#he diddled crustaceans

[daddyneedshisjuse]

This whole fucking segment was a treasure and a nightmare all at once. FUCK it’s so GOOD

[podmusical]

The Fuzz and the Fury, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fuzzatronic Bomb

Credits and Lyrics for Episode 12 of The Fall of the House of Sunshine

starring:

Dankent - Nathaniel Kent Fuzzo - Jared Loftin Elsa - Molly Hager Ur-Tooth - Jennifer Thompson Intern - Nicholas DiMichele Brushee - Matt roi Berger Worker 3 - Matt roi Berger Mysterious Voice - Diana Oh Ethereal Band Being - Rachel Flynn

And the best damn Announcer ever - James Kennedy!

written by Jonathan A. Goldberg music by Matt roi Berger

Ur-Tooth’s Lament

Way back when at the dawn of time I had trust, I had hope in humankind On further inspection, my affection was misplaced Now I’m the dim divinity who put her faith in some apes

Humans really crapped the bed Shoulda put my trust in the mollusk instead Or the seals or the veals or the pangolins Well enough is enough and I'm packing it in

This tooth’s sore - say no more Gotta know a lost cause and when to head for the door With my plans impacted, it’s time to be extracted Adios, it’s time to ghost, you’re on your own

Coulda picked a fox or a hawk or an ox A bear or a hare or a bucket of lox But insisted that I pick one with the gift of speech Now all they do is whine and blame their troubles on me

Had to have a race with opposable thumbs Must've been out drinking to have been so dumb They can twiddle, they can fiddle, they can diddle themselves But then you’re shit-le out of luck-le if you need something else

Oh why-aiaiaiaiaiaiai? Oh why-aiaiaiaiaiaiai?

Would have been fine if I choose the Dalmatian Could I had my pick of any number of crustacean My patience has been waning for this miscreant creation The tooth is loose - enjoy your puppety damnation

Humans really crapped the bed Should've put my faith in a crane instead Or goats or stoats or an anaconda Well enough is enough - can’t take it any longer!

This tooth’s sore - say no more Gotta know when to fold’em and to head for the door Maybe in millennia be back to try again-ia Till then-ia you’re all on your own!

You’ve Changed

FLOSSO

Welcome!  My childhood pet - I mean friend! How strange - who’d ‘ve thought that we’d meet again And look at us!  Look at you, look at me… Looks like we became just what we were meant to be

No doubt you blame your pains on the tooth. Well I’ve been enlightened and I hate him too! I’ve killed his disciples if you’re looking for proof. Now come in for the hug-

ELSA

What are you doing?  No!  Ew!

FLOSSO

We are the same - just hear my plan: No more teeth clamped down on common man. Just soft and fuzzy love for one and all!

ELSA

You’ve changed - but not for the best You are deranged - we’re not the same! You’re an old monster in new skin.

FLOSSO

Well, what a shame, Now -

BOTH

Say goodbye! (What? / Ha!) I haven’t come this far to die But you are welcome to try!

ELSA

You stole my life and you rattled my brain You had me beaten, in chains, You had me begging Had me trained.

Now I’m awake - But cling to one final dream: To see the cult that took my people Laid out, bleeding in the streets.

So save your reunion Your revised history No matter what your rays achieved My eyes are wide - won’t be deceived!

FLOSSO

You’ve changed - not for the best. Is there any of you left? Or just this new machine of death?

I offer family and peace, You drag up some old ancient beef. You say you see?  I think your blind We are the same on the same side!

ELSA

No!  

BOTH

The life I lived was one big lie Took as medicine prescribed By a man obsessed with prophecy and teeth!

He kept me from the truth I craved Of what I was until today And now revenge will finally bring me peace! Ah-ha-ah!

ELSA

Fine - you’re right.

FLOSSO

See, I told you didn’t I??

BOTH

Now what a shame it is you have to die.

FLOSSO

Hear me now - this chance is your last.

ELSA

To join your legion as your minion?? Please - don’t make me laugh!

FLOSSO

You’ll see When the bomb detonates. A new world awaits! You’ll be of fuzz, be one of us.

ELSA

I’d rather die!

FLOSSO

That we can arrange…

BOTH

There’s nothing left to say - You’re clearly a lost cause. Though your death gives me pause… We are the same - despite your flaws.

We’ve changed!  No looking back. And what remains is a mirror, though it’s cracked.

How did it come to this? Could there have been another road Where we were standing side by side And not at each other’s throats

My how the time goes by I mourn that other life Oh what a shame it is you have to die.

What Dreams May Fuzz

I only want to make the world better - Soft as a towel; as supple as a sweater. Just pull the wool back from your eyes See the wool world I’ll design!

What dreams may fuzz!

In the world to fuzz, we’ll all smell of fresh laundry And when we hug, we’ll squeak within our stuffing There’ll be no more broken bones Or sharp edges on pinecones!

What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz!

A safer, softer world is what I see Where policemen are all fuzz and fuzzmen all police But no-one gets hit with a stick Cuz now all sticks are soft and limp.

And the bullets will be fluff and knives all yarn! So we’ll all laugh and swear off doing each other harm

Arm in arm, together we’ll stand tall For all are fuzz and fuzz for one and all!

And at the public’s cry my heart will sing, A single tear in my eye - When they make me king…

Yes… yes, their king!  That sounds nice!

There I’ll reign, first of my name At the top of the great felt pyramid Chosen son of Elder Fuzz Ruling all as I see fit

Those that defy will be denied Their fuzzy rights and fuzzy lives Their stuffing raining down in warning: Bow to your fuzzy Lord or feel my fury!

Ha ha haha!

And they’ll scream and cry and swear they will atone. And their little yarny heads will decorate my throne!

I only want to make the world better - Soft as a towel; as supple as a sweater. And as strict and suffocating As a noose before the hanging.

What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz! What dreams may fuzz!

Fuzz Fuzz Fuzz

Fuzz, fuzz, fuzz, fuzz Fuzz, fuzz. All that was is fuzz. All that was is fuzz.

Fuzz, fuzz, fuzz, fuzz Fuzz, fuzz. All that was is fuzz. Ever all is fuzz.

Fuzz!  Fuzz!  Fuzz! Fuzz!  Fuzz!  Fuzz! Fuzz!  Fuzz!  Fuzz!

Fuzz.

Fuzz, fuzz, fuzz, fuzz Fuzz, fuzz. All that was is fuzz. Ever after fuzz.

Fuzz!  Fuzz!  Fuzz! Fuzz!  Fuzz!  Fuzz! Fuzz!  Fuzz!  Fuzz!

Fuzz.

I had a job but now there’s only fuzz I had a dog, but now he’s only fuzz

All the birds that sing, and bees that buzz They were living things, but now they’re only fuzz

I had a brain but now there’s only fuzz (Fuzz Fuzz, Fuzz Fuzz) My heart felt joy and pain but now it’s only fuzz (Fuzz Fuzz, Fuzz Fuzz)

All of my family and all of my buds They were living things, but now they’re only fuzz Uh fuzz fuzz fuzz

(Fuzz Fuzz, Fuzz Fuzz) (Fuzz Fuzz, Fuzz Fuzz)

My mama and my papa and my second cuz They were living things, but now they’re only fuzz Uh fuzz fuzz fuzz