#he has so many issues <3333 but he's working through them!!!! FINALLY!!!!!

[mojaves]

💭 + 🚫 + 🍎 + 💔 + 🍛 + 🧐 [one of each category for seb!! 🤭]

💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)?

i did this once for him a loooonnng time ago and it was. estj i think??? and i did it again just now and he got infp,,, very. very big difference WHJSDHGSHJEDG infp definitely feels more right for him at the current point in the story,,,, he is much more reserved than he used to be, but also much more Himself. whereas earlier on he tried soooo hard to force himself to be extraverted,,, to appear much more cocky and confident than he really is. also just a fun result to show how much he has developed as a character since i first made him [:

🚫 PROHIBITED — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events?

oh of course. he's never been like. Bad with smoking. doesnt do it all too often. he has made a pack last for well over a month a few times. as for drinking!!! well. he's getting better. he has slipped into old habits when things have gotten particularly stressful [especially before he left arasaka]. the important thing here is that he is a huge guy who has been pumped full of different medications and steroids and fun new cyberware for many years. it is VERY difficult for him to get drunk. so if you ever see him flat out wasted. well!!!!! it's safe to assume he's not having a very good time!!!!

🍎 RED APPLE — where was your oc born? do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? how do they feel about their birthplace?

he was born in night city, and will live AND die there given the opportunity. grew up in heywood, and still passes through there from time to time for jobs. he loved it there growing up, and used to miss it a LOT after he got kicked out and had to move elsewhere, but as he got older and the nostalgia faded, he realised he really wouldnt want to live there ever again. the connection it has with his family is Too strong and difficult to ignore for him. so it would just make him Insane if he had to stay there for too long now

💔 BROKEN HEART — what are three of your oc's negative traits?

entirely too stubborn for his own good which has almost lead to his death on Multiple occasions. he has FINALLY!!!!! started accepting help from others, but that took well over 30 years and one hell of a lot of convincing. he doesnt like feeling like he's a burden on others [he isnt!!! he's allowed to ask for help!!!!] and he's finally realising that is Not the case

that goes hand in hand with his hostility and tendency to be VERY quick to judge people on some occasions. he will get a hint of a rancid vibe from someone and thats IT!!!! he doesnt want to talk to you anymore. he will spend the rest of the conversation trying to stop himself from throwing you off of a cliff. while that Is a side effect of the damage the arasaka chip did to his brain, it's also something that he has to learn to keep under control. it is VERY difficult sometimes, but he'd rather exhaust himself with trying to keep that at bay than end up killing a guy who stared at him for a second longer than necessary.

🍛 CURRY AND RICE — what does your oc's typical dinner look like? do they usually eat dinner?

he used to looooove cooking. so much. but bc of all his time at arasaka and the work he does now, he kind of. lost interest in it, so he usually makes something very very simple. it's generally chicken with a bunch of veggies, and either noodles or rice, depending on the day. he Does start being more adventurous again with cooking, and generally just better with eating, as he gets closer to a guy who he is definitely not hopelessly in love with for many years. its fine. hes fine. dont even worry about it [theyre married now]

🧐 FACE WITH MONOCLE — is your oc more logical or emotional?

it entirely depends on how he is that day, but generally he tends to be much more logical about stuff, because thats the best way to get through problems. but sometimes, if he's having a particularly bad day, or week, the negative emotions WILL cloud his judgement about literally everything and make him completely shut down. basically dont let him make very important decisions on a bad day. someone will end up dead probably.

[wuhhluhhhwuhhh]

hello, i'm happy to report that i took a nap and woke up to find a streaming site that had the euphoria season finally on it. i am no longer seizing and foaming at the mouth :)

just kidding i have so much shit to say <3

spoilers under the cut!!

iAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HELLO?? HELLO DID ANYONE SEE THAT???? FUCKING-

OKAY OKAY OKAY ORGANIZATION UM

FUCK

FIRST OFF, FAYE, SWEETIE, I KNEW YOU WOULD COME THROUGH!! THANK YOU FOR THE BIMBO REPRESENTATION LAKSDHFGHKL I LOVE YOU AND AM GIVING YOU A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD MWAH <33

NOW IN MORE SOMBER NEWS

Ashtray :(

the way,,, they way fez is out here shouting about how he's just a kid and how they shouldn't shoot made me fucking sob

I was never the type of fan to scream and cry over fez and ash akdfhghk i like them, they're chill and likeable, but there are so many more interesting characters to focus on?? characters with more depth????

at the end of the day i think people liked them because they aren't as problematic as the others and because they're not that complex like say cassie rue and jules but laksdhgfhk oof just because i thought people were hyping them up too much didn't mean that i wanted them to die 😭😭😭😭

maybe it's for the better tho lmao what's this show without a little drama-

uM OKAY NOW ONTO HOW THIS EPISODE DID JULES SO DIRTY

ELLIOT IS OUT HERE WITH AN ENTIRE SONG (WHICH I WILL GET TO) AND SHE GETS A FEW HOOTS IN THE AUDIENCE AND A TWENTY SECOND SCENE WHERE SHE SAYS TWO LINES AND GETS LEFT ALONE IN AN AUDITORIUM

Like no okay Rue was right for walking away, she really does need to focus on herself but fuck man,,,, I hate elliot <33 His little song is stupid and the rhyme scheme could have been made by an eight grader alskdhgfhkl please 💀

Also is Rue not a lesbian?? Why was I expecting elliot to try and make out with her during that scene alskdfhhk i didn't want it to happen but god did i think it was gonna go there-

this entire season has people acting like that special episode with rue didn't happen btw and that pisses me off so much?? she's literally like cassie in the sense that she's so heavily reliant on male validation. the only difference is she was seeking male validation so she could conquer femininity and have people see her as a woman (smth most euphoria viewers probably can't relate to) and cassie was doing it to fill the hole her dad left in her life (smth they can probably relate to lmao shit dads are everywhere)

am i saying a lot of the hate jules gets is because of transphobia yes exactly u got it and i'm correct, she would not be getting this much shit if she was cis because then her issues with male validation would be like cassie's and thus more relatable but apparently no one is ready for that take ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

from an objective perspective tho oof elliot's song took up way too much time still and he had the audacity to say he was still working on it???? babe that was like three minutes and okay this tweet encapsulates it all actually-

i didn't look away from the screen for a second until he started singing lmao

dominic i know you're like part filipino askdhfghk this isn't personal at all lmao but god,,,, your character is shit <33 very unnecessary <3333

BUT OKAY NO JULES IS AN ENTIRE POST OF HER OWN IT'S WHAT SHE DESERVES AFTER SAM ASSASSINATED HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AKSDHFGHKL

CASSIE

CASSIE AND MADDY

FUCK

for real tho this is me after a math test that shit is beating my ass every day of the week-

but god,,,,, oof. i really wish we saw more of maddy beating her up they could have cut the elliot song to do that oKAY I'M SORRY I'M DONE

I STILL,,, IDK BEFORE THIS EPISODE I COULD FEEL FOR CASSIE A LITTLE, HELLO FELLOW DADDY ISSUES BITCHES, BUT AAAAAA YEAH NO LAKSDHFGHKL THE WAY SHE HOPPED UP ON THAT STAGE READY TO WHOOP HER SISTER'S ASS HAS ME OFFICIALLY HATING HER MORE THAN FEELING FOR HER 😭😭😭

i think,, i think i'm done for now lmao see y'all in 2024 um.

i'm gonna go watch killing eve now <33

[citysvein]

                *   //    𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴   …   /𝚃𝙷𝙴_𝙲𝙾𝙾𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙾𝚁   :    chloe   kim   also   known   as   zero   is   wanted   for   grand   larceny   .   she   is   a   twenty-three   year   old   cis   female   who   has   ties   to   the   mastermind   because   she   hacked   into   his   private   server  ;   once   at   the   request   of   a   benefactor   and   another   time   for   fun   .   𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙾𝙲𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙴𝙳   𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷   :   strawberry   flavored   bubblegum   ,   the   glow   of   a   computer   screen   in   a   dark   room  ,   tattoos   hidden   by   oversized   sweater   sleeves   ,   &   cyber   stalking   your   exes   .   𝙳𝙾   𝙽𝙾𝚃   𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴   𝙵𝙾𝚁   :   yoo shiah   .  

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     QUICK  STATS  !

full  name  :   chloe   kim   .

nickname(s)  :   chlo   .

age   :   twenty-three   . 

codename   :   zero   .

role:   the   coordinator   .   

zodiac  :   gemini   sun   ,   gemini   moon   (  click   !  )

sexuality  :   bisexual   .

alignment   :   chaotic   neutral   .

pinterest   :   (   click !   )  

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     BACKSTORY  !    (  tw  :  death  &  car  crash  )

chloe   kim   was   born   in   and   raised   in   ann   arbor   ,   michigan   .   there   was   nothing   truly   remarkable   about   her   childhood   —   she   was   an   only   child   born   into   a   middle   class   family    .    her   mother   was   a   professor   and   her   father   was   a   physical   therapist   ,   and   they   were   very   happily   married   ,   so   she   had   a   stable   life   .   ann   arbor   was   a   fittingly   normal    place   to   grow   up   .   nothing   too   out   of   the   ordinary   ever   seemed   to   happen   .

the   only   anomaly   in   chloe’s   unremarkable   existence   ,    it   seemed   ,   was   herself   .   from   a   young   age   it   was   obvious   she   wasn’t   like   most   kids   .    she   was   decidedly   smarter   ,   an   intelligence   that   impressed   the   adults   around   her   .   her   parents   often   described   her   as   a   highly   curious   ,   if   not   a   little   naughty   ,    child   .   it   seemed   like   she   was   born   with   the   desire   to   know   how   the   world   around   her   worked   ,   and   it   wasn’t   uncommon   to   find   her   tinkering   around   with   her   toys   or   household   objects    ,    taking   them   apart   just   so   she   could   learn   how   to   put   them   back   together   .   

she   graduated   from   high   school   at   sixteen   ,   a   year   early   ,   and   was   offered   a   full   ride   to   MIT   ,   which   she   gladly   accepted   .   moving   to   cambridge,   massachusetts   marked   the   most   interesting   thing   to   happen   to   her   yet   .   she’d   long   dreamed   of   excitement   ,   the   only   thing   she   had   to   entertain   her   back   home   being   her   love   for   computers   .   chloe   was   ready   for   a   change   ,   which   was   exactly   what   she   received   .  

free   from   the   confines   of   being   that   one   smart   girl   in   ann   arbor   ,   she   didn’t   feel   pressured   to   conform   to   the   idea   of   her   that   had   been   carefully   crafted   by   the   people   back   home   any   longer   .   she   didn’t   just   have   to   care   about   school   ,   or   be   shy   about   how   she   unironically   loved   reality   tv   ,   or   pretend   like   pink   wasn’t   the   absolute   best   color   in   the   whole   world   .   facing   comments   from   nerdy   boys   about   how   she   was   too   pretty   to   be   smart   or   about   how   she   was   clearly   in   the   wrong   class   seemed   like   a   small   price   to    pay   if   she   could   finally   be   herself   .

MIT   ,   however   ,   did   feel   like   the   wrong   place   for   chloe   most   of   the   time   .   she   realized   very   quickly   that   while   she   was   gifted   and   bright   ,   she   had   no   passion   or   drive   to   pursue   typical   careers   the   way   most   people   in   her   major   did   .   she   also   had   a   knack   for   using   her   skills   in   unconventional   (   if   not   illegal   )   ways   ,   like   when   she   started   charging   a   pretty   penny   to   hack   boyfriends   suspected   by   their   girlfriends   of   cheating   ,   or   hacking   into   the   local   police   database   to   browse   through   people’s   criminal   records   like   it   was   the   equivalent   of   reading   gossip   magazines   .

at   the   end   of   her   junior   year   ,   after   voicing   her   concerns   about   whether   or   not   university   life   was   for   her   to   her   parents   in   one   of   her   weekly   calls   back   home   ,   they’d   made   the   decision   to   go   surprise   chloe   .   after   flying   into   massachusetts   from   michigan   they’d   rented   a   car   and   were   on   their   way   to   drive   up   to   her   dorm   when   they   got   into   a   fatal   accident   .   there   had   been   a   nasty   storm   that   night   ,   and   chloe   can   still   remember   how   she’d   gotten   a   severe   thunderstorm   warning   alert   on   her   cellphone   moments   before   she   got   the   police   call   informing   her   of   what   happened   .

in   the   blink   of   an   eye   her   life   had   gone   from   average   to   tragic   .   she   couldn’t   process   the   death   of   her   parents   —   there   was   no   other   driver   to   blame   ,   nothing   faulty   about   the   rental   car    they’d   been   driving   ,   only   the   weather   and   the   slippery   roads   .   chloe   would   have   surely   flunked   out   from   MIT   had   her   professors   ,   who   mostly   harbored   soft   spots   for   the   girl   and   were   especially   sympathetic   towards   her   situation   ,   not   given   her   the   few   credits   she   needed   to   graduate   that   spring   .

armed   with   an   IT   degree   but   not   much   else   ,   chloe   went   back   to   ann   arbor   for   her   parent’s   funeral   and   the   selling   of   her   childhood   home   .   realizing   she   had   no   place   to   go   afterwards   ,   she   became   a   bit   of   a   vagabond   ,   spending   the   entirety   of   her   19th   year   living   out   of   motel   rooms   in   various   cities   .   not   in   the   head   space   for   a   full   time   career   ,   and   with   her   mind   still   foggy   from   mourning   ,   she   started   picking   up   where   she’d   left   off   in   college   in   terms   of   odd   and   illegal   ways   to   make   money.   

when   she   was  20   she   caught   the   attention   of   someone   she  quickly   realized   was   important   ,   a   client   with   a   request   and   a   payday   like   nothing   she’d   ever   seen   before   .   all   he   wanted   chloe   to   do   was   hack   into   someone’s   private   server   ,   and   so   she   did   .   she   didn’t   ask   questions   but   she   did   snoop   around   ,   a   small   act   or   curiosity   that   would   forever   change   her   world   .   what   she   found   was   almost   incomprehensible   ,   a   network   of   some  sort   with   the   most   detailed   plans   and   profiles   .   never   having   been   motivated   by   any   sort   of   moral   compass   before   ,   chloe   couldn’t   explain   why   she   lied   to   the   man   who   had   hired   her   ,   claiming   she   hadn’t   been   skilled   enough   to   get   through   .   

he’d   bought   her   excuse   ,   another   man   who   couldn’t   see   past   a   pretty   face   to   the   brain   behind   it    .   for   months   afterwards   chloe   tried   to   forget   about   the   things   she’d   seen   and   read   ,   that   exciting   world   she’d   only   discovered   by   chance   ,    but   she   just   couldn’t   let   it   go   .   she   was   inexplicably   drawn   to   whoever   was   behind   it   all   ,   proving   it   when   she   hacked   them   a   second   time   around   ,    this   time   for   her   own   entertainment   and   satisfaction   .   she   couldn’t   explain   it   —   especially   not   when   she   left   behind   a   trail   this   time   around   ,   wanting   to   be   caught   ,   wanting   so   desperately   to   be   contacted   .   

when   chloe   is   recruited   by   J    ,   it   feels   like   the   first   blessing   since   her   parent’s   deaths   .   it   wasn’t   the   money   she   was   interested   in   ,   but   him   ,   the   way   he   makes   people   feel   special   and   needed   filling   a   void   she’d   never   let   herself   admit   she   had   in   the   first   place   .   she’s   loyal   to   him   ,   and   so   she’s   loyal   to   the   crew   ,   and   for   the   first   time   in   her   whole   life   it   feels   like   she   might   have   found   the   place   she   truly   belongs   .         

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     PERSONALITY  +  TIDBITS  !

thats   right   ...   i   made   her   a   double   gemini   baby   !   😈   its   just   chaos   all   over   as   u   can   imagine   ...   gotta   love   a   sexy   sign   aha   no   im   not   biased   <3   she’s   got   a   pretty   good   balance   of   intelligence   &   curiosity   in   her   ,   so   instead   of   coming   off   as   a   know-it-all   she’s   more   likely   to   come   across   as   nosy   .   she   just   loves   to   figure   stuff   out    .   whether   it’s   code   or   people   she   wants   to   know   how   things   work   .

generally   speaking   ,   she’s   pretty   easy   going   !    when   it   comes   to   her   relationships   with   people   she’s   not   that   high   maintenance   ,   in   fact   sometimes   it’s   easy   to   mistake   her   easy   going   attitude   with   aloofness   or   disinterest   ,   which   isn’t   the   case   at   all   .   when   she   does   get   annoyed   though   she’s   not   shy   about   letting   you   know   how   she   feels   ,   and   she’s   got   a   BIG   potty   mouth   ...   it’s   like   when   people   have   road   rage   SJDBWJDBJW   she’ll   curse   you   out   in   a   short   burst   of   anger   then   decide   she’s   over   it   before   you   even   have   time   to   process   what   happened   . 

since   she’s   been   on   her   own   pretty   much   her   whole   life   (   no   siblings   ,   no   set   group   of   friends   )   it   was   a   bumpy   adjustment   to   go   from   having   no   one   to   being   part   of   a   team   .   she   definitely   wasn’t   upset   by   it   ,   but   chloe   can   get   into   trouble   sometimes   because   she’s   got   a   knack   for   always   saying   what   she’s   thinking   without   filtering   herself   first   ,   so   she’s   definitely   started   some   arguments   or   hurt   some   feelings   on   accident   </3   

loves   to   joke   around   and   treat   things   like   they’re   no   big   deal   ,   even   when   they   are   .   this   is   especially   true   when   it   comes   to   her   own   abilities   .   she’ll   casually   mention   hacking   into   a   number   of   high   security   facilities   and   servers   and   how   she   bought   a   new   sailor   moon   hoodie   in   the   same   sentence   like   it’s   nothing   .

almost   always   either   dressed   in   pink   or   black   ,   or   a   combination   of   the   two   .   she   swears   she   owns   clothes   in   other   colors   but   those   two   are   definitely   her   defaults   .   switches   between   more   casual   street-styles   and   girly   attire   on   a   day   to   day   basis   .   owns   many   sanrio   themed   articles   of   clothing   ,   accessories   ,   and   plushies   and   will   accept   zero   criticism   about   it   !    

chews   gum   a   lot    ,   but   especially   when   she’s   working   on   her   computer   .   she   claims   it   helps   her   focus   but   who   knows   for   sure   maybe   she   just   likes   chomping   and   blowing   bubbles   ...

she’s   a   serial   dater   .   chloe   finally   had   to   force   herself   to   swear   off   tinder   because   she   kept   doing   extensive   background  searches   (   hacking   )   on   the   people   she   was   going   on   dates   with   .  still   cyber   stalks   her   exes   but   she   swears   it’s   purely   an   act   of   public   service   since   they   were   all   insane   (   in   her   opinion   ,    which   is   never   wrong   )   and   she’s   just   trying   to   make   sure   they   haven’t   committed   any   major   crimes   aha   x   

not   very   good   at   being   romantic   or   emotionally   vulnerable   SDBWJDBJW   truly   the   thought   alone   is   terrifying   enough   but   when   she   watches   pride   and   prejudice   alone   at   2am   she   cries   so   your   girl   has   it   in   her   she’s   just   not   there   yet   <3   physical   intimacy   she   has   no   issue   with   it’s   just   the   serious   stuff   that   makes   her   want   to   eat   glass   ...   or   so   she   says   .

has   questionable   drinking   habits   .   can   she   out   drink   a   man   twice   her   size   ?    sure   .   should   she   be   putting   that   to   the   test   at   10   am   at   a   chili’s   after   a   night   out   ?   absolutely   not   but   it   100%   happened   and   she   would   probably   do   it   again   because   she   simply   pretends   her   mistakes   never   happened   in   the   first   place   and   that’s   why   she   never   learns   !

absolutely   refuses   to   talk   to   anyone   about   her   life   and   what   happened   to   her   parents   .   she   still   hasn’t   fully   grieved   or   processed   it   ,   and   honestly   speaking   she’s   been   using   the   crew   and   J   as   a   coping   mechanism   almost   .   chloe’s   adamant   belief   in   the   heists   they   do   and   their   capabilities   as   a   unit   has   less   to   do   with   the   real   chances   on   whether   or   not   they   can   pull   something   off   and   everything   to   do   with   the   fact   that   she   needs   things   to   work   and   she   needs   them   to   be   together   .   that’s   why   she’s   usually   one   of   the   first   ones   to   pep   talk   people   when   there   are   doubts   .   she   can’t   risk   losing   a   second   family   /: 

low   key   addicted   to   getting   tattoos   .   it   started   with   tiny   ones   on   her   fingers   and   wrists   and   now   she’s   thinking   about   getting   a   sleeve   ...   if   only   she   could   decide   on   what   to   get   tattooed   #AirSignThings   x   don’t   ask   her   to   make   decisions   if   you   want   an   answer   before   this   decade   ends   .

strawberry   is   her   favorite   fruit   and   flavor   !   if   she’s   not   chewing   strawberry   gum   ,   she’s   drinking   strawberry   milk   .

once   started   an   instagram   to   review   different   mozzarella   sticks   after   lorde   was   outed   for   running   an   onion   ring   reviewing   instagram   .

won   a   goldfish   at   a   fair   when   she   was   in   college   ,   named   him   stinky   ,   then   cried   for   a   week   straight   after   she   found   him   floating   dead   in   his   fish   bowl   the   next   day   ...   she   hasn’t   had   a   pet   since   </3   

if   you   ever   tell   chloe   good   job   she   will   act   cool   in   the   moment   but   at   night   when   she’s   trying   to   go   to   bed   she   will   look   like   this   🥺   never   forgets   a   compliment   she   loves   them   even   if   she   pretends   she   doesn’t   need   them   ...

told   myself   i’d   make   this   short   by   not   adding   a   plots   section   and   it’s   still   a   novel   truly   i   hate   this   life   .   once   again   i   am   asking   u   to   add   me   on   discord   glo lovecore ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172   and   plot   with   me   💖   also   my   intros   are   always   winged   so  if   i   start   writing   as   chloe   and   her   personality   does   a   180   like   dua   lipa   said   PLEASE   mind   ur   business   that’s   why   i   made   her   a   gemini   ok   😭😭😭   pls   enjoy   this   meme   chloe   has   probably   sent   to   ur   muse   at   least   once   ...

[hostiias]

MENTAL HEALTH WITH NIM: DID

           Hey sweet peas! Nimbus here and I have what’s known as DID!! What is DID you ask? It’s short for Dissociative Identity Disorder !! It was known as multiple personality disorder until the 90′s--when they gained a better understanding and changed the name. You don’t have to read this, but it would mean a whole awful lot to me if you did!

       First a disclaimer! DID is unique to everyone like many disorders and while some core facts are the same, please not I only have one experience and one side of this multi-faceted disorder!

         DID is formed in ages 7-9 and only in this stage of childhood. It is caused by repeated and/or extreme trauma. The person who has developed DID (aka me!!) will have no memory of their childhood. That’s right! I don’t remember anything--and any memories I have are vague and fuzzy, like they happened to someone else. I only have one very clear memory--but I only recovered it fairly recently via therapy.

           That brings us to our next issue--DID causes severe memory loss. I’m not talking a few hours--Im talking losing days, weeks, months, and even years. I’ve had to work very hard with my disorder and therapy to get a better handle on this loss of time--but that’s still fairly recent and I do still lose time. The reason I bring this up is because I might not remember a conversation we had--or something I was supposed to do for you.

            I forget birthdays, anniversaries, important dates, etc so much--like i don’t even remember my mums. Bits and pieces of my life are like shadows in my mind and I have to do some digging and info-seeking to find it out. It’s very difficult and I feel very guilty about it...so please never take it personally if I don’t remember something. It’s not because I don’t care , but because my mind is literally fragmented.

           Expanding on that--DID is a defensive disorder created by your mind to try and protect you from your trauma. So you know how in 7-9 your ‘parts’ of personality are slowly integrating to create you? The trauma disrupts this and your parts stay separate, creating alters. These alters often create their own personas; become their own people. The bugger thing is, once you’ve split--you can do it later again when you’re older. That’s right! If I’m traumatized enough, it could cause me to split again--because now my brain has recognized this ‘split’ as a defensive tactic.

             I’m pretty lucky that because I’ve been getting therapy (and FINALLY got a diagnosis; like I’m medically diagnosed with this disorder) I’ve been able to avoid further splits. At this time I have eight alters I am aware of whom I communicate with almost like a family; this is how I’ve been able to cut down on my memory loss. It’s still a bit like watching myself through tv, but at least I’m more aware of what happened.

              Some quick terminology!!

Protector: an alter who keeps the system safe

Alter: The ‘part’ that split.

System: The name for the collective unit of alters and host/original.

Host: the alter who is living the individuals life most of the time, might not be the original.

Original: the individual who was originally traumatized and ended up with DID. (I am both the host and the original).

Gatekeeper: Someone who monitors what alters are allowed to interact with the rest of the system and what memories are allowed to be accessed. If there are Persecutors in the system, they keep them at bay.

Persecutor: An alter who often exhibits the behavior of the person who was abusive/caused the trauma. Usually only harmful to the system itself. It is rare for persecutors to cause harm to outside individuals, but they may say cruel things.

Internal self-helper: An alter who is mostly on in the system that makes sure everyone is where they need to be; aka sort of like the maintenance guy.

Trauma holder: An alter who holds the memories of the trauma that cause their split.

Little: An alter who maintains the appearance and mindset of a child; usually the result of the initial trauma from ages 7-9.

Non-human: An alter who is not human. Can be a mythical being but is typically an animal presenting alter.

Fictive: An alter who has the ‘memories’ and personality of a fictional person as well as their appearance and name.

Headspace: This is an internal world sort of like Sherlocks ‘mind palace’ from the BBC show where all the alters can interact with each other and ‘live’. How it appears is different for everyone–my headspace is a cabin in the woods.

Age: Alters can be the same age as the orginal or older/younger. They are, essentially, their own people in many ways.

Co-existence: A therapy method in which you learn to live and function with your alters (this is the therapy I use)

Integration: A form of therapy where the original and/or host begins to integrate the alter into their singular personality (aka going through the process that was disrupted in childhood). This can also occur between alters.

      I have a very good relationship with my alters but it wasn’t always this way. I’ve had a lot of issues in the past with varying personality traits, time loss, etc. I’ve even had a few toxic relationships in which I was the toxic party--partly due to not having a good handle on what was going on. Now no one should use this as an excuse! I am as at fault for my alters actions as I would be if they were my own so don’t let anyone excuse bad behavior with ‘my alter did it, not me!’ because they can absolutely work on getting a better handle of them.

        I will say that people with DID who have not gotten a better handle on their alters deserve your grace and patience where you feel you can give it; it’s frightening to know that sometimes there’s basically a whole other person driving your body. You don’t need to, nor are expected to excuse harm--but hopefully you can at least offer some understanding--because that’s all any person suffering from this disorder can ask for. It’s especially hard when you’re undiagnosed and have no idea what’s going on--only that something is wrong (I speak from experience here hhh--)

        You ready for another term? Ok so alters often will ‘front’, this is like to say if you were driving a car--whoever is fronting is driving the car. The car is your body (obviously). So if you’re in the passenger seat, you probably still are aware of what’s going on, even if you’re no longer in control--if you’re in the backseat you have a vague idea of what’s happening, but it’s not really clear to you--you’re there but removed. If you are in the trunk you have no idea what’s going on--you’re completely blind to anything being said or happening. Even when I (Nimbus) am not fronting, I’m typically in the passenger seat anymore--but I used to only be in the back seat or the trunk...so it’s taken a year or so of work to get here.

           This is a disorder that is very important to me to talk about because I don’t wanna feel ashamed or crazy of something my brain did to protect me so I’m gonna be more vocal about it here! You are welcome to ask myself or my alters questions in IM’s or in my ask box! You may not however ask about my trauma, that’s just rude and unkind. I can also send you resources for people who talk about DID that I feel are trustworthy in their info. My disorder is nothing to be ashamed of and I’m happy to share it with you!

          Below is a list of seven of my alters whom you may ask questions as well!

Roxas: Main protector. 26. He/him. True neutral. aro/ace. coffee addict. Teasingly known as ‘sk8r boy’. Not related to the kh roxas. Like sunsets, coffee, snap backs, and hiking. Pitches my voice down a bit.

Dimitri: Physical protector/gatekeepr. He/him. blunt/asshole. some sort of chaotic alignment. 25. Means well but could stand to be a little gentler about things. Likes leather, alcohol, dancing, and fighty-aesthetics. Pitches my voice down a lot.  

Sage: Caretaker. he/him. 31. the mom friend. Will make you tea and listen to all your problems. Will suggest good books. Lawful good. Likes soothing aesthetics, once upon a time, tea, sweaters, leggings, and classical music. Talks in full and VERY formal sentences. Has a softer tone than me.

Salem: Internal self-helper. 21. he/him. really sunny personality. lawful good. genuinely a good person. minor anxiety. likes exercise, healthy foods, and bubbly music. Has a country bumpkin british accent (kind of?). Will call you ‘love’ or ‘lovey’

Koumei: Caretaker. he/him/they/them. 23. genderqueer. “lets talk about how that feels”. Makes sure i’m honest during counseling sessions. Likes crop tops, those cloth elephant pants you see in hipster stores, yoga, tea, east asia aesthetics, and meditative music. Whisper-talks. SHY.

Carter: Gatekeepr. he/him. 18. ace. grumpy/moody teenager. awkward phase. ‘lol bold of you to assume I process anything’. Stays in room almost 24/7. blunt. likes video games, beanies, hoodies, jeans, sneakers, and sleeping during the day. Doesn’t change my voice really.

Bubble: non-human. Some sort of fairy? Genderless but uses he/him. Likes to look like a meow wow cause they make me happy. Age is a mystery. Can appear human and typically chooses a little boy. Lets have a good time everyone!! Like to color, play games, do child-like things/watch child-like shows. ‘reconnect with your inner child nim!’. LOUD and BUBBLY.

Thank you for reading and again if you have any questions for us let me know !! I love you all <3333

[sachi-pon]

free! dive to the future episode 6 liveblog/review thing

HEEEYYYY WHAT'S THIS?!?! I ACTUALLY DID MY LIVEBLOG ON TIME?!?!? yes, i actually did it!! i squeezed this into my schedule. also, i wrote a lot this time for my thoughts after the end of the episode. i wrote an essay!! so, um, please read??? well, i really want someone to read it!! ;__; i kept rambling because i was imagining myself lying down on a couch talking to a psychiatrist about all of my complicated emotional issues THAT WERE CAUSED BY THIS EPISODE. o__O *eyes twitch*

my previous liveblogs:  (episode 1) (episode 2) (episode 3) (episode 4) (episode 5)

see this episode here!! http://www.crunchyroll.com/free-iwatobi-swim-club/episode-6-the-mermaid-of-the-abyss-775637

***

the first thing i see is a VERY REALISTIC image of a telephone pole. o__o what do you mean it's not a photo?!?!?!?

wow, that girl is impatient. XD

he has been making that sandcastle the whole day and all he can come up with is just a big lump??? maybe if you had better sandcastle-making skills, other kids would want to be friends with you.

he read "the little mermaid" for a reason... is he reading about himself?!?!? he's a merman????

awwwww ikuya is precious ;__;

THAT YODEL!!!!! MY GOODNESS!!!! IT WAS PERFECT!!!! he needs to make an album immediately!!! XDDDDD

"haru really is gone." well i'm sorry he didn't follow you to america to continue his lifeguard career???? lol

i feel like ikuya's constant thinking "i need to be stronger" and "i can't become weak" is actually making him weaker somehow. o__o

"what can i do for him???" you have to stop and realize that you can't fix everything, hiyori.

i love how he clearly heard ikuya speak japanese and he responded in english! kawaii desu!! XD

"we've met somewhere before, huh?" wait, you guys forgot about it?? -__-

abrupt scene change... o__O

"there is one book i like." HMM, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS.

yes, ikuya, it's girly. just admit it. XD

"what can i do for ikuya?" i just told you, you can't always fix everything. just because you saved ikuya before, you think you always have to be the one to "save" him from everything? but that's not realistic. you can't control everything, so you shouldn't feel like it's always your job to save ikuya.

...aaand i'm talking to a fictional character. moving on!!

HOW ARE THEY JUST HAPPENING TO ALSO READ THE LITTLE MERMAID TOO?!?!?!? i guess everyone in this area has a little mermaid obsession. okay, now i seriously want to go watch the little mermaid movie. that was not a joke. i actually feel like i want to watch it sooner or later. free! gave me the idea!!! <3

HOW IS THAT MOM JUST HAPPENING TO DESCRIBE HIYORI'S SITUATION?!?!?!?!? what the... is she psychic?? i am scared of her now. what other powers does she have?!?!?!

oh man, hiyori now has that classic look where you can't see his eyes through his glasses. that is never a good sign... lol

makoto's swimsuit <333333 i love it so much. when i think about makoto in that swimsuit, i feel like all is right with the world. i can breathe easy. i can go to sleep happy. i know that there is peace and hope in the universe.

MAKOTO'S LITTLE BLUSH!!!! <3 did you see that?!? did you all see that? he is such an angel!!!! ^___^

"what's ikuya up too? have you kept in touch with him?" OH NO, you done went there. you done went and asked the question. you done messed up, my friend.

**** AWKWARD SILENCE ****

makoto is trying to explain everything but it's not working ^__^UUU

"it's my fault." OMGGGG HARUUUUU NOOOO. STOP. NOOOOO. i'm done. i'm dead. his little quiet voice broke my heart. he feels SO guilty about all this!!! i want to give you a hug, my precious baby. <33333

oh now he's telling nao about the "suffering" thing. i thought i was already dead but now i have died again. this show is TOO PAINFUL!!!! .>___<.

"makoto and i haven't suffered at all!!" don't say that!!! the writers of this show will hear you say that and they will try to think of a way to make you guys suffer!!! that's how writers are. writers like to brainstorm ways to make our characters suffer. it's what we do. XD

having watched ikuya throughout this whole season so far, he seems to be feeling worse and worse, to be honest. =(

haha, ikuya is so clueless. um, hiyori is talking about YOU, dude!!!

haru doesn't even want to eat mackerel?!?! WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE IS THE REAL HARU??????

oh it's that shady guy again. i forget about him all the time!!!

*pauses to read all the crunchyroll subtitles for Shady Guy's blog*

haru is COMPLETELY COOL while the shady villain guy talks right into his ear. XDDDD

#cafeteriasoba #hidakauniversity #tanukisoba #sobarules

ryuuji??? he has a name? but i don't want him to have a name. i want him to continue being Shady Evil Villain Guy.

WHO IS HE?????????? now i want to know!!! >=(

i'm pretty sure you made up all those provers but whatever

wait, what?!? wait!!! what just... they are all talking about ryuuji?!?!

"he suddenly quit swimming competitively." why? i bet the reason is something bad...

haru has his excited face on, i see.

"he probably missed your calls because he's busy focusing on the next competition." sure, okay, i believe you... you've been 100% honest all the time, of course!!

hmmmmmm okay i can kinda see one reason why hiyori feels such a strong need to "fix" ikuya. natsuya has assigned that job to him!!

haru's been thinking about why he only swims freestyle... uhhh you're just now thinking about that after how many seasons/episodes??? lol

i love how makoto and haru act like this kid is a genius who just revealed a brilliant scientific discovery

*mysterious person appears* wait who is that???

i knew that wishing star thing would come back eventually. (well, duh)

"even if i sink, no one's going to save me anymore." he's talking about swimming? or... his emotions???

i had a feeling someone would start yelling soon. this scene was too quiet!!

"i couldn't become human." ha!!! that proves it. ikuya isn't human. he is a merman. like i have said before, free! is a fantasy anime <3333

hiyori??? i think that ikuya knows how to come down the slide on his own. it's not that difficult. little kids do it all the time. XD

he's on top of him. WELL THIS IS AWKWARD

that scene with their feet looks so weird o__o

"can you just forget about nanase??? i'm way more attractive than he is, so why don't you love me instead????"

ikuya finally gets aggressive toward hiyori!! i felt like that was going to happen!! but wow o___o you guys. just continue being friends already. ;__;

hiyori!!! you just told him to "forget about nanase." it didn't work the first time so obviously it's not going to work the second time!!

"sorry i just assaulted you. whoops"

omg, i want this episode to be over. it's too sad. ;__; *looks at time* uh-oh. there's time for another scene...

looks like Evil Shady Villain (i don't care what his name is) has evil plans for haru with his evil smile!!! haru... you've got to escape!! get away now!!!

that's all!!! now here are my thoughts: i was very emotionally destroyed by this episode because like i said, i noticed that ikuya kept getting worse and worse (not just his swimming times, but his feelings) and then he got into a fight with hiyori at the end. ;___; ;___; ;___; i'm so upset because hiyori is GENUINELY TRYING TO HELP and it's just not working. you saw the flashbacks where hiyori and ikuya's friendship formed. so you can see that ikuya means a lot to hiyori, which is why i said that hiyori is genuinely trying to help. plus, i pointed out that natsuya wants hiyori to watch over ikuya. so that's something that adds to the pressure on hiyori. so i felt so bad for him when first, he tried to invite ikuya to a cafe and he didn't want to go, and then, he tried to tell ikuya "stop thinking about nanase" and ikuya got mad at him for it!! remember, from hiyori's perspective, haru is just a bad person who's causing trouble. so from that perspective, it makes perfect sense that the solution to ikuya’s problem would be to stop thinking about haru. so i think it was surprising for hiyori that ikuya got mad at him. =( remember how earlier in the season, ikuya tended to be agreeable with hiyori? he went along with most things hiyori said/did. that's what hiyori's used to, and so that's why i think it was surprising for hiyori when ikuya got mad. he thought ikuya would just agree with his suggestions as usual.

ikuya actually has a positive view of haru and he does want to keep thinking about him. he is grateful for haru's rescue of him, and he wants to be "strong like haru." at the same time, he's angry at haru. but his true feelings toward haru are actually positive, which is why he rejected hiyori's advice to stop thinking about him. i don't think either of them are listening to each other. hiyori wants to fix ikuya instead of listening to him, and ikuya feels that doing things alone gives him strength, so he's not interested in trying to be fixed by hiyori or anyone else. he just wants to be "strong" on his own. ...it's not going well.

i loved the part where ikuya was on the slide and hiyori was on top of him. XD it was so dramatic. hmm, maybe i am beginning to ship them??? i don't know though, because they really need to work out their problems first. they're not quite at a point where i'm like "YEEAAAHHH I SHIP THEM, HIYORI x IKUYA 4EVER!!!!!!!" they'd be so cute if they weren't... you know... in a pretty damaged relationship right now. ^__^U actually, it's not just about this fight. even before that, their relationship was "off" to me. (not when they were kids. i'm talking about the present day) something about their friendship wasn't quite right. and so i'm not surprised that they ended up fighting.

...still, i'm hoping that they will soon work everything out and have some heartwarming moments!!! <3333

wait, i'm not done yet. i also want to say that it was so painful to me when haru said "it's my fault." there was something so broken in his voice. i could hear it. i think that every person has had situations in their lives where something that someone said or did bothered them and it continued to bother them for a long time even though it shouldn't have. you know that feeling when you can't stop thinking about something even though that thing keeps weighing you down??? it really shouldn't make you so upset, and you should let it go and not let it get to you, but you just can't stop thinking about it because you're taking it too seriously. what haru is going through right now is so relatable. 

honestly though, asahi and makoto don't seem to fully grasp how deeply this is hurting haru. asahi said that he and makoto swam with haru and were fine, and makoto agreed, but i was thinking, "haru's not going to instantly feel better just because you guys said that." when you're feeling that bad about something, one quick and simple answer isn't going to fully heal you. i expected makoto to understand how hurt haru is right now, but i'm not sure if he does!! (...which is weird.) the good news is that nao seems to have a plan, i guess. i don't have a clue what he's thinking of doing, but i'm sure that haru and the others will get through to ikuya somehow. right? RIGHT???

[sunnysidewrites]

Assassin!Seungcheol Pt 2 FINALE

THIS IS LONGER THAN WOLF!WONWOO BY 5 WORDS IM SCREAMING THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY LONGEST SCENARIO EVER!!!! bc i tagged her in part 1, im tagging @cheollies again bc she was one of the reasons why i was motivated ljdsfljdfl <3333 THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR WONDERFUL FEEDBACK IM SO SORRY ITS LATE!!! THIS IS A WILD RIDE AGAIN!! ENJOY THE FINALE MY CHILDREN!!!! <333333

warnings: some violence, references to part 1, my tears and anguish from completing this

Part 1 | Part 2 (Finale)

Two months.

That’s how long it had been since you had contacted him

You sighed as you stirred your coffee

Yep, you guessed it, in the same cafe that all the workers know you on a first name basis

Why do I keep coming back here? You glumly chided yourself, your cheek resting on your palm

You check your phone for the twentieth time that hour, wishing to have at least some notification about his whereabouts

Even if it’s something like “hey i’m safe and don’t look for me”

Bc all you need is just some validation that he’s okay,,,, but nothing. No texts, no calls, no “accidental” video calls, no “hey loser where are you” to check in where you are,,,, all you get is a black screen

Even though you practically have your lockscreen ingrained in your head from the amount of times you’ve seen it, you still can’t help but choke up a little

A blurry candid of seungcheol holding out his hand about to smear you with his ice cream mockingly stares back at you

You shake your head and get up your seat as you pack your things

You’re done. You’re done waiting. You gave him two whole freaking months, an entire 60 days. Sulking around waiting for someone to come back to you isn’t your forte.

And that will end today, you resolutely nod to yourself and start heading out the door.

“You what?!”

He sighs and holds his hand up, “Please. Don’t yell. It’s early.” He reaches his hand out for a biscuit

“How can you even nonchalantly eat breakfast right now??! Do you even understand what you’ve done?!” Joshua smacks his hand, dropping the biscuit

“Um hEY--”

“You made it this far without him suspecting anything, which is a major surprise and accomplishment. But it will bite you in the butt sooner or later, Cheols.” He briefly flinches at the name but Joshua is just prESSING the issue

“He’s gonna kill you. Not only you but probably her too. This is way too dangerous!”

“jOSHUA! Please! I know what I did, and I absolutely have no regrets.” He shakes his head, a faraway gaze in his eyes. “I’ve killed many people before, but I at least knew the gist of why I was. But she,,,, she’s just a pawn in my dad’s game,,, completely useless”

Joshua leans back in his chair and blinks slowly

“You love her. Don’t you,” he says more as a statement than an inquiry

He takes his silence as a definite answer and rubs his forehead. “Seungcheol…”

“Look, he’s been giving me regular jobs to do, you know the usual. He hasn’t caught on… yet… And he has much bigger things to worry about.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not keeping tabs!”

He sighs, ready to cut off the conversation. “We’re done here--”

And there he sees

He freezes, the only thing moving is his eyes on someone’s figure

You walk down the street taking in the bustling city view

Your eyes flicker to a table outside a store a few blocks ahead

You stop and squint your eyes. That wasn’t… was it?

You rub your eyes but by then the two people sitting there disappeared

You shake your head and continue walking, completely convinced you’re getting delirious by the second

You finally disappear out of sight and only then does seungcheol let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding

“Dude,,,, you have to tell her at some point”

“I know… I know.”

You barge and storm in the office with your arms folded

“I need to find someone.”

Your father looks up from his paperwork, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose

“Y/N… can this wait?”

“I have been for two months and I’m sick of it. I need you to hire someone to help me find them”

“Sweetie, I’m really busy--”

“Dad….. Dad please. I have to. I need to.”

“....fine. I’ll have my assistant deal with it”

And you’re like yES OMG ILY THANKS POPS

He tells you to go to his assistant’s office a little ways down the hall where you’re greeted by the typical warm person

“Hello, Ms. Y/N, I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“Hi jeonghan!!! Look I really need you to find someone asap”

“Ah, yes, your father just notified me about that just now,,,, well I’ll do my best to search for someone in our team. Give me until the end of the day today?”

And you’re like oh my god he’s willing to put this fIRST :’)))))

“Omg that’s actually really fast,,, don’t you have more important things to do? I can wait a few days if that’s the case,,,,”

“No no! Ahah it’s fine you just hang on tight, I will definitely get back to you shortly!”

You’re like oH MY GOD YAY JEONGHAN U ARE SO NICE AND THE BEST NO ONE CAN COMPARE and you promptly hug him before leaving

“Yeah,,,, nice,,, that’s all I’ll ever be,” he wistfully smiles and lets out a small sigh

You come back to the office later that night and Jeonghan is like i found one of our best investigators/hackers!!!!

You’re like omg aju nICE

You and the woman walk to her “headquarters,” is what she calls them when it's just the room she works in lmao

The moment you both get settled you make it crystal clear

“Choi Seungcheol.”

And obviously you tell her a little more about him lmao

All you can see is her fingers flying over the keyboard and tons of files filling the screen

She spends a few more minutes digging but she’s like sorry babe none of them fit your description

And you’re like that can’t be right,,,,,

“Can you check the surveillance cameras? On streets and stuff?”

You tell her the date, time, and location of when you last saw him and she dives into another search party

“hmmm -- i foUND SOMETHING”

You see when he kisses you and you have to shield your eyes away from the impact,,,, your chest suddenly feels heavier

She senses this and gently places her hand on top of yours

“,,,,I’m sorry. We’ll find him”

She follows the cameras once he heads home and she’s like ok well looks like he’s staying in this beat up motel

She reviews cams even up to present day and still sees him leaving and entering the building and you’re like ok i’m sold and start to get up

She puts a hand on your arm and is like uh wait honey you aren’t going alone

“Well who else is gonna go??”

“Me. I was physically trained sufficiently enough for a bodyguard position, so don’t sweat”

She stands up and starts rummaging through her makeshift closet to pull out 2 bulletproof vests

You look at her stunned before breaking out in a grin

“I’m game.”

“You went back on my orders? Do you know what position you’re in?!” He barks

Seungcheol trains his eyes on the floor and numbly responds, “I didn’t think there was a reason to kill an innocent person who has no involvement in this business. It’s her father, no?”

His dad sighs and rubs his temples. “Son, you follow. I command. I guess you’ll just have to face the consequences for not obeying me, your own father… Tsk,” he distastefully clucks his tongue. “You actually thought I didn’t know this entire time. I knew you didn’t kill her that night of your romantic doings”

“I know,,, It just happened,,,, I had to do it to get her to trust me” stop lying to urself cheols smh we and mr choi all know ur whipped

“Just please leave her alone.”

His icy chuckle sends shivers down Seungcheol’s spine for the first time

“Ohoho,,, you thought you were the one in trouble?”

Seungcheol looks up at him with his eyes narrowed in confusion

And then they narrow in fury

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but I most certainly would.” does anyone get the reference lmao #tb to part 1

“What did you dO TO HER”

“Guess you’ll both find out. Shall we?”

“This,,,, is where he’s staying at?”

You look at the paint peeling off the sign “Stay Inn”

The hinges of the battered doors are about to come off

Two streetlamps flicker lazily, yellow light pathetically illuminating the parking lot

“The footage doesn’t lie,” she says as she takes a look around. “Room 114, let’s go”

You and her cautiously creep up in front of the door and then kick it wide open

“....No one’s here.” And you can’t help but feel a lil disappointed :((

Both of you are looking around his room for any sort of clues but it looks like any (less than) average hotel room with clothes scattered everywhere and plastic plates littered around the table

Eventually you both ditch the place and you’re about to call it a day when she abruptly stops you

“Wait. i heard something over there,” she subtly looks over at the other side of the street

You hold your breath as she discreetly scans around the area and then

“geT DOWN!” She pulls your arm down as she drops to the ground

Your ears are ringing from the gunshots from the one right next to you and the one on the other side

“We have to leave now!” She scrambles up and tries hiding behind parked vehicles on the curb as she pushes you to move

You’re able to run down only a couple of blocks when you see another group of men coming at you in the same direction

You look to your right and there’s also another group

She curses under her breath before pulling you to another direction, “this way!”

You have to weave through miscellaneous objects through alleys and garbage cans

You’re pushing your legs as fast as you can despite the growing burning sensation LOL I LOVE THAT ALBUM STAN TALENT STAN SF9

You’re about to collapse when someone tACKLES YOU FROM BEHIND

“Mmfdffmlfj!!!!” Your cries are muffled behind their hand

The last thing you remember is her voice calling your name

“Try again.” You can barely make out the words before the frigid water hits your face

You cough violently and open your eyes

“Ah, you’re finally awake.”

In the dimly lit room your eyes try to adjust to the dark shapes and what seems to be in some sort of empty abandoned building

The man gestures to someone to brighten up the place and only then do you take a good look at who’s in front of you

The infamous Mr. Choi staring back at you, the very man your father has talked about countless of times

“Bring him out,” he orders as he keeps his eyes locked with yours

You hear the heavy grunt of the metal door opening and you instantly hear a voice that you’ve spent this entire time searching for

“Let.. me… go!” He spits out as he attempts to wriggle out of the men’s grips

He looks up and it’s all that takes him to still again

Your disheveled wet hair sticking to the edges of your face, the top you bought in the mall that one day now drenched in water, the dismay in your eyes

His breath gets caught in his throat before he angrily turns to his father and fumes, “Why is she here? Why did you bring me?”

He chuckles and strides to you with every menacing step

“Didn’t I say you would both find out?” He traces your jaw and you have to use every fiber of your body to not vomit on his polished Prada leather dress shoes

Seungcheol grits his teeth and violently thrashes around in their grip around him

Your breathing gets heavier as his hand drifts down to your neck

“Would be a shame to end things here… wouldn’t it?” He laughs before whipping out a gun from his pocket

“But let’s just cut out the games. You were meant to die on that night, but my idiot of a son couldn’t do it.” He points the head right in front of you

“So i’ll do it in his stead. Any last words you wanna exchange?” He gestures to you and his son

You look around to find any way out but all the entrances are utterly blocked by his guards

You slowly turn around to the rustling noise

“Stop it, Seungcheol…. Don’t act like you care.”

He looks at you in bewilderment and scoffs, “Act? You think I’m acting? I nearly risked my life to save yours! And this is just,,,, acting?”

“You were supposed to kill me that night. And you didn’t. That was your biggest mistake. You should have just ended things, not like the pathetic way you did over the phone,” your voice slightly faltered.

“It wasn’t a mistake! I wanted you to get away from this, to get away from me! Why can’t you understand that?” He was in disbelief; he practically saved you!

“You’re right. It was a bigger mistake on my end that I believed I mattered for once in my life.” He softens his facial expressions when you look up at him with a dead stare. “Y/N….”

You numbly turn back at the gun pointed in front of you

“So? Aren’t you gonna do it?”

He laughs at your provocation and merely shrugs

“If you say so”

You hear him loading the gun and just when you anticipate a bullet firing, you hear one but from behind you

The entire building is in chaos and smoke and dirt fill your vision

“Seungcheol!” Joshua and Junhui along with a whole team invade the space

He only points towards you and yells over the noise to have them focus on your safety

They nod and send the team over to help you get out of the guards’ grip

Joshua, Junhui, and 2 others are staying back to help Seungcheol as the rest of the group rushes to your side

As he’s ducking with his arms over his head, he pulls out his gun and manages to skim Minghao’s arm

He curses and holds his wound together while shouting something to another member

Soonyoung kicks the gun out of Mr. Choi’s hands as Jihoon and Seungkwan lock his arms with handcuffs

Two people who quickly introduce themselves as Wonwoo and Mingyu are on both of your sides with their arms wrapped around your shoulders

They’re talking so quickly that all the coherent words you can hear are “get” “you” “safety” “right now”

“Seungcheol??” You look at both of them, but neither are meeting your gaze

“He told us to get you first. He’ll be fine,,, he has the rest of the guys there”

“But what if he’s hurt?!”

Wonwoo quickly looks back at his shoulder and sees a few of the guards running after them

“There’s no time! We have to go right now!”

You finally burst out into the open chilly night air and make a beeline for the waiting van parked outside

They push you in first and once Mingyu slides in he immediately slams the door shut. “fLOOR IT!!!”

Vernon slams on the gas pedal and you’re off

The entire car ride is silent save for the heavy breathing from the adrenaline pumping through everyone

Wonwoo, the closest one next to you, puts his hand reassuringly on your knee

“We’re taking you to our headquarters, which is essentially our hideout,,, you’ll be safe there, I promise”

Still staring out the window, you numbly nod as he slowly removes his hand

When you arrive there, you do what they told you to: cleanse, get dressed, and hold on tight as they find a way to contact her father

After a somewhat relaxing shower, you emerge from the bathroom wearing a baggy shirt underneath a hoodie up to mid-thigh and sweats that were left outside of the door when someone named Chan knocked on it earlier

You walk to the living room where everyone is gathered around a circle talking about different methods of communication with everyone

“Oh, Y/N,” Wonwoo gets up and jogs to you. “Feel free to get something from the kitchen to eat. You can hang around the front or the back, but it’s really dark and cold, so we don’t want anything more bad to happen”

You flicker your eyes from his face to the other 3 on the couches

They slightly wave to you with a small smile and continue their discussion

You nod and thank him before heading to the kitchen

You grab an ice cream bar and a bottle of water before heading out to the front

You sit on a bench and look up at the starry night sky

Just earlier this morning, you were resolute to find him

And now fast forward to the end of the day, you were with his coworkers at their hideout

As you finish up your dessert, you brush yourself off and take a look around the area

You go around to the back and see a picnic table with folding chairs all over the yard

As you approach the table, you see a few polaroids that seem to be too familiar

“Wait… this was when we went to the cafe….”

You flip over each picture and see scribbles of writing on them

“The ice cream wasn’t as sweet as her”

You flip over each picture and see more writing similar to the caption before and realize all of the pictures are of you

The last one you flip over is the last night you saw him

He took a picture of you talking to your cousin,,,, you slowly turn over the picture

“This could have been me…”

“There you go again.”

You quickly put down the picture and slowly turn towards the voice

Seungcheol, all battered and bruised, is standing just 10 feet away

Cuts and scrapes are all over his face and arms, his clothes ripped and dirtied

He slowly walks towards you and you can’t help but to lean against the table for support

“Do… what?”

He stops in front of you, his face only inches away from yours

“Being irresistible. We’re not even together yet and you’re already wearing my clothes?”

“What makes you think we’re going to get together? Do you always want to kill your potential girlfriends?”

He gently places his hand on your chin and turns your head to face him

“No. Do you always go on a spontaneous hunt for a guy and end up almost dying?”

“That’s not fair; I didn’t know you were caught up in this shady stuff!”

“....Are you gonna walk away from it? From me?” He looks at you, a hint of desperation and anxiety in his eyes. “That’s exactly why I told you to forget about me”

You place both of your hands on his face, caressing his cheeks. “If we’re gonna make this relationship work, we’re gonna have to go over some rules about secrets”

He lights up at the word “relationship” and you can’t help but smile at his childlike grin

“You gotta stop that too”

He’s like ??? what do you mean

“Being vulnerable.” And you both seal your promises with a lingering kiss that tastes like coffee ice cream

[todokori-kun]

WELCOME BACK!

 <3 I really missed you, and it’s so great to hear you had fun! (and omg yes so ready to see all those beautiful pics)

Yaaayyyy join me in MCU feels hell. And oooh, you have a ship for the fandom now! Like, Stoki’s still my favorite Steve pairing but Stony’s really cool too…you know I ship almost everything XD (also am I the only person who sorta hated almost everyone by the end of CW? Like, of course they’re still my favs and there are still some cinnamon rolls, but, come on. Why couldn’t you all just get along ;-;)

Speaking of Illumi, do you know that Hisoka/Illumi is an incredibly popular ship in the HxH fandom? Probably because both of them are so horrible that they have like 0 friends other than each other. Nobody else wants to hang out with these losers. (Chrollo tolerates Hisoka and the adults in Illumi’s family seem to spend enough time with him to give him orders, but that’s about it.) It’s a trash ship with two trashy people and tbh I love it XD

So continuing with the eye jokes, imagine. Hisoillu version of Helpless. Hisoillu version of Satisfied.

“Look into his eyes and the sky’s the limit”

“Intelligent eyes in a hunger-pang frame”

(I know you did thise one before but still) “But when I fantasize at night, it’s Illumi’s eyes”

just, I’m imagining animatics for this with the ‘camera’ zooming in on Illumi’s dead fish eyes every time the lyrics mention them. It’s hilarious and also mildly terrifying

(though I guess if we’re actually making a Hamilton AU Hisoka’s way more likely to do something like Say No To This…)

idk if I’d want to be a parent either really LOL. Kids are adorable but I don’t think I’ll ever be responsible enough to raise one…

If Ishida makes a plot twist or something about it being someone else pretending to be Hide I'm actually gonna get mad. Dude. Not only would that bring the Hide feels right back it’d just make absolutely no sense omg

(also you read the new chapter, right? So, let’s talk about Juuzou and that huge death flag)

I’ve heard of Soul Eater and considered reading it but it’s not really the kind of thing I’m into…artwork’s cute, though, and Death the Kid seems like an interesting guy so maybe someday XD

AGH I’M ACTUALLY SORTA JEALOUS BECAUSE WOW I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO WATCH THAT LEGALLY HERE IN KOREA. (unless I ask my dad for help but he doesn’t like manga/anime at all, so…) But yes, I’m really happy Lizzy finally got her moment this time! Now anime-only fans can’t complain about her being a ‘shallow’ character so hopefully there’ll be less fighting over Lizzy in the Kuro fandom :D

FINALLY. Fellow Death Note fan <3333 Who’s your fav? Do you have any ships? Are you done with the anime??? :D (also do you know…you picked a really interesting time to join the DN fandom. The American live-action movie just came out and it sucks so freaking bad, like I haven’t even watched it yet and just from the reviews/clips, here’s what I got:

-They turned Misa into this Harley Quinn-type character. Only without any depth.

-Light/Misa is an actual canon ship, like, it’s not abusive or one-sided like it is in the anime/manga, it’s just…a thing. Light loves Misa. Misa loves Light. It’s like every cringey high school romance movie ever, only with more murder

-They freaking bent the Death Note rules just so Light could get away with all sorts of ridiculous stuff

-L cries, L rants, L is overly emotional

-Light tells L where he hid a page from his Death Note. Light doesn’t deny being Kira. Light shows Misa his Death Note when they like barely know each other and she’s still a complete stranger to him. Light acts like an idiot.

-Oh sure, he’s Kira, God of the New World, but he still cares about going to prom with his girlfriend and making stupid faces as they pose for pictures

-So much unnecessary gore. Heart attacks are Kira’s thing, Light isn’t that emotional about his kills, he doesn’t care as long as the 'villains’ are dead, so why???

-Apparently Rem does not exist. Sayu doesn't exist either. Light’s mom is dead (probably so he can angst over her)

-Light Turner. Light TURNER. Out of all the surnames they could have chosen…

-And now, for the most unforgivable sin:

How dare they not include the Potato Chip scene)

And then random things: JJ and Light have the same voice actor. Yurio and Mello (imo…have you met Mello yet?) could be long-lost twins.

Also:

I’ve fallen into Steven Universe hell and now I’m imagining so. Many. Gem AUs. Have you ever heard of SU?

(look:

1- don’t stress about the messages, and come on, I’d never get mad at you over something like this! You’re way too awesome.

2-  I don’t really know what to say 'cause I’m bad at comforting people, but ugh, it sucks to hear that school’s tiring you out! Queen Luna’s gonna get through this, though. I mean, you’re great at so many things and you’re freaking smart and…this is awkward but maybe you understand Evans Language by now? XD Guess I’m just trying to say that I’m sure you’ll do great, and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m (almost) always free *hugs*

3- Um. So, other than tumblr, I think the only way I can talk with you right now is if we email each other? The email address I used this time is my real one (or rather, my dad’s, since I don’t have one of my own yet…) so maybe we can talk about this more through email and find a better way to contact each other? If that’s ok with you can you send me a message there?)

P.S:

I’ve started college and have no idea what I’m doing

*slams head against keyboard* guess who managed to get sick. It’s only been a week since school started. Whatever, I’m still going to school, but I woke up breathing like a fish on land, bc asthma. Yay.

I’m definitely gonna upload the pics today!!

Okay, but one thing I’m wondering about, is How? Not in a malicious way or anything, I’m genuinely curious to why you ship Stoki (and where it began). Was it that redemption fic you told me about or did you ship it before? 

Tbh, I didn’t hate the characters in CW, I hated the situation. Because there’s so so much pointless conflict that could easily be solved if everyone sat down and talked like normal people. But nooo we have to go around attacking each other. ((ALSO CAP’S LETTER TO TONY, I AM DEAD))

I’ve already learned (and experienced) that shipping is a very weird and unusual thing, so I’ll be honest and say I’m not even surprised that ship exists. At least it has some basis XD

I’m actually tempted to go through the lyrics of the whole musical and find every single eye line there is, only to replace it w Illumi’s eyes.

Not only zooming in on the eyes, the word itself is louder than the rest XD man if only I could draw…

Tbh I’d say I’m responsible enough (HA, that’s more or less a lie), but I’m honestly way too irritated with the little ones to be able to have one of my own. My cousin recently celebrated her 3rd bday and I was stuck looking after her during the party, bc all the adults were talking among themselves and I swear to god, I haven’t moved that much since I had to run 2km for PE. Where do they get their energy. Not to mention the adults thought it would be a good idea to leave me w her, because I’d already drunk 3 glasses of wine (i was bored and not allowed to do anything other than stare at emptiness or look after a 3yo). Turns out my tolerance isn’t that bad after all.

Lol let’s be honest, Ishida would totally do that. He knows the fandom would riot and that’s the whole point.

All the death flags. Tbh I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s obvious that either Touka or Juuzou are probably gonna die and I wan’t neither (If I have to choose tho, I’d rather Juuzou survives.) Also Naki. HNNNNNNGH

I think you’d actually like the manga? It takes a pretty dark turn compared to the anime and deals with lots of mental issues (the whole theme of the later volumes is Madness). Also, lots of death XD Well, the artwork changes drastically, so which one are you talking about XD

The girl in the coat (left first pic, middle 2nd) is the same person for reference. Death the Kid was one of my first anime crushes. The guy has OCD and is a total badass. 

MUHAHAHAHA I think someone uploaded the Lizzy fight to youtube so you can probably find it there, but I am in love. The animation is beautiful, so that’s also a huge plus. All in all, it was handled really well.

Death Note

So last I’ve watched is ep 25, aka the one WHERE L DIES. And i am not okay. I am nowhere near okay. Nope. Not at all.

Oh i’ve heard all about the adaptation. Tbh I find the whitewashing hilarious. Setting the movie in America removes so much of the series’s logic, so why? L being the way he is is probably my favourite mistake. They took the best character and ruined him completely.  POTATO CHIP SCENE NOOOO But my question is: did everything go just according to the keikaku?

Have fun w SU! I’ve watched it for a while, but gave up at some point. I might pick it up again if I have the time ^^ Word of advice, watch out for the fandom, they’re among the most toxic ones I’ve ever encountered. One time, they almost drove an artist to suicide because she didn’t draw Rose ‘thick enough’. So yeah.

What did I do to deserve you as my friend TT^TT Thank you so so much, those words mean more than you can imagine.

Um. Looks like we’ll be staying here, because I never, ever check my mail, despite getting school assignments there, so yeah. If we used mail, you’d probably get a response every leap year.

How does the education system work in Korea? Like, at what age do you start going to which school?

Also, I’ve told you about Mystic Messenger? I think you’d like the newest update, because damn, it’s creeping me out. Also, it’s in Korean, so + ((My thoughts during the prologue of the new route: Nani the fuck))

[todokori-kun]

N O 

I did guess that maybe something was wrong with your computer/internet connection but after a few days the ridiculous anxiety started punching me in the gut again like ‘what if it was something I said’ or ‘what if something happened and we never get to talk again’..it seems so silly and overdramatic now but I seriously did think those things for a while LOL that’s why I kept sending messages… I’m really sorry for spamming you OTL

And no, don’t apologize! It’s not like you had any control over that. If anything, I should be sorry for freaking out so much  ^^;;

But anyway, that’s enough angst for now. I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK :D

Seriously though, sometimes I wonder what was going through Steve’s head when he decided to keep that suit back in the first CA movie XD

The trailer is really cool. I actually think we don’t need another one; this 'teaser’ seems to reveal just the right amount of info :) (And Loki’s hair has FINALLY stopped looking greasy. I think. I hate greasy stuff (unless it’s food) so that hair was really, REALLY bothering me during Avengers 1 and Thor 2, though I guess it did make sense for his hair to look like that at the time)

I think Marvel’s using the 'Power of Love’ thing to explain Nat being able to calm Bruce down. Doesn’t really make that much sense but I agree, it’s cute :3 I shipped Nat with Clint during the first movie (and the reveal that Clint is MARRIED was a serious 'WTH’ moment) but Bruce/Natasha is good enough that I’m not particularly salty over Mrs. Barton.

Sharon Carter/Steve may be the only ship in the MCU that I genuinely dislike. Civil War would have been perfectly fine without it. Sharon and Steve themselves would have been perfectly fine without it. PEGGY would certainly have been fine without it. Just. Why.

Ah, yeah. TDW both gave me hope for Loki and made me lose a little bit of it at the same time, if that makes sense? The thing with Odin worries me, but since I think I read somewhere that Anthony Hopkins is going to be in Ragnarok I guess he’s not dead, so maybe Loki didn’t do anything TOO drastic…

But we got some genuine emotion from Loki over Frigga and I believe that he WAS getting a bit emotional during his 'death’ scene wih Thor, so that’s something, I guess.

To me, Thor 2 proved that while Loki’s morality might have changed, it hasn’t changed for the better, and he still has way too many issues to work through, but his relationship with Thor isn’t quite ruined yet.

I have a soft spot for The Winter Soldier because it was not only the first MCU movie I ever watched, it was the first superhero movie AND the first 'gritty’ live-action movie I ever watched (I was like nine or ten when it came out and before that the only live-action movies I watched were stuff like The Sound of Music and Cats). I guess I get why you might not like it, though- the only reason I still watch TWS now is because I love Bucky’s Winter Soldier costume (sure, we get to see it in Civil War as well but it just looks really cool in TWS) and because it has some of the best Steve & Bucky moments.

(Also Natasha. Natasha is always a good reason.)

YES. Join me in Remember This Cold hell. The creator even has a blog where they answer questions about the series and write shorter stories connected to it :D Also, spoiler regarding the Steve/Loki relationship-

Steve proposed a few stories ago. I’m sure you can guess Loki’s answer.

Awww, thanks! <3 I’m really glad you enjoyed the playlists ^^ but which songs were the ones you didn’t know? And how did you react to Kanae’s list? :)

(And if it’s not too much, could I also ask which songs you thought were the most fitting? it’s fine if you don’t answer this one though)

Ugh, those weird bots ;-;

Random thing, but I got my nails done for the first time today! :) My little sister really wanted to get her nails painted and mom suggested that I should too…normally I don’t really enjoy dressing up and 'decorating’ myself but I thought it would be fun so I tagged along.

I lowkey wanted black nails because Kaneki and Sebastian LOL but I ended up with sky blue. It does look nice so I’m happy with how it turned out :) though the skin right beneath my right thumbnail still hurts…I got my cuticles cut, the cut was too deep and it wouldn’t stop bleeding for a while ;-;

Last note:

Another random thing, but do you have any OCs? :3 It’s my dream to become a writer someday so I have a ton of them, one cast for a book I’m trying to write and another one for a comic I’d make if I was better at anatomy and knew how to do digital art ;-; maybe someday it’ll work out. If it doesn’t, I’ll just write down that story too… I also have lots and lots of discarded OCs for my fandoms (not all of them are discarded though, there’s one wallflower cutie named Naomi for TG and unfortunately I like torturing her a bit too much to let her go. There’s also her brother Tatsuo, a fabulous jerk who loves his little sister very much, in his own passive-aggressive way, and will serve any poor soul who dares to approach her for dinner).

If you have OCs too maybe we could rant about them together? :) (totally not using this as an excuse to ramble about my babies who I love to hurt. I think I’ve caught the Ishida-virus)

Again, don’t apologize! I’m just really glad you’re back, Queen Luna <3333

Don’t worry, I got this message ^^ (Un)fortunately, I’m that person who’d probably tell someone if they’re annoying me. And you’re not annoying at all! I enjoy talking to you a lot, since you’re one of the rare people who shares so many fandoms with me ^^ So if I don’t answer, it means the internet/phone/computer is acting up, ok? I wouldn’t disappear just like that ^^

I’m glad to be back ^^

Before I forget, the new chapter of TG. The title sure is fitting. ISHIDA’S BACK AT IT AGAIN! ((I mean, who names a chapter ‘suffering’))

Maybe he wanted everyone to look at the behind ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You never know what kind of weird things he likes. It’s so awkward trying to avoid all the key words for those blogs XD

Ahahahah, he did look like needed to wash it… But it’s solved now ^^ And it’s curly. THE ONLY THING THAT’S NOT SOLVED IS THORS HAIR AAAAAAAAAAAA Why did they cut off his glorious locks ;-;

Nat and Clint did seem like a good ship, but since I watched Ultron before anything, I knew about Clint’s situation. It was a bit weird watching Clint and Nat interact, though, since they do seem very close, and not in a purely platonic way.

Since I haven’t reached Civil War yet, I haven’t seen the ship. Somehow, I know I won’t like it ^^ (I mean, from what you’ve said, it really is a very NO ship.)

TDW Loki for me was the biggest ‘honestly, what was I expecting?’ character in the whole MCU universe, because, honestly, what was I expecting? When he ‘died’ I laughed, because he’s Loki and it’s probably another one of his plans. anD I WAS RIGHT.

Frigga is the only character who Loki showed genuine affection for, though, isn’t she? I mean, since we don’t know her well as a character, I didn’t feel anything when she died, but I did feel sorry for Loki.

I recently found a mythology book that features Nordic mythology. And you have 3 guesses about who the main bad guy is in all of them. I’ll be genuinely disappointed if you need the other 2.

One’s about the making of Thor’s hammer where Loki turns into a fly and stings the blacksmith, causing him to mess up the length of the part where you hold it (I forgot the english name), the other one is about him being responsible for the death of Frigga’s son, because he made someone stab the son with mistletoe.  Mythology is weird.

That’s actually adorable ^^ I never would’ve guessed your first action movie was Winter Soldier!  And I completely agree, Bucky’s costume is quite nice (huehuehuehuheue)

I’m scared of starting to read it….. I THINK I MIGHT WAIT UNTIL I FINISH WATCHING CIVIL WAR JUST BECAUSE :))))

Let’s see… I knew the whole Loki&Thor playlist, All of Loki except for Castle, She keeps me warm from Yumikuri I didn’t know, knew all of Urie/Saiko and Urie and I will not say anything about Kanae :))))

Sweet! I only got my nails done once in my life and that was for my uncle’s wedding. I understand your pain entirely ;-; There’s a reason why I only had them done ONCE hahah For some reason, I associated sky blue with you even before this… Idk why, though

Did someone say…. OCs? You want the older ones (absolute Mary Sues, I laugh about them today, even though I was 100% serious before) or the newer ones (the ones with actual flaws and development?) Also, we probably talked about this before, but have you watched Fullmetal Alchemist? My biggest Mary Sue is from there ^^;;

ALSO ALSO, I was thinking about changing my icon, and I narrowed it down to 4 potential ones. Which one should I choose?