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lgbtlunaverse · 8 months

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It seems the dash has been talking about the Lan Xichen - Nie Huaisang post-canon dynamics and it's gotten me thinking about how discussion around post-canon Lan Xichen's absolutely horrendous mental state often center around the question of "who is Lan Xichen angry at and who does he feel guilty about" which, at its worst, seperates into 2 camps where according to one side he feels guilty about not protecting jgy and hates the Nies and, on the other side he has completely flipped on jgy and despises him now while being filled with regret towards both nmj and nhs.

And I dislike both of these takes not just because it often feels like people projecting their own Blorbo opinions onto Lan Xichen which is never a fun time but also because that central question is flawed to begin with. It treats anger and guilt like opposing emotions that can't coexist or, if they do, have to compete until one wins and cancels the other out.

And that's not how that... works.

To be clear, the reason why Lan Xichen is so supremely fucked up at the end of the story is that he believes on some level he fucked over everyone in this situation. And, even more importantly, that even with hindsight he can't actually think of what he should have done instead. Every attempt to do better by one seems to involve fucking over the others even more because these people were in conflict with each other and choosing one would mean standing against another

And none of this would actually stop him from feeling angry at any of them. It's not "who is he angry at and who does he feel guilty about" it's: "he is angry at everyone and feels an immediate and bone deep guilt for daring to think badly of them."

Speaking from personal experience here, but feeling like you're not allowed to be angry at someone because you wronged them really doesn't stop the feeling, it just maks you feel like shit for feeling it. And this is all worsened by the fact that what he's in seclusion for is, at the end of the day, a moral question of what he, Lan Xichen, did wrong and every single emotion serves as further proof of the ways he's failed them.

Is he angry at Jin Guangyao, for killing his oldest friend, using Lan xichen's trust in him to do it, and then lying to him about it and countless other things for a decade when Lan Xichen thought of him as the person he trusted the most in the entire world? Yeah. That's a thing people get angry about! Except Jin Guangyao also saved his life and protected and helped him more times than he can count and never ever hurt him and can Lan Xichen say the same? No. He had to clean A-Yao's blood off Shouyue, he has to be haunted by the fact that if he just hadn't listened to Huaisang- hadn't been just like everyone else, in the end, and believed a lie about Jin Guangyao just to think the worst of him- then Jin Guangyao might still be alive.

Is he angry at Huaisang? For orchestrating the death of his best friend? For making him do it? For knowing what the real cause behind Nie Mingjue's death was and never telling him until he found out in the absolute worst way? Absolutely. But didn't Huaisang hide it from him for a reason? Wasn't it his clan's techniques and his personal faith in Jin Guangyao that cost Huaisang his brother? How dare he demand that Huaisang let him in on the secret of his brother's murderer when Lan Xichen is here wondering about how he should have protected that murderer better!

And I do even think he's angry at Nie Mingjue, sometimes I think it's pretty normal to be angry at your friend for kicking your other friend down the stairs and threatening to kill him, even when you know his mind is being poisoned. And years later the last thing he ever saw of Nie Mingjue was Nie Mingjue's thoughtless corpse coming to kill him before Jin Guangyao pushed him away and then proceeded to graphocally snap Jin Guangyao's neck in front of him. And if what he wants to do is protect Jin Guangyao, shouldn't he be mad at Mingjue? Didn't this whole mess start because Jin Guangyao was afraid Nie Mingjue was going to kill him?

Except holy shit, can you imagine? Lan Xichen feels like he personally has Nie Mingjue's blood on his hands. Your oldest friend is killed in front of you and you happily believe it's an accident for 11 years and now you think you have the right to be mad at him? You watched him get worse as he was being poisoned and attributed it to his illness and not to the techniques stolen from your library with the token you give his murderer. Does he think Nie Mingjue knew who he was in that moment and wanted to kill him? That he blamed Lan Xichen for his death? (For the record, I don't. I don't agree with most of what Lan Xichen thinks about himself, but I've been in a self-blame spiral and I know how it feels)

But what was he supposed to do then? Choose Mingjue's side and let A-Yao die? That's also unacceptable. But so is letting Jin Guangyao get away with it. Every single outcome is unacceptable. And really, if Jin Guangyao felt like he had to kill Nie Mingjue to save himself, when it was Lan Xichen who was supposed to keep the peace between them, isn't that another mark of his failure? That he couldn't protect Jin Guangyao well enough that he felt he had to do something so horrible?

But that's not an answer! He's supposed to know what he should have done different, and all he can come up with is "what you were already doing, but without failing this time" He can't pick a side because that means betrayal, but he's already tried not picking a side and it ended like this! There is no right answer, which can only leave him with the idea that he was simply doomed to hurt the people he loved from the start. No wonder the guy looks like shit when we see him post-canon. They put him in a real life trolley problem and gave him the lever as a souvenir.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #lan xichen #nie huaisang #jin guangyao #meng yao #nie mingjue #personally i LOVE high stakes ethical dilemma tragedies where there's not a clear right or wrong #and i can enjoy them without picking a side because it's fiction to me and i can admire the complex web of love hurt and betrayal from afar #but this is lan xichen's actual life. he HAS to have an answer to this question in a way I don't #but there isn't one

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aka-indulgence · 2 years

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H…. HI I MADE A BOB VELSEB DRABBLE HAHA IM WEAK (laughs nervously)

(Also click here for ao3 link)

I…. I threw my hat in the ring…… your honor i think he’s neat,,,,

This is jus. Meet-cute. In the idea that you get close to him before the fact that he’s a cannibalistic serial killer is known to the wider public.

Special thanks to @goodgollymissmeli for the meat facts /w\

(also another written work in a week? it’s a new year miracle ✨ ✨)

((CW: blood and murder, but only a little at the end. It’s not the focus of the story. Also for those of you don’t know he’s also a cannibal <u<;;;))

—-

Brr, that sure is the autumn chill.

You find yourself strolling down the quiet streets of Everytown, a bit late into the night. You’ve moved here less than a month ago, currently looking for some way of life. Other than the fact that you’re looking for a job… right now you’re hungry, and looking for some place to get an easy snack (you haven’t gotten into the swing of buying groceries. Fast food for you!).

You remember a burger joint a couple blocks down and decided to check it out.

So far you found the town quite charming, despite the rumours floating about, that it was a weird town. Lots of conspiracies, urban legends, paranormal reports. You don’t really know about all that. Maybe it can even add a lil’ spice to your life. Plus… halloween was coming up soon, and this town was famous for it! You felt like a kid again, excited for it to roll around.

Not sure about jobs yet, but you’re not too pressed about it. On account of it being a small town with weird rumors around it, there was a lot of job openings everywhere- it was apparent this town needed more workforce than it had.

(You went to the candy club a couple days back- they had some kind of halloween promo item when you visited, candy hairclips. You bought all the available colors. The guy at the counter also seemed nice- if a bit stressed. He seemed excited when you said you were looking for a job. You were seriously considering. You hoped they’d give out free candy…)

You stop your pondering when you arrive. Standing in front of the place, you smiled. ‘Boys ‘n Grills’ was a really cute name.

A bell chimed quietly when you entered, and you’re hit with the pleasant scent of fried patties. There isn’t a lot of people sitting in, maybe about… oh, three people. Only one person seemed to work here- the cook. No waiters? You thought to yourself. Everyone here seemed to be busy being… uh, tired. Of course, it was pretty late at night (your little gremlin self didn’t realize what time it was when you finally thought to grab dinner… whoops!). You’re suddenly acutely aware of how much you haven’t fit in to the crowd, awkwardly sitting down at the bar. Um.. so the cook didn’t have to bring your plate too far?

As soon as you sit, the cook turns around.

He’s a large man, hair long at the back, with stubble on his chin. His eyes were wide and looked at you with intensity that caught you off guard. When he faces you, you see a large outstretched grin on his face, like he was forcing himself to smile but went too far.

You find yourself intimidated- like you just intruded on him, even though… you’re a customer. You almost stammer and hop off your chair when he speaks.

“Well hello there. What can I do you fer, lil’ thing?”

O…. oh!

His face suddenly didn’t look quite as chilling when he spoke. He had a warm baritone, a southern drawl? And his expression looked bright instead of… foreboding. Hah- you don’t know what you’re even thinking. You’re just tired and paranoid.

“Oh hi! Yeah,” you respond too quickly, nerves getting to you. “Do you have a menu?”

The cook blinks at you for a bit, then crouches down under the bar to grab a menu. You flip through it, while he watches passively in front of you. Maybe he’s just… super attentive.

Damn… all of these look good.

“Do you have a recommendation?”

“.... Classic.” He answers, slowly. “Can’t go wrong with that.”

“Alright, then I’ll have that!”

He nods, turning around to the grill. He looks at the pre-made patties he made, looking at it for a while, then turning back to you. Then he grabs a patty and starts cooking it.

The sound, that ‘shhhh’ of patty in butter… the smell! Now you really notice how hungry you are.

“Man… that smells really good,” you mumble. “You must be an amazing cook!”

He half turns to you, smiling proudly.

“Thank you, very kind of ya to say.” He expressed, “I’m not just the cook, I’m the owner of this establishment.”

You practically make an “:o” face at him. “Oh wow, you’re running this whole thing by yourself?? Hah, I’m glad you’re also cooking because by the smell of it, it’d be a shame if others didn’t get to taste your cooking,”

He chuckles, “Now yer just flat out flatterin’ me.”

“I guess I’ll just have to see when I eat it myself!”

The meat sizzles pleasantly. You know it’s a given because he’s a cook… but you like the way how swift he moves, how he twirls his spatula before flipping the patty.

“I don’t reckon you’re from around here are you?” He asks, “Not a lot of new faces ‘round here, an’ not a lotta people ask for the menu.”

“Is it that obvious?” You giggle nervously, “Yeah, I’m new in town… sorry.”

“No no, ‘s a pleasure to meet ya.”

Soon after, he places the plate in front of you. Big, juicy burger and a side of fries.

“Excuse me,” you say awkwardly, taking a bite out of it.

Oh man… it’s good. You’re definitely coming back here.

“Name’s Bob. Bob Velseb,” he gives you his hand. You couldn’t help but notice the.. claw-like? Appearance to them. Nonetheless you shake it.

“(Y/n)!” You introduce yourself.

“So, how ya doing in this town?”

You tell him the summary. The move, cramming yourself in the truck, looking for a job. Some of the… weird characters you’ve met in town.

“A guy that… likes to imply he steals children?”

“Oh, Frank.”

“Uh. D…. does he steal children?”

“... Probably.”

“Huh?! Why hasn’t anyone stopped him???”

“Did you know… there are only two police officers in this town?”

You make a face. “Uh… huh.” Well that wasn’t very reassuring.

He smiles for a bit (still wide, less scary the longer you look at it), looking at your hair.

“Love yer hairclip.”

That surprises a shy little smile from you.

“Ah… thanks, it’s new! I got it when I arrived, actually,”

Girl… Why were you so giggly and nervous all of a sudden?!

He grins, more low-key and soft-looking. “It’s cute.”

… Ahem. You try not to hide your face and let it bounce of you. He’s talking about the hairclip, not you anyway. Nothing to get antsy about.

You talk to him a bit more, about how he runs this place all on his own (“Practically,” he adds. “From getting quality meat to getting food to the customer. Not a lot of people I can trust with the process.”

He starts drooling visibly, looking down at it and wipes it with a cloth from his pocket.

“Sorry. I get… hungry. ” He apologizes… somewhat insincerely, smile widening. He says it like it’s some sort of inside joke.

You aren’t sure why he said it like that.)

In the midst of your conversation, neither of you noticed the bell chiming or the customer that sat at the edge of the diner, in a booth, near the wall. Apparently he got annoyed enough that he shouts, startling the other customers, some of which were napping.

“Hey! When are you going to serve me, huh? You’re here to work, not chat. There’s barely anyone in this diner so don’t pretend you were busy- some of us are planning to sleep this night!”

You cringe, the automatic thought of Who told you to come so late anyway? bubbled to the surface. You say nothing, however- seeing the expression on Bob’s face.

He goes from his normal pleasant smile to frowning in an instant. His eyes go wide and a look of shocked hatred is on his face, gritting his teeth. He slowly, slooowly turns his head towards the rude customer, so slowly that you think you could hear a ‘creak’ in his neck. His mouth slowly stretches, wider than you’d seen it earlier, and a sick feeling settles in the pit of your stomach.

“Excuse me?”

Bob’s knuckles turn white from how hard he’s fisting his hand, and you see another hand reach for his kitchen utensils…

Sensing something’s boutta happen, you stand up and splutter “No no! Sorry. I was holding him up, had too much fun talking,”

You smile at them apologetically. Bob turns to you, surprised look on his face.

The customer huffs dismissively. “Then you should learn how to shut up and people do their job,”

Your look sours and your face clouds up. What a prick! Bob closes his mouth (huh, you just noticed he rarely hides his teeth), clearly still incensed, but put under better wraps. When he smiles it’s obvious to you that it isn’t like the friendly one he gave you, and his eyes are still wide. After Bob takes his order, he comes back and leans to you.

“You didn’t need ta cover for me…” He looks apologetic. “I woulda thrown him out the door… he stepped the line this time. Sorry about that,”

“Aw… that’s alright. There’s bad customers everywhere, and they take it out on people who least deserve it. At least I could shift the blame away from you. Plus… this way you’re still getting some good cash from him, right?” You rub your fingers together, showing off imaginary money.

“Plus, I’d rather not start an argument with stones.”

“...?” He tilts his head at you. “S… stones…?”

“... Cause. They’re rock-headed?” You shrug non committedly.

He stares at you, blinking like you just said the most ridiculous thing. Then he throws his head back and laughs, deep and full, his belly shaking with the force his laughter.

… :D

You didn’t come here with a plan to have a new crush! Stop it!! You think to yourself, rather helplessly.

“Hey… you’re pretty good at this,” He says, as soon as his laughs die down, rubbing a small tear off his eye. He waves his hands around vaguely, pointing to the rude customer. “Dealing with… people. And a funny lil’ thing, too.”

… ://D

“You said yer looking for a job right? Why don’t you come work as my waitress? Lord knows I need one sooner or later.”

Your eyes practically sparkle at him and his offer.

“R… really??”

“Sure, yer a charm to have around,” he closes his eyes, waving his hand in a circle, oblivious to your innocent look of admiration on your face, pink on your cheeks (Hey don’t blame you, this is one of the first really nice interaction you’ve had in this town, and you really weak to flattery!).

“Maybe there’d be,” he squints, glaring at the customer sitting behind him, “less crabby customers if there’s someone else helping me wait them out. If yer up for it.”

You’re beaming, practically a mini sun in that diner. “Yep, yes! I’d love to, thanks so much!”

————————————————

About 2 hours later.

You’re already home in your apartment, sleeping your worries away. You stayed around for a bit while Bob explained to you when to come, and how there won’t be much of a ‘training’, but that he’d personally tell you about the tasks you’d be doing.

“I don’t suppose you have an apron?”

“Um… no, but I can get one, if you need?”

Something to look forward in the near future, and he wasn’t even thinking about ‘hunting season’.

… Asshole from earlier fell asleep and had to be kicked out. By the time Bob was done closing up (and setting up), he was in front of his house. Didn’t take long to catch up.

Slow steps echo over the street. He can work with this.

The guy turns around at the sound, raising a brow. When he sees the devil smiling at him, he startles, stumbling back against the door.

“W-what, who-?”

“Did you know… ground up, human meat doesn’t taste that different to pork?”

The devil stalks closer, knife glinting as he takes it out of his belt.

“No… no wait!” The man pleads, one hand shuffling for keys in his pocket, the other rattling the doorknob.

Drool drips out the devil’s mouth, squinting at him.

The hunger.

“... Maybe you should learn to shut up and let people do their damn job.” He growls.

His screams are quickly silenced as the knife plunges into flesh and blood splatters.

#bob velseb #aka writing #sinister writing #screams #ive been quietly admiring from afar since the episode came out and then saw he was popular and im like #’thank god im not the only one’ JSDSDF #i am Confidente #so here u go #if you just wanna see sans its very easy to block the tag :>#i hope (the creator) NEVER SEES THIS

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