#he just lives to confuse Oli

[fisheito]

rereading the nuca pink doujin and seeing yakumo tear himself apart re: his snake form vs his human form all this agony and self-doubt and silent suffering and fear of rejection like "if i looked less human would u hate me" , "if u saw me in my true form wouldn't that be horrible. terrifying. disgusting" , "if i admitted i want to swallow you whole would you think worse of me"

and i imagine him asking something like this to the crowd of clan members , who are , undeniably,, a group of Kinky Fuckers

they all smile with the serenity and carefully masked excitement of a horny olivine. masterful beautiful reassuring expressions (errr..... masked to different degrees depending on the clan member)

[thecuriousbeauty]

Traitor- The Present

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Synopsis:y/n is a hard working painter, trying to make the ends meet. She lives with and takes care of her sick Uncle, the only one she has for a family. She has dreams to make it big, and when the desperation for money strikes, she has to make a choice. Walk away after listening to an incredible deal that would fix all her problems, or take up the deal. A top secret, risky deal, which involves meeting Harry Styles.A man once rumored to be a dangerous secret weapon of a leading mafia. artist!y/n x mafia!harry (he's also a doctor)

Word Count: 5,134

Warnings: Mentions of violence. Smut, fingering, slight spanking, dirty talk, possessiveness.

_____________________________________________

"It's been two weeks, y/n. You have two more weeks. I suggest you start doing your job instead of roaming around with him all day.", Romania's voice makes y/n flinch. She was back in the building, sitting in front of Romania. Hans and Oliver were standing beside her like last time.

"I'm gaining his trust. You would know if you have real friends. Even if he remembers, he's only going to tell me if he trusts me enough! And for that, I need time! You can't keep a deadline for things like that.", y/n scoffs out a laugh.

"We give the orders here, Miss y/l/n.", Hans says smoothly, lips curving into a smile. "You agreed to work for us, and you have our money."

"Don't lose hope in yourself, y/n.", Romania says more calmly. "You have made more progress than any of us have. He talks to you, he acts like a human around you. And you have already given us important information about what he remembers and doesn't. That is great."

y/n fiddles with her hands. "I have an idea. I'll tell you that in the fourth week. This week, I want you to really try, okay? Whatever you need to do for that.", Romania tells her and she nods. "You said you'd kill him if he didn't remember. He has two weeks to live if I can't do it?"

"You got that right.", Romania nods with a sigh. "None of us want that, y/n. But it is necessary for our business, and for Harry's safety. He can easily defend himself if he remembers who he was, but if he doesn't, only a matter of time before someone nabs him and makes him suffer for everything he did."

"What did he do?", y/n asks curiously. She knew she was not supposed to ask, but she did anyway. "What did Harry do that people want to make him suffer? It wasn't just gold smuggling, was it?"

"Wouldn't you like to know.", Hans drawls, chuckling as he drank from his big cup. "That's none of your business, y/n. The less you know, the better."

y/n didn't believe them. Harry wouldn't hurt a fly. She looks up at Oliver. The man of less words. He looked at her with his stoic expression, his caramel brown eyes looking at hers as Hans and Romania conversed with her. 

"You would kill your best friend?", she asks him.

Oliver's stone cold expression changed for just a second, into something like sympathy, before it returned to how it was. "If my best friend isn't in there anymore, he's already dead.", Oliver answers. She always got a chill when he spoke. He gave her a final look before walking away, into another room. 

"There he goes, you made Olie angry. Lucky your limbs are still intact.", Hans says, making Romania glare at her. "No one here will hurt you, y/n. He's just joking. Hans thinks he's funny."

"Huh." y/n didn't think they would hurt her, but at this point, she was just confused. She didn't feel safe anywhere anymore. 

"I need more information. Tell me something about him at least. His relationship with Reagen? Something about her?"

Romania leans back on her couch. "They were in love. Love like you've never seen before. Harry would do anything and everything for her."

"Something more personal."

y/n felt something inside of her that made her twist. Was it jealousy? 

"During a mission, Harry ended up being locked in a warehouse and the enemies put it on fire. Reagen killed all of them, before running straight into the fire. We warned her not to go inside. That she could die. But she didn't care. She found Harry, and rescued him before he could die. Reagen wasn't afraid of anything. She didn't have anyone. Harry was her world. They had plans of stopping all this and moving to somewhere remote, away from this. Where they could be in their own world. That night they were smuggling, that was their last mission. They were both going to leave that life behind after that night."

"And they did. But in different ways than they thought.", Hans completes with a sad sigh.

y/n didn't know how to feel after listening. They were like Jack and Rose, Romeo and Juliet, Cathy and Heathcliff. y/n wished they had their happy ending.

"I-I'll try harder.", y/n tells them. Harry at least had to remember the love he had for her, even if it hurts. The love should overcome the pain in his heart.

"Thank you. You can go, the meeting's over. Update me, as usual.", Romania dismisses her. Hans got up to walk her out. y/n thought he was the most annoying out of the three of them, but he was the one that she didn't think five times in her head about something before blurting it out. It was easy to talk to him.

"How close were you to Reagen?", y/n decided to bite.

Hans runs a hand through his straight blonde hair, humming. "Quite a lot of question today."

"I'm curious."

"I was the youngest to be recruited.", Hans tells her. "And I'm not the type that keeps my mouth shut. Much like you, I asked a lot of questions. I got into trouble for that with some of the others, but Reagen? She treated me like a brother." 

y/n looks at him as he stands opposite of her as the elevator goes down. "Reagen taught me a lot of things. She protected me. She was friendly to everyone, always smiling through all the shit she has been through. She was the strongest woman I knew.", Hans looks down, like he was trying to control his emotions. "S-She didn't deserve to die. I miss her."

y/n was good at comforting people. She laid a hand on Hans' shoulder, squeezing it gently. Whoever he was, goon or not, the pain of losing people must be horrible. y/n couldn't imagine what she'd do if Uncle Luke left her. 

y/n steps away when the elevator opens. They get out of the elevator, and Hans walks her to her car. "Is that all, Miss y/l/n?"

"I have more questions, but I don't think you'll answer them. None of my business, is it?", y/n repeats his earlier words and Hans smiles. "Smart. And it's for your own good, y/n."

Hans opens the door of the car for her. He looks straight into her curious yes. "Just finish your task soon, okay? Please. It's all in your hands."

y/n figured there was a deeper meaning to that, and she obviously couldn't ask him anymore questions. He sounded more desperate in his last sentence. 

"Bye Hans.", she says, starting her car.

"See you, Miss y/l/n.", Hans gave her a nod, and watched her drive away before walking back. He wished that she would succeed in her task. He did not want to see anyone's blood being shed. He did not want to see death. He had seen enough.

______________________________________________________________

Movie nights had now been something Harry and y/n did frequently. Today was one such night. Uncle Luke had been doing well. His doctor told her that his blood sugar had been down when she took him to the hospital the day after his fall. Uncle Luke even wanted her to call Harry to apologize to him when y/n told him about the incident.

Harry had waved it off when y/n told him about it, saying he has seen it in Alzheimer's patients before. He didn't seem too convinced, but y/n let it go.

"What's your dream?", y/n asks Harry. They were on his couch, and she was leaned to his side for support. Not only for support, he was really warm. y/n was always so cold. Maybe she should ask him about that, she thought. 

"Dream?", Harry hums. "I've never really thought about it. All I think about is moving on to the next day. And my life is pretty stable now. I like it. What about you?"

"You're so boring, you know that?", y/n nudges his ribs and he chuckles, before looking down at her to listen to what she has to say. "I want to find someone who'll treat me like a princess and then run away with him."

"Oh?", Harry laughs at her serious expression. 

"Yes. I want to find a good place that can take care of Uncle Luke, a place where he is happy. I don't think he's happy with me. He's taken care of, but he's far from happy. He's lonely. Once he's settled, I'll fly to Italy with my person and live my life there. Of course I'll visit Uncle Luke once every month, make sure he's content."

"Italy.", Harry murmurs, a dreamy look in his eyes. y/n purposely put in Italy wanting to know if he remembers his life he planned with Reagen, before their accident. They were going to settle in Italy, if what Romania told her was right.

"Have you been to Italy?", she asks, feeling his warm hand rubbing her side gently. 

Harry closed his eyes and nodded. "I think so."

"You have? Did you go alone?", y/n pipes up.

"No..I had someone with me..I-I don't know who. It was nice, warm and beautiful. So beautiful."

Harry looked so peaceful as he tried to remember the memory. It must have been a good one, because he didn't appear to be straining and flinching while he tried to remember, like he had when she tried to ask him about his past before. 

"Was it your lover?", y/n pushes it. Harry opens his eyes, they were looking dark and stormy green. "I said I don't know, y/n."

She nods, patting his shoulder. "Sorry. Do you wish to go there again?"

Harry gives her a small smile. "I think I'd like that. I don't want to go alone, though."

"You'll take me with you?", y/n's eyes glint in excitement. "You'll take annoying little me with you on holiday?"

Harry laughs, pulling her into his body, fingers digging into her sides as he tickles her. He loves to hear her giggle. "You're not that annoying. And I never said anything about taking you, I could take anyone."

"I got you to admit! And you have no friends except me! Ah-stop!", she says while giggling and squirming on the couch as he attacks her. 

He tickled her until she's gasping for breath, cheeks flushing red, and a beautiful smile on her lips as she looks at him. She was trapped under Harry's body. Harry leans in, one hand on her hip and the other hand gently moves her hair out of her face. y/n feels her heart, beat out of her chest as his fingers touch her skin. 

His eyes move to her plump pink lips, and hers move to his. They're so close, y/n can feel Harry's breath on her face. He looked like a sculpture, his features were all perfect. His beautiful prince like hair, his sharp cheekbones, his smile. She felt like he came straight out of Olympus. She doubted if he really was a Greek God. Maybe Apollo? Apollo is the healer. But Apollo is full of sunshine. Harry had this eerie mysterious air clinging to him.

Harry leans closer, and y/n's hand moves to the back of his neck. Just a taste. She wanted to know what he tasted like. She knew it was wrong. She shouldn't be doing this. 

But she couldn't resist, and neither could he.

Harry closes the space between them, his lips enveloping hers. y/n's eyes close as they kiss so desperately that their whole body curves into one. Their foreheads pressed together, and she felt like she was dreaming. She had to be, right? 

Harry left her breathless again, this time not from tickling as his lips lift away from hers, his eyes searching hers. "H-Harry, we shouldn't-", she begins to say, and he kisses her again, biting down on her lower lip, then soothing it with his tongue as his hand travels to her hair. 

Fuck it, y/n thinks, and pulls him down on her with the hand on the back of his neck, parting her lips to let his tongue explore her mouth. She needed this. Harry's fingers slipped inside her shirt, travelling up from her stomach to her chest. His large hand cups her left breast over her bra, and he squeezes, making her moan into his mouth. 

After the attack of his mouth on her lips, leaving both of their lips red and swollen, he moves his lips down to her neck. 

"Can I?", he whispers, fingers finding the back of her bra, and she nods arching her back so he could take it off. Her fingers reached for his shirt, and he lifts his arms for her to take it off and she throws it somewhere in the room, ecstatic with pleasure as Harry's lips attach to her neck again. 

y/n knew Harry was a well built man. But she didn't expect to see the perfectly sculpted abs he had hidden beneath his shirt. She felt up and down his chest and his abdomen, he felt firm, but his skin felt soft. She moans as Harry's fingers roll her nipple before giving it a pinch. "P-Please Harry.."

"What do you want baby?", she hears Harry's hoarse whisper and sees that his eyes are darker, with lust. 

"Y-You..", she whispers back, and he scoops her up, her legs tucking around his waist as he walks them to his bedroom. He pulls off her shirt, leaving her breasts open to his attack as his lips find hers again. He smooths his hand over jeans clad ass, giving a hard squeeze to one of her cheeks before laying her down on the bed, her back hitting the bed. 

"You are gorgeous.", he mumbles, eyes raking over her breasts before his fingers reach for the button of her jeans. 

"Y-You too.", y/n offers the compliment back, cheeks reddening as he gives her a wink. She raises her hips so he can slip the jeans of her. He attaches his lips to her right nipple, while his left hand palms her other breast and his right hand runs down her leg, feeling her smooth skin. y/n's fingers rake down his back, loving the feeling of his muscles under her touch.

"Will I find you wet, darling?", Harry asks once he's happy with the assault on her breasts. y/n was already going to the edge. This man was making her crazy. 

"Why don't you find out?", y/n whispers back smartly, and he hums, bringing his hand to cup her heat, before parting her panties, and slowly moving a finger over her folds. y/n moans, her hips bucking into his hand. 

"Hmm..you're dripping.", Harry chuckles, feeling her sleek wet folds. Her thighs were starting to get covered in them too. 

"H-Harry..", y/n whimpers, begging him to do something. 

"Want me to take care of you, baby?", Harry grazes his teeth on her nipple, hearing her moan out a yes, before slipping his digit inside her. He quickly takes her panties off, and removes his finger making her groan. 

"Let me see you baby.", he says, spreading her thighs apart. "Such a pretty pussy. You're gonna let me ruin it?"

She didn't answer, quite mad that he pulled his hand away and he placed a sharp slap on her thigh. "Answer me."

"Fuck..yes, ruin me.", she gives him a smile that makes him groan, and two of his fingers slip inside of her, fucking her hard and fast. She gasps, hands curling over the sheets. 

Harry's fingers expertly find her g-spot, and she feels herself slipping over the edge. "I-I'm gonna cum.."

"Yes, baby, let me taste you..", Harry watches how well her pussy takes his fingers. y/n reaches her high, and cums all over his fingers. Harry brought it to his lips and wipes them clean while y/n comes back to Earth. 

"I-I think I saw heaven.", she whispers, and Harry smirks. "Not yet, baby."

y/n brings him back for a kiss, tasting her on his lips. "I want you inside me."

"How do you want me? Nice and soft? Or hard enough that you can't walk tomorrow?", he murmurs in her ear, placing a soft kiss on her earlobe.

"Hard. Don't you want to ruin me?", she challenges.

"Challenge accepted.", he twists one hand around her hair. "Turn around."

y/n turns around, and whimpers with pleasure as his rough hand squeezes and feels her ass. He slips a pillow beneath her hips and she hears his jeans come off, and the rip of a condom as he slips it over him. 

She turns her head to see. He was big. So big. She was scared whether all that was going to fit inside her.

"I-Is it gonna fit?"

"We'll make it fit.", Harry leans over her body. "You ready?"

"Yeah."

He pushes into her, holding her hip with one hand, and his dick with the other. He gives her some time to adjust, slowly pushing in until she was full and he was all in. 

"Y-You can move.", she strains out, groaning into the pillow. "Please."

"I want you to scream for me, y/n.", Harry whispers. "You'll always remember how good I make you feel, won't you?"

"Yes.", she hums. "Are you all talk or are you gonna do something?"

She screamed as he began moving in and out of her fast, and rough. She held onto the bed rest, and his hand pressed her face into the pillow. "You love to talk, don't you? Try talking now, baby."

She yelps as his hand comes smack down on her ass, before it rubs away the sting. "You drive me fucking crazy. Why are you doing this to me?", he grunts, before pulling her face up by her hair. 

"H-Harry..", she moans out his name. "That's right. That's the only name that will ever come out of your mouth, you understand? After I touch you, no one else is allowed to. You're mine, you've always been mine, and this pussy is mine, isn't it?"

Tears of pleasure run down her cheeks, as she moans in reply, and he gives her hair a tug. "Shit, you feel so good. So tight. It's been long isn't it? Since this little pussy has been to use?"

"Uh huh..", she can only make sounds at this point. Harry flips her over, holds her legs open and fucks her mercilessly. "So pretty, you look so pretty like this, cumming all over my cock."

His lips met hers, and he kissed her softly, in contrast to what his dick was doing. "H-Harry..I need to cum.", she manages to let out, feeling herself slipping over the edge again. 

"I won't l-last any longer.", Harry moans, and they both release together. She feels him clench inside of her, before letting go.

y/n sees stars. She feels the waves of pleasure go through her like she has never felt before. She felt like she was on fire. A fire of pleasure. It was too much, but it was so good. It was wrong, but she couldn't help it. It felt so real, so right, like it was always meant to be. 

______________________________________________________________

y/n wakes up with the same dream. She was expecting to wake up in her little bedroom, but she was in someone's arms. Someone's strong arms were wrapped around her middle, soft breathing fanning down her neck. She moved her hand to cup Harry's cheek, feeling the rough but softness of his stubble under her palm. 

What had she done?

She made a promise to herself that she wouldn't let her feelings grow and she wouldn't take it any further than friendship. Her eyes filled with tears as she thought about what she was doing. She was hurting someone else's feelings. Harry obviously felt the same way about her, but he doesn't know that she's just a pawn in someone else's game. 

It no longer was just a game for money. Harry was in her life now. Harry was important to her. She couldn't do this anymore. Next meeting, she would tell Romania the truth, that she's developing feelings for Harry and that she can't do this anymore. She'll fall on her feet and request for some time to return all the money she had been given. She'll promise to keep her mouth shut about everything she'd learnt, and she'll leave the country with Harry. Somewhere they cannot kill him. He didn't deserve to die. 

Then she thought about Reagen. Would she be cursing her from above for taking her man? Or would she be happy that he found someone else? Did Harry once kiss her like he kissed y/n?

All these thoughts kept y/n awake until the early hours of the next morning. She fell asleep when it was 4 am, when Harry pulled her closer with his arm around her waist, left a soft kiss on her temple and buried his face deep in her neck. This was home. This felt like home.

y/n woke up a few hours later, to the smell of bacon. She looks around Harry's room. This was the first time she was in it. Of course she didn't get time to observe it last night. A guitar hung on the wall, and his room was plain. No pictures. 

She thought to look into his bedside drawers to find something. Something that told her that this man was not the man she was believing him to be. She quickly rummaged through his drawers, finding only papers, phone stuff, nothing interesting.

Then she finds a small velvet box. She opens it, and gasps when she sees the diamond ring glinting back at her. It had to be an engagement ring. She hears footsteps and quickly puts it back, getting back in bed.

"Good morning.", Harry smiles at her, still shirtless but wearing grey sweatpants. He looks beautiful in the sunlight, his morning skin glowing. 

"Good morning.", she replies back, her voice coming out a few pitches higher because of the surprise of what she found. "I smell breakfast."

"Yes. Come on, let's eat." Harry leans down to cup her face and give her a soft, gentle kiss on her lips. "I'll be right there.", she tells him.

Harry nods, and leaves the room. y/n breathes a sigh of relief, glad he didn't notice that she had totally searched his room. She freshened up in his bathroom, she had worn just his shirt for the night. It came up to her thighs. 

y/n had a splitting headache from everything. Her sleep deprivation, her constantly running mind, her guilt, her feelings for Harry, she wanted to scream.

y/n joins Harry in the kitchen, and he had already plated both of their plates. Bacon piled high on a plate of toast, and a runny egg. Just like how she likes it. He had poured coffee out for her too. She likes to drink coffee in the mornings. It helps to keep her awake for the rest of her day. She takes a sip of her coffee, and sighs. "That's perfect."

Harry smiles, pulling the chair back for her to sit. "What's on your list for today?"

"Same old. Cafe, studio and back home.", y/n replies. "You?"

"Same old. Hospital, patients, back home.", Harry says in the same tone, and it brings a smile onto her face. "Staying over tonight?", Harry asks hopefully.

"Um..I don't know Harry, I'll have to see how Uncle Luke is, I did leave him alone last night.", she says, and Harry nods, understanding. He moves one hand to place over hers. "Just so you know, I haven't been so happy in a long time. I'm glad you came into my life, y/n. I'm not just talking about last night."

y/n feels even more guilty, but she paints a smile on her face. "I could say the same for me." She was honest about that. Harry brought a change in her life, a breath of fresh air. Breakfast was delicious, but y/n didn't have an appetite.

Maybe because you're eating up other people's futures and trust, said her mind voice.

"Are you okay?", Harry's voice makes her look up at him as he stands in front of her. He had just finished eating and washing his plate. 

"Y-Yeah, just a headache..", y/n mumbles, bringing a hand to her forehead. Harry gently lifts her chin up and brings her hand down, before his eyes scanned her face. 

Did he know that she looked through his things? 

"Did you sleep well last night?", he asks, thumbs rubbing the skin under her eyes. 

"Um..no, not great, I had dreams.", she decides not to lie entirely. He must have understood from her face that she didn't sleep well. 

"The same dream you had that day?", he asks, and she was surprised he remembers about that. He pulls back her lower eyelids, like they do at the doctors. 

"Yeah.", y/n couldn't help but let a small smile escape. "What do you think, Doctor?"

"I think you should get some help about your sleep schedule. You always look tired, love. I noticed it before, but I didn't ask you. Are you getting at least five hours of sleep every day?"

Definitely not. y/n shakes her head and Harry sighs. "That's not good."

"It's just stress..Harry, I'll be fine.", y/n takes his hand as it left her cheek. "What are your dreams about?", he asks, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"It's the same thing always. Blood, broken windows, I hear people running, crying, and a gunshot.", y/n describes to him. "It's weird."

"Huh.", Harry thinks about it while he goes to rummage through his medicine cabinet. "Why do you think you see the same dream over and over again?"

"I think it maybe something about my parents.", she shares, she had never shared this with anyone before. "I'm not sure."

Harry nods, coming back with a small white pill and a glass of water. "Here, for the headache. Wake me up next time, okay? And you should see a Doctor."

"Can't you help me, Doctor?", she asks, and he smiles. "I can help you relax but I can't prescribe you sleeping pills without an actual appointment with you."

"How can you help me relax?", y/n was whispering before she could stop herself. 

"Want me to show you in the shower?", he asks, kissing her. 

"Please." y/n puts her arms around Harry's neck, letting him scoop her up.

______________________________________________________

"I can't do this anymore.", y/n tells Sania as they chat while they had their breaks. "Why do they think I can get him to crack? Honestly, I don't even think he's the guy they want. They're obviously mistaken."

"You think so because you slept with him?", Sania asks as she sips her caramel mocha.

"Sania! No. I've known him for almost three weeks now. He is a good man. A good man who helps people. I've seen him for who he is, and last night.." y/n takes a breath. "L-Last night, I confirmed it. That was real, Sania, we have feelings for each other. It wasn't just sex."

Sania squeezed her friend's hand. "Babe, I get it. But I suggest you don't get too attached to him. What if he really does remember stuff? We don't know what he did in the past. He's probably still capable of doing those."

"He wouldn't hurt me.", y/n spoke confidently. She saw his eyes. Those eyes would never dream of hurting her. He genuinely cares about her. "I'm the one who's hurting him. I-I really can't do this anymore. I-I'm gonna tell them."

"What? You're gonna tell Romania and those thugs!?", Sania's voice travels a bit too loudly, and y/n hisses at her to keep her voice down. "What can they do? Romania said she wouldn't hurt me."

"You believe that?", Sania asks. 

"I shouldn't have believed you.", y/n snaps. "It's you who set me up with them and got me into this fucking mess."

"Oh yeah? I only tried to help you, y/n. Aren't you better off? Would you have met Harry if it wasn't for this? Look, I didn't know this was going to get so complicated. I wouldn't have dragged you into this if I'd known. You had a choice to walk away y/n, don't blame this on me."

y/n sighs, closing her eyes and opening them again. "I know, I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do."

"You have one more week, y/n. Try your best. We'll see what happens later. Hang in there for now."

"Romania said she has some plan for the last week which she's sure should make him remember."

"Then you should wait.", Sania agrees. 

"I'm still gonna try talking to Romania."

Sania nods, rubbing her thumb over y/n's hand. "Wanna go grab dinner? Girl's night. You need one."

"I'd like that."

One more week. Little did y/n know that the fourth week was the one that was going to change her life forever.

[writingsfromhome]

If you Love Something

A/N: this has been an idea sitting in my drafts for a while. You and Harry had a brief but intense relationship as teenagers, were forced to make a serious decision then, and it’s aftereffects have lingered for the rest of your lives. It deals with some heavier topics so read with caution (alcoholism, depression, unwanted pregnancy etc). I’d describe it as sad but hopeful.

Part 2

—————————————

Age 17.

It started in secret. We’d found each other on the roof of a house party. Truth be told, I saw him sneak out of the window where people were crowded around the TV watching some controversial music video I hadn’t heard about. And I’d followed.

I knew who Harry was. Had him in English, Maths, and Biology last year. He was well spoken, thoughtful, and silly. I never spoke to him once though. Only admired him from afar.

Tonight I had my first drink and then another. I was feeling buzzed and despite being painfully shy for most of the time I’d known everyone here, I was suddenly gripped by the realization that we were approaching the last year we would all be together. Why had I waited this long to pursue someone I thought was cute?

I snuck out after him, when my friends weren’t looking. I even tilted the window more closed than usual so no one would suspect anything; I had the attic room at home so I knew how to maneuver the angled roof to get comfortable.

“You need any help?” Harry’s voice is clear in the silence.

“I’m alright.” I stand up to peer at him. He’s climbed near the top.

“Sure? You don’t seem steady.”

“Oh I’m steady,” I prove it to him by climbing up to where he was. “See?”

“I’m mistaken. My bad.” He holds out a hand to help me sit beside him and the night sky flashes brighter for an instant when I grasp his hand. My stomach is in knots.

“Harry. Styles.” I don’t know why I say his full name but I was nervous.

He repeats my full name back to me. I don’t know why I’m surprised he knows it. It’s not like we went to a big school.

“What brings you out here?”

I try to be bold about it, “You?”

“Party was getting too much.” He says. I stare at him in confusion while he complains about something his friends had gotten up to.

I replay my answer and realized it sounded like I’d skipped answering his question and asked the question back. Bugger.

“You know my name.” I interrupt him, forgetting he was telling me a story. Awkward.

“Yeah? Of course I do.”

“We’ve never talked.”

“We talked. Once in Maths. We had to grade each other’s answers.”

Oh yeah. I burn when I remember the 4/10 he’d given me with a smiley face saying that maths was masochistic.

“Barely.”

“I know you though,” he says with a softness that makes my heart stutter.

“Do you?” I look to him, resting my chin on my shoulder. He gazes down at me and I swear I could taste the colours around us.

His eyes draw me deeper as he inches closer. Was he going to kiss me? Oh my god.

I look back out to the roof and he jerks away. Omg.

“I do.”

“Oh,” I don’t know what to do after that awkward moment.

“I know you’re really quiet and shy but your smile is so loud you can see it from across the room.” He says and my breath catches as he continues. “You’re yourself with your friends, you really like Harry Potter and field hockey. You would kill Mal Adams if you could get away with it and you hate Maths just as much as you love art. You’re dating Oli Graves but your smile is only ever shining half as bright when you’re around him. Can I go on?”

I stop breathing completely halfway through his declaration of knowing me. All this time I had my eye on him, I didn’t know he was watching me too.

“I didn’t ask you for your opinion on my relationship.”

“You didn’t. I didn’t give you one either.”

I glare at him. He was right. He smiles knowing he was. I’m mad that I’m not mad at him. That he was right.

“What are you doing with a guy like that?”

Oli and I had been dating for 7 months now. He was loud and fun in a way I wish I could be. That’s why I liked him so much. That’s why I was at a party like this to begin with.

“He’s a good guy.”

“That’s all?” He asks. I look over but he’s looking up at the sky. I follow his gaze and get lost in the great expanse of nighttime.

“I think you deserve someone who sees you. Don’t you?”

“Did Ally see you?” I ask with a hint of aggression I didn’t mean to have.

“Ally and I broke up during Easter. So there’s your answer.” He’s unbothered.

“Well what do you want?” I ask.

“Right now? Or in life?”

I shrug. “Both?”

“I want to explore the world and meet all kinds of people. I wanna make the world a better place by being in it. It’s cheesy as shit so if you ever said I said this I’ll deny it and you’ll look like-“

“My lips are sealed.” I turn his way to promise him that. It makes me laugh at how serious he looks saying it all and when I do his face relaxes.

“You laugh is nice too. I forgot to mention that.”

That quiets me very quickly.

“And right now,” he continues. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

My ears ring. Did I hear him right? Could you get so drunk you hallucinate? I swear the cold air had sobered me-

“Did you hear what I said?” Harry’s moved in closer to me. Did I? I don’t know.

“What d-“

“I’d like to kiss you.”

I nod, afraid to talk and realize I’d hallucinated him saying that.

The world melts away when he kisses me. It’s tender, nothing like Oli and his jagged pushy kissing. In the nighttime air it’s warm, and soft, and easy.

“I know you,” Harry says when we part. I’d nearly climbed into his lap and I try to edge away, embarrassed, but he keeps a hand firm on my thigh.

“I know you too Harry,” I breathe. He smiles and it crinkles his luscious eyes.

I think I was falling.

***

We keep it a secret after I break up with Oli. For months, until mid-August when I invite him over for dinner after my mom insists on meeting “the boy I was all doe-eyed over��. The night with my family goes so well—Harry is the picture of a courteous gentleman that even my sister is swayed by him despite saying boys were gross. I ask him to hang out, in public, the next day. He doesn’t hesitate to say yes.

That’s what I love about Harry—yes love. He’s not pushy, he lets me go at my own pace. He respects me and sees me for everything I am and loves me anyway. I wanted to spend my whole life with him.

It was so intense and relaxed at the same time. It felt like no relationship I’d been in before. I felt different being with him, even my friends noticed.

When final year started, Harry and I were official but we didn’t flaunt it. We didn’t need to. My friends knew about us and they were happy for us, they told me I was more me. Whatever that meant.

Life was phenomenal and I was living in a dusky haze. Nothing could touch us.

Until one day in February. I was out with my sister, mum didn’t want to take her out and since I recently got my driver’s license with plenty of lessons from Harry, I was driving her to the mall. She needed Valentine’s Day cards.

“I thought you said love is stupid.” I remind her on the way.

“It is.”

“So why the hell am I driving you to buy cards for a made up holiday?”

“Because!” She crosses her arms and stares out the window. I flick her arm at a red light.

“You have a crush.”

“I do not!”

“Do too. Who is it? James? Mattie? Hamid?”

“Ew! They’re freaks.” My sister continues staring out the window.

“Why do you want to buy cards so bad!?”

“I just want them! For my friends!”

“Okay then,” I didn’t believe her. But I couldn’t bring her home crying or mum would ground me.

A lot of places have slim pickings. Wandering the aisle of Waterstones I catch sight of a family friend. She was my dad’s uni friend’s daughter, a few years older than me but by the time I got to secondary she had dropped out after getting pregnant. I remember the buzz when everyone found out.

I avoid her and find an aisle to occupy myself.

Harry and I were always careful, mum had already given me the talk and he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t. I imagine Harry as a dad. He would make a good one I think.

As one thought leads to another I go cold as I realize something. My last period was during the holidays.

I feel like I’m walking in a swarm of locusts as I walk to the edge of the aisle, scanning for my sister. Maybe I can pop into a pharmacy before she’s done. Maybe…

This was crazy. It was probably just a missed period.

But if it isn’t, another voice asks. I felt it in my gut. I had to do this.

I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember anything about the rest of that day except two faint lines, and then two faint lines again, and a third time. I fall asleep before dinner that night and shut the world out.

***

“I know something’s wrong.” Harry’s walking me home after school. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’d been nothing but sweet. He bought me chocolates, flowers, and we planned to cook dinner together after school. I had bought him chocolates too, and had written him a heartfelt note with a bunch of photos of us weeks ago. The box was in my room, waiting for tonight. “Do you not like the flowers? Or is it dinner? We can go out somewhere instead?”

“No everything’s lovely.” I’d never heard Harry this desperate before. It gets under my skin even though part of me knows that’s not really it. But having him hover over me all week trying to figure out what was wrong was too much.

I’d spent every night this week with a hand over my belly. Thinking about it. I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All I can think of was Jenny and I didn’t want that life. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be a mother.

“Please. What’s the matter.” Harry asks again, tugging at my hands but I pull them away.

“I just need some space!” I shout and he flinches. “I’m sorry Harry. I just need space right now.”

“Right now like…” he scratches his head. “I don’t get you. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’ve been talking about this day for weeks what do you mean you want space?”

“I can’t do this right now. Please.”

“Are you-are we…”

“I’m not breaking up with you.” I look at Harry with tears in my eyes, I didn’t want to cry out here. But every time I look at him I remember the reality. What’s growing inside me. I can’t take it. “I just can’t do today.”

I go inside my house. Leave him without further explanation. I feel awful, I can’t hold the tears in long enough to get to my room.

***

“Hey love?” My mum and dad knock on my door at half past 5. I lay in the dark, having cried myself dry. “We’re worried about you. Can we talk.”

“I can’t.” I say, voice stuffy.

“I thought you and that boyfriend of yours had plans,” dad says. He liked Harry but he rarely called him by his name. “Did something happen?”

“No!” I wanted them to leave me alone. “I just. I had to cancel. I’m fine.”

“Don’t sound fine to me love,” I feel the mattress dip as mum sits down. Dad strokes my hair. They whisper something I can’t hear and a pair of footsteps pad out of my room.

“Mum just leave me alone.” I try again.

“I’m not.” She pushes me further into my bed and leans down, tugging my blanket down. When I finally look at her she smiles kindly and kisses my forehead. That fills me up enough to start wailing again. “Oh love, what’s wrong?”

“Everything!” I sob into my blanket. Mom lays down beside me and I let myself be cradled like a child. God, I had a child. This was so fucked.

“Talk to me. We can figure it out together.”

I don’t know how my parents would react. They were never particularly strict, especially after what happened with Jenny I remember them always being sympathetic. We even visited her in hospital with a gift.

Mum strokes my hair and whispers that it’ll be okay. Slowly my sobbing eases into light sniffles. I had to tell her. She would know what to do. And if she hated me for it, I would just have to deal with it.

“Mum don’t be mad-“

“I won’t honey I-“

“No. Mum.” I cut her off. She moves back on the pillow so she can see my whole face, moving a strand of hair so I couldn’t hide. “Something…messed up. Happened. And…I was careful. We were always careful I don’t know what happened but I-“

I watch her face changed. Like she knew. She knew what was coming but she waits patiently as I muster up the courage to say the words that felt too real once I said them.

“Mum I’m…I’m pregnant.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip. What was she thinking? Was she crying for me or with me? Why wasn’t she saying anything!?

“Mum-“

“C’mere.” She wraps me in her embrace again and kisses the top of my head. My body feels drained and limp. I finally told somebody. It was real. This living thing inside of me was real.

“What happened?” She asks next. And I tell her what I think happened. When. How I found out. She listens, holding my hand in hers. When I’m done and it’s poured out of me she smiles supportively. “This isn’t a bad thing okay? It’s okay. Any decision you make is up to you. I’ll talk to your dad but just know you call the shots okay? I love you.”

This is what carries me. The love.

She asks me it I told Harry yet and I tell her the truth. She urges me to tell him. I tell her I wanted to so bad but I was scared.

She leaves shortly after that, I hear her talking softly outside my room. Nobody calls me for dinner until 7, a soft knock on my door. My sister would never be so soft, I assume it’s dad so I tell him to come in. I was scared to face him.

It’s Harry instead.

“Harry!” I cover my splotchy face with my blanket, why was he here? Did mum invite him? This was soo embarrassing.

My heart pounds and Harry is silent until he takes a seat where mum had previously been.

“I came over, your mum invited me. She explained.”

She did what? For a moment I feel betrayed.

“She said you weren’t doing so well. Stressed? I could make you some tea if you’d like. But I told you y/n, you’ll get into unis. You don’t have to worry so…”

I sigh. Mum had told him a half-truth. But he had come. Of course he had.

I couldn’t even think about uni right now because that lead me down a road of what if I couldn’t go because I had a baby. And that life felt so bleak it made me depressed.

“Harry.” I inch my blanket down a little and his eyes go round when he looks at me.

“You look…awful.”

“I know.” I cover my face with my hair but he brushes it away and kisses my forehead.

“No. I’m worried about you. I brought dinner-“

“Oh Harry.” I spot the bag he brought with him.

“I made it all for us. With my mum’s help but mostly me. I packed it to bring to you.”

I didn’t deserve him. And I had to tell him. And he was going to break up with me. What high school boy wanted a child?

“Harry it’s not uni.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I was carrying another living thing. It was the size of a seed but I was carrying it inside me. Like a living breathing pot. I was a potted plant.

“Then what is it?” His brows crinkle. “Is it us?”

“No!” I rush to tell him. “I…I don’t know how to say this. And I don’t know how you’re going to react but it’s okay either way.”

“What are you talking about?” His hands slide up my lap. “What is it?”

“Harry. I’m um, I’m pregnant.”

I watch him freeze and stay exactly how he is, his brows pinch ever so slightly. I knew this look. He looked still on the outside but his mind was racing. And I was scared what was racing through it.

“Pregnant?”

“Yeah. From…the holidays.”

“How did-I thought we-“

“I guess it’s not foolproof.” I whisper. Mum had told me to go on the pill, and I hadn’t listened because all my friends told me it made them gain weight. If only I had listened. Now I was gaining weight anyway.

“What are we going to do?” He asks next. And I never realized six little words could weigh the world. If I could cut those words out and surgically implant them into my heart I would. Just to remind me the equal parts relieved and comforted they made me.

I hold his face in my hands, new tears springing to my eyes. He was in this. With me.

He kisses me and pulls me into a hug. I cry into his shirt again and he holds me so tight I swear I could break.

“I don’t know if I can keep it Harry,” I finally whisper to him.

His hands fist in my shirt, he holds his breath and after a long minute he lets me go with it.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Was he really okay with all this?

“It’s…I can’t make you keep it.”

“You’d want to keep it?” I couldn’t believe it.

“It’s…” he swallows his sentence and keeps his gaze on my stomach. I tug his hand and lay it over it. When his eyes meet mine I see a hint of heartbreak. We were going to break our hearts either way I think.

Not once did I think he might want to keep it.

“It’s okay.” Harry finally says. “We’re so young right? How would we keep a baby and go to school, and do everything we always talk about?”

“Yeah I don’t…I don’t know.”

“I love you.” He says with such a sudden passion. I wrap my arms around his and return the sentiment.

Eventually we lay down and just talk about everything. Truthfully, my head was telling me not to keep the baby but everything else felt dead thinking about it.

Maybe that’s why it took me until April to finally make a decision. It was the size of a plum by then, and a tiny bump was starting to show but only when I stood naked in front of the mirror. With clothes on, nobody was the wiser. But the longer I kept it, I think the more Harry fell in love with it. The idea of it.

We have a long talk during our Easter holiday. We talked in my bedroom until the sun comes up. I tell him I was sure of my decision.

I’d gotten accepted to Cambridge by then. Harry was staying in London. We knew it wasn’t feasible. To live the life we always wanted, we had to get rid of this new life we never knew could happen.

I don’t know why but I don’t tell him the day I go to do it. I go with my mum. Mum drops my sister off at school—she didn’t know. Mum said she had a big mouth.

We drive in silence. When we park mum asks how I feel.

“Sad.” It was the truth. I knew this was right. But it felt like shite.

“Yeah.” She rubs my hands. “Want to go in?”

“I just want to sit here for a bit.” I tell her.

“Okay. I’ll go sign you in.”

She takes my purse and hers and leaves me there. I take the moment to ground myself. Say goodbye to the other future.

When mum knocks on my window I jump.

“Yn? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah yeah I’m coming in.” I open the door.

“You know you’ve been sitting here half hour?”

I pause, one leg out the door and one still in. “I…I must have got lost in my head. Sorry mum-“

“Look. Do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know…I have to.”

“There are other options love-“

“But how can I give it up and live my whole life like that?”

“We can help raise her. You can go on and live your life-“

“I’d be a horrible mother.” Mum and I had this row so many times before. It always ended in me storming away but I couldn’t here.

“You don’t need to make the decision today.”

“But I do.” I tell her. “Otherwise it’ll drive me insane.”

I tuck both feet back into the car and rest my hand on my belly. I’d allowed myself to do that only in my room, when I was alone. Doing it out here made it feel even more real. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine going through with the decision.

“I can’t do this.” I tell my mum.

She smooths my hair down and kisses my temple. My door closes and a few seconds later she climbs in beside me.

“Think about it.”

“I can’t. But I can’t keep it either.”

“Okay.” Mum pulls me into her and I think I should cry but I can’t. I’m calm, maybe I know I’d made the right decision. Or just a decision. I was going to stick to this.

“I can’t raise it. I’m just a child I…maybe someone out there wants a baby and can’t have one maybe-“

“I’ll look into it for you.” Mum promises. “You set the rules remember?”

And that’s how it goes. Mum looks into it, we decide to go for adoption. We go to the hospital on the first warm day of the year. By then I’d taken to wearing jumpers over flowy dresses and been thankful for the first time in my life that I wasn’t skinny like other girls. At most angles you couldn’t tell my belly was so perfectly round.

By then too, Harry had accepted the decision. He seemed relieved. Thinking aloud he’d said maybe he could raise it, but quickly turned around when I asked him what he’d do about uni.

“Someone out there can take care of it better than us. Someone will love the baby like we do.”

During the summer, I tell all my friends I was staying with family in midlands. And I do go up there, that’s where the couple who was adopting lived. Harry and I meet them with my mum and his. It’s awkward, we run out of conversation fast. But their house is big and they already have a 2 year old from an adoption last year. My baby was going to be loved here. And have a sibling.

“We did want to discuss one last thing,” they’d said before we left. We all listen intently. “We…find it best when it’s a no contact adoption. We’ve had a lot of friends who keep contact open and it gets messy-“

“What?” I hadn’t really thought about this until now. Hearing I’d have to give the baby up and go on like it didn’t exist felt wrong. Harry’s hand slips into mine.

“This is typical,” Harry’s mum says from his side. “Let’s hear it out.”

“Right. So just to prevent future complications, we do no contact. Of course when baby’s older and wants to seek out the real parents we can’t stop them. But until then…”

“Thank you.” My mum steps in when it goes silent. I could hardly wrap my head around what they were saying. When it gets older?

Pretty soon mum is ushering me out and Harry’s hand is still clutching mine. We don’t let go until we reach my Uncle’s where we were staying until August. The baby was due in September. I was going to miss the first week of class.

“I can’t do this.” I tell them later. “How can we just have no contact.”

“I thought you knew.” Mum says. “I explained that some parents want this when they adopt.”

She might have. Ever since I hit the third trimester like my doctor said, I’ve had a hard time listening and understanding what someone was saying after they spoke too long. I was glad school was done—for obvious reasons, but also for not having to sit in a class and learn.

“We have no other choice.” Harry says from beside me. He rubs my back and slowly, I zone back into the conversation. “We can find another family but they might want the same thing.”

“What if the baby never looks for us?” I turn to him, our heads press against the other’s. “What if we go our whole lives just wondering?”

“What’s the other option?” Harry whispers. He was right. I just didn’t want to get it.

Acceptance slowly creeps into me over the course of the summer. It was always hot carrying another person around, I was always hungry and thirsty, and very cranky. Harry came up to see me every other weekend when he could, mum stayed with me and that summer was one I could never forget.

It was September 1st, a particularly hot day. Rain fell in the afternoon and by the time the unforgiving sun set, the cool air was heavenly.

I sat by the bedroom window, moisturizing my belly like mum had shown me, talking to the baby. I wrote it a letter last week all about me, that I loved them and hoped the best for them. I told the baby about my family, how Harry and I met, and then I sealed it in an envelope with a picture of Harry and me. It was taken last Halloween when we’d both dressed up as each other. I tell mum to give it to the new parents. In case the day came the baby wondered about who we were.

As I spoke softly, I felt a gush of something wet down my leg.

“What?” I stand up, confused. “I…”

It takes me a second. I was going into labour.

“Mum!” I shout. “Mum! Come here!”

She rushes in and confirms it. It was happening.

“But it’s supposed to be next week!” I try not to panic but that’s all I can do as mum grabs our things and my aunt rushes to the car. “Does this mean something’s wrong? Is the baby o-“

I freeze as a contraction forces me to fold. I’d felt the kicking and the nausea and everything in between but these. These were a bitch.

Somehow we make it to hospital. Somehow I lay on a bed and push when the doctor tells me to. I nearly pass out. I just wanted Harry here with me. He didn’t know his kid was being born.

With a final push that felt like I was ascending my body and leaving it behind, I hear a wail and I cry. The baby was out, they cried and everything was okay.

“Okay congratulations mummy,” a nurse crouches down to me. “We’re going to clean you and baby up. She’s healthy and looks okay.”

“What?” I can barely see with my hair in my face and the nurses around me. It was a she? I had a baby girl?

We were never told the gender, so we wouldn’t get attached. But I had a baby girl. The nurse just called me mum.

I feel the tears on my cheeks, I was crying too. I try to look around me but a new nurse is talking in hushed voices to the doctor.

“…outside…call…adoption…shouldn’t or….contact-“

“What’s going on?” I can barely get the words out. “What?”

“Oh my love,” suddenly mum’s in the room and things are a bit better. A bit better.

“Mum what’s going on?”

“The baby’s born. The parents are outside they’re going to meet her soon.”

“What?” I look at mum’s face and it’s shining with tears. Why was she crying?

“Oh she’s beautiful love, she’s perfect. But your job’s done now. You should rest.”

“Mum,” I cry. “Where is she? Can’t I hold her?”

“No love,” mum moves my hair out of my face. I feel something break in half inside of me. I couldn’t even hold the baby? The baby girl? Mine and Harry’s baby girl?

“Why? Mum why? I just want to see her-“

“I’m sorry,” mum says through tears. “It’s just the way it is. She’s going to a loving home okay? She’s good. You’re okay.”

I can’t stop crying. I was going to lose her last April and I stopped that but I lost her anyway. My baby, I was never going to see her.

I remember when my sister was born. I was 5 and I was angry she’d taken the attention away. But when I saw her with her perfect toes and angel face I was obsessed with her. I even remember her first steps, she’d taken them at a park with mum and dad and me together. I was never going to know these things about my own baby. I was never going to know her.

I must pass out soon after. I remember waking up to the nurses instructing me about something. I’m half asleep and barely remember what I did when I get up. When I do wake it’s morning and there’s a figure on the chair beside me.

“You’re up.”

Harry. Relief washes over me knowing he’s here.

“Harry they took her,” I tell him.

“I know. I know yn.”

I move aside and he crawls into bed with me. I must look disgusting but he watches me with love brimming in his eyes. I can tell he’s been crying.

“I feel empty,” I whisper. Like someone had carved me out like a pumpkin. Something I’d had with me all year was gone. “How can I just move on? Start uni and all that when I…they just took her.”

“I keep thinking that.” Harry says. “Khalil invited me to a party to meet some blokes from uni and I just sat in my car the whole time. I couldn’t even go in. She…she was never going to be ours.”

“I feel awful.” I burrow into his neck as he strokes my hair. “A baby girl.”

“A baby girl,” Harry echoes.

***

I head to uni a week later. My body still feels like it fought a war and lost. It’s like it still thinks there’s a baby there. I produce milk for a few days, continue to have contractions, my belly is saggier than usual and I can’t stop crying about everything.

My dad drops me off to uni. He tells me he was proud of me, that I was always his baby girl. I cry then just like I cried at home when I said bye to mum, or when my sister hugged me which she never does. I can’t stop crying.

When I move into my dorm I feel like a completely different person than I thought I was going to be. My dormmate fills me in on everything she’s learned, complains about a boy and a party and it just feels so irrelevant to me. Did I used to care about those things? I had a baby. And now I didn’t.

By October, Harry and I are in different worlds. We hadn’t broken up but we talk weekly. Each week there’s less to talk about. When I visit home in October, being around him just makes me sad. He tries to cheer me up, make it like old times, but I know he’s hurting inside too.

I decide to do the breaking up. And at first he’s angry, insisting we could make it work. He actually refuses and walks away. We don’t talk for a whole day.

But at a house party in South where his uni mates were from, he accepts the end.

Through tears we kiss each other one final time, we whisper sweet nothings, we pour into each other all the hopes and wishes we had for each other.

When he hugs me for the last time I leave something behind. It’s similar to waking up the morning after my delivery and knowing something was gone. I really feel the shape of the loss. It sits in my sternum, a hole that grows smaller with time, but not just yet.

I fall into a depressed state for most of my first semester but my dormmate doesn’t give up on me and eventually I go to my first uni party. Eventually my brain fog clears and I actually go to all my classes. Eventually my life, on the outside, looks like it could be back to normal but inside I ache with the loss. So much that it becomes part of me. I don’t know where it ends, and I begin. It lives in me.

Age 23.

“The first of many hey?” Mal clinks his bottle to mine. I barely knew Mal but we were both friends with Khalil and therefore both at his stag.

“Before you know it we’re all going down,” one of Khalil’s friends joins in. “Stag after stag, suit after suit, it’s gonna be a blur man.”

“Let’s enjoy it while we can!” Someone cheers and everyone raises their beers. I toast with a smile; blokes loved to act like being in a relationship was the last thing they wanted when I knew most of them were mush in their girlfriend’s hands.

I also smile knowing I bought an engagement ring a few weeks back. I wanted to propose to Shannon, we met on her 22 when a friend invited me along. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the birthday girl. We’d been together since.

“Who do you think’s next?” The bets start going and nobody bets on me. Everyone always thought Shan was too good for me, they were counting on us breaking up. I was going to prove them all wrong.

The night gets sloppier until we all head back to the air bnb we’d rented for this. Tomorrow we were all supposed to go play golf like we were cosplaying old money bastards when we all knew we were just broke blokes from East. But I guaranteed they’d all be too hungover. We would get to the club and just drink the hangovers away.

And I’m right. I update Shan that I’m right when the boys stay in the dining area of the club. They decide on lunch and I step out to talk to my girlfriend.

“No birds allowed this weekend,” someone pipes in when I excuse myself.

“That’s just cuz you’re miserable Eli.” I brush past as the boys laugh. At me. And him.

I catch up with Shan. It was a bright day for September and I stay a little longer after the phone ends. Shan was in med school, she was always stressed or sleep deprived. I tried to support her the best I could—right now she needed moral support that she was going to get an internship she was applying for.

“Mummy doesn’t like when I have sweets,” a small voice says to my left. I look at a father with his daughter. He’s crouched down zipping her sweater up while she rambles on.

“Well it’s going to be our secret.” The dad says. “Sundays are for sweets aren’t they?”

“I love sweets.” She responds.

The father catches my eye and I shoot him a smile.

“Her mum’s going to hear every detail when we get home,” he says as he stands. “Can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

I laugh. The way she was rambling on, I didn’t think so. “How old’s she?”

“6.” He says, smiling down at her fondly. My heart aches.

“Almost 7.” She corrects her dad.

“Birthday’s in the spring.” He says more to me. “But almost 7 sure.”

I see them leave with one more shared smile, like we’re in on something. I imagine that’s how it would feel to be a parent. Always knowing something your kid doesn’t.

My daughter was 6. Wherever she was.

Thinking about the daughter I never had, the girl I lost always leaves me a little winded. Today’s no different.

Yn and I both made an agreement and it had been the hardest thing I’d done. Letting her go. It took me a proper year to even think about moving on.

I liked to think about yn, doing everything she wanted to do. But when I thought about the baby I spiralled into a dark pit. Sometimes when I drank too much, it pulled me in too deep to get out of. That’s what Shan liked to call my depressive drinking. She’s limited me to 3 drinks since.

Before I go in I take a minute to think about yn, where she might be. I hear from friends in high school random facts about her life. But I wonder how she’s doing. If she thinks about our baby like I do. How life would have been if I’d been here, calling her on the phone instead, asking if our baby girl was doing alright.

Age 29.

I stare at the nape of the man in front of me. It couldn’t be, but I’d memorized the back of his head—amongst other things, nearly 2 decades ago and I would bet £1000 I knew who this was. But I continue staring until the cashier rings him up.

In the same voice I remember, the one from my memories and my fantasies, I hear him say: “debit.”

I wait for him to pay before saying, “Harry?”

He turns so quickly he drops his card, wallet, and keys.

“Hi!” I laugh awkwardly and crouch down to help him pick his things up. There’s an awareness that the people in the queue behind me are witness to a moment that feels more intimate than a grocery store chat and it makes me shrink a little in my shell like a spooked turtle.

“Hi I-uh,” Harry short-circuits in front of me as the bored cashier holds his receipt out and stares at him with eyes that have worked one shift too many.

“I’ll just bag-“

“Yeah we can talk later.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile but it feels watery. I couldn’t believe of all the places I’d run into him, it was a grocery queue. How intense in such a mundane place.

As I watch my total rise on screen I risk a glance at Harry. His hand hovers over a white reusable bag, I wonder if that was his. Or his wife’s. If they did their weekly shop in a mismatch of bags that looked like that or they were the type of couple to have a set.

His eyes are on me though, somehow here and not here. I feel the same way.

I look back to the cashier asking me how I was paying. She glances between Harry and I. I don’t look back at him. Or the growing queue a few feet away.

I take my groceries—just some items my mum asked me to pick up, and stuff them into the tote I’m wearing. Harry waits for me by the exit.

“Hi.” He says as his eyes scan my face. I do the same, taking in all the ways time had spent with him. It must have been good—he looked good. “I can’t believe-“

“A Whole Foods of all places.” I laugh. A grin splits his face but his eyes stay on me.

“That smile, that laugh. God I’ve missed you.”

“I…missed you too.” How I could miss someone I’d known for one year and then never again for nearly two decades…I didn’t realize it was possible until now.

“Are you busy?” He asks. “Maybe we can grab a drink or?”

“I don’t…drink.” I hated that I had to announce it to people. I was still at the stage where I was figuring out how to say it confidently, or find a way around saying it.

“Oh.” Harry glances down at my belly and I realize he’d misunderstood but it’s too unspoken to correct him. “Cafe?”

“Yeah. That sounds lovely.” Honestly going anywhere with him sounded lovely right now. I wanted to cancel all my plans for the day and just sit with him. Stare at him and catch up. I couldn’t believe he was here.

We walk in a comfortable but waiting silence, like taking a cold drink out to a park with the anticipation it’s going to be good , and no desperation to open it as soon as you get it.

“Usual? Tea?” Harry asks when we step into a nearby cafe. It’s big for a cafe but has enough students working on laptops to not feel empty. I nod, unsure how to feel that Harry still knows what I order at a cafe. Or that my order hasn’t changed since 17.

I find us a booth and pretty soon he’s sliding into the seat across from me. The two of us can’t stop smiling.

“Hi,” he says again.

“Hi…”

“You look good, the same but better.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you!” I exclaim. More smiling.

“How’s…I mean, how are you? How is everything? What-“

“There’s so much to ask-“

“I don’t even know how to ask what I want to know!” Harry laughs and I’m warmed from the inside out at the sound of it.

“This shouldn’t be hard!”

“No.” He scrubs his face. “I’m really buzzing that we’ve run into each other.”

“Me too. It’s a bit unbelievable.”

“I know.” He continues gripping his cup and not taking his eyes off of me. It’s the exact way he used to look at me when we were teenagers. It nearly takes my breath away. “You look good—but I already said that. Sorry.”

“No,” I laugh. “That’s all that’s running through my head.”

“Oh—I remember hearing you were engaged a few years ago-“

“Yeah.” I turn my hand so he can see the ring. “Married now. You?”

“Yeah,” he looks down at his own hand. He had so many rings on I couldn’t tell from a glance. “Coming up to 5 years now.”

“Wow. It’s only 1.5 for me but Tatum and I—my husband, we’d been since uni.”

“Took him a while.”

“Mhm,” it had been a sore subject way back then. Harry says it casually but he studies my face. I know he wants to ask more but he’ll politely maneuver around it.

“Are you happy?”

I let out a breath. “That’s more complicated than anything else you could ask!”

“Is it?”

“Yeah I-“ I shrug. “I don’t know if I am. But I also have no idea what I could do about it. So. There’s that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” My stomach curdles with his words. I didn’t want pity, least of all from Harry. Harry. I can’t believe he was here. “I get it though. Everyone says your 30s are even more glorious than your 20s. We’ll see soon enough if they’re right.”

I meet his eye, they always intimidated me to look too long into. Even now, I glance back down at my drink. When I look up again he has a wry smile twisting his lips. He knew.

I was sorry to hear life hadn’t been as good for him. And then I understand, it wasn’t pity he was giving me. He truly was sorry like I.

I thought about Harry often. Of course I did. I liked to imagine him living out his dreams like he always talked about. I liked to imagine him happy and thriving.

“Do you ever think about us?” I have to ask. “If we did it all differently?”

“We would have had a 12 year old with us.”

Hearing him say it feels like someone had taken a screwdriver and opened me up. Raw and exposed. But looking at him I know he thought about her as much as I had. Both of us were apparently mourning a future neither of us had fought for.

“Yeah,” I breathe but I just sound winded.

“We were trying, at one point—Shan and I.” Harry fiddles with his ring. “Did all the tests and the trials and the shite. But no kids. It put a real strain on my relationship. I think we cracked instead of bending. And I don’t think either of us know how to make it right again.”

I grasp his hand and squeeze. “I know what that’s like. It’s hard. I…a couple years ago. I lost a baby. A baby boy. I felt like it was a punishment for-“

“Don’t.”

We hold onto each other, our drinks long forgotten. He holds my hand and it feels like being known again, like I wasn’t such an awful person. That someone could see everything I’ve done and still choose to have love for me.

“I’m sorry.” He tells me.

“Me too.” I bite my lip. With a sigh I let him go and lean back. Here we’d been so excited to bump into each other but we’d both been carrying sorrow and grief. It wasn’t very hopeful.

“So I guess you’re not drinking because you’re-“

“No.” I say, surprisingly without feeling awkward. “I’m just sober right now. Trying to figure out life without a drink.”

“Sounds like torture but I respect that. Sounds hard.”

“It was at first. I like the feeling now of thinking clearly. But I miss a glass of wine I do sometimes.”

We smile at each other.

“So do you live around here?” Harry broaches talking again after both of us had lapsed into silence for a while. I blink away the fog of the past.

“Yeah. You?”

“Nah. Shan’s out of town and I was feeling lonely. Came over to visit my sister. I’m just staying with her for the week.”

“Lucky me then.” I smile.

“Lucky me too.” He smiles back. It’s soft. We’re soft. It felt impossible to me after all this time the tenderness was still the strongest thing between us.

We chat a bit more, much about nothing. What we did for a job, anyone we still kept in touch with from school. Nothing that meant a lot.

“I need to head off now,” I say when my phone buzzes for a second time. “I was on my way to my mum’s. She keeps calling me.”

“Yeah. Don’t want to keep you.” Harry says but he stays seated. So do I.

We continue just studying the other until my phone rings again and I laugh. “It was…I really loved seeing you.”

I slide out and Harry mirrors me. I still come to his chest, he still smells the same and stands the same and looks just as handsome.

“How about uhm, how about dinner some time?” Harry asks. I knew it was coming, it’s still painful saying no.

“I…can’t. I…we can’t just do dinner, can we?”

“No,” Harry bows his head. We had too much history to just do dinner. From what he said—and I knew, both our lives were too complicated to add the allure of each other into the mix. I couldn’t do that to my life as tempted as I was. Especially not sober.

“Yeah.” He stands straight again and gives me space to head to the door. “Good seeing you. Give your mum my best if she doesn’t hate me.”

“She doesn’t.” I assure him. We stand awkwardly not sure if a kiss, a hug, or a wave was appropriate. We settle for a hug.

I remember the last time I was enveloped in his arms, tucked away into his tall frame. When we said goodbye forever, agreed to live our best lives separately. We’d both been too scarred to be anything together. Too much grief.

“Maybe we’ll run into each other again.” Harry smiles at me when we part.

“Maybe,” I say knowing full well I wouldn’t do groceries on the weekend anymore.

With a final wave we both part ways again, this time it doesn’t feel as much like closure.

Age 35.

“Graduation’s graduating, what a mouthful.” I say to Andie. We sit in the parking lot of a local pub back home. Both of us had avoided reunions after going to the first one 10 years ago and being reminded of how much people liked to remind you of who you used to be. But this year Andie found out an old flame was going and single. And this is the first year I saw that Harry had checked off going. So we’d decided to go together.

I could have easily reached out to him. Asked him about meeting up there. But I didn’t want to come across any way. I remember our run-in 6 years ago. We felt the same way—we would do anything for each other, and I didn’t want any affect over him coming. Last I heard he was still in a relationship. Just cuz I was didn’t mean I had to ruin another.

“Okay. We going in?” Andie passes me her flask.

I’d taken to drinking again. Originally I stopped after a particularly bad night when I was 28. It nearly cost me my wedding back then.

I stopped to get sober. To feel what it felt like not to rely on alcohol to keep from feeling my emotions. I had a lot of grief I never processed. And unfortunately being sober, and processing the grief and depression, had ultimately cost me my marriage. But I was better for it. I knew what unconditional love and support was. I didn’t want to settle for someone who only loved me at my best.

Now I felt in control when I drank. I knew when to stop.

“Let’s go!”

“Do you think he’ll remember me?” Andie asks as we walk up to the place.

“You comment on so many of his posts. I think he does.” I tease.

“Gah. It would have saved me so much heartbreak if I just told him back 18 years ago how I felt.”

“Maybe,” I think about my confessed love 18 years ago and the heartbreak that ensued.

“Well at least I would have gotten him outta my system. Oh god I see him-“

“Hi ladies,” we’re stopped near the front and given name tags, making small talk with the girls working the booth. I vaguely remember them from a club but I have to read their name tags to pretend I remembered them at all.

Andie ditches me pretty quickly but I don’t mind. I find some friends I saw a couple times a year. Guess this was the couple time this year.

The whole time my eyes scan the room. People had brought their partners and I wondered if Harry would do the same. Deep down, I prayed he didn’t. I just wanted to see him.

I spot him halfway through the night. He’s leaning against the bar talking to Khalil. I remembered they used to be friends, he was always nice to me while Harry and I dated.

I watch him talk and drink. I lose him for a bit and then catch him leaving. Shite.

I excuse myself and rush out but nearly trip over myself slowing down. He was just outside for a smoke break.

“When did that habit start?” I ask. He nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Fu-y/n you scared me.” He shakes his face dramatically, like he’s getting something off of it. I bite back a smile, he was pretty drunk. “When did you get here? I didn’t know you came to these things?”

“I don’t.” I correct him. I couldn’t tell him I came for him. “It was just the name of this reunion, Graduation’s graduating. How could I pass it up?”

This earns a laugh. Eases the air between us. “Did you see Oli in there? He’s gotten bald.”

“He looks like his dad actually,” I remember his dad was always coming to Oli’s football matches, screaming at his son to run faster.

“Glad you didn’t end up with him?” Harry smirks.

“Oh yeah. I heard last reunion he just kept going up for the karaoke sober. If I want my bloke to embarrass me, at least give him the excuse of being drunk.”

“Shit,” Harry laughs. “I remember that! I remember! Wish I could forget!”

I laugh with him. “Harry you’re getting pretty close to drunk yourself.”

“Ah yeah. More than 3 drinks that, I’m being naughty tonight.”

I scrunch my nose, no idea what he’s talking about.

“I can’t believe you’re here tonight,” Harry says again. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again for another 12 years after our last time.”

“Thought I’d halve the time.” I watch Harry squash out the butt.

“Glad you did.” He looks at me and I’m 17 again. Why couldn’t we both be single? Why did I come here knowing I couldn’t have him.

Maybe I was as masochistic as the person who invented maths.

“Yn?” A voice calls out to me. “Oi! It is you I thought I was dreaming you up! What a sight!”

I’d been avoiding Oli all night. Not anymore.

I glance at Harry and he hides a smirk. Oli notices Harry then and his face hardens a little.

“Oli! Long time!” I go in for the hug he’s reaching for, unsure why he was so sweaty on an autumn night. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he grins at me. “You look good! Not a day over 25.”

“Don’t flatter me Oli,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not going to get you anything.”

“I’m not looking! I swear it!” He says earnestly. “I’m just paying you a compliment. It’s good to see you. Hey, I’m actually in a good relationship. Gonna propose to her.”

“Are you? What’s she like?”

I stand in the brisk evening as Oli tells me about his girlfriend. I’m happy for him, what we had in high school wasn’t really a relationship but I never wished him bad. He was a good guy, I was glad he found his person.

I change the subject when he asks about my love life, tell him I was getting cold. We head back in and I tell him I’d catch up to him later. I’d lost Harry and wanted to find him again. I had more I wanted to talk about.

“Khalil,” I interrupt him playing pool. He goes in for a hug and I engage in polite small talk until I tire of it. “I’m looking for Harry.”

“Of course you are,” he wags a finger at me. “I saw him leaving ten minutes ago?”

“Jeez really?” I couldn’t believe I missed him! After coming here just for him. Maybe he had to get home, maybe he had a kid by now. Had to tuck him in.

“He’s not doing so well since the divorce-“

“What?” I stare at Khalil like he’s spoken gibberish. Why hadn’t I heard about that?

“Ehm yeah. He’s pretty private about it.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Yeah. He’s been separated a few years now but he just signed the papers a couple weeks ago. I dunno. He gets kinda depressed around this time of year. Probably the weather.”

It was September. It wasn’t the weather.

I had to find him.

I brush past the people I went to school with. I followed Harry outside to a roof 17 years ago and today I follow him out to find him again. We needed to talk.

I look both ways, hoping for a miracle.

I spot a figure slumped on the far end of the road. I recognize the church, it was where we went every Easter and Christmas growing up.

I walk towards the figure until I can make out the hair. It was Harry. Thank god.

“Why’d you leave?” I ask him when he looks up to my approaching footsteps.

“I drank too much,” he hangs his head again. I sit beside him.

“I heard about the divorce. I’m sorry.”

Harry shrugs. “We separated a while ago. It was coming for a long time.”

“Yeah. Still.” I say.

We sit in silence, the only sound is our breathing and the faint noises from the pub down the road.

“She’s in her last year by now.” I say without further explanation. I know he’d know.

“Our baby’s 17.”

Our baby? I feel choked up. All these years we’d been apart, built our own lives, and there was still an our even when there hadn’t been.

���It’s always been us hasn’t it?” Harry says. “Nobody understands.”

“They couldn’t. We were so young, making such a big decision.”

“Oh y/n.” He leans into me and I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He’s cold, his jacket pooled on the steps around him. I gather it to spread over his shoulder but he stops me. “How much heartbreak can you have in one lifetime?”

I sit, aching for the pain Harry was going through. Knowing it was mirrored in me.

“I’ve had enough for a lifetime. I know that.”

“Me too.” Harry sighs. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here.” I intertwine our hands. They still fit the exact same, all these years later. I examine them, but they looked the same too. I wonder if our baby girl ever looked at her hands, wondered who she inherited them from.

“D’you think she thinks about us?” Harry asks what I’m thinking.

“Maybe.” I say. “I like to think so. I just hope she doesn’t hate us for giving her up.”

“Yeah me too I think…” he hangs his head. I hear him sniffle. Seems like Harry hit the point of drinking where all you could feel is regret. I remember those days. I knew where he was.

When he doesn’t finish his sentence I fill the silence; “Me and Tatum split uh…four years ago now.” I update him. “You probably heard something about it. I remember my mum saying she ran into yours when it was happening. They probably talked all about it.”

I wait for Harry to give confirmation but he stays the way he is.

“I went sober a few years before then. Almost ruined our wedding cuz I was exactly where you were. Unprocessed grief and all I could do was drink about it. I’d given up a baby at 18, then lost a baby a decade later. It feels silly to say out loud, that something that never really came into this world—something the size of a fruit could act like the rock you push up the hill every morning. The grief you fight at your darkest times. How could we be haunted by something that didn’t even exist—not technically. But that’s just the way it was. And that’s the way it had to be when we were 18. I’m not always sure I made the right decision overall but I know it was a decision we had to make at the time. I’ve had to find my peace. So do you Harry.”

“Yeah. I-I have to. Y’know? Sometimes I wonder if I would have made her proud.” Harry sniffles. I had similar thoughts. My throat feels tight remembering. “I don’t think, right now, I would be.”

“She’s so loved. She is so loved Harry. Whatever…wherever she is.”

“I love you.” Harry turns to me. His face is raw with grief and emotion. “Never stopped loving you. But I don’t want to give you this version of me.”

“I’ll take any version of you Harry.” I reassure him. “I think we’ve seen too much of each other to be able to hide anything away.”

He tips forward slowly until his head rests on my chest. I hold him there, just like he’d done for me so many years ago. I tell him the type of thing that meant everything to me back then and I hope it helps him to hear it: “We’ll get through this Harry.”

***

“I don’t remember getting here.”

I look up from my book, Harry stands in my kitchen with a confused look on his face. It was weird seeing him here in my flat. But it was so right too.

“We walked home. I thought you sobered up.”

“Nuh-uh.” He takes a few steps towards me, hesitant.

“Coffee?”

“Maybe I’ll take a shower first?”

“First door on your right. Extra towels in the cupboard.”

“Thanks.”

We look at one another for a beat before he moves back. I make another pot of coffee and clean up from breakfast while he showers.

Next time he walks back in he looks a lot better. Smells nice too.

“Black please.” He says when I hold the coffee up.

I pour him a cup and watch him sip it.

“Thank you for last night.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell him.

“I remember what you said to me. You’re right of course. I think I knew it, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with. Nobody knew about us…”

“You didn’t have to keep it a secret ‘til this day Harry.” I was surprised he had. “You didn’t even tell any of your friends?”

“The only people who knew were my family, a-and Shan. But. Year after year it didn’t mean the same thing to her. I stopped talking to her about it pretty quickly. Think it made it worse because her and I couldn’t actually…”

“Yeah.” I understood.

“But I realized. I think it was losing both of you. I feel like you were taken away too. We just went from being around each other all the time to cold turkey. That was a loss too so…”

“Yeah.” Again, I understood.

“I’m 35. I’ve gotta…get my head on straight.”

I examine him. “Looks okay to me?”

He smiles and puts his cup down.

“I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.”

“Meh that was years ago. Hard then. Fine now. For the best.”

“I agree,” Harry moves around the table to stand where I am. My heart pulses just like it always does around him. He rests a hand on my hip, dragging it up to wrap around my waist. He must feel how hard my heart’s beating. “Did I tell you? That I love you?”

“Maybe?” I feel myself growing more present. The hole that always lived inside of me growing even smaller in this moment. It allows me to settle on the floor better; less air, more weight.

“Well I do. I love you. At 17, or at 35.” He says this with a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“Well. I love you.” I return the kiss, relish in the way his hand grips my tank. “At 17, or 35.”

“Sometimes I wish I held on tighter at 17. But I look at you now and I’m excited to get to know you again.”

His words pour over me like honey. It was sweet we were still on the same page.

“I’m not letting you go this time.” Harry whispers in my ear. He pulls me in tight, swaying from side to side. “I want to spend 41 and 50 with you. I want all of you, every side.”

“Perfect,” I peer up at him. “That’s exactly what I want too.”

“And maybe one day,” he continues in a hush voice. “We’ll get a call from a young girl. She’ll tell us all about her life in a town up north. About a picture she has of her mother dressed like her father and her father dressed like her mother.”

“She’ll tell us she’s had a good life, and she’s thought about the people in the picture. She’d tell us she wants to meet them.”

“We would be able to show her the love we kept for her. Our love’s like a venn diagram, the bit in the middle is just for her. She’d know why she was born in the first place.”

“Closure,” I whisper to him. “We would know closure.”

I remember the day she was taken, how the loss of not even being able to see her felt bigger than the loss of her itself back then.

I think of a 17 year old girl, with green eyes and brown hair. With my smile and Harry’s dimples. My hands, and Harry’s height. She was loved by people, families, that she didn’t even know existed yet.

They say if you love something, let it go. If it’s meant to be it’ll come back.

As Harry and I stay intertwined in the kitchen of my flat, I send out a wish into the universe for her like I did most days. That she was healthy, happy, and one day curious enough to seek us out. That one day, she would come back.

Right now I focus on the man in my arms. The one I never thought I’d get to hold again. For now this was all I needed. I’d loved him, let him go, and after so many years apart, we were back.

[phosph-ate]

Tether

Dr. Phosphorus x GN!Reader

Rick is sent to collect someone from inside of seemingly haunted woods. He realizes he's bit off more than he can chew a little too late.

CW: violence, gun violence, swearing, canon divergence, no use of y/n

Word Count: 2k

A/N: they/them used for reader!! this veers away from the show. it is not set in it. it's just an idea i had and i want to run with it. it probably won't be too many parts/chapters. also, there is an oc in here, she is important to the story. just in case you have feelings about ocs! reader's abilities will be touched on more thoroughly next chapter! divider made by cafekitsune

The woods were considered haunted. They had not always been that way. In fact, they used to be beautiful and lively. But now, a heavy fog and dark shadows shroud them. Not a peep could be heard from inside once in them.

“This can’t be normal.”

“No, Phosphorus,” Rick sighed, “it fucking can’t be normal.”

Bride, Nina, and Weasel stood a little behind Phosphorus, who was directly behind Rick. After what seemed like an hour of trekking through the heavily wooded area, they stumbled upon a cabin.

“This is it.” Nina chimed in from behind them. “This is what the hunter described.”

“You all wait back here,” Rick begins to walk towards the cabin. “I’ll handle this for now.”

Phosphorus groaned but stayed put. The only one seemingly not antsy was Weasel. He stood there, patiently. Or as patiently as he could.

Rick walked onto the porch. He immediately noticed spots of blood scattered on it. The wood creaked loudly; it was very noticeable considering how silent the area had been. Before he could even knock the door was swung open. Someone who could not be older than sixteen stood in front of Rick. She was chewing, no smacking, some gum.

“Who the fuck are you?” The teenager looked Rick up and down, staring at him with distaste.

“I was about to ask you the same question.”

The girl peeked over Rick’s shoulder and noticed the group a little way from the porch. She rolled her eyes. “Well,” She stepped to the side. “I guess you can come in.”

“Huh?” Phosphorus was loud and confused. “You’re going to let some monsters into your home.”

“Not my home.” She shrugged. “Anyway, we’ve been expecting you.”

“We?” Bride asked. “Where is the owner?”

“Resting.” The girl seemed too calm. Rick hummed a response. The girl walked back to the couch and picked up a controller and continued playing some old game. “Any of you want to play with me?” She motioned to another controller. “We’ve got plenty of games! Diddy Kong Racing, Mario 64, and Donkey Kong!” She was excited to share. “I’m positive I’d kick all of your asses simultaneously at any of the games… But I’m not going to stop you from playing.”

Phosphorus looked down the hall. His head cocked to the side. “Where is the owner?” He sounded more assertive than Bride had earlier. “There is no way some kid is living out in these creepy woods by herself.”

“I said they’re resting.” The teenager snapped. “Now get your ass back in here. They don’t like people pokin’ around. I’d hate to see what would happen if they came out to you looking through their home.”

Phosphorus walked towards the steps and huffed. “We need to see them. Who are they? More importantly, who are you?” The doctor turned his head towards the girl.

“I’m Oli.” She gave her name quickly. “And I thought you knew who they were.” Oli mimicked Phosphorus’ huff. “Why else would you be here?”

“We’re here because people have been going missing in these woods. One man got away and was heavily traumatized.”

Oli went pale. “Not people.” She was short. She turned back to her game. She began to play again, and Phosphorus groaned.

“Look, kid!” He shouted. He started to walk towards Oli, and she froze. She went pale. A scream ripped from her throat, and she began to wail for something. For someone. A name Rick was not familiar with ripped through the air, straight from Oli’s lungs.

The house began to shift. The floor creaked and the lights flickered. The TV shut off and Oli fell off the couch and hit the floor, covering her face, still screaming.

“I’m not-” Phosphorus had no time to defend himself.

The wall behind the TV, closest to Oli, became covered in shadows. A black ooze dripped from the center of the wall. A loud crack, the crack of bones, came from the other side of the wall. Wind whipped outside and suddenly birds could be heard all around. The silence had been broken in the worst way possible.

Fingers creeped out from the wall, and then a hand was visible. It grabbed the wall, pulling whoever it belonged to out from the shadows. Bones continued to crack as whatever the fuck was coming from the shadows made its way into reality.

“What the fuck!?” Phosphorus screamed.

A distorted yell came from the person and once they dragged themselves from the shadows, they stood over Oli, protecting her. Their eyes were pitch black, no sclera, and their body cracked as they stood up straight.

“That must be the owner.” Nina said, eyes wide and full of shock.

You had been trying your best to replenish your energy. To recover from the earlier visit. But when you felt Oli’s fear and heard her screaming you could no longer rest. You pulled yourself together long enough to crawl out from your hiding spot.

When you stood over her fearful form and looked up to see the exact people she said would be paying you a visit you groaned.

“Oli,” Your voice was distorted. You peeked down at her before looking back around the room, assessing the situation. “You’re okay.” Your voice slowly returned to something more normal. “Aren’t these the people who you said were coming?”

“Yes.” She sat up and looked up at you with a smile. “They wanted to meet you!” She grinned, proud of herself.

“Excuse me?” You scoffed at her, “You just did all of that for me to come out? You couldn’t just say ‘Hey! The people from the fucking prophecy are here!’ That would be just as effective, Olympia.”

Oli stood up. “Do not call me Olympia.” She gave you a nasty look. “You are not my-” She paused. She took in a deep breath and looked at the TV. “Anyway,” She turned it back on, “I gotta restart my game now. Because you turned the TV off when you showed up.” Her voice was low. “Go take care of whatever the fuck they need you for.”

You narrowed your eyes at Oli and turned back to the group of people in your home. “Sorry about, uh, earlier,” You gave them a nervous smile. Your eyes had returned to their normal color, “unless of course you came to kill me. Then I’m not sorry and you will not be leaving this property-”

“We are not here to kill you. My name is Rick, and we are investigating the missing people-”

You interrupted him. “Missing? They’re where they belong. Those men were fucking evil.” You rolled your eyes. “I try to keep this place unreachable. And yet, some people just cannot help themselves.” You glanced towards Oli. “Look, I’ll let you all go. I’ll make a path for you. It’ll be safe. I’ll even let a little sun come in, but I’m not going anywhere. We aren’t going anywhere.”

Rick ran a hand through his hair. “That hunter that escaped, was he…-”

“Oh!” You waved a hand around, “He was just a hunter. Happened to see a little too much, but he seemed like a nice enough guy.” You walked towards your front door and opened it. “I hate that I didn’t get to know all of your names, but… goodbye!” You smiled widely at them and motioned for them to leave.

“No.” Rick stood his ground. “What the fuck are you two doing out here? You just have this kid out in the middle of nowhere, where are her parents?”

“Dead.” Oli looked back from the TV and at Rick. “My family is fucking dead.” She paused her game and stood up. “Did Waller not tell you that? Or did she not know?” Oli snapped. She walked past you and straight towards Rick.

“Who’s Waller?” You asked, while quickly placing yourself in the middle of her and Rick. “What are you not telling me, Oli?”

Rick looked down at Oli with the amount of confusion you seemed to be in. “We were not aware you were here. We were told to bring them,” he pointed to you, “in. That is the extent of our knowledge.”

Oli’s nails were digging into her palms. Something in her seemed to snap. “You are not doing that!” She snarled at Rick. You tried to calm her. “That is not- I didn’t see that! You’re supposed to help us!” She had tears in her eyes.

“Olympia!” You grabbed her face. “What are you talking about?”

Her eyes glazed over, and her knees buckled. You were quick to grab her and hold her up and keep her from hitting the floor.

“What is happening?”

You looked up to see the obviously irradiated skeleton speaking. “She- She’s-” You did not get to finish your sentence. Oli sucked in air harshly, and her eyes widened. She looked at you in fear. You felt every ounce of her fear. Your stomach flipped.

“Oli,” your voice was soft, “What did you see?”

“Me-” She sucked down a sob, tears filling her eyes. “Dead.”

You sat at the kitchen table with Oli. You had insisted your visitors leave, she insisted on them staying. Because of that, you had learned who each of them was. Bride, Dr. Phosphorus, Nina, and your personal favorite: Weasel.

You grabbed water for Oli and sat down beside her. “It could be nothing.” You tried to reassure her, keep her calm.

“My visions are never ‘nothing’.” Oli sipped on her water. She sighed and looked past you and at the group of people in your home. “I haven’t been telling you everything…” She shut her eyes tight and gripped the glass in her hand. “The people who are coming to these woods, they aren’t coming for me. They’re coming for you.” She looked at you with a scared look.

“Well,” Dr. Phosphorus clapped his hands together and began to walk towards you, “we’d better get you out of here then!”

“I can’t leave her!” You snapped at him.

At the same time, Oli whispered “I can’t leave them.” She sounded defeated.

“Why?” Nina cocked her head. “Do you not have anyone else?”

You were growing frustrated. “No!” You pulled Oli into your arms and stood over her as she sat at the table. “Her family is gone! She was wanted for her abilities. I took her in and she’s safe with me-”

“I’m their tether.” Oli sounded distant. You froze, arms falling slightly, but not leaving her sides. You were shocked she would give that information away so freely. “If I die-” She stopped talking and closed her eyes tight.

“What is she talking about?” Rick swallowed hard. Things got a lot harder if what she was saying was true.

“I’m their tether,” She repeated. “You know how when a baby duck imprints on, like, a human?” She looked back at the group of monsters standing in your home.

“What does that have to do with this?” Bride crossed her arms.

“We found each other in times of need. And somehow, their need was much greater than mine. I’m keeping them sort of… holding onto humanity.”

You were standing there silent. She was talking like you were not even there. So, you decided to speak up. “If she dies, I’ll feel it. And I’m afraid of what I will do.” You watched the group, face deadpan. “I’m not leaving here. We are both safe here.”

There was a heavy silence before Dr. Phosphorus spoke up. “That’s too fucking bad, we need you to come with us.”

You groaned. And then you felt it. Something was getting close to your cabin. Your hair stood on end, your head snapped towards the window behind you and walked towards it. Oli pouted, she knew what that meant by now. You tried to pinpoint where they were coming from. Your head began to pound.

“What are you do-”

The window shattered and a bullet flew through, hitting you straight in the forehead. You heard Oli scream. Her fear was palpable. She was at your side in a second. “There’s blood!” Oli wailed. “They can’t even bleed!” Her screams wrecked you. Everything went black.

[hl-obsessed]

✨ (don't forget) where you belong by rippedgloves

(E, 38k) It takes less than two seconds before Harry all but throws himself at Louis, who still has an IV hooked to his arm and looks more fragile than a newborn. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Louis’ left arm circles around him to pat him in the back.

“Fuck, love, you scared me so much,” he murmurs against Louis’ neck, “I missed you.”

“Um, hi—Harry, was it?”

Harry can’t help but laugh, tears wetting his cheeks as he pulls back a little to look at Louis’ face, expecting a teasing smile. Instead, he is met with Louis’ confused gaze. His heart drops in his chest as he realizes that Louis isn’t messing with him.

“It seems,” Niall says, “that Lou is having a bit of trouble remembering certain things about his life.”

“Certain things,” Harry repeats, his tone flat, as he removes himself from Louis’ side. 

Louis is eyeing him curiously, his eyes wide and confused, and he looks a little worried, like he wasn’t expecting Harry to react like this—like he wasn’t expecting Harry at all.

*

or, the one where Louis wakes up from a coma and doesn't remember Harry.

If I Loved You Less by @allwaswell16

(E, 36k) Beautiful omega Louis Tomlinson is set to make his come out in London society and determined to find a mate in his first Season. With the help and protection of his oldest friend, Lord Niall Mendes, he takes Society by storm.

Being a wealthy and titled alpha means Lord Harry Styles has grown used to avoiding unmated omegas...until now. This Season he finds himself at every Society event just for a chance to speak with the omega with the flashing blue eyes.

Louis has the aristocracy at his feet and all the suitors he could hope for, but his secrets may ruin his chance at a love match.

✨💎 Something As Simple As This by frenchkiss

(E, 34k) Trapped in a cabin in the middle of nowhere after a blizzard derails Louis from getting home, he and the attractive stranger who owns the place have nothing to do but... well, each other. It would be a real shame if feelings got in the way, and even more of a shame if a secret about this stranger's identity turned both their lives upside down and inside out.

To Paint A Symphony by @lwtisloved

(E, 40k) Despite being a wedding painter, Louis has never had quite an optimistic outlook on marriage life. Love, sure, he’s a hopeless romantic and he longs for a sweet partner, to feel adored and cherished, but a part of him will forever doubt that love can last forever, a spark never lasts long, after all, so he paints because strokes of paint can remain forever and unchanged if looked after properly, cared and cherished the way he wished he could be, safe from an unsure future. Harry, on the other hand, as a performer and lyricist, indulges in pleasure. He loves love, never wastes a moment, never hesitates, always so sure of what he wants. Songs come and go on the radio, sometimes forgotten, sometimes transcending generations, the way people leave, and others stay. He never thinks of a future because he only ever lives in the present and he never was egocentric enough to think he could make a real impact and his art could outlive him.

At a wedding under summer skies and surrounded by endless sea, two seemingly polar opposite lovers meet, and perhaps one learns to let himself feel and fall, and the other lets himself hope and cling on.

✨ yeah, he's a looker (but i really think it's guts that matter most) by @thedevilinmybrain

(E, 40k) Five times Oli was asked to do something that was outside of his job description, and the one time he didn't have to be asked.

✨💎 Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds by @2tiedships2

(M, 38k) Broadway shows were one of the few things that could keep Louis’ attention for a full two hours without needing to move about. But not tonight.

The alpha next to him was both infuriating him and practically turning him on at the same time. He needed to leave. The alpha, that is. Louis was staying.

Or the one where Louis is a nonverbal omega who has accepted the fact that he will never find an alpha that will treat him as an equal. On the other hand, he’s never met anyone like Harry.

✨ Full Moon Dreaming by @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 43k) Every month, Full Moon Dreaming reveals a person’s soulmate. Sometimes it’s an object or a place, or for the lucky ones, the love of their life.

Louis has given up hope of dreaming of a person, resigned to living a life devoid of that kind of all-consuming love for another and receiving the same in return.

But when a new neighbour descends on Louis’ beloved Hanson Bay and moves into the other beach house, could all that be about to change?

led by your beating heart by @missandrogyny

(E, 34k) Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any help right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

Truebonds by @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 40k) Louis doesn't mind being an omega, most of the time. Modern medicine allows him to suppress almost all of his omega traits, but the one thing it can't suppress is his scenting cycle. Fortunately, that only needs to be dealt with every seven years and he counts himself lucky that he can afford the services of a reputable agency.

With his cycle due, he reviews the matched candidates and there's one alpha who fits all of his criteria, S28A. That's pretty much where things start to unravel.

Enter Harry Styles, scenter for hire.

Or the one where Louis is an omega in need, Harry is an alpha for hire, and destiny presents them with a fate they never saw coming.

You're Not My Type (still I fall) by @imogenleewriter

(M, 38k) Harry's stuck on the side of the road in a storm. Louis has a farm. Grumpy/sunshine AU.

You used to read me like a headline by orphan_account

(M, 35k) Louis leaves for war.

All that remains for Harry is the memory of him and the feelings he never told him about.

Six years later, Louis returns and Harry is confronted with past mistakes and the man he still loves.

Can they ever be the same again?

A story about overcoming mistakes and meeting the love of your life a second time.

All That You Are by @iamasphodelknox

(M, 40k) Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson meet on a civilian boat, taking them home after their rescue from Dunkirk. Harry is won over by Louis’s smile and his plea to write letters but would never guess the long stretch of war would give him something he never imagined could be his.

✨💎 Pretty Boy by @stfustucky

(E, 33k) Harry's been forced into a high-class prostitution ring because his heroin-addicted mother is too strung out to realize that her boyfriend is pimping out her son. Louis is the crown prince of England and gets into a lot of mischief and thinks it's normal to pay prostitutes to "get a good night's sleep." They probably aren't meant to see each other beyond that one random night, but then again, they probably aren't meant to see each other at all.

I Still Think About You All the Time by @nologiconlystyles

(E, 48k) Sometimes, it hits when he least expects; in the way sunlight filters through glass, that precise shade of blue that pierces straight between his ribs. Other times, it’s a dull, predictable ache; in the relentless weight pressing against his heart as Christmas eve approaches.

Enough time has passed that he’s no longer reaching instinctively for a hand that isn’t there, no longer calling out to ghosts in the dark of his empty apartment. But not enough, never enough, to count as moving on.

Harry knows every form "missing Louis Tomlinson" could take, and none of them get any easier to live through.

Always a Bridesmaid by @kingsofeverything

(E, 30k) While Harry’s friends are all getting engaged or married, he’s nowhere near walking down the aisle to his own happily ever after.

The night before his best friend’s wedding, Harry falls into bed with a silver haired stranger who makes him wonder what his own forever might look like.

✨💎 Something About Liminal Spaces by @kingsofeverything

(E, 34k) Searching for inspiration for his latest book, and hoping distance will help heal his broken heart, Louis Tomlinson heads to the village of Piha on the west coast of New Zealand’s north island.

There he meets Harry Styles.

Fifteen years older than Harry, Louis tries to keep his distance, but Harry is impossible to avoid and harder to ignore.

✨ hymns for restless stars by turnyourankle

(E, 38k) Every Holiday season Louis has his pupils write down their Christmas wishes for class. He's read almost every wish under the sun, but one girl's wish takes him by surprise. It's for her uncle not to be alone anymore. It's not a wild wish by any means, but Louis had no idea that former teen idol Harry Styles was lonely in the first place.

✨ Someone to Fly Home To by @kingsofeverything

(E, 34k) Louis. 55 year old pilot who wants someone to fly home to.

Harry swipes right.

Or Louis and Harry’s marriage ended more than a decade ago, but fate keeps bringing them back together.

✨ We're What's Right In This World by @briannamarguerite

(E, 48k) “Why did you talk like that in Brighton? If you weren’t planning on ever telling me?” Louis asked. “Is it because you think you’re going to die?”

“It’s war, Lou,” Harry said finally.

The words were a knife slipped between his ribs. Everything hurt and he was bleeding. He shifted up, his palms cradling Harry’s jaw, his lips against his boy’s. Not kissing, just resting there, so Louis could feel him. “Promise you’ll come back to me.”

Harry’s hands smoothed down the sides of Louis’ body. “You know I can’t do that. I’ll never lie to you.”

“Promise me. We’re going to have our cottage. And our dogs. And our breakfast in the garden where nothing grows because of the wind from the sea. Promise me.”

“I won’t.” Stubborn as always, his boy. “I’ll promise you, I’ll love you all my life. I’ll promise you, you’ll never leave my thoughts. I’ll promise you, you’re my forever and my always. But promising you something I can’t cheapens the things I can.”

----

Or the World War II AU where Harry goes off to fight and all Louis wants to do is be the boy who brings him home.

✨ fondre ton absence by @scrunchyharry

(T, 41k) Harry had never really given much thought to the future. He preferred to let life steer him forward and to follow in the footsteps of Louis, his best friend from as far as his memory went, his lover, his everything. Louis knew better than he did what was good for him.

It changed drastically when Louis was ripped away from him, drafted and sent to the front to fight in a war that Harry had always been sure would never reach him. Too young and too sickly to follow, Harry was left on his own for the first time in his life.

When he thought things could not possibly get worse, Louis went missing at the Somme and was declared dead. While everyone buried and mourned him, Harry never moved on. If Louis were dead, he was sure that he would know it. Their lives were too entwined, he would know if half of his heart had died.

Determined to find Louis, Harry did everything he could in his quest to be reunited with him, except prepare for the state Louis might be in.

He did not prepare for the harsh truth he would have to face: was love possible without memories?

My Hands at Risk, I Fold by yourgorgeouscolors

(E, 44k) "Sometimes, when Louis first wakes up, he thinks he’s back in the hospital, and panic hits him."

Or, Harry is a famous popstar, Louis is a famous football player and one injury changes everything.

This chemistry like candy to me by @larrydoinglaundry

(E, 35k) "It's just... Are you aware, that, uh... You're- You're kind of leaking."

Harry feels his blood run cold. The heart that was thudding so loud and fast drops to his stomach, and his shoulders hunch in embarrassment.

"Excuse me?" Harry asks once he manages to gather himself and recover from the shock. He automatically steps back but since he's already squeezed in the corner, it doesn't do much to put any distance between them, "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Wha- No. Oh my god, I wouldn't- No," The man says as he realizes the misunderstanding, and wildly gestures to his chest, "I mean your- Your chest. Is leaking."

OR

Harry is 8 months pregnant with a poor balance and traitorous nipples. Unfortunately for him, that is precisely when he meets a beautiful alpha in a packed London Tube. Fortunately for him, the said alpha might just be the best thing he has ever come across.

a little, then suddenly by @holdingontochaos

(E, 34k) Prompt 12: Gray-Asexual (demisexual) Harry falls in love and gets attracted to his best friend Louis after fifteen years of friendship.

✨🌸🌸🌸✨

part 1 (+ 50k) | part 3 (10-30k)

[crybyemissamericanpie]

Hows America? - Felix Catton x Olivers sister!reader (fluff)

Hows America? - Felix Catton x Olivers sister!reader (fluff)

This is a bit shorter than i expected but whatever

TW:fluff,cursing,under the influence,oliver being a creep

“Oh!Oliver!”Olivers mothers voice rings up as she opens the door with a big smile eyeing between the tall boy and her son”Praise your alive”She continuous,with a small laugh”i didnt recognize you”She says as she hugs her son,the boy next to oliver watching this unfold,a bit confused

“happy birthday,darling”Olivers mom whispers,as she hugs oliver tightly as if he would want to run away,which he wanted to,she looks at the other boy as she loosens the hug”you must be Felix,so nice to meet you!”She says with a smile,as she holds out a hand for him,felix gives her a small smile

Pamela,Olivers mom looks at Oliver”your fathers in the garden”she smiles”his father?”Felixs furrows his eyebrows as he looks at oliver than pamela”yeah”she laughs a bit”hes been pacing around all morning,he's been so excited!”She says with a small nod,as she backs into the house”come in!come in”Pamela gestures at the boys”y/n also came home from america!she’ll be out the shower anytime”Pamela smiles at Oliver and the jogs a bit in the hallway”Jeff!”

“y/n”Felix repeats the name,as he stares at oliver like he was about to break him in half”my sister”Oliver says quietly as he stares at his shoes in shame,felix lets out a huff and walks into the house,oliver following behind him

-

“top scholar?god,hes so modest!”Felix laughs a little,playing along with olivers parents,as he looks at oliver,who was almost entirely curled up into a bowl on his seat.

Footsteps could be heard down the stairs,and oliver closed his eyes,making felix and olivers parents turn their head to “yn!your brother and his friend are here!”Pamela says,with a small.she smiles as she makes eye contact with felix,and he returns that smile”happy birthday,ollie”She speaks up,playfully, as she stares at oliver,while walking to the couch next to felixs,chair

Pamela smiles as she sees that y/n has caught felixs attention as his gaze does not leave her as she sits down on to the couch”im felix”Felixs smiles as he puts out his hand”y/n”she says as she shakes his hand,then let go and lean against the back of the couch”she just came back from new haven,where she studies in yale-”Pamela starts with a smile but get cut off”mom!”Y/n chuckles

“im sorry im just..so proud of my kiddo’s”She says,as she looks at y/n and oliver”its okay,id be proud of them too”felix says with a smile,oliver straightens up and gets up”i gotta use the bathroom”He humbles as he makes his way upstairs,too quick for anybody to react.Pamela and jeff looks at each other”well make you guys lunch alright”She say getting up from the couch and so does jeff”alright,thank you”Felix says a he straightens up in his seat and pamela and jeff leave into the kitchen

silence fills the living room between Felix and y/n,hte only sound that could be heard was them breathing,felix starts after a while”i didnt know that oli had a sister”his voice was neutral but there was a small hint of betrayal about his friend lying about everything as he speaks ,his voice made y/n catch her attention,she chuckles a bit”2 sisters actually”she corrects him,a small smile lingering on her lips.Felix's eyebrows raise”oh!where is the other one?”he asks”she is in france with her husband and kids”She replies,her eyes traveling along felixs face,a bit”thats cool…”felix says a bit lost at words,he usually doesnt feel this awkward around others,and silence fills the two of them again

this time y/n was the one breaking the silence”oli is a bit of a liar”she humbles under her breath as she crosses her leg over the other,felix chuckles”yeah,he is one”they didnt need to speak more about it,y/n knew that oliver lied about his past or whatever to felix,she knows her brother well”how's america?”

-

They decided to stay for dinner too,talking the whole afternoon about whatever,olivers parents exposing olivers lies every 5 minutes.Oliver definitely went to the toilet 15 times just that dinner,felix wanted to leave but he found y/n interesting,and honestly,really fucking attractive,maybe it was the too much wine that felix drank but he aint leaving under he gets what he wants 

“this is my teen bedroom”y/n says as she closes the door behind felix”wow”felix chukles out as he stares at the britney spears posters all over the walls”its not that funny,shes a queen” she fights back as she goes into the middle of the room,the half broken lamp,barely working

“well you did treat her like on,youve always been in the american media,you american girl"Felix snarks out gigglyas she stands infront of y/n,his eyes scanning her face as if he would need to memorize every little detail of her face or hell die"oh shut up"she humblesrolling her eyes.

Felixs eyes snap to the pink bikini on the desk behind her,and she follows her eyes and look behind herself“i was kind of a slut”she chuckles out,making felixs gaze fall back on to her

“are you still are?..”felixs asks a bit playfully,as he furrowed his eyebrows at her”not really” she replies,folding her arms over one another,as he looks up at felix”so..are you like engaged?” Felix ask shaking his head a bit”no...no god no”she chuckles out and so does felix

“so your single”Felix asks making sure first”yeah”she replies maybe a bit too quickly”so this okay?”Felix puts a hand on her waist and as she doesnt pull away he leans in and kisses her,their lips melting together as 2 puzzle pieces,y/n’s hand makes her way to his hair,grabbing softly his hair,as he licks the bottom of her lips,asking for entry and she lets him

their bodies pressed together as felixs hands hungrily travel across y/ns body,their tongues dancing together,soft whimpers leaving her mouth- until there was a loud door squeaking behind felix,making them break away from the kiss

“what the fuck dude!”Y/n steps away from felix,as she stares at Oliver in the open door

[daisyblog]

Birthday Celebrations

Too Young Masterlist Summary: YN tuns 30.

YN didn’t want a huge fuss for her thirtieth birthday, she wanted it to be surrounded by her family. So before she and Arthur jetted off to join Louis in Australia, she had a few small celebrations. 

Whilst Arthur had a sleepover at Uncle Harry’s, YN had a girls day with her Mum, Gemma and Louis’ sisters. Their day started at the spa, where they all enjoyed some relaxation and a swim in the pool. Their evening ended with a dinner and some drinks. 

When YN and Harry were younger, they always loved spending the night of their birthday in one of their rooms watching a film with their favourite snacks. But as they got older and life become busier, their tradition dwindled away. But this year, they had arranged for them to carry on their favourite memory but with Arthur included. They had made the living area of YN and Louis’ house into a cosy room with duvets, pillows and blankets covered with every snack they could. 

With Louis having a couple of days off in between shows, they made the most of their time together. They had days at the beach and pool, and finished off their days with a family meal. 

The morning of YN’s birthday, Louis and Arthur had surprised her with a breakfast in bed, where they showered her with love, cards and presents. But YN’s favourite was definitely the pained rock Arthur had given her with a handmade card. After spending the day celebrating and all of Louis’ friends and team throwing her little birthday lunch, it had been arranged for Arthur to stay with Oli for the evening for YN and Louis to have a quiet dinner together. 

Louis took her to her favourite restaurant where they enjoyed much needed alone time, to be Louis and YN and not just Mum and Dad. As the night drew in, they headed back to the hotel where they were staying. 

They stumbled into their room, as their lips moved against each others. Small moans and hums spoke between them, as they held onto the other. 

It wasn’t until YN broke their kiss, that she noticed their once plain room was now covered in fairy lights and red petals that spelt the words “Marry me?” on the bedsheet. She gasped, her hands coming up to cover her shocked expression. 

She turned to look at Louis, who was now knelt down on one knee with a box in his hand. “I want to do a whole speech about how much I love you and everything, but you know how fooking shit I am with words”. YN let out a giggle at how real Louis was keeping it. “Will you marry me?”. 

“Yes…a thousand times yes!”. Louis placed the ring on YN’s finger, before kissing her with so much passion and love. “I’m going to be your wife!”.

“I can’t fooking wait!”. Louis smiled as the stayed wrapped up in one and other. “I’d marry you now if I could.”. 

As they were laying in bed, Louis still admiring the ring that he had kept hidden for weeks, YN broke the silence. “I’ve got a present for you.”. 

“For me?”. Louis was confused. “It’s not my birthday though.”. 

YN got up from the bed, where they were both laying and began to rummage through her suitcase until she found the bag she was looking for. She placed the bag in Louis’ hand as she sat slightly in front of him. He kept looking between YN and the bag, like it was going to give him the answer. 

The moment Louis picked up the small piece of clothing, YN’s eyes began to well up. Louis looked between the words printed on the vest and back to his now fiancée. 

“A-are you?”. Louis was reluctant to believe the words  ‘Baby Tomlinson due September 2024’ that looked back at him. But when YN smiled and gently nodded, his eyes began to water. “We’re having a baby?”. 

“We’re having a baby!”. YN placed his hand on the tiny bulge that covered the little one.

Louis leaned down and gently lifted her top, and placed small kisses on her soft skin and whimpering a quiet “Daddy loves you so much”. 

After trying for nearly a year to conceive their second baby to only be faced with negative tests, their time had come where not only were they getting married, but their little family was finally growing. 

ynstyles and louist91

liked by annetwist, gemmastyles, and 6,754,733 others

ynstyles YES❤️ View all 23,543 comments

niallhoran It’s about damn time! Congratulations guys!!

harrystyles ❤️

gemmastyles My baby sister is getting married🥹

annetwist I haven’t stopped crying! Congratulations to both, you deserve all the love and happiness. Love you❤️❤️❤️

lottietomlinson Finally!!! Congratulations!! I can finally call you my sister 🤍🤍🤍

thepheobetomlinson AHHHHH!!!🥹🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️

the.daisytomlinson YES YES YES!!! AHHH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!

liampayne Yes man!! So happy for you xx

louteasdale Congratulations my darlings xx

zayn congrats both!

daniellepeazer Congratulations ❤️

sallietommo Congratulations to you both! Love you all❤️❤️❤️

Taglist:@jillsvalentinex @itsmytimetoodream @peterholland04 @youcan-nolonger-run @chronicallybubbly

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day ten

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : smut (p in v, dirty talk, oral (f and m receiving), hints at anal play), angst, fluff

length : 10k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens

a/n : Hope you enjoy this one!! Comments and reblogs keep the writer writing 💕

•••

day ten

I was getting tired of unexpected knocks on my hotel room door. Especially when it was much too early and I was already rushing to get ready after something had prevented me from properly packing my suitcase last night. Now I had mere minutes until I needed to be downstairs with the rest of the crew and the band because Bring Me had an awfully early bus call to get to Sheffield. I couldn’t blame them for that - it was home, after all. Most of them were using the day off to visit friends and family, but Oli and, as far as I knew Matt too, were heading for the store for the day.

I ripped the door open as much as I could under the weight to find none other than Oli himself standing in the hallway, an amused smirk on his face.

“I don’t know how well you slept last night, but this hotel really has to work on soundproofing their walls,” he chuckled, letting himself in just past the doorway as I stood frozen. “‘Cause I was definitely wide awake hearing two people have the fuck of their lives. Like, holy shit, staying quiet definitely wasn’t part of their vocabulary at all. Did you hear them at all?”

“I…”

“Not gonna lie, it sounded pretty hot, I was almost a little tempted to, you know.”

He raised his eyebrows at me as he motioned toward his crotch.

“Oli-”

“Did you really not hear anything?”

The bathroom door opened so abruptly I almost jumped at the sound. Noah had freshened up but was still very much in yesterday’s clothes and extremely sleepy. I could basically see the gears turning in Oli’s head as he looked back and forth between us.

“That was you! Oh you dirty, dirty kids,” he laughed. Noah looked thoroughly confused, still standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Oli gave another chuckle, but something was amiss. I’d known him for years. I knew Oli’s teasing face, the way he sounded, the way his eyes crinkled in earnest. This wasn’t it. And it kept me silent, somehow.

“Well, bus call’s soon, so no time for a second round, eh?” His voice didn’t match his words. I couldn’t quite figure it out just yet, but it made me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Noah seemed to think the same as he stayed suspiciously silent, toying with the hem of his shirt.

“Yeah, no, I’ll… I’ll catch you downstairs, yeah?” I finally managed to vomit out. Oli simply nodded, raised his hand in what I assumed should be a form of goodbye and then vanished back into the hallway.

It was only when the door clicked back into its lock that Noah moved next to me. Grabbing whatever he had left in the room - he briefly paused as he saw the bottle of Hennessey, but ultimately decided not to touch it - he got ready as if his bus call was imminent.

“I keep fucking up,” he said, more to himself than anything else as he moved past me to put on his shoes.

“Noah, you’re-”

“No, I am. It’s- it’s fine, I just need to-”

My hand on his arm stopped him just before he reached the door. He looked so conflicted, so torn, that it broke my heart along with his. I wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that we could be okay, that Oli would be okay, but even in my head it sounded like a lie. I couldn’t promise him something like that. All I could do was allow myself to be his for the taking if he ever decided to, well, take me on.

I pulled him down with a hand on his neck and put my lips on it and I hoped it would tell him everything I couldn’t say.

•••

Oli wasn’t waiting for me when I arrived downstairs. He wasn’t in the parking lot either. Or downstairs in the bus, or in the lounge. But the curtain of his bunk was pulled tightly shut and it worried me beyond belief. I wasn’t quite sure what exactly had caused him to withdraw, but my brain was providing me with a multitude of options, spinning through all of them at lighting speed as if it could make me decide on one of them, and it made me dizzy.

Especially because simply pulling away was so out of character for him. I’d expected him to make a fuss, pick a fight, get mean, argue with either me or Noah or both of us at such a volume that the rest of the hotel voluntarily evacuated, but none of that had happened. Not even a tiny remark shot our way. Not a single item thrown around the bus in frustration.

Either way, I was just so over not communicating.

Aubrey u up?

I was almost shaking waiting for his reply. It seemed silly, texting him the very thing he’d texted me that first night before the tour had really started, but I hoped he would recognise it and not consider my joking offensive when he was dealing with… something. When my phone displayed a new message, I almost threw it away in surprise, as if I’d been expecting radio silence.

Oli Is this a bootycall?

So - he didn’t hate me. And he remembered. It was a relief, really. With a slight smile playing on my face, I walked back towards his bunk and pulled the curtain back. He didn’t noticeably react, simply kept lying with his back turned to me. He did, however, shuffle forward just the tiniest bit and I took it as an invitation to climb in and shut the curtain behind me.

It was a tight fit, both of us in his bunk, especially since Oli had gotten noticeably more buff than the last time we’d done this on a tour, but with a bit of rearranging and me spooning him closely, we made it work. I placed my hand over his heart, feeling it beat underneath my fingertips, so fast it was almost concerning.

“Hey,” I whispered, quietly, as if anyone else could overhear us, as if it would matter if they did. Oli didn’t answer in words, but put his hand over mine, stroking the skin delicately. “Talk to me.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled, like a stubborn little child. I couldn’t see his face, but I imagined him to be pouting as he spoke. Was this better than the explosions we usually faced when he got mad? I decided yes.

“Oli,” I replied, hoping his name in my mouth would sound vaguely scolding. “We talked about that. Communication and all that? Come on. I can’t bear it when you withdraw like this.”

He sighed so heavily it moved my body along with his.

“It’s embarrassing though.”

“And you can blush all you like, but you’re going to tell me. I’m not even looking at you. It literally won’t get better than this. And I won’t let you off the hook any time soon, I hope you know that.”

He grumbled for a little bit longer but I sat it out, knowing he’d come around sooner or later. The sooner was reached a lot more quickly than expected. I had been well prepared to spend most of the drive to Sheffield here, in silence, just holding him and waiting it out.

“It’s stupid, really, but seeing you with Noah this morning, knowing what you’d done…” He took a deep breath. I didn’t interrupt him even though the thoughts were already running through my head at high speed again. “I don’t mind that you fucked, you know. It just feels like… like he got something from you before I did and… it makes me feel like a leftover. Like the two of you don’t need me.”

I desperately tried to wrap my mind around what Oli was telling me. He was jealous that Noah got to have me first? That I’d decided - although it wasn’t much of a planned decision, but he couldn’t know that - to sleep with him before I considered Oli? That maybe I desired the other man more? Wanted him closer, in a more intimate setting, than Oli?

“And I know we’ve, like, done stuff before, all of us,” he continued. It seemed like now that he’d started, he barely managed to stop. “But I don’t just sleep with anyone and, fuck, this sounds so stupid, but I thought it might be special, sleeping with you for the first time, sleeping with both of you, and now I feel like I’m not really part of it anymore…”

He wasn’t just thinking about Noah being the first one to sleep with me. He was also thinking about me being the first one to sleep with Noah. I gave myself some time to think during the moments he stayed quiet. How would I have felt if they’d gotten together first? Leaving me as the odd one out, the one that hadn’t been present when they shared this new level of intimacy.

I probably would have felt rejected too.

“If it helps at all, neither of us planned to have sex last night,” I explained. “It was very much a spur of the moment thing after he crashed at mine because he’d been drinking. I think… I think I would have preferred it with you around as well.”

I hadn’t realised it until the words left my mouth, but it was true. Sleeping with Noah had been amazing - but if we’d shared that experience as a threesome, all sober and fully awake, it would have been phenomenal. I had no doubt about that.

“And you’re not second best. Not at all. You and Noah… I have so much love for both of you, in such different and such similar ways all at once. I could never prefer him over you, just like I could never prefer you over him. I’m sorry that it happened like this and that you had to find out like that.”

I didn’t know what else to say. How else to make him understand. I couldn’t take back what had happened. I couldn’t magically turn back time and turn Noah down, or make Oli appear in the room too. I could only try to make up for it moving forward. And I planned to.

“Dinner’s still on tonight, right? The three of us?”

Oli nodded. I wouldn’t have noticed if we’d not been so close. I pressed a kiss into his dark locks.

“We’ll make it up to you. Noah and I. Promise. Will you let us?”

It took a moment of Oli struggling for me to realise he was attempting to turn around. I almost slid off the edge, already imagining myself falling to the floor in the little walkway between bunks, but Oli quickly shifted and put an arm around me in the most complicated way to keep me safe. There was a lot more shuffling, trying to keep our limbs intact and our hair from getting caught up somewhere, until we settled on a final position, our legs intertwined, foreheads pressed against each other.

“As if I could ever resist you, Aubrey. You and Noah, both.”

•••

As it turned out, I didn’t have all that much to do when I travelled to the store with Oli and Mat. Most of the organisational matters had been taken care of by the local workers, those in charge of Drop Dead and everything around it, and I was barely much more than a glorified babysitter as I ushered Oli back and forth to where he was needed.

At least his mood had improved considerably. I hoped I had played some sort of part in it. When he talked to the people around him, waved to a couple of fans, studied the designs he’d helped with, I knew it wasn’t a facade. He was truly happy here, and I caught myself thinking that maybe he could be truly happy with me and Noah, too.

“I don’t really know how long this will take, but it might be a while, so if you want to leave, I don’t know, walk through the city, get a nap, you really don’t have to stay here,” Oli told me when I managed to catch up with him. I knew he meant it. He wasn’t one for playing games like that. “I can text you and Noah the address of the place I reserved at, and the time. How’s that sound?”

I agreed, not because I was bored but because I felt wholly unneeded and kept standing in the way. The question of what I was going to do with my time was answered much quicker than expected as I ran into Becky on the way out.

“You know, I think we get a discount on this stuff. And if not I’ll make Oli give you one,” I grinned as I watched her flip through some of the shirts.

“Thank god, because this shit is expensive,” she replied, immediately letting go of the fabric in ther hands. “What do you say we go for an equally as overpriced coffee instead?”

“I do love me a good dose of caffeine,” I admitted.

Becky held out her arm for me to take it and I complied with a giggle, leaving the store with her and wandering the streets, making small talk as we tried to find a coffee shop to our liking. When we finally located one, ordered and sat down, I felt all the exhaustion I’d been carrying with me take over. I sank deeper into the comfortable armchair, wondering if it’d be inappropriate to get in a little cat nap.

“Looks like Oli is keeping you up. Or was that Noah?”

I briefly panicked, wondering if, somehow, word had gotten around that I’d slept with Noah.

“You’re hanging out with both of them a lot. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted trying to keep my one man at home happy, never mind two. And those two out of everyone! You truly picked the most exhausting ones to be friends with.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping it wasn’t too visible and took a quick sip of coffee to hide my embarrassment.

“Yeah, they're… a handful. But I doubt it's much better for them, I'm sure I can be just as exhausting,” I laughed. “So you got a man at home, hm? Is he gonna visit on tour or has he already and I've simply missed him?”

“Oh no, he's going to be around in Dublin. It's where we live, actually. Got abducted to the other isle by an Irishman. In my defence though, he looks like Hozier's younger brother and he's just as tall, so really, how could I have resisted!”

“Tall men, eh,” I agreed, moving my cup to cheers with hers.

“Tall men, indeed.”

We stayed quiet for a moment, both of us lost in thoughts, but I wasn't a fan of the silence for long.

“Are you looking forward to going home then? We only have four more dates left, right?”

“So much. Unfortunately it's not for long. I'm leaving again on the 26th for the Bad Omens tour.”

“You’re heading on their tour with them?” This was news to me. I was well aware Bad Omens were still going to be in Europe for a while and I had absolutely been staring at those tour dates as they were selling out one by one, tempted to make a trip somewhere to see them headline, but with no work lined up it was impossible to plan. The fact that Becky had been hired by them hadn’t been relayed to me.

“Yeah, apparently they were looking for someone local and Bring Me suggested me since I’d already worked a few shows with them before. No rest for the wicked, eh!”

“No rest indeed,” I sighed. I wished I wouldn’t be getting any rest either. Maybe I should beg someone for a merch job on that tour. They probably had all their positions filled, but I was getting desperate at this point. Being away would also give me some time to find a new place to live. But did I have the guts to straight up beg for it, knownig I’d probably only get it because they took pity on me and not because they really needed me?

“So, you’re basically in a long-distance relationship then, with you being away so much, aren’t you?”

Becky exhaled into her cup of coffee. “We make it work, you know? It was tough in the beginning. He has a very steady, reliable, boring day job and I’m just all over the continent but we’ve accepted that about each other. We check in and I usually video call him in the evening. And, well you can get creative with what you do on video, too.”

I almost spewed out the coffee at her remark, knowing fully well by the tone in her voice what she was referring to. The wiggling eyebrows sealed the deal.

“Sorry,” she giggled. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“By all means, I’m glad you’re having a good sex life still.”

I put the cup back on the table. I wasn’t sure how long it had been empty for, but I knew I’d been holding onto it for no obvious reason.

“Did he ever mind? Knowing that being with you would mean being away from you for a long time?” I paused for a moment, suddenly feeling self-conscious about my questions. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that, I’m just sitting here interrogating you like you’re on trial.”

“Oh, don’t worry about, darling. Ask all you want. For us, it was never a question, really. What can I say? We fell hard and fast. I could have moved to Australia and he would have made it work.”

I didn’t know why I felt like crying. I tried to hide the tears that were on the edge of emerging by organising the items on the little table in front of us until they had straightened out and seemed in order. Maybe that was more suspicious than me getting emotional.

“So, it’s all about love, isn’t it,” I said, trying hard not to sniffle. “As long as you love them enough, you make it happen.”

I only looked up when Becky put her hand over mine. Her eyes were soft, but there was no pity in them and I silently thanked her for it.

“Sometimes you have to realise just how in love you are first. Or allow yourself to admit it.”

•••

By pure luck and what I could only call a miracle, I bumped into Noah in the hallway of the hotel, on the way back to my room. He stopped immediately, and then let me into his room, assuring me it was empty for now, when he realised I didn’t want to have this conversation where we could possibly be overheard.

“Aubrey, I’m sorry,” he started but I held my hand up to stop him before he got any farther.

“I know. I know you are. I don’t know what kind of stuff you need to figure out for yourself, but I’m giving you the time to do it, okay? You’re always welcome in my room and, well, in my bed and just about everywhere else and if there’s things you want to discuss, I’ll make time for you. I’m just asking you not to keep going back and forth and changing your opinion and treating me like someone you’re dating as long as you’re not. Dating me that is. Alright?”

I took a deep breath, holding my head up high. Somewhere in the edges of my brain, I could almost hear Lia cheering me on, congratulating me for speaking my mind and putting up boundaries. I knew it was the right thing to do. For myself, for once.

“Alright,” he simply said. He deserved a little more space to think over what I’d just told him. I hoped he would.

“Well, in completely contrasting news, I hope you know we’re going out for dinner with Oli tonight?”

Noah nodded.

“Good. Because we’re going to treat him right, okay? He’s been… well, he feels a little left out of whatever the three of us have going on and that’s not happening on my watch. So we’re going to be real good to him tonight, whatever that entails and wherever we end up with. Anything to let him know he’s just as important and cherished. Is that something you can do?”

“Yeah… yeah, I think I can.”

“Good.” I gave him a smile, feeling the energy leave me as I finally got everything out I had come here to say. “Put on something nice. Apparently it’s a place that needed a reservation.” I walked a little closer, putting my hand on his chest. “I think we’d all enjoy the turtleneck a lot.”

•••

Oli and Noah looked positively divine when we met up at the restaurant later that night. Noah was every bit as gorgeous as I had hoped he’d be in the turtleneck. Even Oli gave him an appreciative whistle as he saw him, which once again caused Noah to sport a lovely little blush. Oli himself was wearing a white shirt that accentuated his broad shoulders and had entirely too few buttons opened. I briefly considered ignoring our dinner reservation as just taking them back to the hotel immediately and by the way the two of them were mustering me, those thoughts seemed to be mutual.

I’d made an effort. My black dress, thin, with lace and spaghetti straps, had an asymmetrical cut, showing off much more of my right thigh than my left. It was a shame I couldn’t wear it without tights, but the January cold simply wasn’t allowing it. The heels were the only ones I could walk in confidently, with a wide block heel, velvety and sexy. Both men still towered over me.

I’d also put on my dark red lipstick, at Oli’s request. The one that would smudge if touched. It might make dinner a little more complicated, but that was a challenge I was willing to accept.

Luckily, the place didn’t turn out to be too fancy, I realised as a waiter showed us to our seats, Oli’s hand on the small of my back and his other resting on Noah’s arm. Oli hadn’t needed a reservation because it was so impossibly packed during a random Thursday in January. He had needed one because he had asked for a very special table.

The waiter led us to a little platform on which sat what I could only describe as a bird-cage-esque structure, a hexagon of lightly coloured, wooden walls, two of them completely open and leading in and out of the main restaurant area, the other four adorned with a grid of windows. It seemed like there was a spotlight on it, right in the middle of the room, but as soon as I stepped inside and took my seat, I realised it also came with a lot of privacy. It was perfect.

“Bottle of wine?” Oli asked as we flipped through the drinks menu.

I looked over at Noah, but even before he could have seen me stare, he shook his head. “None for me today. I’s rather be sober.”

I wanted to tell him thank you and I know why but either would have opened up questions about what had happened the last two nights, things Oli wasn’t in the loop about, and it didn’t feel like my place to tell. Either way, Oli accepted quickly, ordering some water and and mocktails for the table, claiming that just because we were abstaining from alcohol didn’t mean we couldn’t have some fancy looking drinks.

“I can’t believe we only have four more shows on this run,” I sighed. I hadn’t meant to mention it really, but it was starting to weigh on my mind after my talk with Becky earlier. It had made me realise just how close we were to saying goodbye, going our separate ways. Oli back to recording the album, Noah still on tour, me… well, I’d have to figure that one out, too. So far my search for both a job and a place to stay hadn’t been very successful.

“Hey,” Oli interrupted my pondering, putting his hand over mine. Noah seemed to briefly feel left out, grabbing my other hand to mirror the sentiment. “No being sad at our date. It’s not like we’ll never see each other after.”

I wasn’t quite that confident in the future, but he was right. Now was not the time or place to start overthinking.

“Date, eh?” I joked instead. Deep down, I wanted confirmation, but I was too cowardly to ask outright. Then I remembered Noah’s hesitation to the idea of us going on a date before, but he was simply sipping his newly arrived drink, either ignoring the underlying question or being at peace with it. I couldn’t quite figure it out yet.

“I figured it should be one, you know,” Oli mused in fake contemplation. “Only seems fair to take you two out for dinner before I fuck you.”

If Noah had been slightly apathetic at the conversation before, he now put himself in the middle of it as he did a literal spit take, droplets of his mocktail landing on the wooden table. I was quick to mop it up with my napkin, trying to hold the laughter at bay. Oli didn’t care. He gave a bark that was loud enough to be heard by just about everyone in the restaurant. There were some spots on Noah’s turtleneck too and even though they would probably dry to be invisible on the dark shirt, I reached out to pat at it too.

He stood up a little abruptly, feeling the wet fabric with his fingers. “I’m just gonna head to the bathroom. Order me the chickenburger, yeah?”

Oli and I were still giggling by the time he disappeared from view.

“Should I go after him?” he questioned with a smirk. “Or is that gonna make things worse?”

“The latter probably,” I giggled. “He might think you’re trying to fuck him in the bathroom stalls.” Oli made a face that suggested he was thinking about it. I smacked my hand against his shoulder. “I’ll go check on him. Order me whatever, you know what I like.”

By the time I’d reached the toilets, Noah was already exiting the room again. I approached him slowly, a hand coming to rest on his chest when I was close enough.

“Oli a bit much for you?”

“When is he not,” he sighed but immediately followed it up with a smile. “It just came a little unexpectedly.”

His hand reached for mine, again, playing with my fingers and stroking the back of it as I kept it on his chest, heavy breathing underneath.

“You know he doesn’t expect anything of you, right? You don’t have to go home with him, or us. And if you do, no one’s making you do anything. He knows you’ve never, you know… been with a man like that.”

“I want to,” Noah stated, voice much more steadfast that I would have expected. “I really do. I’m just… nervous I won’t be any good.”

“Oli’s so into you, I don’t think he’d care even if you did everything wrong your possibly could,” I giggled. Relief flooded my veins when he joined in. “Besides, he’s no better off. He talks a lot of shit and he’s really good at pretending, but unless he has a whole other life he hasn’t shared with me, his experience with men doesn’t go further than some drunken make-out sessions either.”

Noah nodded, perhaps slightly unconvinced, but a lot less jittery than before. I pressed a kiss to his lips, delighted by the fact that I didn’t have to get on my usual tiptoes with the heels I was wearing. He kept me there, for a moment, with his hand at the nape of my neck, even when the kiss had ended. Simply breathing each other in. I allowed him to decide when to break the contact. I figured he needed it.

“Thank you”, he whispered.

“What for?”

“Just being you.”

•••

The rest of our outing continued much less dramatically, but filled with laughter and little flirts. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so good, just by being around these two. Oli had ordered for all of us as the waiter had indeed come by while Noah and I were gone. There was a good chance I was making heart eyes at him when a plate of curry appeared in front of me. He’d known it was my favourite. He seemed to know it all, I realised.

We ended up squeezed in the backseat of a cab, each of us with a to-go back with desserts on our laps. Oli insisted on taking them, even though neither of us were thinking very much about eating right about now. The tension in the backseat was thick - not necessarily bad, considering growing arousal and excitement were pumping through my veins as I tried to imagine what was to come.

The car took a sharp turn, prompting a low gasp from Noah when my body pressed closer to his. On his exhale, a soft hum was pulled from his throat. A reminder that I wasn’t the only one who was about to benefit from this.

The scenery outside changed, restaurants and cafés and shops giving way to a residential area, little blocks of flat, small houses with tiny gardens in front. Not the industrial complexes, the hotels, the high-rise buildings I was expecting.

“This isn’t the way to the hotel.”

As I turned to Oli, I was caught off guard by the smirk on his face. That fucker. He had ordered the cab, he had planned this. Planned - what, though? He let out a chuckle at my confusion, clearly pleased with my reaction.

“Because we’re not going there.” Oli leaned in, lips brushing my ear, yet speaking loudly enough that Noah wouldn’t be left out of the conversation. “Did you really think I’d let you bed me in a random hotel room and not my place when we’re in Sheffield?”

Noah tensed next to me. As I turned to look at him, Oli’s lips once again brushing my skin, I realised he was clutching the takeaway container a little more desperately. He’d definitely heard. And by the way he was trying to press the box down against his crotch, it had gotten him just as hot as it had gotten me.

The driver announcing our arrival saved either of us from reacting to the fact that Oli had just all but told the driver we were going to hook up in some capacity or other. All of us scrambled to get out into the cold night, no thoughts left but to get inside as quickly as possible. All I wanted was to get those two undressed, get my hands on them, my lips, I didn’t care if it was going to be a bedroom or not. I was beyond superficial details like that.

Noah wrapped an arm around me as I shivered in my coat, both of us careful not to drop the desserts. The building towered over us, several stories high and quite obviously new. Much more expensive than I could ever afford. I hoped it would have more soul once we were inside. Oli unlocked the door, the little Powerpuff Girls charm dangling from his key ring, and led us to the lift. It went all the way to the top floor where he let us into his apartment.

It was… perfectly Oli. The place had a homely feel to it, not small enough to feel cramped, not big enough to get lost in the feeling of its vastness. I wanted to stay forever, go through his things, study the way he decorated, how he sorted his stuff, what he had kept over the years and what had gotten moved into a faraway closet that never got opened. All the things that made him tick.

The large bookcase was filled with novels that called out for me to leaf through, study their contents, let my fingers run along their spines, ask him which ones he had read yet, see how his collection compared to my much smaller one. Little trinkets and souvenirs from all over the world were placed in between. So many stories to tell. So many anecdotes I hadn’t gotten to hear yet.

My eyes fell on the floor-length windows. They provided a stunning view all over the city, lights twinkling in the dark. I could stay here and watch forever. If I could afford it, I’d surely get a place like this too. As I stepped closer, trying to avoid the glare from inside lights, the container in my hands almost bumped into the window pane. Right. The desserts.

“Oli, where do-”

While I had been exploring Oli’s living room, Noah had apparently started exploring Oli’s body. The takeaway boxes safely set on the counter of the open kitchen, the two of them were tightly intertwined. Oli was holding Noah close, his arms wrapped around the other’s waist as Noah perfectly molded himself to Oli’s chest. His own hands were impatiently touching his back, his arse, his shoulders, as if they couldn’t get enough of what they were feeling. It was a familiar sentiment.

I approached the pair, dropping the takeaway next to theirs, allowing my fingers to trail over both of their bodies. Noah pulled back when he realised, lips already red from the intense kiss.

“Bedroom?” I simply asked. Noah nodded enthusiastically as Oli untangled himself with a smirk. He led us through a short hallway, past his bathroom which seemed even more luxurious than the hotel ones I’d been fawning over, and into his bedroom, the second to last door.

It was much less decorated than the living area, but still drew me in. The dark carpet, heavy curtains that hid the window, the plush bed - the bed was large enough that, if I hadn’t known better, I would have assumed Oli had ordered it specifically for the three of us. We’d fit in much better than at the hotel which was more than an advantage for what we were planning to do that night.

Noah seemed to have the same thought as he pushed Oli onto the mattress, immediately dropping to his knees in front of him and starting to work on removing Oli’s trousers. Not wanting to be left out, I moved onto the bed as well, slowly unbuttoning Oli’s dress shirt, one by one, my fingers tracing over every inch of hot skin that revealed itself. Oli was already growing restless, one of his hands covering mine to speed up my movements, but I remained relentless.

I didn’t care to remove the shirt completely as I pushed the fabric away, revealing a chest full of tattoos I would never get sick of staring at. Oli’s breathing quickened as I let my fingertips run over the lines, his nipples, up his neck.

“Aubrey, I swear to god, if you don’t kiss me soon-”

I leaned down, letting my lips touch the shell of his ear, just as he had done in the cab.

“Yeah? Then what?”

I didn’t torture him by waiting for an answer, instead putting my lips on his with no further warning, immediately catching him in a passionate kiss. He sighed, then gasped into it, leaving me to wonder what Noah was currently up to, but when Oli tried to get me to open my mouth, deepen our connection further, I pulled back. His lips were tinted red now, a slight stain of my lipstick even on the skin around his mouth.

I wasn’t quite sure why yet, but it was a sight that utterly captivated me and made me adore him more. I wanted to kiss him stupid, leave my mark all over, see my lips all over his body, every day. I pressed another kiss on his cheek, then in the middle of the rose on his neck, where the red was losing itself in between the thicker, black lines, a colouring book I wanted to try all my shades on.

Looking behind me, I watched as Noah pulled Oli’s underwear down his legs, discarding them without much care, much too preoccupied with the way Oli’s dick bounced upward as it was freed from the fabric, already considerably hard and mouth-wateringly delicious. Feeling my stare on him, he managed to tear his gaze away, only to grin at me in the most devilish way, motioning for me to join him on the floor. I did without hesitation.

He pulled me in for a quick kiss, allowing me to leave more of my lipstick on him too, even though the marks were already becoming more faint in their intensity. I could only imagine the way my own face looked, colour shifting around my mouth, no precision left in the outline.

“Help me treat Oli right?” Noah whispered against my lips. “I bet he’ll love two mouths on his dick even more than one.”

He did. He couldn’t be blamed - I wasn’t sure how I’d cope if I had two pairs of lips, two tongues, playing with my pussy at the same time. As soon as Noah and I both started leaving teasing little kisses on Oli’s length, he dissolved into a puddle of moans. He was still propped up on his elbows, watching the two of us on our knees, so it was impossible to tell if it was just the feeling of it or the visual as well.

It wasn’t the most technically perfect blowjob in history as Noah and I kept clashing, getting more and more lost in our own lust of getting our mouths on Oli, tasting him, swallowing him, then licking him while the other person swallowed him. Oli’s hands were all over the place, completely uncoordinated as they grasped at the backs of our heads, our hair, the bedsheets, anything they could find. One of my hands had travelled to Noah’s crotch.

I was much too distracted to do much but enjoy the way he was growing in his trousers. Or how my knees were uncomfortably rubbing against the hard floor. My brain was clouded with lust and the need to get Oli to come. Tonight was going to be all about him, in away he’d let it, and just the thought of spending a few more hours with my hands on Oli, getting him high again and again, hopefully finally feeling his dick inside me, had me delirious.

“Fuck, I’m not gonna last,” Oli mumbled. When his hand found the back of my head again, gripping my hair and pulling me off him, it was with intention. His eyes were almost pleading when I looked up. “Can I-?”

I nodded before he posed the complete question. He could. In fact, I was gagging for it. As much as I’d enjoyed blowjobs before in my life, never had I been craving for their smells, their taste, their cum as much as I did with these two.

Noah pulled away, letting his fingers play with the part I wouldn’t manage to get in my mouth, fondling his balls, as I slowly took Oli as deep as I could without gagging, still missing a good portion, but all aspirations to swallow him whole would have to wait another day.

Oli wasn’t lying when he said he was close. His hips were starting to shift off the bed, fighting a losing battle as he tried to keep himself from fucking my mouth, his noises an amalgamation I wanted to record and put in a song. When he came, he did so with a punched-out sound, shallow thrusts that slowly stopped as I swallowed as much as I could. When I let him drop from my mouth, I could feel some of it dripping from my lips still. Noah caught me in a kiss, greedily licking at them until there was nothing left.

“Jesus Christ, you two are nasty,” Oli groaned, but all of us knew it was the opposite of a complaint. He sat up a little more, face flushed, looking utterly satisfied. “Now why the fuck are you still dressed?”

I stood up eagerly. The whole scene between the three of us had gotten me uncomfortably wet, my panties noticeably sticky. I didn’t care what exactly would follow, as long as it included an orgasm of my own sooner or later. I’d barely grasped the seam of my dress when Noah’s hands appeared on my legs. Their warmth seeped through my tights, mixing with the hotness of my own skin.

“Let me,” he whispered, still on his knees, hands travelling upward, slowly and teasingly, until they reached the hem of my tights. He rolled down the fabric, over my thighs, where he paused to press a kiss to the snake tattoo, over my knees, my shins. He only stopped to take off my boots, then resumed his task, until my feet and legs were bare.

For a moment, as I looked down, Noah on his knees before me, those big brown eyes staring up at me, adoration radiating from his whole being, his hands under my dress, it felt like a worship I wasn’t deserving of.

Then, he got up to pull the dress over my head before I could ruminate on it or start to cry. Noah never let me miss his touch for too long, toying with the clasp of my bra as he peppered kisses all over the side of my neck, finally unhooking and removing it completely, only for his lips to attach themselves to my nipples. I couldn’t seem to do much but take it all in, sighing at each and every touch, purely giving into pleasure.

His fingers were tracing over the fabric, so lightly I could barely feel it at all, but it was enough to cause my knees to buckle and my hands to grasp onto his body for fear of falling. I was so hopelessly turned on, every tiny thing had me losing my mind.

“She’s so fucking wet, she’s basically dripping on my fingers,” Noah chuckled. “Where do you want her?”

“Right here, on my face.”

I stiffened immediately, eyes snapping open and staring at Oli, who had gotten comfortable on the bed, in all his naked glory, motioning for me to join him. I felt equal parts insecure and excited - I’d never sat on anyone’s face. Not only had no one ever offered, I was also terrified of being too much. My thighs suffocating the other person. Looking awful from their angle. Not being able to come because I was so tense from holding myself up so desperately.

But Oli… Oli wasn’t just looking at me with lust. He wasn’t doing this for any reason but because he craved it. Because he knew he could make it good for me. And, even if my heart was beating out of my chest with nerves, I trusted him.

“I thought tonight was going to be all about you?” I teased, still stalling. Noah was busy pulling my underwear down my legs, tapping on each ankle in turn so I would lift my feet, aiding him in removing the item.

“Who said this is anything but a treat for me?”

Somehow, that sealed the deal. On slightly shaky legs, I crossed the short distance, climbed on the bed and then hesitated as I kneeled next to Oli’s body.

“How-”

I didn’t need to finish the question. Oli, once again, knew exactly what I was thinking.

“Face that way,” he ordered, motioning toward the room, toward the other man. “I’m sure Noah can think of something to make it even better for you.”

With a nod, I awkwardly climbed over Oli’s body, trying to position myself over his face, much too preoccupied with what I was doing and how it would look and whether I might squish Oli to watch the other man. I found myself shuffling, again and again, the muscles in my thighs straining as I held myself up. I didn’t know where to put my hands, or whether to lean in any particular way. Even Noah removing his tight turtleneck and shoving down his trousers couldn’t sufficiently distract me.

“Aubrey, what the fuck are you doing,” Oli mumbled from underneath me, making me halt in my movements.

“I just-”

“It’s called sitting on someone’s face, not hovering.”

I was about to protest, but then his hands heavily grasped onto my thighs, pulling me down so decidedly that I had no option to fight against it, and then, the words still on my tongue, he licked through my wetness and I was so over convincing him of anything that didn’t include his mouth on me.

A moan was ripped from my throat as I dropped my hands forward onto Oli’s chest. Fuck. I’d severely underestimated just how turned on I was. His tongue was flicking my clit ever so slightly, every now and then, before going back to explore the rest of my pussy, and I was already throbbing.

Noah crawled onto the bed next to us, fully naked now, his hard cock standing proudly, and somehow, the pure sight of it heightened my arousal. I ground my hips downward, unable to get enough of Oli, but his hands, clasped tightly on my thighs, kept me exactly where he wanted me. It was as exhilarating as it was frustrating.

I was desperate to come now. I was desperate to feel something inside of me, too, in addition to Oli’s tongue on my clit, but I didn’t want to beg. Not yet. And this night was about Oli - if he’d wanted his fingers in me, they would already be there. All I could do was let myself fall into the sensations, trust that his teasing would result in an orgasm, and study Noah, who was now climbing onto Oli’s frame as well.

I watched as he took his own cock in his hand, admiring the way his fingers looked wrapped around it, then he ground his hips against Oli’s. Oli’s dick gave a twitch in response, ready to grow hard once again, and the moan vibrated through me so deliciously that I felt like screaming. I kept eye contact with Noah through it, as difficult as it was becoming. His smile told me he knew exactly what he was doing - both to Oli and to me.

With a sly grin, Noah repeated his action. His whole body shuddered at the contact, obviously desperate for release, but his focus was solely on Oli and me. Oli moaned again, loud enough that I could both hear and feel it, and it was good, it was so much more than good, and I needed it badly, so, so badly. Noah knew. He grasped onto both of their dicks now, wrapping his long fingers about him and Oli, getting the other more and more hard, jacking both of them off.

Oli was growing restless again, his hips thrusting upward to meet Noah’s movements, his mouth now constantly moaning against me, his vibrations ever increasing. He closed his lips around my clit now, so delicately and yet strongly enough and I came, shouting and screaming and clawing at his chest as my legs trembled and then gave in, almost dropping fully on Oli’s body.

Noah was quicker, though, catching me easily, strong hands holding me up until I managed to drop onto the mattress as all of my muscles refused to work. Then he bent down toward Oli and I turned my head just quickly enough to see the wetness I had left on Oli’s face and how Noah proceeded to kiss all of it away.

Oli lost himself in it for a moment, but he wouldn’t let Noah have the upper hand for long. With a quick move, he turned the two of them around, trapping Noah against the mattress. Noah, so tall and broad, suddenly looked utterly smitten and small underneath him.

“How have we gone so long without my mouth on your dick,” Oli mused as he kissed his way down Noah’s chest. “You already got to suck me off twice.” He was now palming Noah’s dick, his mouth stilling somewhere along his hips. “Now it’s time for me to get mine. You gonna be a good boy, Noah? Keep your hips still so I can blow you? You better be or this is gonna be over before you know it.”

Noah nodded, eagerly, falling into this submissive role with ease, which I couldn’t help but take note of. It was fascinating watching him, who was always so self-assured and in control on stage, let go of it all and simply put himself into Oli’s hands, knowing and trusting he would get exactly what he needed, if not always what he wanted.

Oli’s mouth hovered over Noah’s dick now, his breath already hitting the tip, but before he gave into Noah’s wishes, he turned his head toward me. I’d since sat up, craving nothing more than a front-row seat to the spectacle as my body slowly came back to life.

“And you be a good girl too and prepare yourself for me, yeah? I’m going to fuck you when he’s finished and I’m not going to put any fingers in you first.”

My face was heating up with such intensity, I could only imagine how red it was. But I, too, nodded, shifting my body slightly and parting my legs, ready to do as he asked. What I was seeing in front of me would drench me once again in no time anyway.

Oli engulfed Noah’s tip without any further hesitation now. Noah’s hands flew to the back of Oli’s head, halting in their movements immediately but then relaxing into his hair as he realised Oli wasn’t going to scold him for it. I let my fingers wander between my thighs, another wave of wetness hitting me as I watched the two men. Oli had clearly done his research, expertly bobbing his head, taking Noah a little deeper, but keeping to the rules he had put to Noah just days before to save his voice for the rest of the tour and moving his hand to pleasure all of him.

When I slipped a finger inside of me, I found no resistance, just slick walls begging for more, begging to be filled properly, so I let another finger join. The noises of me pumping my fingers in and out were impossible to ignore, but they still paled in comparison to Noah’s low groans and the way Oli was starting to drool around Noah’s cock.

The third finger was a stretch, but Oli was big enough that I knew I needed it to take him comfortably. I didn’t mind it. I enjoyed it just that bit more if it was a little too much, a little too intense, a little too fast. I would probably love taking Oli without any preparation at all. I pushed the thought away for another day.

Noah was close now. I could tell from the noises that escaped his mouth, the way his fingers were all but tearing at Oli’s hair. He had trouble keeping his hips down, but if there was one thing to know about Oli is that his threats usually weren’t empty. Oli sped up further, both his mouth and his hand. I quickly removed my fingers from my pussy, just in time, as Noah came, moaning so beautifully, unable to stop thrusting into Oli’s mouth once, twice. I would have come on the spot too if I’d still been touching myself.

Oli pulled himself off, licking up everything that had escaped him from Noah’s cock, who whined pitifully. The way he wiped his mouth on his hand almost seemed obscene. Even after all that had transpired already. Noah was busy catching his breath, eyes closed, looking utterly satisfied. Oli, however, was far from done.

Crawling over to the bedside table, he opened the uppermost drawer. Filled with condoms, lube and wipes, as far as I could see, it obviously served as his closest assembly of anything he could need for spontaneous sex. Though I didn’t doubt he’d have a much bigger collection of things somewhere else. He blindly grabbed one of the condoms, tearing it open and rolling it onto his thick, hard erection. My mouth was watering already. In an instant, he was on me, pulling me into a bruising kiss.

“How did he fuck you, Aubrey?” His lips was wandering from my neck down to my chest, pushing me backwards until I was lying flat, then letting his teeth graze over my nipples. I cried out at the feeling, sensitive to a fault and yet not getting anywhere near enough. “Did you do it missionary, like an old couple? Did he make you ride him, watch your pretty tits bounce? No… He did you from behind, didn’t he?”

His hands harshly grabbed onto my hips and before I knew it, Oli had turned me on my front, pulling me up to my knees in front of him. I propped myself up on my elbows, ready to let him do whatever he wanted to me as long as it involved his dick in me. His fingertips were digging into my flesh now, hard enough that I knew it would leave bruises. I couldn’t wait to see them.

“Let’s see who can do it better, doll.”

I didn’t have any more time to prepare as he pushed in roughly, not stopping until he was entirely buried in me and I was crying out at the delicious stretch. He felt amazing in me, even without moving, but when he finally did, it brought me to new heights without any trouble at all. He didn’t show any mercy, thrusting so hard that the bed was moving along with us, the sound of skin slapping echoing the room. I gave myself over to him completely, allowing him to treat me however he liked, utterly brainless, unable to care about anything but the fire in my lower belly burning hotter and hotter.

I barely realised Noah was moving, much too distracted by the way Oli was fucking me to take note of anything else, until he appeared in my field of vision, fumbling with the drawer Oli had left open. Curious, I tried my best to lift my head to see what his plan was, but Oli gave me another hard thrust that caused my arms to falter completely, my chest hitting the mattress. I didn’t try to hoist myself up again.

I heard a click, some shuffling behind me, then-

“Fuck!” Oli exclaimed, pushing into me again with a shudder. “Oh, fuck.”

I didn’t know what had just changed, but suddenly, Oli was a mess, irregular in how he fucked me. I pushed back into him, missing the rhythm he had established, but he was still slightly distracted.

“Fuck, Noah, that’s-”

I allowed myself to turn my head, struggling with the position, but managing just enough to see Noah standing behind Oli. There was no way to see exactly what was happening, but with the way Oli was now arching both toward me and toward Noah, his body seemingly unable to decide which way to go and-

“Did Noah just put a finger in your arse?”

“Two, love. Two;” Oli moaned, losing control at the treatment. Then, as if remembering his main goal, he crowded against my back, positioning me just the way he liked and fucked me hard, again, bringing me to the brink of my orgasm in a matter of moments.

I was loving the sounds in the room, the filthy atmosphere, the way Oli and I were chasing our heights, the way Noah made himself part of it, how Oli faltered under it. It was only a matter of moments, my own hand reaching between my legs, and then I was clenching around Oli, crying out at the force that hit me, riding it until I felt utterly spent, letting Oli, who was now nothing but a sweaty mess against my back, fuck me harshly until he came too, shooting into the condom with high-pitched moans.

Oli just about managed to pull out before collapsing on my back, pressing me into the mattress, until I started struggling underneath him, his ever heavier growing figure leaving me gasping for a breath I wasn’t able to catch yet anyway. Noah was the one who ended up providing the most aftercare, stashing the lube he’d used on Oli, passing around wipes and water he got from somewhere I couldn’t quite follow, but he was also the only one out of us whose brain still seemed to work at least a little.

I ended up making grabby hands at him like a little child as the sweat on my body slowly turned cold, leaving an entirely different type of goosebumps to wreak havoc on my skin. Noah saw, pulling the plush blanket up with him as he got into bed next to me, making sure to tuck both me and Oli in before hugging close to me.

Oli was still on his back, staring at the ceiling, apparently questioning… his life, maybe? He certainly looked like it. I figured it might have had something to do with the surprise action he got from behind this time. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a first for him.

Oli, who always seemed so experience, never showed any hesitation or shyness about anything we did, surely had his boundaries too. And letting someone finger his arse surely wasn’t something he casually shared with a lot of people. What would that mean for the two of them? Noah had taken a brave step today. All I could hope was that it would open a door to more between the two of them. I knew they wanted it; they simply needed to admit it too.

Noah was still nestled into my side when Oli finally decided it was time to cuddle for him as well. There was no room for talking, not tonight. All of the unspoken things were going to be left to fester in our brains for a little while more, threatening to become more clear as the post-orgasmic haze lifted bit by bit, but I was hoping we’d be drifting off to sleep before it engulfed us. Talking was for tomorrow. No travelling, very few things on the agenda, a hometown show at night. It could wait.

Oli’s mouth was on my neck, nuzzling his nose into my hair. But this time, his warm breath was comforting instead of arousing. Until he left a much-too-hard bite on my earlobe, obnoxious as usual, and I blindly swatted at his head.

I was just about to drift off, fully comfortable sandwiched between the two men, when Oli spoke up.

“So, who fucked you better, doll, me or Noah?”

I wanted to be appalled, offended or at least pretend I was, but all that happened was that an insane giggle left my mouth, shaking my whole body until it had spread to the sides and taken Oli and Noah as well. Noah buried his head into the other side of my neck as I awkwardly slung my arm around him. Turning my face toward Oli, I grabbed onto his chin just enough to move his mouth to mine, pressing a short but heavy kiss against it.

“Guess you’ll both have to fuck me during the same evening for optimal comparisons.”

[aaronhotchswife]

THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL

Drew Starkey x Female Reader

Chapter 3

Warnings : alcohol, smut, loss of virginity This is the last chapter of this serie. I hope you'll enjoy it !

chapter 1

chapter 2

"There are many things in life that will catch your eyes, but only a few will catch your heart. Pursue those. " -Michael Nolan

It’s the first time that we’re all since Christmas. Drew is talking to the boys, telling him about how at his parents. We didn’t talk about what happened that day in his bedroom, I just apologized for acting like that and he told me not to worry. We’re just best friends trying to figure life out.

"If that is not Y/N!"

"Oh my god! Hiiii! How are you?" I asked the guy behind me, rising from my seat to hug him. "Guys, this is Oliver. He was my best friend from elementary to high school."

He smiles at them, his arm around my shoulder. When I ask him what he’s doing here, he tells me that his friends picked this bar to celebrate the New Year.

"Do you want a drink? " Olivier asks, pointing over two stools at the bar. I accept, taking his hand and following him. I see the girls looking at me with smiles and playful looks. I laugh softly, just wanting to have a drink with my childhood best friend. My heart belongs to Drew, but these past few days I just want to think about someone else and clear my mind. I’ve been in love with him for a long time now, always thinking about him and how cute and wonderful he is. From the moment we kissed as our characters for the first time to our fight, I keep loving him. But maybe now it’s time to let myself live at little bit, without him.

Drew’s point of view

I see her at the bar, talking with some guy. She’s sipping her cocktail, admiring him. I think Lacia sees the confusion on my face because she taps on my shoulder and explains to me who he is. He looks handsome and I can’t help but be a little jealous of how she looks at him. Especially when his hand finds its way down her back, murmuring something in her ear. It should be me with her like that, and I can’t help but be mad at myself for how things played out.

***

Y/N’s point of view

I’m outside with Oliver, still talking about what is going on in our lives. My phone rings and when I look at it, I see a text from Madelyn wishing me a happy New Year. I didn’t even realize that it was midnight already.

"Happy New Year Oli! "

"Oh! Happy New Year! I wish you everything you wish for. "

I smile before hugging him. It’s good to see him again after having lost touch after high school. When I break his embrace, his lips find mine, kissing me softly. I smile on his lips, my face finding its way on his chest.

"Don’t get shy on my now, " he laughs.

"I’m sorry, I just didn’t except kissing someone tonight. Listen, I just probably go check on my friends, they must probably wonder where I went. You have my number so text me whenever you want, " I kiss his cheek goodbye before turning around and entering the bar.

Drew’s point of view

I see her coming back to our table, her lipstick a bit smudged. I don’t need more clues to understand what just happened with her and that man. I look at her, my head filled with memories of the feelings never told and at this moment, I realize that I need to be hers. I would crawl home to her if it was what it took for her to want me.

"You had fun with your friend?" I ask.

"I did. Thanks for asking…" she responds.

"Yeah, I can see that. "

She looks at me with an awkward smile, before sitting next to Maddie, who is almost sleeping on the table. She wakes her up, telling her that she’ll drive her home since she just had one drink.

"C’mon Mad. Let’s get you home. Drew, are you coming home too? "

I nod, before saying goodbye to everyone. Y/N drove Maddie home before parking her car at our apartment entrance. When she unlocks the door, she throws her heels away, sighing in relief.

"God, my feet are killing me. " She laughs, making her way to her bedroom, exiting it with her towel and pyjamas. "I’ll go in the shower; do you want to watch an episode of Modern Family after? "

"Of course. But I need to take a shower too before. I feel disgusting, " I chuckle.

***

As we’re sitting on the couch, I look at her, not thinking twice before asking about Oliver. She explains to me that he was her best friend and that they kissed. I can feel the anger and the jealousy inside of me but I try to act as nothing.

"He’s cute but he is not my type. I would not have a relationship with him, if it what you’re asking. "

"Maybe it is, " I say. "Maybe it’s because I want you. "¸

"What? "

"I want you, Y/N. I want everything from you. I want you to be able to see yourself through my eyes and to realize how special you are to me. And tonight, when I saw you with him, I realized that I need you in my life more than a best friend. "  

"Drew…"

I suddenly have a feral urge to crash my lips on hers and I can feel she wants the same.

Y/N’s point of view

Drew’s lips are on mine and I can’t explain how it feels at the exact moment. Even if I kissed him for work, it doesn’t feel the same. It feels real. It is real. I can feel him smile against my lips when my hand grabs his hair, giving me a little push to sit on his thighs. One of his hands is on the end of my back and the other one is on my cheek. I can feel his tongue pushing against mine and I let him.  He lays me on the couch, his hand caressing my hair.

"Do you want to go in the bedroom? " He asks me, murmuring in my ear. He doesn’t have to ask me twice before my hand is in his and I bring him to my bedroom. He kisses me until my legs are on the side of the bed, making me fall on it. He’s on top of me, and his mouth is on my neck, giving me butterflies.

"I want you, Drew. Please. "

"Asked like that, it would be my pleasure, " he says chuckling.

His hands make their way to the hem of my shirt, pushing it further, asking for permission to undress me. I nod, watching Drew undress both of us.  Both of our breathing is shallow when he looks at me. I feel shy, being almost naked in front of me. His hand plays with the hem of my panties, his mouth leaving small kisses on my stomach. When he takes off my underwear, I can se his eyes glistening.

"You are so beautiful. Are you sure you want to do this? "

"Yes, Drew, please. "

He kisses me one last time, his fingers playing with my nipples, making them hard. His hand finds its way to my core, murmuring in your ear how wet I am. His fingers play with my folds, before pushing one finger slowly into me, making my breath stops. The palm of his hand rubs softly against my clit, and it that moment I never felt better.

He parts my thighs and he places my feet on his shoulders before placing himself between my thighs. The tip of his nose brushes delicately on top of my clit and his tongue glides slowly in my folds. The moan I do makes him smile against my core and when he looks at me, his face is all wet from my arousal. But now I want to make him feel good. I sit up, my hand taking his boxer off. My breath gets caught when I see how big he is. I tentatively put my hand around him, making up and down movements and with the way his head falls back, I guess I’m doing good.

"Fuck. " He moaned.

"Can I taste you? "

His eyes sparkled the second I ask him, and he replace himself to be comfortable, while I start leaving some small kisses on his cock. His hands grab my hair in a makeshift ponytail, before guiding my head up and down his cock. He stops me just before he could cum, kissing me softly.

"Are you ready? "

"Put your hands on my shoulders and squeeze if it hurts, and tell me if you need me to stop, okay? " He instructed.

I nod, while Drew slowly pushes the tip of his cock in me. He takes a sharp breath as he pushes into me, feeling my walls clenching around him.

"You’re doing really great baby, want me to move? " He says, his voice hoarse.

I agree and with that, it’s not long before Drew’s sweet sounds in my ear and each stroke of him against that perfect little spot make me grip the headboard.

"You feel so fucking good baby, so tight. "

"Drew. "

Drew’s point of view

"Drew. "

The way she says my name and the breathy moan that spills from her lips are too much, pushing me right to the end. I watch her as her head falls back on the pillow and her back arches, and I swear that I never saw something that perfect in my life. I try to catch my breath, while she does the same. I cuddle her, caressing her hair.

"Hey, I love you. "

She smiles at me, and her smile is literally the cutest thing I have ever seen.

"I love you too Drew. "

taglist : @willowalexissss @maybankslover @prentissesredtanktop @conniebabyy @arinadixin @chenslucy @h34rtsformilli @tiaamberxx

[alexsfavgirl]

REAL IN THE FLESH

➪ pairing : oliver quick x reader, implied relationship with felix catton and reader

➪ sypnosis : you didn’t have a lot of time to talk with oliver, but now you do, and it’s terrifying

➪ other notes : currently can’t write for bsd, but saltburn is currently my new obsession

the summer sun beams on both of you as you lay down on the green grass. oliver was sitting up next to you, gazing at his surroundings. “we haven’t gotten to talk much have we oliver ?” you ask him, you turn your head towards him. “suppose not,” the quiet boy says. “do you like it here ? in saltburn, i mean,” you say, attempting to form conversation.

“it’s lovely, better than home,” he simply says. home. home to oliver seemed monstrous, well from what felix had told you before. “where’s your home ?” oliver asks you. you hum, taken aback from the question. “not far, we have a nice house but i’ve always passed summers here in saltburn, since felix and i started dating,” you respond sighing.

“do you like it ?” he asks. you look at oliver through your sunglasses. “of course i do,” you say, almost scoffing. who wouldn’t like living in a mansion even if it were for a couple of months. “how long have you and felix been together ?” oliver asks. “since sophomore year in high school, well on and off but you know” you respond, liking the flow of the conversation.

felix had mentioned to oliver that you and him and been on and off because of…well felix’s cheating, not that he explicitly told you. but felix couldn’t seem to let you go, after every break, he’d manage to crawl back into your bed, saying that he was forever “your guy” and that all the rumors of him with other girls aren’t true.

“well there’s a reason why he keeps coming back to you,” oliver sighs. you snap your head towards him, “and why is that ?” you say. “you’re fucking beautiful, who wouldn’t want you back,” he says, words rolling off his tongue. you try not to be flustered, you really do. yet a smirk crawls onto your face. “felix would kill you~” you say in a singsong voice.

“you’re different from everyone else here,” oliver suddenly says. “am i ?” you ask, almost confused. “like you’re…you’re authentic,” he says and your breath hitches. “like you’re actually real in the flesh, why is that ?” oli continues. “my father wasn’t there and my mom barely made it through with her job,” you confess, and you realize it’s terrifying.

it’s terrifying that a man you barely knew, now had a glimpse of what your childhood was like. why did you tell him ? why did you tell him ? was it because oliver is kind, too kind for his own good ? you don’t know but suddenly your oversharing has made you uncomfortable.

“i um have to go, uh find felix, wanted to talk to him about something,” you clear your throat as you get up. “you know, he’s cheating on you, he constantly is,” oliver says as you start walking away. “i’m well aware,” you quietly say. and that’s when oliver realizes that you aren’t as stupid as he thought you initially were.

“be seeing you…ollie,” you say, walking towards the mansion that oliver one day would claim as his. a smile falls on his face, one that he had been holding in for a while. maybe you weren’t so useless after all, maybe one day he could fit into felix’s shoes. maybe you just gave him a reason to keep you along for the ride.

[paniniichan]

Ballade of the Lost Ones - Wandering / Chapter 2

Characters: Yuzuru, Tsumugi, Niki, Madara, Rei Proofreaders: Aru, Oli, Azu

＜Several Days After the Bag Thief Incident＞

Yuzuru: Cleaning, cleaning, funfufufu~n♪

Moving the broom to a fixed rhythm is the most efficient way to sweep up the falling petals. My skills haven’t faltered either. 

Ah, meeting expectations as expected…♪

Oh, there seem to be more sakura petals falling over there. I’d like to clean those too if possible.

But I’m almost out of time, and in addition, I mustn’t completely take over someone else’s job. I must restrain myself.

Tsumugi: ……

……? (Rubbing his eyes as if he’s hallucinating)

Yuzuru: Oh? Aoba-sama, a pleasure to see you. 

You seem to be in a state of shock, are you alright?

What is the reason for you staring at me with such bewilderment?

Tsumugi: …Ah, this is ES, right? My brain confused this place for Yumenosaki Academy for a moment there. 

Maybe I should instead be asking why you’re cleaning here, Fushimi-kun? ES has its own cleaning staff, after all.

Yuzuru: I am well aware. I believe a member of staff was cleaning here until a short while ago, but it seems they’ve been absent for a while now.

When my hand subconsciously reached for it, a strong yearning swept over me and I simply began to clean. 

Since I have been living in the dormitory and no longer need to clean the Himemiya Family’s estate, I’ve completely lost the opportunity to pick up a broom.  

Tsumugi: Ah. Now that you mention it, I can see what you mean.

You don’t need to use a broom in any of the dormitory rooms. And all the other spaces are cleaned by the janitorial staff. 

Yuzuru: It is as you say– Ah, it’s that time already…!

Thank you very much for your understanding, Aoba-sama. Anzu-san has called for me after this, so you’ll have to excuse me soon.  

Tsumugi: Eh? You too, Fushimi-kun?

Truthfully, I’ve been called by Anzu-chan as well. You’re heading to the “COCHI” Meeting Room, right?

I was also going to head over there in just a moment.

Yuzuru: You’re going as well, Aoba-sama? I was sure it was a task I had to take care of.

Judging by this situation, others may be assembled as well.

＜30 Minutes Later. “COCHI”, a Coffee Shop Near ES Building＞

Niki: Huff, huff. Hiyaaaa~☆

Madara: Hi there! –Huh, wait? What’s up, Niki-san? You’re sweating like crazy.

Yuzuru: So it seems that Sakuma-sama, Mikejima-sama, Aoba-sama, Shiina-sama, and myself were all summoned to this place.

Niki: –Wha!? There’re way more people here than just me!?

What even is this? Anzu-neesan told me to come here so she could get my help with something, no doubt about it–

I thought I was gonna be taste-testing a new menu item, I even skipped all the way here from the dorms!?

I never once gave up, even when it felt like my legs were gonna break!!

Rei: So then, is that why you’re sweating so much? I can’t imagine you’d sweat that much naturally in early spring.  

Madara: Hahaha☆ Aren’t you just overflowing with energy?!

Niki: Noooo, I can’t do this anymore… I used up all my energy just getting here, I can’t move anymore. Goodbye, cruel world…!

Rei: Shiina-kun, what on earth are you doing? You’re being unexpectedly serious. 

Tsumugi: It would be fine if you ate something while waiting for Anzu-chan, wouldn’t it? There’s still some time until the meeting is supposed to start. 

Niki: Whoa! That’s a great idea!! Alrighty, I’ll take one “Seasonal Burger Plate”!

＜About 10 Minutes Later＞

Niki: Nomnomnom…♪ 

Madara: Niki-san sure eats a lot. Since I’m a big eater myself, I feel a sort of connection with you ☆

Yuzuru: I do recall Mikejima-sama set up food and drink carts at the school gates relatively frequently. 

Madara: That really brings back the memories. I can remember how a furious Keito-san would rush in after a while like it was just yesterday. Hahaha!

Yuzuru: Please do not laugh about such matters. As I was not a member of the student council at that time, I could only watch and remain in my position–

Oh? It seems like Anzu-san arrived at some point during that exchange. In that case, let’s end the stories of reminiscence. 

Anzu-san, welcome. …Yes, there are five of us gathered here. 

Ah, now that everyone who Anzu-san called for is present, shall we begin?

For what important matter did you bring us here today?

Eh? There’s someone you want to introduce me to?

–Ah, you are…

Niki: Nomnom– Aaah~! Aren’t you that guy whose bag was snatched the other day!?

Rei: What on earth do you mean by snatched?

Yuzuru: Truthfully–

＜Several Minutes Later＞

Rei: …Hm. So to summarise your story–

Fushimi-kun and Shiina-kun happened upon a scene of larceny, and this man they helped also happens to be a film director.

Madara: It seems that coincidences like these truly do exist.

Though I don’t think I’ve heard the story of “I met someone downtown who also happened to be a film director” before.

Rei: Well, there is a phrase that reality is often stranger than fiction.

 In any case, this director wanted to request for Fushimi-kun and Shiina-kun to star in his film and therefore made an offer to ES for a film production, however…

At the present moment, ES’ hands are full and he was pushed aside. 

Tsumugi: It’s a shame to say this, but as someone who is involved with office management I can give some insight.

Every department has its hands full with something this time of year, so it’s not easy to plan new projects. Therefore I think something like a movie that takes a lot more time is even more likely to be dismissed. 

Niki: Hm? Isn’t that strange though? Why did Director-san come here with Anzu-neesan if ES rejected it?

Yuzuru: I believe Anzu-san raised her hand to take on this plan as a part of “P Choice”.

Rei: Oh, I see. What a good idea.

After becoming an independent individual from the “P Association”, Ojou-chan has become responsible for the “P Choice” project.

Certainly, since this is the case, she can also take over projects that have been rejected from ES.  

Niki: So then the reason we were called here today is… Yuzuru: We will be appearing in this director’s film as a part of “P Choice”, correct?

[fisheito]

Crimson Phantom: the one that gfkion got me

Flashback to my old yakutier list: in the top tier, you'll notice that one of these is not like the others:

SO WHAT IS IT DOING THERE????????

Perhaps the reason Crimson Phantom R5 ranks so high is cuz of the PERSONAL HISTORY i got with it. The straw that broke the fish's back? the last drop of water that makes the cup run over and spill onto my socks MOST iRRITATINGLY?Hm. Maybe. Prepare yourself for the longest post yet:

Let me give you a timeline...

May 2022: start playing nuca during Mystical Banquet. First SSR is Endless Banquet Garu. I am intrigued by his musculature and adorable puppy eyes. July 2022: Idol Fest. I only care about Olivine. Captain Oli is the one SSR i get, and i am exceedingly happy. October 2022: Eerie Escapade. I pull for Garu, but get 3 Yakumos. I am bitter and ignore him entirely. November 2022: I don't have many SSRs, so I consider building my 2-star vampire yaku. This would involve unlocking his rooms for the stat boost. I ask Friend A, who also plays nuca, what his rooms are like. Friend A says "it was roleplay cringe but free' I respond, "i expected as much" and do not build up vampire yaku. December 2022: I get Friend B to start playing nuca. Since we live together, it is very easy to spark impromptu , impassioned nuca discussions in the middle of the kitchen. February 2023: Friend B discovers the main menu- Past Events and Galleria, most notably. Their eyes sparkle as they look thru the events they missed. "When did you start playing?" they ask. "Since THIS event." i say, pointing to the Mystical Banquet banner. "Can I see who you have?" I give them my phone. They express mild awe as they scroll. We continue life as usual. March 2023: Friend B gets Spring Chaos Edmond and i am JEALOUS. I say so- regularly and loudly. During one such griping session, this occurs:

Me: you JUST started playing . you cannoT be destroying me in the rolls like this!!! i'm getting NOTHING!! Friend: but you have so many units that I don't! That I didn't even have a chance to get!!! Me: none of them are Beautiful Bride Edmond??!!! Friend: BUT YOU HAVE VAMPIRE YAKUMO Me: ?????????? so??? Friend: GOD HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND I'M SO SAD I MISSED HIM Me: you can have him. he's not doing anything over here. i wanted garu!! Friend: YOU HAVEN'T EVEN UNLOCKED HIS ROOMS? THAT'S NOT FAIR. GIVE HIM TO ME. I'LL TREAT HIM RIGHT Me: i wish i could dude i wish i could

Please imagine the utmost confusion on my face the moment my friend equated Bride Edmond's beauty to Vampire Yakumo's.

Because,, from the moment I started nuca, I had zero interest in yakumo's general aesthetic. I was long soured off the vibes due to an extensive history of dating sims shoving a Certain Guy into my face:

"Certain Guy AKA 1st potential love interest is imperious red/black guy who's also kinda the True Ending so we're only giving you the illusion of free will and you will be disappointed by the lack of care we give to other routes compared to this guy. You wanted a character that wasn't him? HAHAHA nah that nobody dies in a ditch offscreen. You were SUPPOSED to fall in love with the 1st guy we showed you and find his attitude problems attractive for the rest of your blissfully coupled life." (The freshest wound at the time was Nobunaga from that Specific branch of the ike series)

Butbutbut!! Yakumo is not imperious??? He's nothing like what you're describing??

Yes, dear reader, your assessment is fair. UNfORtUNATeLY, I'm a shallow ho and just the LOOK of his redblack skeleton embroidery was enough to repel me. The only thing that kept Yakumo in the Neutral zone was that his story self was Wibbly.

Looking at VAMPIRE yakumo, however... This was not wibbly. Here, with his hair slicked back and his torso seemingly widened and his generic bishonen-vampire-halloween-cosplay ...... it irked me. I did not like it. This look was everything I hated about those redblack domineering types haunting my past. The one interesting thing about yakumo (his wibble. his personality subversion of the aggro trope) and they GOT RID OF IT? Nah. I'm not into it. I refuse it out of principle.

I was steadfast in my dismissal of vampyaku for months.. But that was because I played alone- without outside influence.

Then that March conversation with Friend B happened.

SUDDENLY, SOMEONE introduces the POSSIBILITY that YAKUMO in THIS form can be attractive? Huh? Seriously? People think that?Legitimately never occurred to me. Unfortunately, my friend's words are in my head now.

During that convo (a convo which, unbeknownst to me, caused the first cracks in the healthy moderation i held for this game), i jokingly offered to unlock vampire yaku's rooms so my friend could watch them. A peace offering. "PLEASE!!!!!", they yelled,, with effusive sincerity.

Ah... well now I had to commit...

Determined to give my friend a Nice Thing, I threw excess knives at yakumo in my spare time. "I might as well unlock these rooms, and see how bland they are, and maybe sorta achieve vindication when I show them to my friend and they find out how Not Worth It vampire yakumo is compared to bride edmond" (I am fueled by spite and pettiness.)

thus, with time... ROOM 1 UNLOCKED!

Yakumo is wallowing again. Nothing new. He's handling the new cooking duties well, though. Good for him! Eiden is perceptive and wonderful, as usual... ah, eiden, beloved eiden.....i adore him and all the Sense he brings to these traumatised clan members ☺ Oop, there they go! initiating the cliche roleplay! Biting. Blood. Yep. Guess we're doing this.

AND NOW WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT ROOM 2

I was so self-satisfied when i unlocked R2. I mean, i wasn't going to show my friend until i unlocked EVERYTHING, but so far? From what I saw? this ain't it. this is SAD. this is... so very unsexy.

the only thing anchoring me to the present while watching this room was eiden's cheeky self. As Friend A remarked long ago, this was indeed cringe roleplay (but eiden is free).

I'm not very adept at voice reading/recognition, but i still felt something was up with yaku's voice. Meaning, it was different. he was REALLY laying it on heavy... It being the Role? Where was his tremulous soft voice? Naaaaaah, here in R2 we got yaku DROPPING octaves like they're on fire and affecting a drawl that...i think... is supposed to add to the seductive dangerous mood? i think? i'm really not good at parsing the horny from the Not fjkdrhgdu

with every extended vowel leaking thru yaku's fangs MY ANTI-NOBUNGA DEFENSES ARE BRISTLING yaku is REALLY playing it [Count Drakumo] up and he is NOT himself and, wait, he's spiralling? ooohhhhhh ok this is not good this is not fun he is not having fun

yes ok we've been over this my boner is dead killed by sadness that's just me not everybody is like me and i should let ppl like what they like MOVING ON

ROOM 3: OOOh Girl How they gonna react after THAT disastrous scene Woah!

Yakumo, angry???? Standoffish???? REfusing to be near Eiden? Interesting.... I mean. No! Not interesting! There's nothing interesting about vampire yakumo! Cliche as hell!!! Conventionally decent-lookin whatever-man is growling and hiding his face in a shadowy corner while saying things like "oh i'm a horrible monster .who could truly love me?!" and "stay away!! i'll only hurt you!!!"

Eiden: starts spouting truths about how the perception of "bad" and "undesirable" traits don't negate an entire person's positive traits and that someone's value can't be determined by such rigid thinking

Me: dammit eiden. stop making sense. i'm trying to hold a grudge here .............i'm starting to get hungry...

ROOM 4: OOPS I LOVE EIDEN AGAIN

I LOVE YOU EIDEN AND READING THIS ROOM MADE ME LOVE YOU EVEN MORE yakumo is, once again, spiralling in his self-hatred. i, on the other side of the screen, am getting weary. tbh, if you asked me to react to yakumo in real time, i would not know how to behave appropriately. i probably would have dismissed his concerns in some way (empty reassurances or bored ignoring).

but eiden??? ebeatutiiful emotionally UNconstipated FULL OF EMPATHY FIBRE eiden? candid... communicative... accepting yet not encouraging the dark thought patterns. . a self-aware king...

so when eiden gets in front of that mirror to demonstrate the self-talk "training":

I AM SO ENDEARED AND IM LO IBVE UHJIJM....

When Eiden gives yaku a chance to try, poor snakey doesn't know what to say. So Eiden whispers all these nice words and affirmations while standing behind yaku, expecting him to repeat them outloud THEN OF COURSE THE SILLY GUY ESCALATES TO HORNY AND I HAVE TO 🤣🤣🤣

ok, i'll begrudgingly admit... pretty cute interaction... and funny... if there's one way to win me over it's The Funny... how dare. how dare this room make me smile. I'm having a little giggle. Over a Yakumo room. THANKS eiden. For injecting humour into anything and making everything seem more tolerable...

After the practice run, Yaku ends up spilling his actual fears about his dual natures... but eiden insists that he can handle both.

yaku: if i think these dark thoughts does that make me a bad person eiden: well we all have layers n stuff so go wild yaku: if. if i. wanna lock u away all for myself and gnaw on your bones forever and keep u attached to my skin like an anglerfish absorbs mates into their flesh. will u hate me??? eiden: girl let your freak flag fly. i can take u ;););)

OKAY. SO MAYBE I CAN SORT OF SEE THE POTENTIAL FOR *NOT-AS-SAD* HORNY. THIS IS QUITE NICE (i comment mildly, gesturing to the emotional catharsis and deepening your understanding of another person). Now that yaku is emboldened in uh, being himself? all versions of himself? let's see how boinking is gonna go. hopefully it will be quite the departure from R2's struggle hours...

FUFIOKIN. ROOM 5: BANE OF MY EXISTENCE

The FIRST thing that strikes me when the room starts is

EIDEN YOU ARE SO HOT WHAT TH BRWOIJAOIEWFSKAESFKJLFEA?

INIPPL?

EIDEN'S HANDS? I'M BITING THEM? LET ME BITE THEM??? Yeah so i'm just staring at eiden displayed proudly in the mirror and a bird could probably land in my mouth with how it was hanging open, thinking, "yall know how to lewd your protagonist, nuca.... respect....." i'm distracted, but i need to move the room along so

.? ⚠! (ALERT NOISE) (ping!) the only yakumo room i've unlocked at this point is the OG SSR/Story H. i may have seen idol r2, too. so my current image of yakumo at this point is: -wet -crying -subby little baby

therefore, him saying he's GOING TO TEASE EIDEN causes my brow to upturn. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 really? really, yakumo? YOU? are you even capable of doing that? can you do more than one thing [be wet baby]? i doubt it. these games always choose one niche for a character and stick to it... you caNNOT drift into switchery. try it i dare u (<- famously lesser-known last words)

eiden, in line with "i can take all of you", responds that he likes both. and btw, this ain't one-sided. he warns that he's about to weaponise bottoming again. if yakumo thinks he can just lead eiden around, lolollololo l good luck. my boy's gonna squeeze him dry (seriously. i have zero faith in yakumo's ability to stay in control of any situation)

OK! so! they're fukin *mundane hand gesture. rollin it along*

yakumo slows his roll and is all, actually, part of the fun is looking at you confused and needy :3 so he's going at a super lax pace and adjusting his dick angle and some other tactical penis feint that's edging eiden into horny frustration

as if i'm cheering on my fave racehorse, i start YELLING when eiden ~~snatches back the reins~~~~

WEAPONISE! 👏THAT!! 👏BOTTOM!!!!!!!👏🏭🎬ATTABOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!📣📣📣🔊📢🔊🎖🥳📣🔊📢

wait what ........HOW HAS HE NOT LOST IT? if eiden went off on me like that, uhhhhhhhhhhh hahahaha rest in pesis i'm losing immediately but... crybaby.... is holding it together? in fact, he somehow TAKES CONTROL AGAIN??????? THET F ????

idk guess i'm shocked with processing another side of yakumo that i didn't expect,, i avoided yakumo because his look served potential for "2000s toxic seme" energy. but i tolerated him because his ACTUAL personality was NOT That. yet... now he's showing that exact domineery junk and i'm ..ok with it? Is it specifically because i've only seen him be pathetic in every other room?!

i'm just gonna...a. take a moment here to... maybe sort of understand the predicament i'm in along with my growing . something. admiration? for yakumo. uhhh.... hmmmm..........

yeah ok whatever people can be freaks about nipples i guess

SHIT I FORGOT HE HAS COLD HANDS . SHIT. I FORGOT I LIKE COLD HANDS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M INTO THAT?

NOT THE NECK BITING AGAIN AHAHAHAHAAHHAHHA FOR REAL?????? VAMPIRE COSPLAY SERIOUS????? (<- my voice has gone an octave higher as i start panic laughing)

i don't know why i didn't expect that here. do i just not think ahead? it's stupid count drakumo. of course he's gonna suck blood. at least twice. maybe the rest of you saw it coming, and rolle dyour eyes. ahahaha, how very trite. how very standard.

did the active shattering of my preconceived yakumo.png weaken me THAT much? was i sudddenly swept up into the revelation thata game was Finally going beyond the yaoi dichotomy? to make someone subby AND dommy? Was i SO swept up that the "cringe vampire roleplay" bypassed my eyerolling sensor?!?!?!

i've got a single nervous bead of sweat making its way down my back and it's cuz of the very simple combo of hole/temperature/neck

so while i'm taking another impromptu wary pause , stewing at how DEVASTATED i may or may not be idk whatever it's not a big deal that the neck bite isn't shown on screen

LOGIC: that makes sense. animating and drawing that separate pose in this setup would be way too much work for 2 sentences. HORNY: TEAR INTO HIM. SUCK HIM DRY. LET ME

SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

yeah for real. I'M feeling attacked right now. eiden trying his best not to splort from the three-pronged feel-up (struggling like an amorous salmon up a waterfall) when suDNDEnly

......?

*RECORD SCRATCH* ?!?!?!?!?!??!?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!!!!!??????????????????????? ?????!?!?!?!?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????E?!?FKFOO>>>>?VFF??A""????":??"??????!?!!??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

👆

WHAT WAS THAT?

*runs into the adjacent room like it's a reality tv privacy booth* *slams the door and stares incredulously at the camcorder* *points toward the room i just left*

IS THAT ALLOWED?

Is Yakumo legally allowed to say "fuck"?????

*falls into a hushed and baffled whisper* i don't have enough Japanese comprehension to parse exactly what yakumo said oh god i wish i had the comprehension is this a translator liberty? is it real? because if the original speech was actually more reserved but the translators were like "bro that ain't sexy. just write FUCK"?? i guess that wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility? but if yakumo legitimately said "fuck" ...... AND dropped the honorific from eiden's name?! .......... huh! ohhhhhhhh *ruffles my hair out of confusion* did he really say that? i mean ok he's a grown ass snan i shouldnt ' be scandalised like i hear d an infant say FUCK as its first word , 11 months out of the womb ....... *deep breath* ok. don't dwell on it. gotta return to the task at hand. *steadfastly turns the doorknob and returns to my previous location*

so eiden looks like what i feel right now (in the key of: !?!?!?) thankfully the surprise doesn't last long in the face of his shamelessness (blessed be eito), so he tries to repeat after yakumo but yakumo's drilling him so hard that brain mysgh muysh can't really... speak..prororperly

SUHUT THE FUCCK UP YAKUMO I'VE NEVER BEEN SO OFFENDED BY SUCH A SHORT SENTENCE GO AWAY WITH YOUR THIRTY SHADES OF COUNT DOMKUMO PARADING IN HERE THINKIN YOU CAN DISH OUT ORDERS LIKE THSI WHEN YOU'R E NORMALLY A SOBBING MESS BY NOW=====----

*pinches in between my brows* uueugh...... eiden doesn't get to finish his task but they go at it until the screen goes white with that powerful SPLOOSH we all know and love

and yakumo FINALLY breaks character getting juiced released a bit of his control i guess we hear an "uhu" at last. he uses his pathetic wibble to ask eiden for more because he's still hard. of course he is...... mans is never done.......dick ouroboros with the way he never ends.......

BUT THEN EIDEN PULLS A FACE THAT GRABS MY ENTIRE BRAIN AND FLOODS ME WITH SO MUCH AFFECTION

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY JUST LOOK AT HIM SLUTTY BLEP i was having an out-of-body experience i was suddenly going over every BL i've ever played and how none of the protags were ever this unabashedly INTO IT (of course we are only here because we build upon the foundations of our gay ancestors THANK YOU GAYASS SPIRITS OF YORE , ) BUT! i'm experiencing a grand realisation of how far we've come and how eiden being a slutty versatile dweeb enriches my life to untold measures and his stupid cute little ;P thirsty look is going to sustain me for years and also i love it so much i'm going to screenshot it and keep it in my gallery just so i can look at it whenever i think about homophobia existing ever . i love u eiden get that dick and hole forever💖

now that yakumo is all vulnerable and Himself and freed from his edgy persona , he's just pounding into eiden liek 🥺 i'm just a normal snokai right? 🥺😥 so it's ok to act the way i truly want to❓ you'll accept all of me? 😖 i'm not a horrible irredeemable monster ?? 😧💦 you still want me? here?? with you???🥺🥺🥺 i'm allowed to make you feel good??😢?😭?😥 of course eiden affirms all this with a big moany yes (in surprisingly eloquent words despite the state of his anus)

and to top it all off, the room provides a full circle of plot by letting eiden complete his failed "repeat after me" task from before..- with a horny addendum about how he can't get enough of yakumo's dirty expressions, because of course our boy has to get the last word.

ahhh,,, like an epic movie,, it all comes together. loose ends tied and fucklines affirmed. tasks fulfilled; pervert's journey complete;; we, the audience, can go home with satisfied closure.

after-credits sceNe: when the post-nut clarity hits yakuei, i am brick'd with overwhelming concern about eiden's leg. how has it NOT cramped this entire time, being held up like that.? what was that? at least 15 minutes?! of lifting up one leg and spreading it so wide? damn, boy, is ya potassium that powerful? no calf cramps? nothing? eiden your sexual athleticism is unrivalled. i am in awe.

Note!

When i first watched these rooms, I didn't have headphones. Months later, i finally got to watch the scenes WITH SOUND. and i was so very pleased to hear that yakumo's voice in R5 was a nice middle ground between his suuuuper drawly heavy cosplay mode R2 angstvoice,, and his regular uhuu soft voice. it's definitely more himself, but with the added confidence of roleplaying ehuehue so it's just nice!! to hear him being more secure in himself!! and enjoying the situation!! but also teasing eiden and enjoying the power plays?? yay! near the end he returns almost fully to his regular voice due to , you know, whiny pleady 🥺 feels-too-good things afoot and that just .... upped the affection for me.... ugh... so he CAN do both......

in future watches, i eventually take the time to look at yakumo's face instead of eiden's. . .

and i do NOT like where my subsequent thoughts go

oh no he's hot.......................

WE RETURN TO REALITY. IT IS SOME TIME BETWEEN MARCH AND MAY (2023). I HAVE AT LAST UNLOCKED ALL OF CP YAKUMO'S ROOMS. I AM IN MY ROOM AND I AM SHOOKETHED. Shortly, I seek out Friend B, the catalyst for this train of horror and realisation. I tell them the task is done. Eventually, i give them my phone so they can watch their beloved vampire yakumo rooms. I couldn't even hand it over with the derisive scoff I THOUGHT I would show. the look of absolute dismissal that used to appear whenever someone mentioned crimson phantom yakumo. No, i handed it over with thinly concealed amusement . perhaps even excitement, that someone would soon share in something that so pleasantly surprised me. A part of me wished for them to return my phone with a disappointed "tch". to tell me that, oh, that wasn't very good after all. you were right. i could have missed out on vampire yakumo and lost nothing. Unfortunately, they returned my phone later that evening . their eyes glittered with the glee of someone whose hopes were beautifully fulfilled. "OH MY FUCKING GOD I KNEW it was gonna be amazing!", they bubbled. "Yeah." is all i could say... . I spend the following weeks slowly falling victim to yakumo's charms. By June, I am putting up posters of him all over my room while talking about how much i hate him.

SUMMARY: like nuca itself, it started as a joke and now the quences have conned. i'm suffering the cussions, reperfully. eiden did NOT help. he was beautiful and amazing from every angle and that added to the positive associations with these rooms,, and by extension, yakumo. and now? now i hate this snakeboy for what's he's done to me. i'm p sure he's actively moving the goalposts on my preferences as i type. i'm scared. he has too much power . that this mushy noodle would subvert tropes by following the old kabedon-seme script then DO IT AGAIN by hitting me with the SUBVERT REVERSE BEAM #2 and now i dream about railing him under the moonlight.

it was all downhill from that accursed roleplay. eiden's a gayteway drug. he fkoin got me. and now yakumo's got me too

[satrs]

Can’t feel my face - bllk x fem!Reader N°10

TAGS; NSFW CONTENT! MDNI! grinding. Teasingggg. Handjob.

a/n: Biggg chapter dis time (wordcount: 3k) bc I'm putting this story on hold for some time. Enjoy!

Once you walked into your apartment,

the man who you were living with was nowhere in sight. But you were too exhausted to wrap your head around it, so you just made your way to your bed, ready to plop down and drift into a deep slumber.

Maybe he was out, at blue lock or at some girl's house. Well, since he didn't have any house keys, he would need to sleep at the doorstep, because you're definitely not getting out of bed after getting into it.

You quickly stepped out of your clothes, sloppily throwing on your nightwear before crawling into bed. Your arm extended to grab what seemed to be a pillow, but as you touched it more firmly, your brows frowned.

"Ow." You jumped at the sound of the deep voice, a loud yelp causing you to almost fall off your bed, quickly turning on the light on the nightstand. "Oli'? What the fuck?"

He rubbed his eyes in a tired manner, hand flying to his chest. Bare chest. He was half naked. In your bed. "Your bed is hellaaa comfy. Where did ya buy it?"

You were too exhausted to deal with him right now. "Get out!"

Finally, he opened his eyes to take a look at your irritated expression, getting meet with a way more delightful sight. He whistled at the sight of your nightgown. "Damn Y/N. That really is your color."

As you were about to throw a pillow at him, he declared his defeat and sat at the end of your bed, hand rubbing his neck. "Alright, alright, calm down. Where ya comin' from so late anyway?"

You threw the pillow back onto the bed, getting read to lay for rest again. "None of your fucking business." He hummed at your words, standing up and ready to leave your room without a revolt.

"Wait." the sound of your voice made him stop in his tracks and look at you, eying you in curiosity.

"I took the offer. For the job at blue lock." He was happy for you, really. "Great, I'm glad."

You made him stop his movements once again, sitting up in your bed while propping yourself on your elbows. "And, you can go back too. To blue lock, I mean."

He looked at you confused, ready to question your words before you beat him to it. "I talked with Reo and said my conditions for working there would be a good amount of money and," you looked away shyly, avoiding his piercing gaze, "and you're back in the ring at blue lock. He agreed. You're in, starting tomorrow."

He didn't know what to say or do. Were you fucking with him just now? "Wait, wait. I don't understand-" "I'm serious." You interrupted him, then eyed the empty side of your bed. "Hop back in, the couch must be really uncomfy. But no touching."

"You're crazy, you know that?" he complied, walking up to the opposite side of the bed, not questioning any further. He was at a loss of words, first you allow him to stay with you now you got him a job and the thing he loves the most back? You barely knew him for a few days, so, why?

"And you like it." , you teased, hiding your sly smirk under the covers. He noticed, throwing off the blanket to get in himself, chuckling at your remark.

He looked at you,"yeah, I love it." Before you could lose yourself in his mesmerizing eyes, you placed a big body pillow between the both of you because you knew if you would look at him only a second longer, you would end up on top of him.

You turned around and made yourself comfortable, biting your lip in an attempt to tame your wild thoughts. "Goodnight."

His eyes still lingered on your turned body, eyeing the curve your gorgeous body created under the covers, fingers itching to throw the sheets off, and you on top of himself.

"Night."

【☆】★【☆】

In the morning, you woke up as the sun tickled your skin, attempting to turn around with a grimace attached to your face, but as you attempted to make yourself comfortable, you couldn't move in the slightest.

You felt a heavy weight on you, one leg thrown over yours, arm caging you against the broad chest of the dark haired male.

As you stirred awake, you tried to wiggle yourself out of his grasp, unsuccessfully. Your ass wiggling soon stopped as you heard him grunt lowly, noticing something hard against the curve of your ass. You gasped as you realized what was going on, but not intending to stop your movements either. What can you say? This was kind of sexy.

Your face twitched up into a smirk, softly biting your lower lip in anticipation, his grunts and low moans edging you on. He soon came to realize the sensation he was put under, eyes fluttering open. But before he could open his mouth, you quickly pushed him onto his back, straddling him. The man let out a choked moan at that, feeling your pussy through the fabric.

You really didn‘t understand what has gotten into you, but you just couldn‘t hold back any longer. Since the day he was in your home, you could barely shake those sinful thoughts out of your mind, longing to touch him - feel him.

He was in no better condition: hand gliding over his face as he groaned out a low ‚ fuck‘ in frustration, other hand moving to cautiously caress your hip. He let you take what you wanted, predator like eyes inspecting the movement of your hips against his now painfully hard cock.

„We really shouldn’t-„ „shut up. You know you want it.“ your sudden dominance made his eyes widen in shook, causing his cock to leak against his boxers.

You leaned down, placing open-mouthed kisses onto his neck, shoulders and finally his mouth, tongues tangling into a tantalizing mess.

He felt like he was in heaven. Never had a woman ever acted towards him like that, always him putting in all the work. This only made his desire for you grow even larger, soon understanding the possessiveness that sae seemed to have with you.

Finally, your hands reached down his toned chest, dancing under his belly button as you teased him. Giggling at his desperate groans, your hand lifted the waistband of his boxers and-

Your phone was ringing. Shit. You still didn’t quit your job, it was probably your boss. Hand retreating back to yourself as you took your phone in hand, reading the caller ID.

Oliver was visibly displeased, a dramatic whine erupting out of him as he let out an annoyed huff.

“Sae?” Oh, speaking of the devil. This red haired fucker was a cock blocker even through the fucking phone. Great.

„What’s up? I’m busy right now.“ Oliver closed his eyes and admitted defeat, sensing the sexual tension falling down. He probably will have a bad day today.

„You’re always busy. Anyway, I’ve heard. Congrats and all, but, are you really alright with that? And what does that frat boy Oliver got to do with you?“

Oliver's eyes wandered to your face at the mention of his name, already sensing that the caller probably didn’t put in a good word for him. You bit your lip in an attempt to hide your laughter, hand apologetically stroking his cheek as you got off of him, walking out of the room.

“This god-damned brat.” Oliver was still feeling bitter about the interruption, thoughts lingering on what would’ve happened if you didn’t pick up that damn phone.

It was probably for the best, he thought, still thinking otherwise deep down. His hard-on, now long gone from the sound of the man on the other line, lifting himself up with a grunt as he made his way to the bathroom to get ready.

You were seated on the couch, intensely listening to the sound of the older Itoshi's voice, trying to comprehend his words. “What?”

„You heard me. I’m coming over right now. Got something to eat for you too, so you don’t have to cook or anything.“

Wait, nonono- he can’t come now. Bad, bad timing. First, you were still kind of horny, and second of all-how the fuck would he react if he saw Oliver at your place now? Gosh, this can’t be happening.

But before you could decline his offer, he already hung up, a frustrated sigh leaving your lips. “Stubborn dickhead.”

【☆】★【☆】

„Busy. Oh, I see.“ you didn’t dare to look into Sae‘s eyes, already suspecting the judgmental look on his face. He just stepped into the door, Oliver coming right into his sight of view, still only in his boxers, toothbrush shoved into his mouth while he flashed Sae an annoyed look.

“It’s not what it looks like.” you sighed in frustration, lips forming a thin line at the scenario. “Hell yea, it is.” Oliver was quick to return, a prideful smirk visible on his lips, annoying Sae only further.

He ignored him, walking past him to the already set dinning table by you, placing the food he bought onto it. You explained to him why that man was in your apartment in the first place, trying to change sae‘s view of the situation.

His demeanor relaxed a bit at your explanation but still mad at the man in the room. “You could’ve just asked me instead of trying to get your dick wet here.”

You snapped at him for his blunt and open statement, Oliver's and your brows frowning at him. „See? That’s why I didn’t ask you. Also, I really like it here.“ Oliver said that with a teasing smirk on his face, clearly pissing off Sae even further.

Sae fully turned to the man, keys of his car jiggling in his hand at the action. „You’re coming with me to mine. Y/N needs time for herself, she has to prepare herself for tonight. And you need to too. It’s your comeback, after all.“

His dictating answer made you look at Oliver, giving him an apologetic look. You formed the words ‚ next time‘ to him, causing the boxer to smile at you and sae to turn to you right after.

„Hurry up and get dressed. Now.“ Oliver clicked his tongue at Sae‘s words, really not in the mood to go cause a scene right in front of you, gathering his clothes before throwing them on quickly.

He walked up to you, placing a quick kiss onto of your head, causing heat to shoot up your face before he walked out and bid his goodbye to you, “See ya.”

You gave him a quick wave, turning your attention to the man next to you as Oliver disappeared from your sight. „I know what you're thinking. We didn’t-„

“Oh, I’m not thinking anything Y/N.” sae interrupted you, expression disappointing his words. Your frustration was growing to your head at this point. What was he, your dad?

“You’re just mad I didn’t let you stay here, right?” He kissed his teeth at your words, both of you already knowing his answer. Of course, he was. He could’ve tended your needs just fine, so why let that guy stay over?

He walked up to your door, “later”, he said, before heading after Oliver, closing the door behind him.

【☆】★【☆】

Earlier, when Oliver and Sae left, you immediately called up your boss, quitting your job. Throughout the day, you couldn't help but feel excited for what was about to come. You were also curious of what would happen today. And who would be there?

And now, as you were in your 'personal chamber', as Reo would call it, you grown tobe very found of this. You barely have anything to do, only once an hour or something a boxer came in, injured and ready to be patched up by you. One of them right now was Shidou. He was seated on the leather, same familiar smirk adoring his face as he deeply inspected the movements of your hands on his body.

"Did I already told you how hot you look while doing me?" You rolled your eyes at his words, trying to contain the smile that was about to creep up your face. "Like two minutes ago. Plus, I'm not doing you. I'm just patching you up." He let a laugh escape his lips. "Yeah, yeah, whatever word suits you. Still lookin' sexy as hell, ma'." it was your turn to chuckle, chewing on your bottom lip as you locked eyes with him.

He licked his lips at that, eyes hanging low in pleasure as his gaze switched from your lips to your eyes frequently. Your hand stopped their movements, staying in place ontop of Shidou's chest. You legs moved between his parted ones, inching closer to the young man. "What are you doin' ma?" He questioned your action in a teasing undertone, hand moving to rest on your hip, thumb seductivly circling on your hip.

"Hmm I don't know," you began, face growing closer to his as you felt his hot breath on your skin, "What do you want me to do?" He growled at you, hold on your hip sneaking behind your back to take ahold of your rear. "I'ma give you three guesses."

He fondled your ass, other hand sneaking around your waist to make you straddle his lap. "Take care of you?" You first guess caused him to roll his hips up into yours, nodding. "Mhm. But you know how?" You returned him a shake of your head 'no'. He snickered at your innocent play, hand on your ass now grinding your lower region ontop of his growing buldge, earning a low moan from you in return.

"No fair Doll. Fun without me?" your head snapped at the source of the voice, swiftly jumping to your feet, which made Shidou kiss his teeth in annoyance. "Fuck you want? Here's the nursing room."

Nagi was visibly annoyed by Shidou's presence, not failing to let him know that. "Oh I know. That's why I'm here." He lifted his head to show his bruised nose, blood dripping out of it. "Think you can do something about that pretty?"

The tanned man jumped to his feet, walking up to Nagi as he let out a pity laugh. "A Fuckin' nosebleed, wow. What typa' pussy are you?" The white haired man stood his ground, lifting his head with pride to match Shidou's stance. "You're all good for what I can tell. Do you want to get your ass out of here or do you need me to do that for you?"

Shidou just scoffed at him shoving the man with his shoulder as he passed him and went out of the room, annoyance painting his face. As Shidou disappeared out of the room nagi‘s gaze was back on you, approaching you. „Why him?“ He asked, your face heating up in embarrassment as you ignored his question, trying to reach for his nose to clean it up.

As you instructed him to sit on the leather lie so you could tend his needs better, he complied, taking a seat as his low lidded eyes starred up at your figure. „Should be a little lower don’t you think?“ His hands sneaked around your hip, thumb brushing over it in circles in a teasing manner.

You were growing impatient. All the teasing and interrupting you had to bear today caused you to grow irritated, longing for relief. So what would you do in this situation? Handsome man beneath you, starring up at you with such lustful eyes? Exactly.

Your lips smashed against his, teeth and tongue clashing against each other. But before you seated yourself on his lap you wanted to lock the door, making sure no one would interrupt the both of you.

Nagi tightened his grip around you, throwing you right on top of him as his breathing was ragged. „Don’t worry doll. Already locked it.“ With that his lips were back on yours, hands groping your thighs and squeezing the plush of them.

This was moving way to slow-too lazy. So you had to take matters into your own hands. With one swift motion you pinned nagi down onto the leather seat, hands disappearing into his shirt as you explored his well trained body.

„Fuck.“ You could feel something hard nudging at your thigh, one hand quickly dipping into his pants to tease his aching cock through his boxers. „You better not leave me l-like last time doll.“ His voice was drenched in pleasure, teeth capturing his bottom lip as your hands sneaked into his boxers, pumping his already hard cock.

„This is only so you feel better, Nagi. Take it as your treatment.“ He moaned as your thumb brushed over his angry tip, smearing his precum all over his length.

He took what you gave him, sighs and moans escaping his mouth as he let you do the work. „What a lazy boy. You like it when someone does the work for you huh?“ You took your chance to tease him in his state, a gasp catching in his lungs as your fist tightened around his leaking cock.

„Fuckfuckfuck.“ His ragged breathing and slight stuttering of his hips into yours made you wary of his incoming orgasm, your lips attacking his collarbone and neck while steadily pumping him through his high, his moans like a melody to your ears as you felt the sticky and white fluid cover your knuckles. With one last suck of your lips you leaned upwards, your artpiece on display on his neck.

At the sight of your grin and the burning sensation on his neck he figured what you did. His hands swiped along the spot, catching his breath from his previously achieved pleasurable high. „So you claimed me huh?“

You bit back a laugh, taking a clean towel nearby to clean him and your hand off, carefully tugging his cock back into his boxers as you took your previous damp towel, some blood soaking in the white color and wiped off remains of the fight on his nose.

With a soft pat to his cheek and a clasp of your hand you sprung to your feet, walking up to the door of your room. „Alright all done! I’m taking my break now.“

Nagi just layed there in disbelief, eyes fixated on the door to which you disappeared behind. He sat up, huffing out a small laugh. „She’s unbelievable.“ He said, mind playing off the previous scenarios with you.

„I need her.“





🏷️; @seiamor

ᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗ ᵇᵉˡᵒⁿᵍˢ ᵗᵒ k-azus.°

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Really genuinely asking- I love Louis btw I just have been thinking about this. I feel like Louis relationship w Oli is a little… I’m not even sure. If I’m being completely honest I think there’s no way that’s a normal friendship. I can’t imagine making one of my childhood friends my PA, I get so confused when he calls Oli his best friend sometimes bc what kinda best friends have a friendship where one friend is basically serving the other and on their payroll. I’m not saying it’s bad of Louis or anything I think it’s nice of him to give him a job but I lowkey am so confused by what their dynamic is. I feel like if u present it on paper it’s just … odd. Like what motivation (other than a job) does Oli have to dedicate his life to Louis? I used to wonder if they were dating but then that weirded me out bc i just rly don’t like the thought of that bc now he’s his PA childhood best friend and … anyway. I’m just sooo confused by how and if they have any sort of normal relationship. And also HOW? I hope this makes sense

Like any longterm relationship, it’s an arrangement that both find satisfactory, at least for now.

Louis gets to have someone he trusts close to him at all times, someone that his family can contact knowing he will get messages to Louis and be reliable.

Oli gets to live the life of a rock star’s assistant but be treated like a friend, a colleague. He can travel the world and meet people, be given respect and status because of his friendship.

Imagine if Liam had a friend like Oli who is reliable, trustworthy, and discreet? Available at all hours? Keeps Louis real and grounded?

Oli isn’t independently wealthy, at least not on Louis’ level, which is a good thing. As many fans have noted, unlike most 1D “friendships,” Oli isn’t scheming to make money from his association with Louis.

I doubt that Oli is with Louis all the time when Louis isn’t on tour or vacation. At some point, Oli will likely leave to start his own family.

[jackiequick]

Welcome to our lives, princess | Top Gun Maverick Fic 🧸

Top Gun AU series ✈️

Setting: After Top Gun, Pre-Top Gun Maverick

Summary: Pete Mitchell and his friends Tom Kazansky and Audrey Davidson didn’t expect in 1987 to be greeted warmly with a knock on his door at 4 in the morning by a social worker carrying a small bundle of joy and paperwork. In her arms, held the one and only daughter of Maverick Mitchell.

—

The night was dead silent, having just arrived the last 24 hours before from a 4 week long deployment. The statement of the household wasn’t nothing grand but it was home, no one cared. Tom was dead asleep soundly in his bedroom, when the barking sound of the doorbell woke it him up. He wasn’t sure it was their drunk friends or some idiot freshman playing ding dong ditch on them again, either way he rolled out of bed slipping on a navy blue t-shirt and headed downstairs.

The moment he opened the door, he was greeted by a middle aged woman wearing glasses and a pencil skirt, with a very tight ponytail. She was holding a dark gray carrier but Tom wasn’t given a chance to full process the image in front of him. “Are you Mr. Peter Mitchell?” She asked, fixing her weight.

Tom furrowed his eyebrows and blinked a few times, “I’m sorry, who are you ma’am?”

“I’m Linda Colins. A social worker for California state, are you Mr. Mitchell, sir?”

“Ah um, no he’s upstairs asleep. He’s my roommate. I’ll get him for you.”

Tom lead the woman into the living room, watching her put the dark gray carrier carefully on coffee table. Once she did so, due to the fact of better lighting from the lamps, Tom was able to finally get a better view of the image in front of him. Inside the carrier held a small baby girl with some dark brown hair sticking up nicely and her skin was a light palette of oli tones. It matched his wingman perfectly, that was Pete’s daughter. He knew he had to call Audrey as soon as possible but first he had to get this gorgeous little girl’s daddy.

Iceman ran upstairs into Pete’s bedroom, quietly but quickly. He seemed so peaceful in his sleep, when Maverick wasn’t being chaotically charming, he was simply darling. Iceman rubbed his shoulder and whisper, “Mav, buddy wake up.” No response only a annoyed groan from his wingman, Iceman rolled his eyes and shock him again saying, “Maverick wake up. You can sleep later!”

Finally Pete Mitchell shot up from his bed grunting from being waken up at 4 in the god damn morning. He sent a sleepily glare to Ice and whisper yelling, “What the hell, Kazansky?!”

“You’ll see. Oh, before we go downstairs remember, your my great friend and I’ll love you all the same doesn’t matter your decision.”

“Okay? You’re being honest and weirdly confusing at the same time.”

Maverick followed his friend downstairs in utter confusion and still pissed off for being waken up this early in the morning. He rubbed his eyes a couple of time until he reached the living room, seeing the sight in front of him. The middle aged woman and the baby girl in the carrier. Pete Mitchell was spooked. He was speechless, he couldn’t speak, only listen to the lady speaking.

“Are you Pete Mitchell?” Said the social worker, holding a file.

Tom answered for him, “Yes he is.”

“Good. I’m going to cut to the chase, you are this little girl’s father. Can you confirm or deny this?”

“Who’s the mother?” Asked Tom once again, his eyes stayed on his friend who’s eyes were trained on the little girl in the carrier.

“Melissa Oxford.”

Pete snapped from his gazed taking a sharp breath and spoke, “Lissa? I um..yeah we met and dated a while back, nothing serious, i went to see her again months before deployment..she was gone, moved back to Indiana to get a job in her home town…or that’s at least what the neighbors told me…”

—-

Truth be told, Maverick wasn’t sure what happened to the woman, but he cared about the ladies he would spent time with even if it was only for a few weeks. Truly his heart belonged to Penny Benjamin but he knew he sadly couldn’t have her, due her father not liking him very much and the life that he tried his hardest lived. Iceman can see the gears and sadness pooling in his friends eyes, knowing he would’ve liked to know sooner and at a better time that his child existed.

The social worker, Linda, spoke again, “Yeah she was pregnant at the time and gave birth to your daughter. Sadly she died due to complications after the birth but said that if anyone deserved to take care of the kid, it should be her father.”

“And?” Pete asked, since he knew there was always a catch to theses things.

“She told the nurses, for me to tell you, that if you don’t want her she can be put up for adoption.”

Pete was frozen hearing all of this and trying to take in all it, he hasn’t even held his daughter yet but he’s being given all of theses information. It made him feel sick, he moved out of the spot he was placed in, moving over to the coffee table. He heard the social worker, Linda, speaking once again but he ignored her as Iceman decided to have a conversation with the woman instead. Tom wanted to give Maverick a clear solid moment with his daughter for himself.

Once Pete reached the coffee table, he pulled back the cover that mostly tried to shield the baby’s face from the light. Peeling over the straps that held the carrier together, he was finally able to take her in. He was met with a half sleep baby girl who yawn as her eyes fluttered gently as if trying to greet her daddy. Maverick can see the similarities between them.

Her color palette of soft oil skin, curled little nose that remind him of his baby pictures, and tucks of curly dark hair that sticked up ever so sweetly. Mostly her eyes said it all, they were a light shade of green that would grow to match his dark green ones. Maverick gently reached forward using the back of his pointing finger to gently and ever so softly run across her round cubby cheeks. Pete smiled as tears slowly appeared, he knew that this was his daughter, pride and joy. His little princess.

“..hi, baby girl. I’m your daddy..” Pete said, carefully taking her out of the carrier realizing that she must’ve been only 4-5 months at least, or he could be wrong. He heard her slight whimpers that soon hushed down once she safely curled in his arms. Her tiny face nuzzled into the crook of his shirt, near his neck as Maverick coo, “..aww sweetheart. I’m right here..don’t worry.”

It was a new kind of love that Maverick felt at the moment, he knew he would get disagreements from his friends about raising her but he didn’t care at the time. He fluttered small kisses onto her forehead and he could’ve swore he saw a tiny smile. He glances at a open file next to the carrier and the only thing that popped out was her last name. ‘Mitchell’ . Pete looked down at her and whispered, “You don’t got a first name, do you? That’s not right, sweetheart.”

He thought for a moment, trying to think of a few classic names for this little girl in his arms. His thoughts were interrupted when Tom came back in the room, taking a seat behind him, his eyes were trained on his friend and new found niece. It was the most adorable sight Iceman has ever seen in the years he’s seen Maverick. Yeah sure he seen Mav and little Bradley Bradshaw together but this was completely different from that. He rest his hand on his shoulder, leaning in to see the baby’s face. She was simply gorgeous.

“Hi princess, I’m your uncle Ice..” Tom said with a smile on his face, “..what we gonna name you?…you like a Penelope or a Nicole.”

Pete chuckled, shifting his quiet little girl who softly babbled in his arms. Mav thought for a moment, “…maybe Jennifer..Jenny?”

“Jenny? I like Penelope and Nicole better.”

“Jennifer P. Mitchell.”

Iceman smiled letting out a small joke, “I like it. But if you have another little girl who appears on our doorstep tomorrow, we’re naming her Nicole.”

“I doubt it, Ice. She’s the only baby girl in the world for this Naval family. Isn’t that right, Princess Jenny?” Maverick smiled, lifting her up as he stayed kissing her cubby cheek.

“She’s got you wrapped around your finger, Mav.”

“Just wait until you hold her, then she’ll be wrapped around your finger too.”

—

Later on the Linda returned from the kitchen after letting the roommate have a moment with the child, Maverick agreed signing the paperwork with Iceman who agreed to be this little girl’s uncle automatically. Linda Colins left both men with a baby bag and returned home at 5:45am.

Iceman and Maverick stayed up for an extra hour feeding, changing her diaper and putting sleep. Neither one of them really slept that night, taking in all the information and making room for the new attention to the house. Appears that baby Jen was a night owl, because the girl was a tricky one to get to sleep until Ice took it upon himself to sing a lullaby while Maverick took a small nap.

By the morning, 11:25am, the guys called up Slider, Carole and Audrey to tell them about the news. Slider decided to visit later that week, Carole was busy out of town with Bradley, meanwhile Audrey skipped work shortly after hearing the news and drive pasting a few red lights to the Kazansky-Mitchell household. She knocked on the door unable to believe the news until she saw it herself, believing it was kinda prank or that they stole a baby.

Audrey forgot she got keys to this house and once the door open her jaw dropped, having to pick it off the floor. A shocked chuckle escaped her lips at the sight of Iceman burping a adorable baby girl who babbled happily as if she was the princess of sun. The baby girl glowed a breathtaking smile and soft giggle utter under her breath, like she was speaking to Tom.

Maverick come out of the bathroom drying his hands after peeling on a clean burgundy t-shirt while wearing a pair of gray sweatpants smiling, “Hey Mama!”

Audrey snapped out of her trancelike state shaking her head and smiled sheepishly. “Hey—hi! So it’s true, huh? You didn’t steal her?” Audrey said, with a sunny smile taking a step over to her friends watching Maverick take the baby girl out from Ice’s arms.

“Nope. She’s mine and her name is Jenny. Jen, sweetheart, this is your Auntie Sunny! She will try to keep you out of a trouble when your toddler years arrive soon.”

“She’s adorable. Definitely your daughter, she has your eyes, c-can i?”

Maverick was more than happy, he gently set the baby in her auntie’s arms with such joy. Once the shock wiped away from her body, the love and laughter reached Sunset quicker than she imagined, little Jennifer Mitchell shined like the morning skies and babbled softly in her arms. She bounced her a bit as a small laughter escaped from Jenny’s body loving the attention and pure joy surrounding her. The baby girl was comfortable in all 3 of the adults arms, even she only spend half a day with them.

Maverick pulled out his camera snapping a couple of pictures of his daughter and her auntie, a few pictures were already taken of the small family. Pete Mitchell was already planning on buying a baby book this weekend and possibly tricky Slider into giving them a huge baby shower for they don’t have to buy too many stuff. To say Pete Maverick Mitchell was overwhelmed and overjoyed with this new found journey of fatherhood was something he couldn’t describe, especially knowing he had Audrey and Tom there every step of the way.

Thank you for reading this fic and hope you stick around for both in the future! Can’t wait to see your reactions to this haha

Fic tags: @topgun-imagines @mandylove1000 @gaminggirlsstuff @t-nd-rfoot @rooster-84 @theloveoftoms @hangmanbrainrot @msrochelleromanofffelton @hanlueluver @starkleila @gcthvile and etc.

[soupedepates]

Tyr belongs to @hel-phoenyx

Leonova belongs to @noa-de-cajou

Oli belongs to @thal-ent

Meili belongs to @azeler

Kaizarz and Sigi belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author

I spent some time during the holiday period at the hospital - to see my little brothers beating all odds. Those kids just can't die. Like, alright, Egill's good for chemo due to skin cancer, doesn't help to have xeroderma pigmentosum, and... welp, doctors can't figure out what is wrong about Sigsteinn. They are talking about Lou Gehrig disease now. It's just the seventh diagnosis of a terminal disease my baby brother got, so he is kinda chill about it.

And Egill would outlive me just to have the last word.

Oh, and I met Qamar here. We had a great time. I love my sister, you know. She is beauty, grace, brains... Everything I am not. She's going to get married, in May I think. The planification is taking a long time. Of course she asked: "So you're getting freaky with the mayor's son? Does he know you're..."

She made that gesture before her face.

"Because the mayor Warsowar isn't the most minority friendly man on Earth, you know."

"Come on, Sigi isn't like that. Like, at all. And that's not just because I'm the most white-passing of the bunch. He is just... so kind. And wonderful. And..."

"She is still head over heels for Kaizarz, Oli, and Tyr, Qamar", Egill smiled snarkily. "There's just a new guy in her heart. It's a very big heart for such a small brain."

"Go back to dying", I replied.

"On it, boss", he giggled.

But when I was not getting bullied nor worried about my baby siblings, I was pretty preoccupied by preparing a huge Christmas feast for the gang. And I invited Meili. For... I don't know, old time's sake. Big stuffed turkey, with everything I could imagine as side dishes. Oli helped me hang the custom tinsel with "Halal Christmas" written on it. She chose the most ridiculous plant to be our Christmas tree and decorated it herself.

Tyr brought the good and expensive champaign, as expected, and Kaizarz brought his adorable face I just wanted to kiss all dinner long.

And Meili brought three bottles of wine. Which is very much appreciated.

We drank a lot. We laughed a lot. And fuck, so much leftovers. Perhaps because we started talking about politics and, because I was too drunk to be offended, I just said "Yeeeees, wallah, too much Arabs yeaaah, ya'Allah please be Le Pen in 2027 for the good Frrrrrench". To which Oli answered: "Inch'Allah".

And me, the Lebanese, and Oli, the visibly brown kid, had had the delicious pleasure to see confusion among our friends after that speech. Meili lost his fork due to it.

And then we drank again.

The gifts were tasteful, as always. I gave scented condoms to Tyr, a dick-shaped pan to Meili, and a Miku body pillow to Kaizarz. For Oli, I found a dildo looking exactly like a tentacle.

I am a great friend.

Or not. But that was so fucking funny.

I also texted Leonova to wish her a merry Christmas (hoping you haven't broken up with your girlfriend again cuz right now my legs are closed).

Moving on to New Year's Eve.

The plan was, with Oli, to crash as many parties as we could. The queer bar I am working in? Check. Had a blast. We danced on the table. Meili and the alt-right? WE EVEN BROUGHT COUSCOUS! Tyr and Kaizarz? Checked. We played Smash Bros. With us inebriated, it was hilarious.

Then I said: "let's crash Sigi's party. He is at his dad's."

"The mayor? You sure about that?"

"Positive."

So we went to the City Hall, beer in hands.

It was closed.

"What do you mean the mayor doesn't live here."

"Domhildr. Have you. Have you heard yourself?"

"...Mayhaps????"

Oli swallowed whole her beer.

"So you don't know where your new guy's daddy lives."

"I THOUGHT IT WAS HERE??????"

They laughed and put their arms around my shoulder. It felt warm. And right. I hugged them just after I heard "let's go home".

We played Just Dance. We had a litte karaoke. And drank a lot. I baked cookies for Sigismund, for tomorrow.

We shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" at midnight or so.

A hug.

A kiss.

Two kisses in his arms.

It felt safe.

Black out.

I wake up naked snuggled against Oli. Also naked.

Wallah?????

She sleeps tight. And I don't feel bad. Not at all. Just. Confused. I sit in my bed, thinking about last night. It was soft. Tender. I liked it. It felt safe. It felt... fuck, I'm crying.

"Domi...? Wha..."

"Nothing. I'm..."

The only word coming is "happy?".

I pursue: "It's so weird. I never feel happy or just... just good after that. I feel happy." Which makes me sob even more. Oli comes to hug me really tight. In a warm embrace. They stroke my hair while rocking me slowly, until I calm down.

"Thank you so much for..."

Making me feel safe.

Making me feel wanted.

Making me feel... loved?

I don't even think I am disgusting, cradled in her arms. That's. That's so strange...

"Thank you."

And I ask: "I have to do something this morning. But before I leave... can I kiss you?"

"Of course", Oli smiles.

This is an all at sea Domhildr wobbling on her legs who's going to the police station, with the ugliest cookies in the world on a box. They were better when I was wasted.

I pass the door. Ask for Sigismund Warsowar. People start to know me at the station soooooo they don't even ask to see my ID anymore.

My Knight in shining armour arrives, as hangover as I am I suspect, but he gathers the strength to give me the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

"Hi Domhildr, I wasn't expecting you today. Did you have a good New Year's Eve?"

I smell worry in his voice.

"I had sooooo much fun. With Oli, you know who she is we live together, we tried to crash as many parties as possible! We tried to crash yours but I really thought your father lived at the city Hall and... DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT I KNOW I'M NOT VERY SMART!"

He can't help but chuckles.

"Anyways due to that splendid failure we went home and I baked those cookies and... " I can feel my cheeks burn. "And we had a blast! So anyways, here's my little treat for you cuz you definitely need more flesh on those bones. Happy New Year Sigi!"

He has the most adorable giggle I've ever heard.

"You're really a piece of work, Domhildr", he smiles with what I hope is tenderness.