#having to interact w certain ppl as a unit when im also someone who just preferes one on one interactions
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#god its just a constant cycle of pretending to have to be okay and not hurt for my lab friends and family#and maybe everyone just lives like this but im weak minded and willed so it just everything just sucks sometimes#i dont feel genuine ever#and for someone who values truth and honesty thats such a dissonant feeling#but thsi world doesnt care about that#society only cares that u fit in#truth be damned#the least i can offer the people around me is to not be down and moody and gloomy and all that#but the end result is just feeling like theres no one i can be honest with and therefore no one i can trust..#and its frustrating cuz it feels like most ppl dont have to live life this way people actually want them in their lives#i feel like im just lol not to quote hq but villager number 2 in everyones lives#which maybe tahts more normal than i think it is but it still hurts when people arent just villager number 2 in my life yaknow#also seeing everyoen coupled up is hurting more than i thought it did#its not even that i want to be in a relationship it just fucking hurts having to step aside#having to interact w certain ppl as a unit when im also someone who just preferes one on one interactions#and i know i shouldnt take things personally but a) it feels like my presence isnt enough sometiems and b) feel like itd bother me less#if i had an existence like that in my life too yaknow#but since i dont and i just have to watch everyone have people in their lives#its hard not to feel unimportant and pushed aside#does no one want me to be actively in their life :(((((((
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