#havent had a teenager day this bad in a while

[reyiosa]

me in april 2014: i need an extension on a major paper and all my friends fucking hate me

me in april 2024: i need an extension on a major paper and all my friends fucking hate me

[norman-fucking-reedus]

I’m absolutely obsessed with your writing! I was hoping I could request a one-shot where Daryl and fem!reader are married. They are working on separate outdoor projects but Daryl can’t stop watching the reader throughout the day. The dirtiest thoughts cross his mind as he watches her. Later that evening when they are home and finally alone he recreates all those thoughts with her throughout the night. Daryl has a pleasure and praise kink, includes oral, Daryl loves going down on the reader!

*Set during later Alexandria or Commonweath era (Daryl never goes to France!)

STOP IT RIGHT TF NOW ANON CAUSE WHY HAVENT I THOUGHT OF A PLEASURE KINK. DROOLING RN

Heres me admitting im only on season 9 of TWD so this takes place in Alexandria 😿

A/n: Thought I’d actually title this bc reading it again months later I just think it needs one 🥸

gif creds @daryl-dixon-daydreams

BUSY BEE

Daryl was going to simply pass away and die.

He hated his own mind for it’s never-ending thoughts, even more so when he had a literal job to be doing. His racing thoughts had been distracting him the whole day, occasionally using the wrong tool, knocking something over, and even almost spilling all the oil at one point.

It was just the way your hips looked, so well rounded in those jeans, shirt clinging to your body as you walked quickly with your own tasks in mind, not noticing your husband’s hardcore staring.

His mind was bursting with thoughts of what horribly dirty things he wanted to do to you. Sometimes he physically can’t wrap his head around how he ended up with someone like you. All Daryl could think about was just how bad he wanted to fuck you, cock already stirring to life in his pants.

No. No. He had to stay focused. He couldn’t be seen not doing his task and also now needed to hide the tent forming in his pants. It was worse that he was out in the open, having been assigned to work on the cars to keep them running longer.

You had been assigned to ask around to see what was needed for the next run, only for some reason you had timed yourself to get to everyone in under an hour, hence your quick pace and focused gaze. Daryl had seen you walk past at least three times, each time you sped past while furiously scribbling on a notepad. He felt like a teenager watching and obsessing over his crush.

God, he was so ready to blow himself up, staring down at under the hood of one of the cars used for runs. He forced his mind to focus on fixing shit instead of wandering off. Rick had been saying that the brakes had been failing, only Daryl couldn’t exactly do much without a jackstand.

He decided to test the car battery instead since it had been having trouble starting. Stepping around the car to the toolbox, he almost tripped as you bumped right into him. “Bulky bitch!” You yelped as you fell down onto your ass, dropping your pen and paper. Daryl gently but quickly pulled you to your feet, picking your stuff up. “Tha’ hell ya runnin’ from girl?” He stepped closer to you, sliding a hand to your waist. “I’m a very busy woman with places to be and times to beat” You rolled your eyes, yet smiled softly at Daryl. “Too busy fer me now?” You nodded, leaning up as if to kiss him but going for his ear instead. “Very busy” You whispered sweetly, placing a faint kiss on his cheek before speeding away again.

Daryl simply stood there with his cock straining harshly against the fabric of his pants, cock pulsating as he could feel himself leaking pre-cum. He should just blow his goddamn brains out, now.

He slammed the hood of the car shut and climbed inside, dropping his head onto the steering wheel. It felt like his head was about to fall off with how many filthy thoughts were flooding in. You were the biggest tease and absolutely knew it, sweat dripping down his face as he tried to silence his brain, hands gripping the steering wheel. He wasn’t about to jerk off inside a car with the clearest windows ever, at that point he might as well do it out in the open.

While Daryl was suffering silently, you were simply serene as you rocked on the porch swing of your house, turning in the list to Rick right before your timer hit fifteen minutes. You toyed with the ring on your finger, smiling down as you thought of how Daryl refused to get you something small. He had found a jewelry shop out on a secret run and spent an hour overthinking and questioning himself before finding the perfect ring. It was a sliver band with clusters of smaller diamonds around a larger one that so happened to be the shape of a skull, matching the one he wore every day. He smashed the glass without a second thought.

You smile fondly, also remembering that the same man was probably struggling to do his work. Getting him super worked up was your favorite thing to do as he basically melted in your hands the second he stepped foot inside.

Speaking of inside, you had stepped in earlier to change out your underwear, switching into a black thong you found. You could practically feel Daryl’s hands roaming your body, shivers running down your spine at the tingling sensation.

Whilst you were enjoying yourself, Daryl was still sitting in the car, staring down at the steering wheel as he tried to focus his mind on anything else, aside from the cocky sway of your hips, and the ghost of your lips against his ears.

He needed to get off badly. The only thing really stopping him were these shitty windows, however he proceeded to begin rubbing his hand on his clothed cock, letting out a shaky moan. Daryl slammed his hands back onto the steering wheel, gripping it tightly as he tried to recenter himself. He thought for a moment, sweat rolling down the back of his neck.

The car door swung open and he kicked it shut behind him, walking quickly to avoid anyone who might wanna talk, quickly making his way back home. He passed Carol, who was sitting out on her swing. She waved and he gave a short wave back, trying his hardest to keep his hard-on concealed as he sped past.

He stepped heavily up the stairs, the wooden porch creaking under his weight as he opened and shut the front door. It was remotely quiet as he kicked his shoes off next to yours, tearing his shirt off as he stomped upstairs to your shared bedroom, where he found you in one of his shirts lying on your stomach reading a book, closing it at the sound of your husband's arrival. “Already stripping nude for me, Dixon?” You pushed yourself onto your knees and he approached the bed, grabbing your face rougher than intended and crashing his lips onto yours.

It seemed like in that moment, Daryl’s hyperactive mind finally shut itself down, his shoulders relaxing as his hands held your soft face, licking into your mouth desperately. Your hands wrapped around his neck, fingers splayed out on his upper back as he moved to join you on the bed, readjusting you so your legs rested comfortably on either side of his hips. There was a burning desire in his gut as he sucked harshly on your skin, grinding against you as he did.

Daryl’s hands stayed locked at your hips, massaging and groping the flesh as he continued marking up your whole body, practically eating you. He reached your boobs and ran his tongue over the right one and started to suck deep marks into the sensitive flesh.

His hips picked up speed, becoming erratic before burying his face in space between your boobs, shaking as he literally came in his pants. It was the hottest thing you’d seen. “Feeling better?” You whispered breathlessly, watching him groan and lift himself sluggishly off your chest. “M’not done yet” His words were slightly slurred as he leaned back on his knees, hands fumbling to undo his pants.

You eventually reached down to unzip his zipper, and he was back on you instantly, shoving his boxers down enough to free his hard and dripping cock, precum pouring from the puffy tip. “God, Daryl, you’re so needy tonight” You moaned as he pulled down your pajama shorts, eyes staring down at the black thong. “Yes tha’ hell I am” He whispered, hands sliding up your sides and he slid down, cock pulsing as he got a look at your cunt even with the thong on. There was just so much he wanted to do to you that it was overwhelming his senses.

He ran his tongue up and in between your folds, tasting you through the measly garment. He rubbed circles in your clit as his tongue explored every inch, slipping past the thong and into your entrance, causing your brain to short-circuit as he worked you to release, especially since his own was drying in his underwear. Alongside his tongue, Daryl eased two fingers in, stretching and scissoring you open, his tongue going in much deeper and curling. “Fuck yes, baby just like that” You bit your bottom lip harshly, sliding your own fingers down to stimulate your clit, knowing how to push yourself off the edge quicker. He got so fucking hard at the sight of you playing with yourself, even more so that it was your ring finger, the diamond skull standing out as your fingers sped up. Daryl pulled his tongue out, continuing to move his fingers as he licked your clit, a strangled sob coming from you as you came.

Daryl settled for unleashing another attack on your torso while you recovered from your orgasm, licking, kissing, sucking, and biting at the smooth flesh of your stomach, one hand holding your thigh over his shoulder, and the other resting right by your boob, his thumb teasingly stroking the skin under it. He felt every curse, moan and gasp you let out, licking right in between your already marked boobs, kissing the junction of your throat all the way up to your lips. The head of his cock nudged your pussy slightly, and the heat of the kiss had you dizzy. “C’mon handsome, I can’t wait much longer” You batted your lashes at him, running your hand down his one of his big arms, your ring shimmering in the dim lamp light.

Your other hand slid in between your bodies to shift your soaked thong to the side, pulling him closer by wrapping your legs around his waist. He used one hand to steady his cock, and gripped the headboard as he slammed in, two of you moaning in unison. Daryl’s cock was more sensitive than ever, eyes rolling to the back of his skull as he readjusted himself, pounding roughly into you as you gripped his bicep.

Daryl’s thrusts were relentless as he kept his pace up, bed creaking and headboard slamming as he panted like a dog, watching the way his cock was sliding in and out of you, a giant wet spot forming on his jeans as he showed no signs of stopping. “My big strong man, always fucking me so good with your fat cock” You bit down on your lips as one of your hands came to rest on his cheek. He turned his face to the side, kissing your palm while staring into your eyes with a lovingly lustful gaze. “M’all yers, m’gon always give my woman wha’ she wants” His voice was raspy and breathless against your hand before he locked your fingers together, pinning your hands onto the mattress and dipping his head down to press his forehead against yours, simply panting into each others spaces.

From how tightly you were holding hands, your rings dug into one another’s fingers, and it only turned Daryl on more. You were his and he was yours. “M’so proud ta call ya Mrs. Dixon. Gon fill ya up w all my kids” He whispered, bumping his strangely cold button nose against yours. “Let’s just start with one?” Your voice sounded foreign to your ears, and by the way Daryl’s hips had sped up you could tell he was close “Not one now!” You shrieked, nails digging into his hands as he railed your sweet spot, orgasm already hitting him incredibly hard as he practically laughed in your ear from how hard he came, pulling out just a little too late.

He fell on top of you, but recoiled when something wet touched his navel, eyes flickering down to see his cum soaking into the black fabric of your thong and seeping out your hole. “Gonna clean that up for me?” You winked suggestively at him, and he lowered himself to be eye level with your messy cunt, massive hands spreading you further apart as he licked his lips. “Yes ma’am”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I made myself very horny writing this but I also kept falling asleep as I was writing

also I based both rings off Normans ring :3 (he should put his finger in my body)

[braxlrose]

HII ! CAN I REQUEST A LOT (like A LOT) OF BILL SFW AND NSFW HEADCANNONS PLS 🙏🙏 the brain rot is hitting hard. THANK U

YESS!!! SORRY I HAVENT WRITTEN IN LIKE 2 WEEKS YOU GUYS IM SO SORRY

this is not proofread btw BUT ANYWAYS

Bill is a sucker for you

When you two first met in 2003 when you moved to Magdeberg, he fell in love so quickly

He believes in love at first sight and in destiny and soulmates

He truly believes you two are meant for eachother

Now even though he does believe in that, it takes him a while to want to be bf and gf

When he found out you played an instrument, he fell EVEN harder

After a few days of pining for you and constantly talking to tom about you, he sits down next to you in class

He starts chatting with you a bunch and ends up finding out so much about you

When he told you he was in a band you were so intrigued

You always wanted to start your own band but never met the right people

He invited you to come to one of their concerts and you had such a fun time

You thought he looked so cute (and cool!!) when he was wearing his plaid skirt in front of everybody

You two got closer and you even met Gustav, Georg and Tom

Tom was totally skeptical of you at first

He thought that you were using him for your own gain or just pretending to be his friend to embarress him.

A lot of people had bullied Bill and he just wanted to make sure you weren't one of them

But he got less skeptical as you and Bill grew closer and actually came to liking you

On your first date with Bill, he came to your house and even brought you flowers

He's just cute like that

Your dad thought he was gonna be some perverted little teenage boy (he is but not in the gross bad way) so when he came to your house with a cute smile on his face and flowers in his hands he was surprised to say the least

He brought you two to a drive in movie theater and you guys sat in the back of his step-dads truck.

He brought a blanket for you two and his mom gave him some money so he could get you guys popcorn, soda and candy

You two watched Labyrinth

And he later found out you also shared his joy for David Bowie

After that you two were officially bf and gf

You would sit at lunch with him and the band

And come to his house

His mom LOVED you

You two would also make out up in his room

Tom would always interrupt you guys 😒

You were there at the site when the band was filming 'Monsun' and were so in love with him

He looked amazing and felt so happy and less stressed because you were there

When the musikvideo came out, TONS of girls became obsessed with him

Which made you a bit insecure and jealous, but Bill always reassured you, he only wanted you and no one else

When they went on a tour in the summer, after weeks of asking your mom she finally agreed to let you go with them.

You went on the tour bus with them, which they were all happy to have you

They loved you and thought you were the perfect match for bill

You two would cuddle while sleeping and he would always hold your waist

In the mornings, you'd sit on his lap and do his makeup for him

Which he definitely enjoys, yk having a pretty girl on his lap

He just sits there and smiles up at you since your faces are like 2 inches away from eachother

You obviously get free tickets for the gigs and love watching them

Bill loves hearing you scream out their songs and is super happy whenever he's finished a song and sees you smiling and waving at him

After a show, you always run back stage and give him a big kiss which lasts forever

When you guys go to parties you two are either standing by the food table drinking spiked punch

On one of the couches making out

Or dancing together

If you're standing by the food table, he has you standing in front of him and has his arms wrapped around you waist

If you get tired, he'll turn you around and have you lay against his chest with one of his hands rubbing your back and the other playing with your hair

If you two on are one of the couches making out, he has his hands tightly on your hips and your hands on in his hair, if it's more of a heated make out

If you two are just mindlessly making out, soft and slow. He has you sitting sideways on his lap and has his hand caressing your hair. No tongue, just soft sweet kisses

NOW

If you two are dancing together, like I've said A MILLIONS TIMES.

hands. on. your. waist.

He loves having his head buried in your neck and swaying your hips side to side.

He loves the closeness

Once you guys get home from a party you are tired out

You go up to yours and bills hotel room and you two practically pass out

But first you change out of your closes

Sometimes

It really depends on how drunk you two are

All of those 3 scenarios are a result of drinking

If you were standing by the food table, you were drinking which either led to dancing or making out.

And the making out led to dancing

And the dancing led to making out

But anyways

No matter how drunk bill is, he's always holding you close

In bed there are many positions

Yk..

For..

SLEEPING

YOU DIRTY MINDED PPL OH MY GOD IM DISAPOINTED

UGH

Anywayssss

You two spoon or lay face to face

And sometimes one of you lays on top of the other

When you two are totally plastered, you are spooning, if it's in between, one of you two are laying on the other, if you're only tipsy you two are laying face to face and giggling half the night

As I've said before

THIS MAN LOVES YOU SO SO SO MUCH

You're his everything and he tells you that

The first time you two had sex, he was so sweet

It started out as just a simple night and he was braiding your hair and you two ended up kissing

Which led to sex

He was so soft with you

Asking you if everything was okay

Making sure to go slow at first

Kissing you everywhere

And he always made sure you weren't uncomfortable

And he wiped you down afterwards

And you two cuddled away again

In 2008, when bill lost his voice, he was so scared

But thank God you were there

You held him every second and kissed his tears away

When he couldn't talk for 2 weeks, you babied the fuck outta him

But not in a bad way

Just getting him food, and giving him bathes and stuff like that

Which he enjoyed bc he knows how much you care for him

And you were literally jumping for joy when you heard his voice again

In 2011 you and bill got married

It was so beautiful, there were flowers everywhere and everything was absolutely perfect

You were so lucky to be with bill and he was so lucky to have you. You two were the perfect match for eachother and Georg, Gustav and Tom were so happy to finally see you guys get married

They all had bets on when it would finally happen

As a husband, Bill is the absolute sweetest

I mean, as a boyfriend he was sweet too but oh my god

Husband bill is everything

He rubs your back, feet, shoulders, head, legs WHATEVER YOU WANT HE WILL DO

Showers with him are so fantastic too

Shower sex is even better 😏😘

MATCHING TATTOOS.

But besides that, he makes sure to get your soap all lathered up and make you squeaky clean

I REPEAT.

MATCHING TATTOOS.

They're so cute

Even if it's something stupid, he's so happy to get matching tattoos

He also got matching tattoos with you back in the 2000s but I forgot to say that

You two have movie nights all the time

Labyrinth, the princess bride, Bill and Ted's excellent adventure, the Neverending story.

yall love 80s and 90s American movies

you two celebrate the cutest anniversaries

First date obviously

Bro somehow remembers the exact day you two met 💀???

You two have a bunch of firsts and he loves to celebrate them

He's a romantic

A big romantic

Especially for his darling schazi

IF I DIDNT MENTION HE CALLS YOU ALL SORTS OF GERMAN TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

Schatz, schatzi, liebling, maus, etc.

He wants to grow old with you and be with you forever

He's never ever thought of being with someone else and never will

YALL IM SO SORRY BUT IM KIND OF TIRED RN, I WILL DO A NSFW VERSION THOUGH. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS 😭

[fikefries]

Request for John b: reader finds out she is pregnant and is scared to tell John b because they are still teenagers.

tides of change

thank you for the request! i hope this was okay!

tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at the pregnancy test resting on the bathroom counter.

positive.

the word seemed to echo in your mind. you had been feeling unusually tired, battling waves of morning sickness for the past week. so, you took the test just in case, never truly expecting it to confirm your worst fears.

this changes everything.

you collapsed onto the cold tile floor, consumed by a whirlwind of emotions. fear, uncertainty, and a sense of overwhelming responsibility washed over you. you and john b were just teenagers, you havent even graduated high school, and now this unexpected change is going to alter your lives completely.

sobs racked your body as you realised what this would mean.

how were you going to tell john b? how would he react? would he even want to be a part of this?

but amidst the chaos of your thoughts, a small voice whispered a glimmer of hope. maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of something beautiful, the start of a family and a life with the boy you loved most.

with a shaky breath, you pulled yourself up from the bathroom floor, wiping away the tears that stained your cheeks. you had plans to meet john b at the chateau later today, as he wanted to go on a beach day. despite the turmoil raging within you, you knew you had to face him, to share this together.

summoning every ounce of strength you had left, you gathered yourself and began to get dressed, preparing yourself for the difficult conversation that awaited you at john b's house.

when you reached john b's house, he was already sat in the driving seat of the pogue, waiting for you.

"what took you so long babe?"

"just slept in sorry baby"

you felt bad about lying to him, but you just werent ready to break the news, it wasnt the right time.

once you reached the beach, john b took your hand and pulled you onto the shore as you both undressed, a light blue bikini top paired with beach shorts adorning your body, while he was shirtless with board shorts on.

as you stepped out into the sunlight, uncertainty loomed on the horizon, but deep down, you knew that whatever the future held, you and john b would face it together.

the salty breeze carried whispers of change as john b and you stood on the windswept beach, your laughter mingling with the crash of the waves. summer stretched out before you, a canvas of endless possibilities.

you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, your gaze fixed on the horizon. your stomach tied in knots with a secret you couldn't bear to keep any longer. with a deep breath, you turned to face john b, the words heavy on your tongue.

"john b, we need to talk," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

john b's easy grin faltered as he sensed the gravity of your tone. "what's up?"

"i... i don't know how to say this," you began, your heart pounding in your chest.

"i- ive been feeling tired and ive had morning sickness for the last 5 days so.."

john b softly took your shaking hand in his in an attempt to calm your nerves.

"i took a test this morning, and... and i found out that i'm pregnant."

silence stretched between the two of you, the crash of the waves echoing in the stillness. john b's expression shifted from confusion to shock, then to a whirlwind of emotions you couldn't decipher.

"pregnant?" he repeated, his voice barely a whisper.

you nodded, tears welling in your eyes. "i'm scared, john b. we're just teenagers, and... and i don't know what to do."

without a word, john b closed the distance between the two of you, his arms enveloping you in a tender embrace. he held you close, his touch a comforting anchor amidst the storm raging within you.

"hey, hey, it's gonna be okay," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear. "i'm here for you baby. we'll figure this out together, i promise."

you shifted your head to look up at him, desperately trying to read his facial expression.

was he sad? did he regret it?

instead, you saw a smile beginning to form on his face.

"im going to be a dad" he stated

"i love you so much baby, im so lucky that you will be the mother of my kids- if you choose to keep the baby i mean, its all up to you my love"

he looked down at you with a wide smile plastered on his face

"plus you'll look hot as fuck in maternity clothes"

you giggle and lean into him, catching his lips in yours.

feeling the steady beat of his heart against your chest, you leaned into his embrace, your fears momentarily forgotten in the safety of his arms.

as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow over the beach, john b pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin with a tenderness that spoke volumes. amidst the uncertainty of your future, you found comfort in the unspoken promise of a love strong enough to weather any storm.

[thebrainrotsreal]

Invincible Fic Recs

Also bored as hell so here's Invincible fic recommendations because I can, in no particular order. This fandom's weirdly small (from what I can see) but there are people making fics and I will treasure and cherish them until the sun explodes. Thank you fanfic writers, I love you fanfic writers, doing incredible work, fanfic writers <3 Maybe you've read all these already, or hopefully you can find a fic to adore! TBH a lot of Mark-centic fics because I am biased <3 Feel free to add on!!!

 something better, pushed right back by umanta | Word Count: 13k | Tags to Note: PTSD, Homophobia, Racism, Child Abuse | Oneshot

Being invincible has less to do with the body and more to do with the soul. Mark's friends use the power of teenage shenanigans to help him find his feet again.

Notes: Literally one of my fav Invincible fics of all time. They're just teens and I love all of them so much.

me and myself by avisisisisisissss (joyfuldreamlandcheesecake) | Word Count: 4.6k | Tags to Note: AU, Torture, Evil Mark, Dimensional Travel | WIP!

Mark is dealing with Angstrom's death and the stains of blood on his hands. Meanwhile, Mark has been captured by Cecil, who is torturing him to get him to answer to him. ...It's complicated. Or, when his evil version from another universe ends up in this dimension, Mark starts to feel like someone threw gasoline in his dumpster fire of a life.

Notes: Me biased? Pshhh, not at all. But AU based on a post of mine, please read it, it's really incredible already :)

in the end, you're all i have by orphan_account | Word Count: 1.4k | Tags to Note: Post-Season 1, Hugging, Emotional Hurt/Comfort | Oneshot

Amber’s incredulous look is only brief before she reaches over and grabs the book, opening it to the last page that she was reading. Mark’s eyes are fluttering before she even makes it through the first page; his body goes slack against her, breathing lulls, attention wavers. But she keeps reading the words on the pages, brushing her hand through his hair until she hears soft snores whistling through his nostrils and he finally succumbs to his exhaustion.

Notes: I love Amber and Mark and this is such so soft and good. Truly lovely.

Architect of Your Own Demise by Marzi | Word count: 7k | Tags to Note: AU, Role Reversal, Canon levels of violence, | Oneshot

A lot of his dad's stories were about a beautiful wizard saving a prince from a tall, lonely tower. His dad had a whole series of adventures they went on once the prince was rescued. Though he still seemed to get into plenty of trouble, the wizard always helped him escape. Finding out the stories were true had been thrilling. His mother did save his father when they first met, but she hadn't used spells. She was an alien. She was a superhero. And one day, Mark would be too.

Notes: In all honesty, Marzi writes so many epic Invincible fics, it's had not to list them all, please check them out if you somehow havent' already??? I am weak for Role Swaps though and this is does it so well.

Cold Snap by Marzi (series) | Word Count: 11.9k total | Tags to Note: what if debbie was also allowed to make bad choices, possession, potentially disturbing mutilation based impulses | WIP!

The edge of her mouth twitched again, like it was caught on some hook. She was smiling. She was laughing at him. That wasn't his wife. He moved forward, hand outstretched and on her throat. He had her pinned against the counter before he finished blinking. "What are you?" She leaned into him, unconcerned with the threat against her. It also clearly didn’t care about hiding anymore. "Think you have time to find out?"

Notes: Another Marzi fic because I love Debbie. POSSESSED DEBBIE LIKE HELLO??? I had to share.

Spill the tea boy by mandaree1 | Word Count: 1k | Tags to Note: Set After "It's Been A While", | Oneshot

Mark is visited by friends on Thraxa.

Notes: Crying sobbing begging for more GoG & Mark interactions like these. They heal me ok, thank you, op.

all the things left behind by cadastre | Word Count: 28K | Tags to Note: AU, Captivity, Forced Cohabitation, Aftermath of Torture, Survivor's Guilt, Nolan Grayson's A+ Parenting | WIP!

Mark is invincible. When the world ends, that becomes William's problem.

Notes: Omg fucked up Mark and William interactions??? HELLO? Yes PLEASE? No one is having a good time <3 I haven't seen a fic quite like this so please read!

from a body that used to be yours by thislittlebagofdreams | Word Count: 30K | Tags to Note: Angst, Self Hatred, Alien Biology, Binge Eating, | WIP!

After his dad reveals the truth, Mark returns home to find half the silverware missing. Or: After his dad reveals the truth, Mark reminds his mom too much of his dad.

Notes: I haven't seen an alien bio fic either for this fandom and this is STELLAR! I love the change that Viltramites can't cry, that's such a epic idea???

All Alone Now by YingYangKay | Word Count: 2k | Tags to Note: Solitary Confinement, Dissociation, | Oneshot

Imprisoned and alone, (Evil) Mark has plenty of time to self-reflect and think about his life choices.

Notes: ILY EVIL MARK! I just adore his POV as he reflects, entrapped, and alone. Angst my beloved.

Again, feel free to add on! :D I hope someone finds a new fic to read and adore!!!

[renren-006]

Hunt | John Winchester x Reader

summery: you meet john winchester, but maybe your not so clueless about the world of the supernatural as john thought you would be

word count: 623

a/n: hey all! i have been so busy at school i havent had time to write but im trying to make a point to finsh most of the request i got and to finsh up some other stories! dont feel bad about sending in more, i love hearing your thoughts. anyways this one is short!

You met John Winchester not too long ago. You were working in a bar in North Dakota when he showed up. He was younger then, and his boys were just hitting their teenage years. You were younger too, spry, good looking and one hell of a bartender. You were smart too, you caught on quickly to what was happening in that little town. Course it wasn't the first skin walker to live in the area and hopefully was the last. When John came in asking about the town and the disappearances. 

“Hey” John had said to you, you smiled sweetly at him. “Do you know anything weird around town?” you caught on there fast. 

“You mean the 4 locals that have gone missing since the summer started?” i asked him, “no not at all” the sarcasm rolled off your tongue with ease. You smiled back before passing him a beer. “Look weird shit has been happening here every summer since i started living here”

“How long have you lived here?” He asked you.

“About 5 years…After I graduated I decided I wanted some scenery change and since then haven't left here.”

“So bartending was your…”

“My dream? Absolutely not but I'm a people person and talking to the locals and the passing throat makes my day. "You told him, “Plus the weird things that happen around this area have kept me intrigued” John was interested now. You had left out a few details, the skinwalker in the local area was not the only thing that ever crossed into this town. There was a local ghost that haunted for a year before she was put down. She haunted the local library, before then it was an old orphanage and the little girl had been killed so, it was a tragic story that you did your own research about. 

“What do you mean?” John asked. You smiled, you held up your hand to let him know you'll be back while you swerved at one of the locals before circling back to him. 

“Look, I've been out here for 5 years, I know hunters when I see them now” you told him, leaning over the counter. “The skinwalker that's here, he terrorizes women, which is weird, but look there's only so many of us in this town. Do you get what i'm saying”

“You think hell be after you soon”

“Yes, I'm young, I fit the profile and if I went missing the only people that would miss me would be the men I serve their beer too. I have no family, no boyfriend, no child, i'm the perfect candidate”

“What if you stayed with you?” John asked you, “me and my boys?” 

“I've got an extra bed and a couch” you told him. 

“Meet you after your shift?”

“I get off at 5” you told him.

Those few nights John stayed with you, you felt like the safest girl in the world. You gotta know Sam and Dean extremely well for those days. Dean was hard to let you in, after all your nagging he finally did, and Sam well he already opened his heart to you early on after he saw how his Father reacted to your presence. You liked John, it was obvious. When he was packing up to leave that Saturday the light rain made it worse. “Here” you said strolling out ot the car. You handed john a piece of paper, on it was your number. “I know you have to go, but keep in touch okay?” 

“Ill try” 

“You better do more than try John Winchester, or i’ll be the one to hunt you down” you told him. He chuckled before he got in the car and left with the boys.

[jaybutnotthebird]

IMAGINE MEETING ROCKY ON THE ROAD

-Imagine meeting Rocky on the road when you were both homeless teenagers.

-Imagine being slightly bigger than him, since he's buildt like a noodle, and of more thought appearence, just 'cause you can't possibly be as cheerful as him

-imagine that you can play some short of instrument that fits fine with the fiddle, like a little flute or a guitar, and the two of you hit it off right away

-imagine Rocky telling Freackle about you in one of his letters

-imagine you two geting to know each other deeply, little by little. Soon there's a point where you know the sadness behind his grins, and he knows exactly how to tease you and when not to do it

-imagine one of you geting into trouble, and expecting the other to get away only to have them come back and risk it for you

-imagine that, for a while, its the two of you against the world, playing little songs and telling stories to earn enough to eat while on the road

-imagine the inside jokes, the hours spent just walking and talking together, the nights cold as fuck but good enough to make do, the feeling of compañerism between you two

-imagine the few fights and arguments between you, wich, no matter how bad they could get, were forgotten as soon as they ended

-imagine joining the cyrus together, maybe even starting a simple, fun musical number to entertain the audience

-imagine that one of you lost the job at the cyrus and the other doubted not a second to follow, to stick together

-imagine what may have been the reason you went your separate ways

-maybe (and this is just my imagination) maybe you two realiced what you felt for each other and panicked. Had an argument. Decided it was better to put some distance between you

-imagine regreting that choice, as you spent night after night alone on the road, wondering if the other is ok and if they miss you as much as you miss them

-imagine going back at one point and trying to find the other, but theres no use, so you just give up on It and keep only the memories

-imagine ending up at St Louis, doing odd jobs, from playing on the street to the more dangerous, ilegal kind

-imagine meeting by chance on the street, and its just sudden joy without second thoughts

-imagine Rocky just passing by, hearing the familiar sound of music. He knows what that instrument is but it didn't occur to him it would be the exact same, played by the same person. When he comes closer and sees you he just runs at you exclamig your name. You abruptly stop playing and return the hug, lifting him in the air, no matter who's watching

-imagine the sweet, exciting joy of a chance sudden reunion with an old friend like that

-imagine how you both have changed, becoming older, stronger... He looks good in blue. You are still dressed humble, tho not in rags like when you first met

-imagine talking for hours, catching up. He brings you to the little daisy café, gets pancakes, then takes you downstairs, introduces you to everyone

-imagine making a little demonstration of the songs you use to play. You havent done this in years, but one of you starts a familiar tune and the both of you fall right away into it, in sinc

-imagine you finding some odd job with the Lackadaisy crew, maybe somehow fiting your little instrument in with the rest of the band, but also joining Rocky on his dangerous runs

-imagine you two talking up to late hours like back in the day

-imagine finding a little place to bunk in together, at last. A place of your own.

-imagine geting upset with Rocky, and telling him to his face that his life is worth much more than three meager bottles of shit water. Imagine breaking them in a fit of rage just to drive the point home.

-imagine threatening him with burning the speakeasy down if he gets hurt. Imagine his face.

-imagine him being pensive and quiet after this

-imagine the two of you finally acting up on your feelings after years of constant struggle and distance

-imagine your life together from there

[struck-by-the-rain]

kaaaaas i want the scoop whats goign on in your head with jj and joe ive seen u talk about shipping them. i want to know about it i hunger for the lore

oghhhh let me think,,,, i kind of have a lil story in my head for all the joe ships kinda (some obviously more fleshed out than others. coughs) but im still not sure exactly on the lore in my head for joe & jj, mainly bc its a bit of a crackship to me so far? and while jj is around in my rh hc mind palace hes not super well characterised to me yet in my head....

but i decided that joe was a massive fan of pre-retirement jj (and later the rockers) and had a massive childhood/teenage crush on him. so its just funny if he 1 day he pulls this bad bitch by being autistic

in my hc mind palace jj and joe meet via 6switcher (who's friends/flatmates with joe and sk and also knows the rockers bc hes their audio technician), maybe joe wants to learn guitar and 6switcher gets the 2 in touch and they become friends!!!!

bc joes with sk at this point in my lil storyline i like 2 imagine jj/joe as a fun lil poly extension to pkt kinda,,, idk maybe jj asks joe out over text or smth and sk stops him from responding w "sorry, i have a boyfriend",,, like they're like "holy shit u have to go on a date w this guy, i know how much you had a crush on him!!!" and like maybe because joe has no relationship experience other than sk (to me) sk thinks itd be good for him to see someone else!! maybe hes the one to even help set them up idk

uhhhh idk again its a crackship so idk how theyd acc be as a couple,, like they both have the t4t autism4autism bond and a bunch of mutual interests (music) and experiences (having to retire from smth they were v. committed to for similar reasons-ish, jj retired bc of his neck injury and joe gave up on karate partially bc of his physical/mental health 2 me) so theyd get on pretty well!!! but other than that i havent rly thought of much yetttttt. ohhhh also i hc joe to be a super easily flustered person (if u couldnt tell) so i think hed just be like a nervous wreck around jj at first lmfao!!!! idk!!!!!!

joe/jj/sk is also another thing i think of occasionally but i literally cant think of a coherent thought about that one rn. i guess at that point u basically have. ds set 6 polycule

yeah thats it i have like 1 or 2 funny scenarios i want to draw w them but thats it for the jj/joe lore for now,,, idk its just 1 of the fun things i like to think abotu sometimes i love multishipping and imagining hypothetical poly extensions to my fav pairings

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME. last night we watched ds9's "empok nor" and voy's "scorpion part i."

empok nor (ds9):

THIS ONE WAS SO GOOD.

firstly, i love when we bring up o'briens war history. SECONDLY, i love when garak has problems

i also really really love nog, but cathy was right when she said it should have been bashir with them - he would have made the perfect hostage tied to the pole while the two of them fought over him. we've never really got a taste of the o'brien bashir garak dynamic and it would have been delicious

GARAK STALKING THEM THROUGH THE SHADOWS. very scary. mwah

also, it's really funny that this station IS ds9, they just turned the lights off. i love budget genre television

and, of course, who can forget the failed government experiments frozen in a tube? this episode had EVERYTHING

i also thought o'brien and garak at the end were very chill considering. o'brien like yeah dude i really was attempting with my whole pussy to kill you and garak like yeah i wouldn't have it any other way can you tell the guy's wife that i murdered that i'm sorry and o'brien is like yeah dude no prob feel better soon see you around. like what is it about garak that encourages this kind of dynamic...he tortured odo and then they become breakfast buddies, he tries to kill o'brien and they brush it off, he did that whole thing (gestures to "the wire") with julian and julian still gives him hugs and a blankie when he has claustrophobia. you can say anything to this guy. he tells nothing but lies but won't accept hearing anything less than the absolute no-frills-attached truth

anyway, 10/10

scorpion part i (voy):

SPEAKING OF EPISODES THAT HAD EVERYTHING.

gimli as leonardo da vinci. janeway and chakotay being sweet to each other. janeway and chakotay fighting. borg. disembodied heads. tentacles oozing into orifices. cgi aliens. janeway appealing to the devil. action. drama. INCREDIBLE

three years ago i didn't even know your name today i can't imagine a day without you i'm going to HURL!!!!!!

chakotay like. hey we havent slept. we havent eaten. you need to do that. and shes like sorry can't! and then he's like we cant go through this space we will die. like i've been semi-borged i know how bad it gets i don't want anything to happen to you and she's like sorry we gotta! and he;s like i'll follow you but i can't support this path and she's like well damn i guess i am alone. AGGHGHGHG

like along with a huge dose of actually suspenseful and scary action (it is always is with the borg) AND the cool body horror (rip harry kim and his mommy issues) we also get this wonderful interpersonal drama...and like i absolutely get why she's not willing to wait in the delta quadrant for a safer way to do this to come along. because you could do that forever. i also get where HE'S coming from because with the risk of death so high maybe it's better to accept the facts...that's what he did in (draws hearts) 2.25 resolutions, and just like in that episode, she does not give up, CANNOT give up, because it means facing not only despair but failure - and in this case, failing more than just herself

shoutout also to the scorpion and the fox parable, which i'd never heard as fox but frog, because it is of course in that one show about the teenage canines

i cannot believe people had to wait months for this to have a follow-up in 1997. EVILLLL

next episode........we finally meet seven. i am Dying to see her

TONIGHT: ds9 s5's last two episodes, "in the cards" and "call to arms."

[polyamorouscultureis]

so this is a specific situation and uh i’d normally talk about it to my best friend bc she’s the only irl person who knows i’m a relationship anarchist but i can’t because it’s about her so i figured id see if you have any advice. so basically we’ve been besties for a few years (i’m in high school) and abt two years ago i had a crush on her and at that time neither of us had really been in a romantic relationship and it was my first real crush, i told her about she didn’t feel the same way and wasn’t ready for any romantic relationships anyway, so i pretty much got over it after a couple months and everything was cool. about a year ago we both started having romantic relationships and honestly none of the people either of us have dated were super great. anyway i’ve been single for a while and so this one time we had a sleepover together we were talking about how dating is hard and how you can’t really tell if people actually like you or just want to date somebody and she wa specifically saying how she wished she could just like kiss her friends and it not be weird (she referenced britney and santanas relationship at the beginning of glee!) and was was agreed with her and later we were cuddling and holding hands (which is pretty normal for us to do, i’m really touchy with my close friends which i actually found out bc of her) but like it felt more intimate than usual? like she was stroking my hair and tracing her fingers down my back and it was really sweet (while a slowed down version of teenage dream by katie perry was playing which feels like it means something) and i kissed her on the cheek/jawbone and she giggled and said i was cute! but ik she has a tendency to just kinda date people or let ppl kiss her bc she doesn’t wanna have to tell people no so i asked if it was okay that i did that and she was like “yeah it’s cool, i trust you, just keep it kinda private”(she’s v private about affection so it’s cool) and after we stopped cuddling she was joking around and sitting on her lap and uh i asked if i could kiss her (at the time i felt very platonic about it) and she said i could, so i did. and it was nice! not the most fireworks he he kiss i’ve had but it is the only one that i don’t think i’ll regret which is probably more important. but anyway a couple weeks later i start having kinda crushy feelings for her again, made a playlist and everything, but i can’t really tell if it’s queerplatonic/ alterous or a ‘normal’ romantic crush bc frankly i’m bad at understanding my own feelings. i think though that i want some sort of romantic friendship with her. honestly i’ve had romantic feelings on and off but she’s always a super important person in my life but she gets so busy i her worried our friendships more important to me than it is her and that feeling kinda sucks even when it’s wrong. but the problem is whatever the feelings are i don’t feel like i can tell her about it bc she started dating someone right after that day where we kissed so i never got the chance to talk about it and she’s Very much monogamous, she’s super supportive of me and whatever style relationships i want and but polyam just isn’t for her at all, so like what do i do? do i tell her i want a queer platonic relationship? do i keep it to myself until i’ve totally figured out what it is i want? or until she’s not in a relationship anymore??? (sorry for rambling on)

First of all this is so extremely cute <33

Second of all, it's hard to give advice in situations like this because there are so many unknowns. It's always a risk telling someone your feelings, especially if in the past they havent reciprocated. And it seems like you feel there is more to lose this time.

I guess the questions to ask yourself are, would it be more painful for you if she decided to stop being flirtatious with you because she didn't want to lead you on, or if she continued to flirt with you platonically after establishing that it will never be in a romantic capacity? What would change between you if you started a romantic relationship and what do you feel you miss out on without it? These are complex questions and it's sometimes hard to know what you want or how you would feel in just a hypothetical situation, but it may at least help point you in the direction you want to go. Best of luck anon!

[ezradogteeth]

this is like so specific im sorry LOL but i know you smoke and also disassociate. has weed had an affect on ur disassociation like in any way negative or positive??

i have kind of chronic dissociative symptoms and i always want to smoke in a social setting but i do not... want to freak the fuck out also

ik u dont really post ab this stuff that much anymore but it is hard to find personal accounts about this specific thing. so i wanna hear ur take on it

personally weed interacts badly with my dissociation overall. while i'm high i don't have any issues i love it ^_^ never freak out or anything. but in the days after, my brain fog and body numbness are much more noticeable. i think also probably smoking a lot of weed as a teenager made my long term memory worse which i regret.

as a result i don't really smoke anymore except on rare occasions. i also don't drink much or do other drugs (with the exception of shrooms like roughly once a year) cuz it all has that effect.

it's certainly not like this for everyone tho! i don't mean to say no one should smoke if they have dissociative symptoms. it can actually also help for sure. i know when i smoke i feel a lot more aware of my body and it clears my mind in a helpful way to get in touch with other parts of my consciousness.

if you havent already, i'd suggest smoking in a chill controlled setting with a couple friends to see how you react if you're worried about how you'd be in larger social settings. for any drinking/drug use, i always always have my exit route planned in advance so that i know i can hit the bricks if i start feeling bad. i know where to go if i need to change the scenery or be alone (going outside at a venue, or to a bedroom at a houseparty etc) and how to get home, and also make sure i have someone i can communicate with if i feel bad and need help. probably this is all very intuitive and i dont gotta tell you, its just how i feel better navigating it cuz i also worry about freakin out sometimes

take care feel free to ask a follow up question if i can give more info!

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

ive gained some weight and idk how to feel abt it

ive never been skinny but recently i have realized ive gained a few pounds. there isnt a scale in my house (both my ma and i have struggled w self esteem) but i just can tell. i get that weight fluctuates esp as a teenager but still i feel icky abt it. gaining a few wouldnt kill me but losing a few wouldnt either. no one has said anything to me but still i can tell and its bothering me. i mentioned it to my bf the other day and ofc he said it didnt matter to him. either way its not that i feel bad abt it necessarily well no i feel bad but like not horrible???? like there was a time where id sob abt this but rn i just feel kinda gross abt it like uncomfy abt it. doesnt help that im eating a bagel while typing this. it kinda makes me wanna stop eating again even tho that is NOT the solution to this. the main reason i think that ive gained a few pounds is cause the weather is cold and has been rainy where i live so i havent been going on walks as much, went on my first one all winter yesterday after school, also we started health in PE so i havent had the usual 4 times a week half hour of physical activity that i usually do so thats probably why either way ill probably just walk in the cold and eat a bit better.

[salva]

do u find it harder to get into fandom now being an adult? clexa and supercorp were super easy to get into with them airing weekly with each creating a massive fandom and being a teenager / early twenties at their peaks. maybe because warrior nun was cancelled it’s hard to get into now? or maybe being an adult now? idk just been thinking about the past a lot… those past fandoms felt like a community but now they’re so fleeting in hindsight with no real connection

i have to agree with you on that last part, but also apply it to everything nowadays. To paraphrase Warhol, it seems like everything gets 15 minutes of fame and then goes out of fashion just as quickly, which is a real tragedy!

Its harder to be in fandom now for a lot of reasons, and i dont think being an adult is one, so much as the way that fandoms and being in a fandom has evolved from the earlier days to the way that it is now. But I still have a lot to say so phew buckle up because this is long so im gonna put it under the cut.

I also do find it a lot harder to get into fandom, and i think in part it has to do with being an adult, but also ive been 'doing fandom' for about a decade now (geez thats wild to think about lol) and ive been very uneasy and hesitant to engage in fandom the way that it is now. I've seen people being way too nasty and mean to each other, as well as to actors and other people in the media and I absolutely want no part in that! But it seems like those are the people that get the most engagement and it just goes on to encourage that kind of behavior amongst fandoms, that now its the unfortunate norm and i see new fandoms very quickly turn on each other. There is no more 'fandom etiquette' like there once was. Frankly it is way too exhausting and Ive mostly just turned to reblogging funny stuff I like and less fandom oriented which is real sad. I used to have different blogs that i regularly maintained for my main fandoms and around 2018/2019 it started feeling too much like a chore to be in a fandom that i stopped. But in the beginning, when i was really starting to get deeper into fandom was around 2013/2014, and 2013 - 2016 seemed to be imo the golden age of fandom. Everyone had a sense of community, artists and gifers and editors and authors and think piece bloggers were getting so much positive engagement, and it was very easy to fall into a group of people and feel welcome. I still talk to people that I connected with in a group chat for Carmilla! But now it really is a quick 'wham bam, thank you ma'am' sort of deal with show hype, and as someone who got really busy and had a whole lot of (good) life changes happen very quickly, i havent created anything for any fandom in a while, and I have felt a noticeable ostracizement / lack of interaction / friendly communication between me and people that contribute creatively. And I know Im not the only one. I understand though that, again with the new fandom style people close ranks pretty quickly and unless youre a loud (read: mean and/or annoying) voice in the community, people don't really want to have anything to do with you. Then theres the ease now of fans being able to engage with actors and media people and that has its own sets of problems (cough starting with lexa and jroth cough) and i think fans have developed more insane and extreme parasocial relationships with these people that I dont think existed before in the way that they do today. I think fans have a bigger feeling of entitlement towards actors/media people that rubs me in such a wrong way, and then using their platforms to call them ugly / bad actors / shame them for their partners / etc. which i think is so so childish but alas. Its also hard for creators to get engagement because people dont seem to reblog/retweet/share/credit them the way that they once did, and I think that also has to do with the lack of fan driven content, reducing fans interacting in fandoms with each other and resulting in the tapering off of hype and excitement and community that we once shared.

There's just unfortunately too many sad reasons that make it harder to find a sense of community within fandoms and I wish that I could take all the fans and shake them by the shoulders and teach them the proper fandom etiquette that i learned.

[kikuneesama]

Happy birthday @enevera!! Here is a little something something, I hope you might like. I'm sorry I couldn't come up with anything cooler fsdklfsdaklf. I havent written in a while and idk with my brain yet. Anyway, wish you a great day and all good things. Sending hugs &lt;3

Uh, yeah, this is I guess Satoru x Suguru x Shouko .... maybe

2064 words

unedited because im lazy.

There is this certain type of cigarette smell that transforms Shouko back in time whenever she smells it. It does not matter where exactly she is, Tokyo’s main station, the narrow ways between the high rise buildings of Ropponing, the long way up the road to the school, if she just catches a whiff of that smell it is like she timewarped back to being a teenager.

Maybe that is why she stopped smoking those brands of cigarettes completely.

Once you enter adulthood, many people in the country start looking back at their childhood summers with this nostalgia for a time that seemed almost too perfect to be real. Anime, movies, music and tv often discuss these summers, the longing an adult feels for them and how a time like this would never happen ever again.

Shouko hated this. Summers were hot, summers were sweaty and overtly sunny and full of bugs and cicada noise. As a kid she would hide in the basement, and now, as an adult, she was doing much the same. 

Her childhood summer, the one she longs for, happened when started when she was 15. It lasted for much more than four years and it smelled of chewing gum, wooden rooms and menthol cigarettes.

Being a person who can see cursed spirits didn’t make you a popular student with the other kids in schools. So for her first 8 or so years in school, Shouko tried to stay out of everybody’s way. That didn’t mean they didn’t whisper about her behind her back, thinking her interest in medicine and especially forensic sciences were odd. Still, she didn’t have it as bad as other kids like her, she was not bullied, she was mostly just left alone.

It was good to be alone. She knew how to cope alone.

It was an unusually warm April day, the cherry blossoms just falling down the trees when Shouko entered Jujutsu High for the first time. She was almost sweating in the black new uniform with the long sleeves. She was greeted by the headmaster, introduced to her teacher and told that she’d share the year with two boys. She wasn’t very interested in them.

Shouko heard Gojo Satoru before she saw him. The corridor with the student rooms was full of the noise of his laughter. When he introduced himself to her, with that sly smile of his, and told her who he was, what significance he had, how he was going to be unbeatable, Shouko guessed and guessed right instantly, that he was overplaying.

That he was lonely was obvious, even if you couldn’t see his eyes.

Geto Suguru was a different kind of boy. He was quiet, an outsider and he knew it. He was friendly, always overly courteous. He inquired about her medical books and anatomy posters and overall did some friendly small talk. Shouko guessed that he too had been mostly alone and instead of becoming louder, like Satoru, had just quieted down more. 

All three of them were similar in that regard.

At first she thought she'd never like either of them very much. 

And so classes began.

Getting to know both of them was a slow but rewarding process. Shouko had been right about Satoru, he had been isolated from other people most of his life so far and craved human connections. He would come by her room even when she was studying, hanging on her bed throwing balls at the ceiling and down until she told him to leave.

Suguru turned out to be a real nerd. Super interesting and classic and modern Anime and Manga, though he hid his addiction well. In his room he kept most of his Manga volumes under his bed and in the corner, all neatly packed and dust free, as if they were porn magazines. But if he was asked about it, he would never stop talking. Shouko sometimes spent evenings with him just sitting side by side reading in comfortable silence.

She knew the boys were doing things together without her too. That they spent time with just the two of them. One time she opened the door to Satoru’s room for this and that and they were laying shoulder to shoulder on his bed. 

At the time she had no way to explain the stinging she felt at being excluded from the intimate moment.

They were a trio. Most first years came into the school in Trio’s or groups of four, but none were as close as the three of them. It was impossible to mention Suguru without mentioning Satoru and Shouko too. Triple S, the first years called them once they graduated to year two, and they meant it in annoyance and admiration.

That second spring, Shouko brought the menthol cigarettes for the first time. She ignored the “That’s bad for your health” and “those stink” comments from Satoru whenever she put on one, and his dramatically waving hands if it was around him. Smoking was nice and a stress relief and made her feel good.

Smoking wasn’t allowed in the dorms or through the open windows as the smell could seep into the furniture and curtains, so Shouko often had to go outside to have some. Either of the boys, sometimes both of them, often accompanied her then, even if Satoru often pulled a face.

The smell of the cigarettes seeped into all of them anyway, their hair, their clothes, their minds that summer, with so many things happening. Shouko was watching the boys grow from the sidelines. Her career path was different and so they were often separated. But before and after missions they’d still all sit together, outside, on porches or in gardens and on benches, talking, laughing and the smell of Shouko’s cigarettes were always there too.

Shouko loved both of them. Each in their own way, but at best together. In those times she used to think that if she’d be able to live with them side by side forever, she would never need to marry. They would be family enough.

Suguru could endlessly talk about manga he had bought, new shonen jump issues and anime adaptations, but it was Satoru who brought in the story that finally helped her figure her mind out. It was a Shoujo manga, something Suguru would never touch if he could help it. Satoru was raving about it, the story of a protagonist who couldn’t choose between two suitors. “She loves them both,” Satoru exclaimed. “So she can’t choose! It's incredibly exciting to read.”  

“You can’t love two people,” Shouko said in reflex, but took the books anyway. To humour him.

Amongst all the relatively standard romance and reverse-harem tropes Shouko actually did find the narrative pretty interesting. The lead character did love both boys very clearly and struggled to decide who to pursue. Didn’t help that both guys had different personality traits that fit neatly into hers, but none of them was perfect.

When she gave the books back to Satoru she told him she liked it, but not without gritting her teeth a little. Still, he smirked, because of course he did.

Not long after that, at the height of sweaty summer, Shouko felt like hanging out with Suguru, so she made her way over to his dorm room, her arms full of books to study with. It was not locked, the door just leaning, so she pushed it lightly with her foot to have it swing open. Suguru was there with Satoru. 

They were kissing.

This time the sting felt much more real. She turned and ran away.

The moon was already up and Shouko had not found sleep yet. It was good that the boys were a couple, they were good, they worked together, they liked each other, right? That was good. She was just upset that this meant they’d do more things without her. That she’d be excluded more, because couples want to be alone. Right? 

“You can’t love two people.” So it was.

She tried to stay away from them a little more afterwards. They deserved to explore this thing on their own, without her around. Plus, in middle school she had always been alone, so she must be used to it.

But losing both her best friends at the same time was a hard pill to swallow. 

Not that they were actively excluding her. No Satoru still came around to annoy her when he felt like she needed cheering up, Suguru still invited her over if he had a new manga issue bought somewhere, or a novel to share, but Shouko blocked them off most times. They should spend time together, not waste it on her.

Shouko smoked more cigarettes than any other time before. The pain ate at her insides. Never had she thought that losing a friendship could hurt like that.

She thought of that manga again, that main character that loved both of the male leads equally as much. The tear it brought her to have to choose possibly, the fact that she couldn't. The fact that Shouko’s own reaction had been to immediately dismiss it.

Maybe that was it, she thought, a midnight in winter. Maybe she loved them both to equal measures. Maybe that was why this felt more like heartbreak.

The next week Shouko started observing herself around both of the others. How she felt when she was with each of them alone, how she felt when they were all three together. At the end of it, there was no doubt about it really. You could in fact love two people.

She didn’t know how to confess what she felt, too scared that she would ruin what little they had left. Satoru and Suguru loved each other clearly and they liked her well enough, but was that a good basis for an actual, real, relationship as three?

At least she stopped blocking their advances and started hanging out with them more again. More cigarette smoke and book talk and laughter. She was relieved to be by their side again.

One night, way later than Shouko was allowed to stay in the male dorm rooms, they were laying together on Satoru’s bed. Satoru was telling a story about the clan house his family owned, about one of the old guy’s that always came around to stare at him as if he was a rare jewelry item. Satoru was good at telling stories, always making them very imaginative and easy to follow.

Suguru smiled and laughed along too, even though in recent times he had grown so quiet and often looked tired. In hindsight, Shouko felt like she should have known something was not quite right with him.

Still, that night, she felt so at peace with both of them by her side. She slung her hand around Satoru’s - at least the one he wasn’t waving around– and then the other around Suguru’s. They let her, entwined her fingers with hers. And so they fell asleep eventually, just holding on to each other.

Shouko wondered the next morning if confessing was necessary. If they’d just continue being together like this, it was enough for her. 

-

The day Suguru left she found a note on her notepad in her dorm room. He had hastily scribbled it down right there, just three words, no other goodbye. 

He did not go to Satoru. He did not say goodbye to anyone else. Instead he scribbled something for Shouko, maybe in hopes she would understand.

It was something she recognised from Bleach, a popular manga at the time. A character, ready to leave her old life behind for ever, as a goodbye to friends, had left a note behind.

Goodbye, Halcyon days.

And though at first she did not understand what that meant, she instinctively knew the feeling those words wanted to convey.

To him, the carefree days of youth, the long summer of their childhood that they’d long for as adults, was over. 

Suguru was not saying goodbye to her specifically, he was saying goodbye to the version of him that had been in the last two or so years.

That day she went to smoke outside her dorm even if it was against the rules. She could not explain why, but the taste suddenly made her feel sick.

In the end, she never got to tell them.

[selfundiagnosed]

why is it mean for someone to tell you you should get help? you're obviously in a lot of distress and should see someone about it for your own mental health...these 'patterns' you're leaning into are only exarcerbating your mental condition. but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative

to insinuate that a.) i dont know about my own mental state & wellbeing and you need to “tell me” because the psychosis makes it so i cant notice how it affects how i function every single day of my life b.) i need to delete my socials because of what someone else did to me to put me in this state c.) you somehow have any idea whats going on in my life, if im being treated, what symptoms im experiencing, that I legitimately cant tell ~whats real~ d.) noticing patterns doesnt mean im going off the deep rail LMFAO is all the stupidest shit ever.

for future reference, how you and the other anon are approaching someone you perceive as experiencing active psychosis is going to put people in active psychosis in danger to themselves. its funny to see random anons tell me what im experiencing and what i need to do about it to fix it when its evident from how this was approached you don’t actually care about me you just want to make yourselves feel like youre above me for whatever reason. “but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative” and “Deactivate your TikTok, delete the app and go see a psychologist” are sooo condescending. yeah deleting an app is absolutely gonna fix this problem. a diagnosis ive had since i was 15. stupid shits idek what to say like are you both actual tiktok teenagers who think they know everything about everything because get off my blog you suck so bad lmaooo sooo condescending. Im completely capable of making my own decisions im 22 lol i dont need tumblr anons i cant see telling me to do shit im doing already. i have a psychiatrist. ive been seeing him for years. i have a therapist. i saw her after my psychosis got retriggered. i know i am sick! i literally cant leave my house! when i do… i freak the fuck out! for HOURS !!! my family and friends all know how deeply this affects me and i promise you none of them have said this shit to me the way you and the “other anon” did. i stopped socializing, i havent made any new friends, i cant trust the people i do know im not close to anymore. i promise you i know WAYYY more than you about how it impacts me way more than you. my socials are the one open window i didnt put curtains on. i completely control what you all are able to see theough leaving this tiny window unclothed for the internet to look into my life. i dont need random people to see my jokes on my blog about my delusions and tell me its a delusion like im being very tongue in cheek about all of my delusional posts. i absolutely believe them but im making fun of myself for how crazy i sound.

i really have not a clue why youd think this is an appropriate way to approach it but it leads me to believe youre a tiktok user who probably thought the dude that manipulated his way into a famous persons house while she was manic was a Good Idea because clearly she wouldnt get help. lmfao its bad in so many facets. imagine if i was fully and completely immersed in my paranoia and delusions of being a targeted individual (which is the root of everything im experiencing right now): ask yourself how would you feel YOU felt targeted by a higher entity and now random anonymous people are telling you what you’re experiencing and how youre treated everyday isnt real and youre crazy. like to us its so very real and no amount of rationalizing makes it better. i have only small interactions every once in a blue moon these days that makes me think i could be okay and that im not being targeted and then every single day multiple times a day its shown to me continuously. this included! you and the “other anon” should really reevaluate how you talk to people in severe mental crisis because this is like the exact opposite of how you should react to seeing someone delusion posting or whatever and it shows me you dont know a single loved one with who experiences this shit.

in the future, fucking look into how you approach someone struggling. if i wasnt as lucid in my psychosis or in touch with reality you genuinely could have put me in danger. im going to send you and anyone on my blog watching me like im a circus act off with this so you never put anyone in my position in a state of self harm. but if youre too lazy to click on the link im showing you anyways

[tulpafcker]

yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to

but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders

is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!

like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd

like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view

and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!

some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.

its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!

and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated

gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine

and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo

in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt

and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder

ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl

cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!

and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados

but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"

which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them

also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy

if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!

(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)