#hawkeye n frank at the very least

[mashed4077]

why do none of the mash characters have ambiguous disorder on their tvtropes page when theres smth very wrong with nearly all of them fsdhfks

[guy-in-a-dress]

Rating the main M*A*S*H crew on their hugging abilities

1. Hawkeye

The hugger of all time

Probably picks you up n hops around with you while yelling about whatever the fuck he's being insane about at the moment

The skinny arms lowkey dig into your everywhere but it's worth it

9/10

2. Trapper

Beefy teddy bear

IDC if he said he's out of shape in that one ep I can see that beef. Muscly ppl are some of the best huggers

WILL spin you. He probably sends the kids that hang around around the camp into orbit when he's in a good mood

10/10

3. BJ

Father figures give the best hugs

Also something about that mustache make him feel significantly huggier idk why

He'd probably jump around like Hawkeye or at the very least shake you like a rag doll

You know you've had a good hug if you feel mildly concussed afterwards

10/10

4. Henry

What did I say about father figures

His office is open for hugs as long as he's not on the phone with his wife

He'd be real confused going into it tho

"Arms over the shoulder- oh no around the waist okay"

Also whatever is in those vest pockets would poke you

8/10

5. Potter

Grandpa. Need I say more

Not to mention he's a horse girl(gender neutral), who are known for being excellent at hugs

Unfortunately he smells like an antique barn but that comes with the job of being your friendly neighborhood horse grandpa

9/10

6. Frank

Unpopular opinion time but I genuinely think he's capable of being a great hugger

Like he needs SOME type of positive trait to balance out his cartoonishly evil persona so I think this is a bone I'm willing to throw

He'd probably be that relative that you let hug you bc you feel kind of bad for him

Then he ruins the moment by saying the most horrifying shit imaginable

That and he always seems to be in a cold sweat no matter the weather

7/10

7. Margaret

A good hugger when it counts

Isn't one for hugging or physical touch beyond sex

However

She will not hesitate to hug a patient or child if she's asked or if she feels it's necessary

If she's in a good mood she'll hug a nurse who's having a hard time

7/10

8. Charles

The repressed of all time

Will not give hugs unless he's mega drunk

Probably wasn't hugged enough as a child

If someone else initiates he'll probably complain but eventually reciprocate like the antagonist-turned-bitchy-roommate he is

Definitely get "disgusting. Do it again" vibes from him esp in later seasons

5/10

9. Radar

Nope

Look I'm definitely a "southerners and midwesterners give the best hugs" truther but this boy is a limp noodle

You'd get an arm around the shoulder if you're lucky

He's probably bad at handshakes too

Won't initiate unless he's on the verge of tears or losing his mind with hype

4/10

10. Father Mulcahy

Since he's a priest I'm choosing to count him as a father figure and by this point you know what I think about dad hugs

He's 100% DTH(down to hug) and won't bring it up again afterwards (he counts hugs as silent confessions)

He'd probably do the 'rocking back n forth' thing too if he thinks it's necessary

11/10

11. Klinger

Fuck yeag

Is a lot like Mulcahy in that he will hug anyone he thinks needs it

Also probably has several handkerchiefs on his person just in case you need to cry

If he's upset he'll probably squeeze you like a stress ball without realizing but that shit's therapeutic

10/10

[majwrites]

Captain Tuttle reloaded, Part 1

M*A*S*H x reader (platonic)

Summary: Reader gets injured, their recovery takes a complicated turn when they start hallucinating

Warnings: mentions of injury and surgery, hallucinations, cursing, fever, mentions of war and violence, mentions of throwing up

Notes: probably none of this is medically accurate, got the idea after rewatching Tuttle and it kind of got out of hand so I had to make it multiple chapters

The first thing you saw when you woke up was nothing. The second thing you saw after waking up and blinking a few times was Hawkeye which was weird because you couldn't remember spending the night at the swamp and Hawkeye had no reason to be in your tent this early in the morning. "How's it going?", Hawkeye sat down on the edge of your bed. You looked up and realization hit you.

"How's my patient?", you really wanted to know. "Your patient is alright, he just developed a nasty little fever throughout the night, which is what you both have in common". "I wasn't done with fixing him up out there", you looked around the room some more and relaxed when you saw the boy on one of the other beds. "You fixed him up alright, there's no chance of perfection out there", Hawkeye turned around to your patient. "We were under heavy fire", you closed your eyes, trying hard not to remember it too vividly. "I figured, judging by the amount of shrapnel we took out of your leg". "How long til I can work again?". "How do you already know that it's not enough to send you home?", Hawkeye pulled a blanket over you and it dawned on you that he had changed a bandage without you even noticing. You sure were out of it. "I'm a surgeon too, remember? I know the procedure", you suddenly grew very tired again. "How could I ever forget that...now go back to sleep, I'll visit you later", he got up. "Keep me updated on my patient", you called after him. "Sure thing", and he walked away.

"How are you doing?", you looked around to see who was speaking. "Who are you?". "Don't worry, I know you didn't forget me. It's like Hawkeye said, you all had already forgotten about the sound of my voice very shortly afterward", the person sat down on the floor, "it's alright, I could never be mad at you". "Wait, this can't be happening. This is ridiculous", you really needed to wake up right now. "So you remember me?". " Of course I do. Who could ever forget Captain Tuttle?"

You woke up very confused. You still had a fever, but it didn't feel like it was bad enough to make you delirious. You looked around the room. It seemed pretty normal. At least as normal as it could get here. "Oh, fuck", you turned your head to the other side, you blinked a few times, you turned back and looked at the floor. Tuttle was still there. "This is probably not good", you mumbled to yourself. As an unlucky side effect you had now caught Frank's attention, apparently it was his shift. "Shit", you tried to focus on anything else than Frank or your hallucinations and the only other direction you could look was the ceiling. Frank made his way over to you, every step adding to your annoying headache that almost overshadowed all the other pain. He looked at you in the same condescending way as always: "Captain (L/N), I won't allow this kind of language in here". "Could you please stay quiet", you decided to just close your eyes again, "I'm suffering". "Well, you can keep suffering in silence for now. I just know that once Pierce or McIntyre show back up you will cause chaos once again", he finally stepped away. "Whatever you say, Major", and you went to sleep once again.

You didn't sleep for long though because someone kept reciting poetry and you had a strong feeling that it would be someone imaginary. "Tuttle, I love your poetry, but I'm trying to sleep here", you interacted with him just out of politeness. "I thought you might need some distraction", he kept reading in silence. "I'd appreciate it if you kept out of my field of vision. You're dead and never existed in the first place". "(Y/N), are you okay? I thought I heard some noise from you", Trapper approached you in the same way Hawkeye did earlier. "I'm alright, just a bit foggy", you focused on Trapper in hopes of getting some kind of distraction out of it. "Don't lie to me, just a few hours ago you looked like you've been through the meat grinder", Trapper started poking around on your leg and you hissed in pain, "now be honest (Y/N)". "I haven't been in that much physical pain since I caught pneumonia when I was twelve". "Sounds about right. Your patient might feel the same way, but someday he'll walk again", Trapper read through your paperwork. "I didn't damage his spinal cord?". "You didn't". "I'm sorry for making all of you work extra shifts", it just dawned on you that the 4077th was lacking a surgeon now. "We don't mind, we're just glad you didn't die on our table", Trapper still looked a bit concerned. "I could take my shift, I'm here anyways", you didn't sound very convincing. "Just relax, we'll take care of everything else", he turned to leave, "and don't move too much, you'll regret it later". "If you say so", falling back asleep seemed impossible right now, but there wasn't anything in sight that promised distraction so you decided to just relax like Trapper told you. A few hours went by without incident, but as soon as the next shift began you let out a frustrated groan.

Henry Blake wasn't the only person entering the room. Captain Tuttle followed right after. It seemed like he had remembered that you wanted him to stay silent though. He was now watching over your patient while Henry was checking the boy's bandage. It grew increasingly louder and you weren't sure if it was caused by people having actual conversations or because you had gotten more noise sensitive after last night's incident.

Your mood changed for the better when you saw your best friend approaching: "Klinger, over here!". You didn't consider how much the movement that came with getting his attention would actually hurt so you let out a rather pathetic sounding whimper right afterwards. "There you are, I worried about you the whole night through", he looked at you, concern still showing in his eyes. "I told you not to worry about me when I went out there", you didn't sound very convincing. Klinger would be fussing over you like a mother hen for the next few weeks, you could already see it coming. "Klinger, I have to ask you a favor". "What is it?". "Would you help me take a walk outside", you hoped a change in environment would make Tuttle go away, who right now made his rounds, checking on every single patient. "I'm not sure about this, your leg is heavily injured and Hawkeye sewed it up not even a whole day ago". "No, I'm ready. Just trust me on this one", you really needed to try this. "Should I trust you as my friend or as a doctor", he didn't look very convinced. "Probably both. I'll just have to convince Henry to clear this", you didn't even need to call out for Henry. He wasn't that far away.

Soon he reached your bed: "How are you doing?". "Like Hawkeye butchered my leg". "That is because he did", Henry read through your papers that hadn't really changed throughout the past few hours. "Henry, I have to ask you a question". "Go ahead". "Could I make a trip outside? I think I'll go insane if I spend another minute in here", you glanced at Tuttle who was now standing right next to Henry. "If this is another try of you getting a section 8 and trading with Klinger it won't work", stated Henry. Captain Tuttle nodded in agreement. "It isn't, I promise. I just really need some fresh air". "The fact that you're a doctor doesn't mean you get out of being watched after surgery", he stated. "Klinger will go with me", Klinger nodded in agreement to back you up. "Alright. Corporal, you'll make sure that (Y/N) doesn't try to take a step on their own. They're glued to a wheelchair", Henry gestured around. "Yes, sir", Klinger already got up to get a wheelchair, "I'll make sure they don't try anything". So Klinger took you to the mess tent. You sat down at a table. "Do you want to eat anything?", Klinger asked in the same worried tone as earlier. "I don't think so, I'd throw up", you already felt it coming, food wouldn't do any good right now. "Then we'll just keep sitting here and the second it gets too much I'm taking you back to post op", he retrieved a set of cards from out of his pockets. "Thanks for getting me out of there", you started a game of go fish. "Anything for you". "I think you did everyone else a favor too". "What do you mean?". "I might be a decent doctor, but I'm a very bad patient", you remembered all the previous times you had been sick. Cooperating has never been your strength. You spent almost an hour in the mess tent before you were ready to fall asleep right on the spot. You let your head drop onto the table when someone sat down heavily next to you: "I think you should go back to bed". "Yeah, probably", you answered to the air next to you. "(Y/N), do you need a break", Klinger's hand rested on your shoulder. "Please", you had already shut your eyes again. So Klinger took you back and tucked you in. The next few hours went by in a haze, but at least Tuttle had stayed at the mess tent.

[fangirl-imagines]

Dating Hawkeye Pierce Would Include...

A/N: Requested by @ichliebedich244

At first I can’t believe you’d actually think Hawkeye was being too serious when he ask you out/started showing interest in you. 

I mean the man has flirted with at least every member of the 4077th once and has slept with a good portion of the female ones as well. 

So I feel it would be difficult at first to know if he was being serious or not. 

He shows his seriousness about you though when you become the only person in the 4077th he will flirt with and starts turning down invitations by some of the nurses to meet in the supply closet. 

Whenever he needs advice he goes to BJ, one of the only actually happily married men he knows. 

BJ tries not to act too smug about it but he is also still feeling the shock of seeing Hawkeye Pierce needing relationship advice. 

Hawkeye also has a tendency to ramble about you in his letters home to his dad. What starts as a short story rapidly becomes two whole pages of letters before he realizes it. 

Mr. Pierce writes back that he can’t wait to meet you and the thought of bringing you home to Maine makes Hawkeye want to blush. 

If he was the blushing type that is. (He is but he will also deny it). 

His dad absolutely starts writing you letters too after a while, explaining it to Hawkeye as he just wants to get to know this girl before she becomes his daughter-in-law. 

Margaret also has a hard time believing Hawkeye’s seriousness at first and makes sure to let him know exactly how she will make his life a living hell if he breaks your heart. 

It;s not a threat, it;s a promise. 

Because of the circumstances in which you two get together, ie. in a literal war zone, your relationship moves quickly and it wouldn’t be long before the two of you were joined at the hip. 

BJ is your constant and very welcomed third wheel most of the time. 

After a long day/night of meatball surgery the three of you will end up getting drunk in the Swamp which inevitably leads to you falling asleep in Hawkeye’s cot with him in a mess of tangled limbs. 

Frank is constantly complaining about the two of you and trying to call you both out about your “indecent behavior”. 

10/10 everyone at the 4077th ships the two of you. 

Since he can’t flirt with anyone else in the camp as much as he use to, Hawkeye channels all of his flirting energy into his conversations with you. 

And I mean it is constant because I mean, come on, it’s Hawkeye, he can’t help himself. 

Everyone else is to the point where he starts flirting with you during surgery and everyone else just groans. 

Privacy is almost impossible for the two of you living in camp. A quick trip to the supply closet together for “inventory counting” doesn’t exactly count as meaningful alone time together. 

Even if they are a lot of fun.

But there are rare occasions the two of you can get away together for a picnic right outside of camp or where BJ makes himself scare from the tent for a while. 

Those are the times when Hawkeye seems the most relaxed and he has fallen asleep before just because he felt safe enough to actually rest. 

You can’t hold it against him because he is adorable when he’s asleep. 

The two of you get each other to the point where you can have a conversation without speaking if you had to just by exchanging glances. 

He likes to tell you stories about Crab Apple Cove and his childhood. To hear him tell it the place is right out of Norman Rockwell painting and the more he talks the more his whole face lights up. 

One time you got too caught up in hearing him talk and remarked that you couldn’t wait to see it someday. You could have died from embarrassment but Hawkeye doesn’t tell you (yet) how badly he wants to show it to you.

[idontgiveaflyinggrayson69]

Frank Castle N/SFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Frank is very into aftercare. He’s the guy that will have a bath with you, letting you lean back against his chest as he gently washes your body. Or he’ll cuddle with you, pulling you tight against his body and gently running his hand on your back until you fall asleep. He needs to know and hear that you’re okay. B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Frank’s favourite body part on himself is his shoulders. He likes how big and broad they are and the fact that he could cover you to protect you if needed.

On you, he loves your neck. A person’s neck is one of their most vulnerable features and you always bear your neck to him and he loves it. He loves being able to running his lips down your skin and nip at it and all the sounds that evokes from you. C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Frank likes to cum inside you. He’s above the childish possession that comes with cumming onsomeone. D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Frank is the guy that likes anal but wouldn’t admit it out loud. E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Frank was a troublemaker growing up, but he knew how to treat a lady right. He wasn’t a man of flings but proper relationships. Besides his wife, he only had a few other partners. But, he certainly knows how to pleasure a woman. F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Frank likes a few different positions quite a bit. He likes spooning and the feeling of you pressed up against him and how intimate it can be.

He loves you on top and how you look when you ride him.

And when he’s in his Punisher mood, he’ll take you against the wall or bend you over the nearest surface. G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Frank is never goofy. He’s always serious and passionate. He loves you and he needs you and it means a lot to him so he’s not one to make jokes. H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

When Frank is himself, he’s always clean shaven and his hair tidy, so it’s safe to assume that that also applies below the belt. He would keep things tidy, trim things up for you. I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Generally speaking, there’s a lot of intimacy with Frank; he is very passionate. On birthdays and anniversaries though, Frank will go the extra mile and do the whole rose petals and candles things. He needs you to know how much he loves you and that you mean so much to him. J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Frank masturbates occasionally, but not much, and not ever once he has you. K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Frank loves to edge you; he loves to hear you beg and whine. However, he does notlike to be edged. You try to edge Frank and he will take his revenge tenfold. L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

The bedroom would be his preferred location, but he is also a fan of doing it on the living room floor or the kitchen counter. M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Patching him up gets him going. The concentration you have and the care you give him makes his heart hurt and he just needs you.

A low cut shirt or tight pants also gets Frank going for obvious reasons.

Also sassing him back when he’s getting thick headed is a huge thing. When you put him back in his place he gets this smile on his lips and he just loves you so much and wants to show you. N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Frank will not hurt you in any way and he is not okay with the daddy kink. O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Frank loves oral, both giving and receiving. When he goes down on you, he feels like he’s really taking care of you and he absolutely loves the noises you make.

When you’re blowing him, he loves the way you look on your knees and he usually becomes more possessive that he normally would be, but it’s also the time when his guard is the most guard. P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

With Frank, things are generally more on the slow and firm, but if he’s angry or in his Punisher mode, then things will become rough and quick. Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Frank is a man of quickies. He loves to take his time and ravish you at night and on weekends, but in the morning before you go to work are definitely time for quickies. R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

In the bedroom, Frank is more of a vanilla guy. But he takes risks in public. Like, on date night he’ll take you out to a fancy dinner and slip his hand under your skirt and make you cum right there in public. He’ll even make you talk to the waitress as he fingers you. S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Frank has pretty good stamina, he can go for two or three rounds on a good night with a break in between that he’ll happy pass the time with oral. T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Frank is not a fan of toys because anything they can do, he can do with his fingers or mouth. U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Frank is a HUGE tease. He loves to not quite give you what you want, and bring you to the edge and then stop, all the while pretending he doesn’t know what he’s doing and giving you a stupid smile and tell you “oh, that’s what you wanted? Why didn’t you just tell me?”when he finally gives you the little bit more you’ve been begging for. He thinks it’s hilarious and loves how you whine for him. V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Frank was trained to be quiet in the military and, generally speaking, he’s quiet. This carries over to the bedroom. He’s more of a soft grunts and shaky breaths kind of guy. W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Frank loves it when you pay special attention to his scars.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Frank is a bit above average with a little over six inches in length, but he is thick. Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Frank yearns more for touch in general than specifically sexual touch so his sex drive around normal. Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sleep is not a friend to Frank. He’s plagued with a lot of nightmares and he’s afraid something bad will happen to you when he’s asleep, so he stays up until you fall asleep at least. He’s usually up a lot longer, watching over you and stroking your back or hair.

Tagging: @aw-hawkeye​ @caswinchester2000

[thecollegefootballguy]

2019 Top Ten Active Coaches Power Ranking

So, I’ve looked at all of the Power conferences and the G5′s best. With all that said it’s time to mash it all up and see who are the best coaches in the nation.

Unlike the power rankings of the individual conferences, this ranking takes a much longer view of each coach’s career. I use slightly different metrics which have a big impact on where coaches place in the national rankings. Plus, I reserve the right to make judgement calls here.

The rankings have certainly changed a lot from 2018. Urban Meyer (last year’s #2 coach in the nation), Bill Snyder (#3), and Mark Richt (#8) retired, drastically altering the face of the coaching landscape in terms of career prestige. That doesn’t necessarily mean that new blood will flow into the top ten. Mack Brown and Les Miles, two of the most decorated coaches of the 2000′s, returned to the ranks. They’ve taken on difficult jobs, but men of that caliber should succeed given adequate time.

If you’d like to revisit the rankings from last year and see what’s changed, click here.

Here are a list of the honorable mentions: David Cutcliffe, Mike Gundy, Lincoln Riley, James Franklin, Pat Fitzgerald, Jim Harbaugh, David Shaw, Kyle Whittingham, Mike Leach, Gus Malzahn, Kirby Smart, Dan Mullen, and Frank Solich.

-

10. Les Miles

Overall Record: 142-55 National Championships: 1 (2007)*

*at LSU

Movement: N/A

The Mad Hatter is back and college football is better off for it. Les Miles has a great track record as one of the top coaches of the 2000′s. Miles built up Oklahoma State into a successful program before handing the reigns off to Mike Gundy when he moved to LSU. Miles inherited a very successful program in Baton Rouge and kept the ball rolling. The Tigers won the 2007 National Championship and came a rematch against Alabama short of a second title in 2011. Miles will have a big challenge ahead of him as he tries to turn around one of the most hopeless P5 programs in the nation. I doubt he can take Kansas to the heights he achieved at LSU, but here’s to hoping.

-

9. Jimbo Fisher

Record at Texas A&M: 9-4 Overall Record: 92-27 National Championships: 1 (2013)*

*at Florida State

Movement: N/A

I put Jimbo Fisher on timeout last year for so thoroughly mucking up Florida State in 2017. But, Fisher has to be seen as one of the better coaches in the game. He’s showing great promise after just one year at Texas A&M. We may be seeing the beginnings of something really big going on at College Station, the unlocking of the true potential latent in the Aggie program for decades that has so far never fully been realized. Time will tell, but with Jimbo they have as good a chance as any.

-

8. Mack Brown

Record at North Carolina: 69-46-1 Record Overall: 244-122-1 National Championships: 1 (2005)*

*with Texas

Movement: N/A

Our oldest throwback of the returning crew, but also the best of that group. Mack Brown is one of the most successful coaches of the last quarter century. Brown’s complete rebuild of North Carolina in the 1990′s is one of the more impressive feats from that decade. Brown’s run at Texas from 1998 to 2009 was legendary. The Longhorns were one of the fixtures of college football in the 2000′s and its pretty surprising that they only won one national championship in the span. Now, Brown returns to Chapel Hill with the expectation of returning the Tar Heels to glory. Who knows how quick or how completely he can achieve this goal, but he’s got the track record.

-

7. Kirk Ferentz

Record at Iowa: 152-101 Overall Record: 164-122 Division Championships: 1 (2015) Conference Championships: 2 (2002, 2004)

Movement: Up 2 spots

With Bill Snyder gone, we need to replace our immovable object and this guy fits the bill. Kirk Ferentz is one of the most consistent overachievers in the P5 relative to his team’s usual lot in life. Honestly it doesn’t get enough praise because most of us are used to the Hawkeyes playing well. Ferentz isn’t the same kind of coach that Mack Brown or Les Miles is, but for now, he’s ahead of those illustrious men for his steadfast dedication to winning in Iowa City.

-

6. Mark Dantonio

Record at Michigan State: 107-51 Overall Record: 125-68 Division Championships: 3 (2011, 2013, 2015) Conference Championships: 3 (2010, 2013, 2015)

Movement: Same

Mark Dantonio is well on his way to Bill Snyder-ing himself a permanent spot on this list as well. The Spartan head man has built a wrecking machine, capable of bruising even the most intimidating Big Ten opponents. He consistently punches above his weight class, even though the field has gotten very crowded with the resurgence of Ohio State, Michigan, and Penn State since the early 2010′s. I wonder how long he can sustain, but weaker men would have already cracked under the pressure. Dantonio isn’t that guy.

-

5. Chris Petersen

Record at Washington: 47-21 Overall Record: 139-33 Division Championships: 3 (2016, 2017, 2018) Conference Championships: 2 (2016, 2018)

Movement: Up 2 spots

Chris Petersen has been the best coach in the 11 Western States for some time now, at least since Pete Carroll moved on from the college ranks. Going back to his days at Boise State, Petersen is very used to doing more with less and building a successful machine that can compete year in and year out. The hype about Oregon and Washington State doesn’t feel as solid or as permanent as the beast Petersen has going in Seattle. The Huskies should be good, very very good, as long as Petersen is in charge. Just, please, win your bowl game for once.

-

4. Gary Patterson

Record at TCU: 167-63 Conference Championships: 6 (2002, 2005, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014)*

*Won in Conference-USA, Mountain West, and Big 12

Movement: Same

The true inheritor of the mantle of Snyder is none other than best his protege: Gary Patterson. TCU moved from the WAC, to Conference USA, to the Mountain West, to the Big 12 during Patterson’s tenure in Fort Worth. It’s one of the best success stories in college football in the 2000′s and 2010′s. Patterson has been absolutely instrumental in crafting a winning program at a school with fewer resources than a Texas or Oklahoma, or a Texas Tech or Oklahoma State for that matter.

-

3. Brian Kelly

Record at Notre Dame: 81-35 Overall Record: 252-92-2

Movement: N/A

I’d like to issue a formal apology for not having Brian Kelly on this list sooner. With my metrics changing just a little bit, Kelly’s ranking shot up. Go figure, maybe I’m getting better at this. Kelly is a born winner; he’s won at Grand Valley State, at Central Michigan, at Cincinnati, and he’s had two 12-0 seasons at Notre Dame. I can forgive him for having not won a conference championship since 2009, I hope you can too.

-

2. Dabo Swinney

Record at Clemson: 116-30 Division Championships: 7 (2009, 2011, 2012, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018) Conference Championships: 5 (2011, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018) National Championships: 2 (2016, 2018)

Movement: Up 3 spots

Dabo Swinney wasn’t in my top ten when I first started doing this about 5 years ago, which really tells you something. Swinney’s unprecedented success at Clemson is going to go down as one of the biggest shifts in college football in the new millennium. The Tigers had been successful before, yes, but not like this. Clemson and Alabama are the teams of the 2010′s, and in the past four years they’ve traded national titles and have almost ignored basically every other program in the nation. He’s quite clearly one of the best coaches in the country, and what he’s done with in Death Valley is just insane. I still do a double take at the 30 career losses over the course of 10 (and a half) seasons. I mean, my god.

-

1. Nick Saban

Record at Alabama: 132-20 Record Overall: 223-62-1 Division Championships: 11 (2001, 2002, 2003, 2008, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017) Conference Championships: 7 (1990, 2001, 2003, 2012, 2014, 2015, 2016) National Championships: 6 (2003*, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2015, 2017)

*at LSU

Movement: Same

Look, I love praising Dabo, but his success will likely only be measured by how it stacks up to Nick Saban’s. Currently he’s still far away from the true pinnacle of success. Accept no substitutes. 20 losses in 12 years. JFC.

-

Also a fond farewell to Bill Snyder. No words can properly encapsulate what that man did for Kansas State. Enjoy a well earned retirement.

[mashed4077]

🌃 intro post! 🌃

(bit late but i didn’t want a cluttered bio anymore so here’s this)

hiii im shay! i fixated on mash back in november and i officially finished it on march 22nd 2023!! im gonna rewatch soon tho

about this blog

this is a side-blog!

tags: i tag pretty extensively for the sake of categorization; here’s hoping my character tags prove fun to scroll through!

queue: as of the day i’m writing this, i have a very full queue, because i have a habit of liking literally every post i see related to a fixation, and then spam-queuing it later to clean my likes out. so i hope you enjoy all the content! lots of funny scenes and textposts, well-made gifsets, wonderful fanart, and insightful meta, if i do say so myself. mashblr is a talented bunch!

original posts/content: i don’t contribute much on my own, but i love to ramble and i hope some of my lengthy tags prove an interesting or at least entertaining read :) i do dabble in fanfic writing and i’ve got a few mash works in my drafts, but i’m not sure if they’ll ever see the light of day. i’m also fond of meta and character analysis, so if i ever work up the courage maybe ill put out some moderately thought-provoking posts in that realm.

some of my opinions relating to mash characters & ships can be found under the read more!

these are all subjective and i completely respect anyone who disagrees :) we’re all here to have fun!

summarized thoughts on the characters (kinda sorted by fav to least fav)

mulcahy has been driving me bonkers for months (and my jewish ass has been putting far too much thought into catholicism lately bc of him😒)

frank,,,, listen. i’m sorry. but listen, as baffled and/or disgusted as you are, i’m the mf stuck being the only one in this entire fandom who flails over frank burns. so how do you think i feel. ik he’s absolutely awful, but he’s just so damn pathetic, i can’t help but like him and find him fascinating

radar is a bubby to me, i dont rlly have complex thoughts on him hes kinda just a comfort character to me n ilhsm

charles... he snuck up on me. i didnt expect to like him, much less relate to him (-_-) i just exposed myself as a charles winchester kinnie how will my reputation recover

i love hawkeye a lot, as we all do <3

i love trapper john mcintyre!!!!!!!!!!

i love margaret!!! i love klinger!!! i love henry!!! 

im pretty neutral on potter and bj

in short: i love them all a lot but mulcahy and frank have each driven me particularly mad in different ways and radar with his animals has made me cry and charles would probably drive me nuts if i let him but i am keeping him at arm’s length.

summarized thoughts on ships (again, strongest first)

(yes i have frank ships. no i am not proud of it)

my mash otp is hawkahy. it’s been slowly draining the remainder of my sanity. i havent slept in months. send help

i am a sucker for enemies/rivals to lovers and hawnk kinda makes me a little nuts.

i know he’s not good for her but i think margaret x frank have a rlly interesting relationship and they can be cute sometimes, and i think about them more than i’d like to admit. i am not immune to het ships consisting of badass women with control issues and their toxic pathetic purse-dog boyfriends.

henry x klinger is literally canon idc

pierceintyre... ;-; hh

i love semi-niche trapper ships. trapcahy is a little bit 👀 and i really like trapper x margaret

hawkeye x henry... shh...

bonus trios i think about sometimes😳: hawkeye x margaret x frank, margaret x frank x flagg (SHH), hawkeye x trapper x mulcahy. do u see my evil vision

aaand some platonic dynamics i particularly enjoy

mulcahy & klinger are besties :)

mulcahy & margaret have a sibling dynamic that i absolutely adore, esp in the potter seasons, particularly the later ones.

charles & margaret are a fun duo. the ship tease they did a little was... idk how to feel about it, but i like them as buddies.

margaret & klinger... the girlies

hawkeye & klinger!!! the el jibbities are flocking together..

hawkeye & margaret :)

i do very much enjoy hawkeye & bj’s friendship

not friendship but charles & mulcahy’s animosity is sooo funny i will never tire of it

notps: klinger x charles, and hunnihawk. do not doxx me.

i think thats all for now. enjoy my nonsense!

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[piratewithvigor]

Out Of Sight, Out Of Our Minds: Chapter 1

Summary: After a freak accident lighting a stove, Hawkeye suffered severe flash burns that have left him blinded. Most people recover within a week or so, but as the days drag on, BJ becomes more convinced that Hawkeye isn’t most people.

Word Count: 2050

A/N: This is a birthday present for the wonderful @the--blackdahlia​ who inspired me to get back into a writing groove after months of inactivity. It’s a retelling of the season 5 episode “Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind”, so there will definitely be spoilers ahead.

BJ had never liked baseball all that much. He was a little too scrawny as a kid to play with the others and listening to games on the radio bored him senseless. That never stopped Peg from dragging him to Seals Stadium on the weekends he couldn’t come up with any work-related excuse. She’d been a fan ever since the AAGPBL had established a team in her hometown of Kenosha and though her loyalties changed upon her move to San Francisco with BJ, her craze for the game had never wavered. BJ never exactly wanted to spend his afternoons in a ballpark that was too hot and sunny, watching a game that always felt just a little too long, but watching Peg get so thrilled was worth the three dollars he spent on the tickets. 

Of course, it wasn’t late in the afternoon, nor was it warm, and he wasn’t seated in the plastic chairs of the ball park. It was nearly three in the morning, with a chill breezing through his tent in Korea and Peg wasn’t there making the sounds of baseball bearable. He’d heard Hawkeye mumble at Frank to turn off the radio at least a dozen times and no matter how firmly he pressed his thin pillow against his ears, information about the bout between the Dodgers and the Giants kept leaking in. It didn’t even seem like Frank actually cared who won. Just what the score was. He never cheered, not even the little hissed ‘yes’ when either team scored like Peg did. It sounded more like he was just listening to know. Especially when BJ heard the tell-tale scratch of a pencil against paper. Probably some kind of slimy scheme to get ahead in life, as Frank was known to do. But this late at night, BJ couldn’t bring himself to care. The only thing he heard that made him smile was the announcement of the 4-3 concluding score and the promise of a rebroadcast at noon. 

“Shut it off, Frank,” Hawkeye mumbled, pulling his thin blankets further over himself. “It’s 4-3 in the morning.”

“Stop dreaming and go back to sleep,” Frank shot back, switching off the little radio as he moved around in bed, assumedly trying to find a position on the cot that would retain body heat, but also fit between the limits.

“That makes good nonsense.”

BJ loved Hawkeye, really, he did, but the man had a serious problem with always needing the last word. 

Now that the static-filled broadcast had been shut off, the tent seemed almost quiet. Korea was never dead silent, BJ had learned, but he took what he could where he could get it. As long as they weren’t being actively fired upon and there were no choppers going overhead, it was quiet in his books. He was finally starting to doze off when the door to the Swamp opened and at least two pairs of feet scuttled in. BJ hoped to God they were just very large rats. Rats didn’t make much noise besides the occasional squeak of fright. 

“Hawkeye?”

Rats didn’t ask for doctors by name.

Rats.

“Wake up, Hawkeye, the stove in our tent went out.”

“Again?”

This wasn’t the first time the nurses had had issues with their stove this winter. It only happened once or twice when it first started getting cold, but when the winds got more violent, the stove seemed to be going out once a night. If BJ didn’t know any better, he’d think the nurses were just scheming to get Hawkeye alone in a room full of nurses and not have his wits about him. 

“It’s freezing in there.”

“It’s warm in here.”

“There are four of us.”

BJ nearly chuckled at the resignation in Hawkeye’s voice as he pulled off his blanket to stand. 

“I knew I should have gotten a bigger bed.”

“Could you people hold it down?” Frank piped up, his voice grating at BJ’s nerves. “I mean, show some consideration.”

“I don’t remember leaving a wake-up scream,” BJ grumbled. Consideration, his ass.

“Thanks, Hawkeye, you’re the only one who can fix it.” BJ was pretty sure that wasn’t true and given Hawkeye’s tired mutters of disdain, he felt safe in assuming the feeling was mutual.

“BJ?”

“Hmm?”

“If I’m not back in five minutes, don’t come get me.” If he wasn’t so tired, BJ might have chuckled. 

Out of the corner of his partially-opened eye, he watched the light above Hawkeye’s cot shut off and his roommate shuffle out of the tent behind two nurses who were bundled up as tightly as they could be to avoid what had to be a bitter chill outside. 

BJ stretched out a little as he turned onto his back to stare at the ceiling. Sleep was evading him all-too-rudely and likely would continue to until Hawkeye was back and snoring quietly. Ever since Peg and he had started sharing a bed all those years ago, BJ had begun to find it impossible to sleep without someone nearby. Frank was all the way across the tent and there was a stove between them; impossible to hear. He’d been worried coming over- there had been plenty of stories of what MASH units were like back home, but no details of the sleeping arrangements. He’d breathed an enormous sigh of relief when Hawkeye told him they’d be bunking together and an even larger one that evening when he realised his bunkmate snored loudly enough to drown out the distant sounds of gunfire. If he ever needed it, he just pretended the lanky man ten feet away was his beautiful wife, ten inches away. And if the homesickness was especially bad, he pretended Frank’s little fidgets during the night were Erin rustling in her crib. Sometimes it worked well enough to soothe him back to sleep. Other times, it left him in worse shape than he’d began. Korea had proven itself time and time again to be a lonely place, but knowing that he had people around him made it somewhat more bearable. 

Between the stove warming the air around his feet and the thoughts of his family swirling around his head, the sleep that had been struggling to overtake him was finally succeeding in pulling BJ’s eyes closed. Until an explosion close enough to shake him out of any sleep he could have gotten rang through the camp. That would have been plenty to set him upright and his heart racing, but it was the collective screaming that got BJ out of bed (thank God he’d had the sense to wear shoes to bed). He paused in his scrambling just long enough to throw on his bathrobe before bolting to the nurse’s quarters. Hawkeye was stumbling out of the tent as he arrived, palms pressed to his eyes and screaming, all the while surrounded by nurses who were screaming just as shrilly. As worrisome as it was, at least Hawkeye was still able to walk. Plenty of soldiers had come through their OR who never learned of such luxury. 

BJ reached him the same moment Colonel Potter did, but Potter, ever the leader, backed away from the forming posse to organise them. Flash burns were serious business and it was necessary to get Hawkeye to the OR as quickly as possible. BJ knew he heard Potter say something about an ophthalmologist, but it was hard to hear over Hawkeye’s screams of pain, the nurses’ screams of panic and the sound of his own heart pumping in his ears. 

The next few hours were a blur to say the least. The sleep deprivation was already messing with his head, but hearing Hawkeye in so much pain was what was really knocking BJ out of his rhythm. He’d never seen anyone in that much pain without there being a substantial amount of blood involved. As much as he hated it, BJ had grown comfortable with blood. It was easy to fix: if it was where it wasn’t supposed to be, he had to stop it from getting there. Sometimes that involved stitching, or removing parts that were too broken to be fixed, or just removing things that weren’t supposed to be there, but there was almost always blood. In this case, there was absolutely none. The closest thing to red was Hawkeye’s bathrobe and the toasted skin around his eyes. The worst part about the whole situation was that there was nothing he could do to help. He was no ophthalmologist- didn’t know anything about the inner workings of the eyes beyond what he learned in first year biology. 

BJ wasn’t sure how Radar accomplished it, but the ophthalmologist in question, Major Overman, arrived long before the sun was up and true to the reputation BJ had gathered of him, was swift in his examination and bandaging. It was awful, but the truth of the matter was that it was all there was to be done. Padding the eyes and wrapping a long length of bandage around the patient’s head so the padding wouldn’t move. It would let the eyes rest and after a week or so, if vision came back, everything would be okay. If not…

“How’s that feel?”

“Blind.”

BJ would have probably chuckled if the situation was different. The mood of the room seemed to express the same feelings. The Major didn’t even crack a smile.

“Okay, Hawkeye, you take it easy for a couple of days. I’ll be back Friday.” 

Nearly a week away. As nervous as he was, BJ could only imagine the terror Hawkeye was feeling. But he never showed it. Never showed it unless you knew him, that is. He always told jokes to keep the atmosphere lighter, but he laughed at them. There was no laughter here. Not even a smile. 

“Listen, one important question. Will I get to keep my nickname?”

“Let’s hope so.” The Major spoke for everyone there. They called him ‘Pierce’ often enough, That was different. Too impersonal. His name, but never his name.

“Just wondering if I should rent a seeing-eye dog or buy one.” The joking was getting weaker. Hawkeye was slowly accepting what had happened and it looked like everyone who had gathered around his cot could feel it too. 

“See you Friday.”

Major Overman packed his gear and was escorted out of the post-op by Potter, asking something about a General O'Reilly. If BJ hadn’t been so on-edge, he would have maybe even laughed at the idea of Radar being a General, let alone a General who was so mad that he scared a clerk into a rushed shipment of an ophthalmologist. But instead, he was leaning on the end posts of Hawkeye’s cot, watching a nurse yell her sympathies at him. There was something about the injured and sick that made people forget what their actual ailments were and caused them to be treated as invalids. Based on Hawkeye’s wince, it was clear his partner-in-crime was already feeling the sting of the different treatment. 

“You don’t have to shout, the sides still work.”

“We’re sorry,” she corrected herself, lowering her voice to a library-esque whisper.

“That’s alright. Next time, get a union man.”

“Hawk, if there’s anything you need…” It was generally said as a passing sympathy that didn’t really mean anything, but BJ wasn’t sure what else to say. He was a caretaker deep down and lord knew Hawkeye was going to need some help during the next few days.

“Well, if you’re going by the PX, you could get me a colouring book and some crayons.” Hawkeye’s head was angled towards him, but he wasn’t facing him by a long shot. Whether because it didn’t matter or because he didn’t care, BJ wasn’t sure. Nor was he sure he wanted to know the answer.

“I think you’re sick enough to qualify for the big box. I gotta go.” He was smiling, but BJ was sure Hawkeye could hear the worry in his voice. He tried to keep calm and carry on, no matter what the war threw, but this wasn’t something he could just walk away from. He wanted to be there.

“BJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Visit me a couple hundred times, will ya?” The request was small and quiet, almost desperate. 

“At least.”