#he deserves to waltz in sun! have his own castle learn all new vampire powers!! he deserves to never ever feel little again!!

[eldrichthingy]

I really... physically, like literally can't handle Astarion's good ending and I do love it, but I hate how it makes me feel so much pain I can't believe it. That scene when he kills Cazador is so fucking heavy yet yes, catharsic and beautiful, but it's so fucking heavy I could handle seeing it only ONE time and swore that I'll never repeat it again. That's just my own opinion, it breaks my heart and it's truly so well-written, but I hate seeing it. I hate the ending where he's forced to return to living in shadow, I hate when he burns on sun and I hate how companions (mostly) say something rather.. jokingly? I hate how the moment after he finally has true freedom, he's forced to not see the colours of life ever again (untill, of course, the cure is found). Especially in his own origin non-ascended ending. It seems even more... tragic. There are so many moments in this route that just... make me burst into tears. For me, this ending is much heavier and heartbreaking than ascendant one. It's so hard to process for me. Which might be a reason why I prefer ascended Astarion much more - because I don't have to see, experience all that and feel like my heart have been shattered to thousand pieces. For sure, it's very... satisfying? But I personally can't stand it for this simple reason: it's painful. And I'm hurting- like, badly.