#he has quite the metabolism! it's why I brought snacks! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chubbytummy · 3 years ago

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(first official post!!! pls enjoy and support!!! sorry in advance for any typos! T^T)

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♡✰ 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤 ✰♡

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synopsis:

(bts taehyung-seokjin centric)

taehyung has never had the best eating habits, indulging in junk food to his heart's content. what happens when it finally catches up with him, and his roommate/crush happens to notice?

tw: weight gain, mild feederism, eructo, mentions of past abusive relationships, mentions of insecurity, language, slight nsfw (barely)

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it was no secret to anyone around him that taehyung, as sweet as he was, gave absolutely no fucks about his eating habits. that was one thing he would tell you straight off the bat, and he was completely shameless about them too. if it was yummy, it was yummy. and if it was yummy, he was going to eat it. life was short, and wasn't the point of life to enjoy yourself and be happy?

that's what taehyung believed, anyway.

taehyung wasn't shy by nature; a social butterfly, if you will. he loved making new friends, chatting, and bringing people out of their shell. he was naturally charismatic and funny, and with the added-luxury of movie star looks, a deep and sultry voice, and a great physique, he always had a group of buddies around him. that's just how he was. he loved making people smile and laugh, enjoying the warmth and love that radiated off of those close to him. so, as it seemed, taehyung's life was a blissful stream of joy. he didn't have a care in the world, especially about his food.

that was until he graduated highschool and went off to college. you see, taehyung was quite athletic in highschool. participating in track and field and being in dance with his best friend, jimin, gave him plenty of, if not excessive exercise to burn off all those calories he consumed throughout the day. perhaps he was able to get away with his atrocious eating habits back then. however, there was a teeny problem. now, taehyung wasn't pursuing athletics or dance in college-- he was majoring in fine arts. that meant he wasn't getting the amount of exercise his body was used to. turns out, he didn't have as fast of a metabolism like he'd falsely believed, he just did a lot of cardio. so, factoring together the absence of any exercise (minus walks to classes and to the fridge), no changes in his diet, and the constant late-night junk food binges, things quickly started to add up.

literally.

it started with his cheeks. taehyung had been thin, bordering underweight, most of his life, so of course the little bit of newfound plumpness to his face would be noticable. yet, despite his soulmate's comments over 2 am facetimes saying "jesus, taetae, you look so young! drop the skin care routine, bestie," taehyung didn't see the changes. his cheeks poofed out and softened like freshly baked bread, and they always seemed to be puffy, like he'd just woken up. well, he had been taking a lot of naps lately, maybe that's why? he didn't really care, anyways.

the next noticable change was his hips, thighs, and ass. not only was taehyung blessed with a face sculpted by the gods, he also had a body to die for. if there's any higher power, they CLEARLY pick favourites. with a slim, trim waist and a naturally curvy figure, the weight gain only accentuated his hourglass shape. his hips widened generously, thighs thickened like heavy cream, and ass plumped out lusciously, filling up any seat he sat on to the brim and earning him more whistles and lustful stares then he was already receiving. yet, despite the constant catcalling from other students on campus, and the snugness of his pants, taehyung remained oblivious to his altered form.

the final shift in taehyung's appearance settled itself softly on his midsection. although he'd never had chiseled, drool-worthy abs like his new friend jungkook, who practically lived at the campus fitness center, his stomach had always been completely flat. now, it had softened entirely; he had a bit of a tummy. it wasn't very noticeable, at first, due to his knack for wearing baggy clothes, but it began to show over time. it was chubby and pudgy, and spilled over the waistband of his pants when he sat down. his belly was fluffy like the stuffing of a teddy bear, the surface doughy, as if you could sink your hand into it and leave behind a handprint. it was even more noticeable after he'd eaten. taehyung always bloated terribly. whether he'd had a bellyache, gas, or had just eaten something rather filling, his tummy always swelled up and pushed over his pantline and into his shirt. as well, love handles began to form, curling around his middle and warmly hugging his sides.

he was by no means overweight, but he wasn't exactly skinny anymore. he was softer, warmer around the edges. it suited him.

strangely enough, taehyung hadn't really noticed. besides a passing comment from a loved one, or a short-lived "hmm, that's new," in front of the bathroom mirror before dashing off to an already-late-to lecture, taehyung was pretty ignorant.

but how long can you ignore such a growing issue?

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leaning back and gazing up at the tile ceiling, taehyung sighed. he was currently in his friend jungkook's tiny dorm, sitting on his bed and waiting for his roommate, hoseok, to return with pizza. he really hoped he'd hurry up already. his belly was growling like it was angry with him. it was getting kinda scary.

"i really don't know, jungkook-ah, he's just... ugh." he mopplingly prompted his chubby cheeks in his hands and huffed.

"what do you mean you don't know, hyung?" jungkook asked crossing his beefy arms and shooting his friend a skeptical look. "you're like... the hottest and most outgoing guy i know. how haven't you scored a date with him yet?"

the "him" in question was taehyung's new roommate, seokjin. well, he wasn't exactly new. he'd been his roommate for over 5 months now, since his last roommate dropped out. yet, honestly, taehyung didn't think he'd ever get used to seeing that worldwide-handsome face in the same vicinity as him everyday. that would always be a shocker, no matter how many times they saw one another.

having a crush was new for taehyung. to put it bluntly, he knew he was good-looking. he definitely wasn't conceited or snobbish about his natural attractiveness, he honestly didn't care about looks. however, he was used to having a secret admirer or two, and unfortunately had to let many people down with his unrequited feelings. he never had any romantic attraction for anyone, even if he knew he was bisexual. in fact, romance really didn't play a role in his life. taehyung liked to paint, watch cartoons, eat snacks and play videogames. he chose friends and food over chasing after boys and girls. he hadn't even watched porn before, that's how uninterested in sex and relationships he was. call him immature or weird, but romance just didn't do much for him. it seemed boring. why would people waste there time on a silly boyfriend or girlfriend when they could be having fun? it just didn't make sense to him.

that was until he met his roommate. now, that was all he could think about. well, besides school and food, that is.

"that's rich coming from you, mr. i have muscles and a six-pack and tattoos and a fucking eyebrow piercing but i'm still too shy to even talk to jisoo." taehyung shot back with a smirk.

at that, jungkook flushed completely. it was true, despite being a 5 course meal plus desert, jungkook was the shyest person taehyung had ever met. he didn't have many friends besides taehyung, his roommate, hoseok, and hoseok's boyfriend. and the latter was just a friend of circumstances. the younger man also couldn't even look a girl in the eyes without blushing profusely and damn near pissing himself from nervousness. jungkook had a slight lisp and an occasional stutter as well, but taehyung found it quite endearing and sweet.

"t-that's not the point, hyung, and you know it!" jungkook replied hastily, still blushing. "why don't you just tell him how you feel? you've been pining after this dude for months!"

taehyung sighed heavily, the sigh morphing into a deep groan.

"because i literally don't know how! jin-hyung isn't going to take my confession seriously if i just say it! he's already rejected half the campus! he needs a gesture! some bold statement," taehyung explained in an exasperated manner, not caring if he was kinda rambling. "he deserves more than some half-hearted bullshit. i have to find a way to catch his attention, something to show him i'm different than the others. that i'm not just another idiot underclassmen trying to win him over! i just don't know what-!"

taehyung took a deep breath, ending his rant. he was beginning to feel upset, having a tendency to work himself up easily. he took a moment to collect himself, or at least try, and looked at the younger expectantly.

"don't look at me like that, hyung." he said after a moment, watching warily as taehyung took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "you know what you gotta do, so do it." he shrugged, still observing his friend. "leth' talk about something else, okay?" jungkook suggested, not wanting his hyung to get anymore upset.

before taehyung could protest, there was a knock at the door.

"that must be hobi-hyung." jungkook spoke, getting up to let his dormmate in. taehyung stayed seated.

as the elder entered the room, the heavenly aroma of pizza followed, wafting around the dorm and into taehyung's nose. his mouth watered. pizza was the perfect comfort food. it always made him feel sated and happy. he could never get tired of it.

"hey tae-ah, i didn't know you would be here!" hoseok beamed, as he brought the pizza boxes over and placed them on the table. "how are you?"

"stressed and hungry."

hobi laughed loudly, his sunshine-like smile lighting up the room. taehyung always liked him. he was sweet, funny, and very handsome. he had a slim build, was a hip-hop dancer, and taehyung had seen his abs before. he'd be jealous if he cared about looks.

"aren't we all?" he joked, before he turned around and looked back at the still open door. "aish, yoongi-hyung, get your ass in here already!"

a low, "i'm coming, fuck off," emitted from beyond the threshold, before hoseok's boyfriend entered the room with a goofy grin and cases of beer and soda in his arms.

looking up at him, taehyung was taken aback.

the last time he'd seen yoongi, at least long enough to get a decent look at him, he'd been skinny. not just skinny, but nearly malnourished looking. his face had been gaunt and he was tiny in comparison to a healthy body. a good wind could have knocked him over. that was months ago. the yoongi he saw now looked quite different. he was filled out, his cheeks plumped and colored as apposed to pale and lifeless like before. his midsection as well, was that a belly? small, yes, but it was there. he looked so much... different. he wondered why.

taehyung had heard about relationship weight many times, and had seen it first-hand as well. when someone gets into a safe and loving relationship, they naturally gain weight. hoseok had opened up to jungkook and taehyung a few times, admitting that yoongi had been in an abusive relationship in the past. however, he was in a healthy one with hoseok now. honestly, it warmed taehyung's heart to see the once frail and sad-looking boy happy and healthy-looking.

it made him wonder if he would ever find a relationship like that. would he put on weight as well? probably not. his metabolism was way too fast, anyways.

"i brought some beer, jungkook don't drink it all this time." yoongi grunted, setting the packs by the desk and plopping down next to his boyfriend on his bed. "oh, taehyung's here. good thing we bought too much pizza."

the others chuckled. taehyung cocked a brow and frowned slightly. what was that supposed to mean?

"i'm starving." jungkook stated to no one in particular, grabbing himself a slice of pizza and a can of beer. taehyung wouldn't be having any alcohol, though, because it always made his cholinergic urticaria act up, and he wasn't in the mood for an itchy rash. besides, he liked soda much more.

"i thought you were on a diet, kookie-ah!" hoseok fake scolded. jungkook scoffed playfully.

"it's called bulking, hyung." he joked. everyone knew he rarely let himself eat like this. he was extremely disciplined. taehyung might've been jealous. "and what about you? thought you were on a diet!"

"i am." the elder replied. "this is all i'm eating. i've still got that dance competition next week- yah! yoongi, don't get sauce on my sheets, you pig!"

he swatted weakly at the mint-haired boy, who nudged him in return and rolled his eyes. it made taehyung smile.

"you can have some too, taehyung-ah." hoseok spoke after a bit. it was then taehyung realized he hadn't gotten any yet. "i know how much you like pizza."

once again, another comment.

"i mean, i don't like it that much." he mumbled, grabbing a slice and and taking a bite. he knew he was bluffing. pizza was the best.

jungkook snorted.

"bullshit tae, you almost always eat an entire pizza whenever we hang out!"

it was true. on an empty stomach, he could scarf down a whole pizza. more if he was especially hungry.

he decided not to reply, finishing his first slide and heading for a second. sinking his teeth into the slice, he all but moaned. it was supreme pizza, his favorite.

"honestly, i have no idea where he puts it all." the redhead commented, finishing up his slice. that was all he'd probably eat, seeing as he's on a diet and all.

"i-i do!" jungkook teased, stuttering slightly from the excitement. "he puth' it all right here."

suddenly, taehyung felt a finger poke his belly. he froze. he looked down to see jungkook's tattooed pointer finger sunk into his plush middle.

"wow, taehyung-hyung." the younger softly exclaimed. "i didn't know your tummy was this squishy."

taehyung felt himself blushing. not out of embarrassment, but something else. jungkook was still touching his belly.

"no way, let me feel!" hoseok reached over, but all too late. taehyung swatted them away and curled into himself, arms wrapped firmly around his middle.

"don't! i'm ticklish!" he lied. yes, he was ticklish, but that's not why he didn't want them to feel his stomach.

it was a strange sensation, really...

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a pizza and a 2L of soda later, taehyung felt warm and fuzzy and full.

hoseok and yoongi had left for yoongi's dorm. taehyung was assuming they wanted some alone time, and he knew yoongi had his own private dorm. he didn't want to think about what they'd do, though. ew, just... ew.

taehyung leaned back and closed his eyes, feeling sated. he gently patted his taut tummy and let out a deep burp, sighing afterwards. that was another thing he was shameless about. if he had to burp, he always just let it out. leaving the trapped gas in his belly only made it hurt, so he didn't hold back. besides, it felt good and it was only natural. he usually didn't even say "excuse me." he didn't understand why he had to. everyone burped; why excuse yourself for something completely normal? unlike jungkook, who'd probably die from humiliation, taehyung wasn't shy about it. the only person he'd be even remotely embarrassed in front of was seokjin, but that's a different story.

"mmm, that was yummy, kookie. i'm stuffed."

jungkook was drinking another beer, beyond drunk by now. he mumbled something incoherent, followed by a hiccup and a groan.

"aw kookie, are you drunk?" taehyung teased, ruffling the maknae's soft, black hair. the younger grumbled again. "tired, little guy? let's get you to sleep, bun."

gently, taehyung guided the nearly-passed-out jungkook's head to the pillow of his bed.

"sleep well, bun." he whispered sweetly, leaving a feather-light kiss on the younger's forehead. he'd probably have to stop by tomorrow morning to take care of him when he woke up with a hangover. he was bound to have a killer one with all the beer he guzzled down, and taehyung knew hoseok didn't do well with vomit. he didn't mind, however. taehyung loved to take care of his friends, anyways.

before he left, taehyung cleaned up, ate the last couple pieces the boys left, and did some of the dishes for them. he also really needed to pee, so he made a quick trip to the bathroom.

once he'd gone and washed his hands, he took a moment to observe himself in the mirror.

i looked really good today, taehyung thought, peering into the mirror and adjusting his gold-framed glasses. despite being quite handsome, he still felt insecure sometimes, especially as of lately. with some of the comments his friends had been making, he wasn't sure what to think. it was almost as if there was some kind of big joke, and he was the only one who wasn't in on it. he really didn't know.

before taehyung could turn away and exit the small bathroom, his eyes caught something in the corner, by the shower.

a scale.

he had forgotten that jungkook did weight training. it was probably his to keep track of that. or maybe it was hoseok's, since he was on a diet and all. it didn't matter. it shouldn't matter.

however, for some reason, he wanted to try it. knowing your weight couldn't hurt, right? it's just a number, anyways. besides, he was curious.

taehyung pulled the digital scale out and stepped on it, waiting patiently for the box to calculate his weight. it couldn't be too much. he was thin, after all.

looking down, his eyes widened.

78.1kg.

he blinked.

huh. so that's how much he weighed.

the last time taehyung had been properly weighed was his physical exam before freshman year. that was nearly a year ago. he was so thin, weighing in at 60.3 kg. since then, he'd gained roughly 17.8 kg.

wait a minute, that couldn't be right, could it? but he had a fast metabolism! not to mention, he's fairly active. well... sometimes. but he does do a lot of walking! something had to be wrong.

taehyung stepped off the scale, allowing it to level back to a clear screen. he then stepped back on.

78.1kg.

this didn't seem possible. maybe it's because of his clothes. maybe he needed to strip down to his underwear like when he had a checkup at the doctor's. quickly, taehyung peeled off his corduroy pants and baggy sweater, leaving him in his undies and tata-themed socks.

what? they were cute!

standing back on the digital scale, taehyung peered down at the number expectantly.

it was the same, the clothes only weighing a little.

maybe it was all the food he just ate, or maybe he had to use the toilet? but that doesn't explain all those kilos...

he placed himself back on the ground, dumbfounded. how did he manage to put on that much? that was like the freshman 15 (lbs) tripled!

taehyung sighed lowly, before turning to face the mirror.

in just his undies, and for the first time since freshman year, taehyung noticed his body.

his thighs were thick, clinging together like chunky glue. gentle stretch marks adorned the insides, which weren't new, seeing as he's always been a bit thicker than his peers growing up. however, they were more prominent. spinning around, he viewed his ass, which giggled almost lewdly with the slight movement. the plump, golden globes looked even plumper than they had. he had always had an ass, but now? he could probably play a pixar mom in a live-action film.

last, but certainly not least, his eyes settled on the most obvious change: his stomach. his tummy hung over the waistband of his underwear, extremely bloated and round from his big dinner and all the soda he drank. yet, despite being stuffed with pizza, it had softness to it. taehyung ran his hands over his belly, pinching the excess pudge. it wasn't too big, but it was noticable. more than noticable.

taehyung wasn't skinny anymore. he had gotten a bit chubby.

and, strangely enough, he didn't care. infact, he liked it.

taehyung knew he ate a lot of unhealthy foods, that was just who he was. why would he deny himself all the yummy things he liked to eat, just to maintain an "attractive" body? so what he wasn't slim like hoseok or muscular and shredded like jungkook? his body was perfectly fine. it did it's job, and that was the important thing.

above all things, taehyung was shameless. having gained weight didn't mean a thing to him. he was an artist, after all, not a model. his figure really didn't matter in the long run. he was still the same handsome guy, just with a little extra chub. and, honestly, he wondered what he'd look like with just a little bit more. just another layer of cream on his body. he's sure he'd like it, especially with how he reacted to having his tummy poked earlier by jungkook.

so, with the new information tucked in the back of his mind, taehyung dressed and left the small bathroom, making his way out of his sleeping friend's dorm. after double checking on jungkook and leaving the wastebasket beside his bed, just in case he woke up sick, the fluffy-haired boy exited the dorm and began his walk down the hallway, back to his own dorm.

after eating, taehyung usually felt sleepy, so it was no surprise to him that he found himself growing sluggish and drowsy as he strode back to his room. it was a pleasant feeling, really. he'd probably take a nice nap when he got back. maybe make some hot chocolate and catch up on some dramas. yeah, that sounded nice.

as he opened the door to his dorm, he was met with a flush of warmth and soft light. faint music played in the background, and a scent immediately met his nose as he stepped in. it smelled delightful. that could only mean one thing.

taehyung hadn't expected seokjin to be home so early. he wished he'd known; he'd like to have put more time into his appearance. welp, baggy sweater and messy-haired taehyung would have to do.

"ah, tae! you're home!" he heard seokjin call from the stove as he shucked off his loafers. he suddenly felt uncharacteristically shy, shifting his weight from his left foot to his right as seokjin walked up to him, all broad-shouldered and stupidly handsome. "how was your day?"

taehyung smiled as seokjin went in for a gentle hug, sinking into his warm embrace and inhaling his calming scent. seokjin was a real hugger, which taehyung appreciated because he, himself, was an absolute cuddle monster and jumped for any physical affection. it didn't help the butterflies in his stomach, however. he'd hope to just digest them already and move on from this silly crush.

"my day was a happy one, thank you," taehyung replied, nearly pouting as seokjin pulled away from the embrace. "how was your's, hyung?"

"better now that you're here." the elder smiled warmly, and taehyung felt his face heat up. seokjin always knew the right things to say to get his heart racing like mad. "come sit in the kitchen and keep me company while i cook?"

the younger nodded timidly, feeling pleasantly small next to his hyung. he followed him like a puppy to the dorm kitchenette, taking a seat at the small bar table.

"so," seokjin began, as he stirred a pot of glass noodles, keeping an eye on the vegetables and pork strips in the frying pan. he was making japchae, one of taehyung's favorite dishes. "have you eaten dinner yet?"

"oh, i ate pizza at jungkook and hoseok-hyung's place," he answered, hand going instinctively to his still-bloated tum, giving it a fond pat. "truth be told, i probably overate." he let out an uneasy chuckle in an attempt to distract himself from the warmth growing in his lower belly. what was happening to him?

seokjin waved him off.

"there's no such thing as overeating if it tastes good," he countered, and before taehyung could understand what was going on, a steaming plate of japchae was placed in front of him. it was a heaping serving, the small plate only making it look bigger. "here, have some of this."

taehyung flushed, gingerly sliding the plate away.

"um, i-i shouldn't, hyung," he stammered, hand still on his middle, almost defensively, as if he were guarding it. "thank you, but i'm still pretty stuffed."

seokjin chuckled deeply, full lips curled into a smirk. he pushed the dish back in front of him. taehyung gulped.

"taehyung-ah, i've seen you demolish three times this and more in one sitting. i'm not exactly convinced that 'stuffed' is in your vocabulary."

there it was. another comment about his eating habits. however, this time, instead of irritation, he felt something... else.

"jin-hyung, i-"

"you wouldn't let all my hard work go to waste, would you?" seokjin questioned, pouting. taehyung felt his heart jump. "i made this all just for you."

"well... alright. i'll have a bite or... two." taehyung finally spoke, unable to look his hyung in the eye. picking up the pair of chopsticks, he hesitantly began to eat.

it was delicious. of course it would be.

in all his time, taehyung had never met as good a cook as seokjin. not even his own mother --who could whip up a mean bibimbap like nobody's business-- could compare to his skills. the younger male couldn't even count on two hands how many times he's had his belly nearly bursting out of his pants from seokjin's cooking. whatever it was he was making, taehyung was sure to gorge himself to new heights every time; now was only proof of that. seokjin didn't seem to mind. infact, he encouraged it.

"taste good?" the elder quizzed, taking a seat in front of the eating boy and gazing at him fondly, if not a bit intently.

taehyung took a moment to finish chewing his mouthful and swallow. he grinned.

"amazing," he answered, licking his lips. "your cooking always is the best, hyung. it's, like, ethereal."

seokjin let out his iconic windshield wiper laugh, which only made his dongsaeng giggle.

"well, if it's good enough to pull out the 50 cent words for," be mused, leaning a tad closer. "then it's good enough to finish, yeah?"

taehyung's smile faded, as he peered up at the taller man wordlessly.

"you know i don't like leftovers, taehyung-ah. scrape your plate. clean."

he didn't have to tell taehyung twice. something about the subtle command in his tone --the sprinkle of dominance within the seemingly innocent words-- sparked a flame that licked into taehyung's belly.

he continued to eat, and before he could really process anything, his chopsticks clinked against an empty plate. instantly, a crimson heat spread over his face. it was as if he were a different person for a moment.

"all done?" seokjin questioned, taking the plate from the boy as he nodded sheepishly. "good job, tae-ah! you did so well!"

taehyung felt his pants become tighter at his elder's words of encouragement.

"feeling full?"

taehyung's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"i-" a burp interrupted him. he stayed quiet for a moment, hand covering his mouth, before he spoke up again. "excuse me, sorry."

he was blushing like mad. shameless taehyung who?

seokjin snorted. "guess that answers my question."

the slight teasing only increased the tightness of his pants, though he remained oblivious.

to say taehyung was full was a gross understatement. he'd passed the limitations for being full. he felt like if he moved even an inch he'd explode, literally. he looked 7 months pregnant.

"jin-hyung," he began with a taut hiccup, a slight whine to his voice. "i think... i think i ate too much."

and there it was, the rarer side of shameless taehyung. the one who needed affection after overdoing it, and wasn't afraid to beg for it.

"aw, you poor thing," his hyung cooed, helping the younger stand. his belly felt heavy and stuffed to the brim. "let's get you to the couch yeah? how's some hot chocolate sound? sound nice?"

taehyung nodded and hummed, blissed out from the tight fullness. he'd never felt this way from just eating before.

he took a seat on the couch as seokjin scurried off to make hot chocolate, and he used the opportunity to unbutton his pants. although he wasn't exactly too keen on being so unkempt in front of his love interest, his pants were digging into his bloated stomach something fierce. slowly, he undid the buttons and pulled down the zipper, freeing and allowing his tummy to rest atop. he sighed in relief, though it was short-lived when he noticed the slight bulge in his pants. well, that's new?

wait a minute--

oh fuck.

he frantically attempted to pull his sweater down to cover his lower region, but it was too snug around his plush middle to budge much. thankfully, it wasn't entirely noticable.

"here you go, taebear," seokjin said as he walked back into the small living room, two mugs of hot chocolate in his hand. one of them had tata all over it: you can guess whose it is. "careful, it's hot. let it cool before you drink it."

taehyung nodded bashfully in reply as the older of the two turned the tv on, switching the channel to some random drama taehyung had seen bits of but couldn't remember the name of. when jin sat down next to him, he immediately snuggled up to his side, head on his broad shoulder.

this. this was heaven right here.

seokjin smiled sweetly, arm wrapping around the younger. his fingers carded through taehyung's fluffy brown hair, earning a quiet sigh and pleased noises from the latter. taehyung's eyes fluttered shut as his scalp was scratched lightly.

soon enough, after finishing his hot chocolate, he felt himself grow drowsy. his belly felt warm and heavy, rising with every deep breath he took.

just as he had nearly dosed off, he felt something warm slip under his sweater and dance against his stomach. it felt like a hand.

he sighed. he must have been dreaming.

slowly, the palm of the hand traced over his swollen tummy, fingers ghosting over his navel. he all but purred at the feeling.

it began to rub circular motions onto the bloated skin with a gentle pressure, releasing a few soft burps from taehyung, who mewled at the lovely sensation. he began to fall deeper into slumber, the warm feeling being the last thing he could remember before he completely fell sound asleep.

when taehyung awoke, he was in his own room, in his own bed. he was under the blankets, glasses neatly placed on the bedside table. yawning, he looked around, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

had he been dreaming this whole time?

placing a hand on his middle, he was shocked to feel how bloated and round it was.

nope. it was all real.

and it felt completely, utterly, shamelessly good.

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"hey hobi-hyung, what's up?" taehyung spoke into the receiver of his phone after answering hoseok's call. he was currently working on an oil painting while munching on the oreos he'd bought at the campus snack venue on his way home.

"hey tae," he heard a strained voice answer. someone was in the background coughing. "could-" hoseok was cut off by what sounded like a particularly loud heave "ugh. could you do me a solid, tae. i'll pay you back, i promise."

and just like that, taehyung was on his way over to jungkook and hoseok's dorm. he'd debated bringing his painting with him, but eventually decided against the idea. he didn't want to make sick jungkook even sicker, nor did he want hoseok to complain about him stinking up the dorm with his paint.

the second he opened the door, hoseok rushed out.

"thanks a million, taehyung," he spoke frantically, clearly frazzled but trying to stay calm, though it was evident he was hanging on by a thread. "i hate to do this to you but you know how i am."

taehyung gave him a reassuring smile.

"hobi-hyung don't worry, it's alright! i don't mind!" he explained, placing a hand on his hyung's shoulder. "how's he doing?"

hoseok closed his eyes.

"ugh, he's just... ugh."

taehyung laughed and shook his head.

"aish, i told that dummy not to drink so much," he playfully face-palmed, giggling. "alright hyungie, head over to yoongi-hyung's. i'll take it from here."

hoseok sighed a breath of relief.

"you're a little saint, you know that, taetae?"

he pinched taehyung's full cheeks, kissing his forehead before rushing off. taehyung blushed and giggled to himself softly.

hoseok was really something else.

upon entering his friend's shared dorm and turning on the light, his eyes instantly landed on jungkook, who looked like he'd seen better days.

"taehyung?" he heard the younger croak from his bed, eyes squinted nearly shut. "shit, kill the lights will you, please?"

taehyung quickly flicked the switch off.

"oh, sorry kookie-ah," taehyung apologized, making his way in the dim room to the bed, where he sat.

"it's alright hyung, my head is just absolutely murdering me right now."

"feeling pretty bad, aren't we, bun?" taehyung murmured softly, rubbing the younger's back tenderly.

"god, 'm never fucking drinking again."

taehyung chuckled, shaking his head. he knew that was a lie; he'd probably be in the same position next weekend taking care of the hungover boy.

"okay, bun," he replied, fondly. "can i get you anything? painkillers, perhaps?"

jungkook shook his head, instantly wincing at the movement.

"no i already took some before you came." he answered. "could you just hold me for a bit, please?" his doe eyes found taehyung's gaze in the dark.

the elder boy swallowed back an 'awwww' as he laid down on the bed, taking the sick boy into his arms. he ran his fingers through the younger's silky, black hair. jungkook sighed.

"thanks, hyungie." jungkook mumbled into taehyung's warm chest. "you're the best."

a soft smile melted onto taehyung's lips. the two boys sat in a quiet trance for a while, the only sound being breathing and the hum of the ac. after some time had passed, jungkook broke the silence.

"um, hyungie?"

"what is it, bun?" taehyung replied, looking down at the boy.

"i-i um..." he began, stuttering from what taehyung assumed was nervousness. his stutter always worsened when he was nervous, the elder noticed. "i'm s-s-sorry about what i said yesterday."

taehyung haulted his movements, cocking a brow in confusion.

"what are you talking about, jungkook?"

"yes'therday," he paused to grimace at his lisp, before going on, "with hobi-hyung and yoongi-hyung." jungkook responded anxiously. "i-i shouldn't have c-commented on your body or how much you eat like that. if someone had made a comment about m-m-my stutter or lisp, i'd have been sad. it wasn't cool of me to point out an insecurity like that. i'm- i'm sorry." his voice broke a tad at the last part, though taehyung nearly didn't catch it.

taehyung blinked, taking a moment to process his dongsaeng's confession.

"okay, kookie, three things," taehyung replied after some thought, returning to stroking the boy's hair. "one: it's alright, don't worry about it. i'm definitely not upset with you, honey. two: your stutter and lisp are perfectly fine. they make you unique, make you you, so don't be embarrassed about how you talk, and don't take shit from absolutely anyone about it. got it?"

jungkook nodded, eyes still glassy.

taehyung smiled and continued.

"and three: what makes you think i'm insecure about my body?"

jungkook froze for a moment, clearly trying to conjure up an answer that wouldn't hurt his hyung's feelings.

"um..."

"is it because i'm chubby?"

jungkook didn't say anything, causing taehyung to sigh audibly.

"i have no reason to be insecure about my body, you know, jungkook?" taehyung calmly retorted, not in a mean or scolding manner, but in a blunt one. "i love my body. my tummy's job is to digest the food i eat and convert it to energy. that's it, and he's doing a pretty good job at it. so, therefore, i have no real reason to be insecure, and i'm not. a little tummy fat never hurt anyone."

jungkook looked up to gaze at his hyung.

"so, it didn't hurt your feelings when i t-touched your belly, then?" he asked, voice still slightly broken. taehyung wiped the stray tears from his dongsaeng's cheeks.

"of course not, kookie-ah," the older boy reassured, lips spreading into a grin. "in fact... i liked it."

jungkook went stiff.

"u-um... i-i'm flattered, hyung, i really am... b-but i like girls..."

taehyung let out a deep, rumbly laugh.

"don't be silly, bun!" he teased, still chuckling. "i wasn't talking about you! i wouldn't date your lame ass anyways, even if you did like guys!"

this earned him a playful slap.

"but you did... like it?" jungkook questioned after a comfortable silence.

taehyung nodded a bit stiffly.

"yeah, i... i guess i did." he admitted. "to be honest... i wouldn't mind if seokjin touched m- woah! sorry about the tmi! literally forget i said that, please. like, erase it from your memory."

taehyung flushed in embarrassment as jungkook burst out laughing.

"yah, don't make fun of me! i'll kick your ass you little shit!"

despite the teasing, taehyung definitely wouldn't mind if seokjin touched his belly. infact, he'd fucking love it.

and, well... this all was... new. he'd like to explore this more in the future.

however, little did taehyung know, he wasn't the only one with a bit of experimentation in mind.

♡

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♡

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

hi!! hope you enjoyed this!! maybe a part 2?? please let me know what you think!! love you!!

~ jelly ૮ᴖﻌᴖა

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

#bts feederism #feeder kink #eructo #bts emeto #fantasy feeder #feedist #bts sickfic #feeder series #feederisn

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birdy-bat-writes · 4 years ago

Text

Forever Love

Word count: 2k

Description: Wally and Dick have loved eachother for a long time. They've said it a few times. How long before they can admit that it's not as friends?

A/N: Happy holidays friends! Dear @river-bottom-nightmare Hi! I'm your secret santa😙😙 so I present to you, a birdflash Fic! I hope you love it!

---------------------------------------------------/

The first time Wally told Dick he loved him was when he and Bruce had a fight. Dick thought he wanted to be alone and turned off his phone, his emergency trackers, everything. He didn't want to be found and he wasn't going to be found. At least that's what he thought. He sat alone on the floor of a Star City back alley and played the words in his head over and over. "When we're out there, you're not my son. You're my partner! If you can't be there when I need you, you don't need to be Robin!" He knows that me messed up, but the mission went fine in the end. He didn't make excuses; he knew his head wasn't in the game but that's just what happens when you're fighting alongside the Titans and balancing that with Dynamic Duo duties. Dick was already harder on himself than Bruce ever could be about it, but he never thought he'd have to hear the words "you're not my son." Is that all he is to Bruce? A crime fighting partner? Then the tears started to fall. The thoughts rang in his head like church bells over the sound of city traffic. It was all too much. Dick thought he wanted to be alone but now...maybe not. I should go ba-

"Hey." Dick looked up to find his favorite red head looking down at him with a soft expression. Civies, smoking sneakers and green eyes. "You okay?" Wally sat down beside him and Dick abandoned all thoughts of leaving.

"How'd you find me?"

"Well, I'm me, and you're you. Not that difficult."

"I turned my trackers off..." Dick was really taking this one hard. No wisecracks, no sarcasm. It wasn't like the other fights he had with Bruce and Wally could tell.

"I knew you wouldn't be in Metropolis or Smallville because you don't want a hug from Superman, you weren't in the mood to talk yet so not Central City, and Star City has the ice cream parlor you like, which is where we're going after I fix this." Wally gestured to Dick's teary eyes. Dick looked up to face Wally for just a second. His smile brought a type of comfort that Dick forgot existed. "What happened?"

"He doesn't want me anymore, Wally."

"Bruce?" Dick just nodded, knowing he couldn't speak the words without choking up. Wally put a comforting arm around his friend's shoulder. "He said, 'when we're out there, you're not my son. You're my partner.' And that I shouldn't be fighting by his side if I can't be there for him all the time."

“That’s not fair of him. You were with the Titans today. He knows that right?”

“He knows, he just doesn’t care.” Dick choked on his words at the end but pushed himself to continue speaking. “Wally, I’m just a teammate to him, to everyone. I’m not his son, I don’t even know how many people actually care about me when the masks are off.”

“Hey, hey…don’t say that. Maybe B acts like an emotionally stunted block of ice, but I know he loves you. Of course, it doesn’t excuse what he said, but you need to know that with masks on or off, we are all your friends. Donna, Garth, Roy, and… me too. You’re like family for us. We love you. I… I love you.” Dick felt his heart clench. He hadn’t heard those words in a long time and couldn’t help but jump right into Wally’s arms for a very tight hug. Wally’s arms felt like home and he never wanted to let go. Wally felt the remaining tears Dick’s eyes soak into his jacket and pulled him tighter. Without pulling even an inch away, Dick asked,

“Wally?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.” They felt each other’s cheeks raise in smiles against the other’s shoulders.

“Glad to hear it, now how about that ice cream?”

----

The second time Wally had told Dick that he loved him was later that year, in the dark of a hospital room well after visiting hours were over. Dick now donned a blue and black suit, accompanied by the moniker of Nightwing. Wally was now the new Scarlet Speedster. Unfortunately, even speedsters couldn’t escape the pain of cavities. Wally was in recovery after a root canal surgery and he wasn’t happy about it.

Wally couldn’t help but worry about the things that could go wrong if the Flash took a day off. Dick on the other hand was more worried about how Wally would fare in surgery. With a metabolism like his, he’d burn through the anesthesia in minutes, and be awake for the rest of the surgery.

“Oh, come on, Dick. I don’t have anesthetics when we’re out being shot at. This will be a piece of cake, so don’t worry, okay?”

When Wally awoke, the whole surgery was complete. He wasn’t in pain either. That’s odd. How-? Oh. Dick. What did he do now? Just then a nurse walked in.

“Oh good, Dear. You’re awake.”

“Uh… Yeah. What did I miss while I was out?” His voice was muffled by the useless cotton balls in his mouth. The nurses couldn’t have known but he was already healed. 4 hours of sleep and speedster healing will do that to you.

“Well, it’s quite an interesting day in Central City. A few blocks down, Nightwing stopped a robbery and helped a family of ducks cross the street.”

“He- he did what? He’s still here?” Wally asked, baffled.

“Oh yes! He seems to have taken over for the Flash today. He’s on TV right now.” Wally scrambled to get the remote. The first thing he saw on the news was Nightwing being interviewed by Iris West-Allen.

“Well Mrs. West, I love helping out my teammates, and besides, I could always use an excuse to visit Central City.” Nightwing flashed his signature smile right into the camera like he knew Wally was watching. This dude… I thought I told him to go back to Gotham… Why do I even try? Wally thought to himself, shaking his head and smiling at his friend’s antics.

Visiting hours had passed and Wally’s parents had just left. He was contemplating sneaking out to get more food when he heard a gentle thud by the window. One that he’d heard a thousand times before.

“Dick, you could have used the front door.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”, Dick responded. “How are you?”

“Hungry. Hospital portion sizes will be the death of me.”

“Well, it’s a great thing that your best friend is as thoughtful as he is handsome.” Dick emptied a plethora of snacks from his backpack on Wally’s bed.

“And this is why I love you.” Wally said it casually, but Dick’s heart skipped a beat anyway. It got him thinking again. He really shouldn’t have worried as much as he did, but he couldn’t help it. He never can when it comes to Wally. “So, what exactly did you put in my drink before the surgery?” Wally asked between mouthfuls of food.

“Specially designed anesthetic to knock you out for 5 hours. Courtesy of a few friends at S.T.A.R. Labs.”

“You spoil me.”

“I didn’t want you to be in pain.”

“I appreciate that.” Wally’s voice was sweeter now. “You didn’t have to go through the trouble, you know.”

“I know. I wanted to.”

“Aww, were you worried about me?”

“I always worry about you. I love you.” It was a sincere, genuine confession that made both their hearts race a little more. Wally mustered the courage to say one more thing. Something that meant the world to both him and Dick.

“You know when I was going under the anesthetic?”

“Yeah?”, Dick replied.

“I was still awake when you held my hand.” Dick grinned in response.

“I know.”, He said. Wally looked up in question. “You held on tighter when I was about to let go, and I knew you were still awake.” The blushes on their cheeks glowed brighter.

“Yeah, well… don’t let go next time then.”

-----

The next time they confessed was on Wally’s 18th Birthday, one month later. A party was planned with a few close friends and family at Wally’s house, but unfortunately, the icy November rain had other plans. Ice laced every road that wasn’t flooded.

Needless to say, Wally was a little disappointed. No one would be coming. Heck, he couldn’t even leave his own house. Dick was still in Gotham getting ready to leave for the party when he heard of the extreme weather in Central City. Knowing the party would most likely be cancelled, he decided to call in a favor.

Wally was sitting in his room when he received Dick’s rather ominous text message. “Get to your balcony.” He listened. He walked up and saw… nothing.

“Um, Dick, what am I looking for exactly?”, he messaged back. Then he heard the whir of the engines and the pressure release on the plane doors.

“You’re looking for me in an invisible plane!”, Dick shouted.

“Is that Wonder Woman’s?!”

“Yeah! Get on.” Wally climbed aboard. He was awestruck. Dick saw the look on Wally’s face and answered the question Wally couldn’t manage to ask.

“Donna owed me a favor, and Diana thinks I’m adorable. I can get away with anything. Now buckle up.”

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” Dick flew Wally up to the Titans Tower where every superhero friend of theirs was there. There were 6 cakes, 2 of them being just for Wally. It was just perfect. Wally cut a slice of cake and brought it out to Dick on the terrace. Against the chilly New York winds, the music inside sounded faint and distant.

“I know you’ve swung around Gotham in the winter in your underwear, but you should still wear a jacket when it’s cold out.”, Wally chimed. “Cake?”

“Thank you very much.” Dick said, taking the plate from his hands.

“Hey, thank you for all of this. Its more than perfect.”

“Don’t mention it, Wall. It’s what I’m for. I’m never going to pass up an opportunity to wipe cake frosting on your nose.” Wally’s heart swelled, seeing Dick smile at him like that. His baby blue eyes had Wally mesmerized.

“Yeah! Just you wait ’till your birthday, I’m getting a whole extra cake to shove in your face.”

“I’ll be waiting.”, Dick chuckled out. “So, I have your present here.” Dick held up a small box and handed it to Wally. “Open it.” Wally undid the red ribbon on the box and lifted the lid to reveal a small coin, the size of a penny with a Flash symbol on it. “I know you lost the souvenir from our first solo mission, but I kept one of the shotgun shells, melted it down, and now,” Dick picked up the coin, “this is for you.” Wally was left speechless. Dick wasn’t one to keep souvenirs from missions. That was Wally’s thing. But he kept this one. And on top of all that, he remembered that Wally wanted to remember their first mission and replaced his lost memento. He couldn’t help it. Wally threw his arms around Dick’s shoulders. Dick wrapped his arms around Wally’s waist and pulled him closer, taking in the scent of his shampoo and cologne. I adore him, they both thought.

“Dick, I love you.”

“I love you too, Wally.” The looked up to face each other, still keeping their bodies close. Wally was the first to lift his fingers and caress Dick’s cheek, and Dick leaned in. The kiss was soft and sweet and lit up a million sparks within them. They didn’t know how long they had waited for this but they had no intention of letting this moment go.

And after that, they lost count. They didn’t have to keep track anymore of how many “I love you’s” were exchanged or kisses were shared. They made a silent promise that night that there would be no end to them and that was enough. Love like that truly was forever.

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choco-glow · 4 years ago

Text

Fall Like Rain On Sunday, Pt. 10

Jason woke up around five am, bleary and in a tangle of blankets again from yet another nightmare…Sweat-soaked, he peeled himself out of his bed with a grimace and stripped first himself, then the bed, tossing everything into his washing machine before turning on the shower and stepping inside. Lukewarm woke him up a little better than hot right now, and felt better on his scarred skin; he leaned heavily against the tile, head tipped back as his waterfall nozzle rained down on him. The familiar sound of the washer going was a comfort, and piece by piece, he brought himself back to the present, breathing slowly, evenly, just as Bruce had taught him all those years ago…

“…Fuck.” He sighed out, and started washing up, glad for the indie shop he supported down the street that made its own soaps, shampoos, and conditioners. They were bar form, of course, but the natural scents helped ground him…anything heavily chemically scented was too triggering, too much like the factory he’d died in. A lot of things triggered that…tannerite, for one, which was why in all his varied explosions, he’d only ever used C4. Iron…He unconsciously touched the cheekbone that Talia had had her surgeons rebuild, for even the Pit couldn’t do everything. Not on a body that had been so badly brutalized that it’d been a closed casket funeral…

“Knock it off, Todd.” He growled out to himself, scrubbing furiously now. Fuckin’ don’t go down that path again, Jason…you know where it leads. Besides, you promised you’d make waffles this morning. Can’t leave a lady waiting. Steph’s smile filled his mind, and Jason relaxed, as he had for months now around his Batgirl…and he felt a tiny smile tug at his lips. He didn’t have a waffle iron; he rarely did more than griddle cakes, eggs, and bacon for himself, and that’s when he felt like cooking, so it was a good thing he’d woken up before his alarm; he had time to run to the nearest Lux-Mart. He finished his shower, relaxed now, and other than rescuing his book from the floor and setting it on his nightstand, left his bed to airdry for a while; he’d learned that lesson the hard way.

Dark jeans, boxer-briefs, a soft tee shirt, socks, his boots, and a hoodie, and he was ready to brave the pre-dawn crowds. He twirled his keys on one finger as he made his way down the stairs to his garage, and side-stepped the engine for Roy’s Corvette, unlocking the truck and opening the door with a flick of a button. It was dark still; small wonder, it was just barely five forty-five, and the sun wouldn’t be up for another hour or so…the garage door slid closed behind him with a whisper, and Jason set out for the Lux-Mart, following the main roads this morning, since they weren’t clogged yet by the early morning commuters. A few early birds passed him, and he waved at the Batmobile as they both continued on out of the city, since the nearest of Lux Luthor’s monster all-in-one stores was in the suburbs on the mainland.

Jason’s phone buzzed, and he answered it on the dash with a grin, glad for his blue-tooth dashboard connection.

“Hey Pops.”

“I thought that was you, Jason…what has you out so early?” Bruce’s voice was warm, exhausted, but for once, actually pretty damned friendly, and Jason hummed a little, smirking to see the ‘mobile keeping pace with him.

“Well, I promised I’d bring Steph waffles this morning as incentive to get her homework done…and then I realized I didn’t have a waffle iron.” Bruce laughed at that, low and surprisingly genuine, while he heard a squawk from Tim. Now, he didn’t…completely hate his replacement in the Robin line-up; certainly, he adored Steph and Damian. But Tim was…well, everything that Jason hadn’t ever been, and Jason was still too aware of how similar Tim and Bruce really were. Dick had commented on it, last time he’d come up from Bludhaven, and if Dick could see it…well. Jason still felt like he’d been the downgrade from Dick, and that Tim was the super upgrade.

It wasn’t true…but emotions could be ugly, ugly things.

And Tim had stolen his ex-girlfriend’s waffles.

“Well then, that makes complete sense…do you two need anything from us? We had a busy night dealing with Boyle again.” Jason winced; Ferris Boyle had been a problem since Bruce’s early days, even before Dick, and Jason hated the man almost as much as he hated Joker. Totally aside from how he’d fucked up Victor Fries, his actions regarding Nora had been absolutely appalling. He wanted custody of her so that he could experiment on her…and since Victor is now a supervillain…goddamn, I’m glad Bruce was able to win custody of her.

“Bastard…was he after Nora again?”

“And Victor. We convinced Fries to come back to Wayne Inc. and talk to us about Nora’s future; we’ve made some serious progress towards a cure, and with his research, we might just have what we need. And I’ve been working on something to help him as well…But we can talk about it later.” A yawn broke his sentence, and Jason smiled fondly.

“Go home, Pops; Steph and I will take patrol tonight. You two take the night off.”

“…Thank you, Jason. I really appreciate it; Damian and Tim do too.”

“Yes, thank you, akhi.” Damian’s voice was softer over the phone, tired, and Jason smiled, though he grit his teeth when Tim spoke up.

“Sure, thanks Hood. Hope you two actually get some patrolling done, and don’t just make out on a roof.”

“…Well, Timmy, I’m quite certain we’ll keep our professionalism at the fore. After all, we wouldn’t want to attract undue attention…like Kon did the other night.” Jason responded, voice sickeningly sweet as Tim choked over the phone call, and Bruce made an inquisitive noise.

“We were going over tactical plans!”

“Tim, I’m sure it’s fine.” Bruce’s voice was gentle, but curious, and Jason felt his grin stretch to maniacal proportions.

“Oh, of course you were! Silly ol’ me, ‘tactical plans’, of course! Must’ve been wall plans!” Jason replied sweetly, and Tim choked again, a strangled noise coming over the line. Bruce snorted suddenly, clearly understanding now, and Damian just sighed; Jason could almost hear his eyes rolling.

“Drake, do not give Todd grief for kissing; we all know you regularly have intercourse with Kon-El.” Tim’s voice was pitched even higher now, babbling as Bruce snorted again, clearly holding back laughter, and Jason snickered.

“Damian, Lil D, I want you to know how much I love you right now.”

“As I love and cherish you, akhi. Please do tell Grayson this.”

“DO NOT TELL DICK ANYTHING, JASON, I SWEAR TO GOD.”

“Then don’t steal Stephie’s waffles again, and I won’t~” He purred, and Tim let out a heavy sigh.

“…I apologize to her later.”

“So good to work with you, Tim, it’s just such a pleasure!”

“God, I hate you sometimes.” Bruce was laughing now, deep and highly amused, and Jason gave the ‘mobile a salute as he turned off towards the Lux-Mart, still snickering.

“Love you too, Timmy; good night, you three, I’m off to waffle-maker hunt.”

“Love you too, Jay; good luck! And tell Steph we love her too for me, will you?” Bruce asked, over the other twos’ groaning, and Jason chuckled.

“Of course, Pops. See ya.”

“See you.” The call winked out, and Jason pulled into the Lux-Mart, still grinning. He grabbed up his phone, double checked his wallet, and headed into the store, grabbing a cart. He didn’t want to buy a ton of stuff…but he knew he’d need more room than a basket. Appliances first; he grabbed a waffle-maker, one with interchangeable plates, and from the small selection, picked a Millennium Falcon and an Eevee (both for Steph), since they’d traded favorite Pokémon a few weeks ago, then favorite films. He was always looking for Pride and Prejudice/Sense and Sensibility stuff, or even just basic literary things, but hey, he liked Eevee too (even if his favorite was still Rapidash), and Star Wars was a familiar favorite from his childhood.

From there, he grabbed utensils that he knew he didn’t have, then a few things from pharmacy to cover his personal stores for the week. Bandages, wraps, gauze, alcohol…all the usual stuff, and then he made his way to the grocery area, where things were getting a little bit busier. Two boxes of waffle/pancake mix, maple syrup, and a carton of eggs; a package of bacon made the cut too, as did a gallon of milk, a bottle of his favorite fancy protein juice smoothie, and as he made his way into the produce section, a bag each of blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries. He also got a couple apples, good for a snack as well as baking into the batter, and a pair of pomegranates. Bananas too, just as small bunch, and a small tub of butter.

On a whim, he also grabbed sugary snacks for later, mostly Hostess cakes and some Little Debbie stuff, and a big bag of Chex Mix; not healthy, no, but they held up to patrols well, and he’d gone hungry too many nights to ever feel good about not having food around. Besides…his stay in the Lazarus Pit hadn’t just accelerated his healing factor…it’d forced his metabolism onto a higher level, and now he could almost match Kon pound for pound with food. He also grabbed some pizzas; just in case, he liked to have them. Checking his watch, Jason bit off a swear; it was seven am already, and it was easily a half-hour drive back into Gotham.

He got through self checkout with ease, and hauled his finds out of the store, leaving the cart at the entrance and legging it to his truck. To his surprise, clouds that hadn’t been visible in the darkness were rolling over the whole of Gotham City, heavy thunder rumbling out on the ocean, and in the low light from the rising sun, he made a few quick calculations. He had just enough time to get back to the city before the rain really started; he loaded up his backseat and tore ass out of the parking lot, hopping on the freeway in record time. He glanced around, confused at the lack of cars…then laughed to himself.

Of course it was empty; it was Sunday. I think I’m getting to love Sundays now…Jason thought to himself as he gunned it back to Steph’s place, settling back for the drive with a sigh. Just then, the familiar strains of ‘Home’ came onto the radio, and Jason grinned, then started singing along.

“I’m goin’ home…to the place where I belong…”

#JaySteph #jason todd #bruce wayne #tim drake #damian wayne #waffles in progress #batfam #batkids #batman #bantering #timkon #gothambysunlight #solarpunkgotham

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yeojaa · 5 years ago

Text

SUGAR HIGH, chapter vi. (w. JJK)

You're not entirely sure when it happened, though you'd come to terms with it. You'd counted the days, waiting for the inevitable. You'd truly thought you'd be okay, but by the broken, half-beating thing in your chest - you knew you'd never really been prepared.

alt summary. You thought you’d known real love and maybe you had - it just wasn’t with who you thought.

pairing. jeon jungkook. mentions/involvement of ot7.

tags. angst, break up, post-break up, comfort, OT7, slow burn, friendship, moving on, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, emotional baggage, fluff, canon compliant, jeon jungkook is bad at feelings, jeon jungkook is a good friend, jeon jungkook is a sweetheart.

rating. general (for now?)

word count. ~2400

chapter 6. What You Wanted

If you need someone who can love you while he's gone, baby, you've got my number. When you realize it ain't him that's on your mind, baby, you've got my number.

For how much you love the song, he'd think you'd realize by now.

The scenery glides by, grey giving way to more grey. You've got a bucket hat pulled low over your head - one of Jungkook's, you think, or possibly Hoseok's - and AirPods shoved into your ears. Familiar melodies keep you company as you stare out the window.

Why do you feel so nervous?

It's silly, really. You've known them for years. Being around them is as easy as breathing and when they have you doubled over in a fit of laughter, it feels like home. There's something about the ease with which they'd accepted you into their lives, a complete comfort found in the twinkle of their eyes and shape of their mouths. It didn't matter that you saw them as often as you did your distant cousins (at least, nowadays). It was always easy.

It's because you're with him, you can practically hear Yejin's eye-roll.

You don't think she's wrong - you just don't want to think about the implications.

Because he's your best friend. Has been since you were seven and you were the new kid, all awkward limbs and poorly done hair. (Your father had tried - he really had.)

He's everything you could ever ask for, your hopes and dreams come to life like a pumpkin on a fairytale night. He's never asked for anything from you, except maybe the last bungeo-ppang. For more than half of your life, he's been a reassuring presence, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold. Even when he was gone, he was there with a funny message, or a delivery, or most rare, a little Easter egg in a public tweet.

You would have given him anything he wanted, if he'd ever asked.

But he didn't, and that was okay. You didn't need him to want you back.

You just wanted to be there as he gleamed like the star he was, even if it meant dulling your own light a little bit. You didn't need to be his moon and stars, so long as he shone even brighter.

"What's that?" The boy with the big eyes and bigger smile is towering above you, shadow encompassing the little anthill you've made out of barely wet dirt and dredges of torn up grass.

Despite how skinny he is, he feels larger than life. Maybe it's the way he speaks to you like he's known you forever - as if you weren't the new girl halfway through the year, with a skirt that's not very well-ironed and a cowlick on the crown of your head. Or maybe it's because he's too focused on the thing he's actually interested in - little fish-shaped breads tucked into a crumpled brown bag.

It takes you a moment to answer, curiosity lining the furrow of your brow as you try to decipher the enigma that he is.

(It really isn't that deep but you're uncertain and shy and you think your answer might be the key to all of life's mysteries.)

"Bungeo-ppang," you finally answer. Your fist is digging into the bag before you have a chance to think better of it and then holding out one of the pastries to him. You grip it tightly, as if it's a piece of your heart you're hesitant to give it away.

Your father had painstakingly made them for you, just like your mother had.

"For me?" Somehow, the strange boy is surprised, fuzzy eyebrows disappearing into his mop of hair.

For a moment, you wonder if you should snatch your hand away. He's waited too long to take it. Now it's awkward and you're huffing a breath that puffs your bangs away from your hair. "If you don't want it--" You don't mean to grumble.

You'd just wanted to be nice.

"No, I do!" In the same breath, he's grabbing the offering and shoving it into his mouth. "I'm Jungkook," he explains around a mouthful of red bean and bread. When he smiles, his eyes nearly disappear, forced into little half moons by his soft, rounded cheeks.

Your hand's still outstretched - you're trying to process everything that's happened in a very short period of time - and he grabs it. He shakes once, twice, like he's seen his father do, but his hold is flimsy, lacking practice. Still, you grip his fingers with your own and shake just as vigorously. You look like you're about to have an arm wrestling match.

"I'm Soomi."

By the time you've navigated the complex - it somehow never gets easier - you're late. Or maybe it's because you spent a half an hour in the nearby Paris Baguette, debating what to pick up for the second time in less than twelve hours.

(Yes, you liked carbs. They also liked you, and the way you let them settle on your hips.)

Either way, you're finally there, bag of goodies carefully balanced against your hip and bottom lip gliding sharply through teeth. You knock once, pause, and follow up with three in quick succession.

It's your knock - so you think they won't be surprised.

But when the door flies open and there's arms wrapping around your waist, hoisting you off the ground as if you weight nothing, you can't help but shriek. The bag hooked around your elbow swings wildly, surely hitting your attacker in the head. He doesn't seem to mind, though, big brown eyes gleaming as he's all but dragging you backwards into the suddenly boisterous apartment. He doesn't even let you down before you feel another pair of arms swinging around you.

"What are you doing here!" Jimin's usual rasp is all but squealed into your back, his cheek pressed flush against the curve of your shoulder. It's nearly lost in the sound of the Taehyung's low rumble - he's so close you can count each individual eyelash, make out the faintest shadow of facial hair across his upper lip.

"What a nice surprise." But he doesn't sound very surprised at all.

"I told Jungkook I'd be coming by," you explain once the giggles have subsided, ebbing into breathless hiccups. Taehyung doesn't seem to mind, though, his arms still wrapped quite comfortably around the circle of your waist.

"He didn't tell us," Jimin chirps, a look of indignation marking his soft, pouty mouth.

"Jimin-ah, it was a surprise," Taehyung reassures as he spins on his heel, bare feet carrying him silently back the way he and Jimin had just come from. Back to the remaining gaggle of Bangtan Boys, all in various states of relaxation.

There's Seokjin, standing in the kitchen, handful of Honey Twists almost at his mouth. He looks like he's been struck by lightning when he realizes who Taehyung is carrying rather unceremoniously, a booming 'Soooooooomi!' leaping past the oncoming snacks.

There's Hoseok and Jungkook, sitting beside each other on the large, L-shaped couch. The former's face splits into his mega-watt smile and you're reminded of a child on Christmas day. It makes your heart flutter with affection before you're finding his face, one that's equal parts surprise and something else. You're not sure it's meant for you, though. But you do note the way his stare flickers down - to hands clasped across your back - and returns to your face, expression falling for an almost imperceptible moment. You'd have to ask him about that later.

Then there are two heads bobbing down the hallway together, one looking decidedly disheveled. Yoongi must've just woken up from a nap, if the creases in his cheek are an indication. On the other hand, Namjoon looks well-rested, the glasses he occasionally wears sliding down the bridge of his nose when he tosses you a welcoming grin.

At this point, you're keenly aware of the fact that you're still a foot off the ground, carefully balanced across a warm body.

"You can let me down now." Of course, Taehyung does so without further prompting, setting you back on solid ground. He flashes his trademark boxy smile, a golden retriever in human form, and retreats a respectful step back.

Turning your attention back to the boys, you cannot help but sing the next words, proudly displaying the presents you've brought along. "I've got dessert!"

It takes no time at all for the pastries to be devoured, each morsel disappearing like they'd never existed in the first place.

You were always surprised how much they could eat. It's like they were walking garbage disposals or black holes, voids of space where things went to die. (In reality, it's their demanding schedules and back-breaking practices that have thrown their metabolisms into overdrive. Lucky bastards.)

"Did you miss us?" Silk tickles your nose, strands of Jimin's soft blue-grey toned hair falling across your cheek. He's balanced on the arm of the couch, lissome frame contorted over yours in a way that looks uncomfortable but doesn't seem to cause him even an ounce of issue.

You can't help but roll your eyes, the motion guided by adoration as you meet his gaze. He really is so pretty. "More than I can explain."

He preens at this, though it comes as no surprise. After all, they were the family you'd chose (or rather, Jungkook had, which forced you along for the ride). He shifts, sleeves of his oversized cardigan dragging across his finger tips as he twines them through your hair.

"I thought you were blonde."

It comes without warning - crashing into you with sudden, surprising uncertainty. "It doesn't look good?"

"Of course it does." Jungkook's quicker from a few feet away where he's been relegated, stuck between cushion and Hoseok once again. He should've moved when he had the chance, taken up the seat that Taehyung currently occupies. He'd be the one feeling your frozen feet against his thigh, toes seeking warmth. You'd always run cold.

"You look good with any hair colour," Hoseok reassures, reaching across to mimic Jimin's actions. "Your last photo was blonde, though. It's just different."

You release a breath you hadn't been holding and you can't help feel a little silly.

Stop it.

"I had to colour it because no one looks as good as Jiminie with blonde hair." You coo and you swear he blushes three shades darker, from the tips of his ears to his Cupid's bow. It comes across teasing, salacious even, but there's nothing but cotton candy fluff and pastel-coloured candy hearts.

"Stop," he whines, rolling off the back of the couch and disappearing into the kitchen.

You'd known these boys so long that it was almost too easy to push their buttons. Then again, it meant they knew your weaknesses, too.

"How's Seunghoon-hyung?"

It's innocent, posed in good faith and wrapped up in baby's breath. You'd always chided them for not liking him so they made an effort - as much as they could. They'd ask how he was, inquire when they knew it was a special occasion (your birthday, Christmas, Pepero Day even). So you know it's with nothing but well-meaning that your heart shatters in your chest, crushed beneath the weight of a simple question.

They didn't know.

Before you can respond, come up with some poor excuse for why your vision is suddenly swimming and 'pardon me' as you surge to your feet, there's a hand on yours, holding you in place. Two hands, in fact, coming from opposite sides.

"They broke up," comes Taehyung matter-of-factly from your right, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over your wrist. He says it with no malice, no petulance - as if he'd commented on the weather.

From your left side, Jungkook remains uncharacteristically silent. If it weren't for the way he was holding your hand, cradling it between his two, you wouldn't even realize he's there. From the look on his face, you wonder if he'd rather not be. There's tension straining, nearly splitting a very carefully crafted facade.

"Are you okay?" It's meant for just the two of you, spoken like a secret as he meets your concerned stare.

"Yeah." There's the heartbreaking smile you love, offered just to you. "But only if you don't cry. If you do, I'm going to have to do something about that.

"I won't - promise." You're wiggling your pinky within his grasp, pouring all of your appreciation into your smile. He can still see the residual wetness in your eyes, the way they sparkle when you turn your attention away and back to the conversation at hand, but says nothing. "Taehyungie's right - we broke up." You don't mean for your voice to wobble but it does. You push forward. "It's okay, though. I'm okay."

If no one quite believes you, they give you the benefit of keeping it to themselves.

"His loss," Yoongi remarks from his spot on the floor, back pressed to the soft grey weave of the far loveseat. It's maybe the second time he's spoken since being so rudely woken from his nap. It's important that you hear this.

"Soomi-ah, it's okay. You have seven other handsome men to take care of you!" Everyone is laughing at the way Seokjin rounds the corner, chest-puffed out like he's some kind of tropical bird doing a bizarre mating dance. It's so cute you really could cry.

But because you made a promise to your best friend, you join in on the hilarity instead. "But Jin-oppa, who will keep me warm at night like him?"

Now they're all howling, even half-asleep Yoongi. Hoseok looks like he might have cracked a rib and Jimin's rolling on the floor, his face almost as scarlet as Jin's as the eldest begins sputtering.

They're so distracting you miss the way Jungkook stiffens at your side.

'I could keep you warm at night,' he thinks to himself before he has a chance to stop the rampant thoughts, keep them neatly tucked away beneath lock and key.

It's hard when you're so close and you look like every wish he's ever made.

And yet, you're not even paying attention to him, instead deeply satisfied as you hum with amusement. Glee vibrates out of your body like it's aching to escape your bones and find a new home in his chest. He'd let it, honestly. He'd crack his insides apart into dust if it meant somewhere for you to lay your head.

Jungkook supposes that's a good thing when you're leaning into Taehyung's side, the two of ribbing Seokjin like some sort of stand-up comedy special.

If that was him, everything out of his mouth would be about you.

notes. this was fun to write because the boys are all so cute and special in their own ways. i hope i did them justice and you enjoyed.

as always, thanks for reading. <3

#bts fluff #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x oc #work.zip #bestfriends.zip #sugarhigh.doc #jungkook.doc

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jasontoddiefor · 5 years ago

Text

Title: Sea shells and all the things he left behind

Summary: Dick Grayson didn’t go to the beach. He didn’t watch any ocean documentaries, he didn’t talk about his childhood and he most certainly did not work with the mers at Blüdhaven’s Ocean Life Rehabilitation center. And then they brought in a kid clinging to an injured mer and Dick was 9 years old again and drowning.

AN: @thursday-batfam-prompts Prompt 7: Mermaid/Siren. Inspired by Gifts From the Sea.” Please go read that story!!

Dick already knew it was going to be a bad day when he got up. His back hurt and his throat itched and he had the taste of seawater on his tongue, though maybe that was just residue from his tears. Dick couldn’t recall what he had dreamed, but when he closed his eyes, orange flashed in front of his vision.

It was better if he didn’t remember.

Dick contemplated staying home sick, playing catch up with another happy kids’ show he had missed out on when he noticed his phone vibrating. It was nothing new for Dick to wake up to a hundred messages or more - the benefits of being friends with a lot of people who kept odd hours.

To his surprise though, it wasn’t the Titanic Idiots group chat blowing up his phone, just Wally. He was getting a new message every second - either Wally was taking his break way too early or they had an emergency at work.

Dick’s shift didn’t even start until twelve and it was what - nine in the morning?

Instead of bothering with reading through all of the messages, he just called Wally. The phone rang only once and his friend already answered.

“Dick! Holy fuck, you need to get your ass here like immediately we’re way too understaffed and nobody knows what we’re supposed to be doing Roy already called up OLRC main office this is why you don’t let a bunch of volunteers and marine life bachelors work on their own without any superior supervision of you know the people who have actually been trained to deal with-”

“Wally. Breathe. Calm down. What’s going on?”

Dick could hear Wally take a few deep breaths before he continued speaking, only a bit slower than before. At least Dick could make out where a sentence started and where it ended.

“We’ve got an emergency. A kid showed up with an unidentified and severely injured mer today. We think it’s a mermaid, but it doesn’t have a tag from what we can tell, and it’s super hostile, well as hostile as mermaids get given they’re the shiest mers, so we can’t get near it. The kid won’t speak either and separating the two already probably broke Donna’s arm. We need some more manpower here.”

Dick couldn’t wait to eat breakfast. Nutella, marmalade, honey - whatever would get rid off the salty taste on his tongue.

“Wally, I don’t work with the mers, you know that.”

“Yes, Dick, and I’m sorry, but you’re the only guy we’ve got.”

Somehow Wally managed to ooze his frustration and worry over the phone. “Please, Dick. You can look after the kid in the meanwhile and I can help check on the mer, but we need someone here.”

Dick’s premonition proved to be true. He should have just stayed in bed. He marched into the direction of his wardrobe, checking if he still had any clean clothes left.

“Give me thirty minutes to get dressed and grab breakfast and I’ll be there.”

“Thank you so, so much. I owe you.”

Wally’s evident relief made Dick smile. The redhead was Dick’s oldest friend. He had helped Dick find his place in a world he hardly understood, willingly shared a dorm with the resident weird kid and had managed to get Dick this summer job in-between college classes, if anything, Dick owed him.

“No prob, Wally,” Dick replied and ended the call.

He quickly grabbed an old pair of jeans and a shirt he was pretty sure was one of Roy’s hand-me-downs. Their small kitchen was always stuffed full due to Wally’s metabolic disorder, so it didn’t take much time to find something sugary and eatable that would still fill him up and prepare him for the stress that was to come.

Twenty minutes later, he was standing in front of Blüdhaven’s Ocean Life Rehabilitation Center. Dick didn’t even study marine biology. He was taking theatre classes, set on his goal to be as far away from the ocean as he could possibly be.

Yeah, that had turned out exactly like planned.

Not trusting himself to not stall any longer, Dick stepped into the strangely deserted building and headed straight to the part where they kept the mers. Before he could even reach the actual aquarium though, Wally already caught him.

His friend looked way too tired for someone who started his shift two hours ago. He stood right next to a couple boxes, his right hand holding an energy drink while his left was occupied with a donut.

“Dick!” Wally exclaimed and quickly swallowed the food in his mouth. “You’re here!”

Dick just rolled his eyes and focused on everything but his stomachs doing flips. “You did ask me to come. So where’s the kid?”

“In the office right here,” Wally said and pointed at the closed door behind him. “The kid’s not speaking at all. We’ve tried every language we’ve got between all of us, even some clumsy ASL, but the kid won’t react. Wouldn’t even look us in the eyes. And since he still has a knife, we don’t want to surprise him. CPS has already been notified, but they’re overrun as always and won’t come until the afternoon, but maybe you can get him to talk? You’re great with kids.”

That was an exaggeration. Dick was good with kids because he could keep them entertained and tell them the stories that captivated them. Generally speaking, that included kids up to age twelve. Everyone above that? Nope, not Dick’s age group.

Dick sighed. “I mean, I can try. Just don’t expect much, alright?”

Wally smiled, exhausted, but as bright as always. “I’m not expecting a miracle, Boy Wonder. Let me just finish and I’ll introduce you. If he doesn’t start screaming on sight seeing the terrible bags under your eyes-”

“And whose fault are they?”

“- then I’ll leave you two and look after the mer.”

Wally inhaled the remains of his snack and wiped his mouth clean on his jacket. Then he slowly opened the door.

The office had been pretty much emptied. Dick recalled that this was Dinah’s office/private break room, but she was on vacation until the end of the month. All of her belongings must be in the boxes.

When Dick and Wally entered the room and the kid looked up, measuring him. The boy had dark hair and his skin was quite pale by comparison. His blue eyes were sharp, evaluating. He definitely wasn’t keeping silent because of shock then.

The boy was dressed almost normally, aside from the old blood sticking to his hoodie. He wore jeans that had obviously been wet in the past hours. No wonder if he had shown up with a mer - Dick should have asked Wally how that had gone down.

“Hey, kiddo,” Wally said. “This is my friend Dick. He’ll stay here with you now if that’s alright?”

The kid didn’t react. He kept staring at Dick and playing around with his knife and the cord of his necklace. Dick studied it and almost took a step back when he realized what he was looking at.

Shark teeth, dark black scales, corals, fish bones, and two shells.

The necklace was identical to the one Dick had stuffed in the darkest corner of his dresser, except Dick’s had seven shells more, one for each year he had survived. Dick had almost thrown it out in anger multiple times, but in the end, he’d always kept it and felt guilty for even thinking of destroying it.

Suddenly, the puzzle pieces slotted together smoothly.

Dick had grown up multilingual until his parents had died. And then, after, he’d spoken only some English. His primary language had been his adopted father’s language made up of clicks and snarls.

“Who are you?” Dick asked, his throat almost hurting from the sounds, and finally, the boy paid attention.

His expression was a stunned one, like Dick’s question had torn down a wall so high you couldn’t even imagine anything lingering behind it.

While Wally looked at Dick like he was crazy, the kid already had tears forming in his eyes.

“You speak!” The kid still had a strong English accent, he couldn’t have been learning to speak for long.

“I was taught, like you,” Dick replied. “What are you doing here.”

“You speak,” the kid only repeated, hope almost choking him. “You’re human and you speak! You’re eldest-who-can-fly-on-land.”

Now it was Dick’s turn to be stunned while the kid started crying for real.

“You’ve got to help us. He’d got hurt badly after missed-love-bright-as-the-sun died and then venom-in-his-blood came and he said not to come but I didn’t know who else to turn to-”

“He-” Dick’s eyes went wide and he jumped up. “Come with me, now.”

“Dick, what the hell is going on?” Wally shouted as Dick turned into the other direction and leaped into a sprint.

He and the kid quickly followed him, but all Dick could think of that they were going to be too late, that he wasn’t going to make it-

“Dick, what are you doing!?”

“Siren!” Dick shouted back. “The mer is a siren, not a mermaid!”

Behind him, Dick could hear Wally starting to curse. None of the people on shift were actually experienced in handling anything above a selkie. And if the kid was as close to Bruce at the necklace suggested, then he wouldn’t just stop at a broken arm, no matter how injured he was.

Dick pretty much kicked the door to the aquarium open, and not a minute too late. Roy had just fallen into the water and a massive dark body was pulling at his clothes while the others desperately tried to reach for him.

Why had nobody broken the cabinet with the tranquilizers?

Dick didn’t hesitate, he didn’t even bother to kick off his shoes or get rid off his jacket, he just jumped right into the water, followed by the hysteric sounds of his friends.

“Where is my son!?”

The water engulfed him and Dick is seventeen and leaving the next, fifteen and on the surface for the first time in years, thirteen and complaining he’s slower than Kori and Babs, eleven and falling asleep on scales, nine years old and drowning alongside his parents, except he got saved by-

“Bruce!”

The siren suddenly let go of Roy, who struggled to get back to the surface and just stared at Dick like he couldn’t quite believe he was there.

“Dick,” Bruce said. “My eldest-who-can-fly.”

The name Bruce had given him when he’d taken Dick into his family had changed. Somehow that was still what caught him off-guard the most.

Dick had left screaming, spitting poison, but he was the-eldest now, not the-reject-who-left though that opened a whole other can of worms.

Bruce looked less like the predator he had just moments before. His eyes were still dark and cat-like, and his massive black tail with razor-sharp fins lingered in the deep of the pool. He had more scars than years ago, never mind the many festering lacerations they needed to take care off as soon as possible.

But Bruce’s expression was made up of terrified hopefulness. Dick was glad he didn’t have a mirror. He didn’t want to know what face he was making, but going by the sound of roaring waves in his ears, he was close to heartbreak as well.

“Hi, Dad.”

The words were much too weak for what he wanted to say but-

They’d have to be enough for now.

#dc #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #tim drake #wally west #fanfic #I'll just pepper in the fact that Jason is dead

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sickficwarshiper · 5 years ago

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Sick Brucey

Here’s my first ever sickfic, I believe in this one I swaped Bruce and Peter’s personality but hey, atleast it’s filled with all the whump we loveee.

*************************

Summery:- Bruce is having a bad day and doesn’t know he’s sick despit being a doctor until he reachs his down fall, cue Tony and Peter saving the day.

I suck at summeries I’m terribly sorry you have to go through this, I hope you enjoy the story tho.

@fandomsficsandfeels please judge my writing master of whumpiness *bows head*

__________________________________________

Bruce was confused.

He had woken up to a spinning room,his body was aching and his brain wasn’t keeping up with what his eyes were seeing, simply thinking he was being an idiot again with his non sleeping habits, he was starting to worry Tony was affecting him with the amount of times he stayed up late convincing the billionaire into having some shut eye if he wanted to stay functioning and the billionaire managing to tempt him into starting a new formula to help peter’s incredibly high metabolism. Yet even though he stayed up late the day before, he knew he had at least 8 hours of sleep and according to the wall clock in his bedroom -if he was seeing correctly- it was afternoon already. Bruce NEVER slept in.

He checked his stark phone -the one Tony gave him on his birthday with a ‘number one Science nerd’ phone case- and found a reminder that had him jumping out of bed and sprinting to the bathroom to start a shower.

Science lab day with tony at 1:00pm

Considering he woke up at 12:45 he only had about 5 minutes to shower and 10 minutes driving if he wants to make it there on time.

He ignored the dizzy spell that hit him and blamed it on grogginess from just waking up, and started the actual shower which was cold because he had no time for hot relaxing showers that helps with tense muscles an-

Okay, maybe it was a bad idea to stay up late experimenting the right formulas for the medicine.

He got out of the shower having not really done much and was sure he still had shampoo in his hair that would soon dry and be a pain in the ass to get off later, put on whatever the hell was laid on his desk’s chair, not really caring if it was the same clothes he wore the day prior and started to stumble down the stairs with the aim of not tripping over his own feet which would lead to the consequences of not being able to make it at all even after all the trouble he went through. He knew it was already bad enough he missed breakfast, but he couldn’t bare seeing anything edible at the moment, he blamed it on the anxiousness of not making it there on time.

He knew tony wouldn’t mind if he was a bit late, but he likes to always be on time. He doesn’t like letting anyone down. (A/N I don’t know why he sounds so much like peter rn lol)

Looking at the time, he had 12 minutes to make it there on time, which meant he showered and dressed in only 3 minutes. He thanked Thor he lived near the compound and would eventually make it in 11 minutes according to the navigation.

He was sweating, obviously after all the stumbling and sprinting about he just did, but it wasn’t the kind of sweating it was supposed to be. He was surprisingly cold and the sweat was irritating him, maybe he should’ve gotten a thicker shirt on.

Has it always been this suffocating in his car? Why was he constantly switching between irritatingly hot and unreasonably cold every few seconds ? He should probably ask Tony to check his AC for him. Despite his shivering and constant tugging on his shirt’s collar, he kept his gaze on the road while ignoring his blurry vision.

Thanks to his annoying wavering vision, he managed to take two wrong turns and three almost accidents, and he made it to the compound in 15 minutes.

Cursing his screwed over luck, he dragged himself out of the car while contemplating whether it was worth all this effort. He struggled for purchase on his car door when he stood up too quickly, taking a sharp inhale when his vision blurred and dark spots danced around the edges of his sight, thinking maybe skipping breakfast wasn’t a good idea either.

His body was trembling and he felt fatigue tug on him like a wet blanket, forcing his body back on the driver seat, he took steady calculated breaths to will the dizziness away, deciding through his stomach’s complaint that he’ll grab a bite if when he makes it to Tony’s lab.

Just when he was about to try standing again his phone rang.

“This is Bruce.” He rubbed his eyes with the knuckles of his left hand to get rid of the blurriness. Blaming the hoarseness of his voice and his scratchy throat on his thirst.

“Oh so you’re alive! good, because I’ll have to disturb your beauty sleep -giving the way you sound right now- by asking whether you’re still up for lab day or not.” He could hear distant foot steps on Tony’s line which clearly didn’t belong to him.

“Uh, yeah I am. Not sleeping though, I’m in the garage and was about to make my way to the front doors.” He stifled a cough that was threatening to rip out of his throat for no apparent reason, he should definitely have a drink after all.

“Great because I’ve- HEY leave that alone!” He heard a crash and a ‘sorry’ he frowned, pepper was out of town for a conference meeting and Rhodey had a meeting with the president.

“Tony, who’s with you?”

A few struggling and a heavy sigh later, Tony reached the line again, “Oh it’s just Peter, which is why I called by the way. Are you okay with having a third nerd on our lab day?”

He groaned, it’s not that he hated Peter’s company quite the contrary he loved it, it’s just that the kid’s energy was draining, and he was already lacking any energy to get him out of the damned car to begin with. This is what happens when he stays up too late and misses breakfast, after a quick snack he’ll be okay. Hopefully.

“Brucey?”

Oh yes, verbal answers, ugh they are the worst. “Yeah absolutely, Peter’s always welcomed.”

“Alright, get your ass up here before we die of boredom.” And with that the line went dead.

Sighing, he got up -slowly this time- and though still dizzy, he managed to lock the car and make it up the steps to the front entrance. He even made it to the elevator with not much trouble.

“Good afternoon Dr.Banner.” Came the robotic voice of the AI.

“Good afternoon FRIDAY.”

Leaning heavily on the elevator’s wall, hunching over in a fetal position, it seemed this was the only position his body was approving of. the AI was apparently informed of his arrival and started taking him to his destination. He always hated the way Tony designed his elevators, with all this unreasonable colors, it was starting to hurt his eyes, his eyes were watering unwillingly... well... because of the elevator’s crapy design of course -Totally not a billionaire’s at all- *though on any other day he always liked the colors and found them fascinating*.

Still dizzy , he blinked his eyes rapidly trying but failing to get rid of the constant blurriness and took deep breathes when nausea kicked in with the list of the other inconvenient symptoms -caused obviously from lack of sleep and proper rest-

“Sir, your heart rate is elevated and I am detecting a low degree fever, should I send you to the med bay instead?” Called the sound of the AI.

He ignored the sound for a minute to try and keep his breathing under control and push the black dots away, he always thought the AI was a genius just like it’s creator, knowing medical conditions was fascinating but it wasn’t making any sense right now, what fever? He was absolutely fine. He straightened up ignoring the way his body wanted to hunch back over in discomfort, and took one final deep breath.

“No thanks, I’ll have something on my way up, must be because of dehydration and lack of nutritions.” Obviously. He didn’t have a sip of water today. I mean come on, he’s a doctor. If anyone would know, it was him. He knows how to fix all this.

When he finally made it, he saw a sight that got him almost reaching out for the first floor’s button again.

Peter was hanging upside down on the lab’s ceiling, with Tony webbed to the other side of the room. Objects scattered on the floor messily and some of his test tubes and round bottom flasks broken with it’s ‘important’ contents spilled on the floor. Bruce was shocked to say the least. Infact, shocked was an understatement. He was not functioning properly because of -lack of nutritions-

And he was shifting from cold to hot every second, he was definitely not willing to deal with this shit and neither was the other guy.

He took deep calming breathes, forcing the other guy to back off and turned to Tony.

“Couldn’t you have at least NOT touched my part of the lab? Tony this formula was the only ones we experimented on for Peter’s medicine! God what is wrong with both of you, I was late for only five minutes! Five! Whenever you two meet up it only causes destruction. Jesus you wrecked my whole space!” He didn’t mean to snap, he was just irritated. He didn’t have the best morning and he is definitely not feeling so great because of lack of nutritions, he doesn’t know if that’s even the reason anymore he just wants to sleep.

They both stared at him worriedly, what’s wrong with them! honestly, he couldn’t deal with their shit anymore than that.

“You know what? I’ll just go fucking grab whatever it is you have in your kitchen, I missed breakfast and I’ve gone through shit today just to get here on time, and for what? A grown up webbed up to the wall and a teenager hanging off the ceiling, you’re both cleaning this up I’m not dealing with your shit until I calm the fuck down. When you’re done call for me.” And with that he left.

~Time skip brought to you by Spider baby.~ ^_^

They called him as promised after all his lab equipments were back in place, minus the ones they broke and everyone was working in silence.

Bruce was about to snap again. For the past 30 minutes he had been trying to make a chemical formula with a throbbing headache that was slowly turning into a migraine, failing miserably because of his shaky hands and watering blurry eyes. He kept taking calculated breathes, deep and steady. But he was still trembling.The food he had earlier was taking a troll on him, intensifying his nausea and threatening to make a second appearance, apparently Tony’s AC was shitty as well because he was shifting between cold and hot again.

And just when his anger subsided, his shaky hands dropped the test tube and he watched in slow motions as it chattered to pieces on the desk.

30 minutes worth of struggling, all chattered in a matter of seconds.

Bruce was on the verge of tears. Literally.

His vision wavered and he sank to the floor on his knees, holding his head while breathing sharply through his teeth, ignoring the tear track he now had on his face, he started coughing ugly deep throaty coughs, he almost coughed his lungs out and he was pretty sure he would pass out soon.

“Hey hey hey, easy.” He heard more than saw Tony and Peter making their way over to him.

Bruce kept his face in his hands and just cried.

“I b-broke it.” He sobbed, coughing weakly as he took in a deep breath, feeling strong hands helping him up and onto a chair, which he was most grateful for because of the spinning that was happening around him.

“It’s alright big guy, you broke a gazillion of those before what’s the big deal?” Tony rubbed his back slowly while he was hunched over on the chair, still crying and coughing.

“I know b-but I feel awful and I’m cold yet I’m hot a-and my head hurts and- thirty minutes! T-thirty fucking minutes tr-trying to do something right b-but my stupid hands keep shaking, I feel so exhausted and I just w-want to sleep.” Honestly he had no idea why he was crying, this was a really unnecessary thing to be crying over and he was just crying from fatigue at this point.

Then he felt a cool small hand touch his forehead, unconsciously he leaned into the comforting touch. Watching with glazed over eyes as peter’s face pinched in worry, glancing at what he assumed was tony over his shoulder with a nod.

“Friday, what’s his temperature?”

“Dr.Banner’s temperature was at 99.7 degrees when he came here and has been steadily climbing from stress till 102.4 degrees. Bed rest is recommended and a-lot of water to prevent dehydration. Light food and medicine should also be added to the list.”

“W-what? I’m sic-“ he was interrupted by a dry heave, surprisingly there was a trash can under his chin which Peter had bought over, apparently expecting this would happen eventually.

“I think this answered your question.” Tony sighed.

“I’ll go grab you some medicine Dr.Banner. You should get some rest here today, I don’t think you’ll be able to make it home in this condition.” He offered him a soft smile before going to get him the medicine as promised.

Relishing the comfort from the back rubbing Tony was giving him, he didn’t even look surprised that Tony was giving him physical comfort, or more like, he didn’t care. He just wanted to sleep.

Eye lids drooping, weak coughs and more puking later, Peter comes back with medicine and a glass of water. Both Tony and Peter helped him up to the comfortable couch in the lab and Tony left to get some blankets.

“I knew before you came into the lab you were sick.”

Bruce stared at him with disbelief da fuq?

“I heard your heart rate and breathing. I even told Tony while we were cleaning up the lab, he said I should leave it for a bit until you calmed down.” Peter fiddled with a string on the hem of his shirt absentmindedly, a nerves habit Bruce caught up with from all the time the three of them hung out in the lab.

Bruce looked away guiltily.

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t even know I was sick. I was irritated with how my body was acting and just wanted to go home, Tony knows I hate it when he goes through my lab stuff, let alone break it.” He took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh.

“I was so close to reaching the right formula for a medicine that works with your metabolism, one that works even better than Steve’s, that’s why I got angry.” He coughed weakly into his fist and shifted his position for a more comfortable one that fits his stomach’s liking.

Peter hung his head before speaking again.

“M-maybe you should probably focus on you right now, I-I mean I’m not ordering you I’m just worried about you, Mr.Stark told me you’ve been staying up with him lately and it’s bad for your health, n-not that I’m judging you or anyth-“

“It’s okay Peter Jesus calm down, I appreciate the concern.” Bruce chuckled.

Tony came back with 3 blankets, two for Bruce and one for Peter and himself.

“Today we’re all taking a break, we’re going to take big care of you right Pete?”

Peter’s eyes twinkled innocently as he nodded, beaming brightly at Bruce. And he could’ve sworn he started feeling a tiny bit better because of it.

Peter and Tony wrapped him up in a burrito after giving him medicine and putting around some lit scented candles, “I remember you telling me once how it gets hard to control the other guy while sick.” Tony had said while he lit up the candles and they all sat huddled up in blankets while watching some Brooklyn nine-nine upon Peter’s request.

Bruce sat content not really concentrating on the show anymore, but more like thanking whatever god that is up there besides Thor and Loki for having the most caring family ever. He already felt a lot better than when he woke up this afternoon.

And with those thoughts in mind, Bruce drifted off into a dreamless sleep surrounded by warmth and a relaxing atmosphere, filled with small chuckles and quite babbles, thinking maybe today wasn’t as bad a day as he thought it was.

#sick bruce #sickday.#irondad #spiderson #tags are fun #gimmy that whump #exhausted Brucey #sorry you have to go through this #hope you like it tho #thanks for reading #first published fic #english is not my first language #it’s actually arabic lol #maybe I’ll add more tags later #or not #i’m really insecure tho #I ended up adding tags again lol #hey to you from egypt

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littleharpethcrossfit · 3 years ago

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Thursday, 28 October Warmup.....Overhead Complex .........Ladder WOD.

Please, I begged, don’t rain. There was nearby rumblings of thunder. A smattering of rain. Someone alerted us that there were 2 rainbows. I only saw 1, but it was a huge fully formed rainbow with a barrel of gold coins obviously in the Green Hills area. Sue was too busy counting her WOD reps to certify the rainbow.

Warmup:

Reverse Tabata 10 Seconds Work 20 Seconds Rest 4 Rounds Holds on the Rings Alternate holding at the TOP and at the BOTTOM. This was especially difficult, especially at the bottom. Surprise.

Strength WOD:

Overhead Complex

Perform 1 Complex Every 2 Minutes for 7 Complex’s.

Military Press > Push Press > Push Jerk > Split Jerk

Use A Light Weight. Give Yourself a GRADE ( A to F ) and Post.

EVERYONE copied me. They all scored a “C” except Ed, who gave himself a “B” because I personally awarded him that score. Chase gave himself a “C”, apologizing that he went too heavy. Shane awarded himself a “C”. No one gave themselves an “A”. No one gave themselves an “F”. This was a learning exercise.

The Metabolic Conditioner:

The Ladder WOD

10/9/8/7/6/5/4/3/2/1

Push Press ( E-135 / 95 / 65 )

Pullups

Run/Row 800/1000m once at any point of the WOD

Elites:

Average Dave: 9:55 Shane=11:58

RXers:

Chase=10:54 Herb=12:28

Scaled:

Sue=11:58 Timmy=12:00 Shannon=12:52 Ed=13:00 Elisa=13:50 LSU Dave=14:04 Linda=14:14 Coach=16:33 Tom=17:15 Joe=19:00 Louis=read high level literature until the rain started and he went to his Dad’s car to protect the book.

Notes:

A Wine Tasting followed. Tom showed up with his promised magnum. The Buck’s brought 2 reds and 2 partial whites. Herb brought something. Already we had the equivalent of 7 bottles. There was more, I’m certain. Many fine trays of crackers/cheeses/olives/nut’s were available. When all the food and wine was exhausted, we called it quits. I hope everyone made it home Ok. I had only a short walk, and Herb helped me most of the way.

Old Joe is going on vacation. He is very concerned that while gone he will lose the minuscule increments of fitness that he has only recently gained. Since his plight touched my cold heart, I not only loaned him a Kettlebell (PINK) to take along with him, but I had Miss Sugar demonstrate her unforgettably perfect and memorable Kettlebell Swing. I offered to provide him with video of her performance, but he seemed to think that if the video was on his phone it might cause him trouble at home.

I would have to rate most of our wine tastings at least an 8 out of 10. A 10 is almost unobtainable, like seeing a real unicorn. A 10 is sadly not predictable in advance, no matter how hard I plan and provide. A surplus of wine and snacks is not sufficient. Good weather is helpful but not a guarantee. A bonfire moves it up 1 score. I recall a wine tasting inside the Barn-stalls in a thunderous storm that was unforgettable, but that was just prior to Ashley moving to Florida. That was our last 10. There may have been other 10′s, but they are lost in the fogs of my memory. This does not imply that the management will abandon attempts to have class 10 wine tastings. But other members must do their part and encourage their wives and daughters to attend. I don’t know why, but this is important. Please be aware that the rating team includes Old Tom and Herb, and not just me alone.

Saturday at 0930.

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ethanmcgonigle · 4 years ago

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Stephen Herron Interview Reflection 1/2

Q1) What are the key impacts of sleep on mental health?

Stephen explained that sleep allows you to think a lot more clearly and rationally. A good nights sleep allows you to problem solve a lot more readily and when you do set out to problem solve, you come up with much more appropriate solutions. Lack of sleep blurs decision making and blurs your ability to pick the most appropriate solution (I touch on an example of this later on in the reflection where people might be lying around all weekend not achieving anything). Temporary loss of sleep is ok, it only becomes a problem if it’s a constant problem and added that it can also exacerbate everything else going on in the body (pain etc.). People Stephen has worked with over the years have more of a tendency to put things off such as taking part in exercise or activities as a result of lack of sleep - which are vital for our wellbeing.

When discussing sleep, Stephen brought in the importance of physical activity and the importance it plays in sleep quality. He elucidated a common problem where patients would have racing thoughts or their brains were drained, but their bodies aren’t physically ready to rest - “we would see that lot in psychiatry”.

Q2) Why is a healthy diet important for good mental health?

Stephen told me a lot of people who are mentally ill rely on sugary snacks and junk food to give them a boost of something pleasant. This is, unsurprisingly, extremely unhealthy both physically and mentally. Sugars don’t last long in the bloodstream - they’re used up quite rapidly and so don’t keep us full for long, leading to cravings for more. Good nutrition throughout the day counters this. If nutrition is poor, brain function is adversely affected. If we look at someone who is nutritionally compromised, for example with low blood sugar or with metabolic conditions such as diabetes, they show symptoms that are very close to depression such as feeling low, lack of drive and motivation.

He recommended I look up the impact of Vitamin B12, which he considers to be essential for good mental wellbeing. He told me therapists are aware of illnesses where this vitamin cannot be absorbed and explained that those patients show very psychiatric like symptoms such as lack of volition, fatigue etc. and concluded with a resounding “therefore nutrition plays a crucial part in wellbeing and mental health”.

When we were speaking, Stephen told me of a Psychiatrist in the same hospital named Joanne Younge, who has done enormous amounts of research into nutrition and the impact of the lack of certain vitamins. Stephen assured me that Ms Younge would tell anyone that many patients who turn up with poor nutritional diets are often misdiagnosed with something more sinister such as dementia because the patients mimic similar effects - and that’s the level of impact that poor nutrition can have on the brain.

Q3) If you were to design an app focusing on improving mental health, which topics would you include and why?

As I mentioned, Mr Herron works in cognitive behavioural therapy and was very vocal about the importance of our thinking on mood, for example if we have a stream of negative thoughts this can result in depression and if we have a steam of frightening thoughts this can make us feel anxious.

But what he really focused on in the interview was behaviour, “humans are doers not just thinkers and what we do has a huge impact on how we feel” - he felt that this aspect of behaviour is often forgotten about, which frustrates him. Stephen voiced his thoughts surrounding behaviour and motivation, and how there is a mistaken belief that people get motivated and then go and do what they aimed to do - which he feels couldn’t be further from the truth. He explains how when we start to do something, this behaviour cognitively readies us and has a positive impact on our brain function. He gave me the example of how very often in therapy he would put a huge amount of emphasis on trying to get his patients to take part in exercise or activities and drilled home the prospect of then seeing the effect this had on them after they had done it, as opposed to talking themselves out of it beforehand - which I absolutely agree with.

Stephen, as much as Colin, believes exercise has massive anti-depressant properties, but he believes it is based on this construct of doing something first. If we take the example of exercise as our activity, there are very few people I know who enjoy the prospect of going to the gym, but almost everybody feels brilliant after it - this aids the point that it is the after effects of doing something that has that positive impact on our mood. It is the sense of reward and achievement. This can be applied to Habiits and was why I felt so strongly about including an area on activity.

#ixd501 #ixdbelfast

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yourlifefun · 4 years ago

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Ultraprocessed Foods : Hidden Dangers

Feb. 21, 2020 -- At his heaviest, Steve Konzelman weighed 503 pounds. His sign had reached 180/140. (Normal is 120/80 or lower). His doctor told him he could have a stroke at any moment.

He was in his 20s at the time. “Even then, I still didn’t take my medication,” he says.

Konzelman, whose mother, brother, and late father struggled with obesity, too, had looked into weight loss surgery several times. But, he says, “I just always felt like I could still appear the hay on my very own.”

As he neared 30, though, he knew he needed help. So he finally moved forward 4 years ago at age 29. Doctors had warned him that gastric bypass surgery, which reduces what proportion the stomach can hold and thus the quantity of calories and nutrients the body absorbs, had a high failure rate.

“It doesn’t fix your life. It’s only a tool. I had to travel into it fully committed,” says Konzelman, an operations analyst at Bank of America in Atlanta. He knew he’d reduce rapidly over the primary 6 months. But soon stay the load off, he’d need to change everything. That meant abandoning the calorie-rich and nutrient-poor ultra-processed foods that were a staple of his diet.

“I was the stereotypical fat American,” he says. “I’d hit up a fast-food drive-thru within the morning and acquire two breakfast sandwiches and two hash browns and a 40-ounce soda. Then, after having all my calories for the day in one meal. I'd appear the hay again at lunch and dinner.”

Those sorts of ultra-processed foods -- which include ready-made snacks, drinks, and meals that contain additives, artificial colors, preservatives, and much of sugar, salt, and fat but little or no nutrition -- account for up to 60% of some people’s diets. Recently, this subset of processed foods has become the foremost target of blame for ailments including heart condition, diabetes, obesity, some cancers, and overall shorter life.

What is Ultra-Processed Food?

Unless you create all of your food reception from scratch -- and even then -- processed food is practically unavoidable. But there are degrees of processing.

Minimal processing cleans food, preserves it, or removes inedible parts -- slightly a touch just like the outer skin of a coffee berry as its ground. Besides grinding, these processes include refrigerating, freezing, fermenting, pasteurizing, and vacuum-packaging. The key to keeping it minimal is that the nutrition content of the food remains almost an equivalent. Whole-grain flours and pasta also are minimally processed foods, also as some cooking ingredients. Think oils pressed from nuts, olives, or seeds.

Once you add sugar, salt, or fats to the mixture, the processing isn't any longer “minimal.” Canned fruits and vegetables that include added salt or sugar are processed. So are fresh-baked bread, some cheeses, and canned fish. Still, they’re not ultra-processed. Their ingredient lists are limited to 2 to 3 items, but they're typically able to eat (or a minimum of edible) right out of the package.

Ultra-processing includes multiple steps -- not just, as an example, adding salt and canning. The tactic also brings in ingredients -- usually with unrecognizable names -- that you simply wouldn’t find during a crop or on a farm. They include artificial colors and flavors, preservatives, and ingredients, like emulsifiers, meant to form the design or texture of the food more appealing.

Sodas, luncheon meats, sugary cereals, and chips are ultra-processed, in conjunction with many other packaged snacks and food, some frozen meals, and a few crackers.

“You’re introducing ingredients that shouldn’t be there within the first place, that doesn’t naturally exist in food and instead are brought in purely by human preparation,” says Qi Sun, MD, ScD, a professor of nutrition at Harvard University. “You destroy the structure of the food and reorganize it -- introducing a replacement food matrix.”

Food matrix? That’s a food’s structure. It’s not only a food’s components -- say, vitamin C and fiber -- that make it nutritious. It’s also the food’s structure. Meaning that albeit an ultra-processed food contains certain vitamins and nutrients, it still wouldn’t be as nutritious as entire food. That’s why, as an example, high-fiber whole food is best for you than, say, a fiber pill.

What’s the Harm in Ultra-Processed Foods?

Research links ultra-processed foods to quite a health problems. Folks that eat more of the things are more likely to be obese and have diabetes, a heart condition, and vascular disease (that includes stroke), too.

One recent study even tied the convenience foods to cancer risk. Researchers tracked the eating habits and health records of 104,980 adults for five years. Folks that ate the foremost ultra-processed foods were presumably to urge some quite cancer over the study period. The researchers then verified cancer risk supported the average number of servings per day over the 5 years. For every 10% increase in ultra-processed food intake, there was a 12% increase in overall cancer risk. That’s the difference between someone who eats one whole Twinkie per week for five years and someone who eats one whole Twinkie plus one bite of another one per week over an equivalent period of a short time.

Maybe it’s thanks to the danger for these diseases that studies also show eating more ultra-processed foods equals living a shorter life.

Experts can’t say needless to say whether the harm in ultra-processed foods is in what these foods contain or what they lack. “It’s probably both,” says Sun. “Certain chemicals, preservatives, sweeteners -- even folks that don’t have any calories -- may potentially interfere with metabolism. We all know these foods aren't good for us, but there’s also tons we still don’t know.”

And if you’re snacking on processed foods, you’re doing that rather than eating, say, an apple.

“A diet that contains more ultra-processed foods may contain fewer whole foods, so it's going to be the shortage of these foods that are most harmful,” says Katherine Zeratsky, a registered dietitian nutritionist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.

Ultra-processed foods, though not all of them, tend to be low in fiber and other essential nutrients. If these snacks take the place of whole foods in your diet, you’ll miss out on those nutrients and will see the health consequences that accompany that. Protein and fiber, for his or her part, assist you're feeling full, which suggests foods that contain these nutrients may assist you to control calorie intake throughout the day.

Some studies find that ultra-processed foods, no matter their nutrient content, don’t satisfy also as whole foods do.

That could explain the results of a recent experiment. Within the study, 20 healthy adults stayed during a lab under close surveillance for 28 days. Ten of them received a diet of mostly ultra-processed foods, including light bread, lunch meats, cheese slices, chips, and artificially sweetened diet drinks. The opposite 10 received the precise same amount of calories, sugars, fiber, fat, and carbohydrates per meal, but only within the sort of unprocessed and minimally processed foods. They ate things like beef tips with broccoli, rice, apples, and salad. (Note: It takes many broccoli and apples to match the calories during a bowl of potato chips). The study participants could eat only the food that was provided, but they didn’t need to clean their plates. At absolutely the better of the 4 weeks, those within the ultra-processed group had eaten about 500 calories per day quite the others. Which that that that that they had gained 2 pounds, while the others had lost 2.

Were the processed foods not as filling? Or were they only tastier, making it harder to stop? The researchers don’t know needless to say why people ate substantially more of the processed stuff. But, either way, the ultra-processed foods led to overeating and weight gain.

As for Konzelman, he always found that processed foods were more satisfying. “I liked to cook and had a taste for vegetables and home cooked meals. I just didn’t appear the hay considerably because those foods didn’t fulfill and satisfy me the utmost amount as take-out nutriment.”

How do I Quit?

On his extreme weight loss journey, which got him from 503 to 218 pounds, Konzelman transformed from a person who’d eat an entire pizza and a 2-liter soda for dinner to a minimum of 1 who brings his homemade dressing when he goes bent dine-in restaurants.

“I wanted a dressing that wasn’t full of sugar and everyone sort of artificial ingredients,” he says.

And, in conjunction with his stomach’s restricted capacity for food and his body’s limited ability to wish in it, there was no room for empty calories. “Now that I used to be only eating a little amount of food, I had to form sure that it had been full of the nutrients that I needed.”

Konzelman emphasizes that he didn’t go from whole pizza to make-your-own dressing overnight. When he first started preparing small, healthier meals reception, he’d cook vegetables, but he’d still contribute an ultra-processed sauce or marinade. Little by little, he learned about healthier ingredients he could swap in to exchange the less healthy ones.

And that’s the proper idea, Zeratsky says. Search for the low-hanging fruit. Are there a few of ultra-processed foods in your regular diet that you simply could swap out for something else? “You could start by curtailing on ultra-processed foods at snack times,” she says. “Cut quite the chips or cookies and replace them with apples and spread or vegetables with hummus.”

Dietitians and food industry professionals alike warn that it’s not about replacing one food with another seemingly better one. Don’t be swayed by labels on ready-to-eat convenience foods, like chips and cookies, which read “natural” or “organic.” You’re still likely to hunt out unrecognizable words among the ingredients.

“It’s not always that much different -- the so-called cleaner versions,” says David Foerstner, a foodstuff development consultant.

Even buzzwords like “plant-based” don’t mean it’s as healthy as entire food. “All these things they’ve come plant-based protein would still fall into ultra-processed foods,” says Michael Sigmundsson, a food and beverage product developer and consultant.

The ideal choice is whole, unprocessed, or minimally processed foods. Any movement toward more of these and fewer of the opposite could even be a positive change. It doesn’t mean you suddenly need to make everything from scratch.

“If you'd quite a convenient meal, are you able to get a bagged salad? Or devour an entire cooked chicken or frozen vegetables that you simply can heat?” Zeratsky says. “Because I don’t think we are ever getting to have a lifestyle that isn’t time-crunched which doesn’t demand convenient foods.”

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gethealthy18-blog · 5 years ago

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294: Using Targeted Nutrition to Alleviate Hormone Related Issues With Dr. Chris Masterjohn

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/294-using-targeted-nutrition-to-alleviate-hormone-related-issues-with-dr-chris-masterjohn/

294: Using Targeted Nutrition to Alleviate Hormone Related Issues With Dr. Chris Masterjohn

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

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This podcast is brought to you by the Kion Clean Energy Bar. We all know that finding healthy snacks for you and your kids is no simple task. Most snacks, even the so-called “healthy” ones, are high in sugar, have poor nutrient quality, and will leave you and you feeling tired or hungrier than you were before. That’s why my friends at Kion created the Kion Clean Energy Bar, a delicious, all-natural, snack that will satisfy your appetite and give you stable, long-lasting energy. My kids loves these and I love that Kion bars are made from all real-food ingredients like coconut, almonds, and chia. They have zero refined sugar. They have a lot of healthy fats and clean protein to fuel the body and brain. They are naturally gluten, dairy, and soy-free. They contain electrolytes, vitamins, and minerals. And even though they are chocolate, they won’t melt in the heat or freeze in the cold. And they have a delicious chocolatey flavor and crunchy texture that you and your kids are gonna love. You can get 15% off of the Kion Clean Energy Bar by going to getkion.com/wellnessmama and using code MAMA15 at checkout.

Katie: Hello and welcome to the Wellness Mama Podcast. I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com and this episode is a much requested round two with Dr. Chris Masterjohn. Like our first episode, we go deep on various aspects of nutrition and Chris is one of the smartest people I know when it comes to most of these topics. He earned a PhD in Nutritional Sciences from the University of Connecticut and served as Assistant Professor of Health and Nutrition Sciences at Brooklyn College. He has a really amazing guide called “The Ultimate Cheatsheet” which helps you decode your own body’s nutritional needs as well as a really informative website and podcast I highly recommend both and I know that you are going to love this episode as much as I did. Chris, welcome back. Thanks for joining us again.

Chris: Thanks for having me, Katie. It’s good to be here.

Katie: Well, your first interview was so helpful. We went deep on a lot of nutritional topics, and I’ve heard from a lot of the audience how some of your tips on like pantothenic acid helping skin has been really amazing for them. And I knew I had to have you back to go deeper on different nutrients and to learn more.

And, on this episode, I’d really love to talk a little bit more women-specific because I think women potentially deal with a bunch of symptoms that men may not face because of all the hormone changes that we go through, whether it be monthly, whether it be during pregnancy. We just have a lot more going on. I think than guys do, and I know if you look at the chart, like, you guys have hormone fluctuations, but women is almost like a roller coaster every month just because we have all these hormones coming into play.

So I’d actually love to start with just, like, an overview of things that you’ve found that seem to be nutrient deficiencies related to those hormone changes each month that come with the monthly period, with ovulation. What are some things we need to know and be aware of when it comes to that?

Chris: Yeah. So my interest in this first peaked when I was talking to a consulting client of mine who was having real, bad problems with headaches. And she hadn’t identified any triggers, and so we talked about food triggers as nothing. And she didn’t offer the fact that it correlated with her menstrual cycle maybe because she didn’t think it would make any sense until I asked. And then she was like, “Yeah. They always occur on day 13. That’s when they’re the worst.” And then a couple of days before I have my period, they often occur, and they’re not quite as bad.”

And so I looked at the chart and, you know, sure enough, that corresponds to the big estrogen peak around ovulation and then the smaller estrogen peak that happens to also be balanced with more progesterone in the days leading up to menstruation. And so, you know, at the time, I was researching histamine a lot, and so the first thing I think is, “Well, let me see what estrogen does to diamine oxidase activity.” Diamine oxidase or DAO is an enzyme that you need a number of nutrients for, including B6 and copper especially, and vitamin C.

So diamine oxidase is one of the main ways that you clear histamine. And so, sure enough, estrogen massively down-regulates diamine oxidase activity. And so, I suggested to my client she should try supplementing with diamine oxidase proactively around those times of her menstrual cycle, and it works. So, you know, that was the first place that got me interested in this. But, you know, once you look into this a little bit more deeply, I think we can paint a little bit of a broader picture and one that applies to several different contexts. So one area that’s been of quite a bit of interest, I think, for years at this point has been the fact that, for reasons that no one has really identified that well, high dose vitamin B6 supplementation has been at least promising, if not often effective, in treating morning sickness associated with pregnancy.

And so it seems like the morning sickness of pregnancy must be tied in some way to something that has to do with B6. So one hypothesis that came out a couple of years ago that I think is a very compelling argument is that estrogen increases hydrogen sulfide production, and hydrogen sulfide can generate sulfite, which is toxic, and which happens to be something that’s added to a lot of medications, cosmetics, and processed foods as a preservative that a lot of people don’t tell. You know, some people, like certain wines give them really bad headaches, and it’s because of the sulfites in the wine.

Well, when you’re pregnant, you’re making sulfite. And you’re not making sulfite to make sulfite. You’re making hydrogen sulfide gas, which, although like we would typically associate it with the smell of rotten eggs at high doses, has been discovered in recent years to be a very important signaling molecule that is, among other things, a vasodilator. So hydrogen sulfide gas falls into a very small category of things that can dilate blood vessels, along with nitric oxide, which has been known about for a much longer period of time.

And hydrogen sulfide is particularly important in delivering blood to the placenta when you’re pregnant. And it also has other activities related to pregnancy. For example, it suppresses preterm labor. And it’s necessary to keep hydrogen sulfide levels higher than they would be when you’re not pregnant or for probably anytime if you’re a man, in order to prevent you from going into labor early, but also just to keep the blood flow, the placenta going to nourish the growing baby.

And now it so happens that a small portion of hydrogen sulfide is going to be turned into sulfite, which is a toxic compound. And sulfite, we all generate sulfite in the course of normal metabolism from any of the sources of sulfur in our diet, especially the sulfur-containing amino acids that are in the protein we eat. And in order to neutralize that sulfite, we use a mineral, molybdenum, to convert the sulfite, which is toxic, to sulfate. Sulfate is both not toxic and is also highly useful. We use it for detoxification. We use it for regulating hormones. We use it to synthesize structural things that are protective against cardiovascular disease, highly protective against arthritis in our joints, and so on.

So, you basically have this balance between sulfite, which is toxic, and sulfate, which is extremely necessary and useful. And the more sulfite you generate, the more you need to convert it to sulfate. Even if you don’t need extra sulfate, you still need to get rid of sulfite because it’s toxic, and you do that with molybdenum. So that would imply that during pregnancy, because of increased hydrogen sulfide, you are going to generate more sulfite. Your molybdenum needs will increase to make sulfate.

Now, what happens to molybdenum intakes during pregnancy? Well, by far and away, the best source of molybdenum is beans. And in pregnancy, a lot of women develop aversions to beans and other molybdenum-rich foods just because they’re more difficult to tolerate digestively and, you know, maybe as well as taste aversions and things like that. So in someone who’s pregnant, molybdenum intakes tend to go down just because they’re less tolerant of molybdenum-rich foods. And then, at the same time, molybdenum needs to go up because of the increased sulfite generation. Now, why would that relate to vitamin B6? Well, it turns out that sulfite binds to B6 and essentially destroys it, basically eliminates it from the body.

So sulfite can induce a B6 deficiency, and high doses of B6 can be used to clear away sulfite that you were not able to convert into the non-toxic sulfate using molybdenum. So, basically, this hypothesis is that molybdenum needs would go up. But since most pregnant women aren’t meeting those needs for molybdenum, high doses of B6 can act as a…I want to say Band-Aid solution, but it’s not really Band-Aid because it’s not like you’re just managing the symptoms. You are clearing away the sulfite, but sort of like…you can’t… So, like, the doses of B6 used in morning sickness would be like 100 milligrams a day, completely impossible to get from food, so I don’t even want to call it a backup mechanism. Like, molybdenum at nutritional doses would be really, really useful here and would be most related to the root cause.

High doses of B6 are very natural, very safe, and effective, but they’re one step removed away from the root cause. It’s like because you didn’t have the molybdenum, you’re more reliant on the B6. And who knows exactly what that’s doing? You know, maybe the sulfite, because it’s giving you a B6 deficiency, that itself is taking away from important things that B6 would do to prevent morning sickness, or it might just be that the extra B6 is mopping up the sulfite, and the sulfite is what’s causing morning sickness.

Now, sulfite does a bunch of toxic things, but one of the things that it does is it can cause mast cells to release histamine. And histamine in the gut can give you all kinds of gut-related issues like diarrhea, for example, make you feel nauseated, you know, things that could be possibly related to morning sickness, especially if because of B6 deficiency. And actually, I think sulfite also inhibits diamine oxidase, and diamine oxidase requires B6 that’s needed to clear histamine from foods.

She might, on top of everything, become more intolerant to histamine, certain foods maybe. So who knows what the mechanisms are, but the sort of like takeaway point is that because sulfite is going up, your needs for molybdenum are going up. And if you don’t have enough molybdenum, your needs for B6 are going to go up, but they’re not going to go up within the nutritional range. They’re going to go up like ridiculously high. So, you know, maybe on a ridiculously high B6 intake from natural foods, you could hit 10 milligrams of B6, but you might need 100 milligrams to mop up all that sulfite. So it’s not insane amounts, but it’s way out of what you could get from natural foods.

And now, looking at that, I’m like, “Well, what about outside of pregnancy? You know, what’s regulating this? Is it estrogen?” And, yes, it’s estrogen that’s regulating sulfite. I don’t know what the effect of progesterone is, so I had trouble finding direct research on it. But it can’t be the case that progesterone is effective at countering the effect of estrogen because progesterone rises in pregnancy alongside estrogen, and none of this would be an issue in pregnancy if progesterone was really protective.

The other thing is if you look at, like, Plan B has some side effects that are very similar to the morning sickness of pregnancy, and Plan B doesn’t have any estrogen. It’s an emergency post-sex contraceptive that only has a synthetic form of progesterone in it. So I don’t know what progesterone does to this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if progesterone was actually acting in concert with estrogen here and maybe augmenting its effects just because this seems to be like a highly pregnancy-related thing. But in any case, you can tie this to the estrogen peaks in the menstrual cycle, especially…

You know, the big peak is around ovulation. The more moderate peak is in the days leading up to menstruation. And then you can also tie it to other supplemental estrogens. So most birth control patch or pill has estrogen in it, and then, you know, hormone replacement therapy that women would typically go on after menopause has estrogen in it. And so, any of these sources of estrogen are going to affect diamine oxidase and possibly make you histamine intolerant, and they’re also going to increase sulfite production, increase your needs for molybdenum, and possibly increase your needs for B6.

I think those are the things that are most related to headaches, nausea, you know, any other form of digestive complaints, feeling queasy or just like general GI distress, and any kind of allergy-like symptoms, so itching, hives, etc. And, you know, we could branch off from there in numerous directions, but I think that’s the sort of most interesting thing I’ve been synthesizing lately related to this stuff.

Katie: That’s so fascinating. And it seems like a vicious cycle. Once you’re in that, it will be difficult to pull out of it without, like you said, supplementation. So if I’m understanding correctly, would this be maybe something if people have symptoms more so around ovulation when that estrogen spike is, or they’re taking an estrogen-based birth control, this would be something they could look at and try?

Chris: Yeah. In fact, I’d go a little bit further than that. So another thing that has been known for decades to happen when women are on birth control is that the amino acid, tryptophan, which is used to make serotonin, and is used to make melatonin, and is also used to make niacin, which is vitamin B3, estrogen increases the production of niacin, vitamin B3, from tryptophan. And in so doing, there’s a neurotoxic compound that kind of spills out of the pathway called kynurenine. And there are studies…this has been known for a long time and yet no one knows it because what happened was they tested different doses of B6 to see what could normalize tryptophan metabolism.

And I would imagine this to be beneficial for insomnia and headaches in particular. Anyway, so what they did was they tested a couple of low doses, up to 2 milligrams, and they tested 20 milligrams. And they found that 20 milligrams of B6 completely made tryptophan metabolism totally normal, but all of the doses that they considered reasonable to get from food didn’t. And so, they basically dismissed their own finding, about 20 milligrams, and said like…because there’s this bias in mainstream nutrition where they don’t want everyone running around taking supplements.

So they looked at that, and they said like, “That effect can’t be, like, a real effect.” Like, B6 obviously isn’t doing something here because 20 milligrams is a ridiculous dose, and we’re not going to tell people to take 20 milligrams, even though it’s well under what the Institute of Medicine has set as the dose that would have no safety concerns, which is 100 milligrams. So the reality is that the data have said, for decades, that 20 milligrams of B6 normalizes the negative effects of birth control on tryptophan metabolism, and there are no reviews that say that.

I have to go back and look at the original papers because all the reviews from people that I would expect about this…sorry, not expect, that I would respect and that would be considered prestigious, they just cite these people citing their own data saying that B6 didn’t fully normalize tryptophan metabolism. And you have to go back to the paper and see that 20 milligrams does. So I would go more than that to say that anyone who’s on supplemental estrogen should, by default, take 20 milligrams of B6 and tweak from there, but I would do it as a precautionary measure.

Katie: Wow, that’s amazing. And the safety data, just to reiterate what you said, is up to 100 milligrams that can be safely taken based on what they’ve demonstrated? Is that also during pregnancy?

Chris: Yeah. There’s no alteration to the safe limit in pregnancy for B6 or for molybdenum, which is the other nutrient we were talking about before. And, you know, there are people anecdotally who believe that they’ve developed problems from taking high doses of B6 that are in that range, but there’s no published data of case reports showing that. And the published data of case reports shows that B6 can have neurotoxic effects at very high doses. All of those studies have used pyridoxine, and I actually think pyridoxal 5-phosphate is the ideal for P5P.

All of those studies also showed that the consequences went away as soon as you removed the supplement. And the minimum dose of B6 in any of those studies was 500 milligrams a day. Nothing below that has been shown to have negative effects. So when the Institute of Medicine set the tolerable upper intake level or TUIL, which is…you know, a lot of people are familiar with the RDA.

The TUIL, the upper intake level, is always set alongside the RDA, And the definition is basically, this is the dose that we would expect to have no risk of adverse effects in the general population. And that doesn’t rule out that someone might have a hypersensitivity disorder or something like that. But, you know, if you take 100 people and you put them all on 100 milligrams of B6, you would expect approximately zero people to develop any problems from that.

You know, what they did with that was they took the lowest observed adverse effect at 500 milligrams, and they applied a safety factor of five-fold to that. So they said, “We don’t have any evidence of this occurring at less than 500 milligrams, so we’ll take 500 milligrams as the dangerous dose and say that, you know, even if there’s 1,000 things that we don’t know, 100 milligrams should be like the mega safe dose.” And then 20 milligrams has been shown to normalize tryptophan metabolism, which is five times under that. So it’s 25 times under what we have case reports showing problems of.

And so, you know, there’s, like, dramatic windows of safety applied to get down to 20 milligrams. You know, and it’s not well-studied, like, maybe the ideal dose that you need is 10 milligrams. I don’t know. But there’s some studies suggesting that 5 to 10 milligrams are not enough to normalize markers of B6 status in pregnant women, which suggests, to me, that the ideal dose for, like, minimizing risk of B6 deficiency symptoms during pregnancy and during any conditions of supplemental estrogen is probably at least 10 milligrams. And, you know, 20 has been shown to be effective in studies, so I’m happy with that, and I’m content that it’s not a safety risk.

Katie: When especially that’s a water-soluble vitamin. So, like you said, as soon as you stop taking it, your body should be okay, even if you had a high dose.

Chris: Yeah, I mean…so I actually think that’s a myth that has been propagated very widely and doesn’t have that much basis that the solubility of a nutrient is related to its toxicity profile. So, like vitamin E, although it might have some negative effects at high doses by interfering with the function of other fat-soluble vitamins, it doesn’t actually have a toxicity syndrome at all, and vitamin B6, which is water-soluble, does. So even though…I mean, like yes, what the case reports showed is that it’s reversible. I have no idea if that relates to its water solubility or not.

So, like niacin has a serious toxicity profile at very high doses, totally water-soluble, you know. So, like niacin and B6, both have toxicity profiles at very high doses. Thiamine, which is water-soluble doesn’t. Riboflavin, which is considered a water-soluble vitamin, but it’s actually, like, 50% fat-soluble. It’s just, like, halfway in between water and fat solubility on a chemical solubility level, and at hundreds of times the normal intake has produced no safety concerns whatsoever.

So I actually think that the solubility really is, like, largely unrelated to the safety of nutrient. But, yeah, it appears to be completely reversible on the basis that the case reports showing, like, tingling in the hands and feet on it that when you remove it, it goes away.

Katie: That’s a really interesting point and good to know because that’s definitely something I have heard quite a bit, is that if it’s water-soluble, it’s fine, and you have to be really careful with fat-soluble vitamins. Since there’s an estrogen component here, is it also logical to suggest that maybe people with, for instance, PCOS or other things that lead to estrogen dominance or have an estrogen dominant component could benefit from experimenting with this as well?

Chris: Yes, I think so. And actually, I think there’s quite a lot of unanswered questions here. So, for example, in males, testosterone also increases hydrogen sulfide production in certain cells. And so it’s, like, what does the increased androgens do in PCOS to this? I have no idea, you know. I’m highly confident in what estrogen is doing here. I’m rather confused about what testosterone is doing. And, I really have no idea what progesterone is doing.

So I’m highly confident that anything where you’re approaching estrogen levels seen at the peaks during the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, birth control, and hormone replacement therapy are highly relevant. I think PCOS has a complex hormonal profile that I don’t really understand exactly how it would relate to this. But I would definitely consider it because, if you think about the recommendations that I would make to compensate for this, basically molybdenum, you know, the average dose that you would try to get by default every day is like 45 micrograms.

The safe upper intake level is 2,000 micrograms or 2 milligrams. And the safety profile from that, I couldn’t find any reliable human data suggesting problems with excess molybdenum, so they actually took fertility problems in female rats at the body weight-adjusted equivalent of 50 milligrams a day and applied this extraordinarily huge safety factor to wind down to 2 milligrams a day as the safe upper limit for humans.

So, you know, to go from a normal…like, imagine a pregnant woman is reducing her molybdenum intake just sort of by, you know, food aversions, and maybe getting down to 30 micrograms a day. There’s a lot of room to go up between 30 and 2,000 micrograms. And so I’m guessing that, you know, 300 to 500 micrograms would be more than enough and way within the upper limit for molybdenum.

And like I said before, 20 milligrams of B6 should be more than enough. In most cases, you could go up to 100 and still way within the upper limit. And I would say that, you know, anything that seems sex hormone-related could plausibly relate to these things. My confidence being really high if estrogen being high is the main thing, and then the more complexities you add to that of hormonal imbalance, I’m less and less sure exactly what it means.

But if the symptoms of headaches, of insomnia, of queasiness or nausea, of GI distress, or of anything that seems related to allergies like hives, and itching, and redness, any of that cluster of symptoms that go along with definitely high estrogen and maybe other abnormalities in hormone metabolism, I would say, would be something where trying this completely safe thing of adding some extra 300 to 500 micrograms of molybdenum and 20 milligrams of B6 to, like, try and see if it works.

Katie: That makes perfect sense. To circle back on histamine for a minute, this is something I’m hearing a lot more about from the audience increasingly, so I’m wondering if it’s something that’s on the rise. Is this something that is universally worth trying for anyone suffering from histamine issues, and are there other things that come into play as well when we’re just talking about histamine?

Chris: Yeah, okay. So I think that there are some complexities when you get to histamine. And, it depends where it’s coming from, and it depends whether, for example, it’s a food-based thing or it’s more than that. So let’s, like, sort of start with the gut and work our way inside. So, in the gut, there’s histamine that you encounter in your food, and you can also have gut bacteria producing histamine. And if the gut bacteria are producing it, I don’t know exactly what to do about that. But, you know, shifting the microbiome with prebiotics and probiotics would be the thing that really fits the bill.

But anyway, let’s just assume the histamine is coming in from your food because there’s plenty of histamine in foods. And if the histamine is coming in your food, then nausea and diarrhea are probably the big things you would expect at the gut level, but then histamine can get inside your blood. And when it’s systemic, then that’s where you can start to get more allergy-like symptoms like hives, itching, or redness, flushing. That’s also when you could get changes in blood pressure.

By default, histamine lowers blood pressure, but sometimes you get an adrenaline response to that that causes secondary increase in blood pressure above normal. So any changes in blood pressure could be plausibly related. And then histamine can increase the permeability of the blood-brain barrier generally and let stuff in, including itself. And if histamine gets into the brain, histamine in the brain usually, by default, is produced inside the brain in a highly regulated fashion to regulate your wakefulness and alertness.

And this is why if you take Benadryl, for example, you get sleepy, and it might knock you out because it’s antagonizing the histamine in your brain. On the flip side of that though, too much histamine in the brain could cause insomnia, or cause generalized anxiety, or could cause panic attacks. So, you know, trace it from the gut through the brain, and you’re getting nausea, diarrhea, then you get inside, hives, itching, redness flushing, then blood pressure changes, and you get into the brain, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks.

So, any of those things, the first line of defense is the production of diamine oxidase in the gut. So you can think of histamine as having two main defenses. Diamine oxidase is the extracellular defense. Methylation is the intracellular defense. When you’re eating food, that’s outside your cells, and it’s going through your gut, which is actually literally everything from your mouth to your anus is outside your body because we’re all sort of, like, a cylindrical tube, where the inside surfaces, mouth, the anus, that’s outside the body. The skin is the outside surface outside the body, and things get absorbed to get inside the body.

So, in the gut, you’re outside the body, you’re outside your cells. You’re producing massive amounts of diamine oxidase or DAO for the purpose of completely neutralizing all the histamine in your food. And the diamine oxidase could be missing from the gut due to nutrient deficiencies, or due to intestinal damage. Nutrient deficiencies, the ones that are most relevant are B6 and copper. There’s some possible…and actually manganese is also important there, possible roles for vitamin C and possible role for riboflavin, although that hasn’t been shown with the human enzyme.

Now, on top of that, you could just have intestinal damage that’s damaging the cells that produce diamine oxidase. That kind of unravels a whole another area that I’m not really an expert in. My expertise is really in the micronutrients, the vitamins and minerals. For example, if you have an autoimmune condition like celiac disease that’s destroying the intestinal cells, or you have some pathogen in there that’s, you know, your immune system is trying to defeat the infection and is causing damage to your intestinal cells, possibilities like that are reasons for having low diamine oxidase activity.

And then, of course, I don’t really know anything about how to modify this, but you could also have gut bacteria that are producing histamine as well. Then when you get inside…and actually this isn’t just inside. So, inside your body, or even in the gut, you can have increased mast cell burden. Mast cells are those cells that produce histamine. And now we’re getting into the area where we’re not talking about the histamine in foods, we’re talking about the histamine that you produce yourself. And so the normal way that you would think about this, like, the kind of conventional thing that would happen is in an allergy.

And in a traditional conventional allergy, you have your immune system reacting to some allergen, produces IgE antibodies that then activate a cascade of things that leads ultimately to the release of histamine by mast cells. You can also have things that cause mast cells to release histamine that you’re not allergic to, and that’s what sulfite does that we were talking about before. So sulfite will just act on the mast cell to make it release histamine, but it’s not an allergy because there was no antibody made by your immune system.

It looks like an allergy because you get itching, hives, you know, redness, any of the traditional allergic symptoms that are caused by histamine, and it kind of walks and talks like an allergy because you might get it in response to certain specific foods if those are foods that have histamine in them or have sulfites in them that cause histamine release or whatever, but it’s not an allergy because, in the case of sulfite or dietary histamine, there’s no antibody-mediated response. So it looks, talks, walks, smells like an allergy, but it’s not.

And in the mast cell, there’s two categories of things that we should care about. One is antioxidants because oxidative stress increases histamine release from mast cells, and the other is methylation. And those two things are both, like, big cans of worms that we could each spend an hour talking about just on its own. But to briefly summarize, antioxidants, I think, a lot of people think about is like, “Oh, those are the things that are in berries, and fruits, and vegetables, and stuff like that,” which I think is a misleadingly simplistic way to think about it. Your antioxidant defense is very much based on minerals and protein-related things that you make yourself. And I don’t mean you make the minerals. I mean, you eat the minerals and you make enzymes that require the minerals.

So very briefly, protein, zinc, copper, selenium, iron, and manganese, vitamin E, and vitamin C, and all those colorful things in fruits and vegetables that people call antioxidants, those things together are the things we care about in terms of antioxidant defense. And then, on the second category, methylation, that’s where we get into B12, folate, and choline as the top nutrients, and then we can peel layers away to get at many minerals and B vitamins working underneath those as the main support.

You know, so that is, I think, a pretty broad view of histamine generally and all the potential things that you could work on related to it. And then you want to ask questions like, where is histamine coming from? Because it might be primarily hormonal, like we were talking about before, or you might have, you know, a rare condition like mast cell activation disorder, mast cell activation syndrome, which might require finding a very good specialist to start digging away at.

Katie: That was an amazing overview. Thank you for that. I think you’re right. There’s so much at play there, but I think so much of what you just said is probably going to be really helpful to a lot of people. And, for my own curiosity, I wonder if there’s a difference or any other considerations for women who tend to have their symptoms right around their periods or not at ovulation when estrogen strikes, but they have things like migraines, or PMS, or other symptoms right about when their period begins? Are there other nutrients that come into play in that scenario?

Chris: Yeah. So, first of all, I look specifically at this once to look at water retention. And, in general, I think that the other symptoms of PMS kind of go hand in hand here, but I didn’t look at them as much as I was looking at water retention. And I was actually surprised to find that the key difference between women who have PMS symptoms, including water retention, which I was more focused on, and those who don’t is that they actually have higher progesterone levels in the days leading up to menstruation. So the progesterone should be like an ovulation-related sort of, like, post-ovulation spike during the breakdown of everything produced during ovulation, but it should be cleared effectively by the time you get into menstruation.

And the women who have PMS-related symptoms, especially where I was looking at in water retention, they basically produce the same levels of all the hormones, but the primary difference is the clearance rate of progesterone is a lot lower. And my suspicion is the water retention issue is driven by the fact that one of the ways that you can get rid of excess progesterone, it’s… Actually, this isn’t really a way of getting rid…it shouldn’t be a way of getting rid of progesterone. But progesterone, if it’s elevated and not cleared through the normal ways, can spill over into aldosterone production, which can cause retention of sodium and loss of potassium, and with retention of sodium comes retention of water.

I don’t know if that would cause some of the other symptoms, although I could imagine it would because if you retain water, you’re going to get swelling everywhere. And if your blood volume is increasing, and you’re getting generalized swelling in extracellular space, you’re going to put pressure in a lot of places that wouldn’t otherwise have pressure. And, in your head, I think that would cause a headache. I’m not saying that’s the only thing, but it just might be a contributor there.

And so, specifically, in the case of water retention, salt is controversial. So there are some cases that I think are the exception to the rule where sometimes you can reduce water retention by increasing salt, but that’s not normally the case. And I think for most women in that case, probably reducing salt and increasing potassium is going to be the thing that’s best going to help the water retention. In terms of both, and I don’t know the mechanisms here, but in terms of both the water attention and the other symptoms of PMS, magnesium and B6 have been the top things that have been helpful.

I think the doses… I’m blanking here. I don’t have 100% confidence on this, but I believe that the papers I was looking at, the doses are around, like, 40 milligrams of B6. I would use P5P for the form of B6, and somewhere around 200 or 300 milligrams of magnesium, so higher doses of B6 and people are usually using lower doses of magnesium that a lot of people are using. But both of those seem to have some positive benefits in a number of human trials.

And then for PMS symptoms, the data is less good for manganese, but low manganese levels correlate with PMS symptoms. And it’s possible that manganese supplementation would help, but no one has clearly shown that. But notably, manganese along with B6 are co-factors for diamine oxidase, so it could all come back to histamine metabolism in some way in terms of some of those symptoms. But I don’t think histamine would be related to the water retention, but headaches and mood disturbances, maybe.

Katie: That’s really interesting. And I’m definitely gonna plug your book, “Testing Your Nutritional Status,” because I think that’s a great place for people to delve in and try to figure out what they specifically need to take.

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Katie: But I am curious, when it comes to women and hormone fluctuations, either during pregnancy or just during normal monthly cycles. Are there nutrients in general in any amounts, that you would say, on average most or all women should be taking or it’s safe to take than not take?

Chris: Can you go over the context again? You were talking about pregnancy, or you were talking about through the menstrual cycle.

Katie: I would say they need to be separate answers. During pregnancy, are there things that women need to be especially cognizant of and then also hormones?

Chris: Yeah. So, pregnancy, the nutritional recommendations are generally made around birth defects. And I think those are… I mean, I would reinforce those. So, like, the typical pregnant woman is going to get put on prenatals to have extra folic acid in them, for example. I would say you want to make sure you’re getting full…I would prefer using methyl folate as a supplement. But I think making sure you’re getting the RDA for folate through that is really important. I mean, that’s mainly used to prevent neural tube defects, which are mainly spina bifida, and then another rare one that is just fatal.

It’s, quantitatively, like, the likelihood of that happening is very small, but the consequences are so devastating that, you know, it’s just worth it to reinforce those recommendations. One nutrient that I haven’t talked about yet, but it applies across the board to all estrogen-related things here. And actually, this is a good bifurcation between pregnancy and other estrogen conditions. So, estrogen increases copper absorption from the gut, and the placenta during pregnancy causes all that extra copper to go to the baby.

So I don’t think that you need extra copper during pregnancy because you hyper absorb copper and you hyper transport it to the fetus. But estrogen outside of pregnancy causes you to hyper absorb copper just as much, and you don’t have a placenta. So, there’s nowhere to put it. It just accumulates. Now, in most cases, probably what happens is the woman’s liver just makes more proteins that bind copper such as ceruloplasmin to protect the copper from causing problems. But if the woman does not make enough ceruloplasmin and other copper-binding proteins, the free copper can cause a lot of problems. It can cause serious problems in the eyes. It can accumulate in the brain and contribute to neurodegenerative diseases later in life.

It can generally cause oxidative stress. So, what I would suggest is, normally, I would say the upper limit for what you really want to steer clear of copper is, like, 10 milligrams. I would cut that down to 5 milligrams for anyone who is on supplemental estrogen. You know, during the estrogen peaks in the menstrual cycle, if the menstrual cycle is normal, I’m not too worried about it because it just goes up for a couple of days, comes down, goes up for another couple days, comes down. It’s not a major…you’re gonna hyper absorb copper during that time, but, you know, more days than not, you just have normal estrogen levels for a woman and so it all kind of evens out.

But when you’re on birth control, or when you’re on hormone replacement therapy, those are essentially the only other conditions where you’d have chronic exposure to estrogen like you would in pregnancy. So, you’re going to hyper absorb copper and not have any place to put it. So I think it’s best to cut the upper limit for copper in half, down to 5 milligrams, and then just more generally not go out of your way to increase the 5 milligrams. So, I’m not too worried about foods. Copper-rich foods include liver, mushrooms, seaweed, shellfish.

You know, those other foods have things that balance copper and protect copper from causing problems like zinc, for example. So I’m not saying, you know, micromanage your fruits and don’t hit 5 milligrams. But I’m saying like, you know, if you’re taking supplements, don’t use supplements to go above 5 milligrams total intake. And, you know, don’t go out of your way to try to hit 5 milligrams or higher with your foods.

But for pregnancy, I would say, you know, the copper is just sort of, like, you want to get your minimum requirement for copper, and you don’t have to alter it because you are going to absorb it better, and you are going to do something with that copper. So another concern with pregnancy is vitamin A. And I don’t think the evidence is strong on this, but there is some very limited evidence that I think is very shaky that vitamin A intakes over 10,000 IU during the first eight weeks of pregnancy could cause birth defects.

And I want to reiterate here, like, triple reiterate here, the data is not good, the data is not good, the data is not good. However, most women have no need to go over 10,000 IU of vitamin A. I mean, yes, if you have signs of vitamin A deficiency because you’re poorly absorbing it, or there’s some other thing that is causing your needs to go up, and you’re monitoring blood levels, and you’re working with someone who’s sort of managing your nutrition with you, fine.

But if you’re planning on getting pregnant, and you don’t have any symptoms of vitamin A deficiency, and you don’t have any reason to think you have higher than normal needs of vitamin A, then, even though the data is not good, the data is not good, the data is not good, it’s prudent to not supplement with vitamin A to bring your intakes of retinol, which is the animal form of vitamin A that we’re most concerned with here, to not bring those over 10,000 IU per day.

After eight weeks, it doesn’t matter. So I think that’s one concern that women will encounter, and that’s basically, like, if they hear it. They might hear it put another way by someone who’s looked at the data less, like, “Vitamin A is toxic to your baby. Don’t take vitamin A when you’re pregnant.” So what I just said I think is the way to say that that actually sticks to the kernel of truth that’s there. And then, like we said before, managing morning sickness and just being proactive with, I would say, maybe like 100 to 300 micrograms of molybdenum on a proactive basis and 10 to 20 milligrams of B6 on a proactive basis as P5P.

And then, you know, I mean, for women who are philosophically natural-minded and don’t want to take extra supplements, I would say, like, you know, try to hit your targets for those foods. But honestly, like, telling a woman to eat a lot of beans when she’s pregnant might not go over very well. So taking 100 to 300 micrograms of molybdenum, taking 10 to 20 milligrams of P5P form of B6, and then… Well, one thing I didn’t mention before is that, folate, all the emphasis is on folate, but choline is very important to methylation, helps conserve folate.

And although we don’t have data in pregnant human women, we have data from rats suggesting that, if we were to extrapolate to humans, suggesting that if a woman got three times the basal requirement for choline during pregnancy, and during nursing, and then supported the growing child with three times the minimum recommendations for the first four years of life, that that could have extremely profound benefits to the brain, especially as an increase in audio spatial memory dealing with, you know, sounds and visual perception of space, preventing interference memory, which is the kind of memory loss where you forget where you parked your car when you go to the grocery store because you parked at that grocery store, you know, 350 times before, and you’re mixing all the 350 memories of where you parked your car.

And then, also, in these rats, it basically fully protects them from age-related senility at the end of life. So we’re talking about choline during pregnancy, nursing, and first four years of the child’s life, conferring brain benefits at, you know, 70, 80, 90 years old. So, I think, I actually have a good thing to link in the show notes would be my choline database. You can also Google “Masterjohn choline database,” and you can go see my recommendations there of how to get choline from foods. And if you could make a mix of choline and betaine that gets up around 1,200 or 1,300 milligrams a day from those foods, then I think that would be great to do. And you can make up the balance of supplements. I have specific recommendations for how to get choline supplements on there as well.

And I would summarize those by saying phosphatidylcholine is the best form of choline to take, and it’s the form that’s predominant in food. And you just have to be careful that, usually, when you take a supplement, the dose of phosphatidylcholine and not the dose of choline is mentioned on there. So you have to multiply it by…excuse me, you have to divide the dose on the bottle by eight to know the amount of choline you’re getting. And then trimethylglycine or TMG, you could just sort of like take that alongside the phosphatidylcholine half and half to get that.

And then the last thing I would mention is biotin. So about one-third of women spontaneously become biotin deficient during pregnancy, and biotin deficiency can cause a lot of skin problems and mood problems. So depression is a major risk of biotin deficiency as is dermatitis, which can affect a number of areas around the face and also the perineum, which is between the vagina and the anus. Particularly dermatitis in that area, like, being in the perineum would be kind of a red flag for biotin deficiency.

But also the fact that just with good markers, we know that a third of women just become biotin deficient when they’re pregnant because of their pregnancy, and it goes away after pregnancy. But, you know, how many women develop skin problems and depression during or after pregnancy? So, there, getting a few eggs a day would be your best bet. And honestly, if you try to meet the choline requirements I was just talking about, you will, by accident, meet the biotin requirements. But it’s also perfectly safe to put, you know, as much as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 milligrams of biotin in your food, which is actually way higher than what you would need.

What you’re getting for food if you shoot for, like, four egg yolks a day is going to be more on the order of 30, 40, 50 micrograms, and a microgram is a thousandth of a milligram, you know. Basically, with a supplement, if you add like 1 milligram of biotin in there, you’re getting completely safe amount of biotin that is definitely in excess of what you need. That’s my general view of pregnancy.

Katie: That was super helpful. And the last one I’ll ask you about today, but I think I’m just gonna have to keep asking you back is vitamin D because I know I’ve seen studies on vitamin D deficiency, and like low birth weights, or premature labor, and there seem to be some really big implications, but also it is one that can store in the body for at least from what I’ve read. So I know it’s one that you want to test and you want to know what your levels are. Do you have any data that you’ve seen or guidelines you would give about what target vitamin D level to aim for and what form is best to get that from?

Chris: Yeah. So, you know, vitamin D is interesting because there has been so much enthusiasm and research on vitamin D promoting high levels of it that we kind of have this…you know, which was genuinely merited by the fact that there has been and still is widespread inadequate vitamin D levels. Like, there was a study in the UK a couple of decades ago that showed that in a third trimester of pregnancy, women in the UK, on average, would have their vitamin D levels dropped to zero.

That’s, like, you know, ridiculously in need of a Vitamin D, right? And yet, we have, like, this bifurcation between kind of the general population where they probably need more vitamin D, and then we have health-conscious populations where everyone’s supplementing. And the funny thing that…you know, the majority of those people are probably getting too much, even though they, you know, certainly are people with very high needs that are minorities but are important to include here.

And so, yeah, it’s fat-soluble. But, you know, more importantly, it does have a toxicity profile, and it does increase the risk of soft tissue calcification. And I also think we always have a danger when people are told to avoid vitamin A and to take vitamin D. The risk of soft tissue calcification is going to increase because vitamin A protects against soft tissue calcification caused by too much vitamin D. So, I think, on a background for vitamin D supplementation, you don’t want to get into the hype around paranoia about vitamin A because that in and of itself is going to make vitamin D less safe.

But in pregnancy, the vitamin D needs are very similar to a non-pregnant woman for the first two trimesters. And then, in the third trimester, the fetal skeleton starts to get mineralized. And when that happens, there’s, like, a massive mobilization of calcium, phosphorus, and vitamin D all going towards the mineralization, the fetal skeleton. And that’s when you see 25(OH)D levels, which is the marker that we use for vitamin D nutritional status drop in women’s blood.

Now, vitamin D is also complicated by the fact that the levels of the markers change during pregnancy. And so, it’s actually, like, it makes things difficult because the way that they change are not… It’s well-characterized what happens, but it’s not well-characterized what it means in terms of how to re-interpret the markers to know whether women need more or less. And, as a result, I think that the reason that makes things difficult is that we have this voluminous data on, you know, thousands of studies of tens or really hundreds of thousands of people on how to interpret those markers, and they just don’t apply to pregnant women.

So what happens in pregnancy is that 25(OH)D, which is the traditional marker that is mostly used to assess vitamin D status, goes down, calcium levels go down, and parathyroid hormone levels go down. Parathyroid hormone or PTH is generally a marker of…like, the higher it is, the more you need vitamin D and calcium. And meanwhile, calcitriol, which is the active hormonal form of vitamin D goes up. And I think these are probably adaptations to supply calcium to the fetus while simultaneously minimizing the risk of bone loss to the mother because PTH, which rises when you have deficient calcium and vitamin D, helps mobilize calcium to get into your blood by taking it out of your bones.

So, basically, what pregnancy is doing… And calcitriol, the active hormonal form of vitamin D, it does take calcium out of your bones, but it also increases absorption of calcium from your food. So, basically, PTH and calcitriol are two different ways that you can mobilize more calcium into the blood, which, in the case of pregnancy, you’re trying to get it to go to the fetus. And what pregnancy is doing is, and I don’t know what mediates this, estrogen, progesterone or, you know, chorionic and…I don’t know what it is. Something in pregnancy is shifting the balance to a calcitriol dominant state to take more calcium out of your food and less calcium out of your bones. That way, overall, you get net more calcium moving to the fetus, but to the degree you’re not taxing the mother’s bones.

You can support that system by supplying more vitamin D to the mother, and that’s going to funnel in to bring 25(OH)D levels back up, which we measure as the main marker of nutritional status. It’s also the precursor to calcitriol, so it’s going to spill into calcitriol production. The more calcitriol you get and the less PTH you get, the more you’re going to protect the mother’s skeleton, while also simultaneously maximally extracting calcium from food to shift towards the fetus. At the same time, you can support that by getting more calcium in the diet.

We talked about this last time. I think the calcium requirements, the official calcium requirements are not changed during pregnancy if I remember that right, but, I think they clearly are, physiologically. And more to the point, I think a lot of women who are, you know, maybe altering what they eat because of pregnancy and their food aversions and so on, and then, on top of that, women in our audiences who are health conscious are often…especially like in the Paleo world, this is also true in the vegan world. A lot of people are worried about calcium supplements.

And I would say that in pregnancy, especially in the third trimester, to support mineralization of the fetal skeleton with minimal risk to the woman’s bones, you at least want to hit the RDA for calcium, and I would say go a little bit above it. So consistently hitting like 1,200 or 1,300 milligrams of calcium I think would be the ideal thing, alongside taking whatever vitamin D will keep your 25(OH)D levels up into the normal range, which, you know, to me, you’re looking at 30 to 40 nanograms per milliliter, in my opinion. And then, you know, it’s perfectly safe to take an extra 1,000 or 2,000 IU of vitamin D if you’re not measuring your blood level, but it’d be ideal to measure your blood levels.

Katie: Amazing. That is so practical and helpful. And, once again, our time has completely flown by, and you’re just gonna have to come back at some point.

Chris: I would be happy to.

Katie: Thank you so much for the time today. I know how busy you are. And I’m so grateful for you coming back again to share even more, and I look forward to more episodes in the future.

Chris: Awesome. Can’t wait.

Katie: And thanks to all of you for joining us and listening today, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the “Wellness Mama Podcast.” If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/targeted-nutrition/

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hopefullybarry · 8 years ago

Text

Alphabet Game

This is very long so click the read more!!

A— Arguments:

When Barry's angry he tends to shut everyone around him out. After a squabble with you, he'd storm out to clear his mind, allowing both of you a good amount of time to calm down before he returns and you two can actually talk things through.

We all also know that Barry is a crier so it's highly possible that he would break down into tears when either he or you try to apologize. But the night would definitely end with some I'm sorry cuddles or some makeup sex.

B— Birthdays!:

For his birthday, he wouldn't want to do much besides maybe celebrate with you, Cisco, Cait, Iris and Joe but you'd make sure to fit some alone time in at some point, whether that be in the morning:

"C'mon, Barry, wake up." You gently shook him awake but he tended to be grumpy in the morning so he wasn't willing to wake up just yet. "It's your birthday, baby!"

"If it's my birthday then let me sleep for another half hour," Lightning fast, he had you pinned under his arm as his head rested on your chest. "We can do whatever you want to celebrate today just let me sleep a lil' longer..."

Or at night:

He's usually a bit more worn out from his day at night but you'll usually still be able to wiggle some time in there with him—and it normally wouldn't take too much to convince him of this.

"So tired," he sighed as he plopped down on the couch. His eyes fluttered shut but you weren't going to let him escape that easily.

You were quick to sit down beside him, tugging the blanket off the back the back of the couch and covering you both with it.

"Well you've got one more gift before you can go to bed." You smiled, cuddling next to him.

"Oh yeah?" He cracked an eye open to peer at you with a smirk on his face. "What's my final gift then?"

"You gotta guess, Barry. I can't make it that easy for you..."

C— Cooking:

Keep Barry out of the kitchen at all costs. There's a good reason why his main source of nutrition comes from Big Belly Burger and pizza. Barry and cooking do not mix since he tends to over think things, causing him to start another task and eventually forgot about the previous one. You've lost count of how many times the fire alarm has gone off at three a.m. when Barry wanted to make a midnight snack (though it was closer to a full blown meal than a snack but he blames that on his metabolism).

"Sit," You stated, threatening him with the wave of your spatula in an attempt to keep him away. "I am making dinner and if you want to help then you can sit right there and look pretty for me."

With a huff, Barry complies and sits down at the counter, eyeing the ingredients in front of him and pondering if you'd notice if he snagged a few of them here and there.

"Y'know, I'm feeling pretty objectified right now..." he mutters.

D— Duets:

Barry liked to sing. Sure, he would never sing in front of people without reason, but if he was alone and felt the need to sing then there was no holding him back.

And, admit it, everyone knows he has a beautiful singing voice so there might have been a few times here and there where you nearly bullied him into singing for you.

In this case, though, the stars must have aligned in your favor.

It was your day off so you decided to visit Barry at work (Captain Singh loved you so he really wouldn't mind if you popped in to visit Barry quickly).

The elevator dinged once it reached the top floor and you gripped the box of pizza you had kindly brought for his lunch. Then the sound echoed down the hallway and made you come to a halt.

Was that...? No, it couldn't be. Barry didn't seem like the type to love a Disney Channel Original movie.

That theory was quickly disproved when you heard his voice.

"Livin' in my own world," You peeked around the corner to see Barry analyzing some sort of evidence while on his laptop played the Start of Something New from High School Musical. "Didn't understand. That anything could happen," His voice was smooth and relatively quiet though it reverberated off the walls of his lab. "When you take a chance."

A part of you wished to stay silent and listen to him sing while the other part urged you to speak up and sing Gabriella's part since this was a duet song after all. In the end, the latter won and you stepped into his lab.

"I never believed in," Barry's head snapped up at your entrance, eyes wide and cheeks blushing upon being caught. "What I couldn't see."

A smile instantly etched its way onto Barry's face which was apparently contagious seeing as it spread to you.

So the song went on. Each of you singing your parts until the song came to an end.

Barry let out a quiet laugh. "Well that was definitely quite the entrance there."

E— Envy/Jealousy:

God, was he jealous. He hadn't yet found to courage to ask you out but he already felt so fond of you so he couldn't help the jealousy bubbling up inside of him. Besides, he was definitely planning to ask you out soon and that had to count for something.

Cisco suggested that everyone (meaning himself, Barry, Caitlin, Iris, Wally and even Jesse) go to the nightclub to unwind but he didn't warn Barry that the other regulars here were so pushy.

Within ten minutes of arriving, before everyone parted their ways, you and Caitlin had already received free drinks from men (who Barry swore looked like they were old enough to be your fathers) attempting to hit on you.

What's worse was the fact that you two were actually humoring them by talking to them.

He could feel his stomach twist at the mere sight of you talking with him. Maybe he was overanalyzing the way you were staring that the tall, blond man. There was no way you'd fall for someone like that man.

"You okay, man?" Cisco nudged Barry's shoulder to grab his attention.

Barry snapped back to reality with a frown etched onto his face. "Yeah... yeah I'm good."

In his mind, Barry was comparing himself with this mystery man. Barry easily had a few inches on him, and he was slightly broader in comparison. All in all, Barry thought he beat this man in nearly every category. But there was one thing that this man had that Barry didn't: you staring at him with the stars in your eyes, your attention focused on him and nothing else.

F— Family:

Your family adored Barry. Your mother in particular would always pester you to bring him over for dinner.

Barry had nearly your whole family smitten with him right from the start but the only ones he had to work on were your father and older brother.

They were both nervous because this was the first boy you'd introduced to them. And after Barry's awkwardness faded away a bit, then they were able to see that he's a total sweetheart and their acceptance slowly formed.

His family, Iris, Joe and Wally, on the other hand took a total different approach.

While your family adored Barry, Barry's family instantly made you apart of theirs. Iris specifically cherished you.

She was constantly surrounded by boys so it was nice to be able to steal you away from Barry for a day here and there.

Barry sped to the door after hearing it ring. He was slightly shocked to see you standing on the other side patiently waiting.

"Hey doll..." He trailed off, wondering if you two had planned a date that he had forgotten. "Not that I'm upset that you're here or anything but did we...?"

"Y/n!" The exclamation echoed down the stairs, followed by the click of heels. "You're early!"

It took a moment for it too click for Barry but he wouldn't deny that he was relieved to find out he hadn't forgotten anything important. Though he was a bit disappointed that he wouldn't be able to enjoy your company now.

"Yeah," you chirped, grinning at Barry's confused reaction as Iris snuck past him. "Thought I could spend a few minutes with Barry while you finished getting ready."

"Well it's a good thing I was done early then so you don't have to wait and spend time with that loser." She smiled as she grabbed your hand and dragged you back down the steps and towards your car.

"See you later, Barry!" You called out while he could still hear you before Iris dragged you out of earshot.

G— Growing Up Together:

You, Barry and Iris were like the golden trio. Always together no matter where you went. It was rare if you were even seen without at least one of them by your side.

That is until you were forced to move away freshman year due to your father's job transfer.

No one would have ever thought the three of you would fall out of touch but, low and behold, it could happen.

Returning back to Central City after college, you weren't expecting much. But you were instantly bombarded with the nostalgia that being back home gave you. But something was missing.

Never before had you walked these streets alone. And everything felt slightly off.

"No way," Barry muttered as he changed back to his normal apparel in a dimly lit alleyway. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw this girl across the street kicking rocks as she walked. "Y/n?" He instantly shouted, carelessly crossing the road without checking for oncoming traffic.

And if the call of your name didn't capture your attention, the multiple car horns as well as Barry apologizing definitely did.

"This is like seeing a ghost," Barry joked.

You paused to take in his appearance. You couldn't believe how tall your Barry had become. Especially since you would relentlessly tease him for the 2 1/2 inches you had on him. Now it seemed like he had nearly 5 inches on you.

He grew up so nicely and you couldn't help but note just how attractive he had become. Had anyone else noticed this?

"What brings you back to Central City? Thought National City had swallowed you up," he asked.

"Don't really have a reason in particular for my return. Just missed it here I guess..."

Barry smiled at you. He was already planning to monopolize all your time and catch you up with absolutely everything that had happened.

"Well then it's a good thing that we've missed you here then..."

H— Heroic Downsides:

Dating a superhero seemed like a fantasy within itself. But, within that fantasy, the countless struggles you would face because of it were never mentioned.

It made it seem like it was all sunshine and daisies but it was really much stormier than that.

There was the constant worrying that took hold of you anytime he zoomed off to face danger head on. There was the fear that someone may try to kidnap you and use you as leverage to get Barry to surrender (luckily you hadn't become a victim of this yet). As well as the little voice in the back of your mind that never failed to whisper to you everything Barry ran off that "There's a chance he might never come back and you'll never see him again."

Both Caitlin and Cisco have been victimized because of their association with The Flash which partially the reason you were so nervous about a relationship with Barry.

Sure, he was a sweet guy but you were aware of his "secret" identity prior to your relationship but you had to weigh all the products that a relationship would result in first. It was always a concern of both of yours that somehow you would get tangled up in his job but Barry was quick to reassure you that he wouldn't let it get that far.

Another downside would be the unpredictable schedule. You want to nap together? Nope, there's a bank robbery that needs The Flash. Dinner at a fancy restaurant for two may end up being dinner for one while Barry stops a meta interfering at the train station. Night out? More like night inside with Netflix since Barry's in Star City tracking a new case.

But, in the end, all of these are trivial as long as Barry's still yours at the end of the day and both of you are safe and well.

I— Ignorance is Bliss:

The fact that you two had been dating for nearly four months and Barry was still hiding his identity for you was beginning to eat him alive.

What kind of relationship left out a key part of their life and succeeded? None of them.

He had to tell you. He knew this but he just didn't know how to.

"I just need to know if telling her is the right decision." Barry said to Caitlin, hoping to get a woman's perspective on this whole affair.

"Honestly," Caitlin started. "I think she deserves to know, Bare. All she's ever done is support and love you and if you're worried she'll take this badly than I think you're way off. Sure, she might be upset you kept this from her for so long but there's no way she'd hold it against you forever."

Silence filled the room as Barry contemplated everything Cait had said. She was relatively close to you even before you started to date Barry so he believed everything she said.

"She loves you so much, Barry, and she deserves to know what you're doing in your free time."

J— Jokes:

"Oh I got one!"

You sighed and buried your head deeper into Barry's neck, wishing more than anything that he would just go back to bed on this rainy Sunday morning.

"A neutron walked into a bar and asked, 'How much for a drink?' The bartender replied, 'For you, no charge.' He giggled at his own joke while you repressed a smile at his stupid sense of humor.

Minutes passed and you nearly assumed he fell back asleep. That is until he spoke up again. "Hey, y/n, did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Don't worry though. He's 0K now."

What a dork.

K— Kids:

While you and Barry never specifically talked about kids, he knew he definitely wanted them. He treasured the thought of little ones running around the place. Mini versions of you and him tended to cloud his memory from time to time, more specifically those times late at night when he couldn't sleep well, the future tended to drift to the forefront of his mind.

He knew that there was a large possibility that those children would end up being speedsters but he appreciated that he had experience with it so that he'd be able to train them to become even better than he is.

Just the thought of one or preferably more children running around the house and causing a ruckus will always lighten Barry's mood, no matter what events had taken place that day.

He had also long ago decided that he wanted those kids to be with you rather than anyone else. It had to be you because then there was no doubt that those kids would be the best kids in the world.

What he really needed to know was your thoughts on the topic.

L— Little Things:

Barry wasn't necessarily the most romantic person in the world but there were little things that he repeatedly did that would warm your heart.

On days where he would leave before you woke up, he'd leave a scribbled post it notes for you to find.

It's usually an inspirational quote he probably found on Pinterest such as You make the world a brighter place, or, You're stronger than you think, and finally, Don't just fly, soar.

Other times it was notes of his affection towards you. Such as, I love you a latte (with a poorly drawn cup of coffee above it), or, I'll be thinking about you all day long...

He was a giant nerd but he was definitely a cute, thoughtful nerd.

M— Mistakes:

Flashpoint seemed great in theory. Barry had his parents—both of his parents together happy and healthy. Everything seemed so perfect.

The unexpected factor in all of this was you. He never expected that this Barry would have a girlfriend (especially one who was as drop dead gorgeous).

At first, he was uncomfortable with the fact that this girl whom Barry didn't know anything about was so close and comfortable with him. But after a week or so it was clear to him why this world's Barry was so in love with you.

At the start, he was convinced that he felt the effects of the previous Barry's feelings for you since how could he possibly be so fond of a girl he knew nothing about?

However, within months Barry felt like he was on cloud nine. He had his parents and his dream girl. That is until Kid Flash and The Rival started and Barry's new world flipped upside down.

He had to change the timeline back. Without even the opportunity to say goodbye to both his parents and you, he was off.

Upon returning to the previous timeline, Barry spent the first week searching for you. But with every new lead, he met a dead end. This however wouldn't last long seeing as he stumbled upon you in the most unlikely place.

Barry was talking with Joe at his office desk when the elevator dinged. Normally he wouldn't pay it any mind but it was the shout of his name from the women who exited the elevator that really captured his attention.

"Barry!"

His head whipped around and he saw her. He saw you. There you were clutching a got bag from Big Belly Burger as you came to him with a grin on his face.

"Can you bring this up to Julian? I promised I'd bring him lunch but there was such a long line I don't have time to bring it to him let alone share it with him. You can have my portion, I can't eat it anyways." You handed the bag of greasy, fast food to Barry with a big grin on your face.

And Barry couldn't be more confused.

He had found you. Well, actually, you had found him. And you were asking for Julian?

"Allen," Julian's voice resounded through the station as he descended the stairs. "I'd appreciate it if you could go check the results of the blood samples I collected from the crime scene while I enjoy my break with y/n." His voice was very monotonous as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

Barry didn't realize that he was glaring at Julian as he held you like you were his own. What did he think he was doing with you?

"I can't, babe," you sighed. "I've gotta get back to the office. I'll make it up to you later, I swear." You playfully pouted, giggling when Julian leaned down to kiss that pout away.

Barry stood there like a deer in headlights as he swore he felt his heart break at the sight of you two together.

"Alright, off ya go before I change my mind and keep you here to myself." Julian ordered, pecking your lips once more before he released you.

"Okay," You smiled at the two of them. "Play nice, boys."

What had Barry done?

N— Nicknames:

"C'mon, bunny," Barry says, supporting your weight in your inebriated state. "Gotta get you home before another dance off starts." He tried his best to convince you to escape from the loud crowded room but it was clear that you had had one too many drinks and were nowhere near ready to return home.

"Bare," You whined, digging your feet into the carpet to stop this surprisingly strong speedster from pulling you along behind him. "Don't bunny me because you wanna sweeten me up. You promised me a night out so you're not gonna cop out early. You're not about t'soften me up with your cute nicknames."

"Oh yeah?" He inquired. "Think you're gonna be the one to win this battle, sweetheart?"

"Oh shut up, Allen. M'not fallin' for you and your dirty tricks." You managed to escape his grasp while he was distracted and he had to jog to catch up with you and keep you in his line of vision before he lost you entirely (only to find you later on in being the center of attention in a dance battle—it's happened nearly every time you two went out and Barry wasn't there to keep you in check).

Barry should've known it would take more than that to win a battle with drunk you.

"C'mon, doll," he said, grasping your hand to pull you to a halt before he lost you in the sea of people. "If we go home now then I promise we can cuddle with Marshmallow and watch the newest season of Top Chef." He definitely knew all the right things to say to get his way. Especially by adding cuddles with your white, fluffy cat into the mix. "You know you want to, angel."

He was right. You'd been bugging him for weeks to watch the newest season with you and now here he was offering it up. "Fine," You huffed, nearly jumping into his arms. "Take me home, loser!"

O— One More:

"Don't go," Barry mumbled, clutching onto you tighter so you couldn't escape from his kisses.

"Bare," you sighed, weak to the scattered kisses his was showering you with. "I should really leave before everyone wakes up. I really don't need Joe to catch me doing the walk of shame."

"Ten more minutes." Barry ignored your plea, a boyish grin on his face as he pressed his lips to yours.

You shook your head, determined not to fall into his charming trap again (since one of those traps is the whole reason you were now facing the walk of shame). It took quite some effort but you had somehow managed to pry a clingy Barry Allen off of you and begin your search for clothes.

"I'm not leaving this bed 'til you give me a kiss." He pouted, his shirtless figure in clear view since he had pushed the comforter down a bit. "And 'm also not gonna let you go anywhere either," he added.

"Really?" You implored, silently wondering if you'd be able to resist him if you gave into him now. He seemed to have this effect of you that always managed to bend you to his will and make you do whatever he wanted.

"Yep, until your get your butt over here and kiss me, I'm not allowing you to go anywhere. So you might wanna hurry up if you plan on sneaking out before anyone catches you."

It was clear that once this speedster set his mind to anything, that's the way it went. So there was no way you were going to escape his bedroom without giving into him. You huffed loudly as you climbed onto him, straddling his lap.

"Much better," he smiled, leaning forward to press his lips hungrily against yours.

This activity probably continued for a good ten minutes before you heard the shower turn on and that was enough to burst your little bubble and alert you that someone else was awake in the house.

As you regretfully pulled away, Barry obviously was too keen on the loss of connection. He leaned forward to follow you as you leaned back to try and sever your connection, completely defeating the purpose.

"Just one more," He mumbled against your neck, peppering you with small kisses here and there. "One more and I'll take you home..."

P— Parties:

Barry's not the best person at parties. He'd never willingly go to one because he just doesn't know what to do when he gets there. It's only gotten worst since he acquired his powers and became immune to alcohol.

And let's be honest, what was a party without alcohol? Taking that away left him with a clear mind which allowed him to be painfully aware of just how badly this party sucked.

Everyone else was drunk or at the very least tipsy and all Barry did was observe their antics. He honestly couldn't believe that alcohol could change one's perspective on something. Besides, what's so attractive or enjoyable about sweaty grinding with a stranger to overwhelmingly loud music? Sober Barry couldn't find any answer to this question.

So there he was, awkwardly sat on the couch, fiddling with his phone in an attempt to look busy when he felt the couch dip down beside him. At first he assumed it to be Iris, finally ready to return home, but he was surprised to see a stranger sitting beside him. This stranger appeared to be doing the same as Barry and wishing more than anything that she wasn't here either.

She was playing Tetris on her phone, her foot tapping gently to the beat of the music. Barry tried to hide his staring. Thankfully, you didn't notice him seeing as you were too focused on your game.

All in all, Barry wouldn't say that was the worst party, after all he did get to meet you there.

Q— Quickies*

Ironically enough, the fastest man alive hated quickies.

Barry felt like it took the romance out of something so intimate and left it much more based of primal needs. He hated to be in a rush when all he wanted was to take his time and treasure you.

You, on the other hand, didn't mind them. Though sometimes it was a much more convenient option due to your flimsy, every changing schedule. And it never took you too long to convince Barry of it either.

However there were certain instances that Barry would be the one to initiate them:

"Bare," you sighed. "Stop. We can't be late to dinner with Joe and Iris' new boy."

"We don't have to," he paused kissing your neck only to bite down softly. "They won't miss us..."

"You're the one who insisted we have a family dinner to celebrate our recent successes. We already bailed on them last time because of your 'situation'." His hands traveled down your hips, pulling you closer to him.

Slowly sliding his arms around your back, he had successfully trapped you against him.

"We'll be quick. People say I'm pretty fast at everything."

"Oh yeah? You must disappoint the ladies if you do everything fast." You withheld a quiet groan as Barry indelicately unzipped your dress and allowed it to drop to the floor. Eyes blatantly scanning your figure before he leaned down to respond.

"Is this your way of trying to tell me that I disappoint you?" He sassed, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Interpret that however you may, Barry Allen. It's your ego in question, not mine."

His was one hundred percent willing to accept this challenge. Tugging you back towards to bedroom, you sighed at this speedster's overactive sex drive.

By the time you reached the double bed, you stood in only your heels (Barry would never outright admit that they were a turn on but it was clear to you) and panties. Barry on the other hand was only rid of his shirt.

Laying you down on the blankets, Barry was quick to climb on top of you and lock his lips with yours.

But that's when the guilt for ditching his family came back to mind. They were all waiting for you and here you two were, acting like hormones crazy teenagers with only one thing on your minds: sex.

"We should at least tell them we'll be late to dinner!" You huffed, catching your breath as you pulled at from this kiss.

Barry, on the other hand, was unwilling to break this kiss but occupied himself with trailing kisses from your neck to breasts. "To hell with dinner. I've already got a great meal in front of me."

"Bare, Wally took off work for this dinner and Joe will be so disappointed if we don't show up again."

"Stop talking about other men when I'm trying to seduce you!"

R— Resting days:

While heroes aren't necessarily able to take days off, Barry will always attempt to—though it may get interrupted by an inconsiderate meta who doesn't understand the mean of a day off.

Those days include mainly lounging around the house being lazy and just enjoying each other's company. As well as the playful bickering that was the foundation of your relationship.

"We should watch Thor next," You suggested as you cuddled up with Barry while sprawled out on the couch. Captain America: The First Avenger had just finished but you weren't quite ready to return to reality yet to jumping right into another Marvel movie sounded exquisite.

"Another?" Barry yawned. It was only 8:30 p.m. but neither of you fully woke up today due to your lack of activity all day. "Am I not enough for you that you need to ogle these other heroes?" His tone was playful and you were quick to reply.

"Maybe I just have a thing for blond superheroes." You suggested, letting out a squeal when Barry teasingly pinched your hip.

"Heeeyy," He dragged out. "That's not fair. I feel personally targeted right now."

"Good, now let's start Thor because he's way better than The Flash anyways. After all, he is a God and The Flash is just a metahuman."

"I am really feeling the love, y/n."

S— Secrets:

You weren't at your best when you were drunk. But then again, who was? You were what they were classified as an Honest Drunk™. Alcohol allowed you to let go of all your inhibitions and, in turn, impaired your filter.

Tragically (or at least what Barry considered to be tragic) you also tended to forget the events of the night the morning after all the fun went down.

And in this instance, it would cause multiple issues on Barry's part.

"Should probably take ya home, yeah," Barry asked, holding your arm to steady you movements.

You were still pumped up and the alcohol wasn't willing to fade away. "Don't wanna go home yet, feels like we just got here."

Barry chuckled. "Actually, we've been here for hours and all the rest of our friends have left. I just volunteered to stay here and keep an eye on you."

You sighed dramatically, resting your head on his shoulder as he squeezed your hip to begin to lead you towards the exit. Once coerced outside, Barry quickly swept you up into his arms, ready to speed off until you stopped him. "If you try to speed me off anywhere there's a 100% chance that I'll throw up," You warned and Barry got the obvious hint and set you back down on your feet.

Barry began the journey of walking you home—since you never know what could happen in the Central City streets at night. He listened to you hum quietly as you scuttled along the sidewalk before you came to an abrupt halt, pulling Barry to a stop as well since you were holding onto his hand.

Barry gave you a quizzical look as you toed off your nude high heels. Losing nearly two inches without them, you bent down to pick them up and handed them over to Barry. "Much better."

Barry followed you into your apartment, instantly adverting his eyes as you shamelessly stripped out of your dress and tugged on an oversized t-shirt to sleep in.

"You're honestly the sweetest boy I've met, Barry Allen." You flopped down on your bed, the fluffy comforter splayed out around you while you stared at him dreamily. "'I just can't believe that you're single. I wish I could steal you for my own, y'know?"

Barry's face instantly reddened at your words since he was never used to receiving compliments, especially ones like those. "Go to bed, y/n. You don't know what you're talking about." Gently, he pulled your blanket over you, ready to head home now that he knew you were home safe.

"Know exactly what m'talkin' about," You mumbled under your breath, though Barry was still able to hear you since you obviously weren't being as quiet as you thought you were being. "You just could never take any hints."

T— Tragic Endings:

"Y/n!" The Flash yelled, appearing instantly by your side as he tried to apply pressure to the wound on your stomach in hopes to slow the bleeding. But, truthfully, he knew this was a lost cause.

Reverse Flash was bound and determined to take everything away from Barry and it seemed like you were his last target.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered,

You reached up and tugged his mask off, wanting to see your Barry rather than Central City's Flash. "Don't ever blame yourself for this, Bare." You wheezed. "It–It isn't your f-fault."

Barry violently shook his head as tears streamed down his rosy cheeks. Too many times has he held a dying loved one in his arms. "It is. I'm so sorry. I can't—I can't stop the bleeding! Cisco please hurry up." The final statement was directed towards the man listening in through Barry's earpiece, in hopes of saving you. But that wouldn't be enough to change the fate's design.

"It's okay. It doesn't hurt. Don't—please don't cry for me. My death isn't on your hands. I... love you so much, Bare. I don't even feel pain anymore."

Fuck, that was a bad sign. And seconds later your eyes fluttered shut.

"Cisco!" Barry gave one final cry for help but the moments were fleeting too fast. He wasn't fast enough. "Y/n, please don't go..."

U— Unrequited Love:

Barry knew all too well about unrequited love. Hell, it seemed like that was all he was destined to have. Sure he'd had a fling here and there but all of them were really just distractions to his love for Iris.

Finally, Barry thought he'd had an epiphany when he snapped out of that trance. But he was also the type of person who loved love. He loved having someone to fawn over and spoil and just goof around with. So it wasn't really a surprise for him when he found himself wanting to be around you all the time.

He originally had interpreted this as a weird form of friendship since he hadn't had a romantic like thoughts.

But those thoughts came upon him slowly and before he knew it he had the sudden realization that he'd managed to fall back into the pit of unrequited love.

Containing no doubt as to the fact that you had absolutely no romantic feelings for him, he did not even bother at attempting to make any move on you. And his heart ached. All he wanted was for someone he could call him own but fate didn't seem to be on his side.

If Barry hadn't known it before, he could definitely saw that unrequited love was a bitch.

(If only he'd had actually asked you about your feelings rather than just assuming they weren't requited because he might have been surprised.)

V— Videos:

"Again?" You sighed, noticing Barry clearly filming you while you unpacked another box.

"C'mon!" He exclaimed. He was supposed to be painting the living room but soon became restless since you had insisted he couldn't speed through it because it would mess up the paint. "This is a big moment! When we're eighty and we look back at this you'll be so grateful to have this."

"You think I plan on sticking with you for sixty years?"

He clutched his heart in mock pain before flipping his phone around to face him. "I sure hope she's nice to you than she is to present-me, future-me."

"If you keep filming me instead of painting then I'll make sure that I'm not nice to future-you."

Barry sensed your honestly and reluctantly ended the video, turning back on Spotify to fill the room with music while he continued his painting adventure.

The sun eventually set but you two were still working away, hoping to accomplish as much as possible in the fleeting day.

Barry was getting restless painting and there was only one lamp lighting the dim room, making it even hard to see what he had done already and what he had not. Out of the corner of his ear, he saw you stoop over on the box, releasing a tired sigh and that's when he decided that tomorrow was another day and today had reached its end.

"C'mon, babe," Barry said the very moment that he finished the final layer of paint. "Know we haven't got much furniture yet but we have the pull out bed from the couch."

"M'not tired," You mumbled, stifling a slight yawn since you didn't want Barry to be aware of how tired you actually are.

"Oh well," He responded, already working on pulling out the bed before rummaging through the box you said contained the blankets. "I am and I can't sleep without you so get your cute little butt over here and snuggle with me."

Obeying, you stood up from the floor brushing all the dust of your pajamas before you plopped down besides the one and only Barry Allen. One would assume a pull out mattress to be lumpy and uncomfortable but, after your seemingly endless day of moving and unpacking, it felt like a cloud. Sure you were pushed closer to Barry then normal since it was just a twin size bed after all but nothing would ruin your good night sleep tonight.

Barry's arms were wrapped around you tightly, making sure you didn't attempt to turn over and end up tumbling off the bed. The room was silent and slightly cold but Barry carefully tugged the blanket up to make sure you were warm enough.

"Was lyin' you know," you responded, your voice barely above a whisper while you reveled in the feeling of Barry's fingers running through your hair.

"Huh?" He wasn't following the conversation since he had thought you were already asleep.

"Would love to spend my years with ya. Hope you stick with me too."

Barry smiled, wondering just how long that sarcastic remark, that he indeed knew was playful, was eating away at you. "I know. You're stuck with me know. Got both our names on the lease for this place—basically like a marriage license. For better or for worse and all that."

Needless to say a picture of you asleep on his shoulder ended up on Instagram the next morning.

W— Wishes:

"Happy Birthday dear, Scarlet. Happy birthday to you."

The party let out loud cheers and the six year old blew the flickering candles out with all of her might, shooting a toothless grin to her father while he clapped for her.

"What'd you wish for?" Cisco said to his self-proclaimed niece, ruffling her unruly hair just to annoy her.

"Can't tell you! It won't come true!" She said it as if it was common knowledge and was astounded by the fact that Cisco was unaware of it.

"Could you tell me?" Barry piped up, curious as to what his little girl wanted because he would go to hell and back to get her whatever she wanted. She debated his question for a moment before she deemed him worth of knowing and he quickly scooped her up to allow her to whisper in his ear.

"I wished for mommy to come back. S'been months and I miss her more than anything."

Barry felt a chill spread through his body at the mention of you. That was probably the only thing he was unable to get Scarlet yet when she could wish for absolutely anything in the world she chooses you. And he couldn't at all blame her because he yearned for you just as much, if not more than your daughter did. "

"I know, baby," he sighed, squeezing her tightly in a hug. "I know."

X— (E)xes:

Barry didn't have many exes. And the few that he did he was still on good terms with. (Except for Sabrina Yates from ninth grade... We don't talk about that one.)

You, on the other hand, had several more exes than Barry and that seemed to bring out his insecurities. He was nothing like those blonde, well-built hipsters that you'd previously dated. So why him? Sure, he worked nearly two months trying to charm you and win you over to go on a date with him.

But, really, what did he have that made him better than the other guys? Why did he have any right to your heart? Sure he was a super hero but that had its downsides as well. He didn't tend to usually dwell on the thoughts of you with your past boyfriends for obvious reasons.

You assured him time and time again that he was all you wanted. Your exes were your exes for various reasons. What matters now is that he is your future and they are all in your past.

Y— Yours truly

Dear Barry,

I don't really expect you to understand why I did what I did. I might not always have the right answers but then again who does? But I strongly believe that my choice was the right answer and I hope you'll be able to forgive me for it. It was always meant to be you and Iris. I was never supposed to be a part of this picture and if you hadn't saved my from that car crash two years ago then I wouldn't be. But now isn't the time for me to be getting in the way of your future and we both know that Iris marries you–not me. It's better to go now before I make you screw up the future more than it already it. I hope you understand that I don't want to go but instead I have to go. I wish things were different, Barry Allen—that maybe on some other Earth there's some version of you and I who make each other the happiest they can be. A part of me wishes that maybe we've been wrong and that this Earth is our happy ending but I think we both know that isn't true. I love you, Barry Allen.

Yours truly, Y/n

Z— Zzzzz:

Barry was a menace to sleep with. He sometimes snored. He always hogged the blanket. There was no sense of personal space on his end so it was highly likely you'd wake up with him practically on top of you. And if he was exhausted then there was no moving him off of you.

He also loved to cuddle so if he's in a cuddling mood then look out because once he gets a hold of you there will be no escape.

All and all, beware of a sleeping Barry Allen.

(A/n: i haven't finished reading through all of this so feel free to comment on any spelling mistakes or anything. Thanks)

#barry allen imagine #Barry Allen #barry x reader #barry allen imagines #The Flash #the flash imagines #the flash imagine #the flash oneshot #cw #grant gustin #grant gustin imagines #grant gustin imagine #My writing #mine #dc imagine #DC Universe #dc #DC comics

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#how to make homemade wine #skin product #fine jewelry #jewellery cleaning

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wordcreatr · 5 years ago

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Like a lot of people, I’m never satisfied with my weight. Whether I’m gaining it or losing it, I never end up completely satisfied with the result. I think that dissatisfaction stems from the fact that I don’t magically transform into some young, good-looking buff dude.

As many of you know, I went to the UK in May to attend my cousin Liam’s wedding. Months before I left, I decided I didn’t want a repeat of my last visit — this time I would show up in somewhat reasonable shape. Okay, that’s kind of a misstatement because I don’t work out at all, so “in shape” is a wistful dream rather than a goal. While showing up sculpted like Chris Hemsworth would have been ideal, showing up and not looking like 190 pounds (86 kg) of chewed bubblegum seemed slightly more attainable.

Thar She Blows!

Last time I went to the UK in 2017 to kick off The Year of Sean, I arrived in Blighty the heaviest I’d ever been. (A slowing metabolism, no willpower, and two years of working in a corporate office with a serious snacking culture will do that to a person.) While in the UK, I didn’t help matters by pigging out like a hunter-gatherer trying to build up a layer of fat for the lean times. I eventually tipped the scales at a somewhat portly 196 pounds, well above my ideal fighting weight. (This might not seem like a lot, but remember, I was the kid nicknamed Stick Man. And while I did go on numerous 5-mile walks in the English countryside during my month-long stay, I also ate and drank everything in sight. I’d like to say it was a wash, but it wasn’t.

My face was looking a wee bit round in 2017.

Slimming Down

After I returned home to the States in 2017, my weight gain bummed me out, but I did nothing about it. Until one day, as I was minding my own business, the Houseguest observed I looked pregnant. (By the way, God help me if I ever made the same comment to her — just saying). Now, it’s one thing to think you’re fat but a whole different ballgame to have someone confirm it for you. I’d seen the photographic evidence from my vacation snaps, but that was easy to rationalize: “Oh, it’s a bad angle” or “I’m just not photogenic.” But the sad truth was I was overweight (and unphotogenic).

So, in a rare moment of determination, I lost weight and ended up dropping 27 lbs in a couple of months. It happened so fast, it surprised some people. So, what was my secret?

So if I join, I get my ideal weight and unlimited power, right? I don’t have to do anything weird, do I?

Still waiting on the unlimited power.

No, no, I didn’t actually join a cult or make a deal with the devil (believe it or not, I was a groomsman in a Halloween wedding).

To lose weight, I just had to get motivated. And my top motivator was never hearing the Houseguest refer to me as being-with-child again. I also relied on intermittent fasting (or laziness-induced starvation as it’s more accurately known). Working from home as a freelancer and part-time Uber driver, I just didn’t eat often during the day. Also, my income fluctuated wildly, so I cut expenses by eliminating fast food. And though I like to socialize, I also avoided going out to dinner with my friends because they like to eat out. A lot.

Another change was to follow the Houseguest’s dietary suggestions (more protein and fiber; fewer carbs). Veggies are cheap, so I made a lot of salads and threw cheese and pepperoni on them and had the occasional naan bread. Instead of cookies and potato chips, I snacked on crackers, cheese, pepperoni, and apples. I substituted a spoonful of peanut butter drizzled with honey for sweet stuff. Oh, and I became a reluctant walker in the desert evenings. What can I say? It all worked and I quickly dropped to 169 lbs (76.6 kg), which turned out to be a bit too thin. Getting skinny when you get older just makes you look gaunt.

Maintaining my weight gets harder

During the year after I slimmed down, my weight fluctuated by a few pounds but remained fairly stable around 175 lbs.

When I abandoned freelancing and joined an agency, I faced the common hurdles of an office environment like Bagle Monday; Donut Thursday; free pizza; copious snacks. The caloric assault was nonstop and my weight started to creep up.

When I got the invite to my cousin Liam’s wedding, I was up to 181 lbs. Originally, I wanted to defy time by losing weight and getting in shape so I looked younger. Instead, I compromised with myself and settled on a more attainable goal — fitting into my wedding clothes without the button on my pants screaming for help as it held on for dear life.

Trying to go on a diet; Houston, we have a problem

So, I did all right maintaining my weight — until about a month before my departure when my efforts started to go off the rails. It’s ridiculous, I know; I was almost to the finish line. I have no excuse other than moderation and willpower are alien concepts I am unable to truly embrace.

A delicious calorie bomb at the Cornish Pasty, one of our group’s go-to places.

The slip-ups kept piling up. Going out for too many high-calorie dinners with my buddies or going out for lunch at work and ignoring the sensible salad I’d brought from home. Even worse, the special events started to pile up as invitations came in for BBQs and birthday parties and celebrations with family friends, etc, etc. And despite my conviction to show restraint, every one of them turned into a gluttonous Roman feast where I gorged myself — the only thing missing was a slave feeding me bonbons while I reclined on a couch.

Eating like a big leaguer

The low point in my gluttony occurred when Fox Sports Arizona invited our agency to watch a Diamondbacks’s game in a corporate suite with an all-you-can-eat buffet spread. In an effort to avoid traffic (which turned out to be nonexistent), I arrived forty minutes before everyone else. With time to kill and no witnesses to bolster my accountability, I attacked the unattended buffet of unhealthy ballpark food with all the gusto of a vampire on the loose at a hemophiliac convention.

Mine! It’s alllll minnnnnne!

After everyone else arrived, I played it cool and pretended I hadn’t eaten, then gobbled my way through seconds and thirds, drank beer, had some (several) dessert(s) and topped it all off with a healthy serving of self-loathing. I spent the rest of the game making small talk and feeling uncomfortable because I’d eaten too much.

The closer my departure date got, the more demoralized I became. It reached a point where I was afraid to get on my scale. It had become an unwelcome prophet of doom, reading out its digital prediction that my fatass wasn’t going to fit into my wedding attire. Then I had a moment of panic when right before I departed, I discovered that a ravenous moth had infiltrated my closet and eaten holes into my backup plan — a pair of out-of-fashion trousers with cuffs and an expandable waistline (basically, a dressier version of fat pants). Shit.

I’m a weak, weak man

No, I didn’t eat them all — just the big one.

During my month of pre-vacation weakness, one thing I kept craving was a Dairy Queen Blizzard. For my international readers, a Blizzard is a type of tasty soft ice cream treat that is available with multiple ingredients and is roughly about a million calories. Against all odds, I managed to avoid giving in — for a while. Numerous times, I was about to head over to DQ when I’d miraculously regain self-control. Then about a week before my flight, I finally succumbed. My thinking went along the lines of ‘What if the plane crashes? Skipping that Blizzard won’t have mattered.’ I couldn’t beat that logic.

As I drove over to DQ, I told myself I’d only get a mini Blizzard or maybe a small one; definitely not a medium. But I’d been denying myself so long, I caved while ordering at the drive-thru and got the largest Blizzard that DQ offered. On the way home, I told myself I’d only eat part of it and then finish the rest up over the next two days. But after eating a sensible amount, that delicious, icy siren kept calling me back to the fridge for another spoonful. Forty minutes later, I had vanquished the Blizzard. That was 1400+ calories on top of everything else I had eaten that day. My lack of control left me ashamed. (But that Blizzard was so worth it.)

The league of chubby fellows

By the time I arrived in England, I weighed six pounds heavier than I wanted to be. Luckily, I still fit into my wedding clothes (barely) but I didn’t have much wiggle room left in my waistband. Problem was, I had six days to get through until the wedding. The last two visits I stayed with my Aunt Bernadette, where healthy eating and portion control are the norm, which counterbalanced all the excess I experienced hanging out with my cousins, the Dillons. This time, however, I would be staying at 22 Kings Lane (Dillon Central) where food is abundant and self-control is in short supply. I knew I was in trouble.

22 Kings Lane

Now, my uncle, Daddy Bernard, eats sensibly. However, his five sons can put the food and beer away. However, some of them still play sports weekly to maintain their physiques. Only my cousin Bernie (aka Little Bernard, Young Bernard or Big Bern) lives at 22 Kings Lane, but the rest would be around regularly to see me. Bernie moved in temporarily after surgery for a badly broken leg and hasn’t left yet. He can eat with the best of them and is also a connoisseur of lagers. Always a solidly built fellow, he used to play rugby, but isn’t quite as active after the broken leg and has put on a few stone.

Brief aside: I don’t know why the Brits still use stone to denote weight — seems even more quaint than Americans using pounds. For those of you unfamiliar with this unit of weight, a stone is 14 pounds. Any time someone mentions their weight in stone, smoke starts coming out of my ears as I try to do the conversion in my head. Okay, back to our regularly scheduled post.

I had one week to go before the wedding. Basically, I was screwed.

Let the contest of wills begin!

Sure enough, the first day there, Bernie, Daddy Bernard, and I ate out at a rock and roll pub owned by this guy named Mick. (Mick may or may not be a gangster; he is the only British guy I know who’s been shot). The Turkish cook made me a giant chicken burrito. (Yes, as an Arizonan, I felt compelled to try it and it was good but different.) And when I say a giant chicken burrito, I’m not joking. It was a brick that would not have been out of place at Chipotle.

Next morning, I went downstairs and Bernie had made sausage sandwiches, and I scarfed down at least three days worth of saturated fat. Then Daddy Bernard and I stopped at McDonald’s at lunch. That night, Bernie cooked up a large pot of chicken thighs. He gave me a bowl piled high with chicken, far more than I needed, but I figured I’d be polite and eat some of it. Holy Mother of God, it was delicious! So succulent and flavorful. (My mouth is watering as I type this). Bernie asked me if I wanted more. No! I mean hell yeah, I wanted more. Then we polished off a few cans of beer. At least the lingering aroma of savory chicken covered up the burning smell of my diet plan spiraling down in flames.

However, I did have to start declining the massive breakfasts and began eating Daddy Bernard’s Shredded Wheat. (So hard to turn down bacon sandwiches.)

Shredded Wheat — Depression in physical form

Hungry in Scotland

On the Wednesday before the wedding, I rode up to Scotland with Bernie in his work van. He had to deliver some building materials and thought I’d like to come along for the scenic drive. After he made his deliveries, we headed to Glasgow to spend the night. Bernie told me we’d go for a couple of pints and then eat at the World Buffet. The idea of a buffet alarmed me, but he had his heart set on it — he’d even had the company book rooms at a Travel Lodge right by it. The plan was to arrive in about an hour.

Big Bern behind the wheel on our way to the best buffet in Scotland.

Suddenly, he spotted a grocery store and pulled in.

“I’m getting a chicken to eat,” said Bernie. “You want something?”

“I thought we’re eating in Glasgow?”

“When you eat like I do, I’ll collapse before then.”

Starving, I abstained from buying anything. Bernie bought a whole rotisserie-style chicken. He told me he was going to only eat the drum sticks and would eat the rest tomorrow with some wraps. That poor chicken didn’t stand a chance as he devoured it in the van.

Eventually, we made it to the pub, drank a couple of pints while Bernie had a conversation with an incomprehensible old Glaswegian, and then we feasted like kings at the World Buffet.

The Final Countdown

Back in England, my battle against calories continued. My sister, Bridget, showed up from Florida. Surprised, I noticed she looked heavier than usual. She mentioned that she too had put on weight. Hurricane Michael had blown down all the old, majestic trees in her town. There was no shade for her to run in now only blazing sunlight. She mentioned she wanted to lose some weight. I suggested we could try to be good influences on each other while in the UK.

“Screw that. I’m on vacation,” Bridget said as she ordered ice cream. Clearly, I was going to have to be my own moral support.

The day of the wedding, thank God I still fit into my clothes (barely!) without popping a button. After the ceremony, the attendees enjoyed a veritable feast at a swanky place called Crabwall Manor (someone gave me an extra slice of cheesecake and I ate it). Then they had another buffet dinner a couple hours later for those not invited to the service and reception. (Naturally, the Dillons and I were first in line). And then they served wedding cake. (Yes, yes, I ate that too.)

How I wanted to look…

…the sad reality

Winding down

So, once the wedding was over and there was no need to watch what I ate, I still tried to keep things in check, with mixed results. We ate out and celebrated a lot. Going out for Indian, lunching at a tapas restaurant, having a rich dinner at my cousin Matthew’s. (His partner, Véronique, is French, a people not known for cooking light — it was delicious.)

Another Dillon getting stuck into his grub (Raphael and his mum Véronique)

My lovely sis, Bridget

Eating tapas with my cousin Martin

The night before I left for home, I went and stayed in Manchester with my cousin Martin’s family. He had to work late and we got our wires crossed. I didn’t eat before I arrived thinking he and I were going out to grab food, but he’d eaten when he arrived, so we walked down to a kebab place. That late at night, I thought I should just skip it, but again my willpower failed me. So I ordered the small kebab. (The Brits have adopted American sized portions; you see a lot more overweight people these days.)

Yes, this is the “small” one.

Next steps

Back in Arizona, I wasn’t making any headway on the weight loss. Then I walked to lunch with three of the guys from the office and on the way back someone mentioned something about Christmas and out of the blue, my coworker Cbass says to me, “You know you could play Santa.”

WTF?

I gave him a few choice words and he tried to explain it was because of my friendly face and whitish beard, not because I’m a fat ass.

So I sat around for a few hours thinking bad thoughts about Cbass until I eventually decided I had to make a real effort.

Cbass hangs his head in shame. He knows he did wrong.

Okay, maybe Cbass has a point. (Plus, no more scruffy beards for me).

Anyway, I’m back to intermittent fasting and I’ve lost three pounds this week (no fast food, no snacks in the house, no eating out, etc). And the Houseguest has volunteered to put me through a modified boot camp workout she does with a friend (I’m not so sure about that, but we’ll see).

Anyway, check back and see how I fare.

Trying to Go On a Diet Like a lot of people, I'm never satisfied with my weight. Whether I'm gaining it or losing it, I never end up completely satisfied with the result.

#eating #traveling #UK

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saturdaysolaces · 5 years ago

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spring term of second year: love, hate and everything in between

Hey, I’ve been gone for a while now, and even though I’ve had the intention to post multiple times during the past 5 months or so, I have not been able to bring myself to do it for reasons not worth mentioning.

Just a heads up, this is mainly me reminding myself of my past experiences. Although not necessarily meant to be read as a normal post (because I rant on and on), I’ll still leave it here. Enjoy! (?)

All things aside, I just officially finished my second year of high school. As the title already states, it has been an incredibly rough ride both mentally and physically, but also better than I could’ve ever wished for. I’ve managed to seek something happy in every moment of despair, but it has taken me some time to get used to the idea of having utterly bad days that can’t be avoided, and that being sad and hurt and lost it just part of the deal you make in order to get the most out of life. It has undoubtedly been the hardest part of second year: admitting that there will be storms and rain amidst the fields of daisies I’ve spent so long tediously planting. I don’t want to be sad, nobody obviously does, but every bad day to me is a rock that takes weeks to lift.

Excuse my cliche analogies. There were also a countless number of satisfactory and joyous moments that I’ve fortunately enough managed to capture. This post is me sharing those moments in the hopes of revisiting some of the happiest days of my life now when I’m feeling extremely down again. I just got out of school after having long chats and pizza with my dear friends, but today, like the whole month of may, I’ve had so many ups and downs that it really distorts my feelings.

In the span of these last 6 months of second year, I’ve

discovered my love of science memes. me and my friends have a habit of sharing the most ridiculous ones on the day of the exam (or the night before).

been to the library an overwhelming number of times. these are times I sometimes don’t enjoy thinking about because I struggled mentally but most of those times were spent with friends, so we had good laughs and got through it together (with the help of some very unhealthy snacks)

drank way too much coca cola. it’s become somewhat of a joke amongst me and my friend Em because we both buy it from the school’s vending machine nearly weekly (I’m amazed our teeth haven’t begun to rot away yet)

fallen in love with indie Japanese music! my recommendation would be the band For Tracy Hyde (Underwater girls is my favourite of theirs)! It’s also gotten be back to the mood of watching anime, and so I’ve done religiously for the past few months. Kill la Kill, Parasyte, Miss Kobayashi’s dragon maid and Little Witch academia are my recent faves.

Danced wanhat! They’re essentially a type of prom second-year students attend in February. The event and the dances are quite formal and traditional. Wanhat has been a thing I had been waiting for since lower secondary because they grant you the change to practically spend a day as a princess. It was, of course, stressful and wearing me seriously out during the months leading up to the big day, but definitely worth it. I got the most out of every dance, my pair was super sweet and the company afterwards everything I could’ve asked for. The highlight of the day, though, was the limo Em’s parents had kindly booked for us. We rode around the city feeling like queens.

Visited Cambridge! It is currently my ultimate dream university, and I’m planning on applying there in around one and a half year’s time. As is probably very apparent, my English is not on the level required to attend, but as my final exams are looming around the corner and one of them being English, I am hoping to develop as much as I can over the summer.

Been to CERN! It was on my bucket list and I never thought I would get to tick it off this early in my life. Basically, my school with a few others organized a trip to Switzerland and CERN that was held in late February and early March. I applied for it during the fall last year with no intention of actually getting in (mostly because the prerequisite was to excel in all-things physics which I really didn’t at the time), but so I did. We had a lot of preparatory work before the actual trip, including group presentations and visits to a university’s physics department. Then, we spent a 5 days in Switzerland, two of which we stayed in the coastal city Montreux and my physics teacher’s old boarding school where he had taught a few years back. On day three, we headed off to CERN and I can’t praise the place enough. The whole process, though, was made the best one yet by the people I got to meet and the breathtaking landscapes I saw along the way. I made friends with a girl I’ve been adoring for quite a long time since the fall of first year but I’ve never gotten the courage to walk up to her and open my mouth. We did a bunch of stuff together, the most memorable of which were probably walking to French to buy food and having alcohol-free champagne for breakfast. I really miss CERN, but I’m glad I have so many amazing memories to look back to.

Had some really fun Valentine’s celebrations! Em had the great idea to make puzzle piece shaped cut-outs from cardboard and write messages on them. Me and my friends also drew tiny hearts onto our cheeks. Cute.

Many, many afternoons were spent in small cafes around the city, talking about everything from history to what we want to do after we retire. Needless to say, I’ve spent a ton of money on overpriced coffee.

Dropped a course. Not my happiest memory, but sixteen-year-old me would never have believed she could do something like this. I never leave something unfinished, especially it that something happens to be a course held by one of my favourite teachers whom I continue to admire. It did leave me a bit disappointed in myself because I couldn’t push through like I always have, but it was one of the best decisions I’ve done.

Overall, spent more time with my friends. Chatting over coffee or Burger King has sort of become a norm in our friend group. We’ve also had the time of our lives just going around second hand stores and half-empty shopping centres trying on the most ridiculous clothing items we can find. I’ve also taken the time to catch up with my friends from lower secondary.

Seen brain surgery up close! Well, not exactly the whole surgery, but at least the cutting-through-skull phase. Our school carried out a visit to a hospital’s neurology department, and to everyone’s surprise, we got to go into the OR while the patient was under anaesthesia and the surgeons were preparing. We also got a glimpse of the reason behind the surgery through a monitor – a tumour the size of a golf ball. The thing is though, the surgeons were exactly, and I’m not kidding, like those right out of Grey’s Anatomy – strangely excited to cut into an unsuspecting man’s brain.

Gotten some amazing friends! I’ve expanded my “core” friend group from the four it was last summer to the 8 it is now. Plus, I’ve met some really sweet and cool people who, while not being a part of the group I primarily hang out with, are still people I will remember with a warm heart. And god have we experienced a lot. I love my friends more than I ever would be able to put into words, they mean the absolute world to me. Em, X, L, S, Vee, A and V, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Signed the forms that officially tie me to the final exams next fall. There’s no backing away now – this is truly life or death.

Oh and I ranked top 12 in a national biology competition that might potentially allow me to take part in a half-a-year long coaching course preparing students for the international biology olympics. The situations is still a bit unclear but technically I got accepted, so I’m hoping to start the coaching next fall! I’ll update on this later.

There are also a million things I am grateful for right now. First and most significant of them being my friends, second being all of my teachers. I’ve always had a huge amount of appreciation towards them, but this spring for some reason brought it even more to the surface. I have endless respect for my biology teacher as she is the one pushing me towards my dreams. Something that I appreciate considerably is the fact that she really pays attention to what her students’ passions are and what they really strive for. She’s great with everyone, and today she also said how much she has respect for me – a sentence I have never heard in my life. She knows how much I love metabolic pathways and she’s really keen on what everyone’s up to, and that’s notably why she will always be one of the best people I’ve ever met.

My physics teacher is also superb. I actually had my first course of his last fall (whereas I’ve known my biology teacher since first term of first year). Not only is he a great teacher, he also is somewhat of a comedian. He throws jokes in anywhere he can, and managed to gather a list of his quotes from his courses. It’s a bummer that I won’t ever have his classes again though because he, again, is one of those people who can really light up a room.

Praise and compliments from the teachers I highly appreciate are my source of external motivation and that’s why I take so much pride in doing my best. I know that this path is hazardous as the thing you should do instead is rely solely on intrinsic motivation which is not dependent on such outside factors, but this is just how I’ve learnt to push through. Today was really rough for me because I was left without the feeling of being recognised as a hard-working student. I admit I’m coming off as really selfish and narcissistic but I have the best grades in my class – grades I’ve fought for at the cost of my mental well-being. After all of the work I’ve done I still left our spring festivities today empty-handed, without any scholarship or diploma. The scholarships are handed out to students based on their academic excellence. And thus, I felt completely like I hadn’t pushed hard enough. I’m running low on motivations, and it’s not good to have these kind of things happen right before I’m supposed to start revising for my final exams. I know it will bother me for a while, but I’ll be fine. I’m just a bit too dramatic when it comes to these things. Fortunately the scholarship went to Em, who deserves it 110%.

So, what about the future? It’s frightening, to say the least. I have to take my first two matriculation exams this fall, and god am I scared. Matriculation exams are basically the final exams Finnish students take before they can graduate high school. They will be spread out throughout the next one and a half years of my life, the first two next fall and the next six during spring and fall of 2020. They are all six-hour exams and I’m still left wondering how I’ll manage to concentrate for that long without having my eyes getting sore from staring at a computer screen. I would not be nearly as scared if the exams I will take first were something other than biology and English. They are exams that define whether I can even apply abroad, and thus they being the first ones stress me out inconceivably. That being said, I have to start studying for them soon. I’m heading out tomorrow with my friend L to plan our revision over the summer so that we’ll get a head start and can hit the books as soon as possible. Also, I borrowed two biology textbooks for first-year university students with the plans to study them a bit as well (and since they are in English I can get some useful practise that way too).

As for English, I was debating on whether I should set up an actual blog or just continue using my tumblr, and I’ve decided on posting on tumblr as it is the more low-effort of the two and still pretty fun. I find that the best way to revise English is to actively write, because it enables you to find a flow and get a sense of routine when you are writing essays in the actual exams. So, expect more posts coming soon!

I wish I could remember every small bit of happiness from second year. Nevertheless, I am glad about everything I do recall, but also everything else I have experienced. My heart is full of joy.

#slayinnthetags #studying #student #studyblr #high school #rant

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ouraidengray4 · 6 years ago

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Is It Adrenal Fatigue or Are You Really Tired?

Do you ever have that super-fun combination of high-level stress and absolutely no energy? Though you might be feeling stressed and tired from the litany of horrors in the news or just a super-obnoxious Facebook feed, there could also be an adrenal imbalance exacerbating your symptoms. That said, your adrenals might not have anything to do with it. Adrenal fatigue has become a hot diagnosis from naturopaths and alternative medicine practitioners, but the traditional medical community is not jumping on the fatigue bandwagon.

Before you start to worry about your hormonal balance, here's everything you need to know about adrenal fatigue, the controversy around the disease, and what to do if you're experiencing symptoms.

What Are the Adrenals?

The adrenal glands are responsible for regulating a number of hormones that affect your metabolism, blood pressure, and immune system response. But the real star of the adrenal show is stress.

Both cortisol and adrenaline are regulated by the adrenal glands. Adrenaline (and its close cousin noradrenaline) gets involved during high-stress times when your body sets off the "fight-or-flight response." You know, that feeling when you see an absolutely horrible tweet and you're not sure if you should spend your day dismantling the troll or go hide under a blanket for a few hours.

For lower-level stress, cortisol takes control. The hormone is raised in stressful situations and causes your heart rate to increase, helps you metabolize sugar more quickly, and generally gets things moving to respond to non-relaxing situations.