#havent built a computer since like 2016 or so

[femboty2k]

why getting a new computer gotta be so hard/expensive...

[fipindustries]

Yeah, sure, if you'd be interested in sharing them, I'd be interested in hearing about them. If you'd like, I could share some of my ideas for trigger events/powers for myself with you too sometime - I do that a lot too.

SAY NO ME PHAM

[warning to other people reading this: it might get a bit personal and talk about sensitive issues, as triggers usually do, also this ended up becoming a LOT more fucking longer than i intended]

i can think of two circumstances in my life where i might have triggered. at 13 years old when i found out something really ugly about a relative of mine with whom i havent interacted since and three years ago, in 2016.

thing is back when i was 13 i had the rest of my family to support me and it was easy to cut ties with that person so i dont see it as the kind of “no escape, no other options available” that triggers usually need so i will go with 2016.

as you guys probably know i was having a series of really bad panic attacks throughout the whole year, i experienced derealization so strong that i was convinced i was trapped in a computer simulation or the truman show or some complex psychological torture in hell. on top of this i felt trapped in a career that i hated that felt like a huge waste of time and a huge waste of money from my parents but i couldnt just quit it because i had already dropped out of another career before and so to do it again was too humilliating. and the cherry on top was that i started experiencing a huge identity crisis regarding my own sexuality and i just could not even entertain the idea of coming out of the closet at all.

thing is for months i tried to pretend that the panic attacks and the derealization were not a big deal, that they were just exception, that it was all just a fluke that was going to go away by itself, then two days after my birthday i had the worst attack i had and that was the moment i realized it was not going to stop and i started convincing myself that this was going to be the rest of my life and that became so unbearable that i actually considered killing myself.

i imagine that would be the moment i trigger.

my first thought is that the mental and emotional strain, the terrible uncertainty about my own identity and about whether the world was even real point to a thinker power, the confusion side of it leads to a scan thinker.

but also there is the fact that most of this mental problems were caused by the stress and anxiety of being trapped in a career that i hated and couldnt even admit to my self i did, on top of that fact that this all built over months and months of me being aware of it on some level and doing nothing about it. so i could also be a tinker and the mental confusion i was experiencing could point to a chaos tinker.

thinkers are kind of boring and you said that i have more the profile of a tinker so lets go with tinker.

if we couple all this with the fact that throughout my life i was really introverted, i was more comfortable by myself and my own mind, always loved being inside my own head, creating fantasies, following trains of thought, day dreaming, telling myself stories and the fact that the anxiety was making dwell in my own thoughts actually really stressful for the first time in my life, taking away that last refuge from me, filling my head with paranoid ideas PLUS the fact that i have a natural talent for creating stories then....

id say my creations are about trapping people in scarily convincing illusions. think of the dream machine from inception where once you are inside the dream you can actually forget you are dreaming and start believing you are in the real world. or the machine from eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, or the powers of doctor D in the justice league animated show. the part where i wouldnt have control is the exact procedure where one gets trapped inside the illusions. maybe is by activating a field? maybe is by inserting a cable in the ear canal? maybe they are a pair of hyper advanced VR googles that you have to wear. so i would never be too sure if the machine is actually activated or not and when it’s really working or not.

also i would always have to get inside the illusion with my victims if i want to make sure things are working properly or i want to control what’s happening there which would have just exacerbated my own sense of irreality and detachment, etc.

i would try and start as a rouge because i would be too scared of getting in danger and i wouldnt trust the cops and robbers game. my name would be Tlön (a pretentious borgean reference that noone would get because that is how i roll)

i would sell illusions as VR entertainment, a chance to make your wildest dreams come true for a while. the shard wouldnt like this so it would start fucking with my by fucking with my clients, giving them trauma, screwing with their brains, giving them mental issues, paranoia, schizophrenia, etc.

i would get into a lot of trouble, i would step into the wrong toes and well, things start to snowball from there. depending on the toes i stepped in i end up in regular jail if i pissed off the heroes or i end up being forcibly recruited if i pissed off the villains.

i would try to betray my captors, orchestrate a escape, i would probably fuck up and get into even more shit, i would try to reach the heroes and i would fuck up again. in the end, desperate, i would build the ultimate dream machine where i would just syphon my brain and escape into a fantasy world of my own creation, the shard would decide to fuck with me at the last second and make it so i dont only trap myself but a huge area, maybe the size of a city. the area is either quarentined or they send specialized thinker heroes to rescue the people there.

i am saved and i immediatly join the PRT because if i have no other option but to be part of the game then i might as well, because FUCK villains.

from there the story can go anywhere but i think this is long enough.

[ochoa83ochoa-blog]

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