#he ain't terrible but he's not really as strong as he could have been either

[eff-plays]

I just found it because I wanted the tea. And it looks like one splintered off because they hate Solas, and apparently, the original group didn't hate Solas enough.

I admit, it is hilarious and sad. The entire discussion reminds me of the discussions around Astarion in the BG3 fandom.

Fandoms are wild.

I will say also that it's extra wild to me personally because I've always found Solas to be so very deeply mid. Like I don't hate him but I don't like him either. Out of all the controversial RPG fandom white guys to have extreme emotions about this one makes the least sense to me personally.

I hate Cullen, but I get why ppl like him. I like Anders and I (kind of) get why people hate him. I like Astarion but can see why people hate him.

But Solas? Never fanned my flames. Whenever I see people debating about anything surrounding Solas I'm basically this pic

[motherlvr]

hi:D can you do miles!42 with a reader who doesn't really like getting told "watch who ur talking to" or smth bc most fics abt miles!42 is like that and nooo i won't ever let a man say that to me😭 and they like, know how to defend themself so they're pretty independent if thats alr ofc!

ngl i loved writing this, tysm for the req!

wc: 2.1k

pairing: E-42 Miles Morales x Strong, Independent! f! reader

warnings: enemies to lovers, kind of rivalry tbh, cursing, Miles is mean in this one, but gets character development, reader knows how to fight, baddie ong, reader doesn't take miles' bs

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"You gotta be shitting me." Mumbling under your breath, your eye involuntarily twitched. You glared at Miles like it was his fault for putting you in this situation.

Your glare was reciprocated as he said, "I ain't happy about it either, princesa." You hated when he called you that. It rolled off his tongue with such distaste. "Yeah? Glad we got that in common then." You snipped, irritated.

Miles Gonzalo Morales was a dick. To put it kindly.

He was a stuck-up, close-minded dick. It's like his sole purpose in life was to irk you. The two of you have never been on good terms. He tested your patience every waking moment.

But unfortunately for both of you, your Spanish teacher paired you up as partners for a major project. It would count for a good portion of your grade, so not doing it wasn't an option for you. You had less than two weeks to finish the project, and you weren't going to waste it.

You'd much prefer to do the project alone. One thing you've learned is: if you want something done correctly, do it yourself. And to never put it solely in the hands of a man. But the project was a requirement for the class, so you had no place to argue about it.

Thankfully, today was just a planning day. So it wouldn't be as painful, you hoped.

You showed him a plan you had thought about within only a few minutes and asked, "Thoughts?" He took a short glance at it and told you, "That's trash." A vein almost popped out of your head. You snapped, "You got any better ideas then?"

"Yea, anythin' other than that." He told you mindlessly. You had half a mind to make his braided head become real familiar with the cold surface of his desk. Around ten minutes later, he had finally come up with something. It wasn't that great, but at least he was semi-cooperative. You took one look at his plan and decided to turn the tables on him. You said, "You couldn't have come up with anything better? Shit's worse than my idea."

You could see him grip his pencil just a bit tighter, no doubt irritated by now. "Nah, watch your mouth." He told you, and you were unsure of how serious he was being. "Watch my mouth? You needa watch how when you turn around, one of your precious braids will be gone." You said as you made a snipping motion with your fingers. He protectively grabbed onto his braids, "Yo chill, ma."

As Spanish class progressed, everything only went downhill from there. He always seemed to hate every idea you had or had something to say. He groaned, "Woman, I swear. Your ideas are shit." Your former hopes of a peaceful partnership were long gone.

His choice of words alone irked you as you replied, "See, that's what you're not gonna call me. And if we're gonna be partners, you need to act decent for once. Get it together, Morales." You set clear boundaries as you pointed a finger at him. Surprisingly, he obliged. He looked like he made a revelation as he shook his head. "Nah, you right. That was outta line." The moment was oddly tranquil until he opened his mouth again. "I meant: I swear, your ideas are fucking terrible."

From that point further, the hopes of having a normal, mature, conversation were fleeting. The majority of the class was spent bickering rather than working on the task at hand.

You were one of the very few people that tested him. You gave him a challenge, while most people wouldn't utter a single complaint.

Eventually, at the end of the class, the two of you finally landed on an idea to carry out. A true miracle.

The next week in Spanish class passed and the days were cutting it closer and closer to the deadline. But there was still much work to be done. So, begrudgingly, you both had to work on it out of school. After Spanish, you were packing up your things when you asked him, "My place or yours?" His response was immediate. "My place. I'll give you my address. Come over after school, 'ight?" He said, writing down his address and handing it to you.

You accepted it and said, "Alright. Are your parents good with me coming over?" You questioned if he even had the decency to check first. Although you couldn't stand him most of the time, you didn't want to intrude on his family. He shrugged it off, "Yeah my ma's good with it. Already told her."

He wasn't about to tell you that his mother demanded the project was done at his house so she could keep a keen eye on the both of you.

You were dreading the final bell of the day. Spending more time than legally required with Miles wasn't your ideal image of fun. As the school day ended, you walked over to Miles' house.

Knocking on the door, it was soon opened by no one other than Miles' mother. She was expecting you, as a smile adorned her face. You greeted her, "¡Hola, Señora Morales! Gracias por invitarme a tu casa." (Hi, Mrs. Morales! Thank you for inviting me to your house.)

She widened her eyes at you, "¡Claro! ¿Cómo estás?" (of course, how are you?) She asked you with a sweet smile. You replied and reciprocated a smile, "Bien, ¿usted?" (good, you?) To which she responded, "Muy bien, gracias." (very good, thank you) As you put down your things, you noticed Miles was standing only a few feet away. His mother pulled Miles to the side and whispered, "She speaks Spanish, I like her." Not wanting to give away that she was a loud whisperer, you concealed a small laugh. It's a wonder how Miles turned out like that. His mother's wonderful. You knew she raised him better.

After his mother was done speaking to him, Miles led you to his room. His mother called out, "¡Deja la puerta abierta!" (leave the door open!) "Si, mami." He said back in an unusually nice tone.

You previously believed Miles Morales was a universal dick. But you soon realized you were somewhat wrong. He was a dick. To everyone except his mother, it seemed.

As you both settled down to start working on the project, you grinned at him like you had just found out a Federal-level secret. "You're such a momma's boy." You said.

His head whipped to you like you knew something you shouldn't. "No one would believe you." He said. You teased, "Oh, everyone would. Trust."

This was the most civil conversation the both of you have ever held within your whole history of knowing Miles. The afternoon was sprinkled with light-hearted jokes here and there, and it wasn't as painful as you initially believed. Needless to say, being forcibly confined in a space with Miles went much smoother than you could've ever anticipated. The project was progressing for once. And so was your relationship with Miles.

A few days later, you were in a better mood than regular. Within the past few days, Miles has been more tolerable. Maybe even likable. Apparently, you were in too good of a mood. You must've appeared too approachable today.

As you were walking in the hallways of school to your next class, a guy you didn't recognize slung an arm around your shoulders and said, "Hey, what's good jit?" You immediately pushed his arm off. He reeked of an excessive usage of cologne. You winced at his stench. "Don't call me that." You assertively said. But he only took it as a challenge. He said with a wink, "You tryna play hard to get? Alright, I'll play along."

"I'm not 'playing hard to get'," You mocked with air quotations. Dumbing it down, you continued, "I don't want you." Could a girl make it any more obvious?

Your words went straight over his oversized head. He said with a disgusting smirk, "I can change your mind." Your face visibly grimaced at his desperate attempt, "Not even baby Jesus could change my mind."

He was starting to get agitated at this point, "Nah, why you trippin', girl?" he said. You immediately retorted, "Why can't you take a damn hint?"

"C'mon, I know you want me. Gimme a chance." He said. You were sick and tired of this interaction, so you just decided to walk away. Turning your back, you tried to escape this conversation. But he grabbed your hand to prevent you from leaving. "Aye, where you goin'?"

You tried to be patient. And where did patience get you? Nowhere. In your mind, this guy was way too testosterone-deficient to be talking tough to you. There was nothing worse than a teenage boy. More importantly, a boy that didn't know what 'no' means.

And in an instant, the sound of a slap resounded throughout the hallway.

He looked like he was about to start crying. Holding his cheek in pain, he sneered, "Fuck you, bitch. You ain't shit anyway. I ain't even want you." But as you tried to walk away once again, he placed a tight grip on your shoulder to prevent you from escaping.

Miles was skipping class and wandering in the hallways when he saw you. From your body language, he could tell you were uncomfortable. His eyes glanced toward the guy's grip on your shoulder, and Miles suddenly understood the situation. He could see where this was heading. Or at least, he believed he did. Miles was about to intervene when within the blink of an eye, you had flipped the guy on his back and onto the floor.

You told the boy on the floor, "Don't try that shit again. With me or any other woman, got it?" Groaning in agony, the guy whimpered in response, and you took it as a 'yes'.

The guy was no André the Giant, but it impressed the hell out of Miles nonetheless. Since when could you do that? He questioned himself. Miles had to prevent his jaw from dropping. He was suddenly glad he never pushed you that far. You walked away unbothered as if nothing had happened. He gained a newfound respect for you. But that would have to stay unspoken.

Once Spanish class rolled around, you realized it was the second to last day you had to finish the project, so you were working extra diligently in Spanish class. You told Miles, "Alright, I finished decorating it. What do you think?" showing him the project. Not that you cared what he thought, but it would make this whole process much easier if he wouldn't shit on your every move. You've had your daily dose of asshole for the day. Almost an overdose, really.

A few moments passed by where he stared at the project, and then back to you. Fully expecting Miles to be his usual asshole self, you said, "Spit it out. What is it?" You waved your hand in front of his face. He swatted your hand away and replied, "I ain't gonna hold you, it's a pretty solid project so far."

You raised a brow at him, and suspiciously asked, "Really?" This was the first time he didn't have any retort to say. "Yeah, I think you're great, ma." He said. You cheekily grinned at him as he tried to correct himself, "I meant, great at the project. Yeah. The project." He almost stumbled on his words. He never did that. He was always collected. What was up with him? It was definitely a sudden change, but you weren't complaining.

There was only a small portion of the project left to do by the end of the class, so Miles suggested finishing it at his house.

This time after school, the both of you walked together to his house. As you worked on the project in his room, you noticed he wasn't getting much done. It seemed like he was in his head, whatever goes on in there. As you glanced up, he locked eyes with you. You hadn't a clue what he was thinking.

You originally would've preferred to do the project yourself, but if you had to have a partner, you believed the work should be divided equally. You weren't going to carry the whole project on your back.

"Why're you slacking, Miles? Our time is limited, y'know." "Ion know. Mind's elsewhere." He shrugged. It was subtle, but you noticed his glance travel to your lips. You grinned and took the opportunity to tease, "What, you want a kiss or somethin'?" You said it mainly as a joke. Sure, maybe you liked the way he gave you a challenge everyday. You wouldn't blatantly admit it, but it was refreshing to be with someone that actually cared about their work. But much to your surprise, he ran his hand over the back of his braids and said. "Shi, maybe it would motivate me. You feel me?"

Not expecting him to agree, you said, "I mean, alright. If you get off your ass, maybe I'll give you one." You tried to say as casually as you could. But you couldn't deny the fact that you were growing fond of him. You were internally conflicted as you wanted to hate him, but couldn't. In reality, it was far from hate.

Miles couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment his detest for you faded away and was replaced with something different. An emotion he rarely felt. Seeing you singlehandedly take on a guy was only fueling it for him. He quickly started working harder on his part. You mentally praised yourself. After a few silent moments, he spoke up, "Yo, I'm basically finished."

He was bullshitting, and you knew it. As you looked at his part of the project, he still had a good chunk to finish. But you caved and moved closer to him. Holding a hand to his face, you peppered a light kiss to the corner of his mouth, just barely avoiding his mouth.

As usual, he had something to say, "Don't play, mami." He resisted the urge to press his lips to yours until they were numb. You simply smiled at him and replied, "Yeah? Keep workin' and you'll earn a real one."

Immediately, Miles got right back to working on his part of the project without another complaint. You've never seen him work so studiously.

Pleased to say, with your motivation, Miles was more productive that day than all the other days combined.

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taglist! please lmk if u want to be added 🫶

@l5byrinth @iamspooderman

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Hello! Can i request Nnt Ban x reader relationship headcanons please? But can you pretend like he didn't like Elaine at all, because i don't lol, they didn't have relationship, feelings and everything like that. I hope it's fine, thank you in advance. World needs more content with Ban, im so glad you write for nnt🫶🏻

English isn't my native language, sorry for mistakes

Hello my dear! I am so sorry for the delay, work has been kicing my ass T^T

Your english is just fine dear! ( it's not my first language either :D)

I hope this is of your liking! Please let me know what you think!

Oh not proof read. I just went with it ... sorry.

TW: I wanted to add some angst so, mentions of fight and blood.

Tsuki's note : I got carried away. I hope it makes sense. If you would like, please skip the beginning to the HC part. I never really liked his relationship with Elaine. Is wrong in so many levels. SO many..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You met Ban by chance.

You were stumbling through a forest when you met Elizabeth.

She was struggling with a bucket of water that got stuck on a root.

Hawk wasn't being much of help, so you decided to help her.

Roots off, bucket free, she went to thank you.

That is when she realized you were terribly pale, bleeding.

She asked Hawk to fetch someone to aid, but before you could argue you passed out.

When you woke up, you were on a bed, with a towel on your head and a work up Hawk next to you.

Despite his protests, you got up and went towards the voices.

There you found Elizabeth, King, Meliodas, Ban and through a window Diane.

Elizabeth was super worried about you and rushed you to sit.

The sins asked you what happened for you to get so terribly hurt - meanwhile, Ban made you a meal!

After explaining that you were betrayed by fellow knights and left to die as a bait as they ran from demons, the sins offered to help you fight off the remaining demons.

Of course, your meal got ready and it was the best thing you ever ate in your entire life!!

Well, you were a strong knight so, despite being injured you also took front in the fighting.

But not without Elizabeth and Hawk freaking out, Diane and Meliodas asking you to stay put, Ban and King teasing you.

Eventually Ban carried you away from the battle front like you were a potato bag.

Needless to say, you were pissed.

Sure, he had good intentions and did good food, but you ain't a bag!!!

Anyway, after this ordeal you hung out with the sins for a while.

Of course it was not for free you had to work at the boar hat waiting tables.

You were actually pretty good at it.

So Meliodas loved having you there. You had great balance, memory and strength so you could easily carry all the orders!

It also meant you grew closer to Ban.

He fond it very easy to work with you as you remember every order.

Eventually, you were also taste testing his new recipes.

Ban got very interested in you, as you were a good fighter yet had a rough time. You were good at waiting tables. Yet you shared so little a out yourself.

So he took upon himself to make you talk.

He teased you, took things to place them out of reach ( Ban is tall af) and also made sure to company you whenever you went.

Over time you opened up about yourself.

I got carried away, so moving on about the HC itself!

Ban is a super lovely and sweet partner.

Despite his teasing, he is very very caring.

He loves cooking for you!

But what he adores the most is when you cook for him.

Doesn't matter if you are good or not, Ban appreciates your efforts!

He is honest when it sucks though, but in a nice way. He will give you tips and teach you!

Expect him hugging you from Behind often.

When you are cooking you may find him stand behind you, arms trapping so he can cut whatever you were dicing.

When you are just the two of you, some deep and honest talks takes place.

Ban is a very touchy person, so cuddles and hand holding are expected!!

About cuddles, I strongly believe he likes to be the small spoon but won't admit it.

As the sin of greed, Ban will be greedy about your attention. He doesn't get jealous easily, but he does want your eyes on him.

He does show off to you.

He also shields you with his body, because he cannot die and all.

He doesn't think you are weak, is just... he doesn't want to see you get hurt.

When he looses his immortality you need to remind him to not shield you anymore.

Ban doesn't spoil you just with food. He also gets you gifts and things you wanted.

He adores laying on your chest or stomach while you play with his hair.

Ban being tall, means he will misplace your things or just carry you around on his shoulder or like a potato bag.

He thinks it's cute when you get annoying about being carried.

Ban can be a hopeless romantic too. Not always, but he can be.

If someone hurts you, he will wreck havoc.

Everyone better be ready to face him.

He will also rush you to Elizabeth to heal you.

It's must that you can along with the other sins.

They are his most precious people, after you.

Ban loves watching you bond with everyone specially Meliodas.

All in all, Ban is a sweet partner.

He loves you so much he is willing to move mountains.

Please spoil him just as much as he does for you, he will be the happiest man on the universe.

Ban is very overprotective too, don't take it as an insult for your strength, he just wants you safe and sound.

If you can fight by his side, he will be thrilled!!

So, be kind to Ban, he lived a lot, lost a lot. Allow him his cuddle time :3

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Thank you for reading! I am sorry for getting carried away lol. I hope it didn't get too weird? I thought of something at first but then... changed? But also didn't felt like deleting the beginning ... sorry!

[lunapwrites]

having a bit of a bad brainspace weekend.

i am intensely uncomfortable and unable to do things for myself that i normally could do and this is my not-so-friendly reminder that despite the sometimes crippling ADHD and the fact that my GI issues suck i am, in fact, mostly usually quite able-bodied. i am used to things i am not physically able to do being more in the realm of "touching my toes" due to my intense lack of flexibility or "lift my partner" due to him being 3x my size. I've historically been pretty strong and in good shape for someone that is allergic to the gym, so i was not anticipating adding things like "putting on socks" and "rescuing my sweet idiot dog from the couch he's forgotten how to get off of" to that list.

i made the mistake of asking my partner what it looked like i was struggling with rn because i'm not good at recognizing when i actually need to ask for help vs when i can just power through. this was a poor decision because this means that i received an itemized list of my recent failures. not phrased in a way to be hurtful, just expressing frustration because these were all things that i had previously handled myself with ease and now a) was suddenly not doing, or doing inconsistently, and b) was not indicating i needed help with. and he's not trying to step in on his own and make me feel micromanaged or smothered, because he knows i want to do for myself as much as possible (and also i'd probably bite his head off) and he's 100% correct. and he had to kind of sit me down and be like "you are pushing yourself too hard please stop" and i wanted to shake him and scream that i'm not, that i don't feel like i'm doing enough because i am just a pile of disappointments right now. massive laundry lists of things i need to do and can't because literally if i try it physically hurts me.

anyway i really want to write but the second i sit down i either get distracted with something else or fall asleep or sit there vibrating over the things i should be doing but can't so. there's that. [gazes longingly at several half-written WIP chapters wasting away in the corner] i know where they're all going. i just don't have the gas to get us there. and i hate that. especially because i have this intense fear of not having time for writing at all once Bean is here.

idk. everything sucks rn and i hate it here and i don't wish this on anyone. next person who tells me this is a wonderful miracle and that i should feel so blessed is getting a shoe thrown at them. "best thing you've ever done" fuck you. i know what i did and why, but i also knew it was going to suck ass at least 90% of the time. it was, i thought, an informed decision. i either underestimated the level of disability i would be experiencing or overestimated my ability to cope with it. like it's fine it's temporary i will get through it but jesus fucking christ this is rotten work. and not in a "not if it's you" or an "especially if it's you" sort of way, but more of a "despite" situation. i adore this kid so much already but i also want to be able to stand up for more than 5 consecutive minutes without feeling like i might die. i want to be able to have a conversation without immediately being out of breath. and even all of that i feel terrible venting about because in terms of symptoms i am getting off SO FUCKING EASY. it could have been way worse. and i'm bitching about it this hard. bitching about what???

anyway. so begins the final countdown. with me crying hysterically over a bag of fuckin pastries i left on the counter and feeling lower than i think i've felt since '09, which ain't a great feeling.

[deep breath.] everything will be fine. it just sucks right now. and also i really hate writing thank you cards.

[ravenzeppeli]

Claimed

Chapter 5- Prosciutto Is Not |Prosciutto x Reader Angst|

Warning: nudity, implied sex, graphic murder. mention and described, threats, strong language. MA.

You laid on the random rental bed as Illuso got dressed, staring up at the white ceiling. You laid fully nude, a numb, unsatisfied tingle buzzed between your legs. You just had terrible sex- you didn't even come close, almost having an orgasm. It was just you sucking him off, and then he railed you in doggy mode and pulled your hair until he came.

He pulled his white tshirt over his head as he walked over to you, sitting on the edge of the bed as he looked down at you. "Last week this fuckin' prick tried to rip us off," Illuso told you as he leaned back, his body stretching over you, his back pressing against your bare stomach. "Shit pissed me off. Why would he try that shit knowing who the fuck I am?" He questioned, pulling out a joint from his pocket. "Wanna know what I did to him? Also you gotta fuckin' lighter?"

You reached towards the wooden dresser, picking up the lighter and handing it to Illuso. "What did you do?"

"I scalped the son of a bitch, I took my hunting knife out my pocket and I cut his scalp straight off," he told you, placing the joint in his mouth and lighting it up, taking a hit. He inhaled before blowing the smoke in your face, a sick grin on his face. "He was fuckin' terrified, still alive with his brain showin'. I had to shoot the poor bastard, he was begging pretty hard." He put the joint up to your mouth.

You tilted your head to the side slightly as you slightly leaned forward, taking a quick drag. You inhaled, then exhaled, turning your head to the side to avoid blowing smoke in his face. "How long do you think someone can survive without a scalp? Like, if your brains are exposed and nothing is protecting it, how long can you really live?" You should feel fear, but you didn't feel that. You just felt curious. You've killed before, but never like that. "Do you wanna do that to me? Is that why you're telling me?"

"Melone is weak as fuck, and his stand isn't as good as mine," Illuso began as he suddenly sat up, "but he's fucking insane. And he fucking told me last night that if you die he'll go insane and destroy everything. Now, I don't know what that fucking means but I don't wanna find out. Also, I'm fine with you being my little girlfriend, I ain't gonna kill ya. I just want to tell you about my day since you're my girl. Gotta problem with that? Don't want me to be tight with you like you are with Melone?"

"What do you mean?" You questioned, not knowing what he's trying to imply. What does he want from you? You assumed he would only want sex and to hang out when he was bored. Why was he suddenly saying you were his girl?

Illuso put out the joint on the dresser, leaving a small cigarette burn dent in the dark wooden cabinet. "I'm 34, I've been through so much pussy I don't even know how many women I've slept with. I might of paid for most of it, but damn the pussy just always kept coming." He turned to face you, leaning forward, his face suddenly inches away from yours. "They also kept going.. and that's what they were supposed to do. I've had my fun, I think I can go all the way with you."

You raised your eyebrows at him yet again, "maybe you should get tested. This is why I always make you wear a condom. You literally could have something." You shook your head, freezing up when he suddenly crashed his lips into yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth as he planted a rough, sloppy kiss on your lips. As he pulled away, you reached a hand out, placing it on his chest. "Why?"

"I use fucking protection even when I get my dick sucked, don't disrespect me girl. And best believe I don't go around kissing either, I've only kissed on five women. One was my first girlfriend when I was a kid, one was my fiance I dumped, two from girlfriends, and you're the last one. And I dated that last girl three years ago," he spoke to you softly, but a hint of danger still rested in his tone. "So what's up? You're my girl now, right? I'm making it official, I just want to hear you say it so fucking say it."

You decided to play your cards right, nodding your head. "Okay, I'm your girlfriend, and you're my boyfriend." You were a little surprised, but you technically already were kind of dating all seven of them. You didn't count Ghiaccio or Pesci, though, despite being told you should, but whatever. These men couldn't read your minds, and you were a good actor. "I mean, what's the point in saying it? Nothing will change. Right?"

Illuso smirked, placing another kiss on your lips before standing up. "Everything's going to change between us now. I promise you that." He patted your cheek gently. "Go downstairs or stay up here, I don't fucking care what you do. I'm going to take a shower. I'll see you and those beautiful fuckin' tits when I come downstairs."

-----

"I don't want to drink the fucking water, I don't like it," you told Melone as you pushed the glass back towards him. "Don't you start. I'm an adult, I drink what I want and I don't want water. I'm not a fish, do I look like a fish to you? Hm?" You walked over to the fridge and opened it, grabbing a can of soda. "I just woke up, I need caffeine. Not water, not toast."

Melone followed you, grabbing the soda out of your hand. "Why are you so cranky this morning? That's because you don't drink enough water, and you skip breakfast," he told you, shaking his head. "I'm a very patient man, baby. I'll keep bothering you. I'll give you the soda once you eat a piece of toast and drink some water, please. I just care. That's it, baby."

You couldn't admit this to even yourself really but you loved Melone. Despite feeling like these men will turn on you and kill you, you can't help but find yourself falling in love with him. No man had ever beaten a man to death because they wanted to harm you, that's so.. hot? You didn't know how to describe it, but it made you want him, him constantly showing you positive affection, and taking care of you made you actually fall in love with him. And despite him being overly excited during the first two times you had sex with him, he was great in bed- amazing. You didn't care that he was insane and a little toxic. You weren't perfect.

"Why are you giving Melone a hard time? Just sit down and eat the damn bread, I don't want to hear him asking you a million times," Prosciutto snapped, causing you to walk over to him, sitting across from him. "Do you need to be constantly watched? Eat girl, you're young and need to stay healthy."

You looked down at the plate that Melone placed in front of you, seeing a piece of toast. You grabbed the toast, taking a bite as you quickly snatched the soda out of Melones' other hand, placing it under the table and between your legs. "I'll eat the toast, okay? Fine."

Melone smiled down at you, nodding his head. "Good. I just want want to be healthy. Three meals a day and a little extra are important. Now, I'm going to go get ready." He leaned down, placing a kiss on the top of your head. "I am more than ready to protect you. I'm going to rip those men apart, I promise you that." He patted your shoulder before leaving, heading into the living room of the rental.

You kept your face emotionless, but inside, you couldn't help but feel a little turned on by his possessiveness over you. You leaned back, your eyes meeting Prosciutto, who was already staring at you, his hands clutching a newspaper as he looked you up and down. "What? Stop doing that to me. That's like, fucked up."

"When a man looks you up and down, it means they're physically attracted to you Y/N," Prosciutto told you, a hint of annoyance in his tone. Immediately your eyes moved up and down, you only being able to see his face and part of his chest, his dress shirt buttoned down slightly, revealing his bare chest as well as a thin gold chain. "Oh, really now?"

You looked around, never being the type to joke around much, especially with these men. Despite 'dating' them, you only felt comfortable joking around with Melone, but you refrained yourself. You were a woman. You always had to worry about these men finding you weak and fragile, so you just kept your mouth shut. You found yourself close to asking him something, but you stopped yourself.

Prosciutto cleared his throat, causing you to once again meet his eyes. "I will be taking you out on a date soon. Would you prefer to eat out or would you like for me to cook for you at my house?"

You instantly froze, looking down at your toast. "We.. can go to your house." You've already been seen in public with Melone and Formaggio. You didn't want your reputation completely ruined. How will people look at you knowing you're dating seven men? They'll look at you pretty poorly.

"Maybe that is for the best considering these unique circumstances," Prosciutto told you, nodding his head as he picked up his cup of coffee, taking a sip from the black mug before looking down at your toast. "What's the most important meal of the day?"

"Alcohol," you replied, picking up the toast and taking a bite. You chewed and swallowed, leaning back as you looked at him. "I've never been to your house before. Are you sure I can be trusted?" You smirked a little, causing him to suddenly lean forward, eyes going dark. "Do you want a kiss? You'll have to ask nicely, and I'll say no."

"I am not Formaggio or Illuso. Stop making jokes with me. I am not amused. I have been in the mafia for over 25 years, don't tell me I can't trust you," Prosciutto snapped at you, instantly becoming frustrated with you, his tone threatening and harsh "I hardly know you, and I know nothing about you. You could be working for the enemy. Your entire first encounter with Risotto is suspicious."

You let a laugh escape your lips, causing him to suddenly stand up, his large lean but muscular form stepping towards you, towering over you. You immediately realized that your laugh came off disrespectful, causing you to scoot back in your chair instantly, and your head immediately dropped down to protect your face from being hit. You weren't laughing to disrespect Prosciutto. You just find it amusing that he would accuse you of working for the enemy. What enemy? You hardly knew anyone, let alone any fucking enemy they had.

Before joining La Squadra, you only had light knowledge of the mafia world, only selling drugs for Luca and sometimes collecting money from businesses that owed him. You knew of a few names - Bruno, Polpo, Squado, and Tiziano - and you knew of Risotto as well. You just heard names, also selling drugs to lower ranking members. You kept yourself heavily armed, knowing how dangerous it was for a woman to do what you're doing. You always felt as if one day soon your life would be cut short for all your crimes and being too involved. That's why you'll never trust these men. They could kill you at any moment. Afraid.. did you feel afraid? No.. you felt conflicted about your entire situation.

"Did you just fucking laugh at me? Am I some fucking joke to you?" Prosciutto snapped, two hard steps padding across the hardwood floor. "You keep disrespecting me and I am done with it. I got something to adjust you." You suddenly heard a jean buckle, causing you go suddenly lift your head, immediately reaching out your hands.

As he began to unfasten his thick leather belt, your hands stopped him, your smaller hands attempting to wrap around his larger ones. Him beating you with a belt was not something that you wanted to enjoy with your morning toast, instead attempting to stop him. "I'm sorry, Prosciutto, I was just kidding. I didn't mean any harm. Before this, I just sold drugs for Luca and collected some money for him. And I killed a few guys. I was honest with Risotto," you told him, finding it hard to keep eye contact with his hard gaze. "I told him everything." You think.

"How many men have you killed?" Prosciutto questioned, letting his hands freeze instead of snatching them away from your grasp.

You shrugged. "Why would I keep count? I just killed the men that ripped him off." You've been ripped off by women a few times but always ended up paying what was missing to Luca. Without his knowledge, he was ripped off. You didn't want to kill any women, just men. "I shoot, or I stab them. I never use my stand unless necessary."

He kept his glare on you, almost meanicing as he slowly began to nod his head. "You better watch yourself around me. You've been pissing me off too much.. if it was just you and I here and I wasn't about to leave, then I would punish you accordingly." He looked down at your hands, raising his eyebrows. "For now, I won't, but when we are alone, you'll be getting your first punishment from me."

"You know, you're making it really hard for me to like you," you told him, causing take one step back, your hands dropping to the side as he buckled his belt. You could now see why Prosciutto had trouble keeping a woman married to him. As attractive as he was physically, it seemed that he wanted to have full control over who he was with. Unfortunately for you, you aren't in a situation where you can just leave him or say no. Leaving him would mean you leaving Melone, and you loved Melone. You also knew that a group of assassins could easily track you down; you would always be on the run, and that was no life to live.

"That doesn't hurt my feelings, but I will be sure to remember how much you don't like me when punishing you. It will keep me from stopping when you beg," he told you, voice suddenly becoming low, almost.. kind? "It's time for me to go. I'm needed on this mission, so lucky for you, I won't be staying here alone with you. Pesci will."

You raised your eyebrows in surprise; you haven't spoken to Pesci much, almost forgetting completely that he was your seventh boyfriend. "Pesci?"

"You listen to him and respect him. He is very nervous, but that does not mean that he isn't a man. He is very capable of protecting you, so don't give him a hard time, or I'll be even more pissed at you," Prosciutto warned, raising his hand and placing it on your shoulder. "Do not try anything. I am warning you."

You nodded your head. You had no reason to be mad at Pesci. He's never done anything at all to you. You could awkwardly sit next to him until Melone gets back. Oh. And the others. "Why would I? He's never done anything to me, I have no problem with me. I have no negative feelings towards him." You have no feelings towards him.

Prosciutto nodded his head, gently squeezing your shoulder before he walked away, leaving you to stand in the dining room.

As he walked away, you still felt his hand on your shoulder, as if he was still lightly grasping it. You raised your hand gently, touching where he grasped your shoulder, a tingle running down your spine as you touched the area, still warm from his gentle yet firm grasp.

[slickbackdani]

So, with the end of the current hiatus nowhere in sight, the creators of Epic Rap Battles of History have been releasing short videos in which they respond to people's matchup ideas and talk about whether or not they'd do them. What follows are my thoughts on each suggestion.

Dog the Bounty Hunter vs Chris Hansen: Terrible; Dog stopped being relevant years ago and Hansen has no real valid matchups

Jack Sparrow vs Bilbo Baggins: They might be able to pull it off, but the connection is tenuous at best

Malcolm X vs Nelson Mandela: Perfect. Do it immediately

Dexter vs Punisher: Could work, though I prefer Punisher vs Peacemaker

The Wiggles v-NO

Marco Polo vs Zheng Yi Sao: Awesome; the show's always great at spotlighting obscure historical figures, so this would be fun

Sheldon Cooper vs Rick Sanchez: I don't really get their reasoning for passing this one up. "I don't wanna use Rick because his creator is problematic," they say seconds before suggesting Roseanne instead and three years after using Harry Potter

HP Lovecraft vs Mary Shelley: Could work, but Lovecraft might be better suited for a more prolific author

Captain America vs Mussolini: Could work, but I prefer Cap vs Batman

Black Panther vs Catwoman: Unique idea; would be cool to see which versions of the characters they use

Ethan Hunt vs Angus MacGyver: Meh

John Wilkes Booth vs Lee Harvey Oswald: I'm glad they turned this one down; it just sounds very insubstantial. The fact that they each killed Presidents is the only thing either of them are known for

Robin Hood vs Ned Kelly: Sounds awesome; I can’t fathom what Lloyd was talking about when he said Robin Hood can't be made "cool." Has he never heard of any of the non-Disney movies he was in?

Steve Harvey vs Dr. Phil: Meh

The Three Stooges vs The Three Musketeers: IT'S ALL I WANT AND I'VE WAITED FOR SO LONG

Patrick Bateman vs Andrew Tate: Bateman is worthy of a rap battle, but there is no fucking way a disgusting sack of shit like Andrew Fucking Tate deserves to be immortalized in this or any series. Not only is he a monstrous asshole, but since I'd never heard of him before he got arrested, he just comes off as too second-string and his image too fleeting to be remembered after the battle's release anyway. It's like how Sarah Palin and Napoleon Dynamite appeared in season 1; what's the point? Bateman would be better off facing another fictional character like Tyler Durden or Tommy Shelby or Rorschach or Homelander or any other member of the "you're missing the point by idolizing them" club

Miles Morales vs Dick Grayson: A great idea for a battle, but it irks me how they seem to only think of Dick Grayson as Robin, and even then only how he was portrayed in the 60s TV show. Since Dick Grayson's graduation to the solo hero Nightwing and his leadership of the Titans have been the status quo in the comics for decades, and even his TV and movie appearances as Robin clearly show him to be more than the hyperactive goofball that Lloyd portrayed him as in season 2, their lack of research here is jarring — especially considering how diligent they are with their other characters (remember, Peter read every issue of the Dragon Ball manga and watched every episode of Breaking Bad in preparation for the later half of season 3).

Garfield and Jon vs Calvin and Hobbes: Eh, I don't see it. No disrespect to their creators or fans, but they just ain't rap battle material

Metallica and AC/DC vs Slayer and Guns n Roses: I agree with them that a team battle between unrelated heavy metal acts would be unwieldy, but any combination of those four could totally be awesome in a straight 1v1 battle

Richard Nixon vs King John: Could work, but I'd rather have Nixon in a Presidential royale

Barbie vs He-Man: Another "meh" idea, but I'm not fond of Peter's assertion that He-Man is only known for the bad '90s movie when he's appeared in multiple media before and since that have all gained a far more positive reception and a strong fanbase

[deputygonebye]

Frail from skin to bone, pale and lost for color, everything but the perfectly applied makeup to her eyes and cheeks, the memory of Jean came to pass like lightening strike, unexpected and agonizingly painful to endure. On the soft trail of Emilia's own thoughts - the uncertain feelings that burdened all, weighed onto shoulders until spine and vertebrae snapped under the pressure. Weakened and confined to her bed, homemade quilts for blankets, pillows of old bird feathers for support at the head, her touch in Shane's hands warm, soft and delicate. Replete with all the love that hadn't been given from father nor mother; as tears threatened to spill down from scared brown eyes, the hopelessness of a boy not yet grown into a man. Who pictured himself so strong and tough; unbreakable, beloved by everyone and everyone's greatest friend, bound for better than what he was born into. Pleas and prayers whispered from his lips, so many years since, Shane still tasted their bitter flavor on his tongue. As if the space he sat within wasn't Alexandria but the home of his childhood, his happiness with Jean, sunshine cast through the windows, her smile accompanied by final breath, her chest never to rise again. Shane's two hands wrapped around her one; trembling, shaking, cries into the afternoon heard by only the faces that hung in frames on the wall.

Terribly alone, Shane sauntered into life unattended. Free, promised to none, his ambitions set to the efforts of his own kind, the blood and sweat that could be pooled. Hardened bones shattered, flesh scraped and cut; until the badge on his chest was made true, pinned onto his uniform and presented before many. Proud and excited, name and face no more linked to tragic stories and community tale, the first step to really seen change. An actual someone rather than the scion of Jonathan - better than the blood that ran through both their veins, success that sacred few ever imagined Shane would amount to. Finally arrived to the place that he always wished for, where Jean always hoped, captured in the blink of an eye by reasons least anticipated. In the midst of siren calls and terrified screams, streets overrun and turned into the vision of end times, the dead risen and the living slaughtered. Accomplishments equaled failure; all that Shane had worked toward gone up in ash and smoke, the distant blast of gunfire, the sinister burn of bombs over Atlanta.

Frightened child of eighteen returned then, at the cold stare of a coin reflected, silvered and golden in two-tones, rose, leek, and thistle unforgiving in their glance at him, as if they, too, could peer into his soul, Shane brushed the chill that crept up his back with an unhurried air, calm and collected on the surface, uncomfortable and uneased beneath. Memories of all sorts tedious; it was like he lost Jean all over again.

Palm gone to the back of his neck, rubbed the tense muscles there, a shrug lifted Shane's shoulders, quick but not in the manners of indifference.

"Maybe it's just my bein' raised in the southern US of A for so long, but, I don't know about that." Shane prompted, hands rested on either of his thighs, posture slouched and relaxed still on steps.

"Alright, maybe the coin ain't all that lucky, but somethin' must've been lookin' out for you all this time. Call me superstitious if you wanna, but there's a reason why you're here now, why we all are. Ain't like so many others have made it this far. Hell, I reckon, I shouldn't even be here myself... but I am. Somethin' kept me around. I don't know if that's luck, or just my own will to survive another day, but there's a reason why I ain't six feet under. We've been put through hell, Em. We've fought and we've clawed to get where we are; we've both lost folks we cared about in all this. Maybe it ain't exactly luck, but, damn, it's somethin' worth bein' thankful over and proud of."

Shane admitted, the slightest sign that a door was opened for Emilia, truth told to only those most trusted. "I've made choices, Emilia, that I can't ever take back. I used to think of myself as somebody who couldn't be taken down. Shit, thought I could do anythin'. I've done what I've needed to in order to survive - to protect my group, to be there for my daughter - but I can't deny it: I've been lucky. Guess you could say, I'm one very lucky son-of-a-bitch. Makes me wonder sometimes: why me? I suppose, the Lord's got a sense of humor. My comeuppance is playin' for the long haul, not the short."

alexandria had the unintentional side effect of giving her more time to think — the supposed safety behind those walls meant at least for the moment not having to worry about where she’ll be spending the night, or getting her next meal, or if sleep will be in fits and starts of a half hour here and twenty minutes there to make sure she sees another sunrise. and while that might feel like a weight off her shoulders, it’s been quickly replaced with an ache in her chest she hasn’t dealt with since leaving new york city. what would her parents have thought of this place? or her brothers? nostalgia cuts both ways — and it’s one of the reasons why she’s got herself taking a little walk down memory lane while she goes through the contents of her bag while enjoying a bit of company watching time creep slowly by in the heat of the afternoon.

it’s all the usual things she finds; her notebook, bits of paper, a half eaten pack of twizzlers she’d been lucky enough to find before coming here —— until she finds a coin; heavy and two - toned, her brother charlie’s lucky 1£ he’d snuck into her bags when she’d left london for new york. she hadn’t found it until days later; and a furious phone call later ( on her end; he hadn’t been able to stop laughing – she wasn’t superstitious, she just didn’t like the thought of him giving her something that he was particular about ), she’d sworn to give it back to him as soon as she was able – in person. she cups the coin in her palm, turning it over and over again with the gentle nudge of a finger.

so much for being lucky.

“two actually. both older. i’m the baby of the family.” it feels a little strange to refer to herself like that now, all these years later — every one of them grown up and on their own. she laughs at the thought of finding a spider hidden among her things, and he’s not too far off — charlie and thomas had somehow managed to put a hedgehog in her underwear drawer growing up. she still hadn’t figured out how they had pulled that one off. “you would’ve gotten along with both of them then, i think.” a thought that she wants to keep from wandering it’s way into sadness like so many other memories of the two of them. but it’s difficult not to feel the pang in her chest when she talks about them, even now. her fingers retreat, revealing the coin in the middle of her palm. “this is — was my brother’s quid. he snuck it into my luggage before i came over. thought i might need it since he liked to think it was lucky.” and with no way to know what was going on back across that ocean, there’s guilt in wondering if he needed it even more.

and charlie wasn’t the only one who kept little bits of luck, it seemed. she leans in with quiet anticipation, curious to see what shane keeps ( quite literally ) close to his chest on the end of the chain she’s seen peek out from under his shirt before. “she sounds like a sweet lady,” which is probably a severe understatement based on the way he talks about her, but the soft smile she offers up along with it hopefully conveys how genuinely she means it. and maybe that’s the lesson she needs to take with all this —- not regretting charlie giving it to her in the first place or her inability to ever be able to return it to him, but to see it as a way to keep her family close while knowing she most likely will never be again. she doesn’t even know if they’re even still alive…

so when shane goes on to say his grandmother passed long before any of this, she can see why he’d think of it as a blessing out of a curse. there’s no unknown – it’s settled. over and done. what this world’s become can’t seep itself into those memories. “i’m sorry you lost her like that. such an awful way to pass,” she murmurs, going back to flipping the coin over with her fingertip.

“my family — i’m still not sure. haven’t spoken to them since everything went to shit. i want to hope they’re still alive and together, but,” she pauses to swallow, hoping to push down the ‘maybe it’s better if they’re gone and can’t suffer through all this’ she can’t bring herself to say just yet.

“i dunno. maybe charlie was wrong about there being any luck on this.”

[loneworldgazer]

itching hands

pairings: bonten x chubby!reader

a/n: this was supposed be for december but i'm impatient🕴

warnings: suggestive, bonten

life with bonten series

• × • × • × • × • × • × • × • × • × • ו × • × • × • × • ×

these men will bark at you if you ever had the time to be insecure about yourself

hold on tight to your seat cause i'm sure these executives won't let you

especially these easter egg mfs, you never know what's in each of these peoples' minds

sanzu

he lets a lot of things slip from his mind and specially his comments about you

he ranges from thirsty to intense staring at any part of your body where if i say so, it's gonna be a lot more pg

eventhough he's weirdly obsessive of how you look, he means good! it's just that his lameo ass can't say or spell it out to you without sounding like a pervert

he enters your apartment in search of any of the haitani brothers to pick up their report on the last mission and maybe you so he could easily find the two since they always muted their phones when busy.

at first, he wanted to reward himself with a little something since he did a little running around here and there, why not look into your fridge? he slowly opened it because of instinct and almost fell on his knees when he saw sweet cakes topped with icing. he reached out to it as if it's begging for him to just eat it up and he drooled with how soft it looked but a grab to his wrist startled him when he looked at the person in alarm, a quirk of your eyebrows immediately lead him to explain what he's here for.

"uh searching for haitani- by the way can i eat that-" you wiped his drool that ran down his chin with a tissue hastily, in full exaggeration the bright pink haired man is an absolute sweet tooth. he finally let his eyes set on you and he looked comedic with his wide eyes when he looked down at your soft thighs in the comfy shorts you wore.

you ignored his staring and sighed, pointing to the label of the sweet cake which had rindou's name on it but you changed your mind due to said man pouting and took out the cake and peeled off the label, offering to sanzu who drooled again but he doesn't know what's his drooling for anymore (rindou can always order another cake anyways). you closed the fridge and stretched, moving into the living room to lay on the sofa.

he felt content with his dessert, all he needed was a place to sit and he just felt that the perfect place was between, between, man he couldn't help it but stare at plushiness of your thighs. he wanted to bite it.

"can i lay myself between your thighs?"

a silent staring contest was held maybe, if people were to walk in at the moment but with a smirk you patted yourself.

"go ahead darling"

after a while

"y/n did you ate my cake!?" rindou gruffly yelled out and he didn't know what did he just walked into, you brushing and massaging sanzu's head while he hums and kisses up your thighs with the empty plate near his feet and rindou massaged his temples to not drag the male between your thighs into a body bag.

but he failed so sorry sanzu.

ran walked in with an amused stare when sanzu haven't noticed them yet and y/n laughed to rindou who was starting to march up to sanzu to grab both his ankles.

ran lazily stumbled to the sofa with his legs spread while watching whatever the hell the two were doing when sanzu finally woke up from his fantasies, fly high sanzu🕊🕊

ran leaned in to whisper to you when you secretly recorded the fight, asking why you finally offered sanzu a place to lay when you didn't let him lay between when he asked you so many times. you looked over at him with your mischevious eyes and he knows damn well he needs to do more than just asking.

extra!!:

"WAAAHH Y/N THEY BULLIED ME !!" you don't if sanzu's faking his loud crying or not with tears begin to slip past his cheek when he pointed at the haitanis and rindou had no shame in admitting what he done when his older brother blinked in confusion.

you tried to hold in any chortles or laughter coming out because the pink boy had his worst when rindou bent his leg over his head while muttering how he should've killed sanzu from day one. you held out your arms and he immediately flopped you to the coach when he pushed and smothered into your scent.

the haitanis still don't why you adore that crazed man baby who likes killing people and making them confess their crimes, you said you found it really annoyingly cute that's why you had haru in your arms who nibbled on you like a baby.

just hope that the treatment with haru doesn't go on and on and you actually do something about it instead of kissing his tears away and cuddled with him.

kakucho

he feels disrespectful to how much staring he does to you on a daily basis

the way you walk, your hips popping and the curve of your hip dips makes him go crazy

he wonders if he could just hold onto your waist or just touch onto your hips, he might faint touching the roughness of your stretch marks as if he's been blessed by pure heaven

he's obsessed with how you present yourself to the others

if only he was a little more bolder, he could admire it closer if he just asked (?)

"have you taken an interest in y/n, kaku?" ran's eyes glanced at kakucho's hard staring at your crossed legs and he stopped, scoffing at ran's word but the older haitani had a plan up his sleeves.

y/n sat nearby kokonoi's table doing their own thing, looking like a sweet thing that had kakucho's glued on them that ran couldn't help pointing it out and it didn't help kakucho's poor heart when mikey suddenly interrupted the conversation.

"kakucho, please assist y/n on where's they want to go at the moment" it made kakucho perk up, startled by the sudden job of bodyguard and he looked back at ran who winked at him. no no no this isn't what he wanted, what was he planning?

it's annoying on how this puppy crush of his grew even more worse, your whole personality draws him towards you, making him feel like a kid again because of how nonchalant you are with him. he felt laidback being with you is like the calm after a storm with his work and shenanigans in bonten.

he watched from a distance when you looked over the things on your list, kakucho also gathered some of the things you wanted into a little basket and cancelling some out so you didn't have to get them anymore and you thanked him with your pretty smile.

he scanned the area around him and held himself back from punching when this one creepo think they're being sleak with how they kept eyeing you, kakucho either think he was a pick pocket or a flirt but he kept a good metres away from him to see what he was doing but he was ready to turn towards you if they got any closer.

you turned towards kakucho, waving your hand to come to you and he immediately went, feeling more pissed off towards the person creeping in on you slowly but he felt your rough palm on the skin of his wrist wrapping it around your waist. he unconsciously squeezed around you, pulling you close as he shot a nasty glare towards the person who backed off, seeing the intense look from the half blind which they didn't dare messing with.

you both walk away, heading towards the counter as you laughed behind the palm of you hand; still in position of kakucho tightly holding onto your waist where he panicked when he realized how hard he's latching onto you.

"hah~ you're so-"

still choking on your laughter, he akwardly shuffles to the side in embarassment and it added more fuel to the fire when he remembered how he held your waist and he excused himself before combusting in front of you and went away for a few seconds.

you have to say but you gotta thank ran for this plan, even if the creepo appeared out of nowhere, atleast you got to see how bonten nunber 3 reacts to his dream coming true~

kokonoi

he mostly admires you in silence and gets distracted if he ever talks to somebody

just his eyes trailing down every curve on your body and just daydreams about them (as in like cuddling pls)

the other executives would notice how his eyes are always on you in every meeting youre in and would tease him about it when you leave the room like ran would comment 'so thats where your head was this whole time hm?'

kokonoi love your pictures, he feels creepy stalking your pictures but he can't help but gush into the palm of his hand of your stunning you look, you make him faint whenever you had suprise pictures of you in dresses and he feel like his whole body is on fire.

ran taps the head of his pen to the temple of kokonoi's head and he slams his phone down and put on a poker face, it faltering when he clenched his teeth already knowing what's coming. ran sneered to how much of a simp he was and flicked the back of his head, pointing towards the door of his office; telling him any moment you're gonna come by and koko swats his hand away, knowing the haitani was just teasing him but his eyes nearly bulged out when you actually swung by.

all sleepy and dreamy like, his heart getting squeezed and the older haitani patting you towards koko who unexpectantly had you in your lap, your weight tapping him out of his daydreams as you hugged him tighter.

"my my, tired baby ain't ya?" he put on his proper poker face he got from the back of his desk, trying not to falter when you sleepily ranted on how work was terribly tiring and he patted your back shakily, not wanting to push you off due to extreme nervousness. he joked with you telling that he could just pay you easily if you work under him and you pushed his chest with your head bonk .

"ywou drhon just-mphm-hrmm" him heating up to how close with you works because he was the best heat warmer you could ask for, he felt bad for moving you to the coach but he just needed a comfortable position for you sleep in because you sitting on him? naaah, he's a puddle by the end of it.

the urge to take a picture was really strong so he took out his phone and angle his phone down to catch your drool slipping out of you and smiled feverishly to how dorky you looked.

koko felt like he could fuck up more of his feelings staring at your sleeping face, he rubbed his finger on your fat cheek you smooshed onto the coach and shifted a little in your sleep to adjust the blanket more closer to you. koko's touches were hesitant, didn't want to be a pervert when all he did was touch your soft cheek.

he wanted to just hold you close to his chest and have you against him but his prickling anxiety said otherwise, his awful thoughts and stubborness entertaining the shit out of him. you nearly give him a heart attack when one of your eyes open when he wanted to take his second picture and you latched onto his wrist. koko squawked and you couldn't help but burst out in guffaws to how panicked he looked when you caught him.

if anyone saw this scene, koko surely would die of embarassment and he'll dig his grave himself but unfortunely he will eventually when the blinking red of somebody's recording was capturing every moment of it.

haitani brothers

the duo who makes you nervous with their hard stares on you

these two are also pretty touchy so it's dangerous when they're handsy with one of your body parts

rindou are obsessed with your chubbiness, poking it just to see his finger bounce back; comedically

he loves being close with you because you're so squishy??? the type of guy who plays with your squishiness like you're a stress toy and holds himself back from biting

you're the greatest fridge or heat bag on the off days he haves, just wrapped up in blankets and you makes him sleep like a baby

as discussed earlier, ran wants to his head between your thighs; don't be suprised when one day he felt like he should get killed by them and you reject his acceptance towards death

he's a leg man and likes sleeping on your lap or kissing them or he just does anything with them (if you don't mind)

you just gotta remember these two are menaces right next to sanzu cause they'll bother you about it like forever if they can

after seeing the endless babying of sanzu, rindou turns to his brother who was lost in his thoughts and tapped his shoulder with the back of his hand. he lifted his eybrow, needing a response to how quiet he became and ran gave him a sly smile.

"you look at y/n like you wanna eat them up" ran shrugged, placing his elbow on rindou's shoulder as he slipped a comment on how he can eat y/n in other ways while rindou scrunched up in disgust. sanzu then emerged right next to rindou, telling them to give their report; damn well distracted when you started brushing and massaging his head a few moments ago.

rindou pointed towards the window, telling sanzu to fetch the files in his car while 'lightly' threatening him to buy another cake for him and the pink haired boy waved him off as if his threatening didn't give him flashbacks to how rindou almost squeezed his organs out of his ribcage when he looked at the empty plate.

when sanzu disappeared out of the house, rindou pulled you by the waist and onto his lap. squeezing your fat and kissing up your neck, he grazed a sweet spot but you swatted him telling him what's gotten into him. ran lay his head on your lap and looked like a satisfied brat when you look back at him then his brother all confused like.

rindou couldn't spare anymore time so he whispered in your ear, telling how much of a nuisance his older brother was and pleaded you to let him do what he wished to do. ran quirked his eyebrows, leaning up to kiss you while you teased him more by placing a finger on his lips.

"using your brother as a way to get me to do your thing instead of asking me in the nicest way? how cruel haitani, don't you know how torturous it is for your brother to put up with you?"

he smirks, knowing how much of a tease you were and feigned his sigh. rindou clamped his hands over this ears to not hear whatever the hell is this and tilted his head comfortably on your neck.

you shifted off rindou's lap, letting the man going after your sweet self place his head on your tummy as he happily shifts himself to a tiny nap to wait for sanzu to get back from whatever he got himself into because they could hear him shouting at the phone when he was unlocking the car door.

you looked over at rindou and placed a finger on your lips, smiling with your eyes closed when you don't want to disturb his sleeping brother in bliss.

ran just doesn't need to know rindou had his many turns sleeping with you this week compared to him~

mikey

he likes sleeping on you, his titled pillow he seeks for at the end of the day

he usually goes to you whenever he has a hard time sleeping and you try your best to advice him on how he should take care od his eyebags and weak body

he likes listening to your whispering before he goes to sleep so he asks you to talk more (command maybe)

"mikey..?"

"mph?"

"please i need to get up"

he uses your entire body as a pillow to swing his leg over ._. . from the very start, he makes you worried that you might've done or said something wrong to him but his thoughts were completely filled with how he can melt into you and be a handy pillow for him if he can't sleep easily.

to break the ice of what he thinks of you, you hummed quietly and awfully close to him on why he was staring at you but he completley dodges the question, rather he wants to show you why he's staring so he asks if he can touch you. he was uo close and personal on the first into with you but he didn't have bad intentions.. because afterwards you were legit cradling him.

sanzu was raising his eyebrows teasingly when their boss was sound asleep on your shoulder and you run your hands to his hair while glaring at sanzu to not make any noise. kakucho tried putting a straight face on but it's complelety leaving him when he heard his boss sleep talk.

he was babbling nonsense to you which you tried to reply to him but his mouth was jammed shut because there was some point where he got mad at you for not replying and sanzu was rolling on the floor and kakucho had to walk out to laugh with sanzu, dragging the pink hair out of the office. you cooed at him to relax instead of thrashing back and forth and he stopped, planting his face into your neck which makes you feel really tickled.

you're just grateful he's getting some sleep and you kissed him good night and a faint smile shows up on his face when you hugged him tight.

(and the other executives in the other room cracking up about mikey and you NSBJSBD)

akashi

he likes carrying you, stealing you away from the other executive when they're disturbing you

you can't feel insecure with this man because he was the dirtiest way with his words that he whispers to you that can turn any guy or girl red

he'll surely gouge out any prying eyes that mock or stare at you for too long

"why cat got your tongue?" your mouth agape when he was busy doing pushups on the mat and his back muscles flex even more when you came by, the smirk on his face didn't help making you flustered while you sat near him. panicking on the inside, he stopped for a water break and sat next to you.

you prayed to not shake so visibly becaue this hot ass man right now makes you lose all sense of human nature with how big he was, he placed his bottle down and shifted closer to you. bending down a little to arch his back to crack a little, he said he needed you on his back for his pushups. he can easily see the confusion you had on your face and he chuckled, getting up to begin and he usher you to start climbing on his back.

"cmonnn~ i'm strong, you're afraid i'll drop you?"

this man wanted a death wish but you think you'll die first because of how much of a tease he was, his back was kinda comfortable so you tugged on him like a koala, he called you needy and he says he's right you'll enjoy it. enjoy what exactly? too scared to ask this man because of the potential of a heart attack.

it becomes a daily thing to be honest, just having you on his back to flex off his strength that you were impressed that he didn't break and kept his composure. he held you close or carries you on his back cause he wants to, running away from the others who were fighting over you.he was a dangerous man because he could easily take your breath away with how secretive he is.

heck, i think he just did.

tag tag: @lucylicious , @turksueme , @haruchyio , @fyotituti , @coconois , @gyros-cum-sock , @ashrakat-lovesbaji , @dragon-chica

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 10

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6; Season 7; Season 8; Season 9]

Episode 1:

Cas is slowly dying, practically naked, in a bed, and the first thing he says when talking about Dean is "I miss him" (6:35), with a soft smile. "Why would he just disappear?"

... I'm sorry but If Cas Were A Woman, this would look like a scene from a movie or something, where the wife talks to a friend over the phone about her missing husband. JUST SAYING

Crowley: "The girl seemed nice. Slightly damaged. I could see the old you falling for that." (9:29) uhm... who else is "nice and slightly" damaged? I don't know... CASTIEL??!!!

So... these two men (actors Todd Mann and Brad Mann) we see with the DemonGang, are real life twins (9:14).

At (27:18), Crowley states him and Dean did "extroardinary things to triplets" ... and, well, the only twins with a possible other sibling we see are... them

And this is not the first time we hear about Dean doing "things to triplets" with a buddy of his (15x07)... and the first time he was NOT a demon... so, there's that. And triplets don't necessarily mean "all females"

Cas, while talking about the good things that come with choices, mentions "hope, love, dreams" (39:06), and Hannah points out that "those are human things". Human things...

Cas is talking about his own personal experiences with creating chaos, so those are the things he felt after rebelling for... Dean... WOW. ICWAW, it would totally be read it as a reference to Dean. A romantic one. Fight me

Episode 2:

Cas is dying, just got back from a fight that left him wounded, doesn't have enough power to heal himself, is on a mission to restore Heaven, and once again he chooses to go save Dean (9:35), and the way rage builds in his eyes when learning Dean has become a demon. Look at this shit

I might be crazy, but this feels like a touching metaphor to me:

"I think you don't know what you want. Tell me, Dean. What are you? A demon? [...] Maybe you're human. [...] Why don't you do us all a great, big favor... and pick a bloody side!" (22:22)

METAPHOR

Episode 3:

We are reminded that, even tho in terrible conditions, on the verge of death, Cas is willing to risk it all to save Dean, and is devastated by the thought of Dean not making it (4:47 - 5:17)

This is so funny to me, I'm sorry, but Cas is so visibly uncomfortable with Hannah touching him, it's hilarious (15:58)

"I've been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur. Emotions, feelings... They're dangerous temptations." (22:32) like rebelling against your own kind, destroying your home, falling... all for a human?

"I'm trying to keep our priorities clear." Moments earlier, Cas listed "Getting to Dean" (22:17) before anything else. In fact, Hannah says "I am very clear of my priorities... and yours." = Dean (23:00)

Cas is not sure whether the cure will kill Dean or not, and in any case, he wraps his arms around him, and softly says "It's over... Dean it's over." (35:40) as if hushing him to sleep, in what could have been their last moments together... wow. Think about this ICWAW

"Well, I can see his point. Only humans can feel real joy, but... also such profound pain. This is easier." (36:17) Look at the way Sam is looking at Cas looking at Dean

BITCH OKAY!!

SAM KNOWS

POSSIBILE future Empty reference "real joy"

Cas already stated he misses being human, but knows how fragile they are in both body and spirit:

Castiel really wants to be with Dean. For real. But maybe he thinks (see season 9) him being an angel is an obstacle to their feelings.

Only by being human he can truly be happy (MMMMMMHH SEASON 15), but isn't sure he could handle the pain that comes with it. A possible rejection, the thought of Dean dying, him leaving Dean... MMMMHHHHH

"You look terrible." [...] "Well, you, on the other hand, you... *checks out Cas* Looking good." (39:09) full homo right there. Also parallel with Ketch in 13x18 ("You don't look good." "Yeah, well, you're not my type, either.")

The way they are looking at each other here... man.

Cas is so happy to have Dean back, and Dean looks hurt about Cas leaving so soon.

"So... so, you're back?" "At least temporarily." (39:27) bitch, you know that's not what he ment.

In all of this, Cas is trying to make Dean feel better about the whole situation (DAT SMILE 40:18), and Dean replies with "I'm glad you're back, man.", basically no-homoing himself...

Cas starts walking out of the room, but stops and turns back [insert concerned husband here] (40:27), and Dean has that hopeful look in his eyes, like Cas is going to stay, and the hurtful look comes back as soon as Cas is gone

Episode 4:

"On your knees!" "Wow, I'm awfully flattered-" (34:33) SASSY BI DEAN IS THE DEAN WE DESERVE

Episode 5:

Fucking kill me NOW!!! Dean's reaction to Destiel is PRICELESS!! And even before he learns what that is, he just looks at the girls playing him and Cas and... freezes for a moment (13:18) And the eyebrow raise thingy at (13:34)... what's going on in your brain, Dean?

I'd like to point out that the Italian translation for "You can't spell 'subtext' without S-E-X" is, for once, AMAZING:

"It's just that... their bond is so strong it has subtext of a... sexual nature."

THANK YOU ITALIAN DUB! JUST THIS ONCE, THANK YOU! (13:43)

Also at (9:44) Dean immediately reacts to the implication of Wincest subtext, shutting it down and telling the girls to take a step back, but with Destiel he is like... alright

... this is so fucking cute, (25:54) Dean adjusts the girl playing Cas' tie so that it's messed up like the real Cas'. ADORABLE

SAM SHIPS IT (13:57) and is teasing the SHIT out of Dean, who reacts like someone being teased about their crush. Just saying (14:08 - 14:52) [AND THIS HAPPENS IN FRONT OF A PINK-BLUE WALL]

"I know I have expressed some differences of opinion regarding this version of Supernatural." (26:44) ... oookay meta? *turns to "Cas"* "And I want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can." ... oKAY?!

Episode 7:

Cas being extremely uncomfortable with women is too fucking funny to me (5:03 - 12:51)

Episode 9:

(15:13) Alright, so, this is a date... what now? Anyway, nice bi flannel, Dean. And the little sweet smiles you two are giving each other? So fucking precious (16:01)

"I ain't exactly a role model." "That's not true." (16:07) how Dean looks at Cas right after that? BABIES!

"How are you, Dean?" "Fine." "*I-call-bullshit look*" "I'm great!" "No, you're not." (16:18) #MARRIED

As Cas is choke-holding a guy, Dean, clearly amused (almost proudly), says "I'd do what he says." (22:17) Like that time with Raphael in 5x03, Dean likes it when Cas gets rough

Episode 10:

Shut the fuck up and marry each other already so you can finally actually BE the old married couple™️ you ALREADY ARE (22:17)

This is the "My husband is so FUCKING STUPID" look (22:30)

"I was hoping you might reach out to her." "... Me? I'm probably the last person she'd want to hear from." [...] "All I know... is she won't talk to me." (23:03) #MARRIED, PARENTS, PERIODT

Shut the fuck up. Cas is the dad trying to figure out technology (23:36) "I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emotions!" DAD

Cas worries about Dean like a wife would with an alcoholic husband

Of all the things Dean could be MAD about at Metateon... the first thing he can think of is him stealing Cas' grace (31:33) (okay, maybe he is going in chronological order but STILL)

Episode 11:

[I AM SO SO SO SORRY BUT DEAN USED THE ALIAS "PRESLEY" (18:55) I AM NOT OKAY]

Episode 14:

Have this deleted scene: Castiel and Crowley bitching over Dean, and Crowley calling Dean Cas' boyfriend

This is some hell of a goodbye-eye-love-making scene (26:57)

Cain compares himself to Dean... and CAS TO HIS WIFE COLLETTE [PARALLELS]

"You're living my life in reverse [...]

First you'd kill Crowley. You'd get it done, no remorse. (Cain had been killing his descendants, for whom he didn't care much)

And then you'd kill the angel, Castiel. Now, that one... that, I suspect, would hurt something awful. [And than Sam is Able, bla bla...]"

AM I WRONG?! YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG??!!!

Dean gives the First Blade to Cas... oKAY (37:10)

Worried brother-in-laws (41:27)

Episode 16:

This is such a good source of hidden meanings scene! Dean starts his "confession" as a scam. Everything he says at first is to attract the spirit.

He starts talking about seeing lots of women, not being able to control himself, and being sick of it. Then the real confession begins...

Dean feels he's going to die soon, and fears not death itself, but what he would be missing from his life.

"There's things... people, feelings that I... I would experience differently than I had before. Or even for the first time." (25:28) and the priest believes Dean is talking about love.

Well... "people, feelings"... who could he be referring to? Does Dean want love all of a sudden? People he wants to experience for the first time... uhmmmm... Is Dean opening up to his attraction to MEN??!! Or one angel in particular?

ICWAW we would guess Dean was talking about Cas

"Who mixes their blood and bones into paint? No woman has ever done that for me." (39:19) UHM- Dean, what about

6x20 "He has bled, died bla bla bla for us",

7x21 "I'm always happy to bleed for the Winchesters" or

9x22 "You just gave up an entire army for one guy"

ICWAW we would ALL roll our eyes at this statement and scream CAS

THE GUY BLED, LOST HIS HOME, REBELLED, DIED FOR YOU!! HE REBUILT YOU PIECE BY PIECE FROM HELL- SAVED YOU DOZENS OF TIMES!!!

Episode 17:

About saving Dean from the Mark: "We won't- (free Metatron)" "Yes, you will... because you're desperate." (9:44) Hannah knows. Let's remark that

"All I'm getting from you is... colours." (14:26) bitch he is a walking 🌈PRIDE FLAG🏳️‍🌈

Notice how, when we get a Sam-Cas centred episode, we don't get the same interactions with Dean-Cas? Why this?

Dean is always ready to call Cas a "brother", but the only one true bromance here is Sam and Cas'. There are no longing stares, no weird sexual filled dialogue nor tension, NO LONGING STARES

Facts, my people. Facts

Episode 18:

"You killed my friend." "Oh, pff, Dean is fine, mostly. Can't you get past that?" "Never." (12:39)

Charlie being excited about meeting Dean's famous boyfriend is WHOLESOME (37:34)

To have Cas back, 100%, safe and sound, is a win for Dean (38:58) and the face Cas makes after Dean hits him with another no-homo "It's good to have you back, pal." is "UHH not this again". Charlie already ships it

Episode 20:

A #MARRIED couple and their daughter. NO ARGUMENTS VALID (7:06)

Look at how they enter the motel (16:22)

OH MY GOOOOOD!!! #PARENTS coming back home from shopping!! THE HAND ON THE SHOULDER!!! Also

"Happy birthday. I got it at the Hot Topical" DAD

Dean: "Imma head back over there." Cas: "I'm coming with you." Claire: "I'm coming with you too." (17:24) #FAMILY

A fucking family comedy about a dad confronting the daughter's boyfriend and the other dad scolding him:

"What did you do to him?" "I didn't lay a hand on him!" "Dean, that isn't exactly true." "... Well, I didn't kill the guy." (17:14)

Surprisingly enough, this is not the first nor last time Dean acts like a dad to a lost child (AND TWO OF THESE TIMES THE KID IS SOMEHOW RELATED TO CAS) (21:54)

Episode 22:

C: "Claire, you are not going out there. [...] It's too dangerous. I can't let anything happen to you." D: "Claire, you're not going." C: "You're not either, Dean." D: "What?" (19:29)

#FAMILY DON'T TALK TO ME!

"No fighting. [...] Both of you." AAAAAA

This doesn't fucking matter, but Dean just said "... for the ladies. Or the fellas. I don't judge." (36:23)

Cas' speech to Dean... wow. "So if there's even a small chance that we can save you... I won't let you walk out of this room." (39:20)

I hate this scene. (40:11)

Dean is overwhelmed by Charlie's death, Sam and Cas' betrayal, the Mark changing him and all the other shit.

The Mark is taking over, and Dean can't (and won't) help it. Cas knows it. He doesn't want to hurt Dean. He is not even resisting. Doesn't put up a fight.

And just like Colette with Cain, Castiel only asks Dean one thing: "Stop." (40:38) [9x11]

Parallel to 8x07:

The only thing that stops Cas from killing Dean, is him begging, clutching onto his sleeve.

"Dean... please..." (41:08) Cas pleading Dean, clutching to his arm, makes him resist the urge to kill him.

Episode 23:

You can find gifs and the script of some deleted (destiel) scenes in this post by @charlie-minion

As the Mark eats Dean... he starts feeling guilt for the people he hurt... first on the list: Cas (14:54)

(This gif is not mine)

Well... what a season.

[Season 11>>]

[tiffdawg]

Hey Tiff, here for the mod mfk game 😊

I'll try and make this short! I tend to babble. Apologies for the inevitable.

I'm INFP-T (mediator). When I originally took the test, I sent it to all my female friends to take because I wanted to know their types 😂 (I didn't think my male friends would give a sh*t).

I hold strong opinions, I know my faults, I find it hard to ackowledge my good traits, I've been through a fair deal of trauma and abandonment (lol), I deal with my baggage through humor (and lots of therapy, too), I used to see myself as a poor sad girl but have grown to see I'm far more than that (thank f*ck), I swear daily but probably less than I did when I was a teen (and I had a filthy mouth then), I dealt with the death of a close relative at a fairly critical time in my mental development and so I think I have a fair view on death and how to comfort someone going through that, if they desire it from me. I am quite proud of how present I was for that relative when they were dying, even if I didn't truly understand what they were going through, at the time, I hope they were comforted by me spending so much time with them.

Less dark sh*t: I love to sing, even though my voice is shrill and can actually pierce my ears at times (so I try not to do it around others ((like it took 4 years to sing infront of my partner!)). I'm infatuated with the filmmaking process and general processes behind creating worlds on screen and page. (I was around 8 when I asked for my first prop replica as a birthday/christmas gift. I just love props and the work and detail that goes into making stuff for sets/costume etc. That's like thee subject that will get my passion fired up all the way. I buzz.) I can be really dumb, something that's developed with age. My mind will just omit information when I'm trying to form a sentence or reference to something. It's probably down to poor concentration (and one summer I smoked a bunch of weed every other day.)

Umm yeah. I f*cking love coffee. I can have up to 4 a day (either just black or a soy cappucino). It's one of my only dirty habits, really. (I rarely drink alcohol, smoke, or take drugs, bar that summer.)

When I was younger I took a couple of psychology courses 'cause ain't the brain fascinating? The subjects I got high marks on, in high school, were Literature, History, Creative Arts, and Science. I sucked at maths but was placed in a higher intelligence class because I was in those for other classes and the timetables for lower sets clashed (it honestly sucked. Like my tutor even said 'you shouldn't be in this class'. Thanks dude!). I dropped out of college because I had severe PTSD, and am yet to go back 👎I don't think I want to.

I have a couple of tattoos. I prefer the summer to winter. I love house plants but I'm terrible at keeping them alive. If I'm travelling somewhere where the main language isn't english I will learn that language! I have an extensive vinyl collection. I'm annoying.

I'LL SHUT UP NOW SORRY I AM SO SO SORRY FOR THIS DUMB INFORMATION THANK U FOR READING I BET YOU PAIR ME WITH FRANKIE. I USUALLY GET FRANKIE OR DIN 😂

Ezra + Rivals to Lovers

You and Ezra first met while harvesting gems on a small moon. Two loquacious leaders on competing teams, neither were surprised when the confrontation ended in a shootout. Despite your past and the nature of life as a floater, you held your head high and held strong morals. You didn’t compromise for anyone. Especially not a sharp-tongued man with wicked intentions.

The fifth time you crossed paths with Ezra, you noticed the blade of your knife had left a white scar on his cheek, marring his handsome features. Pride swelled in your chest. And the smirk on his face told you he knew exactly what was on your mind.

It went on and on like that for years. Your heated encounters became a regular occurrence and even as he tried to kill you, he was perhaps the only reliable person in your life. You tried and tested each other, pushed the other to their limits, and offered a tether for your wandering souls.

Somewhere along the line, things changed. In the most inopportune moment on a planet with a toxic atmosphere, your breathing apparatus malfunctioned. Fate was not on your side, but Ezra was.

As you laid on your cot one night in your run-down pod, you realized you hadn’t run into the prospector for a few months. Your heart sank in your chest as you imagined all of the things that could’ve happened to him. You lived a dangerous life. Loosing people, friends and rivals alike, was expected. Something you were well accustomed to. That was why you kept yourself so closed off and kept everyone at a distance. So how did Ezra, of all the people in the galaxy, have such a hold on you?

You sat in a canteen aboard the ship taking you to your next harvest, pushing around the food on your tray with your fork. Your mind was elsewhere as you desperately tried to plot a new course for your life as you knew you couldn’t do this any longer. You didn’t even look up when someone sat across from you until you heard that familiar, deep baritone. 

“I have missed you, birdie.” Your head snapped up. Eyes never settling, you took him in, not able to believe that he was real. That he had returned to you. With tired eyes, a few new scars, and only one arm, he looked… well, he looked like shit. “Might I inquire where you are headed next in this vast and ever-expanding galaxy?”

“Somewhere warm,” you said with what voice you could muster. “Somewhere safe. Somewhere… with you.”

You held your breath as you waited for his answer, prepared for rejection. Surely, after all these years contently at each other’s throats, you’d misread the situation. He hummed a little as he nodded thoughtfully, but the glimmer in his dark eyes gave him away. A smile pulled at your lips.

“In all my years, I have never struck such a fortune as the day I met you,” he grinned.

[orionsangel86]

I can't take you seriously as a meta writer or so who wants to see representation on SPN. If your main concern is whether a character tops or bottoms, I can't help thinking you just ship DeanCas to satisfy a fetish. You almost exclusively post about bottom Dean, cause top Cas is true to character. Truth is: there ain't no top/bottom character traits in gay/bi dynamics. Almost all top Cas fics are OOC and make him cruel and Dean a whiny "bottom s*ut. When in canon Cas acts submissive towards Dean

This is fucking hilarious. You are clearly a bottom!Cas stan who is upset by an old post of mine where I quite clearly stated that I was pro switch/vers but on the rare occassions where I do read smut I prefer top!cas fics because I find A LOT of bottom!Cas tagged fics write him OOC. You have taken this statement, and used it to send me a rant which is both contradictory and hypocritical. Did you even read this message back before you sent it?

“There ain’t no top/bottom character traits in gay/by dynamics” but “in canon Cas acts submissive towards Dean”.

Um excuse me? Why are you comparing submission to bottoming? Those are two separate things and comparing the two traits is actually extremely problematic especially in fanfic. Not all submissives bottom and not all tops are doms. This is classic heteronormative misogynistic behaviour and we have had ENTIRE DISCUSSIONS on this topic proving how harmful it is to assume that the bottom in a relationship is also the small, weak, submissive party. (Because the bottom is the “girl” in the relationship right?)

It is you who shouldn’t be taken seriously. My issues with bottom Cas stans are simple. They (you) write him as a small, thin, pale, short tiny feminised version of Cas. I consumed plenty of smutty Destiel fics in my first few years of shipping them where I had ZERO preference on top/bottom dynamics because WHY WOULD I HAVE A PREFERENCE IT MEANS NOTHING TO THE RELATIONSHIP. But because of the way bottom Cas writers treat Cas I started blacklisting “bottom!Cas”. I have asked people to recommend me Bottom!Cas fics where he is portrayed accurately COUNTLESS times in the past and will read anything that guarantees an accurate character portrayal.

Before you start snapping that Bottom!Dean fics do the same thing.They don’t. Not the ones I have read. Yes, this DOES happen but it is RARE compared to the constant terrible portrayal of Cas as blatantly being described as “the girl” of the relationship. I don’t even really read Dean in panties fics because I’m not into it and don’t like EITHER character being feminised. I simply ask for both characters to be portrayed as masculine manly men and the standard dumbasses they are in canon. But at the same time I NEED them to be described as per their actors. Here is a list of things I NEED in fic for BOTH characters in case I haven’t made it clear. Otherwise, I tap out of the fic:

CASTIEL

Is only ONE INCH shorter than Dean.

Is built like a brick shit house

Has meaty thighs that can crush watermelons.

Flexible. Meaty but flexible. Could totally twist into weird sex positions to Deans horror and delight.

Has big broad shoulders

Is TAN AS FUCK

has deep blue beautiful eyes

has full plush lips which are dry but NOT chapped

has a head of stylish messy dark BROWN hair (not black)

CANONICALLY CAN LIFT VERY HEAVY SHIT INCLUDING DEAN

DEAN

Is only ONE INCH taller than Cas

Is built like a brick shit house

Is a dorito shape (like Chris Evans) broad shoulders, slim waist.

is much slimmer on his bottom half. Doesn’t have watermelon crushing thighs but is still STRONG AF. (But not strong enough to hoist an angel of the lord up in the air I don’t think - maybe against a wall with the wall as leverage)

Is not exactly flexible (canon) so can’t be bent in half like those bottoms in gay porn.

Has fanfiction green eyes

plush full lips

styled neat light BROWN hair (NOT BLOND)

Freckles. Everywhere. 

Paler than Cas.

IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH THE ABOVE DESCRIPTIONS YOU ARE NOT DESCRIBING DEAN AND CAS IN YOUR FIC AND THEREFORE I WILL CONSIDER YOUR FIC OOC. SORRY BUT THIS IS MY OPINION. DON’T AGREE? FINE. BUT DO NOT COME INTO MY ASKS TO YELL AT ME ABOUT IT YOU HYPOCRITES.

Honestly you people on your high horses thinking it’s okay to yell at me and discredit me as a meta writer because I have an issue with Bottom!Cas fandom for bad portrayals. I am team switch/vers. I have ALWAYS been team switch/vers. I would happily read/write bottom!Cas who is still IN CHARACTER my issue is the many MANY people who DON’T.

HOW DARE you accuse me of using Destiel to satisfy a fetish when you can’t even distinguish between Top/Bottom and Dom/Sub. Who’s really got the fetish here hmm? Half the time I don’t even READ the smut stuff! I am ALL ABOUT THE LOVE STORY. THE CANON LOVE STORY. The smut is merely an afterthought! Hardly a fucking fetish.

Also the moment you basically treated Top/Bottom and Dom/Sub as the same thing your opinion becomes utter trash and anything you say to me is disregarded as such. So bugger off please and reconsider your life choices.

Happy Fucking New Year.

[punkscowardschampions]

Tommy & Meena

Tommy: [Late enough that the clean up is done and she could've potentially heard about some of the drama but not late enough that if there's a mcwalsh party whereby Ali gets knocked up that he wouldn't already be drunk at that feels like a starting point] Tommy: Cá mbeidh tú ag fliúchadh na seamróige? 🍀🧡💚 Meena: I was about to go down to the restaurant, just hang out there Meena: Caleb and Drew were going to some party but I was not invited so 🤷 Meena: What are you all up to? Tommy: 🍻🥃 Tommy: but the vibe's more drinking ourselves to death, doubt you want an invite either, like Meena: I think that's most people's vibe but they sound happier/more in denial about it...? Tommy: Yeah, it's casually cultural Meena: Yeah? Tommy: You're not feeling patriotic today? Meena: I don't really vibe it any day Meena: but that's not important Tommy: that's a no for the Irish dancing then, alright Meena: We can try Meena: I look even taller when I'm not allowed to move my upper body though Tommy: 😂 Meena: no leprechauns here Tommy: any 🌈💰? Meena: no more than normal 💔 Tommy: I'll be right there then 🌈✨ Meena: That's your superpower Meena: I don't know how 🍀🧡💚 Gus has gone, you'll probably feel more at 🏡 where you are Tommy: It ain't feeling very 🏡 but 💌 received Tommy: I'll stay put, feet & upper body Meena: Why not? Tommy: long story Tommy: you'll hear the short one at 🏫 probably Meena: You don't feel like telling it, understood Meena: is there anything I can do? Tommy: I don't know how to, more like Tommy: you'd redraft it before you were done with the 1st for being too Tommy: unreadable Meena: Nonsense poetry is my specialty Tommy: Yeah? Tommy: maybe you should've been there to roll out the welcome wagon for my new sister Meena: New sister? Meena: Oh, do you mean your mum's baby Meena: not baby now, from before Tommy: she definitely ain't a baby now Meena: So, she came and it went bad Meena: I'm so sorry, Tommy Meena: how bad are we talking? Tommy: bad as it gets Meena: Is your mum alright, I mean Meena: stupid question, but Tommy: It's a fair question & I wish the answer was yeah Tommy: or there was fuck all I could do Meena: That's terrible Tommy: I've gotta go back to school, how can I? Meena: For them Meena: sometimes all you can do is give everyone a small sense of normality Meena: even when you don't want to, or think you can't go on yourself Tommy: Ali can't hold down the fort all on her own, alright, she probably can, but she shouldn't have to Meena: She won't be Meena: she has Carly, and me and Ro and, loads of people, really Meena: I promise we'll all do what we can Tommy: Don't start me on Ro, she wasn't even there Meena: Where was she? Tommy: Fuck knows Tommy: I thought she might be with you Tommy: or your brother Meena: She wasn't with me Meena: maybe Drew but I doubt it, he's been out and about everywhere all day, obviously Tommy: she'll be at home then Meena: Oh, that's a bit Meena: I understand under normal circumstances the pub on St Paddy's is not her ideal place to be but as it was Meena: anyway, that's all to say, you don't need to worry about Ali, she has a good support system to support your parents and take care of Rocky Meena: do you have people YOU can talk to and lean on at school? Tommy: yeah, Carly's ace with him & Ali to have lasted this long, like Tommy: I ain't telling anyone at school about this, loads of 'em already think I'm trash Tommy: or come from it Tommy: they've got a point now Meena: No, they don't Meena: your family are some of the best people I know Meena: you're not anything to be ashamed of Tommy: Everyone around here knows that Joe would be your brother's best customer except he don't carry the right stuff & now loads of 'em also know she's as bad, nah, worse Tommy: & that together they're Tommy: I can't even fucking go there Meena: People shouldn't judge him by that, never mind you as his family Tommy: They do though Tommy: keeping my mouth shut about it at school is my best option Meena: as long as you can express yourself and have an outlet through your work, I can't say I blame you Meena: you don't have to tell everyone everything Tommy: or anything Tommy: 🩰 will do Meena: I shouldn't say anything against words, given who I am and what I want to be but Meena: a comfortable silence can be preferable to words you're unsure of, words that hurt, or that you don't want to speak into existence Tommy: Yeah, I'd take an uncomfortable silence over that too Tommy: everyone's hurting & unsure enough Meena: if it's good enough for Maya Meena: 🤐 Tommy: I didn't mean with you Meena: You can always talk to me Meena: no matter the quality or quantity of your words Meena: you know that Tommy: okay Meena: but no rush on it Meena: obviously Meena: and I won't fill the silence with total nonsense, like Tommy: but those poems are your speciality Tommy: self proclaimed, like, but still Meena: Rude to doubt me Meena: 🥬🐢🐌👑 Tommy: Gimme one then Tommy: best shot Meena Though some at my aversion smile, I cannot love the crocodile. Its conduct does not seem to me Consistent with sincerity. Meena: 🐊💔 Tommy: He is basically a 🐍 with feet Tommy: You 🖋 that? Meena: Sadly not Meena: I'll try to write something as appropriate scathing for your brother Tommy: Or as 💔 for me, yeah? Meena: Of course Meena: what could be better to cheer you up? 😏 Tommy: as a feel good goes it's obviously unrivalled even by 🍻🎵💃🕺 Tommy: that's the level of your talent Meena: You're either that drunk or you wish you were...code red either way Meena: you could come to the restaurant though, if you actually wanted Tommy: Get ahead at waiting tables for when the West End fucks me off & over Tommy: good thinking Meena: Please Meena: your name is already in lights, I can see it Meena: 🤩 Tommy: as you said please, I'll come Meena: manners maketh the man do what you want? Meena: interesting Tommy: works on this one Tommy: how much of a man I am is up for debate, usually Meena: People are idiots Meena: and too invested in stuff that doesn't affect them whatsoever Tommy: like you said, practically a local celeb at this point Meena: still, what's going on in your tights is just not their business Tommy: that's such a you way to put that Meena: I'll choose to take that as a compliment on me having a consistent voice Meena: though the alternatives are 🤔 Tommy: take as I miss you Meena: Are you back for long? Tommy: Nah, they ain't that patriotic either Tommy: I shouldn't even be here, wouldn't have been if she wasn't coming Meena: That's shittier Tommy: maybe JC is trying to keep me humble before I get too 🤩 Meena: It's Patrick that needs to make a second coming to banish your brother 🐍🐍 Tommy: he's already done that himself Meena: Oh, that was the purpose of today then? Meena: I get it Tommy: if he had one Tommy: might have just been out of his 🧠 on whatever 💊💉🥄🚬 Tommy: or worse so 😍 over her that's all that he gives a shit about besides the above Meena: Wait Meena: he's what? Tommy: you'll hear about it soon as you get back to class, they were doing it for everyone to see Tommy: her purpose given what it did to my ma Meena: Jesus Meena: that's Meena: you're right, no words Tommy: at least he one upped Fraze, I guess Meena: does make that situation seem totally run of the mill in comparison Meena: I have heard it happens Meena: when people who are related but estranged meet Meena: it's like a thing™ Meena: not that that helps you personally, obviously Tommy: Really?! Meena: [sends articles like nerd] Tommy: fucking hell Meena: It's crazy Meena: like you know there should be some strong emotional response but you kinda get it fucked up or something Meena: I don't know, science isn't my forte Tommy: nor mine, but if anyone would get those kind of wires crossed, it would have to be him Tommy: Jesus Meena: at least he didn't have a wife and kids to leave or something like some of these people Meena: it's really sad Tommy: you didn't see her though, she's like Tommy: terrifying Meena: I don't think they have to be a hottie but it probably helps in some cases Tommy: 😂 Meena: how so though? like what was she like Tommy: Alright so if they were putting a modern twist on Frankenstein's monster for the stage she could play that, but she'd need serious anger management first Tommy: electroshock wouldn't be far off, funnily enough Meena: Okay, that does sound scary Meena: even if looks can be deceiving, is the moral my own life has hit home hard, sounds like the insides matched so Tommy: It was like if you took every teenage horror story my ma has told us, scraped off the sugarcoating and then mixed that with the worst shit Fraze has ever done when he's on one, you still wouldn't come close to the mark Meena: I know the sort you mean Meena: no matter how well Drew and Caleb think they do with protecting me, I've had plenty of people approach me asking for them, messing with me Tommy: this once I'm gutted you know what I mean then Tommy: 'cause fuck that Meena: mostly it's the former and it's stupid little kids who want some weed or pills, that's just annoying but yeah Tommy: you know boxing's footwork is dead easy, I could teach you what my dad taught me Tommy: any time you want Meena: thanks Meena: at least my height would finally work in my favour, right? Meena: better reach Tommy: bigger 🎯 too remember Tommy: you have to keep your guard up to protect that face Meena: sounds like you're saying I'm 🌚 Tommy: 😮 Tommy: that's awkward Meena: *frantically googles how to shrink head* Tommy: nah, it's awkward 'cause you grew into your head ages ago & I didn't throw you a 🥳 or anything Tommy: must of happened all of a sudden or without me realising Meena: grew into it?! Meena: so I was a bobblehead before, thanks so much 😂 Tommy: only slightly Meena: I'm only slightly 💔 then Tommy: don't be, it was endearing Tommy: you were a cute kid Meena: okay 👵 Meena: no need to patronize me Meena: my head is only literally big, not metaphorically Tommy: come on, a 🍭 is a great look Meena: Better than a pea-head Tommy: or a 🍐 head like I've got Meena: it's distinguished Meena: be gutted you don't want to be a character actor Tommy: nice save, you can teach me ⚽ when we're done with 🥊 Meena: Sounds good to me Tommy: 👍 Tommy: [show up boy cos the restaurant can't be that far from the pub surely] Meena: [have a nerdy but more chill time, Gus loves everyone he's a good egg, I say you should go to this party for the drama of it all sod it] Tommy: [agreed x 2 the restaurant would have such a nice vibe when Drew and Caleb aren't there which they obviously aren't rn and then yeah we can get more messy with it] Meena: [okay so the plan, we having a lovely time (given the circumstances tonight lol) then her boyf shows up] Tommy: [I just picture her bf being so underwhelming like no offense but he'd have to be someone that Tommy didn't clock on socials so when he realises he's like oh and then dials his campness up to 1000000 being that gay BFF stereotype which she would pick up on immediately cos that's not how he is with her except when he's hiding behind it cos things are uncomfortable between them. I just imagine him raiding Ali & Carly's makeup and wardrobe and making the gayest cocktails he can and getting Meena involved and stealing her attention] Meena: [he wouldn't be and he's also lowkey an arsehole as per her type so he wouldn't be all ❤ on her socials anyway, but all this can be a thing 'cos not seeing the gay boy as a threat and probably wants to get drunk so] Tommy: [don't beat him up Tommy you don't want her to think you're doing it for Drew and Caleb like reasons] Meena: [at least we know you two are distracted] Tommy: [thanks for also getting Carly and Ali involved in your gay antics because we all need whatever fun we can get] Meena: [until you gotta go pregnant Ali] Tommy: [lord, I hope Tommy has left by then] Meena: [lordt] Tommy: [casual 3way with your missus and the less attractive drug dealer in town] Meena: [thank god your genetics are solid underneath that mess boy] Tommy: [and we know Rio looks like Ali anyways] Meena: [you do alright out of it kids] Tommy: [it could be so much worse] Meena: [blame your dad for your insecurities grace] Tommy: [and your evil nan] Meena: [junie is just #unique like no one looking like you boy, the closest is fraze as your uncle] Tommy: [unless he looks like Caleb's dad because we don't know him] Meena: [who can say baby] Tommy: [anyway take a moment to appreciate all the Tommy and Meena dancing everyone, giving you that for free] Meena: [love that] Tommy: [soz shit bf he is a threat because their chemistry especially when they are dancing is ridiculous goodbye] Meena: [deffo gonna get mardy at that and go off to have an argument] Tommy: [are you happy now Thomas? Thought not] Meena: [awkwarddd] Tommy: [get drunker boy that'll totally make it better and not worse] Meena: [cry in the bathroom that's a mood] Tommy: [ruin your make up, oh babe] Meena: [everyone else is so wrecked you'll fit in] Tommy: [by not doing drugs you're one of the least messy] Meena: [exactly dr phil] Meena: [the next day] Meena: Have a safe flight back Tommy: Cheers, I'll probably just 💤 Meena: Can't blame you Tommy: did you get any? Meena: Yeah, I'm fine Meena: had to get up early to clean the restaurant though so not as much as I'd ideally want Tommy: had another 🌱🍏🍈🥬🌿🍐🥝🥒🌼 juice, yeah? Tommy: that's pretty patriotic, you know Tommy: better late than never, like Tommy: throw 🍊🍑🥕 in there too & you're sorted Meena: Yeah, I bet EVERYONE in this fair nation is starting a juice cleanse this AM, not having a fry-up, nah Tommy: 😏 Tommy: green eggs & ham would keep you in theme Meena: 🤢 Tommy: fair 🍳🥞🧇🥓🥐🥯🍞 then Tommy: take your pick Meena: are you gonna post it to me? Tommy: be messy if you're having 🍳 or 🥞 but saves me having to use any words Meena: Probably best to stick to non-perishables Meena: best option for us both, like Tommy: Yeah Meena: How was it, this morning Meena: before you left Tommy: how you'd expect Meena: Yeah Tommy: Bea has to leave too so Fraze's dramatics will take centre stage for a sec but Meena: Distraction is probably the best technique for right now Tommy: worked last night Meena: I bet the parties you have in London are even better Tommy: only 'cause we 🩰 ain't supposed to be partying Meena: and what's more fun than prohibition, sure Tommy: forbidden 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍌🍉🍇🍓🍈🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥝 juice is my fave, can't lie Meena: 🙄😏 Meena: enjoy Tommy: you're not supposed to give me your blessing, sucks the fun right out Tommy: forbidden, remember Meena: I'm not a teacher Tommy: yeah you are, whenever Anne needs you Meena: Okay, smartypants Meena: there's nothing I could teach YOU Tommy: not with THAT attitude Meena: 🤨 maybe next time Meena: bring your own 🩰 Tommy: & 🥊 Meena: a look Tommy: the 🩳 are too Meena: what do you wear on your top half though Meena: leotard? Tommy: lads don't usually wear anything to show off 💪 Meena: Who are you showing off to? Tommy: The other lad of course, name a sport that ain't homoerotic Meena: not when you come back here Tommy: when I come back here most of all Meena: no boys in my classes Tommy: Anne's been a letdown from the very beginning, what can I say? Tommy: you're on your own, Meeps Meena: I'll survive Tommy: I know

[lovemecharlie]

Five Months In.

Charlie's Gender Reveal x Kristina the FreakyThief finds a new love 💕

Charlie felt like she was on her period almost, but without the blood and once her belly had grown to a noticeable size, suddenly everyone in her life was an expert on pregnancy and babies, feeling the need to tell her everything they'd ever half-read or heard. Her parents had stories about her childhood for days, odd stories that only Erik wanted to hear so that he could look at her and laugh. He wanted to get slapped, Charlie had the suspicion that he got off on it especially since she'd been a bit more temperamental than usual. Her moods changed quicker than Bastion's outfits. Her clients had helpful tidbits at times, but mostly empty aww's, nosey digging questions, and general knowledge. Nothing for the swelling, constipation, or bloating. She was grateful for the consideration and well wishes, but she wished people would mind their own business in the most polite way possible while keeping their hands to themselves. They weren't at the Apollo and her stomach was not a block of wood people could rub for good luck. Anyway, that was neither here nor there, the day of her gender reveal had arrived and she was determined to have a great day. She felt energized and there was a party to prep for.

"Need help," Erik asked waltzing into the room. He never knocked, he'd always just barge in.. often not even saying anything, just staring out of the window. Sometimes she'd stand next to him and he'd hug her. Those were the times she wondered if he was really okay, though she never asked, she just stood with him. "Nope, I'm feeling pretty decent so I've got this," Charlie smiled casually lifting from the bed to take her shower. Erik walked to her west facing floor to ceiling window. Nearly all of her walls were replaced with windows tinted from the outside. Thick glass stretched horizontally across the room, giving a magnificent sky view, property view, and beyond. He could see everything from her windows, the perfect high perch.

"You know this used to be my office before we met? I used to come in here to think when life, Wakanda, the center, Hennessy, Angéle, Kimora, and that damn Davita," he smirked, "..would get to be too much." He paused looking out and Charlie made her way to his side to stare out as well. "Sometimes they would really raise a nigga blood pressure to the point where I could either snap and do something terrible that I'd regret or I could walk away. It's like the same decision has been presented to me over and over again my whole life and because of the love implanted in me by my father, I've been forced to face these situations head on. Because I loved my wives, I couldn't hurt them like I'd hurt someone else. I'd lock myself in this room and look out these windows reminding myself of why I chose this road. Why I ain't give up in Wakanda? Why do I still push for these folk who act like they don't give a damn when I do it for them? Why I let myself fall in love?"

Charlie simply listened as Erik was transported back in time through his thoughts.

"I want you to know that no matter what happens in this house, you're special to me like this room is special to me. I'm safe with you. Don't think I don't appreciate it and all the times you spent right here with me while I was going through it."

Wordless, Charlie wrapped her arms around his waist, her head against his bare chest. He smelled good.. clean and fresh like rain. His fingers absentmindedly played in her curls as they stood there in silence.

"Can I be your safe place," he asked suddenly, catching Charlie off guard and causing her to realize that other than prayer.. she didn't really have one. She didn't trust anyone enough to be that vulnerable. Did she even trust Erik? She had to think about it. No, she didn't, but if she was going to stay with him, she needed to start. There was a long silence, since she refused to give him a yes that she did not mean and he was patient as he said he'd be.

"..Yes," she finally whispered into his raised skin answering the spoken and unspoken questions between the two of them. On her return to the household, she'd promised she'd try to make the marriage work and this was taking a giant step in the right direction. She hoped she wouldn't regret it.

The shower was exactly what her body needed and when she emerged towel-wrapped and hair wet, Erik was still there at her window. She approached and he did a double take, taking in the wet curls draping over her shoulders and her glistening skin. As if forgetting the thoughts he'd been tangled in, he tilted her head back kissing her on the forehead and lips before halting her with his hands in the air. "Wait here, I'll be right back," he stressed before jogging off. When he returned a minute or so later, she was sitting on the bed, waiting. He held out a garment bag and what he unveiled was a jumpsuit. An iridescent champagne colored jumpsuit with a long bejeweled train glowing from the waist. It was beautiful.

"This is for me?" Charlie leaped inspecting the garment. It was precisely her style.

"Try it on," Erik grinned full of pride, helping her into it. It was a perfect tapered and comfortable fit with space for her growing belly. She looked in the mirror, her smile wide as he stood behind her adding a chunky diamond choker set in more diamonds in rose gold. "Don't worry," he rushed watching her expression, "I'll return it if you don't wanna keep it, but for today let me ice you out. Then you can trade it for a mountain of haircare products or whatever it is you splurge on."

She laughed. She splurged on gifts. The Kompound was bougie and fancy as hell. Diamond this and that, cars on cars.. She couldn't buy them Calvin Klein. Calvin Klein??? She'd be shot! No, she saved her coins and splurged on holidays so that she could afford the big brands.

"I'm a spoil my lil monster when she comes. She finna be the iciest baby all because her mama wanna be plain."

"You can spoil our SON however you wanna spoil our SON, HE's our SON," Charlie grinned.

"Like I said, my PRINCESS will get the south pole around her neck."

"Poor polar bears," Charlie chuckled admiring her sparkling reflection. She needed to beat her face and throw on some heels, although her feet were swollen. She wondered if she could jam them into some heels.

"Just wear flats," he chuckled dropping some sparkly flat shoes near her feet.

"I want heels. This look needs heels!" Her hands posed on her hips, she was feeling herself, standing on her toes.

"As clumsy as you are without them? I don't need a reason to worry. Angel's pregnancy stressing me enough."

"How are you holding up?"

He looked at her like he had just run a marathon and was out of breath, shaking his head.

"Damn," she grimaced. "It'll be worth it. Once the twins get here and she's given birth, she will heal and you will too. You'll be able to show her all the love you've been afraid to and the twins will help you."

"I'm scared, Charlie. I need her around. I don't know what I'll do if... I can't.. I can't do this shit without her-"

"I know. She'll be okay," Charlie smiled holding his chin in her hand, "She will!!! You'll be okay. You'll look back on all of this and it'll be another segment of your crazy life that you've fought through. You're Killmonger! If anyone can make it through this rough stage, it's you. Positive thoughts. In fact, let's go see Angel right now."

---

The time had come and Charlie's face was finally beat, her hair twisted with added hair in a long ponytail. She felt like a badass intergalactic fairy. Erik wore white, his vest accented with the same champagne iridescent material. The wives, Kristina, and Davita wore variations from the same color family from champagne to white to silver to lavender.. as did the extended family for the most part. Diamonds dangled all over and everyone was beautiful. The event was in the massive backyard near the lush garden where the large gazebo stood overgrown and taken over by flowers. The DJ mixed oldies like Frankie Beverly and Earth Wind & Fire with new music from the likes of Sango, H.E.R, Khalid, MNEK, etc. There was even a sprinkling of some lit gospel, something for everybody. People drank, laughed, danced, and feasted on a spread produced by the mansion's kitchen staff. Of course, Josphine and Kristina had to contribute a few gems like cobblers and pies because they had a specific way of making them that couldn't be duplicated.

When the games came, the guests got even louder and Charlie was grateful that Erik owned so much land, the neighbors were far away. "It's a boy, her stomach is low!" "She a little fatter in the middle, it's a girl." "It's gotta be a boy!" "No, the baby's too high, she's a girl!" Charlie earhustled as the loud debates went on and Erik being the hustler that he was took bets causing Charlie to roll her eyes. Nakia insisted that the baby was a girl siding with Erik while T'Challa refused to comment. Nakia's sideeye kept him from disagreeing. The wives refrained from comment too, already aware of the baby's gender since they'd set up the reveal.

"Travante!" Charlie yelled, waving excitedly when she noticed the chocolate man appear in white and silver, his smile the whitest of all.

Erik's brow raised as he watched the exchange from a short distance away, his ears listening hard as he watched her lips trying to read them. He decided to trust that Charlie knew what she was doing while he socialized, but he still stayed close.

"I'm glad you could make it," Charlie grinned giving Tre a loving side hug and dragging him to meet the other wives. "Y'all this is THE Trevante. Trevante, this is Hennessy, Kimora, her sister Davita, Bastion.."

"I've seen you before," he pointed to her and she grinned, swishing her dress, flattered.

"This is Aly'Sha, Ryley, Angel.."

"Wow! I've heard about you. I'm glad you're doing better.. and you look stunning. You strong as hell," he gaped and Angel's warm smile made him smile.

"Aight nigga," Erik spoke in warning stepping back to Angel's side in her tricked out Chanel inspired black and gold wheelchair. He was being extremely patient and Charlie was proud, giving his hand a squeeze as she smiled at Tre. Tre nodded, calm and understanding.

"And this is Josephine, Homie, and where is... oh there she is!" Charlie grinned. Over by the dessert table was Kristina making sure everything remained presentable and attractive. She wore a champagne sequined one- shoulder dress that fit her like a second skin, her cleavage sparkling and her full and flowing. "Kristina," Charlie yelled waving her over. The second she spotted Trevante, her eyes focused in on his face and she swallowed.

"This is our little bee, Kristina. Little bee, meet Trevante," Charlie gestured. Kristina's face flushed and Trevante grinned. It was an instant connection that Charlie felt. She could see the chemistry creating bonds on their eyes. It made her feel like playing Cupid.

"Aow SHIT," Charlie yelled dropping her glass of sparkling cider. It shattered and Erik pulled her away quickly from the glass. As he was about to bend to pick it up, she gripped him hard pausing him. "Tre, would you mind going to find a staff member to clean this up? Check in the house. Kristina, could you escort him so that he knows where to go? I'm so clumsy, wow. I can't believe I did that.. Sheesh!"

Watching the two walk away toward the house, Charlie saw the visual herself and Erik in the early stages and it made her smile.

"Okay, Cupid," Erik grinned, "I see you."

"See what happens when you trust me," she mused.

As the festivities continued, the moment everyone had been waiting for finally came. Charlie was so anxious with excited energy that Erik had to rub her arms and he was just as antsy. "Are you excited, are you excited, are you excited?" Charlie bounced.

"AHH," good his eyes widened before he shook his head laughing out the excess energy.

"Look at you, you shook boy," Hennessy teased. "We already know the gender, it's fun watching you sweat," Ryley laughed enjoying the flustered Erik. He put up a playful middle finger, pacing and Charlie could see him taking deep breaths. "As long as it's healthy," she mouthed and he nodded picking up the bedazzled handgun and aiming it at the target set up free and clear in the distance, a large white balloon with 'Charlie & Erik' written on it in black script. She picked up the identical gun laid out for her and aimed it at the large black balloon with the same writing in white.

"You ready, C?"

Charlie made sure her aim was on point. "Let's go get'em!"

The guns fired simultaneously and both balloons popped flaring into two pink explosions. Erik dropped the gun, not knowing what to do with himself as his arms swung across his body.

"TOLD YO ASS," he grinned with an aggressive index pointing, eyes wet. Charlie wiped his eyes nodding. She was speechless, her own eyes wide in shock. She really thought it was a boy, but she was happy regardless. Nakia could be heard in the crowd telling M'Baku to pay up and all of the wives congratulated the happy couple one at a time followed by the party-goers, some of them very drunk. It was a perfect moment.

"Daka," Charlie whispered in Erik's ear with a humored expression once they caught a break, "Where did the little bee and Trevante go? Did they ever come back?" Erik grinned rubbing his beard and shaking his head before looking to the house. They'd been MIA for a while.

@poosypoosy @bastioncarterstevens-udaku @hennessystevens-udaku @itsangeludaku @alyshastevens-udaku @itskimorafireudaku @allhailnjadaka @bidibidibombaclaat @blackpinup22 @destinio1 @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @leahnicole1219 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark @trevantesbrat

[antheminmyheart]

a circus ain't a love story (Barlyle)

I know that, obviously, cars did not exist in the time period the film takes place in. I tried to think of ways to modernize the fic, but couldn't think of anything that I liked. I still wanted to use Getaway Car by Taylor Swift, though — the inspiration struck me after realizing just how Barlyle-esque the song sounds. So, in the case of this fic, the "getaway car" is more of a metaphor than anything! And, of course, I DO NOT own the song or the lyrics, have no association with Taylor Swift, and am not making money in any way using this little oneshot.

Nothing in this oneshot is *too* graphic, but I put an M rating just in case

---

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It all seemed too good to be true. When P.T. Barnum first approached him about joining his circus, Phillip viewed the man's promises as an opportunity to finally escape his parents' iron-clad clutches. After Barnum promised him 10% in all profits earned by the circus, he jumped at the chance to leave his old, stale playwriting life behind.

He didn't realize, then, that when you jump, you're bound to fall.

And when you fall, you break.

He was the best of times, the worst of crimes

I struck a match and blew your mind

But I didn't mean it

And you didn't see it

Phillip always admired the ringmaster's energy, but sometimes the man was too spontaneous for his own good. They got along well until Barnum insisted on leaving to tour with Jenny Lind — a woman who, really, caused much more trouble than she was worth. Their fights leading up to Barnum's departure were too loud, too passionate, and always left Phillip feeling terribly confused. Barnum would storm away in a huff, leaving Phillip to wonder — was this all a game? Had Barnum only used him, used him for his wealth and to get close to Jenny Lind — a woman that he didn't even know?

When Barnum left, Phillip still couldn't clear his mind of his troubling, thunderous thoughts.

But it was after the fire when things really changed.

The ties were black, the lies were white

And shades of grey in candlelight

I wanted to leave him

I needed a reason

It seemed only minutes after the fire that Phillip was released from the hospital and found himself in a confusing, terrifying affair with P.T. Barn — er, Phineas. After Charity and the girls left him, upon hearing the news of his affair with Jenny Lind, it was Phillip that Phineas turned to in a sudden moment of need. Phillip accepted his kisses and affection willingly enough at first, but the man had many troubles — too many, Phillip found, to possibly handle — and Phillip quickly went from being excited for their nights together to being downright wary and hesitant.

Phillip moaned for Phineas, led Phineas to believe that he was who Phillip lusted for, but after the first few couplings, he felt nothing but... detachment. Though he laid willingly with Phineas, he allowed his mind to wander and, on the inside, his heart ached as the older man moaned with release above him. He was left aching (Phineas worked himself up to be so frustrated that he was rarely gentle) and empty afterwards, the furthest from content he could be without being downright forced, as the older man rolled over with a sigh beside him and quickly fell asleep. He never complained when he found that Phillip had gotten up and left the bedroom in the morning — either he didn't remember falling asleep together, or he just didn't care. And, even though Phillip felt no real want for the man, that hurt him more than he'd ever care to let Phineas know.

X marks the spot, where we fell apart

He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself

I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed

We never had a shotgun shot in the dark

If Phineas ever questioned their "relationship" (whatever it could be called), he didn't let on about it. Phillip didn't need convincing that he admired the man — that's what the feeling was, admiration — but he had been a fool to think he could feel anything more for the ringmaster. He was grateful to Phineas for getting him out of a hellish situation — he certainly did not miss his mundane plays or his father's regular beatings — but he'd go mad if he had to fake his way through a romantic or sexual relationship with Phineas any longer. He was almost tempted to tell Phineas that he was lying with one of the other circus acts just to get the man off his back. But, knowing Phineas, he'd surely check with said circus act, and then—

How'd he even end up in this mess in the first place?

He couldn't remember anymore.

You were drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

Sometimes, Phillip would read about his parents in the newspaper. Reading about his father, who had officially 'cut all ties' with him, left a deep, aching wound in his chest. It was because of his father that he ended up at the bar every night, eventually leading to his first meeting with Phineas.

So, really, it was his father that Phillip could thank. Meeting with Phineas had been the perfect getaway, the key to his new life – or so he'd thought.

In retrospect, it probably wasn't a great idea to make business deals when you were near-stumbling drunk and could be easily persuaded by a singing man wearing a top hat.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

It was in a newspaper clipping where Phillip found out about his father's passing. All his breath whooshed from his body and he set the newspaper down on the table before resting his head in his arms.

He didn't realize Phineas was in the room until he heard the deep, rumbling voice ask him if he was all right.

He said he was, but he didn't lift his head from the table.

A firm, strong hand came down to rest on his shoulder and he turned his head to peek at Phineas. The man promised that he'd make it up to Phillip that night, he'd make sure that Phillip forgot all about his father, but they couldn't do anything about it right now. They had a show to run, after all, and they needed to hurry if they didn't want to be late.

Phillip started to get up, started to go for his coat and top hat, but then he paused. He turned to Phineas.

Actually, he said, I think I'll go to the bar tonight.

Phineas stopped, paused as if considering Phillip's words, then slowly nodded. He asked if he should come along.

Phillip said no.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

Going to the bar wasn't the best idea, but Phillip needed to get away. So, he found himself drawn back to the place where it had all began.

He quickly lost track of how many drinks he'd consumed, but thankfully the bartender didn't ask questions. When somebody came through the front doors, his grip on his glass tightened and he looked back at the entry with bleary eyes. For a heart-stopping moment, he thought it was Phineas.

No, not Phineas. Just an older-looking man with salt and pepper hair.

He tried to relax, but try as he might his shoulders remained tense and he sat perched on the barstool as if ready to bolt at any moment. The bartender asked if he was all right.

Another, he demanded.

This time, the bartender hesitated.

I'm paying you, aren't I? Another!

He said a silent thanks when the bartender finally took his glass and filled it. The cool glass between his fingers was a blessing and he didn't hesitate before tipping the drink back and downing it in one gulp.

He got sick before the alcohol had the chance to settle in his stomach.

He didn't remember falling off of the barstool.

It was the great escape, the prison break

The light of freedom on my face

But you weren't thinkin'

And I was just drinkin'

He woke up to a pounding headache and a red-faced Phineas.

What were you thinking?! Phineas demanded.

Phillip groaned and rolled onto his stomach. He was lying in a bed. Their bed? Phineas's bed?

He didn't know anymore.

As Phineas proceeded to demand why he felt the need to get so drunk, Phillip drifted back into himself. He had a skull-splitting headache, but even that was forgotten as he drifted away, away from that room, and away from the circus.

Are you crying? Phineas asked.

With a jolt, Phillip realized that there were, in fact, tears on his face. He lifted his hand and had just looked down to study his wet fingers when he felt Phineas's weight settle next to him on the bed.

Phillip, if there's anything you need to get off your chest—

I can't, he said, looking up.

Phineas paused. Frowned. Waited in silence for Phillip to continue.

I – I... nevermind.

Phillip got up. Swayed a little, dizzy with a hangover, but ignored it and managed to stumble his way out of the bedroom. He had no idea what time it was, if they had a performance coming up, but he didn't care.

All he cared about was getting out of there.

Wait! Phineas called. Where are you going?

I'll see you at the circus.

While he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "go, go, go!"

But with three of us, honey, it's a side show

And a circus ain't a love story

And now we're both sorry (we're both sorry)

Phillip beat Phineas to the circus. Truth be told, he was very surprised that Phineas didn't try to follow him, but he was also relieved. He knew that he would need to deal with Phineas eventually, but to have even the shortest of breaks was a relief.

He sat on a bale of hay talking with Anne Wheeler, and felt a terrible guilt that started by twisting its way through his stomach and crawling up toward his brain. Anne was beautiful, talented, funny, and smart — everything, he'd thought for years, that he had looked for in a potential bride, before he found himself swept up in the most confusing relationship of his life with a man who had dug his own grave by kissing Jenny Lind. Somehow, he had dragged Phillip down with him.

If the affair with Phineas never started, Phillip wondered, would he have found comfort in the arms of Anne Wheeler?

She was so beautiful as she sat there, smiling and laughing with him. He didn't even know what they were talking about, he was so distracted by—

No. He couldn't think like that.

Even if he did manage to leave Phineas, that meant leaning the circus. He couldn't take Anne away from a world she loved so much.

He planned to leave, and he had already gotten attached to the circus itself. That was hard enough. He couldn't get attached to Anne, too. Hadn't he learned his lesson with Phineas?

The circus was no place for a love story.

X marks the spot, where we fell apart

He poisoned the well, every man for himself

I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed

It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart

When Phillip finally worked up the courage to tell Phineas that he never felt the... whatever it was supposed to be, between them, it had gone about just as badly as he'd expected.

Phineas stumbled back, as if shot, and stared at Phillip with wide, wild eyes.

What do you mean? Aren't I enough for you?

Phillip watched him, gulped, tried to force words out of his mouth. The anger melted away from Phineas quickly, like snow melting on the first day of spring, and he stumbled back into his armchair with his head in his hands.

Weeping.

Phillip stared. Horrified.

He couldn't do this.

I'm sorry, he whispered.

Phineas looked up. He looked like a child peeking out at Phillip from between his fingers.

Don't leave me, Phineas begged. Don't go.

Silence.

I'll be better. I promise. Please.

Phillip stared. Gulped. Tears gathered in his eyes.

Phineas stared at him, looking miserable.

Phillip's hands shook.

Okay, he whispered.

Okay?

I'll stay.

You were drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

That night, Phineas tried to be better. He tried to give Phillip what he wanted, tried to give more than receive.

It didn't work. Try as he might, Phillip found himself detaching again. Phineas's actions built up a release waiting to uncoil in the pit of his stomach, but Phillip's mind wandered.

He thought of Anne, but quickly shooed her face away.

He thought of the bar. Oh God, the bar — he should hate that place for what it had done to his life, but he found himself longing for it. He longed for a time when he didn't know Phineas Barnum's face from the average Joe next door.

When he cried, Phineas thought it was because of his performance. Letting out a slight, contented grunt, Phineas kissed Phillip's forehead after they'd finished before rolling off of him.

That night was the first night that Phineas pulled Phillip close as he drifted off to sleep. But Phillip stayed awake, wide awake and unmoving, staring at the blank, black wall.

Phineas's arms felt like chains around his torso.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

Why him?

That was one of the many things that Phillip couldn't figure out.

Why had Phineas selected him to help run the circus, to become close with, to lie with? He supposed that he could understand Phineas from a business aspect — his family's money certainly helped, and even after he died Mr. Carlyle had left him a (very) small amount — but he couldn't understand what had happened to lead Phineas to Phillip in a more... physical way.

The man loved women, did he not? He had been married to Charity for years, and only split because he'd been kissing another woman. Not a man.

So. Why. Him?

Phillip was too afraid to ask.

He'd been too afraid to leave him, had been worked down by Phineas's vulnerability, but he had to leave. He had to.

He'd find a way.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

He was a fool.

He was a fool to take that business offer.

He was a fool to associate with P.T. Barnum in the first place.

He'd been blinded by the chance to leave his old life behind.

He didn't think to stop and ponder the consequences.

But even then — how could he have predicted this?

Never in a million years would he have thought himself to be in this situation.

He was suffocating.

Nothing good had come out of this.

Nothing at all.

Phillip closed his eyes.

Blocked out the deep, shuddering gasps from the man above him.

And drifted.

We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde

Until I switched to the other side

To the other si-i-i-i-ide

It's no surprise I turned you in

'Cause us traitors never win

It didn't used to be all bad. Before the fire, and before Jenny Lind, Phillip highly respected Phineas Barnum. The two got along incredibly until their arguments over the tour with Jenny took over all their time together.

Before then, working with Phineas was the most fun Phillip had ever experienced in all his life. They made an incredible duo and were often complimented over their abilities to make the circus a breathtaking experience no matter how often a person went. Phillip believed that crossing over to "the other side" was the best decision he'd ever made.

Oh, how quickly that had changed.

He had a plan now, at least. He had money, he had resources. All he had to do was slip away from Phineas... and leave his circus family behind.

He couldn't think about how difficult that part was going to be, though. He was so close. He could taste freedom on the tip of his tongue, could feel it coursing through his veins. This time, he really couldn't wait anymore.

The next stage of his plan was risky, and terrifying. He waited for a moment when he and Phineas were alone, when Phineas was actually in a rational mindset and not attempting to paw away his clothes.

It was now or never.

Phineas, I was wondering.

Hmm?

Would you like to leave the city with me? Just for the weekend — Lettie can take over the shows.

Phineas stared at him and he held his breath. The ringmaster blinked once. Twice.

Away? With you?

Yes.

Alone?

Yes.

Phineas smiled and visibly relaxed, sinking low into his chair. His smile was soft, his eyes warm. For a moment, staring at Phineas in this state, Phillip thought... maybe I could really love him.

No, he shook his head. No, I couldn't.

Phineas hadn't said anything so Phillip chewed on his lower lip. Well? he asked.

Phineas's eyes sparkled.

I'll fetch us a carriage.

I'm in a getaway car

I left you in a motel bar

Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys

That was the last time you ever saw me

They had booked two rooms, telling the hotel staff that they were there on a 'business meeting,' but Phineas snuck into Phillip's room that night, still incredibly drunk from fooling around at the bar earlier in the evening. Phillip, for once, forced himself to remain totally sober as he watched his former friend and business partner drown himself in alcohol.

When Phineas stumbled into Phillip's room, it was a wonder how he didn't manage to wake up everyone in the motel. Phillip shushed him only with promises of sex, which, of course, flustered Phineas and shut him up near immediately.

Just one more night, Phillip told himself as the tears rolled down his cheeks and wettened his ears. Just one more night and then it's over, you never have to lie with him again.

After Phineas fell asleep, satisfied and drunk, Phillip crawled out of bed and stood on trembling legs. He dressed, grabbed the money, and, with one last look back at Phineas Taylor Barnum, left the room, silent but for the slight 'click' of the door as it closed behind him.

Phillip Carlyle did not look back as he freed one of the horses from the carriage and left the motel behind in the night.

Drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

The ride was rough, Phillip hadn't ridden a horse in years and certainly wasn't used to horse riding in the dark, but they managed to find another motel in the next town or two over.

Phillip tied up the horse, checked in (it was quite late, but the staff managed to be persuaded with more profit than they'd seen in a week), and crashed as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He dreamt of Phineas that night.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

He woke with a start, but relief flooded his body once he remembered where he was. His body was sore with the after effects of sex and horse riding, but it was also slack with relief.

He was finally free.

Sighing, he got out of bed and dressed. Nobody in the main lobby questioned why he was there — he supposed word hadn't gotten out yet of his leaving the circus — but he made quick business of eating breakfast and checking out.

Now that he had no more obligations to Phineas, the circus, or his parents, Phillip Carlyle was, for the first time in his life, free to do whatever he desired. He had the entire world at his fingertips.

He was thankful to P.T. Barnum and the circus troupe for getting him out of a lifestyle he had no business living, but Phillip realized that that was all they could ever do for him.

Soon, Phineas would become nothing but a distant memory.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It was in a theatre, some months later, when Phillip caught sight of Phineas Taylor Barnum for the first time since his departure. The lights in the theatre were low, the show was about to begin, but Phillip gasped and ducked his head, careful not to let the other man spot him.

Phineas looked like... he'd seen better days. He sat slouched in his seat and kept his head low, avoiding eye contact with those around him. It was the only time Phillip had ever seen Phineas not trying to be the center of attention.

The ringmaster shifted and turned in his seat, and Phillip quickly looked away. After a moment, he attempted to peek at the man from the corner of his eye, but voices erupting from the stage caught his attention instead and he faced forward.

The show was about to begin.

I was ridin' in a getaway car

I was cryin' in a getaway car

I was dyin' in a getaway car

Said goodbye in a getaway car

Phillip tried to sneak out of the theatre earlier, as not to be caught, but was caught up when an actor he knew — a man who'd played lead in one of Phillip's own plays, in fact — spotted him in the hall and stopped to chat. Apparently, he'd been cast as understudy for the male lead, but his use in the play hadn't been needed.

By the time the actor let him go, Phillip was swept up in a sea of people leaving the theatre. He tried to get out, tried to push forward, when—

Phillip?

The stranger's familiar voice pierced his ears and Phillip cringed as he turned around, not quite ready to make eye contact with Phineas Taylor Barnum.

Phineas, Phillip spoke, head bowed.

Phillip — can we talk?

Phillip looked up into those eyes — empty, hollow — for the first time in months, and gulped. He glanced around the still-crowded halls and, though nobody seemed to be paying them any mind, he felt his face redden with nerves.

All right, I suppose, but—

I know somewhere private we can go.

Phillip was surprised. Did Phineas just happen to hang around this particular theatre often?

Still, perhaps against his better judgment, he agreed to go with the crestfallen ringmaster.

Ridin' in a getaway car

I was cryin' in a getaway car

I was dyin' in a getaway car

Said goodbye in a getaway car

What the hell!

Phillip spluttered as he pushed back against Phineas's broad chest, gasping once Phineas's mouth left his. The ringmaster had taken them to an empty room where the theatre stored some of its smaller props. The lock on the door was broken and they'd been able to get inside easily enough.

Phillip had been a fool to think that 'talk' was all Phineas wanted to do.

Phineas... Phillip took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Tears wettened his eyelashes, but he refused to cry in front of the older man. When he opened his eyes again, Phineas wouldn't meet his gaze. I don't... want this... anymore.

Phil—

I thank you, Phillip cut in, and I appreciate all that you did to get me away from my suffocating life in the upper-class. But I can't do this, Phineas. I don't... desire you... in that way, anymore.

But you once did.

Phillip said nothing. He couldn't... because it was true.

What did I do? What can I do to make things good between us again?

Were things ever really good between us, Mr. Barnum?

Phineas flinched at the name, but said nothing.

You used me. I thought, maybe, that I could... learn to love you, or at least lust for you. But, Phin — you used me after you turned your own love life to shambles.

Phineas backed up. He stood against the wall, lips pressed together in a thin line. There was no trace of the extravagant ringmaster Phillip had once known.

Phillip sighed. Took a step forward, causing Phineas to look up hopefully. But, Phillip only reached up to trace Phineas's cheek and shake his head.

It's time for me to move on.

Phillip, please—

Phillip went for the door, opening it a crack before glancing back at the man over his shoulder.

Goodbye, Phineas.

Said goodbye in a getaway car

---

So, that was weird and impulsive and just... what? Lol, but it was my first 'songfic' and I hope you guys liked it! The writing style was fun and different for me to try, too — especially the dialogue, which was highly inspired by the novel The Road by Cormac McCarthy

[kairi-lansley]

I want to tell you all a true story. None of this is fabricated or exaggerated. I'm not going to give every single detail because this will already be a long post. I want to tell you a true story about the love of my life:

When you're a hitch-hiker, life is completely different from how normal people live it. You learn to live and survive completely off of the kindness of strangers and have to roll with whatever the universe decides to throw at you that day. Everything can change, you're life could be in danger if you make a bad decision.

By the time I'd reached Taos, NM my money was completely spent. I was out of real food and the only thing I had to eat for three days were some homemade pot cookies that I had been rationing because I needed SOMETHING to eat. I had been sitting out on the sidewalk next to a Walmart flying a sign so I could get enough change to buy myself something substantial to eat.

While I was sitting there with a cardboard sign that said "Spare some change to fuel my rocket ship" (it was my favorite sign and people typically threw me whatever they could because they found it amusing) a guy about my age walked over to me. He introduced himself as "Tex." His hair was blond and shaved down into a military style cut, his eyes were the same green-blue as mine, and he was about 5'11. He asked if I was a traveler. I told him I was and he explained to me that he was as well and that he was on his way to The National Rainbow Gathering. That was my destination as well. He asked how long I'd been in Taos to which I replied I'd only just arrived that day.

By this time I'd made enough change to walk over to McDonald's and grab myself a couple cheeseburgers so he offered to walk with me. We talked about our travels, he was here from Austin, TX, this was his first time hitch-hiking too, his dad had passed away from cancer and when that happened he decided to hit the road and find himself. We ate lunch together. I told him my story. How I had been horribly depressed and living alone in my own apartment when a couple of my friends had showed up from Iowa to ask if I wanted to travel. Little did they know I was about to overdose and had everything set up to do so. Part way through our journey we decided to split up and race to the Gathering.

"So you're alone then?" he asked, wolfing down his large fries.

"Yeah," I replied. "Aren't we all though?"

There was something in that moment when he looked at me. A kind of quiet stillness. He saw through the facade of a joke I'd made. He saw I wasn't just talking about traveling and he saw that I was terribly, agonizingly alone I was. Either that or I'm just projecting because it was exactly what I saw in him too. We made an agreement that moment, not with words, there were none, just silence. We would travel the rest of the way to the gathering together.

After our lunch he asked if I'd like to walk around town with him. Taos is a beautiful little town. To the east there were mountains and to the west nothing but desert and mesa. We'd spent the whole day just walking around, looking at all the little touristy shops. Joking, laughing, at one point we flew a sign together to get some dinner and ate it picnic style in the middle of Taos Plaza where there was a free jazz show being played. While we were sitting there a man came over to us. He introduced himself to us and asked if we had been flying a sign outside of Walmart. I told him we had and then he asked where we were staying.

"We haven't actually figured that out yet. Probably in a park." Tex told the man.

The guys smiled, "Not tonight you're not. I'm staying over at the Sun God Inn for the next two weeks while I'm here on business and I have a spare bed. If you two need a place to rest your head later you can come down."

Tex and I thanked this stranger profusely and he told us what room he was in. He sat with us a bit longer before deciding he'd had enough of the free concert and wanted to go back to his room.

"You two enjoy your evening and just come knocking when you need."

After the man left, Tex and I stayed listening to the music. The sun had started to set and I remember thinking that New Mexico sunsets were far more beautiful than any other place I'd been. Tex stood up and shyly smiled then asked, "So I know you're not really a girl.... and that's okay with me.... and I'm Bisexual.... and I ain't that good at this sort of thing.... but would you maybe like to dance with me?"

My heart stopped. I was a little wounded about the "not really a girl" but it didn't matter because he meant well. I recall looking up at him and saying "I only know how to dance like a stripper." He laughed. With a gloved hand he took mine, pulled me to me feet, then insisted that I dance with him. I protested a bit giving him a million reasons why I can't dance before he said "Who cares? None of these people are going to see us again." He was right.

We spent maybe half an hour slow dancing in the plaza, under the burnt orange sky of the setting sun. I remember thinking this was the most incredible thing that's ever happened. He was so cute, definitely dirty but then again so was I since it'd been at least a week since my last shower. It didn't matter. I was happy, and his eyes were the most beautiful eye's I'd ever seen. The whole day had been amazing.

After the music stopped he asked if I was tired yet. I told him I wasn't so he asked if I wanted to go sit in the park. I remembered that I'd had a few more o those pot cookies left over so I suggested we could go down to Kit Carson Memorial Park and eat them. That's what we ended up doing. It was there on a picnic table under the stars where we were talking and stoned out of our minds when he grabbed my hand then very slowly leaned in and gave me our first kiss. To this day, no other kiss could ever compare.

After making out in the park for a bit we decided to go and sleep at the Inn the man had told us he was at. When we got there we knocked on the door. He was pretty drunk and welcomed us warmly. We stayed up for a while talking to him, telling the man about our travels, where we were going, talking about our lives, until he eventually decided to go to sleep. He gave us the remote and told us we could shower. So I showered first (it'd been so long I forgot how good they felt) and then Tex took one after me. I was laying under the covers flipping through channels while our host was sleeping in the other bed.

When Tex got out of the shower wearing just his boxer-briefs I stared at him in silent adoration. Shit, I was really developing some incredibly strong feelings for this guy. There wasn't a single thing about him I could find off putting or unattractive. That night he fell asleep holding me with his face in my hair.

When we woke up the next morning, our host had gone out and left us some coffee and donuts before he went wherever he had to go. There was also a note that said "Feel free to stay however long you need. There are some mushrooms in the nightstand. Be back later. Enjoy! ;)"

A lot of that day in the room was a blur but there were a few notable moments that I still recall. For instance while we were tripping I was laying on the bed holding hands with him and it felt like our life forces were melding, merging, our souls were one, we were one, and he told me this was how it was always supposed to be. Us against the world. I remember giggling when the Native American Shaman in the ceiling agreed with us. I remember giggling when we shut off the lights then removed the lamp shades from the lamps then placed them on our heads, playing some weird version of peek-a-boo. Finally, as we were coming down we held eachother and he said "Did you know I've loved you my entire life?" and I replied "Yes, because I've loved you my entire life."

Our host returned later that night, he was drunk again and we'd spent the day cuddling and talking in bed. Our host said something before he passed out that unnerved me a little but I brushed it off as just flattery, he said "You're a lucky man Tex. You're girlfriend is one hell of a catch." He then went on to tell us we were welcome to stay however long he needed.

The next day we woke up and decided to wander town. There's so many details I'm leaving out, but that's okay, I can't forget any of it. We were in love with eachother's souls that's all that matters right? At one point that day after we had spanged up enough money to eat lunch we were walking through town when we came across a bicycle at the park sitting unchained.

"You wanna borrow that?" Tex asked.

"Borrow? What do you mean? You mean steal it?" I asked nervously.

"No not steal! We're just going to borrow it then we'll bring it back."

Before I could say no he hopped on the bike and had me sit on the handle bars. It was terrifying yet exhilarating at the same time. We rode around town on the bike for a couple hours before my anxiety took over and I told him we needed to return the bike. So we did, and I was high on being a bad criminal that returns their stolen goods. No harm no foul. Again we slept at the motel, but that night our host busted out a guitar and played us classic rock songs while we sang along.

The next day Tex woke me up and said, "Hey I'm going to go down to Walmart and fly a sign. I'll be back in a few hours if that's okay." Our host had given us a key card to the room. I said that was alright and that I was just going to just hang out in the room because it was so hot outside. He kissed me, told me he loved me, and left.

About an hour later our host returned unexpectedly. He was drunk. More drunk than I'd seen him previously. I don't wanna go to into detail about what happened next but he said again "That boyfriend of yours is one lucky man" and then started to force himself on me. I was terrified, this man was bigger than me, stronger than me, and I was in such a state of shock that all I could do to fight back was to scream at him. Tex came back while this was all happening. I've never seen anyone get the shit beat out of them like that in my life, but Tex ripped the man off of me and kicked his ass. I was still shaken and he instructed me to grab my backpack. Our host was sitting bloodied and beaten against a wall and I watched as Tex grabbed his wallet, pulled out a hundred dollar bill, then threw the wallet at the man.

We left the room. I was still shaking and Tex did everything he could to calm me down, making sure I was alright, asking me if I needed anything, and kept repeating "I love you, I'm sorry, I love you." We made our way down the main strip and used the hundred dollar bill to get us a room in a different hotel for the night. We agreed that our time in Taos was over and that tomorrow we would head out of town for The Rainbow Gathering. We spent the night together, him consoling me after I had bandaged up his knuckles. We made love that night. He asked me if I'd marry him. I said yes. He said we'd do it tomorrow.

The next morning we caught a ride out of Taos and had our ride drop us off at the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge on U.S. Highway 68. We stood over the gorge hand in hand. There were other tourists on the bridge but we payed no notice to them. He turned to me after we stood in silence together and we had a mock ceremony. We made up vows on the spot, and we each other's hands with a knife then allowed our blood to mix and fall to the gorge below stating that blood is bond. We were happy.

After our little private ceremony we caught a ride west with a couple of guys who had been going by the bridge. They drove us all the way out to this crossroads outside of Tres Piedras. It had started to rain so we took shelter in a rusted car that was filled with trash sitting next to an abandoned gas station. It wasn't the ideal honeymoon spot but we were happy regardless. We spent the day in the car, we ate some dry ramen blocks, and finished the rest of my pot cookies. We were entirely happy.

The next day we woke up in the car and there was a Winnebago parked across the street with a woman sitting at a table outside of it. I decided to see what was going on so I got out of the car with no shoes on and started to walk over. I mis-stepped and stubbed my big toe, ripping all but a couple layers of flesh off of it. It was absolutely excruciating. I hobbled my way over to the woman who looked to be in her mid-forties. She was incredibly rude and very stuck up. I asked if she had any bands aids and she said no, so I asked if she had any paper towel, and she told me I'd have to pay fifty cents per piece. I was angry but since I didn't have an option I did so. I hobbled back over to the car and Tex woke up when I got in. I asked him if he had any tape or rubberband and he didn't so he rummaged through the random trash in the backseat and thankfully found a green rubberband wrapped around an old newspaper. He took the paper towel and folded it around my toe then wrapped it in place with the rubberband. It wasn't much but that's all we could do.

We spent the rest of the day sitting in the car. We figured out pretty quick that we were in a pretty bad position. The entire time we'd been there not a single car had passed. I remember saying, "If we die out here I'm glad we'll be doing it together." He smiled and kissed me on the lips, "I'm sure we won't die but I agree." The whole day passed by and we spent it talking, making out, talking some more. Just when we were about to give up hope of getting picked up and were preparing to figure out where the nearest town was, a pick up truck pulled into the abandoned gas station. Tex jumped out of the car and went running over to the passenger window. He talked to whoever it was then half skipped half run with the goofiest smile on his face. "Grab your stuff, babe, they're going to the gathering too!" I was so excited that I left my camera in the car and didn't realize it until we were already on the way.

The two men who gave us a ride were going to stay the night with an old friend of theirs and told us we were welcome to stay too. Tex and I were so happy to sleep in a real bed after having been in that car for so long. As soon as we got in bed together and cuddled up we fell right to sleep. I remember the next morning waking up to him laying next to me with a smile. He'd said he'd been awake for a bit and was just watching me sleep. It was the sweetest thing I'd heard. I nuzzled him and told him I loved him. We layed in bed snuggled up, enjoying the silent bond we both shared. After a while a knock came at the door and the younger of the two men said it was time to leave. So we got up, grabbed our bags and made our way out to the truck. Our hands were practically glued together the whole way except when we were passing joints with the other guys.

Once we got to our destination we were both incredibly stoned out of our minds. What happened next, is difficult to describe unless you've been to one of these gatherings. There are THOUSANDS of people and it's easy to get lost. We hadn't set up camp yet and I really had to pee so I went to find the communal piss ditch. We made our way to the trading circle which wasn't so much a circle as it was a road. He had stopped to look at something that someone was trying to trade. I asked him if he minded if I tried to find the ditch.

He smiled his beautiful smile and said, "Not at all, babe, I'll come find you when I'm done here."

"Okay." I said dancing from one foot to the next. Before I could turn around he pulled me close to him and gave me a kiss. I can still feel it as if it just happened.

"I love you more than you could know. And when I'm done we'll go set up camp and have a real honeymoon."

I told him I loved him too, that I'd see him in a few minutes. I eventually found the ditch and did my business. I stood at the end of the path that led to it waiting for him. He never showed. So after a while I went looking for him. I never saw him again.

Several years later I started asking around about him. Last night I found out Tex had passed away a couple years ago. He had been train hopping with another traveler. He tried to get off of a train and misjudged the speed as well as the jump. This traveler told me he was married, that he had fallen in-love and they got married a few days after meeting in Taos. That she was his soulmate. They got separated at the rainbow gathering and no matter how much or how hard he looked he could never find her again. He held out hope until the very end that we would be brought back together.

My heart aches. My soul weeps. RIP Tex. RIP My Soulmate.

[sickdaysofficial]

Day 4: Say It Ain't So Doc...

Written for Sick Days 4… say it ain’t so doc.
“The doctor comes out with his little clip board, and what he has to say changes your character’s life. What does he say, and how do your characters react?” CW for vomit and hospital scene, baby

I hope you like it. I’ve been working on it for a bit. :-) Let me know what you think!

“I swear, I’ve never been this sick before,” Liam said, his head hung over the toilet.
Vera frowned.
“I’m sorry, babe,” Vera frowned, tucking her hair behind her ear as she rubbed his back. They’d gone out to eat for dinner at a new restaurant, but six hours later, Liam woke up sick, throwing up over the side of the bed and on the floor. Now it was early morning, and he was still at it. He’d been sick every twenty minutes for hours.
Vera dutifully rubbed his back and pulled his hair from his eyes, but nothing made him feel better. And she hadn’t told Liam this, but she wasn’t feeling so hot herself. “It’s okay, Liam, calm down,” she said as Liam retched over the toilet, nothing coming up besides bile by now. He was exhausted and frustrated. He couldn’t stop despite there not being anything left. “Okay, let’s try some water again,” Vera suggested, holding a cup up to Liam’s face. He pouted but ultimately tilted the glass to his lips. As soon as Liam swallowed down the water, he jerked forward with a gag as it dribbled back out of his mouth. He looked on the verge of tears. “Okay, that’s it,” she said, “we need to get you to the hospital. You’re going to get dehydrated if you aren’t already.” Liam frowned, not wanting to try moving. Vera stood, but swayed for a second. Thankful Liam didn’t notice, she stood her ground. She felt lightheaded and nauseous, but clearly was way better off than her boyfriend. He was pale and trembling terribly. It scared Vera to see him this way. She reached a hand down for him and helped him stand. He leaned over, grabbing his belly in his hand. It ached so badly. A disgusting tasting belch snuck up his throat and he grimaced. “I’m sorry… oh, god, it hurts!” He said. His belly was in so much pain, he was afraid it must be something else besides food poisoning. It had never been this bad before. He felt like he may pass out. Vera helped put his jacket on him and grabbed his shoes for him. She pulled her own shoes on, afraid she may be sick herself as she bent over. Vera ushered Liam out to the car and helped buckle him in as he moaned in pain. Vera climbed in the driver’s seat and backed out, speeding away to the hospital. By the time they got to the hospital, Liam was in agony. He’d burped up a tiny bit of water down his jacket and shirt and could hardly sit upright. Vera helped Liam into the emergency room. By the point they reached the nurses station, Liam was unable to stand up straight, he bent slightly forward comforting his terribly aching belly with his hand. “Please… it hurts so bad!” Liam cried. The shocked nurses helped Liam into a wheelchair and Vera was a bit distraught. They whisked Liam straight back to an exam room. He threw up more bile on his hands and in his lap as they wheeled him back. Vera frowned, but had to duck out of the room to be sick herself in the bathroom across the hall. She was glad she hadn’t eaten as much as Liam, and thankful she had a fairly strong stomach in general, at least in comparison to Liam. She washed her hands and wiped her mouth, heading back across the hall to check on Liam. By the time she got back, they’d connected Liam to an IV of fluids. “Oh, god… it hurts…” Liam moaned, a hand on his belly. He had a blood pressure cuff on his arm, as well as two sticky pads measuring something or another. Vera frowned. It was so scary to see Liam in this state. She hoped so badly it was only good poisoning and would be an easy fix. He was shivering, his eyes closed in pain as he bared his teeth, squeezing the edge of the exam bed with his fist. His lip quivered in pain. “Can I please have my jacket back?” He asked, and a nurse smiled, grabbing it and helping him pull it on. Vera sat beside him and stroked his hair, desperate to comfort the poor boy. Food poisoning wouldn’t do this would it? Doctors and nurses came in and out, taking scans and administering medicine for hours until Liam was so worn out and his belly so bloated with fluids he felt like he could hardly take more. Finally, Liam fell asleep after receiving pain medicine and an anti-nausea drug via his IV. It was six am now, and Vera was exhausted. She felt sick, too, but couldn’t tell if it was her dinner or the sleep deprivation. As soon as she felt like Liam was contented sleeping, Vera made her way across the hallway to be sick again. Her dizziness wasn’t nearly as bad as Liam’s. She returned back across the hall, feeling a bit better but still exhausted. Liam looked so miserable. His stomach was in a bit of a dome, full of fluids and gas. She wished there was a way to help him. A knock at the door startled her, and she looked over to see the doctor walk in. “Hello, Vera,” he said, they’d become good acquaintances throughout the night. “Hello, Doctor,” she said with a tired smile. “Well, we’re still running some tests on Liam… something seems abnormal, but we’re not exactly sure. We want to make a hundred percent sure before we bring anything in here to you,” he said. Vera nodded, then glanced at her sweet sleeping boy. “Unfortunately, since you guys are not married we’ll need Liam to be awake for the results. But that won’t be until later,” he said. Vera gave him a tired, maybe even a bit sad look. “Are you feeling okay yourself? Liam said you ate at the same place,” the doctor said. Vera nodded, “Just really tired, been up all night with him. I’ve been sick a couple of times, but I’m definitely fine. Just worried about him,” she said, pushing Liam’s bangs from his forehead. The doctor nodded. “Why don’t you come get some fluids? I think that would help you feel better either way. It wouldn’t hurt,” he said. Vera hesitated, glancing at Liam, but he was sleeping soundly, a blanket pulled up to his chin. “Okay, yeah, that might be good,” she said. She knew she needed to be there for Liam. She didn’t have time to be sick herself. 
When Liam woke up, his stomach felt so much better. He was still groggy and full, his stomach taut with liquid. He blinked himself awake, looking around the room. Vera sat beside him, sleeping herself under a blanket. She looked so pretty, he thought. Her fiery red hair was thrown up in a half-bun. She had her glasses on and her blanket was pulled up over her shoulders. Her face was resting on her shoulder. Liam smiled. He felt in his jacket pocket, the ring was still there. He was so relieved as he thumbed over the velvet of the box. Now was the time. He knew it might feel weird, being where they were, but he’d never seen her look so beautiful. He’d never been so in love with her. He loved the way she’d taken charge, taken care of him. The way she put herself last always and was so giving. “Hey, V?” He asked, and she stirred. “What’s wrong? You okay?” She asked, adjusting her glasses on her nose and sitting up straight. “I’m okay. Do you want to get up here with me?” He asked. Vera smiled, then pulled her blanket from her shoulders, walking over to him slowly. She climbed in the bed beside him, careful of his still-slightly-sensitive belly. She curled up beside him, placing her head on his chest and an arm carefully over his stomach. “Hey, Vera?” He asked, and she gave him a sleepy hum in response. “Can I ask you something?” He asked. Vera looked up at him. “Of course babe, do you need something?” She asked. He shook his head. “Do you want to marry me?” He asked. Vera blinked at him, stunned, and perhaps not believing her own ears. “Liam, what?” She asked, sitting up and facing him. He pulled her ring from his pocket and held it out in front of her. Her eyes widened. “Shut up! Are you serious?” She asked, crying now. Her hands covered her face as they trembled. “Is that a yes?” He teased, and Vera nodded through her tears. Liam smiled, pulling her into a hug as he laid there, she fell forward onto him, giving him a kiss. He slipped the ring onto her finger and she stared at it in disbelief. “Are you being for real? Please don’t tell me this is a joke,” she said. Liam was about to defend himself when a knock at the door interrupted them. “Come in,” Liam said cheerfully. The doctor walked in with a clipboard in his hands. “You’re looking much better Liam!” Doctor Willis smiled. “Thanks, I feel much better,” he said, smiling. Vera and he were over the moon by now. “Good, good to hear. Well, I actually have some news for you,” Doctor Willis said, and Liam’s heart dropped. Vera glanced at Liam, then back at the doctor. “Is everything okay? Just food poisoning right?” Liam asked, and the doctor bit his lip. “This is actually Vera’s file,” Doctor Willis said. Vera felt breathless. Liam was shocked too. What could it have been? She’d been a little tired, sure, but nothing serious. “Vera, your scans are showing that you’re fourteen weeks pregnant… did you know this?” Vera’s eyes were wide with disbelief and instantly tear filled again. “That’s impossible,” she said. The doctor looked down at his clipboard and then back at her with a slightly amused look. “I learned a long time ago in this profession not to deem anything impossible… there’s a baby,” he said. Liam’s jaw dropped. “What? What?” He asked, once to the doctor and then to Vera. “Did you know that? What?” Liam asked, his voice now with an edge of anxiousness and excitement. Vera shook her head, tears flowing down her cheeks now. Liam grabbed her and pulled her in tight, his face pressed into her long hair. “Oh my god, Vera,” he said. His hands were shaking as he held her. “A baby, we’re going to have a baby,” he said. “We’re having a baby,” he said, and tears filled his own eyes as he repeated it, over and over. The words felt good, they felt right. They’d never thought they’d be able to say those words.