#he and i are so similiar claire says. i bet sebastian replies
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sebastian failing a class because he's terrified of hunt is a good bit and this time it's not even that man's fault
#he fails not because his work is terrible. i don't even think hunt finds his work terrible. it's because he misses too many classes#but sebastian is so scared of the Prospect of hunt finding his work terrible he just doesn't go to class#<- genius. he then has to redo the class and see hunt again#i have dropped the lore before that hunt is one of sebastian's favourite directors right. i know i did because i remember mentioning#john cassavetes as well. anyway. sebastian looks up to hunt a lot and he's terrified of interacting with hunt and 1. hunt hating#him (conscious) 2. his idealised image of hunt being shattered (unconscious). this is kinda homosexual behaviour ngl#let's ignore that for a bit we can return to that later. point here is sebastian's avoidance of frustration and the unknown and of life#in general. sebastian does not have any kind of social anxiety. just want to clear that up. he's just an introvert but he has no issue#talking to people. when i say sebastian is a coward i mean he avoids frustration and/or pain to the point it immobilises him/makes him#apathetic to life. so he doesn't Do Stuff. because what if he fails? what if he's rejected? what if it doesn't work out? i do think there's#a level of anxiety/low self esteem here but i also think it's a very comfortable place to stay after a while. esp. when you have someone#else as your compass (claire. and later on donna a little i think). so he starts to believe he might never be able to do anything and that'#when the cult comes into the story. i've already written about this bit before. okay. so sebastian failing hunt's class is another example#of him being afraid of... stuff. life. putting himself out there. and he always thought film was his safe haven and that he had figured ou#this One Thing but he got to university and wow... i guess not! i like this fear being represented by hunt. actually two things:#1. i like how hunt acts as a Figure for both claire and sebastian in different ways given their different upbringings and#2. how both claire and hunt exist as these idealised figures in sebastian's mind representing different aspects of his life/perceived#failures/fears/whatever. and claire and hunt marry that's so fun! i wonder how that makes sebastian feel.#so returning to point number 2 from earlier: sebastian's fear of hunt being something else entirely (than what he had idealised) puts hunt#in the same spot as claire in sebastian's mind. if he were not in a cult he would have the realisation of a lifetime here#anyway there's a little blurring of things here. there's a little convergence of things here. things are superimposed i'd say.#he and i are so similiar claire says. i bet sebastian replies#oc: sebastian ballion#oh that last bit says a lot about huntclaire too but this post is not about them. but big fan of how enmeshed they are#hm... sebastian failing and redoing the class... putting himself in the same situation as before...
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