#he doesn't believe i have adhd so. y'know

[houseofwolvess]

when will my dad stop trying to convince me to ditch any/all medication for my adhd

[ravensmadreads]

Unhinged totally unasked for thots about Riding Pedro Boys

Authors Note: So this came from me chugging entirely too many energy drinks and then projectile vomiting in Taylors inbox. I'd like to warn you that: English isn't my first language, I have never written smut before, I'm not a real writer, and also I'm trash goblin levels of unhinged about this. That being said; Enjoy and uhh. Forgive me Fandom

JAVIER PEÑA

Javier Pena doesn't let you do it.

Don't @ me LISTEN! (YES I STARTED OFF WITH A CONTROVERSIAL THOT FUCKING BITE ME.)

That man does not have the time, or the patience, or the good sense (the sense is at the other end) to let you ride. He needs the control okay? And sometimes it's not even about the control ! It's the frustration. It piles and piles and piles until he snaps. He needs to do. He will bend you over and work his frustration away until he has had enough and you let him because he needs it. (And lets be real he makes it worth your while every single time)

BUT. When he finally fucking retires, and gets a ranch, and breaths air not tinged with the smells of death, cigarettes and guns for the first time in however many years, and maybe drinks some fucking water, he takes you out on a date. He fumbles through the entire thing, panics because he thinks he blew it, still manages to get you home, gets ridden for the first time in like 6 years, and can't walk straight for an entire day and stammers every time someone asks him why.

JAVIER GUTIERREZ

Javi G loves it. He loves watching you. Gets all puppy dog wide eyed (remember the pool scene face??? Thats it.) and you have to really focus because his look of straight up wonder and awe and bright eyed eagerness makes you want to cry. He's panting like he's running a marathon, running his big hands EVERYWHERE he can reach. He makes you feel worshipped and adored and so very very loved. Thanks you after. For being so amazing, and so wonderful to him, and thanks the universe that he found you. Cause he's sap. You definitely cry after.

JOEL MILLER

(Watch me be controversial again) Joel is fucking tired okay? He has old man bones and creaky joints and his back is achy. Patrol was agony, Jesse wouldn't shut up the entire time, and Tommy was giving him shit, and he has no energy to drill anyone into the mattress (as much as we all want him to). He's just plain tired. He likes you on top. Likes it slow (like a roast chicken on a sunday slow). Enjoys the gradual build up, likes to lean back, watch with half open eyes as you take your time. Wants to indulge in something beautiful at the end of the world, and that something is you. He makes sexy grunting noises, mutters a whole lot of praise ~and filth~ and just y'know. Savours it. 🫠🫠🫠 savours you. 🫠

DIETER BRAVO

Dieter is a maniac. (Leave him alone he has adhd!!) He can't still still for the life of him so you best believe he changes positions 6 times and the only way you're getting to ride is if you're also putting some weight elsewhere. To hold him down! You squeeze his neck once and he MELTS. INSTANTLY. Loses all sense. Starts babbling and whimpering and making extremely pathetic noises. Will definitely buck up and whine. PRAISES YOU. BEGGING. LOUD NOISES.

MAX PHILLIPS

Max is a heathen. He just likes watching you bounce. That's it. That's the post :p

MARCUS PIKE

Marcus P is a romantic. He will be doing the whole "lean forward and try to get kisses in between" while also "moaning and maintaining eye contact" and he's holding you so tight , squeezing your sides and also muttering declarations of love. About how he wants a life with you, and a family, and a home, and a future. How he's going to "make you so happy baby, I promise I will, I swear to you". Doesn't let you off for from on top of him for atleast a half hour after; kissing all over your face and rubbing your back and petting your hair "I meant all of it sweetheart. I want all of you." shsbzgwgsvsg ilovehimsomuch and I've only ever seen gifsets of this man what is wrong with me

MARCUS MORENO

Marcus M is A MENACE. He wears his stupid glasses, and has his stupid shirt off, while he does stupid taxes/meeting plans in bed. You keep throwing side glances and getting increasingly wound up and he just has this gentle smirk but he's mostly ignoring you. You sidle up to him and maybe start kissing his jaw, laying gentle pecks down his neck, and he's still fukcungh working "Baby. I need to finish this. I'm sorry, you need to wait." But that smirk is still there and it's driving you crazy and maybe you keep kissing until you reach his *coughs* and then you're working on getting him interested. You can still hear the fucking pen scratching though and so you go deeper, and he raises an eyebrow. "be good now honey" You're settling in his lap and he has you sitting there until he has finished his paperwork with you whimpering and trying not to squirm because you want to be good you really do and you know he'll make it so much better but he feels so good and when he's finally finally done you get to move but you're so wound up you can't pull yourself together enough to find a rhythm and you're nearly in tears and he has to grip your sides and murmur instructions in your ear and help you until you're satisfied and just when you think he's done, and about to flip you over, he adjusts his grip and starts moving from underneath you until you're crying and he's finished ~which doesnt happen until you've come 2 more times~

DAVE YORK

Dave. Oh my gosh Dave. Dave is a strict dom if ever there was one. With him it's a punishment. He'll tell you to hold off until he's done which is freaking impossible with how deep he gets, and how he likes to warm up his hands on your butt while you're trying desperately to hold onto that last thread of control. He is muttering absolute filth, holding your arms behind your back with one hand while the other is either laying smack after smack or rubbing you furiously all the while he's got the smuggest look. "Don't you dare baby. Be a good girl now. Listen and obey for once". But you can't because he's not fair and he knows it. And when you do finally fall apart he's clenching his teeth trying to hold back himself and his hands are holding you up as you gasp his name like it's the only word you know. He's running his hands down your back and kissing you softly and helping you catch your breath and when you finally get your heart to stop pounding and look up at him, he's watching you with this dangerously soft smile and he goes "oh you're in for it now aren't you honey?" and kisses your forehead while you try not to whimper.

FRANKIE MORALES

Frankie is a soft boy. He loves it. Craves it. He loves giving up control. Wants you to tie him up and have your way until he has no thoughts left in that pretty little head. He is swearing like an absolute sailor the entire time, calling you ma'am, begging to be released so he can kiss you and touch you, absolutely nearly breaks the head board once he was so desperate. Wants to be edged but also is the biggest WIMP about it. Will pout and swear and beg and plead but then want you to deny him again. Will definitely be mumbling absolute nonsense once you're done. Needs all the aftercare. Blushes pink when he gets it. Wraps himself around you like a HUGE koala bear after. ~and returns the edging favour 3 times over when he gets in his Captain Francisco Morales Mood~

JACK DANIELS

BONUS TWO I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT and tumblr won't let me put gifs for:

Jack makes every single cowboy joke known to man. You have to put your hand on his mouth to get him to shut the hell up. His eyes get all glassy when you do. He puts his hat on top of your head and busies himself in your neck (dual benefits: A. He shuts up and B. HICKIES) will definitely drag you on top of him in his Bronco (he likes to show off) will pull up on the side of the road almost 70% of the times you drive together. Bites you over your clothes. Loves the way you grab desperately at this leather jacket. Definitely makes you bend over and 'clean up the mess sugar' before driving like the hounds of hell are after him all the way back home and doing it all over again because "we gotta make you a mama now love"

PERO TOVAR

Pero got married after he came back and retired as a sell sword. His wife is a soft but sassy thing who's a little (read: not at all, she returns his snark twice over) intimidated by him but also thinks he's a good man because he saved her village from raiders. She has seen him grumble and snark at but then also share his food with the orphans who works at the village inn. She's inexperienced (let me live my victorian life) and he doesn't really think he deserves her but also he's not so much an idiot to say no to someone like her. She's the village "healer" and he met her when he got stabbed by one of the raiders (arm wound: not serious.) He has to teach her. She gets shy and flustered, which is a total 180 from her sassy self, and Pero loves it. She makes the most amazing sounds that have him thinking that maybe he did something right in his life to end up in her arms. She wants to please her new husband and asks her married friends for advice and they tell her about this new position. So she asks him, stuttering and tripping over words, if she could try something she heard about? From a friend? She straddles him and Pero loses his mind. He's closing his eyes and clenching his jaw so hard and she's whimpering in the most DELICIOUS way and he's trying so hard to hold back and let her take her pace and she's so worried "am I not doing it right?" Pero has to take 3 deep breaths before he's centred enough to answer and then he helps her. Puts his hands on her hips to guide her. Puts one of her hands on his shoulder "steady now pequenita" and puts the other low on her belly and presses in so she can feel him. Loves the way she cries out. Bends forward to leave little marks everywhere he can reach. She's scrambling at his chest, leaving nail marks he loves, and finally grabbing his hair and pulling until he groans. And when they're both done and sated and sweaty he kisses her, looks her in the eye and winks. "I'm going to have to go thank your friend now, mi esposa."

DIN DJARIN

Din and you dont have time. The razor crest is finally in hyperspace, you got shot at for the 50th time in 2 weeks, (because Murphys Law seems to be the only law Mando never breaks), you're exhausted, sweaty, and the giggly green monster of chaos only made you chase him down from the top of a weapons cabinet twice before he finally decided to take a nap. You're frustrated, and in desperate need of a shower, and a nap, but also you can't get the image of Mando fighting out of your head. Before you know it, the hormones have taken over and you're attacking him in the pilot seat. The bucket is off (I refuse to look at my own reflection in the tin cans helmet while we do the do), he's got you arching into him, your shirt is half torn from the top because Din refuses to wait for "so many fucking buttons Meshla" the gloved hand is squeezing the back of your neck, his mouth is on your chest, his other hand (you only managed to get one glove off) is splayed out on your back. You're riding him like you're trying to break him and his thigh holster? thing (do i look like i can figure out what they're called?) is digging marks into your skin but you're too turned on to care. It's frantic, it's messy, you're PRAYING the tiny green menace stays asleep as you do your best to muffle your sounds. The refresher isn't big enough for a round two, (you still do your best), and your legs feel like jelly, when you finally pass out; curled up on top of the human space heater while he hums Mando'a in your ear.

*****

TAGGING: @chronically-ghosted (you are a menace but ily)

@fuckyeahdindjarin (here I go trying that writing thing again, stop me pls)

[hyperfixatedbastard]

one must grab the titty

Soft!Adam x AFAB!Reader

It's no surprise that Adam's big on physical touch, but you expected it to be - well, sexual. Turns out that this clingy, hypersexual douchebag actually likes innocent, nonsexual intimacy. Like holding your boobs just 'cause they're nice to hold.

Word Count: 926

WARNINGS: SFW (I think?), AFAB!Reader with gender neutral pronouns, mentions of sex, no sexual content, nonsexual intimacy

A/N: I kinda hate this but I'm tired of working on it, so here ya go! Apologies if you have no tits, but let's be honest, that wouldn't stop this bastard.

Dividers

Adam has some… odd habits, at least by Heavenly standards. Sometimes you wonder just how exactly he’s an angel, but you’ve learned to not question it. He may be a douchebag and an asshole, but he has his moments. He’s sweet with you, at least. You never expected him to be a doting, clingy boyfriend, but he certainly proved you wrong.

No matter where you are or what you’re doing, he’ll have an arm around your waist, or one of his wings loosely wrapped around you. Adam is a possessive guy (after hearing about the whole Lucifer debacle, you can’t really blame him), and he makes it clear with the way he interacts with you in public. And in private, he’s arguably worse—you’re lucky to sit down without him draping an arm over your shoulders to pull you in close, or practically pulling you into his lap. He’d never admit it, but you think he needs the reassurance that you’re still there, that you haven’t left him.

You’re not so sure about that theory once the touches go past cuddling.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

"Adam," you begin in a suspicious tone. "What are you doing?"

The angel in question blinks back at you owlishly. His mask and robes have been traded out for some sweatpants and a t-shirt that reads ‘I Got ADHD’ with the subtitle ‘A Damn Hard Dick.’ The two of you are cuddling on the couch in your shared apartment, with some shitty action movie playing on the TV as you sit wrapped up in his arms and wings with your back to his chest (you didn’t think that action movies would be allowed in Heaven considering the murder and whatnot, but once again, you don’t question it).

"Hm?" he hums innocently. "I'm watching the fuckin' movie, babe."

You glance down to where his hand is shamelessly groping your boob over your shirt. You debate whether or not to even confront him about it, considering he isn't actually doing anything other than just holding your tit, but you ask anyways.

"Why is your hand on my boob, then?" you prompt, your eyes shifting between his face and where his hand is idly groping your chest.

Adam chuckles and breaks out into a smug grin. "What? Can't a guy hold his partner's tits?" He gently squeezes your boob for emphasis.

Your face heats up at that, and your eyes narrow in confusion. "Why do you want to?" 

"Uh, because they're fucking great," he answers incredulously, like you're the weird one here. He then brings his free hand up to hold your other boob. He gives them both a gentle squeeze, but doesn't do anything more than that. The lack of a sexual innuendo, joke, or proposition doesn’t make sense to you—it feels out of character for Adam, even after learning about his love of cuddling.

You just look at him, confused. Sure, you've always known that he's a boob guy, but this doesn't strike you as Adam's usual horny antics. But if it’s not sexual (which you still find hard to believe), what the fuck is it? 

He seems to realize that his original explanation isn’t good enough. "Look, hot stuff, boobs are just nice to fuckin' hold, y'know? All soft n' squishy n' shit."

You raise a brow at that. It’s a fair point, you suppose. "So, what, my tits are like stress balls for you?"

Adam laughs—not that loud, boisterous laugh he does when pranking some poor soul, but that more genuine, softer one few people ever got to hear. "Yeah, pretty fuckin' much, babe. They're comforting!"

You roll your eyes at him, albeit fondly, as a smile pulled at your lips. "Whatever works for you, I guess."

His smirk grows, and he squeezes your boobs a little firmer this time. "Oh, these beauties are fucking workin' for me, sweet cheeks."

You scoff, albeit lightheartedly, and swat at his shoulder. "Shut up and watch your damn movie."

Adam doesn’t respond, but he pulls you a little closer and gives your tits one last good squeeze before returning his attention to the TV—for the most part, at least. His hands don’t leave your chest, but they don’t really do much either. They’re just resting there, occasionally groping or giving a light squeeze. Damn, this really isn’t a sex thing for him, is it?

You’d already been shocked when you’d first realized how clingy Adam is. You were even more surprised to discover that he’s a fan of nonsexual intimacy in general, like cuddling and hugging without it leading to something more. And here he is, surprising you once again by doing something that should surely be sexual in his mind, yet treating it casually and barely even making sex jokes about it. 

A few more minutes into the movie, you can’t hide your curiosity anymore. “This really isn’t a sexual thing for you?”

Adam’s eyebrows raise, and he looks puzzled at your question before breaking out into a smirk. “Why, do you want it to be?”

You scoff and shake your head. “No, I’m just… surprised, is all.”

“Hey! I can appreciate some nice boobs without it being sexual,” he protests, and he sounds at least partially serious.

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” you assure him with a soft laugh. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

“Good, ‘cause I fuckin' like this,” Adam remarks, once again squeezing your boobs for emphasis. You just fondly roll your eyes at him and go back to watching the movie.

Having a clingy boyfriend is pretty nice, actually.

Taglist: @3sire-777

[theoceansluvr]

Percy Jackson x Ballerina! Reader

warnings; like every sports headcanon list, injuries ! and horrendous foot pain author's notes; im so sorry to the lovely @officiallyalbino that requested this for borderline lying about when i'd post this😭 unrelated to the post but im severely sunburned and writing this kept me from scratching my skin off :((

oooo you best believe he has front row seats to every single one of your performances !

you'd think the adhd™ would get to him, but he's way too focused on you

he likes helping you with lifts because.. well of course he does !

he's very huge on helping you practice if you couldn't tell !

i think he'd always be insane flexible so he tries to copy your positions

looks DISGUSTINGLY good in the leotard might i add

brings flowers and a little (poorly spelled and written) card after every performance

like everybody knows him as your boyfriend because he proudly announces it while carrying his little gifts

doesn't matter if your just in the background he will clap like you just won an oscar

the parents next to him used to think he was just an overly proud older brother to be honest

that was until he leaned over while yelling "THAT'S MY PARTNER Y'KNOW ?"

he's quite the fanboy if he couldn't tell from my many, MANY times if saying this !

foot rubs ? foot rubs !

i personally hate people touching my feet, BUT !

i can see how this is probably the most relaxing thing in the world after hours of practice ngl

he's oddly good at it too

could probably hum every single Nutcracker song off the top of his head

honestly he probably really likes listening to your practice music actually

it keeps him focused when he's studying and whatnot !

could've mentioned this earlier, but he learns all the positions just so he can help you with certain dances

coordinated in the arena and almost anything else, not so much with dance

but he makes it work just for you :D

secretly really likes Black Swan

he watches it like a little kid trying to video games without his mom knowing

thinks your better than everyone no matter how much experience they might have over you

you're literally lauren anderson in his eyes

(or any ballet dancer you may look up to of course !)

enjoys watching you do your hair before recitals

it's oddly satisfying to him, so much to the point he has it memorized on how you do it

possibly keeps a fat stack of hair ties on him at all times (if your hair is long enough to even need any)

not as long as i would've loved this to be, but ballet still has a special place in my heart and i hope this was good fo

[featherybitch]

guys i beg you don't dismiss any possible symptoms you experience!!

a few years ago tiktok began flooding me with adhd and autism symptoms and of course people there quickly mixed them all up BUT it kind of made me realize i might have/be one of these. so i started to research (because it would not be too wise to take all my info from tiktok) adhd symptoms and diagnosis criteria and i thought for a good while it's adhd. once i asked my previous psychiatrist (who was absolute SHIT) about it and she behave like she doesn't even comprehend my words. i knew she was being purposefully obtuse but it stayed with me y'know.

then i started to research autism symptoms and diagnosis criteria and decided that "lmao no way it was autism all along, omg tiktok played me so dirty for making me thing i have adhd". after changing psychiatrists i asked the new one about it and he said that yeah i'm autistic and so 1. i was glad that i figured it out on my own 2. didn't talk about things that led me to believe i might have adhd nor that i even thought that.

well guess what. it was both. the psychiatrist said it's fucking both. it was both all along and i would have meds by know if i didn't start to think that it was silly of me to even consider adhd. i had this brief moment while going from thinking it's adhd to thinking it's autism when i thought it might actually be both but i decided than "eh no way pick a struggle". turns out the struggle was real and it was those two bad boys being comorbid.

[sunthyme]

BABE, WAKE UP! PART FOUR'S OUT! Anyways, thank y'all so much for the support!! Every time I read y'all's tags and comments, I tear up istg y'all are so sweet. Have some photos of my kitten as a treat.

Onto...

🏵️Scarabia🏵️

So I believe they have the least amount of members out of all my headcanoned dorms so if y'all can think of some more villains for me to twst, I'd be more than happy to toss them in here lmao.

🦦Kalim Al-Asim🦦

omg they have an otter emoji cute!!

(he/him) Transmasc - Panromantic Asexual

My baby boy is so precious omggg

- I really didn't change a lot from the og design tbh, I love him. I did give him rounder and bigger eye for that cute puppy-eyed look.

- Stuck some freckles on him and gave him a tooth gap for max cutie patootie status. Oh, and some scars from previous assassination attempts.

- I'm really partial to Kalim and Ruggie or Kalim and Silver personally (or both, Kaiplim does have two hands for a reason) but I see them as a little friend group regardless and he LOVES spoiling them.

- Ruggie at first befriended him for the money aspect but eventually grew to like being around Kalim anyways. Silver just likes to listen to Kalim talk. Was also his first friend outside of Diasomnia.

- Kalim has ADHD and dyslexia, making it super hard for him to concentrate in class so Ruggie helps him study for tests (Kalim always bring food along with so it's mutually beneficial lmao). Because of this, people end up thinking he's dumb but he's super intelligent, he just can't concentrate easily. Crewel lets him have different fidgets in class as long as he doesn't accidentally disrupt his potion-making with them.

- Kalim's also highly empathetic and view himself as a support to all (maybe I am a Kalim kin too, fuck). He loves to listen to other and help out. God, he's such a cutie omg. Also has really good memory in specific about remembering who tells him what.

God I love Kalim so much, the cutie patootie. Still on Book 4 so I don't know ALL of the shit that happens yet but y'know it's gonna make me cry.

Next is

🐍Jamil Viper🐍

(he/it) Agender - Gay Demi-romantic Asexual

If I didn't think I changed a lot about Kalim, I changed practically nothing about Jamil lol.

- Biggest change was giving him a much redder skin tone. Not only is it closer to Jafar's, I felt it would look really nice with his general colour palette.

- Made his face a bit more angular and 'snake-like', plus some fangs but you can't see them lmao. Dimples because every time this man actually smiles, a new angel is born istg.

- I love him and Azul as a dynamic because it's two really emotionally constipated people dancing around each with a fun amount of delulu on Azul's part, let's be honest. Lowkey could be toxic or healing, who knows?

- He purposefully cooks too much some times as an excuse to give some away. I see him slides over an extra thing of food to Azul at some point as a sort of 'repayment' for like give him the homework or something. (Azul loves his cooking but wouldn't say that to his face for a hundred dollars lol).

- He and Trey cook together and Trey is like the only other person Jamil trusts in the kitchen with him. Trey teaches Jamil his family's baking recipes and in turn, Jamil share his cultural recipes. Trey 🤝 Jamil solidarity.

- Hella competitive streak which means Azul and Floyd find it incredibly easy to push his buttons.

- I know this is a lot of AshenViper but I love them lol. Azul tries to flirt with Jamil subtly like in the mer fashion of penguin-pebbling but Jamil is obviously unaware of the custom so he doesn't get it. (He does keep all the little shiny things, though over his dead body would he tell Azul that.)

Enough about my two favourite dumbasses... now for my ocs!

🌅Dareen Irfan🌅

Third Year - (she/her) Nonbinary - Sapphic Asexual

God, this is just the dorm for asexuals, huh?

- Dareen is twisted from the Cave of Wonders! I could not for the life of me tell what kind of cat it was so she's kinds ambiguous, especially since there's already another tiger.

- She is a very knowledgeable person and knows pretty much everyone. If you need information about someone you wanna ask out, she's your girl. She love playing matchmaker but respects when someone is not reciprocating and helps the rejected party move on.

- She and Oki are friends and like to do tarot readings together. (She may or may not have a massive crush on her but refuses to say anything lol). Both are very interested in cultural practices and hang out a ton to talk about them. (God I love sapphics)

- She's actually also on the basketball team and she and Jamil get along pretty well. She's very fast on the courts and Oki attends all of her games.

Next is one of my favourite designs...

🌼Chunying Liu🌼

Third Year - (they/it/she) Genderfluid - Aromantic Bisexual

- Twisted from Shan Yu, from Mulan! I kept the greyer undertones in her skin which really makes her standout among the warmer ones lol.

- Kept the gold eyes, I love how piercing they look, and darker makeup. Turned the furs into little earring tassel things, idk just for fun.

- Definitely outdoorsy type, she loves to hike around a ton, bring some other classmen out with her. She comes from a hella cold climate so she's wearing shorts until it hits the negatives. Loves horseback riding too and her family has their own stables.

- Natural leader, I can see it being the captain of a sports team, maybe like cross-country or something. She and Leona are probably pretty similar in demeanour as captains, make of that what you will.

- Her and Rook do archery practise together and she actually gets along great with Epel, they bond over winter sports and whatnot.

Time for probably one of my favourites out of my ocs!

🐯Chanda Singh🐯

Second Year - (she/her) - Bisexual

God I love her sm.

- Twisted from Shere Khan from the Jungle Book, which I looked up and it takes place in India so she's Indian.

- I didn't want to give her solid orange hair so I settled for some streaks and I love how they look. Gave her a bindi, some thicker brows based on a Pinterest reference that I though was GORGEOUS, and some beautiful hazel eyes.

- She's also likes to be outside but more in the lazy cat way. She love to sunbathe and tends to be spotted around the greenhouse too. Chanda and Leona having cat solidarity lmaoooo. Though her behavior is solely because she's a cat and not depression lol.

- I dunno why but I think she's a totally history nerd, specifically fashion history. Ask her anything about the origins of corsets or sarees and she's go on a long rant about it. She loving drawing, namely fashion sketches and she and Vil work together whenever she makes some prototypes.

Finally!

🦜Nasira Haqq🦜

First Year (she/they) Unlabelled Gender - Bicurious?

- Twisted from Iago! She's so cute lol. I gave her dyed hair (and pronouns) and she's a freshman.

- Kinda takes after Jamil and enjoys cooking, one of the primary people that makes food for the parties. She and Kalim get along really well since they're both really social extraverts.

- She's loves flowers and tends to decorate the dorm with them, changing them out when there's an event coming up.

That's most of everything for Scarabia, I hope you enjoyed! Tyty once again and I love seeing y'all's tags omg!🩷🩷🩷

[the-force-awakens]

I think something that no one talks about is how Poe leans more towards being an anti-hero than just plain hero. He's willing to do the "wrong" things for the right reasons, ex: willing the kill bad people to save the innocent, basically willing to do the dirty work that no one wants to talk or think about. and I think it should be talked about more. Your post was just *chefs kiss*, the way you understood Poe is so refreshing compared to what I see him reduced to in canon

Poe definitely is willing to make the tough calls, including being willing to kill bad people to save innocent people (or destroy a planet to save countless others), but I wouldn't necessarily sort him into the antihero trope myself, more the "good is not nice" trope.

Because for as much as Poe is willing to shoot the bad guys, or blow up a planet if it means saving the galaxy, he's usually the first person to lower his blaster or offer someone a second chance. The biggest source of conflict between himself and Zorii in Free Fall is the fact that Poe can't fit into this life of shades of grey, and that's a trait that does follow him to the Resistance. He can lie (badly) for them, he can steal ships, be labeled a criminal if it's done for the right reasons/for the Resistance but at the same time, he also......really can't wrap his head around and seems uncomfortable at times with Suralinda's way of manipulating or recontextualizing the truth for propaganda purposes (which i wish had...been better explored in the comics it's Fine, but like I wanna know more about Poe "can't lie" Dameron and Suralinda "i'm here to tell a good story" Javos. I WANT TO KNOW MORE LUCASFILM), even if Suralinda is doing those things for the Resistance, so they can gain more support.

There's also this quote of Rian Johnson's, that I really love, and that I feel like sums up Poe the best for me:

“Oscar is like a reincarnation of my favorite old movie stars; he has that old school magnetism paired with insane acting chops. Poe is a straight-up, good-guy hero, and although he gets put through the wringer in this film, because of Oscar you never lose faith that he’s going to come out the other end all the better for it.” [from this post]

I'm having trouble wording/it's kind of hard for me to explain, but like. I view Poe as someone who is, like Rian describes him, as a good-guy hero, who usually cannot quite stop the instinct to do the heroic thing, and how that can make him quite reckless (I do believe Oscar actually described Poe during the TFA Press Tour as "recklessly heroic" sir I'm sorry i ever doubted you about Poe being reckless, I thoroughly learned my lesson #13 Poe issues and a knife to Poe's hand later) - but I think also that doesn't mean that Poe needs to look like the hero, and I think TLJ proves that? He does what he believes is the best for the Resistance, and seizes control of the Raddus. It's a last resort, of course, and I don't think he necessarily cares about what people might think of him for it* - he's a commander, he makes the hard calls all the time, and regardless of his own desire to be a hero, I don't think Poe necessarily wants to be praised as one. He's just gonna do the right, most heroic thing at any given moment, and doesn't care what people say. I mean...we kind of get the impression he's used to being seen a certain way, y'know? Poe doesn't seem surprised in the least when Holdo berates him, he just has this look of "oh this banthashit again I thought I'd heard the last of it", y'know?

*y'know except for leia. because he definitely makes a face when she says that thing about holdo in the transport. anyway moving on because this got completely. the train jumped the track here. adhd moment.

As much as he is willing to do some hard things for the Resistance, I feel like Poe would. not last a day in the Rebellion - the Rebellion is just gray. You have to be, fighting something like the Empire, they're quick and dirty and. manipulative and liars and assassins, and Poe...wouldn't have the heart for that, I think. So I do believe there would be a line, in what Poe would even be willing to do for the Resistance.

That said, I do wish canon/fanon would be more willing to explore....any of his. nuance. that everyone seems very allergic to acknowledging, and I'd especially be interested in seeing more of Poe's - I'm a dw nerd sorry I'm just gonna call it this every time - "oncoming storm" side because it's so much fun. There's some other facets of his character I'd love to see explored in more detail, but that one especially. It would honestly be a dream, I think, if Alex Segura got to write for him again, but perhaps this time in the Resistance era, because I think that man would have a blast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with writing a good spy adventure.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Ok, on the topic of Miraculous Mary Sue's I have thoughts, bc both Maribug and Adrichat have been called Mary Sue's, and not for no reason, which I think is kinda fascinating

So, the two big things that make a character a Mary Sue (the way I understand the trope) is 1) hyper-competence in whatever task is thrown at them by the plot, regardless of whether it makes sense for that character to have that skill at that level, and 2) the rules of the universe they're written in seem to work differently for them than everyone else, bending things to always fall in their favor

Maribug and Adrichat both seem to hit one of these factors.

Maribugs creativity and ADHD twelve-steps-ahead-of-everything-including-myself brain and her wide range of craft skills make her seem to hit the first point. She's always able to come up with a creative solution to the problem at hand with whatever the universe throws at her (literally in the case of Lucky Charm).

But this is never Maribug whipping out a new, never before mentioned skill or hobby that fits the situation, like her suddenly being a master computer hacker when they need one in Startrain, she's just using the skills she's already been established to have, as well as the people around her, like Max, to save the day.

Maribug seems to fit into the hyper-competent Mary Sue zone on the surface, but when you take a second to actually think about it, she doesn't, and she certainly doesn't check the second box of having the narrative bend its knee to her.

Adrichat seems to hit the second point thanks to the whole 'Adrien is Perfect, the world needs to change' rule in the shows bible. None of his mistakes or bad choices are portrayed as such, like in Copycat when he lied to Ladybug about how Theo's Akumatization was entirely bc of her missing the ceremony, and not partially bc Adrichat got jealous of Theo's apparent feelings and then lead the artist to believe he and LB were dating. But LB was the only one who apologized, she never learned her partner basically lied about them dating (something she, at the time, was very against) and still believes Theo getting Akumatized was entirely bc of her.

Adrichat blatantly lied to his partner to avoid the consequences of his actions, and the show frames it as a perfectly fine course of action for him to take, with nothing wrong about something that was a blatant violation of trust between two partners.

And Chat Blanc fits this pattern too. Adrichats actions (using the fact he learned his partners secret identity to date her without her knowing she's actually dating her superhero partner) contributed to that whole apocalyptic mess as much as Maribugs, more so I would argue since all Mari did was get distracted and not notice Adrien saw her. A genuine mistake vs a conscious choice to deceive someone.

But who gets blamed for everything? Maribug.

Now, I want to say that the one to truly blame for Chat Blanc and all Akumas is 100% Gabriel, but I'm talking about how the show frames everything. And the show framed everything that happened there, from the set-up of the Akumatization to the apocalypse itself as squarely on Maribugs shoulders for, again, getting distracted and thinking Adrien didn't see her.

Adrichat is always framed as correct, no matter what he's actually done and how his actions affected the people around him and the story as a whole, which makes him seem to fit the second Mary Sue requirement on the surface. But that also falls through when you look deeper at things, bc part of the universe-warping Mary Sue stuff involves making everything fall in the Sues favor, and that is not what happened with Adrichats story.

...kinda

I fully believe the writers think Adrien being kept in the dark his entire life about, y'know, everything from who his parents really were to him being a different species than he thought he was is the best ending for him, despite how actually unfair it is to him as a character.

So the narrative did technically bend everything to give Adrien his 'happily ever after', but what it's calling a good ending is unsatisfying and actually unfair to him, and with how much the writers like damseling the poor kid, he doesn't even have a chance to try and check the hyper-competence box.

So yeah, Maribug and Adrichat both have Mary Sue traits on the surface, and for someone who prefers one character greatly over the other, it's actually pretty easy to see how those surface level details can interact with that bias to create a Mary Sue where there isn't one

Yeah it's.

I mean hello clear bias in talking about Adrien's faults and making shit up about what he did

But also yeah the narrative likes saying that Adrien's perfect and Mari is fucking up when they're both fucking up on shit.

[airlock]

supposed to be asleep; instead thinking about what it is we really mean when we say Neurotypical and Neurodivergent

I remember mentioning those terms to a former therapist of mine (who I stopped seeing for amicable reasons, not because he was bad or anything like that), and him always finding them strange, and saying that he doesn't think there's anyone out there who would actually fit the description of Neurotypical. at the time I kinda thought he was full of it, but lately I feel I've been starting to understand what he was onto.

(something to clarify on those statements. some of you might be thinking, wait, you really had to explain to a practicing therapist what "neurotypical" and "neurodivergent" are? and others of you might be thinking, wait, how could you possibly think that your therapist, who unlike you has a degree, might have been full of it? so let me clarify on both of these fronts in one fell swoop. I've studied psychology myself for a good long while, and one thing I learned doing so is that staggeringly little of the field is actually about neurodivergent people, and what little is, rarely ever says things that are serious and sensible about them -- seriously, you would not believe the type of ignorant shit I've heard out of students and professors alike. makes it quite strange that as a society we're so stiff on the assertion that they're the sole rightful authority on neurodivergent people, no?)

the thing about it is that I'm really not quite sure I've ever met an actual neurotypical person in my life. and I know, I'm extremely online, of course the people that I hang out with are overwhelmingly depressed autistic types -- but I'm talking about more than that. I'm talking about, say, how, when earlier this year a clinician was explaining my ADHD diagnosis to me and my mother, she was seeing herself in every symptom described but also begging the clinician not to diagnose her with nothing. and y'know -- ADHD is thought to typically be genetic in nature, isn't it?

and y'know, most people are more like my mother, stubbornly refusing the idea that they might be different in some way, than like me, earnestly trying to figure out who I am, what my limitations are, and how I can live with them.

how many people are there who would seriously self-identify as Neurotypical? people who care about the distinction are overwhelmingly neurodivergent. and if Neurotypical is only ever other people, then, how do I really know that someone actually is that -- am I just assuming, when I talk to them?

and again to be clear, I'm not thinking of my obviously neurodivergent internet friends when I'm talking about this. I'm thinking about family members, I'm thinking about people I went to school with, I'm even thinking about the ones who bullied me in there. do I really know, for a fact, that any of these people are Neurotypical? if I think about it long and hard, is there not a single thing that they do that I could possibly spin into diagnosis? do I know that they don't fit in with not just not a single one of the conditions that people talk about a lot, but also with every page in the DSM? do I know, or is Neurotypical just some chimera that I'm forced to assume perhaps exists somewhere out there?

is Neurotypical like gender biology, inasmuch as not even cis people ever fit perfectly into the checklist of things that are supposed to signify a certain gender or another, much less trans people?

so I then asked myself: if I had the power to take those words two, Neurotypical and Neurodivergent, and put them up on the shelf forevermore, never to be used again -- what, if anything, would that change? would there be any experiences that can no longer be described? would anything be lost?

I came to a conclusion, in the end. and it's that, while there doesn't seem to be anyone who can aptly be described as Neurotypical, there most certainly are people who are Neurodivergent. but it's not because of the definition given -- it's not merely because some diagnosis or another described them aptly. it's because there are some people in this world who, directly or indirectly, knowingly or not on the part of their oppressors, have been othered because of their minds.

or perhaps I should say -- consistently othered because of their minds. because every once in a while, everyone puts other people up in a box that's labeled "this person does not think human thoughts in the way that I do". I don't understand how someone could be so stupid in traffic; I don't understand how someone could be so rude to a stranger; I don't understand how someone could commit murder -- things like that. but not everyone gets their lives shaped by people constantly, continuously coming to that conclusion about them, and often from a position of power.

it's really a lot like race, in a sense. race is not a concrete, material fact whatsoever. the racial role that a person is made to play can vary greatly with the context. but racism is nonetheless pervasive enough that it would be silly to tell people that race doesn't Exist in any sense. it may be a fickle, imaterial idea, but it's one that impacts people's lives for better or for worse time and time and time and time again.

similarly, it may be the best way to draw the line between Neurodivergent and Neurotypical isn't to draw the line between having or not having mental conditions, but to draw the line between people who are or are not othered because of their mental conditions.

not, mind you, that it would ever be as simple as redefining those words (or coming up with new ones) and then rigidly adhering to that definition.

firstly, because I imagine that the reason why we drew the line where it presently is, is so that no one has to play Oppression Olympics for the right to identify as Neurodivergent. I must surmise that moving it from that spot always carries the risk of inviting people to practice all sorts of disingenious gatekeeping about what does or doesn't count as a Neurodivergent Experience.

secondly, because it can be so tenuous anyway to settle on what is or isn't exactly being othered for mental conditions. we know that someone who knows of your diagnoses dropping an r-slur on you would be unambiguously that, but what about, say, all the ways that bullying kids for "being weird" often surgically targets autistic people, while seldom coming from people who do realize that the people they're targeting are in fact autistic?

and thirdly, because of how contextual these things can be. like, in school I've always been the Other because of my mind, but when I'm posting shit here on Tumblr, I'm really just one of yall, am I not? and sure, here we're all deranged weirdos anyway, but like -- are anxiety disorders more "normal" in a group of ambulance drivers than in a group of bored socialites? is depression more "normal" in a group of social workers than in a group of athletes? is autism more "normal" in IT than in a marketing studio?

so at the end of the day there are still a lot of open-ended questions I'm beholding here, but the one thing I feel I can take away for sure from these ruminations is that Neurotypical, in the way we've defined it, is almost certainly a chimera.

[verstappentime]

Director’s commentary for Pietro and Erik’s relationship in superposition! (I love love love everything we got to see of them onscreen; the “remember what I always tell you” “there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism?” exchange in particular was so delightful, probably my favorite little moment of the fic so far)

ohhhh i love this one.

basically the idea came in the beginning to have pietro be part of the pit crew bc of his powers. then i was debating doing that bc i wanted him to be erik's kid, and we (me and percy who helps me with all my fics) were messing around with the idea of him being a little kid running around the garage or something, then it kind of all came together when i think he suggested we make him old enough to be on the crew *and* erik's son. so that's where erik being a teen dad came from! and once we landed on that idea, even though i knew it was going to be hard to slot into the story, i really super loved it. and we figured out a way around some of the logistical issues with erik not knowing he had a kid till he was 20, when he was probably already in f1, and us making erik a little older so it wasn't super outrageous.

they have an incredible relationship, there's actually a lot of lore that's not in the fic (yet, at least?). he found out about P when he was 20 and magda moved to england and got his number. he went over with his mom & she waited outside when he went in -- P was soo shy & didn't want to come out to meet him at first. he was so tiny and had erik's eyes and it was just surreal for him. he eventually got to say a little hello and go see some of pietro's trains and things and get to see his kid being a real four year old human and when he went back out to the car he just sobbed. he'll always be heartbroken that he never held him as a baby, tbh. he doesn't blame magda but he just wishes he could've gotten every minute with him possible. he takes being a dad more seriously than anything else and just loves his kid so much.

i guess it also hasn't come up that he stopped racing for a few years from when he was 20-22 because he wanted to parent full time, which is what led to him not winning his first championship until he was 25.

also, this bit you mentioned is a favorite of mine too, erik as a socialist who is also knowingly being a hypocrite because he's a multi-millionaire is funny to me lol. but yeah, these two are a great duo, erik does a good job!! there will be some bumps in the road bc he's parenting a 16 year old, but y'know. <3 thank you for loving them!

i'll add a deleted scene under the cut where erik opens up abt P a little more! (not very well written i'm sorry)

“I loved him from the moment I met him,” he says, quiet and honest. “He was small for his age, for a long time. And shy, if you can believe it. Magda had to coax him out just to say hello. I would’ve killed for four more years with him, back then.”

“And now?”

Erik shrugs. “It was hard at first. Toddlers don’t adjust well to change. And I think he… I know he wonders about it, sometimes. If I didn’t try hard enough to be there.” He swallows. He tries to keep that guilt tucked away somewhere safe. It hurts, and it’s hurt for the last twelve years. “But I just try to do everything I can to be a good dad, I guess. I don’t know if I’m getting anywhere with that one.”

He’s read so many fucking parenting books he could recite them. Raising mutant children, raising children with ADHD, explaining sexuality to your children, gentle parenting; everything he could get his hands on. But he still loses his temper sometimes.

He thinks of the first time he had to discipline Pietro, when he was little. He’d taken to Erik immediately, once he’d come out of his shell a bit, but Erik was a visitor, a friend who his mother had gently told him was his dad. They could play dragons together, visit the park, have a snack, and then he went back to his mom, who did heavy lifting.

The first time he’d taken Pietro overnight and needed to put his foot down, be just a bit firm (the first of thousands “no ice cream for dinner” arguments), Pietro had been completely distraught. He sobbed for what felt like hours, like Erik had broken his four-year-old heart.

He’d ended up burrowed into Erik’s neck, whimpering softly, while Erik whispered nonsense to him. It was the first time it dawned on him that if he just really fucking loved the kid, that could be enough.

These days, he isn’t sure.

[elijah-terry]

For that OC ask game how about 3 for Kieran and Yuuha and 9 for Stewie :]

oh man 3 is such a good one for kieran and yuuha, thank u prince !!!!

so okay. UM this got kind of long so i put it under a readmore <3 can you tell i'm back on adhd meds <3

questions are from this post!

3. What is your oc's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

So, first, Kieran. For full context, Kieran is originally my partner's oc, but now we both have custody of him <3 And when I mentioned this question to him he immediately said, "Oh, god, just one?" But anyway my answer for this is that Kieran's fatal flaw is love. (not romantic, he is arospec) .He would do anything for the people he cares about, at the risk of literally killing himself. He sees himself as worthless and irredeemable, and values the people he loves more than anything and definitely more than himself. If what that person wants hurts Kieran, he'll do it anyway. He'll do it to the ends of the earth. Part of this is because Kieran is a coward, and he considers that to be his fatal flaw. And to be honest the two are undeniably and inextricably connected. He doesn't want to let himself love. He feels it so much and buries it deep because he doesn't think he deserves it and he's too scared. His brother hates him and Kieran accepts that because he hates himself. He's just a big scared vulnerable feelings guy. :( but. tldr his ass is NOT aware of that flaw, he thinks it's that he's a coward. This love pertains specifically to like... platonic and familial love. His brother, the girl he considers his sister, Stewie, etc. When Kieran actually experiences romantic love he's kind of. chill with it. though that probably has to do with who the guy is tbh ( real quick i have to say now that i am talking about this story with people ((which is super exciting and fun for me!!!)) i need to say. kieran and stewie are not love interests. and in selkies it explicitly states that stewie reminds kieran of his brother evelyn for this reason specifically bc i can see it now. i can see if this ever somehow got published the biggest ship in the place would be kieran and stewie. crying emoji but im on my laptop)

3 for Yuuha:

His biggest flaw is definitely his pride. Yuuha is trans and at his old ballet studio, his instructor didn't acknowledge him as trans, and kept giving him parts that are generally for girls y'know. Often leads bc the instructor was obsessed with Yuuha (is the bad guy of that arc, has a palace, etc) and Yuuha kept taking them every time because he would rather be seen as a girl and be in the spotlight than be on the sidelines. And people used to talk shit about him because of it because he would complain about not being seen as a guy and then take like. idk clara from the nutcracker and people just saw him as a hypocrite. His pride is also what kept him from approaching Hifumi for years after they grew apart. Her success from afar made him feel bad after he quit dance and became a nobody, and he didn't know what she was going through and just assumed that she was too good for him. And he started to kind of believe it. His pride is also what almost gets him killed in the Metaverse, because he gets cocky and runs ahead without the PT. (in black mask au it's his pride that also gets him found out.) But he's extremely aware of this flaw, he just can't overcome it alone. He struggles with it constantly, and it's his Confidant route with Joker that helps him come to terms with it.

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote you associate with your oc? For Stewie

I had to go through the songs on his playlist real quick but. look. there's a lot of things i associate with stewie but he is, before he is anything else, kindness and love and acceptance. and this is gonna sound so small and stupid and simple but "Everyone you know will lie / those you trust will make you cry / all hellos end with good bye / so who's afraid to love? Not I." it's just. the quintessential feeling at the heart of his character. he's not afraid to love. why yes he is kieran's foil how did you know? sidfjdsf i wrote so much stuff for kieran and yuuha and like. nothing for stewie but like. stewie is full of love. that's his whole him. full of love. like he's still a complex character with other emotions but the things that remind me the most of stewie are his determination to love people who are equally as determined to not be loved. to help people who insist (lying) that they don't want to be helped. to accept those who feel they'll never be accepted.

thank u for reading this long thing sfsdf thank u SO much for asking !!!! aaa!!!!!!!

[belannaswlonkderfulworm]

Director's commentary on Underneath The Tree? I saw you reblogged the post so here we go:) UTT is my favourite work of yours :3

thank you so much, anon!! i'm so glad you enjoyed UtT, i had an amazing time writing it so im delighted you enjoyed it <3

Underneath the Tree very much started as the baby of myself and @exit-pursued-by-a-lesbian . we started it in november last year, just based on the fact that they were mad that every single thing i wrote (and tbh, most of the time still is) was angst, so we thought, hey, it's nearly christmas, we'll figure out something related to that.

as i have a long-standing rep for torturing b'elanna in my fic, she of course had to get some joy, and it escalated from there. i wouldn't describe either of us as die-hard b7 shippers, but we both definitely ship b'elanna with seven more than anybody else, and we both love kes, too, and think so much more could have been done with her, especially with a potential friendship with seven, so she got a big role as well. kes comes with the doctor, so he got something to do, too, and as we were introduced to vines by a voyager vines video (yes, we do unfortunately spend our free time watching things like that. it's a great use of our time!) so it seemed natural for their arc to involve a vine. neelix sort of just... showed up. i don't remember adding him to the story. he was just there. janeway was similar, except more wanted, and i firmly believe that all the best b7 has kathryn manically encouraging them all the way. tom and harry are another ship that we both ship together more than we ship either of them with anybody else, so they got to make a few appearances, and the voyager betting pool spiralled from that. you need a few more stakes than the general emotional torture of b7 being hopelessly in love with each other, so the betting pool, vine, and christmas party worked out nicely, as well as bringing me extreme amounts of joy.

our original plan was to both write a version, and then pick the best chunks from both and combine them, so we spent a lot of time in mid december wandering around our local town centre looking at clothes and christmas decorations brainstorming. hence, tuvok.

all the shops near us tend to go slightly insane in terms of the types of clothes they stock near christmas (pretty much every item of clothing described in the story is something we've actual found within twenty minutes of our houses, aside from tuvok's heels) so as we were brainstorming the logical idea seemed to be to point at clothes and go, "x character wears that (hopefully to the voyager christmas party)". it's funny to do regardless of what character you pick, but tuvok makes it infinitely funnier. like, seriously, i recommend it: wander around your local shops going "tuvok would wear that." it fuckign SLAPS.

anyway.

that lead us to picking out every part of the voyager christmas party scene. who doesn't love a good christmas party with your alien coworker who you're homoerotically in love with? once we'd figured out the stakes, we just had to weave the story together and, y'know, actually write it. this is the point where it became much more of a me effort than an us effort, bc deadlines are HARD, y'all.

i think i wrote the first chunk up until kes realises seven's in love with b'elanna by the third of december or so, and then i wrote the entire rest on the twenty-first, when my adhd brain went oh SHIT i have to write this we no longer have infinite time. my favourite scene to write was definitely the mess hall scene where janeway drinks a bathtub of coffee, b'elanna punches kes, and kes drinks an inordinate amount of hot chocolate. it was such a fun little moment of realisation, tbh, and it gave my beloved kathryn her second in the spotlight, too.

after that, all that was left was for @exit-pursued-by-a-lesbian to beta it, and then i posted it! (yes, all the christmas songs are real. yes, they're all on a star trek-named christmas-themed playlist on my spotify. no, i will not provide a link bc none of you need to be able to find the other playlists on my spotify, which include a thirty-six hour worm-themed playlist featuring the whole hamilton soundtrack)

once again, thank you so much, anon! i'm glad you enjoyed the story, and i'm sorry that this post is almost as long as the story

[darianias]

Is this normal for Demis or are these just me???

I have ADHD so this just getting bigger lol but I guess this can apply to anyone, esp the second part, but in this case it's in a semi context for me?

A fun and interesting aspect of being #demisexual and #demiromantic (at least towards functional characters in my case as that's what this is about and I've only ever felt this way towards them, probably a psychological thing tbh) or it could just be a me thing... Either way!

Is that the longer I hyperfixate or enjoy a fandom for extended periods of time I tend to slowly fall for more people even YEARS after I started it and I pick it back up later. 😂

Like in Demon Slayer / Kimetsu no Yaiba this past week or the week before I fell for Obanai. Like I had no inkling of an idea that this would happen . I have now fallen for all but one of the Hashira men (men, not male), Gyomei and also have fallen for Yoriichi.

Like... when I first watched it, I would not of been able to tell you this, heck I believe when I first read/finished the manga I had one. ONE guy I simped for being Kyojuro, I believe. Maybe two (second being Giyu) as I have no sense of time, but I know Sanemi was the third for me, and that happened AFTER I finished the manga.

Like I felt nothing for most of them, heck any of them for a while, given I watched season 1 when it came out partially and felt nothing, then the rest when the Mugen train movie came out, still nothing. Then I watched the second season and read the manga and finished it immediately after. (The second season being when I was like Oh SHIT. NO. HE DIES. HEART WHYYY) And now I feel like I am unintentionally "playing pokemon" with the adult male slayers (to count Yoriichi in) like.... 😂

I don't think I'll fall for any of the Oni / demons.... but that's under my terms as for me looking at their human forms and the Oni / demon forms is like comparing Crisis Core Sephiroth to when the Jenova virus/genetics has taken over his mind, or like a zombie virus, they aren't quite the same people imo. Like I simp for Sane Sephiroth, not the most famous/infamous one lol. So like an example: Hakuji =/= Akaza, as he's not himself when he's an Oni.

That being said I've gotten attached to a few of those former lives so time will tell I guess? If that attachment will go anywhere else? 😂😅

(Note: so far I've never felt that sort of attraction towards women- just squishes, would like to be QPPs or kinning at most- so I'm assuming I'm demi-het but I don't have enough experience with NB characters to know yet for sure. But for all I know any of that can change. 🤷‍♀️ Everytime I happens in general it takes me by surprise lol)

ALSO THINKING ABOUT HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT TWO DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF CHARACTERS, this might get controversial/ me cancelled but fuck it

A REALLY WEIRD THING (might also just be a me thing, that might get me cancelled but y'know fuck it) is being attracted to a character's adult version, like in fan art??? So like attracted to aged up versions of characters.

For example, Eijiro Kirishima from MHA. Like I feel absolutely nothing towards canon Kirishima other than he's a sweet baby that needs protected at all costs. But then I saw a fan art of adult him huge and buff/beef cake with long but still kinda spiky hair similar to l Ryoma from Fire Emblem Fates or Like Axel/Lea from Kingdom Hearts (that might of been not helping ) and I feel attracted to that specific version of him. Like very, very, specifically, even other fanarts of a grown up versions of him just doesn't hit me without that hair or him without long hair and idk why. I don't normally feel attracted to someone bc of physical qualities so I cannot even phantom an explainstion😅😂

LIKE THIS PICTURE RIGHT HERE, THIS EXACT PICTURE STARTED IT I HAD TO GO FIND IT and it just makes me feel mushy everytime, credit in alt text:

So like when I watch the anime or read the manga it just feels like looking at an old school picture book, photo albums and videos at MOST. Like PRECIOUS BEAN, I protecc. That is a child, a puppy. I could NEVER. And then I see the fan adult version of him and I swear it's like two brothers?? or a dad and son??? but it's the same character and like...?? It makes me feel real weird and awkward bc like... yeah he has Kirishima's personality 1:1 but I don't feel that way about actual canon Kirishima myself as that is A HUGE NO. That is a baby in my eyes.💀🤢 Like I legitimately usually watch/read with me thinking of me/my sona as married to Aizawa and helping the class or with Keigo/Hawks. (Or a sane, au version of Touya/Dabi but that's less typical bc the canon one also is a big no for me, he is scary 😬😰)

This also has happened with Bakugo and Shouto too later, like.... y'all need to stop with the adult versions of them bc they're making me feel things which are kinda controversial (at least on TikTok) which makes me feel kinda anxious about it all 😵‍💫, and then like I create two versions of them in my head because I just love the fandom adult versions of them??? And it feels separate from the canon version?

And at least with TikTok's climate I couldn't tell many people this in like comments, bc they immediately assume I am a predator- which like esp if not specified I can get 💯 but like. It's not like that 💀 I stumbled upon some fan art of a guy who could be his elder brother or father and like that is who I like.

Is this somewhat normal or just me??? 😭😰

[ypipie]

You ask and you shall receive :)

Took me a while bc I realized that I didn't actually understand the characters as well as I though I did, so I had to think for a bit. Ignore any spelling errors or anything lol.

Dipper:

He wasn't really well-liked by peers as a young kid, because of his birthmark, so that's probably where a lot of his shame and embarrassment about it came from.

You probably know this, since there was a whole ep about it, but his main flaw is just wanting to grow up too fast, and he feels like he has to have everything under control and always be prepared. (This really shows in things like the... 20? disposable cameras from the 2nd? episode, him putting off telling Wendy about his crush, hiding from Robbie and then getting beaten up by Rumble McSkirmish(?), and so on.) Despite this, he functions better when he doesn't have time to overthink, like when he lead Wax Sherlock Holmes on the roof in Head Hunters, he stood up to the manatours(?), or when he defeated Bill in Dreamscaperers.

I think this was stated when they almost got their minds wiped in the Society of the Blind Eye ep, but he also suffers from Gifted Child Sydrome, and bases his entire identity being the smart one.

Mabel:

Obviously super happy and energetic nine times out of ten, but when she is upset, she's comforted the most by other people, especially those close to her like Dipper or Stan.

This was made super obvious from that Mabel x Gideon episode, but a big part of Mabel's character is that she really cares about people, and wants everyone to be happy, and sometimes she hurts herself in the process. Occasionally she doesn't realize that the things she does upsets people, but once she does, she does her best to fix it (like in the Several Timez epiode).

Like Stan, Mabel often feels like the "dumb twin", when in reality she's just as smart as Dipper. The only reason why it's not that noticeable is that, unlike Dipper, she doesn't feel the need to flaunt her intelligence, and values being fun and silly over being super academic.

(The school system might have contributed to this, making her believe that if she can't behave perfectly and can't focus then she's not smart, but y'know. *shrugs*)

Their relationship:

Despite the two being mirrors of the Stans, Mabel and Dipper didn't grow up in a potentially abusive home in the 60's, so they actually communicate. They also have other friends, overall making them less codependent. In the end, this actually makes them closer, because their roles are less defined and they're better as a team.

Like Ford and Stan, Dipper is often HCed to have autism (when it comes to neurodivergence at least) and Mabel is sometimes portrayed as having ADHD and occasionally autism.

ohhh wow thank you a LOT, you put it into all the right words!! i really appreciate you writing this out anon :-) dippers overthinking issue is addressed yeah, he definitely has some sort of gifted kid syndrome..

[viscerasmoothie]

NOTICE: THIS IS BEING UNPINNED AS OF 2024/10/8 BECAUSE IM QUITTING TUMBLR

\\ Pinned Post 2: Electric Boogaloo //

\\ Names/Nicknames/Whatever: Viscera, Viscera Smoothie, Chris //

\\ Date of Womb Evacuation: 2010/09/17 //

\\ Main Interests: TF2, FNaF (My shitty au specifically), psychology, human biology, other shit related to the previous two //

\\ Side interests and Former Interests: Ace Attorney (Former ~2021-2023), MLP Creepypasta (Former, ~2017-2018?), Yandere Sim (Former, ~2017-2019?), Gravity Falls (Side), analog horror (Side), tech restoration (I blame Wade from Dankpods and Bringus Studios for this, Side), religions and cults (Side) //

\\ YouTubers I Watch Frequently/Consistently: Dankpods/Garbage Time/The Drum Thing, Emkay, Bringus Studios, Kwite, planet clue, RTGame, ManlyBadassHero, The Click //

\\ I don't even know what to title this so uhhh here's some shit I believe:

People with personality disorders (Specifically Cluster B) aren't all complete garbage (Narc Abuse isn't real)

People faking disorders and shit shouldn't be harassed because there's absolutely something below the surface (Pro endo, pro recovery(is that fitting?))

Also harassment is bad in general (Anti-harassment, self explanatory)

The human brain is a pile of electric meat that we don't really understand shit about (Pro endo, pro good faith identities, shit like that y'know)

Glorifying abuse and shit is bad (NOT antiship OR proship, there's a shit ton of nuance here)

People hating children for no fucking reason is bad (I hate to break it to ya but turning 18 doesn't make someone automatically not annoying so uhhh yeah)

Trans people aren't inherently bad (Also I'm literally trans myself so)

\\ TW for shit under the cut: medical shit, mental health shit, drugs, suicide, etc //

\\ Shit I suffer from:

Depression (Dx, taking Zoloft for it)

Anxiety (Dx, not taking meds specifically for it but the previous probably covers this as well)

ADHD (Dx, used to take Adderall but the hyperactivity part fucking died so no more meds)

Autism (Dx, probably need a lobotomy /s)

Anhedonia (Symptom of depression, this shit is eating me alive because there's spurts of joy from shit but mostly I just feel numb all the time)

Something related to sleep maybe (Idk my circadian rhythm is fucked, I can sleep for 12 hours and still feel like I've been put through seven different steamrollers and the only thing keeping me from going right back to my pseudo coma is my eyes refusing to stay shut)

Walking and gait/posture shit (Literally the only way I could walk for like 9 years was through toe walking, and it got so fucking bad that when I tried to put my feet flat on the floor I'd start falling backwards, got surgery to lengthen my Achilles tendon, and now I have lower back pain, foot pain and my knees feel like they're locking up after a while even though I can still bend them, and there's probably more lol)

Chronic pain (Again, lower back and foot pain, pain in my limbs that feels like it's in the bone, headaches almost everyday and I know my reports say otherwise but it's still a daily thing I'm just stupid and forget to go the school nurse for my meds, also I chug liquid Tylenol like it's from the fountain of youth and I get finger joint paint and the bone and joint pain I try to relieve by cracking my joints but it either doesn't do shit or makes it worse)

Fatigue (Sleep issues already mentioned, my limbs sometimes feel tired and it's only the limbs, I'm in my bed like 90% of the time and idk how voluntary it is anymore)

\\ Family situation and friends:

Live with my 71 yr old grandma who's been my primary caretaker since shortly after I was born

Grandpa is alright (was a neglectful shithead towards his own kids though) but him and his current wife (Not my grandma) are transphobic but unknowingly affirm my name change because my grandma masked it as wanting to distance myself from my mom

Oldest uncle likely had bipolar 1 disorder (undiagnosed because neglectful dad and mental health stigma shit) who committed suicide on my mom's birthday/about a month after I was born

Currently living uncle is kinda anti-vax (he said that a coin stuck to his skin because COVID vax made him magnetic or something and if that were true people who work with screws would get a shit load of boosters) and not the best but there's absolutely worse so yeah

Mom likely has ASPD (also undiagnosed but idk my grandma reading the opening section of the Wikipedia article for ASPD and says it's literally her then I think that's pretty damn close but idk I'm dumb, also I don't hate people with ASPD I hate people who are garbage regardless of reason) and had (also likely still has) a drug addiction (heroin specifically). She found out she was pregnant because she got caught in a sting and purposefully swallowed 10 balloons of heroin and when they did an ultrasound to see if any were in her stomach/intestines/whatever there was a stupid dumb baby (me), and she did not stop doing heroin throughout the pregnancy. This led to me being born addicted to heroin and went through a withdrawal that notably consisted of a seizure minutes after being born, and when I was taken back to her room like right after being born and before the seizure she literally said "I don't want her*, give her* to mom." So uhhh yeah, also unsurprisingly she gave 0 shits about me and pawned off a Barbie airplane I got for Christmas 2017 for drug money (though being 7 fucking years old, I thought it was cigarette money because the place she was staying at had ash imbedded into the carpet)

My relationship with my cousin is weird, but the things of note are that he used to watch wrestling and would try to perform moves he saw on TV on me (he's 3 years older than me so he wasn't going to kill me or anything, but probably wasn't super pleasant), when I was 9 he was playing bitlife and wanted to act out the shit his character was doing and his character got someone pregnant and he wanted me to lie in his bed in front of him and I said no (he asked me a couple times and tried reassuring me that he wouldn't dry hump me but I was super uncomfy and at least he didn't actually force me to do it so that's good maybe), I'm pretty sure he either put a pillow on my ass and slapped the pillow repeatedly or he slapped my ass with the pillow repeatedly (either way I was laying on the floor), he flashed me at least once after he took a shower because he covered the trampoline in soap and asked me if I saw his dick and I refused to answer because I just wanted to play with his Mario chess set (did not use that shit for chess, I was a dumb kid rping with chess pieces lol), and he showed me his dick on the trampoline. I'm probably slandering him by only saying that kinda shit about him but idk we don't talk much anymore so yeah

No clue who my dad is and it's not the guy I got my last name from (if you know me irl you'd know that my grandma's last name and mine are different and it's not because she's married), I have a hunch though

Rex was the guy who I thought was my dad for a while, he was roped into drug addiction by my mom but he did infact give a shit about me (though he was better suited as the fun uncle than a dad but I'll take what I can get), he would take me with my mom to "the corner store" which was probably a dollar tree/general/family and but me mike and ikes and now n laters while my mom would buy cigarettes for both of them

Susan, Rex's mom, used to try and spoil me because she actually had money (I love being poor /s) and she bought me the Barbie airplane from earlier and an entire Barbie dream house but she let my mom (and maybe Rex idk) mooch off of her and she got evicted from her apartment (the one with the ruined carpet, that shit would stain my feet when I walked on it), so she moved in with her dad and had to offload her old cat Spazzy to us because cats weren't allowed there I think so that happened but before she got evicted she would let me stay up when I stayed the night at her house and I'd watch adult swim and robot chicken gave me nightmares I think and I wanna watch that one show that was probably written by someone with 10 bongs in their mouth (which probably doesn't narrow the list down at all)

My best friend I met at a preschool that was also a church and I literally just went up to them and asked "wanna be friends" and they said yes and their life has probably changed for the worse because of me so yeah, their brother has autism so they probably do too but their parents haven't gotten them tested soo but they used to take my shopkins beanie from me (it was playful, id run after them and I'd get it back) and so I did that with their pink beanie back for a while and there was this thing where they'd act like my robot and I could command them to do shit and they'd give me stupid error messages (god recalling this shit makes me miss being a stupid idiot child) and it was super fun I think and gay and then in 6th grade I had like no classes with them until I got the surgery then I had 2 including ela and then in 7th grade we had a couple of classes and this year we literally have 0 other than lunch and if I have a dollar for everytime the school I was going to had a different principal come in because the last one was upgrading their position in the school district in the last year that I was going there and made me have no classes with my friends id have 2 bucks and 5th grade sucked kinda because of that

Sailor (who I'm name dropping because istg if you don't use Tumblr by now then what are you doing with your life) was someone who I shared classes with for a little while, we went separate ways in like 3rd and 4th grade and then in 5th grade the school therapist mentioned them to me bjt they changed their name so I was confused and then she invited us to lunch in her room and there was this "YOURE TRANS TOO???" moment we both had and then we reconnected and then 6th grade was kinda a disaster but we still had each other then they got accepted into an alternative school so we lost contact in 7th grade and then we reconnected at pride this year and we played ponytown together for like 5 minutes (which lead to me finding a really cool lavender infection rp and I ended up adding the person who started it on discord) and we went to the gay youth center thing together this year as well and I've sent them stupid TF2 shit and I think they're a system now which is cool I think idk I'm a singlet lol

There's this other friend who I know I had history prior to 6th grade but we really only reconnected in 6th grade because we had a tech class together and during a 7th grade field trip to the zoo I got their phone number and also sent them stupid TF2 shit and I see them sometimes in the hallway because both of us use the elevator at school so uhh yeah also they're a little hard to understand but I'm also stupid so that might be why (I'm not trying to be a dick my brain just needs a minute to process what they say I'm sorry)

Yeah there's probably more but I'm lazy and need to go to sleep also can you tell that I got lazy here anyways uhh gay gay homosexual gay you stupid gay bitch /pos /lh

[sixofpomegranates]

☠︎ Tutor ☠︎

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Carver!Fem!Reader

Word count: 13K (it's a long one | That's what she said.)

Summary: Trading tutoring for guitar lessons, Reader’s hopeless crush on the towns freak doesn't seem so hopeless after all.

☞ Picture does not describe the looks of the reader!

A/N: !Body & Skin color Neutral! Reader! IMPORTANT: Jason is also still alive. Reader is Jason's cousin and grew up with Robin as her best friend. They worked together with Steve at Scoops Ahoy.

CW: Smut, Fluff, Angst 18+| Eddie (Bullying/Self-Deprecation/Feeling of not being good enough) It is implied that Eddie has ADHD or is at least in the spectrum, [y/n] (Rich Parents not supporting your dreams/Shady family wealth-white supremacists) Mentions of Vecna/Chrissy/S4/Near-death experience/Scars/Nightmares, Pining, Drugs & use of (Weed), Making-out, Fingering, Penetrative Sex (Virginity/Loss of virginity, Unprotected, Creampie)

Pinning my tutoring flyer on the board in school, I sigh. Another year of tutoring to have more than this couple of peanuts my parents consider my pocket money, I guess.

Fun fact, it's called pocket money because it's little enough to fit in your pockets, even if Dad gives it to you in pennies.

But okay, I want something, I'm eighteen, and I am able to earn the money for it. Sure, my uncle and aunt just bought Jason a new car because our family name's soaked in wealth, and apparently, we think that the price of a dead girlfriend is exactly the same as for an Audi 5000CS Turbo Quattro; but okay...

If anyone in my family would know that the disaster that was March and the giant earthquake were actually a real-life boogie man coming to collect teens; and that there was something the kids I tutored over the last years called 'The Upside Down', I'd get my guitar lessons paid within the blink of an eye...

But Robin, Steve, and Nancy were very clear about why I've got to keep it to myself.

So no hero status or guitar lessons for me, only tutoring either a child that Steve will adopt the second it comes into his five-mile radius or a stupid jock that will try flirting with me every session and stare at my cleavage instead of his books.

Simply not fair.

As somebody reaches past me to grab my flyer, I jump so severely that my headphones fall off my ears, and the smell of marihuana fills my nose.

"Jesus," I mutter, turning to the person behind me and meeting the face of Hawkins's most hated man. Eddie Munson.

March has fucked up everyone; me being particularly jumpy and having my walkman on all the time is actually one of the better outcomes.

Eddie is now hated by most. They couldn't link him to a satanic cult (Just officially named him a freak and loser that likes dungeons and dragons, which seems to be a gateway drug to demon worshipping now...) and with the government and Chief Hopper's help, they also stopped trying to convict him of Chrissy's murder, but the town hates him.

They still believe he has something to do with it, whether proven innocent or not.

How he still makes it through the day, a big smile on his lips, truly baffles me.

"So, you're tutoring?" he asks, not looking up from my flyer. I nod. "Yeah, need the money."

"You only tutor the freshmen or..." "Everyone's welcome," I smile, turning off my music. "Even the full-on, nonconformist metalheads."

Cocking his head, he raises his eyebrows. "You really think you could help me pass chemistry with Kaminsky?"

"Depends." "On what?" I grin. "If you pay for your lessons."

Faking a heartbroken reaction, he giggles. "And that after I saved you from being demobat food. I'm a hero, y'know?"

Shrugging, I pin another flyer on the board. "Well, Munson, what can I say? We are living in a material world, and I am a material girl."

Eddie pulls a face as though he is about to vomit. "Gross, don't Madonna me."

"I Madonna as much as I like to," I laugh, punching his chest gently. "So, chemistry, anything else you'd need help with?"

That is when the bell announces lunch. I watch the metalhead tense up before me but still trying to play it cool.

"Uhm, we can talk about it while having lunch," I offer, but he shakes his head. "Nah, I- They throw stuff at me when I enter the cafeteria, so I'll just relax outside a little," he tells me, still smiling, but his eyes can't hide anything.

He's afraid.

"Yeah, sure," I smile back. "After school?"

The hallway starts to fill with students, and Eddie becomes visibly uneasy. He already begins removing himself from the conversation, turning around only to lift his flyer. "After school," he calls over to me and vanishes in the crowd.

*****

After school, I wait outside for Eddie, having him see me and smile from afar, ditching Dusting and Mike while they're still talking to him and running up to me.

"Hey, Carver," he says teasingly, making me smile. "Hey, Edward."

He nods, knowing he deserves the comeback. "You shall be forgiven."

"Okay, business talk. What classes do you need help with?" I ask, looking around. My parents insist on my cousin driving me home for safety, and I really want to avoid Jason seeing me with Eddie.

"Well, chemistry is currently the biggest problem. Have you heard of Kaminsky's All-or-Nothing Test?" I nod. "That's the one you have to take if you screwed up every other test-" Realization washes over me. "Oh, Eddie."

He smiles at me apologetically, cheeks turning a little pink.

"Why didn't you say something earlier? I- We could've studied together."

He shrugs. "To be fair, I know we were in the Upside Down together and stuff, but I didn't think we'd know each other enough to ask."

True, we don't. I'd only ever seen Eddie from afar in school or at the mall. And before all hell broke loose with Chrissy's death and those bat-things nearly killing him, I'd actually been massively intimidated by him.

He is loud, handsome, and definitely a little crazy; that had been enough to keep me away.

But since the Upside Down... That place and all that comes with it – let's just say it helps you forget your social status and makes you become allies even with the handsomely crazy ones.

"I- I still would've helped you if you'd asked. You have to graduate this year, or else-" He interrupts me. "I know. I just didn't want to be a burden. Like, 'Oh, you killed a bat for me, now I have to study with you.'"

"You're not a burden, Munson," I tell him, looking into his warm, brown eyes.

"Heard different things before, and you only say that because you haven't tried studying with me yet," he grins. "So, how much per lesson?"

"How bout a deal?" I ask him back before all bravery can leave me. Eddie's lips split into a gorgeous but mischievous smile. "Oh, I'm good at dealing."

"I swear if you pull out your lunch-" Before I can end my sentence, he's already pulled out the black metal box containing his drugs.

"Eddie, you're not paying me with drugs," I tell him sternly, forcing him to put the lunchbox back into his backpack.

"It's good stuff," he tries to assure me, but I shake my head, hardly able to bite back a grin. "And I still don't want it."

After a final try at handing me the metal box, he shrugs, putting it away.

"You play guitar, right?" I ask him as if I haven't been part of the most metal concert the Upside Down has ever experienced. "How bought instead of paying me, you teach me? I wanted to take classes with that money anyway."

He blinks at me a couple of times before letting out a loud, excited laugh. "Y-Yeah. Totally. I- I taught it myself, so if I can learn it, you can learn it."

"Cool," I answer. He scratches the back of his head, echoing me, "Cool."

We stare at each other for a moment, somehow not knowing what to say. God, this is awkward, isn't it? Am I making it awkward?

Quickly clearing my throat, I announce, "I'm babysitting Mike and Holly tonight, and the Wheelers always allow me to bring company. So, bring your books, and we'll see how bad the situation actually is."

Eddie smiles, as he almost always does. It is actually quite distracting. "Okay. Uhm, then I meet you there at...?"

"Six," I blurt out, then giggle a little anxious. "Six. Great," he chuckles in reply.

Before either of us can say another word, our attention is drawn to a small group of jocks, Jason being their leader, on their way to us and their cars.

"I'm gonna drive the kids home," Eddie tells me, still smiling as if he could hide the real reason he wants to leave. I grant him the illusion of having fooled me, smiling, "Okay. See you tonight."

I watch him hurry away, get Mike, Lucas, and Dustin – including their bikes – into his van, and drive off. Jason rushes now closer, having seen us from afar. He lays his arm around my shoulder, pulling me uncomfortably close.

Maybe I'd felt safe being protected by him when I was five, but now I only see the always returning, dangerous paranoia in him. The way he brutally beat Lucas, saying he protected Max but left them both behind as the Upside Down ripped through the old Creel house... He isn't the same person he was before Chrissy died anymore.

"Hey, was the freak bothering you?" I struggle out of Jason's hold, walking to his car. "No, he wasn't, and don't call him that."

He opens the car, throwing his backpack into the backseat. "Come one, [y/n]. You know this guy's a satanic cult leader and murderer. Think of what he did to Chrissy."

It always spins back to this. It always becomes religious. Religion, whichever you pick, can be beautiful, but unstable people will always find a way to turn it into a weapon for their insane reasoning.

"He didn't do a thing to Chrissy, and you know it," I tell Jason, hating that I can't just explain everything to him. I honestly don't even think he would believe me. He's too far gone.

"I know what I saw," he insists as we sit in the car, harshly gripping my wrist. "Around him, things happen. Strange things, evil things."

His fixation on Eddie never eased, even after he was proven innocent. Jason believes in everything being the fault of the sweet metalhead, simply because he was in the wrong place, with the wrong person, at the wrong time.

"You need some serious therapy before this whole town joins your bullshit again, and we have a second Salem witch trial on our hands," I snarl at my cousin, ripping my wrist from his grasp.

The more delusional he becomes, the more violent even his slightest actions become.

"I'm just watching out for you," Jason tries to explain, driving out of the school's parking lot. "Do me a favor and don't," I ask of him, looking out of the window.

My conversation-ending tone, however, isn't enough for him. As if he could frighten me with his tough-guy act, he threatens, "Stay away from Munson, or I'm telling your parents."

I nod. "Well, in that case, I'm telling Aunt Iris and Uncle Frank of how you faked a house break-in to hide the aftermath of your School's Out Party '84."

The discussion finally dies. Jason turns on the radio, listening to the religious station he's recently so obsessed with, and I continue staring out the window, watching cars pass us by.

*****

After getting Holly to say goodbye to her parents, I tuck her in and walk into Nancy's bedroom. I sit beside Robin on the bed while Nancy does her makeup at her vanity.

"Hey, Nance? You think you could borrow me your notes for Kaminsky's class?" I ask as she is done putting on mascara.

"Yeah, here," she smiles, handing me her pink folder. "So you're really tutoring tonight instead of going out with us?"

I roll my eyes, laughing. "And I am babysitting, so you can go out."

"And we're very thankful for that," Robin snickers, styling the mane of the little plush zebra on Nancy's bed. "So, who's the poor soul fucking up chemistry?"

"Eddie," I answer, looking at the folder to avoid meeting their eyes.

"Oh, so it's that kind of a study date," Nancy says, and I meet her grin through the mirror.

"What? No. He needs help with Kaminsky's All-or-Nothing Test, and in exchange, he'll teach me how to play guitar," I begin explaining myself, but Robin nudges my arm, rolling on her back.

"Funny, 'cause when Steve needed tutoring, you were very clear about not being into trades, even when he offered you free ice cream."

"She's right," Nancy giggles, agreeing with Robin.

"No, she's not. I worked at Scoops myself, so I didn't need free ice cream. Eddie plays guitar exceptionally well, and I wanted to pay for classes with the money I would've earned. Two birds with one stone."

"And it has nothing to do with you having the hots for Munson?" Robin asks me deadpanned, and I fall silent. I feel my face heat up and shake my head.

Rolling back onto her stomach, Robin smacks my arm. "Oh, come on. [y/n], we grew up together. Journey, Led Zepplin, Dio, Black Sabbath... The phase when we were thirteen, and you were dead set on marrying Eddie Van Halen? How you drooled every time Munson passed Scoops when we were working?"

Nancy laughs loudly, and I shrug, regretting always telling Robin everything, although I know she can't keep secrets for longer than thirty minutes.

"So... I may have a type. That doesn't mean I have the hots for Eddie," I blatantly lie, Robin raising her eyebrows and grinning at me. "Which Eddie? Ours or Van Halen?"

"Fuck you," I cuss, making her only hug me and laugh at the fact that I never really curse.

Knocking on the door, Steve comes in, scanning Nancy up and down. "Hey, are you ready to leave? Mike is talking to El on the phone, and I'm getting really bored alone downstairs."

She nods, and so we all make our way downstairs. I send Mike to his room, telling him to call Eleven from the phone upstairs and walk to the front door with my friends.

Steve opens the door, almost bumping into Eddie, who was about to knock. "Munson," Steve says, surprised. "Harrington," Eddie replies, also greeting the other two. "Robin, Nancy."

His eyes fall on me, and I smile, "Hey. You got your books?" He nods, lifting his black backpack. I step aside, letting him in, "The living room's to the left. I'll be there in a second."

As Eddie can't hear us anymore, Robin grins, wiggling her eyebrows.

I ignore her. "Bye, guys. Have fun." "You too. Do nothing I wouldn't do," she cackles. I raise a brow as she hugs me. "Do I need to remind you that you're gay?"

Sticking her tongue out at me, she drags Steve to the car, Nancy already warming it up.

"Isn't Eddie coming with us?" he asks, confused, Robin wiggling her eyebrows again. "He and [y/n] are having a study date."

Steve's mom-mode kicks in the second he hears that. "Should we stay and help them study?" "Go to the movies," I insist. "Please, I can't work with you eyeing us down."

"You're staying in the living room and do nothing any of us would do. Except for Nancy. You can do what Nancy does," Steve tells me sternly.

I raise my eyebrows. "So, I'm allowed to have a shotgun and shoot Vecna?"

"No?" he asked me as though I'm completely nuts. "You can study. Nothing else."

"Yeah, no dirty couch sex," Robing calls over, making Nancy look mortified. "Robin," she exclaims, then looks at me with a pleading gaze, "Please don't have sex on my couch."

"I hate all three of you," I tell them, closing the front door just in time to hear Robin call after me, "Nah, you love us."

Shaking my head, I return to the living room, where Eddie is busy walking and looking around.

As he notices me, he grins. "I like this place." I smile back. "Yeah, the Wheelers have good taste."

Stretching his arms out, he spins slowly in the living room. "It's so big. I mean, look at this. All of this is the living room, and nobody sleeps here."

"Your uncle sleeps on the couch?" I ask without thinking, quickly regretting my question.

Eddie's cheeks become red, and he stops what he's doing. "Folding bed, but it's a good one..." he tries assuring me, voice falling flat with embarrassment.

I smile at him, sitting down on the carpet and unpacking my study materials on the coffee table. Grabbing his hand, I make Eddie sit beside me and hand him Nancy's pink folder.

"Y-You have a pretty handwriting," he compliments me while flipping through it. "Oh, those are Nancy's notes. She's so anal about them," I tell him, handing him some of my notes for comparison. "That's mine. Not that clean."

After staring at them for a few seconds, he looks at me. "Huh. Like yours better."

"Charmer," I say, my face becoming hot again. To distract, I hand Eddie my chemistry book. "Here."

"What are we doing?" Eddie asks as I hand him a bunch of sticky notes.

"We're transferring my notes into your book. I like to use those to write down simplifications, extra notes, and explanations, and then I stick them on my pages. I also color-coordinate the highlighter I use with the color of my sticky notes. I believe it's more comfortable to learn if it's easier on the eyes..."

Feeling Eddie stare at me, I stop talking, look back at him, and ask, "What?" He chuckles, shaking his head. "Nothing, just... thanks."

*****

"Wrong again. Maybe we should focus on-" After hours, I finally feel my patience running thin. "Eddie?"

"Huh?" He asks as though he hasn't been staring at me for the last five minutes.

Fuck, am I so boring that he starts zoning out?

"I was talking to you. I- Can you please try to concentrate?" I ask him, smiling, trying not to sound offended.

He nods, stretching a little before leaning over our books again. "Totally. Yeah. Sure. Sorry."

As he answers the question wrong again, a deep frown appears on his face. I sigh, putting my pen down. "Okay. How bout a break? I'll need to get Mike to go to bed anyway."

He nods, almost relieved, and I make my way upstairs. After some debating and a non-verbal threat, I take the phone out of Mike's room, and it's lights out as his parents requested. I know he'll still stay up some hours reading his comics, but I'm willing to let that slip.

When I come back into the living room, Eddie's gone. Instead, he sits outside on the porch, smoking.

"Hey, is that marihuana?" Of course, it is. He smiles at me charmingly. "It's just a little pot to help me concentrate," he says as if I wasn't about to jump his throat.

A wave of anger rushes over me. "Are you even taking the whole thing seriously? I mean, I've been sitting in there for three and a half hours, trying to teach you something, and the first chance you get, you run outside to get high."

I walk back inside, starting to pack my stuff. I apparently thought too highly of Eddie due to my years of crushing on him. I should've known he wasn't taking it seriously, but I just made a fool out of myself.

I hear fast footsteps behind me. "Hey, hey, [y/n]. Look, I'm sorry. I really just smoked some to concentrate." I turn around, and Eddie steps closer, pleading, "[y/n], please. I have no reason to lie to you. I promise I want to learn."

"Didn't seem like it," I murmur, and he nods.

"I- I know. It's- I struggle to focus, always have. If something isn't interesting enough, my brain just shuts off and then does silly little things it finds more interesting – like counting the little daisies on your top."

We both look down on my shirt and then at each other.

"Please, let's try it again. I swear, no more drugs, and you get me on my best behavior," he asks of me, giving me this distracting big smile again while he cups my cheeks.

"Okay," I nod, without even thinking twice. "Okay?" I nod again. "Okay, Munson. Sit down."

We sit back down, and for the next minutes, I could swear he tries really hard. But as we start working on a practicing sheet with many questions on it, his concentration seems to crumble again.

"I- I'm sorry. I think I mixed the questions up," Eddie mumbles, angry at himself.

"You always keep looking down on the next question while solving the one above," I observe, and he nods. I hand him an empty piece of paper. "Here, try that."

He holds it up, confused. "A piece of paper?" I take it, laying it over his worksheet. "As a divider. We cover the next questions, so you can't look at them."

From here on out, it actually seems to work. Yet, I yawn, exhausted from the hours of work before.

"I'm hopeless, aren't I?" Eddie asks, grinning at me. "No. I'm just tired," I answer. "You're actually doing well."

His grin becomes wider. "I so do not believe you." He gives me a gentle shove, making me giggle, "I'm serious. Especially now that we stopped you from mixing up the questions."

"Do you think I'll pass the test?" This time Eddie seems more serious; there is no smile on his face that would indicate that he has any hopes for it. "If you study enough... I mean, Kaminsky's tests are super hard, but like, I'll help you as much as you need me to."

"Nice way to say that I'm fucked, Sweetheart," he coos, hand moving up to my face again. His cold rings burn on my hot cheeks. "You have to study for your own finals. I can't have you hold my hand through my own mess."

"Eddie, I have my studies down and don't mind helping you," I tell him, although I'd rather whine as he removes his hand. I wish he would've left it there.

"Hey, you know what my mom made me do whenever I wanted to achieve something?" I ask him, taking one of Holly's green sheets of crafting paper and folding it in half. "Goal cards. Write down the reason you want to graduate."

"The reason? I'd say because I'm twenty and can't repeat class again?" He deadpans, making me shake my head.

"Not like that. I meant the hopes you have." Licking my lips, I admit, "Like, when I was thirteen, I made one, saying I wanted to learn how to play guitar. Inside I wrote that I was doing it to become a famous musician and marry Eddie Van Halen. Even glued a picture of him in it."

Eddie is quiet for a moment, then bursts into laughter. I shove him. "Stop laughing. I'm trying to help you here."

He nods, whipping away some tears, "Uh-huh." "Fuck you," I tell him in fake appall.

Eddie collects himself, shoving me back and mocking me, "Oh, such big words from such a proper little lady."

As calmness returns to the room, he grabs his pen and the card, opening it. He stares at it for a while, pen ever so often pushing onto the paper, but no words come out.

"Do I have to write it down?" he asks me, a little defeated, this time without a smile. "If you want, you can tell me, and I'll write it down for you," I offer, and he hands it over to me.

Eddie is silent for a while, caught in deep thoughts. Suddenly he says, "I- I want to graduate, so I'm not ending up like my dad."

I look up at him, not yet writing. He continues to explain himself, "He dropped out, married his high school sweetheart, and just barely got by with petty crimes or – you know – selling drugs and stealing cars. Then mom died, and he just spiraled, became violent..."

As his voice loses its strength, I ask, "Where's he now?"

Eddie shrugs. "Does it matter? Prison? Maybe dead?" he says. "Uncle Wayne took me in after CPS contacted him about my dad breaking my arm when he was high... He told his younger brother to fuck off, and we haven't heard from him since."

We're quiet. I don't know what to say. I can't even remember his parents. I only know the version of Eddie that he is now.

"I changed my mind," he then says, tapping on his goal card. "Write that I wanna be a better nephew to Wayne... Don't wanna be a burden anymore, a fuck-up."

I shake my head. "Eddie, you're not a burden. Your uncle loves you."

He nods. "And I only disappoint him. I can't even fucking finish high school. I sit in my room all day, preparing for my D&D campaigns or playing guitar. I sell drugs to assholes that love beating the crap out of me for being a freak, and now I am also a satanic cult leader with demonic powers that murdered Chrissy and two other guys I didn't even know... Yeah, [y/n]. I totally don't sound like a burden."

I'm shocked at how low Eddie seems to actually think of himself. Behind this always smiling and joking façade, there seem to hide years of self-hatred and a, probably trained by his father and the school system, thought of being a worthless burden.

"You took in freshmen, nerdy little kids that don't fit in. You let them be part of your club so they wouldn't have to be alone or get bullied," I argue, having him shrug. "Somebody had to. People can be real assholes."

"You saved Hawkins." "Not like I can tell anyone about it."

I smile a little, "Well, you also saved me from those bats, almost getting killed while trying." "Matter, of course. Everyone would've done that."

I shake my head, "No, they wouldn't, and you know it. Jason didn't care for Lucas or Max, even though he claimed to have beaten Lucas to protect her. He just pissed himself, ran away, and saved his own ass."

Eddie gives me a half-hearted smile and lays his hand on mine, patting it several times. I close the cart and hand it to him. "How about you keep your goal card and write something inside it once it feels right, okay?"

He nods, putting it between the pages of his book where I think it will get forgotten. Then he opens the book on one of the other chapters, pointing at something.

"Can we go over that E cell stuff again?" He asks, clearly wanting to change the subject. I nod. He's been open enough for one evening. "Sure."

After learning for another hour, I fall asleep, face on the coffee table. When I wake up, Eddie is gone, only his leather jacket draped over me like a blanket. In my book, I find a small note asking me to study with him at his place on Friday.

*****

"You call me, and I'll pick you up; my number's on the back," Jason lectures me as he holds his car in front of the Munson trailer, handing me one of the phones from his duffle bag. "I'm meeting with friends, but should you need anything-"

"Don't sell your soul to the devil, and please call me. Yeah, I know," I interrupt him, eying the mobile phone in my hand. "Those things are starting to become really small, or am I crazy?"

He sighs, hating that I am going to spend the day in the trailer his girlfriend died in, with the guy who was the last to have seen her alive.

"Seriously, [y/n]. The minute he tries something, or you realize you're in a circle of blood with strange symbols drawn around it-" "Yeah, because that happens so casually often," I interrupt my cousin again.

"This is about your safety," he tells me as though I am unreasonable. "No, this is about you being paranoid and needing therapy," I answer, grabbing my bag and getting out of the car. "Thanks for driving me. See ya later."

I walk over to the trailer, knocking a couple of times. After a few seconds, Wayne Munson, Eddie's uncle, opens the door.

"Yeah?" he asks, holding a baseball bat behind his back. A safety precaution, I understand but disklike that he has to have.

"Hi, Mr. Munson. I'm here to see Eddie." He eyes me up and down, and I add, "I'm his friend. I help him study."

He looks over my shoulder, nodding to Jason's car with his chin. "And your friend in the car? That's Jason Carver, that little bastard," he says, highly suspicious of me.

"He's my cousin. My parents want him to drive me around since the earthquake," I explain, and his face becomes softer. "I'm sorry, Kid. I-"

I interrupt him with a smile. I understand why he has to be protective of Eddie after all that happened. "No, don't worry. I'm not crazy about that mental case either," I say. "Uhm, can I come in? I'm afraid he might get out of the car if we stay out here for too long."

Wayne lets me in, closing and locking the door behind me. From Eddie's room comes the sound of an acoustic guitar playing 'Sweet Leaf', one of my favorite songs.

"Eddie, your friend is here," he calls down the small hallway. I join him, calling, "Hi, Eddie."

We hear some rummaging and cussing, then Eddie practically rushes out of his room, only wearing his boxers.

"Hey, [y/n]," he greets me as I instantly look the other way, feeling my face burn like fire.

"Son, put some damn close on. You're in the presents of a lady, for God's sake," his uncle scolds him, and after a millisecond, Eddie cusses like a sailor.

"Shit, fuck. Sorry, I just woke up. I- It'll only be a second," he tells me, and from the bumping sound, I figure he almost ran into his bedroom door.

"Uh-huh. Take your time," I tell him, finally looking in his direction again as the door closes.

"Now, [y/n], can I offer you something to drink?" Wayne asks me, and I shake my head. "No, thanks. I'm good," I tell him, looking around the living area I know pretty well in both this dimension and whatever the Upside Down is.

It is scary to think that the portal simply closed, not leaving an ounce of trace that it ever even existed.

My eyes fall to the folding bed, open in the middle of the room. Eddie's uncle rushes over, taking the blanket and pillow and putting them inside the couch's storage department.

"Sorry, he didn't tell me he'd expected someone," he explains, embarrassed, folding away his bed. I smile at him, shaking my head. "Don't worry. Really."

The awkward silence is broken by Eddie coming out dressed in black, ripped jeans and a washed-out band shirt.

"Hey, hi," he greets me again. "Hi," I answer.

"I- I made the study cards you told me to," he explains proudly, and I grin. "Do they work?" "I think so. C'mon."

With his hand on my back, he escorts me to his room, signaling me to sit down on his bed. I, instead, only put my bag there and look around his room. In bright daylight and without the risk of dying or Robin screaming that we need music to save Nancy, it's actually nice in here.

It helps that it's also cleaner than last time and smells like air freshener and fresh linen.

"Edward, the door stays open," Wayne calls into the room, just as I pass a pile of clothes next to his closet, to look at the small, hand-painted figures that I think belong to his dungeons and dragons game.

I turn around, looking at Eddie. "So, the door stays open," I tease him jokingly, and he nods, becoming red while scratching the back of his curly head.

"Yeah. When something happens again, Wayne can give me an alibi saying he saw you the whole time during your visit and that you were okay."

My smile instantly vanishes, and I begin to apologize, "Oh, right. Sorry, I didn't think of that. I thought it was because-" "Because I'm having a pretty girl in my room?" he asks, tilting his head and stepping closer.

My breath hitches as he backs me up closer to the wall; I bump into the dresser behind me. "Naughty girl," he whispers with a mischievous grin as he cages me between his arms and his dresser.

I shake my head, becoming dizzy, "I- I- I didn't-" He chuckles, "I'm just teasing you, Carver. Calm down."

I am almost disappointed as he steps away, truly having only teased me. I turn my back to him before he can see the look on my face, but my gaze meets a mirror, showing me my pout.

Silly. It's silly that I'm sad he wasn't actually flirting with me. I focus on the guitar hanging in front of the mirror. Sweetheart, that's what Eddie calls the guitar. I begin chewing on my bottom lip, telling myself that I don't need this metalhead to like me back.

It would be too difficult anyway. Especially in fucked up times like these, where we don't know when Vecna returns.

Doesn't make me want Eddie any less, though...

"You like her?" Eddie asks behind me. I nod, suddenly feeling his hand on my shoulder, moving me back to the bed. "Well, not gonna let you touch her just yet. You need to learn acoustic first."

As I sit down on his bed, Eddie takes the black acoustic guitar full of band stickers that was leaning next to it and kneels down in front of me, showing it to me.

"This is Honey. She was my first guitar, first love, if you will," he chuckles. "She's pretty," I whisper. Eddie nods, "Glad you think so, 'cause she's yours now."

"What?" I exclaim, making him laugh. "Don't look so shocked," he says. "You need a guitar to practice on."

"But she's yours." He nods again, laying the guitar on my lap. "And she's been painfully neglected for years now, especially since I bought Sweetheart. Now take her and be good to her."

"Thank you," I whisper, following the outline of an old Metallica sticker.

As I look up, mine and Eddie's eyes meet. He'd been watching me closely. We grin at each other a little stupidly, and I feel my heart race like it's trying to win a marathon.

"I made you something," he says suddenly, jumping up and grabbing a bunch of small cards from one of his drawers. "Those are the different chords and where you have to put your fingers."

On the cards are drawn guitars necks, dots on the exact spots where my fingers need to be. "These are awesome, Eddie. And you really made those cards for me?"

He nods, cheeks turning pink, "We have a deal, after all. And if I teach you how to play guitar, I damn well will make sure you're becoming a real star at it."

I put the guitar aside and take his jacket out of my backpack, awkwardly and completely flustered, handing it to him. "You forgot your jacket at the Wheelers' home a couple of days ago."

"I didn't want you to freeze," he says, throwing it aside. "Why did you leave?"

"Because I know the reaction people have when they see me. I didn't want Mike's parents to think I was there to sacrifice their kids or have them be mad at you for letting me in."

I bite my lips again. "I wish you would've stayed. We could've gone home together." "I could've driven you home..." he smiles for a second before it vanishes again. "But people know my van, can't have you be seen with me."

Before I can stop myself, I say, "I don't mind being seen with you, Eddie."

He stares at me, touched, chocolate brown eyes becoming glassy, "T-That's a C. You think you can play it?" he quickly asks, swallowing hard and handing me one of the cards as a distraction.

I take the guitar but struggle with my finger placement. Eddie notices it and crawls behind me on the neatly made bed.

Hands on my waist, he makes me sit between his legs and helps me hold the guitar correctly. "Is that okay?" he asks, looking at me over my shoulder.

I nod, and he takes my fingers, placing them on the strings. As they are placed, he hands me a pick and helps me play that note. It sounds correct, and I smile at him. Eddie smiles back at me as though I just performed a concert for him.

"There you go, rockstar," he chuckles, placing my fingers differently again.

For a while, we play the chords, and I become more and more comfortable with his arms around me. It feels nice. Safe and calm.

We're both ripped from the moment as Wayne knocks on the open bedroom door. "Hey, you two. I'm going to work. Can I leave you both alone?"

Eddie nods, barely acknowledging his uncle. "Uh-huh."

"Eddie, are you sure-"

This time he looks up, interrupting his uncle, "Yes, Wayne. We're just playing guitar and studying a little. I promise nothing shady will happen." Eddie looks at me, "Right?"

I nod, assuring his uncle, "Oh, yeah. Absolutely not. I'm also getting picked up later."

The man nods, hand running over his head. "Okay. I- I'm just worried."

"I know," Eddie tells him, this time seeming to accept and understand his uncle's worries. They share a serious look that shows concern and affection.

Then Eddie smiles again, pointing at the polaroid camera on his dresser, "Hey, can you take a picture of us?" He asks, having his uncle nod. "Sure, son."

"That's okay for you, is it?" Eddie whispers into my ear, making goosebumps appear on my skin. I grin, nodding lovesick.

After taking a picture of us, me seated between Eddie's legs, the guitar in our hands, Wayne hands the picture to his nephew, wishing us goodbye, "It was nice to meet you, [y/n]. See you in the morning, kid."

"Oh, I'm gonna keep that one," Eddie whispers delightedly, looking at the picture.

I put the guitar aside, trying to look at the polaroid. "Why?"

"No reason," he tells me, standing up. I follow him, "Why, Eddie?"

"Because you look cute in it," he says, but this isn't enough for me.

I try to grab the picture, but he holds it up. Therefore, I stand as close to him as possible, standing on the tip of my toes to reach it.

Eddie wraps an arm around my waist, starting to spin us around. "Care for a dance, milady?

"You're so weird," I giggle, unable to reach the picture, but holding on to his wrist.

"Oh, Sweetheart, I'm completely insane," he tells me, stopping our spinning. "Now sit down and tutor me."

He softly pushes me back on the bed, and I make myself comfortable, looking at my own study cards while Eddie sits down next to me, going through his own. I have no idea where the polaroid picture went, but I sure hope I don't look ridiculous in it.

After two hours of learning together, Eddie lies back, staring at the ceiling. "I need a break."

I put the guitar aside and join him. "Same. My fingers are killing me."

"Yeah... Takes some time till you build up calluses," he chuckles, taking my hand into his, gently kissing my sore fingertips and stealing my breath. "Pretty soon, your pretty lil fingers will look like mine."

I don't know how he does it, but Eddie makes my heart beat so fast I feel like becoming dizzy; he always had me wrapped around his finger in that way, even as I only knew him from afar.

He's everything that my parents taught me to avoid, but I want to admire him forever.

"So you think I'll pass the test?" He asks me with a crooked smile, luring me back into reality. "Hm... I'd say I'm 99.9% sure," I smile, making him nod bothered as he lets go of my hand.

"Yeah, still room for me to fail." I prob myself up on my elbows, assuring him, "Well, I believe you'll make it."

A grin creeps over his features, making me certain that mischief is brewing together a plan under his curly mop of hair. "Would you be mad at me if I'd smoke one as a reward?"

I shake my head, and he sits up, grabbing a pre-rolled joint from his cluttered nightstand. "Do you want to...?" He offers, lighting it and taking a hit.

I shrug, uncertain since I've never done something like it before. "Uh... I- I don't know."

He looks at me with a serious face. "Hey, I'm not somebody that's pressuring others into things. I just thought... Would you want to try it? Now would be your chance, and it's safest to get high for the first time when there's somebody with you who has experience and watches over you."

I sit up as well, nodding. It isn't like I never wanted to try it.

"You sure?" He asks sternly, trying to avoid a reaction of mine that is solely based on the need to impress him.

I nod again. "Yes. Please."

Eddie leans over, holding the joint's butt to me. I lean forward, lips on the joint, taking my first pull; his eyes are on me, face as close as possible to inspect me.

"There you go. Small hits, baby," he coos his instructions. "Hold it, and now let go," I do as he says, coughing a little due to the smoke in my lungs. "Burns a little, I know."

It is hard not to stare as we lock eyes, his chocolate brown ones metaphorically bringing me to my knees. He has me smoke half of the joint, and as stupid as I feel for thinking like that, it feels intimate.

The way his big hands bring the joint back and forth between us, the gentle way he coos and praises me, and his eyes, his eyes are on me, so fascinated and intrigued as though I am one of the dirty magazines he unsuccessfully tried to hide under the bed.

I love that gaze of his and want to find a way to make it stay, although I probably just over-romanticize it because of the pot and my crush on Eddie.

As he puts the joint's end into the ashtray on his nightstands, I let myself fall back onto his mattress. "This feels nice," I say, feeling wholly carefree and peaceful for the first time since Vecna.

Eddie lies down beside me, explaining, "Yeah, it's the good stuff. Knocks us out for a while, perfect for relaxing."

We lay on our sides, facing each other. As he reaches out and brushes his knuckles over my cheek, I notice some ink on the back of his hand. I take it and read, 'Clean bedroom. [y/n].' on it.

I like my name on his skin; a weird thing to feel, but it fills me with a bit of pride.

"You forgot that," I tease him, pointing at the to-do list on the back of his hands. He chuckles, "Baby, I wasn't in school so that I could clean up."

I sit up, looking around. Then I giggle. "Okay..." "Hey," Eddie warns me in fake appall. "I even changed the sheets today."

I'd noticed the sweet, floral smell of the linen under me earlier, so I nod. "I appreciate the effort," I tell him, laying back down and kicking off my shoes.

"Where will life take you after graduation, Carver?" He asked as I make myself comfortable on his mismatched set of pillows.

"Where will it take you?" I ask back, but he quickly dismisses my question. "We both know I'll stay trailer trash, now answer me."

I sigh, saying my secret plan out loud for the first time, "I'll take the trust fund I'll gain access to once I have my diploma and run."

He furrows his brows. "So you'll leave us?"

"I meant that metaphorically," I say, making him look confused. "My family had different funds set up for me when I was born. One for high school graduation, one for college, one for marrying, and one for when I have children – a son, to be specific..." I explain.

"That sounds like a very thought-through version of manipulation," Eddie concludes, angered, seeming disgusted by my family's forced conforming.

"It is. I grew up thinking that I have to achieve all these set goals, but now..." Another sigh escapes me. "We don't know when Vecna will return, and every fight becomes more dangerous. I don't want to go to college and become a rich, famous, whatever. I don't want to play happy housewife for an upper-class jock my parents pick for me.

"If I die, I want to be able to look back and know I chose my happiness instead of social obligation."

My whole life, I'd been the perfect, preppy, old-money daughter my family had wanted. I exceeded in school, never went to parties, and stayed away from 'bad apples'. But I'd almost died, and as the weeks had passed, I came to realize that I would've left a life of unfulfilled dreams behind. One I'd only lived to make my parents proud.

"You thought about that a lot, huh?" I nod. "Ever since the bats attacked us."

My hand wanders over Eddie's stomach, resting on a spot I know is now holding a serious scar. He'd gotten it while protecting me from the bats as I'd tried to lure them from the trailer.

"Does it still hurt?" "Only sometimes. At least I have some very metal scars now," he jokes, hand coming up to my thigh.

Under my clothes, I hide some scars as well. It's not like I am ashamed of them. Why should I be? But they need to heal and fade enough to stop looking like bites first – as my family believes they come from an accident caused by the earthquake.

"What about yours?" Eddie asks, and I nod. "Same here. Do you sometimes dream of the Upside Down?"

"Aren't we all?" he chuckles, pushing down the trauma we all experienced. "It took me a while to even realize that all that actually happened, and when the wounds stopped hurting..."

"It'll get easier," I assure him as his arm moves up to my waist—another spot where a scar rests. I'm surprised he still remembers all of the spots.

"Right, wasn't your first rodeo," he remembers. "So, what are you doing with the money? Your trust fund, I mean."

I grin, biting my bottom lip, "You know the retail park between Hawkins and Derry?" "Who doesn't?" he laughs. "I wanna rent a space there and have my own music store. Sell instruments, cassette tapes, records... All of it."

Eddie's eyes become wide, sparkly. I seem to have piqued his interest. "Sounds amazing." "You think?" I ask, and he nods. "Totally. We'll always have music, so you'll always have a job there."

Either his reaction, his touch, or the pot – maybe all three of the things combined – have me smile. I prop myself on my elbow, hand dancing over the letters of his old Black Sabbath shirt.

"If you're not too set on becoming trailer trash..." I start, feeling his heartbeat under my fingers. "I could always use a good business partner who loves music."

"Be careful with those words, Sweetheart," Eddie warns me, propping himself up as well. "'Cause if you mean them, you'll never, never, ever get rid of me."

As he begins towering over me, I whisper, "Sounds good to me."

And just like that, his lips collide with mine. I feel like bursting into flames, like I am losing my mind, and as though I only imagine this moment. I let myself fall back into the pillows, taking Eddie with me as he crawls on top of me.

The kiss is heated and longing. Eddie's hand cradles my face, wanders upwards, and his fingers tangle themselves into my hair. I gasp into the kiss as he tugs on my hair, my hips jolting up due to the literal electricity he created within me.

Suddenly the kiss stops. Eddie sits back up on his heels and looks as though he just violated me. "I- I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. That wasn't okay. You're high, you're-"

I sit up as well, embarrassment almost making me dizzy as I admit, "That had nothing to do with me being high. Did- Did you just do it because...?"

He shakes his head so harshly that I fear he'd give himself whiplash. "Was looking for a chance to do that for a while now."

I can't believe his words, asking, "Really?"

Eddie nods, looking me up and down as he licks his lips, "Jesus, you're so fucking pretty. Makes me dizzy."

We giggle and smile at each other childishly. I'd never thought he'd be interested in someone like me. I'm not an innocent, happy-go-lucky, preppy cheerleader like Chrissy was. I'm not a cool, not caring what people think of me – metalhead like him.

I am basic, normal. I go to school and do my homework, I listen to all types of music, mostly not even caring for genres since I mix through them all the time anyway, and I dress uncoordinated, solely based on what makes me happy that morning.

I've always thought I was invisible, one of the nice girls you see for five minutes in a movie and have totally forgotten about by the time the credits come on. This had given me some advantages as we saved Hawkins but socially made me feel out of place...

Eddie leans closer again, making me back onto the pillows, his knee between my legs. "That okay?" he asks softly, and I nod.

He towers over me, making my heart beat irrationally. He's so beautiful, and the fact that he wants me has me forget everything, even my name. I push myself up, cupping his cheeks; our eyes lock as he looks just as surprised and overwhelmed about all this as I am.

This time, I kiss him. His lips are soft and gentle as he kisses me back, hands carefully roaming my body as though I'm made of glass. I kissed a few guys before, but none of them had ever made me feel like this.

It feels so right. Like I was made to be in Eddie's arms, being accepted although coming with nothing else to offer than myself.

As our kiss becomes messy, something I've never experienced before, our hands become greedy and inquisitive. As my nails dig into his upper arms, Eddie's hand cups my clothed breast, groping it harshly.

As I moan into the kiss, he chuckles, kissing down my neck and plastering its skin with hickeys and soft love bites.

I moan again, hips jolting up and causing me to whimper as I accidentally rub my most sensitive area against his thigh. "Fuck," I softly cry, repeating the motion once more.

Pecking my lips softly, Eddie places himself now entirely between my legs. I can feel his erection through our clothes, right where I want him most.

"Nice, huh?" he asks teasingly, rolling his hips against me and enjoying how my eyes roll back.

Our lips find each other again, and while we sloppily begin making out again, our bodies move in unison, friction having us moan and gasp into our kisses.

As his hand sneaks under my shirt, cool rings kissing the warmth of my body, I stop Eddie. Propping myself up a little, I stammer, embarrassed, "Can we just- I don't- I never..."

I've never done anything like this before. Before today, I never kissed somebody with this much passion, never let one touch me like this. I've never felt this need, lighting my body on fire, before... And it scares me. I am not sure if I want to go any further than this.

Eddie smiles and softly chuckles. He leans down, kissing my cheek. "No worries. Rule one of being high is not to make big decisions when high. Have two tattoos proofing that point."

Somehow, I expected him to be mad at me.

"So you're okay with just kissing?" I ask, concerned, but he drops onto his elbows, forehead against mine. "I could do that for a lifetime."

Turning on some music, which plays softly in the background, we fall into another kiss, and another, and another. At one point, Eddie even has me sitting in his lap, hands groping my ass as he bucks his hips against me.

Only as our lips are sore, we cuddle on his bed, lips still coming together for little kisses from time to time.

I fall asleep in his arms, feeling safe and happy; I dream of this moment lasting forever.

*****

The next time I open my eyes, it is dark around me. I hate being in the dark, I become nervous and scared. Time has shown me over and over again why I should stay away from the darkness, but Eddie's chest, slowly rising underneath me and his arm around me, have me calm.

Closing my eyes again, I try to go back to sleep.

"She was supposed to be home hours ago, old man!" An angry voice yells outside the trailer.

"Listen, I am sure there is an explanation-" an older voice tries to communicate calmly but is interrupted.

"I don't give a shit about your excuses. You and that satanic scumbag-"

The older raises his voice warningly, "Hey, be careful what you're saying."

Eddie moves underneath me, laying on his side and pulling me into a hug. Suddenly he jumps up, turning on the lights. "Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit."

"What is it?" I ask sleep-drunkenly. "We fell asleep, Sweetheart. It's 5 a.m.," he explains loud but softly.

I jump out of bed the second my brain processes his words. "No!" I exclaim, looking at the radio alarm on Eddie's nightstand. I pull on my shoes, Eddie throwing over his jacket.

"[y/n]! [y/n], are you in there?" The angry voice from before yells, and I have a realization. "Fuck, that's Jason," I tell Eddie, who nods, handing me my backpack.

We rush outside and see Jason and his friends in front of the trailer. Wayne stands there on the steps, a baseball bat in his hand. They're all looking at Eddie and me.

I look back and forth between Wayne and Jason. "I- I'm so sorry. We fell asleep, I-" "I called you a hundred times," Jason interrupts.

I push past Wayne, walking down the steps. Eddie's uncle keeps him in the trailer, not letting him out.

"I just told you I fell asleep," I answer my cousin as he walks closer, looking at my disheveled appearance, then at Eddie's.

"What have you done to her, Munson?" Jason growls, and I step between him and the stairs. "He did nothing. What's wrong with you?"

He's clearly drunk and out for confrontation with his favorite victim.

"Fuck, you smell like a distillery," I mutter, having to look away to catch a huff of fresh air.

"We're leaving. Wait till Aunt-" my cousin tries to threaten me, grabbing my arm and walking us to the car. I shake my head, interrupting him. "You're drunk. I'm not letting you drive me."

As I try to pull my arm from his grasp, he hardens his grip. "[y/n]," he warns, trying to drag me to the car. "No," I exclaim, trying to stop walking, but Jason becomes rougher. "Ow."

"Hey, don't grab her like that," Eddie calls over, forcing himself past his uncle.

"Or what, Freak? What satanic monster from hell do you want to summon here in front of everyone?" Jason asks, irritated, fumbling his keys out of his pocket, a little cross keychain on it.

By now, half of the trailer park residents have noticed what is happening. All looking, nobody intervening.

"Man, just- just let go of her arm," Eddie tries to reason with Jason. "Please, you're hurting her."

As he takes a couple of steps closer, my cousin raises his keychain. "Don't come near us."

"Eddie, it's okay," I tell the sweet metalhead, then look to his uncle, who has his baseball bat equipped. "It's okay."

"Are you sure, girl?" Wayne asks me, concerned, but I nod.

"Yeah. I..." I finally can escape Jason's grasp and look at him and his friends. "Is anyone of you guys sober?" None are, so I sigh, "Kay. Give me your keys and get into the car."

Jason obliges since me driving the car means he gets what he wants, and I leave with him. I have the drunken jocks get back into the car, noticing that one had held a wheel-wrench the entire time.

I buckle Jason in the passenger's seat, make sure his friends buckle in as well and grab the wrench. Shaking my head, I look over at Eddie and his uncle, waving at them and trying to force a smile on my lips as I got into the driver's seat.

Leaving the trailer park, the drunks in the back fall promptly asleep, while Jason seems to calm down, experiencing an adrenaline crash. He tells me the addresses of his friends, and I drive everyone home.

"I was worried," he explains, head heavily resting on the headrest of his seat.

"I know," I sigh, having just dropped off the last one of his friends.

"I miss Chrissy," he mumbles, and I watch him take out the little velvet box he carries around everywhere. "I thought we would be together forever."

Jason had planned on proposing to his high school sweetheart after graduation. Chrissy was dead for months now, but he still carried the ring around.

I look at the broken shell of a man beside me. Jason had lost his mind when he'd lost his girlfriend. Our family believes he just needs time, but he desperately needs therapy.

He wasn't always like this; he was a good guy; we grew up like siblings – Yeah, sure, he was a little douchey sometimes, but he was the guy nice to mostly everyone—a preppy, old-money boy.

His moral compass hadn't been broken before he came into contact with Vecna's darkness.

"Eddie didn't hurt Chrissy," I tell him, but he looks at me with tears in his eyes. "I know what I saw."

I can't tell him about the Upside Down, which makes me helpless. I have to sit between the chairs, see Eddie being hated, and watch my cousin lose his sanity, and there is nothing I can do about it.

"Look," I start, carefully thinking of how to phrase my sentences, "I know what you saw. I know how it looked like and how much it scared you, but Eddie was solely at the wrong time in the wrong place when... when Chrissy and Patrick were attacked."

Jason looks at me in disbelief, his eyes wandering down to my neck, where he notices the marks left by Eddie.

"So that's how it is," he says disgustedly, sitting back in his seat and refusing to look at me again. "You let the freak fuck you, and now you're excusing him and his actions. You're choosing him instead of your own family and friends and completely disregard his victims."

"That's not what I'm doing, Jason," I say. "If- If you really think there is something evil and satanic going on... Maybe the monster hunted Chrissy and Patrick, and when it attacked, Eddie just happened to be there."

He shakes his head. "Munson is a vessel. I don't know when he became one, but I know what got him there... This satanic game and the music he listens to."

"Jason, Dungeons & Dragons is a fantasy game. It's like being the main character in The Hobbit. You know we loved that book when we were younger. It's harmless, and Eddie is basically a sweet nerd with rough edges. And his taste in music...

"It's just metal. You know it doesn't make you a murderer. You secretly bought me my first Black Sabbath cassette tape when Mom and Dad forbid me to have it."

He ignores me, angry tears in his eyes while he continues to fidget with the velvet box in his hand. I start the car and drive us to my place. I am too tired and frustrated to drive any more than that.

*****

"[y/n], do you have any idea how worried we were?" my father yells angrily, Mom agreeing. "You stay out all night, and your cousin has to pick you up from a trailer park."

I sigh, pressing my palms onto the cold kitchen table. "Come on. He was drunk as hell. I had to drive him and his friends home. You can barely say he picked me up."

Jason had used the hurt he felt from losing Chrissy and our talk in the car to unload all his paranoia of the night on my parents, then went to bed in our guest bedroom, leaving me to pick up the mess.

"Still, your behavior-" I interrupt my Dad, "I know. I made a mistake, and I am sorry. Can I now please go to my room?"

"No. I don't want you to see that boy anymore." "What?" I ask loudly.

"This Munson kid has caused enough harm. I will be damned if I let you end up like Chrissy Cunningham," Dad yells determent, making me shake my head.

"Eddie had nothing to do with Chrissy's death."

"We don't know that for sure," Mom says, trying to be the calm voice of reason as my father becomes angrier by the second.

"Yes, we do," I argue. "Jason has been spinning out of control for months now. Why isn't anybody in this fucking town questioning his bullshit accusations?"

Mom hands my father his coffee, and he takes it to the living room. Simply leaving the discussion like he always does. Then she sits down beside me, trying to hold my hand.

"People wouldn't find it so easy to believe if the Munson boy hadn't given them so many reasons to."

I let out a sarcastic laugh, then scoff, "Funny, 'cause when people tried to – very rightfully so – suspect that our family's wealth comes from decades of slavery and human trafficking, you both told me that foolish people are willing to believe everything just to run their mouths."

"[y/n]..."

I shake my head, so angry at my family's hypocrisy, "You're not treating Eddie fair. You're judging him and his character through his upbringing, social status, and nonsensical rumors from an unstable family member."

"Hun, I know you like that boy, and dating a bad boy sounds exciting for girls your age – I know, I've been there – But boys like that have the power of ruining your life."

"You don't know him, Mom," I tell her, tears in my eyes. The Upside Down had thoroughly messed up my relationship with my family. "When the earthquake hit Hawkins, I was with Eddie and our friends. If he hadn't been there, I would be dead now. He saved me."

Mom looks at me, shocked. I've refused to talk about the accident until now since I still haven't thought out a perfect lie. I see the pain in my mother's eyes, I know she loves me, and after so many died due to the earthquake, it terrifies her that I could've been one of them.

"Mom, Eddie's a little weird, sometimes completely bonkers, loud, and obnoxious, but he is neither dangerous nor bad for me."

She presses her lips together, trying not to mess up her perfectly applied lipstick. Then she nods. "Go to bed. We'll talk once you have had some sleep."

I go to my room, locking the door behind me. Dressing in some fresh underwear and an oversized band t-shirt my mother hates, I lay down on my bed.

It's already light outside, soon, my dad will go to work, and my mom will pop some uppers and drive around town, spending some money on things we don't need and thinking about what to serve for dinner.

I wonder if I would've ever noticed how dysfunctional our family is, even with all our money, wouldn't I've gotten involved with Will's vanishing?

Would I've ever known how much more important my happiness is than following my family's plans and traditions?

Knocking on my bedroom window pulls me from my thoughts. On the tree branch in front of my window stands Eddie.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as I open it, letting him in.

"I wanted to see if you're okay... And I brought your guitar," he smiles, turning the strep across his chest and putting Honey into my view. I'd forgotten the guitar in my hurry.

"I'm sorry, [y/n]. He grabbed you really hard. I- I should've defended you," Eddie says, hands running up and down my arm, causing goosebumps to appear.

"Jason was drunk and with his friends. They were only looking for a reason to hurt you," I tell him as he hands me the guitar, and I place it on the floor next to my vanity.

I turn on some music, not too loud to annoy anybody, but loud enough to hide that I wasn't alone. Eddie, meanwhile, starts snooping around, almost reminding me of a puppy being in its new home for the first time.

"Now that's a preppy room. I've never seen a preppy room, but this one..." he chuckles, his big button eyes filled with amusement. "I know. Mom decorated it."

He looks further around while I sit down on my bed. As he opens my closet door, a poster of Eddie Van Halen has him crack up before he goes on a deep dive to see all the things I hide in there from my parents.

"Now, that's more like you," Eddie exclaims, pulling out my old working uniform. "You know, I always walked by Scoops Ahoy when I was at the mall... Always hoped to see you."

With butterflies in my stomach, I watch him hang the uniform back into the closet. "I saw you walking by a couple of times. Why didn't you talk to me?"

He shrugs, walking to the end of my bed. "I chickened out. I mean, would you've actually talked to Eddie 'The Freak' Munson, or would you've called for Harrington to protect you?"

"I would've loved having you talk to me," I assure him, and he begins to grin. "Careful; I might start believing you had a crush on me, Sweetheart."

I crawl to the end of my bed, pulling Eddie down by his jacket. His grin becomes bigger before his lips press down on mine. I shuffle back to my pillows, pushing his jacket over his shoulder and throwing it aside. We kiss again as he makes himself comfortable between my legs.

Eddie breaks the kiss, whispering, "I need to leave before your parents come in and find us like that."

His knuckles brush over my cheeks, a soft smile on his lips, and I realize that I don't want him to leave—the quite opposite, actually. I want him to be even closer to me.

"My door's locked," I tell him with a cheeky grin. "They think I'm sleeping."

His softness quickly begins harboring an aura of mischief. "Naughty little thing," he whispers, pressing his lips against mine.

The kiss becomes rough and demanding as Eddie growls into it, starting to explore my mouth with his tongue. After hours of doing nothing else last night, his hands on my body and lips on my own feel natural. My fingers glide into his curly mane while I start rocking my hips against him, searching for friction.

An excited whimper leaves me, and I reach for his belt. "N-No, Sweetheart," Eddie stops me gently. "We have no condoms."

"Pill," I exclaim, needier than planned. "I'm on the pill." He raises his brows for a second, and I add, "I started taking it as part of a feminism phase Robin and I had."

Eddie props himself up, looking at me, insecure. "And you're sure you actually want that? I'm not really the upper-class jock your parents want for you."

I'm looking up at this intimidatingly looking metalhead, smiling. Looks can be so deceiving. "I know, and I like you better that way," I tell him, watching his self-doubt melt away and replace with a contented smile.

Pulling his shirt over his head, he tosses it somewhere in my room. I goggle at his naked chest, the tattoos, the scars, the happy trail. I'm close to tears, and I don't know why; my body feels like I'm being lit on fire; all I can think of is how badly I want him.

"I want you," I whine, hips moving up against nothing. "Please..."

Eddie leans down, pecking my lips for a moment, "I know, baby. I want you too." As he moves back up, he grabs the hem of my shirt, waiting. I lift my back enough so he can take it off me. He tosses it over his shoulder, eyes locking with my breasts.

"Shit," he mutters under his breath, eyes wandering across the room for a moment. As he looks at me again, he licks his lips. "You're so beautiful."

He drops onto his elbows, kissing me again. Eddie's hands roam my body; thighs, stomach, breasts; there is no place he doesn't explore. So at one point, his fingers glide over my clothes pussy.

I try to move into his touch. Eddie chuckles, pulling my panties aside and letting his fingers run through my folds. He grunts into the kiss, moving up a little, "Holy fuck, Sweetheart. You're so wet."

I nod, embarrassed, swallowing a loud moaning the second he touches my swollen clit. He shushes me gently, pecking my lips, then moves his fingers to his mouth. They glisten in the morning sun, and as he licks my wetness from them, I become dizzy for a second.

Eddie grins at me, fully aware of the effect he just had on me. He comes closer again, kissing me and letting me taste myself on his tongue. Then he kisses my neck, wandering down and stopping at my breast, gently sucking on my left nipple while playing with my right one.

I struggle to stay quiet, hating the thought of having to wait any longer. "Eddie, please," I whine, hips jolting up and meeting with his clothed erection.

He grabs the waistband of my panties, making me lift my hips to help him remove them. They are quickly thrown aside, my hands on his belt again. This time I'm triumphant; Eddie climbs off the bed, taking off his jeans, underwear, and shoes.

I bite into the pillowy part of my bottom lip as I'm met with the view of his hard, veiny cock, making him chuckle and kiss me playfully all over the face as he climbs back on top of me.

Guiding his cock up and down my pussy, he coats himself with my arousal, using it like a natural lubricant. "Ready?" he asks, and I nod, grinning excitedly.

Lining up with me, he pushes in slowly until he fully bottoms out inside me. My eyes press shut, and a whimper leaves my lips at the stinging. My nails dig into the skin of his upper arms. Eddie doesn't move anymore, giving me time to get used to the new, stretching sensation.

"Doing so good, baby," he whispers, kissing my cheek, the corner of my lips, and then me fully. I melt into his gentle touches, hands stroking up and down my sides.

"So beautiful," he grins. "And all mine." I nod. "All yours."

Eddie begins to move, making me feel so full, that I think I'm about to break in two, but instead, every thrust of his makes me feel alive.

I want more, figuring out how to meet his thrusts, moving against him. Our breathing becomes louder, moans and praises are spoken with hushed voices.

Eddie doesn't pick up the speed, my bed already threatening to give us away. Instead, he becomes harsher, administrating long and deep thrusts that make my eyes roll into the back of my head.

I moan loudly, arching my back. In an instant, his hand covers my mouth. "We need to be quiet, baby," he reminds me quietly but doesn't stop pounding into me for even a second.

I moan into his palm, holding onto his wrist, so his hand doesn't move from my mouth. "I know. I know, don't worry. I'll make sure they don't hear you," he promises with a low grunt as he rolls his hips into mine.

Our eyes lock, his gaze full of lust and admiration. Sweat makes his hair stick to his forehead. His thrust become more demanding, and I hear my own wetness every time he rocks against me.

As control seems to escape us, Eddie's deep, husky moans become louder. The secrecy of having raw sex that I was taught would get me to hell before marriage feels so filthy, yet it is heaven.

My nails dig into the flesh of his back, and his lips press kisses against my shoulder and collarbone, occasionally biting into it. Tightening around Eddie, I  am on the edge of my orgasm.

"Fuck," he moans. Our eyes meet again, his hand still over my mouth. I lift my hand as he curses again, clasping it over his mouth.

His hips stagger at this before a moan vibrates in my palm. I come right then. I fall apart into millions of pieces and am put back together a new person—a free one that doesn't care about any social status anymore.

If this is wrong, if this is sin, I want to be amiss for the rest of my life.

A deep growl is muffled in my palm as Eddie comes, both of us silencing the other's moans as we ride out our high.

As his hips still, our hands retreat. Stupid, exhausted grins on our lips; he kisses me and pulls out. I whimper at the sudden emptiness, having him chuckle and lie beside me.

Eddie pulls me into a tight embrace, and we just lay there, wrapped around each other for a few minutes, listening to nothing but our breathing.

My head rests on his chest, fingers circling his tattoos and dark pink scars. We're both sweaty, but neither of us cares. This moment is perfect.

"[y/n]?" Eddie whispers into the silence, hand locked around my waist to ensure I stay put.

"Hm?" I hum, looking up at him. "Your parents want you to stay away from me, right?" He asks, insecurity, sighing deeply as I nod. "Figured."

"Eddie..." I whisper as he sits up, grabbing his boxers. He shakes his head, pulling them up. "No, they're right. You'll find better, deserve better."

I stop the curly-headed metalhead before he can dress any further. Hand on his arm, I lean close. "Don't say that. I- It's only until we're graduating. Once I get my money, I'll move out, and we can be together... If you still want that."

He looks at me for a second, then whispers, "Your family will be furious with you." I nod. "Yeah, but they'll calm down once they see how happy I am... I hope."

I don't have much faith in it, but I refuse to live the miserable life my parents approve of. Eddie's tongue swipes over his lips while he is thinking; I can visibly see the cogs turn behind his chocolate eyes.

"So, that would make one month where I don't get to hold, kiss, or even talk to you," he says emotionless.

"Is that okay?" I ask, unsure. We are rushing; the decisions are way too extreme for the little time we spent like this.

But like I said, Vecna could return at any moment. We could die faster than we seem to be rushing. I have to go all in and live.

Eddie turns to me, the knuckles of his ringed fingers brushing offer my cheek. "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens," he hums a familiar quote, proving him to be a soft nerd under all his leather and chains.

"I have been head over heels for you since I was seventeen, and until everyone thought I was a murderer, I never even dared to look at you for too long. I can handle loving you from afar for a month."

My heart skips a beat as I echo, "Loving me?"

Pressing a kiss on my lips, he chuckled, "Seriously, if you haven't picked up on that by now, you're the one who needs a tutor."

He pushes me back into the pillows, climbing on top of me. Insecure all my life, I absolutely don't mind being completely naked in front of Eddie. He makes me feel safe and like it doesn't matter what I look like.

"Shit," I cuss, remembering his test. "How are we going to study for your test?" Kissing the tip of my nose, he smiles, "We don't. I can handle my studying, [y/n]. I'm a big boy. You just keep practicing with Honey, so I can have a jam session with my girlfriend soon, okay?"

Girlfriend. I am Eddie 'The Freak' Munson's girlfriend.

My life has been full of titles until now, the cheerleader, teacher's pet, Jason Carver's cousin, golden child, tutor, babysitter... But this is the first one that I feel proud of, the first one that feels authentic.

➤ Here is Part 2: Girlfriend