#he can't die so Im like... ah I can really fuck him up physically and he'll be fine....

[nmzuka]

some more Primal Rage concept work... Diablo V.3 after some input from the wife (bless her for letting me info dump on her and taking even the smallest amount of interest in the series hhhh) Sinjin will probably get some work as well cause I'm not happy with his outfit... need to make it make sense and also really want to rework his mask

[starsoftheeye]

TMAGP Episode 15 Live Reaction

I'm destressing after an exam so we're doing this again baby wooo

Pre-Episode

My YouTube keeps not showing the episode, it's been like an hour since the release and its still not up for me

It's not even up for my laptop this is so annoying

I can't remember how I got it to show up last time as well

Bro I keep refreshing my page and its not there WHERE ARE YOU???

Screw it Spotify get over here

THANK YOU SPOTIFY

who is this man and why is he just doing the toffee/gum in mouth/ face stretching exercise from every drama rehearsal i've ever been to

this is oddly scary

as a physics student... probably

oh its a gum ad

oooh implications

this podcast sounds cool

hi simon!!

i'm gonna stop talking about the ads now this post is so long already lmao

i love it when people dedicate episodes to their friends its so sweet

Pre-Statement

sam and celia!!

:0 he got them tickets? thats so sweet i love him

Theatre tickets can be fucking expensive as well jesus he is down bad

ah yes, my favourite piece of theatre to bring a date to: The Pillowman

i love them

alice!!

oooh luke mention

every thursday i listen to a new tmagp episode and every thursday my samalicelia post becomes a little more plausible

she has really thought this through huh

okay this is probably alice meddling out of jealousy but seriously you cannot expect me to hear her basically asking these two to hangout after theyve been on a date and expect my samalicelia brain to not go insane over it

aw alice :(

jack mention jack mention

"babys are cool" shes so me

aw celia i love her

uh oh sam and alice conversation

oh so now youtube decides to work

i cannot understand what sam said there but i'm assuming it was funny and only a bit passive agressive

Statement

Ah another voicemail

this guy sounds like tim but not

oh god what fucked up dinner party are the rich doing now

"they wanted to know whos kill they were eating" oh this is gonna be interesting

oh no theyre watching

ah yes, very informative "prepare"

whos gonna die

ooooh a fucked up woman i love fucked up women

i know this is probably a very important character and i should be paying attention but i am a mere lesbian and i am finding this woman very attractive right now

thats when you realised something was up?

oh im so gay

theyre gonna aim for the caterers they are not safe

bingo

theyre gonna make them run methinks

they killed all the birds

oh are they gonna make the caterers kill something/someone?

oh no steven :(

these people are being very vague id be asking so many questions

each other?

EACH OTHER

PLEASE BE EACH OTHER THATS SO COOL

EACH OTHER YES

I LOVE HUNTING STORIES

this guys enjoying this a little too much

go on boris

oh no boris :(

is she following him?

OH NO HE GOT CAUGHT

AHHHH WOMAN

SHES HOT

HUH????

CELIA RUN

actually no dont you have a better chance if you stay i think

SLAY CELIA

lena what did you do

this is weirdly homoerotic

GWEN???

GWEN WHAT DID YOU DO

GWEN I LOVE YOU BUT WHAT

CHESIRE BOUCHARDS WHAT

GWEN?????

Post-Statement

ooooh is this lukes band?

theyre good i like it

awww these two arent gonna survive together

damn hes doing well

pfffft weedy git i love luke already

hello?? whos this??

lady are you okay??

alice run

ALICE RUN

ALICE HONEY WHAT HAPPENED

yippee more trauma for her to cover up with jokes

is she doing ellie the elephant oh my god

oh shes back

yeah alice you should run

im betting this was the stranger from the magnus institute

i shouldve paid attention to her little ramble lol

oh my god so much is happening in this show and we're only on episode 15

[samarecharm]

My late and probably ONLY contribution to pegoryuweek this year 🥺 reblogging w a link and (hopefully) continued under a readmore

“It suits you.” Akira says, after he's calmed down. Quiet. Tired. In the safety of his attic and away from the echoes of mementos.

Ryuji flexes his hands in his lap, unsure of what to say. He's been pent up with a weird kind of energy since they returned; since everyone bid farewell and left for the evening. Anxiety thrumming through his veins leaving him feeling cold and numb.

He wipes the sweat off his hands on his jeans, somewhat wishing he was also on his way home. Away from knowing eyes. Eyes currently fixated on some amalgam of tools and parts on his desk, as if breaking concentration for even a moment would tear something deep in Akira.

“Even after the fight, they wouldn't budge.”

“The flowers?”Ryuji asks.

Akira nods. He pauses his tinkering to grab something underneath his desk. “Haru really liked them; came to me asking how weird would it be to try and take a picture of them.”He comes back up with an odd looking tool.

“Sharpening kit.”

“Ah.”

The attic is quiet, save for the clink of metal against metal as Akira molds the piece into something a bit more familiar to Ryuji. Another lockpick.

Ryuji inhales. He can feel his leg aching to drum against the old wooden floors. An old nervous tic that Akira, keen as a hawk, would spot immediately. So he goes and bites the bullet.

“Im…sorry.” Ryuji says, gripping his pants leg something fierce. “I…I wasn't thinkin’ man.”

Akira pauses.“I wasn't even like- I was on autopilot; I didn't even think to bring Kidd out, I just saw that shadow gunnin' for you and-“

“I know.” Akira says. And god he sounds so tired, so exhausted in every sense of the word. He drags his hand across his face and sighs. “I know. I know. And I feel like maybe if I keep saying it I won’t feel as…guilty? For being upset? At you? But it feels like I'm lying to myself.”

Ryuji frowns. “You ain't gotta feel guilty man. Im the one that fucked up.”

“But I'M the one that let you do that!” Akira says, voice uncharacteristically high, startling Ryuji. He stands up from his desk, hands clenched tightly beside his legs, his expression a mix between actual anger, and grief Ryuji had no idea was bubbling inside of him. There's a look in Akiras eyes, like Ryuji can see the mental gymnastics going through his head; caught between wanting to sit back down, to process whatever this is at his own pace at his own time, and realizing that the dams already burst and there's no way he can physically patch up the crack before shit starts flooding in places he's been trying to protect for all this time.

���I wasn't paying attention. I'M the one that slipped up and I'M the one that had to see you die, Ryuji!” And god wait there's tears in his eyes and Ryuji immediately panics, chest suddenly feeling too tight for his body.

“Nononono wait that's not- wait hold on Akira-“

“And I knew I was going to have to use that spell eventually, like why would I have it if this place wasn't going to try and kill us? But I didn't think I would have to use it so soon? I didnt think id have to use it on you Ryuji-

“Akira sharply inhales and Ryuji quickly stands up from the sofa; not knowing exactly What he's going to do, but feeling like he can't just sit down and do Nothing while-

“-and they were sunflowers Ryuji.” Akira continues, with an expression Ryuji couldn't quite place. “You had sunflowers around you when you came back and I didnt know what to think of that. I was stuck between being angry that I let this happen, scared that I saw you die, and s-shocked that I… that you…”

Akira rubbed at his eyes, sniffling. “I don't know. I don't know what to think. I'm still…” He trails off, hurriedly shaking his hands out.

Ryuji stares at Akira for a moment, a long moment. Thinking. About alot of things that hes sure he or Akira wont be able to process or address properly in their addled states. And he thinks of his mom, as he usually does when hes upset or confused or teetering on that dangerous  bit of rope between panic and not-panic. How she would just know to come into his room and settle him down; make him clean up his bed, ask him to change. How she would already be in the bed nosing through one of his mangas by the time he got back; letting him tuck himself in his childhood bed, his current bed, his hospital bed. And how he was always practically disarmed in seconds; thoughts coming to a slow. Tangible. Bearable.

And Ryuji takes a step towards him. Which Akira eyes warily.

“Come on. We're going to bed.” Ryuji says as he grabs Akiras wrist. There's a faint ‘what?’, but Akira lets himself be ushered to his bed without a fuss.

“Yes. Bed. Were going to sleep and then tomorrow you can yell at me.” Ryuji looks him in the eyes. “…yeah. Tomorrow. But, um. I'm tired. And you're also tired. And like, maybe you'll have better words when you're not tired.”

Akira blinks, still a mite confused, but he gives him a small, barely there smile; still better than whatever fit of crying Ryuji was about to witness. Hasn’t happened before; wasn’t about to let it happen now.

“Okay.” Akira says, voice a bit gruff. “Yeah. Uh….yeah. Let me get ready.”

“Gimme some clothes; you kept me here, i'm your responsibility now.”

Akira hums as he rummages through his drawer, chucking some clothes at Ryuji; A T-Shirt and sweats that look just a tad too small on Akiras tall and lanky frame, but look borderline ridiculous on Ryuji's shorter build; hes practically swimming in it. Akira is already getting settled when Ryuji sits on the bed.

“Are you okay?” Ryuji asks, letting Akira finish before getting under the blanket himself.

Akira pauses. Then sighs. “Yeah. Yes. I am. I will be…” He gets himself situated, and raises the blanket up for Ryuji to shuffle under.

“Having you here helps. Alive. Looking like a toddler in my clothes.”

“Hey-“

“Thank you for staying.” Akira says, nestling his head into his pillow. Ryuji swallows audibly, cringing inwardly. “Yeah, no problem dude.”

Soon, the room is quiet. Quiet enough that Ryuji can hear Akiras soft, even breathing from beside him. He wont be able to sleep anytime soon, so for now, Ryuji just thinks. About mementos. About Kidd. About Akira. About the persona he had summoned, Hariti. Kind. Gentle. Motherly. Knowing. As she dispersed, replaced w Akiras eyes boring into his own as he lays on the cold concrete floor of the subway with golden sunflowers surrounding him, bigger and taller than any he's ever managed to see in person.

“It's because you're stubborn, I think.” Akira whispers. “I think…it's a good thing.” He frowns, and corrects himself. “It IS a good thing.

Ryuji feels the heat flooding to his cheeks. “Yeah? Don't really feel like it; got me killed today.” He says with a laugh, a bit more forced than he would’ve liked. Akira hums, staring at him. Through him. With those piercing grey eyes that seem to trap anyone and anything within its grasp.

“It's a very good thing. Its very…you. Stubbornly alive, despite everything.”

“Waxing poetic; you sound like Yusuke.” Ryuji huffs out an earnest laugh, but Akira keeps staring.

“Mona said the flowers stayed there too long. Longer than he's ever seen. Different from other flowers he's seen too; lilies. Carnations. Forget-me-Not’s. They only last as long as it takes for the spell to finish, but the sunfl- your flowers stayed there. Wouldn't leave. I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it is a bit poetic; a will persisting after death; that kind of thing.”Akira sighs. “I wonder what mine would look like.”

Ryuji's heart stops at just the implication of those words. “Man I don't think I want to know. Don’t like thinkin’ about what would do you in and how.”

Akira smiles a bit before yawning, stretching his arms and back until he hears something pop and crack. Ryuji's wide eyes at the sound makes Akira laugh a bit.“Then lets not think about it now.” Akira says with finality.

He gives Ryuji one last look before tucking most of this head beneath his blanket. “Goodnight Ryuji.” Ryuji gets himself comfortable before muttering goodnight as well.

And he sleeps and dreams. Of a field of flowers. Roses maybe. Red. And beautiful. A person, faceless and blurry, tending to a bed of flowers in the center. Sunflowers. Standing Bright and Tall. They spring up like weeds in a meadow; Loud. Bright. Invasive. And like weeds, they should be ripped out at the source, lest they spread and marr whatever they touch. But they are cared for. Loved even. Each flower sprung is delicately tended to. Ryuji watches from afar. A fly in the wind. A bird in the sky. The Gardener tends indiscriminately; lovingly clipping at the Roses. Feeding the soil beneath the Sunflowers. Stakes planted for when they inevitably become too large for their bodies. Larger than life, and the Gardener prepares for that, too.

Theres a tug from somewhere. Somewhere deep within. A bitter feeling of Guilt swelling within his ribcage. Burden has always been there but the Guilt; it seems to have manifested quietly alongside it. Dragging his Burden down with it.

The faceless gardener turns to him. A fly in the wind. A bird in the sky. With dirtied hands and petals in their hair, and just like that, the guilt is siphoned away leaving something Light and Airy in its stead. Something small. Something delicate. Something to be tended to. And tend to it, he will.

[settersprouts]

꠵ look at me : chapter two ꠵

裏切り。

Iwaizumi flopped onto his bed as soon as he got home, turning over and looking at the ceiling. His family kept bothering him about the match, saying things like "oh, you did great son!" or "it's okay. it's not the end of the world!"

Yeah, sure it wasn't. But it was the end of his and Oikawa's shared dream.

Iwaizumi glanced at the little glow-in-the-dark stars stuck onto his ceiling. He remembered how he got those. Oikawa had put them up when they were younger, since he was afraid of the dark and the nightlight Iwaizumi used to use was way too bright for either of them to sleep. He probably should've taken them down when they didn't really need them anymore, but they meant something to Oikawa back then. Those little stars were one of the many souvenirs Iwaizumi had of his best friend. It was like proof that he was close with the Oikawa Toorū.

. . And Iwaizumi really couldn't take them down. It was physically impossible: the adhesive stuck to the back of the stars were too strong, and no matter how hard Iwaizumi pulled, the damn stars wouldn't come off.

Beep.

Iwaizumi turned to his side, getting his phone from off the nightstand.

New Message : ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽

"Damn, what the hell does this bastard want now?" Iwaizumi clicked on the notification, bringing up the messages between him and Oikawa.

. .

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: iwa-chan !

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: What now, I just saw you like 20 minutes ago

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: ughh iwa you're so mean

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Yeah okay. What?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: can i come over ?

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Ew no, wtf?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: iwaaaaaaaaaaa~ (｡•́︿•̀｡)

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Why?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: im just having trouble sleeping,, plus i just wanna be with you rn

. .

Iwaizumi blushed at the last text Oikawa had sent. Damn.. As much as I despise him and his stupid face, that was kind of cute. Realizing what kind of thoughts were popping up in his head, Iwaizumi smacked both sides of his face. Fuck. What the hell am I thinking?

. .

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: iwa? you there?

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Yeah, I'm here. Shut up. [to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: You can come over. I don't care.

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: yay ! thanks iwa ♡

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Shut up. You sleeping over, or staying for a couple hours?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: can i sleep over?

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Yeah. [to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: My mom's cooking dinner. Want me to save you some?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: no, i'm not hungry.

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Alright, I'll save you some. Hurry up before it gets cold.

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: i don't want any- yk what nvm [from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: be there in ten !

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: mk.

. .

"Hajime! Dinner's ready!" Iwaizumi perked up as he heard his mother calling for him. He answered with a blunt, "Coming ma!," and bolted down the stairs.

"Hey, Oikawa's coming over tonight," Iwaizumi said as he sat down. "Can you save him some food? Knowing him, he probably hasn't eaten since the match."

Mrs. Iwaizumi nodded. "Of course! I'm so glad he's coming over, I love that boy. Such a sweetheart." When Iwaizumi snorted at her comment, she hit him lightly on the back of the head. "Don't do that, Hajime. He's a sweet boy." She spooned some miso soup into a small bowl, passing it to her son. "And don't act like you don't care about him either. I can see right through that little façade of yours."

Iwaizumi groaned and shoved a spoonful of the semi-salty broth into his mouth. "Sure. Do we have any milk bread?"

"No, I do have Kashipan though. They're similar, right?" She passed the buns to Iwaizumi, who shrugged.

"Yeah, sure."

After about fifteen minutes of the Iwaizumi family eating their dinner, they heard a knock at the door. "Ah, that must be Crappykawa."

Iwaizumi's mother glared at him when she heard that. "Hajime, don't call Toorū that. Like I said, he's a sweet boy." She walked over to the front door, fiddling with the locks and swinging it open. "Welcome Toorū- dear god, what happened to you?"

When he heard the shock in his mother's voice, he shoved aside his food and sprinted to the door. Oikawa stood in front of him, wearing a very soiled alien hoodie with the hood up and over his eyes. Iwaizumi could just make out the newly made bruises on his friend's jaw though, and the tear stains on his cheeks. Oikawa sniffled, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. "Um. . can I come in. ?"

Iwaizumi and his mother quickly stood aside, ushering Oikawa into their home. Iwaizumi's mother put a hand on Oikawa's shoulder, not noticing the way the boy had winced at her touch, and steered him into their dining room. "Honey, would you like some food?"

Oikawa sniffled again, nodding. "Yeah. . do you have any milk bread?"

Iwaizumi shook his head. "Not at the moment, I can ask my old man to buy some for you. He's at the market right now." Oikawa nodded in response, and Iwaizumi took out his phone, sending a quick text to his father. "You need to eat right now, though. We have miso and kashipan. Eat some of that before you get your milk bread."

Iwaizumi passed some food over to Oikawa when he sat down. His own food disregarded, he watched as Oikawa ate slowly, taking in all his features. His hood was still up, so he couldn't see the rest of his face, but he could see how much it hurt him to make small, simple movements. Every time he lifted the spoon up to his mouth, his hand shook a little, and he winced occasionally. Something panged inside Iwaizumi's chest as he watched Oikawa eat. His heart hurt a lot, more than usual. What the hell was this feeling?

Oikawa pushed the bowl away from him, messing with the hem of his hoodie again. "Um. . I'm kind of full."

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa's bowl- about a sixth of the soup was missing. Oikawa hadn't even touched the kashipan. "Crappykawa, you need to eat way more than that. You barely touched your food." He was about to force the food down his throat when he noticed his pained expression. "H-hey Oikawa, you alright. ?"

Oikawa gagged, putting a hand over his mouth. "Mrgh. Feel s-sick."

Iwaizumi stood up abruptly, helping Oikawa up and walking him to the bathroom. "How sick?"

"Feel like I'm gonna die, sick." Iwaizumi snickered a little at that, causing a slight smile to erupt on Oikawa's face. "W-wait. Where are we going?"

"Bathroom. You need to clean up." Iwaizumi opened the door and set Oikawa on the toilet, pulling a little first-aid kit out of the cabinet under the sink. Oikawa glanced at it nervously, thinking Iwaizumi was going tend to his wounds. But much to his surprise, Iwaizumi just set the box on the sink counter, and walked out of the room. "I'm going to go get you some of my clothes, and a towel. Set those in the basket, I'll clean them later."

The door clicked, and Oikawa heard Iwaizumi shuffle off to his room. He smiled a little, thankful that his friend respected his boundaries. He heard a knock on the bathroom door, replying with a small "come in." Iwaizumi opened the door, setting a towel and a set of clothes on the counter.

"If you need help with anything, let me know, okay?"

"Mmm." Iwaizumi closed the door when he heard Oikawa's reply, and walked to his room. He sat on his bed, throwing a volleyball up in the air, catching it when it came too close to his face. After a couple minutes, he heard the faint sssshhhhh of the shower faucet being turned on, and the shower curtains closing. Good. At least Crappykawa's cleaning up. He lay still, listening to the shower run, spreading out his arms and legs like a starfish. He must have lost track of time, because when he opened his eyes, Oikawa was sitting at the foot of his bed, scrolling through his phone while drying his hair.

"Crappykawa?" Oikawa turned around quickly, shutting off his phone in the process. Iwaizumi noticed this, but decided not to pry. "I didn't even hear you come in. How long have you been here?"

Oikawa shrugged. "Not long. Maybe like, a couple of minutes?" He resumed to the task of drying his hair, squeezing the water onto the light grey towel.

"Ah, I see." Iwaizumi watched Oikawa, tapping a finger against his chin. "Need help?"

"Um. . sure." His friend scooted closer to him, and handed him the towel. Iwaizumi ruffled up his hair, the towel making it ten times fluffier than it usually was. "Uh. Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

Oikawa fumbled with his shirt, it being a too big for him, since he had a leaner build. Iwaizumi thought it was cute. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone, though."

"Yeah, of course."

Oikawa took a deep breath, tears spilling out of his eyes once again. "M-my parents. . I don't feel safe with them. As soon as I got home, they yelled at me a lot because we lost the match. Um. I got mad and screamed at them too, but my dad hit me, and it got all out of control. They just kept hitting me, like I was their punching bag." He sniffed. "It hurt. It hurt a lot, Iwa. I thought they loved me. I thought-"

The third-year setter was cut short by arms being wrapped around his waist. "Shut the hell up, Shittykawa. Don't worry about a damn thing. I'll take care of everything."

"How? You can't do anything, you're not that much older than me and I couldn't even do anything." Oikawa sniffled again. "It's not like anyone would believe me anyways, or even care. A lot of people hate me, Iwa-chan."

"Yeah, well. Those who hate you can go on a date with my fist. They just don't really know who you really are inside. They just know who you want them to see. Some self-centered, cocky, arrogant, stupid bastard." Oikawa let out a little 'hey!' which made Iwaizumi laugh, before continuing. "But, I know who that self-centered, cocky, arrogant, stupid bastard really is on the inside. And it's someone I've grown to admire, no matter how much he pisses me off."

"Awe, Iwaaa~!" Oikawa flung his arms around Iwaizumi, making them fall down onto the bed. "Thank you, that was super sweet~"

Iwaizumi blushed. "N-no problem, Shittykawa. Now, get off of me."

Oikawa bit his lip a little and frowned. "But Iwaa. I thought you said you were going to help make me feel better!" Ignoring Iwaizumi's "when the hell did I say that" comment, he spread out his arms and made little gesturing motions with his hands. "I want cuddles, like the ones we used to give each other when we were younger!"

"Aren't we too old for that now?"

"No one's too old for cuddles, Iwa-chan!"

Iwaizumi scoffed, turning Oikawa around and spooning him. "There, happy?"

"Mmm." Oikawa responded, intertwining his fingers with Iwaizumi's. "Thanks, Iwa."

". . Shut up."

chapter 3 !

[iamloveandlightsworld]

I had an okay day

The last month I've been talkative and not too down

But then like a switch

I feel like I'm being pulled under the water again

My mind is chanting stick a knife in your throat

You're disgusting

I hate looking myself in the mirror

I haven't been drinking water

So ofcourse my face looks like a monster

I haven't been moving ofcourse my body is disgusting

I don't have a personality ,I'm as bland as they come

I'm a fraud,an imposter

I'm a bad person who loses interest in people and then blame them for not caring enough

I'm pathetic because I expect people to care when I'm already pushing everyone away

Lately most shows I watch with mum there has been a suicide

And she'll comment something like Amejiua

And she has zero awareness that I am thinking and planning on how to die

There are so many people who have potential and are good people and have the will to live but they die

I wish I could give them my life

You might be wondering..ah..she was so weak and such a coward..did she expect us to read her mind...why didn't she ask for help...she knows we love her and we supported her

Maybe I'm wrong

I'm a lazy ass bitch who can't get off her ass and look for work

I've wasted everybody's time and money

Mum and dad must have spent a fortune on my education

But lil sad Gin...poor Gin...just take your meds and integrate into society and stop being so pathetic

You expect people to wake up and serve you

What a joke....can I just sleep and never wake up again

Why am I so resistant to God

People seem to have their lives together when they believe and trust in God

I don't really try to make an effort to get to know him

The being in charge of me

The being who supposedly loves me so much he brought me to existence to fulfill some type of purpose when I'm on earth....the one who will send my soul straight to an eternity of pain and misery

Gin...you think being this privileged is so miserable

Wait till you're in purgatory and burning in hell for an eternity

Why the fuck are you so resistant

I think it's because I'm exhausted

I don't want to be helped

Maybe I deserve an eternity for suffering

You're nothing but a waste of space

Taking up oxygen that someone else needs

Like I lie in bed and let mum slave herself with house chores

Like Fuck Gin....you could at least be helpful if you're going to lazy around in bed and eat free food and get free shelter and clothes and electricity and comfort

I mean why the fuck do you feel like you're suffering

What the fuck is wrong with me

JUST TAKE THE KNIFE AND PLUNGE IT IN YOUR HEART

YOU DESERVE A PAINFUL DEATH

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD DAUGHTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SISTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD NIECE

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD GRANDCHILD

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD HUMAN

SO HURRY UP AND STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY

THE MORE YOU PRETEND PEOPLE NEED YOU

THE MORE IM HURTING THEM, NO ONE NEEDS YOU

I MEAN THEY WILL BE HURT AND BETRAYED BY MY SELFISHNESS 😂😂😂🤣SEE EVEN IN DEATH YOU ARE A MISERY TO EVERYONE‼️

YOUR COALS TO BURN YOU ALIVE FOR ETERNITY ARE ALREADY BEING LIT

I MEAN I DONT WANT TO GO TO HELL

IM NOT EVIL

I DONT WANT TO BE ON LUCIFER'S OR GOD'S SIDE

I JUST DONT WANT TO BE ON ANYONE'S SIDE

I DONT WANT TO EXIST

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK GOES ON AFTER ONE DIES...BUT CAN I JUST PLEASE DISSAPPEAR AND CEASE TO EXIST

LOOK AT YOU GIN

RUNNING AWAY FROM LIFE LIKE A COWARD

AND ALSO TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM MY PUNISHMENT

I FEEL LIKE I CANT BREATHE

I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS BEING SQUEEZED SO HARD

YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMAN SOCIETY

YOU SEXUALITY

YOUR MINDSET

NO ONE NEEDS SUCH FILTH,DIRTY STAINS IN THEIR LIVES

I WAS HERE BUT I WAS NEVER HERE

YOU SAID HELLO ONCE OR TWICE

SO MY DEPARTURE FROM EXISTING SHOULDNT AFFECT YOU AT ALL

JUST ATTEND MY SENDING AWAY BTS THEMED "FUNERAL"...CRY A LITTLE...REMINISCE SOME OLD TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES

FOR MY FAMILY...I AM EXTREMELY PROFOUNDLY SORRY TO MY FAMILY...I WISH I COULD ERASE MYSELF IN A NOT SO TRAUMATIC WAY..LIKE A PHYSICAL ILLNESS OR SOMETHING...THATS EASIER TO ACCEPT AND MOVE ON

BUT MAYBE LEARN FROM ME

IT MIGHT BE PAINFUL

BUT PLEASE GROW CLOSER AS A FAMILY

STAND TOGETHER AND LOVE THE HELL OUT OF ONE ANOTHER

To be completely transparent and honest,Bangtan are a very high reason why I never stick a knife in my throat esp Park Jimin...I keep telling myself to wait and see what they do next....they will never know they had someone who loved them so much that they were my life jackets,my beam of light...they will never know of my existence as an individual and that's okay...it's been a great journey with them...they made me see the beauty of life but unfortunately the darkness won....I CAN BREATHE TOTALLY FINE BUT I CANT BREATHE....MY LUNGS ARE BURNING..MY MIND IS SCREAMING....DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE WHY WONT YOU DIE YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT....🤮🤮🤮YOU DISGUST ME..NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS LOVEABLE...WELL YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE..THEY CANT HATE YOU...GOD STRIKE ME DOWN..IM AN EMBARRASSMENT AND A WASTE OF SPACE, A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND ERASE ME...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND JUST MAKE ME DISSAPPEAR NEVER TO EXIST AGAIN..PLEAS HAVE MERCY ON ME AND FORGIVE ME

PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND DONT CONDEMN ME TO AN ETERNITY OF PAIN AND SUFFERING

GIN.....WHAT IS RHHSSUEYEHKSKAUJDJKDJWJEJJEJEJJEJWJJRJDJJAKSJDIIE...IM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE

PLEASE DONT HATE ME

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I don't own any of this photos credit to the original owners