#he is ttrying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. and that is all anyone can want honestly.

[ancha-aus]

Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - Required Feelings

Hey @spotaus !! As promised! A little thingie :3 As always. No worries about it being canon canon or not hahah. the end choice is up to you ;)

So Spot and I were talking about Killer and his story and it got me thinking about something we already established would happen and happened.

Mostly Killer's interest in Ccino. Because with everything going on with Killer? That makes that so much more interesting. Especially because Killer is still figuring out who he is after everything and Ccino is pretty much a social chameleon.

You guys ready? So here are some drabbles on pretty much a normal average day for Killer since coming to the castle!

Warnings: unhealthy relationships. slight sexual harrassment (not by the guys in focus but done by a background character.)

Also this got a... bit longer than planned... woops. i schemed too hard.

*--------------------------------------*

The last two months had been... strange.

Don't misunderstand. the training? brutal. But so good.

Killer never knew that it could be... fun to move and exercise.

He is so used to only running when he is running from the guards. He is so used to fighting only being adrenaline filled movements to keep the guards back so his best friend- ... so Chara could escape.

He is used to having to tug himself in tight places to hide. places that are uncomfortable.

Training with Nightmare is strange and difficult but fun.

The first time they sparred though?

Well... Killer is never afraid obviously. Chara said that being afraid is useless. But as Killer had stoof ready Nightmare had stopped. Tilted his skull at him and shaking his skull.

Killer had been terrified he had failed. Was his stance wrong? Was he not in the right defences postion? what did he do wrong? Please... He can do better.

Nightmar ehad walked over to him and looked at him calmly before saying that he wouldn't hurt him.

Killer had been frozen in place. because he knew that of course. Killer knows there is no use to training by hurting him. He learned that. Nightmare forced him to stop trianing and taking breaks at the start when he noticed that Killer was pushing himself to far. another difference from chara...

Nightmare had pretty much told him that his body didn't seem to agree with Killer. so that they would go back to Killer attacking him and Nightmare just blocking.

They haven't tried to spar yet since.

Killer sighs as he just wanders the halls. It is his thing at the moment.

When he isn't training, eating or sleeping. He likes to wander the grounds and area. explore a bit. Lay in the grass nad think about Ccino.

Sigh...

Ccino...

Killer is still unsure what to do with these... things he feels. He knows what this is of course. A stupid childish crush. Chara told him about them before. That people get stupid when they have tiny crushes. Especially when it is on someone that is way out of their league.

Killer had nobbed because it made sense. Chara would never have someone being out of their league. More that Chara was out of the league the other person was in.

So here he is... having a little crush on someone who is unobtainable.

Which Killer had known since the start so why did his stupid soul decide on this?

But... at the same time...

Killer looks outside as his mind wanders... His soul shifitng from the target to the more normal soul shape. Could you blame him? Ccino is... Ccino. He is so smart and everywhere and always so controlled and just always knows what to do and who is who...

Killer watches the forest in the distance and sighs wishfully... It would be easy.. especially now that he has a bit of gold... Tehy could get on one of the few horses together. and just ride off into the forest. They would keep going until they found a city where they could hide... Ccino and him. Just them...

He leans against the stone and smiles. Killer could show Ccino everything he knows from living in the city. How to get food where and how to dodge people. Ccino would be there for him. Help him and be nice and just... be there.

"Hello Killer."

Killer shotos upright and turns quickly. Only to come face to face with Ccino. Well not face to face as Ccino is a bit shorter but it is close.

Killer feels his body warm up slightly as he coughs to clear his throat of nothing but stupid nerves "Ccino! I didn't hear you." he grins "You sure you aren't a trained spy or guard yourself?"

Ccino tilts his skull and looks slightly amused "Very sure. I think i would notice the training for one." He looks around and looks through the window for a moment "I saw that you were just standing here and was wondering if something was wrong." and Ccino waits.

Oh gods what does he say? that he was just staring outside and thinking about the future they could ahve if they just made a break for it? that is not going to fly. oh fuck why are his hands sweaty.

Killer shrugs as he grins "Me thinking? You should know by now that i never think!" oh please just end him. what is he doing?!

Ccino frowns slightly before shaking his skull. Killer would feel bad about it but he has a tiny smile! That is something! that is something amazing!

Ccino looks back at him and frowns "Are you okay?"

Killer jsut... blinks at him... him... okay? of course he is okay? "Why wouldn't i be okay?"

Ccino keeps frowing as he just looks at him "Because your soul is a little... woobly... I was wondering if you are okay." he looks a lot stricter "If you aren't okay or feeling alright you need to tell us."

Killer however is... well he isn't NOT listening because how can he not listen to him? But Killer is sligthly panicking. of course his soul is woobly. Because his stupid soul is feeling stupid feelings about Ccino which just get worse when Ccino is here and what does he even say?! Wait! distract and redirect! Easy!

killer grins "Checking out my soul? You should take me on a date first."

WRONG DIRECTION! DIFFERENT DIRECTION! DON'T REDIRECT INTO THAT DIRECTION!

Ccino doesn't even blink at his very poor attempt at a flirt "Killer. I am being serious. Are you feeling okay? If you are sick you need to take time to rest and heal before anything else."

Killer snorts nad shrugs "Euh. I would be fine anyway. The king would probably hate me skipping training for something as stupid as me not feeling okay."

Ccino frowns at him "Killer... I know for sure that our king would much prefer you taking your time to heal and feel okay over you hurting yourself or getting sicker by pushing yourself too far."

Killer snorts as he mutters wiht a shrug "You jsut think that because you have priveledges..." which Killer immediantly regrets. it sounded like an insult or rude or whatever it is called.

Ccino shakes his skull as he mutters "No it is..." he sighs as he rubs his skull for a moment before focussing on him again. "Killer. I can assure you. I swear and promise. our king would not react poorly to hearing you are not feeling well." and he gives him this tiny tiny smile.

Killer feels weird and he has so many impulses and thoughts he doens't even know what to do at the moment. his body is unsure and killer jsut stays put as he looks to the side wiht a shrug.

Ccino watches him for a moment but doesn't push further. Instead he just nods as if Killer made any type of sense as he looks down the hall "Were you going to get dinner? it is about time for it."

Killer takes the out wiht both hands as he answers "I was going into that direction." and if he wasn't before he is now!

Ccino nods "Then we can walk together." he starts to turn and looks at him.

Killer feels his hadns get sweaty again. the impulse to hold the other. to just wrap his arms around the other and never let go. The need to pull him back and away. The other need to just sit with him and stare.

He can not be near him now. Ccino is offlimits and Killer is a mess.

Killer finds his voice "You know... now that i think about it... dinner? yeah... i dunno. Not exactly hungry... maybe you have apoint about me not feeling well. I am going back to my room and rest."

Ccino frowns at him but once again nods "okay. If you still feel ill tomorrow just tell one of the maids okay? Take it easy and try to get some sleep." and ccino walks away. towards the area to get food.

Killer rushes back to his room and falls on the bed. He groans long and loud. Why is he like this? why is this so hard and weird and strange?

Why does he never want it to stop.

Even so Killer jsut lays in the bed. feeling his soul slowly calm down from the racing pace it had been going. slowly it calms a calm pace and Killer thinks he slept for a bit.

Killer wakes up of course. He is hungry.

Ugh. this is what he gets for lying and skipping dinner.

Killer groans as he sits upright... he hopes there is some stuff still in the kitchen for him to raid and-

something in here smells delicious?!

Killer looks around and finds a plate of food on his nightstand. It is mashed potatoes with some greenery in it... hotchpotch? with something that looks like a large meatball and there is a tiny note.

Killer takes the note and reads it. It is ccino. telling him to take it easy and that he left him a meal for when he feels hungry.

Killer takes the plate. and while the food isn't hot anymore it is still warm. He takes a careful bite. but instead of chewing or swallowing he just waits and feels.

He enver realy had meals with intent before. Killer was never in a position to get those. And most restaurants places he took food from hadn't had a chef that cared enough to put intent in.

THe cooks here put a lot of intent in the food. Of nourishment mostly. the want that they feel good.

Killer didn't feel it right away so he doesn't think the normal cook made it. especially because it was chicken planned for dinner today.

He feels it.

It is weak and so light but it is there. Care. soft care from a magic that killer hadn't felt fully before. But the same care he could see shinign through Ccino's eye lights.

It feels like the magic... holds him. but not like guards grabbed him before. but softer and gentle and if he can break.

Killer only finishes his bite onces he absorbed every last bit the intent. He looks down adn ignores the fact that the goop from his sockets are dripping. that the goop is way more watery than normal.

-----

There are a lot of cats out in the castle.

Killer at first hadn't understood why.

Killer knew the church for nim used the animals as sacrifices. That he had...

Killer however also knew that Nightmare is very against sacrifices. If he learned anything in his four months here it was that. Nightmare hates everything that relates him back to his mother.

The news that nim and ngihtamre had been related... well... Killer will admit he had been looking back on those old fantasies or running away wiht a certain someone much more seriously.

But nightmare hated the old ways. He looked at them with disgust each time they were brought up and tried to make sure no situation happened where they woudl be needed. Killer is unsure what nightmare will do once something needs to happen that require those very things.

Maybe Nightmare will just keep refusing to do it. He seems to be very set on doing that.

Either way.

Cats.

So many of them.

Killer right now stands in a hallway. staring at a very sassy little grey with brown spots creature. The cat looks completely unimpressed with Killer.

Killer... hadn't tried to pet the cats yet. He had been... unsure...

Killer knows what he did. What he has done to these very creatures. The pain he caused their brothers and sisters before. Killer had the feelign the cats knew too. That they knew he was a terrible person who hurt those like them before.

Killer still really wants to go that direciton though... He has training with nightmare and nightmare and him had finally moved unto to sparing and Killer found it fun. He wanted to get all the time to spar that he could.

Killer stares down at the tiny creature "come on bud... I really need to go that direction."

The little grey and brown spotted cat looks unimpressed at him before rolling unto his back. showing that forbidden tummy.

Killer may never have petted a cat but he knows that is a trap. Killer shakes his skull "Can't do buddy... I know you will attack me."

The cat just does a slow blink at Killer. The picture of perfect innocence as he lays there. His eyes seeming to say 'why won't you pet me? aren't i cute? and don't i look soft?'

Killer slowly crouches down near the cat "I mean it bud. I need to go the direction you are blocking. Can you please move?" his hands slowly nears the cat. his hand is shaking lightly.

The cat makes that little mrp noise as he nuzzles the floor. wiggling in place.

Killer ligthly touches the cats side-

and the cat snaps to grab his hand with his little claws and bites it.

Killer yelps "ow! Hey! No fair!" the cat already let go and stands at the end of the hall. Looking very proud of himself before throtting off.

Killer glares as he jumps up "hey no wait!" he knows the library is there and Killer doesn't want the cat to start clawing stuf in there. the library is nightmare's pride and joy! he rushes after the cat "Hey! come back here!"

It takes amoment but he finds the cat and grins "There you are Bite!"

and amused voice "Bite?"

Killer turns around and Ccino is right by his side. Looking intrigued as he looks between Killer and the cat he had finally managed the corner.

Killer blinks and searches for the words "Yeah... Bite.. because he bites."

Ccino hums as he looks at the cat. He easily walks by Killer's side and killer tries not to shiver when their sides brush adn touch. Ccino crouches down and lets the cat sniff his hand for a moment. Ccino titls his skull as Bite just starts headbutting his hand and arm.

Waht a traitor.

Ccino chuckles as he picks Bite up and Bite purrs loudly and Killer swears the cat is staring at him smuggly

Ccino hums as he pets the cats "Sorry she bit you. cats need to learn not to see hands as toys. I think she thought you were trying to play with her."

Killer blinks "Her?"

Ccino nods "Yeah. Bite is a girl."

Oh gods please don't tell Killer that he officially named one of the cats and the name is BITE.

Killer rubs his hand "You sure it was just playing?"

Ccino nods "should be... did she do damage?" he frowns slightly.

Killer blinks and checks himself. No. no damage. huh. he shakes his skull "Nah. she didn't do damage... aside from emotional damage that is."

Ccino snorts and nods "Tehy are good at that. Well. I will take this little trouble maker in that case. You good luck at your training. Take the path behind the armour stand. It will take you right to the triaing area and you wn't be ridiculous late." and ccino opens his arms to let Bite jump out.

Killer shakes his skull "wait i euh... how come all the cats like you so much? are they yours?" he does remember the direction for later.

Ccino tilts his skull "They aren't mine. tehy are all strays... i guess they just like this place and see it as safe." a bit of a guilty smile "I do feed them however... which isn't helping the cat situation."

Killer snorts "must take a lot of money to pay for." maybe he can help a bit? share the costs?

Ccino shakes his skull wiht a smile "doesn't cost me anything. Ngihtmare just makes sure there are supplies for them in the castle." at the shocked look ccino smiles a bit softer "He knows I like them. So our king makes sure that they cna stay." he pets the feline by his feet "And what can i say? they are amazing pest control."

Killer laughs and nods "I can imagine. So how did you get them all to like you cat whisperer?"

Ccino looks amused but must be in a good mood as he decides to share his wisdom "Getting a cat to like you is easy. You just need to respect their boundaries and learn their language."

Killer fucking knew it! Killer grins "You can talk to them?"

Ccino blinks and looks a bit sheepish "oh no i can't. I meant... their body language. Cats communicate a lot with body language. Learn to read that a bit and you will know what a cat is annoyed or wants to be left alone. Then you respect their limits. if you are calm a cat is more likely to like you. and if you let a cat leave when it wants to they are more likely to return to you."

Killer gives a slow nod. huh..

Ccino nods "Etiher way. you got training that started like five minutes ago. Use the pathway i pointed out. See you around Killer." and he turns and leaves.

He turns the corner and Killer rushes after him to say thank you but- he is gone... Ccino must have used one of those pathways that the servants all use.

Bite is still by his side. she is looking at him with the most unimpressed look that Killer has ever seen on a cat.

Killer huffs and crosses his arms "What? it isn't like you would know how to trat a crush."

Bite clearly disagrees as she licks her paw before rubbing herself against his leg before throtting off. Looking confident and happy.

Killer sighs before jumping. shit his training! He rushes towards the armour stands and finds the servants path easily enough as he rushes towards the training room.

------

Killer is not sure if he even wants to be here.

Here, being, this stupid council get together thing.

Killer isn't even sure what it was. Just that there are a bunch of council members and old nobels. Something soemthing about it still being from Nim's time or something and Nightmare needing to deal with it.

Nightmare had asked if Killer had wanted to be there. Get a better feel for what normal guard duty was. So he could better understand why his duty was so much different.

Killer figured that it would be helpful. He had been here for six months now. a full half year. and while his training to be a Knight was progressing nicely he didn't know why it was special.

Nightmare had asked if he wanted to rotate with the guard for a while. to better understand their positions and jobs so he could see why his was different?

Killer had agreed.

and it was so different. His private room for one. but also the special training. the fact tha tnightmare would speka to him one on one and ask for his opinions and thoughts.

Being a knight... being a knigh was kinda like beign a personal guard and advisor in one go. It was a honour. and Killer jsut kinda.. stumbled into it.

Killer hadn't even been seriously concidering the job for the first three months he had been here! But then he got curious and figured he could stay and watcha bit longer. just a tiny bit couldn't hurt.

ccino walks by his row of guards and each guard quickly grabs some of the tiny snacks he offers. Ccino stops by a guard that doesn't grab one and gives thema look. the guard notices and eats the snack before ccinoe moves on. Killer grins at him as he grabs his snack and he gets agrin in return before ccino rushes of to take care of the other guards.

it also helps that ccino is here.

Killer is still unsure how ccino is just head of the house and not nightmare's main advisor and right hand. ccino is smart and clearly the most loyal of everyone in the kingdom. How could nightmare only let ccino be head of the house? sure it is a big role but killer doens't think it holds enough respect... but maybe that is just him.

Killer watches the nobel man and woman do their thing. he watches as advisors lean clsoe together to mutter and scheme. mmh. killer will have to point that out later to nightmare. make sure he noticed and knows there may be something brewing with those.

Killer still doens't get why Nightmare doesn't just fire them all. He is the king. he can do that. but someting about not wanting people to revolt or something. taking it step by step to clean it all out.

Euh. Not his job. at least not until he is a full knight.

For now he watches for trouble for Nightmare but everything seems fine... So his sight wanders to Ccino as he weaves through the crowds wiht a practise ease.

Killer is always enchanted by Ccino just. moving with ease and confidence. The way he knows how to move and never bump into anyone. How he gracefully dodges any hands or people stepping back.

Killer still watches of course as Ccino makes his way around the crowd. And he is reasonable near Killer, and Nightmare for that matter as Killer is positioned closest to him, when it happens.

Some nobel person Killer doesn't know who he is or why he is important and he doens't care. Reaches out and grabs Ccino right by the spine and rubs it.

Killer feels his hand for a fist as he moves his hand towards where his knife is stashed.

Ccino manages to twist free, which cna't be comfortable with how he was grabbed and manages to make space "Excuse. I didn't realise i was that close."

Killer has his knife in hand.

The nobel man smirks "If it isn't the pretty skeleton! I must say it is refreshing to still see you here! pretty as always." he looks him up and down and Killer gets ready. There isn't a straight line but Killer could be there within seconds.

"One of the better things of Nim! giving you your job for us all to have something pretty to stare at." the man laughs.

Ccino has a iron hold on his own face as he remains calm "The old king's name should not be spoken. As our own king rules now."

the man smirks before frowning "Though you have let yourself go! Already much fatter than before. such a shame and waste of a pretty face. Though I am sure it would still be fun to have a night together. Especially if we invite some of my business partners-"

And Ngihtmare is there. He grabs the nobel man and throws him across the hall into the wall. Killer can hear bones break and crack form his place.

People gasp and move towards his side but Killer isn't paying attention to that. He seems to be the only one who watches their king and ccino.

Nightmare looks beyond furious. His tentacles are all posed and sharp. ready to strike. He lowers himself and it reminds Killer of the big cats. How they get ready to strike.

A hand on Nightmare's shoulder.

Nightmare turns with a glare but meets ccino's unflinching face. Ccino just shakes his skull at Nightmare.

Ngihtmare breathes heavily and killer cna feel the rage in the air. Is he the only one who notices? because he is already getting sensitive to their king?

Nightmare glances back to the man on the ground and ccino shake shis skull agian. He straightens his spine, killer can see the pitch of pain on his face and nightmare clearly does to as his rage just increases. Ccino shoots him another look. He striaghtens his spine and stands still before looking pointedly atnightmare.

Ngihtmare pants but stands up striaght.

Ccino nods and rolls hsi shoudlers before relaxing them both. Killer can see his hand is still slightly shaking but he forms a fist and forces it still.

Nightmare breaths and his shoulders relax and wiht it his tentacles unsharpen.

Ccino raises a hand and waves it by his face. when his face has gone by his face turned from his frown to a neutral face.

Nightmare takes another deep breath but his face calms down.

Ccino nods and takes a few steps back. his arms and hands hidden behind his back but killer can see them shake slightly.

Ngihtmare walks over ot the nobels "As you should know by now. I do not take kindly to those who dare to threaten those who fall under my employment. I employ them in in trade for their service I keep them safe and comfortable. Yet you dare to enter my home, on my invitation, and threaten those around us? Those who work hard to ensure you have a pleasant evening? you will be removed and stripped of your title. Leave." he waves his hand and returns to his throne but on the way he stops by Killer.

Killer stands ready.

Nightmare mutters "Get Ccino to the healer. You are to make sure he gets there safely and gets to his room safely where he can rest." he eyes the knife that killer still has in his hand and looks appreciative of it. before schooling is face again and nodding. Not once mentioning that he saw the weapon which is very much not part of the normal guard equipment.

Killer nods and bows "Of course my king." and he rushes to ccino's side with a cheerful grin. hiding his own rage under easy company.

He will make sure ccino is fine. Then... when killer earned his right as knight and when he is allowed solo trips... he will make a special trip to the nobel.

after all. if he doesn't have hands he can never make a grab to anyone ever again.

-----

Killer sighs as he pets the cat in his lap. eight months. eight months since his life changed twice over. first wiht chara leaving him behind. abandoning him. and then him taking the deal with nightmare.

So muhc had changed. He had changed.

Killer pets the cat sleeping peacefully in his lap. It is still so strange. That he is still here. He hadn't... he never wanted... it hadn't been the plan to stay.

But after a while. Leaving seemed even worse of an idea.

Killer just dind't like the idea of leaving anymore.

Just until he uncovers the secrets.

Just until he satisfies his curiosity.

Just until he is over his crush.

All three misions failed.

But instead of feeling like it is time to cut his losses and move on. Killer just continues to want to stay here.

Killer sighs as he leans agianst the wall.

very soft steps and Killer grins as he looks over. Ccino turns to corner and tilts his skull at him "Well don't you look cozy." he takes a glance and smiles "I see Bite finally stopped attacking your hand every second."

Killer snorts "nah." he raises his bites covered hand "She just got tired." and he goes back to petting her.

Ccino nods as he walks over "How is your training doing?"

Killer nods "good." and that is the problem. because it is going well. Nightmare told him as much. Killer would soon have his first mission and he is worried.

What if he can't do it?

what if he can do it but doens't want to?

what is he can do it. does it. but dind't want to do it?

is the loyalty he feels... for nightmare? or for the idea that he has to be loyal.

He isn't sure.

Ccino nods "that is good." he tilts his skull at him "excited to be a full knight?"

Killer is feeling ballsy today. reckless even. Killer grins at ccino "What if i don't want to be a knight?"

Ccino doens't flinch and instead tilts his skull "I mean... you would ahve spend a long time training for soemthing you didn't want... so i figured you would have realised earlier."

Killer shrugs "waht if i did? but ust wanted more training?"

Ccino looks a thim and shrugs "I don't believe that. I think you want to be a knight."

Killer glares "And what makes you think that?"

Ccino smiles atiny bit "emotions and intent. If you hadn't wanted it. you wouldn't have tried so hard and made progress this quickly."

Killer blinks and looks forwards "What if i just believed it is what i wanted?"

Ccino shrugs "They yuo have to make a carreer switch."

Killer snorts "Oh yeah. Nightmare is going to be fine with that." he rolls his eyes.

Ccino lokos amused "Yes out king." he stresses the title "Will be fine wiht that."

Killer shoots him a look "oh come on! I knew there is more going on over him just being your king and you just being a loyal servant."

Ccino looks forwards wiht a tiny smile "I have no idea what you are talking about. Only those most trusted by the king would know personal affairs of the king." and he grins.

Killer looks amused "Okay. what if i just become knight to learn all the secrets. and then when i am saticfied i will just leave." he knows he is looking at him smugly.

Ccino tilts his skull amused "Relaly now? When you figure out all the secrets?"

Killer nods "indeed."

Ccino laughs "good luck with that." and he starts walking away.

Killer tilts his skull at him "What is that suposed to mean?!"

Ccino stops and glances backwards "You are a smart cookie. you will figure it out." and he turns around the corner.

At this point Killer knows better than to try and follow ccino. He will be gone before Killer can even get to the corner. probbaly on the other side of the castle already.

Killer keeps forgetting to ask him how he does it.

....

euh.

He will eventually ask him... Maybe...

after all...

He will only leave once he learns all the secrets...

So maybe keeping one or two in tact is a great idea...

You know...

Just because he is curious. And no other reason at all.