#he don’t wanna jam with you nik get over it

[cruesuffix]

if you love him so much why don’t ya marry him??!!! /j

(but also nikki can you kiss and make up with him already, jeez…)

[ravenloon]

Smitten: Haywire (Chapter 4)

Tommy pulls up into the driveway just as the sun was starting to set. Nikki is snuggled in a happy little ball in his new sweater, snoring softly.

Lee smiles, shaking him gently. His hair bounces around his lax, sleepy face, somehow making him look cuter.

Tommy giggles, shaking him harder,"Niiikkkiiiii, we're hooommme~"

The bassist sits up and ever so gently wraps his arms around Tommy, nuzzling his neck.

Tommy's heartbeat quickens as he carries Nikki to the front door. He feels tingles shooting down his spine at the feeling of Sixx's hot, sweet breath on his skin.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck.' His mind starts wandering as he walks in the door, turning sideways so Nikki would fit.

What would it be like to feel those full lips mark his skin?

What would it be like to to squeeze and rub those gorgeous, dirty hips?

He pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind,'What the hell am I thinking?! Nikki's my friend...at least...I hope he is...'

Mick walks out...more so stumbles, shirtless with his jeans undone,"Wh...when did you get back..?" He has a lovestruck, drunken look on his face.

Tommy stares him up and down.

"What? Vince is amazing with that cock of his~?" Mick practically moans through his gushing. Vince comes out, thankfully fully dressed and refastens his lover's jeans,"How many times have I told you to wait until I redress you?! You're always too delirious to do it yourself!"

The blonde peers over Tommy's shoulder,"Aww, you got him a new sweater! He loves sweaters!"

Tommy smiles fondly,"I can tell. But...it wasn't the best getting it."

Mick and Vince exchange worried glances. Mick walks over knelts down beside Nikki and runs his hands through his hair. Tommy feels that strange pang in his gut as he watches Mars' friendly PDA towards Nikki.

He feels his blood boil, his mind clouding over.

'Don't touch him like that.'

'Stop.'

'You have a boyfriend.'

'He. is. mi-'

"-MY! TOMMY!"

Tommy spins around, towering over Vince,"WHAT?!"

Vince gets right back up in his face, growling,"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO SLAUGHTER MY BOYFRIEND?!"

Tommy freezes, noticing Mick staring at him. The raven looks almost scared of him, blue eyes wide and filling with tears.

Tommy finally feels the sharp pains in his palms and realizes he was clenching his fists so hard his nails had drawn blood. His jaw is tight and his muscles are tense.

But he doesn't care,"Stop fucking looking at him like that!"

Mick glares icily,"Like what?! I'm comforting my friend!"

Tommy walks to stand over him, feeling lava in his veins," Well you seem to be getting awfully handsy with your friend!" He says the word friend with an irritatingly fake sweetness.

Mick replies, equally condescending,"Ooohh! What're you gonna do about it? It's not like I'm groping him or trying to fuck him!"

Mars stands up, sneering at the drummer. Even with their immense height difference, the guitarist still manages to match Tommy in intimidation.

The raven pouts artificially,"Whaat? Did something happen while we we're gone? Did someone try to seduce your precious little fuck toy?"

That's when Tommy snaps. He rears his hand back, white hot rage consuming him, and slaps Mick hard across the face.

Mick screams out in pain, and cowers away, covering his face. That sets Vince off beyond the edge.

He grabs Tommy the shoulders and slams him against the wall," DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH HIM LIKE THAT AGAIN! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME YOU LITTLE PEICE OF SHIT!?"

Tommy pales, his actions finally coming to him,"I-I...I...."

The look Vince gives him is burning with hatred as he clenches a hand around his throat, screaming,"I SAID DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!"

Nikki jolts awake at Vince's furious screaming, looking sacred half to death when he sees the source of the sound.

He nearly trips over Mick in running to his bandmates. He yanks Vince back and shakes his head wildly green eyes bright with horror.

Mick screams, somewhat in anger but mostly in fear,"Guys, stop! Stop! You're scaring us!"

Vince freezes, as does the rest of the band. The only sound in the room is Tommy's pathetic choking. That is until Vince abruptly lets go of the drummer, sending Lee crumbling to the ground in a painful coughing fit.

Nikki drops to his knees next to Tommy, frantically checking him for injuries.

Tommy rubs Nikki's back, coughing softening," I'm okay, Sixx.... I'm okay..."

Mick glares at Vince, who's staring remorsefully at Tommy,"You should be sorry! That was un-fucking-necessary!"

Vince whips to face him, eyes blazing," He fucking slapped you!"

Mick shoots back,"THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO KILL HIM!"

Vince screams back,"FUCK OFF, YOU CRIPPLED BITCH!"

Mick's blue eyes widen, filling with tears.

Nikki and Tommy glance between the fighting couple.

Mick's voice is shaking,"Wh-what did you call me...?"

Vince gasps, horrified,"Oh-Oh, sweetheart!"

He wraps his arms around Mick as Mars starts crying, tears rolling down his face,"Oh, Mick! I'm so sorry! I...I-It just slipped out! I would-I didn't mean to-fuck, I'm so sorry!"

Mick shoves Vince away hard enough for the singer to fall back on the couch and flees down the hall, teeth clenched to hold in his sobs.

Mars' door slams, followed immediately by silence.

Nikki's lips curl into a snarl and he signs angrily,' Vince what the fuck?! Why would you say something like that?!'

"I...I need to go out for a drink....calm down a little,"Vince scrubs his hand over his face, ignoring Nikki's vexation.

The singer grabs his keys and walks out the door, head bowed, blonde locks forming a curtain over his face.

Tommy swallows thickly ," Nik, does...does this happen a lot...?" He rubs his throat, wincing as he presses on the bruises that would no doubt become darkened the next day.

Nikki fishes out his notepad,'No...they're always showering each other in love. Sometimes it gets sickening. I honestly don't know what set Vince off like that.'

Tommy sighs,"And I can hear Mick crying...poor guy..."

'Let's give them time to cool off. I'm sure Vince just overreacted, right?' Nikki scribbles, eyes glimmering with uncertainty.

Tommy nods,"Yeah....yeah...right. Do you think I should talk to Mick?"

Nikki reverts to signing as he shakes his head,'Give him some space....just for a bit.'

Tommy looks around, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly," Alright well....what would you like to do then, Sixx?"

Nikki pokes the drumsticks sticking out of Tommy's pocket. Tommy smiles and twirls them," You wanna jam together?"

Nikki nods and runs off to his room to get his bass, Pomeranian hair fluffing with his movements.

Tommy grins, feeling springy himself as he jumps up to set up his kit

[the--blackdahlia]

Nothing Else Matters (Tommy x Nikki)

Title: Nothing Else Matters

Summary:  Tommy feels like he's being left in the dust, that no one wants him. So when he decides to take matters into his own hands to prove his point, a hero comes to his rescue.

Warnings: Suicide attempt, major depression, sad feels, but it does get happy!

AN: Okay, I know that slash pairings are not everyone’s cup of tea. So if you’re going to say something negative, please just keep it to yourself. I’m really not in the mood to deal with it today.

It was a long weekend. Memorial Day was coming up. Vince was taking his boat out to the lake, Mick was going to see family a couple counties over, Nikki had plans to do fuck knows what. And Tommy? He had nothing. He had honestly hoped that one of the guys would offer him a pass to come with them, like they did at Christmas, but it wasn’t a big holiday so why would they care if he sat at home. He hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms with his parents for going on a year now, and there was no one in his life to spend the long weekend with.

So when Nikki, Vince, and Mick were talking about their plans early Friday afternoon, Tommy slipped out of the studio, alone.

“What about you T-Bone?” Nikki turned to where the drummer had been. “Tommy?”

“Where’d he go?” Mick asked.

“Asshole probably has a whole line of girls he wants to get through before Monday night.” Vince laughed. Nikki just nodded, but something felt off. He looked at the studio doors before he sighed and went back to talking with the other two.

****

Tommy placed the needle on the record as he tossed his bags from the store on the couch. The grocery had been pretty well picked over, with people wanting to get things to grill out and parties and all that good, All-American shit. Tommy stood in the kitchen of his apartment, listening to the music coming from the speakers. He braced himself against the counter. Everything had been rough. Yeah, they were making music and making money, and yeah they had fans and fame, but it wasn’t the same. Tommy felt like he was stuck behind while all three of the others were moving forward. He was stuck in ‘82 while they all got to move on.

And no one cared enough to look back and make sure he was all right.

“It’s okay. I’m the only one I need.” Tommy whispered before he made his way back to the bags, uncapping the first bottle of Jack for the weekend and taking a big swig.

****

Nikki woke up Saturday morning with nothing to do. All his things he had to do were later in the evening. He was meeting some friends for a jam session, just to have some fun. He had thought about inviting Tommy, but it probably wouldn’t have been his scene, so he just left the invite in the back of his head.

He went about his day like usual and headed over to meet up with his friends. They played around, doing different songs and mashing up things just for the hell of it. It was a fun evening, and the guys had given Nikki some good tips on places to go take pictures at. So that’s what he planned to do the next day after just relaxing around the house.

But as he went home, his mind started thinking back to Tommy. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with his best friend. He had grown more depressed with each day. Nikki was seeing less of Tommy when he looked at the younger drummer. He was morphing into something else.

He wasn’t the man that Nikki had fallen in love with.

“What am I thinking?” Nikki asked with a groan. “Tommy doesn’t love me. And I don’t love him.” He looked over at the phone, settled in its cradle on the end table. There were no messages, nothing ringing. Nikki thought about calling Tommy, asking him to grab a drink or something, but he shook his head. Tommy probably had plenty to do that didn’t involve him.

Nikki thought about going to get a shower, but something was telling him not to do it. Something was telling him to get his car keys and head over to Tommy’s place, even if it was just to be annoying.

So that’s what he did.

****

A broken bottle laid on the ground by Tommy’s stretched out legs. He was settled in to the kitchen, back up against the cabinets. Tommy stared at the glass and amber liquid, holding the fresh bottle loosely in one hand. Tommy wanted to get up, wanted to clean up the glass and get a bottle of water. He wanted to call one of the guys and see if they were busy, or just go out. But that little monster in his brain, that one that told him that he would be replaced when they found a better drummer, told him not to. It told him keep his happy ass sitting there.

‘They wouldn’t care if you were gone.’ It told him. This monster had been growing louder for the past few months, and the Jack in his system didn’t help. ‘Vince thinks you’re an ass. Mick thinks you’re annoying. And Nikki, oh boy, Nikki thinks your pathetic.’

“S-stop…” Tommy whispered, wiping at his eyes. “Stop.”

‘You know it. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know.’ The monsters voice sounded just like his. ‘You tell yourself that they’re your family, that you love them, but they will never love you. Especially him.’

“Shut up!” Tommy screamed, throwing the full bottle of Jack. Whiskey flew across the floor, leaving a train before the bottle hit the wall and shattered. “Fuck!” Tommy cried out. He pushed himself up off the floor on shaky legs. He wanted to call someone and ask for help, but instead, he ripped open the drawer that held the knives. Sliding back down to the floor, he stared at the shiny blade in his hand.

‘The only way you’ll be famous is when the headline breaks tomorrow morning.’ The voice told him. ‘People only love you when you’re dead.’

Tommy’s hands were shaking as he placed the knife against his left arm. He wondered if they would come looking for him on Tuesday, or if they would just send an ambulance or the police. Or, would it be a week, thinking he had just decided to be an ass and take a long holiday. Tommy took a deep breath to calm himself. Closing his eyes, he pressed the knife against his wrist and pulled.

****

Nikki parked in front of Tommy’s building and made his way in. They had exchanged keys awhile ago, because at the time, Tommy had some turtles and Nikki had a dog. But the girlfriend that left took the dog with her, and the turtles went to a nephew. But the keys stayed. So after knocking a couple times and not getting an answer, Nikki made his way into the house.

“T-Bone? You home?” Nikki called out. He could smell booze filling the small apartment. He heard the sound of a turntable needle scraping on the table. He looked over at the stereo system Tommy had set up. He put the needle back into the cradle, looking at the album that was on it. Shout at the Devil. Nikki smiled a little, thinking back on old times. He headed towards the kitchen.

“Tommy? You here?” Nikki asked. The smell of whiskey was stronger in this room. He looked down to see a puddle of it with broken glass. Frowning, Nikki looked up.

And that’s when he swore his heart stopped.

“TOMMY!” Nikki screamed, not even realizing he had done it until the words left his mouth. Tommy was slumped to the side, knife resting in his lax hand. His eyes were closed, and there was red, so much red. Nikki ran to him. “Tommy! Tommy come on man, wake up!” He patted Tommy’s tear stained cheeks.

His hands made their way down to Tommy’s neck. He could feel soft breaths coming from his lips and his pulse was there. Sluggish and dying, but it was there. Nikki grabbed a towel from the cabinet door and wrapped his left wrist, before throwing open drawers to find another to put around his right one. Tommy whimpered a little and opened his glazed over eyes.

“Tommy, you gotta stay with me okay?” Nikki said. “I need to get an ambulance here. You’re not allowed to go anywhere though.”

“Nik?” Tommy asked, confused. “‘M dead.”

“Hell no you’re not.” Nikki shook his head and ran to grab Tommy’s landline, dialing 911 and talking a mile a minute to the operator on the other end. When Nikki heard the sound of sirens getting close, he hung up the phone and turned his attention to Tommy. “Tommy, look at me, okay? You’re going to be okay.”

“Don’t wanna…” Tommy whispered. “Love you Nik.” With a small smirk, Tommy’s eyes rolled back in his head and he fell forward against the bassist.

“Tommy?” Nikki asked, shaking him. “T-Bone, come on man. Wake up.” Tommy’s head lulled from side to side. “Tommy!”

****

Nikki sat in the hallway of the hospital, his head in his hands as he focused on his breathing. They hadn’t let him in the ambulance with Tommy. Instead, he had sped behind it in his car, hoping for the love of god that no one would cut him off. When he got to the hospital, he gave vague messages to Vince and Mick’s answering machines, and he filled out the paperwork the best he could.

And by that, he knew Tommy’s medical history like the back of his hand, from his broken arm when he was six, to the broken nose when he was in high school, all the way up to any intolerances he had for medications. Tommy might not have thought that Nikki was listening when he told him everything, but he was.

He looked down at his hands after a bit. They were covered in dried blood. Tommy’s blood. If he hadn’t listened to his gut, if he had went to shower instead, he wouldn’t be sitting in a hospital right now. Instead, he’d be getting a phone call a couple days later saying his best friend, his Tommy, was gone.

“Nikki!” He heard Vince’s voice call out. Nikki looked up to see the singer making his way to him. “What’s going on? I just heard Tommy, hospital, and...is that blood?” Vince stared at Nikki’s hands. Nikki looked up at him, and just slowly nodded. “What the hell happened?”

“Tommy...he…” Nikki whispered. Mick came in then, looking around.

“What happened?” He asked. Nikki broke down then. That was enough for Mick and Vince. They were able to put together the pieces. They didn’t know the details, but they knew enough. So they set by the bassist and waited. Vince had fallen asleep, with his head resting on Mick’s shoulder. Nikki was up, pacing.

“Family of Tommy Lee?” A doctor said. Mick woke up Vince as Nikki turned to the doctor. He made out a few words that the doctor was telling them. Emotionally unstable, blood transfusions, things like that. But the important thing Nikki wanted to hear was if he could see the drummer soon.

They were told that only one at a time until Tommy woke up, and that they would have to follow visiting hours, but Mick and Vince each slipped the doctor a fifty to work things out so that one of them could stay. And by one of them, they knew it would be Nikki.

“Tommy,” Nikki whispered, watching the drummer. His fingers grazed over the white bandages wrapped around his arms. “I’m so sorry man. We’ll make things better though. I promise.”

****

Tommy’s body felt heavy as he started to come to. Blinking a few times, the first thing he saw was light. As his vision started to clear, he saw it was a fluorescent light. He hadn’t pictured Heaven to have office lighting. Maybe he was in Hell? He tried to sit up, but his head spun and he just laid back with a groan. He heard the sound of a chair scraping the floor and a worried face came into his view.

“Oh thank god.” Nikki whispered, cupping Tommy’s face. “I thought I lost you man.”

“Nikki?” Tommy asked, confused. “Where am I?” He cringed at his sore throat.

“Hospital.” Nikki told him. “A nurse is on her way to check you over okay.” Nikki ran a hand down his face. “You know, if you wanted to look at cute girls in nurse outfits, you could’ve just said something.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Tommy just frowned, until he looked down at his wrists and it all came back to him.

Tommy didn’t talk again until he was examined and given some water. He sipped through the straw, trying to find something to stare at so he couldn’t look over and see Nikki’s disappointed eyes. He couldn’t handle that.

“I’m sorry.” Tommy finally said, so low that he wasn’t even sure if he had actually said it or not. Nikki was closer to him in an instant, gently turning his head so that his brown eyes locked with Nikki’s green ones.

“What was going through that head of yours Tommy?” Nikki asked. Tommy didn’t want to say it, but he knew he had to let it out.

“You all are moving on,” Tommy whispered. “You guys are all living lives and having a good time, and I’m stuck behind.”

“Tommy…” Nikki said softly.

“I can’t find anything that makes me feel like my happy self anymore. The closest thing is when I look at you and…” Tommy trailed off. Nikki thought back to the apartment, to right before Tommy had passed out and the paramedics had come to save the day. “I love you Nikki…” Tommy admitted.

“T-Bone.” Nikki whispered. Tommy was about to tell him he could leave, that he didn’t have to stay. But instead, Nikki cut him off by sealing his lips over Tommy’s. It wasn’t a hard kiss, but it was enough to let the other one know everything they had wanted to say for so long. Finally, they broke apart.

“When you get out of here, we’ll go and talk. Really talk.” Nikki told him. “Because I love you too Tommy. And when I thought you were gone, I was wondering how long it would take for me to be right behind you.”

“I…” Tommy just sighed. Nikki brushed his hair out of his face.

“You need your rest,” Nikki told him. “And I need to get someone over to your place to clean everything up. Unless, you’d rather come stay with me for awhile…”

“I think I’d feel safer staying with you,” Tommy told him. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I minded.” Nikki laughed a little. He placed another gentle kiss on Tommy’s lips. “I would feel safer if you were with me.” He felt his heart do flips as he saw Tommy smile, actually smile, for the first time in a long time.

He knew Tommy had a lot of things to work out. He had his own things he had to work through, but he knew that they could do it, as long as they had each others backs.

Forever Tags:  @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk

Motley Crue Tags:  @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666

[the--blackdahlia]

Dirty Laundry (Nikki x Tommy)

Title: Dirty Laundry

Summary: When Tommy’s suicide attempt is leaked to the media, will it destroy everything him and Nikki have worked for?

WArnings: Referenced suicide attempt, language, angst that gets happy

AN: Do you guys have anything you’d like to see in this series?

Nikki was sitting in the recording studio, playing with his engagement ring. It had been two months since the impromptu proposal, and he hadn’t regretted it once. Tommy being in his life was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He remembered that dorky smile from the day they met. How he always had his drumsticks on him and fidgeted with them when he was nervous. How he always loved Nikki’s ideas in the beginning, especially the stupid ones. They were the terror twins for a reason.

Soon to be terror husbands.

Tommy had therapy before band practice, and Nikki had got there early to just jam out on the different instruments. He wasn’t a guitarist by any means, but he could still turn out at least Smoke on the Water. He messed around on the drums for a bit, trying not to ruin Tommy’s configuration. Some would say it was a hot mess. Nikki said it was just Tommy.

Mick came in while Nikki was giving a one man show on the drums. He chuckled a little as he made his way to the couch. Nikki crashed the cymbals and looked at the older guitarist.

“Oh, uh, hey.” Nikki said, nodding at him. Mick looked over at his guitars. Nikki was sure he had put them back right, but when Mick turned back to look at him, he gulped.

“Next time, use the red one. The black one has harder strings.” Mick told him. Nikki breathed out a small sigh of relief. “You’re here early.”

“Tommy had therapy and I just wanted to get out,” Nikki shrugged. “So I just went ahead and came in.” He laid his sticks on one of the snares and made his way over towards Mick. “I’m sure Vince will probably be the last one here though.”

“You heard him before. If he doesn’t get his twelve hours of beauty sleep, he looks like a horses ass.” Mick chuckled.

“Maybe he should aim for thirteen then,” Nikki laughed. “Tommy will be here in about twenty minutes or so. Hopefully Vince gets here about the same time.”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath,” Mick laughed, taking one of his guitars and putting it in his lap. “Wanna jam for a bit though?”

“Sure,” Nikki smiled, picking up his bass, ready to play.

****

Vince rolled out of bed and turned on the TV while he waited for his coffee to warm up. He wasn’t exactly known for getting to the studio early, or even on time, so he was taking his time. Plus he was not doing anything without his coffee. He wasn’t really a news guy, so he switched to watch some music videos. Of course, MTV had slowly been adding new things to it’s line up besides just the music.

And right now was their news.

“Damn it,” Vince groaned. He was half listening as he watched the coffee start to brew.

“We have unconfirmed reports from one of our affiliated magazine publications that Motley Crue drummer, Tommy Lee, was hospitalized sometime last year for a suicide attempt.” The person on TV said. Vince didn’t think he had heard right, but he still turned to look. And sure enough, there was a picture of Tommy at his drums on the screen.

“Oh no…” Vince whispered.

“We reached out to Motley Crue management for a comment, but haven’t received an answer.” The person reported. Vince didn’t listen to anymore of the news. He poured what coffee had brewed into a to-go cup, pulled on the cleanest clothes he could find quickly, and headed out the door. He drove towards the studio, stopping at a newstand along the way. He wasn’t sure which magazine was affiliated with, but he scanned each one until he found one with a small picture of Tommy in the corner and a headline that read “Rock & Roll Suicide”. He grabbed it and paid the attendant before heading towards the studio. He took a few moments to read the article. Just one page with a glossy photo and lots of speculation.

Speculation that was scary close to the truth.

“Fuck.” Vince groaned. He was going to have to tell Nikki. And he was scared about if Tommy had heard before Vince had a chance to tell them. He didn’t see Tommy’s car as he left his car and went to the studio, but he did spot Nikki’s and Mick’s. They were in the practice room, jamming out. But there was no Tommy yet.

“Guys, guys!” Vince called out as he made his way in, magazine in hand.

“What?” Nikki asked, placing a hand on his bass strings to stop them from vibrating. Vince just held out the magazine for Nikki to take it.

“I dogeared the article,” Vince said. “I saw it on MTV this morning. Someone fucking talked.” Nikki saw the title on the cover and quickly flipped to the page that Vince had marked. Mick read over his shoulder, looking up at Vince with wide eyes.

“Oh god. Oh no.” Nikki’s hands were shaking as Mick took the magazine from him to reread it better. “Who?”

“It had to be someone from the hospital,” Vince said. “Someone got fired and decided to sell the story?”

“How are we going to tell Tommy?” Mick asked. Nikki looked up at the clock that hung above the doors. Tommy should’ve been there by now. Nikki was scared now. Had Tommy already heard? Was he going to go home to the same scene he had witnessed at Tommy’s apartment? Or was it going to be that damn gun Nikki kept this time? Drugs? Jumping off that bridge where Nikki had proposed?

“Hey, hey, sit down,” Vince said. Nikki didn’t even realize that Mick and Vince were holding him up until he tried to take a step towards the couch and almost fell. “Easy Nik, we got you.”

“Where’s Tommy?” Nikki asked. “He should’ve been here by now…”

“I’m going to go check the parking lot,” Mick told him. “Just breathe Nikki. I’m sure he’s fine.” Mick left the room then, leaving Vince and Nikki sitting there. Nikki was staring at the vile magazine. He knew it would be a matter of time before the other media jumped on it. If MTV already got their hands on it, then people already knew and there were already probably messages on the machine about it.

“Nikki, I’m sure he’s fine,” Vince told him. “I bet he’s on his way here right now and he doesn’t know what’s going on.”

Mick had just gotten out the parking lot when Tommy’s familiar motorcycle roared into the lot. He had never been known to wear a helmet, despite being badgered by people close to him. He climbed off the bike and made his way towards Mick. But Mick could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t happy.

“Tommy,” Mick greeted him. Tommy knew something was up if Mick actually used his name instead of “kid”, “teenager”, or “drummer”, to name a few. “How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, I’m really pissed and don’t even know why I came down here,” Tommy growled. Mick could see something sticking out of his jacket pocket. A rolled up magazine.

“Oh no.” Mick whispered.

“I can’t be here right now,” Tommy sighed, turning on his heel. “If Nikki asks, tell him I went home.”

“Tommy wait!” Mick called after him. “Drummer get back here!” But he got on his bike and sped away. Mick groaned and made his way back to the practice room. Nikki looked up as he came in. “Well, I got good news and I got bad news.”

“That’s not scary at all,” Vince grumbed.

“Tommy was here,” Mick told them. “But I think he knows about the story and he stormed off. He said he was going home.”

“Shit!” Nikki jumped up and headed for the door.

“Nikki, where are you going?” Vince asked, standing.

“Home,” Nikki told him before leaving. Vince sighed and rubbed his forehead. He looked over at Mick.

“Remember when things used to be simple?” He asked.

“We’re Motley Crue. Nothing has ever been simple for us,” Mick replied.

****

As Tommy drove back towards his and Nikki’s home, his mind started to wonder. He knew Nikki, Vince, and Mick wouldn’t say anything about what had happened. And the more he thought about it, the more pissed off he got. He didn’t want people to look at him like he was broken or couldn’t be trusted alone. He had just fought his demons for over a year, and now he was engaged to a wonderful man, and for the first time in a while, he felt somewhat normal. He wasn’t 100%, and he honestly doubted he would ever be.

Before he registered what he was doing, he turned down a street, heading towards a friend of theirs who hosted a radio show. He knew he’d be going on soon and Tommy decided that if everyone wanted to know about him, what he had been through, he was going to give it to them.

After all, that was the name of the game right? Give the people what they want.

****

“Tommy?” Nikki called out as he made his way into their home. His car was there, but it was a nice day in LA and Tommy had opted for his bike, which was not there. After a quick search, Nikki knew Tommy wasn’t there and his heart was pounding. He had told Mick he was going home and he wasn’t there. Nikki closed his eyes and focused on his breathing before he picked up the phone and made a call.

“Hello?” Vince asked. He was the first one out of their group to get a cell phone. None of the others really wanted one. But Vince was a social butterfly and he wanted to be in the loop for parties and hookups.

“Its Nikki,” He ran a hand down his face. “Tommy’s not here.”

“What?” Vince asked. “But Mick said he was going home. He should’ve beat you there.”

“I know but fuck, he’s not here and I don’t know where he is,” Nikki was pacing.

“I’ll make some calls, see what I can figure out,” Vince told him. “We’ll find him before anything bad happens, okay Nikki?”

“God I hope so,” Nikki sighed before hanging up and closing his eyes. If he lost Tommy…

He wasn’t going to let himself think like that. Tommy was fine. He was probably just riding around to clear his head. He was fine.

Right?

****

“Tommy, my man!” Ty Carter, a DJ friend of his, smiled as he shook his hand. “What brings you here?”

“I came to give you an exclusive interview,” Tommy explained. “One on one in the studio. Live.” Ty raised an eyebrow as Tommy held out the magazine for him to read. “Media is going to be hounding me down. I figure that if I give you the rights to my story, then they can all fuck off.”

“Tommy, are you sure?” Ty asked. “I mean, this...this is a big thing. It might make things hard on you or something…”

“I’m sure Ty,” Tommy nodded. Ty sighed.

“Okay. I’ll tell production to get everything ready. It’ll be an hour probably. We could go grab some coffee or something down in the cafeteria.” Ty told him before going to talk to his production manager. Tommy ran his fingers through his hair before reaching for something to fidget with. He smiled at the receptionist before heading into Ty’s office to pace. She picked up the phone and called someone.

“Vinnie sweetie, it’s Caroline,” The girl said. “Hey, can you give me a scoop on why you’re drummer’s here?”

****

“Where is he?” Vince asked. Mick looked over at him. They had driven down to the strip to search him out. “Okay, thanks Caroline. I owe you.” Vince hung up and looked over at Mick.

“Tommy’s at a radio station,” Vince said. “I don’t know if I should be worried or relieved.”

“What’s he doing there?” Mick asked. “Let’s go tell Nikki so he can get some sort of peace.” Vince called Tommy and Nikki’s place, but didn’t get an answer.

“Damn it!” Vince hung up his phone. “No answer. You guys really need to get cell phones!”

“Don’t want one,” Mick told him. Vince sighed and headed towards their neighborhood. He hoped that Nikki was still there and just couldn’t get to the phone. Because he didn’t want to have to hunt down the bassist too. But ringing the doorbell brought on a negative result.

Nikki wasn’t home.

“Damn it!” Vince called out. “Why can’t either of these assholes just stay someplace where we can find them?”

“I’m getting them some sort of ID card telling people what to do if they find them,” Mick grumbled.

“Oh, I’m telling those two what they can fucking do when we find them,” Vince hissed. “At least we know where Tommy’s at. We could head that way.” Mick nodded and the two headed back out, heading for the radio station where Tommy was.

****

Nikki was driving around Los Angeles, trying to think of where Tommy would’ve went. They had been doing so good. Tommy was happier, Nikki could feel all the love between them. It was amazing. But it was like a switch had flipped and he blamed whatever asshole told the media about Tommy’s suicide attempt. When Nikki found out who it was, they were going to get a size twelve boot to the groin and a fist to the face. No need for lawyers.

But so far, his search had resulted in zero Tommy’s. He turned on the radio, maybe some music would help.

“And after the commercial break, we sit down with Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee for an exclusive interview!” Nikki heard Tommy’s friend Ty, tell the masses that were listening. Nikki all but slammed on his brakes. He managed to find a place to park without wrecking the car or killing one, and turned up the radio, ready to listen.

****

“Hi Vinnie,” Caroline smiled at him.

“Hey sweetheart. Where’s Tommy?” Vince asked. She pointed down the hall to the studio where Ty and Tommy’s interview was about to take place. The speaker in the hallway allowed people to hear the radio show. So as Vince and Mick made their way to the window, they could hear that Tommy’s interview was coming up. They could see the drummer sitting at the desk, headphones on, fidgeting. Ty said something and pointed, making Tommy turn to look.

“What the hell are you doing?” Mick asked through the window, but nothing could be heard due to the soundproof glass. Tommy just tilted his head. “Vince, give me your cell phone. I see the number for their phone taped up there.”

“See, cell phones are helpful,” Vince said, handing it to him.

“Oh bite me Malibu Barbie,” Mick snapped. He dialed the number and put the phone to his ear. Ty handed Tommy the phone to answer. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m not letting a magazine slander me,” Tommy told them. “I’m telling my side of the story before they can paint me into someone who can’t be left alone for even a second.”

“No one thinks that Tommy,” Mick told him. “We know how strong you are. We know you’ve been through a lot.”

“I have to do this Mick,” Tommy told him. “Maybe if there’s kids out there like me, maybe this can be a way to tell them to fucking talk to someone man. Because I didn’t think I could, and look what happened!”

“Tommy, what are you saying?” Mick asked. He heard Ty say something about thirty seconds to air.

“I’ll catch up with you guys later,” Tommy said before hanging up and sitting himself to face the microphone. Mick looked down at the phone then over at Vince.

“What is it?” Vince asked.

“I think things are about to be emotional.” Mick told him, giving him his phone back. The two members turned their attention back to the studio to watch and listen.

****

“Okay guys, we’re back and I have Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee in studio with us today. How are you doing today?” Ty asked.

“I’m pretty good. Thanks for having me man,” Tommy smiled a little bit.

“Okay, so I don’t know how many people out there in radioland have heard the story that broke this morning, or well, late last night, on MTV and in several magazine publication,” Ty began. “But it involves Tommy here, and we thought we’d hear it in his own words.” Ty took a breath, preparing himself. “Okay Tommy, can you start off by telling us what happened about a year and a half ago?”

“I was rushed to the hospital for a suicide attempt,” Tommy told him, running his thumb along the scar on one of his wrists. “I slit my wrists on my kitchen floor.”

“My god,” Ty whispered. “What...why?”

“Now I know that it was severe, clinical depression. But then, I just...I had this voice in my head. It was my own voice, telling me that I was unloved, that no one cared, that everything would be better if I was gone,” Tommy told him, his leg bouncing some with the need to fidget. “I had been dealing with it since, god, ‘83 at least. I could normally drown it out with booze, drugs, anything to keep my mind busy. But about two years ago, even doing that wasn’t helping. And I felt that I had no one I could talk to.”

“Could you not talk to your family or your bandmates?” Ty asked, the concern growing in his voice.

“My parents and I haven’t been on great speaking terms due to some life decisions that they didn’t really approve of,” Tommy explained, leaving it at that. Nikki, Vince, and Mick thought it was because Tommy didn’t want to go get his GED and at least, when in reality, he had come out to his family, and the only support he got was from his more proessive thinking little sister. “And the band, they had their own things to worry about. I didn’t think that any of them needed to hear my problems on top of their own.”

“There are great mental health facilities out there though,” Ty pointed out.

“Honestly Ty, there really aren’t,” Tommy told him. “If I would’ve had the resources open to me before I tried to take my own life, then maybe it wouldn’t have happened and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. But I wasn’t offered any type of help until after the fact. I wasn’t told that there were people I could talk to who would help curb the voice in my head. I wasn’t offered prescription medications to help balance chemicals in my brain. There’s only so much you can do on your own.”

“Okay, so what was going through your head when this happened?” Ty asked, looking down at some notes he had drawn up quickly before the interview started. He really wasn’t sure what Tommy wanted to say, so he was just trying everything the best he could.

“Honestly?” Tommy asked.

“Of course,” Ty told him, a little afraid of what was going to be said. Tommy glanced out of the corner of his eye at Vince and Mick who were standing there before taking a deep breath.

“That Vince thinks I’m an ass, Mick thinks I’m annoying, and Nikki thinks I’m pathetic,” Tommy stated. “I let myself believe that was right, because I had never been told otherwise.” Tommy looked down at this hands, unable to look over at the window to see Vince and Mick’s reactions.

“How are you handling things now?” Ty asked. “I mean, a thing like that just doesn’t go away overnight.”

“I still have nightmares about it,” Tommy admitted. “But I’ve finally started getting support that I needed all along. I’m trying to talk more, but I still reach the point where I say that not everyone needs to hear my problems all the time, even if they tell me over and over again that they’re there for me.” He paused then. Neither him nor Nikki had made their relationship public. If anyone really cared enough to find out, they weren’t hiding it. He almost wanted to tell the world, or well, the Los Angeles area who would then tell the world, about him and Nikki, but he decided against it.

“As long as you’re getting the help you need. Does this affect your touring or music?” Ty could tell Tommy was done for the day.

“We’re still touring, we’re still making music. I have my therapists number so if I need to call from a hotel room, I can. They’re working with me to help me find places along my tour route when I need help. If only this had been offered before, things might have been different. But I didn’t know enough to speak up, and resources aren’t made widely available to people until the damage has been done.”

“Okay, that’s all the time we have for this segment,” Ty said, knowing that Tommy needed the break and so did he. “Thanks for coming by and talking to us man.”

“Anytime. Thanks for having me.” Tommy offered him a smile before turning back towards the window where Vince and Mick were staring, wide eyed.

****

“Were we really that shitty to him?” Vince asked. “I mean, I thought if he was playing along with us, he was happy.”

“You just heard him, he wasn’t talking about it to anyone,” Mick sighed. “At least he’s getting the help now.”

“God, he’s pretty much been dealing with this the whole time the band was together,” Vince looked over at Mick. “Do you think Nikki heard?”

“I’m not sure,” Mick admitted. “Depends on a lot of factors. But you know he loves listening to this station.” They watched as Tommy got up, Ty hugged him, and he left the broadcast room. They waited out in the hallway as the drummer came out.

“So how pissed are you guys at me?” Tommy asked.

“Why would we be pissed at you?” Vince asked.

“We’re damn proud of you kid,” Mick told him. “Take a lot of balls to do what you just did. How do you feel?”

“Like I really just want to go home,” Tommy laughed a little.

“Go home man. You need the rest.” Vince told him. Tommy smiled a little before he headed out to the parking lot, getting on his bike to head home.

****

Nikki sat in the driver’s seat, in the same parking spot that he had pulled into when he first heard Tommy’s name mentioned. His hands were shaking and he had tears falling down his face. He didn’t realize how long he had been sitting there, just thinking about everything, until he looked at the clock and saw that it had been over twenty minutes since Tommy’s interview had aired.

“Shit!” Nikki started up the car and headed out of his parking spot. He had a feeling he was needed at home.

He pulled into the driveway just as Tommy was getting off his bike. He threw open his car door and jumped up, causing Tommy to look over. The drummer didn’t even have time to react before he was being wrapped up in a pair of tattooed arms.

“Fuck,” Nikki whispered, holding Tommy close to him. “I…”

“I’m so sorry Nik,” Tommy whispered. Nikki shook his head. “But I…”

“Let’s go inside,” Nikki told him gently taking his hand and leading him in. Once the door was shut, Nikki pressed his lips to Tommy’s. Normally, he didn’t care, but today, he figured that Tommy had been in the spotlight enough. He needed a break from it.

“Nikki,” Tommy whispered when they broke.

“I was so scared,” Nikki admitted. “I thought I was going to lose you.” He gently cupped Tommy’s face, calloused fingertips brushing over his cheeks.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Tommy offered him a small smile.

“I wish I would’ve known you had been dealing with this for so long, I would’ve helped you, I…” Tommy leaned in and kissed Nikki then to stop his train of rambles. When he pulled back, Nikki just stared at him.

“I didn’t even know what I was going through. So I couldn’t even begin to explain it to anyone,” Tommy told him. “But I’m starting to learn. And I think I’m finally doing a little better. It took more than an I love you to put me back together, but it sure did help the process along.” Nikki pulled Tommy in for another hug, holding him tightly against him.

“I love you so much baby,” Nikki whispered.

“I love you too Nikki,” Tommy closed his eyes, just letting Nikki hold onto him. “I love you too.”

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