#having ptsd for him is wild when he can't even remember most of the shit he did

[snkts]

while we're doing our happy silly hours this is a good time to remember that Logan is single-handedly responsible for reducing the population of at least two separate cities from in the hundreds to zero. it's also a good time to remember neither of those times were voluntary :)

[vole-mon-amour]

The takes on Astarion hating Cazador because Cazador was ugly are so wild to me. People are trying to joke about it, but what's so funny about it? Whether you find Cazador attractive or not doesn't matter. Let's say Cazador had the most appealing voice and look to everybody? Let's say he could shapeshift to look like the most attracting version of a person Astarion could imagine. Then what?

That wouldn't change the fact that Cazador had seen a dying boy on the street and, offering to 'save' him, he knew exactly how he'll use him.

That wouldn't change the fact that Cazador probably mastered his torture on Astarion before most of the other spawns—if not all of them!—came. He was the most important one to Cazador.

That wouldn't change the fact that Astarion's scars that bind him to the ascending ritual are considered a "painting" by Astarion to Cazador. That Astarion had to sit there, unmoving, bleeding, and endure. He had to be the living canvas.

That wouldn't change the fact that Astarion couldn't say no to Cazador and was compelled to do whatever Cazador wanted from him, and that usually meant a great suffering, including mental suffering, to Astarion.

That wouldn't change the fact that Cazador not only used Astarion to feed that him, but he raped him multiple time. "A thing to be used." A toy to have fun with.

That wouldn't change the fact that when Astarion tried to break free and run just ONCE, but Cazador caught him, sealed him in a tomb/coffin, and Astarion tried to claw his way out of there. But it's stone, so how could he? And he tried to drink his own blood. And then he just wanted to die, so the torture would end.

That wouldn't change the fact that, when Astarion finally ran (and was kidnapped and "blessed" with an illithid parasite), he still felt the need to seduce other creatures (people, elves, tieflings—anyone) so they would care for him and feel the need to protect him. The fact that Astarion was so terrified that Cazador can (and will) find him *anywhere* and bring him back and then it's either a very painful slow death or torture that he never knew before, when I'm reality Cazador didn't really had any reach or power outside of Baldur's Gate. But of course Astarion didn't know that. Despite planning on going back to the city and seek revenge, in Astarion's mind, Cazador couldn't be defeated.

That wouldn't change the fact that even in freedom he acts like a slave to Cazador and he is still terrified out of his mind.

That wouldn't change the fact that, because of Cazador's abuse, Astarion doesn't remember the details of his pre-spawn life. It's literally a blur to him now. He can't remember.

So, I ask the question again: why do some of you feel the need to joke about that? To joke about Astation's trauma? Why does it matter to you how Cazador looks or talks when Astarion is a survivor of his abuse with a long lasting PTSD thy will probably haunt him for centuries ahead?

It wouldn't change absolutely ANYTHING if you thought of Cazador as attractive. He would still be a piece of shit that hurt Astarion and thousands of other innocents for centuries. Hurt, abused, tortured, raped, killed.

And it both confuses and infuriates me that there are people that actually joke about that, as if PTSD and trauma survivors are the most laughable topic to ever exist.

[gemini-forest]

I've had a few folks asking me if Eliot is autistic coded.

The evidence claimed are the following:

1: His flat affect/monotone 2: Western Fashion/lifestyle being a hyperfixation 3: Nonverbal at times 4: Knows sign language 5: Low empathy 6: Touch avoidant

Hate to inform y'all but he's not autistic coded internally. You can headcanon though! I won't stop you guys with the hc. I'll tackle each point to explain:

1: Flat affect/monotone

A common trait with those with depression is a flat affect. Sometimes we just talk with that due to the chemicals in our brain. That's just how he talks

2: Western Fashion/Lifestyle

The wild west stuff came to be a security blanket in a sense. Could it be seen as a clutch? Probably. Is it effecting him negatively? Nope. It's a norm Eliot likes to have and willing to cling to to his deathbed.

3: Nonverbal

Everyone has days where they go nonverbal. A common neurodivergent thing. In Eliot's case it's kinda a habit? He's not much of a talker but him being nonverbal under stress is another thing those with PTSD or C-PTSD can have.(I have C-PTSD and I do that). My man just has undiagnosed ptsd.

4: Knowing Sign Language

I honestly think this is a weird thing to think he's autistic for. Not in a bad way! I'm autistic myself and would like to know sign language. But for Eliot he knows sign because he didn't know how to talk. Like at all. He learned how to talk through the tv. He still signs to people on the regular and makes sure he's up to date because he uses it not only with Big Mama's staff who are deaf or mute, but for his bounties for those who are mute, deaf or are so stressed they can't talk and signing is easier.

5: Low empathy

Oh boy here we go. Eliot's low empathy comes from his depression and PTSD. He's so numb to what he has to do on the regular and the type of folks he deals with you'd think he'd be hyper sensitive. NOPE. He lacks empathy for most people. Unless he actually gives a shit about someone like, Boss, Tammie, the boys(When he befriends them) his sister Lilith and even Big Mama. He's okay with the staff at the hotel. But other than that he's genuinely apathetic and doesn't care. He's the type to live by the motto "Stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours" type outside of work.

6: Touch avoidant

He just doesn't like touch that lasts a long time. Like hugs, shoulder pats, head pats, etc. He may not entirely remember but his body does remember getting hit a lot as a toddler. He's gotten better since he started as a bounty. He's very adaptable(which isn't entirely a good thing with those with PTSD depending on the situation)

TLDR:

Eliot isn't autistic, his behavior and such is a trauma response. But if you wanna hc him with autism you're more than welcome to.

[dzpenumbra]

3/14/23

Storm's a'comin. Snow soon. That's the word on the street.

I say that as though I've been out on the street... that's what my mom told me.

She caught me at a difficult time. I was literally just getting ready to start working on my quartz knife. I was debating getting in the shower first, but it's weird to even consider that when I'm going to wet-sand stone, it's so messy, it always feels like a better idea to shower after. Now... it's past 2AM and I still haven't showered.

The whole conversation was just about how fucked my life is. It was initiated by me, I can feel it. I swear, therapy did a lot of good for me. It really did. But being in live-in therapy environments for extended periods of time, having no friends except therapists or people in a therapy environment... it's turned every conversation I have into a fucking AA meeting.

"Hi, my name is ______ and these are my problems, and I struggle with this, and this sucks, and I can be supported in these ways."

And I'm starting to notice that no one outside of therapeutic environments speaks that way. Most of them speak in fucking code, I've noticed. It's weird. Like... I haven't really spoken subtext that much in my life... at all... just in general... but isolation made it flat-out difficult and... damaging. Like, I will say very heartfelt things to people and they think I'm... trying to trick them? Or, online, "trolling"? Or they assume I mean something completely different? It's so odd to me. I get that it's a self-protective mechanism that apparently a lot of people have, but like... from my perspective, it causes a shit-ton more harm than good... like... it doesn't even seem to protect people.

Anywho, the conversation was about my stream last night and how genuinely scared I am. I got a fucking DMCA notice 1 fucking minute after I ended my stream. 1 goddamn minute. 1/4 of my VoD was automatically muted. And I honestly don't know what to get from that. Am I safe? Am I going to get a strike? Is Twitch protecting me from strikes? Can I play music? Can I play podcasts?

And again, PTSD functions off of a sense of feeling safe and secure. And when some fucking greedy shitbags threaten to shut down my only source of meeting new people because I was listening to music while drawing - as a professional artist - and they want to claim that I'm... trying to sell the music? Like the music even has anything to do with what I'm presenting besides just being background noise. And I can't appeal it. I can't even speak in my own defense. It's pretty much a guaranteed strike. Like, what the fuck is the point of Fair Use laws if you don't even get a fucking hearing?! They gave up on that shit like 3 years ago, it's the Wild fucking West out here. OH MY GOD. As I'm typing this, the stream I was enjoying in the background runs the second 8-ad block in the past half hour. What the fuck happened? Seriously! This place has gone to shit! I swear, no one even remembers what Twitch and Youtube used to be like.

Ugh. So much stress. Constantly. I need a pee break.

Okay, back to venting I guess. The thing that pissed me off the most was that I got a warning email from Twitch about broadcasting copyrighted music... to no one. And I don't think my mom could really understand that. And she was trying to nudge me towards... copyright free music - which I ranted about last night - and then getting a broadcasting license. I mean. Give me a break. I have zero fucking viewers and I'm getting a broadcasting license?! Tell me I'm the crazy one thinking that's a bit excessive...

Then we went to... the ideas I had the past few years. My brother is a musician. We used to jam together all the time. We recorded an album together. I offered to pay him to make me as much music as he could, good chill lo-fi. As much as he could make. It can loop, it can be repetitive, whatever. Give me a giant playlist of original, good music that you would like... spark up a bowl and listen to while you're... fuck, I legit can't think of a "normal people" analogy for drawing. I don't know, just chill music. Just nothing too dark or abrasive. That stuff, just put it on a different list and I'll use that for like... horror drawing night or something. You know? Vibes. All that. And every person that comes in, they get introduced to his music. Idk how that's not a win-win.

He, obviously, rejected that. Obviously. I'm guessing it was a creative control issue or something. Wouldn't even try. Then I asked him if he would be interested in browsing Soundcloud and throwing together a playlist of unsigned musicians that he found that are actually good. And get paid to do that. Since I just have too fucking much on my goddamn hands, I can't do everything. And I could really use the help. Nope.

I literally couldn't even pay my own brother to make me a mixtape for my stream. That's 2023. That's how fucked music is right now. Or at least... in my experience.

Dude, I remember when me and my buddy J (my bandmate) would go on rides late at night just to listen to music in the car. He had roommates and shit, I lived in an apartment building, so we would just go for rides and crank the music and just... listen to music together, driving on the dark highways at like midnight. The people I run into, they act like you can't fucking do that shit anymore. Like it went extinct in 2012 or some shit.

I will know for a fact that I've found someone I need to keep close to me, when I get a message at like... 11:30... saying "hey dude, do you wanna go for a drive and just listen to the new Periphery album? See what we think about it? And then park somewhere and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and talk about like... what we liked about it and what surprised us?"

I tried to do that last night. I seriously... I just wanted more than anything to share that experience of listening to that album for the first time. That's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I will never experience that for the first time again, and I captured it, and it was fucking censored by corporate bots. That's why I was broadcasting, it's why I fucking hit "Start Broadcast", to spend time with people, to share that special moment with people, to share my passion and excitement. To share that time. And now, we can share time with people who are on the other side of the planet, with a 3 second delay on their goddamn phone. How fucking nuts is that?! So it's easier than ever to create these shared experiences. And yet I'm more alone than ever before. Why?

Because they all "grew up". Because no one has the time for this shit anymore. Because the people in my life disappeared and started families, or hide away in their daily grind. Or get buried in responsibilities. I don't even know anymore, it just makes me mad. This isn't how life is supposed to work.

This voice? The outraged "fuck the world" voice? I'm pretty sure that's a big part of my PTSD. It very bluntly expresses disapproval. It demands change. It often feels different, like different parts of my brain are lit up. It feels bitter, and oppressed. It feels like it can't give quarter, because it would be unsafe. It is very frequently misunderstood. The most frequently of all of my modes of communication, I'd guess. Which really sucks, because it's the one that has the most important messages, I'd say.

I try really hard to vet the messages that voice sends out before I send them. Fact-check, to use a trending hashtag. And at least keep an open mind that I may be reading into things a bit, or exaggerating. Because this is a self-protective mechanism I'm dealing with, and they do have a tendency to kinda... act first and sort out the details later. But... here... I'm pretty sure everything I've gone over here is pretty dead on the money. Which really sucks.

But... silver lining... this is a road map to what will bring me peace and happiness in my life. I need to find a way to open up my studio (share my art process/life) to the world... which doesn't involve threats of litigation. I need to find a way to connect with people over music... that doesn't involve risking having both my business and my social networking (personal and professional) shut down. The last person I heard that was a non-partner that got banned from Twitch was sending in appeals for over a month, and he was a comedian who was on a nationally broadcast sitcom, and he had to literally have a friend in the biz call in a favor from someone who worked at Twitch to get him unbanned. I'm not even fucking kidding. So... if I get canned? I'm fucked. Bye bye Twitch. Having security around that, that would make me feel much safer. And, I guess... I'm still mourning the loss of my brother and my former friends.

Might as well address that. Since I'm here. I say this with a heavy heart, because it's always hard to lose someone no matter how. I know loss pretty well. And... I know the two are different, and it might just be me... but in my experience... it's easier to lose someone because they're... gone... than it is to lose someone who is still here. They're just... ... how do I say this... I'm picturing Obi Wan lighting his lightsaber on Mustafar after Anakin force-chokes his pregnant wife.

Honestly, watching the scene again... I often feel more like Padme. I don't have the confidence Obi Wan has. Not anymore. And I don't have the willingness to enter combat, to stand ground and defend. And, unfortunately... look at how that ends for her. You know? I mean, not like Obi Wan's method was super effective either in the long run... And... I don't even know if there's a good way that exists to deal with people who have gone down a Dark path. I really don't. It just... it eats me alive to give up on people when I know their self is destroying them, their own pain and fear and anger. I hate giving up on people. Let alone... standing against them... when they turn on me. Even just defending myself in the moment feels like too much, let alone righteously opposing them.

Moments like that are a big part of why I want to seek out a spiritual group that has similar ethical pacifist beliefs as I do. I grew up in a super competitive family, my father being the most competitive of them all. I have no role model for these behaviors, so any new one is one that I've sorta... found through experimentation. I often feel very clumsy and ill-equipped. And I would really appreciate some form of... mentorship or something. On how to be a pacifist who is dealing with... possessed people. Haunted people. Traumatized people. Hey, maybe it'll even help me deal with myself, when my demons flare up. As they have been lately.

Let's not sugar coat this. I've noticed how I've been acting lately. I've noticed my fear and my anger. I've noticed my suspicions of people conspiring against me, all that shit. All byproducts of trauma. I see bits of Anakin in myself too. I know it's in there, and it's growing. And I need to get it out in healthy ways, and process it in healthy ways.

Meditation is helping, though it's extremely subtle and hard for me to really remember to do it.

My big problem with keeping this insistent "you don't understand, this is what's going on in my life and I just need blahblahblah and where the hell are my friends? Why is no one coming to my streams? Why can't I play music? Why? Why?" bullshit... is that... I actually do need answers to these questions. Like... how do I walk away from that? Just... not stream? I literally just started again. Then... do Instagram or YouTube videos instead of Twitch? Maybe. That's something. I don't know, it just feels like... giving up. Like I ask one person, they don't know... so I give the fuck up? But I have no one else to ask!

But again, the big problem with that... is that it's directly connected to my feeling of safety. Direct chain of events.

No music -> eventually no stream -> no new people seeing my art -> career over.

No friends dropping by the stream -> constant zero viewer count -> no new viewers, no one wants to go to a dead stream -> no new people seeing my art -> career over.

It all funnels down.

Ugh, this is so depressing. Like... I just wish I could workshop this with someone, have someone brainstorm shit with me who actually knows what they're talking about. Like... if I put on a 3 hour podcast, am I going to get flagged?

I need to get off of this topic. It's eating me alive. I didn't stream because of it today. For fuck's sake. I did 6+ hours yesterday, and I couldn't stream at all tonight because I just engaged with this line of thought when my mom called because I was still on-edge.

At least it wasn't a fight. Gotta count my blessings on that.

So... snow's coming. That's nice, huh? XD No electric board, but I can try to hoof it to the community car and swing over to the indoor skatepark, that's something. And I can snowskate, if the snow is good. That's good.

Today felt like a wash. Honestly. Just really stressful all day. Which really sucks because yoga wasn't too bad, meditation went okay, and then I did dishes and cleaned the kitchen, including vacuuming. Then it just went to shit. Because I went into AA-mode and just started unloading all the crap I was carrying from last night about DMCA and work and shit. Ugh.

I just want to make art, man. And listen to good tunes. And share that with other people. And if that's too much to ask... I don't know what to say. But I respect my non-existent viewers, and myself, too much to subject them to copyright free muzak.

Okay, here's a good one to reset the vibes. So... I had a really good idea today for another mala. I was thinking about the bead sequences and how the number of beads are sorta focused around important and powerful cultural numbers. And I had this really cool idea of having each bead be representative of a note within a key, color coded by note, and each section of the mala is representative of a chord, with notes ascending from lowest to highest. And the entire mala itself represents a chord progression.

Music is calling me. The big question is... do I engage with it before or after the skull? I'll mull it over tomorrow.

[stay--satan]

I could say that I'm sorry but I can't even remember how it happened - JASON TODD X READER (PART I)

Hi 👋 can you do a the 17 prompt and can it be that Jason cheated on the reader(female)?

PROMPT LIST

17. “I guess you finally did it. I’m leaving you alone” PART II HERE

WARNING: ANGST AND CHEATING 

"You don't understand Y/N, I'll hurt you like I did to everyone else" "Jason, this entire sad boy attitude is only attracting to teenagers. Drop it."

Jason and Y/N were too much complicated and long to explain in full sentence we're gonna explain in phrases about their time together

- They met in a party that they both didn't wanna go. - They gave the first kiss that night, but only met again about a month later - She held him at gunpoint when he broke in her house while wearing his Red Hood costume - "I was shot" "Goddamnit then why did you came here and not a hospital? Just because I love you doesn't make me a skilled freelancer nurse!" - She googled how to stich my boyfriend's leg and he laughed while bleeding out on her floor. It was also the first time she said I love you. - They've been together for a year and half by this time, so yeah, it took them some while. - A few weeks after this day, she noticed he started to push her away. Not showing up for their nights, not answering her calls, making up lame excuses and etc. - But hell, he didn't expect to her to come to Bruce's place with angry eyes. Now they were arguing over this.

"Look" she said already tired of that argument "I know who I am with, don't you think I've done my research? How do you think I knew you were here?" he let out a sigh "I could kicked you out after that night, but I didn't. What changes now that I know?" "Everything. I... Look at my life, Y/N! I'm a late 20's man who can't have a relationship for more than a year before start to fuck up. I'll fuck you up, and for the first time I feel like you don't deserve this" "You don't get the right to decide this by yourself, Todd!" y/n hit your fists in the table already annoyed "You're the first man that I've loved. I'm not leaving you because you had trust issues in the past" "It's more than that..." "Well, breaking news Todd, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD TO HAVE PROBLEMS. So whatever is yours, get over it." He senses the angry in the tone and decide to keep quiet.

"I'm sorry" Jason show up by her window after a day "I know I keep hitting in the same key, but you don't understand for real" "You keep saying that, but did you ever bother to explain?" And beside his huge fear over this, he did. They both sat for hours as he tells her about Robin, the Joker, the pit, the lost days, his family and everything. "Okay that seems to be a little more to process" she exhale deeply. Jason wide his eyes scared starring at her and she bursts out laughing "I'm so sorry, but that sounds like the saddest thing Bjork ever writted" she says between laughs and Jason started laugh loudly.

He tries to push her away again a few times after that day, but she always ended up at his door with angry fists. Really, she tried to punch him the other day screaming 'Wake the Fuck UP, Todd". And after a huge year, he takes her advice and get over. He lets himself for the first time to sink in a relationship that could lead to somewhere. They have fancy dinners, family reunions, he introduce to her his family (though he's really stressed out over this), invite his friends over her place (since he couldn't leave but you loved it), surprise gifts and stuff.

"Babe, could you grab my towel?" he screams over the bathroom. She didn't respond "Babe?" he steps out walking over her bedroom "Yeah, I think I'm available at night." She's over her phone, he couldn't help to just stand over her door and listen "Yeah sure, he'll not be in here I guess" He helds his breath arching his brow. What's she talking about? He doesn't have much time to think about because now she's yelling to him how wet the floor is. But that doesn't let him get over the hammer hitting in his head over that phone call. For almost every night he left for patrol, he ended up in the top of the building in front of her house looking if there wasn't something strange. Then the dates and coming over started to being delayed, she changed her hair he notices but doesn't say anything. Whenever she fell asleep, he started to look over the house something that could give away but nothing. He couldn't be that paranoid, could he? I mean, the phone calls didn't stop neither but all he could see through the days was more and more random papers over her desk with a lot of phone numbers. For a second he thought about calling one of them, but he knew her better that she would find out and kill him a second later. So he takes a break during the day and follow her car, as this was the normal thing to do. She goes first to her favorite bakery buy the usual donuts and goes straight to her work. He waits until 30 minutes later to get in the building. Fixing his hair, he makes his way though the reception grinning to the secretary. He leans down and tries to compliment her to get informations "So... Audrey?" Jason reads her tag getting back to that smile "Are you sure you can't tell me a few informations. I'm just trying to be a good friend for my pal's girlfriend" "No, Mr Grayson" she giggles letting out a blush. He wasn't that stupid to give his own name "I'm not allowed to tell you infos about our employees" "Oh c'mon Audrey, live a little" he brushs his hands over hers making her face extra red. Jason felt horrible, but it was the only way out of this "Just tell me, has Y/N L/N been talking to anyone lately?" She lets out a dramatic sigh finally spitting up "Well, I've see she has hanging out a lot with Mr Gale from 12th floor. He's kinda like her boss, I saw her leaving to the garage with him last week..." His face drops. So he was right this entire time. "... around eight. So if you're interest..." he hears her voice after processing. He just say goodbye thanking her while leading his way back to his bike.

The next seven hours felted like seven days. Jason Todd has been cheated. Of course that would happen to him, why not? Ugh, now he had to pick up his stuff at her place and go over that entire drama. But that wouldn't be his problem tonight. Picking up his jacket, he goes over that bar that he clicks into his head out of nowhere. Walking in he goest staight to the bend asking for the next 4 shots of whisky. If he couldn't handle the truth, he would drink it. "I honestly thought you wouldn't come" he hears the whiny voice coming from behind. So that's how he remembered the bar. Audrey puts her hand over his shoulder. Jason takes another shot before glancing her eyes. "You know, your pal's girlfriend I think she's finally coming clean to him tonight" frowing his brows angrily "She left early today saying that she had this huge thing to deal with her boyfriend" "Well, I guess now it's their problem" he smirks as she leaned closer.

Jason cursed himself for coming to Y/N that night, but he couldn't help the angry taking over him. Maybe if he was lucky he would catch them on act and he could prove his point. He was to drunk to care, it was 2 fucking am. Stumbling over his feet, he makes the way over the door picking up his spare key for the last time. He takes a deep breath thinking about everything he would scream to her about it and opens the door. But not in his most paranoic dreams he thought about the scene that follows.

The entire room was in flowers and candles, but not in a cheesy way, it was remarkble. Walking on a bit a wild Y/N jumps in front of him with the wildest smile "Took you long enough, hi!" she smiles and his eyes open as this was the scariest shit he had witnessed. She had a 'I'm Sorry" ballon and puts in his hand "So, I know I've been missing out lately but I didn't want to tell you before I had everything under control but..." She picks up a bottle of champagne with that huge smile still "I'm a big boss now!" she laughs over jumping in joy. Jason, still standing behind the close door, roll his eyes letting the balloon out in the air "Are you fucking kidding me?" Her smiles disappear and her entire excitment goes away "You can drop the shitty act, I know everything" he says stumbling over the words "Are you drunk?" Y/N says worried coming closer to him but he goes to the opposite direction from her "Jay, something happened?" "Yeah, it did. You fucking liar, I knew it would end this way" he points at her angrily "You blow your way up then, uh? How many?" She couldn't believe in his words, swalling the cry that was about to come out she whispers "What are you saying, Jason?" "You and that fucking piece of shit cheating on me." her eyes widened in surprise "Don't do this, I know I fucking knew it" "What the fucking are you talking about and you better have some good explanation" "Oh so now we're going to facts?" he says sarcastly walking in circles in the room "We start with the phone calls, and then the 'I'm sorry I'm late' or 'I won't make it in time' and then walking with your pimp to the garag-OUTCH" he screams holding his nose over the huge punch Y/N gave him. "HOW DARE YOU, AND HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT?" "I WENT TO YOUR JOB AND ASKED AUDREY, EVERYBODY KNEW EXCEPT FOR ME" She was so angry that she could feel every nerve of her body moving around her "Are you shitting me, Todd? He has PTSD over the accident he had years ago!" she screams her lungs out "I have been walking with him to his car over the last 4 years and he has been thinking of retiring, so I've been working like hell so he could offer me his spot." she goes over by the desk where he once saw full of papers. She picks up throwing in his face "This? These are the clients I've been talking so I could get a good reference." "wHAT ABOUT THAT CALL 'HE'LL NOT BE HERE AT NIGHT" "IT WAS ABOUT TONIGHT YOUR ASSHOLE AND I WAS TALKING TO JADE TO HELP ME PUT THIS" and suddenly, everything makes sense. If he only had asked her early. His faces drop realising the mess he made, sitting on the floor he puts his hands over his face "Jay, I know it seemed really suspicious, but you could asked me first" She says more softly walking to him "I know you have trust issues, I should be more open to that" Jason starts to cry when she puts her hand in his hair "I'm sorry about punching you, I'll go get some ice" He start to sobs louder and shake "Babe c'mon, it's okay. It was just a fight okay? We're okay" he shakes his head negatively "No, we're not" he says between the sobs "We're not" Y/N lifts his face so he could stare at her. "I fucked the secretary over the bar's bathroom" Y/N let's her face drops in shock looking for words to say "I could say that I'm sorry but I can't even remember how it happened" She just kneels putting her hands over her face and looks for air so she could speak "Ho-How could you do this?" her whisper in a voice he knew it was disapointment "You-you could have talk to me Jason, you could just..." "I know, I fucking know" he screams holding his head still "Y/N, I'm impulsive. I followed you the entire day, I had been spying this house every single night making theories, I'm so sorry" he couldn't even face her, by only hearing her heavy breathing and shaken voice "Well, Todd..." her voice comes out softly again as she stand up "You were right. You're problematic... And congrats, you did it. I'm finally leaving you alone" He stands up way to fast, Jason never felted more desperate "Y/N please please" "GET OUT, JASON" she points to the door. This was it, there was nothing he could do. He was too dirty to talk to her, with Audrey's lipstick still in his body he was too dirty to stand up and saying anything. So he just left the house and heard the huge scream the girl gave bursting out in tears. Jason Todd did it again.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

If you don't agree, don't go

You can go to the state website and petition the state remove statues and do a shit ton of other things

I have said I don't agree with the removal of statues

One for the unknown true history

Secondly it's extremely dangerous

Statues are not designed to be removed, they're very heavy and made to withstand natural disasters and more.

People get wild and it's usually a lot of chaos and rarely fully organized

People use trucks to wreck into statues to destabilize them or to wrap the chains around to pull them down

The statues themselves become projectiles which csn then harm, maim, destroy and kill others.

A statue falling down will break, sending pieces of it flying and into the bodies of bystanders.

The guy with the skateboard in the video was attacking the guy with the gun to stop him from shooting and of course he was shot.

A better method would been asking him to remove the weapon and place it in his car. That was not shown on the video.

That doesnt mean that he deserved to be shot.

Guns have no place at places like these. In what brain frequency do you use that you would consider carrying a live fire arm to a rally by hand?

I see his outfit wasn't prepped for wearing a belt and so on but he could wore a shoulder harness to keep it holster

I also saw he had a small snub nose spinner barrel which to load takes a significant amount of time as opposed to inserting a magazine clip for s gun such as a glock or other type.

I prefer people have a loaded clip seperate from their gun if they will carry because it's safer for everyone and does require thinking twice,before shooting.

It literally takes seconds. Civilians are not trained to recognize life and death situations.

I'm,not saying that those that are trained know how to handle,but I'm saying it's,safer for,everyone to think twice before shooting

If it is a serious situation requiring shooting it does allow,that valuable time to set your eyes on the suspect while loading, most successful gun handlers can load while not looking.so to load while eyeing and locating target should allow calmness to overcome and allow a better shot

If i was a gun toter i would prefer to have my gun with me, of course. But brain use is important.

Obviously I'm not going to have it out.

Unless I'm going to use it.

If I have it, I wouldn't have it where it would be easily taken. Like just in my hand or on my back in a harness. I would have it protected so that I would have it available so that I could use it to protect me

So this guy should had been, disarmed as it would easily been able to since he was just holding it like a moron.

I'm not going to judge the individual actions.

Obviously this situation did not go well.

And obviously some things could gone different

Had Mr Skate board tried to disarm him before he moved, hit him in the gun to get it -- he could have shot someone in the crowd.

What he did was cause the moron with the gun to flee.

Did he know if he had a big van with a bazooka? No. Not if he wasn't CIA or a civilian paying close attention to intuition. But he did So he did go and attack him again.

Unfortunately then the moron decided to discharge his weapon 4 times. It is said.

And the person protecting the crowd with his green skateboard was shot.

There was a small crowd and luckily it was a round barrel which does only hold about 5 shots.

Thus making it a safer type of weapon as opposed to a clip which holds 8 or more.

The smaller crowd was in,extreme danger but the small crowd vs the large crowd is the #1 is the small crowd was following or was aware that he had a gun.

The larger crowd looking at the statue and their,friends and etc were not aware of the danger.

It doesn't mean the smaller group deserved to be shot -- it means they were aware so they were in active flight or fight.

So they were in their choice mode and in their civil liberties mode using their anger or fear wisely as possible.

So to engage the moron while he was in active flight or fight was fine but again at that situation, verbal discussion could have been used to prevent the shooting.

Like I said I'm not going to judge. He could been shot direct in the gut and killed instantly or the guy may been going to get larger automatic weapons with more ammunition.

And I am informed he was actually going to get more ammunition and weapons

I still feel that a de-escalation process could have been used to protect the Mr Skateboard.

At the same time no one else was harmed but him and the situation was resolved safely in all other ways.

So I can't judge as hindsight is 2020 and I was not there and obviously from what I was told a mass shooting was prevented

I don't like,heroes being shot at and being shot.

Because I can see an alternative doesn't mean that his actions,were any less Good.

I only look for an alternative because he, as the Hero was shot.

However it was very controlled and only he was shot.

Thus psychologically, Mr Skateboard had distracted the moron from his,task at,mass shooting enough to stop,him from doing so.

He blew,through almost,all,his rounds and,he knew,he would,need,his last round, or two in order to protect himself

Thus,he could,not shoot randomly into,the crowd

Then apparently he was held under citizens arrest until the cops came. Which could had caused another victim but it was successful. From news reports lacking information of another victim

So overall it was successful.

As I said I prefer my people not be shot. But they do wear bullet proof materials which is why they are fully covered head to toe just like Mr Skateboard was.

If he was carrying an automatic weapon with more ammunition then protocol is different than what did occur.

But a 5 to 6 bullet gun and with his clothing it could be seen what more he was likely holding... Its more important to instigate flight mode as opposed to killing instantly in the crowd of people.

Same with knives and so on

Removal is primary. Thus it cuts down on visibility and the PTSD and other sickness the crowd can suddenly be subdued to.

Most people whom want to mass shoot need secrecy. They need to not be identified and seen. So we identify and we notify they're seen. Hopefully flight occurs and not shooting.

So this was perfect as that is What occurred.

Mr Skateboard was the primary y'all saw.

But there were at least 10 more swarming to stand between the shooter and the crowd so they could be shot and not random people in the crowd. Those were unseen Heroes.

Not to only stand there and be shot But to disarm and deesclatate to protect everyone else.

My people are not actually taught to speak to destabilize or deesclatate. They have their research. They knew who he was and what was in his cargo van. They knew he must be removed from the streets.

To verbiage with him would to "befriend" him and not usually cause enough for arrest. It would be considered FBI work and not CIA work.

What i would said was "you need to put your gun in your pocket. People will kill you for having it out. There's a guy right over there on the other side in a pink shirt ready to kill anyone that looks like you. Hurry put it away"

Then i would killed him myself when he went back to his cargo van, where there was no to few witnesses. I probably would made up the color but i know at least 4 people would been staring at us hard so when he looked up he would been immediately intimidated. And the more he looked for the pink shirt that didn't exist the more hate he would see being stared back at him and he would stay less time.

And so thats why we don't teach or promote verbalige. It involves the heart. It means putting down a guard to where your own heart is exposed and you must in that moment truly care about that person.

Sure acting is applicable. But over time acting warps the mind and i dont want anyone to get mentally warped by my jobs. Action needs to be done and that action is disturbing enough, its the most mentally disturbing even for the most hardened minds.

So adding in words to twist shit. It isn't worth it to me.

But in this particular case i can see where word games would worked.

Now. The point in this case where it's different so its good... That our man was shot... Although not good.

Its public. The man was arrested. He happened to have previously ran for counsel for the state. He was a political candidate.

This is the year of the big Votes! (Rockthevote.org - register. Voting is this November!)

And so now everyone can see how critical their votes are this November.

Had we done it the way i know would prevented my working Hero to be injured -- no one would known. It would never been in the news. It would been a total secret CIA mission i may have off handed mentioned later one time to answer why he was missing. Because last time,he was seen was here with a cargo van full of weapons including a bazooka and.... You fill in the rest. Yeah.

So for political reasons and the election coming and intuitive and Great Tree advice it's very critical that it did occur this way -- for the public.

So what happened is that our Heroes leveled up. It was not that small Group of people in New Mexico it protected. But potieniently the whole entire world. All of our Heroes, Not just Mr Skateboard. By default he gets extra love and attention. And hey he deserves it. He fell and was shot. I know he's bruised and hurt. So he deserves that extra love and praise and all. But no one deserves any less. They all deserve all we got.

So it's very important to remember that bad people will volunteer or try to be in the government and do extra jobs in order to filter in their evil deeds.

People could say that i do it. And that is fine to see the process that looks like it. Because i do plan to insert what i want into the world. I do, 100%

And if you think paradise at an affordable price for all is evil then so be it.

So once again i thank my team and wish them all healthy well and safe. And extra healings to Mr Skateboard.

Now as far as my group being at a place I don't agree with the events taking place.

It doesn't matter. There are people just there whom are curious. And innocent.

They need protecting.

My people research areas people will be and they go where people will be.

People with people. That's all.

I hope you understand that.

My people will protect the idiot pulling the chain to destroy the statue from a random person as well as a mom and her children just experiencing history in,the making.

My people will not protect the idiot from himself nor the cops. If the,statue falls and he gets hurt and if no one else helps -- they must wait to allow others to assist, If no one else will then my team can render first aid if it is absolutely necessary unless it's time of death then they may go first to accelerate that.

But if it's a truly innocent idiot then they will help the person and tend the wounds until medic arrives.

If the cops intervene and want to arrest the idiot my people will stand back. Otherwise if it were me, they would intervene.

Like if I went and just got tired of watching them struggle and went over and said this is how you do it -- which my team also will do if the statue is in the progress and there is partial success and there's a danger, they may take over to help the statue falling with less damage and much safer for people around.

But an organiser that is doing it with ignorant destruction is not protected.

The organiser attracts all kinds of people. Innocent. People watching history. And evil..

So my good go to protect all. From mass casualties.

Then as each individual evil is extracted from the mass crowd they treat them as they individually deserve.

The group is protected as though they're all angels. As demons show themselves or people point them out then they're looked into the eyes and their karma is given.

That is their job.

So as I said it's difficult enough

To add engagement and to use the heart as opposed to physical force then can damage my CIA members.

They are CIA. CIA Is action orientated

FBI is verbal, talk.

Police are both as well as military

They investigate then act.

CIA gets the investigation research and has it from all sources in the entire world then act based on that research.

So the CIA is elite and different than any other organizations in the world.

FBI takes years. CIA takes 2 months at most to verify and then acts.

With the new SMS they can react with seconds.

They are exclusive.

And I appreciate them with my entire heart and I designed their jobs just like above, word for word.

So if you hate what they do then you hate a lot of me and you hate the world and you hate what,they are forced to do because the world has become so dangerous

I will protect them with my life. Because it is my life experiences and my love that determines how they act. What they do.

So I understand. I understand conflicting emotions

But what they do will not change.