#he got XL yaoi hands

[unzip-your-guts]

Look at this fucking Milk Walker patch I made for my cryptid sweater

[danielphowley]

'South Park: The Fractured But Whole' review: Disgusting, ridiculous and plenty of fun

‘The Fractured But Whole’ is a fantastic follow-up to ‘The Stick of Truth.’ Just make sire your stomach is strong enough to handle it.

For the past 20 years, “South Park” has not so much been pushing the boundaries of good taste and storytelling, as much as obliterating them. And after 2014’s “The Stick of Truth,” the minds behind the show proved they could push just as many limits when it came to the world of video games. Now, three years later, the team at Ubisoft and South Park Studios are back with “South Park: The Fractured But Whole.”

Taking on everything from the superhero movie genre and identity culture to the Catholic Church and common video game tropes, “The Fractured But Whole,” hits all the right notes from the show’s best episodes. The writing is some of the best you’ll find in a game, and it improves on “The Stick of Truth’s” combat and mechanics enough to make it well worth picking up.

There are still some minor flaws that carried over from the first game, namely how easy it is, but “The Fractured But Whole” easily overcomes them, making it a must-play for fans of the series.

The ‘Franchise Prequel’

If you want to get the full story behind “The Fractured But Whole,” you’re going to have to watch “South Park’s” fourth episode of the season titled “Franchise Prequel.” The episode follows the boys Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny as they play superheros as part of Cartman’s Coon and Friends team, from the show’s popular Coon and Friends story arc.

Eric Cartman’s Coon is back in action, and just as depraved and self-serving as ever.

The boys and their friend are working out their plans to launch a superhero movie franchise but end up splitting into two groups, Coon and Friends and the Freedom Pals, when they can’t agree over which kids get their own standalone movies. Butters has also reassumed his identity as Professor Chaos and is sowing discord throughout South Park with his chaos minions.

The game kicks off with you, the mute new kid, as you try to join up with Cartman’s team. Like any good role-playing game, you spend the first few missions shoring up your character selection. You can choose from three initial classes including Brutalist, a tank; Speedster, the movement-based class, and Blaster, a ranged character.

You’ll eventually be able to unlock additional classes and combine classes, letting you mix and match the character setup that best suits your play style. As you move through missions you’ll also gain new party members with their own unique abilities.

Leveling is handled via the game’s hero rank system, which sees you complete portions of the story, side quests, fight enemies and collect specific items, like the unsettling Yaoi-style pictures of Craig and Tweek, to gain experience points. Each new level allows you to equip a new type of artifact, which augments your party by improving members’ health, power and the effects of certain kinds of attacks. You acquire artifacts by collecting them in the world, crafting them or buying them from merchants.

The Human Kite and the alternate universe Human Kite.

Artifacts also impact your party’s might score, which you use to determine if enemies or missions are too advanced for your current ranking. I found the first few artifacts a bit lacking, especially when I purchased a far more powerful one at a nearby shop. That said, they do add another dimension to the gameplay that helps add a sense of depth that was missing from “The Stick of Truth.”

DNA upgrades provide you with additional boosts to your power, though you’ll have to balance the disadvantages they have to your character with their advantages.

Come on down to South Park

Like “The Stick of Truth,” “The Fractured But Whole” lets you explore the entire town of South Park. You’ll visit familiar locales like Tom’s Rhinoplasty and the Photo Dojo, as well as Unplanned Parenthood and, of course, South Park Elementary.

Simply traveling through the town, opening every door and finding every hidden item is a treat. It also helps that Ubisoft and South Park Studios add in more than enough fan service. From the songs playing on the radio to the ads on TV in your friends’ houses to the characters’ closets, the developers mined every bit of the show’s 20-year history to create a living, breathing version of South Park.

Professor Chaos and his minions are stirring up trouble in South Park.

Exploring the town provides you with plenty of opportunities to collect hidden items. Unfortunately, many of the puzzles that block your path are just too easy to solve. Most of the time, you’ll simply punch your way past an obstacle to access a special area.

Of course, your quest sees you come across all of your favorite towns folk including Stan’s dad Randy Marsh, the goth kids, Mr. Macky and Big Gay Al. You’ll need to find as many people in town as possible, take selfies with them using your smartphone, which doubles as your menu screen, and upload them to Coonstagram to ensure Coon and Friends have more followers than The Freedom Pals. Adding followers also adds to your experience, which helps you build your hero level.

Fighting evildoers

“The Fractured But Whole” plays like a classic turn-based RPG. Like games like “Earthbound,” you’ll want to initiate combat with enemies to ensure you attack first or your enemies will get the drop on you.

Ubisoft and South Park Studios largely reinvented the combat system from “The Stick of Truth,” adding a grid format that requires you to place your party members in the right positions to attack enemies. If, however, you’ve got a character that does close combat damage, and another party member is blocking his path, he won’t be able to attack.

Party members’ abilities can spread across multiple spaces on the battle grid, hitting enemies that are above or below your characters. If multiple enemies are lined up in a row, you’ll have the chance to knock them into each other, doing additional damage.

The Freedom Pals want their superhero franchise to be the best in the business.

The developers also added new battle animations for party members’ super attacks. Similar to the over-the-top super moves in NetherRealm Studios’ “Injustice” series, your super attacks will see your characters call in hamsters to charge enemies or fly into the clouds to launch a volley of laser blasts.

Then there are good old fashioned summonses, which let you call in special help from characters to take on enemies.

Who are the evil doers in “The Fractured But Whole”? Sixth graders, ninjas, chaos minions, pedophile priests, kids dresses as Hooters-style waitresses, strippers and a slew of others. Nothing is sacred in “South Park,” and that’s just the way fans like it.

Over time, you’ll gain special abilities that you can use in and outside of battle, helping you to access different areas of the game’s world and snag out of reach objects and upgrades. 

My one gripe with the game’s combat is that, like “The Stick of Truth,” it’s a bit too easy. Sure, there were some battles that had me sweating, but for the most part, I never felt like I was in danger of losing. Even when I bumped up the combat to the Mastermind setting, I was still able to largely blast through fights. That’s not to say they weren’t fun, but I’d appreciate something a bit more of a challenge.

Should you get it?

I loved “South Park: The Stick of Truth” and am a huge fan of the show, so I was fully prepared to at least enjoy “The Fractured But Whole.” But the developers managed to surpass my expectations by improving on the previous game’s flaws and creating a deeper experience.

And while combat and puzzles are still too easy compared to other RPGs, playing through “The Fractured But Whole” is well worth the time. If you’re a fan of the series, casual RPGs or just great games in general, you’ll want “The Fractured But Whole.”

Reviewed on the Xbox One

What’s hot: Like playing through a jumbo-sized episode of “South Park,” improved combat system, deeper character customizations

What’s not: Combat is still too easy for most seasoned gamers, puzzles could be more challenging

More from Dan:

What it takes to play video games for a living: Insane hours and tons of stress

Hands on with Google’s Home Mini and Max: Taking aim at Amazon and Apple

Hands on with Google’s Pixel 2 and Pixel 2 XL: Seriously impressive smartphones

Samsung and ADT are merging the worlds of home security and automation

Roku unveils new line of streaming devices following IPO

‘Cuphead’ review: Insane boss battles and cartoons. Yep, it’s nuts.

Email Daniel at dhowley@yahoo-inc.com; follow him on Twitter at @DanielHowley.

[rice-pilaf]

Can you tell us about those OCs that matheson drew!!

Oh my gosh of course!!

So they’re from a screenplay I’m working on, which is based itself on a silly Attack on Titan AU that my friend (@yaoi-hands-sans) and I came up with! The screenplay is called Dame de la Chance (Lady Luck) and the two OCs Eli drew are two of my precious secondary characters.

Mike, the tall fellow, is the absolute worst. He’s a very successful lawyer from Boston who uses his money on cannabis and helping out his family- whichever one comes first. He’s intimidating when you first meet him but the truth is he’s a big softie who works hard at everything he does. He’s the best friend to the parents of the main character, and serves as their legal help when the family gets in trouble with the law. 

The small cutie is Joanna. Unlike Mike, they are the best. They come from a rather uptight Japanese-American family and for a while, they were a tough as nails member of the Navy. After the dysphoria got too much to bear as an active duty soldier presenting as a woman, they moved to Boston and, for a while, had a hard time making ends meet. They end up settling in a job at some sticky diner where they work the night shift, then they go on to watch their neighbor’s daughter during the day (the daughter, Felicia, is the main character). They are softspoken but determined as hell. In their rare free moments, they enjoy hockey games and a few good beers.

Mike fell in love with Joanna the moment he saw them, a tiny waiter in an XL t-shirt that was covered in baby food. He offered to help them make rent that month as a way to thank them for babysitting for his friends. They don’t like to take charity, but had to swallow their pride and take the money. Because he’s a giving person, he’s always trying to get them gifts, which they refuse until he offers them tickets to a Boston Bruins game, a luxury they could never afford. From there, they become inseparable friends with a bad case of mutual pining. 

There’s some not so great stuff that puts a rift in their relationship, and during that period, Mike dates this gorgeous and successful woman while Joanna kicks themself for not acting on their feelings earlier. Eventually, Mike’s girlfriend realizes he’ll never love her the way he loves Joanna, so she leaves him and urges him to be with them. He does so, and the two finally acknowledge their long had feelings and begin their relationship, 8 years after they met.

They get married in a perfect ceremony at the New England Aquarium. When Joanna says their vows, Mike ugly cries. The photos are priceless and Joanna keeps at least one in every room of their house.

And that’s the gist of it! I don’t want to go into too much detail but I will tell you things do not stay happy. But Mike and Joanna love each other so very much, and I love how easily their characters come to me.

Please please please ask me more OC questions. I can’t talk about them enough. c: