#he is pretentious about everything but tragically he is also right

[fallenangelontheceiling]

The only reality show Jamie should ever do again is a travel show with Roy

[clarkegriffins]

so, i think since s4 came out i saw maaaaaaaaaaaaaany posts saying nancy AND steve shouldn't be in a relationship, and i'm not gonna talk about that right now bc it's not my point, what is curious to me is that i never saw a post saying that jonathan shouldn't be in a relationship, and it got me thinking, does the fandom even listen to jonathan? like at all?

so in season 1 we have this scene:

which was supposed to "represent" stancy back then, even tho it's just assumptions since we never got the idea that stancy would ever be like ted and karen, they might had their problems back in season 1 and season 2 but not to the point that we think they would turn into nancy's parents, the show has been showing us how much steve loves nancy and that he would do literally anything for her, even breaking his own heart and letting her go, so no, not ted and karen at all, but i'm getting off topic let's go back to jonathan, this is what he thinks about nancy and steve's relationship, not very positive right? he scares her into thinking she's going to end up like her mom and how unhappy she will become.

and now we have this scene, present day:

now we're talking about his relationship with nancy, and oops, not very optimistic either right? this is basically what jonathan thinks of relationships, that no matter what they are always doomed, and how someone who thinks like that can be ready for a relationship? and i'm not even mentioning his thoughts about bob/joyce, his constant judgment over their relationship even tho bob was good for joyce, jonathan's beliefs about relationships are very tragic, i think not only about relationships, but life too, which leads to my second question: what can jonathan offer nancy? like really? i'm not talking about career or anything i'm talking about partnership, he's been ghosting nancy for a while now

to the point that she's considering he is cheating on her

just because he's too scared of telling her the truth, and i see people like: oh but he's protecting her bc just like he said "she would drop EVERYTHING to be with him" and i'm sorry but him assuming that she would leave her dream college for him is a bit too much for me, and it's crazy how no one talks about that, like nancy wheeler, our ambitious nancy wheeler, would literally drop her dreams just because jonathan is going to a different college? and no one from the fandom thinks it's a bit pretentious for jonathan to assume that? this is just an excuse for not telling her the truth, because if he told her the truth, it would lead him to also say what he thinks about their future together, which, in his opinion, is not a very bright future

and look at this, he also talks about kids and marriage, but for him it would end in a disaster, an unhappy marriage, just like ted and karen, totally different from what we saw in steve's dreams (a family with love, affection, who really enjoy each other's company, seeing the world with them, which, i think, it suits nancy traveling a lot since she wants to be a journalist) but this isn't about him, it's about jonathan, i see many people trying to say "oh but it's the trauma talking ok?" and yeah i could buy that, but i don't think trauma should excuse everything, so like nancy will have to spent her entire life fixing him? changing him? i think if u really want to be with someone you should fight for that, but that doesn't seem to be in jonathan's plans, right?

so again: how is he ready to be in a relationship? i think before anything jonathan should heal, this is what s5 should offer him.

[grievetherat]

I feel like rambling a bit about the Beatles; they have been my special interest for a while now but recently I've become especially hyperfixated.

I'm in college right now but my experience goes back to the 2010s when my father brought me trinkets from his trip to Liverpool some of which were Beatles-related. Living in a Eastern European country was a bit of a bleek experience as a child if you grew up being influenced by Western media. Being glued to the family computer or the TV, all I could do was admire the ways decade's leading up the the 21st century was shown in media, times which I was told were the darkest for my family (no electricity, no running water, the looming Soviet Union).

As such I was a yearning middle schooler, jealous of the Western world and their ability to create media that I admired. Don't get me wrong, I have gone back since then to realize even my home country had its charms and memorable breakthroughs in our culture of music or style but for me, as a kid being infatuated with the West, I was jealous of people who had their parents pass down cool records to them because they lived through the times when such music was popular, have access to merchandise or memorabilia, or the ability to visit certain historical places because I was worlds away from them.

As such I became fixated much of my teenagehood on the prospect of "what it could have been" for me, If I had the chance, I was basically a westernboo, I was chronically online most of the 2010s, exploring the emerging internet culture, the online sphere, youtube (because who else would have been the perfect subject to develop a parasocial relationship with British vloggers ahem dan&phil), but I also began to develop taste in music. As such it coincided with my father's visit to Liverpool, which fascinated me, the trinkets he had brought back along with the LOVE album CD, were mesmerizing. I mean I enjoyed my fair share of 2010s pop music, but by the end of that CD listen, needless to say, I became a pretentious prick.

To say I was interested in them is an understatement, I was obsessed; but I couldn't really explore my Beatles obsession with anyone my age so I paraded my hyperfixation to my father (a beatles fan, who took pride in me developing this interest) and the adults in my family, as simply an infatuation with the decades (the 60s-70s) to seem smart and sophisticated. They would praise me for being a history nerd and ask me to tell them fun facts about the Beatles which i pretended to simply comply with, but in reality, I just wanted an excuse to bring up the Beatles. Of course, those fun facts needed reading-up so i consumed as much reading material online (or from the few english history books my school library housed) as I could. I read of their contributions to music, their history, rock n roll, the pre-Beatles, post-breakup, their solo careers, the hippie counterculture everything ( i guess as much as a i could comprehend at them time lol) but most importantly, i read of John's tragic passing as well as the many articles, hypothesizing on 'what it could have been' for the Beatles.

My undiagnosed brain had melted at that one singular possibility.

Truly, in modern internet slang, the alleged/hypothesized Beatles reunion has been my Roman empire since the day I graduated middle school to today simply because I think of it every day at least twice. Eventually middle school obsession had matured into a primary interest, a personality trait, more of a "hello, I'm Nym, and I'm a big fan of the Beatles" and it would automatically tell the type of person I was. Only a few things after the Beatles had the same lasting effect on me (Gravity Falls as an example lol).

It also didn't help that I listen to them and their solo releases on the daily and that they're actually everywhere, being the greatest band in the world, but I think it's only in my tism brain that can't scratch that itch that makes my enjoyment of the Beatles such a surreal experience. Perhaps I could finally put it into words to give middle school me some sort of closure:

There has always been something so devastating to me about John's and George's passings. humans come and they go but for them it was abrupt, cruel; living in the 2020s now, there's something so poignant to me that begs the world why they never got to experience the next century to its full potential.

We knew the Beatles were over in 1980, the tale isn't as obscure as the Roman Empire because it feels like it has only just happened, it's part of modern popculture right? And yet we live in the 3rd decade of the 21st century, completely shifting the perspective to a type of lingering wound from such a long time ago that it never really heals anymore.

At the time, I had told this to my mother, how it bothered me so much. She had assumed I had realized the concept of sudden death and become afraid of it, and to her credit, she had tried her best to help me 'overcome it' as well, but it was never death that bothered me, it was the unfairness, the lack of closure and I guess the bittersweetness that lingers with me every time I turn on a Beatles song.

Being a Beatles fan has been a surreal experience really; I believed this weird, almost para-sociality with the closure that never came that I yearned for so long as a middle schooler would dissipate over time and I could enjoy the Beatles legacy as every other adult had around me, enjoy a fun fact now and then, get a trinket from a trip. I never really achieved that, I'm in college and they still essentially function for me as the fall of the Roman Empire. Especially with the release of Get Back a year or two ago and Now and Then, it's essentially gotten worse. Sometimes I can't bear to think about it anymore and sometimes I can't help but reminisce on what it could have been.

Anyways, I still treasure them in such a weird way, I think it takes a lot for a human tale with all its flaws to be this compellingly tragic and bittersweet to keep up a gen z college student at night over half a century later. Idk

[blackiraven]

I was finally able to write something. I'm really sorry that I can't write like I used to… I hope you're still here and waiting for my stories. Thanks🥹

Psychosis.

The dead silence and the frozen viscous air completely enveloped Riddler. For ten minutes he had been sitting motionless at his desk in the workshop and just staring at one point. The last drops of his free time were draining away from him, but Nygma couldn't do anything about it. He could only count the seconds so that his head would not completely empty. Again. He failed again. The pieces of metal lying around disappointingly indicated that Edward's new idea could not find life. Everything looked perfect in the drawings, the details were made with millimeter precision. But one moment devalued all his efforts. Further ideas with plans withered away, and the concentrated poison of failure continued to eat into the depths. Now it's just a pile of garbage. The source of strength, enthusiasm and excitement has dried up abruptly. His body went limp, his head drooped, and his hands fell into his lap. The pain in the back of his head, legs, and fingers was the only reminder that Edward was still alive, that he had to do something, had to move, had to think. But he didn't want any of that right now. Nygma got tired of all this, the fact of his own existence became disgusting and tragic. The pulse of a worn-out heart cut through every part of his body. It's over, this hell of circulating futility and hopelessness will never end.

Suddenly Edward jumped up like an unclenched spring, his trembling fists hitting the table. Everything rattled and fell to the floor. Instead of regular breathing, incomprehensible wild wheezes were heard, everything in his chest was compressed and cracked.

"Why?! It should have worked! It should have been!" grabbing a fragment of a failed structure and uncontrollably squeezing it until it crunched in his knuckles, the unrecognized genius threw it far away, just not to see these pieces of the puzzle gathering into a picture of shame. After the violent waves of rage, there came a calm of longing and helplessness. Flopping unevenly back into his chair, Nygma clutched his head, inside which everything was mixing and screaming. Bent over, he swayed heavily from side to side.

"I just want to prove to everyone his stupidity… his cheating… Why can't I do it? I'm right…" silent tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, ignoring all Edward's attempts to hide it from himself. "Indeed, why should they think and seek the truth?! It's easier to exist in stupid fantasies, where a pretentious hero will do everything for them! Idiots… idiots!" he also screamed sharply at the ceiling with his head tilted back. In a fit, the hands clutched at each other and dug their nails into the dry and flaky skin, scratching new cracks. Then the hands jerked up to the head, simultaneously pinching the neck. Trembling palms were kneading his pale and blue face in places, wiping sweat and pulling dirty hair. It was as if he was trying to sculpt something out of a soft material, something new and perfect. But this also did not work out, for which Riddler immediately punished himself with unpleasant slaps in the face.

"Edward? Is everything all right?" a calm, viscous voice stopped self-torture, and the turned-on light dispersed the psychedelic shadow theater in the cracked mirror of the mind. As it turned out, the thrown out part hit the switch exactly, and the workshop turned into a bottomless dark spot. Crane, whom Nygma had arranged to meet that evening, was standing on the threshold. Unable to find the creator of the dangerous traps anywhere, Scarecrow had to open the metal tomb. A slight coolness cautiously penetrated inside, and the ancient curse did not want to get out of its native depths in any way. Instead of the promised demonstration of a new invention and ringing, proud speeches, Jonathan found only a wounded and devastated soul, around which dust was actively accumulating.

"I'm fine! I… I'll be there soon." Edward shouted out too abnormally, without even looking at the scheduled guest. He quickly and rather absurdly pretended to be busy with a very important job, which attracted even more concerned attention to himself. John was not going to believe this, since all the tools with torn drawings were scattered everywhere, but not on the table. And the bent, trembling condition of the martyr in green made everything obvious.

"Edward… what happened? What offended you?" keeping his usual composure inside, Crane quietly entered the workshop and carefully examined the bomb ready to explode in the dim light.

"Nothing!" he was rushing around, constantly shaking his hands and wanting to get under the table as soon as possible so as not to show his loss. The ghost, soaked with the fears of the innocent, persistently made its way through all the protective barriers closer and closer.

"You don't have to hide it from me. I'll listen to everything." Crane stretched out his hand and was about to touch pain-riddled body and take away some of the tension, but Nygma, gritting his teeth, jumped up in an attacking stance.

"Do you want to hear what a nothingness I am?! Yes! That's the way it is! I failed again! There is no ingenious invention! There is absolutely nothing! Nothing!" Riddler totally broke down and screamed at the top of his voice, advancing on Scarecrow with heavy steps. The whole world seemed to shake and collapse with him. The long-infected wound had ruptured and was spewing bubbling blood and acidic pus. For a moment, John still succumbed to confusion and shock, but immediately closed the remnants of his lips, put his hands behind his back and assumed a defensive position. He knew perfectly well and had repeatedly witnessed Edward's similar attacks, but this time Jonathan was greatly hurt by the fact that he did not have time to foresee the impending storm. That he did not keep track of the deteriorating condition of his close colleague and did not pay the necessary attention in time.

"It's nice to know, isn't it?! Is it nice to see a worthless competitor eliminate himself?! Funny, isn't it?! Yes! I can't take it anymore! You can all trample on me and finish me off like a beast! Yes, yes! Right now! I don't need anything else!" his own words stuck in his throat and did not allow Nygma to breathe normally. He was sobbing, grunting, waving his arms and kicking all the heavy parts and tools. Carefully stepping back, Crane withstood the jagged words piercing into his soul with all fortitude and waited for the right moment.

"Everything is so simple for you! None of you will understand the severity of my work! Found the guns – you are the coolest, mixed the chemical formula – you are the most dangerous and scary! I hate it! I hate it! I put everything in, I do everything, and you always laugh and think I'm a jerk! Idiots! Bastards! I hate you all!" in the end, everything got mixed up and turned into a long scream and howl. A broken and clouded mind took Riddler somewhere very far away into blood-dark fantasies, where everyone is struggling in agony and burning with hellish flames. The voice trailed off and died away like on a broken record, and a strong and unbearable pain hit his temples. Edward, who was bent over, clutched his head, moaned and burst into tears, like the most offended child in the world. He managed to recover briefly only when jets of thickened blood gushed out of his nose. All sound disappeared, then a nasty ringing began to drill into his brain, and Jonathan stood in front of his reddened eyes, numb.

"I… huh… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… ah! I didn't want to …" from the belated realization of everything that had happened, heart began to pound even harder, blood poured down to his chin and fell down in large drops. The consequences of the emotional storm were terrible. A constantly distorted face was visible between the twitching fingers. Shame, misunderstanding, horror and the need to sink into the ground and hammer in a coffin.

"Edward… it's okay…"

"No! No! Don't come near me! I've said too much."

The small confrontation continued, and the two only warriors exchanged roles. Now Edward was dodging the skinny hands reaching out to him. Wounded and cornered, the beast was quickly losing its last strength so that John could easily catch it.

"Edward! It's over. You need to calm down." faded scarred palms gripped Nygma's tense and raised shoulders.

"No! Leave me alone!" he kicked and wouldn't let Crane close the distance between them.

"Leave you alone for what? You've already done enough." for a successful move, Jonathan decided to apply a little rigor. Without any mercy, he grabbed the disobedient and stubborn boy by the scruff of the neck and dragged him along. The slightly rude method worked – finally outraged, Edward finally calmed down and trailed after Scarecrow with shaky legs. The headache completely disarmed him and made him as malleable as possible. In Crane's arms, he briefly felt like a leaf caught in a warm, light wind.

An inconspicuous but valuable relic was completely removed from the suffocating crypt. Riddler's devastated body was seated on the only harsh sofa in the living room. He wanted to say something, to object, but Scarecrow put hand on his head in time and thereby stopped him.

"Just take a deep breath. I'll be right back." lightly scratching the shaggy top of his head, John briefly left Edward, who was constantly sniffing, smearing blood on his face and holding onto his aching head. Crane returned quickly, bringing with him a glass of water and several pills with a strong sedative effect. Nygma again forgot to take his medications periodically and brought everything up to the present moment.

"Thank you…" the patient mumbled and gulped down all the water along with the pills. The liquid coolness was quickly absorbed and spread over the withered body, extinguishing the insatiable fire and supporting the remnants of life. A personal psychotherapist sat down next to him and carefully wiped his nose and chin with a damp cloth.

"Don't get hung up on it. You need peace now."

"But I…"

"Edward, please."

"I really didn't succeed."

"But it doesn't end there."

"That's right. This only confirms my insignificance and everything continues."

“No. It just signals that you need to rest and gain strength. You're exhausting yourself."

"It's too easy…"

"And you're complicating things again, aren't you?"

"It makes more sense and logic."

"But it's not always necessary, Edward."

The confused and broken Riddler continued to turn his head in every possible way and grunt with displeasure. In the end, Scarecrow was able to pull him to himself and lay him on his shoulder, continuing to stroke his head and cheeks. Starting to breathe deeply, Edward buried his face in the thin and deeply scarred neck. Fingers with black nails, like tree roots, crept up to the glazed, tear-soaked eyes and covered them with themselves. The impenetrable darkness and the returned silence helped to cope with the consequences of total psychosis. The high blood pressure returned to a normal rhythm, the heavy pulsations in the skull contracted, the tormenting thoughts dissipated. Nygma was able to simply enjoy being with the only person close to him and feel safe. Abandoned and cursed by the whole world, and only the same leper and rejected could give him care and support.

"I'm sorry. I'm… such an idiot." trembling hands, looking for at least a little warmth, clung to the unshakeable Crane, ready to take away all the ailments of the Riddler and end his suffering.

"It's all right. I'm not offended by you at all." he says it every time and every time it calms Edward down and takes a heavy load off his twisted shoulders. John would never be able to take offense or get angry at Eddie, who is so harmless and gentle inside. He sees through Riddler, can perfectly understand him, listen and find a gentle approach, for which Nygma reveals his positive qualities and spiritual secrets to Scarecrow. Edward needs to be himself with at least someone, to be a sensitive child, and John needs to devote the rest of his life to at least someone and give the remnants of human feelings. Such small and delicate moments are slowly becoming part of the meaning of their existence. And no one else knows about it. The pills continued to work, Nygma's eyelids, darkened due to lack of sleep, became heavy and closed. Smiling slightly at the cute picture, Crane smoothly laid Edward's head on his lap and put a pillow under. His limping leg hurt a little, but he was willing to suffer for the sake of a restful sleep of his precious exhibit.

"So I'll be able to do it next time?" Riddler's voice was getting quieter and quieter, he was already half asleep, but he still wanted to talk a little more.

"Of course, Edward. Before that, you had a lot of successful plans, so don't cancel everything because of a couple of failures." encouraging words lulled well and protected from possible nightmares.

"Really?.." the fog of comfort thickened in his head and this fact from his own biography was able to surprise Riddler.

“Yeah. Last time, you quickly caught Robin in your trap and Batman had to save his adopted bird." Jonathan seemed to be telling a fascinating fairy tale, holding Nygma's hand and continuing to stroke his head.

"Mef… Robin is too stupid, it's always easy to catch him." he waved away and tucked his legs under him, turning over in displeasure.

"But this proves that Batman still cannot train his heir, that he is not able to choose a decent person. And no one notices it. Except for you."

"Ha! And for the umpteenth time… oh… I get into this… oh… weak spot of his! Brilliant!" with each new yawn, Eddie fell deeper and deeper into dreams with a soft smile.

"That's right, Edward, that's right. Only you can do it, no one else." leaning over and whispering in his ear, Crane kissed the curled-up Nygma. Before completely dissolving into reviving fantasies, he mumbled something unintelligible. Now Riddler is safe, the lord of nightmares himself guarded his sleep and covered him with a slightly prickly but warm blanket. Poor, exhausted Eddie will have a long and sound sleep, perhaps for twelve hours or even for the whole day. And while his body and psyche are recovering, Jonathan will stay here to take care of this unfortunate child, who may injure himself alone. When he wakes up, he will look like a newborn baby: just as hungry, unable to speak and navigate in space. For a Scarecrow, this is a wonderful sight every time like the first time. Even in the thickest and darkest forest of horror and fear, there is a small cozy place hidden from everyone, designed for one person.

John sat on the couch for a while longer, enjoying the favorable silence interspersed with Edward's peaceful snuffling. But he had to leave the sleeper to do some things: prepare new portions of medicines and study the consequences of Riddler's self-poisoning, reflected in his lair. As a rule, this is a huge tangled tangle of mess, dirt and ruin. And the author himself will unravel all this, having previously listened to a long and educational lecture from Crane. He will always be there, will always look out for Nygma and will be his support in difficult moments. The initial scientific interest slowly and imperceptibly turned into another vital need. Riddler categorically cannot and does not want to show his weaknesses and ask for help, but he always hopes and waits for Scarecrow to reach his sore spots and heal them. This mute call and inner cry reached the addressee again.

[ala2ilas-s]

Neymar jr

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bitter laugh escaped my lips as I shook my head “don’t act like you actually care” I said finally looking up at my father for the first time that night.

“You’re being unfair.” he huffed crossing his arms over his chest causing me to clench my jaw harder.

“Oh spare me pretentious act. I’m just another pawn in your big game. An unfortunate burden that can be used against you.” I said through gritted teeth.

“You don’t need a reason to kill me. Everyone has an expiry date in your eye and mine ends when you no longer need to keep the facade.” I stood up and chugged the rest of my drink before walking to the door.

“I wouldn’t test that theory sweetheart.” I stoped at his voice. I hate that nickname. “Something rather.. tragic happening to a family member might just bring me the attention I need.” He said not showing a single sign that something happening to me would actually upset him in the slightest.

“I hate you.” I said gripping the door knob harder, my knuckles turning white.

“Tough..” He said and I didn’t waste another second walking out and slamming his door. Exhaustion weighting down on my body when the adrenaline started to wear off and I had to lean against the hallway wall to support my body. Heavy pants coming out of my mouth and I had to close my eyes to focus on my breathing if I didn’t want to pass out.

“So he told you..?” My head snapped up to my right. An unfamiliar man that I’ve been completely oblivious to, was leaned against the opposite wall watching me with raised eye browse.

“Who are you?” I said panic starting to build up in my system. Immediately going in fight mode at the sight of this unknown man.

“Your bodyguard sweetheart.” My face fell. So he is the guy that’s gonna be babysitting me for the next few months. He’s also what sparked yet another fight between me and my father.

“Don’t call me that” I growled, pushing myself off the wall and walking up the stairs to my room and pretending like he didn’t just catch me about to have a full panic attack.

“What? Sweetheart?” He mocked, trailing behind me and I rolled my eyes. Although I’ve met him less than five minutes ago, I could tell he’s not exactly gonna be my favourite person.

When I finally walked in my room, wanting nothing more than to just take a shower and sleep, a strong hand on the door caused me to halt and I looked back at him eye brows shot up waiting for him.

“I’ll be outside” he said in a serious tune and I just blinked at him not knowing how to respond.

After a minute of just starring at the closed door I huffed and started unzipping my dress pulling down the strings. Of course the bodyguard he assigned to me is just fucking beautiful.

My dress dropped to my feet and I made my way to my bathroom. My muscles relaxing the moment I lowered myself in the tub filled with warm water. The faint sound of music playing in the background calming my nerves. My head went underwater as I drowned everything and let out a loud scream before resurfacing again when I needed to breath.

The water started to get too cool for my liking and I had to drag myself out of the bathtub, wrapping a towel around my body as I walked out of the bathroom. A quiet scream left my lips when I came face to face with the pretty stranger again.. my bodyguard that I had yet to learn the name of.

“What took you so long?” He asked looking slightly pissed. My hands clenched the small towel covering my body as I half expected him to check me out like the other guards and most of my father’s companies would do shamelessly every time I was showing any skin which usually did not go unpunished for. To say I was surrounded by old pigs and to earn the same amount of respect that I would’ve had if I had a dick between my legs, I had to do things in the hard way, was an understatement. However, his eyes didn’t wavered from my own.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” I said.

“I check up on you every hour and a half.” He said calmly while I stood there looking at him with wide eyes. “It’s the drill.” He shrugged.

“I’m in my room what can happen here.” I said frustrated about how I practically didn’t have any privacy what so ever.

“It’s the drill sweetheart.” He repeated making my blood boil as he casually strolled in my room looking out the window.

“You can get out now.” I glared at him pointing at the door even though his back was towards me. He hummed before turning on his heels. His jaw clenching every time he chewed on his gum making it harder to look away from his stupidly attractive face.

The moment he was about to walk pass me I snapped out of it and grabbed his arm not shying away from his intense gaze “and don’t call me that.”

His mouth curled up slightly, a smug smirk on lips causing my eyes to involuntarily moved down and in a moment of weakness I wondered how they would taste.

My attention was once again snapped back to his eyes when I felt him pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. If you look close enough you’d notice traces of green rings in his chocolate eyes.

“Noted sweetie.” He mumbled and stepped away from me causing my hand to fall from his arm “no.” I groaned watching him walk out of my room chuckling under his breath.

���Bastard” I mumbled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[thelordofgifs]

Writing Year Wrapped

Thank you for the tag @eilinelsghost - what a lovely idea!

3 Favourite Fics You've Written This Year

the fairest stars (T, 78k, in progress). So much of myself has gone into this fic since I started writing it all the way back in February. I love all the characters (Maedhros and Maglor my beloveds!!), I love how much it's taught me about plot and structure and evil cliffhangers, and I love sharing it with all my wonderful kind enthusiastic readers!

Ilimbë (T, 15k, complete). This was a new venture for me, both genre and ship-wise, but it was just so much FUN. I like writing things that make me feel clever, and this is probably my most unabashedly pretentious fic. But also baby Fëanor is everything to me now.

in the breaking (G, 2k, complete). I used to call this my best m&m fic, although tfs is probably my best m&m fic. But in the breaking is still one of my favourite explorations of their tragic tender codependent dynamic.

3 Fics That Stretched You the Most

Inflection (G, 10k, complete). This one was SO hard to write - getting the first draft out was very much blood, sweat and tears. The nuances of the kidnap fam dynamic are very hard to get right, balancing the canonical love with Elrond and Elros' genuine trauma. I'm still not entirely sure I got it quite to my satisfaction, but I'm pleased with the final result all the same.

the fairest stars. Yes I'm listing it twice. I'm very fond of tfs, but plotting it out can be SO hard sometimes (which is one of the reasons why part 31 is taking a while to write). I just counted and there are TEN separate plot threads to keep track of at the moment, which is... a Lot.

the salt of the sea (E, 2k, complete). Shoutout to my first proper smut! Definitely a new venture for me (I hadn't written this pairing before, either). People were very kind about it, though.

3 Favourite Lines You've Written

Maedhros has never loved anyone without making of them a god – it is all tangled together in his mind, worship with affection, ardour with idolatry. (tfs, part 29)

To love Maedhros, he has long known, is to grieve him. (tfs, part 22)

Fëanor had never been kissed before. It took him a moment to respond, but then he found he was kissing Nerdanel back and it was the easiest, most familiar thing in the world; her messy curls were brushing his face and one of her strong sure hands had travelled down to rest against the small of his back and there was nothing that had ever been more real than the warmth of her pressed against him; she was certainty itself, as solid as marble, no crafted thing to be shaped and changed, but a maker and a preserver and a promise of forever; and her mouth against his was hot and sweet and golden as the taste of a Laurelin-ripened peach. (Ilimbë)

3 Characters You Enjoyed Writing (that surprised you)

Lúthien! I didn't have many thoughts about her before starting tfs, but she's one of my favourite characters in it now, and so essential to the themes of the story.

Fëanor was a struggle to wrap my head around initially: in my opinion one of the biggest flaws of all those that follow, for example, is the way Fëanor only appears at the edges of the narrative, when I could really have stood to flesh his relationship with Fingolfin out a lot more. Writing Ilimbë really helped me gain a much better understanding of what makes him tick, which was very satisfying, and I do think his characterisation is one of the biggest strengths of that fic.

gonna cheat slightly for the third one and say all my little baby OCs from the glassmaker! OC-centric fic isn't something I'd tried before, but I'm very fond of them now.

3 Unexpected Inspirations

Maedhros' hair in in the breaking is this whole important thematic thing, but the truth is. I also have very long and silky hair and it is a PAIN to deal with. You cannot picture the number of times I have sat on my bed at 1am furiously yanking a hairbrush through it and gone "DID it take long hours to brush out to smoothness again? you fucking bet." Sadly I do not have a codependently devoted sibling to tenderly brush my hair for me, so I have to do it myself.

tfs was initally inspired by some tumblr discourse about Beren and Lúthien's motivations in stealing the Silmaril! which I think is kind of neat. It strikes me as very indicative of the collaborative nature of fandom: a couple of people have a debate, and then someone else goes away and writes fic about it, and then people draw art of the fic... and on the cycle goes.

an ancient song is a very small little ficlet, but it was also inspired by some tags on a tumblr post! Always fun when that happens.

3 WIPs You're Excited About in the Upcoming Year

Ooh, now I feel like I'm committing to having these finished in the next year...

The Unburied: the longfic I am very slowly working on, and managed to put 20k words towards in November. It follows Fingon as he crosses the Helcaraxë and Maglor as he rules in Mithrim, ending with the first rising of the Sun. I am excited about this fic, but it's an ambitious project and very challenging! Also my brain can't really handle working on two different longfics at once, so it's on the backburner until tfs is finished, and who knows when that will be tbh.

boats against the current: another rather old WIP that is complicated and difficult to plot out. This one is the "Maedhros doesn't swear the Oath" AU. Still very attached to the idea! Maybe I'll get somewhere with it soon.

sore must be the storm: my shortest WIP! Surely I can sit down and finish it in the next few weeks (I have been saying, for months). Just some (messy and complicated) russingon after Fingolfin's death.

3 People Tagged to Share Theirs

No-pressure tags for

@searchingforserendipity25

@that-angry-noldo

@welcomingdisaster!

[nebulaleaf]

hmmm. K, N & U :3 Oh this sounds like im gearing up to say knuckles. Punches you

I was like "omg you're kung pow penising me???" i cant, spel .l anyuway K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc? Uhhh fuck. shit. suddenly ive forgotten everything. uhh umm. you didnt pick a fandom so I can do whatever I want rapid fire: Sojiro Sakura p5. his arc regarding the protag and being a guardian is very good. Makoto Niijima and Sophia p5 are also great arcs in the main story. im not looking at makoto's confidant. nope. no. Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu from SDR2 also has one of the best arcs in the entire series i think? very good. OH FUCK. AND WOLFWOOD D. NICHOLAS FROM TRIGUN. Honourable mentions goes to: edgeworth. N - Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom. respect to women. less shippy content. more horror/gore content hee hee hee. uhh not really sure what else to add U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites not answering from p5 its CHEATING. Claude Von Riegan (Fire Emblem Three Houses) - oh you KNOW i love the mischief makers. on my first go of fe3h i was so sure i'd pick dimitri and fall in love with him, but all it took claude was a single piece of dialogue from byleth ("He's smiling, but it doesn't reach his eyes.") and i swapped sides and im SO glad for it. he's a funny character. he's a serious character. he's a schemer and actually really fucking intelligent and just. so so so cool. I love archers. i love guys obsessed with sniffing out secrets. i love guys who know they can't save everyone, but know they have to try. (at least for his own men) the worst part about him is his fire emblem warriors version. jesus fuck thats a mimic who stole his skin and is walking upright. Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney) - pretentious fucker. he's so uptight in a comical way that you can't help but find him amusing, even when he's being REALLY REALLY ANNOYING as a game antagonist. he's funny... he's charming.... AND HE HAS A TRAGIC BACKSTORY ?! its a W for me. Vash the Stampede (Trigun, but not Trigun Stampede fuck that vash.) - ogh. where do i begin. literally the worlds soggiest meow meow but such a good sport about it. he loves humanity. hes the sharpest shooter this side of the south. he just wants a pizza. he refuses to kill any humans. he misses his mom. he's funny. he has like. fucked up clothing that goes hard. he could be your devil or yuor angle but leaning hard into one of those (not saying which). i love him and i really cant express why without saying GO READ THE TRIGUN MANGA OR WATCH THE 1998 ANIME. you could. also watch the newer one ig but ughhhhhhhhhhhh. its really not the same. Stampede (the anime) capitalizes on his Muh Sadboy Anime Twink aspects and like. fuckign nothing else. it just doesnt feel right SORRY ANYWAY. WOLFWOOD IS ALSO A HONOURABLE MENTION HERE BCOS.??? HES SO FUCKING GOOD. AND ALSO SAD. AND FUNNY. AND-

[andromachism]

why my favorite books are my favorite books

the master and margarita, bulgakov.

This was the first book I read when the pandemic started. I picked it up because of the person I liked at the time. I don't like that person anymore, but I love the book. It's a political satire with religious and supernatural fantasy elements. It’s a love story. It’s a love letter to literature. It’s the author's testimony and cry for help due to the censorship he faced. This book is everything. It brought back my pleasure for reading after doing it solely out of obligation for 3 years and for that alone it will always hold a special place in my heart. Also, the demonic black cat is really cool!

death with interruptions, saramago.

Saramago is my all-time favorite writer, and this is not my favorite book of his (that's Cain), but it is the first one I read, and I think it was the perfect introduction. It’s such a funny, beautiful, and sensitive story—unexpectedly romantic without losing Saramago’s usual sarcastic political criticism. It also incorporates some supernatural fantasy elements, as it is about Death taking a vacation. I like to read it when I want something with his style but lighter and quicker than his usual pace. I called it a perfect introduction to Saramago, but honestly, I think it’s just perfect.

(By the way, it’s quite interesting that when Saramago writes about everyone going blind or everyone stopping voting, something extremely tragic and almost dystopian happens, but when people stop dying, he decides to write a romance.)

posthumous memoirs of bras cubas, machado de assis.

Machado is everything to me. I was reading his books before I could properly understand his Portuguese, and much less what he was talking about. But as I grew up and fully understood him, this particular one got me in a chokehold. It's another story about death, but in this case, the deceased main character decides to write his memoir. It's satirical and obviously with supernatural elements. I love how Machado ridicules the elite society of his time while masking it with a likable protagonist who is actually an awful person and a completely mediocre human. So many parts of this story were crucial in my development as an adult, like when the protagonist memorizes quotes from famous authors to appear intellectual (something to be said about those annoyingly pretentious people writing essays about how bad everything popular is and quoting the same authors left and right). (Besides all of that, there is a chapter where a black butterfly flies into Bras' bedroom and lands on his father's portrait. A few chapters later, his father dies. A day before my grandfather died, a black butterfly flew into my room, and then his requiem mass happened on the day of Saint Blaise of Sebaste, who is called ‘Brás’ in Portuguese. This coincidence shook me to a point that will always make this book extremely personal to me.)

frankenstein, mary shelley.

As brilliant as Shelley is, this one is one of my favorites because it shaped me as a human being. When I first read it, I was 16 years old, struggling with my gender identity, sexuality, and body. Because of that, my relationship with my father fluctuated between non-existent and hateful. I was different, that was clear to everyone, and he hated it. So, reading about that creature was an enlightening experience about myself. I, too, felt like a creature—hateful and constructed with someone else’s parts, with none of it ever feeling truly mine. Frankenstein was to me what Paradise Lost was to the creature. I feel like a creation, wretched, helpless, and alone.

a storm of swords, grrm.

I list 'Death with Interruptions' as one of my favorites because of the author, and this one because of the genre. I love fantasy in all its forms, from small elements of it used as plot devices to high fantasy with extensive world-building and fictional beasts. A Song of Ice and Fire is my all-time favorite fantasy series, and A Storm of Swords is my favorite book in it, so it makes sense that this is the high fantasy representative on my list. Robb’s struggles and ultimate downfall will always be ingrained in my mind. The absolute dreadful feeling I got when I read, 'No one sang the words, but Catelyn knew “The Rains of Castamere” when she heard it,' cannot be replicated by any other work of fiction, I believe.

[perverse-idyll]

5 Things You Never Get Tired of Writing

 Ah, thanks for tagging me, @billsfangearring! I am remarkably witless when it comes to thinking in terms of tropes and personal obsessions. So I’m just going to fake it. Tagging @danpuff-ao3, @titconao3, @liladiurne, @vulnerasanenturmyprince, @squibstress

rules: list five things you never get tired of writing. it can be tropes, themes, characters, phrases, whatever brings you joy. then tag five people!

1. I never seem to tire of describing Severus Snape, eyes, hands, greasy hair - even his arse (that’s for you, @consistentsquash​, but I can’t deny it!). I love inflicting a Pathetic Fallacy on him, making his physical landscape reflect his emotional murkiness, the impact he has on the POV character (usually Harry), not to mention blurring the boundary between imperfectly, unpleasantly human and melodramatically, even mythically larger-than-life. I hope that makes sense. I enjoy translating Snape’s moral ambiguities into the messy human dimension  while also leaning hard on ‘the uncanny’ (a way of othering Snape to make him vibrate at a different frequency than that self-same ordinary human version). I guess I want him to exist in between these two states. That’s the only reason I can think of for persisting in writing the extended version of The Lost World. No one needs this story! But Snape as Faust (or maybe that’s Al’s role?), Snape as Cupid, as Tam Lin, as the serpent in the garden… Ugh, this sounds so pretentious. And not Potterish at all! So much for concision. Anyway. You get the idea. My lavish physical descriptions of Snape act as gateways to the Mystery of the Interior. (Yes, I’m being tongue-in-cheek.) But I’ll stop now before my first “thing” on the list turns into an essay. 🙄 And because this reads as completely incoherent. Ah, one more almost-forgotten note: I love to describe Snape sensuously. To bestow on him an erotic existence and subvert or just plain ignore the penalties visited upon ugliness. So if you don’t want to read about Snape pacing through a story being a bitter, hot, fucked-in-the-head, smoldering, ugly man, avoid my fic.

2. Um, thing two. Bittersweet redemptions. Tragic redemptions, too. Also failed redemptions: see Mine the Gall. I’m using the term loosely, because maybe it's just a recovery or a realization, one earned but at a cost that may or may not have been worth it. This is a divide between reader me and writer me. As a reader, yes, sure, bring on the happy endings. They’re the perfect balm to balance the fics that wring my heart (which I grapple to me with hoops of steel). But when I’m writing, I gravitate toward loss and uncertainty and a more tentative kind of hope. I want the reader to feel a blissful pain. I like catharsis. But I also like the reward at the end, for my characters to reach the shore, weary and salt-shriveled and still together. The redemption may not wash away their guilt (looking at you, Severus), but it will still be more than they ever thought possible. Something they don’t believe they deserve - even if ‘deserve’ is the wrong way to look at it.

3. I love UST. Love, love, love it. Slather it around. Make my faves suffer because of it. Even when my OTP has already been locked in passionate embrace for thousands of words, I still want there to be UST, in defiance of the fact that once consummated, it should presumably be dispelled. And of course it must be soaked in equally unresolved feelings - erotic anguish, erotic contradictions, the incongruity of seemingly incompatible people welded to each other by unquenchable longing. The cocktail of unresolved tension - physical desire may be the glass, but yearning, projection, heartbreak, devotion, hatred, and tenderness provide the flammable alcohol. (Terrible metaphor, but I’m at work and can’t do better than that right now.) I love UST because it heightens everything. Even the most minor gesture acquires more meaning than it has any right to. I am not a subtle writer. I thrive on intensity.

4. The cocktail above reminds me - imagery. I’m not sure I could write without it. Periodically I try scraping the barnacles off - but there you go, the first thing I reach for is a metaphor. The elusiveness of meaning is a not-so-secret vice of mine, and imagery brings up those layers. I'm pretty convoluted in my mental processes anyway (not an approach to writing I recommend), and images in fic can evoke complex reactions without resorting to infodumping. Readers - all of us - interpret even the plainest, most straightforward prose through our personal filters, but images can sneak in on a more visceral level. Sometimes, of course, all those pretty phrases just clutter up the scenery. But if I find the right words, it can be the one indelible line, the one haunting moment a reader remembers long after they’ve forgotten what the fic is about.

5. I will keep this short. I like broken characters. I don’t enjoy breaking them myself, but I feel compelled to write about the way other characters cut themselves on those jagged edges. I enjoy mapping out their coping mechanisms, the degrees to which they’re able to heal (although not completely). How little they trust, how devastating their need for comfort can be. How cruel they are, how good at drawing blood, and how they see love as a force that can utterly shatter them. And more in that vein. But I’ve rattled on long enough!

[29-12-2011]

jayce and viktor league of legends biography comparison

done by yours truly in like june this year way before arcane was released posted almost verbatim from a thread i did because i don’t want to look at it again enjoy

Alright!! So this post isn’t meant to extensively cover all the intricacies of both of their lores, since we’re just looking at their biographies and neglecting other essential texts (such as their colour stories, Blitzcrank’s lore, etc.). What I want to accomplish today with this thread is to hopefully(??) kind of highlight the insights that can be gleaned from a comparison of their lores, as well as how both of them function as unreliable narrators and what this could mean for their characters :3 I suggest reading their biographies for yourself first since I’ll probably forget to give a general description of what’s happening, plus it’ll also help you come to your own conclusions.

Viktor’s Biography

Jayce’s Biography

Disclaimer: I’m not a “loremaster”, nor do I have a “degree” in “anything”, so take everything I say with a generous helping of salt.

But before we really look at the biographies, there are some things which have to be understood (=｀ω´=)

We must recognise that their biographies are tinted by their biases and personal perspectives of their situation, though it is not a direct transcription of their thoughts and views. In essence, what we see is what they presume is happening.

HOWEVER, the second essential realisation is that because of this, Viktor and Jayce are unreliable narrators. This becomes obvious once you’ve really compared both accounts to each other. One of the scenes where this is more apparent would be their confrontation in Zaun, with the crystal.

So now that you hopefully believe me in this regard, let’s go in!!

Since this is a comparison, I’ll kind of just neglect the first few paragraphs introducing them. I suppose the only significant things you’d catch by comparing the introductions before their meeting would be their respective reactions to recognition and prestige.

Viktor’s “surprised” and “thrilled to be singled out” vs. Jayce being “utterly unsurprised” – although both of them are remarkably unsociable people, with Viktor being preoccupied with his work and Jayce being Jayce, Viktor has a lot of… hm, pride isn’t the right word, Jayce has that too. Viktor likes recognition and praise, then, while Jayce is probably immune to its effects (though it is still important to him), growing up as he did.

Here’s how they introduce each other:

It’s apparent that there’s this tragic dissonance between how Viktor views their relationship and how Jayce views their relationship as can be seen from Viktor’s “insufferable genius”, “flamboyant and arrogant” and “never truly became friends” vs. Jayce introducing Viktor as the only person who was his equal, and that he “expanded Jayce’s intellectual horizons”. This is a recurring trend throughout both biographies, which I’ll talk about once I cover more of everything.

Now we move onto Blitzcrank! More specifically, the theft of him.

Okay so like there’s Quite A Bit to Unpack Here. First of all I think we have to assume that in general Blitzcrank is… not around for this? I can’t glean any insights on this from Blitzcrank’s lore because that side does not mention Stanwick at all. In fact, out of the three champions mentioned here, Viktor’s bio is the only one to contain a recount of this event, which is really irritating but does reveal some things in the way that negative space highlights the subject of a painting, which sounds really pretentious but you know.

Before I talk about Jayce’s omission, there’s something fun here– “further widening the rift between them.” The thing is that prior to this there is no real mention of any sort of “rift” or disagreement, apart from in Viktor’s introduction of Jayce where Viktor denounces him as, in short, an arrogant piece of shit, so I can only take this “rift” to refer to either their inherent disconnect as Piltovan v. Zaunite, or as “logical and thorough” vs. “flamboyant and arrogant.” Either way, it’s important to Viktor that you understand that he and Jayce are separate, and are not friends. Can’t say much on Jayce “refus[ing]” to speak up, again because only Viktor’s lore mentions this event, so we only have his (biased) perspective.

Anyway, I know it’s common to theorise that Jayce just didn’t speak up because something something you can’t beat the system, and that theory has some merit to it, but looking at the lack of anything my judgement is that most likely Jayce just… did not think much of it? Like he has no reason to really find it significant because it doesn’t impact him that much, and probably didn’t realise how much it impacted Viktor as he only develops non-hypothetical empathy later in his bio. He was probably busy doing something that day instead of refusing out of malice. Doesn’t hurt Viktor any less though.

Alright so here’s a very obvious example of how their personal biases affect their narration. Viktor’s presentation of his reasoning makes his decision sound almost reasonable (though still unethical, but  this thread isn’t about that) while Jayce completely omits the entire backstory, tl;dr-ing it into “construction accidents” which makes mind control sound like a total overreaction. Again, note Viktor’s formality (“collaboration”) and usage of “reluctant” as compared to Jayce’s more friendly description of “working together” (though this is also a general feature of how they speak). Viktor Wants You To Know He Doesn’t Like Jayce At All (And Never Did), and I can’t blame him since this segment is just him talking about how Jayce got him Fricking Expelled. [personally i think it is very adorable for your instinct to hallucinations to be mind control. in a fictional setting, of course. i hate elon musk.] 

There’s also something to be said about the diction here. “Jayce warned” sounds a lot milder and less like a snitch than “Jayce reported”, which does shed some light on Jayce’s intentions. In Jayce’s perspective, he seems to have just wanted to mention it in a very by-the-way manner, and didn’t realise the consequences would be so severe? But also “ostracized from Piltover’s scientific community” is a lot milder than Viktor Got Expelled (though it is characteristic for Jayce to say everything in a very nonchalant matter, see: “preventing them from getting tired, panicking, or disobeying instructions from their superiors.” Many of the lines in his bio are meant to affect the manner of the witty cool hero-type, which, I suppose, he is.) Still, he hardly villainises Viktor here, only condemning it as “immoral”.

I sincerely doubt Jayce intended to have “the closest thing [he] had ever really had to a friend” expelled; it’s more likely that he was unaware that the consequences would have been so harsh. And honestly, if it were someone other than Viktor (say, any other Piltovan student) that probably would have been the case. From Viktor’s biography we already know he was on thin ice with the rest of the Academy (that wasn’t Jayce (although he still didn’t like Jayce (their friendliness is entirely from Jayce’s POV))) and we are all familiar with the disdain Piltovans have for Zaunites. 

[though if you are not convinced by my words and haven’t really checked out the entire thing with PnZ, check out janna’s colour story which covers it rather well.]

In fact Jayce’s own biography confirms this attitude with one of the beginning throwaway lines.

So with Viktor having an already tenuous relationship with the administration after the Blitzcrank fiasco and his personal beliefs, with being from Zaun on top of all of that, the higher-ups were probably waiting for a reason to expel Viktor. And Jayce remains unaware of all of this.

BUT… SOMETHING INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS I NEED TO BRING UP HERE BECAUSE I JUST NOTICED IT… JAYCE NEVER INTRODUCES VIKTOR AS A ZAUNITE OR REFERS TO HIS ZAUNITE HERITAGE. DOES JAYCE EVEN KNOW THAT VIKTOR IS FROM ZAUN? IT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE A CASE OF JAYCE THINKING OF HIM AS “ONE OF THE GOOD ONES” JAYCE MIGHT JUST GENUINELY NOT HAVE REALISED THIS AT ALL.

Okay I’m back after laughing that off. God. Anyway, Viktor’s significance to Jayce is really quite obvious in his biography, what with the “the closest thing [he] had ever really had to a friend” statement and the becoming worse. He doesn’t hate Viktor, he just thinks his morals and goals are a little… questionable. Another thing I want to note here now that we’re looking at the impact of Viktor’s expulsion on Jayce is that if you really look closely, Jayce is a lot lonelier than Viktor. Jayce is introduced as just one of the students Viktor had worked with during his time in Piltover (though he is quite a bit more special than the others, though Viktor never overtly highlights this, and would probably die before doing so).

Viktor doesn’t really lose much with regard to his relationship with Jayce, seeing as from his point of view, he didn’t really have one beyond the professional capacity. There is no kind of despair at not being able to work with Jayce anymore. After the establishment of his glorious evolution, he clearly has some degree of closeness with his Legends of Runeterra followers (Armed Gearhead’s “H-Hey, it’s the boss man!” can be recalled here, though LoR is typically considered to be more “soft canon” and in some cases, not at all).

Meanwhile, for Jayce, he has just lost the only person who ever understood him. Everyone else hates his guts. Viktor might also hate his guts (though he doesn’t actually seem to realise this). Again, the dissonance in impact and impression. It reads less like two sides of the same coin and more like two iterations of some vaguely defined fairytale, where one is from D*sney and one is from the Grimm Brothers. This divergent stream continues throughout the timeline, so we’ll just move on.

Here are some of my favourite lines from the transition period to the Big Event, whether because I find them extremely funny (1, 2, and 4), or extremely #deep (3).

(side note: one feature of Jayce’s bio i like (because i am prone to doing it myself, which makes writing Jayce in a comedic casual setting very easy (i say, referring to writing no one has ever seen)) is the short and simple set-up and punchline sentences which occur frequently throughout his internal narration. probably because he was written in the archetype of the genius arrogant isolated asshole. the t*ny stark of league... but i like him better!)

Anyway, the boys are back together!

So let’s compare their descriptions. Strangely Viktor puts himself in a much more uncharitable light than Jayce does, though that seems to be a consequence of glossing over the details. Note how he does (once again) express his actions to be reasonable in how he describes himself to have no other option “but to take it by force”. (“people– in a manner of speaking” is a little Lol, Haha.) And at the end we have the “I am So Emotionless” line of “had [he] retained more than a fragment of his humanity” and “allow[ing] himself” “the barest hint of a smile”.

[BY THE WAY THIS PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH BECAUSE IT JUST FURTHER EXACERBATES THE INCONSISTENCY BETWEEN VIKTOR AND BLITZCRANK BIOS WHICH YOU’LL REALISE WHEN YOU READ THEM AND WHICH I WON’T TALK ABOUT HERE BECAUSE I AM P. O-ED, AS THE KIDS SAY.]

It’s interesting here that Jayce still calls Viktor his “old friend” (again with the one-sided friendship), and still doesn’t reduce Viktor to a tl;dr. (Though, to be fair… you could read this here as Viktor referring to his own monologue as a “simple proposition” but that lacks evidence and is mostly stemming from my understanding of their characters which should be based on the analysis of this biography and not vice versa? So.) 

I laughed at the first two lines but it is also very late while I am typing this up. Anyway. I like how Jayce notes that Viktor “had long grown tired of [his] rudeness”... there’d be more to say about Jayce’s acknowledgement of others’ attitudes towards him if I looked at the colour stories as well but I don’t want this thread to get too long. Jayce has this concurrent idea of Viktor as “friend” and Viktor as “lacking morals” (as seen in how he deduces that the GE “probably didn't have a lot of respect for the free will of others”) which makes Jayce’s standards for friendship quite questionable, but we’ll put it to his lack of experience in that department. 

Now here’s where the narrators get really unreliable! Viktor’s description of Jayce here really shows a lot of his bias, with words like “vengeful” and “arrogant fool” being thrown around. He doesn’t even mention the apology. Again we get the vibe of “no other option” with how he presents his decision to kill Jayce. The fact that he speeds past what happens also helps in getting you to ignore that he is for some reason able to order around the bodies meant for the people he’s saving, but you know how it is. Anyway, for once, we have two actual descriptions of a critical event!

Things from Jayce’s perspective really do highlight to you how much Viktor obscures in his descriptions (and vice versa, of course). For one, we get to understand where Jayce is coming from (corpses! with their skulls cut open!) and where Viktor is coming from (this guy got me expelled! and now he’s back to ruin things again! goddamnit you piltie!).

But one of the lines that really stands out is “For the first time, it occurred to Jayce that he might have to kill his old friend.” Even now, standing in the midst of this mess, Jayce still thinks of Viktor as an old friend. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that he’d have to kill Viktor, and seems reluctant to do so. Viktor is still quite important to Jayce, though this facet seems(!!) awfully one-sided given the ease with which Viktor gives the order to kill Jayce (or so Viktor says).

I could talk about Jayce’s kind of enlightenment regarding progress in the earlier parts I did not screenshot which just go “something something progress” which contextualises the significance of the line “the progress they fought for in their youths” but in my opinion it would end up sounding like “something something progress” so.

But! Also important! In direct contrast to all of Viktor’s “yadda yadda NO EMOTIONS ALLOWED”, Jayce’s descriptions paint Viktor as an emotive person, who can, in fact, feel things such as “surprise” and “sadness”, and even have human reactions such as “sigh[ing]” and “cr[ying] out in horror”. Given that we have no third account to rely on, I am inclined to put a little more weight on Jayce’s description seeing that most of his untruths come from a lack of understanding rather than an overt desire to manipulate your impression. Also, though Viktor’s voicelines for LoR are more for humour than anything, they do evolve a lot of emotion. But that’s a personal opinion, really.

It is also of note how Jayce describes Viktor’s thought process… clearly Jayce doesn’t believe Viktor has “ensured humanity’s future” so this line comes from what he (or the narrator of his biography, at least) thinks Viktor would think? Also how he describes himself as Viktor’s old friend, which Viktor would have qualms with given, well, everything on Jayce in Viktor’s biography.

An important thing to consider is that throughout his bio, Viktor never actually tells you in subject-verb-object form how he feels about Jayce. We don’t ever read “Viktor hated Jayce”, no. We just get countless descriptions of arrogance and all the wrong Jayce has done him. Let’s look at this line here.

Jayce is celebrated for killing Zaunites! It’s only reasonable, then, for you to form the image of Jayce as someone in the wrong and Viktor as someone who has been wronged in this facet. There is clearly resentment here, but nothing that he says out loud. It's characteristic of Viktor to present things factually and allow the reader to come to the “obvious” conclusion, while his hands remain clean of the “emotional impulses” like “hatred” which he so markedly detests. And really, that’s the whole essence of Viktor’s biography. He seeks endlessly to convince you through logic that what he is doing is entirely backed by reason, and on further reading, you’ll realise that at some parts, that is very very debatable. His omission of Jayce’s apology further contributes to that image of Jayce as a complete asshole.

I’ll briefly cover the endings before we re-look at everything as a whole.

Again we have the “this is very reasonable” type of explanation. Also the “Viktor thought no more of Jayce.” which I adore.

Yup, so we have this contrast of Jayce just waiting for Viktor to do something, and Viktor continuing to scheme without a single care for Jayce. This is in line with the entirety of both their biographies, with Jayce holding Viktor up and Viktor viewing Jayce with a clinical distaste at best, complete indifference at worst. It feels like after doing a(n amateur) comparison of both their biographies, what we have in our hands regarding their relationship is just a past tragic one-sided friendship, and a current tragic one-sided rivalry.

But we know that both Jayce and Viktor are terribly unreliable narrators. Furthermore, there IS a difference in how Viktor is an unreliable narrator as compared to how Jayce is an unreliable narrator.

With Viktor… he has a personal interest in how you read his biography, how you understand his character. We can tell that Viktor(’s biography) seeks to convince the reader of two (2) things:

First, that he is a sane, reasonable, rational person of great logic and little emotion.

Second, that what he is doing is the best possible option, and is noble and just. (Though this thread isn’t really meant to debate the morality of either side, it is good to recognise that this is what Viktor wants you to think.)

At least one of these things is false. The biography seems to want you to understand this as well, with phrases such as “Viktor told himself” and “in his eyes” that signpost a purposeful alter of the narrative.

Whereas for Jayce... Hm. In my personal opinion he doesn’t have that much interest in showing you a heroic side of him. (God knows he’s not interested in being anyone’s idol.) Half his biography expounds on how much of an absolute asshole he is. Really, anything he omits is most likely something he does not find personally significant or something he genuinely didn’t know, such as Blitzcrank and Viktor’s saving of the Zaunites respectively.

Back to Viktor. You must remember, and this is where I’m going to sound really insane, that it has already become apparent to us that Viktor will, very often, lie. A lot. Whether it is through changing the phrasing of events to make his actions seem completely logical, or completely disfiguring information, you are not receiving the full story. And if I were trying to convince someone that I am a rational and reasonable person, who relies on logic and ignores emotion, I would thus never admit to having these emotional responses. I would never admit to having an emotional connection with someone. I would never admit to having something as pitiful, something as grossly human, as a friend I held close to my heart, and I sure as hell would never talk about the feelings of betrayal after said friend separates me from one of the best places I can express my passion. No, instead I would tell you that he’s an abhorrent person, and I had no qualms with deciding to kill him when it was necessary.

What I’m saying is: it is not entirely out of the realm of reason that, despite everything, the Machine Herald is unable to truly divorce himself of his "weak, ineffective" feelings. Perhaps, Viktor had cared for Jayce more than he’d ever let anyone know. That maybe, just maybe, Jayce was someone important to him, and someone who had hurt to lose.

But on the other hand, it is equally possible that all of these descriptions of emotion from Viktor are the symptoms of Jayce’s own wistful hope that Viktor cares for him, or is still human enough to feel. And that’s a whole other can of worms right there!

Anyway I don’t think I’ll ever talk about the colour stories like this. It might kill me. My only words on those for now is that I find the plotline of “you break into a very nice man’s house and he offers you some very nice cocaine” and these lines below to be very, very funny.

[soft voice] but there’s something to be said, under the humour, of Jayce’s self-awareness in believing that he disappoints people constantly and how that could relate to what he did to Viktor in their university days and–[is k-worded by someone who loves me very much]

[constants--and--variables]

It's so cute to think about how if Chrissy was included in the scooby gang/survived the attack, she and Eddie would've been joined at the hip. And then when Chrissy was distracted by something else, Steve would ask Eddie, "hey, what's with you and Chrissy Cunningham?" Eddie would be like, "what do you mean" and Steve would be like, "she's stuck to you like glue and have you seen the way she looks at you?" And Eddie wouldn't believe she likes him back because like Joe said, there's a vulnerability there and a need to be accepted.

So sorry for the late reply anon, been really busy with work and other stuff.😔

It's funny cause I've been thinking about this scenario these past few days, not with Steve, but Dustin.

Dustin, being the wise man he is, will notice that something's not quite right with Eddie whenever they hang out at the hellfire club or other places, but he could never tell what it is exactly, not until the day when Chrissy finally comes to Eddie's hideout gig. Dustin's also there that day, for some reason, ya know, cause Eddie probably demanded him to be there, for obvious reason😏 and Eddie's just completely smitten with her the whole time and then Dustin's like oh shit 👀👀👀

After Chrissy went home, Eddie still in a trance, Dustin will just be like: so, we gonna talk about it? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧

and Eddie "the nope" Munson absolutely did not want to talk about it.

And if it's between Steve and Eddie, Steve would probably just try to teach him everything he knows while Eddie sits there be like, taking note: "gotta have chest hair chicks dig them okay got it✍🏻.." and it all didn't work out because Chrissy simply loves Eddie for who he is (◡‿◡🌸)

anyway on a more serious note lol personally I prefer and L O V E the idea of Chrissy hanging out with Eddie's little lost sheep gang more than anything else. Not that the dynamics between Chrissy Steve, Nancy, Robin etc would be bad, it's just that the unlikely friendship trope does things to me😇. I always think about how happy and content Chrissy would be when she goes to see Eddie and his band perform at the hideout, she'd probably be a bit shy at first, but then just dancing and vibing alongside the five drunks lol Because I think, deep down, Chrissy is also a little lost sheep, a little “freak”, and it would be so wholesome to see the queen of hawkins high sits at the same table as the outcasts, giggling at their silly jokes or nerdy stuff she has no clue about, while the rest of the school goes 🤯😱, and don’t even get me started on how sweet and beautiful the relationship between Chrissy and Wayne Munson would have been!🥺😔

And about the vulnerability of Eddie...Yes.

You see, I think Eddie and Chrissy's story is just absolutely tragic if you look at it from Eddie's pov, like, the more I think about it the sadder it gets lol

That cocky, pretentious and synical Eddie Munson in the cafeteria suddenly became this coy little teenage boy when he's in front of Chrissy, who he probably had a crush on ever since middle school, who he could only secretly admire from afar. Because the freak and the queen? Surely that's never going to happen? And Eddie probably knew that better than anyone else. But still, he longed to be remembered by her, to be noticed by her. "You know, this isn't the first time we've ..umm..hung out. You don't remember🥺?" (´•̥ω•̥｀)

And Chrissy probably longed for him too, she just didn't really know it then.

the moment when Chrissy did remember him, the joy 🥳

And when Eddie realized that he was able to make her smile, he just went all in, boy's desperate lol

Also remember, Chrissy feels safe（enough）with Eddie (◡‿◡🌸)

Anyway, It's just gut-wrenching that the day when they finally crossed path again, the day that's supposed to be the start of something for them, was also the day they lost each other, especially for Eddie(´•̥ω•̥｀)

so yeah, ended up writing a book and I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore lmao. Anyway I hope this kind of makes sense? and sorry for any grammar errors etc, not a native speaker lol

And thank you very much for the ask! It's been eons since I got a ask like this so I appreciate it very much🥺

[steelycunt]

Do you have any headcanons for Remus that are essential to you/maybe unpopular? I’m really curious about the particularities of your Remus depiction

hi doll!! i thought long and hard abt this ask. remus is my fave, my best boy, my terrible little man so!! i definitely have some thoughts, but i feel largely that its not as much that my headcanons are unpopular, than it is that i really, really don't like some of the remus headcanons that are popular? anyway, thinking about the consistencies in the way i imagine remus, this is what i came up with. under the cut because i talk way too much!

judging from a post i made earlier in the week this isnt necessarily unpopular, but its important to me that remus is not portrayed as some conventionally attractive god. christ, that's so boring to me, that's such a boring thing to do to his character. its one thing for sirius to think he's beautiful, like - yeah, the guy is stupid for him - but actually he looks like a normal, pretty scrawny guy. its everything else about him that makes him so attractive. he's attractive the same way a darned sock is charming!! he's attractive in a scribbly, smudged kinda way!! also any portrayal of remus being especially strong/toned/commanding/possessive because of the wolf....i hate it i hate it i hate it. the wolf leaves him weaker. he does not find strength in it.

drawing a little from canon remus here, but a flaw i consistently give him + enjoy seeing is the strange, sacrificial martyr complex he has, or more so the way he sees his own suffering. remus doesnt really know any better than it, but i always like characterisations where he, at least as a younger man, has a tendency to obsess over it to the point where he needs to be troubled and edgy and tragic to be himself, to be interesting and to have purpose. especially in regards to his feelings toward sirius, i love love love a remus that feels he has to suffer for his love, even though he literally doesn't. i think he has the capacity to be an incredibly pretentious person.

pretty common but definitely essential: working class remus! not just as an adult when he's struggling with employment, but remus from a working class background is near and dear and essential to me as a person from a working class background themselves, especially amidst a cast where many of them are comfortably upper class.

i don't really go for organised, put together, tidy remus lupin. i feel like there's generally two extremes around here where he's either the lone responsible Adult, or a fucking mess. i much prefer him being a fucking mess. i don't think he's had water in four days, i don't think he's slept in two, i think all his clothes are in a pile underneath his bed, i think he'll write the essay but he'll do it at four in the morning on the day its due. he's a disaster.

coward. coward remus lupin rights. absolutely. also hesitant. if he does the right thing it might take him a while to get round to it, yknow. he's going to wallow in the situation for a bit first

soooo pretentious about music + literature. and as ive said before, his dress sense, for a variety of reasons, is so fucking shit and half-assed. he doesn't care!!

its pretty much essential to me, at least in a canon compliant universe, that he's got a very particular sort of relationship with his dad. to be honest i have so many thoughts on the lupins as a family unit and lyall in particular. i think they're fascinating, and im not big on remus and lyall having a perfect relationship once lyall atones for his earlier prejudice. lyall loves his son but that is surely distorted by the fact that every time he looks at him he is going to be reminded of the worst mistake of his life, lol. i also think he's very hard + strict on remus about keeping his secret/keeping his grades up/doing everything he can to secure some kind of future despite his affliction. neither of them are good at communicating so his worry often translates into anger, which leads to a lot of arguments and a strained, less familiar relationship. they don't understand each other, especially after hope dies. remus absolutely gets his inability to communicate his feelings from his father. but hope is a dream!

not essential but i will always write him as welsh <3 its so important to me <3

he's an awkward guy. he's fiddly and he sits like his limbs are too long for him to know what to do with them and he's always picking at loose threads on his clothes, or scabs, and he's absolutely a nail biter. the other boys slap his hand away from his mouth when they see him doing it but. his nails are consistently in a proper fucking state.

i think he's a bastard and an arsehole but i dont think remus was mean. i like the idea of a kind remus lupin, even if he's a mess and a bit of a prick to people that he felt wouldn't be hurt by it. he'll do people a favour, he'll take his time to help people out! he's a selfless guy, and he might be ridiculously late but he'll turn up. i dont even think he was sassy, and i really dont like the way thats slowly progressed to him often just being portrayed as...mean? he was witty and sarcastic around his friends but like. sassy is not a word id ever use to describe remus lupin lmao. idk. though he's a tosser and he's insufferable, he's not rude.

not a headcanon but i just want to say again. we should let him punch people more often. he wont be good at it but we should let him have a go anyway

oh also he's a socialist. like at the very least lol.

EDIT: had to add this in but. he's lovely. he's so lovely.

okay i could talk forever on the guy but this is already! way too much! so i'll stop here. thank u anon i will always be up for talking about this dumb little guy!!

[heavencasteel420]

Okay, so:

There's no Upside Down in this AU, but it is still the eighties, specifically the spring of 1986 (Jonathan and Nancy's senior year).

Jonathan and Nancy were childhood friends until seventh grade, the year his parents got divorced. Between having to take over a lot of household responsibilities, working, and dealing with a backlog of trauma, Jonathan basically withdrew from middle-school society and developed a reputation as a creepy, pretentious loner. Nancy still feels bad that they didn't keep being friends, but figures they have nothing in common now.

Nancy has no illusions about romantic love, having grown up witnessing her parents' loveless marriage. However, with type-A precision and thoroughness, she has organized Hawkins High School's Centennial Dance, and she needs a date. Steve, handsome and friendly and a star basketball player, fits the bill. He's indicated to their mutual friends that he'll ask her but, during a basketball game, Steve accidentally falls on top of Chrissy, cheerleader for a rival team, and immediately falls in love with her. Nancy's not happy about this, exactly, but she's furious when she learns that Steve's taking Chrissy to the dance instead.

Without the Upside Down wreaking havoc on his and his family's lives, Jonathan has found his social niche with the weird art kids, including his girlfriend Samantha. They get into an argument when he won't skip work to go to a protest in Bloomington; she accuses him of being a poser and a proto-yuppie, and he's too proud to explain that his family actually needs the money. She dumps him, and he's very sad.

Jonathan sees Nancy drunkenly laying into Steve at a party and is kind of a snarky asshole about it (mostly because Steve is a bit of a thoughtless dick to the unpopular kids, although not an outright bully, and it's fun to see him get a little comeuppance). Then he feels bad and offers to sneak her back into her house past her mom.

This gesture of friendship leads Nancy to decide that rehabilitating Jonathan into an acceptable date for the dance is her best chance of avoiding social embarrassment. Jonathan is initially incredulous at her offer, but agrees because he hopes it'll make Samantha jealous.

And so the fake-dating commences! Nancy fixes Jonathan's hair and he looks good. She starts taking him to games and parties, he takes her to punk shows because turnabout is fair play, and both their friend groups are shocked. Samantha is totally jealous.

To back up a bit, Jonathan's friends include metalhead Eddie and band geek Robin; Eddie's something of a provocateur, but Robin is still attempting to fit in (partly because she's trying to tamp down the rumors that she's a lesbian) and does a lot of extracurricular activities. This makes her more of a target for snide comments from the popular kids. We can also throw Argyle in there.

Without the Upside Down and Barb's tragic death, Nancy became popular in sophomore year and stayed that way. Barb, not wanting to be left behind, changed her style and appearance a lot so she could be popular, too; it worked, but she's not really happy. I regret to inform you that she's dating Billy...for now. Carol is Nancy's snarky, ultimately untrustworthy frenemy, who has an on-again, off-again thing with Tommy. Steve is also part of the in-crowd, of course, and there are a few other people to round out the numbers (Jason, Heather, etc.).

The fake dating, as it always does, becomes all too real. He reveals how much he admires her kindness, her drive, and her adventurousness. She gets to know and like her friends. He gets to know and like some of her friends (mostly Barb). She defends him to Samantha. They kiss (for "show"). They talk through how their friendship ended. Everything's good, until...

Carol, not liking the direction things are taking, tells Chrissy that Steve's family are Satanists to scare her away. At a big party, Steve, baffled and hurt, tells Nancy that she was right about love and asks her to the dance. Carol plays on Jonathan's jealousy and makes a move on him, arranging things so Nancy will think it was the other way around. The final blow comes the next day, when Samantha (having learned from Nancy that Jonathan's family is very poor and needs the income from his part-time job) tells him that she wants him back. Jonathan and Nancy agree to dissolve their fake-dating relationship, no hard feelings (but there are totally hard feelings).

Nancy, realizing that she no longer wants to go to the dance with Steve, turns down his offer and goes platonically with Eddie. She also cuts loose the shitty elements of her friend group, like Carol. Jonathan realizes that he no longer wants to be with Samantha, and makes a grand gesture at the dance. Who are they making jealous? Everyone, Nancy. Everyone.

There are subplots wherein (a) Robin stands up for herself and wins Barb's heart away from the cruel and pushy Billy, (b) Eddie pisses off the whole school (but in an artistically impressive way) with the power of rock, and (c) Robin and Jonathan have a brief falling-out because he's kind of condescending about her efforts to fit in without meaning to be.

Let's just skip the part of Drive Me Crazy where the leads' parents hook up at the end. You know what? We can have Surprise Byler instead.

I am torn on whether to include a scene where Jonathan or Nancy confronts one of their parents in a hot air balloon for giving them trust issues, not least because I don't think Jonathan could resist the temptation to throw Lonnie to his death.

I don't generally headcanon that Jonathan and Nancy were childhood friends or that one of them had a crush on the other pre-canon, but I think a Drive Me Crazy AU would absolutely slap.

[addawithbalmiki]

five people who taught sakura

Summary: Sakura Haruno chose to be a legendary kunoichi with the skills she cajoled a few people into teaching her. A series in five parts where we see what she took from whom.

Part I – Kakashi

(...)

Kakashi was a failure, and he knew that more than anyone else in the world.

Sitting under a tree, he perused his book while he kept an eye on his Genin students. They were bickering, as usual, a trio of chirping birds. Normally, he would go and sit with them, bask in the liveliness offered only by children who have not seen war.

Normal were those days when he had more than two hours of sleep. When his nightmares didn’t keep him awake all night. 

He kept the book in front of him, pretending to be into the story he read ten times at least. Make-Out Paradise was a good distraction – it was unrealistic, sappy and pretentious – everything he needed to ignore the bad nights and exhausting days.

But he dreamt about Rin the night before. And nightmares about Rin were a lot different than his other nightmares.

“FINE! IF I CAN HIT A HUNDRED TARGETS WITH MY SHURIKEN, YOU’LL TREAT ME TO RAMEN!” He looked up to see Naruto jabbing his finger at an unimpressed Sasuke. Kakashi swallowed. Resplendent in orange and bristling with a rage only an Uzumaki could possess, Naruto shouldn’t look so much like his father. Kakashi was good at separating his dead sensei from his rambunctious student, but dreaming about a smiling Rin with a bleeding heart was affecting his judgment today.

Sasuke was a tad better to look at; he was looking more and more like Itachi as days passed, but their temperament couldn’t be more different. Sasuke was a mass of arrogance, rudeness and a case of undiagnosed self-loathing. Itachi was confident yet humble, polite and easy with his smiles. Though Sasuke might have been a different boy when his brother was still his brother and not a kinslayer. Kakashi remembered Itachi's softening expression upon spotting his brother. In return, Sasuke used to smile – a wide grin and starry eyes that didn't hide his affection.

How tragic to be betrayed by the one person you loved the most. 

Sasuke at least didn’t personally have any connection to Kakashi’s ghosts. It was hard enough to be a teacher to a boy whose path was set the moment he stepped on his parents’ blood and gazed upon his treacherous brother. Kakashi didn’t want to imagine what might have happened if Sasuke was related to someone Kakashi cared about deeply.

“Tch,” Sasuke scoffed, his trademark scowl on his face. “A challenge that you will undoubtedly fail at.”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” Naruto clenched his fist and glared at his teammate. Kakashi sighed; it was a harmless dick-measuring conversation so there was no need for any alarm. Let the boys be boys. Also, if he got tensed every time they had a spat, his already white hair would fall off.

Naruto pointed his finger towards the nearby mountains. “Fine! Let’s fight over there! If I win, you give me your shuriken set – the brand new one you hoard like a miser. If you win, you get my savings for the month. How about that, asshole!”

Sasuke remained impassive, but his scowl disappeared. Instead, he looked thoughtful. Sasuke was particular about money and no doubt he was already calculating how much he’d save if he won.

After thinking for some time, he nodded. “Fine. Let’s head there. Any jutsu will work. The first person to break a bone, loses.” He smirked then, haughtiness and suppressed excitement filling his eyes. “Don’t go crying to Sakura when you lose.”

“YOU LITTLE –”

“Guys, we’re in the middle of a mission. Do you have to be so combative right now?” 

The third member of team 7. Sakura Haruno, the resident peacekeeper.

“Can’t. He started it.”

“I need to kick his arrogant ass, Sakura! For the good of society!”

The two boys replied. Nodding at each other, they took off, sniping at each other like old biddies.

Sakura threw her hands up and sat down on one of the logs. “Fine! See if I care!” She fixed Kakashi with a glare. “You let them get away with too much, Kakashi-sensei.”

Kakashi closed his book. He shoved it into his pocket. Standing up, he made his way to the logs they’d moved to rest on, a break before returning from guard duty from the outskirts of Land of Fire. Sakura continued to pout even when he sat beside her.

“Now, now,” he smiled, “there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of competition. It’s healthy.”

Sakura usually loved reassurances. There was an air of innocence and an almost blinding trust in seniors around and in her. Maybe civilians were like that – so far removed from the realities of war they were ready to put faith in anyone wearing a Leaf headband. Kakashi was unsure whether he should envy or coddle her.

This time, though, she didn’t let his platitudes comfort her.

“They will hurt each other,” she insisted. “I have a rivalry with Ino too, but we’re friends. We may fight and argue, but at the end of the day, I respect her. Naruto and Sasuke use each other as stepping stones. What happens when the camaraderie ends and the real fighting begins?”

Oh Sakura, Kakashi thought, his throat closing up with emotion born from wonder at the little girl. Times like these made him wonder whether he should close the gap he willingly put in between them. Maybe be a proper sensei for once.

Kakashi was aware of how he neglected her. He was also aware of how much better she could be if he helped her. Sakura was intelligent, curious and a clear thinker albeit sometimes too emotional. Nothing that might hinder a mission. She would shape up to be a great kunoichi one day.

He remembered the day he was assigned to Team 7.

“You’re making a mistake. I will be a horrible teacher to them.” Kakashi trembled with emotion. Whether with anger or fear was not decipherable.

The Hokage didn't bat an eyelid. Smoking a pipe, he flipped through a few pages he was reading as he nonchalantly announced the new assignment. Kakashi wanted to smack him with the pipe.

“Naruto is not only the jinchūriki of the Nine-Tails but also Minato Namikaze’s son.” Lord Hokage fixed him with a firm look. “He’s too young to understand his heritage and legacy. Who better to guide him than his father’s student? Minato would have wanted it too. He cared for you after all.”

Stop, Kakashi thought as his fists clenched. Minato-sensei would have understood. He always did, much better than you.

He didn’t say it out loud.

Instead, he tried to argue from other points. “Then what about Sasuke Uchiha? And Sakura Haruno? One is the descendant of one of the bloodiest massacres in Hidden Leaf history, a deed done by his own blood. The other is a civilian child playing at being a shinobi. This team will be dysfunctional at best and dangerous at worst.”

Something passed through Lord Third’s eyes when he mentioned Sasuke. His eyes turned a bit sad. For what? Probably another recrimination for not being able to save a young boy from such a tragedy. It passed too quickly for Kakashi to draw any conclusion.

“Kakashi,” Lord Third began gently. “A Sharingan is always necessary when put together with a jinchūriki. He’s the only one the village has who might, through intense training and hard work, be able to control the Nine-Tails lest disaster befalls or history repeats itself. As for the girl…” He took a long puff from his pipe. “She interests me. A civilian child with no shinobi background, not a single clan association and yet she beat even an Uchiha in written tests. Obito," Kakashi grimaced, "and a couple of other Uchiha weren't great at academics. But most have been. Especially Sasuke who has a frightening will. Her memory is faultless to the point of being uncanny.”

“And the rest?” Kakashi pressed, determined to save a young, defenceless child from a future destined to fail her. “Written tests don’t have real-world applications. A civilian born shinobi is either stuck at Chūnin level or likely to drop out upon facing the battlefield. If they don't die first, that is.”

“I agree,” Lord Hokage admitted. “As per my reports, she’s horrible at bukijutsu and taijutsu, and her ninjutsu is weak. But she’s a natural at genjutsu, talented enough to become a great genjutsu specialist if she keeps at it. If she learns how to resist a Sharingan and cast a genjutsu strong enough to confuse the Nine-Tails, she will be an asset to the village.”

A weapon of the village's choice. A civilian who wouldn't understand anything about clans or the true shinobi life. 

And Kakashi, after having a heated argument with the Hokage, was left in charge of a little girl he had nothing in common with.

Sakura was a tough child to understand. Sasuke was the easiest because he carried around a sign on his head saying ‘REVENGE’ and was devoid of anything else. Naruto wanted to stop being an outcast and the only way to do that was becoming the Hokage. Their goals were simple to understand although difficult to attain.

Sakura… Sakura was complicated.

She told him she wanted to marry her surly teammate hell-bent on revenge and have kids. And that should have been that. She might have been one of those people who craved the romantic notion of love found in novels. But still, she pushed herself harder than most – she read an insane amount, gathered things to make their journeys simple, and was so quick at picking up a mundane skill Kakashi almost had whiplash.

Unlike Sasuke and Naruto, Sakura didn’t thrive because of a certain goal. She didn’t want to achieve anything. She also didn’t have to resolve her past. Sakura just wanted to spend time with people and make their lives easier, whether by learning how to knit or stab.

And because of her admiring compassion and resilience, Kakashi always got tempted to teach her something. When he saw how she made a clean – almost surgical – suture, he wondered how she would use ninjutsu if he taught her. When she spotted things better than any normal shinobi, he itched to train his Sharingan on her and teach her to break out of the genjutsu.

And each time he took a step closer to actually, for once being a teacher to her, Rin’s face flashed in front of his eyes and he remained stuck in his position until the moment passed.

It was unfair to compare a dead girl to a living one, but Kakashi wasn’t a saint.

Rin died to save the village. She was capable of medical ninjutsu and she couldn’t save her own life. She knew the Uchiha’s fire techniques, and yet she couldn’t burn her enemies down. She was fast, brilliant and ruthlessly kind. And she was still another corpse, decomposing in the graveyard. 

Little girls don’t belong on battlefields. Kakashi sometimes froze with fear when he envisioned bright, sweet and kind Sakura lying dead in a warzone while everyone she saved gathered around her to pay respects. They did that with Rin. He hated them for living while their healer died to save their worthless lives.

He wouldn’t be able to go on if any of his students were killed, least of all if it was Sakura because she was the one who deserved her happy ending the most. He did that with his father, sensei and teammates, and each time the period of grieving increased until he was alternating between dying and wanting to die. He wouldn't be able to do it another time, especially if it was a child who did nothing wrong except loved people who would bring her to her doom.

So, Kakashi didn’t teach her anything even when she turned her wordless accusations at him. Even when she looked hurt and pursed her lips to stop herself from being a brat and asking for training. Kakashi would be caught between relief and disappointment when she lost her resolve and left him alone.

Why, her green, expressive eyes screamed the words she couldn’t. Why don’t you teach me anything? Why am I not good enough?

Kakashi always turned around. He would rather be hated than forced to visit another grave.

He was being immature and illogical about it. He knew that. But he could not shake his fears off as easily as Guy did. Guy was much better than him. He wasn't scum.

However, looking at a worried Sakura now, he remembered his nightmare. Shinobi died if they lacked training too. He might save Sakura from the front lines, but there was a chance she might become a casualty at the first wave.

Maybe I should teach her something useful for fleeing, he decided. Something that’ll allow her to detect an enemy and run.

Suddenly, he realized what he needed to do.

“Hmm, Sakura?”

“Yes, sensei?” She mumbled, still unhappy with his decision to not interfere with the boys’ petty rivalry.

“Do you remember what I told you about chakra control?” Kakashi was still shocked at seeing her perfect chakra control. It was unheard of to see a fledgling manage to not stumble at all. How did she manage to go to the top on the first try? Her balance was immaculate and professional to the point she looked like she was already a master at it.

Sakura frowned. Tapping her face with her finger, she pondered. After several seconds, she nodded. “Yes, sensei. I remember everything you taught me and a couple of things I read in a few books.”

A few books, Kakashi raised his eyebrow fondly. More like an entire shelf, no doubt.

He asked, his voice as casual as he could make it, “Do you want to learn more about chakra control? Since those two are away for a while and you have a great chakra control, you would master it in no time.”

Sakura blinked, her face going slack with wonder.

“Really?” She asked.

He nodded and smiled his usual close-eyed smile. A huge grin broke out over her face. Her eyes became teary, and she looked seconds away from hugging him.

She didn’t, though. “Yes! I would love to! What should we start with? Is it chakra moulding? Or the advanced form of chakra manipulation? Or —”

“How about,” he interrupted, “we start with something simple as walking on water?”

Sasuke and Naruto returned an hour later, their bodies full of scratches and chakra depleted, with no clear winner between them. They looked ready to drop to the floor and call it a night. They paused when they noticed Sakura standing on top of a barrel full of water, her eyes trained on the branch above her.

“Is she —” Sasuke started.

“— standing on water?” Naruto finished, his eyes going wide. He shared a look of disbelief with Sasuke.

“Shh.” Kakashi sidled up to them, his gaze not wavering from Sakura. “Just watch.” He cleared his throat and spoke loudly. “Now, Sakura.”

Like a bird taking flight for the first time, like a fish slipping away from a person’s hands, Sakura jumped with grace. Not making a single ripple on the water surface, she rotated her body. Her feet attached themselves to the branch without making it move.

Kakashi felt his heart nearly burst with pride.

“Perfect, Sakura,” he called out in his lazy drawl. He noticed the boys’ dropped jaws from the corner of his eye.

Sakura opened her eyes and smiled. “I did it, Kakashi-sensei! I can walk on water now and jump to any heights!” Pumping her fist, she shouted, “Cha!”

Kakashi hummed, his approval unrestrained at the sight of her beaming face. He would teach her some of the basics of chakra manipulation and detection, enough to push her towards some sensory jutsu. Chakra control will also help her in genjutsu.

He could keep her alive like this. He could succeed in at least one promise.

Never again, Rin, he promised his dead friend as he watched Sakura run towards her teammates. Not another death I could have prevented.

[parismemes]

THINGS SAID IN DISCORD: NOVEMBER EDITION!

“EY TONY STOP WALKIN ALL OVER MY FEET” “hopefully this person has the gift of prophecy” “at least youre not ALSO part gemini” “apparently a lot of women just go into labor when it floods” “this mf walking into subway like im about to manipulate this unsuspecting employee into making me a sandwich” “im like a proud mother with a gun today” “im coming to your location and im going to knock everything off your shelves” “jsyk if anyone doesnt say happy birthday in here im prepared to show up on the astral plane in your location and haunt you” “im not doing anything except for having an opinion” “you guys have got to stop rectangle squaring things” “dont you know that its emo to have trauma” “hey everyone i just want to say sorry in advance for the way im going to behave tomorrow” “come to the conclusion that i shouldnt be allowed to type things. very sorry” “rotisserie chicken boy.” “i dont agree with my result im gonna find a worse quiz made by a middle schooler” “god im so good at loopholes im so smart” “WAS THIS WHAT FUCKING STARTED MY FUCKING CATBOY AND CATGIRL OBSESSION FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF” “i always feel like a pickle in a jar when ur not here :(” “hey. you know youre not allowed to get good sleep around us.” “either this man is fuck you years old or he just gets around A LOT. or both but unrelated to eachother i guess” “nice going ___ that is just the movie enchanted.” “I COULD NEVER KILL HIM hes my poor little meow meow” “formal apology everyone i was in what we like to call in the business a mood” “what if one day i wake up and i realize i still feel completely empty. what then.” “theres nothing in the ocean i will not eat” “ppl just like to get pretentious about not cracking their cheesecakes” “we're being assassinated for being correct this is political suppression“ “well thats just not true. i can think of at least one occasion youve been wrong before” “EXIT. THE PREMESIS” “___ your bf would eat raw meat. you have no room here” “i was like wait what the fuck other golf terms are birds and then i remembered. birdie” “im glad you enjoy me calling you a shit head” “overstimulated in this cheesecake factory” “we missed you so we are chewing up the couches” “one time i went to a wax museum and i tried to take a selfie with the tswift wax figure but i couldnt even fit us both in frame bc she was so tall” “if you have to resort to gamer slang to win your argument youre automatically wrong” “ill accept it because yellow and purple are basically the same thing” “i dont need to use scientific tools to prove my point i have eyes” “im not having this debate because i want to solve it im having this debate because im right“ “i think the terms of the debate were pretty clear in that it cannot be anything other than green or yellow and since its not yellow its obviously green” “i love you with all my soul but thats the worst and most incorrect thing youve ever said“ “i think everyone is qualified to judge my taste.” “rip king sorry to hear about ur tragic fate“ “this interaction for sure is ending with one or both of them getting alcohol poisoning by the end of the night” “i love watching these minecraft guys go to war. if we did minecraft id absolutely go to war with one of u.” “active decisions can still be dumb” “if that really happens thats more valuable to me than winning any lottery” “i put laundry away when the stars are properly aligned” “i just never stop thinking about it because i dont like the vibe it gives me at all even a little” “hes never done anything wrong, except for the things he did do wrong, which i forgive him for” “i could say the fuck word before too it was just not legal” “ok its definitely not square vs rectangle because then youre saying everyone with a piss kink is a vampire but not all vampires have a piss kink” “thats like saying "oh you like juice? well try this ;)" and then putting it through four water filtration systems and giving them the remains” “how dare you cater to my tastes.” “im going to crawl into a hole in the earth and bury myself” “this is a step backwards. but ill take it as a good omen anyway.“ “i can tell why critics hated it because it has every film element that a critic would not like, but luckily that happens to be exactly everything in a film that i love” “why am i in everyones dreams lately” “i dont believe in colors” “I HATE HIM SO MUCH ITS UNREAL” “(sobbing) i try not to judge appearances but why does your face look like that.” “i actually have no idea how to send things in the mail and im too embarrassed to ask“ “tone wise that feels like a dream i once had about Evil Youtube” “yeah hes hinged but like instead of being a normal door hes a funhouse door that is tilted a little too horizontally and is also randomly placed in the middle of the wall”

[koushuwu]

Since you’re bored…. Tell us about a character you love from:

1) your fav manga/manhwa

2) your fav anime

3) your fav book

4) your A/O wip?

All of the above or whichever one you wanna 👀✨💖 must include “why are they my blorbo?” reasoning. ily

YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! this is an invitation to rant about my faves, right? right.

OKAY! okay! lots to fucking say i swear! okay!

favorite manwha/manga

Mookyul Eun

mookyul is a pretentious gangsta fuck. as you know. he’s very persistent and knows what he wants (even though he may or may not be doing most of his thinking with his dick at first, when it comes to our dear little ewon). he may be a mafia boss, and be prone to violence, but he cares about being legitimate when it comes to business. i love him, he’s such a shit in some aspects but he’s also kinda soft (although he’d probably smack me down if he ever heard me say that). he’s pretty as fuck. god damn model material. ALSO! when he tells ewon “my ears, my eyes and my heart too. i’d give you everything if you said you needed it.” I DIE EVERYTIME THAT MOTHER FUCKER! also he’s respectful to those who deserve it. like Killer Bear. he’s a good man, but he’s also not. he’s my baby, and if anyone ever tried to hurt him i would go utterly feral. my precious bby boy 🥺🥺🥺🥺💖

favorite anime

Oikawa Tooru

okay oikawa is a pretty boy through and through. he’s perfect and he could never do anything wrong, okay! okay so he might’ve almost punched a kid once BUT HE DIDN’T!!!!!! (disclaimer/for legal reason: i do not condone this kind of behavior, obviously!) that’s what matters right????? okay okay, also he’s immensely talented. not like a natural talent, but talented as in he’s worked his fucking ass to shreds, to get where he is and to hone his skill and become the best™️. on one hand he KNOWS he’s the best and he’s smug as fuck about it, but on the other hand, he has the most fragile ego EVER. he’s kinda childish at times, but he’s just so adorable i love him. from his floofy hair, to his determination, to his shitty personality, to the way he communicates with his iwa-chan. i love him from the bottom of my heart, he’s my little princess boy 🥺🥺🥺🥺💖

favorite book

Jacks - aka the Prince of Hearts

Jacks in a fate from the caravan book series, and he’s both terrible and amazing. he’s the smoothest mother fucker out there, i swear. it’s said that he’s searching for his one true love, and if he kisses you, your heart stops like within a week or something if you’re NOT his true love. if you are, you survive. and he so…. he’s terrible, don’t get me wrong, i’d hate him if i met him irl. he’s got the foulest mouth, and despite being deceitful and almost killing the person we follow in this book where we meet him, he also tries to help her. he holds her when she cries and he just… he’s horrible. he’s perfect. i love him. i don’t know what else to say, he’s just my perfect disaster <3

Alpha / Omega project

Reed

i was going to talk about kaizer. he’s the obvious choice. stoic, strong, skilled, alpha, awkward as fuck, tragic past and all that. BUT you know a lot about him already, so i decided to go for reed instead. reed is an elf. he’s a redhead, he’s got freckles, he’s tall and lanky, yet strong af. we meet him in book two. before the book. his past. he looses the love of his life to sickness, and believing that she’d been asking the king for help with her sickness and being refused, he seeks vengeance. he kills the king with a scythe and is shunned to live with the heathens. which is where he is when kaizer arrives at the elf kingdom. he’s funny, he’s soft, and slightly unhinged at times. he may or may not have do fucky fuck with kaizer. because they both like each other but also both know that they could never take the place of the others lost love. HOWEVER!!! reed may or may not fall for kaizers sister ava. which is awkward. because…. yeah.. and they deserve to be happy, when he finally learns to really love again after his lost love. and he just deserves the best in the world, he’s my dark puppy redhead i cannot even begin to tell you how much i’m looking forward to writing him!!!!!

okay i tried to be a LITTLE short on them, so it wouldn’t just be an entire essay for each of them….. also i wrote half of this while still at work, whoops 🙈 kudos to my superior for being out of the office most of the afternoon!