pulled your chair closer to him.

"Look, you can write an essay on your favorite book, retake your lowest grade test, or..." He paused and placed his hand on your thigh. You gasped as his hand moved up and down on your thigh and he began to lift your skirt. You tried to stop him but he grabbed your wrists and punned them down.

"Please, stop..." you said and he chuckled.

"Don't act all innocent. I heard what you've been doing around school. Letting any boy fuck you. What's the difference here?" as you felt his hand riding up your leg, you heard the door fly open.

"Well, would you look at this... Mr. Jones assaulting his student..." Bada said as she took a picture of the situation before her eyes. You panicked at the thought of  Bada owning a picture of it.

"Delete that or I'll flunk you in my class!" he shouted as he walked up to Bada but she didn't move an inch.

"Like I need your class to pass. Besides, one click and I'll send it to my dad... the director of the board of education," Bada said showing the phone to him and he cleared his throat.

"How can we fix this? I will give you anything. A higher grade? WHAT? DAMN IT!" he shouted in frustration and all you could do was cry in silence.

"Never, ever talk or look at her again. I don't want you breathing the same air as her. You don't know her. And if you lay a finger on her again, I'll make sure you live the rest of your life, without a license, a job, and without fucking hands," Bada said before walking up to you.

She wrapped her oversized jacket around your figure and dragged you out of the classroom. She didn't stop until you reached a classroom in a really hidden place in the school. She pulled you inside the classroom and made you sit on the couch.

"What were you thinking? Why didn't you run away? Why did you just sit there and let him do whatever he wanted, Y/N?" she said clearly frustrated. You didn't respond.

"Oh, my gosh... you are actually a virgin?" she said and you started fiddling with your fingers. You felt pathetic for being so vulnerable with people, especially in front of Bada.

"Can you say something? I... I am going crazy," she said.

"Bada, I can't. You have no idea how you make me feel. Things I have never felt before. I feel pathetic for feeling all warm and gushy only when you touch me. I didn't know what to do with Mr. Jones. I was scared and now..." You paused and aggressively wiped your tears.

"Now the only thing in my head is you. You, pushing me down to the floor. Who in their right mind thinks like this? I don't even... I don't know, Bada,"

Bada approached you her touch was soft and you loved it. She lifted your chin.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She said locking eyes with you. Her pupils were dark and you could tell she was eager for your touch.

"Take it. If I'm going to be a slut, I'm going to be your slut. Take my virginity, Bada," you said making her smirk.

"It's that what you really want, pretty girl? You want to be my slut? Aren't you a pathetic little thing?" She said knowing well that you liked it when she did that.

She grabbed your face roughly and shoved her two long fingers inside of your mouth pushing them down your throat and you took them so well gagging slightly but sucking hard on them.

You felt your pussy grow wetter by the second as she played with your thigh. Her hand traced circles around your inner thigh dragging her hand up to your entrance. A new excitement was found in her eyes as she felt how wet you were through your panties.

"Is that all for me?" She asked and all you could do was nod causing her fingers to go deeper down your throat and your saliva was now slimy. She removed her fingers from your mouth and strings of thick saliva connected your mouth and her fingers.

"How well lubricated you left my fingers..." Without warning, she ripped off your soaked panties. She flipped you over and you were now lying on your stomach on her lap.

"Look at how wet my little slut is for me. Mh~ let's see how good you take me..." she shoved her two drenched fingers inside of you making you let out a whimpering noise.

"Does it hurt?" She asked.

"Yes... but... keep... keep going," you said between heavy breathing and whimpering. You wanted to make her sadistic pleasures come true. And you had somehow turned all your pain into pleasure when you were under her touch.

You never told her this but, every time she beat you, cursed at you, or pulled you around, your panties would get drenched in your wetness.

"Mh~ Bada. Please, harder," you moaned as you wiggled your ass in front of her. You wanted her to spank you and she did. She left a red mark on your ass and you moaned.

She moved in and out of you harshly curling her fingers fighting to find your sweet spot, and with every thrust, she would hit your sensitive and swollen clit making you moan even more.

When she thrust in one more time, she finally came in contact with your spot as you moaned and moved more. So she stopped her movements and you started to squirm on her lap. She spanked you hard making you stop.

She turned to look at your face. You were still drooling and a stupid smile plastered on your face as your eyes rolled back. She chuckled and made you sit on the desk fingers still deep inside of you.

"Should I wipe that stupid smile off your face? You're such a pathetic slut, aren't you?" She said and you laughed.

"Only for you, Bada Lee," you replied. She smiled and attacked your lips. Kissing you and moving once again, she took hold of your neck and gently choked you.

You started to moan again, this time louder as she hit your spot over and over. Bada had come from seeing how you reacted to her. She never thought such a shy and innocent thing like you would be like this and just for her.

She always daydreamed about having you in this position and she never imagined that she would actually get to have you. But she wanted to taste you. To make you cum and taste you.

So she sped up. Having no mercy on your dripping pussy as the juices went everywhere on your thighs. And then you came all over her hand. She pushed her fingers back in your mouth and you started to suck.

She lowered herself on you and immediately attacked your sensitive clit collecting your cum with her tongue. You bit her fingers from the overstimulation and she moaned into your fold making you cum all over again letting out loud and shaky breaths.

"Mh~ you taste really good, my little slut. Cumming twice for me like that," she said as she licked up the mess you had made still twitching and whimpering every time her tongue made contact with your folds.

she made you sit up and use your panties to clean up the mess from your tights and folds before putting them in her pocket. 

After a few minutes, you had come down from your orgasm and you managed to stand up. You pulled down your skirt afraid that your figure would make the skirt lift and others would see that your underwear was missing. 

"Here. No one gets to see that but me," she said as she wrapped her jacket around your waist once more. 

You started to walk out of the room with the same shy expression and your hair hanging from the sides of your head when you felt Bada take hold of your hair and pull your head back. 

You moaned at her action and bit your lip as your eyes shut closed. 

"I am not done with you, little slut," she said with a smirk. She planted a heated and sloppy kiss. 

"I'll be waiting eagerly..." you said  licking your lips and walked out of the room.

Thank you for reading 🩵

[aimedis]

WORST KIND OF FLIRT (A TEASE) | WIP WEDNESDAY !!

vincent x lovely actors!au | happy new year everybody! i hope 2025 treats you all well. as my gift to you i shall present you with none other than the unedited version of chapter one of this idea that i talked about ages ago. i've had this chapter written for like about a month and a half but don't get your hopes up for the remaining chapters 😭 i'm gonna try but i honestly can't write for shit and i have no motivation. but if you guys like it, i'll try harder ig lmao

cw - actor au obvi, directors!angel and david, love at first sight but it's literally just lovely and vincent flirting immediately (they don't actually fall in love until later), lovely being a bit insecure, mainly lovely's pov (it switches to angel and david for a second), korean!vincent and lovely, mentions of vincent being adopted by william at ten years old for unspecified reasons, we're ignoring the drama going on between them rn okay, darlin shows up for half a second and sam for even less, says 'laughs' way too much, i know nothing about acting and auditions and whatnot okay 😭

wc - 3.6k

hope you enjoy!

“You’re going to be a star.”

Lovely’s been told that close to a billion times in their life. It used to make them really happy when they were a kid. They’d grin up at their mom when she would tell them about all the awesome movies and TV shows they would act in once they were older. They’d practice in front of a mirror for hours at a time, reciting the few lines they were expected to memorise as a little eight-year-old. Even at that age, they wanted more. More lines, more chances to prove themselves worthy of the big screen, more of the spotlight. They only wanted to shine as bright as possible, to make their family proud.

“You’re a star.”

It feels egotistical to them, to say that they’re a star. But it would be completely ignorant of them to pretend they hadn’t made it far. Getting recognized every time they stepped foot outside, having people stand in line for autographs, people using their name and face for school projects, and not to mention, getting thousands of dollars just to say the name of a brand. As much as it warmed their heart, it got to be quite disorienting at times. To think that they went from being a complete nobody outside of their school plays and small commercials to being so… well known.

It was also really privacy-invading. Paparazzi was going to be the death of them.

But that’s the price I pay, Lovely muses to themselves as they try their best to breeze past the flashing lights and cameras being shoved in their face while they try to walk into the studio.

“..they could be a little less obnoxious about it though. Can’t believe this shit’s legal.”

Lovely looks up and squints to regain steady vision from nearly being blinded. Belatedly, they snort when they see Darlin glaring at the door they had just walked through.

“Yeah,” They say breathlessly, slipping their jacket off.

Darlin pats them on the head, “You need anything before they call you in? They said in about half an hour.”

Lovely leans into their hand, “‘M okay. I’ll just play games on my phone. Did Sam go in already for Daniel?”

The (slightly) taller of the two nods and gently leads Lovely over to a few seats in a slightly secluded area, “He should be done a little while though. I already went so do you want us to wait with you before you go in? We can take you home.”

Lovely was tempted to say no, say that they don’t need to look after them. They wanted to say that they weren’t a baby (even though they were significantly younger than both Darlin and Sam) who needed to be coddled.

But when Darlin guides them to sit down, fixing their hair, they only exhale softly. As long as they don’t need to call an Uber.

“Yes please. If it’s not too much trouble.”

Darlin grins, “Never for you, spark.”

Lovely huffs and pouts up at them, “Don’t call me that, weirdo.”

They only laugh and sit next to Lovely, sliding their phone out of their back pocket.

They rest their head on Darlin’s shoulder, going to scroll on their own phone to kill time.

✩★✩★✩

Lovely inhales sharply when their name is called out along with someone else. They clear their throat, and stand up, “Wish me luck, I guess.”

It shouldn’t still make them so nervous to do auditions after doing so many of them in their life. And it usually doesn’t. However, not only was this film one of the bigger ones they were called in to audition for, their agent said this one was right up their alley. And after they read the summary and script, they agreed. This one was perfect for them. The character Kaia was perfect for them. They wanted this role more than they’ve wanted any role in their life.

The male lead Lucas also happened to be their ideal type but that was neither here nor there.

“Good luck,” Sam flashes them a smile, “This is easy work for you.”

Darlin nods, “Don’t stress, you’ve got this in the bag.”

But what if someone better comes around?

Lovely leaves that unsaid, now was not the time to be insecure. They needed to have confidence.

But really they couldn’t help themselves, they read a couple hate comments too. Of course, they tried to tell themselves that the positive outweighs the negative and that the good comments were always so much more detailed and substantial than just “they’re not pretty”.

They take a deep breath and nod once, hardly noticing the other actor who stood up at the same time, walking back into the audition room. They smile back at Sam and Darlin before turning around.

They’re a star.

✩★✩★✩

Lovely walks slowly into the backroom where the auditions were being held, seeing only one other person standing around the door. They were so stuck in their own head about the person they would be acting with that they failed to notice the person they would be acting with.

They’re going over their lines in their head as they step into the hallway, reminding themselves to breathe when a voice knocks them out of their train of thought.

“So, you’re my Kaia.”

Lovely’s face prematurely scrunches in disgust before they even turn to look at whoever this guy was, not registering his tone and utterly annoyed they had to act with one of those guys. Again. They’ve worked with people like him before, revolting middle-aged men who only looked younger and thought it was okay to touch and sleazily flirt with their young co-star because they played love interests. Every other film they’ve acted in since they were 18. They were sick and tired and really wanted to enjoy this one so they turned to face this supposed middle-aged man so they could tell him off and set some boundaries.

However, they were met with the most handsome face they’ve ever seen in their life. He was smiling, not smirking, at them, his eyes shimmered even in the bright fluorescent lights, and his face looked sculpted by the gods. Lovely couldn’t help but let their eyes trail further down, scanning his body that they could somehow tell was just perfect underneath his hoodie and baggy jeans.

He laughs and—holy shit, Lovely thinks they’ve died and gone to heaven, he was so beautiful. Lovely snaps out of their little trance and meets his eyes properly, his beautiful brown eyes, when it clicks.

Oh my god, this is Vincent Solaire.

They also hadn’t known him personally, they acted in very different genres. They hadn’t even been a fan, per say. But he was just as well-known as they were. William Solaire, his father and agent, was a director they had worked under and that was one of their favourites.

Lovely inhales when Vincent brushes his hair out of his face.

“I would say you match Kaia’s description perfectly but.. I think you’re better.”

“Oh yeah?” Lovely laughs breathily, “Do you flatter all of your co-stars like this, or am I special?”

Vincent looks them up and down slightly and Lovely swears he looks at their lips, “You’re definitely.. special, Lovely was it?”

They nod, “Vincent?”

“In the flesh,” He grins.

Lovely smiles back, not having it in them to feel ashamed at the blush spreading across their face, only because he was blushing too.

“You don’t usually act in rom-coms,” Lovely hums, leaning back against the wall, “Why this one?”

Vincent’s grin widens, “You keep tabs on what I act in?”

Lovely shrugs, “I mean you’re not a nobody, I’ve seen you around. And where you are, Sam is. Gotta support my best friend’s man, you know?”

Vincent breathes a laugh, “Ah, that’s right. You’re Darlin’s twin flame.”

“In the flesh,” They repeat with a matching smile.

Vincent scoffs playfully, “Copy cat.”

Lovely snorts.

“Well,” Vincent continues, “I just wanted to try something new, you know? You can only act in thrillers and shit like that for so long before you need to switch it up to something more lighthearted.” He says, still smiling.

Lovely senses that wasn’t the whole truth but they nod, “I see. I’ve only acted in a handful of horror movies but I get it. They’re a little draining.”

“Oh yeah, you were in Locked Down.” He recalls, “I love that movie, you were phenomenal in it. Your acting was so realistic.”

Lovely smiles slightly, they always got a little sheepish whenever they got praised for their acting or any skill at all. You’d think they’d be used to it by now.

“Yeah well,” They clear their throat, “Screaming so much made my head hurt for days so I would hope it was good.”

Vincent laughs a bit hesitantly, “I’d say it paid off.”

Lovely laughs as well, going to say something else but the door in front of them swings open a little. They glance over only to freeze at the familiar face of Angel Shaw themselves standing in front of them.

Not familiar on a personal level, of course not. Lovely had never met them personally, but they and their husband were some of the most famous actors turned directors in North America. Lovely grew up watching Angel on TV and they were part of the reason Lovely even wanted to act in the first place. But even as they rose in popularity, Lovely always admired Angel and David and any film they directed. It was another recent dream of theirs to act under them, and this was their chance.

Angel looks at the two actors standing around the door and they smile, stepping out to show their full body, “Good morning, you two! Good to see you again, Vincent. We’ll be right with you both in a moment.” They turn to look at Lovely specifically, “Hi, there. I know we talked over the phone once and I’ve spoken with your agent but it’s nice to see you in person.”

You wouldn’t believe how happy I am right now, Lovely cried internally, trying to hide the star struck look on their face.

They clear their throat, “I-It’s nice to see you too. I’m a really big fan of your and David’s work.”

Angel laughs softly, “Why, thank you! That means a lot. We also enjoy watching you act, it’s truly beautiful.”

Lovely nearly died on the spot and they prayed to whatever god was listening that it didn’t show on their face. They barely squeak out a ‘thank you’ before Angel settles back into their professionalism.

They look at their clipboard, “So, you’ve both been called in to play the main characters and love interests Kaia and Lucas obviously. This “audition” is mainly just to see how well you two act together. Your chemistry, if you will. You’ll have like five-ish minutes to talk with each other and introduce yourselves and then we’ll start, okay?”

They both nod and Angel looks back up.

“Okay!” They smile and peer back into the room, “David? Are we good to go?”

“Yeah, send ‘em in.”

Angel nods towards the inside of the room, “Come on in then.”

Lovely dazedly steps into the room.

The room was bigger than it looked from the outside. There was a long table with six seats, four of which were occupied, the one to the right of David Shaw was empty, Lovely assumes that’s Angel's seat.

Angel points to the small table, “You guys can sit over there and get to know each other a little better and we’ll call you over, alright?”

Lovely and Vincent both nod and step in sync over to the corner. They both sit down and smile at each other.

“So Vincent, where are you from?” Lovely asks.

Vincent grins, “Well, I think it’s common knowledge that I was adopted by William when I was 10. But my birth parents were Korean and so were most of my foster parents until William adopted me.”

Lovely’s eyes light up, “Oh same!” They pause with a small laugh, “Not that- not that I was adopted but my parents are both Korean immigrants.”

Vincent laughs as well, “Really? Do you speak Korean then?”

Lovely’s nose scrunches, “I’m like- fairly fluent. I’m not as well-spoken as I am in English. My dad dogs on me for it all the time. You?”

“God, I have the speaking ability of a fourth grader.” Vincent scoffs, “Obviously, since I was adopted at 10 by a non-Korean man, my Korean just stopped ageing with me once I stopped putting in effort.”

They nod with a smile, “I get it. Have you tried learning more now that you’re an adult?”

“Not really? I think I tried a couple times when I turned 21 but I got impatient. But hey, maybe you could teach me,” Vincent tilts his head to the side, smiling at them.

Lovely stops breathing as they glance down at his lips.

“Yeah… I could.”

They blink when Vincent laughs, focusing back on his eyes.

“Mesmerized, Lovely?” He hums, beaming from ear to ear.

Lovely scoffs playfully, “You wish, pretty boy.”

“Think I’m pretty, huh?”

“Yeah well,” They smile a little more shyly, “I’m not blind.”

They delight in seeing the slight pink tint that spreads across Vincent’s cheeks.

He grins slightly, returning the small glance down at Lovely’s lips, “Yeah? I think you’re pretty too. Gorgeous, even.”

Lovely breathes a short flustered laugh, “Jeez, is this a part of the script? This is a lot of flattery for getting to know my co-star for an audition.”

Vincent laughs a little louder, “I’m only getting into character, of course. My Kaia.” He reaches over to gently hold Lovely’s hand laying on the table.

And Lovely feels their entire stomach light up brighter than a Fourth of July night. They swallow, forcing themselves to keep their breathing stable. They sigh shakily, “Yeah…”

Neither of them realize how long they’ve been looking into each other’s eyes until David’s voice calls from the other side of the room.

“We’re ready to get started, you two. Are you ready?”

Neither of them flinch. Not at all.

Vincent looks away first and gently drops Lovely’s hand, nodding at the directors. The two stand and walk over to stand in front of the table.

“Alright,” Angel looks up from the papers in front of them and smiles, “You can start whenever you’re ready.”

Vincent and Lovely both nod at the directors and then at each other, settling themselves into their roles. By the light waltz music starts playing softly in the background, they are both fully immersed into another world.

Vincent smiles completely poised in a way that is unlike earlier, holding his hand out towards Lovely, “Kaia. I’ve heard a lot about you from your father.”

Lovely grins back at him hesitantly, taking his hand, “That so? Lucas, is it?”

He hums as he pulls them into a slow dance of swaying back and forth, holding onto their waist loosely with his free hand, “That’s me. Prince of the House of Solaire.”

Lovely rests their right hand on Vincent’s shoulder, “Not the typical name for a royal, hm? I saw a picture of you and assumed James or Alexander.”

Vincent laughs.

✩★✩★✩

David leans over to whisper in Angel’s ear as the other casting directors spoke to the two, “They’re really good at this. I could hardly tell they were reading off a script.”

Angel snorts, tapping their pen against their paper, “Uh huh.”

He furrows his brows, “What, you don’t think they’re good?”

“No, no, not that. They’re wonderful,” Angel shakes their head with a laugh, “They’re just uhh- it feels like a little more than acting, no?”

David shrugs with a small smile, “I don’t know, Angel, maybe they’re just good at their job.”

“Right.” They roll their eyes, “And they were eye-fucking over there without the script for fun.”

“You shouldn’t speak about your actors like that, Angel.” David breathes a laugh, “And you know how insane actors are these days when it comes to getting into character. Remember Milo and the FBI Agent Incident?”

Angel stifles a louder laugh, “Oh god. They weren’t even using real guns for the shoot, he didn’t need to go to a shooting range everyday for a month.”

David bites his tongue with a grin, turning back to the two once Babe had finished speaking. He writes something down on his sheet of paper, “That was great guys, thank you so much. That’ll be it. We’ll get back to you in the next week.”

Angel bids the two goodbye and rests their head on David’s shoulder once they’re out of the room, looking down at his papers and snorting, “Didn’t need any time to think about it, huh?

David shakes his head, “God, no. They’ve had the job since they walked in here.”

✩★✩★✩

Vincent holds the door open for Lovely as they leave, to which they snort.

“Thanks, prince charming.” They pat his shoulder playfully.

He laughs and closes it behind him. Lovely jerks their head to the side to indicate Vincent follow them back to the main part of the building with a confidence they did not feel.

Vincent sticks his hands in his pockets, “Not to sound too proud, but I think we nailed that.”

“Obviously,” Lovely nods with a smile,”You could have looked at my lips a little less though.”

His eyes scrunch up into those little half-moons again to emphasize his amusement, “Well, who could blame me? They’re very nice to look at.”

Lovely raises an eyebrow, stopping once they reach the end-of-hallway door, “Only to look at?”

Vincent, once again, glances down at their lips as they spin around to face him whilst leaning against the door. He breathes a barely there ghost of a laugh, “Maybe more. Who knows?”

Lovely can’t contain the wide smile that overtakes their features, squeezing a fist behind their back to attempt to contain their excitement. Vincent looks back up at their eyes after a moment, shifting back into focus.

His head tilts slightly and he smiles sincerely, “You have beautiful eyes, Lovely.”

How they didn’t collapse right then and there, they’ll never know. Feeling crimson creeping onto their cheeks, Lovely laughs lightly and scratches their nose.

They had never been able to take praise of any kind without feeling like their entire body was on fire. They always laughed the compliment off or redirected it out of pure embarrassment. Recently, that is. Being in the spotlight so often since the age of 17 had indirectly forced them to be better at accepting the praise. Being ‘The Star of the Big Screen’ meant being continuously lauded all over the internet and often to their face during interviews or fan-meetings. They had spent so many hours in their bedroom, in cars, or in hotel rooms practicing their “poker face” and willing themself to never show a single person outside of their close circle how much a little praise flustered them.

The way Vincent spoke to them undid all of that. The tone of his voice, his gaze, his fucking confidence. If their body was on fire when it came to anyone else, he made them feel like they had just been thrown into a volcano.

And they could only thank whoever was listening that their days of tripping over their feet, choking, or sometimes straight up running away were over. The only thing that would be more humiliating than being complimented by the most beautiful person they’ve ever seen would be fumbling themself in front of him.

Shaking off their inner-monologue, they grin at him again, “Thank you. All the compliments today, are you sure this is still ‘getting into character’?”

“Of course, I have to really step into Lucas’ shoes.”

“Uh huh,” Lovely shakes their head with a laugh, “Sure.”

“Really! In fact, I’ll do the most Lucas thing ever and ask for your number!” He grins again, reaching into his back pocket for his phone.

They stare at him with barely concealed mirth, “The most Lucas thing ever? Really?”

“Nah,” He snorts, unlocking his phone, “It’s a Vincent thing for sure.”

Lovely doesn’t think their heart is supposed to skip that many beats but they chuckle and accept the phone offered to them, typing in their number quickly.

“Thank you kindly,” Vincent says, taking his phone back. Lovely hums and leans off the door, swinging it open and stepping in time with Vincent back to the entrance.

They both wave to Sam and Darlin’ still sitting there in the corner. Sam stops talking when he sees the two of them, waving back and the two stand up.

“Hey.” Darlin says, stretching their arms, ��How’d it go?”

Lovely and Vincent exchange a short look.

“Good,” They both say at the same time, sharing a smile.

Sam raises an intrigued eyebrow but he smiles back, “That’s good. Do you know when you’ll get the call back?”

“Ah, David said within the next week,” Vincent says.

The two in front of them nod and Sam glances to the door.

“Is William picking you up, Vincent?”

Vincent nods and takes a look at his phone, “And he’s already here.” He looks up with a little smile that was mostly directed at Lovely, “Bye, guys. See you later.”

Lovely waves back at him, letting their gaze linger a little longer than normal until Darlin’ clears their throat.

And whatever confidence Lovely had vanished the second they were alone with Darlin’ and Sam.

────────

so uh, i meant to post this before 12am where i am buttttttt.... it's surely still january 1st somewhere 😄

[cosmicdream222]

Manifesting money out of thin air ✨

My bestie and I have been persisting in the affs “I get paid to exist” and “I am spoiled & treated like a queen” because we don’t wanna work for shit anymore 😭 Yesterday she told me she was hanging out at the local bar and a random guy gave her money to play a gambling game (it’s legal where she is) and said he would split any winnings with her. She ended up winning over $600 so after splitting with him, went home with $300 cash. I was like “damn!!! I want someone to randomly give me cash too!!”

Anyway last night around 11:11, I was getting ready for bed, listening to some subs and texting my bestie when I got a new email with the subject “[generic man’s name] sent you $100 for dinner”. I was like wtf is this some scam email? It was from Cash App, but I usually get text notifications from them.

I looked at the email info and it was sent to my old social media name - when I was going through my influencer era 2021-2022, I had an army of simps who wanted to send me tips & gifts when I was livestreaming on TikTok, so I made a separate account so my real name wouldn’t be disclosed. All the attention got too much back then and I ended up abandoning all my old social media accounts over a year ago, and I’ve ignored it all since (I don’t even have TT or IG apps on my phone anymore)

I logged in to my old Cash account and sure enough, $100 bucks from a complete stranger. I marked it with a heart, and a few minutes later received another $50 with a note to check one of my old accounts on Reddit.

So yeah, he DMed saying had found my old accounts and just decided that I deserved to be spoiled & treated like a queen. Not him repeating my affs 😭 Yes I have pretty privilege lol but it was a completely unexpected surprise - I haven’t received any payments on that Cash account since December 2022, and even when I was active I never received so much at once, for absolutely no reason!

[strwbnnie]

Y’all I know I said I wasn’t posting anything else until I revised some older fics buttttt I just couldn’t get this series out of my head 🥲 let’s call it the Tokyo Rev. Occupation Series where I’ll be writing a series of nsfw blurbs about these sleazy professionals & their favorite clients 🫶🏾

First up we have :

Dentist!Smiley

 Lmaoooo this one is so obvious but Smiley is one of the best dentists there is. His office is a serene environment, even with the rap music playing, mainly Youngboy cus that’s who he claims he resonates with and it reminds him of his adolescence 😭 Souya thinks it’s unprofessional but regardless, it’s what he likes and his clients never complain, except you.

Smiley’s known for enhancements. Says a person’s smile is their best asset and has dedicated his life to helping people achieve their perfect smile. Porcelain veneers are his specialty—he focuses on aesthetic and functionality. His prices are a bit steep but his work speaks for itself. 

At only 27 years old he owns his own private practice and has made a name for himself in such little time. A lot of people are skeptics, claiming he’s far too young to know what the hell he’s doing, and that he’s overrated. He used to get so many comments about him being a scammer, ripping off clients, and a whole bunch of other bullshit on the daily.

It was infuriating but he’s not the person he used to be. Plus he can’t fight thousands of strangers on the internet. So he addressed it one time and one time only on ig live. 

“I don’t do promo like y’all’s favorite dentists, and I don’t fancy putting big white cinderblocks in people’s mouths for a couple thousand dollars like y’all’s favorite dentists.”

“If you don’t wanna work with me, that’s cool, but don’t disrespect me or my craft. My work is immaculate so pay my fucking price, or don’t, but somebody will and you’ll know the difference.” 

Of course it went viral, probably cus he said the whole thing with a smile on his face. Had the internet in an uproar—he was cool, calm and a little stern with just the right amount of sassy and of course you ate it up. Booked your consultation at Kawata Dentistry a few weeks later, paid almost 23 bands for your perfect smile, and you couldn’t be happier. He was much cuter in person, and yes, his teeth are just as straight and white in person. What intrigued you the most was the way the smile on his face never wavered, even when he was a bit annoyed at his receptionist for double booking his appointments.

That was nearly a year ago and he’s been your dentist since, and in the span of that year he’s come to like you a lot—enough to say you’re his favorite client. It makes him so fucking happy that you’ve started to smile for him more, no longer self-conscious about your imperfect smile, now you give him real smiles showing damn near all thirty two of your teeth.

He thinks you’re pretty as fuck too, never wearing any makeup, just your mink lashes and that Dior lip stuff you like. Smiley loves the way you keep yourself up—hair and nails always done and you always smell good as fuck, it’s obvious you’re a high maintenance, luxury bitch. But when you walk through his threshold, when you enter his domain, you’re nothing more than a slut for him to play with and he loves it.

He’s sitting on his stool, wheels locked while you’re on your knees between his legs with his fat cock stuffed in your mouth. The stretch makes your jaw ache but neither of you regard that. You swallow around his cock and it sends shivers up his spine. “Oh fuck, you’re so good at that.”

He calls it a ‘stress test’ and how he got you to agree to this the first time, you’ll never know, it must’ve been his way with words, since that’s what drew you to him in the first place.

Brent Faiyaz is playing, cus you hate that ‘rah-rah rap shit’ and you made it your business to tell him every time you enter his office, once you got comfortable enough.

He’s got your hair fisted into a makeshift ponytail, loves the raw Indian tape-ins you have in this time.

Smiley’s yanking at your hair, bobbing your head up and down, occasionally pushing you down far enough for his peachy pubes to tickle your nose. He’s spewing praise after praise as you please him. Going on and on about how you’re so pretty, especially when you’re on your knees letting him use your mouth like this. Thank goodness for the music, the gyuck sounds are so loud, so obscene as his thrusts get faster and sloppier.

The shaft of his cock is jutting against your teeth every single time the tip of him kisses the back of your throat, makes him shudder every time. He lets out a deep sigh, holding your head still and jerking his hips up.

“Holy shit, you’re so perfect.”

This lasts until he cums, which is never long, you are the client with the perfect mouth after all. He pops his cock out of your mouth, pressing kisses to your lips again and again until he’s satisfied.

You’re still on your knees and he’s still gripping your jaw, you already know what he wants so you crack a wide smile for him. You’re sure you look crazy—spit and cum (you’re dentist’s cum) running down your chin, just smiling like an idiot. He turns your head side to side, using his other hand to run his finger over the tips of your teeth. 

“No loosies or chipping.” He smiles at his own handiwork. “Lemme clean you up and get a picture.” It’s sweet, the way he wipes your face so gently and helps you up. He walks away for a second, washes his hands and returns with a tiny paper cup full of mouthwash, remembers alcohol free is your preference.

The goal is a minute but he lets you slide with the forty-five second swish. He hugs you tight, and he doesn’t let go. Neither do you, your arms perched against his shoulders as you stare up at him.

“When imma see you again? Every four months ain’t cutting it nomore.”

“You can see me whenever, you know where I be, what time I take lunch. Unless you trying to take me on a date outside of work hours.”

You nod, and when you do he’s pulling out his phone, handing it to you with a light chuckle. “Alright, gimme your number. We’ll set something up.”

Later that day, you see he posted you on his personal page. Your teeth looks amazing but you hope the hearts in your eyes and the way you press yourself against him isn’t too obvious.

@/smiley_orthodontist : Another satisfied client back for routine maintenance! I love making pretty girls prettier 🥺🫶🏻

I guess it’s safe to say you really like your dentist & he really likes you too!

[frostbitepandaaaaa]

rebelcaptain + 📆, 💯, 😭

sissi!!!! omg hi <3

📆 A fic you’d re-read 10 years from now

i feel like this is unfair because there are SO MANY and honestly there are fics that i read 10 years ago that i have definitely reread like close to yearly! i know that you said rebelcaptain.......... BUT walk with me for a second.

first and foremost if anyone here has sat still long enough in my presence i have probably told you about Parabiosis by Penumbra (x files, mulder/scully). definitely the single most influential and life-altering fic for me. i am actually i nthe middle of a reread right now.

snippet:

Outside he boiled water over the minute canister stove, and made instant coffee from a foil packet dented by bear's teeth. He carried his cup around the gully in the fog, gleaning dead wood. He imagined that he was some kind of desperado and Scully was his feisty little gun moll. They hid out in the high places and life was pure and as simple as keeping the campfire small and not silhouetting oneself on the ridge line. He had to admit to himself that he would manage to complicate any life he inhabited. Scully would be the first to point out that he was not a peaceable being. He built a campfire purely for the pleasure of watching her stand over it, warming her hands in the smoke. She gripped a cup of coffee and wore the shell-shocked stare of the newly-awoken. She had a pillow crease in her cheek and long underwear on under her jeans. She was damp, diaphanous, bed-haired early-morning gorgeous, and Mulder felt a kind of religious awe that his life contained this moment.

from the Mad Max: Fury Road (max/furiosa) side of things, Glow by @sacrificethemtothesquid is a reread for me almost routinely. this is what inspired Such a Being Within. it's just so intense and beautiful.

snippet:

“Drink something,” she chokes out, because it’s the first thing that pops into her head. “ Now . Do it.”

“Did,” he says, and gestures to the car.

“ Again ,” she snaps, and he reaches into the window to grab his canteen. She watches as he takes a few short, careful swallows, and it’s the most gorgeous sight she’s ever seen. She’s seen him naked, seen him above and below her, seen him unravelled by her own five fingers, but she has never felt as wild and enraptured as she does right now.

There’s water glistening in the stubble above his lip, and she’s riding the hard edge of hysteria. The relief expands in her lungs like a bubble of choking gas, and then he’s saying, “Hey... hey ,” and her face is pressed into his neck, into the stale, damp, utterly beloved scent of him, and she draws in one long shaky breath like the addict she is, and can’t stop.

“Don’t,” is all she can gasp out. “Don’t. Don’t ever- ”

as for rebelcaptain there are many, many candidates but i feel ike From Niamos, With Love by @princessniitza has got to be it. I've already read it about 5 times.

snippet:

“Are you okay?” he asked, almost snapped, and when he reached her his left hand rose at once to cradle the side of her face so he could check her head, her eyes.

She stared at him in realization: he’d been the one shooting the gangsters from the roof. He hadn’t left. He hadn’t run. Instead—

His hand had left her face to trail down her arm and nudge against her ribs, looking for bruises or broken bones. She caught it in hers, stopping it at her waist, and choked, “You came back.”

At that, he glanced back up, and the look in his eyes…

She kissed him, or he kissed her, she didn’t know, didn’t care. She kissed him almost savagely, drawing blood—or it might just have been her blood, already spilled. She’d split her lip again.

“Keef—" she started when they parted.

“Cassian,” he said, interrupting her. “My name is Cassian.”

💯 A fic that makes you think #writergoals

i mean... any of those fics i just recc'd above. honestly, anything i read that i fall in love with... that's kind of a requisite feeling. anything that @melyzard has ever written. the amount of detail and the way she writes just makes me wail in pain, love and envy.

Love is a Verb particularly.

snippet:

Cassian has read every piece of information he could get on the daughter. Erso’s daughter, the last viable route that the Empire has to a weapon that makes the Analysis department wring their hands anxiously and the senior agents in Intelligence pace through the temple halls like an axe hangs over their heads. She’s a criminal, an opportunist merc, a loner, and perilous with a weapon (although that last part is based more on hearsay from various other thieves, criminals, and mercs that he talked to as he hunted through the stars for her).  She grew up in a rebel group increasingly known throughout the galaxy for it's brutality. She’s spent the last six months in a high-security Imperial work prison, her wrists are still in shackles, and even from halfway across the room Cassian can see how her rough clothes hang off her underfed frame.

So when she raises her chin and speaks to the leaders of the Alliance like she’s a general meeting them on her own terms, like she has some kind of choice to walk away from this table if she doesn’t like the bargain they offer, Cassian finds himself mildly impressed.

😭 A fic that ripped your heart out (but it hurt so good)

oh fuck off sissi you know the answer to this one.

tragedy in your blood by YOU!!!!! i distinctly remember the first time i read this... i was in bed and then i had to get out of bed and wash my face because i thought i was slick and thought i could hide my tears from my husband but that wasn't actually true. it's just SO GOOD and they LOVE EACH SO MUCH FUCK. even just thinking about it makes my eyes burn and my chest tighten FUCK.

snippet:

“You were shot in the leg and captured. They gave you some psychoactive drug to question you. You were high when we found you, and it only made your injury worse. Jyn, I…” His eyes drop to the floor and refuses to meet hers again. A knot forms in her stomach at the tone of his voice. Strangled with fear and grief. “I have to tell you something.”

And some part of her already knows.

Because he’s not here. And he should be.

“Where’s Cassian?” she asks without inflection, eerily calm for the situation.

Bodhi said — didn’t he say he’d be here? She’s almost certain she didn’t imagine that.

He should be here. He would be here, if she had nearly died, if she had nearly lost her leg…

Cassian would be by her side through it all. Unless he couldn’t, unless —

brb WAILING INTO THE VOID

send me an ask and i'll rec a fic!

[stay-midnight]

Unreleased Draft #4: A Journey Through the Cosmos

Android Hwang Hyunjin x Male Reader

Synopsis: Humans went extinct decades ago, Y/N found himself waking up in an unfamiliar place with no memories of what happened, only an android and a possible second human to keep him company.

A/N • My attempt at writing third person POV i was having a hard time at this! This was suppose to be my 200 Followers special huhu but I didn't manage to finish it at that time it was long ago as well like 2021 probably😭

Author Ratings:

Plot/Idea on Scratch - 9/10, I am a sucker for sci-fi and I eat it up regularly, haha Im a science nerd what can I say I hope to do more sci fi in the futuree writing.

Writing at that time - 7/10, kinda good for a first attempt at third person but generally I dont like third person povs with x reader fics 😭! I think my wording is owkay here.

Writeability / Needed Creativity - 0/10, my love for sci fi is not comparable to my ability to actually write them, my limit is tentacle alien smut HAHAHAHA 😭.

Total Darkness.

Completely Fading.

That was all Y/N could feel, well for now I guess.

Years and years have passed in his cold sleep, that is until it was finally time.

“Wh— Where am I...?” He mumbled out, the light at the ceiling was blinding and once he sat up the chill that was surrounding him gradually disappeared. He turned to the side and noticed he was in some sort of container.

“A hospital?” He thought, weirded a bit at the moment.

He sat up straight and look around his surroundings, his blurry vision from the blinding light before now much clearer to him.

He was in a white room, like clean and pure white with lines of silver engraved on the wall.

What caught his attention though was another person, standing with his head bent as if he was nodding. “What is this place...”

Is he in heaven? In a experimental facility? He had a lot of questions surging through his nerves.

Where am I?

The male inside the opened ‘container’ stretched his muscles before standing up and walking over to the weird person.

He tapped his shoulder, Once. Twice.

Then the mysterious person looked up at the one who disturbed his sleep then spoke.

“Select a mode, human: Helper Mode, Human Mode, Guard Mode, Lover Mode.” He said without blinking and in a monotone voice.

The last option made the male widen his eyebrows in confusion as silence reigns over both of you for a few moment as he took in his appearance; sharp jaw, plump and huge lips, cat eyes, big nose and clear skin. He’s too perfect, what the hell.

His eyes were glowing a blue hue which fascinated the male until he opened those lips of his again, “Again, human please select a mode: Helper Mode, Huma—”

“Helper Mode.... Wait, are you a robot?” Said the fascinated one, scratching his head at what exactly is happening.

“Very well then.” He accepts before his blue irises turned into green, emerald glowing ones.

“As I was assigned to helper mode, I will do my best to attend to your needs whether you have questions or just want me to do a certain action that will benefit you.” he explained briefly and looked at the human before him for any signs of questions to his statement.

“Forgive me, Y/N for I haven’t introduced myself properly yet.”

He knows my name..?

“I am an android, for typically I don’t have a name — but my creator always called me Hyunjin. I was created to serve the last humans. You and whoever is inside that.” he stated, pointing to the other container right next to you before giving a beautiful smile.

“L-Last humans? This isn’t some kind of prank is it? Is this some kind of test..?” Y/N asked with a trembling voice and shocked eyes as he gnaw on his bottom lip.

The android smile faded, “No. You are both the last of civilization. Planet Earth was destroyed 79 earth years ago.” he asked his voice still barely holding emotions but empty.

Y/N tried to calm your head down before asking more questions again, “Where are we then? If Earth got destroyed.” You breathed out trying to process information.

“We are currently in what the Creator called the ‘Mothership’” Hyunjin hummed before sighing and made a hand signal inching Y/N to move forward and you did.

He swiped his hand and a hologram appeared behind Y/N, he looked back and stared at the figure in awe. “Is this where we are?” He spoke reaching out to the it only for the tips of his fingers to pass through it.

Hyunjin nodded, “Yes.”

~∆~

The ship looked a bit like a submarine of some sort. It looked cool but what was worrying about is how this ship works, like a car using fuel? Or just collecting the space dust - turning it into usable gas. he might have to ask Hyunjin later.

“Oh, you mentioned something about different modes you have - what exactly to they do?” Y/N spurred.

“Helper Mode is helping those in need either by medical or informational problems. Human Mode is where a personality to be built and be processed. Also to adapt. Guard mode is for fighting and protecting and lastly Lover mode is for me to give people’s physical needs by affection or to entertain sexual desires.” He explained once more thoroughly with a handsome smile on his face.

“Now, please take a rest. I am going to standby here to wait for the second human.” Hyunjin said but more in a concerning look.

“I have been asleep for seven decades and you still expect me to sleep?” Y/N pouted and looked at him with a glare. Hyunjin paid no mind and just nodded. Before standing still and looked at the other container.

Is it okay if—

“Hyunjin, switch to Human Mode if you may.” Y/N mumbled lowly but somehow Hyunjin’s advanced hearing caught on.

The android looked at Y/N before his emerald irises turned into brown orbs, looking more human so to speak. “As Human Mode was activated, I will do my best to communicate, learn and interact to add to my data and help build a complex human personality.” He said with a warm smile, taking a seat at the corner.

Wow, he seems more like a different person.

~∆~

Y/N played with his fingers in absolute boredom as you waited for the container to open.

“Hey Hyunjin? How long till that open?” He said in a frustrated tone, sighing afterwards.

“Not much long..” Hyunjin sighs with bored look on his face as he turned to the male walking in circles, deep in thought.

“In the meantime, Hyunjin, may I— uh, explore the ship?” Y/N spoke in a thrilled tone as his orbs was filled with curiousity.

“I would recommend you to stay put but as long as you stay in vicinity of this room, it should be okay since it’s easy to get lost in the ship here. O- Oh.. take this if your going.” He smiled meekly, standing up but somehow the other man couldn’t take his eyes off on how the android moves his thick and plump lips while he’s chattering.

~∆~

“Y/N..? Hello Y/N to ship?” He waves his hand on your face, laughing at you.

Y/N stared at him incredulously, silently judging his slighty robotic laugh. “Is that normal?”

“Uh....” he trailed before clearing his throat and laughing again this time more realistic.

The human smiled at it but forgot that Hyunjin was giving him omething, due to the absurd amount of time used to check the non-human.

“Take this if your going.” he said pulling something out of his pocket - a badge?

Wha—

[demigodofhoolemere]

Things I can’t stop thinking about from Jamie and Zoe’s Tales of the TARDIS episode

- The very concept of them remembering and seeing each other again in general.

- How pointed it is in calling their mindwipe unforgivable and insisting that they’ll definitely never forget again. I get the feeling RTD or someone else involved in the writing of it has been carrying a grudge against their ending for decades and used this as therapy lol. Relatable.

- The recorder and the reverence with which they both treat it. 🥺

- “I missed him every day of my life. Didn’t even realize it.” 😭

- “I’d still be with him now if I could, trying to keep up with him.” This line hits so hard both because Jamie truly never would have left and because Frazer has said this same thing about himself and Pat, that they’d still be doing it if he were alive and if they hadn’t both been convinced that it was time to leave. My heart.

- This is true of these episodes generally but I love so much that they both had happy and fulfilling lives. Jamie got to have a wonderful big family and Zoe was still able to keep her growth from her travels and escape just being “all brain and no heart”.

- ZOE NAMED HER SON JAMES. NOBODY LOOK AT ME.

- ^ Jamie’s reaction to the above. The way his face and voice go so soft, I can’t deal with it.

- The fact that they were still influenced by their experiences even if they couldn’t remember them. Especially meaningful for Zoe because she needed those experiences so badly, so it’s a relief to see that she was able to use them and carve out a happy life for herself because of them even if she couldn’t remember. It brings such a happy bit of closure to the Doctor’s concerned question, “She’ll be alright, won’t she?”

- “I want to forget about the Cybermen!” with Jamie’s shifty eyes of disdain, lol. I bet he does considering he had to see them more times than any other companion!

- Lovely to hear names like the Krotons and the Quarks, along with a classic Jamie-ism in “wee little beasties”.

- I like the specific reference to Jamie’s face mishap lol. It was probably just to bring up a funny part of the story they just reviewed but it also serves as a nice shoutout to Hamish Wilson who passed a few years ago.

- “Well, who’d’a thought? President and a Highlander sharing stories.” That highlights something I love about the 60s era of the show, how you get people from so many times and places who never would have known each other but come to mean the world to each other. Jamie and Zoe couldn’t be farther from one another in time or background and they never should have met but here they are, both sharing so much love for the other and having had a bond so strong that Zoe subconsciously named her son for him.

- Jamie’s, “I could get used to this,” and happy wiggle in the chair, lol. That felt very Jamie and reminds me of his amusing character arc wherein he becomes more and more attached to future conveniences or technologies or comforts. I bet you could easily get used to it, Jamie!

- Jamie suddenly destroying the vibe by wondering if they could be in Heaven, rofl.

- Hearing them talk about Victoria made me so emotional, partly for the characters and partly because Debbie’s passing is still in fairly recent memory and it very much felt just as much like a tribute to her as for the character. I lost it over Jamie’s emotional face and hoping that she had a nice life. It felt so painfully real, an old man looking back on a girl he once knew and loved in his youth and hoping she lived well.

- These two, generally. I love them so much and this was so healing.

[starryjkoo]

https://www.tumblr.com/starryjkoo/764070968826200064/why-did-you-delete-your-post-about-the-protect?source=share

Nah you don't even post that much about Fandom stuff so no idt you're being chronically online for saying that in fact these kinda things don't see light if people don't comment on it. One actually doesn't even need to be chronically online to see how things work in fandom. I was actually going to reply to it cause i agreed but when i tried to find it later it was already gone. so just Letting you know that i agreed with your post.

They have suspended Multiple tae antis but all jm antis are getting more followers and engagements. If these accounts can suspend dispatch account I'm pretty sure they can get rid off jm antis too but it comes to the will to do it and seems like there isn't much in that protect GC when it comes to jimin. Just saw how they didn't ask to report solos on a tweet regarding jm and Sabrina where Tkkrs and KTHs were dragging jm and the post was up for 4 days but they made one immediately for tae when same happened with him (posts regarding both solos should have been made but it came ONLY after op made tweet for Sabrina and tae), then yesterday all tkkrs were dragging jm because jin wished him happy bday and because he mentioned jkk calling him together but all this acct did first was post all jm solos who were dragging jm and Only made post for Tkkr after multiple ppl tagging them regarding Tkkrs dragging jm.

Few days ago an admin for the FB acct @Bts_beyond_army or something like that was the name got exposed for being a Tkkr who follows vile jm antis, interacts with all NSFW tkkrs even asked if humanlouvre needs any help because one of her account got suspended and then people wonder why humanlouvre ain't getting suspended like why would she when most of her followers are in fact armys? Like imagine running a BTS FB that makes tags and helps in other projects for boys, who's in a group with 200+ FBS or something being a vile tkkr as well?

A few days ago everyone was like"They're painting tae as villain" when jimin called the guest but as soon as jin teased jimin yesterday it's "Solos don't understand jokes" but no one said the same thing for jm. Even armys made tweets Saying how they're making tae look like he's unwanted and let everyone drag jm.

This is what goes on in Fandom but when you try to voice it out all you get in return is lectures about how those people are not armys those are antis lol. Idk when people are going to be upfront about what goes on in Fandom like every single time when there's a hate campaign against jm it always comes to light because his solo fans report on it. I never got any reports regarding jm first from armys it's always his solo FB (the 3-4 i follow) and then hrs or days later armys make tweet regarding it.

Won't lie but as a jimin bias it definitely feels suffocating in the Fandom. it feels the same as how you always have to trend tags or tag hybe to give jimim bare minimum when he releases music while hybe gives them easily to others. Same with armys you always have to ask them again and again, tag them and then once in a while you'll get them move for jm

Sorry for my rant as well but it really feels helpless there 😔

Helpless is exactly how I feel too, that’s the perfect way to put it. It’s just so frustrating because I tried REALLY hard to be involved in the ARMY community and just ended up being filled with so much bitterness and resentment. I have no idea how any Jimin biased can stand it there. And I agree with everything you said 100%, always feel free to send me long paragraphs or fandom vents 😭 Going to apologize for this whole essay, but yeah, this last year especially has really killed most of the goodwill I felt towards this fandom.

The last BTS report account was run by a group of TH biased tkkrs and that YoongiPD account who is a YG-diet and JM anti (they “left” being admin at one point, but they were involved) that “Bocia” person if you know who I’m talking about was also involved and they’re a JK-diet and tkkr (idk if they’re still around tbh). This report page followed like seven or so focused report accounts for TH, several for YG and other members and NONE for JM. They ended up setting JM up from info they got from tkkrs on IG and doubled down (after initially apologizing) and all the shooter accounts got super defensive and were backing up this fake info too, it was ridiculous.

I politely asked why they weren’t following any JM protect pages and I got blocked by several of these people and I promise you my account was fully ARMY, no shippers, no diets, no weird victimization posts. It really ticked me off. They had posted who some of the admins were before this and they were literally all just TH diets/tkkrs so it was easy to tell what was going on.

One of them was in a GC where someone was bragging about getting people to drop all the charting songs except for THs and JH’s, they insulted CTT, and were complaining about LC in the US. Again, an admin of that report account was in this GC, but their friends didn’t cancel them. These people always defend each other while being the first to point their fingers at JM biased and jkkrs.

They were all friends with that random tkkr account too who was called out for following a bunch of JM antis and then they were like, “using a unit name doesn’t make you a shipper!” and they and their moots proceeded to spam tkk moments and joke about it. Meanwhile they were spouting tkk narratives and reading tkk fanfic and following actual shippers, making a thousand defense posts for tkk (ofc none for jkk), following and interacting with JM antis, but apparently they’re not a shipper?

This group runs report accounts, shooter accounts, big accounts, chart accounts, meme accounts, update accounts, just whatever, they’re everywhere. And when one of them gets called out they just back each other up. And THAT’S why JM related accounts always face the most scrutiny, because who gets called out is just based on whichever faction is currently running most of the shooter/report accounts and it’s never jkkrs/JM biased.

IDK what happened to that account, it got suspended by boycotters and they remade but I never kept up with them (I just blocked most of those people and moved on tbh). But I KNOW these same people are all over that current protect accounts GCs because if you notice ANY time they call out a tkkr they HAVE to make a report on jkkrs even if it doesn’t make sense, and they always add shady captions. Like what is this lmao???? 😭

They just made up a whole new sentence, the shady admin note, the “TH snatching JK from JM” which is a tkkrs wet dream, pretending that jkkrs are threatened by tkk or something. They deleted the post, and this isn’t the first time they’ve done something super weird like this. And if you want my conspiracy on this, I think it’s because that account had several hit tweets on “why I believe jkk are real” and I fully believe that’s why they were targeted lol. Because choosing that account was so random?

I talked about this in another post but the best way to gain a bunch of followers quickly on ARMYtwt is to get very involved in whatever fandom crisis/drama is going on at the time, such as MHJ/the cult stuff/YG situation/boycott situation. That’s exactly what this report account did, they’re clearly YG biased and suddenly gained 20k followers in a month because they were providing helpful info about that situation. I don’t think they ever revealed their main account and that’s why I’ll never trust these accounts that pop up out of nowhere and suddenly gain mass followings (and they were constantly interacting with a well known problematic YG biased account too). IDK if that account admin is entirely bad or anything, and I appreciated some of their helpful stuff for YG, but I know what their GC is full of at the very least.

Anyways, I sat and watched especially the last few weeks leading up to AYS (and after the first two eps) how the hate for Jimin and Jikook just got SO out of control, just insane, and there were hardly ANY ARMY report tweets for it. The Jimin hate is just so normalized in this fandom, they never move, they’re never surprised or outraged by it anymore. Suddenly TH joins the show and is getting hated on by jkkrs and it was ALL over ARMY twitter. Like my moots who never talk about shipping drama were ratio-ing jkkrs (some of whom were just being shady about him being a guest which is hardly as bad as what they were saying about JM/Jikook). And the fact they were freaking out about flop jkkr tweets with like 500 likes while ignoring all the tkk tweets that had thousands of likes? It was just really frustrating to see the different responses.

And omg yes, the fact that “ARMYs” were literally talking about BH editing the show to be shady towards TH and make him look unwanted was INSANE! They were literally backing up tkk narratives, narratives that have done untold damage towards Jimin for years, and these weren’t tkkrs, these were ARMY accounts! Some that are very active in the community. Why weren’t ARMYs clocking these people? Do they ACTUALLY buy into the whole BH pushes Jikook thing? It’s just so tiring, you’re right. I see BS like this allllllll the time.

But it’s why I just got so mad when ARMYs a few months ago were talking about being BTS’s shield and how they have to protect BTS. It’s this obsession with MHJ or other fandoms, going on and on about how ARMYs are their shield and all this self-righteousness. But the audacity to claim that when the call is coming from inside the house, when the rot and the worst damage has come from INSIDE the fandom for years now?

If they protected BTS then tk-lives wouldn’t have 500k followers. The massive platforms tkkrs have are INSANE and they were just left to grow that big while spewing insane things about Jimin/Jikook (JK too, even TH) for years and years and ARMYs didn’t want to do anything about it, even when their insanity has actually impacted offline, real life stuff. That is the BIGGEST source of danger and damage to the fandom and to the BTS members, not MHJ, not kmedia, not Tokki’s! It’s akgaes and shippers (especially tkkrs). But ARMYs have literally just ignored it for years now?

One example is just straight up how they ignored the role that akages and shippers played in the way Jimin was harassed during FACE era and how all the drags that now get regularly thrown around (SA insults, sleeping with PDs for remixes, tagging Spotify etc) came from SOLOS during FACE era, because they just wanted to blame it entirely on kpop stans. They acted like it came out of nowhere during Seven era and not just that PJMs were parroting exactly what JJKs were saying about JM during FACE era (and I’m NOT justifying PJMs being vile back towards JK. It's just bizarre how many ARMYs were entirely oblivious during FACE era).

Then there’s the whole situation with Jimin’s dad. Literally akgaes and tkkrs started spreading that whole narrative attacking him because of AYS and Who. Kmedia picked up on it, and maybe because of the ongoing smear campaign on BTS they were looking for things to write about, but WHERE do they think that journalist got that info? The way that ARMYs were getting hit tweets blaming it ENTIRELY on MHJ was insanity. They LOVE themselves an easy villain they can rally against, but it almost feels like they straight up cover up for tkkrs and solos sometimes?

If they actually cared about protecting Jimin, wouldn’t they want to go after the original source of that? But no, just wanted hit tweets on MHJ and sensationalizing that because they are OBSESSED with her right now (don’t get me wrong, I obviously hate her too). They’re just so drama addicted, but they never actually care about the BTS members or they would do something about a HUGE source of hurt that’s been there for years. They don’t want to put in the hard work to clean up our fandom, they just want to fight with other fandoms or be loud and feel important, or bury their heads in the sand because they don’t want to deal with this mess.

And you’re right, it pisses me off so bad when you call this out and they’re like “they’re not part of our fandom!”. That's SUCH BS 😭 they ARE part of our fandom, you can’t just wash your hands from the things you don’t like. Literally most of those tkkrs have little sevens, or a lot of solos are ex-ARMYs, or ARMYS follow and interact with them or are diets. How many ARMYs are shippers and read fanfic and AUs and follow duo accounts that are clearly run by shippers? It was ARMYs in line buying that tk fanfiction in Paris. ARMYs make up the following for most of these accounts too. I mean, damn, a big shooter account I saw was exposed for interacting with that Jay/Mina person last year, someone we’ve been asking to report NONSTOP, but no, shippers are totally not part of our fandom right?

I swear I’m not even THAT chronically online lol 😭 but it’s just… hard not to witness this stuff if you’re active in the fandom at all? I mean, maybe it’s just my algorithm on my priv, but it doesn’t take much to see all this going on ESPECIALLY if you’re Jimin biased or a jkkr, if you follow any report accounts at all, so I’ll never understand how some of them are so content in this fandom when to me it’s mostly trash 😭

There are a handful of ARMY accounts I super respect, and I know the twt community and all of this is not always representative of the majority, but pretty much any fandom space you walk into is just full of this kind of stuff and it’s exhausting. You can build yourself a nice little community to have fun and retain your sanity, but if you want to be part of the larger ARMY fanbase? It’s just so toxic and biased. And I’m not even getting into the drama about their solo releases because that is ANOTHER whole thing 😭 there’s also probably a thousand more examples of ARMYs being hypocritical on top of everything you listed too (just remembered the whole situation with that k-fanbase ugh).

Sorry this is so long, just going to quickly throw out that I know ARMYs can be weird to ALL the members, every bias has something legit to complain about, but I just firmly believe that for a few reasons (some of which I’ve talked about here before, like seeing JM as a goalpost, shippers and so on) the fandom has the weirdest attitude towards Jimin. And that’s not to say I don’t call out when ARMYs are being awful to the others either, like it was actually insane and very sad how they treated JK over that post about NewJean’s, the way they hyped up those dating “rumors” about Namjoon and gave hit tweets on that while not supporting his music and so on.

I try not to let all this get to me TOO often because these people spend all their time being manipulative in stan spaces and trying to cosplay and whatever, but look at the actual charts 😭 Jimin has a LOT of support and a LOT of people who love him. Jimin lovers might not be great at cosplaying and manipulating and running ARMY big accounts, but damn they are at least good at streaming and supporting music, and that’s about a thousand times more valuable at the end of the day. Lots of ARMYs just passively interact with fandom and don't see any of this either. And all this stuff just kind of disappears when you logoff, sometimes I give it more importance than it actually holds, but I do find it annoying lol.

It’s definitely exhausting and suffocating though, and it does feel just super helpless in this fandom sometimes like you said. I definitely do not feel any loyalty towards ARMYs at this point. I’m here for Jimin, JK, BTS on my own terms and just follow who I like, I don’t really care about what the fandom at large thinks or any of their projects, and I’m beyond caring about backlash and I’ll just say what I think if people ask. It’s obvious to see why the fandom has deteriorated the way it has and ARMYs have no one to blame but themselves honestly. I just hope things improve when BTS returns.

[love-minor-poltergeist]

omg can you imagine the confusion when you explain Werner is your partner?

like you have a friend over at your house and they ask you „you said you have a boyfriend, right? is he home? how’d you guys meet?“ and you’re like „oh you know he’d been living in my walls since forever and I’ve always heard him scuttle around but I didn’t actually meet him until two years ago. he should be in his workshop right now!“ and then you point to a mouse hole jdkdkfoikfjd 😭

A/N: This idea sat in my brain for days and I just had to write a little ficlet for it-

╭ ─┉─ • ─┉─ ╮

"I... see," your friend says, offering a shaky smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

You invited her over to your small hovel for a cup of coffee and some desserts. It's been ages since you last spoke to her, as she's moved off the isles to pursue her dream job. And while she's sweeter than peaches normally, a part of you feared she'd react this way.

Still, she remains polite and refrains from making any comment. She takes a cautious sip from her mug, all the while shifting her gaze from you to the mouse hole in the wall.

"H-how... How long have the two of you been dating now, dear? What was his name again?" she asks, now fixedly staring at the hole in the wall.

"Oh!" you grin. "We've just started dating not too long ago actually! Maybe around two months now? It just sort of happened, ya know? It took some getting used to, but Werner's a total sweetheart once he warms up to you!"

"Werner? Is he German?" she looks back to you, brow raised.

"Technically, yes! Buuut," you lean towards her, voice taking on a conspiratorial whisper. "I'm pretty sure he hams up the accent. I've heard him drop it a couple of times. It's actually funny-"

"Mein Liebling," a small voice interrupts.

Both you and your friend whip your heads towards the wall-- to Werner's little mouse hole. You're both met with the sight of a disgruntled Werner, overalls marred with oil stains and helmet askew. His gaze drifts over to your guest, and he grows sheepish.

"Ah, Guten Tag," he awkwardly waves.

He's completely forgotten that you were inviting someone into the house, and Werner suddenly feels all too aware of his disheveled appearance. The rat shakes his head, turning back to you as he fights to ignore the stranger's stare burning into his side.

"Have you seen the can opener? I thought I had left it at my station the other night-"

"Oh, yes! Sorry, I had to borrow it for a minute! Let me just..."

You rise from your chair, easily reaching the kitchen in a few strides to grab the said tool from the dish rack. Without a second thought, you made your to your boyfriend's little hidey-hole and carefully placed it in his outstretched hands.

"Danke schön," he nods to you before skittering back inside, the sounds of muffled metal scrapes shortly following in his wake.

All you can do is quietly smile and mentally coo at how small he is before you settle back into place at the table. Blissfully unaware of your friend's incredulous stare you grab your coffee cup and look back to her, smile still in place.

"Sorry about that! He's usually tinkering away at all hours of the day! So, uh, he can be a little socially...clumsy, so to speak."

"Uh.. huh," your friend nods, eyes distant as she not-at-all subtly looks over your shoulder. "...You sure know how to pick them, eh?"

"Oh, it could be worse. He tried to shoot me the first time we met, but things are better now-"

"I beg your pardon?!"

╰ ─┉─¡! • !¡─┉─╯

[goose-duck]

Cars are confusing 🚗

One piece story about Sabo trying to get his old car put in Luffy's name from Ace's point of view as a tag-along

+slight romance (not between asl obviously, they're brothers, but I've seen some odd stuff so I gotta clarify 😭)

Modern AU (obviously)

~~~~~~

Ace's POV:

I'm sitting in the back of the car, Sabo and Luffy are in the front. I'd be in the front but Sabo doesn't trust my driving and Luffy beat me to the passenger seat. We're currently going to get Sabo's old car put in Luffy's name since he got his full license a few weeks ago and Sabo agreed to give him his car once he does.

On the way there Sabo complains about one of his co-workers who always comes to work drunk. I add my own input, I don't like the guy either, so it's mostly insults towards him. Luffy, strangely enough just sits and listens, he must be tired, it is kinda early, 9:00 in the morning on a weekend.

After a while we get onto the topic of this boy Luffy likes. His name is Law, luffy talks about him like no one else matters, like this man is the sun on a cloudy day. It's cute, I'm happy he's found someone he can love and by the sounds of it, someone who loves him all the same.

Eventually we get to the insurance place. We park across the street, me and Luffy get out while Sabo grabs the papers. We walk in and Sabo immediately recognizes someone there, her name is Koala, they seem close. She's currently working with another client so they just say a quick hello before we all sit down and wait.

An older lady comes out to talk with us about getting Luffy's name put on the car. Sabo and the lady talk for a while and they ask Luffy some questions. I'm not really paying attention as I only tagged along to go to the mall after they sort this out. I play music tiles on my phone for a while until Sabo tells us we have to go to the DMV. Luffy groans knowing it's a bit of a drive to get there, I just sigh a bit, already regretting tagging along as just their conversation here took 20 minutes.

After a long drive we finally get to the DMV. I wonder why they don't just have the two places side by side, it'd be much easier.

We walk into the building, Sabo goes straight to a receptionist with the papers and they start talking. Me and Luffy stand behind him, Luffy not knowing what's going on and me not overly caring. We stand here for a solid 10 minutes before Sabo has to call the insurance place because apparently we needed to do more stuff there first and the old lady sent us off prematurely.

Sabo is put on hold for 15 minutes before he gives up and tells us to just sit and wait a bit and he'll try again. Good timing because I was about to fall asleep standing up. Luffy promptly sits down, pulling out his phone to watch tiktoks. I sit beside him and lean back in my seat a bit, closing my eyes and sighing. Sabo sits across from us and apologizes that it's taking so long. I tell him not to blame himself for other people's mistakes before letting myself relax again.

I start chatting with Luffy about Law again, wanting to know more. Luffy tells me a lot, about how they were close in grade 9 then this girl kept harassing Law and being lovey with him anytime Luffy was around and how that drove the two apart because it made it awkward and difficult for Law to be around Luffy. Luffy said this continued and is still happening but that Luffy and Law finally have a class without her and they've been able to be close again. I let out a sigh or relief knowing that that girl isn't causing as much trouble now, even if it's only because she literally cant. It's just unfortunate that that means they spent about a year completely split apart by her as they're now in grade 11.

Sabo suddenly grabs my foot. He tells me he loves my shoes and asks where I got them. I tell him I got them at Ardene and he asks how much they cost. I told him I got them on sale but that I'm pretty sure the sale is over now, but that at the time they were $12.99. he tells me that sounds like a good deal and that he's going to go buy himself some even if they aren't on sale. I tell him to just be sure he doesn't mistake his shoes for mine and Luffy butts in saying Sabo's feet are too big for us to mix up out shoes. Sabo makes an offended face which is quickly cut off by a phone call from the insurance place. Sabo picks up quickly and starts talking with the person on the line. Sabo start to get up, signaling us to get up and follow him back to the car.

Sabo hangs up the phone and gets in the car with an exasperated sigh. Me and Luffy also get back in the car asking what's up. Sabo tells us that we have to go back to the insurance place and that Luffy's gonna have to sign a bunch of papers. Luffy seems annoyed that he has to sign papers while I'm just concerned that anyone will even be able to read his handwriting.

Eventually we get back to the insurance place and walk in again. This time we're greeted by a very attractive man, I can feel myself blushing at the sight of him. Luffy playfully punches me and wiggles his eyebrows, he so knows I think this guy's hot. Sabo starts talking to him as he leads us to a room, sitting behind the desk and inviting us to sit down on the other side. Sabo sits but me and Luffy both opt for standing as Luffy doesn't like to sit still and I just didn't feel like sitting after all of the driving we did.

The man says his name is Marco, what a nice name for such an attractive man...i hope he's single. Luffy keeps making faces at me while Sabo talks with Marco. Luffy signs some papers and answers some questions. Eventually Luffy says that the room is kind of barren and that Marco should put up some pictures, maybe of bands or maybe of his girlfriend. I see what he's doing, trying to see if this guy is even single, nevermind if he's into men. The guy says he's sure his girlfriend would like that. I get a little sad but don't let it show as ultimately it isn't a big deal. Luffy gives me a look and I glare at him a bit. Sabo adds onto Luffy's comment by saying Marco should put flowers around the picture of his girlfriend and I add that he should put little lights with it too, reminiscing on the time when I was in grade 9 and we had a teacher that looked just like Edd Sheeran and we made a small shrine of Edd Sheeran in his class room.

After all of that we finally leave, Sabo telling us we can finally go to the mall. Luffy states that he's excited to go to the candy store. I tell Sabo I want to go to the furniture store and get some new pillows for my bed. Sabo just giggles at the both of us saying he's going clothes shopping. I then remember my shoes that Sabo was so fond of and joke that he's going to go buy himself some. He gives me a look and simply states, "yes." before we get in the car and he drives off to the mall.