#he did not last 2 turns against Karlach lol

[elfboypussy]

im trying to make a compilation of Honour Mode Durge Monk Barbie beating the shit out of things in heels and fun outfits for my own amusement but this fucking clip i got where the bulette decided to show up at the worst fucking time and aggro literally every single enemy in the area. i was like. really? in front of my hook horrors?

[dungeonsdragonsandlawyers]

WIP Wednesday on a Thursday

WIP Wednesday

thank you to the absolutely angel who is @shewhowas39 for tagging me! :D

here's a snippet from a scene in A Greater Woman Wouldn't Beg that's well into Act 2. So many, many chapters from now; but, because of who I am as a person, I've been writing random little scenes that pop in my head, even if they're WAY in the future :D It hadn't been edited or anything - just straight wrote it from my head and haven't gone back to reread it yet :P

I don't have many tumblr friends yet, so if you see this and you wanna do it plz follow me and roll with the idea that I did, in fact, tag you LOL

**

Andromeda was cold. She had fallen asleep pressed tight to Karlach’s heat, sweat glistening on both their skin. There had been no need for a blanket with Karlach’s arms wrapped around her, her head curled into Andromeda’s chest, legs and tails interlocking in a jumble of limbs, but now - Andromeda blinked her eyes open blearily, a disgruntled look on her face - she was wrapped in the woolen blanket that they had thrown off the bed the night before. Her… girlfriend? No. They hadn’t discussed anything like that… her… friend? No. What they had felt too big to be relegated to a simple friendship. Her… Karlach - that would have to do - was nowhere to be seen. 

Andromeda felt her stomach drop as she sat up fully in bed, clutching the blanket to her naked chest. She had left… When had she left? Andromeda searched her mind for any indication that Karlach hadn’t enjoyed herself… for any hint that this - whatever this was - was just a means to an end for her. Andromeda’s throat felt raw - there wasn’t a note or anything… 

She blinked back tears, throwing the blanket off and shuffling to the end of the bed to grab her discarded clothing. Her toes were freezing by the time she stuffed them into the flimsy shoes she wore around camp. She wrapped the woolen blanket around her shoulders, the best shield she could hope for against the Shadowcurse’s morning chill, and threw open the door. Andromeda had every intention of sneaking out of Last Light without anyone seeing her, and she was confident in her ability to accomplish that goal, if not for -

“Mooooorning.” Felyx. Her roguish brother had always been able to sniff her out. This morning he was leaning against the railing outside her door, chomping at an apple and smirking at her knowingly. Andromeda scowled at him. “Woah there, Princess.” He held both hands up before reaching behind his back and taking out a second apple, tossing it her way. “Gods be damned, I forgot how grumpy you are in the mornings. Never wake a sleeping Andromeda was always the rule, yeah?” 

Andromeda caught the apple and bit into it viciously, her glare softening in increments as she chewed and swallowed. 

“So -” Felyx trailed off, sliding up alongside her as the siblings picked their way downstairs, skimming past the worst of the damage inflicted by the monsters that had attacked the Inn the day before. “Word on the street is that Karlach can touch people again…” He peaked over at her, raising one eyebrow suggestively. 

“She can.” Andromeda answered shortly, taking another bite of apple. 

“And word on the street is that the two of you snuck off together last night.” 

Andromeda looked over at him, “And where, exactly, did you hear that?” 

Felyx grinned, the skin around his eyes scrunching with the force of his glee. “Karlach.” 

Andromeda’s mouth popped open - “She’s bragging about it?!” That didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem like the Karlach she had grown to know this past month… but perhaps she had misread everything. Its not like I have a good track record with these sorts of things… 

Felyx’s face contorted in confusion for a moment before realization dawned there, “Oh god! No, Andi!” He grabbed her by the shoulders, turning her bodily towards him, “No - Karlach asked me to keep an eye for when you woke up… said she didn’t want to wake you. She went for a run to burn off some energy.” 

Andromeda scanned his features, looking for any hint that her older brother was trying to soften the blow - but that had never been Felyx’s style. He was the one out of her entire family who had told her the brutal truth about Dannis, raging against her blind faith in a man who obviously treated her poorly. Her features softened, revealing the self-consciousness that had been eating away at her since she awoke. “She did?” 

Felyx nodded, smiling softly and pulling his sister into a tight embrace. He plopped a kiss on top of her head, “I approve of this one, you know. And that’s not something I say lightly.” He pulled away, holding her at arms length, “She makes you happy - happier than I’ve seen you since Mom…”

Andromeda smiled softly, shyly, up at her big brother. “She does… I -” She paused, searching for the right words, “I feel safe with her… Always have.” 

Felyx grinned down at her, tugging her into his side as he continued to take the steps two at a time, dragging her smaller form behind him. “Now that we have that all sorted out - I want to hear everything!” Andromeda laughed, throwing her head back as she let him pull her along. Felyx was the youngest of the boys, only older than Andromeda by a year - the two had grown up more like twins than anything else, always whispering and gossiping about their crushes in the darkened alcoves of the Vaas estate. He made his way over to the bartop, grabbing two plates of food and gesturing for her to grab two cups of juice, before making his way over to one of the tables lining the walls. He settled in one chair - the one facing the door, she noted with a flicker of annoyance - and plopped her food in front of her. “How was it?! Was it magical? Was it sweet? Did she throw you around in all sorts of freaky positions like those barbarian porn stars do?” 

Andromeda, who had stuffed a piece of toast in her mouth as soon as she sat, began coughing at that. “What? -” She thumped on her chest, trying to dislodge the last of the crumbs she had inhaled. “No?! Barbarian porn stars? What in the hells have you been looking at?!” 

Felyx smirked, cutting his sausage into tiny pieces before slipping the fork delicately between his lips and chewing for several moments. Andromeda let the silence hang in the air, eyebrows raised expectedly at him. “Nothing! I mean - have there been some clippings taken from certain, how do you say - racey - magazines? Of course! Do those clippings contain massive barbarian women bending their partners in every which way? Of course! Am I insanely jealous that you locked Karlach down before I had the chance to work my charms? Obviously!” He was waving his fork around as if it was a sword, emphasizing his points with short jabs of the utensil. “But,” he took another bite of sausage, “you’re very lucky you know. I know for a fact that, had I been given the chance, she would not have been able to resist my charms.”

Andromeda rolled her eyes, recognizing the playful lilt of his voice. “Yes, well, I am so very sorry for stealing your thunder, dear brother. Unfortunately, if you’d like the opportunity to win her hand, you’ll have to beat me in single combat, I’m afraid.” Andromeda smeared marmalade onto her toast and took a bite, smirking at him. “And we both know you don’t have the kiddw to best me.” 

Felyx held a mocking hand to his chest, mouth gaping open, “Well, I have never been so disrespected in my life! Why don’t we just ask the woman herself, hm? Oh Karlach!” Andromeda whirled in her chair just in time to see her… Karlach stride into the great room. She was glistening with sweat and breathing heavily - she looked radiant. Andromeda felt her heart stutter in her chest, and a grin stretched across her face. “Come here, would you? We need you to settle something for us!” 

Karlach locked eyes with Felyx before those orange orbs slid over to Andromeda, joy lighting her features. She bounded over, moving with impressive grace as she dodged around the hellions who were running this way and that around the Inn. When she reached them she bent to place a tender kiss on Andromeda’s forehead before sweeping her into her arms - Andromeda most certainly did not let out a tiny scream when her arse was suddenly no longer on the chair - and taking her seat, positioning Andromeda’s slight frame on her thigh. Karlach’s fingers traced patterns on Andromeda’s hip absentmindedly as the red tiefling grinned at the siblings. “What can I help you with, Vaas’?” 

“Andromeda thinks that I wouldn’t have stood a chance with you, even if she hadn’t gotten to you first.” Felyx pouted playfully, jabbing his fork at his sister in the process. “Tell her she’s wrong - none can resist my charms!” 

Karlach laughed boisterously, head thrown back and shoulders shaking. Andromeda couldn’t help but stare. Gods, she’s beautiful.

Karlach turned to her, planting a soft kiss on her shoulder. “So are you, baby.” Andromeda started, wide eyes tracking to Karlach, who merely smirked and tapped her temple. 

Gods damned tadpoles.

[astarionfreak]

writing patterns tag game!

tagged by @scaryanneee (thank you!)

Rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

1. Palisade afternoon | Astarion x Fem!reader

The dress you’re meant to wear to the party is hanging near the bed. It’s beautiful. You hate it.

2. Exile (Or: How you learned to stay) | Astarion x Fem!Reader & Shadowheart x Fem!Reader

It’s pouring rain. You’re running. Your bare feet carry you over cobblestones, through alleyways — always in shadow. Never in the light.

3. You'll hate me (make love) | Ascended Astarion x Fem!Reader

This is the last place you should be. He’s not the man you fell in love with. Not anymore. The Rite of Profane Ascension corrupted him — of course it did.

4. Carve it in red | Ascended Astarion x Serin (Fem!Durge)

Astarion stood in the garden, a solitary figure, silhouetted by a low-hanging blood moon. He often found himself here when he needed a moment of quiet reflection.

5. At least you purr for me | Astarion x Fem!Reader

“Alright, soldier. Your turn. Top three orgasms, let’s fucking go,” Karlach says.

You feel the heat rise in your face, you’re blushing. You glance up at Astarion, who is looking at you with an almost smug expression from across the campfire. Does he really expect you to say his name?

6. The blood on your hands is mine | Astarion x Wren (Fem!Durge)

The blighted village was only intended to be a pit stop on their way to locate the druid. But in her haste, Wren led them right into a trap. The goblins had the high ground and they managed to dole out some damage before they finally fell to arrows and spells.

7. Beg like you need it | Astarion x Tessa (Fem!Tav) x Gale

Gale glanced around the room as if expecting another guard to arrive at any moment. “I don’t believe resorting to violence was necessary in this particular instance.”

Astarion stared longingly at the blood on his dagger, almost as if considering licking it. He wiped it off on the guard’s sleeve instead. “Don’t be so wet behind the ears.”

8. Now that his heart beats | Ascended Astarion x Fem!Reader

A warm breeze dances across the garden. You lay in Astarion’s arms, on the lawn, near the roses. You are so still that you can count each blade of grass that bends and sways, brushing against your bare arms and legs.

9. The lick of poison | Astarion x Naenia (Fem!Tav)

“Remind me why we had to return to this vile place?” Astarion gestured to the halls of the Arcane Tower with a flourish.

“Timmask Spores and Tongue of Madness. For Omeluum,” Naenia said. “I’m certain I saw some here. We won’t be long.”

10. You're mine, remember? | Ascended Astarion x Cassowary (Fem!Spawn)

Gale pulled Cassowary into a warm embrace, the likes of which she had not experienced since her transformation. She breathed him in — allowed the beat of his heart, the rush of blood in his veins, and his scent to overwhelm her senses. Gods. His scent — he smelled of old books bound in leather, and the subtle smokey aroma of amber.

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Patterns? Umm. I'm sure there's something there that I haven't noticed. I usually try to give the reader some sense of where the character is physically as early as possible (even if in the last one that location is just Gale's arms lol). My favorite intro is the one I wrote for Exile (second favorite is probably the one for At least you purr for me). I know that wasn't the question, but I'm rambling now. Okay, byeee.

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Tagging @charmandabear