#he just doesn't know how to express it normally

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

//the slightest of shaking you

Sonic's ego is actually used for the delight effect on his friends hhhgh your killing me with wholesomeness/j

I wonder though, is there's ever any nonverbal platonic methods aspecSonic could have developed?

Aroace Sonic pt 8 (no they're not dating)

Sonic’s got all kinds of ways of showing affection. Obviously there is more than just these, it’s just all i doodled last night before passing the heck out in bed hgLKJSDF

1. Sonic usually moves away if anyone expresses active verbal dislike of his physical affection; Knuckles is the exception to that rule. He would genuinely throw Sonic through a wall if he actually didn’t like what he was doing, no words required. But Knuckles is touch starved! He doesn’t know how to do this whole physical affection thing, and most everyone else is kinda nervous about crossing boundaries with him so it means he gets very little touch. Sonic notices that and instead of drawing attention to it, he just invades personal space like the gremlin he is and no one questions it, chalking it up to his usual antics. Knuckles gets a safe place to get the physical affection he needs without worrying about how it looks and Sonic gets to love his friend, it's a win-win. (Rouge is p much the only other person chill with touching Knuckles casually since she’s just comfortable with physicality and not the least bit nervous around him.)

2. Speaking of Rouge she and Sonic are very silly with physical affection because Rouge is extremely comfortable expressing herself physically and Sonic is chill with p much any small gestures because its just another way of showing affection. Platonic cheek kisses and aggressive flirting are pretty normal for them! They find it funny to fluster other people this way.

3. Sonic will very randomly just plant his hand on someones face if they're standing close enough. No context, no warning, usually they're not even part of the conversation that's happening and he doesn't move it off unless they move it themselves or it's time to leave. (He does this whenever he notices someone zoning out or look like they might be lonely since they aren't part of the main conversation to make them know someone else notices they're there and cares.)

4. Sonic's physical affection is so incredibly casual that if you're around him long enough it kinda starts to fall of your radar and you just stop noticing when it happens, (i.e Tails.) It's much more common than his verbal compliments so it ends up pretty commonplace. Physical touch is actually his first go-to unless the person is really touch-averse.

5. Falling asleep on people is his ultimate weapon because they're less likely to try and escape if he's asleep (cat sleeping on lap rules sorry.) The other reason is because they're free to be as soft as they want without worrying about him using it to gloat at them later. (A lot of stuff this dude does is hecka strategic.)

[celtrist]

GOOD END

While I know it's a little late, I needed something to practice watercolor with quickly, and I didn't want to end the little event on a sad note! Kept it vague with the "fin." since this pic could honestly just be normal Alastor haha

So let's give Alastor a happy ending, hm?

The curse is lifted but Alastor still finds it difficult. To go from being on edge from the watchful eyes of anyone who passes him to no one batting an eye is hard to grasp sometimes. Alastor still jots in his notebook the new habits of those he's around, he still checks the time frequently with his trusty pocketwatch, and he still keeps as far away from Vox as he can. However, Alastor sleeps more soundly now.

Everyone was quite aghast when their minds cleared. Charlie tries to constantly make it up to Alastor with gifts and things to do for him, which does the opposite effect due to that being not too dissimilar to what she did when she was obsessed. Vaggie's distrust of Alastor is more prevalent than any sort of affection for him, but she generally tries to keep herself away from Alastor. Her stomach never sits right around him, seeing the subtle frantic gaze of his eyes and knowing it was in part due to her. Due to the traps, the forced dressings. Just the forcefulness of her obsessed half unnerves her as a whole. While she doesn't exactly like Alastor, she also can't stand what she had done to him. She tries to pretend it didn't happen until Alastor confronts her at some point.

Angel Dust tries to stay casual with Alastor but backs off when Alastor clearly needs it. And he pushes others, really just Charlie, to back off when Alastor is looking overwhelmed. Angel is still a bit awkward around Alastor, having the same issue as Vaggie and feeling unwell about drugging him. But unlike Vaggie, Angel is willing to push past it and try to make a new friendship with Alastor if he'd welcome it (or at least acquaintanceship). Husk is definitely left with mixed feelings. He obviously doesn't like Alastor due to the man's treatment of Husk before and after the curse was broken. But he can't help but feel like shit for what he was doing to Alastor when he was obsessed. He tells himself Alastor probably deserved it because of how crappy he treats him and due to how sick in the head Alastor is overall anyway. But it always comes back to the feeling that Husk can't quite absolve his actions. He was the type to despise spiking drinks and to top on it all the other shit Alastor had to deal with? Husk doesn't like it, but he had to admit he was guilty and even sorry for what he did. He doesn't make that known to Alastor though, lest he has more fuel to taunt Husk with. Even if in reality he probably could do with a confidence boost. Husk and Angel also have a better relationship. The thing that made them heated with each other is now the thing they bond over. They each talk out their frustrations of what they did and keep an eye on each other if they see the other falling back to old habits.

Niffty on the surface seemed relatively unaffected. She giggles at what Alastor went through and expressed jealousy about having "all the bad boys" after him. Niffty does dust off Alastor a lot more now. Especially after someone touches him. She also doesn't climb onto Alastor like she used to. She asks him for permission a lot more for cleaning his room, touching him, and so on. Lucifer keeps away even more than Vaggie. He practically lived in his tower. It wasn't until ALASTOR was the one coming to him that Lucifer began actually coming back out. Of course Charlie visited to try and encourage him out, but Lucifer didn't want to even be in the same hallway as Alastor due to the guilt he felt. Due to this, Alastor ended up just coming into Lucifer's room unannounced to escape the others (most notably the too apologetic Charlie). No one would expect him in Lucifer's room, so that's where he went. And since Lucifer HAPPENED to be in his room, Alastor might as well rant about any annoyances he has or vent things out. Needless to say, they actually have quite the companionship now. While they still have gripes with each other, Alastor and Lucifer will willingly stand next to each other. Alastor still is hesitant to go full jabbing mode and does still reel in their fighting quite a bit. A habit that hasn't quite gone away from the curse. Lucifer, on the other hand, while can get into it in the heat of the moment, is a bit hesitant to be harsh with Alastor. Since the curse was lifted, Lucifer went from one of his least favorite hotel residents to the one he probably spends the most time with.

Rosie of course feels just awful about what she'd done. Any lunches done, they either go out or Alastor makes the lunch. She fusses over him still, which always leaves Alastor stiffer than comforted. When she does notice him feeling under the weather, Alastor is very quick to brush it off as nothing in such a way that it clearly indicates it's something. Rosie tries to keep to Alastor's comfort but also is definitely one of the few that isn't particularly afraid to push his comfort zone. Both Valentino and Velvette were annoyed. Valentino was upset that Alastor had the power to make even the moth obsessed with him, and he didn't even GET the chance to have even a peck on the lips from the dumb deer. While Valentino isn't nearly as interested in Alastor, he's not blind- Well, he can see well enough that Alastor is appealing visually. So he's not nearly as disgusted as Velvette about having been obsessed with him. Velvette was disgusted about having been obsessed with Alastor because he's a "dusty bitch" as it were. He's old news, obsolete, and she acted like a fool that anyone could've had an inkling of a chance to see. Disgust and embarrassment sum up her feelings, and she makes it known when she sees Alastor.

Vox... doesn't take it all well. He's frustrated and can't help but blame Alastor as if he had control of the curse. He hates him. And he blames him for the stupid feelings that STILL are there. Everything is so scrambled for him. He feels guilty, but at the same time doesn't. He refuses to feel guilt for Alastor. Even when they were "friends", Vox could remember how Alastor still seemed to think he was above him. But then, Vox had absolutely toyed with Alastor who was more or less isolated. He had wanted to do things that, while he's not exactly opposed of others doing them, he himself wasn't exactly interested in doing. Vox decided it's easier to be mad at Alastor than feel remorse and disgust with himself. When they cross paths, he's very cold to Alastor. He wants to relish how he sees Alastor clutch his staff tighter when they have eye contact, or just Vox being in the same room has Alastor moving closer to anybody else. Like he'd rather take his chances with anybody as long as it wasn't Vox. But when he tries to be pleased, something just isn't clicking and instead his head gets fuzzy and he feels like his insides need to come out. So he gives Alastor very little time of day. Maybe a few words or glances, but overall doesn't even give Alastor a cocky smile or sneer. Just an impassive look.

Despite the curse being gone, there are the occasional lapses. Particularly with those Alastor spends the most time with. All the hotel residents try to keep each other in check, Husk and Angel, for example, catching the other if they're falling back to drugging Alastor. Vaggie might see a dress and buy it, planning a way to put it on Alastor before catching herself and burning it. Charlie will hit her head telling herself to stop the obsessive thinking, sometimes to the point of hurting herself because she CAN'T put her friend through that again. On the rare occasion, it won't be caught in time. Angel Dust has successfully drugged Alastor and not long after went to get help in a panic. Alastor frequently gets more paranoid again about the curse not actually being gone and generally more cagey for a few days, especially around the person who did it. The residents try to help the best they can. These lapses aren't frequent enough to be like an everyday problem but will vary from person to person. Generally speaking, these lapses are luckily pretty short and generally don't get as far as a thought or a small subconscious action.

And despite everything, Keekee still doesn't like him. Something Alastor finds quite funny as well as comforting. While he's grateful for the curse to be gone, it still lingers here and there. And it's done damage to Alastor, he knows this in the way he can't relax, the nightmares that plague him. And sometimes he wished the curse wasn't lifted. That his nightmares and behavior were "still justifiable". That they weren't "unreasonable" now. But Keekee is the same. Disliking to kinda tolerating him when he needs the pity, the same as before. Everyone else in the hotel thinks it's odd that Alastor's smile gets wider when Keekee growls at him as he picks her up, or when she hisses and runs off from him. But they don't question it. It's the least they can do.

Alastor himself despises the pity he sees in their eyes sometimes. He hates the paranoia he still feels about it, the fear that the curse is gone was actually a dream or something momentary. And the lapses don't help much. But Alastor continues on as best he can, trying to play the confident radio demon he's touted about as for all his years. He relishes the fear in people's eyes but falls back on habits like the aforementioned noting down everyone's habits and schedules in his notebook and keeping up with the time. But he also still flirts like he used to when he thinks it's needed and gets embarrassed when it doesn't work or someone points out he doesn't need to do it. He was so used to working around and using the curse to his advantage that now those tactics are kind of pointless. He still has a difficult time taking a stroll and not feeling eyes on him constantly, and can be on edge for a sudden suitor to pop up. But he does relish the lack of attention and adoration when he can get past that anxiety. Alastor often has to talk himself through walking out of his room, assuring himself he wasn't going to get swarmed by unwanted advances. He still has days of isolation and feeling alone, moments of sudden irritation and times where the idea of doing his radio show sounds more unappealing. He has moments of insomnia or refusing sleep, just to avoid any nightmares. This often leads the other residents sort of lead him to bed or let him sleep in their presence (unintentionally by Alastor most of the time). And sometimes Alastor's feelings are overwhelming that he can feel a bit detached and just sits and tries to feel his surroundings to ground himself. He still suffers from the curse in a sense, but he's also become a lot more open to spending time with others in the hotel than before. Willing to have more bonds. He's more playful than before, but does usually keep his distance still. And while he does have a jolt in his posture if he gets hugged or touched suddenly, the stillness does pass not too long after. Alastor, strangely enough, is a lot more empathetic in a sense. He'll still laugh when he sees someone fall down the stairs, but he will also actually help and make sure they're okay. It's more notably seen with the guilt others have. He confronts each of them about it at one point and comforts them, in his own way. He doesn't sugarcoat things and tends to be a bit harsh, but Alastor certainly has a strange level of compassion (if you can call it that) you wouldn't expect from him. This is a more subtle change to him, but still prevalent nonetheless (and one Charlie is very proud about). He doesn't like it being pointed out though and will go out of his way to be awful if it DOES get pointed out. The fear from others has helped Alastor so much in regaining any confidence he may have lost, and is something he thrives with. He probably tries to use fear more than ever as a tactic to get what he wants, especially when he catches himself falling back to previous tactics of flirting. And when he can and under the right circumstances, Alastor is able to relax his muscles and end the day with a genuine smile on his face.

One thing Alastor feels quite dissatisfied with this story is the loose end. He never was able to find the anonymous caller. While it wasn't perfect, Alastor had very few outlets of actual companionship. He had his shadows (whose own sentience were put into a bit of question), Keekee (on the basis of her disliking him), and a random caller. It was by chance really. The phone in his room rang and he happened to answer. And he very quickly (and embarrassingly) became attached when he realized they weren't affected. At least, he figured, due to not actually properly meeting Alastor. So they kept in contact without giving names to one another. But the caller stopped calling at some point, leading to Alastor to just sit by his phone waiting for hours. Not one of his proudest moments, but it was a moment of weakness. As soon as the curse was lifted, Alastor had made it a personal goal of finding this mysterious phone friend. He was positively elated with the idea of meeting them face to face, as phone calls only filled so much of his need for socializing. Alas, the anonymous caller seemed to have disappeared. Alastor keeps looking, but he's not sure if something happened to them or, on the off chance, he had just imagined all the calls. He still takes the time to sit by the phone though. Just in case.

[onyourj-uls]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ anton is a soft boy 99% of the time, but that 1%…?

anton's 99% soft side…

⋆ from the first day you met him, you knew that anton was one of the sweetest people ever. not only because of the way he speaks, always slow and soft, but also because of the warmth with which he looks at you, as if you were the most precious thing in his world.

⋆ he's detailed without having to do it on purpose. he remembers everything: your favorite foods, how you drink your coffee, which movies you love and which ones you hate. he's the type to text you just to know if you've eaten, if you had a good day, if you got home okay. when you're sick, it's not enough to tell him you'll take care of yourself; he shows up with medicine, hot food and stays by your side until you feel better.

⋆ anton is the kind who hugs you from behind without warning, the kind who plays with your hair while you fall asleep, the kind who looks at you with a silly smile when you think he's not seeing you. he loves with all his heart, without hesitation, without fear. when he sees you, his expression lights up, his eyes become bright and his happiness is evident.

“you look beautiful today… well, always.” he tells you so without hesitation, without shame. to him, you're the best thing that ever happened to him and he's not afraid to show it.

⋆ he's the kind of boyfriend who holds your hand in public no matter who's looking, who covers you with his jacket when it's cold, who lets you sleep on his chest and arranges your hair with infinite tenderness. no matter how much time passes, anton still looks at you with that genuine adoration, as if he falls more in love every day.

and then, when you least expect it, that 1% appears.

that 1%...

⋆ anton is patient, calm and loving… until he stops being so. and not because he gets angry easily, but because when he decides to let out that other side of his personality, there's no turning back.

⋆ he will always be protective, anton is not one to pick fights, but if someone disrespects you, his energy changes for a second. his posture becomes rigid, his gaze darkens and his jaw tenses. He doesn't need to raise his voice to make his presence known.

“she told you what?” his tone is low, but charged with authority. he doesn't rush, he's not impulsive, but there's something about his attitude that would make anyone think twice before messing with you.

⋆ when you walk together, his hand on your back is gentle, but if he senses someone is looking at you a little too hard, his grip becomes a little firmer. it's subtle, but present. he lets you know he's there, that no one is going to get smart with you because he's ready to set boundaries.

⋆ he's always tender, he's always sweet…. but there are moments when you realize that he also has another side to him, his sassy side. and that side is the one that leaves you breathless.

maybe it's the way he stares at you without looking away, with a confidence that makes you feel nervous. or when he lets out a low chuckle and says something in a deeper tone than normal, almost like a whisper near your ear.

“why are you being like this? i'm not doing anything…” he tells you with a mischievous smile, though you both know he's playing with you.

⋆ and then there are his kisses. anton normally kisses tenderly, calmly… but when that 1% appears, his kisses become different. more intense, deeper, as if he wants to make it clear how much he wants you. His way of holding you changes, it's no longer just gentleness; he holds you more firmly, he pulls you to him without giving you room to escape. his breathing gets heavier, his skin gets hotter and his voice gets huskier.

“you don't know what you do to me…” he whispers between kisses, his forehead resting against yours.

⋆ is it because he's an aries man? definitely! anton is pure fire. aries is a sign of passion, of intensity, of strong emotions. his love is pure and genuine, but when it comes to expressing desire, he doesn't pull any punches. he can be the most tender in the world, but when he gets carried away… you should get ready.

i'm so in love with him 😭🤲🏻💗💗💗

[moon-ttokki-x]

oh my god I’m stupid I requested 8, 9, and 39 for the SKZ prompt list but I forgot to ask for which member. Bangchan pretty please 🥺👉👈

hihi this took so long sorry >< . . . this is a lot more angsty than anticipated but i hope it works. i wrote it a little differently that i normally would, but here you go, love~~

stupidly perfect - (best friend!bang chan x reader)

pairing: bang chan x reader

summary: chan has never noticed how you feel for him, and one fateful evening, you let it all spill.

genre: angsty as hell, idol!au, reader lowkey enters their villain era, mentions of eating and drinking, overexcited maknaes, chan is kinda oblivious in this fic ngl, supportive felix, itzy mentions (yeji, ryujin, chaeryoung if that counts ig), this is super sad tbh

a/n: this took a while tbh . . . div by @ferretmilkshakezzz

⛓️ prompts: 8. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." / 9. "You can rest now." / 39. "I can't keep pretending I'm fine."

skz masterlist | skz prompt list

"Y/n, do you wanna come to that ramen restaurant with us later?" Jisung tugs at your arm, skipping alongside you. "We've been wanting to go for ages, and we all finally have schedules off tonight."

"Yeah, come with us," Jeongin adds. "It'll be fun."

The maknaes are tagging all around you as you walk down the hallway, trying your best to keep a hold on all the papers you're carrying. It's difficult when they're fluttering around you like overexcited birds.

You'd taken the job at JYPE around four months ago; it was decided after a very long period of doubting and worrying that it wouldn't work out after what happened at your last workplace. But your best friend, Chan, had been super supportive throughout the whole thing, even offering to help you move into your little apartment down the road from the company. He'd brought some of his friends to help with the heavy lifting, and from there, you'd pretty much been adopted into the group he'd formed and was the leader of.

Not like you had a choice in the first place.

But you didn't mind; you'd been worried partly because of the fact that you wouldn't have any friends when you'd moved to this part of Korea; Chan had managed to inadvertently solve that issue without trying. Now, the four excitable boys skipped and bickered around you as you set down the papers on your office desk. Wiping the minimal sweat from your forehead, you sighed and pried Seungmin away from the trinkets neatly lining your bookshelf.

"Who else is going?" You ask as Jisung whines about you coming to the restaurant for the umpteenth time.

Seungmin shrugs, interrupting his friend. "All of the members, you, and a couple of the girls from our dance crew."

You feel your heart sink just as your brain tells you to agree; it's been ages since you went out with the guys, and you honestly couldn't wait for a break. Work was always stressful around comeback season, but you'd all settled into the rhythm of it soon enough. Spending an evening out with eight of your best friends eating some soul food sounded like a good idea. A better idea than spending the evening on the couch in your apartment, eating ice cream in complete silence. Alone.

You bite your lip, anticipating. "Which of the dance crew girls?"

Jeongin shrugs from the sofa, swinging his legs over a disgusted Seungmin's lap as he lounges back. "The usuals; Yeji, Ryujin, Young-hee, and Chae. Why?"

"No reason," you say, turning back to the bookshelf to unnecessarily reorganise something, fiddling with the solid fabric spine of one of your books. "I'll let you know if I'm coming. Now, clear out."

Your last comment doesn't bother the maknaes at all; they know you don't like your office being messed up, so they call goodbyes, and Jisung sneakily pokes your side as he filters out the door. Felix, however, remains.

You try to ignore the sinking feeling in your chest and keep a neutral expression as you turn the dark-haired boy. He looks so different from his usual blonde-haired countenance; however, no less beautiful, and not for the first time do you hold yourself back from carding your fingers affectionately through his hair.

You exhale. "Do you need something, Lix?"

He sits down on your chair, swinging it backwards and leaning his forearms across the back. An air of resignation flows around him. "You're not coming tonight, are you?"

You bite your lip. "I'll see."

His voice is quiet. "You've said that since Chae started hanging around us. Is it because of her?"

You scoff, dropping a pen. "No. Why would you think that?"

Felix leans forward on the chair, nosy. "It is because of her, isn't it? Do you not like her? Is it because of Chan-hyung?"

You whip around to face him, exasperated. The explanation bubbles out of you like molten lava from a temperamental volcano. "Okay, fine! I just- I can't stand seeing her around him. They're so close, and they always seem so wrapped up in each other-"

You cut yourself off then, not wanting to say anything you might regret. Chae is nice enough; she's never done anything explicitly hurtful towards you, though you secretly have suspicions that she doesn't like you at all. But you stay quiet, trying to dissipate the rising frustration blooming in your chest.

Felix is quiet.

You know he knows; he's known for ages about your little crush on his leader. You were afraid to tell him, once upon a time; but all you got in response from the affectionate chicken boy was a hushed giggle and a gentle encouragement to tell Chan how you feel. He hasn't told anyone else about your feelings, and you know he would continue to keep his mouth shut. But you wish, even just a little, that someone else would notice and find a way to get Chae away from your best friend.

"No wonder she likes him too," you say quietly to yourself, sinking into your office chair.

And it isn't a wonder, really. Chan is sweet, and gentle, and kind, and so, so, supportive and admirable. There's not a single flaw about him, except perhaps his slight dislike towards himself and his irritation when it comes to those soft, dark curls that frame his perfect face so perfectly-

You shake yourself out of it. Felix is still looking at you quietly, his head tilted in thought.

"You do know," he says carefully, "that you're closer with Chan that Chae is?"

"But still," you groan. "He always seems so much happier around her, and he always only talks to her when you all go out-"

"How would you know?" Felix cries, throwing his hands up. "You're not even there half the time, and Chan only talks to her because you're not there for him to talk to. He has to settle for her because he's fed up of us, and he's not close with Yeji, Ryujin, or Young-hee."

You sigh and hop up onto the desk, swinging your legs over the side. "I just can't stand it, Lix. Seeing them together..."

His expression softens. "I know, Y/n, and I know how frustrated you get when they're all over each other, but you have to at least try. Come with us. If not for him, then for us. We miss you."

"I'm right here."

Felix sighs softly. "That's not what I meant."

You rub two fingers along the bridge of your nose, trying to think straight. You can't get the images out of your mind; Chan and Chae giggling to each other, her touching his arm, him reciprocating the affection... no one said it would hurt this bad when you watch your best friend fall for someone else.

No one said it would hurt this much when you realise that you're in love with said best friend either.

"I can't keep pretending I'm fine," you say, so softly you're not sure Felix hears it. But he does.

"Then don't pretend," he urges gently. "Get him to fall for you. You're halfway there already, I'm pretty sure. But it's not gonna happen if you're always at a distance from him."

He has a point, you think. But, being as stubborn as you are, there's still that nagging doubt in the back of your mind that Chan will never feel the same way that you do, whether you're with him or not-

"Y/n," Felix says, a little more firmly.

You know exactly what he's thinking; sighing, and then bending down to pick up the pen you dropped earlier, you slot it back into the holder on the desk.

"Fine," you say quietly, trying and failing to hide the tiny smile twitching at the corners of your mouth. "I'll come."

Felix lets out a whoop.

.

You pull your jacket a little closer around yourself as you head round the corner, the evening wind whipping your hair into a state of extreme disarray. Sighing and then spluttering as you pull strands of it out of your mouth and eyes, you duck around people and head to the restaurant, its warm, golden light drawing you in like a moth to a flame.

You're not late, so to speak; you spot the group sitting at a large corner booth with comfy seats, mingling and chattering, and you notice Felix immediately. His face lights up when he sees you, half with relief and half with something else you can't quite decipher. He makes to get up before you're almost tackled to the floor by Jisung and Jeongin, who are pretty much hollering at the top of their lungs.

Minho shushes them insistently as he tugs them off you, bowing before shoving both maknaes back into their seats.

"Y/n," Jeongin says happily. "We didn't think you'd come."

You chuckle awkwardly and settle into the spot next to Felix, trying not to look around for Chan like you always do. "Yeah, I needed a break. Besides, you two would have come for my throat if I turned the invitation down one more time."

"Damn right," Jisung interjects, all three of you dissolving into giggles.

You look around then; not everyone is here. Hyunjin and Yeji are still missing, both Hwangs late as per usual, and you know Changbin will come by a little later, having decided to work out before treating himself for the evening. You make a mental note to stick to your work ethic as well as he does, but it's interrupted by the familiar tone of someone speaking your name.

"You look nice, Y/n," Chan says from next to Felix, who is sitting in between both of you.

Chae is sitting next to Chan, you notice with some sadness and displeasure; her long, pinky-blonde hair is straight and neat, long acrylic nails coming up to brush strands of it off her perfect porcelain cheeks, flushed with the cold. At least, you hope it's the cold and not the effect of Chan's probably flirting before you arrived.

Despite the indignance rising in your stomach, you can't help but notice how Chan looks tonight; his hair is slightly damp from the chilly weather outside, the adorably messy strands of it curling against his temples and nape. His eyes are crescents as he gazes into yours, and you fight the urge to reach over and wipe the faint remainder of strawberry milk off the curve of his plush bottom lip.

You know exactly where he'd bought the little drink carton of it from; there's a vending machine just down the street, one that the boys always buy drinks from before eating out. It was their tradition, and one that you gladly partook in, that is before you became too shy to be around the boys.

Because of Chan and his stupid perfectness.

You suddenly come back down to earth and realise that Chan is still gazing at you; Chae is laughing obnoxiously loud in the background behind him, no doubt to recapture his attention, but all you can focus on is the fact that you're locking eyes with the most beautiful person on earth. And also the fact that you haven't replied to his little indirect compliment, so you just nod and turn back to the table to fiddle with the menu in front of you.

Felix exhales discreetly and you fight a grin, watching as he unpeels himself from the corner of the table. He'd been bending over it so you could lean back to talk to Chan, and he pokes you affectionately in the side as you thank him quietly, clearing your throat in an attempt to get rid of the flush painting your cheeks.

"Could've warned me about how pretty he looks," you mutter to Felix under your breath. He just chuckles and touches your knee as everyone begins to order.

The food arrives just as Hyunjin, Yeji, and Changbin make their dramatically late entrance; they clatter noisily into their seats, and you bump fists with Yeji just as everyone begins to dig in.

There's brief silence as everyone begins to fill their stomachs with soul food, and then the chatter eventually rises again as the members turn to each other to bicker and laugh. You almost snort a noodle out of your mouth as you watch Hyunjin take a hairclip out of his bag to clip his hair back, before realising it's not there. Seungmin, sitting next to him, runs his hand through the boy's kiwi-like hair before turning back to his ramen.

You almost start to enjoy yourself, but there's still that lingering tension that you feel rests in the air between you and Chan; if anyone else has noticed it, they're not saying anything. Felix, noticing your quietness, tries to fill the space between you with small talk and jokes, but it doesn't seem to help. Once or twice, he even brings Chan into the conversation in a bid to try and get you two to converse, but Chae interjects more and more frequently until you quietly tell Felix to stop.

You feel bad because of it; you know he's just trying to help, but it isn't working. And it's beginning to make you feel worse, the fact that it seems not even the dark-haired sunshine boy can get his leader to try and talk to you. And you realise, all of a sudden, that maybe it's not Chan that's the problem.

There are two possible reasons that Chan doesn't seem to want to talk to you; you thought maybe he would talk more with you tonight, considering it's been so long since you've been out with them, but you're crestfallen as you realise that not more than a few words have been exchanged between the two of you tonight.

And it strangely breaks your heart.

The other reason is that Chae might have been badmouthing you behind your back to Chan, or it could be because of the fact that Chan genuinely likes her. You're not sure, but that belief is confirmed as you look across to see Chan holding out his chopsticks to her, bringing a piece of tempura to her perfect, pink lips.

Watching in horror and completely forgetting about the cooling ramen in front of you, you watch as Chae accepts the tempura with a little giggle, batting her lashes at Chan as he reaches up to wipe a crumb off her lip. The sight is so equally disgusting and upsetting that you immediately stand up, moving out of the booth as tears blur your eyes.

"Where are you going?" Jisung calls after you, Felix looking up from his food.

"Bathroom," you call over your shoulder, your voice surprisingly strong considering the fact that tears and beginning to stream down your cheeks.

Not wanting to make a fuss or arouse suspicion from the group, you do actually head to the bathrooms, locking the cubicle door behind you and sinking down against the door. You couldn't care less if it's dirty right now, the only thought in your head the mental image of your best friend and Chae giggling and flirting all over each other, blissfully unaware of your misery.

It's not fair.

"Maybe it's me," you whisper to yourself, sniffling as you rip off a piece of toilet paper, scrubbing at your face. You feel so pathetic and unworthy; what kind of person hides out in the bathroom crying over a guy who probably doesn't even care about them?

Standing up and checking you have your phone and wallet, you sigh as you feel the weight of them in your pockets. Good. You can just leave without having to go back to the table. The last thing you want right now is to talk to anyone, or have to put up a fake cheerful front.

Heading to the back of the restaurant, the once-inviting golden lights now feeling like a spotlight, you emerge out into the street, the cold wind soothing the hot, sticky tear irritation on your cheeks. You head to the parking garage down the street and try to walk as quickly as you can past the opening of the ramen restaurant, lest any of the group notice you walking away.

And they don't, not least until you cross the street and head down the dimly light footpath.

Someone grabs your wrist suddenly and you cry out, whipping your head back so fast to see who it is you think you might have whiplash.

Chan is standing there, his hand solid and warm around your wrist, the wind ruffling his dark hair back from his bare face. You can see the glint of his silver earrings under the streetlights.

"Wait," he pants. "Where are you going?"

You can't fight the hot, wet tear rolling down your cheek and inwardly curse it for escaping. "Home."

"Why?" He asks, concern and worry painting his expression. "Are you not feeling well?"

You fight the urge to slap him; it wouldn't be fair, however much you want to do it. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't understand any of it. And you want nothing more to run into his arms and spill all your thoughts and feelings like you have so many times before, but you can't.

Not this time.

You can't tell Chan that you've loved him since who knows how long; that seeing him makes your heart feel lighter, the way a high schooler might feel seeing their crush in the sunny hallways. You can't tell him how many times you styled your hair to look a little like his, hoping the curls that make him look so handsome might make you a little more attractive too. You can't tell him how many times you ran late for schedules just because you took a detour to his studio to talk with him, even if it was just for a minute.

Even if all of it was a waste in the end. Because he likes someone else, and that someone else isn't you.

So you just shake your head as the tears come streaming down, and rip your wrist out of his grip before turning and walking away. The earth feels like it's shattering around you.

Or maybe that's just your heart.

But Chan doesn't give up; you hear his footsteps continue behind you, hurried and irregular, like he's trying to decide whether to let you go or make you stay.

"Y/n," he pants. "Wait, just- will you stop walking so fast? Please, wait, slow down- What's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong!" You cry out, turning to face him as you throw your hands up. A sob rips through your lungs, face contorting with the force of your tears. "Okay? Everything's wrong."

Chan is silent, one hand out in an unsteady attempt to calm you. "What are you talking about? You're worrying me."

You scoff and kick a stone across the footpath, harshly rubbing a hand across your cheekbone.

"Y/n, please," he pleads, his voice quieter. "Felix noticed you were gone for too long earlier, and I saw you walking out of the restaurant. Please, tell me what's wrong. You look so upset."

"Then stop looking."

He recoils, looking slightly hurt, before it's overtaken by a look of determination. You know that look; it either results in an all-nighter to finish a song track, an attempt to wrangle seven naughty kids, or a hard-to-have conversation. You know it's the last one.

"Please," he says, even quieter. "Tell me what's wrong. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's you," you say, broken with utter resignation.

He takes a step forward. "What?"

"It's you," you repeat, looking away as another hysterical sob brings the wind inside your body. It's sharp and biting, and it brings back some of your courage. But only some.

You raise your eyes to look at him. Maybe this is the last conversation you'll have with Chan, before he decides he doesn't want to be around someone who's in a one-way love story with him. Even if that person is his best friend.

"You don't realise, do you?" You whisper brokenly. "You never realised I was in love with you, Chan. But that's just who you are. You may be kind and compassionate and intuitive, but you never realised why I do what I do, or why I act the way I act around you."

His face is contorted in utter disbelief; whether it's from shock or disgust, you don't want to know.

"I realised around the time you helped me move in," you continue. Might as well get all of it out now. "I looked at you differently after a while. I didn't see my best friend anymore. I saw someone else, someone stronger and more clever and more dedicated and more perfect and flawless. And it was strange, because I realised that you changed so much. Maybe I changed too, but it was different seeing you walking around at the company and going about your schedules, because I felt different about it all. I felt different about you. And I couldn't let it go, not least when we actually talked. I used to be late for most of my meetings and events because I would take detours to see you. Some days I would think about canceling my schedules just so I could be around you more.

"And I love the boys, I do, Chan. So much. But I have to admit, I wouldn't be around them half as much if you weren't there. I felt so drawn to you, not like the way I did when we were friends. I figured that if I didn't want to lose you, I would have to discipline myself. So I did.

"I threw myself into my work; I gave myself so much to do, partially to distract myself, partially to use work as an excuse whenever I was invited out, like tonight. Just because I knew you would be there, and I didn't want to end up spilling it all to you, because I knew it would ruin everything between us. Forever.

"And when Chae started hanging around us, I didn't mind at first; I sort of liked her. But I started hating her because of how close she would get to you, how much you two would secretly talk between yourselves, and it made me upset. So I ended up spending much more time by myself so that I would be able to forget she existed. So that I could forget that she ever entered the picture, and that it was just me and my secret that I kept from you. For so long, Chan. You have no idea how much I had to hold myself back from you.

"Did you assume that I never wanted to go out with you guys? That I never wanted to buy drinks from that vending machine the members always go to before eating out, or that I didn't want to spend time with you? Because I did, Chan. But I forced myself not to, because I couldn't bear to see you, and most of the time I didn't know if Chae was going to be there. I told myself I wasn't going to sit there and watch you be with her, not while I felt so invisible and unseen around you.

"Let me tell you something, Chan," you choke through sobs at him, pointing a finger at his chest as though it were a gun. "Every time Jisung or Jeongin or one of the boys invited me out, I did actually show up. Even if you never saw me. I would watch from a distance to see if Chae was with you; if she was, I would turn around and leave, and go home. If not, I would smile from around the corner as the maknaes begged you for money to buy drinks from that vending machine. And then I would turn around and go home anyway.

"I know every single one of their preferences; even if you didn't know I was there to observe them bickering and choosing, faces lit by streetlight. I would go around to the vending machines at the company and randomly buy their favourites for them, even if you didn't know how I knew. I would buy them for you too, and debate leaving a little note for you telling you how I felt alongside it, and I never did.

"Because, despite all of that, it was all a waste," you snap at him. You're not sure why you're angry; you suppose it's the result of feeling unheard for so long. "It was a waste, Chan. Because you never even noticed how I felt. So don't come chasing after me in the night like this like you care, because it was Felix who told you to come after me, Felix who noticed I had been gone for too long, not you of your own accord. And don't look worried or concerned either, because I've told you what's wrong, Chan, just as you asked. You can rest now."

You can barely see him through the blur of your tears.

"Y/n," he whispers, broken as you feel. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't care," you cry out at him, turning and storming in the other direction. And this time, he doesn't follow, still standing under the streetlight with his hand out, though you're not there to take it.

You sob bitterly as you almost flee around the corner, breaking out into a full-on run, like sprinting can fix the problem, fix your heart and your tears. It doesn't, however, and you feel worse as you bolt pass the crossing light, not caring about its colour. Later you will realise that running with blurry vision and a hysterical, heartbroken mindset was not the wisest idea.

You don't see the car speeding towards you until it's too late.

a/n: *laughs in writer*

[gurugirl]

The Honeymoon | a preview

This is a completed Patreon only 4 part one-shot. Total word count: 22,122

Summary: When your fiance doesn't show up on your wedding day, you're left devastated and humiliated. But you plan to go on your honeymoon trip anyway, a monthlong guided tour through the UK. Your handsome and charming tour guide, Harry, helps you see the beauty around yourself as you discover how scenic life is and find the courage to embrace a new beginning.

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“What do you mean he’s not at the altar? Like… he’s not here? At all?” You’d been waiting for the signal to come out for nearly thirty minutes in the dressing room. Your mother had left to find out what the holdup was, and you figured Adan was just being his normal self. Often taking way too long to do things or losing track of time. It was irritating that on your wedding day, of all days, he’d cause such a delay, but you were determined to keep positive and not sweat the small stuff.

“Honey, he never showed up. I guess Arthur said he got a text from Adan. He said he’s not coming.”

You’d never in your life felt such a sense of panic. It was supposed to be the best day of your life. Or at least a wonderfully monumental day that you’d always remember with happy fondness.

“Is—he okay? What happened?” You rushed to fish your phone from your bag and dialed your fiancé right away, your 1-carat engagement ring glinting flawlessly in the light that poured in from the window. It was a gorgeous sunny day—too pretty to have something like this go wrong. 

Your mom gently put her hand on your arm. Her expression was pity, sorrow.

“He’s not answering! Oh my god. Is he hurt? Do we know what happened?”

Shaking her head, your mom kept her eyes on you, and there was a knock at the door before it was being pushed open. Your maid of honor, Dora, pushed her way into the dressing room and wrapped her arms around you, sniffling. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I’m gonna kill him.”

You pushed her off, holding her by the shoulders, and shook your head. “What do you mean? What’s happened? What did he do?”

You had almost no information. Your mother only knew he wasn’t coming based on a text he sent his best man, Arthur.

“He’s gone to Vegas. With Mindy.”

“Mindy?!” You looked from your mom to your best friend, and your eyes widened as it all suddenly dawned on you.

Mindy. She was one of your closest and dearest friends. In fact, she was meant to be in the wedding party, and you hadn’t seen her all day either, but figured she was elsewhere or running late, as she tended to do. A lot like Adan, now that you were thinking about it.

Mindy was Adan’s friend before yours. He and Mindy went to college together, and from the moment he introduced you two, you were connected at the hip, and you adopted her into your tight-knit group of friends. She’d be at your and Adan’s apartment almost every day after you got off work. Already there with a beer in hand and figuring out what to make for dinner with your fiancé. Sometimes, it was like she was a roommate. Sometimes, you wondered if Mindy might have a crush on Adan. But you never imagined in a million years…

“Vegas? Like… to get…” You hadn’t stopped shaking your head as you searched Dora’s face, your mother clinging to you closely in support.

Dora nodded, “Eloped,” she scoffed. “I’m gonna kill the fucking bitch and then I’m gonna cut his dick off with a dull butter knife and make him eat it!”

Your mom let out a shocked laugh of approval, and you broke down. It had been the most dramatic and ridiculous display since you were five, and your brother had cut off your favorite doll's hair and dipped its head in blue acrylic paint.

But this time, it was called for. Your mother and your best friend held you on each side as your legs gave way, and you went limp slowly to the floor. Black streaks of mascara down your face and splotched on the bust of your ivory dress, you ugly cried until you couldn’t breathe and then did it again.

Not only were you devasted. You were humiliated. Your fiancé, the man you were due to marry at that moment, had run off with one of your best friends. To marry her and not you.

Mother fucker.

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xoxo

[chessboredom]

Hey hey! Yeah ive noticed when it comes to actual toxic shadowvanilla (or even closer to cannon) they dont get in depth of it. It feels like theres something MISSING! Ackkkkkkk i am a beliver of them being mutually toxic to each other (especially tr) If TR did for some reason truly became a cookie of decite, it would not end well for either of them! Think about it, shadow milk wants someone who understands BUT how he wants Pure vanilla to be a cookie of decite. And and shadow milk so caught up in his joy didnt even notice the cannon betryal, then take that and up it with truthless recules. Tr would 100% be lying for his own gain, probably notice shadowmilks emotional weakness and twist it like a KNIFE! The roles would be reversed! Shadowmilk is the puppet now, yet he doesnt KNOW it! So blinded by his loneiess, and the need to have someone to understand him! That he allowed himself be used (quite ironic if you think about it) cuz PV normally is not one to show his emotions in his sprites (other than his staff and well shadowmilk meddling) AND HE ISNT A OWO MAN!!! Sick of the owo man treatment! TR is that but UPPED!! A cookie of decite who doesnt express his emotions, able to twist it however he likes. Like i can see this as a Sm thinks hes the puppet master, while being the puppet. Tr lets him think that!!! Its easier to maulipate someone if they think their in control. Its MESSY! (I cannot put into words how messed up this situation would be) shadow milk you FOOL! Youve created your own MONSTER! One who sees you as a means to a end, a PUPPET. False fluff, fapse happiness, false LOVE! What TR gives you is a LIE and even if theres truth in it YOU DONT KNOW IT, YOU COUNDNT EVEN TELL WHEN HE PULL OFF A LIE! (In cannon) YOU are now in the web of lies of your own creation, Tr is your spider!! Anyway uh thats a little bit of what this dymatic makes me go crazy over (i have more ideas....)

ANON YOU FUCKKING GET IT OH MY GOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS REAL!!!!!!! I LOVE TOXIC YAOIIII!!!!

I'm gonna fucking yap about PV characterization (AGAIN.) (I just love him so fucking much.)

Very Long LONG post. XP

I'm so happy right now because you UNDERSTAND that PV isn't just some fucking UwU bean guy. Like, this is why he's so fucking good at being a leader because of his EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE and that he DOESN'T get caught up by his emotions and focuses on the problems even if it's stressful. Like a scene in Odyssey where Dark Cacao gets MAD when Clotted Cream had the idea of wanting the powers of the Soul Jam but Pure Vanilla remained calm as ever(And all of the sprites used this scene have his eyes open. He is SERIOUS.) Out of the WHOLE Ancients, despite his youthful, brighter amd unchanging appearance (and that's why his Korean Va is a girl to convey his youthfulness) he is the nost mature because he tries to Understand the situation and not diving head first. He isn't a warrior, but he is skilled involving emotions BUT he keeps DOUBTING himself at first like "I can't believe I did that! But I'd do anything for my friends to protect them."

AND THEN SHADOW MILK COOKIE COMES IN!!!! Omg Shadow Milk Cookie, DO NOT unlock the full potential of that Skill Pure Vanilla- I man Truthless Recluse has(Emotional Intelligence😇 LEVEL UP! ➡️ Emotional Manipulation😈) that he made you look stupid by making YOU think that YOU are the one IN CONTROL!

LOOK AT HOW HE DOES IT BY MAKING SMILK THINK HE'S IN CONTROL!!

En got "You and I... were meant to be together."❌️ The shadowvanilla shippers are really feeding on this line omg.

Kr got "I guess I have to accept you... Or become a part lf you."✅️ THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO SEE!!!! EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AT IT FINEST BAYBEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! MAKE HIM THINK HE'S THE ONE PULLING YOUR STRINGS WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY SLITHERED YOUR WAY THROUGH HIS MASK!!!! UUUGGHH SMILK YOU MADE HIM BETTER THAN YOUUU

That's why I kept mentioning that PV is KIND, and not Nice and he is pretty much capable of incredible violence. Does anyone even REMEMBER PV having enough seeing his friends suffer when he was the last one standing that he tries TO KILL DARK ENCHANTRESS?? He does a lot of things that involves he SACRIFICING HIMSELF in the process. UGHHH!! FUCK!! PURE VANILLA COOKIE IS NOT NICE!! HE WANTED TO KILL SHADOW MILK COOKIE!!! Remember the "Crash Out" scene? That's his true emotions having throwing a suprise party. He had ENOUGH. Then the scenery changes that made him remember that he wasn't supposed to be a violent person. He's an angel! 😇🙏 Silly Vanillyyy, why would you say "I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU!!" that isn't like you at all!! [sarcasm](He is literally holding back the rage every single fucking day of his life.)

As much as people love to draw PV hugging Smilk closing to the end of the Ep, he literally beats him up and people seem to forget that over thinking PV is nice Uwu It doesn't have to be this way Shadow Milk Cookie. Meanwhile in the Korean version, Awakened PV had a dialogue that went, "I like helping people but I had enough of your shit Shadow Milk Cookie.☺️" Pure Vanilla Cookie said calmly. (Link to the video I made with this line.) And then made shooting stars of Truth descend from the sky to attack him. He did say he wanted Smilk to be his friend, but he wouldn't back down in a fight anymore. That's why his Awakened "Compassionate" form finally showing his real role that he is a MAGIC TYPE all along who has been disguised under the role of a HEALER.

Anyway TR ♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤ SMILK. TOXIC YAOI REAL!! Two Cookies of Deceit. One emotional and one empty. Smilk may be the best at psychological warfare and torture, but he got himself an emotional manipulator. Tr easily takes advantage of his emotions because he acts like a child!! Just give him what he wants then he'll be satisfied in no time. Take it away from him, he's gonna have his tantrums again.

Noe I couldn't add more tbh. You explained it well and all I could do is smash the TRUE over and over.

Even with my interpretation of canon that Tr won't last long with Smilk because of the Friendship Gang and "the universe couldn't allow this! One of you turn "good" now!", I like to think the toxicity still lives through Awakened PV since he's both Truth AND Deceit. Like a bright star from light years away that's actually dead, he could still act as of he were still TR to make Smilk more paranoid and obsessed with him in a more fucked up secretive way that other people wouldn't even notice because PV is already good! He wouldn't do evil things again, right? Hehe.

Also sharing this twt post of Tr ripping Smilk's eye as well. 🥰🥰🥰

https://x.com/41n4v15/status/1896085874628087843

[theinheriteddutchess]

Flattery will get you anywhere😂

I started of intending to have Lee be darker, but really along the way, they flowed so nice together that I realized that even if he's a selfish man, he intends to be a good husband and I believe he softened when they started interacting.

Oh my god yes! I really picture her living in her own world dancing around the reality😭 I love what you said here! And he watches her so much now, building up over the years, no one else seems to notice this, they just judge. But he sees that vulnerability and the qualities she does have.

I think I wanted to make him even older but he's probably about 9 years older? He wasn't seeing her like a possible match right away because she was a teenager. He just felt some sympathy for her and noticed that she was actually well behaved and sweet. And then after a few years started to see her differently. He was early twenties when he helped her. Not as bitter and shady as he is when our story starts. He's just the kind sheriff that treats her nicer than the others. Also he's not pretending to be nicer, she brings that out in him. He just thinks people are too mean to her.

Now after, now she's in her 20's he's acting very nice...👀 Now he wants to pursue her😂 before their interactions were short and spontaneous. Now he's searching her out.

I definitely tried to make it seem that while she's desperately trying to go along with people, they are rejecting her for how she is. She can't help it, but they are sure to let her know she simply doesn't fit in.

And I love reactions like this because as someone often feeling like I was also not really fitting in, that I was different, it's so nice to hear that people read this and get it! 💕

She reads mostly romance, she's still very sheltered, so the smut is really vague and non-descriptive 🤭

But Lee in that library🥴 he probably never set foot in it before 😂 he's really trying to get in her spaces.

Okay so to answer your question, he's helped her when she was about 16 and then kept an eye out for her because he knows she's struggling and people are being mean. They ran into each other off course because it's a close community, but it's all fleeting and shallow meetings? So she did grow up with him but he was not constantly involved and he definitely didn't see her this way until a few years after. It started with him thinking she's just a good girl and then that she would make a good partner and then it changed in that she would make a good partner for him. And as soon as that thought sneaked in, that's when he really started looking at her differently. And he then was basically waiting for the right time to pursue her.

The chairs... Wel i noticed I can get really upset about changes that make no sense sometimes so I just changed certain examples but I can relate to that feeling. That chair was something she was used to, safe and now what was taken from her and she couldn't even really express her feelings because she knows they're "not normal" so whenever she struggles and tries to hide, well it doesn't really work. And those women are so brutal. I love everyone had the same reaction to these mean girls. It's so so relatable.

I just want to say that she feels bad for her parents but get parents do nothing but love and accept her, don't worry. But Lee is the first person to truly be nice and compliment her outside her parents😭😭

I really loved how he was trying to hint at her being the one to cure his loneliness and it flew right over her head. She's so sweet, but Lee needs to be very clear with her. I love those awkward moments where he's left unsuccessful lol.

Anyway you got me ranting as well! Because I love this story so much. And I really loved your enthusiasm, so thank you so much for reading and reblogging and the excitement because it means so much!💕

Dream Of A Girl

Part 1

Summary: The sheriff had his eyes on you for a while, the town's joke of an Omega. You never thought you'd find love, but around him you just can't help acting on your inner instincts.

Pairing: Lee Bodecker x reader

Word count: 3899

Warnings: Lee, small town gossip and bullying, neurodivergent reader, slurs\insult of neurodivergent back in the day, no cats🥺, turns slightly non-con at the end, Alpha\Omega

Notes: absolutely loved writing this, got really into it, I hope you'll enjoy it, and make sure to drop me a comment, I would love to hear what you think!💕

Series masterlist

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

He was watching you again. Inside his car, on his lunch break, slurping from his milkshake as his eyes never left your form. Your head was turned down, watching the pavement as you moved, yet you seemed to be aware where everyone else was because you never bumped into anyone. He noticed that about you. How your body moved almost fluently away from others. You didn't like to be touched. You flinched if someone did.

You were alone a lot. Listening to the noises around you, or he would sometimes hear you murmur to yourself. Sometimes you made strange noises if you were excited. He knew what they said about you.

They thought you were weird.

He didn't mind. Everyone talked about him too. Granted, he was a bit shady sometimes, with his secret businesses here and there, but it was something he had in common with you. Both of you fell outside of what was appropriate.

Of course, he was the sheriff, so no one dared to say it to his face. But they did to you. He had watched you for years. With your pretty hair, and that body…

He shuffled in his seat uncomfortably. You always had an effect on him.

He loved your eyes, although you barely look up to him. You do that. You glanced past people, or talked with your face turned a different way. Some people looked at you funny when you did.

But he knows why. Your parents told him once. When you got dared into doing something naughty. You didn't like it, but told him you had said you would do it before they told you what you were supposed to do. And you needed to keep your promises.

He talked to you sternly about how wrong it was of you, and you sat there with tears in your eyes. Head down. Like you had committed the worst crime. You were a good girl. Your parents told him that. It wasn't your fault. It was those kids. They thought it was funny. School talked to them. They left you alone. But you didn't make many friends.

Too different, too quiet, or too loud. You didn't say the right things, you didn't like the right things. You were too honest.

He liked that about you. He didn't need to wonder what you thought. You weren't two faced like all the other bitches. Who smiled at him in hope for favors, or in hope he would turn his eyes away from what they were doing. You were, you.

When you were alone, or thought you were anyway, your shoulders relaxed and he could sometimes see you smiling. Most times you would if you spotted an animal. Talking to it, like it was your friend. And you were good with kids. Really good. They flocked to you and you easily handled them. You didn't like sudden noises, and you were very clear about that, and they listened to you.

That's something people did like about you, they had no problem ditching their kids on you. You were a natural.

It was one of the things he noticed first about you. That drew him towards you. Your natural motherly instincts. He knew you would do excellent with your own. And the idea of you, one or 2 kids by the hand, belly swollen with another, made him rock hard each time.

God, you would be so pretty. He imagined your children; babies with brown hair, maybe a cleft in their chin, like his. The family Bodecker. You, all soft and sweet smelling. A ring on your finger. It made him come so swiftly once he touched himself.

He was happy no one snatched you up. They all couldn't look past your different behavior and see the gem underneath. They were blind to your qualities. What fools. But it worked in his favor though. Such a good, sweet girl. All ripe for the picking.

You were growing and seemed to not be aware of him. That was okay, he was fine with letting you have this time for yourself. Just out of college, young women needed to find their own way. He didn't want you to feel like you missed out on everything once he married you. That led some housewives to turn a little crazy, he saw it all the time, married at 18 or even 16 at times, high school lovers, and by the time baby number 2 was on the way, they looked worn out and disappointed in life.

Not you though. You finished school, you had a nice job, good parents. He gave you that time. He never was far away though. Watching you. Making sure you stayed out of trouble. Or trouble didn't find you. There weren't many boys to approach you, but those with eyes did, those who were too eager to be bothered with your quirkiness. He made sure to scare them off. He didn't need the competition.

He had a good job, a job that gave him power over this town, a nice house. He could afford a family. When the time came, he could convince your parents he was a good match. But most important was he needed to convince you.

📖

You walked into the library to return your books and pick up new ones. You came here at least once a week, often twice, as you loved reading. It was the time that you could disappear in a story and live a life you were never going to get. Experiencing all the emotions and adventures safely from your own home. Romance, and travels, fighting dragons or being a ruling Queen. In real life you liked things simple, but in your head you were free to do whatever you wanted. In your head people liked you. You belonged.

Lately you got very into fairytales again. Consuming every book you could find, rereading classics, daydreaming about the magic that was both wonderful and scary. The Alpha King, and Omega and the false mate, Sleeping Beta…they were all lovely stories and you couldn't get enough. You walked through the rows upon rows of books, feeling calm and like you were amongst friends. Here you were safe. Here you were liked.

Your hands occasionally picked up a book and read the cover, lost in thought. You didn't even notice the presence next to you, until a voice shook you out of your thoughts.

“Excuse me.”

You froze and looked up. Sheriff Bodecker looked down at you.

“Oh”, you said, stepping away.

He chuckled and shook his head. “I didn't mean for you to leave. I just wanted to grab this book.”

You watched him as he picked up a faded green book. He flipped through the pages. You hadn't expected him to read. You scolded yourself after the thought. You didn't know him. It's just that…he didn't seem the type. You heard stories about him. They said he liked the booze and he loved the ladies who gave it away for free. He had always been pleasant if you ever saw him, devoted to his work, but gossip still followed him.

Gossip was tricky, though. For years rumors went around that you were stupid. That you were rude. That you were mentally challenged. They didn't understand you. And you honestly often didn't understand them. Luckily your parents loved you and stood up for you. They might not always understand but they didn't punish you the way other parents would have. They didn't make you feel bad for not always looking them in the face. Or for being blunt and too honest. How your head was in the clouds at times. Or how people overwhelmed you sometimes. But other people, they didn't get it. And they didn't like what they didn't get.

You watched everyone around you making friends and falling in love. Easily getting through events you struggled with. They got married, and started a family. It was difficult at times, to realize you wouldn't have that, but eventually you accepted it. You were comfortable with your life. You had your family, and one or two acquaintances, and you were okay. It was nice being alone. Quiet. When you were alone, no one expected something of you.

You watched out of the corner of your eye how he assessed the book, before he looked at you again. “Do you know if it's any good?”

You glanced at the title like you had to think about it. “It's a little boring. But I don't know what you're looking for.”

“Just a little something to entertain me in the evenings. I was never much of a reader, but I thought why not read a book once in a while instead of always putting the telly on, ya know?”

You nodded. “What genre are you interested in? Action? Or mystery.”

“Romance.”

You blinked. “Romance,” you quietly repeated. You're eyes gliding past the titles of books and thinking to yourself.

“I don't mind it being a little…naughty, might motivate me even more to be honest,” he chuckled.

Your cheeks heated, but you tried not to show any signs of your discomfort. A heated romance. Of course you could list a few, but it felt awkward sharing that with him. You hummed softly under your breath, more out of nerves than anything, but you grabbed a book eventually. “A little naughty, and definitely romance,” you told him.

He hummed and turned the book in his hands. “Thank you, I didn't know where to start.”

“The librarians are happy to help if you can't find anything.”

“Yes, I'm sure they are, but you seem like you know more about this stuff.”

Maybe you did. Maybe it was easier to approach a visitor than the strict ladies running this place? You continued your search, but he did not leave.

“Don't you have enough books?”

You frowned. How could anyone have enough books? And why was he criticizing you? “I like reading.”

He laughed. “ No, I can see that, but do you really read all these in a week?”

“No. Sometimes I read them in a few days.”

“Oh, really. Okay. That's impressive. I really need to catch up if I were to compete with you.”

“It's not a competition. You can read how you want.”

“Oh I know, I was just joking.”

It wasn't a very good joke in that case. “Oh.” You thought, then replied. “Do you need anything more?”

There was silence, then he answered awkwardly. “No, you helped enough.”

You nodded.

He said your name quietly and when he didn't continue, you looked to the side at him. Your eyes locked and you blinked before you looked away.

“Tell your parents hello from me, will you?”

You nodded. You would, if you remembered.

He walked away and you were left feeling a little weird about the whole conversation. Sheriff Bodecker, reading a romantic book. It seemed a little silly. But maybe he was a little lonely. He was unmarried and didn't seem to be in a hurry to get settled.

He asked for something a little naughty, though. If he wanted anything naughty he should've gone to a different section of the library. They had a few of those, although most people didn't dare to pick them up and give the ladies anything to gossip about. Sheriff Bodecker, with a naughty book. You smiled to yourself. It would be the talk of town.

🤎

You wrapped your scarf around your neck, it was a little chilly today. Maybe you were just tired. It had been a long day at work today, your hands were cramped from all the typing, and your colleagues had left you feeling a little upset. Normally you tried to not listen to their chatter and ignore if they were ever negative about you. But today…they had stood a little nearer and you had more trouble filtering their voices.

They had talked about Marcie, who had found herself a beau. If only it had stayed about Marcie, it would have been fine. But they had looked over at you and pretended to lower their voices.

“Spinster”, they had used. They giggled slightly during it. You pretended not to see them staring at you. Or how they didn't care if you heard it.

“She’s never going to find anyone, I mean did you hear her talk about the different office chairs to mr. Johnson? One would think she had to sit on spikes.

You bit your lip. You did not want to cry in front of them. They had changed the chairs two days ago, the old ones too worn out to be pleasant. But you had liked them. You were used to them. And it felt like an old friend had been ripped away from you. So you had talked to your boss if he could make an exception, if you could keep yours, and store the new one. But of course he hadn’t wanted to. And you admittedly got a little upset. Word got out, or maybe they heard you. You had cried on the toilet, but tried very hard to gather yourself and continue like nothing was wrong. It didn’t matter. They knew. And they thought you were crazy.

And now they kept bringing other things up in their conversations. Like they enjoyed your discomfort.

You did your job well, however, so you were pretty sure if you laid low for a while, mr. Johnson wouldn’t fire you. You always made sure to finish all your work, even if you had to stay longer. Got the job done.

But now, at the end of the work day, you felt exhausted. It was tiresome keeping up pretense. The constant noise of the workplace around you. A short break to try and relax and be alone wasn't enough. You knew maybe things would be easier if you sat with them and told them things you heard, so they could gossip about someone else for once. But you didn’t like them. And they were too much. You needed your break to rest before getting back to work. You often sat outside on a bench alone, or took a walk.

You took a deep breath. Tonight you were going to read your new book, and ask your daddy if he wanted to play the piano. He didn’t do it as often as he used to, but you always enjoyed his music. He would do it for you, you knew it.

As a single Omega, you still lived with your parents. It was common to do so. You couldn’t live alone with your designation and it didn’t seem like you would ever move out and get your own home to look after. Your parents were disappointed, no doubt, but they always assured you they loved you, and that it would be nice in their old day to spend it with the three of you. You wondered if they had a different child than you, if they had wanted to get another. Someone easier to handle.

You walked past the shops, occasionally looking through the windows. You liked window shopping. Seeing all the new things on display, even if you didn’t buy much. You didn’t need it. But sometimes you saw something pretty and pondered if you should get it. You should buy a new dress. Most of the ones you had were getting a little old. But they were so comfortable and new dresses felt a little tight and rough. Perhaps your mother would buy some fabric and sew one for you. She knew your tastes.

A car honked next to you and you startled. When you looked around with a beating heart you noticed the car of the sheriff. He had rolled down his window and called out to you.

“Sorry, little lady, didn’t mean to scare you. I saw you walking and thought maybe you wanted a ride home?”

You blinked. A ride with the sheriff. You had never done that. “I’m fine walking.” You replied and tried to smile.

“You just look tired, is all. And it is going to rain soon.”

Was it? You didn’t feel much like getting wet. Still, this was weird. Different. What were you even going to say to him?

He opened the door from the inside though, clearly expecting you to get in, and you didn’t want to be rude. He meant well.

You clambered in, fixed your dress and your hair.

“Long day?” he mentioned. “You look tired.”

“Yes.” you answered.

“I get that, I’ve been busy since 5 this morning myself.” he sighed. “Got a call in for a robbery. Those damn Callen boys always stealin’ them chickens from the Bookers farm. Not exactly the most exciting job.”

You blinked, thought of how to reply. “Did you get them back?”

He chuckled. “Well some of ‘em. They ate at least two, but I arranged for them to work a few weeks at the place to pay them back. And I'll make damn sure they're going to show up and do the work.”

You nodded. The Bookers were cheapskates, but a theft was a theft, and you were sure they enjoyed the free labor. Those chickens couldn't be worth that much.

“You look nice today,” he mentioned suddenly.

You looked down at your dress. A little frayed around the edges. Your hair must've been less than proper because you tended to play with it if you were in thought. Maybe he was being nice. “Eh, thank you,” you mumbled.

He hummed. “That dress is a nice color.”

“Blue is my favorite,” you blurted out. You wore red today, you didn’t know why you said it.

He chuckled. “Is that right? Well I love blue.”

Your eyes looked anywhere but him, at the passing buildings and bushes. What else were you going to say? It was polite to talk back, your mother had told you. Ask about something!

“Ehm, this is a nice car,”

He turned to look at you again, not keeping his eyes on the road and you swallowed. “Well, it comes with the job, but it does its work.”

You nodded.

“Do you know how to drive?”

“Oh no. No, no. I do not.”

“I could teach you.” he offered, and your heart rate increased.

“No!...no. I don't think I can, I get nervous.”

“Well everyone gets nervous the first time, but you’ll learn soon enough, you’re a clever girl.”

You blinked at him. No one had ever called you clever before. You weren’t stupid, you werent, but no one thought you were particularly bright. “I get nervous.” you told him firmly.

He hummed “Well alright, If you change your mind, I'm more than willing.

“I don't mind walking.” you told him.

“Yeah, I see you walking around. You like looking at things don’t you?”

You looked down, ashamed, but his finger lifted your chin. You startled at the contact.

“Wasn't mocking you. I just see you sometimes. Gotta keep an eye on the crowd to make sure nothing happens, part of the job, I can’t help it. So I see you walking and befriending the neighbors cats.”

“Oh.” You didn't know what to think of this. Being watched. You always felt like you were. “I like cats.”

“I like them too. They’re a little feisty. You got one at home?”

You shook your head. “No, my parents don’t want one.”

“I was thinking about getting one. Might be nice to come home to something, you know? House is all empty.”

You understood. You’re parents rules, however, nothing you could do about it.

He sighed “ Yeah…. gets real lonely for a man by himself. You got someone waiting on ya?”

“Eh no. No, no one.” You felt nervous. You knew it was common for a girl your age to settle, or have settled already. It was embarrassing to admit.You had never even kissed before.The thought of it made you anxious though, How to even do that with a tongue, and how to move? It seemed mighty complicated.

“Me neither,” he admitted. “It’s a hard job, and not everyone can deal with being the wife of a sheriff. I’d treat her right, though. Yessir. I’d be a good husband. For the right woman. I always wanted that. A house, a wife, some kids. A nice meal when I get home…”

You hummed, like he had done before.

"You can cook?”

Your eyes moved rapidly over the car interior. “Why, yes?” it came out as a question.

“Yeah I expected you to. You’re a good girl after all. Momma raised you right.”

You felt warmth shoot through you. You didn’t know why. He was being nice. And you weren’t used to that. You actually were a pretty good cook. And you liked doing it. Relieving your mother from the hard work running a household was. And showing you cared. You know you weren’t always good with that. Often absorbed in your own head and your own feelings. So cooking was something you could do.

“Would love to have a home made meal again. It’s been so very long.”

You nodded.

He eyed you. And as the silence lingered he tsked. “Well, who knows, maybe someone will invite me someday.”

“Oh. Yes. I'm sure,” you were quick to agree. It would be nice for him. Someone cooking. Maybe Miss Oleson would, the woman was all alone and about 70, she probably would love the company.

You would ask her, so he wouldn't feel embarrassed. Miss Oleson would watch you sometimes when you were younger, and she was kind to you. She always gave you candy even if your parents had told her not too. You were fond of her.

You arrived at your house soon and you got out. He leaned towards the window again.

“If you want, I can come pick you up again tomorrow.”

You blinked. Why? Was it going to rain again tomorrow?

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s my pleasure.” he grinned. “Unless i’m being called away, but if so, I’l call you.”

“I don’t have a phone.” You eyed the laces of your shoes.

He laughed. “No silly, at your office, I can call the company.”

“Oh. Yeah that would work. I guess.”

“That’s settled then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” you mumbled and turned to walk towards the door.

As you heard him leave behind you, you suddenly remembered you hadn’t said goodbye, or thanked him. You felt your cheeks heat. You were supposed to thank someone for helping. You messed up again. Tomorrow, when he picked you up, you would make sure to thank him then. Maybe he wouldn’t think you rude anymore. And maybe you should find some questions to ask him about. So he didn’t ask you weird ones when there was silence.

You hung up your coat at the door, suddenly smelling a nice scent coming off it.

The fabric had absorbed some of his that lingered in the car. You sniffed carefully and then reared back in shame. It was kind of improper to just smell someone. You only did that to someone you knew better. Like family, or…or a suitor.

Still, the scent lingered in your nose as you walked away, and it was pleasant enough for you to feel a little lighter for the rest of the evening.

Part 2

[shroomygumi]

The Silent Type

Ghost x Reader possible tw: scars, self hate »»——⍟——«« Ghost doesn't know you. But he knows who you are.

A shadow lingering in the back of the team. A faint whisper lost in the chorus of other, much more powerful voices. A face without a name, a real name, not the one the others have adopted for you.

He knows you're here, even though he'd wager the crowded bar is a place you'd normally want to avoid. It's not that hard to notice. The way you murmur a few words to Price, before hastily retreating to the sidelines, as far away from the rowdy group as possible.

An itch in his throat, and growing headache caused by a certain Scot's endless babbling, pushes him out to grab a smoke. He finds you outside, and he's not even surprised you'd sought refuge in the quiet of the night.

"Got a lighter?" he grunts, rummaging through his pockets for a pack of cigarettes.

Ghost knows who you are, but he doesn't know you. He understands the value of privacy and is willing to respect it.

But what is the reason you always choose to stand alone?

You quietly hand him a lighter, your fingers softly grazing his. You look out at the road silently, before lifting your gaze up to the stars. 

Ghost takes the lighter with a brief nod and holds your gaze for a moment. You look a little tired. Exhausted is the word he'd actually use. A beat of companionable silence passes between the two of you, as he lights up a cigarette. He follows your gaze, taking a small drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke drift into the air. "Beautiful night," he murmurs.

"Yeah, it is," you nod and take the lighter back, and shift back on the bench where you sit. You fidget with the lighter, flicking it on and off, open and closed. You pause to run you thumb along the floral engravings on the side.

There's a soft exhale of smoke, as he watches you. He takes another drag, the only sound being the flicker of your lighter. His eyes flick between your hands and your face, taking in the tired expression that masks the turmoil. He's not one to pry—he wouldn't want anyone else to pry in his life, either. But he notes the way you toy with the lighter. The engraved designs on the object. An object you keep in your hand, no matter what.

A comforting item.

Like a security blanket. He's observant, this man. His eyes miss nothing, the cogs and wheels in his mind always turning, always working, even when his body is at rest. Ghost's never been able to switch off his brain—it just never ends. He glances up at the stars above them, the silence hanging between them. There's a question at the tip of his tongue, but he holds it back. He's not one to ask personal questions. "Goddammit.." you mutter, resting your head in your hands, elbows on your knees. Ghost raises an eyebrow at your muttered curse. If anything, it only piques his curiosity further. He's noticed, the way your fingers grip the lighter. How you run your thumb across the engravings, a gesture so simple but so telling. It's a small piece of comfort to you, in a world that's been too cruel. He's torn between minding his own business and indulging in his curiosity in wanting to know more about you. And when did he even start to care? He blows out a cloud of smoke from his lips as he continues to silently study you. The way your shoulders droop, the way your head is cradled in your hands. You're tired, he knows. "Beyond physically," he thinks. He hesitates before asking. Ghost's never been good with words—he's more of a man of action, after all. But for some reason, right now, he has a need to ask. "You alright, y/n?" He asks, his voice low.

You shake your head. "Bloody hell, what am I even doing here? The military? A sergeant? Seriously? After today's.. awful mission, I can't help but wonder if I'm really cut out for this. There were so many casualties. So many innocents I was unable to protect from enemy fire", you think to yourself.

He's not very surprised by you shaking your head.

There's a flicker of understanding in his eyes, but he keeps his face stoic as he takes another drag of his cigarette. The mission was a mess, he won't disagree. But there were too many uncontrolled elements at play, and too many enemies. You were outnumbered, overpowered.

As much as he hates causalities, especially of innocent civilians. There's only so much they could've done.

"We did the best we could." He says quietly. There's a firmness to his voice.

"I guess so.." you sigh. He's right. You just can't seem to accept it. You sit up, glance at him, and pull at your half-mask  that covers your nose and mouth. You're used to it, but sometimes you feel like its suffocating you. You wonder for a split why you wear the mask, but then remember. You hate letting people see your scarred face. Your lip is permanently ripped, a jagged tear going up the right side of your jaw. There's a scar over your left eye, which is steadily going blind. Thankfully though, it was never your dominant eye. He watches your hands tug the cloth over your face, hiding the scars that mar your skin. He knows precisely why you prefer to hide the scars—he's well aware of how some people are when it comes to things that aren't quite the norm. But he's not like that. Scars to him are a proof of strength—proof of perseverance, of resilience. Proof that you've lived and survived. That you're still here, no matter what you've been through. You set your gaze on the sky again and lift a hand absentmindedly to your cheek, pressing into the mask and your jaw. You feel the fabric touch your exposed teeth and huff.

While you're lucky to have survived the incident from a few years ago, sometimes you feel you would have rather not. The tear in your flesh.. the permanent hole in the side of your face revealing the bones that were supposed to be concealed by your cheek..

"I can never really be in public without my mask because of it. I scare people. I look like a monster. And it hurts," you consider saying, but hold it in. Ghost may have interacted with you, but that doesn't mean he really wants to know what you're thinking, does it?

He doesn't need to know your thoughts to know the pain in your eyes. The anguish. The self-hatred etched in your features.

He's seen it, the look in your eyes—it's the look he sees in his own eyes on countless occasions, when he stands in front of the mirror. Ghost takes another drag of his cigarette, not tearing his gaze from you.  You stand. "Tell the captain I'm heading back to base, will you?" you ask him, glancing back at him as you tighten your jacket around yourself.

He looks at you, his blue eyes dark in the shadows, before giving a slight nod.

"Sure. I'll tell Price." He looks away as he raises the cigarette to his lips for another drag. "You'll be alright?" He's not much of a man of words, but his voice lacks the usual hardness.

"As alright as I can be," you say with a half-hearted laugh.

The response makes the corner of Ghost's lips twitch into a nearly imperceptible frown, the only physical sign betraying his otherwise stoic face. He gives another nod as he drops the cigarette, crushing it under the heel of his boot. "Watch your six." He says simply, his voice low and firm. It's not a question, his words are an order.

"Copy that, Lieutenant," you reply with a small, but surprisingly genuine, smile. You walk off towards the parking lot and climb into your car to leave.

His eyes follow your form as you walk away, until you're swallowed by the darkness of the night. He stands in the darkness for a while longer, the quiet of the night hanging around him, as his gaze flicks back up to the sky.

[pickleslikesducks]

excerpt from my first published fic

again, really just trying to get my content out there😅

this fic did SO well on ao3, like wayyy better than I ever could have imagined. I'm honestly really proud of it haha

Damian’s POV    "It has been a while since I last saw you. Older Kent said your birthday has passed. You are... fourteen now?"    Jon tilted his head slightly. It vaguely reminded Damian of Titus when he was a puppy. "Uh. Yeah. I am." Damian suddenly remembered that birthdays were somewhat of an important event in people’s lives. He often forgot, considering he rarely even remembered his own birthday, and he never had celebrations as a child.    "How... was your birthday? Did you, ah, get good gifts?" That’s a normal thing to ask, right? Father said Damian was improving in his social skills, but he still got weird looks sometimes at his formal grammar and inadvertently rude behavior.    Jon smiled. That was good. "Yeah, I did!" Jon talked about all the presents he got, and the two of them chatted for hours longer than either intended.    Damian felt oddly content sitting next to Jon. He had a small sense of… admiration? attraction? for Jon. He had described this feeling to Drake once, and Tim had theorized that, since Damian was callous-unemotional, the contentment and the sense of feeling drawn to Jon was probably his body’s way of expressing romantic attraction. Damian was thankful it was dark; he could feel his face heat up slightly at the thought of having romantic feelings towards Jon. He mentally shook his head and decided to just sit and enjoy the quiet peace. 

A/N --- For reference, since Damian typically calls everyone by their last names, Jon is "Kent", Konner is "Older Kent", and Clark is "Old Kent". Ma and Pa have bribed Damian with farm animals and convinced him to call them Ma and Pa (Though he typically calls them "Ma Kent" and "Pa Kent". He's too formal for this world). Super random, but I decided to make Damian slightly callous-unemotional (often called child psychopathy). It's really mild for him, bc I didn't want to make him an actual psychopath, but it still mutes his emotions. He doesn't really feel joy, more like contentment, and he doesn't feel pain really, he just knows when he should* feel pain and plays it off as though he is hurt. He gets frustrated sometimes, but never actually that angry. He was just raised to be a violent kid, so he often lashes out bc of that mentality growing up, but he's not actually an angry person.

[winterdaphne2]

Sometimes I think about the vast difference between how Sherlock and John each respond when they think the other is asking them out in S1.

In ASIP, Sherlock thinks John is hitting on him at Angelo's. I think Sherlock was already interested in John romantically by that point, but he didn't feel ready for John to make a move—so when John asked him if he had a boyfriend, licked his lips at him suggestively, and said it was good that Sherlock was unattached, Sherlock panicked a bit. I mean, you can actually see the moment when Sherlock thinks through what John just said and tries to decide what to do. But even though he's visibly nervous, Sherlock tries to let John down in the kindest, most tactful way possible. Sherlock says, so gently, "John, you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I’m flattered by your interest, I’m really not looking for any kind of..." before he trails off. Everything that Sherlock says here is so carefully and thoughtfully worded. By phrasing this the way he does, Sherlock makes sure that he doesn't imply that John has done anything wrong or that John is in any way unattractive or uninteresting. He even says that he's flattered by John's interest, using the opportunity to give John a compliment. It's not you, Sherlock says, it's just that I'm not looking for that right now. Sherlock is visibly thrown for a loop when John tries to come onto him too fast, but he still recovers quickly and is immediately so considerate and polite about the whole thing!

John's behavior in TBB is strikingly different. In TBB, there's this exchange after John says that he has a date with Sarah:

Sherlock: What? John: It's where two people who like each other go out and have fun. Sherlock: That’s what I was suggesting. John: No it wasn’t...at least I hope not.

In this scene, Sherlock finally works up the courage to tell John to his face that he was asking him out on a date (and perhaps even tries to imply that he and John have been dating this whole time, as I think LSIT pointed out at some point). But John isn't nice about it at all.

The way I read S1, I think that after he moves into 221B with Sherlock, John seems to think that he made himself too vulnerable with the way he acted around Sherlock in ASIP. So in TBB and TGG, John seems to be trying to course-correct. Over and over again in TBB, we see John trying to pull back from Sherlock emotionally and attempting to retreat to heteronormative behavior. (I think that at the end of TGG, the pool scene is a huge turning point for John and his behavior towards Sherlock switches again after that. But that's another conversation!)

So in this scene, instead of being considerate of Sherlock, John is just so rude. By acting as if Sherlock has no idea what a date is, John treats Sherlock with condescension and implies that dating Sherlock is something that he considers entirely outside the realm of possibility because he sees Sherlock as ignorant in a way that makes him unsuited to dating. (I mean, come on, John, of course Sherlock knows what a date is.) When John gives Sherlock a look and says "I hope not," his expression and choice of words directly imply that Sherlock has done something wrong by suggesting that the two of them go out on a date, and that John wouldn't have any interest in going on a date with him anyway. And Sherlock immediately acts visibly hurt by John's reaction.

I really love John, I do, but sometimes I get so mad at him! I mean, this is just so rude. I really believe that out of the two of them, Sherlock is actually the much kinder and much more considerate person. John just often presents as more "normal" in everyday contexts, when he's really not.

I also think that the disparity in how Sherlock and John each respond in these two situations reflects their differing levels of comfort with same-sex desire. It's interesting to think about how paying attention to these two relatively brief scenes provides so much insight into this aspect of their characters so early on in the show, just in the first two episodes. This differing level of comfort with homosexuality seems to be something that we're supposed to understand about Sherlock and John fairly early on. From when we first meet him in ASIP, Sherlock is always presented as a character who knows that he's gay and is totally at peace with that side of himself, no matter what the rest of the world wants to think. John, on the other hand, is someone who seems to struggle a great deal to face and accept his own same-sex desires, and he has trouble letting go of the belief that he should aspire to heteronormativity even if it's not what he truly wants. This becomes especially important to John's actions in S3, but I think the hints of his struggles with internalized biphobia are there even in S1, and this seems to be something that guides his behavior at moments throughout the show as a whole. So it makes sense to me that in ASIP, when Sherlock thinks John is hitting on him, Sherlock responds in a way that shows that he's uncomfortable but not that he's uncomfortable with the same-sex nature of John's interest in him. Sherlock's behavior at Angelo's doesn't in any way imply that it would be wrong for John, as another man, to ask him out. Quite the opposite. But in TBB, John's response to what Sherlock said could easily be read that way.

At least we have "Dinner?" / "Starving" from ASIP to comfort us. Sigh.

[marzipanilla]

And right now the only wall bashing happening is my head against the bricks lol

I love how we've totally managed to swap which thread is actually discussing SU stuff lol

Jasper finally breaking down like YOU HAVE THE POWER OF A DIAMOND. you are a diamond! And yet you wander around. paying for things. staring at the scenery. I WOULD CONQUER GALAXIES IN YOUR NAME. why aren't you ordering me to use MY power to do that? am I too small now, my diamond?

And poor Steven just having to be like, okay, first off, stop calling me that- here, eat this donut, we're gunna watch the sunrise and I'm not gunna unpack all that bc it's not my job anymore. you can figure it out Jasper. I'm pretty sure you already know the answer.

J: because you're weak?

S: -.- Try again.

lol Nolan hobbies powered by spite. yeah. Him suddenly being supportive of Mark going to college if he goes in for journalism xD Mark awkwardly meeting up with SpiderMan later after his dad has him shake him down like, hey dude, we good? you aren't secretly evil, right?? and Peter having to throw that line right back at his face and then they get the ultimate irony later. Aw, now I'm thinking about Peter and Aunt May hanging out with Debbie and Mark after lol

Would JJ lose his shit or actually start a Omni-Man was framed campaign??? he works against Invincible and Spidey now xD JJ and Powerplex in a room together. oof.

You saw my ep reorder ramble already but yeah !! Powerplex should have opened the season. Then the way I see it, Mark then has his future Immortal run in and is then all fucked up about having to kill him/not wanting to/being forced into it, and maybe he tells Cecil about what happened because they are still kinda buds at that point ! And then the Doc Seismic shit is happening and Mark is holding back bc he just killed a guy again and is wigging out and everyone gets screwed. Then when Mark loses it on Cecil he can be like the GDA doesn't get to decide shit. Powerplex worked for you, stole from you, and murdered his own family. And Cecil gets to be like You JUST came back from the future and told me you were an emperor who left Immortal in charge !! I NEED a way to contain you ! It would make his willingness to be so stupidly overhanded make more sense if he had just heard this kid merked and even older Immortal.

All of the pieces are there !! why is the narrative so out of sorts !! WHY

I actually legit thought Powerplex was new to the show for a moment before he said his name and I saw his family and my brain supplied an image of them flash fried and I was like, oh yeah, I kinda recall this xD

Oliver talking about what he remembered of his parents would have been so fucking important to open with ! I should not be learning this at the end of the fucking season ! And instead of bullshit with Paul we could have gotten a moment from Debbie expressing what she goddamn thinks about Nolan's legacy. What she actually has been telling Oliver about his family, if anything. How she feels about her role in everything and not some bs stock 'normal' shit which she has never expressed wanting before. There is a meter between 'world conquering jackass' and 'total stale white bread' and I think she deserves not to be stuck on world conquering jackass, but she should be nowhere near stale ass white bread.

Way back in S2 I was actually chatting with some other folks who had also read the comic, and honest to god one of the things we talked about that I hoped would happen aside from Oliver being totally written out (a fucking pipe dream but I honestly thought only 3 months had gone by in the show and not the 6 from the comic until the show ass pulled another three months out of Mark's time at high school somehow...) was that if they did keep Debbie raising Oliver that they LET her be weird and a little resentful and that was why he turned into such a prick who was down to murder. Because no matter how decent she was trying to be to this kid who didn't deserve being treated like garbage due to who his father was she couldn't fucking help it, and I would have been fine with her showing that bit of weakness. but they kept everything pretty much the same except they allowed her to not be totally into it from the get go like the comics.

Right now the stuff I like about S3 are, the Cecil flashback, Nolan's breakout, and ep6. Like. hope to god y'all saved your entire animation budget for the last two eps and they don't totally crash and burn so at least if the story continues to be meh I can at least watch something fun.

I know you want to put Powerplex and Mark in a room together but Debbie talking to him. like. I lost everyone. all my friends were murdered. my husband was a monster. my son nearly died. all my close friends of the last 20 years were murdered. You see me out there killing randos and picking fights? No. I'm getting my shit together and building something. You had a family and you pissed it away.

God. I think I just miss seeing her be a little mean to people. Even her talks with Cecil come across as sad more than angry. Let Debbie fucking yell at people again, what the fuck happened there. She was so dismissive of the white house attack ! of Nolan ending up in another dimension ! YES LET HER BE RECKLESS. let her be callous. stop having her suddenly being a fucking doormat for other people's freakouts. its okay baby, I support you no matter what ! FUCK THAT. she needs to snap or at least be shown getting some support so I understand why she isn't just fucking killing people lol

Debbie designating herself a fucking Problem when. Her and a crew of villain adjacent buddies coulda been so fun. Cecil not being able to spy on them anymore bc she now has resources to get that shit off her back. I need people in her corner so fucking bad. A much more gray morality Debbie tho. It's honestly one of the things I really appreciated about S1. She doesn't tell Mark to be good, she tells him to make choices he can live with. The closest she gets to a 'be a hero' statement is nobody is beneath help. God. I would love for that convo to come back up between her and Mark. for it to get nasty re: Nolan.

Eve just starting a business is like, okay whatevs, but that is a federal prison. Government contracts have so much shit built into them ! how they work what you need to do to qualify ! and this fucking teenager just gets the contract?? it definitely shows that heroes are above the law bc wtf. Is it bc she worked with the GDA before that it got greenlit?? If there were attempts to bring a fucking court case against Invincible in recent memory and the public was shaky on his image bc his dad just tried to take over the fucking planet why would he qualify for government contracts !!! if you really want to try and fucking double down on his stupid prison is the only option mandate, than fucking have him go into a damn job interview and give the best police brutality is justified cop speech ever, bc prisons are responsible for the health and safety of their inmates and them hiring man who punches things does not speak highly of the care they give. Tie his fucking job into why he is a hero and not 'damn I need money guess this'll do'. and it is once more something he does not pick. Doormat Mark expose when. just... damn.

Where did the character drama go ??? why do episode one off randos get more depth ??? The exchange between Kate and her brother was great, and it was 100% the kind of conversation Mark should have been having with someone. I also immediately wanted to be like 'oh are you going to mention that you were willing to let everyone believe you were dead just to run away and get out of things Kate? including your brother remember that? no? hm' Why is Rae suddenly living out Kate's apparent fucking dream of retirement. like wtf happened there.

While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom

OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what you’re talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolan’s? I suppose I’m not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think there’s something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecil’s number one intern—only intern—curtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT there’s something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.

I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if they’re more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Mark’s life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Mark’s already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so there’s a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close they’re supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he can’t project onto Mark.

I love thinking about these, omg.

[seleneprince]

And If I tell you that Harvey Dent had an affair with Lucia's mother? If I tell you that he loved her but couldn't be with her the way he wanted to? If I tell you he was there when Lucia was born, held her in his arms and was the first father figure she remembers?

If I tell you he's Marco's biological father, which Lucia knows? If I tell you Harvey knew all along she was Bruce's child, but refused to tell because he wanted to keep her for himself? If I tell you he still cares for her as if she was his own, but also out of a misplaced sense of guilt that he couldn't save their mother/his lover?

If I tell you his relationship with Lucia is complicated, unhealthy, loving and built upon a mountain of traumas and the remnants of the past? That he loves her, she loves him, he relies on her emotionally, she acts like his caretaker sometimes, she wouldn't ever trust him to raise Marco, he sees the ghost of her mother in her?

If I tell you this will be tragic for both, what then?

Taglist: @yuyuzi-ling @lunayaps (if someone wants to be added, let me know)

[juaneloriginal]

Hi! Kinda just got here and I’m curious what the love virus does

Is it like a romantic desire for someone or NSFW? I’m curious because I don’t know what I’ll find on this blog and also because this AU is super interesting

The love virus just makes the emotions of the user explosive and unstable

That combined with painter's manic personality makes it even worse, him at times tearing his body apart due to the sheer extreme of his emotions.

In terms of what the virus wants/does in general, is information, it wants to absorb as much information as it can, but it doesn't really use it.

due to being trapped down in Blacksite with no way of connection to the outside world because Urbanshade cut all of it so the virus wouldn't be able to spread, it urges the virus to find a way out, using the user's desires to achieve that

What it does with painter is manipulate him into wanting more info for a certain purpose, making him hallucinate and appearing at random times to just taunt him.

Since painter loves art the virus will start to deteriorate his ability to do so, making painter frustrated and in response, trying to find ways to get better, absorbing all the art that he can find down in the Blacksite (like an ai does) and the very little the virus was able to grab from the outside world in the very few milliseconds it passed out there, enticing him to get out to absorb more

Besides that, it will also deteriorate his ability to remember certain information, like bro at times would try to throw a fact and it will come out as: "Picasso painted the mona lisa" or smth

the virus also taunts him with his relationship with Sebastian, telling him "He we love us if we are all free".

phun phact: sometimes the virus makes random parts of his body feel weird and itchy, so painter just like buries something in there and tries to scratch the spot with that

also him with my angel teehee

The info might change as i develop the au, also i feel like i explained it like shit here and did not say all i wanted to say but honestly is the best i could do

[e-the-village-cryptid]

Bix. I truly don't know how to start talking about all the things I love about Bix. I've been sitting here just staring out the window for ten minutes now. I relate to her so deeply and augh it is difficult to express all the things I love about her character but I will try.

The first thing I noticed about Bix is the way she carries herself. She shrinks from nothing and holds her chin high, but in a way that feels more like armor than natural confidence. She's always tense. She's always looking around, taking in her surroundings, listening and watching and on alert. She tries not to let herself feel any strong emotions. She smiles at her friends and neighbors, but the expression is quick to drop away. She has a strong temper, but she reins it back quickly so we only see glimpses of it— a moment where she advances on Timm, eyes blazing, or punches the wall after unsuccessful hours spent hanging off the ladder in the radio tower. She shoves despair down too, casting about instead for a solution, or a distraction, or anything to keep her moving.

Because Bix is always, always on the move. She has a salyard to run and a smuggling operation to manage and a community to look out for. She works hard and walks fast, but still finds the time to see Maarva and look after her health. And if there's half a chance that her actions could fix something, she absolutely can't stand still. A soldier's turned back, a radio signal, a gap in the crowd— and she's off and running whether she really believes she stands a chance or not. She knows she can't fix everything, but she tries, she always tries, because there's no giving up when it comes to protecting the people she loves.

And there's so few of those people left. Her parents died young, leaving her with a salyard to run all on her own by her early 20s. Maarva has been something of a mentor figure to her, but by the time we meet her, Maarva's health is failing, too. She found a friend in Cassian when they were children, but he's rarely around these days, and when he is, she can't depend on him. The Paaks note they haven't seen her around much, and though she waves at her neighbors as she passes by, she doesn't stop to chat. She starts dating Timm even though she doesn't really love him and she knows it, just for some grasp at connection and a semblance of a normal life, some kind of stability and constancy. And then he's gone too, murdered right in front of her, and she blames herself, and Salman is tortured and killed, and she blames herself, and Maarva dies when she wasn't there to care for her, and if Bix felt alone and afraid of vulnerability at the beginning of the season, I don't know how to describe how she must be feeling now. She tries, she tries so hard to do the right thing, to be loyal and dependable and to use all her skills and smarts to wrangle the pieces of her life back together, only to watch it all crumble before her at the hands of the Empire, then to feel her own body and mind subjected to the same fate.

And yet, she still doesn't stop. She stares down the threat of torture rather than willingly betray Cassian or Luthen. She survives. Even in the haze of pain and broken reality, she pulls together what scraps of awareness she can to observe, to keep one eye on the camera that watches her, to cast about for an anchor in this place. And when she hears the beat of a far-off drum, strands of familiar music on the breeze, she pulls herself to the window, clawing hand over hand with whatever strength she has left, drawing her face into the light to join the music and the chant, to let the song of her community reach her, even here.

Bix clings fiercely to what she loves. In other people, in her community, in herself. It's not easy for her to allow herself to express it, but her actions speak far louder than her words. No matter what, Bix holds onto a hope that simply cannot be killed. It's not an optimistic type of hope, not joyful, certainly not naive. Most of all, it's not passive— it's not the kind of hope that sits back and believes things will get better. Bix's hope is the fierce, dogged, stubborn kind, the kind that says "Maybe things could get better, maybe they can't, but if I don't try, I'll never know." It's the kind that believes there's always something out there that's worth fighting for. She never stops forging ahead, whatever the circumstance, whatever has happened to her, whatever she's feeling, whatever the odds. And I love her so, so much for that.

Character Appreciation Friday - Bix Caleen

Name: Bix Caleen Played by: Adria Arjona Appearances: Kassa, That Would Be Me, Reckoning, Announcement, Narkina 5, Nobody's Listening!, Daughter of Ferrix, Rix Road

Happy Friday gang! Today we get to appreciate a businesswoman, a rebel, a friend, a true daughter of Ferrix. Bix is a smart and capable character who deserved better than what the Empire brought her, and I know we're all excited to see her fight for it soon.

Tell me what you love and appreciate about Bix in a reblog, comment, or ask!

Next week: B2EMO

[lloydfrontera]

my biggest gripe with the manhwa rn is that they made javier more of an asshole than he is in the novel and then took away most of the scenes where we see him being kind and soft with others.

javier can be an ass, he is a brat and he's especially annoying when he's with lloyd, but above anything else he is kind and loyal and selfless and good. i cannot emphasize enough how good javier is. he's the kind of person who cannot see someone in trouble or danger and do nothing about it. he's the kind of person who would sacrifice his life for total strangers and no hope of any reward. he's the kind of person who can't even enjoy a lavish party without feeling guilty because he'd much rather help people in need with that money.

he's so fucking good, lloyd is a little annoyed by it because he keeps getting dragged into life-threatening situations because javier just won't stop helping people they don't even know. mind you, lloyd is also endeared by this and would not want him to change but god can it be frustrating in his endeavor to keep them both alive.

there's this particular scene that i just. i'm so sad it was cut. where javier is helping around the refugee camp, going without sleeping and eating so he can focus on helping as many people as possible and then he spots a little kid that got lost on his way back. so he decides to help him.

and he's so gentle with this kid.

Javier walked over to the kid and called him. The flustered boy looked up. Javier strove to put on a warm smile on his face. "Are you lost?" “...” The boy nodded, his eyes all wet. Javier carefully stroked the boy's head. "I think I can help you with that. Why don't you let me help find your tent?" suggested Javier. “...” The boy nodded again. "But why didn't you eat the food? It's going to get cold. Are you not hungry?" "I am… hungry," the boy finally said. But what he said next caught Javier by surprise. "But I won't eat it," said the boy. "Why not?" "My mother is hungrier." "Is that so?" "Yes." “...” Javier wondered why this kid came out to take the food when he had a mother. There must be a reason, he thought to himself. He held out his hand. "I will hold the tray for you." "..." "I won't spill it. I promise." "Okay..." Javier took the tray and wrapped the boy’s hand with his own.

like. god. javier is not a naturally warm person. he's very reserved and stoic and sometimes outright cold, but he still tries so hard with this kid. because he knows what it's like to be him. he knows what it's like to be a child and be scared and hungry and without a home. and he remembers how much it meant for a kind adult to reach out a hand to him and help. and he wants to be that to others too.

everything he does, he does because he genuinely believes it's the right thing to do and therefore his obligation. and even when it doesn't come naturally to him, like being warm and gentle to a child, he still tries his best to do so.

and like that wasn't enough, when they finally find the kid's mom, javier finds out she's blind. recently blinded actually. that she used all her strength to get her child to safety and now she has to depend on him to take care of them because she can't do it anymore. her blouse is smudged with porridge.

so javier kneels down and explains who he is, why he's there and that he wants to help. he lifts up a spoonful of food and slowly and carefully starts to feed her himself. she's a complete stranger and javier doesn't hesitate one second to do this for her.

this is who javier is!! this is who he is at his core!! he's kind and he's selfless and he's above all else good!!

if your audience can't imagine javier comforting a child, then you failed your audience. you missed the point of his character.

[walkingstackofbooks]

@dreamerdrop #.oh god. that would catapult julian’s need to express love by fixing people into overdrive.#.he’d work himself ragged trying to help her until he’s a sleep deprived miserable mess. [...] #.the horror of julian bashir feeling responsible for someone’s wellbeing. #.when his first experience with that was his parents who decided that Happiness and Wellbeing were two very different things.

God. To start with, he'd read every book on this sort of trauma, attend every course, spend half of *his* sessions with Counsellor Telnorri sidetracked on methods of therapy that might help Sarina. And he'd be getting nowhere. He'd be reaching out to other Federation counsellors, trying to get someone to help, but none can be spared in person - not with the war and the shortage of them in Starfleet, especially not when DS9 already has a counsellor, and certainly not for one, singular augment.

And I think he'd be patient, and sweet, and kind to her. But he'd also be incredibly frustrated that she wasn't getting better, and that he wasn't good enough to make her better, and be utterly convinced that there must be some way to reach her, to communicate. But trauma works on its own timeline, and there's nothing he can do to change that.

Some weeks later, he gets a communication from a Doctor Lowes, who's woken up to discover that her patients have been spread out across the world. She asks after Sarina, requests a subspace call so she can speak to her - but also includes a recreation of Sarina's medical file: her background, her history, her personality.

Of course! thinks Julian, bitterly. Why didn't I think of that? Because he sees now that he was going about trying to 'fix her' in completely the wrong way. Her silence wasn't because of the bombing - it was a symptom of her enhancements! Which means there could be a surgical solution to this, even if he has to reinvent genetic engineering himself. That's something he could do.

And of course, once he thinks of it, there's no stopping him. And honestly, I'm not sure if anyone would try to. They all know how attached Julian's become to Sarina - they've all become quite attached, honestly - and at least initially it would seem like an endeavour worth Julian's effort.

Unlike in Chrysalis, however, Jack and Lauren and Patrick aren't there to help recalibrate the medical probe, so Julian doesn't have anyone to turn to when Miles takes a look of it and tells him it's impossible, that you can't break the laws of physics. He's only got himself. And once he gets obsessively into engineering, to the point where it's all he talks about, even with Sarina... When his calm patience wears thin from weeks of guilt and insomnia and disappointments, and he starts getting frustrated with Sarina, certain she could help him if only she could do something — that's when the others realise that it's far past the time to bring him back from all this.

---

I can also completely imagine the same situation for your first consideration. Julian being driven to try and "fix" all three of them, because if they can pass for normal, like he could, then maybe they won't be targeted, maybe they'll be able to keep out of danger and look after themselves, maybe they won't be at risk anymore because of him... It's not just his desire to help, or feeling of responsibility - it's a necessary penance for the bombing ever happening in the first place.

Today on "Hurting Julian With Unneccesarily Awful Things": after Julian gets outed, there is an upswelling of anti-augment sentiment, with radical groups using his "terrifying deception in the heart of Starfleet" to rouse people's fear and anger. There are protests; there is violence—

And one night, Julian's woken up by a sorrowful-looking Sisko, who tells him that he's sorry, but he didn't want Julian to find out any other way. There's been an attack. It's the Insitute. It's been bombed.