#he and my halfsister were having a huge fight

[paperhats-and-evil-schemes]

SO I WAS READING THROUGH YOU'RE TAGS BECAUSE I WAS BORED AND JUST SAW THAT YOU HAD A "TAGGED" TAG AND CAN I KNOW THE STORY BEHIND YOU THROWING A PUNCH PLEASE? I SERIOUSLY CAN NOT EVEN SEE YOU HURTING A FLY LET ALONE PUNCHING SOMEBODY AND I AM VERY CONFUSED

GFDSAGGFDHFGFDH THATS FAIR, IM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON AT ALL LMAO

Okay, so like, the only time I ever actually all-out punched somebody was out of defense of another person? So I can’t say I feel too bad abt it lol. Still not something I normally do, I swear. Violence is not how you should solve problems ever.

[theactofsurvival]

Diary entry 20-23/01/2017

I’m so tired and I’ve got such a long to do list so I’m going to try to keep it as short as possible.

Friday was also a good day, not as busy as usual. We started with going to the house of ‘free time’ and we got a tour from the library, computer room, the dvd room and the games room. It was very short actually, but it’s kinda like a therapy that is offered but I don’t think it’s obligated to go if you don’t need anything. Afterwards we had ‘weekend planning’ where you just tell about what you’re going to do during the weekend, what the difficulties could be, how you could solve them, what you look most forward to, etc. My biggest goal was not to fight with my mom. After lunch we had fitness and god the stupid rules are starting. I’m only allowed to walk 15 minutes on speed 5 and then go on the bicycle without resistance for 15 minutes. You can’t even call that fitness! Then the taxi driver picked me up and dropped me off at my mom’s work. We went to the dermatologist and I got a bunch of acne creams like literally 6 different products for both acne and dry skin. Yeah, my body got it wrong. Then we watched the inauguration speech live at it made me want to vomit and I’m going to miss the Obamas so much!

Saturday I woke up at 9:30 and it was such a relief to have a decent night’s sleep. It was a sleepy morning and midday. Then we went to the flower shop and I bought an orchid for our living room in the hospital and I bought 5 helleborus flowers to plant in a big flowerpot that stands on our terrace. Then we went to 2 different supermarkets because I need some things they only have in a store where my mom hates to shop. Lastly we went to the carwash and then we finally headed home. I offered to cook because I could see how much pain my mom was in even though at the ED clinic I had to stay out of the kitchen during cooking and I was not allowed to help because I can’t see butter and eat at ease. So cooking was a bit difficult and I cheated a bit and I struggled with eating it afterwards but at least my mom really liked it. Then we settled ourselves in the sofa and watched 10 things I hate about you.

Sunday I sat my alarm at 8:30 because I had a lot of stuff that needed to be done and my mom drove me to my dad’s at 11. My grandma was already there and I gave her a present and I gave my stepsister the Ray Ban glasses I had gotten for my birthday cause I disliked them and it was too late to return them lol but she turns 21 this friday and she was very happy with it. Then me and my grandma drove to the graveyard and she showed me my godfather’s grave. It was stunning. She created something living where others had black stones. I got a bit emotional (still can’t cope with it) and my grandma also had an extra christmas present for me (a coupon for the bookstore) and she really didn’t have to do that. She always gives us a ticket to go to the movies and that’s all but she brought me an extra present! Then she dropped me off at my dad’s and I had a nice time. My stepsister is finally talking to me again, I tried to show interest in my halfsister’s homework and my dad finally solved a computer issue I was having and I could finally download all my songs for my 2017 playlist. He drove me back to the hospital and was also very impressed with my room :) 

Now, today, monday. Our two new group members arrived: Nele and Kyra. Nele is my new roomie and things seem okay. They’re both very sweet. I wrote them a welcome letter and they really appreciated it. First day means no therapies so it was still just me and Sam. She had a talk during art therapy so it was just me and I started working on a canvas that I painted white and I’m going to glue all my hospital bracelets to it because of course I saved most of them and then I’m going to write over it with red paint, saying ‘NO MORE’. It looks good in my head, I hope it will turn out like I want to. Then we had relaxtion and usually I absolutely hate that but the sports therapist knows that a lot of people don’t like certain exercises so we started with a simpel visualization exercise and while she was giving us instructions, I created a beautiful cliff with a stairway to my garden downside, there was a bridge to walk over a stream that went to the ocean, I had a little house with a huge swing chair and yeah it was very peaceful. After dinner we discussed our weekends and afterwards I had a conversation with Yasmin, a therapist who helps create crisis plans and stuff like that. Her questions were somewhat difficult to separate all my thoughts, actions and feelings in different stages of distress so it wasn’t easy. 

Then we had sports therapy and we had a fun challenge to build a bridge from one point in the sports hall to the other side but we weren’t allowed to step into the field itself. It was very fun but building the bridge was pretty exhausting. Normally I would’ve taken/asked for a break but because the sports therapist, me and the doctor still have to discuss what I’m allowed to do from sports therapy and fitness and I didn’t want to show that I was struggling a bit. But I only felt lightheaded for a while so whatever. And during visiting hours I went to a supermarket to buy new pears and accidentally brought 2 retro plates that say ‘stay positive’ and ‘if you never try you’ll never know’.

Now I’m very very tired even though it’s only 20:30 and I still have so much on my to do list but fuck it, tomorrow is a new day! Hopefully I won’t wake up at 5 again like today, like every day here cause it’s very exhausting.