#haven't we been over this. 5000 years of this and we still fuck it up.

[puddingcatbeans]

so fucking tired of being angry

[noortjelanterfanter]

Hormones

I actually opened tumblr on my laptop to properly type up a blogentry. Because I kind of have a lot going on.. And it might not really seem that way because my regular updates have been very minimal. It's summerbreak, which means no work. Which is good, because I've been exhausted. However, it also means no therapy. The last time I saw my therapist is when Mr Books and I just started dating. By the time I'll see my therapist again it'll have been 2 months, give or take. Everything has been overwhelming lately, I just haven't stopped to actually process it. I found out 2 weeks ago that I'm going to be around 5000 euros in debt. Not out of making bad decisions mind you. It's from government assistance I turns out didn't qualify for after all. And then wellfare, because I got more money than I was supposed to get. And the last one I was aware of, so that isn't an issue. However the other 3500 is quite a big chunk and I barely work so I have no idea how to afford any of that.

Besides that I obviously have my attachment style to deal with. And all the past trauma that Mr Books is triggering and somehow he hasn't left yet. He's sat through several meltdowns and he hasn't left yet. My brain has a really hard time accepting that he says he's not going to leave over that. Because I'm convinced that eventually he will. I explained a few days ago why I'm so convinced of that, and it's because my first boyfriend of 4 years said that to me, 2 days before he broke up and apparently already had another girlfriend, which I'm not allowed to mention btw. But anyway, that's why I am utterly convinced he's going to leave over me having meltdowns. Which I will always have to deal with to some degree. Although I have hopes they will become less severe or at the very least less frequent.

So we went to Amsterdam last Sunday. Which was fun, I loved it. I haven't been able to be myself so freely in such a long time, especially with a partner. But it was a long day, with a ton of people and not a lot of time to properly relax, so by the end of it I was pretty overwhelmed. He handled me being the way I am on the way home like a champ. He dealt with the hangry side of me that wants to get from point A to point B as efficiently as possible, which isn't a particularly patient or nice side. But eventually, after eating and sitting for a while I felt better. He then dealt with the major fucking meltdown I had when I got home. I was hyperventilating and not terribly able to speak. He just sat with me, comforted me, checked if there was anything he could do. Asked if I wanted to be alone or not. And I know that technically these are very basic and bare minimum things, but I haven't encountered many people who dealt with me being in an absolute state so well. With this much patience and compassion. All he really said was that he had a really fun day and that he felt bad for me that the day had to end on that note for me, but that he understood that it all was very triggering and tiring. And I appreciate the way he handles the situation, but I'm so scared that, although he's handling it vary gracefully now, he will in fact get sick of it and leave me for these episodes...

But yeah. On top of all that I'm in the week before my period, which means my pmdd is acting up and as I had predicted due to me bettering my diet it is an absolute menace. So for the past 2 days I have felt like absolute death. I cry over something silly or not so silly roughly every hour. I swear, it makes me so mad that the main reason we don't have a solution at all to pmdd is because men don't have it. I'm just angry and sad in general. Mr Books is coming back tomorrownight, so that'll help me deal with the sense of impending doom... Still I'm okay, I will be okay, but I'm not having a good time with life today.

[rei-ismyname]

HEIR OF APOCALYPSE #3

A slight improvement on the confused and mischaracterised misfire of last issue, but this is a 4 issue miniseries. There's 20 pages left with nothing interesting set up, just disparate threads and tension-free conflicts that are over before they begin. If you haven't read it yet, I don't recommend it, though I'm always eager to hear anyone's opinion on X-Men. For those that have read it or don't care, spoilers under the cut.

I'm doing this dot point-style. I like to be off the cuff with my initial thoughts, and if I have more to say I'll come back to it in long form.

- Warren and Apocalypse (I guess he's not called |.A.| anymore - that's a shame) are having it out! No, wait they're not at all. They trade one liners then Apocalypse tells him everything. I'm glad Warren got to speak his pain but it's so fleeting with nothing new to say. What is the point? If we're only getting lip service, I'd rather the limited space be used for something else, something new.

- Nobody is actually dead. So those fakeouts feel even sillier in retrospect and the implication is that if it wasn't a simulation they'd all be dead. Gotcha! Except nobody reading actually fell for the cheesy cliffhanger. The characters in the story sure did though, and they're sad about it.

- Why the fuck is Sinister still breathing then? Resurrection is a thing of the past and 3 of your friends plus a former student turned mass murderer are dead as far as they know. They've all just spent years with this man and he burned paradise, betrayed everyone repeatedly and showed no remorse. His Dominion bullshit nearly ended the universe and it definitely led to Krakoa being sacrificed and 250 thousand mutants abandoned in a cosmic abstraction. Apocalypse, you know the guy with a 5000 year relationship with the island, didn't end him on sight? Dude killed Hope gruesomely once, AND she sacrificed herself permanently for a chance to beat Enigma. Does Cable have any thoughts on that? He raised her from birth and spent his life protecting her - they're family. Father and daughter. No thoughts, not mentioned. Everyone should be killing this man who's been torturing and slaughtering mutants for over a century. They discuss it, kinda, and just leave him grinning and joking about their casually dead loved ones. Cable threatens him and gets an ableist joke in return. Cable is angrier at Douglas Ramsey for accidentally setting off a trap. If it's a joke to him and nobody else cares, why should I? HE LITERALLY KILLS MOST OF THEM TWO PANELS LATER.

- Forge gets three lines, Emma doesn't want to be here/doesn't like Sinister, Danielle Moonstar gets to say the same thing Emma did twice then fire some arrows. Cypher gets to translate twice and bumble a corny trap (or are we supposed to think it was intentional?) The Gorgon is very perceptive until he's not at all and gets hit with a mind control disk (I guess he's not immune to that anymore. Cool, whatever.) I'm sure I'm forgetting someone's lines but it doesn't matter. They're pretty interchangeable so just imagine it's your fave.

- Aaaaaand they all die. They don't seem very stressed about it tbh. Emma telepathically forces Sinister to jump off the same trap/bottomless pit they're all meekly tumbling into, nice! One wonders why she didn't do that at the start. The characters except Sinister alternate between being very concerned about danger/death and being deeply casual. What are the stakes here? In HOA #1 we learn Apocalypse promised 'no fights to the death.' Is it meant to be unclear if they trust that promise? It's impossible to tell either way, so I don't know what the stakes are. They're reacting to their friends dying in front of them which indicates very high stakes, except nobody is displaying a sense of self preservation. Is this a tournament or a Saw trap obstacle course? Is it just Sinister that troubles them?

- Warren and the reader get the reveal that they're in zero danger (not a surprise ofc) but the contestants don't. I'm truly not sure if they'd even react to this information. Again, low and confusing stakes. The comic ends there which means we've got one issue for a climax and resolution.

- As it stands, there's been minimal character work. I'm not sure if we even have everyone's motivation for entering the tournament. For those that we do it's the only new thing we learn. The premise is Apocalypse testing everyone but at this point everyone fails. The tournament has unclear objectives and dull obstacles, so Apocalypse fails. He keeps stating his unimpressive motivation but maybe he'll add to that in the finale.

- The only consistent action in the series so far has been the conflict with Sinister. It's the only beat where I can point to the stakes as established, that other contestants might take seriously. Plus it keeps being centered, which begs the question 'will Sinister be Apocalypse's heir?' Does Sinister want that? He's the only contestant that sought him out, and he's been taking on everyone else by himself. It looks like he does. Nobody else seems to want it, but they're sure to object to Sinister in the role, right? Would it even change his behaviour if successful? He's been opposing and messing with mutants for over a century. Not much of a status quo change.

- Cable, Cypher, Mirage, and Forge are still in the tournament, but do any of them even want it? I'll have to check if we've been given that. I know Cable doesn't.

- Either way I think it's likely that conflict with Sinister will dominate the final issue. We haven't been given anything else and there's no time for it either. If there's no confrontation what was the point of centering the dude? He's a great character, especially once Kieron Gillen reworked him (twice actually. Additive retcons both times. I wish he was writing this) but we got so much of him during Krakoa. He was interesting to a point, but his presence as the snake in Eden was always more interesting than his journey. In fact it was made very clear there's nothing there. 'Bad jokes. Memes.' Even if he's got a bold new reason for existing (because he needs one now. He was cloned by Enigma to help with Dominion. He has nothing now.) it hasn't been setup and we need a break from him tbh.

- If he's not focused on next issue what was the point of having him suck all the tension out of the plot? Maybe we'll get both threads tied up. 10 pages each and the tension has already peaked. Damn, that's disappointing. What galls me is that Apocalypse is on Arakko and he's stated that he's staying, done with Earth. Are Genesis and two of his remaining three children still exiled? What's the political situation like? How's recovery from 4 back to back wars going? What do Earth governments think about a planet full of very old and powerful mutants on Mars? What effect does Storm leaving have? Are they going to be in future stories? Is anyone going to point out that they can terraform planets still? (I know Hope is gone but Synch or Khora can do it.)

- Any of that sounds much more interesting to me tbh. I'm going to stop there for now. I have more to say, but I might save it until the series wraps up next issue. Hit me with an ask if you want my thoughts on anything else specific. Thanks for reading.

[probablygayattorneys]

Blog update

For the past year or so, this blog has posted twice a day. Once at a random time between 6:30-7:30 AM MST and once at a random time between 11:30 AM-12:30 PM MST.

Starting tomorrow, this blog will post once a day at noon MST exactly.

I am going to explain why below but before I do, I'm going to TW for really, really serious mental health issues so... just stop reading if you're not up for that.

I am not well.

It is probably obvious from how absolutely off the wall some of my posts have been that my brain doesn't work like most people but I don't think anyone understands the full extent of just how broken my brain is.

Even my doctors don't agree. Give me a mental disorder, I've probably been diagnosed with it at least once. Autism. Depression. Bipolar. ADHD. BPD. CRSD. GAD. I've got the whole fucking can of alphabet soup in my bowl, but nobody really knows.

What we do know is that during June, at the same time my dad got diagnosed with cancer (don't worry, I didn't even know stage 0 cancer was a thing but apparently they caught it so early they just did a tiny little surgery and now they think he's completely cancer free) my depression hit hard. Legitimately, so bad that I was officially declared disabled by it to keep me on my parents' insurance since I turned 26 in August.

The only song that I can even think of that comes close to trying to describe how I feel is the song Autoclave, by The Mountain Goats. Embedded below if you'd like to listen.

We've done everything. I have a therapist I see weekly. I did a sleep study. I have a psychopharmacologist who has prescribed me enough medications that I could probably not just tranquilize an elephant but also cure the tiger's depression, stabilize the lion's mood, and hook up the ringmaster with some real good shit. We spent 5000 dollars to try an experimental ketamine treatment that insurance didn't cover at all. I've done ECT. I got desperate enough that I tried to turn to religion, I went to a Catholic church just because it was the only denomination open at 3 PM on a Tuesday and I sat in that pew and I prayed for an hour that God would send me someone, just that someone would sit down and say "you seem troubled, child" and nobody fucking came. Then one night I prayed so hard I literally cried, begging God to send me something, some kind of sign, literally anything, to keep going, and the next day my cat knocked over one of my decks of tarot cards and every single card fell face down except the death one. So. There's that. That's only one thing left that I haven't tried, and that's where they're going to take my blood and then sequence my DNA and try and figure out what medication my body would react best to, and I hope that it works because I've been struggling with suicidal ideation since I was 6 and... even if I am a phoenix, I'm getting real fucking tired of rising from the ashes. Everything we've tried is just a fucking cul-de-sac of misery. I have fallen into this rut and I can't get unstuck and this is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life, I'm upset and angry at everything from my grandpa, for dying before I was before so I never got any memories of him, to my cat for not letting me eat in peace, but none moreso than at myself for feeling this way when it is absolutely no one's fault that any of this is happening. The only peace I know is when I'm in a heavily medicated sleep and I can dream all night of freedom but then I wake up but I never wake up free. If you cannot relate to this, then I sure hope you pick a deity and thank them for your luck.

So, what does any of that have to do with the format of this blog changing?

Well, it's simple. I'm not funny anymore. There were times I had 200+ posts in my queue. Right now I have less than 80.

Sometimes, I still have some spark of inspiration (though most of the time it's really more my brother just made another stupid video edit) but the fact of the matter is that I'm just... I'm not producing anything worth a damn thing at the rate things have been posting. This is the only thing I can try to do to make it last a little bit longer while I hope for a miracle because every second of every day I am in pain, it hurts just being awake, like, I am in an agony that most of you probably can't even fathom.

And, well, if it gets to eighty days from now, and there's no more posts, and no more updates... Well, you'll know what happened. I hope you also know that I'm sorry that I couldn't step out of the shadow of my great catastrophe, but I also hope you know that I really, really did try my goddamn hardest.

[beelziebabie]

The First (Human) Deviltuber - Obey Me Brothers x Reader

Interactive?: At some parts, yes (Later on)

Gender: Female MC

Edited?: yuh

Notes: i stayed up until 1 am on tuesday but today doesnt REALLY start until 7 am on weekdays and 11 am on weekends. so this still counts as a monday post fight me😎

CHAPTER TWO

“MC.. what is the meaning of this?” Lucifer sighed and put down his pen, turning his desk chair around and looking up at the little mini army you had scuffled together. Eyebrows raised, he sat in his chair with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. Through his irritated facade, he looked the slightest bit amused.

In a ‘confident’ stance, you glared down at him with his other five brothers standing behind you. You looked like a bunny with guard dogs surrounding you.

It was quite pitiful.

“We all agreed that we should go to the human world!” You crossed your arms and firmly placed down your foot.

“Oh, here we go again..”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “Look. We can go to the human realm for like.. a vacation! I’ll pay for everything. Clothes, Food, whatever! You guys can stay in my house or at a hotel, whichever you want, and everyday we can do something different!“

“No, MC,” He turned around and picked up his pen again, scribbling something down on the papers in front of him. You groaned and moved over to the side of him.

“It’ll only be for what, two weeks? I'm sure you haven’t been in the human world in a while.. so I can show you guys around! I'm sure there's something you haven't seen yet,” You continued, skimming the room to see the brothers' expressions.

Leviathan noticed you looking and gave you a thumbs up, while Beel nodded with a smile and Asmodeus clapped his hands lightly. ‘You're doing great!’ He mouthed to you.

Your smile only grew wider and you brought your attention back to Lucifer. “C’mon, Luci. You have six people against you on this.”

Lucifer murmured something under your breath that you didn’t catch. He turned to face you with an unreadable expression and you couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous.

Still, you kept up your assertive smile. The staring contest lasted a couple seconds, then he finally groaned and turned away. “Fine. I’ll be letting Diavolo know about our travels.”

“Yess!” You fist bumped the air then wrapped your arms around Lucifer’s shoulders, pulling him so close that your cheeks were touching. “Thank you Lucifer!”

“..Let go of me,” He said though he didn’t make any effort to move away. You giggled lightly and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek, pulling away from him.

Once you backed away from him and he recollected himself, he cleared his throat and went back to his work. “You all may leave now. We leave tomorrow morning. MC, text me the details later.”

. . .

Honestly you didn’t expect him to comply so quickly, and then make you all leave the next day. You thought it would take more convincing than the equivalent of a 7th grade presentation.

“Oi MC, hurry up will you?” Mammon opened the door and sat on your bed. You blinked away your daze and looked over to him.

“Ah, sorry, I must’ve been spacing out. I’m almost done,” You hurriedly shoved the last couple of folders and notebooks into your bookbag then swung it over your shoulder.

“You were the one who wanted to even do this, don’t go spacing out at the last minute,” He clicked his tongue and shook his head, taking a lollipop from your desk and popping it into his mouth.

“Yeah yeah I know,” You laughed lightly, smoothing out any wrinkles in your shirt. You then looked around the room to make sure that you didn’t forget anything.

“Okay! I’m ready.”

“Good, ‘cause you took forever,” He stood up and walked ahead of you with his hand in his pockets. “We were waiting for so long. Felt like I aged, like, 5000 years.”

Again, you laughed nervously. “Sorry.”

. . .

The seven of you finally made it back to the human world. More specifically, the front of your house.

“It’s not nearly as big as the House of Lamentation, but it’ll have to do,” You smiled at them then turned to open the front door— only to realize that you didn’t have your keys.

“Shit, uhmm..” You bit your lip as you felt around your jeans for any sign of your house key. They weren’t there.

“Is everything okay, MC?” Satan said from behind you. He tried to glance over your shoulder but you swiftly whipped around and nodded your head.

“Mhm! Yes, we’re fine over here!” You clasped your hands together and put on the most convincing smile you could.

You could tell they could see right through it.

“Ah, I just uhm, forgot something. Yeah, and I have to get it from uh..” You looked around your surroundings and pointed up at your balcony. “There!”

“I see..”

“I’ll be back in one second,” You said, putting down your bag and getting into a jumping position.

With a couple of failed attempts, you finally were able to grab onto the thick railing and use the side of your house to pull yourself up. You clung to the railing tightly, fearing you would fall, then rolled onto the other side of the balcony and stood up with a proud grin.

“She does know that we can fly, right?” Beel said to Lucifer, watching as you climbed from the balcony to the roof and through a small window.

Lucifer sighed and shook his head. “Let her be.”

After a couple of moments of the boys waiting outside in the April heat, they heard the patter of your feet from outside the door. A click, then the door opened swiftly.

“Come in!” You said, hand on your hip and your hair all tousled.

. . .

“Okay. Lucifer is sleeping in the spare bedroom. Beel is on the pull-out couch in the living room, Leviathan is on the basement couch, Mammon insisted on a blowup bed in my room.. Asmodeus has the other basement couch. Any objections?” All the boys sat on the living room sofa (and some on the floor) staring up at you as you repeated the same thing for maybe the 4th time.

“Yes,” Asmodeus was the one to speak up this time. You sighed and nodded to him. “Yes, Asmo?”

“I still don’t understand why Lucifer gets a whole room to himself! Shouldn’t that be me? I’m the one with the biggest setup here,” He whined and puffed his lip out. You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Lucifer is the oldest so he gets his own room. Unless you want to share a room with him?” That shut him up immediately.

“Since that's over with, you guys are free to do whatever you want. Just no destroying my property please,” You said, hands on your hips and your eyes narrowed.

“Can I trust you all?” You tapped your foot lightly and each brother nodded firmly.

“Of course!”

“Definitely.”

“Mm.”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, sure lol,” Leviathan was already turning on the TV and trying to figure out how to turn on your PlayStation.

“Why wouldn't you trust me? You can trust me with anything MC!”

“I’m glad to hear that, Mammon,” You smiled softly and ruffled his hair. He weakly swatted your hand away.

“I’m not sure if that’s 100% true though..”

“Shut up Asmo! You’ll probably bring a witch to her house and mess up one of her rooms!”

“I won't! I’ll get a hotel or something! You’d probably steal her gaming set and sell it or something.”

“I would never!”

“Haha, uhm, guys, please don’t do that.”

“Hey, MC? You might wanna check this out...” Leviathan tapped your shoulder and you turned around. He pointed to the TV and you have never felt your heart drop so quickly in your life.

“..Im so fucked.”

[retire61already]

A Brief* Guide To Some Vintage CBJ Players

(*I lied, it's not brief at all)

Sometimes your team has half their players end up on IR and you start thinking about the guys who used to play here.

Then you wonder if they're watching the Clevelumbus Blue Monsters fight for a playoff spot and get nostalgic and fall down an old school highlight rabbit hole.

Then you wonder how many people know who some of these guys are anymore, and whoops suddenly your hand slips and you write a thing. I dont know what else I'm going to do with this so I may as well actually post it.

Enjoy this long ass thing that I can't put under a cut because I'm on mobile.

Rusty Klesla

His real name is Rostislav but no one but broadcasters ever actually called him that.

he was easily the hottest player in any room he walked into. The Alex Wennberg of the 2000s.

The first ever CBJ draft pick!

Went on to play for the Coyotes when they also sucked terribly and after being traded to the Sabres, basically he refused to report and retired instead of being forced to play for yet another terrible team. Fair enough.

Was supposed to be like Ryan Murray but that's not actually what happened due to being rushed into the league. Still a solid player in his own right and probably actually still holds our blocked shots record as of 2020, but won't ever get credit for it because he played for three years before the league bothered to record blocked shots as a stat.

Created an early franchise meme by ending every interview with our rinkside reporter Jim Day (you may also know him if you're a Cincy Reds fan, also if you are I'm so sorry) with "thank you Jim Day".

Went viral toward the end of his time in Phoenix for having to be stretchered off the ice but giving the crowd a thumbs up. Was okay, thankfully.

Jody Shelley

Yes, this is the TV guy. Our happy optimist TV color commentator was an absolutely fucking terrifying heavyweight enforcer.

He was called the scariest guy in the league to fight by Georges Laraque, a force of nature in his own right.

When he wasn't terrifying the opposition he was busy being the nicest person and spent huge amounts of his free time giving back to the community.

About the only guys who've done as much for the community as him are Foligno and Rick Nash.

Once fought his childhood hero Bob Probert and called him Mr. Probert while challenging him. Has not stopped kicking himself since.

A Nova Scotia Sports Hall of Fame inductee as of 2019!

Gerard Gallant used to use him on the power play as a goalie screen because he's basically a living refrigerator. One time two goals went in off of him in one night and the crowd lost it like he just scored in game seven of the finals. He never scored more than three a year. Enforcers were... interesting.

Traded to San Jose in 07-08 and went on to play for NYR and Philly before retiring and coming home. Played for Torts with Brandon Dubinsky and fellow CBJ alum Artem Anisimov in New York.

Torts still loves him. The team took advantage of this by using Jody to spring a tribute for his 600th win on him because Jody was the only guy who could get away with it (warning: Torts swears lol)

One time in the first few years the team existed my dad saw him on the morning news being interviewed about media day. The newscaster asked if they all put their fake teeth in for team pictures and Jody replied "nah we all share the same set and have to take turns. That's why it takes so long." This man is an unsung legend.

Rick Nash

You clearly saw this coming based on my URL.

The artist formerly known as (and also currently known as) Big Dick Rick.

CBJ took him first overall in 2002 and he was a Blue Jacket till 2012. He's currently our special assistant to the general manager.

The youngest person ever to lead the league in goal scoring. Not even Ovechkin won the Rocket Richard at 19. Suck it Ovi.

It is seriously impossible to overstate the level of skill this man had before the concussions. He was a Team Canada staple every damn year for very good reasons.

His time with CBJ is best known for this ridiculous goal.

Held basically every possible CBJ record for forwards until Cam and PLD started breaking them over the past few years.

Absolutely massive impact on Columbus youth hockey. The number of kids enrolled in hockey in central Ohio went from like 50 to 5000 in his first several years.

Became team captain at all of 23 under some real tough circumstances.

At 24 years old he dragged a relatively untalented team of misfits kicking and screaming into the playoffs.

The coach at the time pulled him out of practice because he was overexerting himself so hard.

Traded to the Rangers in 2011 under controversial circumstances. The GM claimed Rick wanted out, Rick said he told the GM he'd offered to waive his contract's no-move clause if the GM thought it could help the rebuild and that was being twisted.

Was very desperately missed until he shoved our goalie, at which point he was booed until his career ended.

Rick said after his retirement that Bob was taking little whacks at him all night and didn't shove him till Bob speared him in the junk, which is a perfectly valid reason to shove someone tbqh.

Retired after 15 years with CBJ, NYR, and Boston due to concussion symptoms.

Nobody has ever been loved like we loved Rick Nash. People adore Foligno but it was almost a mania with Nash. He was the only truly good thing we had in the dark ages.

For all the booing people straight up cried on Thank You Rick night, then cried again when he said he'd made up his mind that if his health had let him play again he was going to be a Blue Jacket.

I still haven't come to terms with the fact that he wasn't able to retire here. I am not even close to the only longtime fan who needs a grief counselor or something over this.

[z3i3ra]

Abu: she is. She is going to Iraq. Who does that?

Me: someone who really cares about you

Abu: oh someone that is going to save me from myself?!

Idk that i was ever askedto go as an adult before. I said it was time when Obama brought van loads to my actual fucking house. I still don't know,what the fuck he thought. I haven't fully processed the memories. But I was all, i think this is enough people for an army to fight back now let's go.

And he was all uhhh we aren't going back to Iraq we just got here

And me and Abu were all uh hello, yes because now it's time to start the war. Every One got energized to go home so now,we give them,weapons and,say kill or stay. And,let's go back home to our families!

Like literally that went back through my head twice.

But really I said I had to go get my daughter (who was home) and I was freaked the fuck out cause i had amnesia and so I was gonna go around to the back door and try to get back inside through the back door by getting my daughter to open it, as i had locked the front door on purpose.

I never told anyone, i think, that but it was quite a sight all those vans and all these military and some President Obama look alike.

My first instinct was to lock my door and close it. Having only a phone it was easy to text or call her.

But instead the President Obama was all uh no what you mean you locked your keys,in the door?

And he told me to,text her and i was all ok so i text "help me please, unlock the front door it's been all a mistake"

But i didn't send it. In my mind i was all text is like write. He said text but not send

I was on challenge to this dude "Hello i am the American President, is Sabrina home"

Uhh. No the President shoukd know 2 people live here and what we look like before he just shows up knocking. Nope noooope nope. I am not home. "Yes, how" door lock activated and first step outside the door "may i help you?" Door slams shut.

I mean he knew i hadn't sent it. Some dude with a laptop was right there and all. It was a literal on my porch war with the fucking President, in my mind, who was getting to,my daughter first.

"This is the stand off. Mr President, sir!!"

"Would you look at her, ready to attack me"

"Look here, her twin brother predicted it. She doesn't know you and You just arrived on her porch like a God send but she is looking at you like a wolf who has stolen her babies and instead to steal more"

If a war can be spoken with facial expressions, I won.

"Okay what else do i need to know"

"The name of the game is who can get in the house first. Ready set go!"

"Dont send the text message. What ever you do. I got everything under control here" dude had no clue, he was the enemy.

I already hit send as soon as,he said Go like,those Chinese crazy,games you gotta go through obstacle courses... Yeah I was already winning. I'm all getting cheers just at the very end, could i make it???

My breath is a fucking war. Obama is belting out commands but all i can hear is my own breathing but all i needed was the tiny rattle of the lock of the door knob.

I heard the dead bolt lock me out "SHIT!" Then it unlocked "OH MY GOD, YES!!" "Now one more please baby come on"

Obama turned to the laptop guy to see whst the Hell i was on about because Matt had said that was our only tool and brain and i was staring at my screen praying. "Idk sir, all I heard--"

"CHEATA!!" I flew past Obama and stood in front of the door that my daughter not only unlocked but also turned the knob to crack it open so i just had to push it all the way.

I covered the doorway by spreading my arms out "MINE"

"Its locked anyway" obama turned away, the boys heifted out the air conditioner at the same time. I spun all ballerina and shut the door and locked it, bent over at the window and said "hiiii" the military dude peeking in, fell into my house onto the floor cause i had him straight fucked up.

"Could you put the air conditioner back in please?"

The bewildered Military dude, secret service was all "if you tell me how you did that"

"Mothers instinct, maybe"

"Well, I'll put it back in anyway"

"But could you do it from the outside? I want to see if you could. Thank you"

He obliged and i locked myself in the house. Until they called Matt and asked how to get me out to talk. He said "call her cell phone"

So they did and i saw Obama out the window. "Stand on one leg" i said while unlocking the door as silent as possible (I randomly practice) "like a flamingo"

"Is this how a flamingo stands? His head turned away from my house, so i slipped out and held the door knob behind me,not all the way closed but it looked like it.. But I could push it back in and escape.

Secret service turned around in shock "how did she...."

I won. When you surprise secret service at least 2x in less than 10 minutes... You win. Especially when everyone on the porch's jaw drops open.

"5 out of 5. I guess i won this place. Yall can close your mouths now"

Obama does not like to lose. I think especially to a girl.

"Oh you'll get used to it. Watxh the video"

So they watched the video and all and the most shocked secret service had figured out how i knew when to go in but said it wss all shocking the same. The other one doing the heavy lifting hadn't noticed anything.

And Obama was so mad

"And yes Obama that was the flamingo"

"Alright, I'm done here, let's go. We will talk to the coty and see if they can stay here and we will get something sanctioned. Come on Abu, lets get you to a hotel"

"Uhm, really?!!? But no i want to know why first or i let them out the van and the first one that dies is you" replied an ecstatic Abu.

"I know I'm not about to die I tell you what" I muttered under my breath "and there's just two of us here and one is a kid"

"No, i want to know we will be free and you will not send us back to Iraq. Then, i will go with you"

"Oh Abu that paperwork is already being processed"

I still didn't know whst was going on but this dude all up on the President with a heavy accent all 'bitch i aint doing shit, yo' i was all dam that was way sexier than I ever expected to see on the porch of my house.

My face was on a new war, winning this young stud. I don't know who could tell but i think he could.

The observant secret service said for me not to continue to drool but I was all okay I'll stare dreamily. Total sexual harassment out my face. And Abu was not going to resist apprehension. And his pants were becoming to small at the waist.

So all these secret services and the President all just sat there and watched the young stud gain a boner and i heard the front door open.

I threw the white flag, my kid didn't need to see that. Oh but Abu was not done with the war, being at the far end of the porch, furthest away from me, he threw jealousy down.

Now Today 10 and half years later he doesnt bother to open any door to his house for me.

Anyways. So Jeremiah had agreed the year before that if i could outwit the secret service somehow in under 25 minutes then every one could be set free. But it had ti be the secret service and it had to be 21-24 minutes for everyone in Iraq and for everyone in the vans. At 25 minutes, no one. And under 21 minutes anyone already set free including the vans.

1400 had already been released on escaping terms and 5000 remained in the cells.

I had to beat amnesia to get the rest out. At least 3 pregnancies and finding my mom at her location.

So I did it.

All those greedy selfish people i had to yell at at the NHRA. I had to. I worked every single day. Every single day to repair my brain 99% on my own. It had to be 85% not including legal drugs.

Even the Queen agreed but stated she must be dead before any press releases could be stated about her involvement. And i had to pick her successor.

So yay!!! I did it under 12 years.

But also I wish I could done it sooner.

I fought every single day.

Every single day. My mind wss on my mind.

No matter what it took. I always felt that. It was the most important thing in the world. An urgency that took over my entire being.

God gave me great pain so i was unable,to leave my bed so i could focus and break all barriers and do it even without his help.

I even became suicidal, homicidal, crazy feeling, all sorts of horrible things

Yet I cannot compare it to the intensity of being kidnapped and broken. Tortured nearly constantly. And having to work for a slave labor.

In words it seems the same. But in my still somewhat broken mind i dont see it that way.

Because what I did was break free. And i see these people in shackles. Giving up as i did multiple times. But bot just giving up for a day or week while still looking and,grasping. But i see people who lost hope.

How coils they not? I know i would, just keep my head down and work, stay out of trouble and try the best i can to keep shelter over my head and food in my belly and have,the faith that that would work to,keep,me,alive another day.

Again, in words, it sounds almost the same. But i had a job I picked,a house I picked, my own child, a car.

I had freedom. I had freedom to stop, i had freedom to quit. I could do anything in the world I wanted. And no one could stop me, beat me, or anything.

I had full control over my life and it's contents. Over what i ate or didn't n wheere i got it from.

So,while on paper it sounds as though our struggles are the same, the struggles of the human trafficking victims and their families do not compare; theirs are much greater.

Doing what i did on my own the way i have. It has brought extreme advancement to the medical community.

But when I look at the sea of faces, my heart and mind connect and tell me, it is not over. My eyes tell me, what you have suffered, they will, too.

And I know i can't take that pain they will have in the future away. It hurts my heart to know what I've gone through, mentally, in my life and know they Likley will as well.

But I just hope and pray that we are different enough, the human trafficking victims and I that they will have the happiness I have sought for myself and my own daughter.

And when i do, i see people hugging, i see people holding each other through some of the toughest best times of their lives. I see people together.

And i know, im likely an over protective mother, seeing all these people as her babies with all the last instructions about not forgetting to turn off the stove, or turning the pot handles in so you don't accidentally hit it and waste your food if you dont have a dog or a small child dumping boiling water on their heads.

Its not like sending them to college... Its like sending them home.

Homes that .... I've lived in nearly 40 houses. And None were the same. Except the constant battles and abuse from relatives that weren't mine.

That is why i am so thankful to London for sparing DNA kits that have been administered to all victims and will be administered to families all over the world. ASAP

Abu for hiding away Money and buying things for celebrations.

The governments for really listening, finally and helping all these families.

I know this is the first stage and so much more needs to be done. But as I put my head down to work, I know it will. Get done.

Because I've worked too hard,for too long for it to stop now.

Abu reminds me how i had a fear od public speaking. How i refused to fight. Others tell me how I was mute for years.

I came from nothing. And we're not throwing these victims out a plane without a parachute.

I've always known everyday my work wasn't just for me. It went beyond me. Beyond any thing i could see.

Know i know why

So twin matt splice this up into this,mornings email and then snoopy add this song.

VA contact my dad. He still,needs to pack. I probably have to repack my kid for warm weather clothes.

We got shit to do. What yall sitting looking at me for?

Add nickleback far,away and photograph. Doug has,these practiced so snoop sings along and alter some slight phases like the demand to stop breathing.

Wanted you to say to "stay" Steph also knows the words.

Photograph add in "when I get home" between the lines like how we do Rudolph the red nose reindeer. Batman wheels and all that. ... Will the school throw me out? No.

So,Snoop pick you want the songs or the add ins., I wanna push you to meet the tone of the songs original way to sing it So that it's US understanding the victims pain.

Then the victims reassure us woth the add ins that every thing will be okay.

So ALL the victims ...

"Criminal records broke 2x" a haha from the band then a repeated haha from the crowd so a repeated chord from Doug or jist a pause. His choice.

Should I try to go back and graduate "we ARE Free to CHOOSE"

"Wouldn't let me back in" go online!

......

Abu, Matthew. Hondo. Gherie, you already know. But some of you all need to understand "Far Away" from nickleback.

It was written for you.

Many songs were thanks to my great influence in the 90s on the music industry.

Thank you