#he can't look inward and feel upset with himself so he directs it on other people instead

[dennisboobs]

i'm a legend around this place -> they completely goddamn disrespected me

a comprehensive approach to seduction that i have perfected over the years -> everybody ruins my system, nobody gets it

that's what i do, christie, and it was working, i was manipulating your feeble little brain into doing what i want. what i want. -> she rejected me. me, frank, me, the coolest guy in the history of this goddamn school

i don't need your approval. goddamn. i don't need anyone's approval

power. power. charlie and i refuse to be defeated by this. we're gonna win this war. we're gonna win this war. we're gonna win this war. we have the power. power. now we'll take our clothes off. we have the power. it's not a joke.

[ethereallyjade]

Namjoon When Upset

(Mostly) Mars Analysis

Chart Masterlist

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For starters, let's look at what made him upset in the first place

Pride, especially with who he is and where he’s from (very prideful over his nationality, source of education, etc.)

Anything regarding loyalty. Does NOT take betrayal lightly

His loved ones and their safety. So help you if you come for his loved one (or if his loved ones come after him). He’s especially sensitive to them in every way

Having that said, because he’s only comfortable showing his deepest self to his loved ones, they can be the exact people he projects/emotionally dumps on even when his anger has nothing to do with them in the first place.

He’s also deeply hurt when his feelings are ignored or put down in any way, especially when done by someone important to him.

Now for how his anger manifests,

If not already insanely obvious, dude's passive aggressive AF. and can be very petty as well. If not put under control, he can become whiny, hypocritical, and manipulative when upset with a tendency to assume he’s right.

Could be prone to crying when angry and/or makes sure you will. If you do him dirty enough, he will constantly remind you of what you did lol.

Despite his sensitive nature, he can easily detach from his emotions and become very cold when feeling vulnerable or that he’s wasting his time on someone/something. If we’re talking about a situation where he's like REALLY pissed, he can become brutal, immediately closing himself off to others and cutting people out of his life indefinitely.

He stays pretty quiet about his problems and is unlikely to speak about it for a while, which usually means his anger comes out in bigger ways than it was initially felt.

He tends to lose himself in his career as a means to distract himself from, well, honestly any overwhelming emotion really. The type to disappear for years after you dump him and then suddenly come back a millionaire.

May use jokes and sarcasm as a weak form of communication and coping mechanism. He wants to connect when he feels scared or hurt but is so resistant to letting others help him.

Because of his scorpio placements especially, it’s no surprise that he feels things very deeply and passionately and this includes his anger. He knows how intensely his anger comes in and easily consumes him, which is why he runs from it, because he fears himself. He fears that he can't stop himself from hurt others, like it's his destiny to be a monster (And OMG I could say so much more about this and his whole Rap Monster persona, but I digress for now) He instead directs his anger inwards onto himself, and because this anger is desperately trying to find the surface, it comes out as passive jabs.

When used more healthily, his anger shows through art and competition(being the best at whatever he sets his mind to).

A little NSFW, but I’m also seeing another big way he channels his anger is through s*x, but I'll touch back on that in another post.

For the most part he tries to just ignore his feelings and keep quiet, but again, it never works and often results in him becoming very moody.

In the end, if he sees the problem worth being resolved, he will communicate in a fair way and tries his best to choose his words carefully so each side is thoroughly heard.

But be warned, he rarely forgives and never forgets.

[shaiappreciation]

thoughts on pouf having borderline personality disorder? do you find it likely? I would love to read an analysis like the one you did for adhd 💖

(i know you have a lot of questions to answer so no pressure, take your time, ¡gracias!)

HOLA this was in the inbox for quite some time! I wasn't totally sure what angle I wanted to approach this from, so I'm starting small and working my way up. For a short answer - I think he fits the bill pretty well! When I wrote that analysis, someone who was studying DBT therapy for BPD patients actually replied and said that they definitely saw some traits in him, saying he seemed BPD-coded to an extent and specifically mentioning that Meruem would be his favorite person in this context. I do have some prior knowledge of BPD for personal reasons, and did notice that some of the larger traits (intense emotions, black and white thinking, fear of abandonment) seemed like they fit him pretty well.

For a longer answer, I'll be going through the BPD criteria and discussing it in relation to Pouf. I will, however, give a disclaimer - when I wrote my ADHD analysis (which I actually would like to rewrite again so I can discuss autism a bit more), I was drawing from my own personal experiences with ADHD/autism, which was what had prompted me to write the analysis in the first place. I held off on answering this because I wanted to feel sure that I'd be able to talk about BPD with full respect to the condition. Granted, a lot of the ways I go about these analyses are analytical, so I would hope to be able to discuss this properly, but that's part of what stopped me (considering how BPD is already fairly stigmatized).

So, without further delay, let's take a look between an overview of BPD criteria and Pouf's own thoughts, feelings, and interactions with the world.

One of the first traits that comes up for BPD is that of intense emotions, especially anger, which are things that Pouf demonstrates pretty well, with how easily upset he is. Though his anger doesn't feel as apparent in the beginning of the arc, it could be argued that it's clear in the way he directs it inwards towards himself, before beginning to externalize it once Komugi enters the picture. Pouf's emotional instability is a hallmark of his character, right next to his intense anxiety regarding the world around him, so I feel it doesn't take much discussion to establish it.

Black and white/all or nothing thinking is another trait that seems to come up, which is actually something I addressed in my writing about neurodivergence because it's also a trait that can seen in people who are autistic! Pouf also demonstrates this quite well, seeing no middle ground for his thoughts or worries and either holds himself to a resolution out of his grasp (like with him attempting to kill Komugi, seeing no other option to "save" Meruem or preserve his own sense of purpose) or immediately condemns himself (like when he swore very early in the arc to take his own life as an act of penance for having never been a good enough guard for Meruem). There is no middle road for him, he either does something and does it perfectly, or he may as well not do it at all. This explains why a lot of his actions end up being so extreme or become life-or-death - he physically can't see any other way out.

This ties in with the next trait, which discusses fear of real or perceived abandonment. Pouf becomes increasingly attached to Meruem and his own perceived sense of duty as the arc goes on, and begins doing anything within his own ability to preserve it, leading to him lying directly to Meruem's face and, by attempting to kill Komugi, betraying him. In this specific case, I firmly believe Pouf's attachment comes from Meruem being tied to Pouf's life's purpose as Pouf sees it; without Meruem, he doesn't see himself as fit to live. However, I'm not just brushing it off, I'm merely seeking to explain. It's fair to say that Pouf pretty explicitly fears being left alone, and aside from Meruem, I'd like to point out his interactions with Pitou. Even after becoming openly harsh towards them for having healed Komugi (who Pouf viewed as a direct threat to Meruem), he still anticipated their return when they left to fight Gon. For Pouf, in all his paranoia, it would have been right in line for him to push them farther away, but he instead desperately hoped they would come back, which feels like it could be tied in with the overall argument here.

Apologies for this section seeming a bit repetitive, but another point that comes up a lot is instability, both in relationships and sense of self, both of which I'll group into a single paragraph because I feel like they can be discussed side by side. I mentioned this in my neurodivergence analysis, but Pouf struggles to connect with the world around himself, and it's something that becomes progressively more apparent as the arc continues. He becomes actively hostile towards Pitou and attempts to manipulate Youpi, as well as lying to and betraying Meruem, all for what I believe is him trying to maintain his sense of purpose in life. He struggles to actually connect with any of the other ants and becomes increasingly more isolated and withdrawn as the arc goes on. He doesn't have any healthy ways of expressing himself (aside from the violin, which we stop seeing) or communicating with others, and that is, in part, what leads to him having some incredibly tumultuous relationships with other characters. Pouf is so tied up in his sense of duty that he can't view himself without it - he has no sense of self outside of being a royal guard. Pitou and Youpi's developments indicate that they were able to grow beyond what was initially expected of them, while Pouf moves closer and closer to this one trait. His emotions make navigating sense of self a minefield for him; he expects himself to adhere to this purpose and to not make a single mistake, and when he inevitably does, he self-flagellates and further entrenches himself in his beliefs. It really is something of a downward spiral.

I'd also like to take a moment to discuss the concept of idealization and devaluing (splitting) in BPD, as well as the concept of the Favorite Person, because both of those are easily applicable to Pouf as well. Splitting refers to emotions that take an all-or-nothing stance, especially in regards to people, but can change quickly; the Favorite Person is someone who is above all preferred and idolized, and their attention and feedback is prioritized above all else. Both of these traits are easily visible in Pouf's interactions with Meruem, with Pouf putting him on a pedestal, then tearing him down (when Komugi enters the picture), beating himself up over it, redirecting his anger towards Komugi, and immediately placing Meruem back on a pedestal and praising him. Pouf's emotions towards Meruem are constantly fluctuating, especially once Meruem is no longer fitting the idealized image that Pouf was clinging to. Once more going back to my ND essay, I referenced this in the light of "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria", wherein Pouf not being able to maintain Meruem's approval made very deep cuts to Pouf's emotions, and I think the same can be said if the situation is reframed in a BPD context.

Two more points I see come up (which I will also discuss together) regard reckless behavior and impulsivity, as well as propensity for self punishment. These are points I feel are likely derived from earlier traits, as opposed to being standalone traits that occur in a vacuum, and I would like to discuss them as such, to the best of my ability. Pouf absolutely exhibits reckless behavior. He views his life as having only singular purpose, and is willing to put it on the line to fulfill that purpose. Aside from lying to Meruem and nearly being killed for it, Pouf also offers his life up during one of the games of Gungi earlier in the arc; he resolves to kill himself, he performs actions that he remarks he may very well be executed for. He acts with no self preservation. It could be argued that the other guards do the same (notable Pitou, with their last words being akin to "I'm glad it was me, and not [Meruem]", in reference to who Gon was killing), but the difference I believe is present is that Pouf's actions are entirely self-serving and ultimately unnecessary. None of what I've described him doing had to be done, which is why I feel it easily fulfills that criterion. He also acts impulsively, moreso as the arc goes on, and I believe this can easily be due to his constant panic and fear as things fall apart around him. As for the note regarding self-punishment, I mentioned it previously but will emphasize it anyways - Pouf takes almost every chance he can to remind himself that he's unworthy, that he'll never be good enough, and he does it so effectively that he reduces himself to tears every time he does it.

One last point I saw that I found at least somewhat relevant is a mention of potentially experiencing psychosis while under considerable stress. This feels like a bit of a stretch, but I feel it could be argued that Pouf began to break away from reality sometime after the palace invasion, when he stayed very firm in his beliefs even with all evidence pointing away from it. All the previous factors of his unstable emotions and difficulty with the world on a general level add to the high stress of the palace invasion, potentially pushing him into a delusional space regarding his beliefs towards Meruem. That one does feel a little more tenuous, but I wanted to bring it up nonetheless.

And with that, I feel I've covered a lot of the major traits of BPD and definitely feel like Pouf presents pretty much all of them fairly clearly. I'd like to tie this off with my disclaimer again, that I don't have any personal interactions with this condition, and have, to the best of my ability, worked to not misrepresent any of the traits. If anyone has corrections to offer, please tell me! I think this a solid argument to make, but if there's any better way(s) to do it, I'd love to hear them!